Stormy Weather

Gathering Clouds - I

Theresia had soon found out that her uncle was very much a family man. He took interest in everything that happened in his family, and had a very precise opinion as to how things had to be dealt with. Yet, Joseph von Hertenberg was not a despot. He was not one of those fathers who ruled their families -- like Theresia's own father, in a way, was.

Baroness von Hertenberg never needed to use the tricks Anna von Laudeck used, if she wanted her husband to do something. He regarded her as his equal, a thing which, as far as Theresia knew, was exceptional. Most men did not even believe that women were capable of such a thing as thinking -- so why ask for their opinions?

Joseph von Hertenberg was different in that respect, but he did interfere in his family's affairs quite often. It was his conviction that no one knew what was best for his family save him. He was open to discussion, but on the whole he was not pleased with opposition.

Still, whenever anyone in his family needed him, he was there -- and in those moments he was the kindest and most supportive father one could wish for.

One day at the beginning of November, Theresia was ordered to the library. Baron von Hertenberg wanted to have a word with her, the maidservant told her, and Theresia went, wondering what she might have done. Usually, he only wanted to have a word with her if she was in trouble. This time, however, she did not feel in the least guilty. She had been remarkably well behaved those past few weeks; she began to wonder at herself.

Entering the library, she saw her uncle sitting in the easy chair, studying a letter. He gave her a look she could not quite understand -- but at least he was not angry. It had to be something different. Something serious, though.

He asked her to take a seat, and Theresia sat down on the sofa, facing her uncle.

"I have a difficult task before me," he said earnestly. "Your father has made me the bearer of bad news, Theresia."

"Bad news?" Theresia asked nervously. Suddenly, her mouth felt dry.

He nodded. "I have a letter from your father here," he said. "Theresia, I will just state plainly what the letter is about -- there is no merciful way to break such news, so I will not even try. Your grandfather..."

He paused for a moment. Why did he? Theresia knew that something terrible had happened, and she wanted to know what it was. At once.

"Your grandfather has died," he finally said.

Theresia sat there in shock, unable to say a word. Her grandfather... but he had always been so healthy, and he was not really old, was he? He was not yet seventy -- there were people who had lived much longer than that. It was just not fair ... When Uncle Hertenberg had said that there had been bad news, she had expected anything but that. She had thought that, maybe, her return home would be delayed -- which was bad enough news as it was, but this...

Baron von Hertenberg watched her apprehensively, but he did not say anything.

"How ... how did it happen," Theresia finally managed to say.

"Your father writes that it happened suddenly," he answered. "Your grandfather went hunting, and did not come back. They found him in the forest. An apoplexy, apparently, or something similar. He did not suffer long."

"How do you know," Theresia said bitterly.

"I do not know."

"Then why did you say so?"

"I thought it would comfort you," Baron von Hertenberg said.

"Nothing can comfort me," Theresia answered. "He is gone, no matter how that happened."

Baron von Hertenberg watched her closely. That girl had her father's self-possession. She had just heard devastating news, but nothing in her attitude betrayed what she felt. No doubt, in the secure surroundings of her own room, she would give way to tears -- but not here, not with him. It was the Laudeck family pride that forbade it -- no one should ever pity her.

"Why did Papa not write to me," she finally asked. "Why did he write to you, and did not mention a thing to me?"

"It may be hard for you to understand his motives," Baron von Hertenberg began, hesitatingly. "But I think I can make a good guess. If I had such news for any of my children, I would not want them to be alone when they receive it. By writing to me, and not to you, he made sure that someone would be with you when you hear the news."

"He probably thought I could not handle it," Theresia said. "He never believed I could handle anything."

"If he did so, I am sure that, by now, he has found out that he is wrong," Baron von Hertenberg said.

"I wonder..." Theresia began, in a tearful voice.

"Yes, dear?"

For a moment, he had thought that Theresia would begin to cry, but he had underestimated her.

"May I go to my room," she asked him, coolly. "I need some time all by myself."

"Do," Baron von Hertenberg said. "But take my piece of advice -- do not separate yourself for too long. Company will do you good. It will distract your thoughts. You can go to your room now, if you want to. I will tell Miss Grant about it, you need not worry about her."

*****

Theresia stayed in her room for nearly two days. In the evening of the second day, she finally turned up at the supper table. She had been crying, one could see that clearly, but according to Baron von Hertenberg's wish, no one mentioned a thing.

Marie could not help but give Theresia a sympathetic look. Two days without food or exercise had made Theresia look very ill, she was pale, and her dark dress even heightened the impression. Theresia sat down next to her without saying a word. She was remarkably silent all evening, only answering questions when she was asked. Before she went to bed, however, she asked her aunt to assist her in getting some mourning clothes.

"Do you really think this is necessary, my dear," Baroness von Hertenberg asked her.

"I do," Theresia said. "I could not be there to pay my respects as I ought to, so I am going to do so here and now."

The Baroness nodded, and told Theresia to get ready early the next morning. She would do anything to help the girl get back to normal life. If buying mourning clothes would get her out of the house into fresh air, it was fine with her.

*****

November passed without any remarkable events. At the beginning of December, in time for Advent, it began to snow heavily. Theresia spent a great deal of time at the window, staring out into the snow. She liked snow, and the first snowfall every year had always delighted her. On the whole, she tried her best not to get on everybody's nerves. She knew that, terrible as her loss had been for her, it did not mean much to the rest of the family. Except for her uncle, no one had known her grandfather.

It would soon be Christmas, and she would spend Christmas away from home, with people of whose existence she had known not much the year before. It would be a gloomy Christmas at home, no doubt -- her grandfather would not be there, and neither would she. It would only be Papa, Mama, and Martin. And, as far as she had found out from Mama's letters, things were not what they ought to be between Martin and Papa.

It seemed that Martin, taking advantage of the fact that he was away from home and that his father could not always check on what he was doing, had grown into an unruly, wild young man. He spent most of his time drinking and gambling, had been involved in several tavern brawls, and had forgotten about his real purpose. He had gone into town to study, but study seemed to be none of his concern now. His main interest was to enjoy himself at all cost.

Of course, Anna von Laudeck did not say so explicitly, but she did mention that "Martin was getting a bit out of hand". She had mentioned that "Martin had staid in town ever since Grandfather's funeral", because "he had so much to do". She did say in her letters that "Uncle Bernhard is very concerned about Martin's conduct". And, in her latest letter, she had said that "there had been a violent argument between your father and brother, concerning his way of life" -- which was alarming, because in his father's eyes, Martin had never been able to do anything wrong. According to all those bits and pieces of information, Martin's behaviour must be scandalous in the highest degree, Theresia thought.

Well, her brother had never been nice, and he had never wanted to be nice, either, and the whole would could go right to the Devil for all he cared. But there was one trait of character in him that would make everyone forgive him whatever he did -- Martin von Laudeck was charming, and not at all reluctant to use his charm.

It would be a gloomy Christmas back at home -- perhaps she ought to be glad that she could spend the holidays here. But it was hard to accept it. No matter how bad one's home was, it was home.

Uncle von Hertenberg disappeared in the attic quite frequently now, and when Theresia asked him what he was doing there, he invited her to come with him.

So Theresia and Marie paid him a visit in the attic. Theresia was amazed to find out that a part of the attic of this townhouse was a well-supplied workshop. There were all the tools one needed for woodcarving, and her uncle was working on several wooden figures, representing the Holy Family.

"You are working on a nativity scene?" Theresia asked wonderingly.

Baron von Hertenberg nodded. "It all started when I was a boy, about ten years old," he said with a smile. "There was a beautiful nativity scene in the Hertenberg parish church. I remember standing there for hours, looking at the scene, and after a while I was determined to do something similar. My first attempts were not very successful, but since then a long time has passed."

He laughed. "I'm getting old," he said. "When a man starts talking about his childhood in that way, he is getting old. Anyway, it is a sort of tradition I am keeping up. I try to add something new to the nativity scene every year. This year, it is another Holy Family, as you can see. Next year I will work on some new shepherds, perhaps."

"May I have a look at the other figures," Theresia asked. "The ones that are already finished?"

Baron von Hertenberg shook his head. "Wait until Christmas," he said, good-naturedly. "Sometimes it is important to be patient."

*****

It was a foreboding Christmas. Distressing news from France had reached Vienna in December. Napoleon Bonaparte had crowned himself Emperor of France. Was this an answer to Emperor Francis's coronation? What was he up to? The Austrian emperor had signed an alliance with the Tsar in November, and England seemed to be eager to take part in that alliance as well. As Baron von Hertenberg had said to his family, Bonaparte was not the man to watch potential enemies team up against him.

This was one reason why Baron von Hertenberg was eager to have all his family around him, and was determined to spend this Christmas in harmony with everyone. He was very much a family man, but he was also a soldier -- and like most soldiers, he knew exactly when there was trouble ahead.

Part II

Fiona Grant had been in Vienna for two years now, and on the whole she had no reason to complain about her position here.

She still remembered with horror her first position as a governess. She had worked for a certain Mrs. Burleigh in Gloucester. Mrs. Burleigh's children, a seven-year-old boy and a five-year-old girl, had been the most spoilt and unruly children Fiona had ever seen. There was no managing them, because whenever she had tried to discipline them, their mother had taken their side, and soon the children had found out that Miss Grant was no one they should listen to. Still, Mrs. Burleigh had blamed her because her children's progress had not been what she had expected. After one of Mrs. Burleigh's sermons on how to deal with the "little angels", Fiona had had enough and had suggested that Mrs. Burleigh find a more suitable governess.

