Posted on Wednesday, 31 October 2007

"My dear Mr Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "have you heard that Purvis Lodge is let at last?"

Mr Bennet replied that he had not.

"But it is," returned she. "For Mrs Long has just been here and she told me all about it."

Mr Bennet made no answer.

"Do you not want to know who has taken it?"

"You want to tell me and I have no objection to hearing it."

This was invitation enough. "Why, my dear. You must know, Mrs Long says that Purvis Lodge is taken by a young man of large fortune from the north of England; that he came down on Monday in a chaise and four to see the place, and was so much delighted with it that he agreed with Mr Morris immediately; that he is to take possession before Christmas and some of his servants are to be in the house by the end of next week."

"What is his name?"

"Bingley."

"Is he married or single?"

"Oh! Single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!"

"Remember Admiral Croft, my dear Mrs Bennet, and what a fine thing he was going to be for our girls."

"But who would have expected him to have a wife!" she cried.

"I did."

"Mr Bingley, to be sure, does not. He is not an admiral."

As it happened, Mr Bingley was indeed single. As if this was not enough, he brought a single friend. For a while all was well in the vicinity of Meryton. Two such handsome single newcomers could not fail to win over the neighbourhood. To be truthful, Mr Bingley's friend Mr Darcy did not dance and he was haughty and aloof, but if he married a local girl these failings would be forgiven in time.

Mr Bingley, on the other hand, was all that was amiable and pleasant. He loved dancing and did it often. Wherever he appeared there was music and he paid great compliments to whichever young lady sat at the instrument. Mr Darcy only paid his compliments to the cooks by eating everything that was set before him and more.

For a while all was well indeed. Then, just when Mr Bingley had begun inviting people back to Purvis Lodge for dinner parties, the word spread that the attics of the lodge were haunted.

Mrs Bennet had always known it to be so, or so she claimed, but she had overlooked it in her desire to see one of he daughters settled there as Mrs Bingley. That she was not entirely convinced of the truth of the reports was clear by her not having abandoned that desire.

"Nonsense," she said therefore. "Any thumps in the night will have been caused by servants dropping something."

"But the servants spoke of it, Hill said," Elizabeth pointed out. "I think it more likely for Mr Bingley or Mr Darcy to have dropped something."

"In the attics? Lizzy, do not be such a goose. The attics there are dreadful. What business would Mr Bingley have up there? They are haunted. Mark my words!"

Elizabeth for her part still thought it more likely for Mr Bingley to be up to no good than hard-working servants, but what did she know of the attics there?

"Perhaps," Mr Bennet suggested. "We may beg Mr Bingley for a comprehensive tour of his house when we dine there next week."

The Purvis Lodge ghosts did not confine themselves to one house, it turned out. Soon reports were in circulation about mysterious thumps in attics all across the neighbourhood, even in houses that had previously not been haunted.

And since all this had started with Mr Bingley's arrival, who could be to blame?

But Mr Bingley was a nice man who danced and blame was soon deflected towards his friend, the disagreeable Mr Darcy. Mrs Bennet, though she had not met him above twice in her life, was one of his severest critics.

"He does have something of a ghost about him," she said to Mrs Long. "Such dark men, you know, are always suspect. His colouring is quite unnatural."

"Indeed," said Mrs Long, in spite of having much the same colouring.

"And his voice -- quite monotonous."

"Does he have a voice?" Mrs Long wondered. "He does have a flexible spine, always bowing, but I had not heard his voice."

"Gravelly, to be sure, and that is why he bows. I do think that is why he does not dance. He is afraid he might move through somebody."

"That would upset the dance," Mrs Long said with a nod.

"Have you heard the talk about the ghosts?" Elizabeth asked her friend Fanny.

"No, I am sorry. We have been very busy looking for a house." Fanny was recently married to Captain Benwick and she had been rather busy. They could not live with Admiral Croft at Netherfield Park forever.

