Beginning, Section II, Next Section

Chapter 14 - Mystery Girl

"I can't do it, Liz!" Hazel stormed into English and threw her pen. It bounced off Leslie's head. "Ooo...sorry about that. Can I get my pen back?"

Liz rolled her eyes. She was digging through a large stack of papers. "Can you believe he's actually returning some of our work? Hey, my summer assignment!"

Hazel took it from her. "Let's see...it's late March and we turned it in during the second week of September. Not bad," Hazel frowned in a mocking manner. "Only six months. Thoroughly impressed."

"Anyway, what were you talking about when you came in?"

"Tuna." That was James Wallace. His specialized code name. At least half of the boys worth mentioning in this story had been coded after a fish by the two juniors (though the universal rating system was sweets of course). Will was Tigerfish, though Elizabeth refused to use it and insisted upon Stonefish. Hazel still didn't understand. Richard was Jellyfish (they had used that one for years because Richard refused to believe they would call him that). Billy had been dubbed a Sand Crab. Ed, Flounder. John, Salmon. And so the list continued...

"Yeah...so?"

"I tried to ask him..."

"Oh, that stupid dance."

"I thought you wanted to go." Hazel looked up in surprise.

The bell rang and so ended their conversation. Well, that is until Mr. Griffith stood up behind his desk. Everyone looked down. Mr. Griffith's shorts were definitely too short for his bulky 6'3" frame.

Liz quickly scribbled a note and passed it to her friend.

Oh, so gross!

Tell me about it!

Who are you going to ask?

I told you I'm not going. I don't want to go.

But we had a deal! You were going to ask someone and I was going to ask someone.

You haven't asked anyone yet.

I'm working on it!

Face it. You don't have the guts to ask Tuna. Why don't you just go with Stonefish?

Tigerfish, Liz. Tigerfish. Anyway, can't. He's already got a date.

Who?

Elizabeth mouthed her response but Hazel didn't get it. Liz leaned across but leaned too far. She hit the floor and quickly got up, pretending nothing happened. A few people were snickering.

In the meantime, Hazel had figured out what Elizabeth had written and did not notice her friend's fall.

I didn't ask. There are so many possibilities. I saw him turn down eight girls though.

That was embarrassing!

What was? Being turned down? You don't suppose it's as bad as tripping on spaghetti sauce in the middle of a bowling alley and flying down the lane with the ball stuck on your toe, is it?

What does spaghetti sauce have to do with anything? Oh, never mind. Who did he turn down?

Well, your sister for one. She was very persistent. He had to say no to her six times.

Well, you know Lydia...

Yeah and so does half of this school. Sorry, no offense.

None taken.

Anyway, do you know that drama girl, Jolene? She asked him. Anabel did too, though I thought she's with John. Who knows? They break up all the time. Mallory Kinkles, Allison Chen, Lila Febbs. And half of the track team.

Sounds more than eight to me.

Well, I suppose it is. I wonder how much Richard has on his list.

I don't even want to know.

Who's he going with?

Some blonde, I bet.

Chris strolled into the AP Calculus class with his lower level math test in his hand.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I have to take this."

Mrs. Grady pointed to the empty desk in front of Marianne. Chris walked over, noticing that Will had moved his desk next to her and they were deeply engrossed in conversation. He felt jealously rise in him. When he was close enough, he heard Will say, "...and the area under this curve would need to be solved by the integral from the range of zero to three..."

Chris tried to concentrate on his test. He needed a C at the very least, but he couldn't help leaning back and listening to Marianne and Will talk in their confusing terms. Then Ed interrupted them. "Do we have to dress for the theme?"

"No one's forcing you to. But that's the fun of it," Will answered.

"I'm going to be a shark," James smiled, then began drumming out the music for 'Jaws.'

"You look more like tuna," Marianne drawled.

"What are you two wearing?"

Chris broke his pencil. What did Ed mean? As in two, as you and you? Or as in two, as him and her?

"We'll see. We're going shopping at the mall on Friday."

Ed meant him and her! Him and her!

"You know, you should really tell more girls about this arrangement," Ed was saying.

"Arrangement? What do you mean?" Will frowned in confusion.

Ed smiled happily. He really did like Will, especially when he no longer posed a threat to him and Elinor. "Well, going to the dance with Marianne."

"I've told everyone who asked that I have a date."

"But you haven't said whom."

Marianne thought about that. Why didn't he? Was he embarrassed? Did he want to back out? Was there some odd growth from her head? Perhaps her fingernails were too square?

"I've learned from past experience not to mention the girl's name. My prom date freshmen year was harassed by so many other girls."

Marianne let out an audible sigh. All the boys were looking at her. "I solved it!" she cried happily then dug her nose deep into her book.

"You can go to prom as a freshmen at your old school?" Ed resumed.

"Oh no, I went with a senior. She asked me."

James muttered in an exasperated voice, "Have you ever asked a girl out?"

"No."

"You never had to, have you?"

"No."

"Why don't you?"

"I wouldn't know how to begin!"

"It's the librarian!"

Chaz looked at John. "The librarian? Will's going to Sadies with Miss Crankshaft?"

"No," John rolled his eyes in that oh-c'mon way. He waited for someone to say something, but everyone just blinked at him. He threw up his arms in exasperation and cried, "Marianne Dashwood!"

"Oh," Jane and Chaz uttered at the same moment.

"So, why all this secrecy about who it is?" Richard tilted his head. He had pounded Will with questions last week when they were in the ice bath, but Will had simply grinned and avoided the subject. He even ducked into the sub-42 degree water at one time to Richard's utter horror and amazement.

"Well, if it's my guess, there's something going on between Will and Marianne, if you know what I mean." John nudged Jane, who swiped him with her nails.

"Will Darcy is a Boy Scout. Who did you get this info from?" Chaz muttered, biting into his ham sandwich.

"Chris."

Everyone rose their eyebrows. "Okay, so Chris didn't come up with that theory. He said something about how most of the girls Will has ever gone out with were harass so he didn't reveal their names. Doesn't that sound so stupid?"

"It would if it weren't Will Darcy. Every girl on this campus has had a crush on him sometime this year," defended Jane.

This made Charles shift in his seat. He thought Will was a good egg...but...

Jane looked at her boyfriend. "Please don't tell me you're insecure. Have you been reading those self-help books I gave you?"

Charles blushed deep red.

Chapter 15 - Head Full of Ideas

He was a king 'til she laid waste
Now he cannot fill up the space
And I see him drifting
While he's drifting
On Bourbon Alley, feeling low
Just because she let him go
I don't think he even knows
He'll ever be fine

Chris blinked. How was that possible? She was barely wearing anything!

Lisa snapped again. "Chrissy!"