The ensuing months she had spent at her sister's house in Derbyshire, but her brother-in-law had left her in no doubt as to the duration of her stay. It was to be only a temporary one; he had no wish to support her for longer than he had to. The only assistance he had offered her had been in finding a new place for her. Fiona had spent enough time there to see that marriage was not an option for her -- her sister had married, not because she had loved her husband, but because she had needed someone to support her, and her brother-in-law had married because he had needed someone to keep his house. It had been a marriage of convenience, but not a happy one. Husband and wife had kept out of each other's way as much as possible, and if they had met accidentally, they had quarreled.

One Sunday, Fiona had left the church after the service when Lady Macmillan of Lambton Park had approached her and asked her if she was "the young lady looking for a position as a governess". She had told Fiona about her sister in Austria, who was in need of a teacher for her twelve-year-old daughter.

"A lovely girl, very quiet and well-behaved, according to her mother," she had said. This had sounded tempting, as well as the chance to be far away from her sister's misery. After some days of deep thought and discussion, Fiona Grant had agreed to go to Austria to teach Miss von Hertenberg. A decision she had never regretted -- until now.

It was not because of her pupils -- both Miss von Hertenberg and Miss von Laudeck were good-natured, intelligent girls and it was a pleasure to teach them. Neither was it for her employers that Fiona felt her coming to Vienna had been a mistake. Both Baron and Baroness von Hertenberg left her to deal with the girls on her own; they never sabotaged her efforts the way Mrs. Burleigh had done. All this was perfect. There was only one problem. Fiona had, without wanting it, fallen in love with the family's eldest son. Even this would not have been so bad, had she not had the suspicion that Joseph von Hertenberg returned her affection. For the first time in her life, Fiona Grant didn't know what to do.

*****

The ball season had started, and the von Hertenbergs spent most evenings out. Fiona stayed at home with the girls, not without regretting that she rarely had an opportunity to go to a dance. Her friend, Miss Kratky, a governess working for a rich banker, had asked her to join her at a ball now and then, but since the Hertenbergs were away most evenings, Fiona did not even ask for an evening off.

One day, however, Baroness von Hertenberg herself made the suggestion that "Miss Grant should go out and enjoy herself more often". Fiona looked at the Baroness in amazement. What had given her the idea? Or, a more disconcerting thought, who?

"Madam, I do not think it is necessary," she stammered.

"Not necessary? You do not want to tell me that a young lady does not, sometimes, want to have some time to herself," the Baroness answered. "Anyway, I have decided to give you a treat. You know the IR IV regimental ball is next week?"

"Of course I do," Fiona answered. "You are one of the patronesses, are you not, Madam?"

"I could hardly escape the honour," the Baroness laughed. "Well, I thought of purchasing tickets for you and your friend, Miss Kratky -- and another one, because I suppose you will not go there without a chaperon."

"I ... am very much obliged, Madam," Fiona said, still wondering how the Baroness had got the idea. Certainly it had not escaped Baroness von Hertenberg that she went out very rarely, that she did not have too many friends. Except Ernestine Kratky, there was no one.

*****

"I cannot go, Erna," Fiona said to her friend when she met her on the following Sunday.

"Why not, for heaven's sake," Erna Kratky replied, with a mischievous smile. "This is your chance to mix with the right people, do not forget that. A ball, with lots of soldiers and officers ... who knows, you might meet the love of your life there."

"Quite unlikely," Fiona said, blushing. " I do not doubt that there will be a great deal of pleasant young gentlemen, but none of their families would connect themselves with someone like me."

"You should not be so pessimistic," Erna said. "Just expect to have a pleasant evening, and that will be it."

Fiona strongly suspected that Erna was determined to go to the ball, and to do her friend a favour she would come along. Erna's mother was to join them too, and to act as a chaperon. Of course, Erna was right, she should not worry too much, but she could not help it.

When she entered the house that evening, she met Joseph von Hertenberg, who just came out of the library. He greeted her with a warm smile, as always, and said, "Ah, Miss Grant ... I hear you are going to be at the regimental ball next week."

"I am not quite certain yet," she replied warily.

"Do you have another engagement already," he asked her, disbelievingly.

"No...I only do not know if it is the right thing for me to do."

"My mother believes it is," he answered. "You can very well rely on her advice." He gave her an entreating look. "You should go there by all means, Miss Grant. Imagine how offended my mother would be if you did not accept her invitation. Besides," he added with a shy smile, "I was hoping that, for once, I might have a pleasant evening."

"I am quite sure that you will have a pleasant evening, no matter if I am there or not," Fiona said.

"You have no idea how unpleasant such evenings can be, Miss Grant," he said, looking at her significantly. "There is no one there I care to see."

"I shall pity you when I have time for doing so," Fiona said, laughingly, and finally walked up the stairs. She felt his gaze, even when she had turned her back on him, and felt uncomfortable again.

*****

"You look so pretty, Miss Grant," Miss von Hertenberg said to Fiona when she said goodbye to the girls before setting out to meet Erna and her mother.

"I hope I will be just as pretty when I grow up."

"You will be a very pretty young lady, Miss von Hertenberg," Fiona said, smiling. "But remember that prettiness is not the only thing that makes a young lady attractive."

"But the major thing," Theresia said, dryly. "Ask a man if he wants a pretty wife -- or one with a brain of her own. Ninety-nine out of a hundred will go for a good-looking half-wit."

"I sometimes wonder where you get your ideas, Miss von Laudeck," Fiona said.

"Close observation, Miss Grant," Theresia answered. "Have you ever seen Miss Horvàth? Watch her and my cousin Carl tonight, and you will know what I am talking about. Miss Horvàth is very pretty, and very charming, but as stupid as a bunch of straw. I sometimes wonder how she and her brother can be related to each other."

"Stop talking about others like that, Miss von Laudeck," Fiona said, sharply. "You are not faultless, either, you know."

"I do not want to be faultless, Miss Grant," Theresia retorted. "But I'd rather be dead than as stupid as some women are. There are more attractive faults one can have."

Fiona decided not to dwell on the topic any longer. She wished the girls a pleasant evening, instructed them to be good and listen to what the maid told them, and left. She had decided not to go to the ball with the Hertenbergs. She was not a member of the family, and she did not want to give the impression that she did not know her place. Baroness von Hertenberg had offered to take her with them, but Fiona had declined the offer. She could not refuse to be taken to the Kratkys' place in the Hertenberg carriage, though.

On entering the ballroom, she only hoped that the von Hertenbergs were not there yet -- in such a crowd, she could hide herself from him - it was better for both of them not to meet...

"At last, Miss Grant," she heard Joseph von Hertenberg's voice say. "I have already been waiting for you -- I began to fear that you had changed your mind and my only chance for a tolerable evening would be gone."

Fiona turned to face him, greeted him and introduced him to her friends. He treated them as courteously as if she had just introduced him to the Grand Duchess of Something-or-other. She had to admit that he had always treated her as his equal, too...and he showed as much consideration for her friends.

"What a handsome young man he is," Erna whispered into her ear. "And so kind...I am beginning to understand a lot of things right now..."

It was true, he was handsome, and he was kind, and had he been someone else, Fiona might have given way to her feelings, but as it was...

"Miss Grant," she heard him say, "would you do me the honour and dance with me?"

"I cannot dance, sir," she gasped, horrified at the mere notion. What would people say -- what would his mother say, if her son snubbed his whole acquaintance only to dance with his sister's governess?

"You forget, Miss Grant, that I saw you teach my sister and cousin their dancing steps," he said, smilingly. "If you do not want to dance with me, I had rather you told me so at once."

"That what I was going to say," Fiona said, blushing, ashamed of her behaviour. "It is not that I do not want to dance with you, sir, but I cannot...not here, with all your family and friends present ... what would they say?"

"They would probably say I was being kind to poor Miss Grant, not knowing that it is Miss Grant who is showing a great deal of kindness towards me," he said. "But I will not press you, Miss Grant. I wish you and your friends a pleasant evening."

He made a short bow, and left.

"How could you possibly be so rude, Fiona," Erna said to her. "He was so nice, and you treated him..."

"I know," Fiona sighed. "I cannot help it ... I know I should not have come here."

The rest of the evening, she hardly caught a glimpse of Joseph von Hertenberg -- or any other member of the family. She only saw him once, dancing with a pretty young lady, and felt a pang of jealousy. That woman would not have to fear that the match would be considered beneath him, judging by the way she dressed. Fiona tried to get rid of the thought, but it was hard. Baroness von Hertenberg had wanted her to enjoy herself, but instead this was an evening of misery. Fiona resolved that she would not mix with good society again. There were other places for her to go.

*****

Two days later, Fiona met Joseph von Hertenberg when she stepped out of a bookstore on St Stephen's Square. It seemed as if he had been waiting for her, because he approached her at once and addressed her.

Fiona gave him a polite nod and moved on.

"Are you still afraid someone might see us," he said, obviously hurt.

Fiona stopped and looked at him.

"Please, sir, consider my situation," she said quietly. "I do not wish to offend you, but I do think it would be better if you just ignored me, as other people do."

"How could I ever ignore you," he asked.

For a moment, Fiona felt her heart beat faster. What did that mean? Was this a sort of ... declaration? Whatever it meant, it weakened her resolve.

