Posted on Sunday, 25 May 2003
Note: I have taken liberties with Mr Brunel and also with the Bach - Darcy wouldn´t know the concerto as only some time later Felix Mendelssohn-Bartholdy sort of re-discovered his music and made him popular. But as this particular concerto is used as an analogy for marriage in Dorothy Sayer´s "Gaudy Night" I couldn´t resist using it.
„In vain I have struggled, it will not do ...“
„My sweet turtle dove!“ - Mr Collins´ voice was to be heard on the stairs.
Lizzy, who was a bit startled by the violent tone of Mr Darcy´s address, did not know upon hearing this exclamation whether to feel embarrassed for her friend Charlotte or to let her mirth flow freely.
Upon seeing Mr Darcy looking quite stupid as a reaction to this interruption to whatever he was going to say the decision was made for Lizzy, she had to turn away to hide her giggles.
„Mr Collins, I beg of you, do be quiet, it is early yet, Lizzy will still be awake.“
„Beloved wife, there is no need for restraint. I endeavoured to ascertain – there is no light to be seen from her window.“
Mr Darcy was first busy with embarrassment at ear-witnessing the Collinses display of marital affection but soon got concerned as Miss Bennet appeared to be shocked to the point of tears, her shoulders shaking with what Darcy thought to be wracking sobs.
He was a bit surprised at this, being a country girl he wouldn´t expect her to be quite so „missish“. Suddenly it dawned on him! Mrs Collins had been Miss Bennet´s closest friend. That was what brought on her tears – to have to imagine her friend in the greasy clutches of Mr Collins.
Darcy racked his brain for something to comfort her, but failed - somehow „It is usually of a short duration.“ or „A lot of women think of England when doing this.“ sounded not so good to his ears added to the fact that such a topic was not to be discussed among unmarried people!
Gently and very lightly he touched her shoulder.
„Miss Bennet, please do not distress yourself. I am very sorry that you are to witness such a display, but I beg you not to be overly concerned about your friend. When overseeing Lady Catherine´s affairs I was thankful for Mrs Collins´ advice. She is the ideal parson´s wife, noticing what parishioners and tenants need as I am afraid my aunt is sometimes more prone to talk them into plenty and contentness rather than resolving problems on a permanent base and I am very certain that your friend draws a lot of satisfaction from all the useful and good work she is doing here in Hunsford.“
This was the longest speech she´d ever heard from Mr Darcy and that fact alone would have gotten him Lizzy´s attention. What puzzled her further was the subject of his speech. She´d never given much thought to the purpose of Darcy´s annual visit in Kent but was inclined to think that it was – even for him – rather more duty than pleasure.
Lizzy felt a bit foolish to have been thinking him idling away his days at billiards when he´d been going over ledgers or conferring with Lady Catherine´s steward and Charlotte. She was uneasy about how lightly she´d given in to her own whims and prejudices – she´d had had opportunities enough to have heard how diligently Pemberley and also Rosings was run, only she chose neither to hear it nor to attribute it to Darcy. And to have thought about Charlotte´s situation! There was clearly more to Mr Darcy than met the eye.
Her long silence worried Darcy although her shoulders had stopped from shaking.
„Mrs Collins is a very sensible woman, she knew what she was doing when consenting to marry Mr Collins. Do not worry on her account. Although I do believe one should not marry without love the prudent motive is not to be discarded lightly. Consider her options! On the whole she will live a whole more fulfilled life here in Hunsford than the one she would have had in Hertfordshire had she declined his offer.“
This sentiments mirrored Charlotte´s and even Jane´s on the subject therefore Lizzy couldn´t discard them lightly as male arrogance. Nevertheless she didn´t feel comfortable discussing such topics with Mr Darcy and wanted to change the direction of their conversation with asking him for the purpose of his visit when sounds of a different kind reached their ears.
Only Mr Darcy´s deep red blush made her realise what it was, so strange Charlotte´s and Mr Collins´ voices were sounding.
Darcy knew he had to do something and as covering her ears with his hands was not an option he was left with talking to distract her. He couldn´t think of anything remotely conversational as he watched in her mien expressions of understanding, puzzlement and something akin to fear.
