Posted on 2009-10-31

"Impossible!" scoffed Elizabeth, staring at her younger sisters.

"Lizzy, you are nothing but a spoil sport! Mrs Forster was there – well she wasn't right there, but that is neither here nor there – Caroline Bingley's eyes went dark!" Lydia stamped her foot.

"Ridiculous!"

"Lizzy, perhaps the light caught her eyes in an impolitic way… "

"Jane, you are too good – but how can light be impolitic?"

"And it was the whites of her eyes as well," added Kitty eagerly, "They turned entirely black! I am sure no light, politic or not, could cause Mrs Forster to see that!"

"Too much ratifia might," muttered Elizabeth.

"But I am sure it means nothing except Caroline,was in need of sleep," said Jane in a placating manner, sensing that Lydia wanted nothing more than pull Elizabeth's hair. But her comment did nothing but make Lydia turn on her.

"No, Jane! It means she is a demon" said Lydia stoutly.

"That I might agree with," replied Elizabeth.

"Lizzy!" Jane was shocked, "Caroline, no matter how – proud and precise – she may be, is not a bride of Satan."

Mary, who had until this moment been silently reading a book in the corner of the dining room, added her feelings to the equation. "If we have a demon in our midst we must immediately salt the doors and windows, gather our crosses to bless water and collect consecrated iron to fend off what shall surely be a foul attack. "

"Salt the doors! For what purpose? To make them taste better?" Elizabeth looked baffled.

"Fordyce is quite the expert; he doesn't just write sermons for ladies, Lizzy. Salt is a source of purity," replied Mary primly.

"Enough!" said Lizzy. "Caroline Bingley, while a wretched, wretched woman, is not a demon."

"Of course she isn't, " said Kitty reasonably, leading her eldest sisters to nod at her approvingly, "she's just possessed by one."

"She has lain herself open to Lucifer's children through her wanton ways," added Mary.

Elizabeth blinked. She had never thought about, had never wanted to think about Caroline Bingley being wanton. "Listen to me, and listen to me well, there are no demons roaming the earth. Caroline Bingley is not a demon."

"I do hope you are right, Lizzy," said Jane fearfully, "perhaps we should keep an eye on her just in case."

"Oh for heaven's sake, not you too!"

"I told you, Lizzy, she flinched," Lydia was triumphant.

"You threw salt in her eyes. I would flinch if you blinded me with a condiment!"

"You cannot deny she recoiled from the word of the Lord," added Mary.

"Mary, you were muttering 'Christo, Christo, Christo' while approximately one inch from her face. Recoiling from the insane is no doubt rude and unladylike but it does not make you a demon!"

"How do you explain the steam from the tea which was made with the holy water we had Mr Collins bless?" was Kitty's argument.

"I am not sure how to break this to you, Catherine, but hot water tends to steam."

"It should not have made her face steam," Jane was thoughtful.

Elizabeth threw up her hands in frustration, "I give up!"

Elizabeth would rather not confine all her sisters to Bedlam (her mother would have a conniption for one) but it seemed more and more likely that this might be the only solution.

There were whispers after the Bennet sister's demonic assault upon Caroline Bingley, although some of these whispers were of approval. Their Aunt Phillips and Mrs Long thought it was high time that the fine Miss Bingley should be made to see the error of her ways.

Her sisters paid no attention to the disapproving looks and murmurings, openly searching Meryton's only bookshop for tracts about demons. Lady Lucas had declared that the sight had quite given her a fit of the vapours and that surely such immoral behaviour was the reason the Bingleys had ceased their visits to Church, preferring to pray in the small chapel at Netherfield.

"Nonsense, Lizzy, their not coming to Church is good news: it means the demonic force possessing her is not strong enough to enter consecrated ground."

"Lydia, you are insane! And I shall not let you drag our sisters down with you!"

"Say what you like, Elizabeth, but mark my words, you will thank us!"

The last straw was several days later when Elizabeth walked into the still room with every intention of refreshing the arrangement in one of her mother's vases, only to find that all the herbs and flowers had been removed and replaced with guns and bullets and her sisters were squabbling.

"What are you doing?"

But instead of someone furnishing her with an explanation she found herself being entreated.