Chris scowled and moved toward the refreshment table. She was really starting to bother him. Maybe he should dump her... And look like a pathetic loser in front of Marianne? No, he couldn't.

He got her some punch, feeling really horrible. A prick in the back of his mind told him that he was using Lisa, and he didn't like that at all.

And he's got a head full of ideas
Let me tell ya, that you wouldn't believe
And he's got a heart full of pure gold
And something else, many tricks up his sleeve

Will was having a good time too. Marianne looked especially pretty with her long, curly auburn hair falling down her back. Her lack of sourness also revealed that she had a very enthusiastic and contagious smile.

Meanwhile, Elinor wasn't smiling so much. Ed had stepped on her Chinese Laundry shoes for the sixth time that night. And they had only been at the dance for ten minutes! This whole blubbering idiot thing was starting to get on her nerves.

You might think he's a jester
Because he'll make you laugh til' you cry
And what else, you better come with your best
If you test him, unless you're ready to die

"Look, why can't you exude some confidence?"

"What happened to all that serenity stuff you're known for? Why don't you just calm down?"

"I am calm!" she screamed.

Charles did something he never did before. He laughed in her face and stomped away.

A million people come and go
Through a person's ebb and flow
And faces keep on changing
While they're changing

"George, do you think this is too short?"

George glanced at her with dull eyes. She was starting to gain some weight. After all, hormones could swing one way or another for a person. And it swung the other way for Lydia. "Yes."

"What?"

Instead of answering, George walked away. Maybe he should find his date. What was her name, again?

A certain few will stay intact
When they're not, they'll do an act
I know this important fact
Don't get confused like that

"So, boys..."

None of them looked up.

"Hey Clare, honey...why don't you get me some punch?"

Richard's date nodded and bounced off. She was already a Playboy bunny in the making. Richard grabbed a chair and sat at the table. "Why does this look like the ex-boyfriend club?"

Still nobody answered. Actually, it didn't even register in anyone's head that Richard was there, much less talking to them.

"Any lights on in there?" He waved his hands in front of Chaz's eyes. He didn't even blink. "Mufasa!" He poked Edward. "No, nothing, not even a shudder?"

First you love him, then you're loving him not
All the while, he just smiles, giving all that he's got
Do you find it in your heart to say he's not what you sought?
Do you want me to continue with this, or what?*

"Sure, why not?" Will shrugged with an easy smile. He took her hand, not noticing the way it shook and they walked over to the arch.

Coach Bennet saw Will and beckoned him to the front of the line.

"No, it's okay, Coach, we'll wait."

"Oh, c'mon, Darce, do you want to marry the girl or not?"

* You Wouldn't Believe ~ 311

Chapter 16 - Infinite Stupidity

"There are only two things in this world that I know are infinite: the universe and stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." ~Albert Einstein

"Marianne Dashwood! What are you doing in there?" Elinor pounded on the bathroom door. After the disaster on Saturday, she was in no mood to deal with her sister's sudden desire to monopolize the bathroom, especially when school was going to start in two hours! How would she do her hair in time? "Marianne!"

"I'm trying to floss!" came the muffled response through the door.

"Floss? But you've been flossing for half an hour!"

"Well, you can never floss too well!"

Elinor leaned against the door in frustration. Suddenly, it swung open and she found her back against the cold tile. Her sister rushed past her.

"Is that my skirt?" Elinor rubbed the back of her head. She must've hit the floor pretty hard to think that Marianne was wearing a knee-length, flowered skirt.

"Hey."

"Oh, morning and all," Hazel muttered before turning back to her notes.

"Haze, need I remind you it's only an extra credit quiz," Will said while he rolled his eyes and sat down. Wow, multi-task skills.

"But I want extra credit!"

"You don't need extra credit. And how are you suppose to study for a Fermi quiz anyway?"

"There's a way. There's always a way." Hazel arched an eyebrow. "And I know I don't need extra credit. I just want to beat you."

Will laughed.

"I'm going to. Just watch," she replied and stuck out her tongue.

"Hey, that reminds me!"

"Sticking out my tongue reminds you of something? What happened with you over the weekend?"

"Well, if you must know..." He paused with a smile. "I was wondering why I wasn't completely irritated by your presence at the dance last Saturday."

"Why, did I miss much?"

Will shrugged. "Not really. Except about everyone had some sort of break-up or another."

"Everyone?"

"Oh man, you can say that again!" Richard said as he slid into his seat. He slid a little too far and stumbled into Liz's vacant seat but tried to play it cool by leaning across the desk. Meanwhile, Will and Hazel leaned the other direction, trying to avoid looking directly at
his noisy orange shirt.

"Anyone I care to know?" Hazel asked.

"All of them." Richard leaned forward, forcing the pair to turn away. (He didn't seem to notice that shining like Apollo had ill effects on his friends, but then again...it's Richard.) "Let's see, Elinor was so mad at Ed that she ended up dancing with John for most of the night. Ed sort of sulked at the corner. But I don't see that ending too soon. Elinor has vested too much time in Ferrars to let him go that easily."

Will and Haze nodded in agreement, glancing at the pair who was turned away from one another but had their stools pretty close together.

"Then there was Chris and Lisa."

"Well, that was going to happen sooner or later," Hazel muttered.

"Yeah, I heard from Clare who heard from John while he was looking over Jane's shoulder that he overheard Eric Shadings say that some guy serving drinks at the refreshment table was talking to his friend when they changed shifts. And this guy had told this other guy that Lila was across the room when Angela came over and said that her date had been getting punch and he heard from Ms. Hurtz who was eavesdropping on Barry telling Monique about it all. And you know how Barry and Chris know each other through yoga so Barry must've known about the whole thing with Chris getting frustrated and throwing punch down Lisa's dress. I heard he was pretty mad."

Will, who was drumming absentmindedly on Liz's desk, stopped for a second and contemplated Richard for a moment. Then, he resumed.

"Oh...really?" Hazel managed to reply. "And what did you hear from Chris himself?"

"Oh, he didn't say a thing. Too upset about the whole thing, you know. But here's the real
shocker of the night. And I think it's for good too!"

"Who are you talking about?" Hazel questioned curiously.

Richard looked at Will. "Well, we know who it is, don't we, Darcy?"

"You mean, we know who they are."

"What?" Richard was confused.

"Well, you were referring to Jane and Chaz, weren't you? That's one, two people, so it would make sense if you-"

"Jane Bennet and Charles Bingley! You've got to be kidding with me!"

Just then the bell rang and Elizabeth was seen making a mad dash to her seat.

Mrs. Bryant looked at the flustered teen. "You're safe from me this time, Ms. Bennet. But one more tardy, and it's SWAPs."

"Yes, ma'am," replied Liz, a little short of breath.

