Section I, Next Section

Chapter 1

Posted on Sunday, 19 February 2006

Elizabeth Bennet was incensed.

Not one, but two, men she detested had asked for her hand in marriage on the very same day! No sooner had the obsequious Mr. Collins left than the equally offensive Mr. Darcy had walked in. Mr. Darcy's insulting proposal was even more irksome than that of Mr. Collins! Mr. Darcy's words, she could not help but think, were calculated to offend and remind her of her own inferiority. He stood before her now, eyes dark with desire, awaiting her response.

"I would be lying to you, Mr. Darcy, if I told you the feelings you have expressed were equalled by my own. You might be interested to know that scarcely an hour before you arrived, my cousin the Rev. Collins asked for my hand in marriage, an offer which I refused.

"Yet, Mr. Darcy, I am not inclined to reject your proposals out of hand. You have much more to offer me than Mr. Collins does. You insult me, Sir, with your appraisal of my family and connections, so if my response insults you, then so be it.

"So yes, I will marry you, Mr. Darcy. I will be a good and dutiful wife to you and a devoted mother to your children. But I do not love you and I never will, and I want you to know that now so that you may withdraw your offer if you so choose."

Mr. Darcy's response was a curious one.

"Mr. Collins? Mr. Collins had the temerity to think you would consider an offer of marriage?"

How conveniently he had ignored the words that had followed Elizabeth's disclosure of Mr. Collins' proposal!

"Temerity, Mr. Darcy? As you have as much as said yourself, Mr. Collins is more my equal in rank than you are, Sir. A connection with him would not be as...what was the word you used ... 'reprehensible' as one with you!"

Mr. Darcy colored. "Perhaps that was an unfortunate choice of words on my part, Miss Bennet."

"Not at all, Mr. Darcy. I appreciate your honesty and only want to reciprocate it with my own."

"So you are saying you will marry me, Miss Bennet, although you do not share my affection?"

Elizabeth was almost ashamed of what she was about to say, measuring her words to deliberately wound him as he had wounded her.

"I do not even like you, Mr. Darcy. But as both you and Mr. Collins have so aptly pointed out, the inferiority of my connections makes it unlikely so superior a match will ever come my way again."

"You will marry a man you do not even like, Miss Bennet? For what reasons?"

"Your rank. Your wealth. The security such a marriage will bring to my family."

There, she thought defiantly. Surely her words would be enough to send the man directly out the door, never to return again.

But she was wrong. Darcy looked away for a moment, then back at her again, his face expressionless.

"Very well, Miss Bennet. When may I speak to your father?"

Elizabeth was shocked.

"Mr. Darcy, in light of what I have told you, you are still desirous of this marriage?"

"Miss Bennet," he said wearily. "I am accustomed to being courted for my wealth and position. Many women have...but that is of no consequence now. You are the woman I want, and if the material benefits I bring to marriage are what have won you, then so be it. I would have wished..." His voice trailed off.

He reached inside his vest and withdrew a small blue velvet box and handed it to her.

"Here, Miss Bennet. You may consider this a down payment of sorts. I assure you, there is much more to be had if you fulfill your half of this bargain," he said, a trace of bitterness creeping into his voice.

She opened the lid of the box to reveal an exquisite ring of rubies and diamonds.

"Who can find a virtuous woman," he quoted sarcastically, "for her price is far above rubies."

Elizabeth stared at him. "Mr. Darcy, I cannot..."

"Of course you can, Miss Bennet. I had planned to place that ring on your finger myself, but I find I am anxious to speak to your father before you have the opportunity to change your mind. You will excuse me," he said, and strode purposefully out of the drawing room in the direction of Mr. Bennet's study.

Only when his back was turned and she could not observe his face did he allow his impassive expression to crumple into one of grief and desolation.

After just fifteen minutes, Mr. Darcy, looking quite grim, returned to Elizabeth.

"Your father would like to see you immediately," he said.

Mr. Bennet barely waited until Elizabeth closed the library door behind her to exclaim, "Are you out of your senses accepting this man, Lizzy? Have you not always hated him?"

"I can not lie to you, Father. I am not in love with Mr. Darcy, nor had I ever seriously considered marrying him until today. I realize he can be proud and disagreeable, but he has surprised me with how strongly he professed his affection for me."

"Please, my child. Do not marry without affection! No good will come of it."

"I must tell you, Father, that Mr. Darcy's was not the only proposal that was made to me today. Mr. Collins also requested my hand in marriage, and I promptly refused him. He informed me that I should be aware that another offer of marriage, because of my lack of dowry and connections, might never come my way, and I must admit his remarks gave me pause. So when Mr. Darcy made his addresses a short time later, I found myself giving him greater consideration than I might have previously.

"I am not certain that I will ever find a suitable man to love. And perhaps my betrothal to Mr. Darcy will make it more likely that Jane and Mr. Bingley will marry as well."

"But did you not tell me, Elizabeth, that Mr. Darcy discouraged Mr. Bingley in his attachment to Jane?"

"Yes, but do you not see how ludicrous it would seem for Mr. Darcy to disparage the Bennet family to Mr. Bingley now that he is making the undesirable connection himself?"

"Oh Lizzy, Lizzy," Mr. Bennet said, taking her hands in his. "Undesirable connection? Please do not continue in this manner. How do you justify marrying a man whom you rightly hold in such disdain?"

"You know full well that I must marry, Father, and all the better if I am able to marry well. Mr. Darcy says he loves me, and although I rather doubt he understands the emotion, I do not think he will be unkind to me. I can bear being married to him as well as I could any other, and the future of my family will be secured."

Mr. Bennet hung his head. "You shame me, Lizzy. Securing my family's future is my own responsibility, and I have failed you all miserably. And now I must watch you marry a man you neither love nor respect."

Elizabeth blinked back tears.

"All will be well, Father," she said, bending to kiss his forehead. "I promise you."

Darcy was waiting for her in the drawing room, and he was dismayed at the sadness of her expression. This evening was so different from how he had envisioned it. Yes, he had assumed she would be surprised at his declaration, shy at his ardour, reticent at expressing her own feelings. He had been confident she would be overjoyed at his proposals, not that he flattered himself she was as ardently in love with him as he was with her, but that she at least found him appealing and worthy of her admiration.

What a fool he had been. But he wanted her so badly that he would take her as his wife on any terms, and he knew she was an honourable woman who would live up to her marriage vows.

But she did not love him, and it hurt. And not only did she not love him, she had emphatically declared that she never would. Could he live with her for the rest of his life, sleep in her bed and look upon her with love and longing, knowing she was indifferent to him? Could he bear to look into her beautiful eyes and never see his love returned?

These were his thoughts as she came back to him, as she sat opposite him next to the fire.

"Elizabeth..." he said haltingly. "Will you allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you?"

His voice was so soft, his words so sincere, that she felt compelled to look at him, really look at him this time

"I believe you spoke of love earlier, Mr. Darcy," she said shortly, willing herself to push aside any tender feelings his words evoked. The inferiority of my connections. The impropriety of my family. Those were the words she forced herself to remember!

"Yes, I spoke of love, but perhaps I spoke of other things that would have been better left unsaid. I wish I might retract those words, Elizabeth."

"But you cannot, Sir, and even if you had expressed yourself in a more gentlemanlike manner, your sentiments would remain."

Darcy felt as though he had been slapped.

"Elizabeth," he said finally. "Have you ever been in love?"

"No," she said honestly. "I have not."

"Good," he said, with a little smile. "Then I at least have a chance of being the first, and the only. May I kiss your hand?"

"You may," she replied, knowing she would feel foolish if she refused.

He took her hand in his, raised it to his lips and kissed the inside of her palm. He then took it and held it against his heart, which was beating rapidly.

"I will leave you now. Thank you, Elizabeth. You have made me very happy tonight."

She merely nodded in response, and after one long look, he was gone.

Chapter 2

Posted on Sunday, 19 February 2006

Ironically, for Elizabeth, informing her mother of her engagement to Mr. Darcy was a pleasure compared to informing the other members of her family. Jane, although more quiet in her disapproval than Mr. Bennet, looked at Elizabeth with so much disappointment in her eyes that Elizabeth had to look away. Mrs. Bennet, as might have been anticipated, was embarrassing in her rapture at the news.

"Oh, Lizzy, how great and fine you will be! What jewels! What carriages! Pray tell me what dishes Mr. Darcy favors, that I may order them for tonight's dinner."

How typical of her mother, thought Lizzy, that she was thinking of jewels and carriages when Lizzy herself was thinking of her mother and sisters having a place to live upon her father's death. With the Longbourn estate entailed away from the female line, her concern was pressing and legitimate.

