Another Cabbage Chronicle

*This was just a little something Tabbi, Tiki, and I came up with tonight while we were bored. Enjoy!!!*

"Well, I just got a bunch of cabbage from the market." she replied.

"Sounds okay to me." Elizabeth had a nice quiet day and she found herself wandering the grounds while her husband was busy in Lambton. The birds were chirping and the flowers were all blooming. It was another beautiful day. But wait, there over the hill was a dark cloud forming. "Oh dear, I hope it doesn't rain. It was so clear this morning. Strange to see clouds like that form so quickly. I dearly hope that I can make it back to the house. The rain started to come down as she was walking back. She quickened her pace to a run. When she got back to the house she found her husband pacing in the foyer.

"There you are Elizabeth. You will never guess who just showed up."

"Who is it my dear?"

"My Aunt Catherine. She has decided that ever since we have had our son that it was time for her to heal the breach in the family. She believes that her influence was necessary. I didn't get a chance to give her an answer before she took control as usual. I am afraid that she is already unpacked. I fear that we will have to put up with her for a few days." Darcy said with a worried tone.

"Don't worry my love, it will give us a chance to repair the break in the family. You said so yourself that you wished she would see her wrongs."

"But, how do you know that she will admit to it."

"Trust me, I will find a way to make her see that what she did was wrong. Leave everything to me." Elizabeth went in search of the cook to make some changes to dinner. She wanted to make sure that there was plenty of cabbage for the new guest. It was going to be a long night and she was sure that it would be productive.

Lady Catherine made her appearance about an hour later. She was in her normal grumpy and commanding mood. She ordered all the servants around and made sure that she was seen as running the household. Darcy was surprised to see that Elizabeth was not bothered by this. In fact, it looked as if she was enjoying it.

The three of them were seated in the drawing room before dinner making conversation (well Lady Catherine was talking and Elizabeth and Darcy were answering). Darcy kept looking over at Elizabeth. He wondered why she was so excited to have Lady Catherine for dinner. Was she up to something?

Elizabeth excused her self to check on little Will before dinner was called, but that is not what she really did. She sneaked down to the kitchen and when the cook came over she handed her a bottle of greenish liquid. "I want you to put this in Lady Catherine's cabbage. It will not harm her, just make her see things differently. Now I don't want you to say a thing about this to anyone. Do I have your word?" Elizabeth handed her two gold coins and Cook nodded. Elizabeth rejoined the rest of the party just in time for dinner to be called.

Lady Catherine seated herself in Darcy's accustomed place at the head of the table. Elizabeth looked at her and smiled. "What are you smirking about Mrs. Darcy" Lady Catherine asked. She said Mrs. Darcy as if she was in pain.

"Oh nothing. I was just thinking about something little Will did today."

"hmph!! I request to see him after dinner. Please bring him into my presence."

"Well, I am afraid that he will be asleep. You will have to wait until tomorrow. Growing boys do need their sleep."

"Yes, very well. I am tired anyway. What is on the menu tonight?" Lady Catherine asked in a condescending way.

"Well, Cook has prepared some very nice meats with some cabbage." Elizabeth said sweetly. Darcy looked at Elizabeth. She was acting very strangely and he hoped that she wasn't' up to anything. He knew that she could never be so obsequious.

Just then the doors all flew open and in came Mr. and Mrs. Collins.

"Charlotte??" Elizabeth said with a surprise. "How did you get here?"

"Well I am not exactly sure. Mr. Collins and I were........"

"Oh Lady Catherine. I am so happy to be in the same company as you. I do hope that you are finding everything to your liking. I would be honored to fetch anything you need." Mr. Collins interrupted.

"Yes, yes, I am fine. Now how did you get here?"

"Well, Mrs. Collins and I were out for a nice stroll and we found ourselves here at Pemberley. It was the weirdest thing."

"Are you telling me that you were transported her?" Lady Catherine said with a laugh.

"Well um...yes...I think so."

"That is the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard." Lady Catherine did not crack a smile, but turned to stare at everyone else.

"Well now that you are here, please join us for dinner" Elizabeth said as Mr. Collins rushed to grab the one seat nearest to Lady Catherine.

The servants brought out the plates of food and served everyone. Elizabeth looked at Lady Catherine's plate to see that there was indeed the magic potion on her cabbage. She smiled to herself and came up with another brilliant idea. While Mr. Collins was making sure that Lady Catherine had everything she needed, Elizabeth slipped some of the potion onto his cabbage. Darcy saw Elizabeth do this and smiled. Elizabeth had told him about her magical powers and after she had used one of her potions on his food when they were first married. He smiled to himself and wondered what she was planning. All he knew was that this was going to be an interesting night.

After making sure that everyone was comfortable Elizabeth went to her room where Darcy was waiting for an explanation. "Would you like to let me in on your little plan?" Darcy asked after she had changed into her nightgown. Little did Darcy know, there were changes already starting to take place as he spoke.

Mr. Collins Room

"Lalallalala... I will show Lady Catherine my true self tomorrow. I will make sure that I am there for her every need. I know my cousin Elizabeth will not know how to receive such a noble guest. I will have to talk to her tomorrow about the appropriate behavior. Oh don't I look.. ribet...handsome tonight. Hmm. That was odd..ribbit." Mr. Collins all of a sudden had an urge for a fly. He decided that he needed some fresh air. He walked to the window (well hopped was more like it). He felt the need to bend over. He got a surprise when he looked at the rest of his body. It was green and warty. He ran to the mirror and.. "Oh my God, I am a giant toad." He hopped out of his room in search of someone who could help him. "Lady Catherine will know what to do." He hopped down the hall to her room.

