Beginning, Section II
Jump to new as of July 22, 2003
Jump to new as of August 2, 2003
Jump to new as of September 8, 2003
"Alright. We're reading Don Quixote in AP Spanish - in English, so that shouldn't be too hard. I heard from other students that the regular Spanish IV class is reading it in Spanish. How backwards is that? Anyway, what about you? How are your classes?"
"Okay. I think I'm really going to like choir. Mrs. Gardiner seems really nice. She's letting me try out for Ensemble even though tryouts for this year were held last spring."
"That's great Jane! I know how much you love choir."
"What's great?" Will asked as he strode up, taking a bite of his apple.
"Jane.....I mean Janie" Lizzy said mischievously, "here is trying out for Women's Ensemble."
"That's wonderful.....Janie."
"You guys are awful" laughed Jane. "Charlie can call me whatever he likes."
"As long as he calls you, right Jane?" winked Lizzy. They laughed and started walking towards the lunch area. Lizzy turned around to tell Jane something when she
"Oof! Yikes, this is the second time today!" Lizzy exclaimed as she looked down at the person she almost trampled.
"Oh no! It seems I can't help running into you today. Here, let me help you."
"No, it's okay. Really" said Carly as she got up and started to walk away.
"Wait. Where're you off to?"
"Lunch. Why?"
"Would you like to have lunch with us?"
She opened her mouth to decline as she took a closer look at them. Liz and Jane were wearing what were considered to be cute, 'hip' clothes. Definitely popular potential. Then she looked at Will. Well he is a guy . . . Should I? It was one thing to say hi and introduce yourself and quite another to actually hang around them.
"Come on. We won't bite. I promise. And no more stepping or bumping into you" she said with humor in her eyes and warmth in her smile. The reassuring looks from Jane and Will did it.
"Sure. Why not?" However, as she said the words, she wasn't completely convinced it was okay.
"Really?" Then thinking she had found the reason for her hesitation she added: "Oh, if your meeting someone already.... we'll understand... We don't want to twist your arm or anything."
"No. I wasn't meeting anyone. I usually have lunch by myself."
"Well then I'm glad I asked."
"Actually, normally I wouldn't be out here having lunch. I usually eat in the art room. But since its the first day, I don't have anything to work on."
"Your a painter?" asked Will.
"Yes. How'd you guess?"
"Your shoes gave you away."
Carly looked down and laughed. Globs of paint were splattered on her white shoes.
As they walked into the cafeteria, the room quieted down. They walked further into the room and looked for an empty table. Just then, they saw someone wave to them.
"Hey there! I saved you guys some seats. Come join us" Caroline said as she approached them.
Just as Carly was about to walk past her, Caroline stepped in her way and sneered: "Sorry. No more room here" even though there clearly was.
Lizzy exchanged looks with the others and started to get up.
"Oh no! You guys don't have to go."
"Yeah, you guys stay here. I'll find somewhere else to sit. It's okay" Carly said.
"No. If we can't all sit down, we might as well find somewhere else to sit" Lizzy said as she walked to another table, leaving a very red Caroline. The others followed her and sat down.
"Thanks for.... you know .... back there."
Lizzy smiled warmly. "No prob."
"So, how do you guys know her?"
"We ran into them a few weeks ago. Or actually their cow."
"Them?"
"Charlie and Caroline. We were on our way to the lake when we were stopped by Betsy."
"Ahh. Good ole' Betsy. Charlie is forever losing that cow." Carly smiled and then tried to suppress her laughter when she thought of someone else.
Lizzy caught her meaning and laughed. "Anyway, we invited him to join us and he brought along Caroline."
They settled down to eat their lunch just as someone approached their table.
"Might if I join you?" asked Charlie, who had been sitting at the table with his sister and was quite ashamed of her behavior.
Jane glanced at Lizzy and Will, who nodded and said "Sure."
"Listen. I'm really sorry about what happened back there. My sister can be a bit ... well uhm ..."
He stopped. No need to enlighten them about his sisters flaws. They were apparent enough, and if they didn't know all now, they would be soon enough. He looked quite embarrassed at Carly.
"I'm sorry, Carly."
"Look, Charlie. It's not your fault, okay? Don't worry about" she said, shrugging it off.
"Then your a better person than I am. I don't think I would be as nonchalant as you, Carly."
Jane laughed. "Yeah, Lizzy has quite a temper. I'm surprised you didn't do more than just leave the table."
"Well, I didn't want to make a scene on the first day of school" she grinned impishly.
"Your kidding right?" Carly looked at Jane then Lizzy. They just laughed.
"Well, its not as if I didn't want to say something. Its just ... what's the point? Girls like Caroline aren't going to change." Then looking at Charlie, said: "Sorry."
"No. You have every right not to like her. I don't blame you at all. She wasn't always like this though. She was very sweet when she was young. Used to follow me around like a puppy, always wanting me to play with her."
"Sounds like Georgiana." Lizzy said looking Will.
"Gina" corrected Will.
"Sorry. Gina."
"And that's not entirely accurate."
"She adores you Will." And quite rightly, too.
"Who's Gina?" asked Carly.
"Will's little sister. She's a freshman."
"So what happened? What changed?" asked Will, turning back to Charlie.
"I don't know. After her freshman year, she was never the same again."
"Damn it!" cried the boy standing next to Will. His books fell out of his locker and hit Will's feet. Will bent down to pick them up. Among the books was a magazine called School Mates.
"You into chess?" Will asked, handing them over to a boy with a shock of red hair and green eyes, wearing a very odd plaid shirt, that strangely enough, appeared to suit him.
The boy gave him a strange look. "Of course."
"Oh. Are you in the chess club here? Because I was wondering how I could join."
"Are you a member of USCF*?"
"Yes, I joined when I was in the chess club in my old high school. We used to get the same publication" he said indicating the magazine.
"Well Club Day is next Wednesday. You can sign up then."
"Great. By the way, I'm Will Darcy."
"Nice to meet you. Aaron Fitzwilliam" he said as he shook his hand.
from Love in Excess by Eliza Haywood
Saturday
"Hey! I've been looking all over for you."
"Well here I am" Will said as he continued to tap away at the piano.
"What are you doing in here, anyway? Everyone's outside."
"I was giving Gina piano lessons earlier when I kept on making mistakes. So I thought I'd review a few songs I've learned to freshen up. It's been awhile since my last piano lesson."
"I didn't know you took piano lessons."
He nodded. "For several years. My mom taught me."
"So why isn't she teaching Gina?"
"Oh well... she does. I try to help her out though as much as I can."
"Oh." She paused, confused as to why she would need help. "Piano lessons, huh? I never knew you played the piano" Lizzy said, still unable to get over that fact.
"Well, just goes to show how much you know about me" he replied enigmatically.
"Yes. And here I thought I knew all there was to know about William Darcy."
"WJD."
"What?"
"My initials. WJD."
"So what's the J?"
"It stands for James. William James Darcy" he replied.
"William James Darcy" she repeated. "Sounds so regal. I like it. So what else don't I know?"
"The rest you'll have to find out in time."
"That's so pretty."
"What is?"
"What your playing. I've heard it before. What's it called?"
"Moonlight Sonata."
"By Beethoven, right?"
"Yes, that's right. Ludwig van Beethoven." Then in his best lecture voice he continued: "Lived from 1770 to 1827. Born in Bonn, he studied with Haydn in Vienna. Even met Mozart. Do you know he-"
"Okay, Mr. Smarty Pants" she interrupted, hitting him playfully on the shoulder.
"Do you know this one?" he asked as he played another.
Lizzy listened for awhile. "Fur Elise?" He nodded.
"Play something a little more modern. Something that has words."
"Alright but I won't sing" he said as he began to play.
"I don't recognize it." She listened for a few more moments.
"Now?"
"Nope. You'll just have to sing it for me" she said smiling widely.
"Er... I don't know.."
"Please?"
"Hmm.. okay..." He started to play it over again. She really didn't have to beg. He would gladly do anything for her.
It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide...
"Still don't recognize it?" She shook her head. He continued to a different part of the song.
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Here, he looks pointedly at her.
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
He looks away shyly, focusing on the keys underneath his fingertips.
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
He slowly looks up at her.
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
He bravely continues to stare into her eyes as his voice fills with emotion.
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.**
Lizzy, who had been standing next to the baby grand, moved to sit next to Will and began clapping. The sound echoed and bounced back to her. She abruptly stopped.
"That was wonderful Will" she said as they continued to stare into each others eyes.
"Yeah. Well... My mother has a thing for Elton" he said softly.
They leaned closer to each other; a small apprehensive smile on her face; an earnest, hopeful look on his. Her hand inched its way to his, which still laid atop of the keys.
Suddenly, Gina burst into the room. They immediately jumped apart and Will resumed playing Moonlight Sonata.
"There you are! We've been looking for you guys. Come outside. The grill's ready" said Gina.
"We'll be right there" returned Will. He stopped playing and looked at Lizzy. The moment had passed and she was looking anywhere but at him. "I guess we should go."
"Yes, I guess we should."
He got up and left the room as she followed him out.
*USCF - United States Chess Federation. They publish School Mates.
** Your Song - Elton John
"Hey, where've you been?" asked Jane, as Lizzy sat next to her on the porch swing in the Darcy's backyard.
"Inside."
Jane looked at her, waiting for her to continue. When she realized no additional information was forthcoming, she said: "Okay. I'll bite. Where inside?"
"Uhmm... the piano room?" she replied, avoiding eye contact as she stared down at her hands, suddenly fascinated with them.
"What were you doing in the piano room?" Lizzy blushed in remembrance.
"Playing the piano?"
"I see. Since when do you play the piano?"
"I don't. Will was."
Jane was becoming very frustrated at this point. "Okay, Lizzy. Out with it! What happened?"
"What happened?" she squeaked. She cleared her voice and continued: "I mean ... What are you talking about?"
"Lizzy, don't lie to me. You're a horrible liar."
"Jane, really. Your speaking nonsense" she said flippantly, hoping her heart wouldn't beat so fast.
"Fine. Be like that. I'll just have to ask Will."
"Jane! Don't you dare!" She cried, as she hung onto Jane's arm, keeping her from walking away.
"Don't I dare? Lizzy really! What has gotten into you?"
Lizzy remained silent. She looked around. The Darcy's and their parents were some feet away, far enough to be out of hearing.
"What happened in there? Why won't you let me talk to Will? Why won't you tell me?" She continued, more softly: "Don't you trust me?"
"Oh Jane! It's not that. Of course I trust you. Its just that.... Look. I can't tell you right now, okay? I just ... I'll tell you at home. Please. I promise" she said, looking earnestly at her twin.
