Chapter 4

The first LOFTY Dreams monthly meeting took place on a Sunday evening in November, eight days after the dinner. We met, as we would for future meetings, in a classroom on the downtown campus of the University of Meryton, as this was one of the most central locations in the city.

We played some icebreaker games to get to know each other's names and other information about one another. Although there were five students from the city, only Kathy and I attended the Meryton Public Schools. Peter and Anna both went to Catholic schools, and Abner attended a science and technology charter school. The rest of the students attended suburban high schools, except for Michael, who went to an all-boys prep school.

One of the games we played required us to pair up for two minutes and discover something you had in common with the other person, and share something the other person probably didn't know about you. You were supposed to come up with something different with each person. Dr. Maxwell, who told us to call her Sheila, blew a whistle every two minutes to let us know when to switch. At the end of the game, we would have to share aloud as much as we could remember about one another.

When I was paired with Will, I suddenly thought that what we shared in common was the fact that his cousin was dating my sister. I giggled to myself as I realized that I probably wouldn't want to say that out loud later.

"Why is everything a joke to you?" Will asked, scowling.

I didn't know how to respond at first. "I was just thinking of something funny, that's all."

"Let's get this over with. What we share in common is that we both run track, and what you probably don't know about me is that my godfather is Marcus Henderson. Your turn."

I was a little surprised by his coldness. With everyone else, trying to get to know each other was fun. And I wasn't sure whether or not I was supposed to be impressed by his connection to Marcus Henderson, a high-profile defense attorney in Meryton, since that fact didn't really tell me anything about Will himself.

Since Will was the seventh student I had talked to, it took me a while to think of something new about myself. "What you don't know about me is that I don't know how to drive, but I know how to change the oil in my parents' car."

"That doesn't do you much good if you can't drive."

"You're not a very nice person, are you?"

Will folded his arms and glared at me.

This guy! He had insulted me--twice now, if I counted Chuck's party--and now he wanted to get mad when I called him on it? Well, I wouldn't let him get to me. I tried again. "This game is supposed to be fun, you know." The corners of his mouth twitched, like he almost smiled, but he kept his hostile stance.

With everyone else, we kept talking until the whistle blew, so I didn't want to just stare stupidly at Will for the next minute and a half. "Look, we need to talk to each other," I said.

"Why? What else do we need to say?"

"Oh, I don't know, anything... we could talk about the size of the room, the number of people in it..."

He glared at me again like he was even madder. What is his problem?! I wondered. Finally, I gave up. I didn't want to get to know him anyway. I was glad when I could switch to someone else.

After the get-to-know-you games, Sheila and Paul had us all sit in a circle to talk about the program. Paul, a doctoral student in adolescent psychology at the U. of Meryton, asked if we'd all had a chance to read the program schedule provided in the packets we'd received at the dinner. When we answered in the affirmative, he said, "So you know that at our December meeting, we'll focus on your college applications. Starting in January, we'll talk about succeeding in college, and deal with issues such as study skills, time management, connecting with resources at your schools and so forth. We'll also do a lot of teambuilding and some community service in preparation for the spring break retreat."

Sheila said, "I want to talk about the two ground rules for this program. When we go to the Hunsford Retreat Center in the spring, there will be a few more, but for now, there's just two. The first is participation. I want you to bring your whole selves into this. That's the only way you'll get the most out of this experience. That means I want you to speak up, say what you think and feel, and ask questions. Everything is on the table, and in fact, if you ask something of Paul or me, most of the time we'll turn the same question back around to the group.

"The second ground rule is respect. The only way you can ask people from very different backgrounds for their honesty and openness and have it work is if we establish an atmosphere of respect. That means that you speak to one another with respectful language, and that you speak from your own experiences. For example, if you disagree with someone, you don't say, 'You're wrong.' You can't know that for sure because you haven't walked in their shoes. Instead, you say, 'I disagree because this is my experience.'"

"The floor is now open for any questions you have," said Paul.

Abner, a husky, dark-skinned guy of about 5'9", spoke up. "I want to understand why you made the selections you made."

"What do you mean?" Sheila asked.

"Well, some people here are from places where their parents could probably write a check to pay for four years of college. I wonder why they would need a full scholarship."

"OK, everyone, what do you think?" Paul asked.

Stacy, a champion debater from the suburbs who wore her curly brown hair in a ponytail, laughed. "You weren't kidding when you said you'd turn questions back on us."

Sheila smiled. "I told you."

Heather, a tall blond girl who was student council president at her suburban high school, responded to Abner's question. "Not all scholarships are based on need. A lot of people get scholarships for academics or sports."

"Yeah, but this particular scholarship is about making our city better," Abner argued. "Shouldn't it go to some of the people in the city who need it the most?"

"Sheila, didn't you say something at the dinner about needing everybody to really help the city change?" asked Nathan, a muscular Asian boy who was on his high school's swim team.

"I did," Sheila answered. "The question is whether or not you agree with that."

When no one responded, Paul said, "Think about it this way. Are there advantages of having youth from wealthy backgrounds and youth who are not in the same program? And if so, how do they weigh against what Abner is saying about providing scholarships to those most in need?"

"I think need is a relative term," said Anna, a petite Latina girl who resembled Jessica Alba. "My family is doing pretty well, and while they could pay for me to attend a public college out of pocket, they can't afford for me to go to a private one. Plus, even though my father has done well on his own initiative, he never went to college. I'd still be the first in my family to go." Anna's father owned Meryton's Spanish-language radio station and newspaper, and she lived in a part of the city that was known for artsy types and yuppies.

"I don't know if this answers the question," I said. "I need the scholarship money to go to school, but that wasn't the only reason I applied. I really wanted to be in a program where I could meet other kids from different backgrounds and places. I don't have that chance very often, and I think it's a good thing."

"I totally agree," Stacy said. "That's one of the main reasons I applied, too."

"Any other thoughts?" Paul asked. "There are still four people we haven't heard from."

"All right, I'll go," Mike said. Mike was a dark-haired guy of about 6'4" who was an All-American basketball player at his high school. "If this is really about trying to prepare the leaders of the future for Meryton, then the scholarships should go to whoever is the best. Nothing else should be considered."

"Well, they obviously considered other things since we're balanced out by stuff like race, girls/boys, city/suburbs," Abner said. "So do you think they didn't pick the best?"

Michael laughed. "I didn't say that."

"But that's what you're thinking," Abner said.

Sheila held her hands up in a time-out gesture. "OK, stop right there. Let's revisit the ground rule about respect. Abner, you have no idea what Mike is thinking. You can only speak for yourself."

Abner opened his mouth as though he were going to argue the point, then shut it again and nodded.

"OK, Kathy, Will or Pete, what do you think?" Paul asked.

"I wish I had something new to add, but I don't," Kathy said. "I'm with Liz and Stacy. I think bringing different types of people together is great."

Pete, a thin guy with glasses who organized volunteer projects in his high school and neighborhood, pushed his brown hair out of his eyes. "I think one of the ideas behind LOFTY Dreams is that it's not supposed to be about ourselves. I assume you picked people who would not just think what they could get out of the program, but what they could give back. I need the scholarship, but I have friends who didn't get it who need it just as much as I do.

"I don't know...," Pete went on. "I guess being a part of this means we should think about these types of questions. In this case, helping other kids get to college, or making sure it's affordable, and what we could do now or in the future about things like that."

"That's a good point," I said.

"It's a great point," Sheila affirmed. "Taking what you learn here to serve others is exactly what we hope you'll get out of this."

"All right, Will?" Paul said.

"How am I supposed to follow that?" Will asked, leaning back in his seat.

Paul grinned. "That's what happens when you wait 'til last."

"I don't really have an opinion. I think everyone made some good points."

Abner chortled. "Oh, come on, man. You have to be thinking more than that."

Sheila shook her head. "There's one every year. I'm going to have to be all over you, aren't I, Abner?"

Abner laughed again. "You knew I was outspoken when you picked me for this, didn't you?"

"It's okay, Sheila," Stacy said. "I can argue with the best of them. I can keep him in check."

"Ooh," Abner said with a grin. "I think I've been challenged."

Sheila held up her hands again. "Okay, back to Will: You said everyone made good points, but several people made very different points. Is there any you agree with more than others?"

Will thought for a second. "Probably what Mike said. The program should just be for the best."

I don't know why his comment bothered me and made me feel that I had to respond. Maybe it was Mike and Abner's interaction about this, or maybe it was just the negative vibes I had felt from Will earlier. "So who is the best?" I challenged him.

"What do you mean?" Will asked.

"I could be wrong, but when I hear something like, 'just the best,' I wonder how you define it. I mean, everybody here is very different. We're not all senior class president and captain of the track team," I said, bringing up two of Will's leadership roles. I heard some chuckling from a few of the others.

I looked at Sheila and Paul. "Is it okay for me to be really honest?" I said.

"Of course," Sheila answered. "That's what we want, as long as it's respectful."

I turned directly to Will. "You go to Pemberley High, which is like the best public high school in the county, if not the state. Meanwhile, my high school almost lost its accreditation last year. I know I'm not supposed to speak for anyone else, but when you say, 'just the best,' I wonder if you think that someone from Longbourn High can't possibly be among the best."

"Was that okay?" I said, turning back to Sheila.

Sheila nodded. "What do you think, Will?"

While answering Sheila, Will looked straight at me with a serious expression. "I think it's what you said earlier, Sheila. People shouldn't assume they know what other people are thinking."

He didn't really answer my question, but I decided to let it drop. Man, what a jerk! I thought. I was glad that most of the other kids in the program seemed pretty cool, because I was going to hate having to put up with Will.

"Our time is almost up," Paul said. "Any conclusions from this discussion?"

"I think it's good that Pete reminded us that being in this program is about more than us," Kathy said.

"It seems like more people think it's good to bring different types of kids together than not, right?" Anna asked. Several of us nodded.

"How about you, Abner, since you started the discussion?" asked Sheila.

"Since the decisions have already been made about who's in the program, I guess you're stuck with me," Abner joked.

"Well, you're stuck with us rich kids from the suburbs too, so we're in the same boat," Stacy fired back, making the rest of us laugh.

Sheila smiled. "That's it for tonight. You have our numbers. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call Paul or me, or to make an appointment to see either of us here at the U. Otherwise, we'll see you next month."

Chapter 5

It was Saturday morning, and my sisters and I were in the middle of a Triple B lecture.

That was the name we had given to Daddy's rants years ago: Triple B for "Books Before Boys."

I think I heard my first one at age eight, and they had continued with regularity every few months since that time. The lecture went something like this:

"Never put a boy before your education! When you're finished getting your education, the boys will still be there. But if you put off your education, you might not get another chance. And don't forget: we've raised all the babies we're going to raise and we're not raising any more."

