My Father's House
Chapter 13
"That was an interesting experience," Matt said after the awkward meal with Daphne.
Lorien shrugged his shoulders, "Did you expect it to go smoothly?"
"No, but I have never been put through the test so thoroughly before. How many bottles of wine did we go through? I'm feeling slightly light-headed."
Lorien laughed softly, "Three bottles, and very expensive ones mind you so no complaints! Daphne always did have expensive taste."
"Did you see her hands?"
"Yes, I think it's residual from a long-standing addiction to something else than alcohol."
"The trembling was very mild and she got hold of herself pretty quickly."
"She's probably receiving treatment. Daphne is not one to waste time."
"Was she..."
"No," Lorien answered soberly. "She didn't have any problems before I left."
"That makes it all the more difficult, doesn't it? With Sean, I mean."
Lorien nodded then sighed, "He's probably blaming me for her problems."
"But not the others."
"No, not Ben and I suspect Jeb doesn't either. They're not like him, you understand. Sean is an original through and through."
"Lorien, you never talk about him, even before the fight."
"It's because Sean is impossible to describe, much less explain. Father wanted an heir worthy of the Winters name and Sean was it. He was trained, bred for it."
"Until your mother's death," Matt gently encouraged Lorien to continue.
"From what I gather, as much as my father was able to influence Sean, in reality he was his mother's son. I, of course, have no memory of her. Ben and Jeb have very hazy recollections of the woman but Sean ... Sean seemed to remember every moment he spent with her, including the day she died."
"Which was around the time you were born."
"It was because of me Charlotte forfeited her life."
"Lorien..."
"No, it's bloody true so I might as well say it out loud. She gave birth to all my brothers without a hiccup. Then I came into this world and in less than a week she's in a grave. Sean's resentment of my existence started then and continued to escalate when father placed him in a public school outside London in order to protect me."
"What?" Matt asked, shocked. "Did he try to hurt you?"
"No, nothing too obviously troubling but father was fearful to leave me alone with Sean. You see, Sean put the blame of Charlotte's death squarely at the foot of my crib and had little problem expressing his opinions about who was responsible for the suffering he was made to endure. The entire situation worsened after father's disastrous choice to send him away."
"Instead of dealing with the situation, he ignored it, hoping it'll go away."
Lorien nodded, "It didn't go away; Sean became clever in hiding his feelings so when Daphne brought him home everyone was led to believe he had gotten over his resentment. But he was still a child and in no time it became clear that he hasn't forgiven me still."
"Were you old enough to realize what was happening around you?"
Lorien shook his head and smiled crookedly. "No, I hadn't a clue. And to make matters worse I attached myself to Sean, I became his second shadow."
"Why?"
"Because I felt safe with him around me. He was always so serious and contemplative -- everyone, including father and Daphne, treated him like he was an adult so I did too. Father was very busy with work and Daphne wasn't living with us then so we had a stream of nannies, none of them who stayed long thanks to Jeb and Ben who detested them. I didn't think he minded my presence much. He never said anything that led father to believe otherwise."
"But he must have suspected something..."
"Charles had a very slanted view of things, Matt." Lorien explained. "He thought over time Sean would come to accept me in his life and I must admit his belief had merit. Sean was so cagey back then, even worse than he is now, if you could believe that."
"He was a wounded child, so, yes -- I do believe that's possible."
Lorien continued slowly, not realizing this was the longest conversation he had regarding his oldest brother. "Then, one winter's morning everything changed. Sean had this habit of skating by himself. Of course I invited myself along and followed him for his daily ritual. The weather was warm, probably too warm and I didn't possess the common sense to skate with Sean. The ice cracked and I fell through. I don't remember much after that, only Sean pulling me out of the deathtrap, running home with me on his shoulders. He paid a heavy price for playing rescuer; he came down with pneumonia not long afterwards and ended up having a recuperation period longer than mine."
"I don't understand, that doesn't sound like the Sean Winters I had the unfortunate experience of meeting."
