Jump to new as of June 10, 2001
Jump to new as of June 16, 2001
Jump to new as of June 24, 2001
Prologue
Lizzy wiped the sweat from her brow with the towel that lay by her side. Whoever made up that whole saying about 'men perspire, women glow' obviously didn't know any dancers. They may be as graceful and feminine as they come, but Lizzy could easily out-perspire a 400 pound construction worker any day.
She flexed her toes, damn...that hurt like the devil.
That toe looked so innocent, hairline fracture he said, should be healed anytime he said, stop dancing while it heals he said.
Those fools, so what if he went to medical school for four years, not dancing was like not breathing.
Lizzy slipped the toe shoe onto her foot gently. Aaaarrrgghh...that was so painful. Who invented these death-traps for feet? Probably the same guy who has pantyhose and high heels to his credit. Damn Male Sadists.
needless to say our dear Lizzy was not in the best of moods
She managed to stand in the shoes, but as she rose to her toes she collapsed in a mass of nerves as pain shot up her leg. The epithets that flowed from our heroine's mouth are sadly unprintable as a few angry tears slipped down her cheeks. She brushed them away furiously with the back of her hand, she hated crying. She pulled off her shoes and hurled them at the wall and somehow managed to limp to her bed.
Leaning back against the down she caught her breath and leaned over to the phone, punching in a few numbers. "Hi Janey...how are you ...
yeah my stupid toe is being a pain in the...
no I was not about to curse...
yeah Janey about that project Bing is doing, I'd like to try out...
tomorrow at 11...great....no Janey I want to try out.
...I don't want people saying that I got the role just because my brother-in-law is one of the choreographers....
Ok, so they'll say that anyway but still...
How's little Charles?
Oh, that little Angel...
How are your kids....
Janey you always say they have promise, even when they're terrible...
No...I'm not coming to dinner...yes I'll eat my vegetables...yes I'll come tomorrow...
Give my love to Bing and give Little Charles a kiss from his favorite Aunt...
Love you too Janey...Bye"
She replaced the phone and stared up at the ceiling muttering '11 tomorrow' to herself.
Meanwhile uptown in a significantly more posh apartment...
"Damn"
A handsome young man with darkly curling hair and a beautiful dancer's body sat wrapping his knee in tape. The young man stretched the leg behind him, higher and higher.
Stupid doctors, needs recovery time my...ouch...it'll be fine.
He leaped into the air landing perfectly.
He tried again...but this time he felt something go when he leapt and he knew before he landed that all was not well. By instinct he managed to roll to his side protecting his knee and procuring a nasty bump to his skull.
"Damn"
He rubbed his head thoughtfully and managed to struggle to his feat and hobble to the phone.
"Bing?
Hey...Yeah it's me....
Remember that rehearsal...
Yeah tryout...
Yeah I'm interested...
Great...
See you then..."
He hobbled over to his chair laying flat, "11 tomorrow."
1: Spite at First Sight
Lizzy looked about her in a rather bewildered manner; there were dancers here of all shapes and sizes, some stretching...some doing some extraordinarily bizarre movements in the corner. It appeared to be some type of performance piece where the dancers where acting out the actions of worms or slugs or some other slimy, slithering creature what a perfect role for Bill Collins she thought with a wicked grin.
She wrinkled her nose in distaste, "So this is modern dance. Here's to the next few weeks," she said quietly to herself.
"That is if you get the role," said a male voice in a rather clipped English accent.
Lizzy turned towards the voice, startled to see a rather devastatingly handsome man attached to it, yet our heroine has seen many a handsome man before. "Amazing, here I am talking to myself when YOU answer, marvelous...well if you'll excuse me, myself and I were having a private conversation that we're anxious to return to." She said turning away.
"Miraculous isn't it...you obviously don't want to be here so what are you doing auditioning?" he asked while examining his nails.
"Well, if you insist on creating conversation...let's just say that I haven't got anything better to do at the moment." She said looking rather sorrowfully at her toe.
"How sad...I'm moved really, the tears should be coming any moment," he said glancing down at his watch.
"What are you doing here?" she asked with a sneer.
"Same as you, picking up chicks." He said with nonchalantly while buffing his nails on his shirt.
"Why I never," she said indignantly, "I am not...ooh, for your information Sir, I HAVE a boyfriend...and something that you could probably never conceive of, a warm and loving relationship filled with admiration and mutual respect." She said passionately ok, so her relationship with Geo hadn't been that spectacular lately...but there was no way in hell she was letting this guy know that
"So what is your 'boyfriend's' name?" he asked in a tone he usually reserved for asking the names of imaginary friends of five year olds.
Lizzy seethed, "As if it's any of your business...it's Geo Wickham."
"Geo like the tiny little number with little to no pep."
"Geo is his stage name for your information, and if you haven't hear of him yet...you will, he's going to be big...no scratch that...he's going to be HUGE."
"Is he entering a pie-eating contest or something? Oh wait I see, he's trying to become the world's fattest man...maybe actually become the size of a Geo?"
"Wait do I know you? You look awfully familiar." She said with a sneer.
"Amazing, because I've never seen you before in my life." He said not that he would've minded meeting her before...the girl was rather fetching...alright she was stunning but still...
He looked at her strangely, "Don't worry," she replied, "I'm not one of your drunken conquests."
"What a pity...you must be devastated."
"Yes, perfectly heartbroken"
"Perhaps you've seen me on the cover of Ballet Today."
"I doubt it, that magazine is usually reserved to paper my cat's litter with."
"I gather reading isn't one of your strong points."
"Oh wait...now I do recognize you"
"the object of your affection in your wildest dreams perhaps?"
"I'm amazed I could've forgotten after your performance."
"Yes...since you mentioned you're not one of my conquest...I'm assuming you mean one of my roles...yes, I might add they're equally unforgettable."
"I'm actually referring to a wedding...you're Bing's friend...the one who was late for his wedding."
"that was not my fault, my flight was delayed from Moscow."
"Yes and I'm sure that blonde hanging on your arm was driving you there"
"that was merely in-flight entertainment...what where you doing there, pining the loss of Bing."
"No, actually I'm Janey's little sister."
Ah, the pretty bridesmaid "Amazing how you remember every detail about my appearance, and I remember next to nothing about you." He said lying through his teeth.
"Yes, well memory is one of the perks of having an IQ greater than that of a cocker spaniel."
"Is shrewish behavior one of the perks of having the personality of a Doberman.
"I don't know, I should be asking you that."
They would've continued indefinitely where it not for the appearance of a jolly young blonde gentleman, well as jolly as one can be with a dancer's washboard stomach (jolly people are usually more...well...rotund). Who came skipping towards them, "Will...Lizzy, I'm so glad you too have met...wonderful, Will care to come to dinner tonight...oh you two probably know each other from before," he said as he absently received a kiss on the cheek from Lizzy.
"Howya doing Bing?" she asked with a smile, for Lizzy was quite fond of her slightly bumbling brother in law.
"I'm great Lizzy-bean. I'm really glad you two decided to try out, it should actually turn out to be a pretty worthwhile endeavor. Edward Gardiner is really quite a visionary."
"So Bing, why this project?" asked Will as he nodded towards the body contortionists flopping around on the floor in the corner.
"Well, it puts me one step closer to Broadway, anyway ignore them...that's kind one of the militant fringes of modern dance." He said as he rolled his eyes.
"Bing...about dinner tonight...I don't think that..."
"Stop right there, Janey told me to drag you home if need be...she thinks you're not eating."
"Oh dear God hide me," came the simultaneous cries of both Will and Lizzy as the both attempted to cower behind Bing.