Although the words might change, those two basic themes remained the same: education first, and don't get pregnant. We had heard this lecture so often we were sick of it, but to be fair, I understood why Daddy was so intense about it. He had been a good student in high school and wanted to be the first one of the kids in his family to attend college. By the summer after his junior year, he was starting to make his plans.

But there was Ma, turning heads all over town, including Daddy's. Soon, she was pregnant. She left school in April of their senior year, and Janelle was born in May.

Daddy graduated in June, still thinking that he would attend college in the fall. Every day he would stop by my grandmother's house to visit Ma and Janelle, and it tore him up every night when he had to leave them. His own father had been in and out of his life, mostly out, and he never wanted that for his own children. And so instead of going off to college, he asked Ma to marry him. He was still planning to go to school at some point, but I came along in August of the following year and Dee was born a year and a half after that, and my parents could never afford it. Daddy's plans for his education ended up permanently on hold.

After the LOFTY dinner, I asked Daddy what he thought about the things the woman had said about dreams. He answered, "My dreams are for you girls to have the chances I never had." I hugged him tightly that night, thinking how lucky my sisters and I were. Some of my friends didn't even know their fathers, while our parents had been married for eighteen years. As annoying as they could be sometimes, I never doubted that they did what they did because they loved us.

Today's Triple B lecture began courtesy of Janelle, after she had asked to spend Thanksgiving with Chuck's family. Actually, that wasn't really it, since Ma and Daddy had met Chuck a few times and liked him, and had said yes to her having Thanksgiving dinner with him. The trigger was her second request to spend the rest of the weekend with the Bensons.

Ma liked the idea. "Shoot, I wish I had that kind of money, to just fly to New York City to go shopping." According to Janelle, this was a tradition in Chuck's family every year at this time.

When Daddy heard, though, he flipped. "There is no way in hell I'm going to let you spend a whole weekend in New York City with that boy!"

"Daddy, it's not like we're going to be alone," Janelle protested. "His parents and sister will be with us the whole time."

"I don't know if I feel good about that either," he responded. "Why are they willing to spend so much money on you, Janelle?"

"Will you at least call them, Daddy? Chuck's mother said she would talk to you about any concerns you had."

Daddy grumbled, but eventually he'd called Chuck's parents. They reassured him that Chuck and Janelle wouldn't be alone, that Janelle would share a hotel room with Chuck's sister, and that they just wanted to give Janelle a chance to experience New York City, since she'd never been there. Daddy finally agreed to let her go, but then subjected us all to a Triple B lecture as a consequence.

Later that evening, my parents had gone out to a movie, Janelle was out with Chuck, and Dee was at her friend Monique's house. I was in our bedroom trying to work on my college applications. I wanted to go to either Westcott University or McCaffrey College, the two most prestigious schools in Greater Meryton.

I had thought I had a good chance of getting into both of them until I became a part of the LOFTY Dreams program. Sheila and Paul had told us not to discuss our SAT scores, so of course, the first thing we did was discuss them. My scores were 580 on the critical reading, 600 on the writing, and 560 on the math. Not bad, but a lot of the kids in the program had done better, and Peter, Stacy and Will had near perfect scores.

Now I was focused on trying to make my essays really good. After several attempts, I grew frustrated and decide to forget about my applications, at least for tonight.

I stood up and stretched, and as I did so, I spotted the card Geo had given me on the dresser. I took it and went to the living room to use the phone.

When Geo answered, I said, "Hi, it's Liz. Do you remember meeting me at the hotel?"

"Of course I remember you. You're my very smart friend. How are you tonight?"

I smiled. "I'm good. I was just at home with nothing to do, so I thought about you and decided to call."

"Then we have something in common. I was sitting at home with nothing to do and hoping a pretty girl would call me. And what do you know."

Cute, I thought. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How old are you?"

"I just turned nineteen. Why?"

Good, not too old. "Just wondering. So what do you do when you're not working?"

"Weeeeeell," Geo answered, stretching out the word, "I lead a boring life. Sitting around waiting three weeks for a pretty girl to call."

I started laughing. "OK, it took me a while, but I'm calling now."

"Wanna make up for lost time?" he asked in a suggestive voice.

"I don't think so."

Geo laughed. "OK, I'll take that. When you lead a boring life, you have to take what you can get."

I changed the subject. "How long have you been working at the hotel?"

"A few months. It's all right. Serving food's not my goal, though."

"I didn't think it would be. You seem pretty smart yourself."

"Why, thank you. If you said it, Liz, it must be true."

I smiled again. I liked this guy. "What is your goal?"

"I want to be a chef."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I love to cook. I almost had a chance to go to culinary arts school, but Will got in the way of that."

"That's right, you were going to tell me a story about how you ended up as his foster brother."

"It's a long, sad story. You sure you want to hear it?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Okay then. My mom was a crackhead, her boyfriend used to beat me, so I ended up in foster care at age seven."

"Wow. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, well, it is what it is. But it made me a bad kid. I was always in trouble at school, and most of the foster homes I was in didn't want to keep me for long."

"Geo, you don't have to tell me this if you don't want to."

"No, it's cool. When I was in middle school, I was in the rubber room. You know what that is, right?"

"Yeah, that's what everybody at my school calls the class for kids on in-school suspension."

"Well, that was me. since I was always getting into trouble. Then one day when I was there, a man came to speak to my class. He said his name was Billy and he was a lawyer."

"That's Will's father, right?" I recalled Lois saying that her brother's name had been Billy.

"Yeah. He gave us one of those motivational speeches, about how those labels we had been given weren't really who we were on the inside. I don't even remember everything he said. I just remember how he made me feel, like he was talking just to me, and he really wanted me to believe what he was saying. Afterward, I went up and asked if he would be my father."

"That was bold."

Geo laughed. "It was. I don't even know why I said that; it just popped out. He asked me about myself and I told him I was in foster care. He stared at me for a minute and then said, 'Let me talk to your teacher.'

"I thought that would be the last I'd hear from him, but a week later he came to my school and met with me and my teacher and social worker. He asked me how I would feel about coming to live with him."

"You must have been happy about that," I said.

"Oh, yeah. I was living with this old lady, and she was all right--she's the one who taught me how to cook. But she couldn't control me and I knew that sooner or later she'd be sending me back, too. It took about six months before I could go live with the Darcys. They had to go through foster care training and stuff like that. But during that time, Billy visited me every week or brought me to his house or took me out with his kids."

"What was it like when you finally went to live with them?"

"Really good in some ways. Billy was the first person in my life who ever really loved me and believed in me, and that made me want to do better for him. And Billy's daughter Jenny was cool, too. She looked up to me."

I noticed the conspicuous lack of mention of two people. "What about Will and his mother?"

Geo laughed a little. "Yeah... they were interesting. I always felt like Marletta didn't really want me there and that she was just going along with it for her husband's sake. As for Will, during those six months when I was waiting, he and I were real cool. He had always wanted a brother, and even though I was older, we were in the same grade because I got kept back once. But once I went to live with them, he was really jealous of the attention I got from his father. We didn't get along too well after that."

"Is that why you left?"

Geo was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "No, I left because Billy died."

"Oh," I said softly. I remembered Lois saying something about that, too. "How did he die?"

"He used to come home for dinner and to help us with out homework, and then go back to work and stay late. One night he was kind of sick and had taken some medicine that made him drowsy. On his way home he fell asleep at the wheel and crossed the median... Look, Liz, I don't want to talk about this."

"I'm sorry, Geo, I shouldn't have asked."

He paused. "It's all right. Anyway, after that, Marletta and Will decided to get rid of me."

"That's harsh."

"Yeah, it was."

"So where'd you go?"

"I lived in a group home until I turned eighteen, and then I was out on the streets for a while. Then I got in this program that helped me get my GED and the job I have. Now I rent a room from some people I know."

He said this very matter-of-factly, but my heart hurt for him. An idea came to me. "What do you do on the holidays? Like this Thanksgiving, for instance?"

"Let's see... I have a TV in my room, so I'll probably order a pizza and watch the bowl games."

"No, that's not what you'll be doing," I said.

"It's not?" Geo's playful tone had returned. "I knew you were smart, Liz, but I didn't know you could see the future."

I smiled. "I can. And what I see is that you'll be having Thanksgiving dinner with my family."

Chapter 6

"What on earth are they doing?" my maternal grandmother said, responding to all the noise coming from the kitchen.

Daddy laughed. "Don't ask me. I'm not going in there to find out, either."

Geo had agreed to come over for Thanksgiving if he could help my mother cook. Now all of us in the living room were listening to their occasional outbursts of shouting and arguing.

Ma came out of the kitchen carrying a hot dish with potholders and wearing an exasperated expression. "Oh, that boy! I'm going to strangle him in a minute!"

Geo followed her a few seconds later, carrying the turkey. "You don't mean that," he said. "We're a team now, right, Miz B?"

Ma shook her head. "Nobody's ever going to share my kitchen again on Thanksgiving."

Geo laughed. "Just wait 'til everybody eats before you say that."

Ma rolled her eyes as we all started gathering around the table. "Messing with all my food," she said with a sour expression, although I could tell she really wanted to laugh.

"Did I mess with your greens?" Geo said. "No, right? So I didn't mess with all your food. I know better than to mess with a black woman's greens."

Finally my mother couldn't hold back and started laughing. "All right, all right, I just hope everybody likes it."

My mother's brother Mitch sat down and started filling up his plate. Grandma smacked him lightly in the back of the head. "Wait until we bless the food."

After Daddy said grace, he started carving the turkey while the rest of us sat down.

"What is this stuff?" Dee asked, pointing to a bowl in front of her.

"Those are pearl onions," Geo answered.

"You mean you just eat the onions by themselves, not as a part of something? Ugh."

Geo laughed. "Why don't you try them first, Dee, before you say that?"

"What's this?" Uncle Mitch asked, looking at a bowl containing a scarlet mash.

"It's cranberry sauce."

"That's not cranberry sauce! Cranberry sauce is round and smooth."

"You're talking about that stuff that comes in a can? That's not real cranberry sauce," Geo said. "This is made from actual cranberries."

"Cranberries don't come in a can?"

I laughed. "Of course not, Uncle Mitch. Cranberries are a fruit. They grow in a bog."

"What's a bog?" Dee asked.

Geo shook his head, laughing. "My people, my people! This is why we can't get ahead in America! Why don't y'all stop talking about the food and just try it? Expand your taste buds a little."

On that, everybody shut up and started eating. After a few minutes, Daddy said, "This isn't bad. Where'd you learn to cook like this?"

"I had a foster mother who taught me," Geo answered. "And when I lived with the Darcys, I used to try different recipes from their cookbooks."