"If you would only spend less time dancing in front of the mirror in the morning, Pop Princess, you wouldn't have such a problem rushing to school. But I suppose it's the
workout that counts."

Liz scowled at Will and used her book to push his hands off her desk.

The bell rang and everyone rushed out of their seats. Will and Hazel raced to the door.

Unfortunately for Will, he slid on the tiled floor and collided with a pretty girl in a flowered skirt.

"Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to..."

Will trailed off as he took in the sight before him. The pretty girl in the flowered skirt turned out to be Marianne. It (the skirt, of course) floated softly to her knees in a mixture of soft green and blue. She was wearing a sky blue V-neck top with quarter sleeves and her hair was worn in tight curls done half-up. (Oh yeah, and she had on her wedding ring from the dance.)

"Um...hi, Will. Walk me to class?"

Will nodded numbly and took her arm.

"Was that Marianne Dashwood?" Richard gaped as the pair walked away.

"I don't know what she went through all that trouble for. William Darcy, really!" Liz muttered under her breath only loud enough for everyone in the hallway to hear.

Chapter 17 - The Constipations of Life

"You only want my Skittles," he muttered sourly.

"Hey, can you give me some credit here? It makes you constipated!"

"And where did you here that? I know it wasn't in Bio."

"ER, baby."

Chris walked over holding a one pound bag of Skittles and sat next to Chaz.

"Not you too!"

"Will Darcy is going out with Marianne," was the reply Richard received before Chris started pouring them down his throat.

"You guys are pathetic," Richard muttered as he picked up the Skittles that fell in the dirt.

"You're the one who's eating Skittles off the floor," Chaz muttered.

"Ten second rule, man. They're still good."

"Girls are trouble," Charles moaned.

"Hear, hear!" Chris cried out.

"What are you boys talking about? I think you guys are the problem," Liz scowled as she sat between Chris and Chaz.

"And what's eating you?" Richard asked.

"Nothing's eating me, but I'll have some Skittles," Elizabeth replied as she grabbed some from both the boys.

"Now you're going to be constipated too."

"Be a dear and bake me some brownies with laxatives then."

"Is Wickham still bothering you?"

"Wickham. That idiot."

"So we'll take that as a yes," said Chris slowly in case Liz erupted. He was very frighten of eruptions.

"No...why would I care about him?" Elizabeth kicked at a Skittles in the dirt. "I meant Will."

"What...Billy Collins?" asked Richard. Chaz had thrown a Skittles in his ear. "Ooo...a green one!"

"Eww...no, Will Darcy."

"Hey, I've got problems with him too," replied Chris.

"Relationship problems?" Liz questioned doubtfully.

"Hey, this is high school, you guys. We're suppose to have fun, we're suppose to experiment with our lives. Why do you have to make relationships so complicated?"

Liz, Chaz, and Chris all looked at one another and with a mouthful of Skittles, said simultaneously, "That's probably the wisest thing you ever said Richard!"

"I thought the wisest thing I ever said was Skittles make you constipated."

Chapter 18 - Ice Princess

Will winced with pain as he slid into the ice bath. The sub-40 degree water made his feet ache. He clenched his teeth as the cold attacked his legs but numbed the sharpness in his left knee.

He closed his eyes, trying not to think of anything of all. He looked at his watch. Eight seconds...

He closed his eyes again and imagined himself taking long strides toward the finish line. Twelve seconds...

"At this rate, I'll never make it to twelve minutes," he muttered to himself.

"How long have you been in here?"

Will looked up and saw Elizabeth. That was probably the first time she addressed him voluntarily in a month.

Will glanced at his watch and sighed. "Thirty-six seconds."

Elizabeth seemed to stand there for a second, contemplating over what to do.

"It's not like I bite," Will muttered. "I'm not Richard. What are you waiting for?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied curtly as she hiked up her shorts and stepped in. Or rather, stood on the stool and slid over the metal side. "Ah, sh*t, this is cold!"

"Ten push-ups, Pop Princess."

"Go to h*ll."

"Twenty push-ups, Ice Princess."

Liz glared at him. "What's your problem?"

"What's my problem? What's your problem? You're the one with the attitude."

"My deepest apologies! I bet you didn't know easy girls had attitudes," Liz snapped.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, c'mon, Will. The rumor! Or have you forgotten?" Elizabeth's voice rose with every word she spat out. "You always play the dashing prince for the audience, but you're just a jerk like everyone else."

"The rumor!" Will replied incredulously. "What does that stupid thing Collins-"

"Sure, blame it on him. I know you were the one-"

"I was the one!" Everything was clicking together now. The reason why she would never talk to him. Why she was always ignoring him or scowling at him. Will scrambled out of the ice bath. "You need to get your priorities straightened out before you make false accusations."

Liz opened her mouth to speak but he had already left.

Chapter 19 - Bored With the Same Old Lines

10 pm, April 9th, 2001, Dashwood Residence

Ed walked back and forth along the sidewalk, glancing at the light in the window. Not anyone's window but Elinor's. He took a deep breath and stepped across the lawn.

Getting down on one knee, Ed discovered the grass was very wet. The water was seeping through his Dockers (yes, he's that preppy!). "Oh no, these pants were only twelve days old!"

He pulled a handkerchief from his shirt pocket and placed it under his wet knee. Returning to his formal position, he placed his clarinet on his knee and started the chords for his serenade.

Got nothing to lose this time
And I'm bored with the same old lines

He saw the curtains rustle from above and continued to play.

I never know what to do or what to say to you
One look and you'll knock me out
You put me on the floor with a ten count
I don't wanna make a scene but I gotta make you see

"If you don't want to make a scene, you better move to the next window over before I throw something large and heavy at you!"

Ed looked up and saw Marianne glaring at him from the window. "Ooh, sorry..." he muttered quickly under his breath. Okay, maybe that wasn't Elinor's window.

Picking up his handkerchief, he counted the windows again. "One...two...isn't it the third one over?"

Marianne rolled her eyes and shouted, "The third one over from the right side, you dork!"

Ed shrugged his shoulders and moved towards the window she indicated. Marianne watched from above as he began to play. She pictured an anorexic hippo fumbling over the chords, blowing at odd intervals and spitting everywhere in place of Edwards Ferrars. But she thought it was sweet nevertheless.

That I've been waiting for a girl like you
And I know there's nothing I could do

Marianne turned away from the window and crept toward her sister's room. She peered around the doorframe and saw Elinor looking curiously out the window at the ruckus occurring below.

Don't wanna make you hurt
Don't wanna make you feel
Like the world ain't on your side
Like you're never gonna get it right

[Geez, what can possibly happen in the middle of the Hippo Serenade? Elinor can forgive Ed, but that's entirely too boring and conventional... She could cheat on him!! Dun, dun, dun, dun... She could be caught in the act of cheating on him!! Oooo...that may be interesting!]