To the ordinary observer (that means you audience- get up and take a bow, everyone how about a round of applause for the audience) it would appear that there was nothing amiss with the two people. One was a stunning red head (although the red was a dye job- an expensive one at that) whose orange leotard clashed frightfully, "Will, where are you?" she called in a high pitched nasal voice.
"Oh Dear God, Bing you didn't tell me she was auditioning" screeched Will in Bing's ear.
Lizzy was torn between amusement at his predicament and the terror that gripped her heart as she gazed upon the second entrant of the room. He was tall and a little bulky for a dancer, rumor had it that he had slept his way to the top, and now he had eyes only for Lizzy, well maybe for Bing since he was the choreographer, but mostly for Lizzy.
"Bethie oh there you are, aren't you sly...trying to make me come look for you...might I add you look perfectly scrumptious today."
"Thanks Bill, but I think it would be best if you'd take your mind off of food for a while," she said as she patted his stomach.
"So you like to touch me do you Bethie, I'm sure we could find another opportunity for that?" his eyes taking on the gleam they got when he saw a piece of well cooked steak.
"I would like to touch you Bill," she said coming close to him seductively, "I'd like to stand with you on the side of a mountain looking at the sunset...then I'd like to place my hands on your chest" she said as she grimaced, "then you know what I'd do Bill" he was practically panting, "I'd push" she said as she shoved him out of her way.
Out of the frying pan into the fryer...
She was soon face to face with overpowering vision of orange, "My eyes she" she cried involuntarily.
"Oh hello Elisa...dear" came the frozen reply.
"Hi Caroline, how ar--"
"wonderful, wonderful...I'm in a bit of a rush...so we can cut the small talk, have you seen Will Darcy."
"Darcy?"
"Oh come of it, you know Darcy...THE William Darcy, soloist in the Moscow Ballet, generally known as the most amazing dancer the dance world currently has?"
"Then what the hell is he doing here?"
"Rumor has it that he's taking a sabbatical...Society is all abuzz with his coming to the City, he's one of the most eligible bachelors around. But then you wouldn't know much about society...oh Elisa I was sooooo sorry to here about your foot." She said coyly.
"Yes...I'm sure you are."
"so you have to drop from your role as the Sugar Plum Fairy in Then Nutcracker this year, what a shame your big break..."
"Yes, well I'm only 19...I still have plenty of time, I mean I should still have plenty of opportunities, at least until I'm 25 or so." She sad batting her eyes innocently, for she was quite aware Caroline was going to turn the big 25 very soon, the age that earmarked a ballerina's retirement.
"That's a lovely ensemble you have on Elisa...did you get it from a garage sale?" she asked as she eyed Lizzy's leotard and loose black pants.
"Why yes Caroline...not all of us can be fortunate enough to get the cast-offs from the Rocky Horror Picture Show." As she averted her eyes from Caroline's garish ensemble.
"So do you know where Will is?
Usually the only directions Lizzy would give Caroline would be off of a cliff, but today she was feeling particularly malevolent towards that jerk, "I think Bing and Will went into Bing's office."
Caroline turned away and went straight towards Bing's office, while Lizzy resumed her stretching. A few minutes latter Bing emerged with Will and Caroline close behind. Caroline clutching Will's arm and trying to whisper into his ear seductively (remember trying is the operative word) and Will trying to maintain as much distance between the two as possible.
"Alright people, people...I'm sorry but we won't be warming up...sorry but we have a very limited time span here...so we'll go straight to auditioning...sorry again." To which he got an elbow in the ribs from Will. "I mean I'm not sorry, I'm the choreographer...I don't have to be sorry."
Bing stood at the front of the room and performed a rather intricate step sequence twice then called out the groups to perform it. William was in the first group and Lizzy had the luxury to observe him. Caroline was right...he's incredible...wait...those words are just WRONG, Caroline and right...ughhh... But Will was truly amazing with his amazing leaps, and full leg extensions. As he moved his muscled body was fluid and supple. His every movement appeared to be as graceful as a feather blowing in the wind, when he finished Lizzy was more than flabbergasted...he was a jerk...a gorgeous jerk....but a gorgeous jerk who could DANCE...
The admiration was rather mutual for when Lizzy's turn came Will was equally captivated, her body was lithe and expressive, melding with the music perfectly. The girl had talent...sure she was a shrew...but she was a beautiful and talented shrew....
After the audition Bing approached Will and Lizzy who where gathering there things together in silence, "So you two are coming for dinner tonight?" he asked with a typical Bing lopsided grin.
"ooh Dinner, I didn't know about that what time?" asked Caroline as she threw a pointed gaze towards at Will
(Will caught the gaze and threw it back at her, those things are dangerous!) "Uh...uh...I don't think I can make it tonight Bing...maybe another night." He said before almost running out the door.
Lizzy breathed anew at least now she could enjoy some time in peace with her favorite family, for if Will wasn't coming you could guarantee Caroline would come down with something at the last minute as well.
"Alright tomorrow people, the final cut list should be up by this evening, have a nice night." Bing called out.
Until tomorrow...
II
Lizzy drew herself up as she approached the final cut list. Even after all these years, despite the fact that her brother-in law was casting, despite that she was the best dancer out on that floor, her stomach still knotted in a mass of nerves as she glanced upon the final cut list.
Ah there it was E. Bennet, Lizzy glanced up with a smirk of satisfaction plastered over her face, she checked the list surprised to find only 16 names upon it, equal numbers of males and females. Oh dear God there it was, as inconspicuous as a rattlesnake in a garden, W. Collins Panic gripped Liz's heart as she bolted through the doors and straight into the arms of Will Darcy.
"Look didn't we already discuss my disinterest in you?"
"yes, I think that was followed by a discussion of my revulsion by you, so excuse me." She said as she pushed herself out his embrace.
"Bing, oh Bing...there's been a mistake."
"oh dear, did I leave your name off?" he said concerned
"no, no,no...It's about Bill, he's on the final cut...and I know that you're a sensible man...I watched the auditions he was horrible."
"Lizzy it's just that..." began Bing squirming.
"Don't tell me it's not a mistake, please don't tell me I'll be spending the next few weeks with Bill."
"I'm sorry Lizzy, it's just that Caroline...well she's made the cut, and there was no one else tall enough for her except Bill. Well there's Will but he's far too good."
"People, people gather round we need to speak." Came an imposing English voice. Edward Gardiner was an older gentleman still fit and handsome, his thick mane of hair almost completely gray. He settled onto the floor gracefully Indian-style. The dancers managed to do the same, all except for Collins of course who tripped over his foot and ended up sprawled face first, and gathered in a small semi-circle.
"Alright, before we get down to the specifics, I want to first talk a little about the impetuous for the piece. Primarily, the work stems from a desire to illustrate the unity that exists between man and woman, to give a definitive portrait of ...blah...blah...blah (the last part is what the dancers actually hear.)
Although most if not all of the dancers had already floated into their own dream worlds of opening nights and roses, they all gave the appearance of rapt attention. Nodding vigorously every time the man punctuated a sentence, similar to when speaking to a doddering relative who extols the virtues of manure for the skin.
Come on they're dancers not philosophers.
Now Edward Gardiner was no fool, and as he watched his audience drift into la la land, he decided it was time to catch their attention. "Alright, the schedule for this work is well a little different from what most of you are used to." At the word different they sat up in straight attention, small radars began going off, different = bad
"What we're going to do is pair you off into partners based on your performance at the audition and then you and your partner will spend three days in each others constant company to try to derive that sense of unity."
At the word 'constant company' Lizzy looked about in horror around the room, there was not one tolerable male in the whole of the troupe, well if you excluded Will, who was more than tolerable as long as one could wire his mouth shut. The only favorable thing she could manage to choke out was 'thank god Caroline isn't male.' Out of the corner of her eye she could see Collins licking his lips in anticipation. Lizzy felt her world go black.