"Lizzy, tell Lydia she must not take my bullet!"

"What?"

"She has sworn she will use my bullet upon the spirit world – for we think Demonic Caroline Bingley will call forth a spirit army – and I spent so much time filling it with salt and carving in the crosses just so."

"Lizzy, if you could tell Kitty that she would shoot very ill and it would be much better off with me, I should be much obliged to you. "

"You let her have every bullet that is mine! Just look, Lizzy, at the bullets Lydia bought, they are useless!"

"I do not deny they are very ugly indeed, but I thought I might as well buy them as not. We shall only be splitting them and filling them salt and using them upon the supernatural!"

Elizabeth found herself drawn slightly towards the table. She had a sudden desire to see her sisters' handiwork if only so that she would know what to say at her sisters' trial for murder. Except sanity took hold and she stopped short.

Kitty and Lydia looked up from their bickering and gasped. Now even Mary and Jane were looking at her strangely.

"What is it? Have I some dirt on my face?"

Mary reached over calmly and picked up the gun that was lying on the still room table. She cocked with an ease that Elizabeth would have never attributed to her younger sister and pointed it.

"Begone, foul beast! Let my sister be!"

"Mary, have you run mad?" Elizabeth, while sure that the correct protocol when being aimed at by a group of insane woman was to stand still and hope for the best, never followed protocol, except for the part about not turning your back on a mob, backed out of the room slowly.

This motion captured her sisters' attention and in unison they rose, and seemed to be peering at Elizabeth's feet, as she backed away. All it took was four steps before Mary lowered the gun.

Suddenly regaining her ability to breath, Elizabeth looked down to see what had been so enthralling about her feet and found that in front of her was a complicated pattern drawn on the floor.

"It's the Key of Solomon," said Mary.

"It's a devil's trap!" added Kitty.

"Although it does not actually trap Lucifer," Jane wanted to clarify.

"He's imprisoned under a convent in America."

"It's punishment for declaring independence…"

"I'm not quite sure we can go that far, Lydia," said Mary somewhat rationally.

"Either way, " Kitty was determined to get the conversation back on track, "it traps demons. That is why we were shocked when you could not move past it. We thought you had been possessed."

"You have written in chalk on the floor. Chalk cannot trap someone! It's chalk!"

"Symbolism is often a trap," Mary sounded quite commanding. Elizabeth was not surprised, Mary had spent all of her life with her head stuck in a book; if anyone was going to sound knowledgeable about anything it would be Mary. It was just a pity she had not devoted her time to reading about the proper ways to turn crops. At least that would be useful and not drag the Bennet name through the mud.

"Now listen to me, all of you, I understand that believing that Caroline Bingley is a demon is quite attractive and is no doubt calming ... "

"The power of belief – "began Mary.

"Indeed. But no matter how glad I am to see you bending your minds to something that is not redcoats or Fordyce, this must stop. You are drawing attention in a most unbecoming way. You are the talk of the town!"

Elizabeth felt she perhaps should have stopped before her last pronouncement. After all there was nothing Lydia and perhaps Kitty would like more than to be the talk of the town – no matter the reason. But her sisters were whispering to one another and appeared to be contemplating her words.

After some minutes Mary spoke, "Yes. I see what you mean, Lizzy."

"Thank the Lord!"

"Yes, we are attracting too much attention and putting the demons on guard. We must be more circumspect."

Elizabeth raised her hands to the heavens in frustration and then sighed and let them fall. "Well, that's better than nothing."

At first Elizabeth was not sure what woke her, until she realised it was most likely the lack of Jane. It was the benefit of sharing with the eldest Miss Bennet, she slept serenely. With any of her other sisters Elizabeth would have had to become used to shuffling and sighing and giggling. So it was not surprising that Jane slipping out of the room would rouse Elizabeth.

She put on her robe and went to investigate. She half expected to find all her sisters congregating in Mary's bedroom gossiping and giggling. But there was no sign of Jane there, nor Mary. And Lydia and Kitty were nowhere to be found either.

Elizabeth frowned and wondered where they could be in the dead of night. But a flicker of light from outside of Mary's window caught her attention.

