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Part 1 ~ Introduction Posted on Friday, 21 July 2000
This is the sequel to 'Another Perspective'.
"The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
-Allan K. Chalmers~*~
Georgiana Darcy was born to live a life of ease, housed at the luxuriously elegant Pemberley, and provided with all she could desire. But such lavish attentions as were shown her did not turn her obnoxious or spoiled, rather she became unbelievably shy, and desirous of sheltering or solitude.
Her feelings were strong, but rarely shown, and her devotion was to her elder brother, as she had no lover or suitor. The only person she regarded similarly was her cousin Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam, even if his name was Richard.
Her passion existed for music - she could never tire of playing her pianoforte, and she played the harp with delicacy, and though she preferred to be unaccompanied, particularly when playing for others, she had an excellent voice. However it was heard only when Georgiana had ascertained that not even the servants were near at hand, or when she was happily engaged in some cheerful activity alone, be it skipping along the path past the lake, or gathering flowers from the garden.
But Georgiana did also enjoy perusing some of the many books to be found in Pemberley's extensive library. It was poetry she enjoyed most - the sedate Pope and expressive Cowper - but also occasionally she could be found reading something by Miss Burney.
Georgiana was expecting her idyllic home to be such for just herself and her brother for many more years, but there was destined to be a change, which came about in the shape of a Miss Elizabeth Bennet.
This lively, spirited woman captured the heart of Fitzwilliam, and after a courtship which could be described as anything but regular (for after all the course of true love never did run smooth), the two were united as one, and Georgiana invited a sister to her home.
This new situation would, of course, take some time getting adjusted and accustomed to, but Georgiana was perfectly happy with Elizabeth, and she would bring vitality and life to the house, and her presence would have an effect on Fitzwilliam. Already he was happier than he had ever been in his lifetime.
Georgiana had no wish to invade on the newlywed couple, and so planned to stay for a time with her cousin, for the duration of her brother's honeymoon. Georgiana was most pleased with this outcome; she would prefer to be with her cousin than with any other, even perhaps her brother. There was just something about Richard.
Georgiana sighed contentedly as she watched her brother and his wife disappear from sight. They had been but just married, and the carriage led them off towards their new lives. They, of course, were aware of this, but had much rather be captivated by the other, which was precisely what they were.
Georgiana sighed not for just the romantic sight she beheld (for how else can such an expression as a kiss between two so utterly in love as Mr. & Mrs. Darcy be described?), but for the sensations she felt at present.
To her, holding the strong, warm hand of her cousin, as the snowflakes fell around them, was such a feeling as brought on nothing but supreme felicity. Her eyes dared not meet the Colonel's, as she sensed that no longer were his eyes following the Darcy carriage.
Such thoughts as these coming from an innocent sixteen year old who had rarely ever been so close to a man could not help but be overly fantacised; which, in turn, might make them even partially fanciful.
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."
- Dale Carnegie
But Miss Darcy's overly emotional train of thought was shattered and brought back to reality by the unwelcome screech which was usually defined as Mrs. Bennet's voice.
"Why Miss Darcy! Colonel Fitzwilliam! We are now family! How thrilled you must be! I know I am! Imagine - three daughters married! Once I can be rid of Mary and Kitty, then o! I shall go distracted! Mary - she'll be difficult to marry off, but Kitty - how well she loves a redcoat! Any rank should suffice, but wouldn't a Colonel or a...or a...be grand, my dear Kitty? If any should come along, I could not refuse him - After all Lydia is married to a lieutenant. And Wickham is certainly a darling, is he not Kitty? Mary? Oh hush Mary! We none of us want your moralising.
"My dear Miss Darcy, she'll never find a husband that way! I daresay Mary will be the death of me, if not my nerves. But they'll not distract me today! I'm too much excited! Mrs. Bingley and Mrs. Darcy! Whoever would have thought it? But I did say to my sister Phillips that Jane was not born such a beauty for nothing - and Lizzy, well, I always knew she'd marry well. I didn't believe a word she said about dear Mr. Darcy. I knew it all along! And that's why I wouldn't let her marry Mr. Collins, you see.
"Kitty! Do stop choking will you! La! Colonel Fitzwilliam! Well I'll be! if you aren't similarly afflicted! I wonder what's got you coughing so. The dust, perhaps? Kitty, go and fetch the Colonel a glass of wine before he dies. And have one yourself too - you look as if you're about to burst, but I can't imagine why! Now go off with the Colonel, there's a dear. I beg your pardon Mr. Bennet!! But he would make such a decent catch for our Kitty - and I certainly don't wish for Miss Bingley to snare him! Or any of Lady Lucas' daughters either.
"Why, we're related - he's as good as a son already! Mary, what was that? Hush? Why should I be silent on a day such as this I ask you? I ought to be shouting from the rooftops. Well, perhaps not in case I fell. Miss Darcy! Where are you going? I was planning to introduce you to Lady Lucas and my sister Phillips. They've heard so much about you. Well, I suppose you should go, if you must. Come back in a minute then, my dear."
Georgiana found herself fleeing from Mrs. Bennet's presence. She had been resisting the urge ever since she had come. It was a necessity she be hidden before she burst out laughing and crying, and acting indignant, horrified, outraged and jealous.
She had not betrayed any of these emotions, but had felt each during Mrs. Bennet's incessant chatting. She had felt jealous when Mrs. Bennet had bluntly mentioned Kitty, Colonels and marriage in the same sentence. No! Kitty must not marry Richard...he is...mine! And then there was the mention of Miss Bingley and the Miss Lucases as prospective brides - Georgiana wished to cry, just because she could, and she felt like it. She also felt like crying when Mr. Wickham was mentioned. And Wickham a darling? Poor Georgiana was torn between horror, disbelief and sorrow.
Outrage set in at the way Mary was treated, and at the way Mrs. Bennet deftly ignored her husband's and daughter's request for decorum - particularly towards the Colonel and his possible conquests, and because Mrs. Bennet could not stop being offensive. She was indignant that she had been gossiped about, that she was 'a dear', and that Richard was considered as good as a son already. Mrs. Bennet's unending boasting was shameful, especially that about Lizzy and Jane.
But the story she concocted about not believing in Lizzy's pointed dislike, and her reason for not letting her marry Mr. Collins was almost too much for her to maintain her countenance. It had been too much for Kitty and the Colonel - they had had to leave, for laughing outright in Mrs. Bennet's face was a trifle inappropriate. The fact that Mrs. Bennet had no idea of her words being taken in such a way made it even more amusing.
Georgiana found Kitty doubled up with laughter in a nearby copse. The Colonel's eyes absolutely twinkled with mirth.
"Oh Georgiana! I can scarce...draw breath...from laughing! If only you had seen just how greatly Mama tried to get Lizzy to marry Mr. Collins! She urged, persuaded, ordered, demanded and positively insisted that she did so. Her story can be nothing farther from the truth!" Kitty spluttered.
"Please...do recover and calm down Kitty - for I shall break down laughing too, if you do not." Georgiana begged earnestly.
"I can suppose that rarely occurs, am I right?" Kitty asked.
"Uh...well...yes." Georgiana answered.
"So we ought to make the most of the opportunity!"
Under such circumstances, Georgiana found herself soon laughing along with her companions. It had been an age since Georgiana had laughed so heartily, freely, and infectiously. She could actually not with clarity remember such an occasion in the past. The only time that she had ever really laughed before was when she had been just three years old.
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow."
-Anon.
Georgiana was staying at Rosings with Anne, then five years old. Feeling quite independent one day, they had decided to go around the mansion and to explore it thoroughly. They had crept in little cupboards, gone down to the cellars and the downstairs storage rooms, and as high as the attics.
Georgiana had even attempted to climb the sooty upper chimney. Anne had joined her, and within minutes the two were black as night from head to toe. Their little dresses were practically ruined, but either they hadn't noticed, or were having too much unconventional fun to care.
Both girls were not yet trained with regard to propriety, and were too young to see any fault in their actions. They were not intentionally destructive, rather seeking some fun within the great prison-house of Rosings.
Their descent from the attic was perhaps the most enjoyable part yet. Therefore, laughter erupted as they rolled down the stairs, leaving a trail of soot in their wake. They smudged walls and drew smiling people with their blackened little fingers.
"This is Arnty Cafwyn" Georgiana had explained to her cousin, pointing to a long line with a huge roundish 'head' and spikes protruding from the head.
"And dat's her hat."
"Where's the dead birdie?" asked Anne.