Mr. Collins had not been seen since the previous afternoon, when Elizabeth had refused his proposal of marriage. Unbeknownst to the Bennets, he had spent the previous evening at Lucas Lodge, ingratiating himself with Charlotte Lucas, to whom he had hastily transferred his affections. They were shocked when Charlotte appeared at Longbourn to announce their engagement. Elizabeth, in particular, was astounded that Charlotte could ally herself to such an idiot of a man! Charlotte was equally astounded to learn of Elizabeth's engagement to Mr. Darcy, as she had been privy to Elizabeth's intense dislike of the man.

The two friends knew that with each other, at least, they could be totally honest. So they hastened to find the opportunity to walk together outside where they could discuss the changes in their respective situations in privacy.

"Lizzy! You are marrying Mr. Darcy? Did you not say you detested the man?"

"Yes, I know, Charlotte. Not only because of his rudeness in terming me 'not handsome enough' to tempt him, but because of his interference with Bingley and Jane."

"What interference, Lizzy? Do you know this for fact?"

"I overheard him, Charlotte, when I was at Netherfield. He and Bingley's oh-so-superior sisters were discussing Jane's slim chances ... both our chances, really ... of making good marriages in view of our undesirable Cheapside connections! Bingley, to his credit, said he wouldn't find us a jot less agreeable had we uncles enough to fill all of Cheapside, but I know how much stock he puts in Mr. Darcy's opinions. And at the Netherfield Ball, I saw Mr. Darcy assessing Jane and Bingley with such ... such ... alarm on his face!"

"And what makes you so certain your marrying him will change his opinion of Jane's marrying Bingley?"

"I care not whether he changes his opinion. But I will not marry him unless he curtails his actions!"

"Ah, Lizzy, I see! You think yourself to have much power over Mr. Darcy, do you not?" Charlotte said teasingly.

Lizzy rolled her eyes. "Apparently so, Charlotte, if he is willing to overlook all my family's shortcomings and marry me in spite of them!"

"I hope you are right, Lizzy! I, for one, think Mr. Darcy will be rather more difficult to control than you may hope!"

Elizabeth took Charlotte's hands. "And you, Charlotte? What of your marrying Mr. Collins?"

"I am 27, Lizzy, and I am no romantic. I have no delusions about my beauty or prospects. Apparently I cannot command as high a 'price' in the marriage market as you can!"

Lizzy could think of no appropriate response to such a remark.

"And then, Charlotte, there is the business with Mr. Wickham."

"Lizzy, you know my opinion on that subject! You have no confirmation of Mr. Wickham's accusations. You know only what Mr. Wickham has told you himself!"

"But he had every indication of sincerity in his words and manner, Charlotte."

"I am surprised at your credulousness, Lizzy, it is so unlike you! He is far too 'sincere' and forthcoming for my liking. I always found his candor in such matters quite improper. And did he not indicate that Mr. Darcy's being at Netherfield would not interfere with his presence at the ball? Why, then, was he not in attendance? And, more pointedly, where has he been since then?"

As though in answer to her question, the man himself arrived on horseback just as the two ladies turned in the lane toward Meryton. He dismounted and kissed both their gloved hands.

"Miss Bennet! Miss Lucas! Always a pleasure!"

"How good to see you again, Mr. Wickham," Elizabeth answered, her heart fluttering a bit in spite of herself. He was so very amiable and handsome.

"Good morning, Mr. Wickham," Charlotte said with far less enthusiasm than her friend.

"I wanted to apologize, Miss Bennet, for my failing to attend the ball at Netherfield. Important business required my immediate attention, I am afraid."

Elizabeth smiled, but Charlotte looked at her meaningfully. Elizabeth knew the intent of her glance. At the Netherfield ball, Mr. Denny had communicated his belief that Mr. Wickham's absence was due not to business, but to his reluctance to encounter Mr. Darcy, and Charlotte hoped Elizabeth remembered this.

"Your presence was missed, I assure you, Mr. Wickham," Elizabeth said.

"I am gratified to hear it, Miss Bennet," he responded.

"Missed by whom, Miss Bennet?" boomed an angry voice, and the threesome turned to see a red-faced Mr. Darcy approaching them on foot.

"How dare you?" Elizabeth whispered.

He ignored her question and looked directly at Mr. Wickham.

"I would ask you to stay away from my fiancée, Mr. Wickham. In fact, I do not ask it, I demand it."

Wickham visibly stiffened and stared at Elizabeth, Darcy close behind her, towering over her. Charlotte, mortified, did not quite know where to look!

"Your fiancée! I am all astonishment," Wickham leered. "Apparently you are more practical than I gave you credit for, Miss Bennet. May I offer my felicitations."

Something in Darcy's expression made Elizabeth fear for Wickham's safety, and she restrained him with a hand on his arm.

Wickham bowed sardonically, mounted his horse, and rode away.

Darcy, seething with anger, was breathing hard and fast. He looked directly at Elizabeth and said, "I forbid you to speak to that man ever again, Miss Bennet. Do you understand?"

"You forbid me, Mr. Darcy?" she repeated incredulously.

Oh dear, Mr. Darcy, thought Charlotte! Very unfortunate choice of words. Apparently Mr. Darcy had a lot to learn about Elizabeth Bennet!

"Mr. Wickham is my friend, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said, barely controlling her anger.

"And he is a highly unsuitable friend for you. For any young lady!"

"Apparently he has been so unfortunate as to lose your friendship, Mr. Darcy, in a manner he will feel for the rest of his life."

As if he had noticed Charlotte for the first time, Darcy said "This is neither the time nor the place, Miss Bennet. We will discuss this when it is appropriate."

Charlotte coughed. "I believe I will be getting along now, Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy. Mr. Collins is awaiting me at Lucas Lodge."

Darcy bowed.

"Good day, Miss Lucas."

After her departure, he turned to Elizabeth.

"Mr. Collins?"

"Yes, Mr. Collins. Apparently he wasted no time in finding a suitable replacement when he failed in securing my hand. I am sure you can easily do likewise if need be."

"Look at me, Elizabeth," Darcy said dangerously.

"I am no Mr. Collins. There could be no replacement, Elizabeth. If I do not marry you, I marry no one. Can I make it any plainer how I feel about you?"

"I am flattered, Sir. And what of Mr. Bingley?"

"Of what are you speaking, Elizabeth?"

"Mr. Bingley. If you will not allow him to marry Jane, whom will you condescend to allow him to marry?"

"Bingley is an adult. He may marry whom he pleases. Do I encourage him in his affections toward your sister? No, I do not."

"Why not, Mr. Darcy?" Elizabeth shouted. "Because of our unsuitable family? Because of our lack of fortune? Such considerations were not enough to prevent you from making your addresses to me!"

"No, Elizabeth, they were not. I chose to ignore them. But they weren't the only reasons I discouraged Bingley in his attentions to your sister."

"What other reasons might you have, Sir? Pray, enlighten me."

"I watched them together, most carefully," he replied. "I have often seen Bingley in love, he is fickle in his attentions. I thought nothing of his attachment until the night of the Netherfield Ball, when I suspected he was falling in love with her. But on your sister's countenance, I saw no sign of particular regard. I want better for my friend, Miss Bennet, than I require for myself."

"Better in what respect, Mr. Darcy?" she demanded.

"A wife who loves and esteems him, Miss Bennet," he said simply.

Elizabeth laughed bitterly, seeing the irony in the situation.

"But she does love him, Mr. Darcy, of that I can assure you. I ask not that you foster his regard, just that you do nothing to prevent it. Do you agree?"

"Alright, Miss Bennet. I assume that is one of the requirements I must meet in order to secure your hand. May I ask what the others might be?"

"There is only one other, Mr. Darcy. As you may know, there is an entailment on my father's estate, and he has no male heir. Simply put, upon my father's death, my mother, my sisters, and I will be at the mercy of Mr. Collins. So all I ask is that you guarantee a suitable home for my mother and sisters when that unhappy event occurs."

"Ah, but Miss Bennet, if I, as you put it, do not prevent Mr. Bingley from marrying your sister, I have no doubt Bingley would take in the lot of you. What inducement, then, would there be for your marrying me?"

Elizabeth, shocked, looked up, and saw the smile on his lips. Was Mr. Darcy joking with her?

"None whatsoever, Mr. Darcy. I am afraid you will have to take me at my word."

"And this is truly all you require, Elizabeth?"

"Yes."

For some reason, Darcy rejoiced at her simple affirmation. Elizabeth, he was sure, was no fortune hunter. Everything she wanted, she wanted not for herself, but for the people she loved - loved so much, in fact, that she was willing to forego her own happiness to secure theirs. How blissful it would be to be loved so devotedly by Elizabeth Bennet. Would he ever know such a love? He was also most thankful that Elizabeth had not specified that her mother and sisters must abide at Pemberley, only that he must secure them a suitable home! Perhaps such close proximity to her mother would be no more to Elizabeth's liking than it would be to his own.

His thoughts were interrupted by her soft voice.

"And now, Mr. Darcy, you must fulfill your earlier promise to enlighten me about Mr. Wickham."

