Trying Patience
Chapter Forty-Five
The others at the table were even more astonished than Julia, but only Clementine dared to ask a question. "Who told Gerald you were married to a sailor?"
"I did," Julia answered.
"And you said sailor, not admiral?"
"No, I think I said my husband was at sea and he concluded that it must be someone horrible. I was so vexed that I did not correct him. This was long ago, so I do not recall the conversation precisely. I only recall not telling him it was an admiral." Evidently Gerald had not yet adjusted his opinion of sailors, or he would have concluded that one of the gentlemen at the table must be her husband. She shook her head and sighed. Would another person not have thought to seek the husband here at first?
Her niece was still confused. "But you told him your husband would whack him senseless?"
"No, I never did!" Julia defended herself. "But I think I might have told him that he had nothing to fear if he was kind to me. After I told him my husband was at sea, Gerald appears to have driven through some unsavoury part of town to see what sailors looked like and he came to express his disgust. Because..."
"How silly," Clementine said with a giggle. Her opinion of sailors was the opposite.
"Exactly."
"Did you not even come to my brother's defence?" asked William Henson.
Julia coloured. "I did not think there was any point. My brother also thought I must have been compromised, for there could never be a reason for marriage otherwise. It vexed me so much that he was wrong and right at once, because he was mostly wrong. I was not compromised. Not at all. Never. He was right about something else."
"And the admiral knew nothing about any of this when he met your brother? Nothing?" Clementine wondered with a frown.
"I thought not!" Julia raised her hands. "But obviously he gathered something from Gerald's story, whatever that was, but he did not tell me he had met my brother and he did not tell Gerald he knew his sister."
"Why spoil his own fun?" asked Mr. Henson. "And you had so many other things to talk about that it quite slipped his mind."
She forgave him for mocking her. "But what if he hits John now because he discovers he has been fooled?" She looked concerned. "I should go and save him."
"Save him?" His father did not understand that. "Your husband? From your brother? No need. He can stand up for himself."
"Besides," said Clementine. "Aunt Julia, let someone else take care of the explanations. Talking is not your strongest point."
Julia silenced Mr. Henson with a glare and a gesture that merely made him laugh. She did not blame Clementine; they had spoken about talking and Clementine did not have the intention to make fun of her. "But I miss him," she mumbled.
"I must cry off," Gerald protested as he was being led to the library.
"Oh, why?" The admiral did not relinquish his -- friendly -- hold on the man's arm.
"Will you do the punching, Admiral?"
"Are you not much of a pugilist, Gerald? I thought it was one of the pastimes of the upper classes and you give every impression of belonging to them." He gave the man's clothing another glance. There was not even any need to mention his opinion of sailors and servants. The clothing spoke for itself.
"Yes, well...but never as a pre-emptive strike against a sister's husband. How do you know the way in this house?"
"The duke invited me once," he saved himself smoothly. "And there is not yet any need to strike or punch anyone. The library, My Lord." He opened the door to allow Gerald in. Here they could sit in peace for a while. It was good he was not capable of eating much anyway, so that he would not feel too much of foregoing his dinner.
"Can the sailor read?"
"He is not reading at this moment, if that is what you fear, but yes, he can read -- and write! Go in and sit down. You respect your sister, do you not?" Admiral Henson had vaguely received that impression.
Gerald looked left and right, not at all at ease. The sailor might appear from anywhere. "I thought I did. There is much at stake, however. Would I still respect her if she turned out to have done the utterly foolish thing of marrying such a man? But, since she is always right, what am I not seeing?"
The admiral suppressed a smile at Julia's always being right. "Your knowledge of sailors leaves much to be desired, I believe. Were you not surprised to find they might be like me?"
"Indeed I was!"
"Then, in principle, marrying a sailor is not quite as dire as you would think."
The earl nodded. "Of course you must defend your profession, Admiral. I understand."
"You are quite right. I must. However, do you not accept that between me and the image in your mind there must be ... all sorts of men?" That conclusion did not appear to have been made so far.
"In rank or in appearance?" Gerald inquired.
"Rank," the admiral said emphatically. "Although perhaps my wife -- but that is not for me to say." He must not be vain.
"And a certain rank has a certain appearance? I certainly follow your reasoning, Admiral, but the fact remains that my sister said he was a rough, unrefined, burly man who hangs about in obscure taverns drinking and fighting all day, with Julia tattooed on his arm. And she really said that. I admit I can be stupid, but I am not mistaken here."
"Upper arm? Lower arm?"
"She did not specify. Why would he have it, not where, is what I would ask first!"
"To have a reminder of his love? Not all can bring their love to sea." He supposed it was not a reminder of their love's name, at any rate.
"Some do? Oh lord, what horrid types of women they must be!" Gerald exclaimed.
The admiral studied him reflectively. It was awfully difficult to reveal the truth to such a man. "Yes, you might be surprised if you saw mine. I took her to sea too."