From Mary's window it was possible to see the churchyard in the distance and Elizabeth swore she saw a light bobbing around. Normally she would have discounted the crazy idea running through her head but she could not shake a foreboding feeling.

She only stopped to pull on her sturdiest boots and there was enough light that she did not need to stop and fetch a lantern, although it would have comforted her to have the extra light to guide her way.

She burst into the churchyard and suddenly realised that if she had made a mistake she could be walking into anything – interrupting anyone. So it was with partial relief that she espied her sisters but then she realised what they were doing. They had dug a hole – in a churchyard. Kitty was standing so only her shoulders could be seen.

"Why do I have to be the one to open the coffin?"

"You are closest!"

"Why am I closest?"

"Oh shut up, Kitty, let me!" exclaimed Mary, jumping in to join her sister.

"What are you doing?!" Elizabeth had finally found her voice.

Jane who was holding the lantern, turned. "Oh Lizzy, Mrs Long has been complaining of seeing Mr Long…"

"Who is dead!" added Lydia.

"Yes, Lydia!" snapped Elizabeth "I know Mr Long has passed away!"

"So he must be a ghost," continued Jane tranquilly.

"And it is the perfect test to see if it works."

"If what works?"

"Salting and burning the bones. To dispatch the spirit."

"Got it!" came a muffled call of triumph.

"Oh that is putrid!" declared Kitty, scrambling out of the hole.

"It is nature, Catherine," replied Mary. "Now who has the oil?"

Lydia stepped forward and before Elizabeth could stop her had poured a generous quantity into the grave that Elizabeth resolutely refused to look into.

"Now it must burn." Mary looked at Jane, who looked startled for a moment then with an 'oh' tossed the lantern into the grave where it smashed and ignited the oil and other things Elizabeth was still not thinking about.

"Well I call that a success!" said Mary.

"I call that desecrating a grave!" retorted Elizabeth faintly.

Walking back to Longbourn (after filling the hole back in, which seemed to cause a lot of grumbling by Lydia who did not see why they could not just leave it like that in case Mr Long was not dispatched) the girls started squabbling.

"It seems most inefficient. It should not take four of us to dispatch a spirit."

"If it had been a disturbed spirit we would have needed to fight it off while unearthing the coffin. So four is a particularly safe number."

"I still think we need to plan more." That of course was Mary.

"We should have black carriage." That of course was Lydia.

"A black carriage? Would that not stand out and mean we would be remarked upon?"

"Yes, but that is the point. A classic black carriage would be remarked upon and they would say, 'those girls are too conspicuous they cannot be demon hunters'."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"And we should have disguises."

"Disguises?"

"Yes, because people are much more likely to confess they have seen demons to, well, a rector and I would rather not take Mr Collins with us."

Even Elizabeth had to think that Kitty had a rather pertinent point.

"And men are much more likely to talk to a woman of ill repute!" Lydia sounded delighted.

Elizabeth cleared her throat, "Quite possibly. But then you could not introduce yourself as Lydia Bennet, could you?!" Although she had a sinking feeling that Lydia could and would.

"Of course not, Lizzy! I could be a Miss Mozart! And Kitty could be a Miss Haydn! How silly you are to think that we would not use pseudonyms!"

"Yes how silly I am to think you would use your real names while hunting demons!"

"And ghosts!"

"And shape shifters!"

"And werewolves!"

"And bears! Oh my!" finished Elizabeth with some sarcasm.

"I hardly think bears would be too hard to handle," replied Lydia with scorn.

"I have been thinking," said Jane, holding her skirts up out of the mud, "what is to stop us becoming demons? I mean Caroline cannot always have been one. At some point she must have been possessed."

"I have been reading through the lore and I think I can fashion an anti-possession charm for us to wear. Although Jane, you are a far more meticulous worker of metal, and Kitty can smelt better than all of us."

In any other circumstance Elizabeth would once again be praising her sisters for being so supportive of each other, it was just a pity that it took them all becoming as mad as a hatter to do so.

Elizabeth smiled at Caroline Bingley as she sipped her tea. It was hard to sit across from her without examining her eyes or watching for some sign of demonic possession. Elizabeth cursed her sisters silently.

