Jump to new as of July 14, 2001
Posted on Friday, 6 July 2001, at 2:15 a.m.
Annie shifted her legs carefully, within the small room airplane seats provide, so as to not wake up Eddie sleeping with his little legs on her lap.
Rachel, his mom, smiled apologetically. "Annie, thanks a lot for all your help. I don't know what I would have done without you. I am so sorry for all the trouble we have caused you"
Annie smiled, reassuring her it was no trouble at all. That morning when Annie entered the airport, it had been with a lot of trepidation. She was not looking forward to her fortnight long trip to Hawaii. Heaven knows, she sorely needed her vacation, and the company was paying for it in appreciation for the success of her latest project, but it had been such a long time since she had really had a vacation. Of course, she had made her usual holiday trips to her family home, some business trips but not a real vacation like this. She had suddenly felt all alone entering the airport. Paula, her ex sister-in-law and friend had given her a whole bunch of brochures and holiday planners, in her usual take charge manner. But somehow, Annie had a strange feeling about the trip. She shook her head to clear away her thoughts. They will be landing in Honolulu in another half an hour and then after a brief stop over there, they will be heading for the beautiful island of Kauai.
Rachel was returning after a brief visit to the mainland. When Annie had walked over to the gate, she had found little Eddie, making a mad dash in her general direction with his mom running after him with a back pack, a purse, a diaper bag, a stroller, a shoe and a sippy cup. Her whole look was screaming for help, Annie thought smiling. Here he was now, sleeping after giving them both such a hard time. In the four seats, thankfully the two next to Annie had been vacant allowing them to sit as comfortable as possible with a one and a half year old. And Eddie had been quite an energetic one at that.
Rachel slowly removed Annie's chain from his hand and handed it to her with a thanks. "Sta, sta, sta" he had babbled continuously while playing with it. She had removed the platinum chain with its beautiful star pendant, from her neck and handed it to him as a last resort to keep him occupied after they had tried every other possible thing. She looked at it briefly and dropped it in her purse and closed it firmly. The best thing from the worst day of her life. Paula would correct that the worst thing from the best day of her life, she would say.
She turned towards Rachel and started a pleasant conversation with her. The next few minutes passed soon and by the time the plane landed in Honolulu, Annie was feeling enthusiastic enough to inquire about the must see attractions and even made plans to meet her there.
"Annie would you mind terribly if I leave Eddie with you for a few minutes?" Rachel asked. Annie nodded sympathetically, "Not at all", the poor woman had not even had a chance to step into the bathroom. Annie sat there smoothing Eddie's curls slightly, remembering how she would run her hands through, smoothing another man's stray locks.
Annie was so lost in thought, that she barely registered a new set of passengers getting into the plane. She first heard, rather than saw, someone pushing up a baggage into the overhead compartment and when she looked up, her heart skipped a beat, and she forgot to breathe, and sat rooted to the spot seeing him looking down at her. Their eyes locked for a moment and he stood there equally stunned, immobile, not noticing the impatient travelers lining up behind him.
"Nick, could you please be a darling and let me take the aisle seat ", the beautiful woman next to him cooed, bringing them both crashing to earth. He nodded barely and very slowly lowered himself next to her seat. Annie, hastily moved away as much as possible, removing her hands from the hand rest. He seemed too shocked to have noticed her hands shaking. Annie, say something. Sound casual. How are you - a simple question. Hello Nick, simple words. Why wasn't he saying anything? Surely he remembered her didn't he? Could he have forgotten her?
"I didn't know you had a son", his voice sounded coarse, breaking the silence.
Annie, too startled by the sudden question, took a moment to realize what he was asking. "Oh, no, I am not.., I mean he is not my son", she stammered.
"Oh", he turned away from her slightly and sounded slightly annoyed. Annie quite out of sorts, was so thankful that Rachel returned and Eddie chose that moment to bawl loud enough for the whole plane to hear. In the confusion that followed this and the take off, Annie, had time to get a grip on her racing heart and her emotions. You are a successful professional, a twenty eight year old woman, not a giddy school girl she told herself again and again. But this was Nick.
