Posted on Sunday, 20 May 2001
As some of you might know, last night someone played a rather nasty practical joke on those of us in chat. I was one of them, and believe me, I was depressed for several hours. When I realized it WASN'T true, I started thinking about all the things the DWG meant to me, and this is the result. Apologies to Dr. Seuss . . . there's a REASON I don't do poetry!
There once was a Grinch (I say with a winking)
Hey now! Come on! I know what you're thinking.
This story's been TOLD! The Grinch was REFORMED!
I tell you, my dears, you've been misinformed!
THIS Grinch is not the Grinch of Seussian fame,
who Christmas purloined and then realized its name.
THIS Grinch is--would you believe it?--that one's sister
instead of heart, it's IMAGINATION that totally missed 'er.
She deplored crazy antics, she despised lunacy
she disliked senseless gabbling for no reason she could see
REAL LIFE--that and only that was her game.
The stuff in one's head--to indulge was a shame!
Now one night this Grinch was surfin' the net
and she found a little site that really made her fret.
The DWG, it was called, a close-knit band
who'd never ever deny a great idea out of hand.
Surveying the Tea Room, she cried, "What a great lot of cheer!
I didn't know it was possible without a great lot of beer."
Cheer she did not like, not this Grinchy, no.
(Really, she was far too much like her famous bro.)
"It must be shut down," she said with a glower.
"All this madness must stop, now who's someone in power?"
For her evil plan was this (oh dastardly plot!)
To tell them, "Of space, we'll not have a lot!
"In fact, none whatsoever, as of this very Friday,
For our dear host is folding, so you'll all have to go away."
THAT would stop the cheer, the Grinch was assured.
All this wildness, this lunacy; honestly, it was absurd!
The beloved leader, our Grinchy soon discovered,
was none other then ANN, who o'er it all lovingly hovered.
"I'll say I'm this Ann," she said, clicking into chat,
"And within ten minutes, all this cheer will go SCAT!"
"Hi Ann! Hello! How are you doing?" was the cry
when Grinchy as Ann snuck in, her wiles to ply
"I've some bad news," she said with great sorrow.
"I'll tell you today and all others tomorrow."
"What is it? What's wrong? Oh, tell us, Ann, do!"
(At that moment, however, Grinchy had to run to the loo.)
Back into chat, she went with a grin
Oh Grinchy, stop, do! O what a sin!
Her bad news she delivered, and sat back for the show
And for a moment the Dwiggies cried, "O heavens! O woe!
Whatever shall we do without our dear DWG?"
"I was afraid of this," sighed the pessimistic Mosy.
But then the Dwiggies unexpectedly rallied.
And sparks of great thoughts came up to be tallied.
"Free webspace! It's everywhere! Just waiting to be had!"
"I've got some already--it isn't so bad!"
"I can store some on my page," said one, "I've oodles of space."
"That's a very kind offer," said the Grinch, with a puzzled look on her face.
Where was the SCREAMING? the WAILING? the gnashing of TEETH?
By all rights, they should just now be starting to SEETHE
Seething they were, but not with tears or with screams--
but IDEAS, clever ones, not off-the-wall schemes.
"Mailing lists! Angelfire! Places like that!
Mayhaps Bill will still host the chat?"
For a moment there was howling from Tabbi W.
But the girl pulled herself through and shouted, "I know what I'll do!"
"I'll research free web boards, like we use for the Gate!
I cannot--I WILL not--accept this miserable fate!"
"We'll stick together," the Dwiggies promised each other.
"We're like a family, with Ann as our mother!
WE SHALL CONQUER THIS!" the Dwiggies cried as one
and the Grinch slumped in her chair and moaned, "Oh you're no fun."
But one last attempt at besmirchment there was to made
before the Grinch left the chat and did as Max bade.
"Oh! One thing more! Guess what--I'm pregnant!"
And with that little bombshell, out the Grinch went.
She sat for awhile before walking her pup.
"Impossible! Who knew? They're not giving up!
What could draw them together? when they're so far apart?
All this far-flung empire--now what's at the heart?"
With a jolt, she remembered the motto,
"'For Jane Austen fanfiction'--oh hell and oh blotto!
Who is this freak, that inspires such devotion?"
To the library she went, on a whim of a notion.
The Complete Works of Jane Austen--a hefty brown tome
she found at once, checked it out, and directly bore it home.
"What's the pull?" she puzzled, opening to page one.
"Just six little books, to inspire all that fun?"
S&S she read, with a dawning sense of wonder,
Then P&P and Emma and Grinchy went under.
"Such people! Such language!" she cried in sheer awe.
"My heavens, Lady C I believe I just saw!"
She READ and she READ and as she did so
Her withered imagination began to GROW and to GROW!
And as she read more, so it GREW
until it was increased by 302
The Grinch finally understood what she'd been missing
Jane Austen wasn't all angst and at the end kissing.
She was a watcher of LIFE, its own color commentator
And in her subtle style, we must fill in what's later.
Upon reaching THE END, she wailed "There's no more!
But there must be! There must! I must see what's in store!"
Back to her little computer went she
Back to the web, and to the DWG
Not to destroy, but this time to peruse
the wealth of new writing, enough her to confuse
"The Archives," cried she, "That's where I must go!"
She spent three days there, and at the end was quite low.
"This is what I'm missing," she moaned with a sigh.
"This treasure house of stories, the numbers quite high!
All represent the dreams I never allowed!
Oh gods! How could I have been so proud?
I'll reform," she promised herself. "I'll give me these dreams.
I'll check back each day, and print out reams and reams."
This she did, checking the Tea Room likewise
and discovered the Dwiggies, all color, all shape, all size.
There's Aussies and Asians and Canucks as well
'Mericans, Swedes, Danes, and some who won't tell.
Some with kiddies and some who are still
in that stage of years where driving is a thrill.
Variety spices the land of the Dwig
(A land not unknown to host a little jig)
Different we may be, but there's one thing we share
and that's EACH OTHER, telling all how we fare.
A sisterhood yes! (a brotherhood too)
with one common bond--one same something to do.
And that's ENJOY the stories so often posted
by other Dwiggies and by the Spring so kindly hosted.
Finally the Grinch worked up her grit
and posted a little something she'd writ
And far, far above, a Lady sat in her chair
and sipped Heavenly tea, with a satisfied air.
LONG LIVE THE DWG!