"Who are the Darcys?" Ma asked.

"The family of one of the boys in my program, Ma. You remember the woman you almost got into it with at the welcome dinner?"

"You mean that snooty lady?" Ma cried. "You know those people, Geo?"

"They were my foster family for a while, too."

"How could you stand living with that woman?"

"It wasn't easy. She's not the nicest. And her son isn't much better. I would have had a chance to go to cooking school, if it weren't for them."

"What did they do?" Daddy asked.

I put my fork down. I really wanted to hear this story.

"I lived with them for almost three years, and for the first two and a half, it was two on two. Mr. Darcy and his daughter wanted me there, and Mrs. Darcy and her son didn't.

"Billy--that's Mr. Darcy--he really believed in me and thought I could be somebody. My grades weren't the best but we talked about the fact that since I liked to cook, I could study that and become a chef. He started a trust fund for me that he said would become mine when I turned eighteen. He told me I could use that money to go to school.

"But when I was seventeen, Billy died in a car accident. So Mrs. Darcy and her son Will started trying to get rid of me."

"Oh, baby, that must have been so hard for you," Grandma said.

"Yeah, it was. I had been with the Darcys longer than any other foster home I was in, so they were the closest thing to a real family I ever had. And I know I didn't have Billy's blood, but to me he was my real father. The worst part was some of the things Will did to me to get me out of there."

"What did he do?" I asked.

"He took his father's death really hard, which is understandable. He started cutting class and getting high. One day Mrs. Darcy found some weed behind a bookshelf. It was his, but he said it was mine. That was the excuse she was looking for, and she told me I had to go."

"Haters gotta hate," Dee declared.

"So obviously they weren't going to help you go to cooking school." I said this calmly, but inside I was feeling outraged. How could Will and his mother treat Geo like that?!

"Yeah, I came back when I was eighteen to ask about the trust that Billy had set up for me. I think Marletta--Mrs. Darcy--was going to let me have it, but then Will said that they didn't owe me anything. So she said no and told me to never come back to her house again."

"Umph," Ma said. "What kind of people are those, who would do something like that to you?"

Geo shrugged. "They forgot where they came from. Do you know that Mrs. Darcy grew up here in Longbourn City?"

"Really?" I said. Then I recalled Lois saying her sister-in-law graduated from Longbourn High.

"Yeah, but you know how it is. Some folks get a little money and think they're better than other black people. Billy was never like that, but Marletta definitely was. And her son picked up all her attitudes."

"I can believe that," I said.

After dinner, Geo and I beat Uncle Mitch and Dee in two hands of spades, and then Geo said he had to go. "I have to work tomorrow," he told me, "but on Saturday can I take you to a movie?"

I smiled. "Sounds good to me."

When Saturday finally came around, however, I didn't end up having such a good time. Geo kept getting on my nerves. In the long line at the movie theater, he stood behind me and kept pressing himself against my butt. Finally I turned around. "Would you quit it?" I snapped.

"Sorry, baby, but it's crowded in here."

"It's not that crowded that you have to be all up on me. And don't call me baby."

Now we were in the theater, watching Get Rich or Die Tryin', a movie I really wanted to see, but Geo kept distracting me by kissing my neck and sucking on my ear. "Geo, stop!" I whispered.

When he wouldn't cut it out, I got up and walked out to the lobby. Geo followed me out. When he caught up to me, he put his arms around my waist. "What's wrong?"

I pulled away from him. "I really want to see that movie, and you're not letting me watch it."

"Aw, Liz, you're just so fine, and being with you is doing something to me."

"Yeah, but you don't have to do it in the movies."

Geo raised his eyebrows and smiled suggestively. "So later then?"

I gave him an annoyed look. "No, not later either."

Geo stopped smiling. "OK, Liz, I understand. You're a nice girl, and I'm treating you like a hoochie. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"

I thought about it a minute. "All right, I forgive you."

Geo gave me a different smile this time, that cute little boy smile of his that I liked so much. "Thank you. That warms my heart."

I smiled back. "Can we go back and finish watching the movie?"

We went back in, and Geo held my hand but otherwise behaved himself. On the way home, he put some slow jams on in his CD player. He had a nice ride, and I remember thinking that the hotel must pay him good for him to afford it.

When we arrived back at my place, Geo turned off the ignition. He gave me a playful grin. "Is it okay with you if I kiss you goodnight?"

I smiled back. "You can kiss me goodnight, but watch your hands."

He gave me a deep French kiss and told me he'd call me tomorrow. I went upstairs to our apartment, wishing Janelle was around so I could talk to her about what I was feeling. I didn't have a lot of experience. Okay, that was an understatement. I had had one boyfriend, Tyree, in eighth grade. And going together back then meant that we talked on the phone at night and kissed each other under the stairs at school.

In high school, I was too busy with my classes and extracurriculars to do much dating. Not to mention that some of my friends said I intimidated a lot of the boys. I guess my father's BBB lectures had a bigger impact on me than I thought. I really wanted to go to college and didn't want anything to hurt my chances. I liked Geo, but there no way I was going to let him get in the way of my education.

Janelle came back on Sunday afternoon, and she was absolutely glowing. Daddy had given her a hundred dollars before she left, "so those people don't think we don't have anything." That could barely pay for two meals in New York City, she told me later. She had used the money to buy us all some small souvenir items.

She was laden down with packages, though, all with clothes that Chuck's mother and sister had bought her. "I don't like this," Daddy said. "They shouldn't be spending this kind of money on you."

Janelle was trying to hold back her excitement around Daddy, but it was hard. So she changed the subject to the other things she had done while there. They had seen The Lion King on Broadway and visited the Museum of Modern Art. "It was such an educational experience!" she said, hoping to mollify Daddy.

Later that evening, Dee was on the computer in the living room, and Janelle and I were in our bedroom. Now we could really talk. "I love him, Liz. I love him so much! And he told me he loves me, too."

Janelle started gushing about all the wonders of Chuck, and it made me laugh with delight. I had never seen my sister this way before. She tends to be the quiet, mellow one of the family.

After she had exhausted the subject of Chuck, at least temporarily, Janelle said, "Liz! I almost forgot! I met Chuck's cousin Will at Thanksgiving dinner, and he told me he knows you."

"Yeah, he does," I answered. "We're in the LOFTY Dreams program together."

Janelle grinned. "Wouldn't it be cool if you two ended up together? Then the four of us could all go out."

"Janelle, that is not going to happen."

"Why not? He's really cute, and you have lots of chances to get to know each other."

I hesitated. "Janelle... I know some things about Will that I don't really like."

Janelle looked puzzled. "Like what?"

I told her about my first few encounters with him, and about the things Geo had told me.

"Liz, are you sure you can believe what Geo's saying? You don't know the whole story."

"If you could see Geo's face and hear his voice when he talks about it, you would know it's true. The things that happened really hurt him. Besides, from what I've seen of Will, I can believe he's like that."

"I don't know, Liz. I mean, I don't know either of them, but Chuck is really close to Will. I don't think he would be if Will were really such a jerk. Or maybe he was like that for a while, because his father had just died. Grief can really mess people up. That doesn't mean he's that way all the time."

"Maybe," I said, but I was skeptical.

Janelle stretched out on her bed and smiled at me. "All right, so you won't end up with Will. It sounds like you like this guy Geo, though. Why don't you tell me about him?"

Posted on: 2015-03-29

Chapter 7

On the first Saturday in December, I joined my favorite aunt, Haley, to help her staff a table at the Longbourn Community Center's annual holiday crafts fair. Haley was a very talented artist who, in the last five or so years, had branched off from painting into making cloth handbags, scarves and jewelry. "It's hard to find buyers for paintings when times are hard," she had explained. "But people will always buy something they can use or wear." In addition to Aunt Haley's accessories, her table held wooden and soapstone sculptures she'd brought back from a trip to Senegal last year, and an array of natural soaps, body scrubs and essential oils created by the men of Hutchins House, a residence run by my grandpa Larry for men who'd been released from prison.

Because Aunt Haley had spent her youth with an ill mother and an absentee father, she had played a big role in raising her younger brothers, Daddy and my uncle Randolph. She had also been my paternal grandmother's nurse and caregiver during the last years of her life. Maybe because of having so much responsibility at a young age, Aunt Haley is now the epitome of an earthy-crunchy free spirit. She's a vegan, dreadlocked, hemp-wearing woman who radiates love. She can be brutally honest when she needs to be, however. She's both my biggest champion and my toughest critic.

By calling her a free spirit, I don't mean that she's not responsible now--she runs her own office cleaning business and has twelve employees, in addition to her artwork. But she sets her own schedule, takes time off every year to travel to a different part of the world, and has never married or had children of her own. She attracts men like honey and has had some serious relationships, but as she says, "Settling down is not for me. I need my space and my freedom." It's our gain--the doting she wasn't giving to a husband and kids, she lavished on her nieces.

Aunt Haley stood to hug me when I arrived--a Haley hug is one of the most comforting things imaginable--and then offered me a greenish-brown juice, no doubt blended herself, in a clear reusable cup. "Guava, mango, and kale," she said with a smile.

Although the color made me wary, I knew she wouldn't let me refuse without trying it first. Once I took the plunge, I found it surprisingly good and drank the whole thing.

Aunt Haley gave me a quick review of the procedures for scanning credit cards and filling out receipts, and we settled down to wait for our first customers.

"We missed you on Thanksgiving, honey," she said with a twinkle in her eyes. "Your grandpa said it was because of a young man. He must be something special."

My grandpa Larry, my dad's father, along with his wife Layla and Aunt Haley, cooks a big Thanksgiving breakfast at a homeless shelter each year, before heading back to Hutchins House to make Thanksgiving dinner for the men in residence there who have no place to go, and for any family or friends they want to invite. I've helped them the last two years before going home to eat with my family, but I bowed out this year because of Geo.

I smiled. "I don't know about all that. Geo's just a friend right now. He doesn't have any family, so I didn't want him to be alone on Thanksgiving."

"Geo's just a friend right now," she repeated. "So you like him and hope for something more?"

I shrugged. "I guess. I mean, I do like him, and I've kissed him already, but I've only known him for a few weeks. But he's cute, and he's funny, and there's something about him..."

"What's that something?"

I thought about it. "He's had a rough life. His mom was on drugs and he ended up in foster care. He lived with this foster family for three years, but the father of the family died, and then the mother and brother in the family tried to kick him out, and then they did kick him out, and--"

"Whoa, you've only known him a few weeks and he's already told you all this?"

"Well, it's kind of because of a coincidence. The brother from the foster family is in the LOFTY Dreams program with me."

"That's awkward, isn't it? Knowing the personal business of a young man you're going to be in the same program with for the next few years?"