[Oh, how very sad Eliza!]

[I know but the conflict can't simply end there. It must be dragged out and killed again...and again...and again...and again...]

No I can't fight, I can't sleep at night
Thinking about you girl

Marianne couldn't see her sister's reaction so she stepped into the room. And then...she screamed over Ed's last line:

I'm a fool for you*

"Ahhhhhh! You tramp! You tramp! Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhh!"

Elinor turned towards her sister to see her screaming and jumping in the middle of her room. She never saw her sister so out of sorts before, unless she was being neurotic. "Marianne, calm down!"

"Calm down? Calm down?! My sister's a slut!"

Edward was disappointed when Elinor turned away from the window. But he was soon bewildered when he heard screams emanating from above. He strained to hear better.

"...slut...slut...slut...."

"Stop saying that! Stop saying that!"

"...slut...slut...slut...."

Elinor was ready to strangle her sister. She seemed to be stuck in some endless loop. "John, could you please come back tomorrow?"

"No!" Marianne grabbed John's arm as he tried to get by her. "Ed is down there! You can't let him find out that way!"

"Marianne, mind your own business."

Marianne ignored her sister's last comment and screamed, "You have to talk to him! You have to straighten things out before you shatter his heart completely!"

"Don't say that..."

"Then don't do it. Don't do that to him!"

John tried to pull away from Marianne's tight grip but she snatched the laser pen from behind her ear and waved it in his face. "Don't even think about it, buddy."

* I'm a Fool ~ American Hi-Fi

Chapter 20 - All the Wrong Things

"How can she do that to him? It's completely unethical. There should be a code against it. Yes, a code! That's what we should have. I'm writing to the editor of the newspaper. We are going to put it in the school constitution! Is there a school constitution? I can't believe I don't know. That poor boy, did you see him? I wonder what she said to him. She wasn't too gentle was she? I bet that she-"

"Honey, I can't even follow you," Will interrupted mildly.

"Are you paying attention?"

"If I weren't, I wouldn't have said anything. I would've allowed you to rant and rave until the duck flew at midnight, having no audience except yourself."

"Glad to know you're willing to ditch me so easily," Marianne pouted.

Will just grinned in response, shifting the ice bags on his knees.

"You should've seen him playing the clarinet and singing to her like that. It was terribly sweet. Sounded like a-"

"-serenading hippo-"

"But it was sweet nonetheless." She ran a hand through her hair. "How could she trade sweet Ed for brainless John?"

"Ask the wise blowfish." Will placed several ice cubes in his mouth, making his cheeks puff out. "Eef ay hafe da antser."

"Say what?"

Will rolled his eyes and spit out the cubes, hitting Ed as he passed by. Ed slipped on the frozen water and went skidding into the wall. He simply turned around and went back the way he came. "Sorry Ed." Will shook his head. "That wasn't even funny anymore. Things are bad when stupidity is not longer funny. Ed doesn't look too good, does he?"

"I was surprised he showed up for practice today. I mean, it wasn't like Elinor was going to be here but I would think looking at John would be bad enough. She's treating them like toys. Like little Ken dolls that she can sport around. 'I'm Barbie and I'm going to play with Ken the Preppy Boy and Ken the Jock just because I can.' And the fact that they are letting her get away with it is even more frustrating." Marianne picked up some random pebbles off the floor and began throwing them. "I never thought she would be so cruel."

[Ow! Don't throw them at the writer! Do you want me to break you and Will up?]

"People can surprise you. And they can be misinterpreted by you too."

Elizabeth turned the corner just in time to hear Will's last comment. She saw the couple sitting against the bleachers, Marianne holding the ice bags to her boyfriend's knees. She turned back around and let her forehead gently thud against the wall.

Chapter21A (Birthdays Suck [Sometimes])

April 15th, 2001, Bennet Residence

"Happy, happy birthday. Happy, happy birthday," Lydia sang while waving her hands and generally getting into her sister's morose face.

"If you don't stop singing, I'm going to kick the living crud out of you."

"Geez, someone has her panties in a twist."

"Someone will find all her panties, including the 'granny' ones, hanging out the window for all to see if they don't leave me alone."

"I was only trying to wish you a happy seventeenth birthday," Lydia frowned. She didn't know was wrong with Liz lately but it certainly brought everyone down. She tossed her sister's birthday present from her on the bed and left, mumbling over her shoulder about going to the movies.

Elizabeth fell back on her bed and rubbed her head. She didn't understand why she was in such a foul mood lately and wasn't too keen on figuring it out. (Typical, huh?) She just hoped that it would pass soon enough.

She threw the newspaper-wrapped gift that Lydia had left there amongst a small pile of other presents yet to be unwrapped. The clock on her nightstand read 9:38 P.M. She had already cancelled all the plans she had that night and assumed that it was too late to make new ones. Everyone was probably out and about already. (Of course she was wrong!)

She rolled off her bed and decided to take a shower before she went through her newly acquired trinkets and what not she received on her birthday.

As this event was taking place, Lydia was letting some of Liz's friends in through the back door.

This should lift her spirits up! Lydia smiled as she ushered them in. Her smile became extremely wide as Will sauntered through the door and it turned wicked when she slapped his butt before she rushed out. (Not like she was going to stay at her sister's surprise party. Sure, she planned it but she had better things to do than hang out with her friends.)

Marianne's eyebrow twitched at Lydia's action but Will acted as though nothing happened. "I don't know, Marianne...Should we even be here?"

"You're the one who didn't like the awkwardness between you two."

"I know," Will pouted. "But this is her birthday. I don't want to be ruining her special day. Maybe we should do this some other time. And I need to pee!"

"There's a bathroom right there," Marianne pointed.

"There's already someone in there. I need to go now!"

"Baby."

"Upstairs, two doors to your right," Richard offered.

Will made a mad dash toward the stairs, forgetting that this was a surprise party. But his dilemma seemed to be more urgent anyway so we'll have to forgive him.

"I've never seen that boy run so fast," Hazel mummered.

Liz turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. But before she got out of the shower, she slipped because she didn't have one of those handy-dandy shower mats to prevent accidents in the tub. She grabbed onto the shower curtain to prevent herself from falling but she had one of those plastic ones with the rings instead of the sliding glass ones with those handy-dandy handlebars to hold onto. This caused her to fall backwards (well, I'm not sure if a faulty shower curtain forced her to fall in a particular direction but anyway...Did you know someone actually has a partial answer for why shower curtains billow inward?). Her arms and legs flailed helplessly in the air as she tripped over the wall of the bathtub and she landed herself head first into the toilet. And somehow, she managed to bring her hand down on the handle and flush. (I'm kidding, of course. You would think she's capable of getting out of the shower on her own, but you never know, I guess.)