Nick was even more handsome than she remembered. Even the glossy photographs in those tech magazines did not do him justice. What was he doing flying this class anyway? And whoever was his lady friend? Annie felt so clumsy and conscious of Eddie's baby food in her blouse and not at all confident and was shocked at the jealousy that shot through her as she watched him talk with her intently leaning his head slightly by her side. Annie, don't you remember what happened. How he treated you? Thank God the trip was just another half hour.
Eddie was wriggling now and it was getting more and more uncomfortable. He was so close to her. He smelt so fresh. His strong hands and arms that she used to cling to, were resting so near to her. His shoulder, where she had leaned her head many a times was oh so near her. Annie moved as much as she can farther from him. Eddie was kicking now and the seat belt sign that was on was not helping them much. Should she say something to him. Ask him how he was? "You need more space", he said impatiently and quite curtly, and pushed the hand rest to the back. What? Was she supposed to move closer to him. No way. Was he not even slightly affected by the proximity? Before she could react either way, the plane leveled and the seat belt sign came off. He abruptly stood up and left his seat.
By the time he came back, twenty minutes later, Annie's wounded pride had helped her regain enough control to sit through the next ten minutes in perfect composure. They spent it in total silence.
After they disembarked, when she was picking up her baggage, she caught a glimpse of him walking away with his companion. Angry with herself, she swallowed the tears that was threatening to spring to her eyes.
II
A great beginning to her fun filled vacation, Annie thought, as she left the airport in her rental car. She tilted her head back and took a deep breath. The warm afternoon breeze, the lush green mountains and the bright blue ocean line, soothed her feelings a little. Following her map, she drove towards the coconut coast to her resort. Her room had a beautiful view of the ocean and as soon as she settled down, she found herself lounging in the beach chair in her patio, enjoying the scent of the colorful tropical flowers and watching the crashing waves, idly.
She had met Nick over ten years ago, when she was still in her late teens. Her family had been surprised to see her geeky brother, Chris, having such an urbane friend. They were both into computers, but other than being brilliant enough for her brother to practically worship him, he was also good looking, well mannered and charmed the whole family. Including Paula. Though Annie had had a major crush on him, he had been just polite and nice towards her. It was not until a few years later, when he and Chris ended up in the same city where she was doing the final months of her masters, he had really become attentive. It was a rainy afternoon and they were supposed to meet her for lunch. Chris had somehow managed to miss it and they had spent the afternoon together, talking and laughing. At the end of it, he had stood hesitating for a few seconds and then holding her hand gently, had told her somewhat awkwardly that he had enjoyed the company very much and that he would like to meet her again.
Annie shook herself out of her reverie. Perhaps she should go for a swim or may be a walk along the beach close to the water. She should find a buddy and go snorkeling, rather than sitting and remembering every bit of those days. With an exasperated sigh she stood up and went for a long walk, half wanting to see him, half dreading that when she did, he will be with someone else. However, the sun soon set and she came back to her room after a relaxing walk. She called the local companies and did some bookings for the touristy things.
What would Paula say if she called her and told her Nick was here? Paula wouldn't be rattled like her. She would remain cool and calmly approach the 'problem'. Even after equaling her in professional success, Annie still felt very inadequate compared to her. Why she still could not handle any important crucial business deal without becoming a nervous wreck. She had come to accept that she would never be able to emulate her and lately she had begun to ask herself if she really wanted to and should.
When Paula came into their big family after her marriage to Annie's brother Mark, she was still in school. All of Annie's four sisters had married relatively young, in their early twenties and were comfortably settled in family life, and in their family, someone like Paula, was a bit awe-inspiring to Annie. That is why she still kept up her relationship with her despite the divorce. Annie chuckled to herself remembering how she would stare at her mouth agape, at all her achievements. She wondered what she would have done if not for Paula. She had asked herself the question a hundred times. As always, she could not come up with an honest answer. Perhaps she would have achieved her professional success by herself. Perhaps not. And for the first time in all these years, she asked herself the other question. What would she have done about Nick if not for Paula's guidance.