"In a way, it is the same, Matt." Lorien said sadly. "You see when it comes to Sean, he knows how to protect and to possess. Love, true love, is unconditional and Sean doesn't understand that salient fact. Perhaps it's actually beyond his comprehension. He loves us but demands from us unswerving loyalty through all and any situation; he works like a dog to further our father's company and in return he expects the same from everyone else. Luckily or unluckily, Jeb and Ben suffer from the same mentality but to a lesser degree."
"And you?" Matt asked softly.
"Me?" Lorien sighed, "I suffer from it too, but in other parts of my life. You've witnessed the Winters Trait raise its ugly head many times. The time your friend, James, made his surprise visit."
Matt shook his head, "I wondered what in heaven's name made you behave in such a manner."
"It's the Winters legacy," Lorien explained. "We live in fear, Matt. No matter how many times we make disparaging remarks about the society we live in -- we are in mortal fear of being shut out by the very same people we claim to detest. And we were taught to love money, to hoard it whenever possible and father made sure we were raised with expensive tastes. Fear drives Sean to do what he did and still do."
"A man that intelligent, ruled by his meaner emotions, it would make Sean a very dangerous man to cross, Lorien."
"I know." Lorien said. "I've always known."
"Do you want to stay here?" Matt asked, embracing his troubled lover. "Or do you want to return to the States?"
"I've seen how happy you are here." Lorien answered. "Besides, this is my home too and I don't like to be driven out, no matter who's wielding the whip."
"So it will only be a matter of time before we confront Sean again."
"I wish it was only once, but I fear he will enter our lives many more times than either of us would like." Lorien said, "Are you ready for this, Matt? Honestly?"
"Honestly? No, I am most definitely unprepared but what the bloody hell, let's see what Sean throws at us."
"It's my birthday and I can invite whoever I wish!" Daphne snapped at Ben.
"But, mother ... Lorien is one thing, Matt's a totally different kettle of fish." Ben explained patiently. "None of us could even begin to guess what Sean's reaction will be if he sees both, together."
"If Sean cannot behave at my birthday party then he is more than welcome to go somewhere else. I refuse to tiptoe around this topic any longer because he doesn't have the common sense to come around."
"He'll believe you'll be taking Lorien's side on this matter."
"What matter?" Daphne asked in a tired voice. "The only reason this is even an issue is because Sean made it one. Lorien..."
"Didn't make it any easier, you must admit that much."
"No, but Sean should not have tried to hide Lorien like he was some shameful family secret."
"Mother, Lorien's homosexuality is extremely problematic for the firm."
"Problematic?" Daphne echoed. "If I didn't know any better, Ben, I'd say you're suffering from a milder case of Sean's homophobia."
"I have nothing against homosexuals. It's just ... well, it's ... difficult..."
"I don't believe this," Daphne whispered. "I cannot believe I'm hearing this from you. This is not happening!"
"Stop getting hysterical; I'm hardly likely to firebomb a progressive bookshop because of my beliefs."
"Once and for all, Benjamin Winters, this is my party and my guest list!" Daphne thundered, "And if you don't bloody well approve, you can join your mule-headed brother under whatever rock he chooses to hide in!"
"Oh, dear, did I come at a bad time?" Jeb dryly commented from the doorway. Neither his stepmother nor his brother noticed his presence.
"One more word from either of you and I will disinherit all of you save Lorien!" Daphne roared before storming out of the parlor.
"Bravo," Jeb said to Ben who managed to look sheepish. "Difficult, problematic, for the good of the firm ... you managed to sound just like Sean. Congratulations, frankly I didn't think you had it in you."
"Oh do shut up," Ben snarled then took a deep breath to control his temper. "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," Jeb said. "We are not going to do anything, Ben. Why? Because it's about time Sean made up his mind about Lorien."
"So you think an outright confrontation is the answer?" Ben asked incredulously. "The O.K. Corral solution to life's problems?"