"Oops" responded Georgiana. She had been preparing to add a bird to the spikes that made the bonnet, when the Lady herself came upon them.
The look expressed upon encountering the two youngsters was absolutely priceless, and Georgiana knew it was not something that would fade from one's memory. The formidable woman did not know how to respond to the mess that she saw ahead of her.
Georgiana and Anne saw Lady Catherine. They instantly thought the same thing. They ran to the unsuspecting woman and would not let go of her once they reached her. They left smudgy and dirty streaks of soot as evidence on her Ladyship's new white ballgown which she had been wearing, on account of her being about to set off for a ball.
Then Anne and Georgiana looked at each other, the staircase and their aunt/mother and burst out in hysterics. It was the first time either had laughed so loudly, and they could not stop themselves for well over half an hour.
That had been the first time Georgiana had laughed so, and it took her thirteen years to repeat the action so abundantly.
Georgiana enjoyed herself so much while laughing that she thought that if an opportunity presented itself, she would again laugh. People laugh when they are happy, and Georgiana wanted to feel a share in happiness. She felt wonderful, because she did feel happy.
Georgiana looked up to find her two companions both looking at her. She blushed.
"Oh! I beg my pardon." Kitty stammered. "It's just that...well, I've never seen anyone look like you did just then. It was as though you had been suddenly given freedom, and you had found amusement in the thought, and laughed in its reminiscence. Does that make sense? Lizzy is given to unusual changes in expression, but yours was... less guarded, I think."
Georgiana thought she understood, continued blushing and was un-nerved by her cousin's expression. She hoped he too could explain himself. He saw that she wanted him to, so complied. "I...well, I too have never seen you like that before Georgiana. You are not prone to being so open. Normally you are sedate, subdued, secluded. Then you were different."
Georgiana knew not whether to believe this was good for her or not. She had not meant to be open; what was making her so? Was she changing without even her own knowledge of it? But why?
Her tumultuous feelings confused her exceedingly.
The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.
- Barbara Kingsolver
There was not the time for reflection. Georgiana, Kitty and the Colonel were expected to be at the wedding luncheon. It was not far to walk to Longbourn from the church. Mrs. Bennet had truly done herself proud with the organisation and setting up for the momentous occasion. The food was wonderful.
But Georgiana could not have told you what it was she had eaten; she was occupied in matters which, to her, were of more consequence.
Not only was Georgiana being contemplative, she had to talk with acquaintances, wish her brother and Lizzy well, and congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Bingley. But while doing so, she kept an eye on the Colonel, seeking out his every move and discerning to whom he spoke.
Originally Georgiana kept with Kitty, as she was not so afraid when accompanied by one she knew. Kitty was therefore with Georgiana when she spoke with Jane and Mr. Bingley. Georgiana did not know what to say beyond the customary wishing well. As it happened, Mrs. Bennet was present also, which meant Georgiana didn't speak (she couldn't, even if she had wanted to, and everyone else was also prevented from speaking). Georgiana preferred not to listen to Mrs. Bennet's prattle, as the last one she had heard had been more than ample enough to make her wish she was never privy to another.
After a few minutes of saying nothing, and Mrs. Bennet saying everything, Kitty nudged Georgiana, and they took their leave. Georgiana's eyes sought the Colonel, as they had almost unconsciously been doing since she had left him.
He was to be found easily - his redcoat was quick to distinguish. He was surrounded by young women, some notable, and some not so. All fawned over him dotingly. The attentions were, as far as Georgiana could see, received, but not wanted. However, the Colonel was too much of a gentleman to be impolite to a lady (even if at times he may have felt it was well deserved).
Georgiana knew her hope to converse with him would be futile, so she went to speak with her brother and his wife. Surprisingly, they were by themselves, as most guests were now chatting amongst each other or partaking of the delectable meal provided them.
"Am I interrupting you?" Georgiana asked shyly.
"No, no dearest. Here, come sit with us" was the response that came from the two.
Georgiana smiled at them warmly. "The wedding was just lovely. Everyone can see how happy you both are... and it pleases me no end. Lizzy, you know not how despondent Fitzwilliam had been. But that is all forgot now! Thank you."
"Oh dear! I had not meant to make us cry! I just wanted you to know how delighted I am."
"Of course! We see. But now Georgiana, do tell us - I quite desire to know, you see - who cried most after we left this morning? I have an inkling it was mama, or Kitty (she shall be left with just Mary now, and I'll confess I should find that distressing). But Mr. Darcy believes it might have been Miss Bingley, though if not her, mama."
O dear! I was too...er...enthralled with the Colonel to take notice! "I can't quite recall. I was...uh...not disposed to look at who wept, be it from joy or dismay. I did not see Miss Bingley at all, and if Mrs. Bennet did, well, it was only for a very short period of time indeed. When I saw her she was rather... uh... boastful. And as for Kitty - we were laughing so exceedingly that I believe crying was not considered."
"Your cause of merriment must have been extreme. Pray do tell what was the cause"
Georgiana was silent for a moment. "Mrs. Bennet" she answered ashamedly, her eyes shifting anxiously to the floor. Her brother's shock was obvious.
"I could not help it. Truly I could not. But neither could Richard or Kitty - and we didn't start until we were out of sight, and I did not run away mid-through, as they had to."
"Mid-through what?"
"Mrs. Bennet came upon me and began chatting. About how pleased she was I was family, about Kitty's and Mary's being the next to fly...her preference for redcoats (at this, Darcy groaned)...and for Mr. Wickham (now it was Lizzy's turn to groan). None of this did any of us find diverting. But then...(do pardon me for laughing at the remembrance)" Georgiana took a breath and giggled once.
"She began prattling on about how she didn't believe a word of Lizzy's dislike towards you - for she knew it all along, citing that it was because she didn't believe in it's existence that she would not let her marry Mr. Collins."
Elizabeth snorted loudly, and fairly burst out laughing. "What nonsense! Absolute nonsense!"
"Indeed, as we all thought, which is why we could not help but laugh as you do now. But we did wait until Mrs. Bennet was out of hearing range."
"And so the others were in on it too? Very well" William grinned.
"Where is Colonel Fitzwilliam, by the way?" Lizzy asked, glancing around.
"Over there, utterly surrounded by all those women" Georgiana answered, just a little too quickly, causing Lizzy to bring her inquiring gaze to Georgiana herself.
"Ah yes! I see. He has no want for more admirers, does he not? Fancy! I had not imagined him such a ladies' man. There are so may they are practically climbing on him. Yet he is civil to them all." Lizzy commented.
"How does he do that?" Georgiana and Darcy both wondered, though it was only the latter that voiced the question.
"I know not. I cannot be civil at times to the people I am well acquainted with, let alone someone I'd not met before, or only on a few select occasions."
"We neither of us perform to strangers, my dear" Darcy replied teasingly, and Lizzy winked back at him. Must be a private joke. A few seconds reverie was ended when Elizabeth addressed her new sister.
"Georgiana, do you really not mind going to stay with the Colonel for a couple of weeks? I don't mean for you to feel as though I wanted you gone! We just thought you should prefer having a companion rather than being alone at Pemberley. We expected you might enjoy yourself more there."
To be sure I will! "Of course I do not mind! It is so kind of you to consider me in your plans. I shall (I anticipate) have a wonderful time at Richard's."
"I hope you do" a voice came from behind. Georgiana jumped at the familiar sound and turned to face her cousin. He had escaped his troupe of followers for a time. "I have such plans to torture you if you do not enjoy yourself!"
Georgiana smiled. "I cannot imagine how I could not enjoy myself."
"In that case, Georgiana, make sure you enjoy your time. I trust you can remember enough of Fitzwilliam's antics of the past to wish you will not be tortured by him."
"Ah! I am mortified! Do you not trust me?"
"Not you. Your actions." Darcy laughed.
"Do not worry Georgiana" he whispered. "I will not torture you...more than is necessary"
"Such a consolation" Georgiana giggled.
"Of course" he responded gallantly, and then turned to Lizzy. "Now, Mrs. Darcy, I have come to wish you and your husband the most blessed of times, to hope your married life will be every bit as blissful as you have willed it to be. May you be as well suited as the previous Mr. and Mrs. Darcy were."
Then, in a lower voice, he whispered to Darcy. "And Darce, remember I've got Georgiana, so make sure you have fun."
At this, both Darcy and his wife flushed, as extremely as the other. Georgiana didn't see what was so embarrassing...why did it affect them like that? Another of life's great mysteries...
