Posted on 2021-03-28
With no apologies, but much love, to: Miss Jane Austen, Sir William Schwenck Gilbert, and Sir Arthur Seymour Sullivan.
An Austenian Antagonist: a Song
SOLO:
I am the very picture of an Austenian antagonist,
I've varied ways to obstruct the goals of the protagonist,
I know the means of pleasing, and I feign noble disinterest
of matters low or humbling to persons of great consequence.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with foils and deuteragonists
I flit between the primary and secondary love interests.
Of covetous desire I'm teeming with a goodly share,
To seek a fortune, marry well, and perhaps become a peer.
CHORUS:
To seek a fortune, marry well, and perhaps become a peer.
To seek a fortune, marry well, and perhaps become a peer.
To seek a fortune, marry well, and perhaps become a 'come a peer.
SOLO:
I'm very good at making friends, less certain of retaining them,
I woo and court outrageously without a single thought for sin.
In short, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
I am the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
CHORUS:
In short, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
They are the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
SOLO:
I know delicate compliments, for those of elevated rank,
I answer for my prowess, I've a pretty head for mountebank,
I joke and carry on when assembled in mixed company,
while maintaining a studied air of utter respectability.
I can tell undoubted lovers from mere callers, beaus, or partisans,
I know not how to translate any choral line of Italian,
Then I try the truth that going to one wedding always brings on more,
And scorn all other authors as yet unmentioned heretofore.
CHORUS:
And scorn all other authors as yet unmentioned heretofore.
And scorn all other authors as yet unmentioned heretofore.
And scorn all other authors as yet unmentioned heretofore.
SOLO:
Then I write my paramour under cover of the spouse's name,
If caught, my failings on another's caprice always place the blame.
In short, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
I am the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
CHORUS:
In short, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
They are the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
SOLO:
In fact, when I know what is due a family's dignity and pride,
When I can make objections or deny my relation's choice of bride,
When such affairs as threaten to upset a cherished pretension
And then reveal precisely what has been my true motivation,
When I have learnt to hate the names of certain upstart gentlefolk,
When I know all the tactics of a hypocrite and a rogue--
In short, when I've got avarice combined with cunning strategm,
You'll say a better foe was never crafted to contend with them.
CHORUS:
You'll say a better foe was never crafted to contend with them.
You'll say a better foe was never crafted to contend with them.
You'll say a better foe was never crafted to contend with them.
SOLO:
For my various misadventures, though I'm very full of villainy
Was only written down during the era of the Regency;
But still, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
I am the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
CHORUS:
But still, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
They are the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
An Austenian Antagonist: a Song
SOLO:
I am the very picture of an Austenian antagonist,
I've varied ways to obstruct the goals of the protagonist,
I know the means of pleasing, and I feign noble disinterest
of matters low or humbling to persons of great consequence.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with foils and deuteragonists
I flit between the primary and secondary love interests.
Of covetous desire I'm teeming with a goodly share,
To seek a fortune, marry well, and perhaps become a peer.
CHORUS:
To seek a fortune, marry well, and perhaps become a peer.
To seek a fortune, marry well, and perhaps become a peer.
To seek a fortune, marry well, and perhaps become a 'come a peer.
SOLO:
I'm very good at making friends, less certain of retaining them,
I woo and court outrageously without a single thought for sin.
In short, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
I am the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
CHORUS:
In short, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
They are the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
SOLO:
I know delicate compliments, for those of elevated rank,
I answer for my prowess, I've a pretty head for mountebank,
I joke and carry on when assembled in mixed company,
while maintaining a studied air of utter respectability.
I can tell undoubted lovers from mere callers, beaus, or partisans,
I know not how to translate any choral line of Italian,
Then I try the truth that going to one wedding always brings on more,
And scorn all other authors as yet unmentioned heretofore.
CHORUS:
And scorn all other authors as yet unmentioned heretofore.
And scorn all other authors as yet unmentioned heretofore.
And scorn all other authors as yet unmentioned heretofore.
SOLO:
Then I write my paramour under cover of the spouse's name,
If caught, my failings on another's caprice always place the blame.
In short, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
I am the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
CHORUS:
In short, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
They are the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
SOLO:
In fact, when I know what is due a family's dignity and pride,
When I can make objections or deny my relation's choice of bride,
When such affairs as threaten to upset a cherished pretension
And then reveal precisely what has been my true motivation,
When I have learnt to hate the names of certain upstart gentlefolk,
When I know all the tactics of a hypocrite and a rogue--
In short, when I've got avarice combined with cunning strategm,
You'll say a better foe was never crafted to contend with them.
CHORUS:
You'll say a better foe was never crafted to contend with them.
You'll say a better foe was never crafted to contend with them.
You'll say a better foe was never crafted to contend with them.
SOLO:
For my various misadventures, though I'm very full of villainy
Was only written down during the era of the Regency;
But still, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
I am the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.
CHORUS:
But still, when obstructing all the goals of the protagonist,
They are the very picture of an Austenian antagonist.