"I have to apologise for my behaviour at the ball," she said. "I was very rude, I know that."

"I have to admit that it hurt me at first," he said, "but after a while I realised that you were right. I did not think -- I am sorry, Miss Grant. But I am still hoping for another chance to dance with you, one day." He gave her a warm smile. "Is there a chance, Miss Grant?"

She sighed.

"Please?"

"You are not likely to give up very soon, are you, sir?" Fiona said gravely.

"Not when something means so much to me, Miss Grant. I am fully prepared to beg you on my knees if need be."

"This will not be necessary, sir," she said, trying to suppress a smile. "I am certain you will get your chance one day."

They had reached Erna Kratky's home now, and Fiona decided to go in. She had not planned to do so, but she needed to calm herself down.

"I have to go in here," she said, therefore. "I want to call on my friend, Miss Kratky."

He stayed until she had entered the house, and when she caught a glimpse of the street from Mrs. Kratky's parlour window, she still saw him standing there, staring at the house longingly.

Part III

In a way, Joseph von Hertenberg knew that he was doing something risky. He knew why Fiona -- he had to force himself to call her "Miss Grant" every time he addressed her -- was afraid of him. It had happened more than once that a young man had fallen in love with a governess -- or a servant. Whenever those affairs had been discovered, it had been the women who had been blamed, had been sent away, and had been the only ones to bear the shame and misery such an illicit affair brought on. This was what Joseph wanted to avoid.

In the past years, he had met many pleasant and pretty young women, and no doubt they had had their good qualities, each of them. But none of them had ever been able to cause such feelings in Joseph as Fiona Grant did. He knew that Fiona was aware of his feelings -- or what other reason would she have had to avoid him lately? He had always treated her with due consideration, he knew he had never done anything to hurt her. True, he had made a mistake at the regimental ball, he had been too straightforward, and had not thought of possible consequences when he had asked her to dance with him. He had only one valid explanation for what had happened that evening -- he had longed so much to touch her and hold her, even if it was only for a moment, that he had quite forgotten about the possible consequences.

Had Fiona not been his sister's governess, but some lady from a so-called "good family", Joseph would already have asked her to marry him. He would not have been forced to keep his affections secret, and act indifferently. As it was, Joseph tried to hide his feelings, but it did not really work. He was sure that Carl, at least, had some suspicion, even if he did not say a thing. As for the girls, Joseph was not sure if they were aware of what was going on. Marie, perhaps, was not -- she was too innocent herself to notice anything -- but what about Theresia? She had proved more than once how perceptive she was, and considering her brother's way of life, she probably knew more about those things than was good for a girl of her age. He had to watch out for Theresia -- she might notice something, and it was not certain if she would keep silent about her observations.

On the whole, Joseph knew that he could not go on like that. As far as he was concerned, he was sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Fiona. Unfortunately, he knew that his father, at least, would not see things his way, and would most likely oppose the match. Joseph knew his father well enough to know what this would mean. Without his father's money, Joseph would not be able to support a wife and family -- so he was, at the moment, stuck. For the first time, Joseph cursed himself for not having entered the University. If he had, he'd be independent by now, would have a steady income of his own and could marry whom he pleased.

Perhaps, one of his friends would find a place for him, somewhere. Once he earned his own money, he could ask Fiona to marry him, and everything would be fine. His family would just have to accept his decision. However, until then, he had to keep silent.

*****

One day, he heard by chance how Fiona had asked for an evening off -- it was Miss Kratky's birthday, and Miss Kratky had invited her friend to spend the evening at her home.

Baroness von Hertenberg had no objection -- at that particular evening, she had no plans, and so the girls would have someone with them. Miss Grant could go and do her duty by her friend, the Baroness said, and was even kind enough to ask her to congratulate Miss Kratky on her behalf.

Joseph decided to take this chance, too. He needed to talk to Fiona; he wanted to tell her about his plans for the future. There was no use making plans if she did not want to have anything to do with him. So he made an appointment with his friend, young Bàthory, determined that he would leave early and wait on Miss Kratky's doorstep until Fiona would leave. Bàthory would certainly give him an alibi -- should he need one. But on the whole Joseph did not fear anyone would suspect him. Even if someone saw him, he could very convincingly assure them that he had been worried about Miss Grant's getting home safely and had decided to escort her. If people thought that strange, they most likely did not know him well enough. His family, at least, knew him as someone who was always concerned about other people, and who would do everything to be kind to people he liked -- and everyone knew that he liked Miss Grant. No one knew how much he liked her, though. Not even Fiona herself, perhaps. Perhaps she only kept away from him because she thought that his feelings were not sincere, or at least of a baser sort than they were...

*****

Fiona left Erna Kratky's house shortly before midnight, and was most alarmed when, after only a few steps, Joseph von Hertenberg joined her. It was a dark and chilly night, and at first she had not really recognised him, until he had spoken to her in that soft, soothing voice of his.

"How did you know where I was," she asked him, still a bit short of breath.

He gave a short laugh. "Pure luck, Miss Grant. I am sorry if I frightened you, it was not my intention to do so, believe me."

"You have been waiting for me, sir," she asked, giving him a sharp look.

He nodded.

"You should not have done so," she said, firmly. "What would people think if..."

"Miss Grant, I do not care what people might think -- have you not noticed that yet?" he said, taking her hand -- which she drew away from him at once.

"But I do -- I may not have much, but I do have my reputation, and if I lose that, I am lost. Do you not understand that, sir? I cannot possibly risk anything!"

"There is no danger to your reputation, Miss Grant," he replied.

"Oh no?" Fiona said, suddenly angry. "Then tell me how people would explain our being out in the street together, in the middle of the night."

"Oh, do not care about the people," he said, softly. "They always think what they want to think, and usually it is the worst -- but we know we are doing nothing wrong."

"Tell your parents so, when they drive me from their house," she said.

"Miss Grant...Fiona...listen to me," he said. "I suppose you are determined to think ill of me, but I cannot help it, I am in love with you -- and it is not a passing fancy, I assure you. The day you leave my parents' house will be the day for me to leave it also, for I cannot live without you. Marry me, Fiona."

Fiona stared at him, speechless. He took both her hands, and said, pleadingly, "I am serious, Fiona."

"I cannot marry you, sir," she said. "Your family would never allow it."

"Oh, never mind my family, I do not care about them," he said. "This is a matter between the two of us, Fiona. Of course we could not marry at once, I need to have a regular income first -- something that makes me independent from my father, and then I can do as I please. Once my father finds out that I am serious, he will give in, I know him. Marry me, Fiona, please."

Fiona longed to say yes, she loved him, after all -- but she could not. She had to make him act reasonably, she could not let him cast away his family like that for her sake.

"Your mother has always been very good to me," she said, hesitatingly. "I cannot deceive her so. I would feel immensely guilty, so much, actually, that it would forever spoil my happiness, much as I may be tempted to ... no, I cannot."

"Who says we are going to deceive her, Fiona? Listen, if anyone in my family asks me plainly how things stand between the two of us, I am not going to lie to them. They are going to hear the plain and simple truth -- that I love you dearly and that I am going to marry you -- if you will have me, that is. You have still not answered my question -- will you marry me?"

"Joseph ... I cannot..." Fiona stammered.

"You called me Joseph, though," he said, drawing her closer. "You do like me, do you not? Why do you refuse my offer, then?"

"For the reasons I have already told you," she said, trembling.

He let go of her and walked a few steps away from her, only to turn around and walk back.

"Fine," he said, gloomily. "Just allow me to ask you one question -- if I were someone else, that is, someone without an important name, without a family who might object, without money, or influence -- if I were just me, without all that, what would your answer be then? Would you still refuse me?"

"I do not know," Fiona said sadly. She knew that she was giving him pain, but she had to be firm -- she could not allow him to destroy his good prospects just because of her.

She felt his arms close around her, and his lips touched hers.

"What would you say," he repeated his question, stroking her cheek.

"If..." she began, but could not finish her sentence because she felt his lips touch her forehead. It was such an exquisite feeling -- how good it would be to have such a husband, who loved her so much, and whom she could love with all her heart, too -- their marriage could be so different from her sister's...being in his arms felt so good that she did not even attempt to free herself.

"If it were only for me," he said. "Do you love me?"

"I do," she whispered.

"Tell me that you will marry me, then," he said, and kissed her again. "Say it."

"If it were only for you, and if there was no one involved but the two of us, Joseph, I would marry you."

He drew away from her, held her at arm's length, but was not yet disposed to let go of her.

"Why do you not understand, Fiona, that there is no one to consider but the two of us? Listen, I am willing to work for your love, I will make a home for you, a home worth coming to and living in. I do not mind what my family will say -- or anyone else, for that matter. All I want is to be happy -- and I cannot be happy without you. My family will allow our marriage, as soon as they find out how determined I am. You are everything I want my wife to be ... you are beautiful, gentle, clever ... these things mean so much more to me than money or a title will ever do. I will not bother you any more tonight, Fiona. Do not fear that. But I will keep preparing myself for that day when I can make my offer again -- with neither family nor anything else to hold me back -- and I hope you will accept me then."

He linked her arm with his, and they walked on, until they reached the square on which the Hertenberg Palais was situated. There, he finally let go of her arm, and wished her a good evening.

"I will wait a while," he said, smiling sadly, "so that no one will suspect us. Good night, Fiona."