"It was already awkward with Will. It's not like what Geo said made it any worse." I proceeded to tell her about my interactions with Will.

"Oh no NO," Haley kept shaking her head. "No, he DIDN'T! He really said, 'why would I want to meet you,' and 'I don't have anything to say to you?' To one of the smartest and most beautiful young women on the planet? Is his head screwed on all right? He better not cross my path, or I will knock some sense into him!"

I started laughing, and was soon rolling as Haley kept going, ending with, "Hey, I already like Geo better. At least he knows how to appreciate my niece!"

When we stopped laughing, Haley changed her tone. "Listen, it sounds like Geo has some good qualities, since he obviously appreciates yours. But with a background like his, he has to have some issues. I want you to be careful, Liz."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know, but hear me out. You're a very compassionate person, and there are men in this world who like to take advantage of that. They may have a great sob story that pulls all your heartstrings, and they'll try to get you to do for them what they should do for themselves. They'll tell you how much they love you and need you, but you can't fix their problems for them. Just remember that."

"I hear you. I promise to take care of myself. I won't let Geo fall in love with me, if I can help it."

Aunt Haley grinned. "I think it would be very hard for any young man not to fall in love with you."

"That's because you're biased."

"That doesn't mean it's not true." Haley laughed. "I'll bet even this Will guy would fall in love with you, if you gave him a chance."

I shook my head, laughing. "Nah, he's too in love with himself."

Haley made me promise once more than I would be careful when it came to Geo. We went on to talk about other things, and ended up having a great day, with lots of sales, including all the items from Hutchins House. Grandpa Larry would be happy, because during the winter months when their gardens lay fallow, a lot of the House's income came from the sale of such items.

I was always proud when I could help out Grandpa Larry, I think because I was so proud of him. It's weird, because he was an absentee father, and he really hurt Daddy, Aunt Haley and Uncle Randolph a lot. But his failures, I think, made him so effective at working with men who had been in prison. He had been a college dropout, a community activist who quit in despair, and a husband and father who had abandoned his family. But then in his forties, he reinvented himself. He went back to school and got his degree, founded Hutchins House, and re-entered the lives of his children. What he hadn't been as a father, he made up for as a grandfather. He even opened himself up to love again, marrying his wife Layla when he was fifty-two. Because he knew what it was like to overcome mistakes, bad choices, and failure, he could really inspire his guys.

I saw Geo just two more times over the next several weeks. He worked a lot of nights, and I was busy with my college applications. When we talked on the phone, he'd tell me how much he missed me, and I wondered why I didn't feel the same way. Maybe our relationship was just too new for me to have very strong feelings yet, or maybe Haley's warning was on my mind.

I hardly saw Janelle at all in December. She had finals and spent most of her evenings studying at the library on campus, usually coming home just as I was getting ready for bed.

On the Saturday before Christmas, Ma and I went to the mall to buy presents. We had been there for about three hours when we stopped to get something to eat at the food court. While eating, Ma started on her own, more modified version of the Triple B lecture.

"Look at that girl, all up on that boy in front of everybody. Girl, don't you ever let me catch you acting like that in a public place."

Ma was sitting opposite me at a small table, and I turned around to see who she was talking about. Sure enough, a few feet away there was a girl with long weaves braided in her hair, sitting on some boy's lap and engaged in an intense liplock. Between all of her hair and her being all over the guy, all you could see of him was his legs.

I turned back and said, "Trust me, Ma, you won't see me acting like that."

My mother didn't answer, but continued to stare past me. "Oh, my Lord," she said.

I turned back around. The girl had come up for air and now the boy's face was visible. It was Geo. He looked up and saw me, looking guilty for a few seconds. Then he went back to kissing the girl.

Ma started to get up. "I can't believe he's carrying on with that girl right in front of you! After we had him in our home!"

I grabbed Ma's arm. "Ma, DON'T! Don't do anything and don't say anything! Let's just leave!"

"What, are you going to let him just treat you like that? Uh-uh," she said, trying to pull away from my strong grip.

"Ma, please," I begged her. "He is not worth it. I'd rather find out about this now than later. Let's just go, please."

Thankfully, she stopped, but she called Geo all kinds of names on the car ride home, and again when she relayed the story to Daddy and my sisters. Daddy asked me how I was feeling.

"Honestly? I don't really care. It wasn't like I was in love with him. And if that's the kind of guy he is, then I don't really want to be with him."

Actually, I was kind of relieved it was over. Sometimes, Geo said to me made me feel like he was coming on too strong, too fast, especially when I had so much to do in school and with getting ready for college. I guess Aunt Haley had been right, after all.

Chapter 8

Our LOFTY Dreams meeting in January began, as had the previous one, with Sheila asking if anyone had anything they wanted to share since the last session.

Stacy raised her hand. "Um, this is kind of hard for me to talk about."

"Take your time," said Sheila.

Stacy tugged at the sleeves of her sweater for a while. I wondered what was wrong, because she usually seemed so upbeat. "Uh, I'm not sure I want to say this... but I feel like I need to, to give people time... especially before the trip in April. Because if anybody has a problem with it, I guess I need to know now." She was quiet for a moment before saying, "I'm gay."

The room was silent for a good thirty seconds. Finally, Abner broke the tension by saying, "So?" and everyone laughed.

Except Stacy, that is. "You say that, Abner, but I don't know what everyone else is thinking. I mean, my parents don't even know yet. I grew up hearing them say all kinds of negative things about gay people, and I'm afraid they'll reject me. I came out to my older brother last year, because I thought he'd be cool about it and make it easier to tell my parents, and he kind of freaked. So instead of helping me tell them, I had to make him promise not to tell them. I haven't even come out to anyone at school yet, because I'm scared it will get back to them. You guys are the first people I've told, besides my brother, because I figure we're all going to be together in April..."

"Why? Are you planning to hit on the girls when we're there?" Mike asked.

"Inappropriate, Mike," Paul said.

"She brought up the trip!"

"Mike," Sheila said in warning.

The room was quiet again until I spoke up. "Stacy, I don't know if this helps. One of my Aunt Haley's best friends is a lesbian. I was over my aunt's house once when I was about eight, and I got into an argument with my sister and called her gay. I don't think I even knew what the word meant; I had just heard kids use it as an insult on the playground. My aunt pulled me aside and explained to me what it meant, and told me about her friend Cheryl. She asked me how Cheryl might have felt if she was there and had heard me. I felt really bad, because I really liked Cheryl. Anyway, my aunt taught me that it doesn't matter who you're attracted to or who you love, what counts is what kind of person you are on the inside."

Stacy bit her lip and nodded. "Thanks, Liz."

"OK, I have a question," said Mike. "Is everyone supposed to share something like what Liz just said? Because what if we don't feel that way?"

"What do you think, everyone?" asked Sheila.

"I think Mike has a point," Will said.

Why was I not surprised? I tried not to roll my eyes.

Will turned to Stacy. "I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your being a lesbian, because I don't think that." He looked up at the Sheila and Paul. "But someone else might say something else that I disagree with. So what are we supposed to do? You said for us to be honest, but what happens if your opinion hurts someone's feelings?"

I was watching Stacy's face, wondering what her emotions were, and Will's callous attitude angered me. "This is her life, it's not an opinion!" I snapped. "It's not like disagreeing about, I don't know, teenage curfews. You can't disagree with someone's life!"

"Why are you always jumping on me?" Will shot back. "Weren't you listening when I said I didn't think there was anything wrong with her being gay? But it's like you have this propensity to willfully misunderstand me!"

"Propensity?! Oh yeah, pull out your SAT practice words, Will!" I shouted.

"OK, stop!" Sheila called out. "What just went wrong there, folks?"

Abner crossed his arms, looking smug. "I didn't hear any 'I' statements. Just you, you, you."

"True," said Paul. "What else?"

"They forgot about Stacy," Pete said. "It became about Will and Liz."

He was right, and now I was really embarrassed. I don't know why I allowed Will to get to me like that! "I am so, so sorry, Stacy," I said to her. "I was wrong just now."

"Me too," Will said. Stacy nodded at both of us.

"I think you should apologize to each other as well," Sheila said.

I didn't want to, but I turned to him and said, "I'm sorry, Will. I will try harder to not... have a propensity to willfully misunderstand you."

Will suddenly smiled. "Me, too."

I shook my head, wanting to wipe away his arrogant grin. "You just can't say the words, can you," I mumbled.

"Liz!" Paul said sharply.

"Sorry," I said again through gritted teeth.

Will continued to smirk, like he could barely contain his laughter, which made me even madder. "I actually can say the words: I'm sorry, Liz." Looking more serious, he turned to Stacy. "And I'm really sorry, Stacy. I definitely didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

She was smiling now. "You didn't. This was actually kind of fun to watch."

"Despite the less than ideal way they handled it, I think Will and Liz both brought up good points," Sheila said. "As Liz said, Stacy was sharing about her life, not an opinion. And as Will said, sometimes we will disagree even about someone's life. So what do we do when that happens? What do you think, Stacy?"

Stacy took a deep breath. "The reason why I told you guys is because when we go on this retreat, it will be the first time in my life that I'm living with people who aren't my family. And no, I don't plan to hit on to any of the girls," she said, looking at Mike. "But we are going to be in close quarters, and I just wanted to know that I'd be accepted there. So I guess if I'm sharing something that's really personal about my life, I want people to really listen first and try to understand where I'm coming from before they express their opinions about it."

"What do you think, folks?" Paul asked. "Is that a good standard for us to adopt?"

We all agreed to it and the meeting then continued.

January also marked the beginning of the indoor track season, and I had practices almost every day after school, in addition to yearbook meetings. I got home most days after 6 PM. Our first meet was on the third Saturday in January, so we were able to leave school early on Friday afternoon.

When I got home, Janelle was in our room crying. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She didn't answer. She just opened her hand and held out some crumpled pieces of paper.

I unwrinkled the sheets. The first one was her report card. She had received two F's, a D, and a C. The second one was a letter from her academic advisor. It said that she had been placed on academic probation. She would be given until the end of the summer session to bring her grades up to a 2.0 and to make up the failed classes, or else she would have to withdraw from Meryton State.

"Oh, Janelle! What happened?"

Janelle wiped her eyes. "I had final papers in two of my classes that counted for half the grade, and I didn't finish them. And I tried studying for all my finals, but I was so behind in the reading that I could never catch up..."

"But, Janelle, you were studying so hard!"

"No, I wasn't," she said. "All those times I said I was in the library... sometimes I was, but most of the time I was with Chuck."

Janelle's voice got really quiet. "I started sleeping with him, Liz. After we got back from New York. We were always trying to find a place to be alone together, either his dorm room if his roommate wasn't around, or his house if his parents weren't home. Not that that was all we did together, but the point is, we didn't do enough studying. And now Ma and Daddy are going to kill me."