"Alright let's pair you off," said Gardiner with a clap of the hands. Charles scurried over with the list and began calling off women's names in alphabetical order. Each lining up accordingly. "Alright, Will you're Lizzy's partner"
As Lizzy saw Bill Collins rise and prance over to her side Lizzy felt the need for support or at least a bag in which to vomit. She heard a voice, maybe that of God, but more likely that of Mr. Gardiner. "Excuse me, uh Bill, You're Caroline's partner...Will is Lizzy's partner." In a matter of a few minutes the smug grin had been wiped off Caroline's face, Bill had launced an appeal based on his and Lizzy's univerally proclaimed perfection together . Will and Lizzy looked up on each other as one gazes upon a life raft sent to rescue you from certain death. However, their inherent dislike for one another soon won out.
"For three days you will eat, sleep, and dance together...here in the studio...you have three hours to tie up any loose ends you might have...I expect you back with your things at 11."
He left leaving a group of gaping dancers, who didn't gape for long and began scurrying around to get there things together.
three hours later
As the couple's entered the room Bing went around strapping on what looked like a long, lightweight handcuff on each couple.
"what the Hell is this, certainly not my idea of fun." Said Will with a sneer.
"My idea of fun would be fastening your end to a sinking ship." Lizzy muttered under her breath, picturing herself as Rose and Will as Jack in Titanic except this time letting the dear boy sink to his watery grave early on, thereby cutting the movie in half.
Will's clever retort was cut short by Mr. Gardiner appearing once more with a certain Brandoesque air, besides they did what he said, heck they were already in bondage...might as well play along.
"Alright people, as you may have noticed...you are in a type of bondage."
A 'Duh' was barely repressed on Lizzy's lips
"you will remain in these bonds for the next three days, except of course to shower and use the bathroom. For that Bing will unlock the bondage. The purpose is for my entertainment." He waited for laughter, none came, he continued.
"alright the purpose is to reinforce the idea of unity, the oneness of the couple."
"No points for guessing who the better half is," mumbled Will.
"...if you're not friends, then become friends...if you're not involved...become involved...I'm not asking you to sleep together but that would be nice." He waited for laughter, "You people can laugh you know."
A nervous twitter rang out...not unlike the bleating of lost lambs...they were in bondage after all. It was fortuitous that the sound of laughter, if it can be called that, chose that moment to sound because it hid the gasp emitted by Caroline Bingley.
Elisa Bennet was standing beside HER Darcy. It should be HER standing beside him, holding him close. Oh the thought of Elisa Bennet sleeping by HER Will was actually more than Caroline could bear. Oh woe is Charles, at the prospect of going home to Caroline after the casting. Oh woe is he who dears to be both her brother and the choreographer. Although Bing often bemoans one of those facts more than the other.
that night
"I'm exhausted," cried Lizzy as she flopped onto her bed after showering.
Will was forced to lie down on his as well, not that he minded, his every muscle screamed out in pain. No practice is baaaaaadddd. "Oh I feel yah Babe."
"You Wish."
"According to my satisfied customers, it would definitely be YOU WISH."
"Yes I'm so sure," she said sarcastically.
"Look we're going to spend three days together the least we can do is be civil."
"Look my name's Lizzy, not civil, you can call yourself whatever the heck you want."
"Is that a smile Liz?"
"Maybe...although I do have something to tell you, dealing with our new found civility."
"You're a man, I knew it."
"Oh shut the ..."
"Just kidding Liz, do continue."
"what I was going to tell you before you stuck your big ol' foot in your mouth was that I sleep walk sometimes...so if you feel a tug on your chain, don't bother to get up."
"what gave you the idea that I would."
"Oh I don't know I grossly misjudged you, here I was thinking that there was actually a shred of human decency left in you."
"wow, wrong again...you must be trying to set some sort of record."
"oh shut up."
A few hours later Will did indeed feel a conspicuous tug on his chain, he looked to find Lizzy asleep on the floor curled up on her side...on the floor. He let out a small groan, but finally leaned down and scooped her up, laying her gently beneath the covers. He felt suddenly rather short of breath, but the exertion was next to nothing...feeling her skin so close to his was making him a little light headed. He needed to get out more.
Lizzy mumbled in her sleep, "So you want to kiss me Will?"
A small smile graced his face, so now she's dreaming about me.
The smile was quickly wiped away as a still sleeping Lizzy slapped him across the cheek, "that'll teach you to kiss me." She mumbled.
Will placed her in her bed and turned around, in his own...so much for friendship...
III ~ Trouble in Paradise
Liz woke the next morning as gentle rays of sun filtered onto her face, wait, I don't have a window in my bedroom she turned to pull the pillow over her face, but her arm wouldn't move, what the... Then she remembered, "Uh!" turning towards Will, "Will wake up...come on I want to get up," she said as she lightly shook his shoulder, an unfamiliar tingle ran up her arm as she touched him. She drew her arm away quickly what the hell was that?
"What do you want?" came the gruff mumble from beneath the sheets.
"It's morning lazy butt, now get UP!" she said as she pushed his lean, muscled arm wait, there it was again. She snapped her arm back. "COME ON, I need to get untied and get dressed," she whined.
"My God, can you not be a shrew for at least five minutes?" he grumbled as she threw a pillow at the back of his head. He did get up however and Lizzy was afforded with the rare but magnificent view of Will in a pair of shorts and a dancing tank, his normal sleepwear. As he rose he stretched, the muscles that defined his back growing taut and lean his hair still unruly curled at his strong, lean neck. It was a thing of beauty. Lizzy felt the need to salute-or get a glass of water for her suddenly dry mouth- whichever came first. Luckily she managed to compose herself before he turned around, "Come on, aren't you the one who wanted to get untied."
"Trust me I'm plenty tired of being bound to you."
"Really, you just got your fill of me? I think I reached that point even before they snapped the cuff's on?
"Yes I can see you're plenty full of yourself?"
At this point they had reached Bing who was in Janey withdrawal. A very serious condition for Bing at least that results from being away from his beloved for more than a few hours at a time. He would occasionally glance upon the portrait gallery he called his cubby, alright stare at it for hours at end rather, trying to get his fill (impossible) of his wife and his heir, little Charles.
"Hiya Bing," said Lizzy cheerfully as she held out her arm to be untied.
"You look so much like your darling, wonderful, most-perfect sister Lizzy. Thank you for seeing me today." He said heartbroken.
Lizzy didn't have the heart to tell him that she, like the other fifteen people gathered outside was just there to be untied.
"It's ok Bing, you'll see Janey tonight during our free hour."
"That's right, oh Lizzy you're a godsend!" he said as his Bing-like smile returned to his face once more. "Lizzy dearest...did you brush your teeth yet." For being family = familiarity in the eyes of dear Bing.
"Actually that's why we're here Bing sweetie. We need to be untied."
"Oh sure." He said as he proceeded to undo the lucks absentmindedly, for his thoughts were engaged...literally in counting down the minutes till he could be with his Janey once more.
Lizzy shook the wet curls from her face, she felt utterly and completely liberated, it was so good not to have that large attachment at her side all day. It was if she were tied to a donkey, well in a way she was for Will was certainly an ..."
"Lizzy isn't it?" asked Edward Gardiner.
"why yes, Mr. Gardiner."
"Call me Edward," he said with a fatherly smile, "Look you appear to be rather close to Bing...I've seen you two talking on occasion."
"Why yes I am.."
"Excellent...You see I'm rather worried about him. The man goes around checking his watch constantly and mumbling something about 'so many minutes till nightfall' do you know what's wrong with the chap? He isn't..." he made a motion involving pressing on one nostril and sniffing, "you know?"
