Beginning, Section II

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Chapter 18

Posted on Wednesday, 18 July 2001

*Holly*

Emma put her whole body behind her Chemistry book and with a mighty heave, shoved it in her locker on first try. You couldn't tell by looking at her, but Emma was one of the sloppiest people I knew. I don't think I even know what color the carpet in Emma's room is. I wonder if Emma knows.

Emma clapped her hands together. "There we go," she said. She seemed different that day. She was acting the way I felt. She seemed to be moping, for some reason. I knew I was moping because of Nick, but I couldn't help but wonder what her excuse was.

Jeremy rounded the corner and came to a stop at his locker. He began spinning the dial on his locker. Emma pretended she didn't even notice he was there, and Jeremy seemed too busy looking through his planner to notice Emma.

I shook my head. Maybe this was what was making Emma so upset. Emma and Jeremy fought all the time. A normal person wouldn't guess in a million years that they were great friends. They ignored each other half the time.

"Hey, Jeremy," I said, trying to break the icy silence.

"Hi, Holly," he said, giving me a halfhearted smile. He closed his locker and started walking away.

"Jerk," Emma mumbled.

Jeremy heard her and turned narrowed eyes on her. "What?" he asked, irritably.

"I said you're a jerk," Emma said. Her brow creased. "I wish you'd just mind your own business once in a while."

"Geez, Emma!" Jeremy cried. "I was trying to be your friend. You can at least let me be your friend, can't you?"

Emma snorted and slammed her locker. "You just want to run my life, Jeremy. Admit it."

"I can't admit something that isn't true, Emma, I just--"

"Save it for the judge, Jeremy," Emma said, turning and walking in the other direction, leaving Jeremy and me standing alone in the empty hallway.

"What was that all about?" I asked, slowly. Even thought I had been friends with Emma for a long time, Jeremy and I had never really hit it off. I always felt like I was walking on glass around him.

"I think Emma would be even more upset with me if I told you," Jeremy said carefully. He glanced in the direction Emma had walked in. "Well, I'll talk to you later," he said, and walked away quickly.

Chapter 19

Posted on Wednesday, 18 July 2001

*Emma*

The month-and-a-half before Winter Formal were busy, but they passed quickly. Ryan Churchill eventually asked me to go as "just friends." To my surprise, I said yes. Most of the school thought we were dating already, anyway.

Everything seemed perfect. Well, perfect, except that it was crunch time and Holly still didn't have a date. I made her buy a dress just in case someone asked her at last minute. She could always return it. I silently prayed she wouldn't have to.

I still hadn't told Holly about Nick. At first I was agitated around her, waiting for her to mention his name and ask me if he still liked her. The moment never came. She talked about him sometimes, but she seemed pained, like she already knew it wasn't meant to be. After a while, I had all but forgotten that horrible Saturday night. It didn't seem to mean anything anymore.

Jeremy and I still weren't talking after our big fight. It was weird. I didn't think I would ever get used to not hearing his voice and looking away when he walked by. A sick feeling in the pit of my stomach told me things would never be quite the same as the had once been.

My dress was a light blue two-piece halter. It was plain, but it made me feel like a princess. I wished I had a handsome prince to take me to the dance, but Ryan was just a peasant. He was ordinary, nothing special.

I went to the dance with a heavy heart. All I could think of was Holly sitting at home watching sappy romance movies, crying into a bowl of popcorn and wishing she was at the dance. I felt responsible. I had single-handedly ruined her love life. I promised myself never to get involved in her love-life again.

The formal theme was "Tropical dream." It always seemed like formal dances had tropical themes. I wondered if they would ever run out of tropical ideas. In my three years they hadn't.

The gym was decorated with construction paper palm trees and there were little straw cabins in the corners where couples were having their pictures taken. Behind the DJ was a gigantic paper mache volcano, spewing red and orange construction paper lava down its black, 1-dimensional slope. Shiny, sliver and gold stars hung from the ceiling. Each star had names of couples printed on it.