"Janelle, you don't need to tell them you've been having sex with Chuck."

"You don't think they'll figure that out, when they wonder what I was doing all that time when I said I was studying? They are going to kill me, Liz." Fresh tears came to her eyes. "You know what the worst part is? I don't feel like I can do it."

"Do what?"

"Bring up my grades. So many times in class, I felt stupid. A lot of my classmates already know something about the topics before we study them, and I often still didn't understand even after doing the reading. I struggled to write the five-page papers we had early in the semester. When I found out that the final papers had to be twenty pages long, I panicked. I don't know how to write twenty pages about anything! So I blew them off. Yet some of the people around me made it seem like such a breeze."

"Janelle..." I sat down on the bed next to her. "I know what you're feeling. I feel that way when I go to my LOFTY Dreams meetings. I felt so proud of myself for doing well in AP English, and that's the only AP class at Longbourn. Some of the kids in my program go to high schools that offer sixteen different AP classes, and they'd already taken six or seven before they reached senior year! Let's face it, in some ways, Longbourn High sucks, and some of these kids are much better prepared than we are."

"I don't know if that makes me feel any better. Maybe I should just drop out, if I don't have what it takes to make it in college."

"NO, Janelle! You're as smart as anybody at your school! You just need to figure out how to manage the work, or get help or something."

Janelle started crying again. "Ma and Daddy are going to tell me I need to break up with Chuck."

I put my arm around her and hugged her. "You don't know that for sure. We'll talk to them together. I know that in one of the LOFTY meetings this spring, we're going to discuss time management and study skills. I could share what I learn with you. And we can do more studying together. And you and Chuck could commit to going to the library more. Maybe we can convince them that it's going to get better."

Janelle decided to wait until Sunday night to tell Ma and Daddy. She needed them to sign the letter from her academic advisor, but she figured, why ruin the whole weekend? She and Chuck went out on Saturday, and afterward, I asked her what he had said about the two of them studying more.

"I didn't tell him," she answered.

"Why not?"

"He got his report card, too. He earned a 3.0. Liz, he spent just as much time with me as I spent with him! You don't think he's going to wonder how he ended up with such a dumb girlfriend?"

"Janelle, you're not dumb. It's what I was saying before. Chuck probably started college better prepared than you did."

"It's more than that. You know that some the worst students at Meryton State are all from places like Longbourn City? They don't come to class, or they show up late, and a lot of them don't graduate. Chuck hates that, because he thinks it makes the African-American students on campus look bad as a whole. How do you think he's going to feel when he finds out that I'm not any different?"

"You said yourself that you were spending time together instead of studying. Any problems you've had, he's been a part of."

"Yeah, but he managed to make up for it."

"You still need to tell him. If he really loves you, he'll want you to do better and try to help you."

I stayed by Janelle's side when she talked to Ma and Daddy on Sunday evening, and as predicted, they completely flipped out, Daddy especially. He told her she had to come home every evening and do her studying there. "But Daddy, some of the books I need to read are on reserve at the library. I can't bring them home," she said.

"Then you find a way to read those books during the day. Another thing--I don't want you on the phone with Chuck or going out with him until after your midterms, and you need to pass every one of them."

I knew Janelle wouldn't bring up the "I'm 18, so I can make my own choices" argument, because our parents would come back with the fact that she still lived under their roof and they still paid the bills.

"How am I going to tell Chuck?" she asked me later.

"You'll see him on campus. Talk to him. I know he'll understand."

Chapter 9

I was wrong. Chuck didn't understand. Janelle came home from school a few weeks later, looking very depressed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Chuck broke up with me."

"What? Why?"

"He was waiting for me after one of my classes today. He just walked up and said, 'I'm tired of this. It's over.'" Her voice sounded very weary.

I hugged her. "Oh, Janelle, I'm so sorry!"

"Doesn't matter. I don't really care anymore."

"You don't mean that!"

She looked at me and tried to smile. "Don't say that, Liz. I'm trying hard not to care, because otherwise I'd break down crying all the time. Do me a favor and help me pretend it doesn't matter, OK?"

"Okay," I promised, giving her another hug. What I was thinking, however, was what a jerk Chuck was to dump Janelle so heartlessly just before Valentine's Day. Was he as much of a snob as Janelle had feared he might be, looking down on her because of her bad grades? Or maybe he was frustrated because they weren't allowed to go out these days. If that was the case, he needed to understand that Janelle couldn't afford not to do well in school. He might have a rich family to fall back on, but we didn't. Succeeding in college was Janelle's only chance.

In any case, not caring about other people's struggles proved to me that as nice of a guy as Chuck might have seemed, he and his cousin were actually a lot alike. My initial impressions of Will continued to be confirmed at the previous Sunday's LOFTY Dreams meeting. This was the meeting about good study habits in college, which I had been looking forward to both for my own and Janelle's sake. The evening began with a small group. Will, Mike, Heather and Anna were all absent.

Kathy had been responding to a question Sheila had asked about how much critical thinking we do in school. "At my school, the teachers just want you to read the books, and then in tests or essays, write what the book said. If you do that well, you get an A. I feel like I do so much more thinking at my youth group"--Kathy was president of a Vietnamese youth organization--"but that's not really academic. That's mostly thinking about things like, how do we plan an upcoming party?"

"Maybe you're underestimating how important that experience is, Kathy," Paul said. "Are there ways that you can apply the thinking you do in your youth group to the learning you do in school?"

Suddenly, the door opened, and Will, Mike, Heather and Anna all casually strolled in, about twenty minutes late for our meeting.

"Nice of you to join us," Sheila said sarcastically. "We were just talking about the importance of asking good questions and learning how to think well. Kathy, go on."

Before Kathy could continue, Mike whispered something to Will and they both started laughing.

I made a sound of disgust. "It's bad enough that you were late, now you're treating this like it's a joke."

"Sorry," Mike said.

But Will, despite his claim at the last meeting of being able to apologize, made excuses instead. "I'm not even sure why I need to be here tonight," he said. "I had to take a whole semester class on study and thinking skills in ninth grade. There's nothing I could hear in one evening that I didn't already know."

No wonder he was late. He didn't think it mattered. "I guess you forgot that this program's not supposed to be about you," I said. "I personally need this meeting tonight. But since you don't, at least you could think about ways you can help the rest of us who do."

Will looked for a second as though he were going to argue with me, but then thought better of it. He smiled instead. "All right, I can do that."

"And how will you do that?" Paul asked.

Will continued to grin at me. "I can share my expertise."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Will's arrogance knew no bounds.

As the meeting was ending, Anna approached me. "Trying to get some bonus points?" she said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Like you don't know."

I laughed. "Actually, I have no idea what you mean."

Anna gave me an icy glare. "It's not going to work, Liz."

I watched her walk away and wondered what the heck that was all about. She ran up to Will, placed her hand on his arm and said something to him. They both started laughing. Interesting.

Despite the tensions of the February meeting, I was eagerly looking forward to the next one. The Hunsford retreat was coming up, and I was so excited about it, I was counting down the days. The March LOFTY Dreams meeting was an extended one, during which we spent several hours stocking shelves at a food bank, and then went to the university where we talked about the plans for the trip. We would depart on a bus from the main gate at the U.M. campus at seven PM on the first Sunday in April, which coincided with the start of most of our spring break weeks, and we would return at one PM the following Sunday.

"The students from the previous classes have always said that the retreat is the highlight of the first year of the program," Sheila told us. "This is the time when everyone in the group really gets to know one another and bond."

"It's also a lot of fun," Paul added. "The Hunsford Retreat Center is located about two hours from Meryton, and it's an incredibly beautiful place. It's surrounded by woods, there are hiking trails, a lake with boating, a recreation center with a track, workout rooms, a pool, and squash courts. There is so much to do there."

"And you'll need it, too," Sheila laughed. "Because there's no electronic media there. You're not allowed to bring any electronics either, except cell phones and mp3 players. And your cell phones may or may not work, because the reception is poor. We'll let you check in with your parents on the center's landlines if needed."

"You're kidding," Abner said. "You mean no computers?"

"None," Sheila said.

"No TV either?" Heather added.

"Oh, no, I'll miss 'American Idol'!" Stacy said in a high-pitched voice that sounded a lot like Heather's. Heather glared at her but everyone else laughed, which was good, since it took the stunned looks off our faces.

"Don't worry, you'll survive," Sheila said, smiling.

Paul handed out sheets of paper to us. "These are contracts that you need to sign and have your parents or guardians sign."

"If you remember at the first meeting," Sheila said, "I mentioned that we have to add a few more rules to the program during the retreat because you'll be away from your homes and your parents. Also, there will be both religious and business groups at the retreat center the same time we are, so we need you to behave as responsibly as possible."

I read through the contract. It said that I would agree to participate in all program activities, and refrain from drugs, alcohol, sex, fighting, or the possession of any weapons. Failure to abide by any of these rules would result in termination from the program.

"What's up with the 'no sex' rule?" Mike asked. "You can't tell us that."

"Yeah, some of us are legal adults," Will added.

"I think most of your parents would agree to that one," Sheila answered.

Kathy and I were talking at the end of the meeting when Anna approached me again. It would have felt like dŽjˆ vu, except this time Heather was with her.

"Are you looking forward to the retreat, Liz?" Heather asked.

"Yeah, of course," I answered, a little suspicious of the fake-friendly expressions on their faces.

"Lots of chances to get to know the boys, right?" Anna said.

"There'll be lots of chances to get to know everyone," I said slowly.

They both started laughing and then walked away. Kathy looked at me in confusion. "What's wrong with them?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. It's like they have it in for me or something, but I have no idea why."

I happened to look up in time to see Anna walk over to Will and touch his arm again, just like she had at the end of the last meeting, and it hit me. I pointed them out to Kathy.

"Ohhh," she said in understanding. "So Anna likes Will and that was a 'back off my man' type of thing?"

"I guess," I laughed, "but when it comes to Will Darcy, Anna had nothing to worry about from me."

Posted on: 2015-04-01

Chapter 10

The first Sunday in April was a clear spring day, but the temperature had rapidly cooled by that evening when ten teenagers gathered, laden down with luggage, to say goodbye to their families. Ma made a bit of a scene over me (of course) and although I was embarrassed, I let her fuss. It made me feel warm and fuzzy to know my family would miss me, even though, I had to admit, I probably wouldn't miss them. I was much too excited about the trip.

Kathy and I sat together on the bus to Hunsford, discussing our college acceptance (and rejection!) letters, which had arrived during the previous week. "Where'd you get in?" she asked me.