"Actually I don't understand."
"You know" he said as he pretended to inject something into his arm.
"Taking blood?"
"No are those marbles in your head girl, is the man shooting up, sniffing...you know IS HE ON DRUGS?"
At that raised voice several male heads popped up and began making laborious excuses, one guy just kept shaking his head saying 'uh-uh' over and over again another began holding onto Gardiner's feet, begging to be kept on, another just started screaming 'it's not true, it's not true" over and over.
Collins approached Gardiner, "Sir, I'm unaware of where You heard such a falsehood, but rest assured that I am NOT suffering from such an affliction, if you require confirmation please consult my illustrious, most benevolent parole officer Capt. Catherine DeBorough."
"You imbeciles I was speaking of Bing." He cried in exasperation wondering while he hadn't taken his wife's advice and done the show with Gorillas instead.
"Oh Bing" Lizzy said with a smile as the aforementioned gentleman arrived preceded by Caroline attached to Will like a leech, "He just misses my sister, his wife."
"I miss my wife." Said Bing mournfully.
"It's Ok, Bing." Said Lizzy as she patted him on the head as he let out a few tears on her shoulders artists what can you say they're rather temperamental.
Bing wiped away his tears and brought out the cuffs only to hear a collective groan from the dancers. Well, all with the exception of Tamsin and Luka who had rather gotten used to the idea of being strapped together and at the moment were a great deal closer than even bondage would warrant.
As Bing strapped Lizzy and Will together and uttered a few sniffles. Will clapped him on the back, "poor sap." He said with a sigh.
"What does that mean."
"I love Bing, He's like the brother I never wanted but, come on the man is whipped."
"Oh this is coming from Mr. Romantic himself."
"The lady doth presume too much. Look Janey is hot, and a great girl to boot but she's just a woman."
"My sister is not just any woman she's...look when you fall in love, with someone other than yourself, that is if you're capable of that, then you'll understand." She said as she poked him in the stomach, noting her finger hit solid rock, his abs were like a wall.
"A woman is a woman is a woman."
"Oh, are you trying to tell me that you're not ...ahem...how shall I say this...not interested in the fairer sex?"
"I'm interested, just not involved."
"Oh so you're a lay 'em and leave 'em kind of guy?"
"no madam, I'm a gentleman, just an aloof gentleman."
"you're actually a jerk, an aloof jerk."
"At least I didn't fall out of the wrong side of the kennel this moring."
"Well, I never."
"Let's hope it stays that way."
"Go to Hell."
"How bout I meet you there, 3' o clock sound okay."
"Oh shut..." her sentence was cut short by his mouth on hers. Much to the stunned amusement of their fellow dancers and the consternation of one pair in particular for Will was kissing Lizzy rather passionately. He had intended to make a point on the meaningless nature of physical actions. Lizzy had meant to push him away. Needless to say neither of their plans were working.
The kiss, which was ended by a rather large cough by Bing, followed by a less subtle 'whoa you two'.
Left them both breathless. Somehow Lizzy found her voice first, too bad it was the shrewish side that got to her mouth first.
"What the hell was that for?" even though the blood cursing through her head told her EXACTLY what it was for, whoa, down heart...good boy
"Well, I needed someway to shut you up, it was either that or taping it shut. And I'm all out of duct tape." He said with a grimace.
"I detest you."
"Trust me toots the feeling is mutual."
"Did you just call me 'toots' God, you're such a Loser." She said as she turned to begin to walk away.
"And you're God's gift to Satan." He said as he stomped off in the opposite direction.
Normally this wouldn't have been a problem, but then again normally they're not tied together by a chain.
By this time Caroline had already had hysterics and fainted dead away.
Collins was marching over...well as much as he could march dragging Caroline along by his side. Not that she was heavy, the girl hardly eats. He began a tirade on the rights of women, after telling Lizzy to shut up and let the men handle this of course. And he would have thrown a punch, he really would have, well he would have if not for Will's lean but well-muscled, and obviously powerful body menacing before him.
Tamsin and Luka were still making out. The others were milling around trying not to be too obvious as they stared at the fight.
Poor Bing could only wring his hands and mention something about 'only a few hours till I see My Jane.'
Edward Gardiner felt a huge migraine coming on, he sat down onto the ground and began to wonder if he could realistically replace the dancers with Gorilla's this late in the game...
IV ~ Beginnings
"What the hell is Charles doing?" asked Will in a whisper
"I thought I asked you never to speak to me again."
"And you thought I would willingly do exactly as you asked? Typical."
"If you must know, he's warming up for dancing the woman's part." As the two observed Bing batting his eyelashes furiously, strutting his stuff by swinging his rather non-existent hips back and forth.
"He's doing it so well that I'm a little scared..."
"He's a performer...he insists on getting into 'the mood' of whatever he does.
"Alright people, people" said a rather dejected looking Mr. Gardiner, for the Gorillas had been far too expensive to clothe and train, "let's get to work here...Bing will be showing you the woman's part for the first set of the ensemble." Bing leaned in and whispered something in Edward's ear, Edward let out a huge sigh, "alright, while we're doing this Bing would like to be referred to as 'Cherie'" Bing or rather Cherie did a grateful courtsey.
They separated and moved about 3 feet away from one another, the whole basis of the dance involves never moving farther than that from your partner, hence the chain although the author freely admits merely throwing that in for the hell of it to provide for awkward situations .
The movements where at first fluid and mirror-like involving long extensions and graceful turns, but as the music grew faster so did the movements. Incorporating a salsa beat that lit their feet on fire and sashaying in perfect harmony with one's partner.
Edward Gardiner did everything in his power to avoid looking at 'Cherie' who was currently making swoony faces at him, caught up in the 'moment' of it all, so he looked at his dancers. All of whom were staring in rapt attention, Edward smiled, he was almost glad the Gorillas didn't work out, they really don't show as much appreciation as dancers do.
The end was a mixture of the first two parts that culminated in pose that struck terror in the heart's of our favorite pair.
"Oh crap," Lizzy mumbled as she noted Bing's...er...Cherie's toe stance in the closing.
"What?"
"You know you have an amazing tendency to butt into every conversation I might be having."
"It's not my fault the only person willing to listen to you is you."
"obviously not, since YOU responded."
"Damnit." He swore as he noted Edward's right leg extension.
"What?"
"Oh didn't we have this huge discussion about how talking to one's self doesn't involve talking to you?" he whispered as they moved onto the floor, taking their spaces cautiously."
For the first movements a deep silence settled over them heck it was so thick they could barely see, and why are silence's always settling anyway? but by the second set when both where both out of breath from exertion Lizzy's big mouth could stay closed no more.
"Will...puff...I know...puff...about your knee."
"WHAT!" he screeched, almost colliding with Caroline and Collins...although the collision could only have improved the non-unified mess they called dancing.
"Hell Will I'm a ballerina...puff...I know when...puff...a dancer's favoring a knee."
"You won't tell...puff...anyone about...puff...this will you Lizzy?"
"I may be a shrew...puff...Will, but I'm not THAT evil" she said with a smirk.
"Ok...puff...you're definitely not...puff...a shrew."
"So what...puff...are you going...puff...to do?"
"Well, I can just...puff...favor the left leg...on most splits and snaps...and then use my arm....puff...for support on the extensions."
They came to the final stance and Lizzy gasped. "Uh Will, I can't do this."
"what do you mean? It's a simple toe extension, just lift."
"I can't" she said as tears welled up.
"Are you deaf? Just try."
"And I'm telling you I can't"
"Ok well just do the best you can.." he said as lifted her gently off the ground with his arm, giving the appearance of her doing it herself.