"Oh. I --" He jumped up and fell down again. "I must watch my words or I shall be punched from both sides."
"Or three, if your sister thinks you insult her husband. You are insulting people left and right, you see." He did not feel particularly insulted himself, since he was still contributing to the misunderstanding.
"Am I?"
"Most gentlemen at the table were sailors. Did they not look respectable to you? Yet you might have insulted them by suggesting a sailor would be more at ease among the servants. I think your ignorance of the world led to your sister's toying with you." He expected to be asked which of them had been the husband.
"But my sister does not toy." Gerald sighed. "At least, she never did. I thought I had finally begun to understand her. My sister is a very serious and moral woman."
"If everyone were a plain-speaking sailor..." Admiral Henson sighed too. There would be much less amusement if brother and sister had communicated clearly, which he did not think they had. He was beginning to see why Julia had done it. Sheer frustration, he would say. And if he now told Gerald his sister was less serious and less moral than he believed, he might even be punched himself!
"I think she was plain-speaking enough, telling me precisely what was wrong with my life and conduct."
"But not what was right. She does not do that well, does she?" Julia knew what she ought to say. It was somehow easier for her than saying what she felt.
"Honestly, Admiral, I cannot say she could find much to praise in my conduct, not according to the standards by which she lives. She is a recluse and she abhors amusements. I am sure this is a level of restraint to which we should all aspire, but I have no hopes of reaching it, ever."
"A recluse?"
"She always stays in the country and when she comes to town she does not go out much and she barely speaks a word to anybody she considers beneath her."
"Gerald," said the admiral with difficulty. "Had you considered that she might be shy?"
Gerald was very surprised by that notion. "But that is for little girls. Surely she should be over that at her age? Shy?"
"It is very possible not to be over it, but to have people expect and demand otherwise regardless. It is acceptable for a little girl to ask to be taken home, but not at all for a woman her age, is it?" He remembered that she had done that once and she had looked so miserable. "When not much is required to help her. Have you ever told her what you admired about her?"
"No, I have not."
"There you have it. Let me tell you it is very good of you to have come. I can find no fault with your disapproval of an ordinary sailor as a husband for your sister. They would not suit. That you voice this concern in a graceless manner is something I can overlook because I quite agree with you. Your sister, however, may have felt your criticism more keenly, because she might not have known the complete extent of your ignorance. Nobody likes to hear their choices criticised."
He thought of what his own sister had undoubtedly always thought, yet never voiced. He would not have liked to hear her say it and he had always cut her short when he believed she came too close. "I am an older brother who made a mistake once. I did not like hearing about it from younger siblings, even if this was a case in which they would have been right. I do not think it matters very much to know your younger brother is wrong. You would still not like to hear it."
"Nor from an elder sister, for that matter," Gerald remarked. "Being sister and brother is very complicated. But you and I converse more easily. Why could you not be my brother?"
"I am." Admiral Henson decided to be merciful at last, although he could not predict the effect of the revelation. "I am married to your sister."
"You?" he cried.
"Me," he confirmed with a small nod. "I can converse more easily with you because I know your sister's character. Better than you do, it seems."
Gerald was still amazed. "But that is horrible!"
That remark merely amused the admiral. "Is it?"
"I am sorry. I mean it is horrible that I doubted her choice and her taste. I should have trusted her to choose someone respectable." He grimaced in regret.
"And you suffer from the same affliction too," the admiral noted with interest. He was also pleased to hear he was respectable, although he had not really needed any confirmation of that. "Without recognising this in each other."
"Which affliction might that be?"
"Your fears affect the clarity of your judgement. It never occurred to you to question my interference. You asked me how I knew the way, but you never asked me how well acquainted I was with the family. Obviously it would do you some good, but you never wondered what good it would do me to save you from being whacked."
"No..." Gerald realised. "But what good does it do you?"
"I am not sure. It amused me. Perhaps I would like to spare her the frustration of having you misunderstand her another time. She might again tell you I have a tattoo, but to end this idiocy once and for all..." He unbuttoned his coat.
The earl watched his progress in astonishment.
The admiral stretched out his arms and studied them. "See? I have no tattoo. I knew I did not." He pulled his shirt back on.
"I am relieved."
"At my unblemished physique?"
"At my sister's fate. I had tried to block the child out of my mind, but now I can think of it again."
"The child!" Admiral Henson stopped dressing. "You know?" It was incomprehensible that someone with Gerald's perceptiveness had noticed. He ought to have been the last one, unless Julia had told him. And what did the child have to do with his physique?
"I guessed it was the reason why she had to be married because she kept putting her hand on her stomach. Guilt, I thought."
"It was not the reason why she had to be married. That was love." He resumed buttoning up his coat. For a moment he wondered how wrong it could all have gone if he had gone to sea without having been married. Suppose they had not seen the need to hurry! He would have come here and it would have been too late, perhaps. Thankfully they had married and Julia would be a respectable mother -- in the eyes of the world. To him she would always be.