"Why not?" Jeb answered sharply. "Sean believes Lorien's going to snap out of his lifestyle and we both know that won't be happening in this century or next. We have always bent to Sean's wishes, especially in matters most important to us, to our family, and the firm. It's about time one of us stands up to him and it might as well be Lorien."
"But why Lorien?"
"Because he has the most to lose." Jeb said softly. "Because he's the only one out of all of us who is strong enough to face up to Sean."
"Jeb, it's Lorien we're speaking of." Ben said, "Do you know what Sean could do to him?"
"The Lorien in our minds is the little boy we helped to raise, Ben, not the man he has become." Jeb said. "He's the only one who successfully broke away from the family. Neither of us succeeded though it wasn't lack of trying."
"Still..."
"I know," Jeb said. "But what choice do we have left? Daphne wants to acknowledge all her sons, Ben, and not just the ones with Sean's stamp of approval. And we must stand beside them because, one day, we will do something that will force us to confront Sean. It might not be today, this year, or even the next decade. But there will come a day when Sean will be on the other side of the table."
"Bloody hell," Ben whispered.
"I can understand your reluctance in this matter," Jeb said softly. "But haven't we always known it would come down to this?"
Chapter 14
With her party looming in the near future, Daphne Winters quickly spun herself into a frenzy, trying to make what was originally a quiet family gathering into something much grander. Jeb remained tactfully quiet of the transformation because he knew that Daphne was not only celebrating her birthday but also her freedom from her addiction and the return of the youngest Winters. Little wonder then the mother was obsessing even over the smallest details regarding the bash.
"Do I look good in this?" Daphne quizzed her devoted son as she clinically examined her outfit in the mirror.
"Mother, you know I'd rather gnaw open my femoral artery than answer such a question." Jeb replied.
"Nonsense, that's a factual impossibility. You might be agile, Jeb, but not that limber."
"I might be desperate enough to make it a reality. But, if you insist, you look lovely."
Before Daphne could continue with her side of the conversation, they heard the front door slam open and Sean's voice thundering for her.
"Oh dear, I see Sean's chewed through the leather restraints." Jeb said, slouching deeper into the divan. "Presumably Ben wasn't able to keep his mouth shut about your party."
"Of course he couldn't; Ben couldn't be disloyal to Richard the Third."
Jeb turned to the bedroom door to see it violently open. "All hail the king!" Jeb cried out as Sean stormed into the room.
"Oh do shut up. I'm not in the mood to humor your twisted sense of wit." Sean snarled.
"All work and no play makes Sean a mean b******. Not that we'd notice the difference." Jeb breezily replied.
"If either of you continue in this vein I will throw both of you out. I will have my birthday and I will have a good time, even if I have to kill all my sons!" Daphne snapped.
"Does that include Lorien? Because that would solve Sean's problems." Jeb said, throwing a sharp glance towards his older brother.
"What are you insinuating?" Sean said, "I have never expressed such an opinion in my life. Bloody hell, Jeb; are you losing your mind?"
"No, I'm losing mine." Daphne interrupted. "And before either of you continue your childish bickering about my party I wish to say I am determined to invite all my sons, including their lovers, no matter who. Now get out. I have to make final arrangements with the caterer."
Sean and Jeb withdrew as diplomatically as possible, both wisely keeping their mouths shut until they were outside. Without exchanging a word both men sat down on the steps, looking like boys who were unceremoniously tossed outside by an irate mother.
"Not even good Feng Shui could solve that mess," Jeb said as he took a backward glance at Daphne's residence.
Sean sighed loudly and messed up his neatly-kept hair by violently running his fingers through it. "It wasn't all your fault." He said.
"Oh, thank you, not that I have a clue what you're talking about." Jeb replied sarcastically. "Lately, I haven't seen you in anything else but a bad mood. It's becoming positively ubiquitous around the office and I don't think it has to do with Lorien and Matt either."
Sean's mouth curved into a bitter smile. "Well observed. I went to a reunion of sorts, with friends from my college days."