Darcy nodded, gravely.

"I know enough of you, Miss Bennet, to be assured this conversation will go no further. What I am about to tell you is painful to relate, and even more painful to remember, and I hope when I am finished you will understand why I forbid ... why I strongly request that you have nothing further to do with Mr. Wickham."

Chapter 3

Posted on Thursday, 23 February 2006

As Darcy spoke, with mounting emotion, of the circumstances relating to Mr. Wickham's connection to his family, Elizabeth could not help but note how Mr. Wickham had given his version of the tale enough resemblance to truth to make it believable. Much of the history was similar.

He was, indeed, the son of Darcy's father's steward, raised alongside Darcy when the elder Mr. Wickham died. All the advantages of being the scion of an old and noble family were his, save the Darcy name itself: a life of privilege at Pemberley, a Cambridge education. And if the younger Darcy observed flaws in Mr. Wickham's character as they came of age, he kept them to himself to spare his father's sensibilities.

But upon reaching adulthood, Wickham would have to make his own way in the world, armed with a gentleman's education and the Darcy family connection. Upon the elder Darcy's death, Mr. Wickham was bequeathed a respectable living in the Church, at the parsonage at Kympton. Wickham had told Elizabeth that Darcy had flatly refused to honor his father's bequest.

And here was where Darcy's version of the events differed from Wickham's. Wickham refused the living, Darcy said, and demanded payment in its stead. Knowing by now that Wickham's character was not suitable for a career in the Church, Darcy agreed, settling a generous sum upon Wickham.

At this point in the story, Darcy hesitated and looked at Elizabeth.

"Not only had I lost both my parents, Miss Bennet, at this juncture I felt I had lost a brother as well. An errant brother, but a brother nonetheless."

Elizabeth was stunned. There was such pain in Mr. Darcy's eyes as he made this disclosure. From this moment, any doubt she may have felt about the veracity of Mr. Darcy's story was dispelled.

He composed himself to continue.

"And now, Miss Bennet, I must bring myself to tell you of events which are far more painful than those I have already related.

"As I told you, Mr. Wickham accepted a payment of 3000 pounds in lieu of the living bequeathed him by my father. He indicated that he wished to study the law. I had doubts as to his true intentions, but I hoped he was being sincere.

"I lost all contact with him for an extended period. Our paths crossed again this summer, in a manner I would wish to forget. Save for the deaths of my parents, I do not think I have ever experienced more trying times than these.

"My sister, Georgiana, who is but fifteen years old, was on holiday at Ramsgate. Unbeknownst to myself, Wickham was there as well, undoubtedly by design, and ingratiated himself with her, convincing her that she was in love with him, and inducing her to agree to an elopement. Of course, his object was my sister's fortune of 30,000 pounds. That, and taking revenge on me, Miss Bennet! If he could not be a Darcy, he would marry one! With no female guidance and a brother who was derelict in his duty as guardian, Georgiana was persuaded of his love and agreed to his reprehensible plan.

"By divine Providence, I am convinced, I had the notion to visit my sister at Ramsgate on the day before she was to elope with the scoundrel. Unable to bear the thought of grieving an elder brother who was almost a father to her, Georgiana disclosed the plan to me at once. You can imagine how I felt, and how I acted. Mr. Wickham was sent away at once, and Georgiana returned with me to Pemberley. She has not been herself since, Elizabeth, consumed with grief over Wickham's easy desertion and guilt over the pain she perceives herself as having inflicted on me, no matter how fervently I assure her that the guilt should be mine in having neglected my duty as her guardian. When I came to Netherfield at Bingley's insistence, it was the first occasion I had left Georgiana since we returned from Ramsgate. Imagine my shock and dismay upon discovering Wickham here as a member of the militia, and made welcome by unsuspecting young women such as yourself.

"And so, Miss Bennet, if I was perhaps overstepping myself in forbidding you to associate with Mr. Wickham, please try to understand that my demand was made because of my esteem and concern for you. If only I had been as explicit with my sister.."

Any success Elizabeth had had up until this point in suppressing her emotions was lost. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she spoke.

"Mr. Darcy, please do not blame yourself for Wickham's wrongdoing. Your sister's sheltered life and her trust of a man who was almost a brother to her explains her easy acceptance of his assurances."

"So you believe me, then, Miss Bennet?"

"Yes, Mr. Darcy."

Searching her face for signs of any emotion except compassion and understanding and finding none, he nodded and said gruffly, "Good." He handed her his handkerchief so that she could wipe the tears from her face.

"Mr. Darcy, shall I inform our general acquaintance of Mr. Wickham's true character?"

"I would rather you did not, Elizabeth. I do not see how it would be possible to be explicit enough for the information to be of any value without revealing my sister's situation."

"You are right, Mr. Darcy. It is my understanding that Mr. Wickham's regiment will be leaving soon after Christmas in any event."

"Elizabeth?"

"Yes, Mr. Darcy?"

"I would ask, that is, I would prefer, that you call me by my Christian name. We are still betrothed, are we not?"

The uncertainty that had crept into his voice surprised Elizabeth. Even more surprising to her was her sudden, unexpected desire to reassure him.

"Yes, we are, Fitzwilliam," she responded.

"When I called at Longbourn, not knowing that you were out walking with Charlotte, your mother asked that I join your family for dinner tomorrow evening. I take it such an invitation is acceptable to you as well, Elizabeth?"

"Of course it is, if you think you can bear the company of all my family assembled in the same small room at one time!"

"May I ask Mr. Bingley to accompany me? I know he is quite eager to see your sister again."

Elizabeth's smile in response to his question was warm and genuine.

"Yes, you may, Mr. Dar ... Fitzwilliam."

Darcy looked down at the ground.

"On another matter, Elizabeth, I will be consulting with my attorney in London early next week concerning the financial arrangements to be made in anticipation of our marriage. I will be settling a considerable sum on you, in addition to a suitable property for your mother and sisters."

Elizabeth had the good grace to blush.

"Really, Sir, it is not necessary so early in our engagement..."

"Yes, Elizabeth, it is. I gave you my word that matters would be arranged to your satisfaction, and I intend to keep it."

Elizabeth, suddenly ashamed, could not meet his eyes. He reached down to take her chin into his hands and gently tilted it up so that she was forced to look at him.

"Elizabeth. I have no hesitation in doing what you request. I still believe I am getting the better of this bargain, my dear."

Her expression was so troubled that he wanted nothing more than to bend down to kiss her lips. But he resisted the impulse, sure that the gesture would be an unwelcome one.

He offered her his arm instead, and after a moment's hesitation, she took it. He unconsciously brought his arm tightly to his body, so that her forearm was effectively secured against the side of his chest. With Darcy intentionally slowing his pace so that he might prolong the moments he could feel Elizabeth's touch, they began to walk back to the house.

On the following evening, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley called upon the Bennets at Longbourn. Mrs. Bennet was quite in awe of her future son-in-law, while Mr. Bennet eyed him with near belligerence. To his mind, had he done his duty as a father, his dearest daughter Lizzy would not feel forced to marry this man, whom she clearly did not love.

At dinner, everyone talked at once, Lydia and Kitty bickering over some trifle, her father sardonically commenting on her mother's silliness. Mr. Darcy said not a word, and Elizabeth suffered in silence. It was obvious he found her family intolerable, and Elizabeth bitterly resented his haughty demeanor. Had she realized how difficult he found it to converse, especially when among so many talkative people he did not know intimately, she might have been more understanding.

After dinner, she was once again made painfully aware of the contrast between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley. Mr. Darcy sat stiffly on the sofa, staring at her with an unreadable expression on his countenance; had he not declared his love for her, she would have been hard pressed to imagine what he was thinking. Never would she have thought him in love with her had he not verbalized his sentiments so explicitly. Sometimes she wondered whether he even loved her at all, or if he merely coveted her for some other, ignoble reason.

He was repulsed by her family's behavior, she thought. This much was clear. Elizabeth herself was more often than not scandalized by the impropriety of her younger sisters, but seeing the distaste so evident on Mr. Darcy's face angered her. It was one thing for her to disapprove of her family, quite another for him!

Mr. Bingley, on the other hand, was clearly more tolerant and forgiving of the Bennets' shortcomings. And his love for Jane was more and more evident; the young man was quite besotted with her! Seeing her sister's happiness made her accept her own situation with resignation; she told herself that Darcy would no doubt have impeded the progress of Bingley's courtship of Jane had Elizabeth not agreed to marry him.

Darcy watched Elizabeth as she gazed at Jane and Bingley together. She glowed with happiness, her deep love for her sister written clearly on her face. What he would not give to have her look at him like that!

When he made ready to leave, she walked with him to the door.

"I hope it has not been too trying an evening for you, Fitzwilliam," she said.