"You mention love without embarrassment," Gerald observed, as if it was very odd to do so.
"I do. I love Julia. I am even willing to sort out the misunderstanding with her foolish brother. Had we not best go back to the dining room?"
"How could I face her?"
"I am sorry, Julia," the admiral dictated. He had managed to face her after something far worse. "I wish you every happiness with your wonderful husband." He started to walk out of the room, but then stopped. There was one more matter he had to make clear before they returned. "I noticed you recognised the duchess."
"Julia?"
"No, Clementine. It might be more tactful not to ask her what she is doing here. In fact I strongly caution you not to do so. She is married to the current duke and although you will know otherwise, you must consider the child this duke's."
Gerald stared. "I did not even know she had a child."
"It seems the previous duke succeeded very well in pretending he did not. I hope you do not have such surprises for your sister." His voice did not promise much good should that be the case.
"No." His voice became a little stronger. "No. I swear I do not."
"Fortunately his cousin is a much better man -- a sailor -- and he made the provisions for the child that Julia's son neglected to make." It was, he supposed, rather irrelevant, but he could not resist mentioning to good deeds of a sailor.
"And he married Clementine?"
"He did. If you want all the particulars you must ask them privately. I like them quite well, so you had best not upset them."
"No, Admiral," Gerald said meekly.
The two gentlemen returned to the dining room. "All sorted," the admiral said brightly. He thought Gerald would behave now and save the rest of his questions for later.
"I am sorry, Julia," Gerald said contritely. "I wish you every happiness with your wonderful husband."
Julia felt her husband's hand on her shoulder. She took it to mean she must be gracious and unquestioning. It was difficult, when she had all kinds of questions for him. "Thank you," she managed. "Forgive me for not getting up -- such a chore at the moment -- but I must introduce everybody to you because you will not know them. Directly to my right is --"
Gerald greeted everyone with the best of manners. He was no longer frightened.
"Sit across from me," the admiral indicated the empty space where a chair had appeared in their absence. It was beside his father, but it was also right under his nose and that was important as well. His father, he felt, would feel no hesitation to ask all sorts of embarrassing questions, none of which could possibly contribute to a better understanding.
Mr. Henson appeared to have noticed something, for he gave a mock salute.
Julia tugged at her husband's trousers. "Will you not sit down? I have kept so much food behind for you."
"Thank you," he said, but he was not certain he could eat it all. There was too much excitement this evening.
"Admiral," said Julian from the other end of the table. "I happen to have read that letter you managed to send in the winter and --" He engaged the admiral in a discussion of what had happened at sea.
"I need to speak with my sister," the admiral said not long after the ladies and the children had retired from the dinner table. In fact, he supposed that the last one had barely left the room.
"May I, too?" Gerald asked him.
He raised an eyebrow. "Speak with my sister?"
"No, mine."
"There is no need to ask my permission -- but remember what I told you." He hoped Julia would be able to speak to her brother on her own and that she would be a little less inclined to confirm nonsensical suspicions. He thought he had covered everything, however, because their history was not as complicated as that. The only thing that might be difficult to explain was why he had liked Julia instantly.
"How quick you are to run after the ladies, John," his father observed. "Must we all follow or may we stay here?" he asked Julian.
The admiral did not wait for Julian's answer, but he left the room. He supposed they would all know that the ladies here were worth pursuing for whatever purpose. Elizabeth was not yet in the drawing room, but his nephews were and so was little Julia. They had been sent ahead by the ladies.
"We are going to play cards with Papa," Lawrence said shyly when he saw his uncle.
It might be an invitation to join them and he regretted having to turn it down. It would have been a good opportunity to become better acquainted with his nephews, who always seemed so reserved in the beginning. Perhaps it was indeed his coat. Still, he could not prove them wrong, not yet. "I...need to speak with your mother first."
"Why?"
"Because I..." He paused when the other two children lined up next to Lawrence. They were all looking up expectantly now and he supposed Gerald was somewhere behind him, also interested. He had acquired a pup. "I got married and..." He did not know how he could explain himself clearly to children, yet he must test his skills in this regard now.
"But she told Mama. Mama knows already."
"But I need to say I am sorry for not telling her myself, do I not?" He hoped that explanation would suffice. In truth it was more complicated than that, but Lawrence was too young to remember and to understand.
"I suppose."
"And the lady who told Mama, do you like her?"
"I suppose."
"Well, I do," he said encouragingly.
"I think we like everybody here," Lawrence ventured. "But they do not have enough children."
The admiral was both relieved and amused at that answer. "But next week there might be two more. You know why you are here, do you not?"
"Yes, Mama told me they will have a baby. They will not be old enough for me to play with, though. Even Julia is only old enough to play with Gregory."