Fiona turned to look at him once more. "Good night, sir", she said, stiffly, and curtseyed; while she actually longed to put her arms around his neck and kiss him. While she made her way to the house, she saw him disappear in the shadow of the alley -- it seemed he was about to take another turn before he went home.

*****

If there had ever been a person who could be radiantly happy and desperately unhappy at the same time, Fiona Grant was the one. She was in love, and the man she loved returned her feelings, he even wanted to marry her -- reason enough for happiness. But circumstances did not allow them to spend time together, because no one was to suspect a thing -- that made Fiona miserable.

It had been that obligation to keep things secret that had made her refrain from accepting Joseph's offer of marriage. Yet, she knew that he had not really understood her reasons for doing so. He still pursued his plans, perhaps with even more determination than before.

Finding an appropriate position was not so easy as Joseph had imagined. There were not many places for a young man without suitable training -- which would not have mattered, had Joseph had the chance to rely on his father's connections, but that was what Joseph wanted to avoid.

Using his father's friends for that purpose would bring his efforts to his father's attention, and then his father would not rest until he had found out why his eldest was trying to find an employment behind his back. Joseph knew his father well enough to fear such a confrontation.

Yet, he longed to see Fiona and to speak to her without restraint -- without some member of his family or another coming their way any moment. Therefore, one day he wrote a short note to Fiona, asking her to meet him at the Glacis the next evening. Joseph knew that at least his father would not be in town -- he had been called away on duty, and was not expected back in Vienna till the following week.

Joseph had had a most encouraging letter from one of his school friends who had offered him a post as a steward on his father's estate -- the estate was in Krumau, so he would have to leave Fiona for a while. Joseph wanted to assure her that even if he left Vienna, he only did so to enable himself to marry her one day. He wanted to renew his offer, and ask her to wait for him. It could not last so long -- a year, or maybe two, and then he would be able to support a wife and children.

*****

It took Fiona some serious thought before she decided to go to the rendezvous. She knew it was more than just improper to meet Joseph secretly, by appointment, outside the city, even. If anyone found out about it, she would be in trouble. The other meeting had been by chance -- at least it had not been Fiona who had sought it. However, if she went to see Joseph now, there would be no excuse -- there had been an appointment, and if she had wished to stay away, all she would have had to do would have been to do so.

For a while, she had been tempted to ignore the note. It would be cruel, true, but perhaps that would lead Joseph to lose his interest in her. Then she imagined how he would wait for her, all alone, and how he would most likely feel...and that made her change her mind. She would go to meet him, and would listen to what he had to say.

It was dusk when she arrived at the meeting point. She was rather early, but Joseph was already waiting for her.

"I am happy you came to see me, my love," he said tenderly, embracing her and kissing her cheek.

"Joseph, please..." she protested weakly.

He let go, but took her hands instead. "I have good news," he said.

"Good news?"

He told her about his plan of going to Krumau to become a steward.

"A steward?" Fiona asked. "I do not doubt that you would be a good steward, but ... there is a difference between managing one's own estate and someone else's. Are you certain you could be content?"

"With you, I could be happy anywhere," he replied. "There is no difference between working for my friend's father and my own -- I am nothing more than my father's steward, as it is."

"But you know that the Hertenberg estate will be yours, one day," Fiona said. "Is that not a difference?"

"Fiona, I am doing this for you. I am going to make a home for the two of us. This position will enable me to marry you, without considering anyone's happiness but our own."

Again, he drew her near, and kissed her. "We have a right to be happy, do we not?"

Fiona agreed. She did have a right to be happy, and no one had the right to interfere with her happiness. If Fate meant her to be Joseph von Hertenberg's wife, how could she refuse? He was so devoted to her, he was so certain that everything would be fine...it simply had to be that way. He seemed determined to stand up to whomever might oppose them.

"Yes, we have," she said, quietly.

"So, will you marry me?" he asked her, looking into her eyes anxiously.

"I will," she said, finally giving in, but afraid to look into his eyes. She heard Joseph give a sigh of relief, and when she looked up to meet his gaze he kissed her again -- more passionately than he had done before. Fiona was overwhelmed by the feelings this kiss stirred up in her.

Then they heard the sound of galloping horses come near, and Fiona asked Joseph to let go.

"Why?" Joseph laughed. "Are you still afraid to be seen with me, Fiona?"

"In a way I am," she said. "Let us not tempt Fate, shall we?"

Still smiling, he let go, took her hand and drew her further away from the road. Three horsemen passed them and entered the city. One of them seemed to cast a look at them, as if he had recognised them -- but it was getting dark now, and Fiona could have been mistaken.

Part IV

The moment Joseph entered the house, a servant approached him and told him that "Master wanted to see him in the library". Joseph was astonished. His father was back already?

"What sort of mood is he in," he inquired anxiously.

"Foulest mood imaginable," was the servant's reply.

Joseph sighed. So it was not the right moment for him to tell his father about his engagement -- he had to wait until his father's anger, whatever might have caused it, had subsided.

Bracing his nerves, he knocked at the library door and entered without waiting for an answer from within.

His father was there, walking up and down in front of the fireplace, giving Joseph an ice-cold look as he came in.

"You wanted to talk to me, Father," Joseph said.

"I did."

"I did not expect you back in Vienna so soon," Joseph said, trying to keep up a conversation.

His father gave a bitter laugh. "No, I suppose you did not."

It dawned on Joseph that his father's mood might have been caused by something he had said -- or done -- in his absence, and wondered what it might be.

"I never thought," Baron von Hertenberg finally said, "that I would ever have to speak to you about such matters -- where have you been, by the way?"

Joseph stared at his father, unable to discern what his purpose might be.

"To...to meet a friend," he stammered.

"As far as I could see, she was a close friend of yours, yes," Baron von Hertenberg said dryly.

"You...you saw us?" Joseph said, anxiously. "Where?"

"Do not try to fool me, son, you know exactly where I saw you. What I want to know, however, is, who was she?"

"You did not recognise her, then." Joseph said.

"No, I did not, but I am quite determined to make her acquaintance as soon as possible," the Baron answered. "So, tell me. Who is she?"

"She is the woman I am going to marry," Joseph answered.

"Is it too much to ask if I want to know her name," the Baron said, ironically. "The woman I am going to marry is a nice bit of information, but not quite enough to identify her."

"Miss Grant," Joseph said. "I am going to marry Miss Grant."

He saw his father turn pale, either with anger or shock. Joseph was unable to determine what it was.

"Miss Grant," the Baron repeated faintly. "Your sister's governess."

"Exactly," Joseph answered. "I asked her to marry me today, and she has consented."

With a bitter laugh, the baron said, "I bet she did. But why do you want to marry her? Is she pregnant?"

"FATHER!" Joseph could hardly believe his father had asked him such a question.

"Because, if she is, I am sure that matter can be settled somehow, without your having to marry her -- it is a bit of a mess, though..."

"Father, she is NOT pregnant...we never went that far," Joseph said. "You need not think ill of her just because she is not quite what you expected -- and, if she were in trouble, do you really think I would let her down?"

The Baron sighed. "I suppose not," he said. "But how on earth could you think of asking her in the first place? Are you completely out of your mind?"

"I love her, Father. Do I need any other reason?"

"You do not know what you are doing, Joseph."

"I know exactly what I am doing, Father. I am going to marry for love -- just as you did, years ago. I am not going to take your interference in my personal affairs, nor anyone else's. Do whatever you want. I am going to marry Fiona Grant, and that's that."

"Fine," the Baron replied angrily. "You marry her, but you are not going to keep her on my money."

"I do not intend to," Joseph said, heatedly. "I'll leave this house as soon as possible. You need not stay under the same roof with me for longer than necessary."

"Are you not going to hear reason," the Baron said.

"I am being perfectly reasonable at the moment, sir," Joseph replied. "I have set my priorities, and I am acting accordingly."

With these words, he went to the door and left. Baron von Hertenberg sat down in an easy chair, suddenly feeling extremely old. He thought back on the day when he had announced his engagement to Miss Elizabeth Bradbury ... everyone had kept telling him that he was being unreasonable, and that the marriage would make him unhappy. As if...

But Miss Bradbury had been a well-to-do young lady, from a good family. Miss Grant, as far as he knew, was some village parson's daughter, with neither family connections nor money. He could not allow this marriage to take place. It was all very well, Joseph was quite determined to marry her, even without money...but what would the marriage be like in a few years, with more hungry mouths to feed than Joseph could afford? He could not allow his son to run towards his doom at full speed. He could not bear the thought of Joseph being unhappy just because he had mistaken some woman's greed for affection. Someone had to tell Miss Grant that she'd rather not expect any money or support from Joseph's family. If she had wanted to marry Joseph for his money, as the Baron strongly suspected, someone ought to tell her that even if she married Joseph, the money would never be hers.

*****

Carl had known that there was trouble ahead since his father had returned in a foul mood that evening. Though he had not felt guilty in the least, Baron von Hertenberg had told him off for one or two things he would not even have noticed under normal circumstances. However, when Carl had passed the library door later and had heard Joseph's angry voice declaring that he would leave the house as soon as possible, he began to understand what all this was about. Probably Father had finally found out about Joseph and Miss Grant -- and that the news would not please him had been quite certain.