He had to act quickly therefore said the first thing that came to his mind
lease hath all too
Oh dear, this will never do, her expression changed to disbelieve, no more Shakespeare, but what else – there, a song a groom had sung to him when a young boy
„Wi´a hundred pipers an´ a´ , an´a´, Wi´a hundred pipers an´ a´ , an´a´, We´ll up an gie them a blaw a blaw, Wi´a hundred pipers an´ a´ , an´a´, O it´s ower the Border, We´ll on an we´ll march to Carlisle Ha´...“
This earned him the first real smile from Miss Bennet as she begun to understand what he was about, her humming along with him however made him forget completely the rest of the song.
„Of Man´s First disobedience, and the Fruit of the Forbidden Tree, whose mortal taste brought death into the World, and all our woe, With loss of Eden, till one greater Man Restore us, and regain the blissful Seat, ...“
Elizabeth had opened the window and taken his elbow. Before he knew what she was about she was out of the window, climbing down the rose ladder. Halfway down she motioned him to come as well. Darcy was in great danger to take a plunge into Mrs Collins´ cabbage when Lizzy took his ankle from below to guide him silently to a safer hold. Both of them down she covered her mouth with one hand and took his with the other and started running.
`Well, I cannot make more of a fool of myself´, Darcy thought wryly and ran along.
In a safe distance she released him and laughed uncontrollably. Darcy felt indignation rise but soon had to succumb to the ridiculousness of their situation and permitted himself a grin. Miss Bennet looked at him as if seeing him for the first time.
Wiping her eyes she addressed him,
„That was the most chivalrous thing that was ever done for me, Mr Darcy. Thank you. – I am already looking forward to the time when I am a grandmother and can tell this story without restraint.“
At his alarmed look she started to giggle anew and continued
„I will leave your name out if you wish so.“
More than ever did he wish to have the ability to converse and tease with ease, not to be struggling with words constantly.
Lizzy still was surprised by his behaviour, that he would willingly be an accomplice in such a stunt. Yet the alternative, to stay in the parsonage and ... A little bit frightened by her daring herself she sensed Darcy´s unease with the situation and strove to set him at ease.
„Mr Darcy, please do not feel compelled to stay. I am sorry to have brought you into this most embarrassing situation.“
„Miss Bennet, this was not your doing, do not blame yourself. Of course I will see you back to the parsonage, in, ah, due time. And I´d rather wait here than recite nonsense, by now I would have been down to nursery rhymes I am afraid.“
„I think I will pass the time by analyzing your very interesting choices so far – you once said that I should not try to make out your character in a ball room and that we´d rather talk of books, I begin to see now the wisdom in that suggestion.“
Although he was pleased that she remembered their conversation at the Netherfield ball he didn´t want her to look too closely.
She was not deterred however,
„Let me see, a Shakespeare sonnet, very apropriate,though it is April, perchance you have seen the `darling buds of May´ in the apple orchard?“
Happy to have gotten off so lightly he mumbled „Yes, that must have been what triggered my memory.“
„This song, I have never heard it before, my aunt is from Derbyshire but she´d never sung it to us when we were children. And I cannot imagine Lady Catherine to approve of it.“
„I have no idea where it comes from, a groom used to sing it to me when I was a wee little boy scampering ´round the stables.“
Elizabeth was trying her best not to be charmed by the little northern accent that had crept into his speech.
„And the last?“ he challenged.
„ `Paradise Lost´ by John Milton. I have to say I prefer `Paradise Regained´ however.“
„I do too but had a very strict school master when reading it first. `Paradise Regained´ I read on my own, with no intention to learn it by heart. – You see, books work remarkably well among the two of us.“
Lizzy had to admit that he was right, this first conversation with Darcy where they didn´t quarrel made her very self conscious.
Both sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts.
Lizzy tried to string together all the different accounts she had – or thought she had – of Mr Darcy. While she was still sure of his interference with Bingley´s courtship she began to doubt the veracity of Wickham´s tale. She did think Darcy capable of making hard decisions, even more so if they were good for Pemberley. However – imaging him denying his father´s last wish out of spite and jealousy didn´t sit well with her any longer. Furthermore she began to have nagging doubts whether what she´d perceived as arrogance and haughtiness was not at least partly reserve and even shyness.