"Lizzy, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Don't make promises you don't want to keep" she replied, walking away.
Lizzy was stunned. Oh God. Now Jane is mad at me. Can I do anything right today? The night air was crisp and filled with the song of chirping crickets. However, the cool breeze and sweet air were not a comfort to her tonight. They did nothing to relieve the tension and pain that grew in her chest. She breathed deeply. Okay, Lizzy. Just calm down. Just have to get through dinner and then we'll be home soon. We'll be home soon? I am losing my mind.
She returned to the rest of the group and remained silent for the rest of the evening, avoiding eye contact with Will and Jane.
When the Bennet's returned home, Lizzy and Jane went up to their rooms without speaking to each other.
The next day Lizzy woke up late. The dream had returned to her again that night. After waking up at 3 am, she laid in bed hoping to fall back asleep. Two hours later she finally did.
By the time she got downstairs, she noticed everyone had left for the day.
Went to hospital. Don't worry.We're fine. Will call later.
Love,
Mom and Dad
Hospital? What are they doing at a hospital? Jane left a similar note on the fridge saying she would be at Charlie's. She looked around the kitchen, and stopped at the answering machine when she noticed it blinking. She pressed play. Will's voice boomed from the machine, a bit shaky and distracted.
"Hi. It's Will. Uhm.. Something's come up and I don't think I'll be able to take you guys to school the next few days. Actually, to be on the safe side, the next week. [Pause. Noise is heard in the background. People talking.] We probably won't make it to school Monday or even Tuesday. Hopefully by Wednesday. Talk to you later, okay? Bye."
Great. Just great. Now Will's avoiding me too she thought sadly.
She made herself something to eat and cleaned up after she was done, then went up to her room and cleaned there.
What do I do now? Study? Read? No. I can't think right now. Besides, its only the first weekend of school. I should be engaging in mindless activities that have no real purpose other than to entertain. ....TV it is.
However, after an hour of watching t.v., she got restless.
Gah!! I need to get out of here. A run sounds good right now. I'll feel better afterwards. She went upstairs and changed. She left the house with her walkman.
Today, everything was fine fine fine.
Until roundabout, quarter to nine,
I suddenly found myself in a bind. Bind.
Was it something I said? Something I read
and manifested that's getting you down.
She began to run.
Tomorrow, what price will I pay?
Could I make it all up to you
by serving coffee for two in bed?
Would you then gimme the time of day?
I need a map of your head, translated into English
so I can learn to not make you frown.*
How did we get here? she thought. Everything was fine yesterday until... until what? Until I almost kissed him? And probably ruined our friendship? He probably hates me. Or doesn't like me and is trying to let me down gently by avoiding me. But that doesn't sound like him. Something must be wrong. Oh why did I have to fall for my best friend?!
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.**
After running around the entire Darcy property, on her way back she stopped by her favorite tree. She laid down on the cool grass and looked up at the blue sky hoping it would have its usual calming effect. It was a beautiful day to be outside. The sun was bright and the sky was clear with a bare minimum of clouds, just enough to entertain herself with guessing what they appeared to be.
Hmm... That one looks like Charlie's cow! What was her name? Oh yeah. Betsy. That was the day we went for a picnic at the lake. That was the day we met Caroline. That was the day . . . No. No more thinking on that.
She stopped the cd and pressed radio.
"Yours are the sweetest eyes-"
Gah! She switched the station. Classical. No words. Much better or so she thought as a piece that sounded awfully like Moonlight Sonata came on. Oh God, this is torture.
The large branches provided sufficient shelter from the sun as she closed her eyes. She let the music lull her as a tear escaped down her cheek.
If only I can talk to him. We can straighten things out. Tell him I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to ruin our friendship. I want things the way they were. That I don't want things to change between us. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that wasn't entirely true. She wanted more. Much more.
Maybe I'll just follow his lead. His behavior will tell me how to act.
She loosened her hair to use it as a cushion as she rested her head on her arm. I'll just close my eyes for a second. It's too nice out here to go back home she thought as she slowly drifted off to sleep.
"Liz."
She felt like the earth was shaking.
"Liz."
She realized someone was shaking her arm. She slowly opened her eyes to see a guy calling her name. Blinded by the setting sun and semi-darkness surrounding her, she couldn't see who it was.
"Liz, are you okay?"
"Will?" Groggy from sleep, she didn't hear the response.
He knelt down beside her, still trying to wake her up.
"Lizzy."
Lizzy. It must be Will.
"Oh Will" she said softly, eyes still half-closed as she threw her arms around him.
He in turn, held fast to her, pulling her up into a standing position. He gathered her closer in his arms, slowly rubbing her back reassuringly, as he lost himself in her hair.
She smells so good.
She held him tighter, not wanting to let him go.
Wow. I didn't know Will was this muscular.
She felt him nuzzle her neck with his nose. She moved her head to the side to allow him better access as he began to shower her with small kisses. Okay. This is it. There's no going back now she thought as she moved her head closer to his face and began to kiss him.
After a few moments, she pulled back to look at his face, but realized it wasn't him.
"George!"
* "Clean" - Incubus
** "Stellar" - Incubus
Chapter 15
Posted On: Thursday, 19 September 2002, at 4:33 p.m.
"Greg. Pam. Thank you so much for coming. It has meant so much to Annie and me."
"Whatever we can do to help. Just name it" replied Greg.
"Your being here today, your support, is more than enough. Thank you" he said sincerely. "Now you two have a nice dinner and drive home safely."
"Do the kids need a ride home?"
"No. William will be going home for a change of clothes with Georgiana. We'll be staying at a nearby hotel for awhile."
"Are they leaving now?" Pam asked. He nodded. "William, will you do a favor for me then?"
"Of course, Mrs. Bennet."
"Will you check in on the girls for me? I've been calling them all day but have only got the machine. There's a key underneath the flower pot in front of the entrance in case they don't answer."
"Okay. Ready Gina?" She nodded weakly. "Alright, Dad. We'll see you in a few hours."
They said goodbye and left with the Bennet's.
"So what are you going to do?"
After telling Charlie what had happened, Jane now saw she had acted hastily and harshly with Lizzy. She now repented not being more patient with her.
"Apologize." Charlie nodded in agreement. "Thank you."
"For what? I didn't do anything." He stretched out his legs self-consciously. They sat in his backyard, on the porch swing. Jane had been with him all day. After watching her for most of the morning, with a worried and tired look on her face, she had finally told him what happened the day before.
"For listening. For being my friend" she said as she tentatively placed her hand over his, which lay atop of his thigh.
"I wish...I hope I'm more than just a friend" he said as he placed his other hand atop of hers and squeezed it gently.
She smiled and blushed. She had many guys tell her they liked her, but for some reason it meant more coming from Charlie. He reduced her to a shy, self-conscious 12 year old awaiting her first kiss. "I hope so too," she said as she scooted over, closer to him and gently kissed him on the lips.
Just as Will and Gina approached their house, Will remembered he had to stop by the Bennet's and check up on the twins. He shook Gina awake.
"Gina, wake up."
"Hmm?"
"Gina. I need you to start packing some clothes while I check up on the twins."
"Okay. Don't be long."
"I won't. And don't lay down. You'll fall asleep again."
"Okay."
"And make sure you lock the door behind you when you get in. Don't forget to disarm the alarm."
"Okay Will."
"And-" She had already closed the door before he began. He smiled weakly and tried to suppress a yawn as he waited for her to get into the house before he proceeded to put the car in gear and leave.
When he arrived at the Bennet household, no one answered the door. He lifted up the flower pot and grabbed the key. Once inside, he shouted out a greeting. No one answered. He walked toward the back of the house, toward the kitchen. He saw the answering machine was blinking and read the note left by Jane.
That takes care of Jane, but where's Lizzy?
He took the steps upstairs two at a time, all the while calling her name. Still no answer. He knocked at the first door he saw. Nothing. Slowly he opened it and peered inside. No one was there. He saw track trophies and assumed it was Lizzy's room. He, however continued on to the next room, just in case he was wrong. No Lizzy there either.
Where can she be? he thought. Then suddenly, it occurred to him. Of course! Where else does she go when she's not here? He closed the door behind him and headed downstairs.
She gasped and stepped back. Oh my God! What have I done?
She was in shock. And completely embarrassed. How could she have mistaken him for Will? She couldn't explain it. It just happened. And now she had to deal with the consequences.
"George... I ... oh my God.... I thought you were..." I thought you were someone else. Aloud, she said: "What happened?" As dumb as it sounded, she couldn't think of anything else to say. How could this have happened? She was so sure she had called out Will's name. Did she simply think she did?
"I saw you under the tree and I came over to make sure you were okay. I guess I got carried away. When you responded, I couldn't help myself. Liz. I have wanted you for so long" he said as he stepped toward her, reaching for her. She, on reflex, immediately stepped back.
"When you started to respond. I thought...I thought you knew..."
She wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm sorry, George. I just don't feel that way about you." She blinked, still confused. She looked around her and noticed it was getting dark very quickly.
"I should go." Without another word, she walked past him and headed home.
Seconds later, it seemed, she was back in her room, unable to recall even walking home, much less what had caused her to throw herself into the arms of George Wickham. She sat at the edge of her bed and looked around her room through new eyes. Till this moment, she had never known herself. She bowed her head, covered her face with her hands, and wept.
He stood there stunned. She walked past him without so much as a look in his direction.
Moments later, after he had seen to it that she got home okay, he headed back home himself.
"Knock knock."
"Come in."
Lizzy sat up as Jane walked in the door.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too." They hugged.
When Jane started to pull back, she felt Lizzy resist. "Hey," she said softly, concern filling her voice. "What's wrong?"
"Everything" came the pitiful reply.
"Lizzy."
And then it came. A tumult of emotions tumbled out of her mouth. She voiced what she had been feeling the past two days. Every feeling. Every thought. She held nothing back. They tumbled out not knowing which way to go, running into each other, not making much sense to Jane.
"I almost kissed Will, but didn't even though I really really wanted to. Instead, I kissed George. George! of all people. Not that it was bad, but its not good either. I didn't want him I wanted Will! And now I can't have him. And and.... now he's gone" she sobbed.
"What? Lizzy, what do you mean? Where did he go?"
But Lizzy wasn't responding. She was bent over, legs tucked underneath her, rocking back and forth, covering her face with her hands. Jane stroked her hair so gingerly, almost as if she was afraid that Lizzy would break under her touch. She slowly rubbed her back, hoping, wishing to ease her sister's obvious pain.
"Lizzy."
Lizzy slowly straightened up, turned her head toward Jane and painfully lifted her eyes up to her face.