Yet Carl felt that he had to do something. Even if he often acted indifferently, his family meant a lot to him, and he did not want his brother to leave the family, after such a quarrel, at odds with his father. One never knew how such situations developed...things could turn out nasty.
So, after about half an hour, Carl made up his mind to start a sort of "peace-mission" of his own. Perhaps he could make Joseph see reason...It did not look like it, though. Joseph did not bother to answer when Carl knocked at his door, and only unlocked it after Carl had threatened to force it open.

"What do you want," he said, gloomily. Carl noticed the open wardrobes, and the heap of clothes on Joseph's bed.

"What are you doing," Carl asked.

"Packing. You've got quite a talent for questioning the obvious," Joseph said. "What do you want?"

"What was that row about?" Carl asked.

"Had you listened at the library door more carefully, you might know by now," Joseph said spitefully.

Relations between the two brothers had never been the best -- but at the moment it seemed as if Joseph hated everyone in his family -- and Carl, particularly.

"Excuse me for wanting to know what happened," Carl said, sourly. "I thought I could help."

"I do not want you to help," Joseph retorted. "I can do very well on my own -- as everyone will see very soon. I leave the part of the son and heir to you, Carl. See what you can make of it."

Carl stared at his brother in astonishment. "You are not serious, Joseph," he said.

"Why does not anyone in this house take me seriously," Joseph said, icily. "I have never in my life been more serious, Carl. My father has just disowned me, and I am going to leave."

Carl shook his head. "I cannot believe our father would do such a thing, Joseph. I am sure if you talked to him once again..."

"There is no need to talk to him any more," Joseph interrupted him. "He was quite determined -- and so am I."

Carl thought for a moment. "But why did he," he finally asked. "Has it to do with that Miss Grant affair?"

"Did you tell him about it?"

"Not a single word, I swear -- it was none of my business, anyway. But why should he disown you..."

"I am going to marry Miss Grant, and I told him so. Nothing he can do can make me change my mind -- I'll gladly give up everything for her."

Carl shook his head. "You should reconsider that, Joseph. Family is family -- and she is only your sister's governess. What is so special about her?"

"Of course," Joseph said, coldly, "it is difficult for Carl von Hertenberg to imagine that there is anything special in anyone but himself. She may not be special to you -- but then, you generally treat people like dirt, so her not being special to you does not have any influence in my opinion of her. Don't you dare speak of her like that...Fiona Grant is worth ten of you -- at least."

"Joseph -- I am sorry -- I did not mean to speak ill of Miss Grant," Carl said, with an effort to control his temper. "I am certain she is a very pretty woman, and charming and clever into the bargain -- only, Joseph, you ought to consider what you are going to give up for her sake. Is she really worth it?"

"I am not going to take any more of this," Joseph said, angrily. "If you have nothing more to say, leave. I've got more important things to do than listen to that sort of talk."

With these words, he pushed Carl towards the door, out of the room and locked the door behind him. It was no use pursuing the topic any longer -- at least for the moment. Carl sighed. It looked as if there was nothing he could do to prevent his family from going to pieces.

*****

Baroness von Hertenberg was shocked when her husband told her about the conversation he had just had with Joseph. That such an affair could go on right under their noses, with no one suspecting a thing -- this was an unnerving thought. Yet, when Baron von Hertenberg announced that he would "go and kick that hussy out of his house at once", she told him that he would not do such a thing.

"It would only make matters worse," she said. "If you want to lose your son, do -- if not, let me talk to Miss Grant. I am sure a woman can handle this delicate matter better than you can. If we upset Miss Grant, this will only make Joseph more determined than before, and he might do something foolish. We need to get her on our side."

Grudgingly, Baron von Hertenberg admitted that it might be better if she took the matter in her hands, but he told his wife in no uncertain terms that he would not allow Miss Grant to stay under his roof any longer.

"I do not care how you do it," he said, "but get her out of this house at once."

"I will do nothing of that sort," the Baroness replied. "I am sure you want to avoid scandal as much as I do. Well, what would people think if we turned our governess out of our house, on cold winter evening, without a place to go? People would talk. We need a good reason for her to go -- and another one than the truth. Miss Grant will stay here -- at least for a few days -- until I have thought of another solution."

She left the drawing room and went in search of Miss Grant. It was not necessary for her to search for long -- Miss Grant was in the music room, teaching Theresia a new piano piece. Baroness von Hertenberg asked Theresia to leave her and Miss Grant alone, since she had something important to talk about. Theresia left the music room, wondering what was more important than her piano lesson -- she had suspicions of her own, and went to Marie's room to share them with her.

Fiona Grant had no suspicion at all -- until Baroness von Hertenberg said, "Let me congratulate you, Miss Grant."

"I beg your pardon, Madam," Fiona said, trembling.

"As far as I have heard, you and my son have come to an understanding regarding marriage," the Baroness answered. "Though I think it is a pity that we were not informed earlier, I believe I ought to congratulate you."

"Thank you, Madam," Fiona said.

"However, I think it is my duty to warn you, Miss Grant," the Baroness continued. "My husband does not approve of Joseph's choice -- not at all."

"This was to be expected," Fiona answered, calmly.

"Are you prepared to go through all that difficulty," the Baroness asked. "As it seems now, my son has no support to expect from his father. He will have to live on whatever he can earn by himself, and unfortunately his income will be much less than what he was used to. Life will be very difficult, for both of you."

"I do not mind, Madam," Fiona said. "I am used to making ends meet with a small income. As long as I can be with Joseph, I will not complain."

"You really do love him, then," the Baroness asked, giving Fiona an inquisitive look.

"I do," Fiona said. "More than anyone can imagine."

"In that case, Miss Grant, I hope you will forgive my frankness, you ought to reconsider that marriage."

Fiona stared at the Baroness in amazement. "Why?"

"Because, Miss Grant, even though you may be used to living on a small income, my son is not. He will always feel that something is lacking, he will always feel uncomfortable, and after a while he will start blaming you. He will be happy at the beginning, no doubt, but his happiness will not last long. Do you really want to do this to him? Do not forget that marriage means forever -- there is no way out of it."

Fiona hesitated. What answer did the Baroness expect? She wanted to dissuade her from marrying Joseph, and though she had chosen rather mild language, it was quite certain that she did not approve of the match. She talked like an ally -- and yet she was quite the opposite.

"What right do you have, Miss Grant, no matter how much you love him, to isolate him from his family and friends? Consider this, and make your decision then. But, if you really love my son, you will do what is good for him. Joseph is too honourable to take back his promise -- he will marry you, if you want him to. The only one who can prevent a disaster is you, Miss Grant."

"These are harsh words, Madam," Fiona said. "But what choice do I have? What will happen to me if I break the engagement?"

"No one will ever hear a thing about it," the Baroness said. "I can guarantee that. Of course, you will not be able to stay in this house any longer -- but I will take care that your journey back to England is paid for, I will write you a letter of recommendation, and my sister Lady Macmillan will be of assistance in finding you a new place as a governess. No one will ever know why you had to leave Vienna. If, however, you intend to marry my son, you'd better marry him soon. My husband has already threatened to throw you out of the house, and I have kept him from doing it -- for now. I will not be able to hold him back for long, to be sure, Miss Grant. If you will be married, you will certainly not be married from this house. Perhaps it would be better if you left of your own accord, to avoid a scandal. "

Fiona nodded. "I will leave tomorrow," she said, quietly. "I am sure my friend Erna Kratky can take me in for a few days."

The Baroness gave a short nod, and left Fiona to herself. She knew that she should not dwell on the topic any longer -- Miss Grant needed time to think about her offer. All she could do now was hope that Miss Grant would do the right thing.

Part V

Fiona could hardly sleep that night. The Baroness's words haunted her. Did she have the right to separate Joseph from his family? She did not doubt his feelings for her, she knew he would stand by her, and they would be happy ... only, for how long? At the beginning of their marriage, perhaps. But was their love strong enough to last?

It was true; Fiona could not use her own upbringing and social position as a standard. Joseph was used to different things -- a comfortable home, where everything he might ever wish for was provided. A family that was affectionate and supportive. The expectation of an inheritance that would, one day, make him a rich man. He was prepared to give up all this for her sake...but, though she felt exceedingly grateful and loved him even more for this, Fiona knew that she could not let this happen.

She made her decision, and it broke her heart.

*****

When Joseph knocked at Fiona's door the next morning to take leave of her, there was no answer. He knocked again...without success. One of the chambermaids who happened to pass him on the corridor said, "Miss Grant is not in her room, sir. She left early in the morning."

"But ... where did she go," Joseph asked, suddenly worried.

The girl shrugged. "She did not tell me, sir."

Joseph went back to his room, thinking. He hoped Fiona's absence meant nothing, but he could not help being uneasy. His father had been extremely angry the evening before... hopefully he had not taken it out on Fiona. She had no place to go, after all...at least hardly any. The Viennese inns -- those which Fiona could afford to spend a night in -- were not places he would consider safe surroundings for a young lady all by herself.

He could have asked the maid if Miss Grant had taken anything with her, but had forgotten about it. He had not thought it possible that his parents would be so cruel as to send Fiona away just like that. He had been mistaken...

Angrily, Joseph stormed into the library, where he knew he would find his father at that time of day.

"So, where is she," he yelled, when he saw his father sitting by the fire and reading his newspaper as if nothing at all had happened.

Baron von Hertenberg folded his newspaper slowly, biding his time before he answered, calmly, "What are you talking about, son?"

"I am not talking about something, I am talking about a human being," Joseph retorted. "Where is Miss Grant?"