Darcy did not know whether to bless or to curse the interruption of his proposal. On the one hand – if not for Mr Collins he might be able to claim his first kiss from his bethrothed by now, on the other hand – what if she said no? He had always enjoyed their battles of wit but somehow this seemed to be the first time Miss Bennet seemed to thoroughly enjoy his company. Also her surprised reactions to his doings – as if she´d expected a somehow less thoughtful, less acceptable, less spontaneous behaviour from him did not sit well with him. Was it really wise to cherish her independence of spirit and not take at least the possibility of a refusal into account? Truth be told, he had no conclusive proof of her returning his affections. And didn´t pure logic tell him that he´d reached the wrong conclusions in that regard? His teachers in Cambridge would scold him and rightly so for arguing I: She is different from the fawning women of the ton. II: She has contradicted and challenged me on every occasion so far Conclusion: She will say yes.
Involuntarily he shook his head over his own stupidity.
Lizzy caught this gesture and interpreted it as a sign of his dismay of finding himself in such a situation. She felt compelled to offer him to leave again.
„Oh, no, Miss Bennet, that was not what I was thinking, far from it. I was pondering over a serious error of judgment I committed.“
Her head perked up hopefully.
„Then you did reconsider, you no longer think that ...“
She stopped at seeing his puzzlement but Darcy urged her to continue.
This made her uneasy, she started pacing while Darcy waited.
„Forgive me if I do you wrong but I have the impression that Mr Bingley´s failing to return to Hertfordshire was partly your doing.“
Darcy cringed. Bingley´s despondency had made him uneasy already but he still felt it to be preferable to a marriage of unequal affection. But if Miss Bennet´s sister had returned his affection? Surely if he himself would consider marrying a Bennet for love Bingley could do the same?
Lizzy was about to vent her anger over his guilty silence when he spoke
„Yes, I advised Bingley not to pursue your sister´s hand in marriage because I feared him to suffer greatly in a loveless match. And – please forgive me if I am to give you pain – I felt that she would accept his hand even if she had no affection because your family, your mother in particular would wish her to do so.“
Lizzy gasped for air and muttered something under her breath.
„You contradict yourself! Earlier this evening you defended Charlotte´s decision to marry Mr Collins! Don´t you think they would have done rather well together, considering the disposition of both even if there would be a difference in their degrees of affection at the beginning?“
„You caught me there, but I have to make an exception for my friend. Believe me, he would suffer greatly with a wife who didn´t return his affection even if she is as amiable as your sister.“
„And if I told you that she was really fond of him, that she still suffers greatly from her dissappointment?“
„Then I would go to Bingley and tell him of our conversation.“
„As simple as that?“
„Well, of course. What reason should I have to leave my friend in misery, for he is still quite affected.“
„Then let me wish you Godspeed to wherever Mr Bingley is now, Jane indeed loved him dearly, she is just too reserved to show her feelings.“
„I think it is safe to go back now.“
With that he helped her to stand up from her sitting position. Lizzy sensed that he did not disclose everything concerning Jane and Bingley but felt that she could trust him. If he said he would call on Bingley then he would do just so.
Darcy bade her good bye quietly under her window. He seemed to hesitate, just as if he was about to say something but nothing came. Lizzy waved from her window before closing it and he vanished into the night.
The maid that had shown Darcy into the parlour the previous evening shot Elizabeth a curious look when serving breakfast. Lizzy didn´t want any rumors backfiring via the servants and Lady Catherine on Charlotte and seized the first opportunity to assure the maid that Mr Darcy had taken himself home quietly after the Collinses had come home early in a `special mood´. Lizzy´s blush at disclosing this convinced the maid of her innocence in every respect.
Relieved, Lizzy escaped for a walk. She was just about to decide whether she wished for meeting Mr Darcy or not when she spotted him leaning on an tree, obviously waiting for her.
„Good morning, Miss Bennet, I trust you are well this morning?“
„Good morning, Mr Darcy, I am well, thank you. Although I had to pinch myself this morning to make sure it wasn´t only a rather weird dream.“
„I am glad that the lack of sleep didn´t dampen your spirits.“
„How could I do anything but sleeping well with such a beauty of a northern folk song on my mind.“
Seeing his discomfort she attributed it to the wrong reason.
„Do not fear, I will tell neither Lady Catherine nor Miss Bingley, should I ever meet her again, of you hidden talent.“
She was truly in high spirits, Darcy had learned to be cautious but still marveled in being the object of her teasing. Furthermore this singing business gave him an opening.