"What nonsense is that, Lawrence! Even I can play with Julia. Can I not?" He looked at her.
"Yes. Ammiral is my play friend. We always go rowing."
"He is Uncle John," Lawrence corrected her.
Julia made a little gesture she had probably seen someone else use. "I am confused! I call him Ammiral. And that is final."
"Final, eh!" The admiral laughed at her. "Do not scare the boys so or they will never dare to play with you again."
"Of course we will. I am not afraid of a little girl. She is three!"
"I am a big girl," Julia complained. "You said so, Ammiral!"
Elizabeth did not know her brother wanted to talk to her, so she was surprised when she came into the room and she was whisked out of it again directly.
"I am sorry I forgot to tell you," he began. "But I was so..." He held out an arm to touch Julia when she passed him. She did the same.
"Distracted?" Elizabeth giggled as she observed the encounter.
"Yes," he answered as he moved on, regretfully.
"You still are -- as Father cannot refrain from pointing out."
"Father gets on my nerves!" he exclaimed.
"It is good you did not hear him vex Julia when we first came here. She was very silent and he tried to draw her out by calling you a rake and by saying she was not at all what he had expected. We had only her letter to go on, after all. She was, at first sight, a surprise." She laughed.
"Why?"
"We had assumed -- unlike what he told William, by the way -- that you had found yourself some sensible and amiable young woman, not too pretty, who had been overlooked by everybody else, but who would make an agreeable wife."
He stared at her. "Oh."
"From her letter I gathered she was sensible. She was also kind enough to have thought we might exist and to have thought we might like to know about your marriage. The excuses she made for your oversight were sweet and from her having been to sea with you I gathered that you were fond of each other's company. She did not write anything about herself, but she did not sound very young -- not twenty, although I had that as the absolute minimum age. Forty was our maximum, because Father said she was clearly pregnant, being sick."
"But why did you assume she had been overlooked by everybody else?" It was an odd notion. Was it really what people would think first? Had they thought him so lonely as to settle for a marriage of convenience with an amiable woman he might only think an agreeable wife? Perhaps he would have come to that stage after a prolonged period ashore. Still, he did not think that even the less pretty would be completely overlooked. "Did you think she was hideously disfigured?"
"No, the time period she mentioned was too short for that." Elizabeth chuckled. "An ugly woman might merely have managed to grow ordinary-looking in your perception, whereas an ordinary-looking woman might have managed to grow attractive in such a short time. I thought she might have been overlooked because she was still available for marriage, for one, despite her good qualities. Good qualities, you know, can make one attractive, though not at first sight."
"You have a very strange way of looking at it," he commented. "Widows tend to be available for marriage. Sometimes they are even pretty."
"Yes, but there was a certain ignorance about her seasickness that one would not expect from a widow. It never occurred to me to think of a widow when I read the letter. We ruled out the fact that she might be insincere, because she would not have written to us in the first place if that was the case, not without asking anything -- and she did not ask for anything. She did not even ask to meet us, so we asked her."
"It would have surprised me even more had she asked that," the admiral commented. "She would almost not meet my friends in town. There must have been some overpowering motive to meet my relatives, considering how much more critical they might be." Julia had said she had hoped they would be like him, but that did not explain why she had written without asking to meet them.
"I wrote a very uncritical letter. Who would not wish to meet me?" Elizabeth said cheekily. "I would not give her any reason to decline the invitation. We were too curious. Why had you suddenly changed your outlook and all that? Father tested the rake theory for a while, but it did not hold. A woman seduced by you would never defend you in such a forgiving manner and she sounded too sensible to be seduced anyway."
"Do not think too highly of me in that regard," he muttered. "It is amazing how flexible one's morals might become."
"Flexible? She gave me vague hints."
"It would make no sense, even if you had been one of the participants," he said wryly. "Although I suppose morals were in part to blame for the insanity. People without morals would not be so distressed by the first instance as to get caught up in a second instance to avoid talking about the first."
"I would like to speak with you, Julia," Gerald said in a rather subdued manner when his sister entered the drawing room a little later.
"Ah." Julia tried to imagine what he could want to discuss. If he wished to dredge up the past, she might need a little support and John was not available. They had passed him on the way in. Her hand shot out when Clementine passed her. "Clem will go with me."
"I beg your pardon?" Clementine asked, taken aback. "Where?"
"Please?" Julia begged. She might gently correct those instances where her image was wrong and prejudiced, or even tell her it did not matter anymore. The girl was really so much better at those matters than she was.
"Yes," Clementine said with a nod, apparently sensing why her assistance was required. "Children? Go back to the dining room. Get your fathers out of there. Go with the boys, Julia. Go."
Julia the elder noted that her namesake was less inclined to run after boys when she was ordered, but eventually she did leave. She was glad Clementine had insisted, as she was trying her hardest to do more often. She was not naturally suited to disciplining and Julia was not either, but little Julia would run wild otherwise.