"Uh.. thanks Fitz" Darcy managed. Then (because Georgiana assumed she and Lizzy were not to hear) he leant over and whispered in his cousin's ear.
"I think you can safely guarantee we will."
Now it was the Colonel's turn to go red.
Georgiana just stared at them in confusion.
Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles.
~ Samuel Smiles
"If you will excuse me now, I believe I shall go outside for a time - I think I might need a breath of fresh air" Georgiana announced. It wasn't that Georgiana had tired of her company (no indeed, she had as lief be courted by the Prince Regent than be gone from her present company), but she really felt confused, and hoped that being outdoors and away from the bustle and noise would make her feel improved.
No-one else was to be seen, and Georgiana strolled up and down a path by the house. She knew not how long she was alone, or how long or far she walked. Her mind was contemplative, she could do little but reflect.
Uppermost in her thoughts were the Colonel's and Kitty's comments about her increasing openness. She was not certain that she was comfortable with the idea of being open, she preferred to hide herself behind barriers. That way she was protected from harm's way, and could assess and survey any situation before choosing to become involved in it herself.
Being open could only injure her - she had learnt that the hard way. At Ramsgate, her affection had been open and artless - it was received and returned masked with deceit, and tragedy bringing remorseful sorrow. Georgiana had vowed to herself that never again would she place herself in a situation which could endanger it.
She believed that if she was to be open towards others, she could only be paid by a loss of her innocence and reputation. Not only would she again be injuring herself, but also her brother's felicity. No, she could not, should not and would not do it. Somehow, she would have to return to her shell.
In theory it seemed simple enough, but the problem was that Georgiana had become less guarded with out even knowing it was occurring.
She walked around Longbourn in silence, absorbed in conflicting thought. She was so much absorbed, in fact, that she was not aware of the Colonel's presence until he came directly in front of her and spoke.
"Georgiana, are you alright?"
She replied hesitantly in the affirmative.
"You do not appear so. Are you just keeping up the pretence of being fine, when you are not?"
"I do not know, really I don't. Do not question me so closely at present, I don't feel quite up to it. yet I feel elated at the day's outcome. Perhaps I am just tired after such a day. Yes, that's it."
"If you say so Georgiana. You should know best. Do you mind my company, or should you prefer to be alone?"
Do I mind his company! "No, I am perfectly satisfied as we are" With respect to being with you now, but later I hope things are different... "But you are alone! What has become of your band of followers?"
"I have fled for a moment. I should do so for longer if I could, but I fear that is unlikely, nay, impossible. They're all after me. Nothing I do or say will hinder them."
"Oh Richard! But I fear you are not being entirely truthful. Can you not without false vain protestations convince me that you had no part, no part whatsoever in encouraging them?"
"I shall put it this way Georgiana. I am relatively young, unmarried and have control of my own regiment" What more could you ask for? "I will not say any more for fear of being presumed arrogant, vain or proud. To may, I am considered a worthy target for their affections. Had I money or a distinguished rank, could you imagine the scores of coquettes that would determine to come my way? I appear to be a magnet, and it shall not stop until one of two things occurs"
"Which are?" Georgiana pried inquisitively.
"My growing out of the marriageable age bracket (which shall not occur for quite an age, I am persuaded) or my denouncing bachelorhood for marriage (which you have previously heard me profess, I have no intentions of doing in the near future). So, you see it is a hopeless business, from which I cannot find any immediate permanent means of relief.
"In that case, as you are doomed to the presence of such doting women for the next century, perhaps I shall be kind and spare you the mentioning of them in this next space of time."
"I am exceedingly grateful to you Georgiana, and I will remember your benevolence."
"I have but one question more though, before I put the topic aside. Does this mean I shall have plenty of female company for the next couple of weeks when I am with you?"
"Would you like it?"
"Cousin, I should have thought that by now you would be aware of just how keen I am for the acquaintance of those I don't even remotely know. Three weeks of that sounds like a dream come true> No, please don't, if you can help it."
"I suspected as much" he replied, eyes twinkling.
Georgiana looked up at her cousin. Her confusion had, for a time, been covered up in the Colonel's presence, and she decided to enter into a conversation other than one in which most of what was spoken pertained to health, or the lack of it.
"Well, why then did you ask, if you had already predetermined what my answer was to be?"
"Civility" he replied abruptly, yet smilingly.
"Oh, and I suppose answering curtly with one word answers is also part of your requisites for civility?" she continued "If that be the case, I cannot imagine how you have managed to capture the hearts of so many young women." Including myself.
Georgiana was not one to be remotely impertinent, but today appeared to be different. Suddenly recollecting herself, Georgiana hastily ended her train of thought by introducing another topic. "Oh, do forgive me! I had forgot I promised not to mention the ladies for the next while. Oh dear, I seem to have failed dismally! Was that not a beautiful wedding today?"
"Yes indeed" the Colonel responded. His face betrayed his emotion of feeling quite astounded at his young charge's comment. "Is this really Georgiana?" it asked questioningly.
Posted on Friday, 1 September 2000
"Beware how you take away hope from another human being."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes
But not even Georgiana could answer that question. "Lizzy and Jane made quite beautiful brides, did they not?"
"Quite - and the grooms were entranced by them."
"William especially I think - nay, I know. I do not fear to say he and Lizzy will be happy together."
"Of course they will be, they have willed it and have every intention of making it so."
"Would my parents have been pleased? Will Lizzy and William be as content as they were?"
"I certainly like to think so. The prospect of Darcy marrying Anne I assure you they were adverse to. He was to marry for love - he need not have to worry about mercenary reasons."
"Anyone to have seen him with Lizzy recently could not help but be blatantly aware that it was for love"
"Exactly. A true love match. But who do you think we'll lose next?"
"What precisely do you mean?"
"Which of our relations will be the next to marry? There are several now in the eligible range; I suppose even you could be squeezed in. Maybe you'll be next."
Georgiana hid her face, it being flushed crimson. "Yes, but so are you." she answered hesitantly.
"But you forget ...."
"I had not forgot, but, well, surely one day your resolution may be broken.. " Please, please let it!
"Perhaps it might, but what about my siblings?"
"Samuel and Christy? I had not thought of them. Yes, surely Samuel must want to marry - he's almost thirty-one!""
"Indeed, having attained the age of thirty without marrying must be seen as a mortifying occurrence. One must hang their head in shame at the thought" the Colonel was simultaneously sarcastic and pained in his response "Let alone be in that predicament themself. Georgiana, don't grin at me so - you know perfectly well that if Samuel is that age, then I must be too!"
Lord Samuel Fitzwilliam was Georgiana's eldest cousin and Richard's fraternal twin. But were thirty, but from then on the similarities became few and far between. Even with regards to looks, they were not alike. Samuel had an imposing stature, while his brother was unobtrusive despite having the virtue of height - a height which, not towering, made him appear to advantage.
Richard's light brown hair and pale blue eyes were not much like Samuel's darker blue eyes and tawny tresses. Both were remarkably handsome, yet not to such an extent that they would be hailed an Adonis. There was nothing Samuel enjoyed more than hunting, while Richard was more bookish, but not excessively so. He still found plenty of time for manly pursuits such as fencing or riding.
"Yes" Georgiana pondered, "but at least Samuel looks closer to marrying."
"This courtship of his has gone on for such a while. I do wonder what Miss Nortonly and Sam are waiting for - they're certainly not short of money ... Yet there is not even a hint of an upcoming wedding."
The Hon. Isabel Nortonly, heiress of twenty-five thousand pounds, was the only daughter of the late Lord and the Dowager Lady Nortonly, and one of only three children, the others being married or too young to be of significance. She was a pretty little woman who had been in society for long enough to be well up to snuff. She had been known to take snuff occasionally, but that was of little significance to her intimates - they had learnt by now that Isabel was far from being a commonplace lady. She was twenty-six years old, and, choosing not to leave after her first season in the Marriage Mart (though she had received enough offers to have been married several times over), she had been looked up to and admired since, as not even many of the fresh-from-the-schoolroom beauties could compare with Miss Nortonly.
She was known to be an excellent rider, drove her own phaeton, hunted and flirted. She was the darling of many of the young men who, though they had rather not marry her (she was a very determined and domineering character, who preferred to order rather than be ordered), found her company much more agreeable than that of the girls that put on airs and simpered.