„Miss Bennet, you are not implying that I have to hide my voice? I am hurt. Perhaps you will give me a chance to redeem myself in your musical ears? If you fear that I will embarrass you we could practice in Mrs Jenkinson´s room where we wouldn´t be in anyone´s way.“
This made her laugh outright, a very enchanting sound to Darcy, and one that gave him hope.
„Dear me, Mr Darcy, you have an odd sense of humour and you hide it well. If we are to vanish into the vaults of Rosings anyway, maybe you could find me a violin to make the sacrifice worthwhile?“
„Splendid idea, there must be a violin of my late uncle somewhere. And as I tried to play the violin myself we could study for Bach´s Concerto in D-Minor for two violins if we manage to find a second instrument.“
„I am not familiar with that particular work but judging from the look of mischief on your face – do you plan to occupy Mrs Jenkinson´s room for the whole summer?“
„Well, yes, I feel certain however that we will have mastered it by Christmas time. But I am afraid Lady Catherine would banish me from Rosings forever for my scraping on the violin would make the wallpaper crinkle, I am not sure I could stand this.“
They had reached the apple orchard by now and Darcy proposed a rest on the bench there.
Lizzy looked at the sun and was surprised to see how much time they had already spent together in a very agreeable manner. She was delighted to find out that he had a dry sense of humor and did neither take himself nor his imposing aunt too seriously. Remembering Wickham´s tale made her sad. To her astonishment she had to admit that she wanted to be able to respect, even like Mr Darcy.
Darcy did not know what to make of her sudden swings of mood, he sensed however that he´d yet again missed an opportunity to broach the subject furthermost on his mind. As he´d been walking the grove for some time before meeting Elizabeth he had already tried to ask himself honestly about her feelings for him – or lack thereof for the matter. He was forced to reconsider his plan of proposing marriage to her. The change in her demeanour in his presence had shown him how wrongly he´d judged her behaviour with him. What he´d thought to be flirting were her high spirits, what he´d thought to be teasing had been a challenge. Before yesterday the most amiable feeling she´d ever harboured for him had probably been mild amusement.
Elizabeth pondered the wisdom of questioning Darcy about Wickham. She might never see him again, why should she care? She felt quite sure that she wouldn´t miss him, yet – after realising the impropriety of Wickham´s behaviour in sharing his tale after so short an acquaintance she would rather not continue to think ill of Darcy, not after seeing his other side, even if they would never meet again. Lizzy didn´t doubt his word to set things straight with Bingley but there was a chance that nothing good would come out of it or even that if Bingley returned to Hertfordshire he probably wouldn´t want to continue his friendship with Darcy.
„Forgive me, Mr Darcy, I don´t mean to pry but I´d like to ask you something.“
He looked at her expectantly.
„I am aware that how you conduct her affairs of your estate are none of my business...“
Darcy smiled wryly at this which Lizzy took as a sign of indignation – she couldn´t know that it was his dearest with that his affairs – business as well as personal – where hers as well, could she?
„All around Meryton a tale was told by Mr Wickham ..“
This took Darcy by surprise and his look of disgust made Lizzy fear that Wickham´s narrative would be true after all , something that didn´t sit well with her, to her own astonishment.
With an effort to appear composed Darcy stated
„If he said that my father wanted him to have the living of Kympton and that I denied it when he asked for it, it is true. Did he give any reasons though?“
„Yes, but now I find that they do not concur with what I´ve seen of your character lately.“
„I don´t think I am any different from the time we met in Hertfordshire.“
„Maybe not in essentials but I always felt – together with the whole population of Meryton – that you took no pains to hide your disdain for our little country society.“
Darcy blushed at this.
„My manners must clearly have been at fault if anyone perceived my unhappiness as related to the company. It is true, at first I didn´t feel comfortable on this trip to Netherfield but later enjoyed myself thoroughly.“
„You certainly didn´t make your enjoyment public. I will be able to report back at home that you have teeth for I have seen you smile here in Kent but I am not sure whether anyone will believe me.“
„But we danced together!“
„Pardon? Our dance was the climax of your stay in Hertfordshire? – You are kidding me!“
Darcy wisely kept his true feelings to himself.
„In a way, yes. I never dance with anyone outside my party.“
„Do not try to flatter me,“ was all Lizzy could answer to this as she was very flattered indeed.
Though he hadn´t given any proper reasons for refusing Wickham the living Lizzy felt oddly comforted. As she´d stated herself earlier, it was not her business. Yet she would venture one more try.