Nick and her brother, just three years her senior, were working on their dream project. That momentous day when they had met for dinner, they had both had news to share. Annie had got her first job, a dream one at that. Paula, the cool collected one, had literally jumped up in joy for her. They had talked about the glass ceiling and Annie had declared ambitiously that she would shatter it in a few years. God, how deliriously happy and proud she had been. They had even planned her wardrobe and the image she was going to project. And then she had met Nick, bursting to share her good news. As soon as they settled down, Nick had produced a beautiful box and placed it on the table. Surprised, wondering maybe he had already heard the news, she had slowly opened it.
Annie touched her pendant, circling her neck in a beautiful chain. That evening it had shimmered in the restaurant's evening lights.
"Annie, I have some wonderful news. I am so happy, I wanted to give you something memorable. I couldn't quite figure out what to get. This is only a poor substitute.", his voice still rung clear, "I have got an offer from a Japanese company to build a pilot. Their R&D department is working on something similar and they want me there. They are quite captivated by my ideas. I have to leave for Japan within the next week. It is a dream come true. You got to hear.."
Annie had been too shocked to react. After gushing about the new offer, he had hesitantly and somewhat sweetly asked her if she would consider maybe going with him. Sensing that she should tell him then, she had handed her offer letter to him silently.
Annie still could not quite understand his reaction. She did not even remember it completely. She just remembered the humiliation and anger she felt. He had said something about why she ought not to accept it. Something about her not suitable for it. Some suggestion asking her to go to the world of academics. She just remembered sitting through the conversation recalling all the discussions she had had with Paula about the status of women and career. She had accused him of being controlling and they had exchanged words which was painful to even remember.
She watched the stars come up, and listening to the rustle of the leaves and the rhythm of the waves, the setting brought an unusal calmenss and she was able to assess the whole thing for the first time with a detached perspective. Afterwards, she had rushed off to Paula and she had consoled her. She had supported her decision completely and reinforced everything she had done. She wondered, for the first time, if maybe Nick was not completely wrong. After having been there, done that, with the figurative glass ceiling strewn at her feet, she was no longer sure if that is what she had wanted all along.
The next few days she spent surprisingly at peace with herself. She no longer cared about bygones. She decided to enjoy her vacation to the fullest and do some serious thinking about her career and what she wanted to do with her life. Maybe she ought to start a small consulting business or perhaps write a memo/mission statement like Jerry Mcguire, she thought smiling. She drove to the marvelously bright poipu beach, she got herself some fresh lei garlands, she enjoyed a hula dance and did some snorkeling.
The third day, while she was resting on her beach blanket, with her book beside her, rearranging her disappointing shell collection, she heard a familiar voice ask her amusedly, "Admiring your bounty?"
III
Annie slowly looked up from under her straw hat. He was there, he was right there, "Still the incurable collector, I see", he said. He was standing tall, his hands thrust into his pockets, a smile playing in his lips, his bright eyes teasing her.
She stood up, her sun dress flapping about her in the wind. He remembered her little quirks and he was actually talking to her quite pleasantly unlike the previous time when he had just barked at her. She smiled broadly.
"Are you enjoying your stay?", he asked her.
"Oh yes. I am loving it. The beaches are great, I went hiking, isn't everything just gorgeous?"
"I am sure, it must be. I have been staying indoors mostly for the past three days", he shrugged. What was that supposed to mean? Just standing next to him and agonizing over every detail, every word, she smiled wryly to herself. She didn't have to spend money for a therapist, it was not her job that was stopping her from dating, it was him.
After talking for a couple of minutes about the weather and the beach, he asked, "I am famished. Have you had your lunch? Do you think maybe.?", he jerked his thumb in the general direction of the resort.
"Sure, let me just put my stuff in the room", she agreed glad to have some more time with him, though a part of her wondered where this was going.