"Not at all," he said, puzzled. Just yesterday he had been so hopeful that her opinion of him was softening. And today, it was almost as though she wanted to think the worst of him again!

"Elizabeth, I would very much like it if you would come to Pemberley for Christmas. I want you to meet my sister Georgiana."

"Might Jane accompany me? She and I will be at our Aunt and Uncle Gardiner's house in London the week before Christmas" she said, hoping it would be another opportunity for Jane and Bingley to become better acquainted, for surely the Bingleys would be at Pemberley at Christmas as well.

Of course, Darcy thought. She could not bear to be alone with me and my sister.

"Your family will always be welcome at Pemberley, Elizabeth."

"Oh yes," she said airily. "I am sure you would like nothing better than to have the lot of them descend upon Pemberley! My uncles are in trade, you know!"

Darcy was painfully silent, her rebuke cutting him deeply.

After a few moments, he forced himself to respond.

"Elizabeth, as I believe I have already told you, I fully considered the reality of your family's situation and chose to ask you to marry me despite my misgivings. I find my love for you overpowers any and all objections."

Elizabeth could hold her tongue no longer.

"But why me, Sir? My beauty you early withstood, and I certainly have not been pleasant in my manner towards you."

"Your beauty? Ah, I imagine you refer to that ill-timed remark I made at the Assembly the night we first met. Elizabeth, I was in the most foul of moods that evening, and Bingley forced me into company. It was not long, I can assure you, before I was utterly bewitched by not only the beauty of your countenance, but by the beauty of your character.

"And as to the unpleasantness of your manner, perhaps it is somewhat deserved. I only hope that by the time of our marriage, you may look upon me if not with love, at least with some esteem."

He hesitated, fearing he had already exposed himself too much, but felt compelled to continue.

"Elizabeth, it has been a very long time since I had anyone with whom I could share both the burdens and joys of my situation in life. My father was very dear to me, and after he died, I was so consumed with the responsibilities of raising my sister and being master of Pemberley that I had little time to think of how lonely I was. I knew within a very short time of making your acquaintance that you were the companion I was seeking. I believe I would have wanted to have you as my wife and my helpmate even if I had not fallen in love with you, but fall in love with you I did."

Elizabeth stared at this complex man who was to be her husband. It was maddening to her that her opinion of him was vacillating not only from day to day, but from hour to hour! She reminded herself that she had been proven wrong in her assumptions about his treatment of Wickham, and Darcy, after simply stating the facts, had not once gloated or reminded her of her stupidity - yes, stupidity! - in so easily believing Wickam's tale of woe.

She made a conscious decision at that moment not to attribute motivations to Darcy's actions or manner without at least attempting to validate her opinions first! He had been so brutally honest with both her and himself; that she felt she owed him at least that.

"Thank you for being so explicit, Sir," she said, allowing him to take her hand and raise it to his lips as he prepared to depart.

They were alone in the hall, and how Darcy longed to properly kiss her! But no, he would not attempt it only to be rejected. He would wait until he had inspired some feelings of affection in the lady before he risked his heart in such a manner.

Chapter 4

Posted on Sunday, 26 February 2006

It was unseasonably warm for early December, and Lydia and Kitty Bennet took advantage of the sunshine to walk into Meryton often. Their stated purpose for their jaunts was shopping for bonnets and ribbons, but their true object was the pursuit of redcoats!

One redcoat, in particular, had caught Lydia Bennet's eye: Mr. George Wickham. He was dashing and handsome in his regimental uniform, and he listened to her every word, as if her pronouncements were not simply the silliest he had ever heard!

At one time Lydia had been convinced that her elder sister Elizabeth was in love with Wickham, but Lizzy had noticeably cooled toward the man since her engagement to Mr. Darcy. Deep thinking was not her forte, so it never occurred to Lydia to question Elizabeth as to why she no longer spoke to or sought out George Wickham. Mr. Darcy was so boring and quiet in contrast to Lizzy's liveliness, it was hardly likely, Lydia thought, that he would exert any influence on her regarding her association with Mr. Wickham or anyone else.

All the better for me, thought Lydia! She flirted openly with Wickham, and his attentions in return were most flattering, indeed. If his pointed questions about Lizzy's engagement to Darcy disturbed her in any way, she did not show it. In fact, she took it as an indication that he was bringing up the subject as a way to engage her in conversation.

"What soulful eyes you have, Miss Lydia," he said, thinking "like those of a calf being led to the slaughter" to himself!

Elizabeth and Jane left for the Gardiners' in London ten days before Christmas, just as the weather turned cold and snowy. Mr. Wickham was curiously reluctant to call upon Lydia at Longbourn, but made it a point to come to the Phillips' house in Meryton on evenings he knew Lydia would be present. He was attentive to her to the exclusion of all others.

There is more than one way to skin a cat, thought Wickham!

The Gardiners' home, though modest and located in an unfashionable section of London, was so welcoming and full of warmth that Elizabeth and Jane loved being there, particularly during the holiday season. It was tastefully and beautifully decorated for Christmas, the air redolent of evergreen. The four little Gardiners adored their two pretty, grown-up cousins, and Jane, in particular, delighted in playing with them.

Elizabeth, dubious as to his intent, had questioned Darcy before he left for Pemberley as to whether he would truly welcome the Gardiners and their children to his home for Christmas. Receiving an affirmative answer which seemed sincere, she extended the invitation to her aunt and uncle, who were flattered and delighted to be included.

It was twilight as their carriage approached Pemberley on the 23rd of December. Snow was falling lightly, and there was a stillness in the air, broken only by the sound of their horses' trotting.

Elizabeth was spellbound at her first sight of the place. Pemberley was beautiful in all seasons of the year, but tonight, dusted with snow, it was a fairyland. Her aunt Gardiner had grown up in Derbyshire, and while she knew of the Darcy family, she had never travelled in such high circles. Her niece Elizabeth was indeed fortunate to be marrying such a prominent man, she thought, so she had been surprised some days earlier when Elizabeth came to her in private, looking pensive and wanting to talk.

"Aunt," she had begun, biting her lip. "I am coming to you because I find my mother is not to be relied upon to be objective in matters such as these."

"Matters such as what, Elizabeth?"

"My upcoming marriage to Mr. Darcy. I find I like him better than I did when I first knew him, but I do not love him. Is it wrong to marry a man who is good and kind and who will provide security to my family when I do not love him?"

"Well, I am gratified you mentioned his goodness and kindness, before you mentioned what he could provide your family! Does he love you, Elizabeth?"

"He says he does, Aunt."

"And do you have reason to disbelieve him? Has he ever lied to you about other matters?"

"No. No, he has not. In fact," she said, almost as if she were talking to herself, "he has been truthful, even when it clearly pained him to be so."

"Then why do you say that 'he says' he loves you?"

Elizabeth nodded, understanding.

"All right, Aunt. He loves me."

"But you would prefer to think he does not."

Elizabeth smiled. "You are wise, Aunt. You make me see myself. I would prefer to think he does not, so that we would enter the married state with more equal sentiments."

"Elizabeth, you may be surprised at what I am about to say. Your uncle and I both came from modest backgrounds, but we have always loved each other, and our love has grown throughout the years. We take much pride in our children and in our home, and whatever we have acquired in life has been through your uncle's hard work. Our modest dwelling may not be Pemberley, but no one could love their home more than I do!

"While it is certainly preferable for a man and a woman to be equal in their sentiments upon marriage, I do not believe it is absolutely essential for your union to be a happy one. The respect and esteem you seem to have for Mr. Darcy is the foundation upon which your marriage might grow. Romantic love often originates from infatuation or a mere physical attraction, and is by no means a guarantee of a satisfying marriage, nor is the lack of it is a sure predictor of an unhappy one."

"There is another matter I have not told you of, Aunt. I know that Mr. Darcy disapproves of my family, particularly when he witnesses Kitty and Lydia's behaviour."

"But do you not often disapprove of their behaviour yourself, Elizabeth? I know that I do!"

"Yes, yes, of course! But they are my sisters, and I love them, and I have the right to disapprove, while Mr. Darcy does not! When Mr. Darcy proposed marriage to me, he only did so after informing me of my family's shortcomings which, as he said, had at first prevented him from considering an attachment to me!"

Her aunt winced. "Oh my, Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy has much to learn about how to address a lady! But I think even you must realize that for a man in his position to consider marriage to someone who ... well, who comes attached to what he perceives as a rather unsuitable family, he must be deeply in love with the lady in question. In view of this, how can you ever have expressed the sentiment, as you just did a few moments ago, that you 'think' he loves you? What other motivations could he have?"

Elizabeth blushed. "Sometimes he looks at me so intensely. I know that gentlemen have desires, Aunt, and I wondered if he merely desired me in that way and perceived his desires as love."