Well, Liz had the genius to make it out all right without giving herself a swirly or anything along those lines. She however found her bathroom completely void of a towel. She was getting goosebumps on her skin from the cold and decided to walk the hallway down to her room. It wasn't like anyone else was home anyway.

She opened the bathroom door and...

...walked out into the hallway stark-naked...

...and was surprised to find...

...

...

(Where was this story going again? Oh yeah!)

...

...

...

(Wait, paused for too long. Forgot again.)

...

...

...

...

...and was surprised to find...

...

...

...

...

...

...

(Yes, I'm forcing you to scroll down!)

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...a wallet on the ground.

(Well, what did you expect? Will?! When he realized the bathroom was occupied, he figured it was Liz, of course! And went right back down the stairs. This is PG after all!)

Liz picked it up and headed into her room. She couldn't locate a towel and so grabbed a track sweater to dry herself. Not seeing a point of dressing up for her household walls, she threw on some warm-up pants (the ones that make that lovely swish-swish noise) and a plain gray sweater.

Who is Lydia going out with now? If she's actually going out with them that is... thought as she pulled the velcro apart on the navy blue Quicksilver wallet. She opened it up to find...

"What was that?" Elizabeth's head snapped up as she heard a sound from downstairs. She left the wallet on her bed and went down to see what was going on.

Chapter 21B - Regulate the Lighter Fluid on your Hot Dogs

"Surprise!" Everyone shouted as Liz walked down the stairs.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, clutching her heart. "You scared the living crap out of me!"

"Oh really?" Hazel replied as she ran up to hug her friend. "I didn't know your crap was a living organism. You might want to keep that to yourself. Who knows what the government would do to you if they found out."

"Ha, ha! Real funny." She looked at all her smiling friends. "Geez, you guys, this is great. But look at me! I look awful."

"Yeah, well, we all knew that already. But if you want to change, I could help you out," Richard offered with a grin.

"How kind of you. Give me five minutes, you guys. I'll be right back."

When Elizabeth came back down, everyone yelled "Surprise" again. She stumbled back up two steps but eventually fell down on the stairs.

"Stop doing that!"

They all laughed at her and Jane rushed forward to help her out. "C'mon, everyone, let's go outside."

"But I want to open my presents!" Elizabeth whimpered as her cousin led her to the backyard.

"Tough toenails, kid." Apparently, the puppy dog method didn't work.

The patio lights had been turned on and a radio was set up. A techno tune was playing and Phyllis, one of Liz's closer acquaintances, was pulling out all the stops. A few teens joined her in the dance while most of them stood on the side, watching and making snide remarks while wishing they had the guts or skills to bust it out that way.

"I never suspected a thing," Elizabeth said with a shake of her head. "I was going to spend the night gourging on ice-cream or something."

"Well, I guess you have Lydia to thank. She saved you from drowning yourself in Rocky Road."

"Lydia?!"

"Yeah, stayed long enough to slap Will's backside and then left, but she did organize it," Ed explained as he scanned the yard for Elinor.

"Elinor's not here. And she's not going to be here," Jane said with a roll of her eyes.

"I know that. Who says I was looking for her?"

"Oh, c'mon, it's obvious-"

"Will was here? As in William Andrew Darcy?" Elizabeth interrupted.

"Well, he was. He left with Marianne before you came down," Chaz shrugged. (He has adapted the 'I-don't-care' attitude since his break-up with Jane, by the way.)

A roaring flame shot up, catching everyone's attention. Richard leaned back, beating his chest. "I have fire!"

"You don't have Richard manning the fire, do you?" Elizabeth asked worriedly.

"The fire is dying down. We're out of newspapers," Charles remarked, peering at the black ashes of the pit.

"We're not out of lighter fluid," Richard smiled, holding up the bottle.

Chris wiped his mouth with a napkin and contributed it to the pit. "Does anyone have any plates we can put in?"

"Mine still has beans on it," said Liz.

"Are you going to eat them?"

"No."

"Then go ahead."

Elizabeth frowned but stuffed it into the pile of burnt logs and what not.

"I can't believe I'm actually eating these hot dogs!" Hazel exclaimed, gazing at the processed meat at the end of her hanger, straightened for the purpose of heating up her food over possibly toxic flames.

"Just think about fast food. The meat at Taco Bell is said to be on a lower level than dog food," Ed offered.

"Thanks, that helps," Hazel smiled insincerely.

Liz had been quite impatient about her hot dog and stuck it in the dying embers. It lighted up and she pulled it out, blowing out the flames after several puffs.

Richard eyed the black wiener. "I'm not sure I would even eat that," he remarked slowly. His tone shifted considerably at his next declaration, however. "Put some ketchup on it and I might."

"Okay," Elizabeth shrugged and used a bun to pull it off. Ashes fell from the dog as she was doing thus.

Jane walked up with a Friskies box. "Here, we could burn this." She tossed it in.

"Hey, not bad," Chris remarked as the fire became reanimated.

The ends of the box curled and turned black. When the flames reached the face of the box, it started to bubble. Hazel instantly retracted her hot dog.

"That, my friends, is a display of harmful substances entering the atmosphere." [So don't do it!!]

"But it was only cardboard," Jane protested.

"Obviously not," Chaz muttered. For this, he received an intensely angry glower from his former girlfriend. Not that he cared, of course.

"What we need is some trusty lighter fluid," Richard declared, dousing the fire and various hot dogs with it.

Everyone pulled out their meat as the lighter fluid set them in flames.

"We're doing the s'mores in the microwave," Hazel firmly stated.

Chapter 21C - Halfway Between Here and There

The remaining stragglers that Liz couldn't kick out were, of course, her truest friends, even if they didn't get along all the time. (Of course, I'm not referring to Jane and Charles. Why would I be?)

Elizabeth rubbed her hands together in anticipation. "I finally get to open all my presents." She saw something in a plastic grocery bag and picked it up. "I'm going to assume that a guy got me this."

"Why would you say that? It's completely sexist to assume only a guy would be incapable of wrapping a gift," Richard said defensively.

"I wasn't making that assumption, Richard. I was assuming that guys don't put presents in sparkling gold bags if the need for a bag should arise."

"Yeah, she was assuming they would put them in grocery bags. After all, they're more economical," Hazel smirked.

"They are!" Richard frowned. Or was that paper bags?

'Paper,' Jane mouthed.

Richard didn't recall asking his question out loud. But then again, it was Richard. "Fine! I'll put it in a paper bag next year!"

"How considerate of you," Hazel said with a laugh.

"Could I?" interrupted an exasperated Elizabeth.