"And?" Jeb prodded, overcome with curiosity. "What? Did they not measure up to your standards? Have the mighty fallen so low?"
"I just realized that all those old beautiful memories of my schoolboy days were the delusions of a desperate and lonely mind." Sean said wistfully. "Friends, or people I thought were friends, didn't remember me. Out of thirty-four who attended, maybe four remembered who I was."
Jeb's head whipped so hard that Sean heard his neck crack. "They don't remember you? How is that possible? You leave imprints like a herd of rhinos on a mating charge."
Sean shrugged, "I haven't a clue."
"Didn't you have a roommate?"
"He didn't attend. As it turns out he's on sabbatical in New Zealand."
"Nice," Jeb said. "I would love to visit there."
"And do what? It's not as if you're a nature lover. I distinctly remember your nonstop whining when father took us hiking in the North Country."
"That wasn't a hike; it was a death march." Jeb groused.
"Yes, but your whistling the theme to Bridge of River Kwai during the entire trip made matters only worse."
"It got us an overnight stay at an inn, didn't it? Proper plumbing, good food, don't tell me you didn't appreciate it."
Sean laughed and the sound jarred Jeb into full attention. The younger brother had forgotten what a pleasant thing it was to witness the oldest Winters when he was in a good mood.
"Yes, I won't deny that I appreciated a hot bath and few other things." Sean shook his head, "Do you remember whose idea it was?"
"Father's," Jeb replied immediately. "I'll never forget the moment when he opened up the map to show us our "path to manhood" as he called it. All I could think of was the fact that the Roman Army didn't conquer that much distance during their occupation of our fair England."
"I remember being astonished when father caved into your demands. I thought he was going to rip your head off when you began complaining. But, in the end, you wore him down until he surrendered."
"He didn't surrender, Sean," Jeb corrected. "He met me half way. That was all I wanted. I remember Daphne was very proud of us when we returned home."
Sean nodded, "She was. By the way, how is Meggie?"
Jeb's smile brightened by more than a few wattage, making Sean blink in surprise. "We're going out tomorrow night; dinner, play, after-hour drinks, the entire package complete with a bow."
Sean sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with both hands. "I'm glad you're around for her. One of us should be. What did the doctor say about her chances of..."
"Never," Jeb answered. "They did the best they could with what was left. It's a miracle she could walk again but running is out of the question. The damage wasn't just to her legs; her hips and her spine were also shattered ... and I don't think Meggie will be receptive to any more corrective surgeries."
"How many did she have? Five?"
"Try seven if you count the skin grafting."
Sean's eyes closed before his head dropped. "Oh G-d, it was close, wasn't it?"
"We may never know, since she's being so close-mouthed about it. Not that I blame her for her reticence. Reading about your woes in the tabloids can't help the healing process."
"If I ever come across that bloody editor, I will wring his neck until he has an unobstructed view of his a**e. What possessed the nurse to tell such tales?"
"Another mystery," Jeb answered. "Probably bribery more than anything else. I prefer to think people's mistakes are based on either naivety and greed rather than cruelty."
Sean's smile turned sour, "Surprise to hear you voice such opinions, especially with the crowd you call friends."
"But I don't call them friends, Sean," Jeb replied with a matching smile. "I know better. Let's stop this conversation. You are becoming maudlin and that just should not be allowed."
"Lorien will bring Matt to the party, won't he?"
"He loves the man," Jeb said in the softest tone possible. "He won't abandon Matt, not now, not ever. Not even for you."
"I don't understand, Lorien trusted me once ... for years actually, without question, and I have done everything in my power to earn that trust. He's always known I had his best interest at heart. Doesn't he realize how badly all this will end?"
"It's not about trust; it's not about loyalty either, or even the family name." Jeb took a deep breath, "It's about meeting the Sean Winters Standard."
"I only demand as much as it's required to survive this bloody world." Sean said slowly, "We both know how cruel it can be and how quickly people who you believed were friends could turn on you at the slightest whim. And I never ... punished Lorien if he chose another path, but Matt ... that's..."