Lady C's Room

Lady Catherine had just dismissed her maid when she started to feel strange. All of a sudden she everything went black. When she awakened she found herself with wings and a beak. She was a woodpecker (well at least she thought she was. All of the images are in her imagination). "Oh dear, I must dig a nest, but I do not like these walls, I will try out in the hall." Lady C started flapping her arms around and beating her head on all the walls. She decided that she found the wall she wanted and started to get to work.

Meanwhile, Mr. Collins (who really did turn into a toad) was hopping down the hall when he came upon Lady C banging her head against a wall. "My most noble and honored Lady Catherine, is there anything that I can get for you. You seem to be trying to get something...ribbed.. Perhaps I can help you. You are such a kind a helpful patroness that I feel that it is my duty to serve you for all the days of my life."

"Very well...tweet tweet... go and find me some branches for my nest." Mr. Collins was confused at the request, but anything that Lady Catherine had asked for must be important so he hopped off to fulfill her request. When Mr. Collins returned with some branches, Lady Catherine was gone, but her heard her in the next room. When he hopped into the room, he found her dangling from the chandelier. "Ooohhhaaaaohoaooahooa. Me want banana. Ohhaahoahheeoaohowwwa," so Mr. Collins put down the sticks and went in search of some bananas.

Elizabeth and Darcy's Room

Elizabeth and Darcy could not sleep. It sounded like there was a zoo in the house. They had no idea what was causing all of the noise, so they went to investigate. Elizabeth knew that the potion would make a person act differently, but she did not prepare herself for the scene she was about to see. Darcy and she walked out of their room to find Lady Catherine on all fours crawling and growling on the floor. Down the hall they saw a giant toad hopping towards them. Elizabeth screamed and Lady Catherine looked up. She gathered her skirts together and went skipping down the hall with the toad following her shouting what sounded to be compliments. Darcy and Elizabeth followed them to the kitchen where Lady Catherine was mooing and chomping on grass. "Elizabeth," Darcy said, "what was in that stuff you put in her cabbage?"

"It was only some herbs and chicken broth to make her feel lightheaded. I didn't intend for this to happen.

"Do you have an antidote?" Darcy asked.

"Umm.. No. This has never happened before and I have used this mixture many times. I used to give it to my sisters to make them do things that I wanted them to do."

"And this has never happened before?"

"No, it hasn't."

"Well, what are we supposed to do. Your cousin is a toad and my Aunt is acting like different animals."

"I don't know. I say we go to bed and see what happens tomorrow morning."

"I can't leave my Aunt like this. What if the servants see her?"

"How about we lure her into her room and lock her there. That way no one will know and in the morning we will unlock the door."

"All right, but how are we going to lure her back upstairs?"

"Well lets try leading her." Darcy grabbed Lady Catherine's arm, but she kicked him when he touched her.

"OWwwwwwww. That is not going to work."

"Well you will just have to make a sound like a bull."

"Are you crazy. I am not mooing. What if somebody hears me."

"Do you want someone to see your Aunt this way?" Darcy looked at Elizabeth and Elizabeth could not help but laugh. Darcy gave in and cleared his throat.

"Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo........" Lady C's head shot up and she moved toward Darcy. He started walking while continuing the bull noises. Mr. Collins came hopping behind spouting more compliments to Lady Catherine's fine mooing.

They finally made it to the room and Darcy could see that it was almost dawn. He locked both Lady Catherine and Mr. Collins in the room and went turned around to find Elizabeth rolling on the ground laughing. Darcy tried to glare at her, but he finally joined her in laughing. Never before had he seen anything like this. He helped Elizabeth up and led her to their bedroom for a few hours of sleep. "What do you think will happen tomorrow morning?" Elizabeth asked as they got into bed.

"I don't know my love, but I don't think it will be stranger than this." They both drifted off into a peaceful sleep wondering what tomorrow morning would bring.

The next morning dawned with a beautiful sunrise. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Elizabeth awakened Darcy and they both got dressed quickly. They wondered if what happened last night was just a dream. They ran to Lady Catherine's bedroom and knocked on the door.

"Yes, come in." Lady Catherine said. Elizabeth and Darcy walked into the room to find Lady Catherine sitting in a chair. When Elizabeth entered, Lady Catherine rushed over to her and bowed low before her. She kissed the tops of her feet then motioned for her to sit down. Elizabeth and Darcy were both in a state of shock. "Oh my most wonderful nephew and wonderful niece. Is there anything that I can get for you. I want to apologize for everything that I have said and done to you. You deserve everything that is good in the world. Please forgive me." Lady Catherine went on for about an hour, kissing Elizabeth's hand every now and then. Mr. Collins was still asleep on the floor, but was awakened when Lady Catherine nudged him. "Wake up Mr. Collins. Go and fetch Mrs. Darcy a cup of tea." Elizabeth and Darcy could not believe what was happening. Lady Catherine was a completely different person and all because of some herbs in her cabbage. Elizabeth was amazed when Lady Catherine said that she was to be leaving and that she hoped that they she and Darcy would come to Rosings soon. Elizabeth said farewell as Lady Catherine's carriage drove away. Mr. Collins had decided that he wanted to make sure that she was comfortable, so he went running after the carriage. Elizabeth loaned another carriage to Charlotte and Charlotte went chasing after Mr. Collins.

Elizabeth went back inside the house with Darcy following closely behind her. They looked at each other and decided that there was nothing to talk about. Little Will came running to them when the walked in the door wanting to know what happened to the nice old lady that was staying with them went. Elizabeth and Darcy looked at each other and Darcy picked Will up. He carried him into the drawing room where Elizabeth and Darcy told Will a story about a few animals and obsequious toad.

The End