„I understand, I think, that Mr Wickham would make a poor parson, but shouldn´t he be recompensated?“
„Do you think 3000 pounds to be sufficient?“
„Well, yes, I suppose so, as I have never hear of a bishop´s seat Kympton. – 3000 pounds! With any luck he should have added nicely to this sum by now, he has no reason to present himself as poor. – And yet, he is ...“
Darcy could see her thinking.
„Mary King! Her guardian should be warned!“
Lizzy was embarrassed to have believed the slanders of a man who had managed to squander away such a sum in the course of a few years. She tried to think of something to deflect Mr Darcy from realizing the extent of her embarrassment and thus how prejudiced and gullible she had been. Somehow it mattered to her – she didn´t want him thinking ill of her.
Darcy´s voice reached her.
„Shall I write to your father?“
Her look of total surprise told him she hadn´t been thinking of Mary King just now.
„My father?“
„I don´t know Miss King´s guardian, therefore I thought I could beg your father to enlighten him to the character of his ward´s suitor. ...ah, I was hoping that the chance of this to be kept as quiet as possible would rather recommend me writing to your father than Sir William Lucas, added to the fact that you could confirm my letter. I don´t want my interference to be made public because, although I cannot reveal all the particulars to you, Wickham could and would harm my familiy if he knows who is behind thwarting his latest scheme.“
Lizzy blushed beet red, scolding her stupidity violently in her mind. What had she been thinking? That he would write to her father for permission to court her? When did such a thought enter her head?
Darcy watched her intently, not knowing how to relief her embarrassment. He had no clue as to its reason – or rather he had guessed it rightly but put his guess aside as wishful thinking.
Not wanting to recite poems anew or bore her to death with drainage problems he asked
„Did you ever hear of Mr Brunel of Bristol?“
„Yes, actually I was thinking of him just now.“
„Now you are teasing, Miss Bennet.“
„No, I am not. Do you think ill of women who think they have a head for business?“
Darcy could not fathom where this question was leading to.
„I am prepared to think ill of anybody, man or woman, who thinks he or she has a head for business but in truth does view business ventures as sort of a game. They may loose only money but the workers or tenants involved loose their means of supporting themselves, if a business venture takes a bad turn.“
„I take your word on this. – I have, through my father, invested 80 pounds in Mr Brunel´s Great Western Railway. If things progress as well as they did in the next few years and if I am able to add to the investment from my allowance I will be a woman of independent means in 12 or so years.“
Darcy tried hard to keep his face straight for he sensed that treating her meager investments with laughter would do nothing to put him in her good book. And he was sure that she would take his smile as condescension when in fact his heart went out to her for her courage, her determination to be independent and not be deterred by all the difficulties she would be facing. As he had invested himself in Brunel´s plan to build a railway he told her so and went on
„I do wish you every success with your plan, it is entirely understandable that a woman who possesses independence of spirit would want to possess independence of means but don´t you think you will marry?“
Darcy held his breath, waiting for an answer.
„As I am not beauty,“ – Lizzy was tempted to add that she´d once been called `tolerable´but refrained from it – „have no dowry to speak of and what you so gallantly called ìndependence of spirit´ is normally seen as stubbornness. I consider my chances of marrying slim. If I take into account that I would only marry for love than they are nonexistent.“
„I fear you are grossly underestimating your merits. Men – sensible men that is – do not prefer servile wives and as to your beauty – I have been foolish ...“
„Why, Darcy, I haven´t heard you call yourself foolish since you fell into the pond at the age of eight when trying to catch a frog for the gamekeeper´s daughter!“
Both were startled by Col Fitzwilliams sudden appearance. Darcy couldn´t find the fun in his cousin´s remarks as once again an opportunity to broach the subject of courtship was thwarted and Lizzy was plainly disappointed as she had felt the awkwardness of discussing her view on matrimony with Mr Darcy but was even more eager to hear his opinions because she held the hope that they might concur with her own. The Colonel saw that he hadn´t chosen the best moment to join them but wisely guessed that remarking upon this would do nothing to lighten the situation. It was Elizabeth who found words first.
„Did you catch the frog, Mr Darcy?“
This earned her a smile from him, one that confirmed her suspicion of him having dimples.
„I did, but I got a good beating for coming home soaking wet and – far worse – little Miss Peters didn´t like frogs at all. It seems I was misinformed on that account by my cousin,“ with a look at Col. Fitzwilliam.