"Her name is Julia?" Gerald asked.
"She is my granddaughter," Julia said curtly. Her husband was seated in the hall with his sister, but it would distract everybody far too much if they simply took up another seat there. He was already looking at her instead of listening to Elizabeth. She gestured. "Shall we go outside?"
Her brother eyed the two ladies warily, especially their stomachs. "Will nothing happen? Shall I not be called upon to assist?"
"It is perfectly safe to take us out still," Clementine assured him.
Chapter Forty-Seven
"Your husband spoke to me," said Gerald. "I was a fool for not trusting your judgement. Even if I did not know there were respectable sailors before, your marrying one should have informed me there must be."
Julia was walking between the two of them, because she had wanted it that way. She would like to signal things to Clementine in secret if she needed help. It already started out quite well, she thought, in that she did not know what to respond. "You were away for quite a while. Did he not reveal himself instantly?"
"No, I think he was trying to do so slowly, but I did not understand him."
"Did he not make fun of you?" Julia asked anxiously.
"I do not believe he did. Perhaps," he amended, "when I said it was horrible that he was married to you, but that had come out wrong and I did not mean it was horrible at all. He said he loves you."
"He does." It was always pleasant to hear he had said so to others as well. It was more difficult than saying it to her alone.
"He said you were shy when I said you were a recluse."
"Possibly." Julia remembered that he had said so to Lady Pritchard, right before she had fainted. Mrs. Henson was extremely shy. Extremely? She at least knew how to speak, if not terribly well. Perhaps it had more to do with the topic and the person to whom she was speaking.
"Yes," Clementine interfered. "Not possibly. Yes."
"I am not. I like gatherings of any kind," said Gerald, seeing an opening. "But you must not think they are always wicked."
Julia's grip on Clementine's arm tightened. She did not want to hear about wicked gatherings, although she had known they could come up. "Not always," she repeated weakly.
"I have become drunk on occasion, although more frequently when I was younger."
"Gerald, please. There is no need to acquaint me with all the particulars." The thought of such gatherings made her ill.
"I must, since you obviously think that when we all got together, it was always with drink and women," Gerald said a little indignantly. "As many different women as possible, of course."
"Gerald," Clementine said when she felt an even tighter grip on her arm. "Do remember that extreme agitation is not good for ladies in our condition and if you continue your explanation in that vein, you will have us give birth here on the lawn." She spoke so pleasantly that she was quite clearly not yet in any danger of having to lie down herself.
"No, stop!" He eyed them fearfully. "Do not start. I was merely saying that it was not as bad as you think. We either had one particular female friend or none at all. Some had the same one for years."
Clementine continued the conversation, since Julia was incapable. "Some were true friends; some disappeared one day with your mother's jewellery."
He coloured. "That was four years ago and I gave up on the deceitful creatures after that. The most they would get from me was pastries in a shop."
"But why?" Julia asked in a tone of despair. "Why the selfish pursuit of selfish pleasures, selfishly ignoring the feelings of others? Why selfishly have a child without caring? Why did he not come to me? I am not heartless. Did he think I was? He cared nothing for any of us!"
"In a different way," Clementine said carefully when Gerald was too taken aback to reply. "He was not in the habit of thinking so far ahead. And it is not your fault, Aunt Julia. You are not to blame for faults he inherited from his father."
The girl was too forgiving and practical. Julia could not forget about her pain and disappointment as easily, since she always feared she had been a little at fault, despite knowing that what Clementine said was very true. "But I could have --"
"You did. We are here."
"Yes," Julia sighed, patting her arm. It was good that it had ended well for some of them. "Yes, you are. Gerald, why did you come?"
"I came to tell you that I had been thinking much about your marriage and your happiness, but I really do not have a clever comment to show for it. Everything I thought is rendered stupid now that your husband is an admiral."
She would not have to ask him about his stupid thoughts if he recognised they were silly. That saved some time. It would have saved them some trouble as well if she had been able to tell him the truth. "I should have told you."
"I would not have thought half so much if you had told me. And," he reflected. "I did not know about Daniel's child. I knew about Clementine and how he considered that the thing of which his mother would most disapprove. Not of Clementine personally," he hurried to say.
"I am not as bad as I seem," Julia said with an unhappy frown. The situation could have been explained to her in an acceptable manner and she would have understood. She knew she would have. But if people did not even dare to come to her because they did not understand her, what could she do?
"One's mother is not one's friend," Gerald thought.
Clementine giggled at his profundity. "I will be my Julia's friend, but she is everybody's friend!"
"Obviously I have always hoped my brother had good morals," Elizabeth murmured when she heard him speak of flexible morals.
"Julia put an end to that," he whispered confidentially, wondering if there was an implicit question. "I hope that is not too much of a disappointment to you."
Her eyes twinkled. "She implied how. You had been exciting her interest for a while by the time that happened, had you not? You did not kiss her on arrival?"