"Elizabeth! You are not so naive that you do not realize that a gentleman such as Mr. Darcy has avenues open to him to fulfill such desires without benefit of marriage. And I dare say that even if his principles or religious beliefs forbade him that sort of liaison, he would have no difficulty in attaching himself to just about any woman in England! Marriages in his circle are often unions of dynasties, not unions of people who love each other.

"No, Elizabeth, I must give you the unhappy news that Mr. Darcy loves you, to the exclusion of all others! For whatever reason, he finds you unique and essential to his happiness, and I must say he has excellent taste. You see! I have come to this conclusion without the benefit of ever meeting the man."

Elizabeth was contemplating that conversation with her aunt as their carriage stopped in front of Pemberley.

"You and my uncle will meet Mr. Darcy this evening. Please tell me what you think of him, with all honesty. There are times I know I am being unreasonable in my censure of him, but I find I am resentful of the difference in our stations, as I know he is keenly aware of the inferiority of our family in comparison to his."

"As you wish, Elizabeth. I will be totally candid with you. Ah...we are here! Oh, Lizzy, to be mistress of this beautiful place! You are a very fortunate young woman!"

"Yes," Elizabeth answered softly, her eyes taking in the grandeur of Pemberley house as they alighted from the carriage. "I dare say I am."

Mr. Darcy was anxiously awaiting the arrival of Elizabeth and her family, determined to be liberal in his judgments of them and gracious in his behaviour. Elizabeth and her sister Jane he knew to be decorous in company and amiable in manner (although he wished that Elizabeth might be a bit more amiable in her attitude toward him!), but he had never met the Gardiners and their children. As Mr. Gardiner was the brother of Elizabeth's mother, he would not have been surprised if the man lacked good manners and good sense!

Flanking Mr. Darcy were his sister Georgiana and his cousin Col. Fitzwilliam, both of whom would be meeting Elizabeth for the first time. Within a few moments of their greeting, Darcy was aware that his apprehensions about the Gardiners were totally unfounded. They were sensible, articulate people, and Elizabeth was inwardly triumphant at noting Darcy's surprise at finding them thus. Elizabeth made a special effort to speak to Georgiana, as she soon realized that she was painfully shy and spoke little, usually deferring to her brother. When Elizabeth took Georgiana's arm and engaged her in quiet conversation, Darcy beamed with pleasure. He had always known that Elizabeth would be an ideal sister to Georgiana, providing just the right degree of liveliness to draw Georgiana out of herself.

Elizabeth and Georgiana sat at the pianoforte, Elizabeth exclaiming at the beauty of the instrument. Darcy watched them for a few moments, not wanting to interrupt the flow of their conversation, as they were obviously getting on exceedingly well.

Mrs. Gardiner exclaimed at a particularly beautiful landscape hanging on the wall, and Darcy offered to show her some of the other artwork displayed throughout the house. She and Mr. Gardiner readily agreed, Jane declining as she was in a corner of the room settling the children. Darcy approached the pianoforte, and bent down to whisper in Elizabeth's ear, "I would like to give you a more private tour later, Elizabeth," and when she looked up at him quizzically, he flashed her a rare, cheeky grin.

After he left the room with the Gardiners, Col. Fitzwilliam stood beside Elizabeth as she and Georgiana played the instrument together.

"My cousin is a lucky man, Miss Bennet! And so secretive! It was quite a shock that the first news we had of you was of your engagement."

"But such happy news, Miss Bennet," Georgiana said shyly. "I have never seen my brother so animated!"

Mr. Darcy, animated? Elizabeth thought. She had always found him forbidding and taciturn. True, he had been making some attempt to be more amiable since their engagement, but his reputation in Hertfordshire remained one of being disagreeable and haughty.

Col. Fitzwilliam, in contrast, was lively and outgoing. His face was not as handsome as Darcy's was, but his smile was friendly and genuine. Elizabeth found it far easier to converse with him than she did with Darcy, and by the time Darcy returned with the Gardiners, Elizabeth and the Colonel were laughing and talking together like old friends.

Darcy stood in the doorway for a moment, watching them. Those who envied him his wealth and prominence would have been surprised to learn that he himself was envious of men such as Col. Fitzwilliam, who could converse so easily with a woman he had just met. His cousin, Darcy thought morosely, could win a desirable woman's love through his good humour. He would not need to buy her affections.

Fitzwilliam caught Darcy's eye, then turned to Elizabeth and teasingly asked "Miss Bennet, how did my cousin behave in Hertfordshire?"

Elizabeth smiled. "Prepare yourself to hear something terrible, Col. Fitzwilliam! The first time I met your cousin was at a ball, where he danced but four dances, even though many ladies were without partners."

Col. Fitzwilliam laughed, and Darcy glared at him. "I fear I cannot converse easily with strangers."

"I do not play this instrument as well as I might, Mr. Darcy, but I assume that is my own fault, as I do not trouble myself to practice."

"Of course you are right, Elizabeth," Darcy tersely answered. "I believe I have been practicing of late, although you seem unwilling to credit me for it."

Before she could respond, he excused himself, so that he could speak to Jane. He relayed the happy news that Mr. Bingley and his sisters would arrive at Pemberley the following day, Christmas Eve. The truth was that he was hurt at Elizabeth's jest at his expense, particularly as it had been witnessed by his sister and cousin. And while he was a gracious host for the rest of the evening, he said little to Elizabeth.

Before she was ready to retire, Elizabeth approached Darcy and said, "I believe, Sir, that you owe me a private tour of the house?" She smiled expectantly.

"Perhaps tomorrow would be better, Miss Bennet," he said. "I find I am too fatigued to do it justice at the moment."

Oh, so I am Miss Bennet again, am I? she thought. His attempts at good humour have barely lasted one evening!

"I see. Good night then, Mr. Darcy."

She reserved her biggest smile of the evening for Col. Fitzwilliam and Georgiana.

"It has been a delight to make your acquaintance," she said to them. "I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow. Perhaps we could continue our conversation then, Col. Fitzwilliam, and you might sway my opinion on the sonnets of Mr. Shakespeare!"

The Colonel smiled broadly and wished her good night. When Elizabeth turned to look at Darcy, what she got was a view of his back as he strode out of the room.

Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner were the last to proceed upstairs, and her aunt placed a restraining hand on Elizabeth's arm before they left the room. She did not look pleased!

"Elizabeth, I want to have a word with you before we retire for the evening."

Her expression was similar to that she had had when Lizzy and Jane were little girls and were caught playing with their aunt's good china. Elizabeth had no doubt that she was in for a dressing down.

"You asked me to observe Mr. Darcy and give you my impressions. I might have waited until tomorrow if I did not feel it very important that we discuss your behaviour this evening.

"Mr. Darcy is a serious young man, certainly in comparison to others you may know, but you must realize he has far more responsibilities, one might even say burdens, than most young men his age. He lost his mother when he was but a boy, and his father when he was only 22 and is not only responsible for running this large estate, but for overseeing the education of his sister!

"His manner this evening has been that of the gracious host. Nothing that might have contributed to our comfort was neglected. So might I ask why you felt compelled to humiliate him by remarking on his manners in Hertfordshire?"

"Oh, Aunt! Mr. Darcy needs to learn to laugh at himself!"

"Perhaps, but that is a lesson you might want to conduct in private, my dear. He is very much in love with you, Elizabeth, and I believe he was hurt not only by your unkind words, but your lively attentions to his cousin."

"But Aunt, it is only natural to enjoy conversing with one so friendly and easy in company."

"That is true, Lizzy, but my advice for you is that tomorrow you might want to smile a bit more at Mr. Darcy and a bit less at Col. Fitzwilliam! You would not want to cause a rift between them, would you?"

"Really, Aunt, you are taking all of this too much to heart."

"It is Mr. Darcy who is taking it to heart, Elizabeth. You asked me to observe him, and I have. The man adores you, Lizzy. Please try to be kinder to him tomorrow."

Lizzy sighed. "Yes, Aunt."

"And that is all I have to say on the subject! Let us go to bed now, Lizzy. It has been a long day, and tomorrow is Christmas Eve."

Chapter 5

Posted on Sunday, 26 February 2006

Despite her disturbance of mind because of her conversation with her aunt, Elizabeth slept well that night. She awakened soon after dawn, bathed and dressed, and went downstairs to breakfast. It was quite early, and although the Gardiner children had already arisen, their parents had not. The housekeeper, Mrs. Reynolds, and, to Elizabeth's surprise, Mr. Darcy, were seeing to the children's breakfast.

Mr. Darcy, in fact, was so agreeably engaged in assisting the children, that he did not even notice Elizabeth's entrance. She watched for a few moments, enchanted by his easy manner and amiability with the children, who, in turn, seemed quite taken with him. Finally the eldest, a girl of 10, looked up and said, "Look, it's Cousin Lizzy!" and Darcy immediately got to his feet to greet her.

"Good morning, Elizabeth," he said gently.

Elizabeth smiled.