Elizabeth had to laugh heartily at this picture but scolded the colonel.
„`T is rather unkind of you, to set up your little cousin like that.“
„It was too tempting, Fitz was so bent on pleasing Amy Peters and such a gullible little fellow. – But I´d like to know what foolishness you had engaged now, spill it, Darcy!“
Darcy should have known that his cousin wouldn´t desist and thought of something convincing. He said the first thing that came to his mind – after a night of dreams of rose ladders, cabbage beds and the feeling of Elizabeth´s hand on his ankle.
„Cabbage, I was about to tell Miss Bennet how foolish I was to undervalue cabbage as a vegetable.“
Lizzy had to hide her chuckle and Darcy looked decidedly foolish.
„Dear me, Darcy, you sit in a sunlit apple orchard with a lovely young woman and speak of cabbage? No wonder you are not married yet, you´re a hopeless case!“
This remark made again both blush furiously. Col Fitzwilliam noticed this but stored it in his memory to get to the bottom of all this blushing and nonsensical talk in the evening, with the help of a liberal amount of brandy.
„Speaking of vegetables, shouldn´t we accompany Miss Bennet back to the parsonage, it is lunch time.“
The same evening the Collinses and their visitors had an invitation for dinner at Rosings. The evening progressed as usual with Lady Catherine maintaining much of the conversation. Col. Fitzwilliam and Miss de Bourgh were discussing something obviously funny in a corner and Lizzy and Mr Darcy contained themselves to mumbling a few concurring words whenever a gap in the incessant flow of words seemed to ask for it. When they sat down for dinner and the main course was served Miss de Bourgh surprised them all by making a sound that sounded suspiciously close to a giggle although she tried to cover it with a cough. After Mrs. Jenkinson had draped yet another shawl over Anne´s shoulders the attention of all returned to the food before them. Col Fitzwilliam looked down and exclaimed
„I had nothing to do with it, Darcy, I swear.“
„You better not, cousin, or you`ll face pistols at dawn.“
Darcy shot his cousin a menacing look but couldn´t maintain his offended appearance at the sight of the merry dance of Elizabeth´s eyes, visible over the napkin she used to hide her amusement. Upon seeing the faces of Lady Catherine and the colonel Darcy couldn´t contain himself any longer and was the first of the dinner guests prone to the merits of cabbage to no longer hold back his laughter. Lady Catherine was about to scold their behaviour when she saw the colour all this had put on her daughter´s face. And because of all her amused glances to her cousins and Miss Bennet Anne completely forgot to pick at her food and ate with a healthy appetite.
„I should put cabbage on the menu more often, I think,“ Lady Catherine remarked dryly, thus prompting another fit of giggles.
„Oh, yes, your Ladyship, cabbage is a very beneficial vegetable.“
„Quite, Mr Collins. Darcy, if you can get a grip on yourself, pass me the salt, please.“
Darcy did as he was bid and pondered the implications of Col Fitzwilliam sharing the `cabbage incident´ with Anne. He really should pay more attention to her, even if only to ascertain that he wasn´t wounding her feelings with his refusal to marry her.
Later that evening, after the guests were gone and the cousins were partaking a glass in the library a new possibility presented itself to Darcy when he was easily able to deflect the colonel´s inquiries about his behaviour in the apple orchard with questioning him about Anne.
Lady Catherine´s reactions earlier this evening had shown that Anne´s happiness was foremost in her mind, Darcy had noticed her hopeful watching her daughter´s countenance and appetite. If he could convince her that Anne´s happiness laid not with him but maybe with the colonel ( and cabbage) then there was one obstacle less between him and his happiness with Elizabeth. If she´d only agree, he would marry her against his aunt´s wishes but recently he´d been questioning his attitude towards others and tried to be more mindful of the feelings of people around him. Though Lady Catherine was more often than not a tiresome busybody she was also a doting mother and – if he believed his mother – had been a temperamentful, high-spirited woman in her youth. He wondered what blows life had dealt her and if she hadn´t been more affected by Uncle Lewis´ untimely death than the family had noticed.