"No, what do you take me for?" he exclaimed. "Although I was taken with her instantly. Julian had told me about his aunt and her character, but he had never described her appearance. I thought she was an older woman of sixty, so I said she looked more like his elder sister and she gave me such a look..." That artless amazement had intrigued him so much.
"So you could have kissed her on arrival after all?" she said teasingly, studying his face closely.
"I admit it did not take me long, but I doubt it." He sat silently for a while, wondering how much he needed to have his feelings reciprocated. "Why are your boys always so afraid of me in the beginning? Is it the coat?"
"Perhaps the coat, perhaps because they have not seen you often. It is not because they think you are really frightening."
"Good." He waited another while before he spoke again. He had taken her aside to say this, but he had not yet done so. It was difficult, but it would keep weighing on his mind if he did not say it now. "I am sorry if I always cut you short whenever I feared you would bring up something that came close to criticism. I knew what you could say and there was nothing I could do. I did the best I could by always being away and I did not suffer all that much. I suffered much more in the past few months when I missed Julia."
"Really?"
"Really. Perhaps I should have talked to you more, but I did not know you loved me." That sounded foolish, he knew, and perhaps he should have said he did not know how much, as a brother might be expected to be loved by his sister at least a little.
She punched him in the side. "Thankfully Julia thought I might! I think I should love Julia more than I love you."
"I shall bring her for frequent visits then," he promised, defending himself against her blows. "And our child! If you promise not to laugh."
"Why, is it going to be a funny child?"
"With such parents? I think not. It might be spoilt, though that is no laughing matter. I shall try not to spoil it. What am I to do if it is a girl and she calls it...Francesca?" He imagined a small unladylike child bearing that name. He might have problems addressing her without laughing.
"Do you not have any say in the matter?" Elizabeth raised her eyebrows.
"Oh, do not overestimate me. Of course I do not." He looked in the direction in which Julia had disappeared. "Do you think she is still all right? If even you attack me physically..."
The admiral had been persuaded to play cards with his nephews and brother-in-law instead of seeing whether he needed to come to the rescue of his wife. Elizabeth had said it was not necessary, but he was still glancing towards the door every other second. The game did not take up all of his attention anyway, since Gregory often could not decide on his own which card had to be played and he had to consult his mother, which took time.
It did not take long until Julia and Clementine returned with Gerald. They did not appear to be in bad spirits and his father said something he could not overhear. It made the ladies laugh. He was curious about that comment. Elizabeth reached over his shoulder to tap against a card when he did not pay attention. He did not care that she might be advising Gregory with one eye on his cards. He was not out to win -- which was good, since he was losing.
The game was soon over and Gregory and little Julia were sent to bed. That broke up the game, since Lawrence only had half an hour longer and none of the adults cared for cards this evening. The admiral supposed the gentlemen would rather hear stories about his voyage, but it had been a long day and he was tired. Saying he wanted to go to bed might not be appreciated by anyone except Julia. "Julia?"
She had come to sit beside him when Clementine had left the room. "Would you like to go to bed?"
"I would. Does little Julia still come to you?" He would not like his night to be interrupted by that little busybody, as much as he liked her when he was not tired.
"Yes, she does. We can lock the door," she assured him. "Shall we go?"
He got up instantly and pulled her to her feet. "Good night. We are ... disappearing."
"They will make fun of us now," Julia fretted in spite of her eagerness to go with him. "Because we retired so quickly."
"Do we care? No, we do not. My father might say we are bringing on the birth, but that is the worst he can say and we already know about it. I want to be alone with you. What did your brother say? Did he upset you?"
"No," she said slowly, wondering what he would do if she said she had sometimes been unable to answer. "I took Clementine. She answered in my stead when I did not speak. She does not mind speaking about certain subjects. She said I was not to blame for the faults my son inherited from his father."
"Of course not." He stopped to kiss her. "But next time you will be, because you ordered him to marry you."
"But he has no faults." She gazed into his eyes. No faults at all.
"That is agreeable to hear, but..." He laughed, but he did not believe it.
"I have faults. People think I am haughty. Even my own relatives." She looked concerned. "Gerald finally realised I am not, but...I also have sisters. I always suspected they resented the fact that I was a duchess and they were not, but I never knew for certain. They would not see that perhaps the title does not guarantee happiness on its own. And they thought I was deliberately keeping people of my acquaintance from them, so I would always remain superior."
"I am your acquaintance and I beg you to keep those people from me!" he exclaimed.
Chapter Forty-Eight
"I am pleased to see you back, Admiral," Hilary said bashfully when she had come to assist her mistress.
"Thank you. I am pleased as well." He sat back and watched as more and more of Julia was revealed. He had not yet had enough of that new sight, that new and intriguing form. "How come -- I could not ask -- Clementine is so much larger than you? Is that the month she married earlier than we did? Or is she having two?"