"Do not look for one in this area. They are all haunted." She laughed.

"You seem to dispute it."

"Certainly."

"I am glad. Which houses are haunted?"

"It started with Purvis Lodge and then it spread." She named a few of the others. "We have so far been spared at Longbourn."

"I think Netherfield has been spared as well, but no ghost would dare to disturb us, with so many intrepid sailors in the house. But I daresay none of us believe in ghosts."

"It is mostly servants spreading the news," Elizabeth said cautiously. "As they live closest to the attics these ghosts seem to prefer for their nightly activities."

"Perhaps they are simply servants preferring the attics for their own nightly activities," Fanny remarked shrewdly.

"I hate to admit this, Fanny," Elizabeth said on her next visit to Netherfield. "But we heard mysterious noises in our house last night. It was much like the reports from others."

"Have you a manservant?" Fanny inquired.

"Yes, but he could not find anything."

"Have you any pretty maids?"

Elizabeth looked confused. "I do not understand you."

"Perhaps your manservant was chasing your pretty maids through the attic," Captain Wentworth explained. He and the other gentlemen had been very amused by the local reports. They had spoken among themselves of taking our their swords to chase ghosts. They sometimes took up their swords, but never killed.

"Thank you, Frederick," Fanny smiled. "It would have been very unladylike for me to say so, but that is indeed what I meant."

"But why would our manservant start chasing the maids only now? They are none of them new to the house," Elizabeth still looked confused. "Is it not more logical for Mr Darcy to have brought a habit of going into people's attics?"

"Very logical indeed," Fanny nodded. "But if he tries to do that here he will be a dead man, is that not so?"

The gentlemen nodded and made sword-fighting gestures.

Touring Mr Bingley's house offered no clues, although they were not admitted to the attics because nobody dared to ask and it did not occur to him to show his guests up there. Mrs Bennet said that he had much to hide, that was clear.

Elizabeth could not report anything to Mrs Benwick even if she had had anything to report, because Fanny was looking at a house in Kent.

"Kent!" Mr Collins was the authority on Kent, naturally, and he supplied Mrs Wentworth with more information than she would ever care to have.

"But we are not moving there," Anne finally managed to say.

This had no effect, for Mr Collins simply continued to speak about Kent and Rosings Park in particular. Captain Wentworth raised his voice. "We are not moving to Kent." This had the desired effect and he derived the courage from that to ask Mr Bennet if he might be allowed to look at his attics.

"My attics," exclaimed that gentleman. "I had been hoping that they would not be mentioned in my wife's absence. She believes they are haunted."

"Did you not hear anything?"

"One learns to become deaf with so many females in the house. But if you wish, you may have a look around upstairs. Lizzy will show you up."

The captain looked at his wife, but she had no desire to see the attics. "Surely you do not think..." he said in surprise.

"No, I do not think there are ghosts, but as such going to look for them is rather pointless," she said calmly.

"I am going up to prove there are none." He followed Elizabeth out of the room.

"To tell you the truth," said she. "I am glad you are coming. Mr Collins did not dare to go on his own and we did not dare to go with him. He might pinch us."

"You could have gone on your own," he observed.

"Yes, until I heard the noise. Will you go first?"

The fearless captain led the way and searched every corner of the attics while Elizabeth held the candle, but he found nothing.

Or rather, he did not tell anybody what he found.

Captain Wentworth called the brave naval gentlemen of Netherfield together. "Some evil spirit is out to inspire fear. I have found traces of it and I think it likely that this spirit may grace us with a visit soon. After all, you have extensive attics here, Admiral."

"Do I?"

"Yes, but more importantly you have a sharp sword."

"The last time I used it did indeed go straight through...er...someone. Do not tell Sophia."

"We shall hide in the attics with our swords -- and use them."

"That is not a very clever plan if we hide there together and pierce each other by accident," said his brother-in-law. "What if we each take a night? Our wives will like that better. They will miss us."