Samuel's greatest weakness was that he was head over heels in love with Isabel, and simply could not consider another woman while Miss Nortonly breathed. She showed not a great deal of encouragement, but she did give him enough to give him hope. She did like him, but had never really considered marrying - anyone. While she had her independence she had no need for a husband.
"Well, Samuel will marry one day" Georgiana said confidently.
"Just not in the near future, I would think." her cousin finished for her. "And nor is Christy close to taking her vows."
"Christy? No indeed! She has told me more than once that most of the men she has been fortunate enough to meet had been such noodles that she doubted any could ever please her."
"Noodles eh? Sounds just like something Christy would say" the Colonel's face displayed his feelings of amusement.
Lady Christabel was the youngest Fitzwilliam, and at twenty-three was not a great deal older than her favourite cousins Anne and Georgiana. She had been out for a few seasons and loved attending balls - especially the ones in which a duel resulted the next morning. They were always far more diverting. Georgiana and Anne could not fathom why Christabel could like balls, but she had inherited the same easy manners and address that Richard had. She also had an extreme enjoyment of the ridiculous, and could not be counted on to say ten words without at least half of them being droll. She was sure to find friends wherever she went, and not just 'friends' who admired her fortune and looks. But it was to Georgiana and Anne that her greatest friendship extended.
"Speaking of dear Christy, why did she not come to the wedding?"
"Not come? Why Georgiana, have you been so excited as to not have noticed the presence of several of our relations?"
"Do... do you mean?... Is it true?... Is Christy here? Good gracious! And I did not even see her!" Realisation finally dawned on Miss Darcy. "But.. where is she so concealed? Surely I would have seen her earlier." Georgiana could not believe her good fortune and distraction (the Colonel had not taken her attention so completely, had he?)
"I believe you will find her with Samuel .. near the luncheon table"
Georgiana started. "Samuel!! Have I missed him too? What is become of me?" Really, I wasn't that enamoured - Good grief! "Oh! I must go and see them! When did they come? I had not even heard! Oh!"
"If I was privy to their travelling details, I mustn't have listened. Ask them yourself. Tell them I shall catch up with them soon."
"I will do so immediately. I must beg leave of you"
"No need to be so officious Georgiana"
"As you say" Georgiana replied, then hurried indoors. What a surprise!
Posted on Friday, 8 September 2000
Once she knew whom he searched for, it was not long before Georgiana's eyes rested on those of her cousin Samuel. She fairly ran to his side.
"Samuel! How nice to see you! When did you arrive? I must confess I had not seen you until just now. I have been so... occupied."
"I came in late last night, with Christy."
"Did you bring Isabel? I should have liked to see her."
"Georgi-a-na, she can hardly with propriety come with me."
"Oh, I suppose so" Georgiana answered, a little ruffled " But it is a pity though. Do you miss her?"
"I.. that is.. yes... well.... I do!"
"And how much?" Georgiana asked. Samuel seemed a bit surprised at his comment.... Why?
"I don't quite know. A bit? A lot? Quite a lot? Very much? An exceedingly great amount? Terribly? She is constantly in my thoughts."
"How so?"
"She is just there. Not an illusion, though. No. And I keep thinking of how much I miss her."
"And?"
"How much I wish I was with her"
"And?"
"How I prefer her to any other woman, and how ...." Samuel stopped, as though he was considering something. His face broke out into a large smile. "Listen to that" he said, 'that' being some music that was being played by the wedding-breakfast musicians.
I try
but I can't seem to think of
anything but you
your breath on my face
your warm gentle kiss I taste
that's true
I taste the truth
you know what I came here for
so I won't ask for moreI wanna be with you
if only for one night...
to be the one who's in your arms
who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
there's nothing more to say,
there's nothing else I want more than
to feel this
way
I wanna be with youSo I'll hope for tonight like I would if you were mine,
to hold, forever more
and I'll savour his touch that I wanted so much,
to be here before,
to feel
before
How beautiful it is, just to be like thisI wanna be with you
if only for one night...
to be the one who's in your arms who
holds you tight
I wanna be with you
there's nothing more to say,
there's nothing else I want more than
to feel this
way
I wanna be with youOh, baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore,
drives me crazy when I try to
So come my way, take my hand,
Can you make my wish, baby you are in commandI wanna be with you
if only for one night...
to be the one who's in your arms who
holds you tight
I wanna be with you
there's nothing more to say,
there's nothing else I want more than
to feel this
way
I wanna be with you** Mandy Moore - I Wanna Be With You
"Georgiana ... you see.. this... is how I... feel. I love Isabel Nortonly. I want to be with her more than any other. The thought of her being with anyone is unbearable."
"Why don't you m-a-r-r-y her?"
"Should I? Why yes, I'm in love, I feel it now - and Isabel has undone me! And yet I'll swear I can't tell how the pleasing plague stole on me! *"
* The Je ne sais quoi ~ William Whitehead
Georgiana tried not to groan. Samuel should have realised this years ago.. and now he's taken to reciting Poetry! "Well?"
"I love her! I love her! You've made me see I want to marry her!"
This was a little too on the exaggerated side for Georgiana, but she replied smilingly "Pleased to be of service. I knew you'd come to your senses one day."
Her teasing tone brought Samuel's love struck eyes to his cousin's in surprise. He, like his twin had done earlier, looked astounded, asking through his physiognomy 'Is this Georgiana?'
"But when are you going to ask?"
"I do wish I could ask promptly, though I know not quite when I will be able to - and I wish to now! But that is impossible."
"Asking tomorrow is not Samuel. Be off with you!" she smirked, "I can well make excuses for your absence. Besides, my brother and sister will no doubt encourage you to enter the marriage state. "
"But.."
"And I'm sure they would not mind if you left without paying your regards."
"Very good. Farewell little Miss Georgie, I am more thankful to you than I can say. If you will, please explain all that you need to those concerned, and I shall remember your goodness forever. My future awaits!" Samuel bowed and quickly left the house in the direction of the stables.
Georgiana was left, trying not to laugh extremely, for even though he was thirty Samuel looked like a lovesick puppy. And it wasn't as though she had done that much! But she enjoyed playing the quiet, unintentional yet successful matchmaker - this was her second success too! She was considering telling Richard the news, as they had been pondering and discussing such an event not a great deal of time earlier.
This though, was deferred, when Georgiana felt a tap on her shoulder.
Posted on Monday, 18 September 2000
"Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good."
-Vaclav Havel
"Georgiana! it has been an age!"
"No - longer than that. O, how I have missed you Christy!" Miss Darcy replied as she embraced her dear cousin.
"And I you. Now, Darcy is married! Well I must say I had almost come to the conclusion that he was .... uh.. yes, an eternal bachelor! You really must introduce me to ..Miss Bennet is it? Oh no, Mrs. Darcy now. I have heard such bits of information about her as must endear her to me. ... especially what I have heard from Richard, yourself and Lady Catherine"
"Lady Catherine! What could she have to say in Lizzy's favour, I wonder?"
"Very little, as it is. That fact alone is quite enough for me in itself. Acquaintances of hers that are not relatives are mainly unbearable, so I assume Mrs. Darcy would be different. She would be different to, say, that odious person I had the misfortune of meeting at Rosings. Collins, was it not?"
"Yes, Collins. Did you know Lizzy is Mr. Collins' cousin, and that he did make her an offer?"
"And he was obviously refused. Splendid, the woman has the additional virtue of sense. She is rising in my esteem every hour, and yet I have still not spoke two words with her."
"Should you like to? I can catch up with you later with all my stories and news.
"Indeed, I should welcome the opportunity."
Georgiana led her cousin over to the newest Darcy, who was coincidentally next to the oldest Darcy. It was this Darcy that made the introductions.
"Christabel, welcome and thank you for coming. May I introduce to you my wife Elizabeth. Elizabeth, this is Lady Christabel Fitzwilliam, my cousin and the younger sister of your acquaintance Colonel Fitzwilliam."
"I am pleased to meet you, Lady Christabel." Lizzy curtsied.
"I assure you I am just as pleased to finally see you too. We had all despaired of Darcy's ever marrying. If you will allow me to say so, I must confess he didn't make too bad a choice."
Lizzy blushed lightly. Georgiana only smiled and considered how very similar her thoughts were to Christy's. "I see Mr. Bingley snapped up a fine choice. You sister, I believe Mrs. Darcy?"
"Yes, your Ladyship"
"Oh puh-lease spare me! Being called Your Ladyship makes me feel as regal as Lady Catherine, and as dull, despite my youthful age, which I cannot aspire to. Then, do call me Christabel. It would be in your best interests" Christy said with the hint of a laugh.