"It is not so much," Julia corrected him. "The poor girl! You know she has always been a little heavier than I was! Why not now? And by my secret calculations, we are equally far along."
"Secret calculations?"
"Perhaps unnecessarily so, since I doubt anyone wrote down when you were here in October and I doubt they would reckon back." She had not told anybody the precise date of her marriage either.
"If they are so odd as to reckon back, they deserve to find what they are looking for," he agreed. "And what about the chest?" Now that he was asking frank questions, he might as well ask about the altered proportions of that.
"Which chest?"
"Yours."
Julia frowned at him as she placed a hand on her chest. Then she realised what he was asking and she blushed. "Oh, that is for nursing."
He thought that fascinating. "How?"
She clicked her tongue at him and threw him John the doll. "Imagine you are me and he is the baby. Try it. I have never nursed before. I hope you will not mind that I will now, but I do not want my baby sent away again for more than a year." She looked a little anxious, but she was not going to change her mind about this.
"Unacceptable indeed," he said, feeling a little clueless about the manner in which these matters were usually arranged. Nobody had ever cared to inform him about that first year, since he had been at sea. Perhaps dukes insisted on sending their infants away, but he was not a cold duke. He wondered why they would insist.
He studied John the doll, although he was not going to press him against his chest. Everyone seemed to think the doll was a sort of child, but it was a doll. Besides, he was not a woman. His body had not been prepared to accommodate it. Having the doll against his chest was as unnatural as Julia not having her baby there, he would say. He was all for not sending it away. It would intrigue him to see how it developed.
"Now that the admiral has come back, Hilary," Julia said. "What is the situation? I purposefully refrained from asking you all this while."
"There is no situation, My Lady," Hilary said with a deep blush.
"Are you no longer interested?" She thought she had seen the pair walk into the village at least once a week. They had still appeared to be friends. It had been difficult to see whether it had progressed to more.
"I am, but --"
"He is not?"
"He is, but --"
"Go on, tell me," she said encouragingly.
Hilary looked down and mumbled. "He thinks your assurances are worthless without the admiral's approval and consent. The admiral has the final say in the matter, he thinks, because he is the man."
The admiral had become interested in the exchange. He decided foregoing a comment on Julia's amusing expression upon hearing he was the man and therefore had the final say in the matter. He might and he might not, but frankly he did not see how he could have any say in a matter about Julia's maid that was clearly of a romantic nature. "Well, Hilary," he tried when Julia was speechless. "I see your suitor blames his reluctance to pursue you on my absence, when the truth of the matter is probably that he is afraid to tie himself down."
Hilary looked indignant, but she did not contradict him.
"I am sorry for having caused such a delay to the courtship, but I am not going to involve myself in the matter. You will have to make do with the assurances of your mistress." That won him an odd look from his wife, but of course he still did not know what the problem was. Perhaps tomorrow he might be interested, but now he was not and he was not going to ask which assurances had been made.
"The admiral is the man," he said when Hilary had finished her work and left. "Therefore he must have the final say in romantic trivialities. I wonder what her suitor will say if he has wasted so much time waiting for my opinion only to find I have none -- but abandon the subject, because at the moment I am uninterested in anything that is not you or my bed."
"You will not --" Julia looked at him oddly again. "-- care?"
"I care only for you -- and sleep."
"But who is to decide the matter then? You have to have a say."
"Because there is a ship in courtship?" He felt contrary. Those deuced land habits! He was no expert on courtship, far from it. His behaviour would never be held up as a model.
"Because you are my husband."
"How does that turn me into an all-knowing problem solver?" he wondered. Julia's devotion and trust were sweet, but he was equally sweetly devoted to sleeping beside her as soon as possible. He had not had any sleep the previous night. After arriving here he had had to be friendly to their entire extended family, which had been good, but now he was exhausted.
Julia bit her lip. "Because you might be angry with me if I arranged it on my own."
"I might also be exceedingly happy about it. I am leaning towards that option, if it concerns the romantic entanglements of your maid. Do you really need a maid? I can dress you too. In fact, do I not take much better care of you?" he asked in a very persuasive manner. He gently directed her towards the bed. Angry! That was impossible.
The admiral stretched himself out contently in the morning. It was very nice to wake in this manner, with his beloved so near. "How I missed this!" To his consternation that exclamation only made her cry. "Do not cry!"
"But I missed it too," Julia sniffled, embracing him. "Why else did you think I have a doll?"
"Er..." he said awkwardly. "Will Frederick not come out in a funny shape if you squeeze him so?"
"But I am happy!" She wiped her eyes with his shirt. "Will you not love Frederick if he has a funny shape? And what if I was wrong and he is a girl?"
"Then he is a she."
"When your father wrote to me, after I had made discreet inquiries whether there were any obligations as to names, not saying I was expecting, he wrote he had no objections to Frederick or Frederica, but I think Francesca is prettier," she said to explain how she had come by those particular names.