"McCaffrey, U.M., and Meryton State. I'm kind of bummed because I really wanted Westcott, but I was waitlisted."

"So what's your second choice?"

"McCaffrey. That's where I'll end up. What about you?"

"U.M. and Oakwood Tech. I'll probably pick U.M."

Standing near the front of the bus, Sheila called for everyone's attention. "I hear many of you talking about your college acceptances. Congratulations to you all. Paul and I want to interrupt to go over the program schedule. We'll arrive about nine PM, in time to get settled before the retreat center's curfew, which is ten. We'll register and head right to our dorm."

"Why is there a curfew?" asked Heather.

"Partly for safety. There are animals in the woods, you know."

"Wild animals, huh? Cool," said Abner.

Sheila continued. "The other reason is that the retreat center wants to keep the noise level down after ten."

"That means in the dorms, too," Paul added. "After ten, we want all of the young men on their floor, and the young women on theirs, to keep the noise level down."

"Do we have a bedtime, too?" Stacy joked.

Sheila laughed. "No, you don't, but I want you to be wise about when you go to bed. If I catch any of you falling asleep in our daytime sessions, I will not be happy."

Paul went on with the schedule. "The rec center opens at six AM, if anyone wants to work out. Breakfast is served in the cafeteria from seven to nine. You have maps of the whole campus so you'll know where everything is. We'll meet everyday in the Rosings Room of the conference center from nine AM sharp until one PM, although a couple days we'll go out for an activity. Your afternoons are free to do whatever you want. Lunch is from one to two, and dinner from five to seven."

"Basically, after one, you're free from Paul and me until seven that evening, when we pull you back together for about a half-hour in one of the lounges in the dorm for a fun activity or debrief," Sheila added with a smile. "Also, most days you'll have an assignment to complete from the day's lesson."

It was very dark when we finally arrived at the Hunsford Retreat Center and pulled up in front of the dormitory where we would stay. I looked around to gather my bearings before we entered the building. The night was eerily quiet, and without the street lights I was used to, the place seemed a little creepy.

We had one wing of the dormitory all to ourselves. There were two floors, both of which had a large communal bathroom, eight small dorm rooms and a lounge. Each room was furnished simply with a bed, a dresser, and a desk. The boys and Paul would bunk on the first floor, and the girls and Sheila would stay on the second.

There was a small alarm clock on the dresser of my room, and I set it for six AM. I had promised my track coach that I would run everyday while I was away, so I went straight to bed. In what seemed like no time, the alarm went off in the morning. I got up, put on my track suit and running shoes, and went to the bathroom to splash water in my face and brush my teeth.

Anna and Heather were in the bathroom when I arrived, both dressed in workout clothes and fussing with their hair.

"Where are you off to so early?" Heather asked.

"I'm going running," I answered. "And you?"

"What's it look like?" Anna snapped.

"You know, I could have been snotty and said something like that when Heather asked me, but I didn't," I said.

"I guess you missed an opportunity then," Anna said with a smug look on her face.

Annoyed, I shook my head and left the bathroom. When I got downstairs, Will was in front of the building, wearing his green and white Pemberley Panthers uniform. He was lifting his leg behind him in a quad stretch.

"I was hoping I'd see you," he said. "Want to run together?"

I didn't want to run with Will, but I knew a partner would help me. Not to mention that it was still dark outside. I remembered what Sheila had said about there being animals in the woods. I was a city kid, and if I were alone and saw even something small like a skunk or a snake, I'd probably freak out.

"Yeah, let's do it," I answered.

Will held out one of the maps of the campus under the light that illuminated the door entrance. "There's a path that passes by the conference center and then the rec center, then down by the lake," he showed me. "We could follow it and then turn around and come back. It's probably about five miles. We can start walking when we return to the conference center to cool down."

I took a few minutes to stretch, and then we set off. The air still held the chilliness of early spring, so it felt great when I finally started to break a sweat. The path traveled downhill, and as we approached the lake, the sun started to rise.

When I saw the gold and pink colors reflecting off the crystal water, I couldn't help myself. I had never seen anything like it, and I stopped to take it all in.

Will had run a few feet past me before he noticed that I wasn't with him. He came back to where I was standing with my mouth hanging open. "Why'd you stop?"

"This is amazing," I said.

"This is nothing. Once when my family went on vacation--"

I interrupted him. "Since I wasn't on that vacation, I can't appreciate whatever you're going to say. So why don't you be quiet and let me enjoy this?"

Will laughed. "Okay."

Our voices disturbed a bird that had been resting in the reeds beside the water. It lifted into the air and began to fly low across the lake, gently flapping its long wings.

"Is that a crane?" I whispered.

"I think so," Will answered, his voice also low.

When the bird finished its flight across the water and landed in a tree on the other side, I let out a small sigh. "That was beautiful."

"Kind of like you," Will said.

I blinked. Will had spoken so softly, I wasn't sure I heard him right. Or had I heard him say anything at all? I was too embarrassed to turn and look at him.

Will touched my arm and I jumped a little. "We should head back," he said.

The run back was much tougher. I was used to running on a track, not uphill on uneven terrain. Will soon left me in the dust. He was waiting for me by the conference center when I arrived, panting and short of breath.

Will crossed his arms. "Liz," he said, first smirking and then laughing.

"I'm not used to running outdoors," I managed to get out between breaths. I started laughing, too. "Pretty bad, huh?"

"You know what? Maybe we should work out together this afternoon. We could meet at the rec center, maybe from four to five, and I could show you some things that would help increase your stamina."

Did I want to accept this kind of offer from Will? He was a state record-holder, I reminded myself. It would be stupid not to.

"OK, sure."

As we walked back to cool down, I asked, "So where was this vacation?"

"What?"

"The vacation your family went on. You know, the one that was so much better than the lake here."

Will stared at me for a second before answering, I guess trying to figure out if I was being sarcastic, but I was really curious. "Lake Geneva in Switzerland," he finally said. "We went when I was twelve. The water was the clearest blue I've ever seen."

Switzerland, wow, I thought. "Did you go there to ski?" That was the only thing I knew about Switzerland.

He shook his head. "It was summer. We went to Europe for three weeks and visited a lot of the major cities. My mom had always wanted to go to Europe, and both my grandparents had died earlier that year and left us some money, so that gave us the chance."

"That must have been hard, to lose both your grandparents in the same year."

He nodded. "Yeah, especially because they were the only ones I knew. I miss them."

I was suddenly embarrassed again, like maybe the conversation was becoming too personal, so I shut up for a while, even though I was brimming with questions I wanted to ask him about Europe.

He interrupted my thoughts. "What about you? Are your grandparents still alive?"

I smiled and nodded. "Five of them."

"How do you have five grandparents?"

"One of my grandmothers died when I was nine, and both my grandfathers are on their second marriage. If you add three living grandparents with two step-grandmothers, that's five."

"I wish I had that," Will said a little wistfully.

I shrugged. "I wish I could go to Europe."

He raised his eyebrows. "So I shouldn't be complaining? Is that what you're saying?"

It hit me that my comment probably sounded a little mean to a guy who had lost his dad and the only grandparents he knew. "Sorry, I didn't mean that. I like learning about different people's experiences, that's all. That's why we're here, right?"

Will nodded like he was deep in thought as we arrived back at the dorm. He patted my shoulder and thanked me for the run before heading down the boys' hallway.

During the morning session in the Rosings Room, we played several games that involved teambuilding, communication and problem-solving, and discussed them afterward. Our "homework" for the evening was to read the transcript of a Meryton City Council meeting.

When the session ended, Kathy and I walked out together to head for the cafeteria. Will stopped me. "Are we still on for four o'clock?" he asked. I nodded.

"What's at four?" Kathy asked after Will walked away.

"We're going to practice in the rec center. He's going to help me with my running."

"Didn't you guys go running this morning?"

"Yes."

Kathy looked at me quizzically. "Do you think he likes you, Liz?"

"Nope," I scoffed. "I'm pretty sure he and Anna are a thing." They had sat together on the bus, at breakfast, and at the morning session.

"But he's spending a lot of time with you. And helping you with your running is pretty nice of him." She grinned mischievously. "I bet he likes you."

"Kathy," I argued. "This is not about liking me or helping me. It's about him." I recalled his smug grin when he talked about sharing his expertise back at one of our LOFTY meetings. Yeah, he wanted to share his expertise, all right. "This is about Will Darcy showing off how good he is. That's all."

"Maybe." She snickered. "Or maybe Anna does have something to worry about."

I just shook my head, laughing.

That afternoon, Will had me do so many drills that after an hour, I was exhausted. "Man, you're tough," I told him. "I guess you're trying to make sure I look good on the track?"

Will laughed. "I think you already look good, Liz, on or off the track."

Okay, this time I definitely heard him. I didn't know how to respond. Was he flirting with me? And if so, why? I didn't think his opinion of me was much higher than my opinion of him. Plus, he and Anna seemed joined at the hip whenever they were together. Maybe he was one of those guys who just flirted with whatever girl was around. He had to know of how good-looking he was.

Afterward, Will set up some hurdles along the track and asked if I would stay while he ran. I agreed, thinking it would be interesting to see the great William Darcy in action. He was smooth and he was fast and it was a pleasure to watch.

"He has nice legs, huh? Nice butt, too."

I turned to see Anna standing behind me. "I just wanted to watch him run," I said. "I want to see what I can learn."

Anna laughed. "Don't act so innocent, Liz. You're checking out his body, too."

I gave her a scornful look. "Not everybody is into him the way you are."

"I guess the real question isn't whose into him, but who he's into," she replied.

"Whatever." I had no desire to hang around any longer. "Well, enjoy," I said as I walked past her.

When Kathy and I went to dinner that evening, we joined a table where Stacy, Abner, Pete and Nathan were already sitting. There were about thirty adults in the cafeteria, and we were the only teenagers.

"Did you guys look at that transcript yet?" Stacy asked. "It's like thirty pages long! And so much of it is so boring!"

"I can't look at anything," Nathan said. "I'm going through Nintendo withdrawal symptoms."

"I hear you," said Abner. "I don't know how I'm going to make it without my Xbox." He grabbed Pete's shirt with shaky hands, like a junkie needing a fix. "My Xbox, where's my Xbox?" he rasped as the rest of us laughed.

We saw Will and Anna walk into the cafeteria, and Abner yelled, "Yo!" and waved them over. They looked at us, but headed for a table on the opposite side of the room. My first thought was that they wanted to be alone, but a few seconds later, Mike and Heather joined them.

"Huh," Abner said, watching them go. "I think we just got dissed."

"Even here, there's an in-crowd," I observed. "Imagine that."

"Why are they the in-crowd?" Nathan asked. "Why can't we be the in-crowd? There are more of us than there are of them."