"Christabel... I do believe I recall Lady Catherine and your brother mentioning you at Rosings. Do you play?"
"Absolutely abominably. Georgiana here is our pianist. I am her accompaniment at times with voice and violin."
"Violin? That is an unusual attainment. But you are correct, Georgiana is an excellently proficient player." Georgiana attempted to disclaim the compliment. She was one who down-played her own efforts to such an extent as made it incomprehensible to her that it could be enjoyed and praised by others.
During this whole, William said naught, but gazed at Lizzy with such a look that Georgiana, pleased as she was, considered rolling her eyes. A love-weighted Darcy was something she was still not used to. Even as Georgiana contemplated rolling her eyes, she realised her cousin had beat her to it. Christabel was so like Richard in actions, personality and wit that it came as a surprise finding that Samuel was Richard's twin, and not Christy.
"Oh! I almost forgot Christy - Richard said he would catch up with you soon."
"Thankyou, though I am aware his 'soon' could be any time. I do pity you Georgie."
"Pity me? Why?"
"You will have to endure Richard's mannerisms and his house for the next few weeks. He is so messy, with clutter abounding; I don't know how he is able to leave that box, let alone walk around inside it. Matlock sighed with relief when he left it's boundaries."
"Oh, he is not so very bad " said Georgiana, always the optimist. "I am sure I know others that keep their rooms in a worse state. I can't think of whom, just at this moment..." And who cares about the cleanliness of the cupboards when in such company?
Lizzy laughed. "We shall accuse my sister Lydia of keeping a messy room also, for I know I never saw it tidy until Sarah (what a maid - she's hysterical) or another of the maids came to clean it themselves."
Christy snorted, and her companions looked at her quizzically. "Oh, do forgive me - it's just that I was about to say 'Men - you can rely on them for an untidy room', but then you mentioned your sister." Lizzy chuckled along with Christy, but Georgiana didn't quite see the apparent hilarity of the situation. How anyone could bear to live in less than immaculate conditions was beyond her comprehension.
"Oh William, I do believe you are being quite excluded from our conversation! Include yourself, if you wish."
"I have no desire to be discussing insalubrious rooms when I could be whisking Elizabeth off on our Honeymoon."
"I take it you are planning to depart presently?"
"Quite so, but our farewells must be made first."
Once Mrs. Bennet had found out their resolve, she spent fifteen minutes or more agreeing with them on their course of action. She repeated herself several times over, and forced Mary and Kitty to attend to her word (as though such a feat was possible!). Georgiana had escaped at the earliest moment, taking Christy with her.
"Where is my brother gone?" Christy asked.
"Which one?"
"Either really, but I had meant Sam."
"Well, the happening of one wedding (or two as the case may be), brings forth in people's minds the hope of the likelihood of others. Shall we say, I managed to make Samuel realise he wanted to marry Miss Nortonly, and wanted to do so without delay."
"However did you manage that? I have been trying for over a year!"
"I asked him if he missed her, and then persisted in questioning him about her until he came to his current realization."
"Well done Georgiana! At sixteen, your first matchmaking triumph."
"No indeed, it is in a way my second."
"Second?" Christy asked in astonishment. "Who then was your first? No, wait, I'll guess. Your brother."
"Exactly, though I cannot take all the credit. I believe there were quite a few of us with our suspicions, or that were involved in some way or another. I was merely one of them."
"You shall have to tell me all about your brother's romance, for I have heard so little. But I am aware it is a most interesting and eventful tale."
"I shall most definitely tell you, quite soon I should imagine."
"I look forward to it. Oh, look here, it is my other brother, come, no doubt, to snatch you away from me."
"I fear my sister knows me too well. My purpose has been pre-discovered, so I come without the ability of surprising you."
"Leaving already? I must then give my good-byes to Kitty and my thanks to Mr. Bingley for his hospitality in letting me stay at Netherfield.
"Of course. I will not detain you, nor will Christy. I can see by the look in her eye she wishes to tell me something."
"Correct. About Sam. Dear Georgie has told me some news.... "
Georgiana left the siblings discussing their other sibling, and went in search of Kitty. She was to be found in the company of Miss Lucas. Georgiana was honest and sentimentally emotional in her farewells to both, but to Kitty even more so. There would have been a greater sensibility had not Georgiana known that Kitty would come to Pemberley in the future.
As it was, Georgiana hugged Kitty and urged her to practice with creativity her pianoforte. To Maria, Georgiana wished that "her brother and sister's respite would not last much longer, returning them to Hunsford", and alleviating Maria's rapidly decreasing forbearance.
Georgiana now only had Mr. Bingley to thank. She had to do it quickly, as he and his bride were preparing to leave for Netherfield. Once finished, she joined Christabel and Richard, waving adieu to Darcy and Lizzy, who were embarking on their honeymoon.
Georgiana was in high spirits. The carriage which had been arranged to take herself and the Colonel into London had been called. Travelling with them as far as Clapham was Christabel. From there she was to travel to Kent. Christabel's annual invitation to Rosings had not been revoked on account of Darcy's wedding, though Georgiana's had. This was provided that Christy had the discretion not to mention the nuptials or relations in Lady Catherine's presence, or at all, for that matter.
Lady Catherine had temporarily forbidden Anne's correspondence with either of the Darcy's (on account of those letters), and so Georgiana was busy rattling off the many messages she wanted Anne to get through Christabel.
Christy was only too happy to oblige, knowing, as she did, how close Georgiana and Anne were, and how much they each depended on correspondence. She was also only too glad to defy Lady Catherine's commands; knowing, as she did, that everyone connected through blood with Lady Catherine, was always looking for a way to disoblige her.
Posted on Saturday, 28 October 2000
Hope is a waking dream ~ Aristotle
The carriage ride thus far had been wonderful. Rarely had Georgiana felt as light-hearted and contented as she now was, speaking with Christy and the Colonel. Their introspections of the newly-married couples, but more particularly Elizabeth and Darcy, were of great interest to Georgiana.
Richard wondered at Darcy's absolute euphoria ("His smile was so grand and long-reaching it would not be a surprise if it were to break"), and Christy marvelled at Jane's and Bingley's compatibility ("Never had she seen such alike and amiable people - utterly and thoroughly good-natured, the pair of them."), while Georgiana was silently berating herself for not thinking about them, and only of the Colonel sitting opposite her.
"Do you not agree Georgiana?" her cousin asked, arresting Georgiana's train of thought.
"Uhhh" Agree with what? Which cousin said that? Oh! Why can I not concentrate when he is around me? Would that I could attend to conversations!
Thankfully, Christy answered for Georgiana, which meant the Colonel must have asked something. "Of course Georgie's ecstatic for her brother. Have you not seen her face of late? Positively glowing." Georgiana chose not to mention that her brother's wedding might not have been the only contributing factor.
"On a different not, Georgiana," Christy continued, "What has become of Mrs. Annesley?"
"She has taken her leave of us. Her daughter was being confined, and there were some difficulties, I believe, and she has gone to be with her. She may not return; it is likely her family are more in need of her than I. And when I return to Pemberley, I'll not be alone anymore. Lizzy and my brother will both be there too."
"Unless they themselves are too occupied gawking at each other with such looks that they will forget your existence." Richard mused. "Indeed, the might forget the existence of anything but their .... "
"Richard!!!" Christabel cut short her brother. "I think Georgiana need not hear that!"
"Hear what?" Georgiana cried, her curiosity piqued.
"Now look what you've done" and "Nothing" were all the replies Georgiana was to hear. She knew she wouldn't get a suitable answer, and so decided to change the subject.
"I wonder where Samuel is. I presume that William will soon not be the most recently wed relation of ours."
"Indeed. I am pleased that he finally woke up to himself. Miss Nortonly is delightful, and will make him a wonderful wife" Christy smiled.
"Assuming that the proposal is met with an acceptance, that is." the Colonel added.
"I cannot imagine why it should not. Lady Nortonly practically has wedding-clothes reserved, and has done so for an age. There can be no concerns about eligibility or being quite comfortably settled. They are not indifferent to each other (Sam especially), and frankly I can't see why they should not marry."
"Yes, there is no pride or prejudice in this case - or misconceptions. It's nothing like William's situation." Georgiana replied.