Jeb watched as Sean fall into silence and wondered if he had the courage to say what needed to be said. To tease, to anger Sean was one thing; to hurt him was a different matter altogether. With more courage than he thought was in his possession Jeb quietly said, "Yes, but it's difficult when one fails to meet any of your standards."
To Jeb's shock Sean's eyes quickly filled with tears. The older brother looked away and minutes passed before his self-control returned.
"When did it become this ugly?" Sean whispered.
"It's always ugly when love and family are concerned," Jeb said. "And it's never going to be pretty either, at least not in the normal way. We're Winters and we've been marked, not only by our father but also by the world. You said it, Sean. The world can be an ugly place and we're all too aware of it to play naïve, even with each other. Some prevarication is necessary, no matter how sacred the relationship but we don't even have that luxury, or at least have it for long."
"It doesn't help that I can't let go of being my father's son."
"That too, but Lorien's suffering from the same yoke, Sean. You just can't see it. He's the family rebel -- a position our father placed him in and not of Lorien's making either, if you allow yourself to remember truthfully."
"What about you?"
"Me? The family bad boy and Ben's the family peacekeeper."
"It helps that he's bigger than us then." Sean noted with a wiry smile.
"He's actually a little too big," Jeb said with a worried frown. "It might do him well to see a doctor."
"Nonsense," Sean quickly disagreed. "Ben's always been on the heavy side, but it hasn't stopped him from being athletically minded."
"Really?" Jeb asked, not bothering to dull his concern.
"Yes, and remember what standard you're comparing him to. You always were on the thin side."
Jeb nodded, "I guess, it's just that I worry."
"About losing the only sane brother you've got?"
Jeb burst out laughing and Sean soon joined in.
"So, did this talk help?" Jeb asked as they collected themselves off the steps.
"It was very helpful, if also a little useless. Even after all this I still don't know how I'll react when I see Matt."
"Just don't send him to the Emergency Room for G-d's sake. Daphne will keel over if you two broke out in a fist fight, again."
"I'll take your advice though I don't know what Matt's reaction will be to my presence."
"I doubt he'll start swinging at Daphne's party, no matter how agitated he is." Jeb dryly noted.
"Let's hope, I have a special way with people if you haven't noticed." Sean added.
"Will you be bringing Alex to the party? Daphne asked me about her earlier."
Sean's mouth thinned and there was a heavy pause before he answered. "She returned to Vienna."
"I see," Jeb said, "Then I'll tell Daphne not to bother sending her an invitation."
"Please do, because if I do I'm sure she'll make me tell the entire sordid tale."
"You realize she'll hear it from someone else, and that version won't paint you in a favorable light?"
Sean shrugged, "No matter, it'll be old news within a week and I don't fancy a heart-to-heart talk with Daphne regarding Alex, at least not right now."
"But you'll have one before Christmas, otherwise she'll send you a fruitcake as her Christmas present."
Sean chuckled, "I'll keep that in mind. Good night, Jeb. Do me a favor, brother -- call me tomorrow and remind me of our conversation. That way I won't have an excuse if I behave like an a**e at Daphne's party."
"Consider it done." Jeb shouted cheerfully as he got into his Jaguar.
Sean's smile didn't fade as he watched his brother drive away. And his mind was too occupied to notice Daphne slowly closing the curtains in the front room as he walked down the street.
Jeb put the finishing touches on the cucumber salad when he heard Ben enter
the flat.
"I'm in the kitchen!" Jeb shouted. "Hope you're hungry because Sean bowed out at the last minute!"
"Not that that's a surprise," Ben answered as he entered the room.
Jeb openly hissed in shared pain when he saw his younger brother. Ben's forays into the local pugilist club had earned him countless bruises and fractured bones, but Jeb had kept silent, especially since Sean was extremely vocal about his opinions. However, the black eyes on Ben's face forced Jeb to openly question his brother's sanity.