"If it is all the same with you, we can drive up to Hanalei, the northern part, it is a very nice drive", he added very casually.
They both headed for his car when she agreed. He started talking about general things, first about the island, his travel, and then about her family. She was surprised to find that he knew more about them than she did about him. "Oh, I meet your brother at least once every couple of months", he dismissed it.
As soon as they got in, unable to contain her curiosity anymore, she asked him, "What about your friend?"
"My friend?", his puzzled look cleared immediately. "Oh, she is not my friend, she is a business associate", he mentioned and then looking at her uncertain expression, he suddenly grinned, turning to her side. "You thought she was my girlfriend?"
"Well,..I", she mumbled something unintelligible, unsettled by his broad grin, and the fact that she was coloring. "Are you here on business?", she asked hastily.
Mercifully he turned and continued, "Yeah, I am here for signing a major merger. We had arranged for our business meeting here, so we can conduct our negotiations in a relatively secluded place", and gave her the details.
" Should you be telling me all this insider information?", she asked playfully.
"I know you have changed, but I don't think in essentials. Besides, we already signed it and our press release is being prepared to be announced tomorrow.", he said smiling. However minor the point maybe, his implicit trust in her was heart warming.
The drive was wonderful. The warm air was balmy. The lush green mountain side closely following them, plantains, sugar canes, bougainvillea., bright unknown tropical flowers, all seemed to wave her a cheery welcome. The road was not crowded at all and they had a pleasant conversation about this and that. It was as if they were picking up from the place where they left off without any awkwardness that is normally associated with a meeting like this.
They got down at Hanalei and stopped in a quiet, charming restaurant for lunch. He guided her towards the table holding her arm above the elbow very lightly, but enough to set her heart racing. Once they settled down, the conversation flowed with easy silence in between. She was still able to understand him, his motives, his reasoning very well. He had changed in some ways. He seemed more mature, less rash, more interested in her interests, profession than he was before. Yet he had not changed. He still had the easy smile, the same sense of humor, the ability to laugh at himself, the quick wit and brilliance. He had definitely gotten better. She felt her heart ache more and more at this reminder of her loss.
Almost at the end of the meal, he hesitated slightly and then said slowly, "You know I used to blame Paula for .., um.., for the way things turned out. But obviously she was right. Here you are a mighty successful business woman". For a moment Annie could not believe her ears. He was actually saying, that he was wrong. He was apologizing in his own way. Her spirits lightened like never before as he sat playing with his glass somewhat nervously.
"You know, in fact I am looking for someone like you. After the merger..", Annie felt a blow as she listened to him talking. He was offering her a job. A job. She ought to feel proud that the one man who had not believed in her was now utterly and completely accepting that he was wrong. Then why was she feeling so pained. Why was her heart so heavy? It was a very good offer at that. Another circumstance she might have considered it.
"I am sorry Nick", she cut him short, and told him as politely as possible that she was not interested. "Oh", was all he managed. He seemed at a loss for words and didn't say much and sat contemplating. Now that his mission has failed, he was probably impatient to get back to his business associate Annie thought bitterly.
They walked out of the restaurant with an uneasy silence for the first time that afternoon. Why, oh why did she have to meet him again? To find that he was even more lovable, to find that she was still very much head over heels in love with him and to find that it was now hopeless.
Lost in her misery, she did not hear Rachel calling out for her, initially.
"Annie, I thought it was you", she came almost running with her husband presumably and Eddie tagging along. "Ah the angel that helped my wife", he shook hands with her warmly, after the introductions. If Rachel was surprised to see them together, she didn't say anything and before they could talk further, Eddie jumped up to her babbling "Sta, sta, sta..".
"Oh, he remembers", Rachel squealed in delight. "Honey, Annie was wearing this beautiful chain with a star pendant and she gave it to Eddie for playing. And he still remembers. Isn't his sense of observation and association great?", she was saying.