"I am sure Sophia would prefer for me to protect you."

"Sophia would like to protect me, but she is not coming near my sword," Admiral Croft said in determination.

"I cannot go up to the attics," Captain Harville said nervously. "But you must not think me a coward."

"Do not give Sophy your sword, Harville."

Captain Wentworth took the first watch. He ensconced himself in the attics with his sword at the ready, but after a very long and cold night, he had to admit to his anxious audience at the foot of the stairs that he had not met with any ghosts.

"I told you ghosts do not exists," Anne Wentworth said mildly, but she gave him a warm hug.

"Why did you let him go? Now you had to sleep all alone." Mrs Croft was all compassion.

"He needs some excitement and I do not fear for his safety. Tonight he will be with me again."

"If he likes the excitement, he may go up in James' stead. How can I be sure James will not stab himself in the foot with his sword if I am not allowed to go with him?"

"Why should I stab myself in the foot, my dear?" the admiral asked with a frown. "That hurts."

The next night there was still no sound, but on the third night something stirred. It was Captain Benwick who kept watch. His soft sort of manner did not do him justice and he was as alert and courageous as any of the others. In the middle of the night there was a piercing scream suddenly and then loud thumping. It sounded like people running down the stairs.

Captain Wentworth jumped out of bed and seized his sword, which was conveniently placed by his bedside. Mrs Wentworth rolled over one more time and hoped the fun and games would end soon. Admiral Croft wanted to do the same as the captain -- in his own room -- but his sword was gone. In its stead he found a candlestick, but it was better than nothing. He was followed at a discreet distance by Mrs Croft with the sword. Captain Harville had his cane; Freddy Harville had a stick.

"Follow me!" cried Captain Benwick, who could be seen chasing a white shape.

"That is a man in a sheet," Fanny Benwick observed. "Not a ghost. Are all our men accounted for?" None of the other ladies were present to answer her, so she counted quickly. It seemed so, but she took care to grab Freddy as he passed her. He was too young to get involved.

The white shape ran fast. However, his white sheet caught the wind and held him back. Quickly the Netherfield gentlemen overtook him and when they aimed their swords and sticks at him, they saw someone had been there before them: there were red spots on the sheet and holes and suddenly the man no longer moved.

"Benwick?" asked the admiral inquisitively.

"No, not me. Check my sword. It is clean. Besides, if I had got to him, he would be lying dead somewhere, not still running. I do know how to kill a man," he said rather indignantly.

"Remove the sheet," the admiral ordered. "Let us see who this is."

Benwick pulled the sheet over the man's head. Then they all looked on in silence. It was a man and he was clearly dead, but none of them had killed him.

"Is that not the fellow from Purvis Lodge?" Captain Wentworth wondered. "The one nobody likes? What was his name again? Derby? No, he was from Derbyshire. Darcy? Darcy! It is no wonder that somebody did him in, but why pick our attics for it?"

"How could he run if he was already dead?" Mrs Croft cut in. "We saw him run."

"I suppose he was not yet dead then," Benwick mused. "But I had nothing to do with his death. I only chased him."

"But if he was already dead when he started running, we are not yet rid of him," the admiral observed cleverly. "Because he is also dead now and may well start running again. Unless Sophia slipped up to the attics and killed him with my sword?"

"I only kept your sword safe by my bedside, my dear."

"Let us throw this corpse in the pond," he decided. "Nothing like pond water to test a man's mettle. If he floats, he is a witch. If he sinks, good riddance."

The dead body was carried to the Netherfield pond and swung in by the combined forces of the gentlemen. It landed with a loud splash and quickly sunk.

Admiral Croft cleaned his hands on some grass. "Aye, good riddance. We are off to Somerset anyhow to rent Kellynch Hall. Let him resurface if he dares. May he scare any young lady who dares to walk by! We shall be gone."

Captain Wentworth had been thinking. "But what if something else in the attics killed him? What about my Anne? Is she safe?"

The End