"Good morning," she answered. "It is Christmas Eve, Mr. Darcy. Will you be playing Father Christmas this evening?" she asked.

"I think not," he said, "I fear I do not excel at playacting. Will you not join us for breakfast?"

Mr. Darcy sat at the head of the table; Elizabeth seated herself directly to his right. She was happy to observe that the children were on their best behaviour, and Darcy remarked how much he was enjoying their company.

"Someday..." he began, a bit shyly, and Elizabeth knew he was thinking of the day their own children might be sitting at this very table with them. She looked into his dark eyes, which were glowing with love for her, and for the first time, her mind wandered in the direction of what would happen between them to produce those children, and she blushed furiously.

Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, then Jane and Georgiana, soon arrived to breakfast, Mrs. Gardiner all apologies for having arisen so much later than her children.

"It is all right, Mama," said seven-year-old Amelia. "Mr. Darcy told us stories and gave us muffins and chocolate."

"Mr. Darcy is a very kind man, Amelia, and I hope you were properly grateful," she said, but she looked at Elizabeth when she said it.

"I do hope the Bingleys arrive soon," said Jane, "before the snow gets any deeper," looking with a worried glance toward the window.

"I believe they will arrive very soon, Miss Bennet," said Darcy. "I know Mr. Bingley is particularly eager to see you." He stopped himself, not wishing to embarrass her. "That is, all of you, of course."

Col. Fitzwilliam was apparently a late riser, because by the time he made his entrance, Elizabeth and Darcy had already finished eating.

Elizabeth greeted him with a wide smile.

"Good morning, Col. Fitzwilliam."

"Good morning, Miss Bennet," he replied, seating himself in the chair to her right, which had just been vacated by little Peter Gardiner. "You are looking very lovely this morning."

"We will leave you to your breakfast, Fitzwilliam," said Darcy, rising. "I was just about to take Elizabeth on a tour of the house."

He extended his hand to Elizabeth to help her to her feet.

"I see you intend to monopolize Miss Bennet's attentions today, Darcy," the Colonel said with a grin.

"Yes, I do, Fitzwilliam," he answered shortly.

Elizabeth thought Mr. Darcy rather rude in forcing her to leave the table so abruptly, but saw her aunt ducking her head to hide her smile. Good for you, Mr. Darcy, thought Mrs. Gardiner.

"Come, Lizzy," Darcy said, offering her his arm. She took it, and he escorted her across the hall into the drawing room, where a fire had already been lit on this chilly Christmas Eve morning.

"What a beautiful place this is, Sir," she said, her eyes sweeping the breadth of the room, taking in the richly appointed furnishings, Oriental carpets, and exquisite artwork hanging on its walls.

"My mother had wonderful taste, Elizabeth. You will appreciate it even more fully when you see my ... our ... private rooms."

He looked at her intently, and she was somewhat disturbed at the implication that they would be sharing chambers. But of course, she thought, he would want her at his disposal in all ways. Mr. Darcy was a man who was accustomed to people doing his bidding.

"I did not mean," he corrected himself hastily upon seeing her expression, "that you would not have your own apartments, Elizabeth, if you desired them, that is, if you did not want..." And now it was Darcy's turn to blush. Damn it all, he thought, what did the woman want?

"And of course you could arrange and decorate your rooms in any manner you desire, Elizabeth," he finished weakly.

"I am sure anything you might choose will be perfectly suitable," she answered primly.

She disengaged herself from his arm and walked toward the large window, which overlooked the front of the house. The panoramic view of the snow-frosted landscape and the ice-covered lake beyond was breathtaking.

"How beautiful this is, Fitzwilliam," she said. "It must be heavenly to stroll through the grounds when the weather is suitable."

"Yes," he said. "I know how fond you are of walking, and the circuit around the lake is quite attractive. I look forward to showing it to you in the spring, Elizabeth. There are some spots in the grove that are ideal for picnics, and the lake is well stocked with fish, should your father or uncle enjoy the sport."

Elizabeth smiled at his boyish enthusiasm. How different he seemed when he discussed Pemberley; it seemed the one subject that softened his manner most effectively.

Darcy's heart melted at that smile. He moved closer to her and took her hands in his.

"So you approve of Pemberley, Elizabeth?" he asked.

"Yes. I cannot imagine who would not approve."

She was so near him, he could feel the warmth of her body. He bent down, meaning to kiss her, but when she saw his intention, she panicked and turned her head toward the door.

"Will you show me the library?" she asked. "I have heard your collection is the most extensive in the country."

"Of course," he said, trying to keep the disappointment from his voice.

She does not love me, he reminded himself. What was I thinking?

She may not have loved him, but he would have been gratified to know that Elizabeth was far from indifferent to him. Her heart was beating like a frightened rabbit, and if she wanted to distance herself from him, it was not from disinterest, but from apprehension and confusion at the new feelings he was evoking in her.

The library at Pemberley was truly impressive. Three of its four walls were completely stocked with thousands of volumes. The room was well lit, its chairs and sofas comfortable and inviting. Darcy showed her how the various books were arranged, while imagining many evenings when they would sit together companionably, reading and drinking a glass of sherry or, on cold days such as these, a cup of hot chocolate before bed.

Before bed. There he was again, imagining her in his bed. They had not yet engaged in even the slight intimacy of a kiss, and he could think of little else besides making love to her.

"I should like to show you the family portraits in the gallery, Elizabeth," he said, and they proceeded up the main staircase in the front hall. The portraits which hung on the wall were of the Darcy family, going back several generations. Elizabeth lingered at three portraits of Darcy's mother, the first depicting her as a young bride, the second with her son, who appeared to be four or five years old, and the third with both Fitzwilliam, who appeared to be 11 or 12 years old, and Georgiana as an infant. The deterioration in his mother's physical condition was heartbreaking when comparing the second portrait to the third. In the third and final portrait, she was richly dressed, in a sumptuous gown of deepest blue velvet, and had a choker of sapphires and diamonds at her neck. Despite the painter's skill, her expression was wan and pained, her complexion pale.

But what struck Elizabeth most was the grief-stricken look on the little boy's face. He clearly knew his mother was going to die very soon.

That little boy, all grown up, was standing next to her.

"She had that painting commissioned because she knew Georgiana would not remember her. I, of course, will never forget her," he said.

Elizabeth slipped her arm through his. If she truly thought she loved him, she would have said the words to him at that moment to offer him comfort.

But she still was not sure those words would be true.

"She would love you, Elizabeth, as much as I do," he said.

The last painting hanging at the end of the gallery was the newest one, done of Mr. Darcy himself just a few months ago.

"And who is this handsome gentleman?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I am gratified you find him handsome, Elizabeth," he said with a smile. "Might I hope you find the original as handsome as his painting?"

"I am unsure, Sir," she said teasingly, looking from his face to the portrait several times. "There is something very appealing about seeing you suspended on the wall."

Darcy was delighting in her banter and attempting to fashion a witty response when they heard voices downstairs.

Mr. Bingley and his sisters had arrived.

Chapter 6

Posted on Tuesday, 28 February 2006

During the course of her very long life, Elizabeth would often look back on the events of Christmas 1811 and contemplate whether it was the best, or the worst, Christmas of her life, because in many ways, it was both.

When Caroline Bingley learned the news of Elizabeth and Darcy's engagement, she was appalled. It seemed that one day Mr. Darcy was saying that he would as soon call Elizabeth a beauty as he would call her mother a wit, and the next day he was mooning over her like a lovesick schoolboy. At the Netherfield Ball, the man made a spectacle of himself, following her with his eyes in the rare moments when he was not physically stalking her. It was sickening to witness! After he finally danced with Eliza Bennet (who, Caroline thought, had not seemed nearly as thrilled to be singled out by him as she should have been), Caroline had been triumphant to see Mr. Darcy's disgust at the Bennet family's spectacularly improper behaviour, certain that it would put out the light in those "fine eyes" for him forever.

But no! Just a few days later, he was engaged to her. The woman was surely a witch.

It was one thing for someone like Mr. Darcy to amuse himself in the country with a nobody like Elizabeth Bennet, but to expect society to accept her as the mistress of Pemberley was ludicrous. Because Mr. Darcy had left for Pemberley soon after his engagement was made public (could one blame the man, wanting to distance himself from that horror of a family as soon as possible?), Christmas Eve was the first opportunity for Caroline to observe the two of them together as an affianced couple. Her intention was to observe them very closely, indeed.

And what an unhappy surprise it was for her to find that the Cheapside relations had somehow gotten themselves invited to Pemberley as well! Two little Gardiner people, along with a pack of noisy children, on whom Darcy curiously seemed to dote. Caroline thought it was in the worst of taste to have more than three children, and one certainly did not want to be in their presence a moment more than necessary. Where was their governess?