"Why, is she not in her room," the Baron asked.

"No, she is not, as you well know. Stop behaving as if you had no clue, Father, I won't fall for that. I know this was your doing."

"I see no reason why I should lie to you, Joseph," the Baron answered, still unmoved. "I admit that yesterday, I was severely tempted to get Miss Grant out of this house at once, but your mother prevented it. If Miss Grant has, meanwhile, left this place, she must have done so of her own accord. I had nothing to do with it."

"And I am supposed to believe that, after all you have said yesterday," Joseph said, bitterly.

The Baron sighed. "Suit yourself," he said, sadly. "If you have made up your mind to hate me for acting as a father should, I cannot prevent you. If I have given you a reason to distrust me... I cannot change your mind, can I? You will not take my word for it, and therefore I think it will be better if no more words are wasted. Carl said you were going to leave -- where are you going?"

"That sounds as if you cared," Joseph said resentfully.

"It was just a question. A normal one as that, and I thought you could give me a suitable answer. Your mother will be very worried, I am sure...perhaps you should pay her a short visit before you leave. Your sister, too...she had nothing to do with all that. Do not let her suffer for something that was not her fault."

"I'd never do such a thing," Joseph said.

"Good," the Baron said, extending his hand towards Joseph. "Let me say goodbye then...and let me wish you a safe journey, wherever you may go."

Refusing to take his father's hand, Joseph just turned away and said "Good bye", before he left the room.

With a sigh, Baron von Hertenberg sat down at the desk, covering his face with his hands, suddenly feeling very old and weak. And there he had thought the worries would end once the children had grown up...

*****

Mrs. Kratky had been quite surprised to see Fiona arrive early in the morning, asking her if she could stay at their place for a few days. Luckily, she had asked no questions but had readily admitted Fiona to her lodgings, had made a bed for her in Erna's room, and had been altogether very friendly and helpful. Once Mrs. Kratky had left to go to the market, Fiona sat down to write a short note to Joseph to let him know where she was -- and that she needed to speak to him as soon as possible.
It took two hours however, until Joseph arrived at the place, out of breath.

"Fiona, dearest," he said, "you do not know what I have been going through. Why did you not tell me you were going to leave? I would not have opposed you, you know..."

"I know," Fiona answered, hoping that she might sound firm. "I did not want to wake you up, though, and I thought the message might still reach you in time."

"But why do you need to talk to me," Joseph asked. "Not that I have anything against meeting you -- not at all...but your note sounded rather urgent. I was getting worried."

Fiona hesitated. How was she to break the news to him? How could she bear his disappointment?

"Joseph, I cannot ... I cannot go through with all this," she finally said, quietly.

"You cannot go through with ...what?" Joseph answered, staring at her in disbelief.

"I have thought about it, Joseph, and I have come to the conclusion that ... I cannot ... marry you." Fiona said, swallowing her tears. He should never know how hard this was for her.

Joseph took a deep breath and sat down next to her. "I need not ask how you came to that conclusion," he said. "I suppose both my parents have been very good at pointing out the evils of our union."

He sounded surprisingly calm, as if he had already expected something of that kind to happen.

"I talked to your mother," Fiona said. "She was very kind ... she did not really try to dissuade me, Joseph, she just asked me to give the matter some thought, and so I have done."

"What made you change your mind, then? May I know your reasons, at least?" Joseph asked. His voice sounded angry, but Fiona could tell by his eyes that he was just trying to hide his real feelings. He was not angry, just disappointed ... and very sad.

"I do not think I have the right to alienate you from your family and friends," Fiona said. "I do not have the right to ask you to give up everything you have, or give up your prospects, just for the sake of marrying me. You may not feel as if this was a sacrifice now, Joseph, but who knows what you may think in a few years' time?"

"In other words, you doubt if I love you enough to stand by you, for better or for worse," Joseph said, miserably.

"No, Joseph, I do not doubt you in the least," Fiona said, desperately. "I only feel I cannot let you do all that for me. I am not worth it. You would not really be happy with me..."

"So, my mother and you are the perfect judges, as far as my happiness is concerned," Joseph said, rising. "Fiona, I cannot force you to do anything -- I do not want to force you, either. But only yesterday you said you loved me. If you really love me, you will not leave me to my misery. I could live without you, perhaps, but I do not want to live without you. You have been the object of all my plans...and you still are. Fiona, promise me you will think about it once again. Don't go -- you'd break my heart if you did. This is not just a saying, Fiona -- I really feel like that."

He gave her an entreating look. "Please. I'll call on you again before I leave Vienna -- I have still got three days."

Fiona nodded, unable to say anything without starting to cry. She knew that she would not change her mind again. Perhaps it would be better if she just left without delay. She would go and call on the Baroness in the afternoon. If there had to be a separation, she had better be quick about it.

*****

The Baroness promised again to help Fiona, but she advised her against leaving Vienna in a hurry.

"You know, Miss Grant," she said, "there is nothing to be gained by a hasty journey."

"But I do not know if I can face your son once more, after I have made him so miserable, Madam. You should have seen him ... my heart broke."

The Baroness was sure that this had been so ... the poor boy!

"I dare say he was very unhappy," she said with a sigh. "But you can be certain that his misery would only grow worse if you left town without giving him the chance to see you again. He would think you were running away from him."

"Would that change anything? I have accepted your son and have given him reason to hope, and now I refuse to stand by my promise -- there is hardly a worse thing a woman can do. If he can be persuaded to think ill of me, it will only suit my purpose -- he will be angry and disappointed, to be sure, but he will soon feel better for thinking that I was not worthy of him after all."

"I cannot advise it," the Baroness said. "Yet, if you insist on going, I will not hold you back. My husband has agreed to give you the sum you will need to get back to England safely -- it will be at your disposal as soon as you want it."

"I do not know how to thank you, Madam," Fiona said, quietly.

The Baroness smiled. "Do not thank me then," she said. "It could very well be that I shall hate myself for doing this one day."

Had she been really right in doing what she had done? ... No, better not think about it.

None of the women spoke for a few moments. Then Fiona cleared her throat and said, shyly, "I would like you to grant me one more wish, Madam."

"And that would be?" Baroness von Hertenberg gave her an inquiring look.

"I would like to take leave of my pupils, Madam. Do you think this could be arranged?"

"Why, certainly," the Baroness answered. "I am sure the girls would be very unhappy if you left without saying goodbye to them. Miss von Laudeck will be back from Signora Giovanelli's soon, and then I will fetch the girls here to meet you."

*****

"Don't you think this is rather strange," Marie asked Theresia. "Miss Grant leaving in such a hurry, I mean. Certainly, her father is ill..."

"That is the strangest part of it all," Theresia said dryly. "How a father who has been dead for years can suddenly fall ill is a mystery to me."

"You are right ... Miss Grant did once say that her father was dead. But why did she lie to us, then?"

"I think it is something that we are not supposed to know," Theresia said. "That is why I want to find out about it. It has nothing to do with her family, we can be quite sure about that. If it had, she would not have had to resort to lies. Especially since she is not a good liar -- good liars have a good memory."

"Perhaps she wants to leave because Joseph was getting rather fond of her," Marie said thoughtfully. "I mean, it was obvious that he liked her, was it not? Perhaps Miss Grant thinks that she has to leave to avoid trouble."

Theresia nodded. "You've got a point there. Only, why should she be in such a hurry, then?"

"I do not know. Anyway, it is not really our business, is it?" Marie sighed. "But it is terrible if people keep thinking one is not old enough to handle the truth ... I hate that."

Theresia gave her a surprised look. It was one of the strongest expressions Marie had ever used.

"It is as if they do not think us capable of thinking properly. We are not stupid little girls with no notion of life at all...but they treat us like that."

With a laugh, Theresia said, "They do not want us to get a notion of life, Marie, let us face the fact. We are girls, and we are supposed to grow up in nice cosy surroundings, with nothing to vex us, and if something vexes us we are not to show it. We are not to know much about life in general, and some facts of life ought to escape us on the whole. I wonder why they bother to teach us -- we would be much easier to handle if we were NOT able to read and write."

"You are exaggerating, Theresia, it is not that bad."

"You were the one who started the complaints, Marie," Theresia said with a shrug. "Anyway, Miss Grant is gone -- who is going to teach us now, what do you think? Your mother?"

"Maybe...but I am sure she will find us another governess soon. Mama is a lovely person, but she does not have enough patience to teach. She will be most happy to leave the task to someone else as soon as she can."

With these words, Theresia and Marie returned to their usual afternoon occupations, and while Theresia was working on some needlework (a female hobby that she liked, even if she would not have admitted it), Marie sat next to her and read to her. They, at least, were back to normal, while the rest of the family was about to fall apart. Ignorance was bliss, indeed.

*****

When Joseph had left the house in the morning, his father had called Carl and had told him to find out where he was going -- preferably without Joseph's noticing anything. Carl did as he had been told, but he did not like it. He hated it, to be precise. He hated to see his father and brother at odds with each other, with nothing that he, Carl, could do about it. He had tried to make Joseph see reason -- without success. Unless one called being thrown out of Joseph's room a success.

He followed Joseph to Bàthory's place, saw him go in and also saw that his trunks arrived soon afterwards. So Joseph had found temporary refuge with his friend Bàthory. That was fine, so he was in town, at least for a while. Perhaps he could get his father and Joseph to meet, to talk things over once more? But with such a pair of stubborn mules it would not be easy. Besides, would they listen to him? Nobody ever listened to Carl, apart from Marie, perhaps. He had to try, though.