She hadn't wanted to. She didn't want to. Didn't want to admit to Jane that she was right and she, Elizabeth Anne Bennet, was wrong. She had liked Will. She did like him. Had liked him for quite sometime. She just hadn't wanted to admit it. Didn't want to admit, that after knowing him the past two years, she had barely begun to really know him and develop feelings for him the past couple of weeks, which just happened to coincide with the improvement of his appearance. No. She really didn't want to. Never would she have thought that of herself. But there it was. The evidence was right in front of her. She only started to like Will when he started to change. She was ....shallow.
In a small voice, she said: "I don't deserve him," as Jane gathered her in her arms and let her cry.
Chapter 16
Posted On: Thursday, 7 November 2002, at 12:09 a.m.
I'M GONNA GET FREE. I'M GONNA GET FREE. I'M GONNA GET FREE. RIDE INTO THE SUN. SHE NEVER LOVED ME. SHE NEVER LOVED ME. SHE NEVER LOVED ME. WHY SHOULD ANYONE?*
"Will, what are you listening to?" Gina said as she turned down the volume.
"A CD I burned the other day" he replied, turning the volume back up. "I need to stay awake for the drive back."
Gina remained quiet. She turned to her right and stared out the window. They were on the main highway on their way back to San Francisco. It was pitch black outside. Nothing could be seen except a few lights from Meryton. But even those began to fade as they drove out of Napa.
Dead leaves and the dirty ground
when I know your not around
"Did you remember to bring your homework?" asked Will.
"Yeah."
If you can hear a piano fall
you can hear me coming down the hall
if I could just hear your pretty voice
I don't think I need to see at all
"Did you do what Mrs. Bennet asked?" questioned Gina.
I didn't feel so bad till the sun went down
then I come home
no one to wrap my arms around**
"Yeah." He paused. "Why don't you try to get some rest? It's going to be a long night."
Gina yawned. "Okay" she said as she pulled her sweater over her arms. "Wake me up when we get there."
Will nodded and returned his focus on the long dark road ahead of him.
Monday
"Hi Lizzy."
Lizzy stuffed the last book into her locker, closed and locked it. She turned around to see Carly hesitantly approach her.
"Hi Carly." She flashed a subdued smile at her. "On your way to the art room?" She zipped up her book bag and headed toward the cafeteria. Carly walked beside her.
"No. I thought I'd join you today. Do you mind?"
Lizzy smiled sincerely. "Not at all. Your always welcome to join us for lunch."
Just then, she saw Jane turn the corner and walk towards them. "Right Jane?"
"Right what? Hi Carly."
"Hi Jane."
"Just nod and say yes Jane" Lizzy coached.
Jane bobbed her head up and down. "'Yes Jane.' What am I saying yes to?"
"Carly joining us for lunch."
"Of course! Why wouldn't she?"
"See?"
Carly smiled in response and hesitated before speaking. "I also wanted to know if you guys wanted to come over after school and hang out at my place for awhile."
"Sure. Jane?"
"I can't. I was going to tell you Lizzy. I'm going home with Charlie. But you go ahead and have fun."
Lizzy nodded. She then saw Charlie heading their way. "Speaking of the devil."
He had a large grin on his face and a bounce in his step. As he approached, his eyes locked on to Jane's and didn't let go. He reached for her hands and held them as they greeted each other.
"Ahem!" coughed Lizzy.
He turned to them as if seeing them for the first time. "Hi Lizzy! Carly!"
"Hey Charlie."
"So, are you coming?" He said looking at Jane.
"Yeah. I just told Lizzy"
"Your more than welcome to join us" he said turning to Lizzy and Carly.
"Thanks Charlie, but we've already agreed to go to Carly's house. Maybe some other time." Then turning to Carly, she said: "Did you drive?" Turning back to Charlie and Jane, added: "You don't need the car, right ?"
"No. I drove to school" replied Charlie.
"I rode with my sister, Mariah. I usually wait until she gets out of practice to go home. We can go in your car and Mariah can drive home on her own."
"Okay. Sounds like a plan."
"So where to?" Lizzy turned the engine on with one hand as her other grabbed at her seat belt.
"Make a right onto the road and go straight."
"So is it just you and your sister? Do you have any brothers?"
"A little brother. Jay. He's twelve. You?"
"No. It's just Jane and me."
"Make a left at the stop sign. It's the yellow and white house on the right."
"It's a pretty house." Lizzy stopped the car in front of the house and parked.
"Nothing like the Darcy's I'm sure" replied Carly, getting out of the car and retrieving her bag from the back seat.
"You haven't seen it?"
"My mother made me drive past it, but we couldn't see much beyond the gate. You've seen it right? I mean, you must have - seeing as your family's close with the Darcy's."
"Yeah. I've been there a few times. Several actually."
"How is it on the inside?"
"As nice as the outside, I guess" she replied politely.
Uncertain about what exactly was making her new friend uncomfortable, she continued in a different vein: "Where was Will today? He wasn't at school."
"I uh... I don't know. But he said he'd be back by Wednesday." She avoided eye contact and looked carelessly around; her face, expressionless.
"Oh."
They had by that time reached the porch. Carly opened the door and stepped aside to let Lizzy pass. She walked inside and stepped into the living room. The walls were of a pale yellow, with large white-rimmed windows covered by shear white curtains on top of glossy wooden floors. A white couch set filled most of the room, with two glass end tables at either end of the larger couch, and a long glass table in between the loveseat and the same couch.
Carly immediately took off her shoes and Lizzy followed.
"My mother will have a coronary if we dirty her precious carpet" she said in way of explanation.
Lizzy was about to ask "What carpet?" when she noticed the stairs leading to the second floor.
"My room's upstairs."
Lizzy followed her up. Carly's room was the first door on the left. Carly walked in and immediately dropped her bag on the ground and sat down on her bed. It was a single bed with a floral-printed bedspread. The walls matched the bedspread in color - lilac. Her furniture was of a glossy-white, meticulously cleaned of any dust. Books and C.D.'s lined her shelves.
"'Anne of Green Gables?'" asked Lizzy, turning a raised eyebrow toward Carly. "Ahh. So your one of those."
"One of those?"
"Yes. One of those."
"My mom gave me those books. I didn't pick them" she replied indignantly.
"Did you read them?"
"Well.... yeah. I admit it. I read them. I was bored one day and..."
"So you ARE one of those" she accused, as her lips twitched at the sides.
"Your teasing me aren't you?!"
She chuckled. "So what if I am?" she challenged.
Carly shook her head and smiled. "Are you always like this?"
She shrugged, looking sheepishly. "I don't know. You'll have to ask Will and Ja-ane." She suddenly turned around and focused on the looking at the pictures at Carly's desk.
"Is this a picture of your family?" she asked pointing to a portrait of two girls, a little boy, and a tall burly man standing next to a petite woman.
"Yeah. That's Mariah. Me. Jay. My mom and step dad."
"Step dad?"
"Yeah. This is my real dad" she said, pointing to another picture on her desk. It was of a smiling young man standing next to a younger version of the petite woman in the other photo.
"Is that your mom?"
She nodded. "He died before I was born. A year and a half later, Mom married Bill."
"How'd he die?"
"TB."
"I'm sorry."
Carly looked away. "I didn't even know him."
After a pause, Lizzy asked: "Do you like him?"
"Bill?" She shrugged. "He's okay." She turned around and searched the room. "Anyway. How about a movie? I have a few videos here. Why don't you pick one?"
"Okay." Lizzy sat on the floor in front of the TV and looked through the titles. "'Ten Things I Hate About You'?"
Carly nodded approvingly. "Anything with-"
"-Heath Ledger!" they said in unison.
"Oh be still my heart!" Lizzy drawled dramatically. After much giggling, they settled down to watch the movie.
Wednesday
"Do you see him?"
Lizzy sighed. "No, not yet." She turned back in her seat to face forward. She had been on the lookout for Will since she got into homeroom. "He said he'd be here by today."
"Well its not eight yet" said Jane.
"He's usually early though" she mumbled. She then pulled out her book for Spanish class to catch up on the reading.
Just as Lizzy was focusing her attention on her book, Will walked inside in time for the second bell. He sat down in the first available seat. He looked across the room anxiously searching for her. He saw her; her head was resting on her hand as her wet curls threatened to cover the book that lay open on the desk in front of her. A picture of perfection. He proceeded to take out a book of his own to also catch up on schoolwork.
As he studied the sample showing how to take a derivative from his Calculus book, Lizzy looked around once again out of habit. She was surprised and relieved to see him on the other side of the room. His head was bent down, studiously focused on scribbling on a piece of notebook paper that laid next to his math book. That's when she noticed them. So earnest was he on working out a problem that his glasses fell to the ridge of his nose. He automatically push them back with his index finger and continued on with his work. She smiled. He looks so cute in glasses. Why doesn't he wear them more often? She sighed and went back to reading more about Don Quixote's crazy adventures.
When the bell rang, Will put his book back into his book bag just as Lizzy looked his way. When he didn't look up, she turned to put her stuff away. Will, with bag on shoulder, ready to leave for his next class, turned towards Lizzy looking for a sign; she was crouching on the ground, her back turned toward him. He spotted Jane and Charlie and waved. They waved back.
"Lizzy look" called Jane, pointing to the door.
But she was too late. Lizzy, after picking up her pencil case, turned just in time to see Will's 5'11'' frame leave.***
* Get Free - The Vines
** Dead leaves and the Dirty Ground - White Stripes
*** That's for Sofie! =)
For Will, the day couldn't move fast enough. He sat back in his seat, vaguely aware of what his Econ teacher was saying about the nation's economy and the GDP. He continually ran the events of the weekend in his head, always ending with what had just occurred that morning, or more importantly, what had not occurred between himself and Lizzy. He sighed heavily and wrote down what was written on the board. His situation seemed too surreal. He had come close to losing two important women in his life that weekend. One to a fatal illness, and the other? Well, the jury was still out on her.
After what seemed like an eternity, the bell rang indicating the end of class and the beginning of lunch. Will gathered his belongings and headed directly for his locker, oblivious of the stares coming from his classmates, where more than half were coming from his female peers.
He was torn. On the one hand, he was anxious to see and talk to Lizzy. There was so much he wanted to say to her; several questions he wanted to ask her. On the other hand, he dreaded seeing her. He was scared and unsure of what her responses would be to his inquiries, scared of what her thoughts were on the previous weekend. He was scared that what had almost happened was never meant to be, was a mistake; a glitch in time where in a parallel universe Lizzy likes him.
The more he prolonged talking to her, the more he could pretend that nothing was wrong between them, as if that weekend had never happened. He would be content in ignorant bliss, as long as she was a part of his life.
That afternoon, that moment, it had seemed almost too good to be true - that the girl he had been longing for finally returned his affections. It was too good to be true. He knew it bitterly in his heart that it was.