"Ben, I must protest this new hobby of yours. It could get you killed!" Jeb said as he grabbed couple of cucumber slices from the cutting board and handed them over to his injured brother.
"No, Jeb, you see -- I have a plan." Ben said as he put the slices over his eyes. He gave a large sigh of contentment and slumped into the chair.
"A plan?" Jeb asked as he placed a wine glass into Ben's right hand.
"Yes, I plan to distract my opponents by bleeding all over them."
"That's a plan?"
"Most certainly; dying was also on the list but since I can do that only once, I decided to forego that route unless I am ... dying."
"Good to see your logic hasn't deteriorated since you started boxing."
"Logic? What logic?" Ben asked as he drained his glass.
"I am not amused."
"Amused? What's amusing?"
"Ben!"
"Who's Ben?"
"Oh, please do shut up."
"Who are you? Why are you in my house? Is this my house?"
"And, no, I'm not your beautiful wife. I hate that song."
Ben finally surrendered himself to laughter and Jeb followed freely enough. However, the laughter was short-lived as Ben's fractured ribs prevented the man from enjoying his outrageous situation too much.
"So, are you ready for the real fight?" Jeb asked as he watched Ben blindly pull out fresh sticking plaster from his jacket pocket and haphazardly place it on the deep cut slicing his chin.
"You mean Daphne's party? No, not really. But after tonight, I believe I have an inkling of what's about to happen."
"I won't even bother to attend the soirée sober. In fact I'm going to make an entrance soused out of my skull and then disappear as soon as possible, without offending Daphne of course."
"With any luck she'll be even deeper into the brandy than you." Ben squinted as he pulled off the cucumber slices. "I'll look a nightmare at the party, won't I? Poor Daphne, one son suffering from control issues, the other so entrenched in his ideals it'll take a rabid Doberman to budge him, and me - the walking wounded."
"You forgot about the gigolo." Jeb added dryly.
"Oh, don't you know? Gigolos are in, your type's all the rage right now." Ben paused before letting out a sigh. "We'll make a fine show of it, won't we?"
Jeb placed a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "We'll be brilliant. And we'll make sure she has a wonderful time -- one that would make her smile in memory for years to come."
Ben quirked an eyebrow, "We can try."
"We will succeed. We are Winters after all."
"Yes, there is that. But isn't that where all this started to begin with?"
"Matt, you look wonderful," Lorien said softly as he watched his lover flicker off an invisible lint from his tie.
"I look bloody awful. Where did my tan disappear to?" Matt complained bitterly as he examined his complexion in the mirror. "Barcelona was just last weekend!"
Lorien smiled, "We're English, love. And that means we don't tan. We burn, beautifully and patriotically."
Matt gave an irritated glance at Lorien, "You still have color."
"That's because I fell asleep under the sun. One tends to hold color longer when you microwave yourself."
Matt grinned, "You looked absolutely painful when I woke you. I can't believe you fell asleep."
Lorien allowed Matt to fiddle with his tie once his partner couldn't find fault with his own. "I must have been in dire need of vacation."
"We both were in dire need to get away from all this. I'm just grateful you made the time for us."
Lorien's gaze immediately deepened as he placed a hand on Matt's chest. "Please remember that. There might be days when I forget or when I can't do what we both need. But it's never because of lack of trying or wishing. Especially wishing."
"Let's go before we get even more maudlin. Wouldn't do to face Sean unless we're both in perfect fighting form."
"March forth, Leonidas!" Lorien said with a crooked grin.
"Lorien, do you remember what happened to the Spartan King and his three hundred?" Matt asked, wide-eyed and anxious.
"Not really, history wasn't my forté."
"Bloody hell."
Daphne's loud cry of delight alerted Sean to Lorien and Matt's entrance to the party. He poured himself a generous tumbler of Scotch before turning to face his wayward brother.
Sean saw the blood-red Callas lilies in Lorien's hands and almost dropped his drink.
How could Lorien remember after all these years? Sean looked away and then truthfully asked himself: how could I forget?