"But you need that arm for support." She said after Edward had walked by and approved their positioning. "I can't let you..." she stopped and looked up at him with a grin, "what I mean is Thank you."
"It sure took you long enough." Failing to erase the smile that had switched on in response to hers.
"You saved my chance at dancing today Will, and I really can't thank you enough."
"No you probably can't" he said rubbing his knee
"But I also can't allow you to keep doing that, I'm not going to let you screw with your knee for me."
"wow you're a poet and you didn't even know it."
"Come on be serious for a second."
"My name's Will not serious...." she hit him upside the head, "ow...fine, fine, let's work something out where both of our shortcomings won't be up for public display."
"Well there ain't nothing I can do about your looks Will."
"...And I can't cure your stupidity." They said around reasonably the same time producing a fit of laughter. Tabbi and Tiki turned around to sneer at them.
"Like Ohmigod Tiki look at them...uh...like this is all a big joke...this is like totally serious stuff."
"Like I think it's like kind of like cute Tabbi, I mean like they are so Brenda-Dylon."
"Wake up Tiki that show was so 10 years ago, like stop living in the shreds of your tattered youth and face that time is ever moving, and that it's about to leave you in it's wake."
Tiki just gaped mouth open.
"Like what...I've been reading like DWG fan-fiction Ok."
Later that night...
"Damn it Lizzy you keep slipping...for this to work I have to HOLD you." He said with his hand at her back.
"It's not my fault that you have the grip of 6 year old girl." She muttered.
"and not mine that you have the hips of 60 year old man."
"God you are such a baby..."
"Me, you whine more than my cousin Ricky...now snap and grab."
"Ricky...as in of Martin fame? I need more lift....If so then hook me up with him!"
"Actually Ricky of Fitzwilliam fame, and he's not single...he's dating my little sister."
"Ahhh...incest, another unexplored highlight of your family history. Inbreeding, really that explains so much Will."
"Inbreeding, well at least I have an excuse...what's yours?"
"Will?"
"Yes?"
"I think we just got it." As they stood in perfect precision, with no burden to either knee or toe.
"Damn, we should have started bickering hours ago."
"We did."
"You know Lizzy, after this I can't really dislike you any longer...I mean we've worked together the whole day without killing one another isn't that progress?"
"Actually that's circumstance, I'm chained to you remember...why would I want to drag a dead body along all day."
"Why indeed, and besides I'm so much more fun alive. Friends?" he said as he extended his hand.
"Why the hell not?" she said nonchalantly as she shook it.
"Wow Lizzy now need to flatter me." He said as his voice oozed sarcasm.
"Ok, remind me to refrain from it in the future. Now come on...I've had enough of you for one day...I'm hot, I'm sweaty and I need to clean up."
"Yeah," he said as he stretched his lean, toned torso, his eyes sparkling, his skin glowing, "I need a long shower."
Lizzy had the overwhelming urge to volunteer to join him. get a grip girl!
"Make that a cold shower for me." She muttered as she followed him in search of Charles.
V ~ Revelations and the Fight that almost ended it
All
"I'm SO tired," Lizzy cried as she collapsed onto her bed.
"God yes he said as she flopped onto his own.
"So how's the knee?"
"I knew sooner or later the ice-princess would warm up to me" he said with a grin.
"Before you start building us a summer home rest assured that my concern stems merely from politeness and a hatred of silence...I'm really just trying to make conversation...rather than express any real interest in you."
"Well for the sake of conversation the knee is ok."
"Well Great."
"and since we're conversing and all, may I ask how the toe is doing?"
"Well it's really not feeling so bad, but for conversations sake let's just say it hurts like the dickens and I doubt I'll ever walk again."
"Ah you see that would only spurn conversation if I cared."
"So may I ask what you care about besides obviously yourself, a topic which I am utterly sick of."
"Admittedly my range of topics is pretty limited."
"Alright, although I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth, tell me a little bit about your self."
"Oh Where to begin...so much to tell so little time."
"Just start at the beginning you crack monkey."
"The beginning of my life? Ok well, on a dark and stormy night my mother forgot to renew her birth control medication, and that night she and my father..."
"AAAAAAACCCCCKKK...I don't want that much detail you sicko."
"Well what do you want then" as her pillow thwaped him in the face. "Awe thanks for the pillow Lizzy dear." He said as he tucked it underneath him.
"You're not supposed to take the pillow booger for brains."
"Ahh Yes, insulting me is exactly the way to get what you want. My these pillows are comfy."
"You are SUCH a prick, besides I don't need the stupid pillow."
"why don't I tell you about my parents..."
"Fine as long as it's not another 'how we consummated our marriage story"
"Fair Deal"
"I can't believe you say stuff like 'Fair Deal' God you are such a pansy where did you grow up The London Institute for Wusses?"
"Well it's obvious only one of us went to finishing school"
"I wish I could finish you off."
"Do you want me to tell the story or not?"
"YES! God you're so whiny."
"I'll ignore that for the moment and get back to a more pleasant topic...me...alright, my mother was a Fitzwilliam, I'm sure you've heard of them."
"Uh no."
"You know the Fitzwilliams of Southerbys, the Fitzwilliams of Royal National Bank, the Fitzwilliams the third richest family in Britain."
"Aaah...the pretentious rich prick Fitzwilliams, why didn't you just say so."
"Yes well my mother was a ballerina, a fact that her family hated...it made matters worse when she started with the London ballet and fell in love with my father."
"Why? They wanted her to continue the family tradition of inbreeding as well?"
"No, my father was a young Russian dancer and choreographer, Gregor Darchevsky, that's my real last name, I just shortened it to establish a repturation of my own..."
"Wait a second, you're the son of Gregor Darchevsky, the GREGOR DARCHEVSKY!"
"there aren't exactly a lot of men walking around with a name like Gregor Darchevsky Liz."
"Ohmigod, your father...his Romeo and Juliet is what inspired me to become a dancer...my mother thinks it was her and sometimes I let her live the delusion..but it was really his performance that night...it was magical."
"I get that response everytime I tell people about Pappa, and you know I've never gotten tired of hearing it."
"I'm really really sorry about your parents Will that was horrible, and such an immense loss to the dance world."
"and to me and Georgianna." He said wistfully. He got one of those far-away looks in his eye "they had finally decided to reconcile with mom's family and were flying to London in Papa's private jet when the plane crashed. I was in shock for a whole year, and Georgie...well Georgie just started to get over it after she met Ricky."
"The cousin?"
"Step cousin actually one of the many distant Fitzwilliam cousins."
"Oh...so I'm guessing you're reconciled with that part of your family now?"
"Yeah...although they still disapprove of our line, or rather my line of work, for Georgie it's ok since she's going to marry into the business, but for me...they still don't understand my desire to dance."
"I know...the weird part is that my family doesn't understand anything BUT dance."
"Strange thing those relatives...well mom's inheritance is sufficient that neither Georgie nor I nor even our children should ever need to work....but not dancing to me is like..."
"...not breathing, I know."
"Your turn"
"My turn to what...not breathe?"
"If only..."
"You wish"
"I meant your turn to tell me about your family."
"Well Pappa is head of productions for the American Ballet Company and completely stable...a rarity in our household if you ask me."
"Tell me about it."
"Mamma is former ballerina whose sole purpose in life is to see us become the prima ballerina she never was....stay away from her if you can manage it."
"Don't worry if she's anything like you it will be my sole purpose in life."
"You know Janey...she's just the best, she retired from dancing after she had little Charles and started teaching ballet to six year olds...she thinks every student no matter how clumsy has the makings of a star...consequently she's not been known as the most discerning of individuals...but then again that's one of her most endearing qualities."
"You two are close?"
"Like two peas in a pod."