"Silly boy," said Stacy. "The whole point of an in-crowd isn't to include people, it's to keep people out. Their little group is the princesses and the jocks."

"I'm a jock."

"You're a swimmer. That doesn't count."

"What about me?" Abner asked.

"You're not a jock, you're a science nerd," Nathan objected.

"I'm a wanna-be jock. I can't help it that my school only has 160 students and we don't have any sports teams."

"You know," Pete said, "you made some sexist assumptions in what you said earlier, Stacy."

"Oh, really?" Stacy said, looking amused.

"Right, because you classified them as either princesses or jocks. Where does someone like Liz fit in? I would assume she's at least as much of a jock as Will, since they're in the same sport."

Abner started laughing hard. "I love my man Pete! He always brings up the serious stuff."

"Hey, Liz," Kathy teased, "Maybe you could join them, and then they wouldn't be exclusive anymore."

"Oh, no," I said, shaking my head and laughing. "I do not want to be a part of their little group. I'm happy right here."

Chapter 11

As the week went on, we really did have a lot of fun. The daily workshops turned out to be very interesting. We discussed a variety of social and political topics, read stories about both famous people and ordinary people who stepped up and made big changes in their communities, and role-played situations involving leadership, communication, and compromise. After the morning sessions were over, my friends and I in the "out crowd," as we started calling ourselves, explored the whole range of activities at Hunsford, and found that after a day or so, we didn't miss the lack of TV/Internet/game systems/etc. all that much.

Will and I continued to run in the mornings and work out in the afternoons, and the return runs became much easier. We talked a lot about stuff we liked to do and about the retreat assignments during these times. During our walk back from Wednesday's early morning run, Will mentioned the previous night's readings about people who had inspired and led millions such as Gandhi and Martin Luther King, and I told him that my grandfather had known MLK.

"Wow." Will's eyes grew bright. "That's awesome! How did he know him?"

"He was a Civil Rights activist back in the '60s. He was involved in sit-ins, registering people to vote, all that."

"Do you ever feel like it's hard to live up to that? My dad was always drilling into me, 'You have so much, you have to give back,' and sometimes I wonder if I can live up to what he expected of me."

I was surprised to hear him share something so vulnerable, but I remembered him talking about missing his grandparents and realized that he wasn't always full of himself. So I really wanted to be nice in my response. "My grandfather would be the first to tell you that he hasn't always lived up to what he expected. But he says that there's enough need for good to be done in the world that there'll always be another chance to do it."

Will was quiet for a moment like he was pondering what I'd said. "You should tell everyone about your grandfather, Liz."

I shook my head.

"Why not? It would be inspiring."

"Because I don't want to sound like I'm bragging."

Will spread out his hands in a gesture of surprise. "You told me."

"That's because..." Why had I told Will? I certainly wasn't trying to impress him. But he was right; my grandfather was my hero. "OK, maybe I will. I can leave out the part about him knowing King."

"If you want to. I think it's inspiring, not bragging, but that's me." He turned to face me, smiling and walking backwards. "Hey, you know what else is inspiring?"

"What?"

"The sunsets around here! They're even better than the sunrises!"

"What time does it set?"

"About eight. I watched it yesterday."

About eight... On the previous two days after our seven PM debrief, the "out crowd" and I had played a couple of board games we had found in the dorm's lounges. But maybe I could talk them into watching the sunset for a while. I smiled back and nodded. "Sounds like fun!"

I wondered if our conversation about my grandfather was still on Will's mind later that morning. Instead of meeting in the Rosings Room, we met in the woods with one of the Hunsford staff members, who was there to lead us on a ropes course. A fifty-foot long rope bridge was strung up about twenty-five feet off the ground between two tall trees, and a zip line shot out from the second tree to the ground. Each of us took turns being strapped into a harness, which encircled your waist and upper thighs and then was clipped securely onto the rope contraption. During your turn, you had to climb up the first tree by stepping onto and gripping sturdy metal handles that had been drilled into the trunk. When you reached the top you had to walk across the rope bridge until you came to the second tree. Although the bridge was firmly attached to the two thick oaks and the fibers beneath your feet were strong enough to bear your weight, it wobbled as you walked and felt very unsteady, so it was hard not to wonder whether you might fall. Once you arrived at the second tree, you grabbed the zip line and rappelled back to earth.

I was nervous while waiting for my turn, but once I started up the first tree, I found the experience thrilling. I could have done the whole thing again and again, but I knew from the way some of my classmates hesitated and how we all shouted encouragement to one another, that the purpose of this activity was to face our fears and work together.

This was especially true for Kathy. She climbed the first tree without a problem, but at the top, she froze and couldn't bring herself to start walking across the bridge, even though the harness would prevent her from falling and getting hurt. The rest of us cheered her on from the ground for several minutes, to no avail.

"You can climb back down, if you'd like," the instructor finally told her.

Kathy closed her eyes and didn't move. I wasn't sure whether she was scared even to come back down, or if she didn't want to give up yet and was trying to psych herself up.

Will walked over to the instructor and asked him something. The man nodded, and Will grabbed another harness, buckled himself in, and started to climb the tree. When he reached the top, he stood behind Kathy and whispered in her ear. I watched her nod, and then she opened her eyes, and grabbed the handles of the bridge. She slowly started walking across the bridge, with Will right behind her. It looked like he was saying, "You can do this, you're doing good, keep going," over and over.

By the time Kathy reached the zip line, we were all screaming in excitement for her. She hesitated again, and Will continued to whisper to her. Finally she grabbed the zip line and flew to the ground. The rest of us ran over to hug her and slap her back and congratulate her. Kathy was positively glowing, laughing with joy that she had overcome such a big challenge.

Will waited until the rest of us had cleared out of the way, and then zipped down to the ground himself. Kathy ran over to hug him and thank him. After he had unbuckled and stepped out of the harness, I walked over and said with a grin, "Good job. I'm sure Sheila and Paul will make you the topic of our discussion later."

He laughed, looking a little embarrassed, and it occurred to me that he had a beautiful smile.

Later that afternoon, my friends and I went boating on the lake, using the small rowboats that were available for retreat center guests. Kathy and I shared a boat, and during our ride, she mentioned Will's help that morning. "I can't believe he did that for me. He was so encouraging! He's a great guy, despite his friends." She grinned at me. "Plus, he's seriously handsome. I still think you should go for him, Liz."

I made a face. I had to admit I had been impressed by him that morning. Still, I couldn't get over the fact that sometimes he seemed to flirt with me but spent so much time with Anna. I was pretty sure they were an item, and if that was the case, Will was not my idea of a nice guy. "Maybe you should go for him, since you think he's so hot!"

"Actually," she whispered, "I kind of like Pete."

"Pete! Are you serious?" I shouted. "That is so great!"

Kathy, looking embarrassed, motioned for me to lower my voice so no one in the other boats could hear us. "He's really nice. And I think it's so cute the way his hair always falls in his eyes," she said.

"Do you think he likes you, too?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"I could ask him for you."

She begged me not to, so I promised I wouldn't. I spent the rest of the boat ride giggling at her, because I was so happy. Pete and Kathy were both such sweet people, they would make a great couple.

I was right about Will, though--definitely not a nice guy, at least when it came to relationships. He stopped our workout twenty minutes early on Wednesday afternoon, asking if I wanted to finish with some strength training. I agreed, and we headed to the weight room.

We were using two different nautilus machines when something occurred to me. "Hey, Anna won't know where to find us." Just as she had on Monday, Anna had showed up near the end of our workout on Tuesday, too.

Will completed his rep before answering. "So what?"

So what?! I repeated in my head, stifling my laughter. Glad you're not my boyfriend!

When we finished, Will asked me again if I wanted to watch the sunset. "Yeah, I do," I told him. "I asked Abner and the rest of my friends, and we're all going to watch it together tonight."

"You asked Abner? Oh," Will said. "OK, then. I guess I'll see you in the morning." He turned and rushed out the room without waiting for me, probably trying to catch Anna in case she was looking for him on the track.

The sunset that evening was a brilliant array of copper and magenta streaks across the sky. My friends and I watched it from a hilltop lookout tower, one Pete had discovered during his exploration of the campus. The gorgeous view silenced us, with the twittering of birds and rustling of wind through the trees providing background music.

We remained after it grew dark and observed the stars through a telescope bolted to the concrete wall of the tower. Nathan turned out to be an expert in the constellations, and as he labeled them for us we joked about those "name a star after your loved one" ads and how we'd react if any of us ever received such a gift. All in all, it was turning out to be a great week, one of the happiest I'd ever remember having.

The one uncomfortable thing remained the way Will, Heather, Mike and Anna closed themselves off from the rest of us outside of official program activities. Paul had even commented on it and asked us about it. "Ask them," Stacy said. "We have no idea why they're acting that way."

I didn't know whether or not Paul asked them that question, but I did. Or at least, I asked Will, on Thursday afternoon. "How come you and Anna and those guys don't hang out with everybody else?"

Will stared at me for a second and then shrugged. "We're friends. We were already becoming good friends before the retreat."

"That doesn't mean you can't be friends with the rest of us."

Will laughed, seeming uncomfortable. "It's nothing personal."

"It feels personal. It's like you think you're better than us."

Will tilted his head and grinned. "It works both ways, Liz. Why don't you come hang out with us?"

I snorted. "I don't think I'd be welcome. I already know Heather and Anna don't like me."

"Yeah, but they don't like anybody."

As if the meaning of what he'd said just hit him, Will looked startled. It made me laugh.

"You're not making a very good case, Will. If they don't like anybody, why are you friends with them?"

Will was quiet for a few seconds. "I don't have a good answer to that."

"Are your friends at school like them?"

"My closest friends, no," he answered, sounding a little pensive. "You'd find them pretty cool."

"Then I'm glad you have good people around you back home," I said gently. "But if you change your mind while you're here, my friends actually like people."

Will laughed, and it hit me again how much I liked seeing his smile.

I was still thinking about our conversation on Thursday evening at dinner when Will sat down beside me.

"Joining the peasants?" Abner asked him. I frowned, a little annoyed with Abner, because I wanted Will to feel welcome among my friends.

Will shrugged. "I can change where I sit now and then." He didn't stay long, however. About a minute or two later, when Anna and Mike walked in, he got up and joined them at their usual table.

"That was interesting," Stacy commented. "One of the in-crowd decides to sit with us, but only for a second. Wonder why?"

"Can't show his buddies he's sitting with the losers," Abner said. "We might rub off on him."

"I think he was here because of you," Kathy whispered in my ear. I didn't respond, because I felt a little hurt. If Will had sat down because of me, then why did he get up and move? Surely Abner's smart-alecky comment wasn't enough to drive him away. A second later, I kicked myself for letting a stupid guy like Will hurt me. He was with Anna, so what did I expect? I didn't even know why I cared.

