Posted on Sunday, 5 May 2002
"Ug, Nethercave, er! Let at last!" A short slightly hairy shrill voiced lady covered in animal skins started screeching at a disinterested cave man.
"Ug."
"UUUUUUGGGGGGG!"
The cave man just smiled amusedly.
Later after the hunt with all the Neanderthals gathered around the fire chanting and dancing (if you can call it that) wildly. A group of five primitive people walked in and all amusement stopped.
A portly little guy called Lucas by the clan greeted them.
"Er!!"
"Er!" The cheery looking(if anyone with protruding jaw and brow bone could be called cheery)fellow exclaimed.
The group approached the family group of Bennet and the cheery fellow from now on will be referred to as Bing(for no reason at all) immediately took a liking to the eldest daughter, Jane who smiled at him. Bing then picked Jane up by her lovely golden hair and dragged her to the dirt pit where they were dancing.
Later happy Bing comes over to his tall friend, Darce(compared to all the short cave men and women)
"Erg! Dance! Ug! Darce! *Grunt* There pretty!" Bing said while pointing to the second eldest Bennet daughter who had very dark eyes and hair and was about 2 heads shorter than Darce.
"She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me."
"ER??" Said Bing while tilting his head and scratching it.
"Ugly! Ugg!"
Liz, the second eldest Bennet daughter heard this and laughed very loudly.
The next day Bing decided to take Jane as his mate. Darce said she didn't like him and would rather be crushed by a wooly mammoth than be Bing's mate. Bing, being a gentleman Neanderthal would not have simply clubbed her over the head but instead respected her wishes. Later that day Darce sees Liz and sees how intelligent her eyes are (for a primitive being) He then goes over and has the presumption to pick her up by her hair (a declaration of love) Liz kicks him, which is very painful considering they didn't have toenail clippers back then, so her toes were sharp. Anyways, Darce begins his spiel.
"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
"Eh?"
"You, me , mate!"
"In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. It is natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot -- I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to any one. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me, have long prevented the acknowledgment of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation." (Liz was mad because he separated Jane and Bingley and because he was one stuck up cave man!)
"Eh??"
"UGG! NO!!" She then spit on Darce to emphasis her point.
Darce then left with wounded pride.
The next day Darce drew Liz a very nice cave drawing explaining that he wasn't so very bad. Then Bing came to Longbourn Cave and drooled a bit over Jane.
Liz decides she loves this tall if somewhat hairy guy.
Darce comes back and goes berry gathering with Liz.
"You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still-*clearing throat* Erg! Ugg! Yar!"
"Yar!" Darce extremely happy then threw Liz over his shoulder and took him back to his grand cave in the North.
And they all lived happily ever after! UG!