Undecided of where to go next, he lingered at his locker. At that moment, a familiar face appeared.
"Hi Will." A slow smile appeared on her face. She tucked her silky hair behind her ears and leaned up against the lockers.
"Hello Caroline," he replied politely. He looked past her, searching through the crowd for Lizzy. He spotted a head full of curls and suddenly had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Where are you headed?"
He closed his locker and turned toward her. Just then, the head of curls partially revealed Lizzy's face. "The Club Fair," he replied hastily. "Do you know where it is?"
"Sure. I'll show you." He eagerly let himself be led away by her as Lizzy turned to see his retreating figure.
Lizzy's eyes narrowed. Is that who I think it is? It is!
"Lizzy, what's wrong?" asked Jane. She had been telling her and Carly about her choir class when she noticed Lizzy's inattentiveness.
Lizzy relaxed her face and shook her head as if wiping her thoughts. "Nothing." She turned back to her. "What were you saying?"
"I was saying that they have a talent show every year here. As a member of Women's Ensemble, I'm required to perform. But I don't know what I'll do yet."
"I'm sure you'll think of something."
"Hey, I know! Why don't we perform together? You know, a duet or something?"
"Me? Sing? Jane, its been awhile since I've sung."
"You sing everyday!"
"In the shower! There's a difference between singing for yourself and singing for a choir."
"Have you been in a choir before, Lizzy?" asked Carly.
"Not since junior high."
"You have a great voice, Lizzy. I don't know why you didn't continue with it."
"Because it conflicted with my track schedule."
"Schedule smedule. You should have stuck with it. You have the most talent of the two of us."
"Jane, you're exaggerating."
"Am not! You should hear her, Carly."
"I'd like to hear you sing sometime."
Lizzy shook her head. "You should really hear Jane. She sings like an angel," she added with a teasing smile to Jane. Jane, in turn, blushed in remembrance of what Charlie had told her.
"Are you guys going to the Club Fair? It's today during both lunches," said Carly.
"What is it?" asked Lizzy.
"Well, the different clubs on campus try to recruit people to sign up for their club. I'm in the Decorating Club. I tried to start an Art Club, but there weren't that many signups for it so it just merged with the DC."
"What do you do?" asked Jane.
"Make posters and put up decorations for events that happen in school like dances, special events, holidays, etcetera. Usually Caroline and her people dictate to me what they want and then I do it. Of course," Carly added, grinning evilly. "It doesn't always turn out the way they want it. It's the only time when being an artist has its benefits around here. You guys should sign up. It'll be fun."
"Hmm... Maybe Gina would like it. She's an artist, too. But how do I tell her? She doesn't have this lunch."
"Leave her a note at her locker."
"Brilliant idea, Jane. Why didn't I think of that?"
"Because I'm the brains of the family?"
"Haha."
After leaving Gina a note, they headed toward the Club Fair. As they approached the tables, they saw Caroline and Will from afar. He was talking to a guy sitting behind the Chess Club sign while Caroline hung onto him possessively.
Jane looked at Lizzy quizzically but she just turned and proceeded to ask Carly questions about the DC. They approached a table and saw a girl with honey-brown hair and plain brown eyes sitting behind the DC sign.
"Hello Mariah."
Mariah?thought Lizzy, turning toward Carly.
"Jane, Lizzy, this is my sister Mariah. Mariah, this is Jane and Lizzy."
Mariah's eyes searched the crowd rapidly before she proceeded to speak. "Hi. Are you guys signing up?"
"Yeah. Carly's convinced us to join," replied Lizzy.
"Cool! It'll be nice to have new people in the club this year."
"Hello everyone!" exclaimed Charlie, as he approached the table. He went directly to Jane and kissed her lightly on the lips as he reached for her hand. Jane, in turn, blushed shyly, uncomfortable with this public display of affection. "Are you signing up for DC?"
"Yes. We all are," replied Jane quietly.
"Great! Maybe I should sign up too?"
Jane's face brightened with the prospect. "Yes. That would be fun."
Just as Charlie finished signing his name on the list, he turned and spotted Will and Caroline not too far away.
"Hey Will! Caroline! Come over here! Will, you've gotta join the club. It'll be fun."
Will approached hesitantly with Caroline still attached. "Oh, I don't know..." He looked at Lizzy to gauge her reaction but she just looked away.
"Yes Will! I'm in the club. You have to join," pleaded Caroline.
Will glanced down at the signup sheet and read Lizzy's name as well as Jane's and Carly's. "Alright."
As he walked toward the table, he paused near Lizzy who was studiously studying the ground. "Hey," he said softly as he gently touched her arm to get her attention.
She shuddered, shocked by his touch. She hesitatingly raised her head to meet his eyes. "Hey," she returned as he continued past her.
As he passed Jane, he greeted her briefly and was surprised by the look in her eyes. He walked past her and approached the table. As he bent over to sign his name, Lizzy noticed Caroline's eyes were glued on him. Not only that, but other girls around them were noticing him as well.
Lizzy felt her cheeks warm and her heart pound madly. She couldn't take it anymore. "I think I'll go find a table. I'll wait for you all there," she said and swiftly walked away without a response.
Will turned around puzzled. He looked questioningly at Jane who, eyebrows arched and ready for battle, boldly stared back at him in response. He shifted uneasily and turned to look at Caroline.
"I think I'll join her," he said, trying to retrieve his arm gently.
She smiled knowingly. "I'll come with you." She then turned to everyone and said: "We'll see you guys there" and left, pulling Will with her.
When they reached Lizzy, she was pulling out her lunch and organizing it neatly before her; sandwich - front and center, water - to her right and just past her sandwich, and her carrots - on the opposite side of her sandwich as her water.
She was sitting at the edge of the rectangular table, with her back to them when they approached. Will sat across from her and Caroline sat next to him.
"Hi."
"Hi," she replied. She then turned to Caroline and said impassively: "Hello Caroline."
Caroline just smiled smugly and sat closer to Will.
"No lunch?" Lizzy asked looking pointedly at the empty space in front of him.
"No, I forgot. I think I'll just grab a drink," he said rising up.
"Oh, I'll get it," volunteered Caroline, rising herself and putting a hand on Will's shoulder to prevent him from getting up. "What would you like?"
"Pepsi-" Lizzy and Will said at the same time.
"-please" finished Will. He turned to Caroline and smiled gratefully at her.
Caroline, in turn, smiled smugly at Lizzy. "I'll be right back," she said, and squeezed his shoulder gently with her lingering hand and left.
Will turned to her and looked warmly into her eyes, acknowledging and reminiscing on a past memory, a happy memory. Lizzy smiled back knowingly. Her smile faded however as the image of Will and Caroline together flashed through her mind.
She was still looking at him, when a thought popped into her head. "You're not wearing your glasses," she stated, almost accusingly.
He looked embarrassed and smiled nervously. "Yeah, I put my contacts in as soon as I had a chance." She remained quiet so he continued. "I didn't have a chance to put them on this morning because I woke up kind of late. We got in late last night...."
"Oh?" she inquired, coolly. She took a bite of her sandwich and looked down at her lunch. She chewed slowly, buying her time. She suddenly felt angry and hurt. Mustering serenity and trying greatly to keep the edge of pain and anger out of her voice, she continued: "Are you going to tell me about it?"
"I..."
"Here you go, Will. Nice and cold," interrupted Caroline.
"Thanks." He opened the drink and guzzled half of it down in seconds.
Lizzy looked down at her lunch guiltily. "You must be hungry," she said, as she wrapped her uneaten half of her sandwich in a napkin.
"No thanks. Really."
"Here," she said, handing it over to him. "Take it," she ordered, when he made no move.
"Yes, Ma'am," he replied humorously, saluting her.
Her eyes softened and she laughed. Music to my ears he thought. "That's right. You better do as you're told."
"Always at your service, Madame," he replied, as he stood up and bowed rigidly.
She laughed. "Now you have to make up your mind. Either your my subject or my soldier. Which are you?"
"Whatever you want me to be," he replied seriously. Either way I'm yours.
Lizzy stopped laughing and blushed. Feeling the need to lighten the conversation, she said: "Well, I don't know. How good are you at push ups?"
He laughed. "Not very good."
"Somehow I doubt that," breathed Caroline, who had, up until now, remained quiet. A small smile played on her lips as she stared intently at him.
Will smiled nervously and scooted away from her slightly. "I wonder what's taking everyone so long," he said, changing the subject.
Lizzy turned to look around. "Here they come now," she pointed out. She turned back to Will, who had taken a sudden interest in his soda, as Caroline openly stared at him. Now why does this look familiar, she thought, taking a bite of her carrot stick.
The rest of lunch was spent in contemplation for Will and Lizzy; each thinking of the other. Lizzy would occasionally contribute to the conversation at the table, but everyone noticed that she was more quiet that day. Caroline would try to draw Will into a conversation, but all she received were monosyllable responses.
When the bell rang, everyone rose to leave for class.
"Lizzy wait," called Will.
Lizzy turned around to look at him and nodded knowingly. "We'll talk later...okay?"
Will nodded. "Okay."
Posted on Sunday, 13 July 2003
The school day came to an end without either of them really seeing the other. They met at the parking lot and agreed to meet at Lizzy’s in half an hour, each needing the time to mentally prepare themselves; he for the story he was about to relate, and she for whatever was to come her way.
Exactly half an hour later, he met her at her house and suggested a walk outside. She readily agreed, and together, they headed out to the ever-favorite willow tree.
Nervous and insecure, they both began to speak at once.
“I . . .”
“What . . .”
Lizzy nodded for him to continue.
“I don’t know where to begin.”
She remained silent, allowing him to gather his thoughts.
“Five years ago . . . my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.” At this, Lizzy started. She glanced at him, eyebrows knitted with concern. “They did a biopsy and found it was benign.” He stopped walking. He swallowed, his voice coarse and low. “It wasn’t supposed to....” He squeezed his eyes shut and brought his hand up to cover his face as he turned away from her.
“Will . . .” She reached out and touched his arm. When he didn’t respond, she moved around in front of him and placed her hands on his arms. She reached up and caressed his cheek. He removed his hands. The look on his face was too much for her. She stood on the tips of her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him with all her strength, occasionally rubbing his shoulders and back gently. He bent down and hugged her in return, finding the comfort in her embrace that he had been needing for a long time. How long they stood there like this, they knew not.
But after sometime, Lizzy ventured to ask: “What happened?”
In answer, he let her go, grabbed her hand and led her to a spot underneath the tree and sat down. She sat down next to him.