The room they were sitting in overlooked a pretty little pond and at least gave Elizabeth something to talk about, although the Bingley sisters would most likely find talking about the scenery as a sign of her being farouche and indicative of all the backwardness of the country.

"Is that Mr Collins?" She had been going to comment on the shrubbery but leaning forward she could have sworn she saw Mr Collins wading about in the pond.

"Oh yes, we asked him to clean out the rushes in the pond."

"He has been so helpful."

Caroline and Louisa spoke in dulcet tones which Elizabeth could not but take as another tick in the possessed by the devil column. Although Mr Collins did seem to like being subservient to patronising members of the class of people he determined to be his 'betters'.

"Indeed. I had not thought my cousin to be so talented with reeds."

"No, Miss Bennet?"

That line of conversation seemed to Elizabeth to have petered out somewhat so she tried a new one.

"And Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy are out shooting?"

"Yes, are you displeased they are not here to receive you?" Louisa Hurst smiled and Elizabeth tried not to look for pointed teeth. Her sisters really had poisoned her mind.

"Merely making polite conversation, Mrs Hurst." Elizabeth should have realised that was pointless with the Bingley sisters.

An excruciating hour later, Elizabeth was almost about to give up trying to rehabilitate the Bennet name. Why should she have to? Why should the Bingley sisters' opinions count for anything?

But somehow they did, not to Elizabeth but to Meryton, and Elizabeth couldn't leave her sisters reputations to be sullied. So here she was trying to engage in pleasantries with two very unpleasant women.

"It was very unwise of you to come here, Miss Bennet," said Caroline Bingley.

"Yes, did you not wonder if your sisters could be correct? For once in their lives," added Louisa.

"There are no such things as demons," said Elizabeth firmly, but she put her cup down and eyed the open doors.

She was right to do so for at that moment Caroline Bingley turned to her and Elizabeth knew that she was not Caroline Bingley. Elizabeth did not even need her now black – all the way to the edges – eyes to tell her that. There was just something about her carriage that was abnormal. Elizabeth now wished she had paid more attention to her sisters.

Salt? Salt was important but why would they have salt with the tea. Would sugar not do? One condiment was at good as another, surely.

Elizabeth threw the sugar at Caroline and Louisa, who burst into laughter. "Silly girl! Sugar has a history of impurity. All that blood. The blood that had to run to get that sugar to the table? Demons love sugar."

That was it. Elizabeth stood up and the middle of being polite enough to wonder whether she should curtsey was thrown across the room. It seemed to her that no one had moved yet a forced had compelled her to the wall and something held her there.

"Tiny, helpless human," said Louisa Hurst – it was very hard not to think of her as Louisa Hurst even though Elizabeth knew it wasn't. Although how long had it not been Louisa? Or Caroline for that matter?

"The takeover was rather seamless. We always expect people to notice. But they so often don't. I don't know what that says about you." The 'you' was clearly 'you humans'. And it was as if Caroline had read her mind. Could they do that? Mary had not mentioned it, or maybe Elizabeth had not paid attention.

"It's easy to read faces. You only have so many expressions," was Caroline's next comment which didn't, Elizabeth noted, deny the ability to read minds.

"My family know that I'm here," which was a lie. Mrs Bennet knew she was here but she wouldn't see any thing wrong with her daughter staying overlong at the same house as two rich men. Elizabeth hadn't told her sisters for fear that one – or all of them – would accompany her most likely with weaponry strapped in strange places.

Mary had somehow acquired or made a knife she was convinced killed demons and was eager to test it out. Except as Jane had pointed out a knife would kill the human host. That had put a dampener on their younger sisters celebration.

But facing down Louisa and Caroline and being helpless Elizabeth was suddenly all in favour of collateral damage.

"Then we shall have to dispose of you quickly?"

"But it would give you away! How would this help …whatever your plan is?"

"It wouldn't. But you seem to have missed the vital clue in all of this – we are demons."

"Plus we can remove ourselves from these bodies at any time and leave the poor Bingley sisters with blood on their hands – that, is if they survive."

"We can be a little rough on the meat suits."