"Do you mean there was a refusal in William's Wonderful Wooing? Goodness, I simply must hear all of this" Christy emphatically begged. At such requesting, Georgiana could not help but immediately relate to Christabel the full story (to the extent of her knowledge) of Elizabeth & Fitzwilliam's acquaintance and courtship.
{Now, as we all know this story (off by heart), I feel not the need to once again repeat it}
"Well I never!!" Christy exclaimed. "What a tale! It's fit for publishing! Oh! I shall never be able to look at Lady Catherine again without wanting to hug her and say thankyou! (Could you imagine her indignation if I was to do so?). And I'd want to well and truly want to sock Miss Bingley. What a ... what a... oh, abominable."
The Colonel was next with his two cents worth. "I cannot wish to hug Lady Catherine, and it is not in my nature to sock females, even if it is Miss Bingley. It's Wickham that I'd want to confront."
"And I'd box Lydia Wickham's ears! What a foolish, foolish girl! Can she really be related to Mrs. Bingley and Mrs. Darcy?"
"Christy!!" Georgiana responded, shocked. "Would you really want to punch Miss Bingley?? Or treat Mrs. Wickham so?? Surely they have suffered (or will suffer) the consequences without your interference well enough. Besides, I imagined you as more of a lady."
"Dear Georgie, can you not tell when I am serious and when I am funning? Oh, poor girl, do not think of me as violent, or anything of the sort! I am merely indulging myself with ridiculous and fanciful fits of imagination. I sometimes make threats, but you should know me well I enough to know I could never carry them out."
"Even if you wished to." Richard finished for her.
"Exactly."
"Oh, do look. I fear it is Clapham just ahead."
"Fear? Why should you fear it?" the Colonel queried.
"Oh Georgie! Really!! You ought not to fear being left with Richie here."
"Richie????????" Georgiana and the Colonel asked, while pulling faces.
"You're afraid of me????" the Colonel asked
"No, of course not. " As if I could be "I was actually concerned for you, Christabel. I fear what sort of a temper Lady Catherine will be in. My brother and I have hardly helped to place her in good spirits of late."
"You?! What did you do?"
"Well you see, there was a letter"
"Oh yes, I recall. Anne told me about that."
"But she did not tell me!" Richard unsuccessfully tried to pout. "Georgiana, I insist you tell me of this letter. I don't mean to be dictatorial, but, as your guardian, I'd really like to know what you are doing to offend people. Especially people like Lady Cath, I could use some new ideas for insulting and impertinent letters I might have to write." he said, winking conspiratorially.
Georgiana grinned, and Christy joined her. "Very well. I shall tell you once Christy has gone. She need not hear it again."
Christy was gone within minutes, and the adieus and good wishes were given. Then, once more, the carriage departed. It was now just Georgiana and the Colonel.
Posted on Tuesday, 31 October 2000
"Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes
Georgiana was certain she could not be happier, indeed, she believed it would be nigh impossible for anyone to be in a greater state of felicity than she was experiencing now. She tried not to show her contentedness through a sigh, keeping it within. Her light breathing quickened, and she began to feel light-hearted.
"Well Georgiana, 'tis just you and I now."
Georgiana managed to reply with a soft "Indeed."
"Oh no Georgie! You are not going to revert back to being shy again, are you? I hope not, for you have been most pleasant company of late. It seemed as if you were overcoming your shyness at last, and it has been wonderful watching you converse and laugh so frequently with others, as you have been doing - especially after the wedding.
"You know, at times it is necessary to stop restraining yourself - and to enjoy the freedom you receive; provided, of course, that you are not in company that will judge you. I vow I will not, though you should be careful to restrain your feelings in places or a situation where extreme mirth is unpermissable. Am I being confusing?
"But you must see there is more to life than having it completely filled with constraint. You must life your life to the fullest, so that one day when you will account for your actions, there will be few where you wished you could have done something else. One thing I learnt forcibly while in France was that life is precious; it can be taken from you in an instant. I was given the conviction that you must take advantage of every opportunity - Carpe diem! Now Georgiana, I hope your studying has enabled you to decipher at least that - seize the day!
"Let not your life be troubled for years over an action in years past which destroyed your faith in yourself. Those on this earth have forgotten your error, and the one not from this earth has long forgiven you, if you were truly repentant, as I know you were. Do not regret that one action for the remainder of your life - it is done with. Instead, be happier in the knowledge that you will not be tricked in such a way again so easily.
"Dear Georgiana, do not live so shyly for his sake. Believe in yourself, believe in the existence of a happier life, and I promise you will be more light-hearted."
Georgiana could not help herself. Rather than smiling, as he cousin had hoped she would, tears fell effortlessly down her cheeks, and nothing would dissuade them from continuing from their source.
"But it is just so hard! I am so vulnerable - All I want to do is hide from anything which brings reminders, or from anything that might threaten me in the future" she sobbed. "I am left with virtually nothing but my music. The idea of anything other can only bring fear. How can I believe in myself, when I lead such an existence?"
"Georgiana, have you heard the saying, 'Once bit, twice shy' ? I think you are taking this to extremes. Be more lenient upon yourself, and I will endeavour to assist you, if it is assistance you need. Come, dry your eyes now."
Georgiana smiled faintly, then reached over to embrace her cousin, and thank him. She had been surprised by her forthrightness, but her emotions at present were far from serene. She could feel that she was changing. A tangible hope was suppressed within her heart, and she felt that slowly, a part of that hope was occurring.
Georgiana dearly wished that she was not so very shy. Confessing her inner troubles to the Colonel eased her distress, and his vow to help her brought a tentative restoration of spirits, and she began to imagine that perhaps she could believe in herself in the future.
Nothing else of great impost occurred during the rest of the carriage trip. Georgiana found herself unable to resist the charm of a nap, despite the fact that she was in a coach (which she was continually reminded of by the jolting that occasioned from the condition of the roads).
Georgiana awoke as the carriage shuddered to a halt. It was performed so inelegantly that none but the heaviest sleepers could remain slumberous through it. "Ah, awake I see. Just as well, for we are arrived, and i was considering calling for a bucket of iced water for you."
"Iced water! No, you wouldn't have."
"No, I suppose not" Richard admitted. "but it was worth an attempt to see the shock on your face."
"If we are arrived, then why have you not got out?"
"We have but just arrived, Georgiana. The carriage door have yet to be opened, the footman is presumably working on it."
"Oh" Georgiana responded, wishing she had not asked. Receiving such answers which ought to have been obvious to her made her feel so foolish. The footman preformed his duty soon enough, and the boxes carrying clothing and the like were taken into Colonel Fitzwilliam's lodgings on Newbury Street.
It's location was not so elite as Grosvenor Square in the West End, nor so unfashionable as Cheapside in the East. Suffice it to say it was not situated far from Charing Cross, and was similar in size to those in Chelsea.
The townhouse itself could comfortable house four (though a lesser number was certainly preferable). This number did not include the few servants who might work there. The most prominent of these was Mrs. Porter, who filled the position of housekeeper-landlady. Were it not for the existence of this woman, Richard's house could never be immaculate. However, she was unable to prevent it's being in a state of disarray for every three days out of five. However, Richard's habits were mending - it had used to be messy every four days out of five.
Georgiana was placed in the guest room. It was fitted in a comfortable, modern and simplistically elegant fashion. Everything she might require was provided, and then there were a few additional items provided for her comfort or enjoyment. Georgiana was delighted with the wintry blooms in light shades that sat on a table. Equally pleasing was the small collection of poetry and music books kept on a shelf. Georgiana had never actually stayed at her cousin's house before, but the way she was being treated, in addition to the company she would keep, made her feel an intense, joyful satisfaction at the prospect.
Georgiana didn't know whether she was supposed to change into different clothes for while she was eating. It seemed an odd custom, but she adhered to it, for she recollected she was still in her travelling dress, which was not to be worn at such occasions as dinner. Being accustomed to early hours, eating only with Mrs. Annesley, or with her brother, when he was there; Georgiana was not disappointed to find there would be no other company there apart from the Colonel. In fact, she had not expected anything other. She preferred eating with small numbers of people (because of her nature, or as a result of it, Georgiana found herself in preference for small numbers in most circumstances).
During the dinner conversation, Georgiana found to her delight that Richard kept a small pianoforte, which she was welcomed to use at any time (except in the middle of the night, Richard joked). She also found that there were some lovely gardens in a park just around the corner. Of course, she was not allowed to go there unchaperoned, but Richard took a while there each morning, and she would join him. With that probability flitting through her mind, Georgiana went to bed. She was most eagerly anticipating the morrow's walk.