“After the biopsy, we thought it was over. The chances of it becoming harmful, or malignant were low, but then . . .” He related to her how it had become malignant, how his mother, in denial, shrugged it off saying that it was nothing to worry about, that she would simply have surgery. She had read up on the different surgeries and requested a partial mastectomy with radiation therapy. That particular treatment had as much success as a total mastectomy without the removal of her whole breast. Her doctors, however, were of a different mind. Since it was so rare for a benign tumor to become malignant, they could not treat her as an early stage patient; she would have to have a total mastectomy.
Now Anne Darcy was a beautiful woman, and she planned to keep it that way. Vain or not, she absolutely refused a total mastectomy. Her family begged her to reconsider. They could not understand how she could possibly choose her looks over her health, over her family. They, in turn, could not understand that it was more than just her breast she was losing. She would be losing a part of herself, a part of what made her a woman, a part of her that made her feel like a woman. It was some time before they could convince her to go through with it.
“That’s what we went to do in San Francisco. I called you after I saw her off to surgery.”
“How did you guys convince her?”
Blushing, he said: “My dad promised her . . . new ones.”
“Oh,” Lizzy said, turning slightly red herself. Then smiling, she looked away. She yanked at the cool, green grass underneath her and stared out at the tranquil stream a few feet away. Shivering after a burst of cold wind, she hugged her knees toward her and covered her legs with her sweatshirt. She crossed her arms on top of her knees and dropping her head on top, looked in his direction.
“So . . . why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“I didn’t want . . . ” He breathed in, steadying his voice. He turned to face her. Her hair was down and blowing in the wind. She reached out and brushed it out of her face revealing those big brown eyes of hers. Turning away, before he lost himself in them, he said: “I didn’t want to be reminded of it.”
She shook her head disapprovingly. “But Will . . . you should have talked to someone about it. You shouldn’t have-”
“Oh, I did. Jane knows about it.”
“Jane knows? You told Jane?”
“Yeah.”
“But not me?” By the tone of her voice, he guessed he had done something wrong. “Do my parents know?”
“Of course. They went to see us on Sunday. Didn’t they tell you?”
“No.” She thought back to that day. Her head too full of recent events in her own life, she hadn’t bothered to ask what they had done that day and they didn’t say anything other than that they had brought leftovers from their dinner in case she was hungry.
“I don’t understand. How is it that everyone in my family knows except me?”
He looked her and knew he had done wrong. He could not ignore the pained expression on her face. “I can’t say for sure how your family never mentioned it to you. Your mother, I’m sure, knows how sensitive my mom is about it. Your dad, well I don’t think that is something he would volunteer to talk about. And Jane . . . she knew I hadn’t told you. She has actually told me to tell you but . . . . And I’m sure that’s why she looked at me funny on Wednesday at school.”
“But what? I don’t understand. Why didn’t you want to tell me?”
He took a deep breath. “I didn’t want you to look at me differently.” Before she could insist on that she wouldn‘t have, he softly but firmly said, “No, you would have. And I didn’t want that.” He reached out and brushed away a strand of her hair that had blown in front of her face. He traced the outline of her left eye, starting with her eyebrow and ending just above her cheekbone, the rest of his fingers brushing against her cheek. Staring deeply into her eyes, he continued, “I didn’t want to see that in your eyes.”
She closed them and reveled in the sensation of his touch. “See what?”
“Pity.” He took back his hand and she immediately felt the loss. “You made me laugh. You made me feel good in a time I was feeling so bad. This summer was hard. The wait and indecision was nerve-racking. But you made it fun. All I had to do was look at your pretty face and smile.”
Lizzy, through all this, listened patiently and had he ended with “pity,” that was all she would had felt. But he didn’t. And she didn’t.
She stood up and walked a few feet toward the stream. She stood there, wind blowing in her hair, staring out at nothing. She had her back to him, thinking about what he had just told her. Will stood up and anxiously waited for her response. When she did not move for several moments, he slowly approached her. In a soft but pained voice, she said, “So . . . this whole time . . . I was just a distraction?”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I-”
“That is what you said,” she interrupted, her voice increasing in volume. “You said I made you feel good. I gave you a good time.” Disbelievingly, she continued: “I am just good for a laugh!” She paused and looked at him, anger swelling in her chest. “But I’m obviously not worthy of anything else. I’m just a pretty face! I couldn’t possibly understand what your going through, right?!”
“You’re purposely twisting my words.” She huffed at this. She’s mad at me?! he thought incredulously. After what I’ve seen her do? He felt the anger rise in him. “Like you’re any better,” he shot back. She looked at him sharply. “If I’m guilty of taking pleasure in a pretty face, then so are you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied indignantly.
“I saw you with him,” he accused. Lizzy looked up perplexed. “The day after the Bar-B-Que. Your mother sent me to your house to check up on you. But you weren‘t there, were you?” Lizzy turned bright red. “You were out here with him,” he spat. “I can’t believe you would kiss George Wickham after trying to kiss me the day before!”
“Me?! Kiss you?! Not with a ten foot pole you . . . you . . .” she stumbled. “Superficial jerk!”
“Superficial? I’m superficial? What about you? You didn’t even take notice of me till I started to change! Till you saw someone else wanted me.”
“You’re wrong. The only reason I took notice of you is because there’s no one else around! We are in the middle of nowhere!” she shouted, flinging her arms out for emphasis. “We are in the country for Pete’s sake!”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished to take them back with all her heart. She clamped her hand over her mouth in shock. She saw Will, his face red with anger and a pained expression in his eyes.
“Will . . .” she breathed.
But she was too late. He took one last look at her and left.
Posted on Wednesday, 16 July 2003, at
“Lizzy?” Jane knocked again. “Lizzy, I know you’re in there. I can hear the radio on.”
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
“Come in.”
Everyone’s here, everyone’s here
Jane walked in and saw Lizzy laying on her bed sideways, her face half buried into her pillow, hair sprayed out. She sat down next to her and pulled back Lizzy’s hair from her face revealing tear-stained cheeks and puffy red eyes.
“Oh, Lizzy . . .” she gasped. “What happened?”
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
Lizzy sniffed. “We had a fight.” She then related to Jane the details of their argument. “How can I face him tomorrow, Jane?” she asked anxiously. “I can’t! I know I can’t. I’ll just die!”
What happens next, what happens next
Slowly stroking her head, she replied: “It’ll be okay, Lizzy. Everything will be alright.”
“I don’t know, Jane. I said some awful things.” She laid back on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know where we’re supposed to go from here. How do I even . . .” She stopped, struggling to catch her breath.
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
Her chest rose quickly, inhaling and then exhaling through her mouth. She pressed her lips tightly together to keep her chin from trembling too much.
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
Like today never happened, today never happened before
“I just . . .” she stopped again and squeezed her eyes shut as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I want him back,” she finally whispered hoarsely. She turned her head and stared at her wall, which contained pictures of her, Jane, Will and Gina.
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to existence
She remained quiet for a few minutes before saying, “I can’t believe I said the things I said.” She swallowed. “I don’t know how he will forgive me.”
The tension is here, the tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
“Don’t do this to yourself, Lizzy. You’re not the only one who acted badly here. Remember? He didn’t tell you about his mom, did he?”
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
“No, he didn’t,” she answered quietly. She sat up straight. “And I still don’t understand why.” She blushed at the remembrance of his words. “Why does he keep me at arm’s length all the time?” Suddenly energized, she continued: “It was weeks before I even knew he played the piano!”
“Well . . .”
“Oh, I know getting to know someone takes time but . . . It’s like he didn’t want me to get too close to him. Do you know that I always talked the most in our conversations? That was frustrating.”
“Well . . . you do like the sound of your own voice.”
She threw a pillow at Jane. “That’s not funny! You’re supposed to be on my side, remember?”
“I am. Look, he kept something from you. Something very important. You have a right to be angry.”
“I know!” she said emphatically. She looked down at her hands, suddenly remembering her words to him, and remained quiet, feeling hopeless once again.
Jane paused before speaking, “You just need some time . . . ‘to chew it all up’ as Charlie says.”
She said nothing. She remained quiet for so long that Jane went so far as to think of getting up and leaving her to herself, when, smiling weakly, she said, “How is Mr. Charlie?”
“Great,” Jane replied, a small smile gracing her face.
Lizzy nodded, unable to say anything. She snuggled in her bed, smiling wistfully and wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“Hey . . . I know,” Jane said getting up, “why don’t I get our dinners and you pick a movie and we’ll eat up here while watching it? And maybe some ice cream for dessert? Mom bought Rocky Road.”
“Okay.” Just as Jane left the room, she called out, “Jane?” Lizzy walked toward her and hugged her. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
She walked towards her window, looking longingly at the disappearing light outside.
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Several questions plagued her as she stared out her window. Will she be able to face him tomorrow? Will he still pick them up for school or will he avoid them? Her? What will that mean if he doesn’t? Does he never want to see her again? Will he no longer want to be friends? The thought of no longer being able to talk to him made every cell in her body want to run outside screaming.
Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go?
The sun was setting and the sky was still covered in a swirl of angry reds and blues in lieu of the night which threatened to overtake them. Maybe just a small walk? Around her backyard? As she contemplated the possibility, the sky grew darker and darker. She looked at the clock and realized half an hour had gone by and she had not moved an inch from the spot in front of the window. She sighed and instead of going outside, opened her window and took a deep breath. Fresh cool air rushed inside and hit her face on, making her feel alive once again. Everything will be alright, she thought as she heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to look at her movie collection. I hope.
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
Like today never happened, today never happened before*
“Will . . . no . . .” Lizzy pleaded. “Please . . .” She continued running, hands covering her face, but suddenly stopped and screamed. Will had caught up to her and pushed something in front of her. Something she didn’t want to look at. Something she was afraid to look at . Something . . .
“NOOOO!!!”
Lizzy woke with a start. She sat up in bed, drenched in sweat and heart pounding. It was the same dream that had been haunting her for weeks now. But this time . . . this time was different. She had looked and remembered. There was no haze like the previous times she dreamed. She remembered everything this time. And this time, she wished she hadn’t.
Thursday morning
“Lizzy? Are you almost ready?” Jane asked. “Will and Gina are here already.”
“What?” Lizzy poked her head outside her door. “They’re here?”
“Yes. They’re waiting downstairs.” Jane shrugged her shoulders, unable to answer the question in Lizzy’s eyes. “Hurry up.”
“I’ll be right out,” Lizzy said, closing the door and leaning against it. He’s here! she thought anxiously. She quickly dabbed some lipstick, but thinking it unusual, quickly removed it. That left her lips slightly colored but dry and so decided to put some lip gloss on. Finally satisfied with her appearance, she grabbed her bag and headed downstairs only to return moments later when she realized she had forgotten to switch her fuzzy slippers for shoes. On her way out, she passed her mirror and upon seeing her reflection, had a flashback of her dream last night.