"Just open it."

"Well, I'm not really opening, am I?" Elizabeth replied as she dug into the bag, pulling out purple Play-Doh. And then red Play-Doh, followed by yellow, orange, green, blue. "Wow, Richard, this is something..."

"Keep going," he replied with a smirk and leaned back in his seat so far that he slid off and hit the floor.

Elizabeth calmly waited for Richard to return to his seat before digging through the bag carefully. Her fingers finally came into contact with cold metal. She pulled out a silvery chain with small charms attached to it. She looked at the bracelet carefully and saw that it read her name.

Liz laughed. She forgot that Richard always gave her jewelry. He was forever the typical romancer.

For about an hour or so, Liz dug through her presents and they are laughed and sighed at the outrageous and heart-felt things she received. Frilly bras and strips of material meant to be underwear piled up on one side. She placed random items, such as Richard's Play-Doh, to another side. In that heap she added a toy sword, courtesy of Charles, nerd glasses, bubbles, a plastic finger, a mouse trap (Elizabeth really raised her eyebrows on that one), a spatula, sticky hands, fake flowers and so forth.

Hazel picked up an orange feather boa. "I can understand why we give you random things but..." She trailed off, her face twisted in a disgusted look.

"When did giving gift certificates go out of style?" finished Jane, looking at the feather boa with grave consideration.

Liz laughed and picked up the last gift. "There's no card," she mumbled.

"It must be from Will."

Elizabeth looked at Edward. "Will Darcy got me a present?"

"Why is he Will Darcy?" Richard yawned.

"What?"

"I mean, it's never Will. It's Will Darcy. It's like you're referring to a celebrity or something. Hey, it's Will Darcy."

Elizabeth frowned at him. "Well, he does seem to have a certain celebrity at school."

"Not that it matters to you," Richard replied.

"Of course," she said, fingering the box.

There was a moment of silence before Jane broke it. "Are you going to open it?"

"Nah, maybe later. C'mon, guys, help me clean up."

The clock read 5:12 in the morning. Liz looked at the ceiling. She could hear Hazel whistling in her sleep, the air passing out through her teeth. Jane was snorting quite loudly and even when she pulled the pillow over her head, she could hear her. Liz contemplated recording the sound just for the fun of it but figured Jane would turn purple with anger before cutting off her air supply.

Elizabeth looked at the dark forms of Jane and Hazel on the floor and slowly lifted herself up on her elbows. She slid off the bed and crept around them slowly. It was still quite dark, especially with the curtains drawn. Unexpectedly, she rammed her foot against a chair and let forth a string of curses. She grabbed her foot and hopped around on one leg, trying to avoid her friends. She tripped over Hazel, who simply grunted and pulled at her blankets. After hitting the floor with a thud and moaning for a few moments, she rolled off of Hazel and headed for the door.

"I wish I had my polar bear slippers," Liz murmured as her feet came into contact with the cold tile floor. She sat on the stool she had previously occupied a few hours ago. The gift was still there.

Of course, thought Elizabeth. It wouldn't just walk up and leave.

She stared at it, not thinking about anything in particular. She then thought it was nicely wrapped. Did he wrap it himself? No, Marianne probably did it... Grr... Why would it matter to her anyway? Why did he come to the party? Why didn't he stay? She then considered what he might've said if he stayed. Elizabeth, my love, I care not a thing for Marianne. It is you that I want. Liz suddenly jolted out of her half-conscious state. What had she been thinking? Elizabeth, my love? And why was Will talking like a nineteenth-century English gentleman in her fantasy?

Liz buried her face in her hands. She didn't want to think. She just wanted to be in his arms... What?! She needed sleep and she needed it quickly. She slid off the stool and turned purposely towards the stairs but halted, realizing sleep would not come if she did not open that gift.

She sighed and began to carefully unwrap. And I mean, she unknotted the ribbon and place it aside, pulled off the tape, unfolded the paper. The works. It took her a few minutes before she had in front of her a brown cardboard box.

She took off the lid and saw a note. It was written in a messy scribble that Liz noted was not Will's.

Hey Elizabeth,

I wanted to wish you happy birthday. I know we're not actually friends, more like acquaintances, but you've always been nice. Anyway, you're my sister's friend. Or was...or at least, I think you were. Sorry, I'm not sure. I must sound ridiculous.

(Indeed, you do, thought Liz bitterly.)

Well, anyway, happy birthday.

Marianne Dashwood

Lotion from Bath and Body Works. Elizabeth frowned and pushed the box away from her.

It was suppose to be a gift from Will Darcy. Liz almost laughed when she acknowledged the truth of Richard's earlier statement. He wasn't Will but Will Darcy.

She slowly picked through the different bottles without any interest and was surprised to see something at the bottom of the box. There was an envelope and she slid it out. A CD case tumbled out with it. There was an unfocused picture of a hula girl on the cover. "Halfway Between Here and There" by Rx Bandits. She quickly ripped open the envelope to see a birthday card. She didn't bother to read it but centered her attention on his written message.

Happy Birthday Pop Princess. You deserve to have the greatest day of your life (despite your ill treatment of me). Don't worry, I don't hold grudges for very long but if you try to apologize, I'm going to be so rude to you, you're going to be mad at me all over again. By the way, they're good. And it's ska, not punk.

Elizabeth stared at the card for a few seconds. She felt unbelievable giddy and didn't bother to sit there and analyze the reason for it. Instead, she grabbed the CD and ran upstairs. She was going to listen to it that instant.

Chapter 22

Truth

"What is it?" John muttered, barely hiding his exasperation.

"I'm tired of this!" Elinor pouted, folding her arms over her chest.

"Of making out?" John croaked in surprise.

"Yes! Can't we do something else?"

"Like what?" he scowled. "Talk? You're never tired of talking."

"Okay, let's talk," Elinor replied happily. "I remember, when I was with Ed..."

"That's it!" he cried, standing up.

"John, sit down. You're ruining the movie for everyone!" Elinor hissed.

John looked around him in bewilderment. It was one in the morning. There was no one else in the theatre. "What are you talking about? There's no one else here!"

"Well, you're ruining it for me, then."

"You had no intention of watching the movie anyway! We came here to make out! But you don't want to do that anymore."

"I changed my mind. I want to watch the movie now." She rolled her eyes as though John was suppose to understand.

John was quiet for a moment. (Yes, he was actually thinking!) "Well, I change my mind too. But not about the movie, about you."

Elinor sat up. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Yes."

She laughed, puzzling John and causing him to pout with resentment. 'Why wasn't she even mildly upset about it?'

"You're not breaking up with me, John."

"I'm not?" he asked. Realizing the stupidity of such a response, he continued bitterly, "What are you talking about? Of course I'm breaking up with you."