As I waited for Ryan to get me some punch, I read the stars, looking for my name. Jamie K. and Ben G., Annie B. and Curt R., Holly S. and Jeremy K., Lindsay T. and-- My eyes raced back to the last star. Jeremy and Holly? My heart fluttered with happiness. Holly wasn't sitting home alone after all!

A fast song began, and Ryan pulled me away from Jeremy's star to the center of the floor and we started dancing. My eyes kept glancing toward the door, waiting for Holly and Jeremy to show up. I longed to see Jeremy and thank him. I wished he would forgive me for being such a terrible person.

"Come on, Emma," Ryan whispered in my ear, pulling me closer to him as we danced. "You have to get into it."

I realized I was almost standing perfectly still, waiting for Jeremy and Holly to show up; anticipating great things.

Suddenly, I saw them walking toward the dance floor. Holly wore a light purple spaghetti strap dress with a full skirt. With her hair up and her eyes bright with happiness she made me look like a failure, a wannabe. I smiled and lifted my hand to wave. Holly saw me and gave me a big smile and waved back. Jeremy looked toward me and drew back from Holly a little. He bit his lip and held my gaze for a moment.

Holly and Jeremy made their way over to us, and started dancing a few feet away from us. Jeremy faced me as Holly wrapped her arms around her neck and slowly danced to "Truly, Madly, Deeply" with him. His eyes were on me, probing, looking for something. I held my breath and hoped he would find what he was looking for. I hoped this would be the end of our fight. I hoped we would be friends again. I smiled and mouthed, "Thank you."

He grinned, and gazed at me over Holly's head for what felt like hours, before he finally turned away and started talking to Holly. I sighed and held Ryan closer. At that moment, all was right in the world.

Chapter 20

Posted on Wednesday, 18 July 2001

*Holly*

I stood in a long line at the video rental store, holding three videos. It was going to be a long night and I wanted to be prepared. I fidgeted with my movies. Why wasn't the line moving?

"Hey, Holly," a voice behind me said.

I turned around, surprised. "Jeremy," I cried. I couldn't believe he was talking to me. I thought he would be getting ready for the Winter Formal. Emma had been complaining for a month and a half about how Jeremy was going to show up with Jane Fairfax. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, actually," he said smoothly. Sometimes Jeremy said things that would make any other guy look cocky, but with Jeremy it seemed so natural.

My hands started shaking, so I hid them behind my back. Why would Jeremy be looking for me for? "Um, really? Why?" I asked.

"Well, I called your house and your mom said you were here."

"Excuse me, Miss?" a bright young college student stood behind the counter watching me impatiently.

"I'm sorry," I said. I stepped carefully out of line. "Why did you call my house," I asked Jeremy.

"Because I heard you didn't have a date for Winter Formal."

My brain began concocting reasons why he would care if I didn't have a date for Winter Formal. Maybe Jane Fairfax died. Maybe he was tired of her. Maybe she was going with someone else. Maybe Jeremy liked me. My heart began to pound. "Well, I don't," I said shyly.

Jeremy smiled. "How about this? You go home and get changed and I'll pick you up at seven o'clock and we'll go to Winter Formal together."

I blushed hotly. "Okay, if you want me to," I said quickly, before he could change his mind. "I'll be waiting," I said as I pushed the videos in his hands and hurried out the door. I had a lot of work ahead of me and only a little time.

August Hawkins stood by the drink table, sipping a Sprite. Little foam bubbles collected on her upper lip as she took a swig from the waxed Coke cup. Jeremy was talking to some of his friends and I had wandered away to get something to drink. As I neared the table, August turned away and rolled her eyes.

"Hi, August," I said, pretending I hadn't noticed, as I reached across the table to grab a cup of Diet Coke.