Once breakfasted and donned in her pelisse and bonnet, Miss Darcy was ready to brave the cool outdoors. All she needed now was her companion, who was now descending from the staircase.
"Are you ready for our walk, Georgiana?" the Colonel asked.
"Indeed" she replied "It has been such a while since I went on a walk in London."
"Despite the dull London weather, I confess I enjoy my walks. Though a country walk will, I grant you, provide a more natural and unspoilt beauty, there is something attractive to me in the city's surrounds."
It was not long before the pleasure gardens were reached. Talking about the respective merits of the city, country, Pemberley and Matlock had made the time pass quickly. "I just realised something, Georgiana" her cousin began, leaving Georgiana to wonder what the something was. "We could have stayed at my parent's townhouse, rather than taking you to my own. That way you could have been in a house more like your own."
"Oh! You need not concern yourself overmuch about myself. I am perfectly content in being settled here." I would stay anywhere, if it meant I could be with you... "Besides, Samuel is probably there, and I would not wish to interfere with his wooing."
"Oh yes. I wonder whether Sam has asked Miss Nortonly yet, and what her answer has been."
"You shall probably be amongst the first to know, being a relative located nearby."
"Such a description also fits you, though."
"True, but I am not Samuel's twin brother."
"Nor ever like to be. That lot falls to me, and is unable to be usurped by any other."
"You must feel so entirely priviliged, in being so unique."
Richard laughed, and Georgiana's heart jumped at the idea that he could laugh at something she had said. She did not think of herself as witty, or as a great conversationalist. Half the time she feared she didn't know what to say, or had said the wrong thing, and the other half was spent in worrying that she would bore her listener.
The gardens in the park were quite aesthetically pleasing, and Georgiana also enjoyed the scent provided by some of them. "I cannot understand how some people are so totally enraptured over flowers" the Colonel smiled.
"Can you not? I pity you indeed!"
"I do not profess to detest flowers, but nor will I admit there is nothing I prefer more. I have an appreciation for them, and that is sufficient, I think."
"I shall not pass judgement on your declaration, but I'm glad you don't dislike them." Georgiana said candidly. "You must like them to some extent, for your own house had some in it. The ones in my room are lovely, I thank you."
"I didn't want for you to feel uncomfortable, and flowers make such a charitable statement, combined with affection."
"But it was very considerate of you." Georgiana continued.
"Pff. Don't extol my virtues, you will finish in record time, and besides, I am sure you can think of a better topic."
"Namely?"
"Georgiana! Now you are beginning to use one word sentences. I am appalled." Richard winked at her.
Georgiana only smiled He remembers!
"How good of you to remind me."
"I could not let you forget."
"I am most sincerely grateful."
"Are you really? I thought you sounded more amused than grateful."
"Oh dear. You have found me out!"
"It was not very difficult. You should conceal some of your thoughts a bit more. Concealment of some things you are the expert in, but with others, you lack any disguise."
Georgiana's thoughts instantly went into turmoil. Does this mean he knows? Of what have I made him aware? Please, please not.... Her fears overwhelmed her. The shock was too great, and too sudden : Georgiana Darcy left the world of the conscious.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs the torments of man. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Silence.
Darkness.
No... a dim light somewhere.
Not far away.
Not close either.
A small noise.
Repetitive.
Footsteps.
Pacing footsteps.
Opening door.
Muffled voices.
Unrecognisable.
Slight whispers.
Brighter light.
Warm feeling on forehead.
Hand.
More whispers.
Eyelids lifted.
Hand again.
Whispers.
Nothing.
Shadowy light.
Cold breeze.
Repetitive noise again.
Footsteps.
Pacing.
Not far away.
Closer.
Door opened.
No voices.
Only footsteps.
Quiet.
Hand taken.
Softly.
Feeling warm.
"Georgiana?"
Breathing.
Shallow and light.
Very light.
Breathe in and sigh.
Faintly.
"Georgiana?"
Fingers being squeezed.
Squeeze back.
Sigh of relief.
Open eyes slowly.
Long time to adjust to light.
Laying down.
In a bed.
Look around.
Pale chamber.
Don't know it.
Where is it?
Candle flickers.
Movement.
Someone.
A body.
A face.
Looking directly at the bed.
Gorgeous.
Recognise the face.
"Georgiana! Thank God! I've been so worried about you!"
Georgiana.
Georgiana?
Who's Georgiana?
If hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream."Edgar Allan Poe ~ A Dream Within A Dream
"Are you all right Georgiana?"
"Of course I am. But who is Georgiana? Do I know her?"
Richard's mouth gaped. He gasped in shock. "You mean ... but.. you're Georgiana. The physician said you might have a headache, but ...this??"
"Me... Georgiana? Nonsense! Pull the other one! But what's that about physicians?"
Richard looked aghast. "Uh... I called in Dr. Stonewall after you collapsed. I was so worried, as you didn't revive quickly, and you had hit your head when you fell."
Georgiana felt her head. Sure enough, there was a large bump on her right side. The skin was unbroken.
"What on?" she asked.
"The pavement."
"Oh. How did you bring me back?"
"I carried you. I knew there were no bones broken, and it was better to go home immediately rather than wait for a carriage, which would be slower."
"How very gallant of you! Was I not too heavy?"
"Georgiana, really. At such a time I was not thinking of gallantry."
"Don't call me Georgiana."
"This is most confusing. Why can you remember where you were, but not who you are? Do you know who I am?"
"Of course, Richard. You are Colonel Fitzwilliam."
"Correct. But you are?"
"I don't know! But that cannot be logical! Surely I must know who I am .... but Richard, I don't! Is there something wrong with me?"
"I'll have the physician sent here again." The Colonel exited, and Georgiana was left alone.
Apart from a throbbing head, and a fear that came from thinking something was wrong, Georgiana was relatively well. She could remember walking to the park with the Colonel - how long ago had that been? - but could not remember what had happened once she had got there. She therefore did not remember the conversation she had been having prior to her collapse - which was probably just as well.
The physician arrived sooner than expected. After all, this was London, and not the country. Georgiana realised that Richard must have been concerned about her, calling in the highest ranking physician, rather than a mere apothecary. She was touched by his concern. She was still very much aware that she liked the Colonel, even if she couldn't remember her own name.
Dr. Stonewall came into the room, but was alone, for Richard was told to stay outside. "Ah, awake I see Miss Darcy. Your cousin here says you don't recognise your name."
"Indeed" Georgiana replied politely. Already she distrusted him. Just who is this chap? I don't even know his name. I hope Richard doesn't expect me to confide in him.
The doctor chuckled. Who does he think he is? And why does he laugh? "I'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind, Miss Darcy."
What if I do mind? "As you wish" she replied, politeness overcoming her other response.
"Do you know what happened?" he asked slimily. Georgiana had a shocking realisation come upon her - he could pass for Mr. Collins' brother!!
"If you refer to my condition, then no, but I do know that I was walking in the park with my cousin. Next I knew I was back here, in exactly this spot."
"Anything else Miss Darcy?"
"Well, the existence of this bump upon my head leads me to suppose that some time in between those events, I encountered an accident of sorts."
"How do you suppose this 'accident' occurred, Miss Darcy?"
"I know not. But it was caused by myself."
"Your cousin had nothing to do with it?"
HOW DARE YOU!!! Had Georgiana known any expletives, it is likely she should now have used them in describing the doctor. "No sir. He would never do anything to harm me." The nerve!!
"Very well. I think I can trust you to tell me the truth, Miss Darcy." Here he snorted. He laughs at his own jokes! Ugh!
"Now, just some general questions. What day is it, Miss Darcy?"
"I do not know the date, as I know not how long I have slept. But if it was only for a few hours, then today is the 29th November."
"What would you say if I told you that you have slept through a few days, and that today was the 31st?"
"I would say, sir, that surely you must be mistaken."
"Why? It is possible you could have slept so long."
"Yes sir, I will not disagree with you, but I must enlighten you as to the impossibility of it being November 31st, considering that November only has thirty days." I am beginning to trust him less and less....
"Ah yes. Forget what I told you Miss Darcy. It really is only the 30th. I was just checking your reaction." I am still not convinced.
"What is your age Miss Darcy?"
"Sixteen." Must he ask all these questions?
"Where do you live?" They are getting more personal.
"It depends on the time of year."
"Ah, of course. Do you have siblings?"
"One. An elder brother, recently married. Pray sir, to what do these questions tend?"