"Not if I break up with you first," she calmly replied. "I'm breaking up with you, John. Okay, goodbye, swoosh, you're gone."

"I don't know who you're kidding but I'm the one who dumped you."

"That's not what people are going to be saying the week we get back."

"Don't bet on it, honey," John countered. He walked toward the doors in the back but stopped suddenly and turned around.

"Crawling back already?" Elinor said with a self-satisfied smirk.

He returned the smirk. "No, I'm walking actually." He picked up the bucket of buttered popcorn and turned it over her head.

She shrieked, enraged by his act. "My hair!"

What if I told you
That you're a lovely girl
And I'd adore you if you'd just show me how, right now

The music was blasting out of the speaker with Liz accompanying it at the top of her lungs. Lydia had long since tired of her singing and left with some friends. All the better for her as she had discovered that the navy blue Quicksilver wallet she found last night belonged to none other than Will Darcy.

"Hello, Will. Looking mighty fine today," Liz drawled. She turned his driver's license around. "Looking mighty fine."

She frowned. This would work better if she had her driver's license. She took a quick look around and found her wallet on the dresser. Grabbing it, she pulled out her picture and had it saunter over to where she held Will's in her left hand.

"So, Will, where's Marianne?"

"Marianne, Marianne who?" she replied, lowering her voice to sound...well, manlier. (Though it sounded more like she had a bad cold.)

"My thoughts exactly, hot stuff."

She brought the pictures together in a pretend make-out session.

"You know, there's an RX Bandits concert this weekend," she said in her "manly/cold" voice.

"Oh, is there?" she replied in her normal voice.

"There is indeed. I was wondering if I could have the pleasure of your company. Maybe we could..."

"Yes?" she asked in the dramatic, heroine way, leaning her picture towards his.

"Mosh together."

"Oh, Will, that sounds like...heaven. Let's...head bang."

She commenced to put words into actions and began singing again at the top of her lungs as well.

What if I told you, I speak with honesty
You said yourself girl
Best things in life are free

She didn't hear the knock on her door. And she certainly didn't hear his poor attempts to cover up his laughter. Eventually, he walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

Liz screamed and felt the blood drain from her face. "Hi...Will."

"Hello Liz," he said, grinning. "Do you like the CD?"

"Um...love it," she replied slowly, her mind frantically thinking about the likelihood of him witnessing the driver's license scene.

"Good to hear."

"Uh huh."

"How was the party?"

"Uh huh."

Will frowned. He didn't think it was the proper answer to his question so he asked again. Same response. He tried a different tactic.

"Are you on crack?"

"What?!"

"Response implies that answer is negative. Sorry, you seemed out of sorts."

"Out of shorts? I'm wearing shorts right now." The second she finished speaking, she realized her error. "Oh...you mean...I mean, but of course..."

"It must've been a wild party. Did you get anything good?"

"The CD," she smiled.

"That's not good. That's great. What did you get that was good?"

"What are you doing here?" she asked curiously.

"Geez, I guess I know when I'm not wanted."

"No!"

Will lifted an eyebrow at her outcry.

"I mean. I don't, I...I..." She threw up her hands in frustration. "I'm on crack!"

"Why aren't you sharing?"

"What?!"

Will laughed. "Elizabeth Bennet, I think you need a nice long nap. You're hardly coherent and you think all my jokes are accusations against yourself."

"No, I don't," she replied softly, thinking he was serious.

Will sighed. She was so strange. "But that's like the pot calling the kettle black," he muttered under his breath. "Hey! There's my wallet!"

He bent down and picked it up. "I came here for this."

"Oh."

"Okay, I came here for you then."

"Huh?"

"Liz, I'll see you later, okay? You'll be at practice tomorrow, right?" he said, turning to leave.

"Um yeah." She was still holding his driver's license in her left hand. She inhaled and pushed herself up by her fists. "Wait, Will."

She handed over the laminated card. "You might need this."

"Hmm, how did that fall out?" he said, frowning.

"Thanks." He seemed to pause for a second and then reached for her right hand. Before she could react, he had her driver's license in his hand and was scanning it under heavy brows.

Liz, horrified that he knew she was hiding it in her hand and that he was looking at it, tried unsuccessfully to get it away from him. "No, that's the worse picture ever!"

"That makes it all the more interesting. The worst picture ever."

"C'mon, Will. I look awful, my chin looks horrendously big."

"No, you look great. Except for that big chin of yours. I've never seen a chin like that in my life! You could be twins with Jay Leno."

Elizabeth gasped in horror, causing Will to laugh. He offered the driver's license to Liz, who swiped it from his hands.

Still laughing, he continued down the hall to the stairs. "Chins that big would impede photos of people from making out with photos of other people. Perhaps, you might look into chin size reduction."

Elizabeth froze. He had heard and even if he hadn't heard, he had seen, seen it all. Before her brain was capable of functioning in both sane and non-sane facilities, he was gone.

I can't see the life that's left in front of me, so drop me off
I can't do the things I was meant to do, so drop me off
Never better, never worse
Never better, never worse*

* What If ~ RX Bandits

Chapter 23 ~ Where to Go from Here?

"Calm down!"

"Calm down?!" Elizabeth gasped. "I can't calm down. He saw!"

"Big deal. He knows you like him," Hazel replied. "....Wait, you like Will!"

Liz rolled her eyes. "I know!"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hazel accused.

"Because I barely allowed myself to acknowledge that this disliked likeness existed in me and towards him."

"Well, you did and it does. Now what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know. What am I suppose to do anyway?" Liz threw her hands up in exasperation and smacked Hazel in the face. So engrossed was she in her dilemma that she didn't notice her friend had let out a curse...or string of curses, and was gripping her throbbing face. (Liz was wearing a sterling silver ring by the way. It was not like she had some monster slap that took everyone out. Ironically enough, the ring was given to her by Hazel a few years back as a sign of friendship. Hmmm, smacked by the friendship ring.)

"I mean, he has a girlfriend! I couldn't possibly come between them." Liz furrowed her brow. "Could I? No, no, no...I won't even consider it. It's despicable to steal someone else's boyfriend. I would never stoop to that level. But do you... I'm not exactly his type. I don't even know what his type is! If Marianne is his type, I don't know if I want to be his type. All though... I mean it's not that much of a sacrifice if only... Ugh! You know, I think it's best if I forget about him. Completely forget about him because it would never work. I'm not even going to acknowledge his existence!"

"Whose existence won't you acknowledge?" Will said as he came around the corner with Richard. Both had their shirts off and were sweating profusely.

Elizabeth gasped. She half-expected the clouds to part, allowing a ray of light to shine upon his glistening body (and of course she didn't even notice Richard was standing right next to him). Then...it hit her. The possibility that he heard her entire rant... She started to panic. Her mouth went dry and all she could do was stare at him like a deer in headlights.