Butcher, baker, candlestick maker, Caroline thought to herself, wishing she could say it aloud, if only to impress Mr. Darcy with her wit. The specifics of what Gardiner did for a living mattered not, the man was in trade! The earning of the Bingley money had been done by someone else, far enough in the past that Caroline did not have to think about just how it was earned. Thank the Lord those relations, whoever they were, had had the good grace to be dead long enough so that when Caroline was introduced into society, they were present in neither reality nor memory to impede her progress.

Louisa and Alfred (or was it Albert? Caroline was never quite sure) Hurst, Bingley's other sister and brother-in-law, were also members of the party at Christmas, Louisa because it was Christmas and one had to be somewhere, and her husband because the food and drink at Pemberley were superior to anywhere else in England. While Louisa, if she gave it much thought, would have disapproved of Mr. Darcy's choice of bride, the truth of the matter was that she did not give it much thought, except when Caroline chose to bring it to her attention.

Charles Bingley, the youngest of the three siblings, was delighted to be at Pemberley, delighted at Elizabeth and Darcy's engagement, and most of all, delighted to see Jane Bennet again. It was a prominent feature of Bingley's general character to be delighted with most everything and everyone he met, which had been disparagingly noted to him by Darcy on more than one occasion, but which made him particularly suited to Jane Bennet. Caroline was not happy at their being thrown together again, after all her hard work at trying to keep them apart.

Charles wished a happy Christmas to Miss Jane Bennet first, then returned to her after he had offered his holiday greetings to everyone else in the party. He took her off to the side for a private conversation as soon as possible, so that she might be out of his sister's line of fire. On this occasion, however, Charles and Jane being together was the lesser of two evils to Caroline; her first object was to observe Darcy and Elizabeth together.

Her first, very astute, observation was that Eliza Bennet seemed to take a great deal more enjoyment in looking at her sister with Charles Bingley than she did in looking at Mr. Darcy. Truth be told, she rarely looked at Mr. Darcy at all, except when he directly addressed her. Mr. Darcy, as he had in Hertfordshire, followed Elizabeth Bennet with his eyes constantly, usually with pleasure, except (and Caroline filed this exception away for later use) when she was conversing with Col. Fitzwilliam, Darcy's cousin. On those occasions, he adopted his old stalking posture, circling his cousin and Elizabeth like a hawk.

Georgiana Darcy, too, was thoroughly taken in by Elizabeth, Caroline noted. Georgiana, though, was a mere child who rarely expressed an opinion of her own, so of course she would think whatever her brother told her to think, which was precisely why Caroline had tried so industriously to convince Mr. Darcy of the desirability of a match between his sister and Charles. All for naught, it seemed, because Jane Bennet and Charles had not separated for one moment since the Bingleys' arrival at Pemberley.

At luncheon, Caroline made the supreme sacrifice of sitting next to one of the Gardiner children, because most of the party was already seated, and her decision made it necessary for Elizabeth Bennet to sit next to Col. Fitzwilliam. Dinner, she hoped, would be a later, more formal affair, and the children would be elsewhere.

Elizabeth and the Colonel were laughing and talking as they ate, Darcy watching them out of the corner of his eye as he conversed with Mr. Gardiner. Mrs. Gardiner was watching Elizabeth as well, with obvious disapproval. Jane and Charles were deep in conversation, to the exclusion of all others. Georgiana, seated on the other side of Caroline Bingley, was looking at her brother, then at Elizabeth, with concern. Apparently, Caroline thought, Georgiana was a bit more astute than she gave her credit for!

Col. Fitzwilliam finally noticed Darcy's glare and said, "Darcy, I was amusing Miss Bennet with stories of Aunt Catherine. It seems she has some secondhand knowledge of our aunt through her cousin, the Rev. Mr. Collins, whose opinions of her are far more favourable than my own! I sincerely hope Lady Catherine is not to be a guest here for Christmas, or Miss Bennet will surely flee Pemberley in horror!"

"No, Fitzwilliam, she will not be here tomorrow."

"Ah, then, Miss Bennet, you will have to wait until Easter for the pleasure of meeting Lady Catherine. I assume Miss Bennet will be accompanying you, Darcy, for our annual visit?"

"She will be Mrs. Darcy by then, Fitzwilliam," Darcy replied, "and I would assume that Lady Catherine will attend our wedding."

"How efficient of you, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said brightly, "to set a wedding date without notifying the bride!"

Caroline Bingley thoroughly enjoyed the tense silence that greeted Elizabeth's remark.

Georgiana, bless her sweet soul, intervened.

"Miss Elizabeth, we promised the children that we would trim the Christmas tree after lunch. You must help me choose the ornaments, as we have a vast selection, some of which are rarely used. My late mother took pleasure in collecting them during her trips to the Continent, and I am told she loved them as much for their being mementoes of her travels as for their beauty."

She turned to Darcy.

"Brother, you will help us, will you not?"

He nodded, but his eyes were on Elizabeth. "Certainly, if you and Miss Bennet desire it."

Elizabeth was torn between anger at him for assuming their marriage would take place so quickly, and regret at having once again chastised him publicly. But wisely, she met his gaze and responded, "Of course we do, Sir."

After lunch, she helped her aunt with the children, as the younger ones would require a nap before the excitement of Christmas Eve. They were upstairs together, and it was Elizabeth who broached the subject of her unfortunate remark at lunch.

"Before you say it, Aunt, I know I spoke out of turn at lunch! But sometimes he makes me so angry. He can be so high-handed!"

Her aunt laughed. "And you, my dear, cannot? Elizabeth, I sincerely doubt that Mr. Darcy has set a date for your wedding without consulting you! He was staking his claim, dear; men are very proprietary. I rather like him the better for it; sometimes you need a bit of reining in, my love! And as for Col. Fitzwilliam, I've no doubt that as much as he takes pleasure in your company, he takes as much if not more in baiting his cousin. They are near in age, but far apart in wealth and rank, so the Colonel bests his cousin in the only manner he can!"

"I promise you, Aunt, I will have eyes for Mr. Darcy and Mr. Darcy only tonight!"

"That should be easy, Elizabeth, as even you must admit that, among his many attributes, Mr. Darcy is very pleasant to look at!"

"Yes, he is uncommonly handsome," Elizabeth sighed.

"And just one word of warning, Lizzy. Mr. Darcy loves you very much, and I believe you are beginning to appreciate his many good qualities, but I think you should carefully consider how you act and what you say to him. There is a tiger lurking within, and you do not want to rouse that tiger!"

Although, she thought to herself, it might be exceedingly amusing to watch!

When the Gardiner children were settled, their mother decided to rest for a few hours before dinner as well. Elizabeth went back downstairs, where Darcy and Georgiana were setting out the boxes of delicate Christmas ornaments to trim the 12-foot evergreen that had just been cut the day before.

Georgiana whispered to Elizabeth, "It has been a long time since my brother has taken such an interest in preparing for Christmas, Miss Elizabeth, and I believe it is because of you."

The housemaid brought in a tray of sandwiches, biscuits and tea, and the three of them sat down to eat. Dinner would be served very late that evening, after the children were in bed, and Darcy eagerly anticipated being with Elizabeth and presenting her with a very special Christmas gift.

"I have never seen such a tall, beautiful Christmas tree, Fitzwilliam," Elizabeth said. "Should we wait for the children, or shall we begin trimming it now?"

"Oh, let us wait for the children, Miss Elizabeth," Georgiana said. "I cannot remember the last time we had little ones at Pemberley for Christmas. Please let us have the pleasure of watching them!"

"As you wish," Elizabeth replied. She liked Georgiana's gentle spirit very well indeed.

When the children awakened from their naps and came down into the drawing room, their excitement at seeing the majestic tree awaiting them was contagious, and Elizabeth and Darcy helped them hang the ornaments, Georgiana giving a critical eye as to their placement. Hearing their excited voices, the others drifted in, and even Caroline Bingley had to admit the tree looked beautiful.

When the tree was decked to everyone's satisfaction, Darcy lifted the littlest Gardiner, 3-year-old Emma, into his arms, so that she could place a cut glass star atop the highest branch.

"I love you, Uncle Darcy!" she said with a big smile, and planted a big kiss on his cheek. Darcy beamed, and Elizabeth was touched to see his genuine pleasure at the little girl's gesture. She caught his eye and smiled so lovingly at him, that he was tempted to take her into his arms and kiss her soundly in front of all assembled.

The children were given their tea and sweets, and Elizabeth and Georgiana sat down at the pianoforte to play and sing Christmas carols. Together, they sang "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman," Darcy standing behind them, brimming over with love for the two women in his life.

As twilight faded into evening, Darcy observed to himself that he could not remember such a happy Christmas Eve since those he had as a child, when both his parents were alive. And Elizabeth was growing to care for him, of this he was certain.

The children were put to bed at 7:30, so that they might dream of what Father Christmas would bring them while they slept. The ladies went upstairs to dress for dinner, Elizabeth donning the deep blue moiré dress she had bought while in London.