"And I'm the pansy...even I don't say things like 'two peas in a pod"
"Then there's my sister Mary...she's the rebel who GASP went to college instead of delving directly into dance, I don't think my mom's forgiven her yet. And worse she's planning on going into musical theater."
"Oh dear...what a catastrophe."
"It's the equivalent of the second coming of Satan in my mother's eyes."
"Satan never left...in fact I have the sneaking suspicion that he's sitting right here next to me."
"Awww Will, you called me Satan...only my close friends call me that, usually it's 'Beelzebub this and Beelzebub that'"
"you only have two sisters."
"Two sane sisters, well Kitty isn't that bad...she's a rising star in the corps and actually quite talented, with the passion that Janey lacked and the techincal proficiency at a level I could never achieve. She's a little silly, but surprisingly improving daily since she shares an apartment with Mary."
"4 girls, are you people Catholic or something?"
"5 actually, except the only dancing Lydia is interested in is of the exotic nature."
"Ah I see..."
"So now that you know all my deep dark family secrets, tell me something about you."
"Nothing to tell really."
"Are you seeing anyone or is it just the nightly fling here or there."
"Acutally I'm a virgin."
"WHAT...Mr. William 'I don't usually get complaints on my grip...you wish' Darcy is a virgin!"
"You make it sound like a bad thing."
"It's not I guess, but you're just so much talk and as I guess little to no action."
"I just take my career too seriously to have time for that type of stuff."
"Yes doctors marry, Lawyers date, and nuclear physicists are seldom single all because of their reckless disregard of their career?"
"You know what I mean..."
"But you're a guy and I thought that most guys..."
"That is such a double standard...when did you lose it?"
"Actually I'm still a virgin..."
"Then why are you giving me crap..."
"You're not...you know..."
"Know what?"
"You know"
"You're not gay are you?"
"NO! I'm not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that."
"You sound like George on Seinfield"
"Well you look like him."
"I'm so sick of you." She said as she thwapped him over the head with a pillow.
"You want a piece of me chickadee."
"I know you did not just call me 'chickadee' God you're a wuss, come on pansy boy bring it on." As she hit him again.
So began one of the great pillow fights of our time, not the flirty romantic fights that we read about and sigh...but an all out drag down straight out of the WWF fight, the kind you have with a sibling you're mad at.
"I'm going to kill you Will." Said Lizzy after he smacked her upside the head, she managed to get him on his back and smother him with a pillow. Only to be overturned and tickled till tears streamed from her eyes.
"Say you're sorry..." he said as she begged for mercy.
"No say 'Will you're God's gift to women everywhere."
"Over my dead body." She said as she kneed him in the stomach and would have continued had not the familiar strains of a song begun to blare over the radio....
VI
Body, wanna feel my body, body, baby, such a thrill, my body
Body, wanna touch my body, body, baby, it's too much, my body
Body, check it out, my body, body, baby, don't you doubt, my body
Body, talking about my body, body, baby, checking out my body
"There are only two people in this world who would turn that song up on the radio" said Lizzy still underneath Will.
"Bing" he muttered with a shake of his head.
"...and Janey" she clamored up to her feet, "come on lets go"
And with that they where off, racing down the hallway at break neck speed, not that the two rather injury prone protagonists could withstand another broken bone.
Listen here
Every man wants to be a macho man
To have the kind of body always in demand
Joggin' in the mornings, go man go
Janey was being swung round by her husband, as the two danced with wild abandon (she's a rather good dancer that Wild Abandon). They stopped long enough for Will to kiss Janey and Liz to give Bing a peck on the cheek and vice versa. Although it's notable that Will refused to kiss Bing.
Work up to the hill's top, muscles grow
You can best believe me
He's a macho man
Glad he took you down with anyone you can
Will took Lizzy's hand in his and began to spin her and do a strange mix of latin and swing that surprisingly fit into the music perfectly
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho
Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho
Lizzy was surprised to find that Will was an amazing dancer even off the practice mat and stage, mostly because he forgot about his body and concentrated on the music. So unlike George, who although a great mover, was so conscious of how he appeared that he seemed about as natural as the average blonde in California.
Body, my body, body, wanna feel my body
Body, baby, body, body, come and thrill my body
Body, baby, body, body, love to funk, my body
Body, baby, body, body, it's so hot, my body
So hot, yeah my body
Allright
Will's hand was upon her hip and kept twisting her back and forth, and Lizzy decided that she liked the feeling. this is WILL annoying self centered, booger brained, Will but man is he HOT
Everyman ought to be a macho, macho man
To live a life of freedom, machos make a stand
Have your own lifestyles and ideals
Access the strip of competence, that's the skill
You can best believe that he's a macho man
He's the special god son in anybody's land
As she looked up at Will as he swung her around periodically, she realized that he maybe wasn't quite as evil as she had thought.
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho
Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho
Macho, macho man
I gotta be a macho man
Macho macho man
I gotta be a macho
I gotta be a macho man
I gotta be a mucho mucho, macho macho man
I gotta be a macho
"That was incredible Will" she said a little out of breath.
"Wasn't it"
"I bet that's the first time I woman in close proximity has ever said that to you after heavy excercise, eh Will?." She said with a giggle
"Yes I've been known to dance like a dream...It's been said that I have a body like a young god.
"A body like a god?" she snirted (snorting is so unladylike) "a face like Godzilla is more like it"
"I guess it's true what they say about old maids, sour as a lemon and twice as sharp."
"First of all I am NOT an old maid, second of all is that another expression from your bag of flaming parables."
"Are they always like this?" asked Jane as she kissed her husband.
"Worse," he kissed his beautiful wife back, "I am so lucky to have found you Janey...I wish we could go home and ..." he whispered something in Jane's ear that made her blush as red as the blood on O.J.'s hands.
"We're still here you two."
"Ack...that was almost as bad as hearing about your parent's consummating their marriage."
"You told her that story too? Don't worry Lizzy he tells it to everyone."
"Have you been stealing my mother's prozac Will?"
"I have my own thank you very much."
"And here I was hoping that these two would get romantically involved" said Janey as she waved towards the couple.
"Sorry to disappoint you Janey, but the only meaningful relationship Will has going right now is with that inflatable doll in his bedroom, what's it's name again Will? Ginger...or was it John?" she said as she placed her hand on her hip in contemplation.
"Sorry if I don't consider your weekend job a pathway to meaningful relationships, where do you work again, the corner of Sunset and what was it?
"Oh perhaps it was Screw You Street, you should take a stroll down there sometime."
"Sorry not really not my idea of a good time."
"Oh dear what was I thinking, the men are usually on the corner of Sunset and Up Yours."
Then the door flew open and the ominous music began to play, Collins and the Devil's concub....er...I mean Caroline entered the room.
"Oh William" Caroline gushed as she pulled on William's arm, consequently pullling Lizzy as well.
"Hello Caroline" he said trying to stifle the shudder that welled inside of him.
"What where you talking about William, it wasn't me was it?" she said as she batted her eyes coyly, or so she though.
"Actually we where discussing Sex Caroline"
"Oh William how shocking" she said as her long orange fingernails flew to her mouth.
"Oh give me a break," Lizzy mumbled to Janey, "that woman has been passed around more times than a plate on Sunday in church."
"Lizzy hush! She might here you"
"Sorry Janey, Besides there is something almost sacreligious about mentioning Caroline and Church in the same breath."
"Oh Bethie did I just hear you mention the Church, let me tell you that it is one of my greatest ambitions to..." began Collins as he took her arm and began to blubber away some ancient story.
"You know Collins I'm sorry to interrupt you but I'm feeling awfully ill, I really need to get back to my room"
"Oh please allow me to escort you to your room my very dearest Bethie, I often think that young men today do not escort ladies to their bed chambers often enough."