Will was standing in front of her wearing a mask. To her surprise, she was wearing one also. She reached up to his face and slowly pulled his off only to reveal his handsome face. His hands started to reach for hers. Horrified, she turned to run, hands covering her face . . .
She turned away from her mirror troubled and walked out her door frowning. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she looked up and saw Will mirroring her expression.
Will, on hearing Lizzy walk downstairs, started to walk to the front door. He glimpsed her strong tanned legs when she suddenly backtracked and returned upstairs. Perhaps she saw him and wanted to delay the inevitable meeting? He saddened at the thought. Did she really not want to see him? Was she still mad at him?
He had been hurt by her words the day before - deeply hurt - but still longed to be with her; to be her friend, her lover. He didn’t think it possible, and was quite angry with himself for it - but it could not be helped. He was in love with her and nothing she could say would ever make him feel otherwise, no matter how hurtful.
That was the killer. Unrequited love. Wasn’t that the story of his life? Since the moment he first saw her, he loved her. She strolled onto Dawson High School campus with confidence and beauty unparalleled in any other girl. She exuded confidence. Even when the ‘popular’ girls first refused to befriend them - the Bennet twins, for so they were called - she did not flinch. Not once did she leave Jane’s side till Jane decided to find her own friends. Such loyalty, such grace. Was it any wonder that he fell for her? How could he not?
That first day she had accidentally bumped into him. She was being shown around and pleasantly entertained by one of the ‘popular’ guys who had most willingly volunteered for the job while one of his other buddies escorted Jane not too far behind. As they turned a corner, her right shoulder met his and down came his books that were held in his hands. She stopped and helped him pick them up before she was ushered away by her escort with a “Never mind him” that he couldn’t help being stung by. With an apologetic smile and a “Sorry!” she was whisked away, never looking back twice. And so he was forgotten as soon as he was out of sight.
He could not blame her now as he could not blame her then. Besides, who was he anyway? No one, he thought bitterly.
He watched her descend the stairs with that last thought reverberating in his mind. For a moment their eyes met and seemed to hold for an eternity. Will broke contact after a few seconds, turned to Jane and Gina saying, “Ready?” in a rather indifferent voice and headed out the door without waiting for a response. Gina soon followed but Jane waited for Lizzy.
“His eyes,” Lizzy said surprised when she reached Jane, “they were so cold.” After a pointed look at Jane, she followed them outside.
* I dare you to move - Switchfoot
Posted on Monday, 21 July 2003
Will said not a word to her the whole day. In his defense, neither did she. Eye contact was forbidden and any physical contact was avoided like the plague. So were the rules set, first by ashamed avoidance, and then by forced habit. It was survival of the fittest, and neither would give up without seeing the other first fail.
This ‘contest’ lasted into the next week for both were very stubborn. However, they found it hard to keep their eyes off each other and so resorted to silence.
The tension between them was immediately perceived by the others, and one in particular was very pleased with this unexpected development. Caroline had seen the way Will looked at Lizzy and had not been pleased by it. But this! For her competition to eliminate herself? This was too good to be true! Caroline did not question it, however. Instead, she ran with it. Far. She made it generally known that Will was off limits and anyone who dared to speak to him would have to pay dearly.
Two weeks to that fateful day, the Decorating Club was assigned to prepare for the upcoming Sadie Hawkins Dance held every year at The Barn.
The Barn was a local hangout with a large dancing area. It had been a real barn at one point till the owner found it more profitable to turn it into a restaurant and the occasional dancing hall. The whole community was invited to attend the dance along with the students so the Barn was more than accommodating.
“Okay, so Thursday at 3:30 sound good?” Caroline asked, looking at her planner, hot pink pen in hand. As the President of the club, she was in charge of finding a day and time to meet to start organizing and planning for the dance. They only had till the end of next week.
Everyone nodded in agreement.
“Okay, see you tomorrow then.” Caroline put her planner in her duffle bag and looked around for Will. He was standing with Gina, Jane, and Charlie with Lizzy and Carly not too far away.
“Will?” she said, as she strolled over to him. He turned around and waited for her to continue. She inclined her head to the side, beckoning him away from the group. She lead and he followed. They walked a few feet away from the group, far enough not to be heard.
Lizzy stopped talking and turned her head when she heard Will’s name being called. Carly followed the direction of her gaze and asked,
“You like him, don’t you?” It was not an accusation; it was simply a statement.
“Yeah,” she said weakly. “But I really messed things up.”
“What happened?”
Lizzy smiled guiltily. “I basically told him that the only reason I liked him was that he was the only decent guy around.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah.” She looked around uncomfortably and then unwillingly returned her gaze to the couple across the room. “But the thing is . . . I think I really do like him. I mean, even if we were back at DHS I’d like him.”
“Have you told him that?”
Lizzy shook her head.
“Maybe you should.”
“Maybe.” She played with the straps of her backpack. “So . . . about this dance. Do we really have to ask a guy out?”
Carly nodded. “It’s tradition.”
Lizzy scrunched her nose. “Can’t we go stag?”
“We could.”
“Do you want to? With me?”
Carly smiled. “Sure.”
“Cool,” she replied, then suddenly smiling, she added: “Maybe we should invite Gina with us. I’m sure Jane’s going to ask Charlie.”
“Okay.”
They pulled Gina aside and started talking excitedly about matching outfits.
Will, across the room, heard the commotion they made and turned to look in their direction.
“I think its time to go,” he said to Caroline but still looking at the trio.
“See you tomorrow?”
Will nodded and headed toward first Jane and Charlie, then toward Gina, saying, “We‘re leaving.”
Jane said her goodbyes to Charlie before Caroline dragged him off as Gina and Lizzy waved to Carly, who left with her sister, Mariah.
After dropping off the twins at their place, Will drove home where he quizzed Gina about her conversation with Lizzy.
“If you want to know so bad then why don’t you ask her yourself?”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t,” he repeated.
“Well if you can’t then I can’t either,” she replied, opening the door to the house and stepping inside.
“You can and you will,” he said grinning and started chasing after her. Gina squealed with pretended fright and ran away laughing, making Will chase after her all through the first floor and backyard before they stopped from stomach cramps and hunger. They went into the kitchen where the new maid was making them an after school snack as ordered by Mrs. Darcy, who was still recovering from her surgery. They took their snacks into the den and watched TV as they ate. After they finished, they headed into their rooms to start on their homework.
He never did hear about their conversation.
They met at The Barn the next day after school as planned. Caroline divided the club into separate groups - conveniently separating Will from Lizzy and assigning him to her own group - and giving each group their own project.
The next two hours were spent cutting, taping, pasting, and gluing. Furtive glances were taken between the two even though they were separated by several feet. Each felt so isolated, so lonely without the other even though they were in a room which contained several of those they held dear to them.
Unable to concentrate any more, Lizzy stepped outside for a breather. Will watched her leave, aching to join her. He watched her as she rubbed her temples with her thumbs and then as she ran her hands through her hair, pulling it back and up, obviously enjoying the breeze on her neck. She stood still with her eyes closed and face turned up into the sun. She basked in it’s warmth as a rather contemplative, sad look appeared on her face.
She looked down and slowly opened her eyes when a shadow fell across them. When she looked up again, she saw George Wickham standing in front of her. He was smiling down at her, looking as charming as ever.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” she replied hesitantly.
“About that day . . .” he began.
“Forget it,” she said shaking her head. “What’s done is done.”
“Whatever you say.”
“So . . .”
“So . . .”
“What are you doing here?”
“Getting something to eat,” he replied amused.
“Oh, right.”
“What are you doing here?” he returned.
“Setting up for the Sadie Hawkins Dance next week.”
“It’s that time already?”
“Apparently.”
“Going?”
“Yup. You?”
“Is that an offer?”
“Nope,” she replied, smiling at his audacity.
“Are you sure?”
“Yup.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I’m going. So I guess I’ll see you there?”
“Maybe,” she replied, elusively.
He laughed again. “Okay. So maybe I’ll see you there?”
“Yup.”
He shook his head and walked into the diner, grinning to himself. She may be able to resist me now, but not for long.
Inside The Barn, Will looked on the scene with barely concealed disdain.
Posted on Saturday, 2 August 2003, at
Three more days were spent after school working on The Barn and before they knew it Friday had come - the day of the dance.
That morning, Will came to pick them up as usual except this time Jane was running behind.
“Oh, Will! Could you go let Lizzy know it’s time to go. We woke up late and I still haven’t made our lunches! And it’s my turn today!” she exclaimed, running back to the kitchen in a hurry and leaving Will standing alone.
He looked around and realized he would have to do it since Gina hadn’t gotten off the car. Slowly, he made his way up the stairs, his pulse increasing ever so slightly. As he reached the top of the stairs, he could see the door to her room closed but noticed that the bathroom light to his right was on and the door to the bathroom was left slightly ajar. He stood still with one foot at the top step, hand on rail, listening for sounds.
“ . . . I feel my wings have broken in your haaaannds . . . I feel my words unspoken insiiiide . . .” he heard a female voice sing. “ . . . And they pull you under . . .”
He finished climbing the stairs and walked toward the bathroom. Through the small opening, he could see Lizzy’s reflection on the bathroom mirror. She was wearing a white tank top and short pajama bottoms. She was running a comb through her hair which was covering her face as she sang and rocked her body to the beat of the song.
“ . . . And I will give you anything you waaant . . . You were all I wanted . . . All my dreams are falling down . . . Crawlin’ around and around and around . . .”
He stood there watching her, completely mesmerized. He knew that he should make his presence known but for some reason he couldn’t move himself to do it. His hand was frozen in the air as if about to knock as he watched her bend over. She took a black can of mouse and emptied some out into the palm of her hand. She then ran her hands through her hair as she bowed her head still rocking side to side and singing loudly.
“ . . . SOMEBODY SAAAAAVE MEEE. . . Let you warm hands break right through . . . SOMEBODY SAAAAAVE MEEEEE . . . I don’t care how you do it . . . Just stay . . . Stay . . . C’mon, I’ve been waiting for you . . .”*
She slowly straightened and looked straight ahead to see the results of her ministrations when she saw his reflection in the mirror and jumped back startled, hand immediately coming up to her chest.
“Will! Oh my gosh, you scared me!”
“Sorry,” he replied guiltily as his frozen hand finally moved into action and opened the door. “I was sent up to get you.” As she appeared confused, he added: “Jane is still busy making your lunches.”
“Oh. Thanks, I’ll be right down.”