"My father wrote to you?" He had thought all correspondence had gone through his sister. Those discreet inquiries must have been less discreet than Julia had assumed, because quite obviously his father had thought there must have been amusement to be had from writing. Imagining Julia's reaction to his suggestion would have been fun.
She smiled teasingly. "He also wrote that his son would very likely not have an opinion. Does he know you so well? Or are you as creative and original as he was when he named his children?"
It was very likely. He had best not even think about names. "Perhaps he knew I would trust your opinion? They know I am sensible and they thought you were sensible too. Elizabeth told me so."
"I -- well, all right. I must accept that you will accept my opinion." She looked a little puzzled. "But you must tell me you care and you are not leaving it all to me because you are indifferent."
"I am not indifferent, but you have had months to think about these matters!" he complained. "I had seconds! I usually need a little while to adjust when I come back, but it was worse this time, because nothing here was the way I had expected it to be. People who had changed, people who should not have been here. Only your nephew was exactly where and how I expected him to find."
"Am I different except for..." Julia placed her hand on it.
"Slightly," he admitted.
"They told me I was. Apparently I look younger and I behave differently."
"You do. You are..." He wondered how he could describe it best. "...better at replying. My father did not manage to fluster you yesterday."
She chuckled, remembering how different that had been when his father was here the first time. "You have missed my progress. By now I have become quite used to people teasing me about my marriage and my condition. Sometimes I can even reply. You have no idea what I have had to suffer!"
"Tell me, my dear. I feel fresh and vigorous this morning. Who need to be taken to task?"
"First of all, the village believed I had gone from board in a huff because you had forced me to sleep in a hammock hung between two guns. I told the village you could not be very displeased because you had your hammock to yourself now, but --"
The admiral stared. Both the villagers' gossip and Julia's retort were astonishing.
"-- Julian and Mr. Newman them began to speculate in a very juvenile manner on how two people could fit into one hammock and if the last one in was also the first one out. I overheard them while they were playing billiards."
"I can imagine that," he grinned. He might have done such a thing himself. "Tell me what you said. Were you angry?" She was not angry now; she could smile and he liked her for it.
"I could not. I had spread the word myself. But I did tell them how juvenile they were. There was a brief period in which every young man I knew was doing something I did not like, which was quite vexing. Julian, Mr. Newman, George, Gerald and even Julian's valet. I wish I could say I was afraid for Frederick, but I am afraid I am merely easily frustrated with such behaviour, because most of the cases were before I knew." Julia sighed. It was probably in her nature to be so easily vexed. "Still, when I knew I was not very eager to tell Julian about it, for obvious reasons, so for a long while I did not."
"What could he say?" He knew she might be a little sensitive about reckless and foolish behaviour in young men and he could not blame her for that. Julian had always been rather serious and responsible, though.
"When I told him eventually he snickered and said he would never have expected it of you!" Julia said indignantly. "And I have no doubt he thought of hammocks again. I never would have told him if Mr. Newman had not noticed my condition when I went rowing."
"Rowing," her husband repeated. "This must be how it feels to be mentally deficient. I feel continuously unable to process all this information at once. Julian thinks we would have refrained on account of our ages, or what? And you went rowing? On your own?"
"If you do not mind, I did not ask Julian what he thought precisely. And I went rowing because I wanted to see if I could be on the water and I could, only Mr. Newman saw the bulge and he practically ordered me to see the doctor. He first wife died, you see."
"Ah. Rowing. You are so adorable."
Julia did not quite see the connection between rowing and being adorable, but she felt flattered nonetheless and she submitted to his kiss unquestioningly. "So you see, I took over some of your habits, good ones and bad ones."
"But tell me about your maid," he continued after a moment. "I was too tired last night. I do take an interest in your affairs, my dear, but I found this man business to be rather idiotic."
"It is something to do with Julian's valet."
The admiral frowned. "But, now that you mention it, I recall Beckett telling me about -- his interest in her almost predates my interest in you and he still has not acted?" He touched Julia's stomach. This was what they could have had by now.
"A maid is not rich enough to be impregnated with impunity," Julia explained. "Unlike me."
He gasped. "I would have fallen over if I were not already lying down. You are scandalous. I should not be surprised -- you always were. But did he do anything to her?"
She laughed at his gasp. "He is more gentlemanly than a gentleman, according to Hilary. Which means, I suppose, that he has not, because my assurances about their positions count for nothing. I am not sure what to think of that."
"Julian's man probably realises I do not need two valets," the admiral said dryly. "So that in fact you can only make assurances about Hilary's position. I still fail to see how I could do any better than you in this regard."
Julia cleared her throat. "I suggested the option of trading him for Beckett, but of course I cannot have the final say in that."
"But neither can I!"
© 2005, 2006 Copyright held by the author.