"You sound like you're a real proficient in THAT art."
"Oh Thank You Will I am, you sound so very much like my dearest most benevolent Parole off...I mean patron Ms. DeBorough.
"But I have to insist that you let me escort Elizabeth back to her room," he said as he took her arm and sent a tingling sensation down her arm.
"But..but...I..."
"I'm tied to her man, get a grip." He said to Collins before kissing Janey goodbye and waving to the rest of them.
"Thank you for rescuing me Will" she said with a smile.
"rescue, smescue...I was trying to get away from that peack...I mean pariah, Caroline."
"You know I think You're getting a little soft on me Will"
"I think you're a little soft in the head."
At that Lizzy smacked the pillow at his head and pretty soon they where back right where they started smacking each other around with pillows. Yet this time every time Will would touch her it would send an electric shock up her spine, almost stronger than the one she got every time she saw Jeremy Northam...
"DO YOU GIVE UP?" he asked as he pegged her down, tickling her sides.
"NO!," she screamed before managing to pin his free arm so she was pinned to the ground with his shoulder and his face was inches from hers...and she felt this CRAZY urge to....
"I think, I think...that..." he said his breaths coming in short bursts...
"I think that we should sleep." She said as she scooted out from beneath him.
"yes sleep."
"Sleep is good...very good" she mumbled as she tried to dispel thoughts of his lips upon hers...
VII
"Do you really think that is the best idea?" asked Will as he propped his elbow up on the breakfast table.
"What?" asked Lizzy, or rather it sounded more like "Phwath?" as donut glaze smeared across her chin.
"You. Eating that." Will pointed, "that messy THING." He said trying to tear his eyes away from the donut, or was it her red, full lips...looking oh so kissable. NO he ran his hand through his hair trying to clear out his thoughts (he's a dancer, a gorgeous dance, a gorgeous dancer with a name like William Darchevsky...do you honestly believe that the world would be lucky enough to have gorgeous dancers named William Darchevsky who enjoyed thinking? Yeah right, Bush is more likely to solve the California energy crisis using his hot air as a new fuel, than THAT happening...oh where was I, right...the story right...ok back to Will and his problems...um...concentrating.) It's definitely the disgusting donut thing, definitely the disgusting donut...definitely the disgusting donut he repeats like a mantra, too bad he left his yoga leotard in his apartment.
Meanwhile Lizzy is staring at Will, no not the usual "God look at those BISCEPS" this one is more akin to her calling out with fear... "Bing...BING, stop staring at that picture of Janie and get your butt over here."
Bing pranced over, butt first, Bing likes to be literal, he thinks it's funny, only Janey agrees...one of the many reasons Bing loves and misses his wife. Bing has now begun to cry, 15 hours without his beloved Janey-poo, fate is too cruel.
"Bing," Lizzy had become adept at pretending not to see Bing cry, it saves time, Lizzy is all about saving time. "Why is your crazy friend over here sitting here mumbling something about 'definitely the disgusting donuts' over and over again." She says as she pointed to Will and his rather glazed over expression.
Upon hearing this Will has now snapped out of his daze, "Wait, what the hey," (at this even I have to snicker, what kind of guy says 'what the hey?') "I was saying the 'definitely disgusting donut' thing in Italics, I thought italics was inner monologue?"
Instead of replying to this rant, Lizzy decides to ignore it, questioning a comment like that is bound to lead nowhere, it would be a waste of time, Lizzzy hates wasting time. Instead, she comes to the root of the problem. "Did I do something to you Bing? Was it the practical joke last year with the rubber chicken and the female impersonator of Diana Ross? Am I over at your house too much? What did I do Bing? Is this Janie's doing? I told her I was sorry for the whole, 'Janey has scabies rumor' it was a misunderstanding, I swear. Whatever it was, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She says with a sob as she clutches Bing's feet.
"You didn't do anything Lizzy, what are you sorry for?" usually Bing doesn't like people touching his feet, who does? But this feels nice, he likes groveling, most people don't grovel at Bing's feet, it is a nice change.
"Then why Bing?" she said as she held up the chain that linked her to Will, "why did you do this to me, I thought you loved me like the sister-in-law you never had"
"Lizzy you are my sister-in-law."
"So now you're saying that you lied about that too? How could you?"
"I'm telling you, I'm not crazy, I said the donut thing in italics, you're not supposed to hear italics" this comment impels both Lizzy and Bing to turn towards William. Bing just shakes his head, he told Will that hanging out with the crowd that sniffed toe shoe polish after practice wasn't a good idea. But did he listen...noooo...no one ever listened to him. Except for Lizzy, she was groveling at his feet, and he liked it.
"It's simple Lizzy, we assigned you two together because you two are the best two dancers we have. Well that and the fact that Jane read the book Emma and decided that Emma is her undiscovered alter ego. She's decided to dye her hair blond, and have clavicle enhancement surgery so that she looks more like Gwyneth Paltrow."
"What does that have to do with pairing me with the escapee from Bedlam's Bed & Breakfast?" she said as she pointed towards Will who was still mumbling about italics and donuts and kissable lips (she has yet to remove the donut glaze from aforementioned lips, unfortunately for Will he has just realized that he finds glazed donut lips to be intoxicating, so much so that he is unable to form coherent thought).
"Well, since Janey is Emma, she decided that she needed a project, and who better to be her Harriet than you, so she decided to set you and italicized donut boy over there, up together."
"She WHAT, how dare she?"
"She means well, she just wants you to meet some nice boys"
"I don't care about her setting me up, it's just that, it's just that...I AM NO HARRIET SMITH" she turns to Will, and swipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Like that the spell is broken, "Did you hear that donut boy? You're Robert Martin!" she said enraged on both their behalves.
"I don't think you should eat that donut," he said, he can think clearly again, unfortunately it is too late, the donut has already been consumed and is being currently being deposited into the stomach via esophagus.
"Why don't you think I should have eaten the donut, Robert Martin?" she asks, as her eyes narrow, she already knows where this is going, it isn't going to be pretty.
"Well, with our injuries the less strain we put on the knee and the toe, the better, so maybe it would be a good idea for you to shed a few pounds. Besides, your face is starting to look a little roun..." It would have been nice if he had been able to finish that sentence, it would have been nice if he was able to be breathe. But of course getting sucker punched to the gut kind of puts a damper on such petty activities as talking and breathing. But then again, what else could he expect, you never tell a girl not to eat a donut, especially after she is already partially through digesting it.
VIII
"Higher, Higher, Higher...no, no raise the leg HIGHER, that's lower, higher is up, do you not understand me? am I speaking Mongolian?" he turned, "Bing, am I speaking Mongolian?"
"Jane loves Mongolian Beef," he said with a dreamy sigh.
All Edward Gardiner could do was breathe in deeply and count to ten, he was NOT going to cry at work, he was NOT going to cry at work. The leg extensions where low, he wanted them higher, it wasn't that difficult of a concept to understand was it? He was sure the gorillas could have figured that out.
Meanwhile, in the arms of a certain gorgeous hunk, we all adore...no, no, Col. Hotloins enters the story later...I'm talking about the other gorgeous hunk, Lizzy is sweating up a storm. The sharp pain that was previously shooting through her toe had now seemingly traveled up her leg. It wasn't fun, she knew that much. But then again, no one else seemed to be having a good time either. Leg extensions sucked.
The gorgeous hunk gritted his teeth, Mother Nature is probably spinning in her grave as we speak, I mean you give a boy, the perfect set of pearly whites, and what does he do? Gnash, gnash, gnash. Not to say he didn't have a good reason to gnash, he did, he knee hurt like the dickens.
"Can you stop that gnashing? It's annoying as all Hell."