With all the discussions we were having in our morning sessions, sooner or later the conversation had to turn to race and ethnicity, something we had all tiptoed around. It finally happened on Friday morning. Kathy and Abner shared some of their experiences being the children of immigrants, and Anna and Nathan talked about how people often assume they were first or second generation Americans, even though their U.S. roots were much deeper.

We were discussing whether or not embracing one's identity was more beneficial or divisive, when I took offense to this comment by Mike: "Black people who are my close friends, I don't see them as black."

"Why would you act like that's a compliment?" I asked.

"Speak from your own experience," Paul said.

I corrected myself. "OK, I don't see that as a compliment. If someone legitimately doesn't see color, then I think they wouldn't see anybody's color and there would be no need to make a statement like that. If someone says to me, 'I don't see you as black', I wonder what they think about the other people who they do see as black. It sounds to me like they're saying that they don't think much of black people in general, but they think of me as an exception."

"So you're saying I'm racist?" Mike asked.

"Your own experience," Paul repeated.

Mike tried again. "It feels to me like you're saying I'm a racist, Liz."

"That's not what I'm saying," I replied. "I'm just saying that I don't know if you know how that sounds to a person of color's ears."

Mike turned to Will. "You're my friend. You know I'm not a racist, right?"

Will held up his hands. "I'm not in this conversation."

"Will, come on!" Mike said in exasperation.

"Do you have any thoughts about this issue, Will?" Sheila asked.

Will leaned back in his seat. "No, I don't."

I wasn't sure why Will was so adamant about not joining the discussion, unless he felt that anything he said would alienate someone.

That afternoon on the track at the rec center, Will said he wanted to time me in the 200 meters, one of my events. I knew I had done better than I ever had as soon as I crossed the finish line. I heard Will shout, "Nice, Liz, nice!" as he looked at the stopwatch and then ran over and hugged me. He held me for a second or two longer than he needed to congratulate me, and I realized that I liked the feeling of his strong arms around me.

We both pulled away and Will asked, "Do you want to do the weight room again?"

I was relieved to be able to answer so I could forget about how good his muscled arms looked and felt. "Yeah, let's go."

When we got to the weight room, Abner was already there bench pressing. I sat at one of the leg machines to work my quads while I watched Will walk over to Abner. "Don't hurt yourself," Will said. "You sure that's not too much?"

I laughed to myself, thinking, Boys are always so competitive!

I was on my second set of reps when I heard Will and Abner arguing. "So you think that that because I live in Pemberley, I don't know what it means to be black?" Will was saying. I guess they were continuing the morning's discussion.

Abner, now sitting up, laughed harshly. "What could you know about it? You don't know what most of us have to go through. My parents came here from Ghana with nothing, and they work minimum-wage jobs. I live in the projects. Two kids in my building got shot last year. What do you know about stuff like that?"

I was no longer lifting. I was listening.

"You don't know what I've been through," Will said sharply. "I've never even met two of my uncles because they've been in prison my whole life."

Abner didn't acknowledge what Will said. "OK, case in point. You got into Westcott, right?"

"What's that have to do with anything?" Will answered.

"What's your class rank?"

"Twelfth."

"Liz here," Abner pointed at me, "is first in her class, and she was wait-listed. So you get all the advantages of attending the best public high school around, and because you also have a little melanin in your skin, they accept you into Westcott to boost their stats for students of color. But meanwhile, you've never had to overcome anything the way I have, or Liz has had to."

"Tenth grade was a hard year for me," Will said. "My rank would have been higher if it weren't for that."

Abner made a phony sympathetic face. "Aw, what happened, you weren't elected homecoming king?"

I saw the look that crossed Will's face. "Abner, cut it out," I said.

"Chill, Liz. Why are you defending him?"

Will and I spoke at the same time. Me: "I'm not defending him." Will: "I don't need her to defend me."

Abner looked back and forth between the two of us for a minute. Then he started laughing. "Man, I'm just busting on you because you live in Pemberley," he told Will. "I don't mean anything by it. But I guess I hit a nerve with that homecoming remark."

Will gave him a disgusted look and walked out.

"Abner, Will's father died," I said. "Tenth grade is probably when it happened."

The smile faded from Abner's face. "I didn't know that."

"Sometimes you joke around too much," I snapped at him, before turning to leave. I ran after Will, who was walking on the path back to the dorm.

"Are you okay?" I asked when I reached him.

"Yeah," he replied tersely.

"Don't listen to Abner; he can be a jerk sometimes." He didn't answer, so I went on. "I'm sorry about your dad. Is that when he died? When you were in tenth grade?"

Will nodded but said, "It's not really about my dad. It's all the other stuff."

"The race stuff? But why is that hard to talk about? I'm not trying to put you on the defensive or anything," I added quickly.

Will stopped and looked at me for a moment. "You know I was five years old the first time a kid on the playground called me the n-word? You think it's possible for me to grow up in Pemberley and not know I'm black?"

I shook my head. He went on to tell me some of his experiences being the only African-American male in his class. I had never been in that position, so I hadn't realized what it might be like to stand out like that, or why he might get tired of talking about it.

Later that evening, Abner caught up with me. "I apologized to your boy," he said. "We're still cool, right?"

"He's not my boy," I said. "I just feel like, you're both my friends, and as the three African-American students in this program, we should at least get along."

Right after I said those words, I realized with surprise that I really did consider Will a friend. I couldn't stand him when we first arrived, and now my feelings were totally different.

Abner grinned. "I understand. But I think you and Will might be more than just friends."

"That's not true," I said. "What about Anna?"

Abner raised his eyebrows, looking amused. "What about her?"

I shook my head. First Kathy and now Abner! I felt my stomach twisting a little, and I wasn't sure why. Was it possible that Will did like me, and that's why it occasionally seemed like he was flirting? No, I concluded. He wouldn't spend so much time with Anna if he liked me.

And now came my moment of truth: did I like him? Okay, he was cute. And smart. And a lot nicer than I had given him credit for. And those arms... stop it, Liz! Will was too much of a flirt for my taste, maybe even a player, I decided: the kind of guy you could trust as a friend but not a boyfriend.

That didn't stop me from being curious and wanting to know him better. On Saturday morning, as we were walking back to the dorm after our run, I asked Will something I had been wondering about since the previous day. "Do you really have two uncles in jail?"

"Why would I lie about that?" he replied angrily. "My mother's brothers."

An uncomfortable silence followed. To break it, I finally asked, "Would you tell me more about your dad?"

Will stopped for a second, and then continued walking. "He was the best. I always knew that his family was the most important thing to him. He had to work a lot of long hours, but he'd almost always come home for dinner, or to attend one of my meets, and then go back to work. Sometimes when he had to work weekends, he'd take me with him. When I was little I'd bring a Gameboy and play alongside him while he did his paperwork, and when I was older I'd do my homework."

Will stopped again and looked off into the distance. "Sometimes he used to embarrass me. Whenever my friends would come over, he'd try to engage them in conversations about politics or history. I used to think, 'Why can't you discuss something normal, like TV or sports?' After he died, a couple of my friends were talking about him. They said they were going to really miss him because he always talked to them like they were adults, and not kids. I realized then that my friends liked it when my dad had those conversations with them. They felt like he respected their intelligence and maturity. I wish I had appreciated that more when he was alive."

"It sounds like he was a great guy," I said.

"He was."

As we walked on in silence, I thought about my own father. It would devastate me if something happened to him, so I could only imagine what Will had been through. When we reached the dorm, Will paused before opening the door. "Liz," he said, "thanks for asking."

For a moment, it looked like he was going to say something else, but when he didn't, I just nodded and started up the stairs.

At lunch that day, Kathy proposed revisiting all the outdoor activities we had done earlier in the week, since it was our last full day at Hunsford and it had rained Friday afternoon, keeping us indoors. Everyone loved the idea, but I chewed my lip, thinking that it would be difficult to meet Will at four if we did that. So I did something unprecedented: I stood and walked over to the in-crowd's table.

"No one invited you," Anna said as I approached.

I smiled sweetly. "So? It's a free country. Will, can I talk to you?"

When he nodded and rose, Anna protested again, "Where are you going?!" I barely held in my snicker when a look from him shut her up.

We sat down at a nearby table and I told Will I was canceling our afternoon workout.

"Why?" he asked.

"So I can hang out with my friends, since it's our last day. Besides," I laughed, "I think we both deserve a break."

He was quiet for a moment before shrugging, a frown on his face. "Do what you want. Like you said, it's a free country." He stood up and rejoined his friends.

His response chilled me, and I had to take a few deep breaths before I could return to the out-crowd table. I didn't know why I again was giving Will the power to hurt me, but I decided I wasn't going to let him ruin my afternoon.

The retreat center had bikes that guests could borrow, and my friends and I rode them down to the lake, where we went boating again. From there, we rode by the Center's gardens, which were just starting to bud, and their chicken coops, where guests were allowed to scatter handfuls of corn and watch the birds eat. Finally, Stacy suggested returning to the lookout tower. The previous day's rain had prevented sunset watching, and since it was still overcast, viewing the sunset or stars that evening would be unlikely. But we still wanted a chance to revisit such a great spot.

As we sat on the tower's steps, we talked about what each of us considered the best parts of the week. "Right here, watching the stars," Nathan said.

"Showing off, you mean!" Abner teased, and Nathan laughed.

"The best thing for me was learning from everyone," Pete said. "I've never been someplace where people were this open and honest."

"Finally walking across that bridge," was Kathy's best memory. "That was so great, because I overcame my fear and did something I didn't think I could do."

"Go Kathy, go Kathy, go go go Kathy!" Abner chanted, making us laugh.

"I overcame my fears, too," Stacy said. "I was so worried that I could never really be myself and still have people like me and accept me. And I found that here with you guys."

"Awwww," Abner crooned.

Stacy grinned and kicked him playfully. "All right, dumbhead, what about you?"

Abner thought for a moment. "Realizing I was wrong and apologizing for it. That was new for me."

"What?!" Nathan shouted. "You admitted you were wrong about something? When did this happen?!"

We all laughed and Abner, chuckling, replied, "It happened. Just trust that it happened!" He looked at me as if to ask me to keep his secret.

I went next to take the heat off him. "I don't think I can pick a best memory. The whole week was so good. But maybe it was this afternoon. I loved hanging out with you guys and reminiscing with you."

Everyone agreed with me, and then we realized that it was getting late and we should probably get ready for dinner. As I mounted my bike to ride back, I found myself sighing. The afternoon had been perfect--except for one thing. Will had been an important part of the week for me, and I kind of wished he had been with us.