„Darcy, you are miles away. Miss Bennet is a lovely young woman but I think you owe me at least to pretend that you are aware of my presence.“
„I was thinking of our aunt´s marriage.“
„Ah, yes, marriage, a subject heavily on your mind recently, methinks.“
„Speaking of Miss Bennet, we could take Anne in the phaeton and call on her in the morning. And with clever timing we might be able to be at the parsonage when Mr Collins has already set off for his daily call at Rosings.“
Darcy held his breath when he realised his slip but fortunately the colonel was already thinking about the outing with Anne.
„Excellent plan, Anne mentioned how those visits bored her.“
„Yes, Richard, excellent. You begin to sound like Bingley.“
“Speaking of Bingley. I might have said something that angered Miss Bennet.“
„Mhm, you told her that I am responsible for her sister´s heartbreak.“
„Oh no, Darcy, I am sorry!“
„We talked about it, do not worry, and I have already written to him.“
„Have you told her this?“
„No, I don´t want to rise false hopes, I cannot say for sure that he will heed my advice now.“
„Of course he will. He will be so stunned by Fitzwilliam Darcy admitting a wrong that he won´t think of resistance. You should tell Miss Bennet. If I read your behaviour in her presence correctly then I see no chances for you if she thinks you a meddling brute, one who talks of cabbage all the time to top this.“
It was due to - thought he couldn´t put his finger onto why - Darcy´s hope that things might turn out well that he bore his cousin´s barbs with good humour.
In the morning Darcy was surprised to find Anne to be down for breakfast already – usually he was the first there and Anne tended to take this meal in her rooms. He made a resolve to broach the question of marriage.
When Anne however noticed that he was searching for words she spoke first.
„Fitz, don´t you dare to propose to me before I had my first cup of tea – or my second or my last for the matter.“
Darcy, who liked to be in charge of things, was a little offended at being so easily read. As he realised however what her opening meant he was reliefed.
„To show such relief, cousin, is quite impolite, you know.“
Upon his blushing Anne laughed.
„I am not that much hurt and I might forgive you for good if you will help me tell my mother of our decision,“ she added quickly as Lady Catherine´s determined steps were to be heard outside.
After his aunt had some breakfast and some talk of small matters Darcy couldn´t ignore Anne´s pointed looks any longer.
„Aunt, Anne and I have something to tell to you.“
Lady Catherine´s head perked up, her face showing a quick succession of an odd mixture of emotions – surprise, joy and – Darcy was quite sure to have read her rightly – disappointment.
„We are in total agreement that we do not wish to marry each other as we do love each other as cousins but not as husband and wife.“
„But, children, that is the point! Do you not see that advantages of a match where the partners know each other from childhood on, a match that is built on a like disposition and mutual respect?“
„Yes, Mother, but I would very much like to have a marriage founded on mutual respect and similar goals in life but on a deep regard too.“
„Oh, Anne, you forgot something. No doubt you would grieve for each other should death claim one of you, but if you loved each other, then it is devastating.“
Anne went round the table and gently took her mother´s hand which had unknowingly crumpled her napkin completely.
„Oh Mamá!“
Darcy had all the proof he needed to have his suspicions of Lady Catherine´s despair after her husbands death confirmed and quit the room quietly as he felt to be intruding.
He prevented Col Fitzwilliam from entering and left word with the housekeeper to ensure that no servant entered the breakfast parlour until being called.
Darcy felt it necessary to prevent Mr Collins from calling on his aunt today and set off to the parsonage immediately, leaving the colonel behind who professed not to be able to face the parson without breakfast but Darcy suspected that he just wanted to be there for Anne when she would reappear. He was conscious that he was doing a good deed but this knowledge didn´t prevent him from being disappointed because of not being able to see Miss Bennet without her cousin.
Lizzy noticed the hint of tenderness in Darcy´s voice when talking about his aunt not being able to receive visitors – no, not even Mr Collins – today. She had finally acknowledged to herself that she liked Mr Darcy´s company, that she wanted to know more about him and that this sentiments didn´t stem from her feeling guilty because of judging him so wrongly first but from genuine joy. Lizzy´d had one or two crushes before (amongst them a forgettable one on a certain Mr Wickham) and from these experiences surmised that, if she ever met the one - the excitement and heightened awareness of mind and body she´d felt then would rise to an overwhelming whirlwind of emotions, sweeping her off her feet. Now she questioned the wisdom of such expectations, asked herself whether she hadn´t read too many Lydia & Kitty – style novels after all (or rather had read them without the proper detachment). What she felt with Mr Darcy was of a different kind. In his presence she often felt awkward, not herself and yet very content and peaceful. And instead of a whirlwind she experienced something like a gentle breeze, laden with a promise.
