This is to the tune of “Jolly Old St. Nicholas.” I don't know if this Christmas song is considered obscure to the general public or not. It isn't a religious song to hear at church, and I never notice this song on the radio, but my kids have each learned to play it on the piano in recent years and I remember learning it as well.

Blurb: Maria Rushworth persuades Henry Crawford to run off with her, to the tune of the Christmas carol, “Jolly Old St. Nicholas.”

Mr. Rushworth’s Coming Soon

1: Maria

Mr. Rushworth’s coming soon.
I must run away.
I can't bear to be his wife
For another day!
He is a fool, a nincompoop,
A bore, a dolt, a shame.
He doesn't have a saving grace
I can think to name.

2: Henry

Mrs. Rushworth, think this through.
Though he's not a gem,
Well-bred folk will shut you out
And rally around him.
Marriage is a bitter draught.
That can't be denied,
But you chose it willingly
When you became his bride.

3: Maria

Henry Crawford, you're the man
To save me from this fate.
The vows were said, we've been to bed,
But still it's not too late!
Whisk me off to Everingham,
To Scotland, or to Bath.
Destination matters not.
Just put me on the path.

4: Henry

I would lose Miss Fanny Price
If I rescued you.
I know she will soon give in
If I remain true.
Domestic felicity
Is within my grasp.
I won't give that up for you
No matter how you ask.

5: Maria

Fanny's not in love with you,
Nor shall she ever be.
She's in love with someone else.
Are you too blind to see?
Edmund is her heart's desire.
You cannot compete.
You are not the type of man
To sweep her off her feet.

6: Henry

Fanny's not in love with him.
You couldn't be more wrong.
Their affection -- you mistake --
Is a familial bond.
Edmund loves my sister;
It’s she he wants to wed.
Now I cannot purge this vile
Image from my head.

7: Maria

Marriage is a bitter draught,
Domesticity a sham.
If you cannot claim your bride
How will you be a man?
You'll have no prize in Fanny Price.
She'd rather wed a flea.
Let us fly. Take your revenge
Upon my family.