"Can't take the reminder of home?" he said with a smirk, "Besides, gnashing is better than trying to drown me in your perspiration."
"Well, I'm sweating because I'm doing all the work here," she said as she grit her teeth, "but, I'm sure you're quite used to women telling you that."
"Children, children...listen up...we're going to practice lifts now," the childr...I mean dancers nodded, their eyes wide...lifts where scary...very scary.
"I knew you shouldn't have eaten that don..." he began to mumble, before he got a glare from Lizzy that said rather explicitly, 'one more word from you bucko and you're going to get a repeat performance of this morning's smackdown.' You didn't know glares could say so much? Well, read my stories and you'll learn something new everyday.
Will's hands slowly encircled her very trim waist, for as we all know, Elizabeth is one of those sickening people who eat donuts every morning and then complain how all of her clothes are loose, because 'she lost some weight somewhere.' Lizzy felt a slight tremor at his touch must be revulsion, must be revulsion, must be revulsion
"At least it isn't Caroline," she heard him mutter, for which he received a playful swat on his arm, it was kind of a nice swat. Not like the swat's he got from his sister, which Hurt, Georgie was a strong woman, a swat from her was like a 2nd degree assault from a lesser woman. This swat was kind of...well, kind of sweet. Stop it. Yes, you that fluffy, libido driven, romantic who likes the swat, remember this woman is a harpy, a shrew! But, she's kinda cute, with those backwards glances she throws me, and well, let's not forget the swat.
"Earth to Will, do you copy Will, we're supposed to be having lift off right about now, but I'm still on the ground," she said with a tone that bordered on a Whine (Whine's other borders are Austria, Switzerland, and Italy)
Before she could say another word she was lifted off the ground, her body perfectly arched, his arms fully extended.
"I'm impressed," she called down.
"You should be."
"You know if you weren't such an arrogant prick, you could actually be likeable."
"Is that your idea of a compliment?"
"Why would I want to compliment you?"
"Oh, I don't know, I'm handsome, devastatingly charming, a veritable chick magnet."
"Look honey, I hate to break it to you, but those big women, the ones with the kind of deep voices, and the muscular builds who always hit on you..."
"Oh Shut up."
"Well, we have to talk, it get's really dull up here."
"Do you talk by rule, then, while you dance?"
"Hey, it's better than listening to the wind whistling through your ears."
"William, Elizabeth, if you are finished, you may go, the rest of the class decided to leave a few minutes again on break, but then again if you two are vying for some type of Guiness Book of World Record for lifts or being utterly annoying, then I leave you two to your own amusement," said poor Edward Gardiner with a sigh, dancers...he should have used the gorillas...or better yet, he should have listened to his mother and become a plumber.
IX
"Hey Bennet, toss me a bottle of water," it wasn't really much of a toss considering the fact that they where only separated by a few feet, however Lizzy's aim is about as good as her temper. Which if you have been reading the story, you know leaves quite a bit to be desired.
Consequently, the aforementioned bottle of water flew past Will's outstretched hand and smacked Bing in the head, Bing of course was oblivious to the fact since he had a picture of Jane in his hand.
"Bennet, you throw like a girl," said Will with a roll of his beautiful blue eyes (signal for Darcy parade to swoon...ha...like they need a signal to swoon!)
Lizzy, anti-aesthetic that she was, failed to notice the inherent beauty of those eyes (well maybe she did, but she ain't admitting it to NOBODY), placed her hands on her hips and in turn rolled her 'fine eyes', "I am a girl dimwit."
Now our Will is a sucker for those eyes, and those long lashes, and...Stop it, stop looking at her, think of witty comeback, think of witty comeback... "You're a girl? Could have fooled me." He said with a smirk as he walked away, shuddering inside at his reaction to those eyes.
"Why I..." she cried, that's about as far as she got, you see it was a really good thing, and I mean a REALLY good thing that Elinor, Felicity, and Emma where nearby to restrain her and prevent her from doing something she would have regretted later, well maybe not the action but at least the accompanying jail time. For one look at the knife next to her was enough for Lizzy to pick it up and lunge. Now for the men reading this story, let me tell you something, all joking aside, most women can handle jokes about just about anything. But mention their weight and you can get some potentially dangerous anger, mention doubts about their gender and you're lucky if you don't have a homicide on your hands.
Now before you jump to Conclusions (just where exactly is this famous 'Conclusions', Kansas?) I'm not sure Lizzy would have actually killed him had they not restrained her. First of all, she's a naturally kind and warm human being (what DWG heroine isn't?) and Second of all she was clutching a butter knife.
Amazingly, Will was unaware of his brush with death, he was still wrapt up in the memory of 'those eyes.' Once it was certain, that Lizzy had regained her self control she was released, and every one soon forgot all about it. Note, that the people in this production are crazy (you would know that if you've been reading), one other little blip of insanity is hardly mentionable.
They where soon herded out to dance floor. A Baaah was heard somewhere in the background (don't worry Matlock's Sheep isn't doing a cross-over...yet). Todays assignment should they choose to accept it: pirrouette combinations with a twist dip (isn't that funny it makes them seem like they have...gasp...free will...they're dancers in a production tied together by chains, do you Think they have free will?)
Will's hand pressed lightly against Lizzy's back, hardly enough support regularly, but ridiculously low considering her bum toe. Consequently, Lizzy was sprawled on the ground a few moments later. Normally this would not have been the end of the world, it wasn't really the end of the world now either...that's coming on 2222 (don't believe me? Join my cult, there's a link at the bottom of the page). But it was bad, considering that they where the 'best' dancers in the troupe, standing at the front of the room while everyone else had dipped their hearts out, Lizzy lay in a heap on the floor.
Poor Edward just sighed. Being a choreographer is normally a job reserved for members of the Sado-masochist Association of America, but being a choreographer AND director, well even the Sado-masochists think that that's just sick.
So we should pity this poor man, he's aged years in just two days, we doubt his wife will recognize when he finally comes home. So when Edward 'let's pity the poor fool' Gardiner approached Lizzy and Will, jerked Lizzy away and pointed at Will saying with a gruff, "YOU, with the curly hair, SIT, you with the muscles, switch partners, dance with Elinor and let's see if you can actually do it," he wasn't really to be blamed. They had made him into a monster. "Besides, the way you two bicker you should be glad to be separated for a few minutes."
"Pleased as punch," said Lizzy with a smile as they walked over to Bing to be untied
"Is food all you think about?"
"That wasn't the type of punch I was thinking about, this is," she said sweetly before delivering a blow that just missed his kidneys. The lack of aim could be attributed to the fact that she's getting soft on him, or the fact that she actually just has really poor aim, or because she forgot her contacts.
But as soon as they reached Bing and held out their hands to be untied, both of them started feeling a little well...funny. As the chain clicked off her wrist, instead of the effusion of joy she expected, all she got was a rather dull ache, must have been the burrito she had during lunch.
That same ache was hitting Will, and he didn't even eat the burrito, but as he looked at Lizzy looking so innocent, and so...beautiful. He realized that despite the insults, the pain, and the occassional assault, he didn't want to dance with Elinor, he didn't want to dance with anyone but Lizzy.
So when he asked Edward if they could try it just one more time, the biting comment that was on the tip of Lizzy's tongue evaporated. Instead, wonders of wonders, she merely nodded her head and held out her hand to him. And as they moved back onto the floor, their bodies moved in such synchronization that barely a hair's breath could be perceived between them, and when Lizzy needed support, Will was there. And when he needed a little push, she gave it to him. And it was perfect.
So when the class burst into applause, as Lizzy's arm arched back gracefully, no sarcastic comment fell from her lips, no snide remark was emitted from Will. Instead, they just smiled, and that seemed to say it all.