Daphne had loved them when Charles was alive and he would make a point of having a large bouquet for her for Christmas, no matter how scarce the flowers were. It became a holiday tradition of sorts, one that faded away, as many family traditions do when their soul is torn away.
And yet, he remembered, Sean marveled silently as he watched Daphne
place the flowers in a magnificent crystal vase. Lorien remembered the
happier times. Sean realized. He chose to remember the happier
times; when we were whole and the world was so beautiful, even in its coldest
moments.
Can I do the same? Is it even possible for me anymore?
Sean finished making his rounds, successfully hiding his tormented thoughts behind his unreadable eyes and unapproachable smile. All the while he studied his brother and his lover, only to find them acting as if they were friends and nothing more. They did not touch each other, nor make any physical contact that would give away their intimate relationship.
Sean was sure this behavior wouldn't last but as the hours danced by, he found his observation fortified by their proper behavior. Unexpectedly he found himself disappointed and realizing how bizarre it was to harbor such feelings Sean quietly disappeared to the upper floors, away from the crowd.
He sat in the dark, trying to puzzle out his emotions.
"It won't work," Jeb's soft voice floated in.
Sean finished his Scotch before daring to answer. "What won't work?"
"Provoking Lorien. I saw the way you were eyeing them, Sean. You looked like you could cheerfully commit fratricide and then dance over Lorien's corpse."
"Lorien's probably disappointed I didn't lose my temper and throttle Matt."
"No, he isn't. He won't let you off the hook that easily. He loves you too much."
Sean's eyes seem to burn, even in the darkness and Jeb wondered if he pushed too far.
"And what in hell do you mean by that?"
"This tragedy you two wrote -- you the villain, he the supposed hero. He won't let it end by you self-destructing in front of everyone, especially us."
"Why not?" Sean asked, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Why not? I am so tired, Jeb. I am so bloody tired. I just want this to end but I don't know how except to do exactly that."
"To push all of us away? So you can finally retreat into that ice tower and never come out?"
"It's so obvious everyone believes I am the one who broke the family so why not?"
"Because, in spite of the fact that there are moments when I detest you beyond words, I love you. You are my brother. To me, you have always been the hero and the villain. You are that to all of us, Sean, but especially to Lorien. And he's accepted it. Why can't you?"
"Because I'm the oldest." Sean responded vehemently. "I'm responsible for all your welfare, for the family, the firm. And if I can't take care of my own flesh and blood what good am I? If I can't protect Lorien, what kind of brother does that make me? For heaven's sake, he is heading towards a world of hurt; you must see that!"
"Just because you falter doesn't make you a failure. It makes you human, just like the rest of us. And I don't see Lorien hurtling towards emotional oblivion, but I do see you down that path."
"Why? Because I don't have a lover? Because I don't have someone mooning over every word that falls off my lips?"
"No, because you won't allow anyone to even try to scale the walls you've built around yourself. But you completely forgot about Lorien. Even after all you've done to push him away he came back. And he won't leave, Sean. He's going to stay and make you remember. He's going to stay and make you witness what true happiness is. At least I hope he does, that way maybe I'll recognize it when it crosses my path. All our paths, Sean."
"All our paths?" Sean echoed.
"Oh yes, you, me, Ben, even Daphne. We all sacrificed too much for each other and we didn't even realize it. And that's the real tragedy. So, now we have to all wise up. None of us wanted to end up here, Sean. But here we are. Thank G-d Lorien had the common sense to avoid the Winters pitfall."
"So what am I suppose to do? Throw my hands in the air and surrender?"
"Yes, exactly that. And afterwards, start yet another tale and hopefully it won't be a tragedy."
"There's no guarantee, and Lorien might pay the price."
"He's willing to risk it, and he's strong, Sean; maybe even stronger than you. So why don't you let him try?"
"And if I do, what's next?"
"How should I know? You and Lorien are the authors of this play."
Epilogue
Lorien stood in front of his car, shifting his weight from one foot to another. The building in front of him was one of the many newly-minted structures lining the Thames. In fact it was so new landscaping has yet to be started.