She watched him leave before turning to look at herself in the mirror. She stared at herself until her pulse slowed down, looking but not really seeing. She stared and stared until she could no longer see herself, until what she saw no longer made sense. After shaking the image from her head, she quickly finished getting ready.
“Blue or green?” asked Gina. She was over at the twin’s house getting ready for the dance.
“Green, definitely. Here, let me help you,” Lizzy said, taking the eye shadow from Gina. They were wearing matching blue-green plaid sleeveless shirts. They had decided that Gina would wear a blue jean skirt, Carly - shorts, and Lizzy - jeans.
“Will’s here, Lizzy,” said Jane.
“Okay. I still have to pick up Carly. Mrs. Darcy already knows Gina will be with me the whole night.”
“Okay. See you there.”
When Jane returned downstairs, she found her mom talking to Will.
“You have grown into such a handsome nice young man, William. I’m sure your mom is really proud of you.”
Will blushed. “Thank you, Mrs. Bennet.”
“Any mother would love you for their daughter. It’s too bad Jane’s taken-”
“Mom,” interjected Jane.
“-and I wouldn’t recommend Lizzy. That girl,” she sighed, “she goes through boys like she goes through-”
“Mom!”
“Well . . . Although I don’t know what’s wrong with her lately,” she continued. “Been really down, don’t you think Jane? And, you know . . . I think I actually heard her cry the other night. Must be a boy,” she added dismissively. “She has finally met her match.” A timer goes off. “Oh! That must be my curlers. I must finish getting ready to go to your parents. Now, you take good care of my girls,” she said to Will.
“I will, Mrs. Bennet.”
“Oh and so polite too!” she lamented. “Have fun tonight and be careful!” she added and then hurried up the stairs.
“Sorry about that,” Jane said as they walked out the door and got into Will’s car.
“Don’t worry about it.” He looked around as if just noticing something. “Are they coming?” he asked.
“They’re meeting us there. They’re not ready yet.”
“Oh.”
“Your mom knows.”
“Oh, okay,” he responded.
“You look nice tonight.”
Will smiled. “Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself.”
“Gee, Will. You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet,” she said as he pulled out of the driveway.
His jaw squared and he looked straight ahead.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he repeated.
They sat in the car for a few minutes in silence as they drove to the Bingley residence.
“Why don’t you try talking to her?” Jane asked quietly.
“Jane . . . We’ve talked about this before. ”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”
“I appreciate your concern. You know I do. It’s just that-”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Will.”
The silence felt awkward to Will and so grasped at something to say. “So . . . why were you late this morning?”
“What?”
“I asked - why were you late this morning? Have some kind of gab-fest last night?”
“Oh . . . yeah. Something like that.”
He glanced at her strangely. “What aren’t you saying?”
“What?”
“You said that already.” He thought for a moment, recalling Mrs. Bennet’s words. “What your mom said . . . was that true?”
Jane, unable to face him, looked out the window.
“Jane.”
“We had a late night that’s all.”
He was quiet for a few moments. “Did she really cry?”
“She shouldn’t have said that.”
“Did she?” he asked again. He had to know. And then, a horrifying thought popped into his head. “Did I . . .?”
Jane, knowing that Lizzy would have her head for this, slowly nodded.
“I made her cry?” he asked disbelievingly.
She sighed. “Yeah . . . you did.”
“I had no idea.”
“No . . . how could you.”
They arrived at the Bingley house in silence. Before Jane could get off the car, Will held her back.
“I made a mistake.”
Jane remained quiet, patiently waiting for him to continue. He looked strange. In his face, you could see that he was struggling to understand this new information. He had made her cry? This amazing girl - was crying over him? Light bulbs went off in his head. Perhaps she was human too.
“What should I do, Jane?”
“Talk to her,” she said, and then staring at Caroline as she and Charlie walked toward them, added, “I think you know what else you have to do.”
“Yeah, I do.”
They greeted the Bingley’s and were soon off to the dance to enjoy themselves.
*Save me - Remy Zero
Posted on Saturday, 6 September 2003, at
“Carly? Are you almost ready? Your friends are here,” Mrs. Lucas called out.
“Yes. I’ll be right out!” she called back.
Mrs. Lucas went back downstairs to find Lizzy and Gina patiently waiting in the living room.
“She’s almost ready. Would you like some tea while you wait?”
“Yes, thank you. I’d love some,” replied Lizzy. Gina nodded her acceptance.
“Hmm . . . I just love green tea,” Lizzy murmured after taking a sip.
“No sugar?” asked Mrs. Lucas, surprised.
“Oh, no. It’s just fine.” She took another sip. “Well . . . perhaps just a little,” she added, sheepishly.
Mrs. Lucas smiled indulgently and handed her the cup of sugar.
“Okay, I’m ready!” sang Carly as she came down the stairs.
“Carly,” said Mrs. Lucas warningly and then continued to scold her in Chinese. “Your guests have not finished their tea,” she ended in English.
“It’s okay, Mrs. Lucas,” Lizzy said taking a final sip of her tea and setting it down. “We should get going.”
Both she and Gina stood and headed for the door.
“I’ll be home by 11:30,” said Carly as she held the door open to let Lizzy and Gina pass through.
“That’s alright. Have a good time,” said Mrs. Lucas, “and be safe!”
“We will!”
They arrived at the dance fifteen minutes later, immediately heading to the snack table for a cup of punch. They stood off to the side drinking the punch and discussing how great the decorations turned out.
There were stacks of hay all around the room with the occasional scraps of broken wooden fences leaning up against them. On one corner of the room, the guys had built an altar for the mock weddings in which you received a pair of aluminum rings for only a dollar. Opposite of the altar was the jailhouse where you could send anyone - perhaps newly wedded husbands for misbehaving? - for half an hour for the bargain price of, again, one dollar.
Lizzy glanced around the room, finally locating Jane and waved to get her attention, but upon seeing Caroline and Will with her decided against joining her. Instead, she asked the girls to dance and headed to the dance floor determined to have a good time.
Upon reaching the dance floor, she realized that both Gina and Carly were inexperienced dancers. Lizzy, being an enthusiastic dancer, immediately took them under her wing, first teaching them to catch the rhythm of the song and then how to ad-lib from there.
The three stood in a line with Lizzy in the middle glancing back and forth between Gina and Carly making sure that they were in step with her. As the two became more confident, Lizzy stepped out of the line and formed a triangle with them, allowing them to see the movements she did with her arms so that they may try them on their own. Soon she had them laughing and cheering her on with moves they couldn’t possibly attempt to imitate.
As they rocked their bodies to the latest pop song, Will stood off to the side of the room watching them, his eyes intently following one of the girls in particular. Silently he thanked Lizzy for befriending Gina; she appeared to be having a good time. Gone was the silent and timid child. Instead, he saw a bright still-growing young woman who was smiling and laughing like she was having the time of her life. At that moment, he felt very fortunate to know Lizzy, grateful that at least one of them was able to enjoy her smiles and friendship.
Next to him Caroline sighed in frustration. She had failed to draw him into conversation three times already.
“Do you treat all your dates like this or just me?” she asked irritably.
“Caroline,” he replied patiently, “you are not my date. I thought I made that clear.”
“If I’m not your date, then what am I?”
“You are a . . . friend. Nothing more. I’m sorry if I made you think differently.”
“What is it about her,” she began, turning to stare out at the dance floor, “that’s making it impossible for me to steal you away?” She looked and sounded almost . . . hurt.
“Caroline,” he began to say before his attention was soon drawn once again to the dance floor. Lizzy was being approached by George Wickham and from the looks of it, was about to dance with him. However, he was soon relieved to see them simply move to the side of the dance floor and continue talking. He turned to Caroline to resume their conversation but was surprised to see her walking away in a huff. He glanced back at Lizzy, who was still conversing with George, and decided to go after Caroline to set things right between them.
Lizzy watched him leave out of the corner of her eye. She also noticed that he seemed to be following Caroline. She turned her attention back to George who was looking at her expectantly.
“You know what? I’ve changed my mind. I would like that dance right now.”
As Lizzy lead George out on the dance floor, Will walked outside the Barn to see Caroline sitting on a bench. He slowly approached her and sat next to her. She shifted her body away from him and stared out into the darkness.
“Caroline,” he said patiently. Her back stiffened and she shifted even more away from him. “You can’t avoid me all night.”
“Try me,” she replied petulantly.
“Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to lead you on.”
He got up from the bench to leave when she said, “Will, wait.” He turned around to face her, her face partially illuminated by the moonlight. “Don’t you find me attractive?” she asked sounding small and vulnerable.
“Of course I do,” he replied, sitting down next to her and taking her hand. “You’re very pretty, Caroline. But . . . I don’t like you that way. You deserve to be with someone who does.” He brushed a tear off her face, leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Goodnight,” he said, squeezing her hand and turning to leave once again.
“Will, wait. There’s something you should know.”
Her hips rocked side to side in beat with the music, her head following just half a second later. Her head was bowed and her eyes closed. Her hair tumbled down around her shoulders and covered her face.
I just can’t get you out of my head
Boy your loving is all I think about
Her hands came up to her head as if running her hands through her hair but stopped when her palms met her temples, leaving her fingers hidden in her hair. She pushed her head side to side in beat.
I just can’t get you out of my head
Boy it’s more than I dare to think about
A surreal feeling of tranquility descended upon her like a soft blanket as she finally gave in to the music and let it wash over her like a cool breeze coming off the bay. It transported her to a world where she felt no pain and all she did feel was the sweet ache that came from using muscles that had not been used in quite some time.
George, all the while, crept closer and closer to her with every beat. Slowly, his hands reached out to grab her waist and bring her body closer to his. She followed his lead unhesitatingly and slid her hands up to his shoulders. Using him as an anchor, she let her body fall and knees bend more, allowing her to dance closer to the ground and her hips to sway even wider and - unintentionally - more seductively.
Every night, every day
Just to be there in your arms*
However, as soon as she felt his hands wander too freely to her liking, she let her hands drop as she started to dance away from him. His grip on her tightened as he felt her slip away. Casually, as if she meant to do it all along, she started to dance close to him till his grip on her relaxed. She then quickly slipped out of his arms, smiled at him charmingly and continued to dance as if nothing had happened.
He kept his distance for the remainder of the dance and led her to the snack table for some punch when it was over. As they drank, her eyes quickly scanned the room for Will and Caroline.
At the same time, George asked her, “Do you want to get out of here? Go for a ride or something?”
Her eyes then found what she was looking for; she saw Will and Caroline walk back into sight. He had his arm around her shoulders, her head was lowered and turned toward him. Before going their separate ways, they hugged.
Lizzy watched from across the room, feeling her heart break in two. She suddenly wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment. “Yeah, let me just tell Jane I’m leaving. I’ll be right back,” she said before quickly walking toward Jane’s table. When she reached it, she asked Jane to take care Gina while she was gone.