"I am seeing what you remember."
"But you don't know half this information yourself, sir. How could you possibly know the answers to these questions, and know whether I was correct or not?"
"I have my sources, Miss Darcy."
Georgiana was silenced.
"I will ask you only one question more. Would you give me your name?"
I know I'm Miss Darcy. He's certainly made that clear enough by reminding me each time he opens his mouth. If I call myself Georgiana, he will think everything is back to normal, and he won't come back. Right, I'm Georgiana.
"Miss Georgiana Darcy, sir. Have you done now? I find I have grown weary."
"Yes Miss Darcy. Of course, Miss Darcy. I'll leave you now Miss Darcy." Yes! Go, go be off with you. AND DON'T COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Georgiana listened to the conference between Richard and the doctor. She could only hear snippets of the doctor's voice.
"I feel...Miss Darcy...bit better...memory regained...slight amnesia... knew name...Yes...knew name...bump on head...only temporary...won't know ...in a week or so...continue...look in on her...frequently check...best assurance everything will be...yes, fine...lovely girl...charming...no, not shy...no, not shy...very pretty...you think so too...come out yet?...shame...came again...tonight...yes, must see again...tomorrow then...morning...Good-day."
After hearing that, Georgiana felt even weaker. Just too much was implied - she fell asleep quivering.
"If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country."
~E. M. Forster
Georgiana awoke the next morning, feeling considerably better. The size of the bump had reduced, and there was no aching head. She felt even better when the Colonel came in, to talk with her.
"How are you this morning Georgia ...uh... what should I call you? The doctor said you knew your name, but I didn't know if you really could remember that abruptly."
"Oh dear. You have found me out!"
"That's what you said before I... never mind."
"Before you what?" Georgiana questioned.
"It was just before you fell in the park." He paused a moment. "What did you think of Dr. Stonewall?"
"Truly?"
"Truly."
"I cannot like nor trust him. His behaviour was most odd - not at all like a doctor. And he asked me all manner of very impertinent questions about myself. I am afraid I was not quite polite by the end. I just could not like him - he reminds me shockingly of Mr. Collins, which is hardly a pleasing thought."
"He is not my regular doctor. I normally see an apothecary, but I opted for a physician this time, because you were definitely not suffering from something mild like quinsy. But in all my previously dealings with Dr. Stonewall, he has not acted so strangely. I can think of only one thing to account for it."
"And what might that be?"
"Something personal. But did you notice he seemed to have a very high opinion of you? When he was talking to me..."
"I know. I heard."
"You heard?" Richard asked, horrorstruck.
"Most of it. Please don't mention it - I was feeling better this morning, and I don't want to have a relapse!"
Colonel Fitzwilliam smiled. "I'm sorry, but he absolutely insisted on seeing you again. Wanted to come last night, but I thought that was coming it too strong. So, are you Georgiana now?"
"I might be"
"At least that's an improvement on yesterday." the Colonel grinned.
"Well, I know I'm Miss Darcy...are you sure my name is Georgiana?"
"It was before... and I can't imagine you just ceasing to be called Georgiana overnight - you should give us poor relations a few days notice!"
Georgiana smiled. "I will next time."
"So you admit your name is Georgiana, but you're planning to change it at a later date?"
"I said no such thing! Whatever gave you that assumption?"
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes"
"Nonsense."
"There we go, back to one word answers."
"Should you like a long answer then?"
"Indeed."
"That was only one word. An answer to what?"
"Your name."
"Oooh! You've increased your length of answer usage to two! I'm impressed!"
"Georgiana, really"
"Two again! Can you make it three? So, you are certain I'm Georgiana?"
"Absolutely certain."
"You just can't make the three mark, can you? Well, if you say I'm Georgiana, then I'll make myself believe I am. Besides, it's a better one than what I had thought it might be."
"Which was what?"
"Three! You did it! Well done! Uhh...Theodocia, or something like that."
"Theodocia? You mustn't have been well!"
"Ha ha. What's wrong with Theodocia anyway?"
The footman came into Georgiana's chamber, to announce the arrival of Dr. Stonewall. "Already!!" and "Tell him to go away and not return" were the rewards for his effort.
Even so, the doctor came, and was met with two pseudo-smiling faces. He was, like Mr. Collins, unable to comprehend that he could not be welcome, and so he did not see that the smiled were forced - one of them very much so.
"How are you this morning, Miss Darcy? I... oh...good day, Colonel." Now if that wasn't an afterthought, I am willing to sing 'God Save The King' backwards, forty-five times in succession...
"Much better thank you" Georgiana replied stiffly.
"Now Miss Darcy, how is that bump of yours."
"Much better thank you" Georgiana repeated, just as stiffly.
"I should like to check it. Would you mind waiting outside Colonel?" His voice oozes! It is terrible! "You would? Oh." the doctor replied, though he didn't appear too pleased.
"Ah yes, I see. Quite good. But what is this??"
"What is what?" Georgiana asked, alarmed.
"This is serious indeed! I wonder I did not remark upon it before! Such a dire looking bruise I never saw!" This man is not only stupid, but he must be a fool. "Are you sure your cousin is not doing anything to you, Miss Darcy?" the doctor whispered huskily into Georgiana's ear.
Oh! How dare he have the presumptuousness to again suggest!!!! Get away from me!!! "I am indeed certain, doctor. Remember I fell, and it is exceedingly likely that and bruising would have resulted from that." I sound more like a doctor than he does!!
"Yes, I believe that is likely. I was just suggesting alternatives"
"And what alternatives, pray, might that be?" Richard asked icily.
"Ah... nothing. Yes, absolutely nothing. Nothing at all" Liar!!! What a wimp.
Georgiana tried to think of a way to be rid of the doctor, or at least stop him from touching her. What license doctors are permitted!! Or perhaps this is malpractice? But what do I know of such business matters?
"Now Miss Darcy, I believe this bruise is terribly serious - I will have to keep a careful watch on it, and will return to check your progress." A serious bruise?? Imbecile. Fool. Muttonhead. Simpleton. Jerk. Moron. Idiot. Cabbagehead. Dolt. Go away!! I don't want, and nor do I need you!! And I certainly don't wish to see you!!
Before either cousin could respond, the doctor had settled it. "Good. I shall come every morning then. I'm pleased to find you so congenial. Good day Miss Darcy...and to you too, I suppose, Colonel." he sniffed, and then left the room, looking back once.
Once he left, Georgiana could not remain silent. "Oh that insufferable man!! Why must he come?? Is he qualified!! I am persuaded he cannot be!! Surely not!! And the audacity to suggest.... oh! 'tis too much!! Far too much!! Why can he not leave us be?? A serious bruise?? I never heard a greater suggestion of idiocy!! That man!! He may be Dr. Stonewall to you, but to me he is deaf as a....quick-witted as an...interesting as a ...farcical as an...engaging as a...blockheaded as a...boring as a...stupid as a... STONEWALL!!!!"
The Colonel burst out laughing. "That is too true for words!! What an outburst from you! But I must agree he is becoming more snaky."
"And Vile" Georgiana added.
"And vile" her cousin agreed.
Despite the fact that Georgiana felt perfectly well, and had reconciled herself to the fact that her name was not Theodocia, but Georgiana, the doctor ordered her to keep to her room. So she did, even if it was the orders of Dr *Deaf as a... Interesting as a... Boring as a.. Stupid as a....* Stonewall. Her cousin spent much of his time with her, which she greatly appreciated.
For the most part, they talked or read. The Colonel was a great tragedian, and very fond of Shakespeare. The only tragedies Georgiana had seen were Hamlet, Julius Caesar and Romeo & Juliet, so she was not so knowledgeable as her cousin. (It must also be remembered that the considerable age disparity must in some way also contribute to the greater knowledge of the Colonel).
Georgiana had a wonderful time, and she didn't feel ill, and was regularly in the Colonel's company. The only thing that dampened her pleasure was the daily expectation of the doctor's arrival. And everyday he did come. His presence was unwelcome, distressing, vexing and tedious, while his visits were of long duration, though both Georgiana and her cousin were always attempting to shorten the visits.
For almost a se'nnight the days went on in this fashion. For half of this time Georgiana had begun to suspect that Dr *Deaf as a...interesting as a... Boring as a... Stupid as a* Stonewall had an ulterior motive, but vehemently hoped this was not so. She kept the Colonel with her as often as she could, ensuring she was not alone when the irksome doctor arrived.
But one morning, she was.