If Elizabeth could have moved an inch she would have given a big sigh of relief when the door opened and Mr Darcy and Mr Bingley entered. Except a flash of the eyes proved that Darcy would be no help. Were her sisters correct – was everyone a demon?

"Miss Bennet!" said Bingley jovially. "Are you playing a game?"

Elizabeth saw Caroline twist her hands in her skirts and suddenly Elizabeth could not even move her mouth.

"Is our brother still in the under gardener?" Louisa sounded disgusted. "What is wrong with him!"

Elizabeth didn't know if Louisa meant the 'brother' or Mr Bingley.

"What are you talking a about, Louisa? I'm standing right here and I do not think a lady should know of such things!"

"He is curiously impenetrable," intoned Darcy.

"Now, Darcy, don't you start! Look, you have petrified Miss Bennet with this loose talk!"

"Oh get rid of him, " snapped Caroline, and, seemingly anticipating the command Darcy, leapt on Bingley.

Bingley threw up a hand to protect himself and Darcy sprung back stung.

"What are you wearing?"

"The Bingley signet. My father gave it to me, as his grandfather gave it to him. He said it was very important. Do you not like it, Darcy?"

"I like it very much. Could I look at it more closely?"

Elizabeth tried to scream. It was obvious that the signet was not well liked by the demons and probably the reason he had not yet been possessed by the spawn of Satan.

But Bingley was as friendly as ever apparently not appreciating the danger he was in and that his friend had just tried to kill him on his sisters' orders, slipped the ring off his finger and held it up to show Darcy.

Darcy shouldered him and, as the ring fell to the ground, leapt upon him, his hands going straight for Bingley's throat.

"For God's sake! You don't need to strangle him! That is so human!"

But Darcy did not need to do anymore. Bingley had clawed back but had been rendered insensible by Darcy's strong hands.

Darcy stood up straight. "Idiot! Your father gave you that ring for a reason."

Elizabeth was suddenly very aware that she was powerless in a room full of demons who turned as one to advanced on her.

She closed her eyes tight and started praying. Then she heard a crash and suddenly the power holding her to the wall vanished.

Mary had entered the room by way of the open balcony and had clocked Caroline Bingley over the head with a poker. She was not unconscious but it had broken her hold over Elizabeth and now the demons were too distracted to use their powers of control.

Something clicked within Elizabeth as she saw her sisters – for Mary had not come alone – fight and when she saw Darcy run out the door she couldn't stop herself from following. Demon Darcy could not get away with it!

"Stop! Stop!"

She stopped short of screaming 'demon! demon!' because there were gardeners and other sundry servants standing about the grounds and while not all of them could be creatures of the night it did not seem the most sensible to alert the ones that were children of Lucifer that she was on to them.

Darcy stopped running just short of the pond and Elizabeth watched as a cloud of black smoke poured from his mouth and then Darcy tripped into the pond.

The pond where Mr Collins was fixing the reeds. Surely they presence of a priest meant that the water was blessed and thus holy water – Elizabeth remembered the importance of holy water.

She launched herself into the pond and held Darcy underwater.

"Out foul beast! Out!"

"Cousin Elizabeth! What are you doing? Is that the nephew of my most esteemed patroness?"

"Not now, Mr Collins!" Darcy was now struggling but Elizabeth clung on until the struggling stopped. There! The demon was quenched.

"Lizzy! What are you doing!" Jane looked as though she had run at her fastest to get to the pond.

"Freeing Mr Darcy from the demonic prison he has been kept in!" Elizabeth breathlessly turned Mr Darcy over and recoiled at the bloated and terrible face – and his unseeing eyes.

"But the demon left him, Lizzy. The black smoke! Did you not listen to Mary or read one of those helpful tracts we found in Meryton?"

Elizabeth looked down aghast. "But does that mean … "

"Miss Elizabeth! You have murdered Mr Darcy!" Mr Collins had been spluttering from the other end of the pond and could only now voice his outrage.

Elizabeth stood up, petticoats clinging to her body as the enormity of what had happened crashed in on her.

Her papa had always said a little knowledge was dangerous and how right he was. She had charged in without all the facts and now for all intents and purposes had drowned Mr Darcy in front of numerous witnesses who would not believe in demons.

A single solitary tear fell manfully down her cheek.