Will and Richard looked at one another and shrugged. They made their way pass her to the drinking fountains but after taking a few steps, Will called over his shoulder, "Oh...by the way, Liz, who were you talking to?"

"That was a horrible practice," Liz moaned as she rolled on the grass. "I'm not coming to another practice for the rest of spring break."

"It's going to be kind of hard for you to ditch workout when your dad's the coach."

"Thanks Haze."

"Well thanks for the mark on my face."

"It's not so bad." Liz grimaced as she spoke. There was a visible indentation of the ring on Hazel's cheek, surrounded by a blend of blacks, blues and purples.

"I can safely say, however, that James noticed me today."

"Will noticed me today," Liz smiled.

"Yeah, he noticed that you were talking to yourself."

"What am I going to do?"

"Nothing," Hazel replied as she sat down next to her friend.

"I really like him."

"I know, honey, but he has a girlfriend and Will isn't the type of guy to dump a girl just because another one likes him. And you wouldn't want him to be the type of guy to do that anyway."

"Are you sure?"

Hazel glared at her friend until she acquiesced. She wouldn't want Will to be the jerk she thought him to be.

"You need to push your feelings for him aside and treat him as you would treat any other friend. Is it going to hurt? Possibly. Will you wish things were different? Possibly. Will you feel the desire to pull out all of Marianne's hair? Possibly. Will you still check out his fine assets? Possibly. Will you be tempted to eat ice cream and listen to sad love songs? Possibly. Will you think about him constantly though you resolve to forget about him? Possibly."

"Haze...I get the point."

This did nothing to deter her friend. "Will you dream of him every night? Possibly. Will you surreptitiously take his picture? Possibly. Will you save the napkin he wiped his lips on? Possibly. Will you build a horribly extensive shrine for him? Possibly. Will you laugh at everything he says even though it's not funny? Possibly. Will you try to imitate his voice? Possibly. Will you cut your hair like his? Possibly. Will you gouge out your eye with a blunt object if I go on?"

"Possibly!" Liz cried.

"You know what, I thought you would say that exact thing." Hazel paused, as though she was contemplating the depth of their recent exchange. "Wow, my telepathic powers are kicking in. Did you notice that every question began with his name?"

Liz ground her teeth. "How could I not?"

"Look on the bright side. He doesn't treat you any different for liking him."

"I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"It's probably nothing. He probably thought you were insane from the beginning."

Chapter 24 ~ Nachos, Late Night, and the Boys

Last Day of Spring Break, Fitzwilliam Residence

Chris yawned and scratched his stomach. "Did you ever think of having a fondue party?"

The rest of the guys at the table looked at one other before turning back to Chris. In a chorus, they replied, "No."

"Why not? It would be like nachos," he said, gesturing toward the nachos at the center of the table. "But better."

"I'm happy with nachos."

"Me too." Richard said. Then, as an afterthought, added, "Though pizza would be nice."

"Yeah."

Ed grunted. This received a few astonished looks from the pack. Most of them didn't think Ed could grunt.

"We're a bunch of bums," Chris observed.

"And?" Chazz inquired.

"Why don't we go cruising for girls or something?"

"Because my girlfriend wouldn't like it," Will offered.

"Who said the invitation included you?" Richard grinned.

"Oh yeah, you wouldn't want competition."

"Who said you were competition?"

Will leaned back in his chair. "You're right. I'm not in your playing field."

"I don't want a girlfriend right now," Chazz mumbled.

"Who said anything about a girlfriend? It's not like we're going to give them our pen or anything! We're just out to have a good time."

"Did you just say 'pen,' Chris?" Ed questioned.

"Yeah."

"Even I'm not that much of a dork."

"Hey, I would like you to know that girls like the whole pen thing."

Richard almost spit his Gatorade back up. "Darce, would you wear my pen?" He wiggled his eyebrows and brandished a Bic ball point.

"Oh, Richard, it would be such an honor," Will replied in a simpering voice. "Oh, I love you."

"I love you too." He reached out to caress his hair.

"Don't touch me," Will said as he pushed Richard off him.

"Point proven," Richard laughed. "The pen has failed." He threw it behind him only to hear the cat let out a cry.

"I think you hit the cat," Chris muttered.

"Do you?"

"Why can't we have a fondue party?" Chris whined. "I mean, we have nachos every week."

"Because that's what women do," Chazz offered.

"I've had a fondue party before!"

"Then you're a woman. A hairy one but still a woman."

"Who's a hairy woman?" James asked as he walked in. Some of the guys grunted their greeting while others nodded at their compatriot.

"Chris. For having a fondue party."

"Well, did he host the fondue party or join it? Because those are two entirely different things," James said as he took a seat.

"Joined it."

"But he wants to host one now," Richard smirked.

James looked at his friend. "Can't help you now, buddy."

"He's a lost cause," muttered Ed.

"What's with you, Ed? You've been crabby all day."

"Oh, he called you a crustacean," Will howled. This caused Richard to spit Gatorade over everyone and the nachos.

Ed blinked, not even attempting to wipe the spit from his face. Chris, Chazz and James backed up and wiped themselves. Will leaned forward, lifting a soggy nacho chip from the pile. "You ruined the nachos."

"I couldn't help it," Richard laughed.

"What was so funny?" James queried, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion.

"C'mon, crustacean?"

"It wasn't that funny."

Chazz piped up. "What was funny was the Gatorade that shot out of his nose!"

"Great, we have Richard's snot-Gatorade all over the nachos," Chris sighed.

"Wow, you're pretty upset about those nachos, aren't you, Chris?" James asked, laughing.

The front door resounded loudly as it hit the wall.

"Who's here?" Ed pondered. The weekly get-togethers had consisted of merely Richard, Chazz, James and himself. They recently added Will and Chris who were both fairly new arrivals.

"I don't know," Richard shrugged. "My parents are out-of-town."

"Out-of-town? Then why aren't you throwing a party, man?" John cried as he strolled into the dining room.

"What the h*ll are you doing here?" Ed spat.

"Hey, hey, Eddie, what's with the bad attitude?" John said, putting his hands up in mock defense of himself.

"Er, John, what are you doing here?" Richard was as laid-back as a potato (if potatoes laid back) but he wasn't so sure about having John just waltz into his house uninvited. The last time John did that, he was drunk and threw up on the carpet.

"Thought I just hang out with the guys. I mean, you do this every week, right?"

"Yeah, how do you know?" Chazz asked with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, because you losers never have anything better to do," John smirked before picking up a nacho. He didn't notice they were all soggy. (No one bothered to warn him.)

Continued in Next Section