“Where are you going?” asked Jane.
“I don’t know,” she said, sighing heavily, “I just don’t want to be here right now.”
“I saw you on the dance floor. Are you sure you’ll be okay with him?” Jane sounded very concerned.
“I’ll be alright. I can handle him,” she replied unconcerned.
Jane looked unconvinced.
“I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself,” she said defiantly.
“Okay,” Jane said, giving in. “Where is Gina? And Carly? I haven’t seen them.”
Lizzy smiled mischievously. “I sent Gina to jail when I saw that her crush was in there and paid for an extra half hour for them both.”
Jane laughed. “And Carly?”
“Last time I saw her, she was dancing with some guy with red hair,” she said shrugging her shoulders. “I won’t be gone long. I promise. I’ll be back in time to take them both home.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jane asked as she saw Will approaching their table.
Lizzy followed her line of vision and saw Will walk up to her.
“Lizzy, I need to talk to you,” he said without greeting.
“Well hello to you too,” she replied sarcastically.
“Hi,” he said quickly. “I really need to talk to you,” he repeated.
Just then, George walked up. “Ready?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she said looking at Will, “I’m done here.”
“Lizzy,” Will pleaded, “it’s important. Please.”
For a moment, she almost decided to stay but then she saw Caroline walk out of the ladies room and the picture of them hugging flashed through her mind.
“I’m not sure your girlfriend will approve,” she replied.
“My what? Lizzy, no. She’s not my-,” he began to say but she had already turned and walked away, “. . . girlfriend,” he ended lamely.
He watched as she walked out of The Barn with George Wickham not far behind her. He stood there, even after she had disappeared, staring at the empty space she had last occupied. His face looked serious and he was breathing heavily; Jane had never seen him like this before.
She slowly approached him and had to touch his arm to get his attention. When he finally turned around, he walked past her to the table where Charlie was sitting.
“Do you think you can get a ride home?” he asked, briskly.
Charlie looked confused.
“If I don’t come back, do you think you can get a ride home? Can you make sure Jane, my sister, and Carly get home safe?”
Charlie nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’ll just borrow someone’s car. ”
“Thanks. I owe you one,” he said and turned to leave.
“Will, wait. What’s wrong?” asked Jane.
“I can’t explain right now. Trust me, Jane. I have to find your sister. Do you know where she was going?”
Jane shook her head. “She just said that they were going for a ride.”
“The lake,” Caroline said from behind him, “that’s where he took me.”
Everyone turned around to look at her.
“Go ahead,” she said to Will, “I’ll explain it to them.”
“Thanks, Caroline,” he said and walked away.
“So, who’s in for a story?” asked Caroline.
When Will reached the parking lot, neither Lizzy or George were in sight. He walked around, checking the cars just to make sure but still no Lizzy.
He got into his car, hands gripping the steering wheel tight, and headed toward the lake. He drove for twenty minutes on the long dark dirt road, keeping an eye out for cars pulled off to the side of the road.
After another five minutes, he swerved nearly missing something on the road. He slowed down and pulled to the side. He got off the car, grabbed a flashlight, and went searching for whatever he missed.
“Hello? Anyone there?” he shouted as he flicked the light across the road.
“Will? What are you doing here?” a female voice asked as she stepped out of the darkness and into the light.
“Lizzy?” he asked sounding hopeful. When he saw her, he threw his arms around her and pulled her close to him. “Oh, thank God! Are you okay?” he asked pulling away just enough to see her face.
“Yeah, but . . . how did you know where I was?”
“Caroline.”
“Caroline?”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes,” she replied, this time more softly and more concerned for him than for herself, “I’m okay, Will.” She gently rubbed his shoulders reassuringly as he had hugged her once again.
“I was so worried.”
“Why were you worried?” she asked, still confused.
“Why?” he asked stepping back as he did. “Lizzy, I found you on the side of the road! Walking all alone! In the dark! Weren’t you scared at all?”
“Well . . . yes. But I had my parent’s cell phone. I was just waiting to get reception.”
Will shook his head. “You wouldn’t have. You’re too far away.”
“I would’ve . . . eventually,” she replied stubbornly. “You still haven’t answered my question. How did you know to come look for me?”
“I’ll explain later. Let’s get you back to the dance first.”
She stood there, not liking the way he was telling her what to do. However, she got in the car reluctantly as she realized that this was neither the time nor place to be stubborn. They drove back to the dance in almost near silence.
As Lizzy stared out into the darkness, tracking the movement of the moonlight as they drove, the full weight and seriousness of what could have happened fell upon her all at once.
Let's admire the pattern forming. Murderous filigree.
I'm caught in the twisting of the vine.
As they neared the parking lot, she tried her best to stifle her cries. But somehow, through the soft-playing radio, Will heard.
Go ascend with ivy, climbing.
Ignore and leave for me the headstone crumbling behind.
Will turned off the car and turned to her. “Come here,” he said gently.
I can't help my laughter as she cries.
My soul brings tears to angelic eyes.**
She fell into his arms immediately. “I’m sorry,” she said muffled.
“No,” he replied. “You did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault.”
She pulled away slightly and shook her head. “I shouldn’t have gone with him in the first place. Jane warned me but . . . I was too sure of myself.”
“What did happen? Do you want to tell me?”
She looked away in shame. “We drove around. We didn’t talk much ‘cause his car was too loud. He said he knew a place where we can hangout and ‘talk,’” she said, making quotations with her hands. “I knew that he would want to . . . you know. But I thought I could handle him.”
“How did you get away then?”
She laughed at the thought. “He kept coming at me and nothing I’d do would make him stop so I . . .” She laughed again. “I kicked him where it hurts most!”
“Did he hurt you?”
She shook her head. “No. He wasn’t . . . forceful, exactly. More like damn persistent. He just couldn’t let it go that I wasn’t attracted to him like he was to me.”
“So what happened after you kicked him?”
“Well, I got away while he was . . . recovering,” she said smiling slyly, “and started to walk back.”
Will nodded as if he had known all along.
“Okay, your turn.” He looked at her questioningly. “I told you my story. Now you tell me yours. How did you know to come look for me? And where to look for me?”
“Caroline,” he said as if that explained it all.
“Yes, you said that before. I still don’t understand.”
“Let’s just say she was an impressionable, vulnerable freshman and George was ‘cool’ and very persuasive and . . . He did with her what he couldn’t do with you. And more.”
“Oh,” she murmured softly. “That explains a lot.”
Will nodded his head. “Yeah.”
“Listen, no one knows about this except you and me. And probably Charlie and Jane by now.”
Lizzy nodded in understanding. “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything.”
“Thanks.”
“We should probably get back to the dance,” said Lizzy.
“Are you sure you’re okay to go back?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
Will reluctantly acquiesced.
As they neared the same bench Will had sat on earlier with Caroline, he slowed his progression.
“Lizzy, there’s something else I want to tell you,” he said pointing to the bench.
She walked over and sat down but he remained standing. From outside, they could hear music coming from inside.
“I owe you an apology,” he began, glancing cautiously at her. “I should have told you about my mom. I realize now that I wasn’t treating you like the friend you were. Are,” he corrected himself. “It was unfair and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shut you out like that.”
“And I’m s-”
“No,” he interrupted, “you have nothing to apologize for. It’s my fault.”
She shook her head. “I was . . .” She opened her mouth to say more but the words wouldn’t come out. “I was being a brat,” she finally said. “I was insensitive and selfish and . . . I’m so sorry for that, Will. I shouldn’t have brought it up after you told me about your mom.” She swallowed, and added more softly, “I never meant to hurt you.”
“No, I deserved it.”
“No,” she disagreed passionately, “you didn’t. Not like that anyway.” She looked down, feeling uncomfortable looking into his eyes.
“Do you . . . Do you feel the same way?” he nervously asked as he reddened with embarrassment.
She looked up confused.
“I mean, do you . . .”
“Oh!” she gasped in understanding. “I . . . no . . . I mean . . .” She searched and searched for the right words to say how she felt but came up empty. So she did the next best thing; she showed him.
She stood up and stepped closer to him and said, “Will, look at me,” for he was looking at the ground. She grabbed his face in her hands and slowly brought him down before kissing him softly. She stepped back and observed his reaction.
Got a funny feeling the moment that your lips touched mine
Something shot right through me, my heart skipped a beat in time
His eyes were closed and his head was still bent down. Slowly, as if waking from a dream, he opened his eyes.
“You really like me?” he asked disbelievingly.
There’s a different feel about you tonight, it’s got thinking lot’s of crazy things
Even thought I felt a flash of light, felt like electricity
“You mean that didn’t answer your question?” she teased, smiling up at him.
You shouldn’t kiss me like this unless you mean it like that
‘Cause I’ll just close my eyes and I won’t know where I’m at
We’ll get lost in this dance floor spinning around and around and around
“No . . . I mean . . . Well, you did kiss George.”
She looked down. “That was a mistake. I thought it was you.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I’m sorry I brought it up,” he said as it seemed to have dampened her mood.
When you kiss me like this, I think you mean it like that
If you do, baby, kiss me again***
She shook her head. “No, you needed to know.”
“But I really-”
She kissed him again. “Just shut up, Will,” she said, holding onto him around his neck and resting her forehead against his.
“Yes, Ma‘am,” he said, resting his hands on her shoulders. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he said not a moment later, nuzzling her head with his.
She chuckled at his disobedience and wrapped her arms around his waist as he pulled her closer to him. “Believe it, Buddy, ‘cause now your stuck with me.”
He smiled. “That’s not so bad.”
“You think so, huh?”
“Yeah . . . I do.”
“I’m glad.”
She looked up at him and smiled. He smiled too. Together, they walked hand in hand to the car before Will took her home, where they spent half an hour saying goodbye without actually saying much.
* Outta my head - Kylie Minogue
**God called in sick today - AFI
***You shouldn’t kiss me like this - Toby Keith (what kind of story would this be without an actual country song? :-) )
Lizzy and Will, after high school, ended up going to different colleges. He was bound for UC Berkeley to major in music. She was headed for San Jose State University to major in English. However, after two years there, she transferred to UCB to be closer to him.
Jane also went to UCB (which afforded Lizzy with extra incentive to visit the campus . . . frequently :-) ), while Charlie went to UC Davis and majored in agriculture.
Both couples got married after receiving their degrees and they lived happily ever after.
As for George, he moved to the city after he was fired by the Darcy’s for habitual lateness. With a fake ID, he got into a 21 and over bar where he tried picking up a girl, although she wasn’t quite a girl. He learned that night that older women were harder to fool, especially when she pulled out her Tae Kwon Do on him.