To Elizabeth, Upon Refusal

Skylar

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It's now too late to soften
The confession I expressed
When I told you of my struggle
And my desire to suppress
Those feelings that were alien,
So foreign to my heart,
Which made me think of only you
And fear to see you part.
I think that I have always thought
That weakness was to love,
And desperation such as this,
I thought I was above.
But all my plans to tell my heart
Those false indifferent lies
Vanished slowly from my thoughts
When I looked into your eyes.
Perhaps it would be better,
If I had flattered you,
If I'd kept unrevealed
The doubts I labored through.
Perhaps you would have said
That you accepted me,
Instead of finally wounding
My untouched vanity.
But disguise is my abhorrence,
And I could not pretend
My love was unconfronted
Or that it knew no end.
I did not want to love you -
And I loved against my will.
I did not want to come to you -
And I came to you still.
You taught a painful lesson -
I expected far too much,
To think that you would yield
To a proposal and a touch.
I know now that my nature
Is one you can't adore -
I've been proud too long,
And I've never loved before.
So farewell from Mr. Darcy,
I bid you now adieu,
And I will only say,
May the Lord bless you.


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