What could Sean possibly want to discuss with me here? Lorien thought as he studied the beautiful bow-shaped windows facing the Thames. The rooms must get a great deal of light. Must be lovely during sunset.
"Lorien." Sean said crisply as he opened the front door to the building. "Come in."
"What's this all about?"
"Follow me, I'll show you."
Lorien got into the lift, openly studying his brother's face. The wary look worried Lorien but he wisely kept his mouth closed.
Sean fumbled with a set of keys before opening a door. "This is what I wanted to discuss."
Lorien entered a spacious room with an entire wall made of glass, facing the Thames.
"Beautiful," Lorien whispered. "Is this a Winters investment?"
"Yes," Sean answered. "We joined a limited partnership with the development, and it has worked out well for all concerned."
"Condos?"
"Yes, and this one is yours. Yours and his ... both your names are on the legal papers."
Lorien turned Sean, "What?"
"I'm not comfortable with where you live. I know you like the Bohemian lifestyle, but you'll have to settle down to a more sedate life somewhere in the near future, and this place is closer to the hospital than the place you're renting. Less traffic for you to slog your way through in the morning."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because ... because I don't know how to say I'm sorry and make the other person believe me? Because I honestly don't like your current residence? Because I'm scared beyond words that I'll lose you again? The truth is I don't really know why. And I'm too tired to try to make sense of it all. Especially if it'll end up damaging the family even further."
"So this is a bribe of sorts? For a truce?"
"Bribe, yes. Truce, I don't believe so unless you're willing to dump Matt today."
"I'm not."
"And I believe you, Lorien. Either way, no brother of mine is going to live a block away from a brothel."
"How did you know about Rosy Tips?"
"I hired a private detective."
"You did what?"
"I snooped into your private life. I had to figure out what you prefer ... where your tastes run to these days."
"You could've asked me."
"And actually have a long conversation with you? Heaven forbid; I wouldn't know how to begin such a discourse."
Lorien felt his lips quirk, and when he saw the rare twinkle in Sean's eyes, he felt a smile split his face.
"That would be shocking, wouldn't it?"
"It would be, for now at least. In the future, who can tell?"
"Certainly not the love-sodden brother."
Sean shrugged, "Perhaps, but either way I'd feel better knowing you ... and ... he ... Matt ... are safe."
"You said his name without shouting." Lorien whispered. "What wondrous feats have you achieved today?"
"I said it once, and that is about as high as my quota goes."
"For now?"
"For now."
"I love him."
"Yes, I realize that -- truly, I do. You've convinced me, utterly. Take a look at the contract, you'll see I'm telling the truth."
Lorien opened the manila envelope sitting on the kitchen island. He took only a fleeting glance. Sean studied his brother as the younger man fought to make words.
"I didn't know what was worse," Lorien confessed. "Being afraid to disappoint you or actually disappointing you."
"I wouldn't know how to answer such a question. I'm too selfish to think on such matters. Too selfish and too frightened."
"Will you ever forgive me for what I've done to our family?" Lorien asked, finally voicing his greatest fear.
"I don't know how to do that either. But I do know I love you, and I believe something good can come from that. I have to believe. Otherwise, I won't survive to see the next sunset."
"You were always at your worst and best when you believed in your crusades."
"Then know that I believe you when you say you love the man you are with. And, that one day ... I will be the brother I want to be."
"Forgive me, but I prefer the brother I have now. It took me years to find him and now that I have finally succeeded, I'd rather keep him."
Sean opened his mouth to say something, anything, to allow Lorien to see the gratitude rushing through his veins, but he could say nothing. And yet Sean knew Lorien heard the unsaid words and the promises yet to be kept. Of course he could. Lorien lived on hope for years; why should that change now?
"Where do we go from here?" Lorien asked, the faith in his eyes shining and burning away the years that pulled them apart until they could hardly recognize each other.
"We go home, Lorien."
The
End
© 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 Copyright held by the author.