She came down to dinner on her uncle's arm, and Darcy, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, was spellbound at the sight of her.

"Elizabeth, you look absolutely breathtaking tonight," he said. "And what good luck that you chose to wear blue."

"Come with me," he said, taking her by the hand and leading her over to the tree. "Close your eyes!"

She did as he asked He stood close behind her and reached around her neck, fumbling with a clasp. He ducked his head, nestling his face in her hair, so that he might inhale her intoxicating scent.

"Happy Christmas, my love," he said.

She reached up to touch the sapphire and diamond choker that he had placed around her neck.

"Fitzwilliam!" she exclaimed. "Your mother's necklace, the one she was wearing in the portrait! It is so beautiful, I do not know what to say!"

"Do not say anything," he said. Kiss me, Elizabeth, he thought. Kiss me, and tell me you love me. There could be no greater gift.

Elizabeth reached up and stroked his cheek.

"Thank you, Fitzwilliam. It is the most beautiful gift I have ever received."

"Oh my, Georgiana," came a shrill voice, shattering the moment. "I would think you would have first claim on your mother's necklace! It is a family heirloom, is it not?"

Caroline and Georgiana had entered the room, just when Darcy determined he was going to kiss her, damn the consequences.

"Yes it is, Caroline," Georgiana answered with dignity. "And Elizabeth is going to be family, very soon. That necklace has always been destined for my brother's wife, and a more deserving woman could not wear it!"

Caroline could not suppress a sneer. Elizabeth Bennet, deserving of a Darcy family heirloom? She could not imagine anyone less deserving.

"Where are the rest of your family, Eliza? I hear the regiment will be leaving Meryton very soon, I imagine your sisters are having a jolly Christmas with them while they still can."

"They are celebrating Christmas with my aunt and uncle Phillips, Miss Bingley. Now if you will excuse me, I will go in to dinner."

Elizabeth's eyes burned with tears. Why was Darcy silent? He had stood by and let that damnable woman insult her, without saying a single word in her defense. Deep down, she wondered if Darcy agreed with Caroline Bingley's assessment of her family. She was wearing a priceless Darcy family heirloom around her neck, but it was a mere ornament if her family did not have his respect.

What Elizabeth did not realize was that Darcy did not want to call attention to Caroline's spitefulness and her own subsequent humiliation by repudiating Caroline's words publicly. He chose, instead, to corner Bingley before joining the rest of the party for dinner, to ask him to speak to his sister about her rudeness.

"You are like a brother to me, Charles, but I cannot allow Caroline to insult Elizabeth in that manner ever again."

"I understand completely, Darcy. She has made a few pointed remarks to me about the Bennet family in the past as well, although, if I recall correctly, Darcy, you might have agreed with her at one time! Caroline has entirely too much to say about matters that are none of her affair. I will caution her most strenuously this evening."

Darcy nodded. Before joining Elizabeth for dinner, he contemplated Bingley's words about his own disapproval of the Bennet family. A sudden realization caused him to stop mid-stride as he made his way to the dining room.

Good God! Did Elizabeth think he agreed with Caroline because of what he had done and said in the past, as recently as when he proposed marriage to her? Even after all his attempts to be the most gentle and attentive of lovers, did she still feel slighted and resentful?

These contemplations allowed him to look at Elizabeth's reticence in returning his affections in a new light. Tonight he would assure her that no matter what her family said or did, his love for her would never diminish.

Elizabeth was unusually silent at dinner, no doubt because of Caroline's remarks about the necklace. Darcy was aching to talk to her alone; he could not bear to see the pain etched on her beautiful face. He could not even look at Caroline Bingley, as he feared he would explode in anger if she dared say another word. She had ruined all Elizabeth's pleasure in the gift of the necklace, and his own pleasure in giving it.

The grand dining hall was lit by the flames of dozens of candles, the scent of evergreen mingled with the spicy smells of the Christmas pudding and gingerbread that all assembled enjoyed with coffee and after-dinner brandy.

Georgiana was prevailed upon to play. When she began a lovely arrangement of the old English ballad, "Greensleeves," Darcy immediately got to his feet to stand next to Elizabeth. At last he would have the opportunity to talk to her, to touch her.

He took her hand in his and asked, "May I have the honour of this dance, Miss Bennet?" in much the same formal manner he had at the Netherfield Ball.

She assented, and the two of them moved to the center of the floor to dance, and soon Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and Jane Bennet and Charles Bingley followed. Darcy held Elizabeth as close as was proper in company; how he wished they could dispense with all the niceties of society and steal away somewhere, where he could have her to himself. He wanted to hold her, lie with her, confide in her all his deepest thoughts and fears.

His biggest fear was of losing her.

When the dance ended, he clasped her to him for a moment, whispering "Lizzy ... Lizzy ... I must speak to you."

She linked her arm through his. Why was she trembling?

He led her into the hall outside the dining room, where they could sit alone. He sat close to her, took both her hands in his and looked at her earnestly.

"Lizzy, surely you know that I feel nothing but disgust at Caroline's vicious remarks. She has long been jealous of you and resentful of her brother's attentions to your sister."

Elizabeth looked at him defiantly. There were tears in her eyes.

"You shared in her opinions of my sister, Sir, and you aided her in keeping her brother away, did you not?"

"Elizabeth, when can we put this in the past? Have I not attempted to remedy my errors? I have done everything in my power to bring my friend and your sister together!"

"Then why did you allow Caroline Bingley to speak of me as she did?"

"What would you have me do, Elizabeth? Eject the sister of my dearest friend in the world from my home on Christmas Eve? I have spoken to Bingley; I assure you that he will speak to his sister to ensure such an incident never occurs again."

"William ... please ... make my excuses to everyone. My head is aching. I must go lie down."

"Elizabeth, my dearest, are you ill? Shall I call your aunt to accompany you?"

"No, please, William, I am not ill. I need to be alone."

Darcy hung his head. "You need to be alone, because you cannot bear to be with me, can you?"

She shook her head vigorously.

"No, no, that is not it, William! You have been good and kind and I want...oh, William I do not know what I want! Let me go to my room, I beg you, and all will be well in the morning."

"Promise me, Lizzy, that tomorrow we will talk. I want to know your deepest thoughts. Please do not keep yourself from me."

"I promise, William. Truly."

After one long, plaintive look, Elizabeth arose and went upstairs, while Darcy stood at the bottom, watching after her until she was out of sight.

But Elizabeth did not go directly to her bedchamber. She felt drawn to the portrait gallery, where she stood for some time under the final portrait of Lady Anne Darcy with her two children. She fingered the sapphire choker around her neck, the same one depicted in the portrait.

She contemplated the doomed woman's face, wondering what was going through her mind as she sat for her portrait, holding her baby girl in her arms. Did she agonize over who would take care of her children, whom she loved so much? Did she grieve for her little boy, who would have to grow up so quickly? He looked so somber, his hand resting protectively on his mother's shoulder.

And what haunted Elizabeth most was wondering if Lady Anne, wherever she was, knew that what was hurting her boy now was his inability to win the love the of the young woman wearing her own necklace, who stood before her with tears streaming down her face.

Sleep did not come easily to Elizabeth. She was consumed with feelings of guilt and unworthiness. Had she made a terrible mistake in agreeing to marry Mr. Darcy, who, she now knew with certainty, would never be satisfied with a passionless marriage? Fleetingly, after he had wounded her with the disparaging words that prefaced his proposal, she had wanted to hurt him, and hurt him she had. But now, she felt, she was inflicting pain on him disproportionate to that she had felt, and she wanted to stop herself before it was too late.

Too late for what? she asked herself. Too late to disentangle herself from him? Or too late to preserve his love?

Darcy, in great turmoil of mind, paced the downstairs corridor. His guests had long since gone to bed; after Elizabeth went upstairs, he had forced himself to rejoin them in the dining room, where he explained she was feeling fatigued and decided to retire early. He could barely control his anger at the sight of Miss Bingley's satisfied smirk. She knew her cutting words about Elizabeth's wearing his mother's necklace had hit their intended mark.

He sat in the drawing room, unable to relax sufficiently to go to bed. He finally fell asleep in a chair just a few hours before dawn, still dressed in evening clothes.

He awakened to the sound of pounding on the front door. A servant answered it, and he realized as he came to full consciousness, that it was an express messenger who stood behind the door. An express, he thought, on Christmas Day? It must be urgent, indeed. He feared grave illness or death of a near relation of his own family or the Bennets.

The message, he was told, was for Mr. Gardiner, who was summoned immediately. The noise had awakened Jane and Elizabeth Bennet, who streamed down the stairs behind their uncle. Darcy immediately went to Elizabeth's side, fearing the worst, so that he could be near her to support her.

Thankfully, the message did not bring news of death or illness. But what it did bring was news nearly as shocking:

Lydia Bennet had eloped with George Wickham.

Continued In Next Section