The surprise in Nick's eyes was unmistakable. Humiliated at this unexpected revelation, Annie hastily looked away, confirming his suspicion. Oh, what must he think?
Conclusion
After talking for a few minutes, probably sensing a sudden silence, Rachel and her family left with a promise to meet later. Nick was quiet while they walked towards the car and except for looking thoughtfully at her side a couple of times, didn't say anything even after he started driving. Annie decided that she would kill him right there, right then if he dared to utter a single word about moving on or about not clinging to his chain.
"So you still wear it sometimes?", he asked in a husky voice. Annie's heart began to beat faster. This was her cue. But she just nodded, not correcting yet that it was not sometime, it was almost all the time. After driving for a few more seconds in silence, he suddenly swerved out of the road and stopped the car under a shady tree.
"Annie, I just cannot continue like this.", he slammed his fist on the steering wheel forcefully and continued in an emotional voice, "I cannot walk away from this meeting without telling you how sorry I am about what I did. I was so stupid, to have thought I knew all about you, all about your wants and needs, to demand that you give up everything, your life and just come with me, Oh God, Annie, I was so immature and idiotic. I cannot think of that night without cringing, without wanting to hit my head against the wall.."
Unable to see him beat up like this and also in light of her self study, she said gently, "Perhaps you knew me better than myself, perhaps you were right."
He shook his head. "You are being very kind. Even if I had been right, I should have let you come to your own conclusion. Let you find it by yourself, instead of..", he paused slightly, "instead of letting my insecurities out on you. I have thought about it a lot you know..", he smiled without humor.
"All these years, I have been measuring every woman that I meet against you, every relationship that I have been in to ours and nothing, nobody has even come close."
"So you have been in a some relationships, I take it", she asked part playfully, trying to ease her wild pounding heart.
"Hmm., " he looked away slightly embarrassed, "a few", and then turning towards her added emphatically with a very slight smile, "Very few".
"Many a times I have been tempted to just come visit you, but I told myself that I had no business, no right to interfere in your life. I tried to convince myself that I should move on just like what you must have done. But, all my resolutions vanished in one second, when I saw you with Eddie in your arms. The blow and the pain was unbearable. I realized, how much..", he sighed, looked away for a second and then holding her eyes in a deep, steady gaze, said. "You know,", he swallowed, "I had a matching ring in my pocket that night." He continued in a low whisper, "I still have it back home"
At these words, spoken from the one man who had held her heart in capture all these years, at the thought of all the lonely times she had spent inevitably dreaming about him, tears sprang to her eyes.
"Oh Annie I love you so much", he said hastily removing their belts and pulling her as close as the cramped space would allow. Annie's sobs, muffled against his broad shoulders, slowly subsided and she said, sniffling. "Nick just think if you had not come here at the same time, if you had not come by today and met me in the beach.."
"Well the first is true, but as far as the second, you see as soon as I spent a few hours thinking I called all the resorts in the island and found out where you were staying and how long. It is a small island anyway. I waited all morning knowing for sure you would come out to the beach near your resort. I felt like a stalker", his laughter was contagious. "The past one hour, to realize how even more wonderful you have become..,", His lips against her hair, keeping her close, he continued, "I had this great plan of offering you a job, and then slowly working my magic, but you bluntly refused..." Annie chuckled as he groaned. "So there is hope?", he questioned gently lifting her face to meet her eyes.
She nodded with a watery smile. "Hope? Nick you are the only man I have ever loved, that I still love.." she whispered. "Oh darling, my sweet, sweet Annie", he said and bent down to kiss her hungrily, capturing all the magic from the past and much more. The brochures turned out to be right, thought Annie, this is paradise.
Epilogue
Annie worked in the same firm for two more years and then opened a small consulting firm, where she works around her time, her will, her satisfaction. Their respect and love for each other grows every day, so does their two charming sons Paul and Edward.
Note: Am grateful for all the comments. Though this is my first post here, I have been around for quite some time and your words and the handshake mean a lot to me. Thanks again for the welcome