Posted on Sunday, 23 July 2000

I'm not sure whether any of you had noticed the thread on Austenations at RoP about what the novels would have been like if other famous authors had written them, but I decided to post one of my stories here because I am rather fond of it. :) I had been planning to write something similar for several months now (although I had a different idea for how to go about it) and it gave me a move on. The fairy tale that was my inspiration was "The Goose Girl"

Once in a small kingdom there lived a king and queen by the name of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet. It was Mrs. Bennet's business in life to get her five daughters married, so it was with great rapture then that she was able to get rid of her two most deserving daughters, the eldest, to rich princes. ("Oh Jane! I knew how it would be. I was sure you could not be so beautiful for nothing!" "Oh! my sweetest Lizzy! how rich and how great you will be! What pin-money, what jewels, what carriages you will have!") The day soon came when Elizabeth would have to travel the great distance to Pemberley and Mr. Bennet, who knew he would miss her exceedingly, drew her aside, cut off a lock of his hair and gave it to her. Elizabeth placed the lock by her bosom and took her leave.

Her parents knew that the aunt of Lizzy's groom, the Queen Lady Catherine, would be most seriously displeased if his bride arrived without some servant attending, so they sent a young lady known as Miss Bingley as her companion. As they traveled Elizabeth grew thirsty and she asked Miss Bingley to get her a drink. Miss Bingley however, refused to do so and Lizzy was forced to stop at a stream. Although Lizzy was fond of nature and didn't mind having dirty petticoats, she didn't particularly like leaning over the water and said "what am I to do?"

To this the lock of hair cried "If your father knew it; sadly, sadly, his heart would rue it."

This happened twice more, but on the third time the lock of hair fell into the stream without Lizzy seeing it and floated away. Miss Bingley had noticed and saw her chance. She knew that the hair had been a protective charm and that Elizabeth would now have to do whatever she was told. Therefore Elizabeth was made to swap horses, etc., with Miss Bingley, as Miss Bingley wished to marry the prince, Mr. Darcy. Miss Bingley threatened Elizabeth so that she would not tell a soul.

All this did not go unobserved, however, as Elizabeth's horse had marked it well. This horse, Charlotte, was able to talk.

In time they reached sight of Pemberley and Mr. Darcy ran to meet the bride, but mistaking Miss Bingley as the Princess, he paid no attention to Elizabeth. Lady Catherine thought she was a "genteel, pretty sort of girl" and asked about her. Miss Bingley replied that she was somebody she had brought along for company and inquired if they had any job to give her. If they had arrived but a week earlier Lady Catherine could have placed Lizzy as a governess, as it was wonderful how many families she had been the means of supplying in that way, but as she had nothing else she could do, it would be best that she should help a Mr. Collins with the geese. Fearing Charlotte would betray her, the false bride told Mr. Darcy that she had plagued her on her journey and would feel better if it were killed. Elizabeth heard about this, and although unable to stop the death, begged the head from the butcher and nailed it to a gate she would pass each day.

Each morning as she passed the gate Elizabeth would say:

"Charlotte, Charlotte, there art thou hanging"

and the head would reply:

"Princess, princess, there art thou ganging,
If your father knew it,
Sadly, sadly, his heart would rue it."

After Mr. Collins and Lizzy had taken the geese into the fields, she would sit down and start combing her hair, which was of gold. Mr. Collins, seeing it glitter in the sun, would try to sneak up and catch hold of it, but Lizzy would begin to sing:

"Blow breezes, blow,
Let Collins's hat go,
Let him chase o'er field and wold
Till my locks of ruddy gold,
Now astray and hanging down,
Be combed and plaited in a crown."

After several days Mr. Collins complained of Elizabeth's behaviour to Lady Catherine. Asking about all that happened she decided that she would disguise herself and follow them the following morning. Thus she saw Elizabeth speaking to the horse, the horse reply, Elizabeth let down her hair, Mr. Collins trying to grab a strand, Elizabeth singing and his hat flying in the wind and him chasing it. She returned to the house and when Elizabeth returned, demanded to know why she behaved in that way. Elizabeth at first refused to answer, but eventually was forced/tricked into admitting what had happened.

Lady Catherine ordered royal apparel to be put on her, in which she looked amazingly lovely. Then she summoned her nephew, and revealed to him that he had got the false bride, who was nothing but a waiting-maid, while the real one, in the guise of the ex-goose-girl, was standing at his side. The young king rejoiced from his heart when he saw her beauty and learned how good she was, and a great banquet was prepared, to which everyone was bidden. The bridegroom sat at the head of the table, the Princess on one side of him and the waiting-maid on the other; but she was so dazzled that she did not recognize the Princess in her glittering garments. Now when they had eaten and drunk, and were merry, Lady Catherine asked the waiting-maid to solve a knotty point for her. "What," said she, "should be done to a certain person who has deceived everyone?" and she proceeded to relate the whole story, ending up with, "Now what sentence should be passed?"

Then the false bride answered: "She deserves to be put stark naked into a barrel lined with sharp nails, which should be dragged by two white horses up and down the street till she is dead."

"You are the person," said Lady Cat, "and you have passed sentence on yourself, and even so it shall be done to you." And when the sentence had been carried out the young King was married to his real bride, and both reigned over the kingdom in peace and happiness.