Carl could see both his father's and Joseph's point. He felt that his father's interference in Joseph's personal matters had gone too far, and he understood why Joseph was so angry about it. On the other hand he could also see his father's reasons for interfering, they were quite plain and reasonable. In this situation, no one seemed to be completely wrong. No one was totally right, either. Someone had to make them see that, somehow.

Carl sighed. There was nothing he could do right now -- except telling his father where Joseph was.

On returning home, he met Miss Grant in the doorway. She gave him a sad smile and took her leave, as if nothing had happened. Try as he might, Carl could not get himself to dislike her. Even though she had been the cause of all that trouble, Carl could not blame her. It seemed as she was the one who suffered most -- and said the least about it.

"I am about to leave town, Mr. von Hertenberg," she said, quietly.

"You are going to leave? When, Miss Grant," Carl asked.

"Tomorrow morning. There is no use in postponing it," she answered. "I have just taken leave of your sister and cousin -- they were most uneasy on my account. They promised to write me...and yet I suppose I will not hear of them again."

"I think you will," Carl said. "If they have promised it, they will write you. Are you going to stay with your family?"

"Perhaps, but not for long, certainly," Miss Grant answered. "After that, who knows? I shall go wherever I can find employment."

This was not fair. Whatever other people said, Carl thought this was unbelievably sad, and he doubted if Joseph was acquainted with Miss Grant's plans. How could he let her leave if he knew?

"I wish you all the best for your future, Miss Grant," Carl said, feelingly. "May I only ask -- does my brother know about your intentions?"

Suddenly, Miss Grant looked angry. "Sir, I do not think this should bother you," she said, and left.

Carl shook his head. So Joseph did not know -- but he had to. It was quite certain that Joseph would never forgive Carl if he had known about Miss Grant's departure and had not told Joseph about it. So, Carl waited until Miss Grant had turned around the corner, and then he went off into the direction of Bàthory's place.

*****

At first, Joseph had been angry when Carl had come to call on him, but when he had heard about Carl's reason for visiting him, his anger had changed into sadness.

"How can she do this to me," he had asked. "How can she run away like that? After all that..." He had not finished the sentence.

Early in the morning, he went to the post station to see if the rumour was true -- still unable to believe Carl. When he saw Fiona get into one of the carriages going South, he could not stop himself.

"Fiona," he exclaimed, and ran towards her. Fiona stared at him as if she had seen a ghost.

Joseph took her hand, looked into her eyes, and only managed to say one word. "Stay."

Fiona shook her head. "I have to leave," she said. "It is better for you if I do."

"Are you going to come along or what," the coachman asked Joseph. "'Cause if you don't, you'd better get off -- I've no business waiting till the two of you have finished your flirting."

"Stay with me," Joseph pleaded once more, but Fiona only answered, "Farewell, Joseph. Thank you for everything."

Then everything happened very quickly. The coachman closed the carriage door, and the next moment (or so it seemed) the carriage turned around the corner and was gone.

Joseph had never in his life felt so lonely as he did now. He needed to be with someone ... only, he would never go back to his family. They were to blame for this -- so how could he ever forgive them?

Joseph decided to go back to Bàthory's. Perhaps the letter from his friend had arrived by now, and he would know when he could start his new life as the steward of the Krumau estate. He needed an occupation...

Part VI

For nearly three weeks, Joseph was, to use Carl's expression, "ready for Fools' Tower*". He refused to see any member of his family, and vowed he would never forgive them for what they had done to him. Life on the whole had become meaningless, and when he finally received a letter from his friend, informing him that his father had unfortunately already engaged a steward for Krumau, this did not really matter any more. Things could not get any worse than they were.

Even if Joseph thought that his family did not know what he was about, they knew very well. His father, especially, took care to find out everything he needed to know, and very much wanted to help him -- only, he knew that even an offer of assistance would be treated as an insult, and would be refused anyway.
Joseph did not take any money from his father, not even when Carl tried to convince him. He did not borrow any money from Carl, either, because it might just be another way to trick him into accepting his father's help. He would find employment, and preferably some employment that might take him away from Vienna for good.

One day, an unexpected letter reached him -- from Theresia's father. This was the very last man he had ever believed to be interested in his matters, but it seemed he was. The offer he made was very generous -- Baron von Laudeck wanted him to come to the Tyrol and work in his Innsbruck office. Joseph suspected that his father had something to do with this -- he had probably asked von Laudeck to return his favour and take in his unruly son. However, he did not have much choice. He needed a means of supporting himself, and he needed it soon, before he ran out of money. Therefore he answered the letter politely, suggested that he would start the journey as soon as possible, and that he would, hopefully, arrive at the Laudeck estate in late March.

There it was -- his chance to prove himself. Even if Georg von Laudeck was a relation of his, he did not know him. In those new surroundings he could do well without having to fear that his success might be attributed to his father -- or his father's position. No one thought much of these things, over there in the West. Either he did well -- or he didn't. Nothing else mattered.

******

"Why cannot I go with Joseph," Theresia asked indignantly. "It would save Mama ever so much trouble if I just went home with Joseph. She would not have to travel all the way here to pick me up, and I am sure Joseph would take good care of me."

Uncle Hertenberg refused to hear reason, it seemed. He pointed out that her parents did not expect her back yet; that her stay was supposed to last one and a half years, and had not lasted one year yet. His cousin Laudeck had not asked him to send Theresia home, and so she would have to be content with staying where she was.

Angrily, Theresia went to her room to sulk. Her cousin was allowed to go to her home, while she was not. Life was so unfair, sometimes. True, her parents had wanted her to stay for eighteen months, at least. But she had thought that had just been because her mother did not want to venture the journey to Vienna again so soon. So she had to stay here, without Joseph, and with the new governess, Miss Bülow, or, as she called her behind her back, the Prussian Dragoon. She not only behaved like a drill sergeant, she also looked like one -- including the moustache.

When she had mentioned this in Carl's presence, he had laughed, and had asked her where she had got her idea. He had not met Miss Bülow then, or he would have known. Once he had met Miss Bülow, he refrained from asking silly questions. Probably because that might have attracted Miss Bülow's attention -- and Theresia was sure that any young man in full possession of his wits tried to avoid THAT.

Miss Bülow was in her forties, and calling her "plain" would have been a euphemism. She was simply ugly, probably the reason why she had never married. From the first moment of her entering the house, she had made it absolutely clear that she expected strict discipline and blind obedience from her pupils. Their timetable was much busier than it had been with Miss Grant -- and while Miss Grant had always had a way of teaching that had encouraged them to spend even more time doing their studies on their own free will, Miss Bülow asked so much of them that, after having finished their tasks, neither Theresia nor Marie were inclined to do anything more.

Theresia was the luckier one. At least, she could spend some time practising her music, without Miss Bülow wanting to control everything. She could go to her singing lessons with Signora Giovanelli, who had become a very good friend. Poor Marie had to spend most of her time in Miss Bülow's company, and became more intimidated than ever.

Carl noticed this, and became rather angry. Marie had done nothing wrong, yet she was to be punished for Joseph's mistake. No doubt his parents had engaged Miss Bülow because she was old and unattractive -- they probably thought him likely to make the same mistake as Joseph had done. Well, with Miss Bülow there was no danger as to that...but he could not quite vouch for his temper.

*****

How can people live here, had been Joseph's first thought when he had neared the Alps. Although it was already the beginning of April, winter seemed to have taken hold of this country and was not inclined to let go of it. Crossing the mountain passes was less dangerous than he had thought -- at least the coachman had told him so. Some of them were even passable in winter, and avalanches were not a real danger unless it had snowed recently, or in spring, when it became warmer. Joseph was not really reassured -- it was spring after all, was it not?

He kept eyeing the slopes suspiciously, but could not see any alarming signs. Once they reached the valley, the fields became a bit greener. Most of them were meadows -- in this region, not much could be grown, except grass. Farming on these slopes must be hard work, Joseph thought. Hard work, and not very profitable.

Most of the farmhouses were not very big, and some of them were high up in the mountains. When Joseph asked one of his travelling companions why that was so, he replied, "Would you like to build your house down here -- in the swamps, perhaps?"

True, down here there was not much, except the river, the road, trees, and swamp. Perhaps people had had their reasons to build their houses so far up.

Joseph would not have thought that his journey would take so long. When, at an inn, the innkeeper told him that Laudeck was only a day's journey away, he gave a sigh of relief. He would finally have such a thing as a home again -- even if it was only for a few days until he had to travel on. Yet, it was already getting dark when Joseph saw Laudeck for the first time. It was a large building, situated on a hill, overlooking the valley. Its white walls were clearly visible, even though it was dusk. They passed the stable buildings, and continued their way through a thick forest. Here, it was already dark, and Joseph could not see much of his surroundings.

Finally, after what had seemed half an eternity to Joseph, the carriage stopped at the main entrance of the castle. Joseph got out of the carriage and noticed that it was rather warmer than he had expected. The wind felt as if it was coming out of an oven. It was much too warm for this time of year...

Two servants were there to welcome him. One of them lifted Joseph's trunk without much effort, it seemed, and carried it away, while the other one, an elderly man, led him to the drawing room. He announced Joseph, took his cloak and hat, and left Joseph to enter the drawing room by himself.

