Posted on Tuesday, 19 February 2002
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I'm Elizabeth Bennet, this is Anne Elliot and we bring you the Jane Austen evening News
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Our top story today. Vice-President Charles Bingley announced today that he intends to open a new Netherfield employment initiative in Meryton. This will provide new jobs for many as well as an executive position on the Netherfield board to oversee the operation. It is believed that this bold move will prop up the sagging Hertfordshire economy by decreasing unemployment. Similar programs in London and the North have been overwhelmingly successful. Indeed Meryton mayor William Lucas was clearly elated by the news and was at one point heard to exclaim, 'Capital, capital'. In related news, Fitzwilliam Darcy, our much maligned president of Pemberley, was today humiliated in a press conference regarding the new venture. When questioned on accessibility policies, President Darcy revealed a rather exclusionist attitude leading to whispering and snickering from a young, female reporter from the Longbourn Chronicle. No word yet on the ramifications of this extraordinary episode.
Now it's time for the financial news with our Wall Street correspondent Emma Woodhouse.
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Thank you Elizabeth. Today was the end of an era. Taylor Consulting today confirmed rumours that it had broken its long time association with Hartfield Inc and forged a new alliance with Weston Group. The move was clearly a beneficial one from Taylor's viewpoint as they gained not only an increase in available capital but also a measure of executive power which they had always lacked in the corporate giant that is Hartfield. Hartfield representatives say they are pleased for their former allies, claiming to have been instrumental in the merging process and look forward to working with the new Weston-Taylor Group. One wonders, however, how the loss of a constant consulting presence will affect the Hartfield stock. Whatever anyone might say, ripples from this bold move will definitely be felt in the markets. Already, stock in the young upstart Elton Consulting sharply increased amidst rumours that they might be in the running to fill the void left at Hartfield. And now back to you Elizabeth.
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Thank you Emma. This just in from our web poll. Statistics show that single men in possession of a large fortune, must be in want of a wife. And now over to sports with reporter Henry Tilney.
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A breath of fresh air was felt in the jaded world of professional sports today when the Morland basketball team blew the whistle on their long-time coach revealing that he had been encouraging the girls to begin taking performance-enhancing drugs and was threatening to cut those refusing to comply. In this era of I'll-do-anything-for-money-and-a-secure-place-on-the-team athletics, these young girls have proven that not every athlete is out for what they can get. There are several games set to start at 7:30 and 10, we'll have news on these at 11. And now back to the front desk.
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What brave girls. I don't know if I'd live up to their standards. Is coffee a performance-enhancing drug? That'd be the end for me! (everyone laughs) After this brief commercial break my co-anchor Anne Elliot will update us on foreign affairs.
(Cut to commercials)
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On the screen we see before and after shots.
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Welcome back. Pemberley government insiders claim that the neighbouring government of Kellynch may be facing a larger than expected budget deficit this year. While Kellynch Minister of Finance Sheppard is denying all such supposition, the fact remains that he covered up the extent of Kellynch's massive national debt for years. Kellynch Speaker of the house Russell has made a public call for fiscal responsibility proposing massive government spending cutbacks. This was met with disdain from both the Kellynch president and vice-president. How they might have reacted to the stricter restrictions said to have been proposed by Russell's assistants can be only a matter of speculation.
In other news, our naval troops have chosen to camp in the strategic stronghold of Uppercross while attacking that of Anne's Point. This unexpected move is likely to prolong rather than expedite the Battle of Wentworth. When approached, Captain Frederick would give no rationale for his sudden actions. Many feel that this battle has become personal.
Now over to Marianne Dashwood for a look at the weekend weather.
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The Fanny cold front will continue to wreak havoc with temperatures in the Norland region. It seems winter will continue there for several more weeks. A wave of high pressure has hit the Edward and Elinor counties causing a large section of ice on the Steele Freeway to melt. Transit between the two counties has been severely impaired. Finally the Delaford trade winds are set to reach Barton this evening resulting in a pleasant breeze and possibly an early end to the Middleton rains. Back to you Anne.
Thank you Marianne, it sounds like a pack-everything weekend for anyone trying to get out of the city. And finally over to Edmund Bertram with news from the entertainment world.
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Anne, today the long Portsmouth run of the musical Fanny ended. It's promoters in Portsmouth could not draw the revenue necessary to sustain not only Fanny but the nine other productions they are currently juggling. The humble production of Fanny has been picked up by the Mansfield Theatre Group in Northhamptonshire. This may prove a mixed blessing as reputed critic Norris has already dismissed Fanny as being unworthy of the sophisticated Northamptonshire scene. Back to you.
(scene cuts back to show the whole team, with Anne, who is speaking, in the center)
Thank you Edmund. There will be more entertainment news, weather and continued coverage of our top stories later tonight at 11. Thank you for inviting us into your homes and we hope to see you again tomorrow at 6. For my co-anchor Elizabeth Bennet and the rest of the JAEN team, I'm Anne Elliot and this has been the Jane Austen Evening news for Friday...
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