August sized me up, as if debating if my dress was acceptable. "Oh, hi," she said dully. She started to turn away.

August was a Sophomore and Nick's Chemistry lab partner. She was one of those snotty preppie girls with a bad attitude toward anyone and everyone who wasn't in her crowd. Up until that point she had been fairly nice to me.

"Did you understand those Chemistry problems?" I asked.

August shrugged. "It's easy. Chemistry is like the easiest class I've ever taken. It's easier than... than..." She was at a loss for a class it was easier than.

"Learning you ABCs?" I suggested.

August narrowed her eyes on me. "What are you trying to say?" she asked.

I chewed on my lower lip, tasting my Cover Girl lipstick. "Great dance, huh?" I said after a long pause. I swirled the coke in my cup, watching the light brown fizz spin to the middle.

August shrugged. "I've seen better."

"Who did you come here with?" I asked.

She snorted. "Nick Elton."

Speaking of the devil, Nick walked up to us and wrapped his strong arms around August. He nibbled her ear. They were both grinning at me, as if it was all a show for me.

"Hey, Holly," Nick said, coolly. "How's it going?"

"It's going," I said, starting to turn away. I wondered where Jeremy was. I wished he would come save me from Nick and August.

"Who did you come here with?" He asked. He and August looked at each other and laughed, as if they believed I came alone.

"He's around here somewhere," I said, looking for Jeremy.

Nick raised his eyebrows. "Who? Your dog?" He and August fell into a fit of giggles.

I bit my lip to keep the tears that were working their way to the corners of my eyes from spilling over onto my cheeks.

Suddenly their attention was drawn from me, as August pointed across the room. "Oh, look," she said, tapping Nick on the shoulder. "There's Jeremy Knightly. He's a hottie."

"That's who I came with," I said.

Nick and August turned back to me. "You came with Jeremy," Nick said.

"No you didn't," August said cynically.

"Yes. I did."

Nick snorted and August laughed. After a few minutes, August turned and whispered something in Nick's ear. He grinned and nodded. August stepped closer to me, smiled, and spilled my Coke all over my dress.

"You don't belong in our crowd, Holly," August said. "You belong with the losers, just like yourself."

Nick wrapped his arm around August and they walked away, teetering in giggles as if what had just happened was the funniest thing they had ever seen.

I stared down at my stained dress, and the tears finally spilled over. I was about to run to the bathroom, when a strong arm pushed past me. I looked up just in time to see Ryan Churchill grab Nick and August by the wrists. He dragged them over to me.

"Apologize," he commanded. They both stood, sulking wordlessly. "Did you hear me? I said apologize."

"Sorry," they grumbled in unison.

"And you're buying Holly a new dress," Ryan dictated. He glared at the pair. "Right?"

"Yes," they muttered.

Ryan let go of their wrists and turned to me. he put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me sympathetically. "Are you okay?" he asked.

All I could do was nod.

"Good," he said, just as Emma walked up.

"Oh Holly!" she said. "You poor thing... what happened?"

Ryan smiled at me and turned on his heals and walked away quickly.

Chapter 21

Posted on Wednesday, 18 July 2001

*Emma*

I danced with Ryan, but mentally I was on another planet. I was off telling Jeremy what I thought about what I had done. I was telling him that he was the best friend I had ever had, begging for his forgiveness for my stupidity. I watched four guys take turns break dancing, but I wasn't really paying attention, I was watching the other side of the circle, where Jeremy had his hands resting on Holly bare shoulders. Both were entranced by the dancing, until Jeremy felt my eyes bearing down on him and looked up. We gazed at each other for a moment that felt like an eternity, until he flashed a smile at me, then turned his attention back to the break-dancers. A moment later he rested his hands at his sides.

I only had make believe conversations with Jeremy until I finally found him alone at 11:45. The DJ was beginning to play the final songs, Ryan was looking for our star, and Holly went to the bathroom. Jeremy was standing alone, his hand in the pocket of his dark pants, drinking soda. I walked up behind him, but he turned around before I could say anything.