He recognised Baroness von Laudeck, Theresia's mother, and the gentleman with her was Theresia's father, unmistakably. One could not tell by his looks, at least not much, but his whole attitude betrayed him.

"I hope you had a pleasant journey here," Baron von Laudeck said, after he had greeted his guest courteously.

"Very much so, sir, thank you," Joseph answered. "It was very long, though."

"You must be tired to death," Baroness von Laudeck said. "Travelling can be so fatiguing. May I ask if you had the chance to see my dear girl before you left Vienna, and how she is doing?"

"If there is one thing more tiring than a long journey," Georg von Laudeck remarked, "it is womenfolk asking silly questions."

Anna von Laudeck ignored her husband's uncivil remark, and looked at Joseph expectantly. Joseph felt slightly uncomfortable with the situation.

"I think it is quite natural if Baroness von Laudeck wants to know how Theresia is," he said, cautiously. "I left her in good health, Madam."

Anna von Laudeck nodded. "This was all I wanted to know for the moment," she said. "Now, I suppose you have not had anything to eat all day -- at least nothing decent. Dinner will be ready soon -- I shall just show you to your room first."

Joseph was most ready to oblige her, and after taking leave of Baron von Laudeck for the time being, he followed Theresia's mother out of the room.

"You need not mind my husband," she said to him, in an offhand manner. "He often behaves like that. He does not mean it, but he does sound rude sometimes."

Joseph refrained from answering. Baroness von Laudeck knew her husband well enough, he supposed, to know when to be offended by his remarks and when not. He only thought that his own father would never have spoken to his wife in such a disrespectful manner. Neither would he, if he were married...

Baroness von Laudeck opened a door to the left, and they entered a bedroom. Joseph looked around. His trunks were already there, and in comparison to the cold in the corridor, it was warm and cosy. The walls were panelled, and the floor was wooden, too, although there was no parquet floor as at home. There were only plain floorboards, and some carpets.

Joseph promised to be ready in half an hour, and then Baroness von Laudeck left him to himself.

*****

Joseph spent the following days with Baron von Laudeck. The Baron was intent on making Joseph familiar with his future occupation. No one in Joseph's family had ever thought of the fact that Baron von Laudeck was a tradesman -- and a very successful one, too, although von Laudeck did not attribute that to his own merit.

"It is not difficult to sell salt," he said, laughingly, when Joseph had expressed admiration for his shrewdness in business matters. "It's a merchandise that everyone needs, and therefore everyone buys it. As long as one can run everything decently, one cannot fail. One would have to make extra efforts to run down a business like that."

The von Laudecks were an old family, they had been knights originally, and when, in the 15th century, silver had been found on their property, they had started mining and had gained enormous profits. When the silver mines were beginning to turn unprofitable, the von Laudecks had been clever enough to sell their shares and to buy shares of salt mines instead. Perhaps silver might be more genteel ... but rather be rich than genteel. If one could be both, even better.

"I do not have much to do with the mining business," Baron von Laudeck said. "They just happen to mine on my property. You will not have anything to do with mining, either. You are, more or less, just liable for the management of the estate -- not here at Laudeck, but in Innsbruck. You will have to meet customers and entertain them; you will have to deal with business negotiations. I do think you will be able to do this."

Joseph nodded. He believed himself quite equal to this sort of employment.

"My own son is quite useless in that respect," Baron von Laudeck added. "Perhaps he is still too young. I hope it is only his age, and that he will grow out of his ways sooner or later."

Joseph didn't comment on that. He had not met Martin von Laudeck, and he would not make a guess on his character before he had. He only believed that it was not quite fair that Baron von Laudeck showed his son in such an unfavourable light, especially since Joseph was to stay in the same house with Martin von Laudeck soon. Probably this was why Baron von Laudeck had really wanted him to come? He did not look like someone who needed help -- or who would accept help, either. Probably the only reason why Joseph was here was to show Martin von Laudeck what was expected of him? If so, cousin Martin would hardly be pleased to meet him.

*****

It was evening when Joseph arrived in Innsbruck. Baron von Laudeck's townhouse was a large, handsome building, and larger than his own father's house in Vienna. An old servant opened the door, gave Joseph a suspicious look and reluctantly let him in, telling him that "Mr. von Laudeck was not at home and that it was no use waiting for him".

"I do not mind," Joseph said. "I am sure I will meet him tomorrow morning. So, if you would just show me to my room, please, I'd be most grateful."

"Your room, sir?"

"Surely you have been informed of my arrival," Joseph answered. "Baron von Laudeck wrote a letter to his son, telling him that I would come to Innsbruck today."

"Mr. von Laudeck did not say a word, sir," the servant said, eyeing Joseph suspiciously. It was quite obvious that he did not blame his young master for the present situation, but that he suspected Joseph of being a shameless intruder.

"Never mind, I am here now," Joseph said, light-heartedly. He was determined to make the best of the situation. "Get my room ready and everything will be fine."

"You do not expect me to accommodate you in Baron von Laudeck's house without knowing if he would approve of it," the servant said stubbornly.

After a long day's journey, Joseph was not inclined to discuss his accommodation with a servant.

Angrily, he said, "Listen, I came here to manage Baron von Laudeck's estate. I am authorised to employ and dismiss staff as I see fit -- you get the picture, do you not? So, where is my room?"

The servant turned away from him, grumbling something unintelligible, and went up the stairs without looking behind him to see if Joseph was following. Joseph noticed that his trunks were still where the coachman had left them.

Finally, the servant opened a door and said, testily, "Here you are. The bed is not ready though, we didn't expect you, after all." His reproachful tone of voice did not escape Joseph's notice.

"I do not blame you for that," Joseph said, ready to show the man that he bore no grudge against him. "I am sure Mr. von Laudeck just forgot to tell you."

"I suppose you want something to eat," the servant said, making it sound like an accusation.

"You need not trouble yourself too much," Joseph said. "A cold supper will do. Would you be so good as to bring my trunks here?"

The servant nodded, and left the room, muttering, "Would I be so good, indeed..."

In spite of himself, Joseph had to laugh. The old man amused him.

Now, where was Martin von Laudeck? Considering the time of the day, he should be at home ... only, Baron von Laudeck had told him that his son was likely to know the interior of Innsbruck's alehouses more intimately than the interior of the University. Probably Martin spent an evening with his friends, somewhere out in town. If so, Joseph would undoubtedly meet him in the morning. Deciding not to wait up for Martin, Joseph went to bed immediately after dinner, and did not hear the commotion downstairs at about five in the morning, when the young master of the house vouchsafed to return.

*****

Martin von Laudeck did not make too favourable an impression on Joseph when they met the next day. One could see clearly that Martin had spent the night before in a tavern, and he had clearly been drinking way too much -- he was not quite sober yet, even after several hours of sleep.

He did greet his cousin very politely, though, and even apologised for not having given his servants any notice of Joseph's arrival. Then he turned to his breakfast, which consisted of a piece of dry bread, coffee and brandy.

"I am Martin, by the way," he said, when Joseph addressed him as Mr. von Laudeck.
"Around here, we do not hold with formality -- not much. We are cousins, we live in the same house, so we should be on first-name terms, don't you think?"

Joseph agreed.

"You have to excuse Toni's behaviour," Martin continued. "He probably thought you were one of my creditors, so he treated you the way he did at first. He is quite sorry for it -- though he still thinks that one needs a great deal of cheek to threaten him with dismissal. Toni's been in my grandfather's service already, and has worked here for forty years."

Martin grinned. "Must've been a hell of a shock for him, you talking to him like that."

Joseph assured Martin that he had not intended to dismiss anyone, but had only been quite annoyed when the servant had treated him like an impostor.

"Toni and his family are the only servants in this house," Martin said. "When my parents are not here, that is. Contrary to what my father may have told you, I do not need much looking after. There is Toni, his wife Burgi and his daughter Maria, and then there's Maria's husband, Stephan. Stephan works in the stables, and he sometimes goes hunting with me. Do you hunt, Joseph?"

"Sometimes I do," Joseph said. "I quite like it, but I only get to go shooting when we are at Hertenberg. My father owns the hunting grounds there. There is no way for me to go hunting in Vienna."

"We'll go for a hunt one of these days," Martin said. "I promise. Now, what do you think of having a look at the town? You're not serious when you say you've got work to do. Work doesn't run away -- though I sometimes wish it might."

"Don't you have any lectures to attend to," Joseph asked, wonderingly.

"I suppose I do," Martin said, carelessly. "But I'll just skip them. Don't feel up to Roman Law today, anyway. So, what do you say? Do you want to see the town or what?"

"I'd like to," Joseph said, hesitantly. "But you really ought to..."

"Jesus, the last thing I needed here was another saint," Martin groaned. "Listen, I get to hear my uncle's sermons on a regular basis, so there is no need for more, believe me. Spare your breath, I don't listen to my uncle, and I won't listen to you either. Don't interfere with my way of life, and I won't interfere with yours. Deal?"

He looked at Joseph with a pleasant smile, but it was obvious that he would not give in. He would not attend his lectures if he did not want to -- whether Joseph consented to go to town with him or not.

"Deal," Joseph finally said. Living with Martin von Laudeck would definitely be interesting.

*****

* Fools' Tower was a part of the Viennese hospital, the place where lunatics were kept -- locked away, rather. Today, it is a museum.

© 2002 Copyright held by the author.

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