"Hey, Emma," he smiled.

"Hi," I said. I took a deep breath prayed we wouldn't fight like we had the last time we tried talking. He opened his mouth to say something, but I raised my hand to silence him. "I thought it was really great that you brought Holly tonight," I told him.

"Well," Jeremy shrugged, "I wanted to be of some use to you."

O wrapped him into a hug. My heart fluttered strangely, so I pulled away quickly. "Thank you," I said, with a tear threatening to ruin my perfect make-up job.

Jeremy only shrugged bashfully again.

There was a long pause where Jeremy stuffed his hands in his pocket and rocked back on his heals, while I looked over his shoulder at Ryan, who was gazing at the ceiling, studying every star.

"I also wanted to say you were right," I said quickly.

Jeremy looked back at me, knowingness passed across his face, but he decided to play dumb. "About what?" he asked.

"About Holly. And Nick. I suppose I always knew he liked... me. I guess I was hoping they would hook up because deep down in my mind I wanted him to stop liking me." I sighed, worn out by the effort it took to get those words off my tongue and out into the open.

Jeremy swallowed hard, and slowly said, "I'm sorry. Nick was a fool not to like Holly. Now that I know her better, I know she's a really nice girl. He should have taken her while she liked him."

I was about to say something when a slow song began. "This is the last slow song, people. Get out there and dance!" the DJ spit into the microphone. Couples started moving out onto the floor, but Jeremy and I stayed put until he turned to me, took my hands, and said, "May I have this dance?" I nodded, and together we headed out onto the floor.

A week after Winter Formal, Holly called me and asked to come over. "I have something really important to tell you," she whispered into the phone. "I want you to hear this."

A few minutes later, Holly's car drove into my driveway. I opened the front door and waited in the cold winter air as Holly ran up our front walk and into our worm house.

Holly and I walked into the living room, and we sat down on the couch.

"Well?" I said, curiosity burning deep in me. "What did you have to tell me?"

"I think," Holly grinned. "I think I'm in love."

"In love?" I choked, thinking of Robert Martain.

"Yes," she said happily. "He saved me from embarrassment in front of Nick and August," she said.

Suddenly it hit me. She was in love with Ryan Churchill!

"I felt so awful, and then he was suddenly there."

I grinned and reached for her hand. "I know who you're talking about, and I think you should go for him. But, I've messed up your life enough already, so we're never going to talk about this again. Just know I'm happy for you, Holly."

"Thank you, Emma," Holly said. She jumped up from her chair. "I've never been so happy," she added.

"Do you have his phone number?" I asked suddenly.

Holly looked down and shook her head. "Is that a bad sign?"

"Oh, no!" I said. "I have it. I'll get it for you." I hurried to my room and wrote Ryan's phone number down on a little piece of paper. I was so excited for Holly. I knew she and Ryan were really going to hit it off.

Chapter 22

Posted on Wednesday, 18 July 2001

*Holly*

I clutched the small piece of paper Emma had given me the entire way home. At every stop sign I unfolded it to see if it was for real. It was. I had Jeremy's phone number and I was on top of the world. I was going to dial the number as soon as I got home, before I lost my nerve.

When I was finally in my house, standing in front of the cordless phone, I took in a deep calming breath. I gently pulled the phone off the receiver, unfolded the crumpled piece of paper and dialed the number. Each ring was an eternity, a huge space of time that left me wondering if this was the ring that would change my entire life forever.

Finally, someone picked up on the other end. "Hello?" a groggy masculine voice that was decidedly not Jeremy's, answered. I could hear him yawn and I wondered if I had woken this person up. I hated to think that this was how I was going to start my relationship with Jeremy's family.

"Hi," I said, swallowing my fear with a mighty gulp. "This is Holly Smith, and I'm calling for--"

"Another one if his girlfriends," the voice, now fully awake, snorted. "I'll go get him."

"Um, thanks," I said, wondering if I was actually thankful. Was I just another one of the girlfriends? Had I now entered into Jeremy's concubine? The thought sent a chill up my spine.

"Hello?" another voice said.

"Hi, this is Holly Smith."

"Oh yeah," recognition filled his voice. "Emma's friend. Hey. What's up?"

Emma's friend?

"Um..." I was at a loss. The perfect future I had created in my mind was tumbling down around me and I felt like I had ignited the explosives. If only I hadn't called the number! Finally words came to me. "I just wanted to thank you for what you did for me at the Winter Formal."

He laughed a little. "Don't worry about it, um... Holly. Nick is just one of those guys that girls should stay away from. I guaranty he and his next girlfriend will be making fun of August like she's some outcast, too."

This wasn't exactly the scene I was thinking about. I was thinking about him, taking me in his arms and dancing in the dark to Celean Dion songs, but I decided to take what I got and run with it. "Yeah... I guess Emma told you I liked Nick."

"Hmm... well, actually she didn't. Should she have?" He sounded a little confused.

"Oh.. no!" I said, trying to laugh. Then, by wild impulse, I blurted out, "Do you want to go out sometime."

There was a long pause on the other end, a long pause that was extended by the fact that his answer would make or break the rest of my life.

Finally, he spoke. "I guess so," he said. "I mean there's kind of this other girl--"

"I get it," I said, glumly. So that fateful Saturday had meant nothing to him. "It's Emma, right?" I asked.

I could hear him trying to laugh to break the tenseness of the moment. "No, that ship sailed long ago. There was always someone else, though," he added.

"Who's that?" I asked. I felt I deserved to know who was better than me.

"I've never told anyone this... not even Emma." I could hear him suck in his breath. "Promise me you won't tell anyone this." I swore I wouldn't, but kept my fingers crossed just in case it was something Emma needed to know. "Jane Fairfax," he said slowly, when he was sure he could believe me.

"Jane Fairfax," I said evenly. I could feel the phone shake in my hand, and I hurried over to a chair before I could faint. "Nick was right then," I said.

"About what?" he said, bemused.

"He said you liked Jane Fairfax," I said.

He was silent again, before he finally said, "So do you still want to do something?"

I couldn't tell by the tone in his voice if he was just asking because he felt sorry for me. "Sure, if you really want to."

He agreed, and we decided to meet at McDonalds for lunch the next day.

As I hung up the phone, a greedy hope burned a whole in my heart; hope that this one date, my one chance, would steal Jeremy away from Jane Fairfax forever.

Chapter 23

Posted on Wednesday, 18 July 2001

*Emma*

"You lousy b*tch!"

I turned around as Holly stormed up to my locker, fuming like a tease Bull. I didn't think she would be this upset that I hadn't waited for her at the usual spot. I had just been in a hurry to get to my locker early because Jeremy invited me to go out to lunch with him and Jane Fairfax.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, playing dumb. I was sure I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"You heard me. You think you're all that because you're Emma Woodhouse. But I have news for you. You're not that great."

My jaw dropped. "I'm sorry," I gasped. "You must have wanted to tell me about the phone call with--"

"Oh, I am beyond talking about it, Emma. Did you think it was some kind of joke, or something? Toying with my heart like that?"

"He said he didn't like you?" my heart went out to Holly. "I'm so sorry."

"I could care less if he likes me, and I know you know who I'm talking about." Her eyes narrowed.

I shook my head slightly and began stuffing my Chemistry book in my locker. "I'm sorry, Holly, but what can I do? I can make a guy have feelings for you."

Holly shoved me aside and pulled the book I had just jammed in my locker out and threw it on the floor, denting it. "You knew Jeremy wouldn't like me. That's why you gave me Ryan's phone number."

"What?" I said picking up my book and putting my entire body behind it, as I tried squeezing it between a torn purple folder and a wad of old Algebra notes. "You mean you don't like Rya--"

Holly shook her head resolutely, frowning.

"And you actually like Jere--"

Holly began nodding vigorously.

"I can't believe this!" I cried. I gave up on the book and let it fall to the floor again, ignoring it this time. I couldn't believe the incredible mistake I had made. "When you talked about this guy at Winter Formal, I thought you were talking about how Ryan made Nick and August apologize to you. I never even guessed--"

"You must think Jeremy is too good for me!" Holly yelped. A wave of pain passed across her face.

"Oh, no Holly." There was a twinge of something in the pit of my stomach, but I couldn't begin to guess where it was coming from. "Do... do you think he likes you too?" I asked, praying, for some reason, that she didn't.

"Actually, I do," she said. I wished I could shrink into the lockers behind me and disappear forever.

"You do?" My voice sounded pitiful, as if my world was coming to an untimely end. "I mean, you do," I repeated, trying to sound More confident for Holly's sake.

Holly nodded and smiled. She looked as though she was remembering something beautiful. She was about to say something, but Jeremy rounded the corner before she got the chance. He smiled so brightly at us that it was hard not to smile back.

"Hey Emma... Holly. How's it going?"

"Good," we both lied.

"Are you ready to go?" Jeremy asked. "Jane's waiting at her locker."

I glanced at Holly, not knowing what to do. "Can she come too?" I asked.

Jeremy smiled. "Sure. The more the merrier."

We walked down the hall toward Jane's locker. Holly and I next to each other and Jeremy behind us. Suddenly Jeremy walked out in front of us. "Geez, you walk so slow, Emma," he joked.

"Oh do I?" I laughed, momentarily forgetting Holly. I walked faster until I was next to him. "I'll show you slow," I said, moving in front of him. He only pushed me aside and sped up. I put my hand out, and wrapped it around his wrist. My walk slowed as my heart quickened. That strange feeling returned to my stomach. As Jeremy intertwined his fingers in mine, everything, the strange, unreadable feelings, became clear to me. It had been a mixture of jealousy and love. I was jealous of Holly because he loved her and I loved him.

My newly acquired knowledge was almost too much for me to take, and I pulled my hand away and moved back by Holly, who had been walking behind and had seen the whole thing. Jeremy slowed down and waited for us to catch up. He was heaving, but it couldn't be from walking too fast. Jeremy could run the mile without even breaking a sweat. He also had a strange, pained look on his face. None of this mattered, though. Jeremy loved Holly.

Holly was studying the floor as she walked. I knew she had seen everything. She knew I was in love with Jeremy. I figured she was afraid to look at me for fear she might gloat and hurt my feelings.

I could see Jane standing at her locker, waiting, but I stopped. I knew I couldn't go any further. I couldn't bear to see Holly and Jeremy together, talking, laughing, flirting. It would break my heart. Jeremy turned when I stopped and walked back to me. "What's wrong?" he asked. He reached out. His hand was on my arm. My heart began to hammer against my chest and my mouth went dry.

"Nothing," I said. My tongue seemed to stick to the roof of my mouth. "I-I'm just not feeling good right now. I think I better stay here."

Holly's face tightened and her brow creased. She turned away and announced, "I still want to go. Just let Emma stay here."

Jeremy ran his finger down my arm, sending chills down my spine. "If you're sure you'll be okay," he said. His eyes were filled with something unreadable. In my heart I wished was even a fraction of what I felt for him.

"Let's go," Holly said, grabbing Jeremy's arm.

I watched them walk down the hall together, Holly's arm tangled in his, her eyes staring adoringly into his. He smiled and looked down at her. It was that smile that gave him away, I thought. That smile told me he loved her. He would never look at a girl that way if he didn't feel anything for her.

I turned around and walked away, feeling like I had lost everything in only a few minutes.