Irritated Lizzy forced herself to stop such musings. So what? Even if Mr Darcy turned out to be the one for her, she must not hope for anything!
A question from Charlotte brought Lizzy´s attention back to the conversation. Her friend looked a bit exasperated from bearing the burden of having to deflect her husband's attention from Mr Darcy all by herself. But still Charlotte was pleased. Lizzy had been deep in thoughts but she could guess the subject of her reveries as Lizzy´s gaze often rested on Mr Darcy. The gentleman had become aware of this which was – suspected Charlotte – the reason why he bore Mr Collins´ gushing with such forbearance. Elizabeth always had been confident, even brazen. Charlotte couldn´t remember one time in their youth when her friend had seemed so insecure of another´s opinion of her as it seemed to be the case now with Mr Darcy. She pondered the wisdom of sharing with Lizzy her suspicions of Mr Darcy being enamored with her. As she had no hint whether he had plans to act on his feelings she was afraid to raise hopes with Lizzy.
Darcy would have been had pressed to repeat anything of Mr Collins´ conversation. At first he had been venting his fears for Lady Catherine´s state of health but later, after Darcy felt Elizabeth´s gaze to be directed at him, he only heard his own heart beat. Her gaze was thoughtful but not unkind, and even a little bit sad. Darcy wondered whether he shouldn´t heed his cousin´s advice after all and tell her of Bingley´s most recent letter in which his friend had urged him to visit him in Netherfield before going to Pemberley for the summer. As Mr Collins just gabbered about how sad it would be for Miss Bennet and Miss Lucas to be deprived of Lady Catherine´s company as they were to return to Hertfordshire in a few days Darcy had an opening.
„I think they will be able to bear it tolerably well. Mr Bingley is to return to Netherfield shortly and will no doubt provide entertainment for his neighbours.“
This earned him such a dazzling smile from Elizabeth that his cravat seemed too tight suddenly. One reason – besides raising hopes too early – for not wanting to tell her of his letter to Bingley was that he didn´t want eventually arising amiable feelings for him to be founded on gratitude. Now Darcy realised that he had underestimated Elizabeth yet again for what she communicated to him was no gratitude but – besides joyful anticipation of her sister´s happiness – a certain satisfaction, an acknowledgement that he had done the right thing and corrected his own error. The uncertain weather prevented the party from venturing outside but Darcy managed to draw Elizabeth into a conversation about the more remote beautiful spots in Rosings Park – so remote Mr Collins couldn´t join the discussion. Darcy didn´t want to delude himself again about her feelings for him but certain phrases and turns of words gave him reasonably hope for meeting her in the park frequently during the nest few days and even be received with pleasure on the lady´s side.
Lizzy didn´t dare to be more explicit but was aware of how easily they might misunderstand each other. Three weeks ago they had had a similar conversation when she had told him of her favourite walks with the hope that he would avoid them in the future. He hadn´t done so, a fact which gave her hope but Lizzy was resolved not to think ahead. She was convinced of his being an honorable man and that, if he wished to further their acquaintance, he would tell her so before their parting in three days time. Until then she would try to stay reasonable and calm. Yet for all her resolves sleep didn´t come easily to Lizzy this evening, pictures of Mr Darcy leaning on a tree, waiting for her, intruded.
Darcy had had troubles finding sleep as well – for similar reasons – but went downstairs refreshed and full of confidence of seeing Miss Bennet today and this time not be deterred from asking her permission to at least call on her when joining Bingley in Hertfordshire. Col. Fitzwilliam was already in the breakfast parlour and about to say something when the butler entered with two letters for Darcy. One was from his housekeeper in London and the other from Georgiana. Saving his sister´s letter for last he opened Mrs Stevenson´s.
London, April 14th, 1812Sir,
I feel it to be my duty to inform you that Miss Darcy has a slight fever and a persistent cough. Although she is claiming to be only slightly indisposed I am convinced that you should know.
Dr Smythe has of course been consulted and told us not to worry but if you feel it in your power to return two days earlier than planned my relief would be great.
Your faithful servant,
Martha Stevenson
Darcy felt an urge to command a coach immediately but forced himself to read Georgiana´s letter first.
London, April 14th, 1812Dear Brother,
I beg you not to heed Mrs Stevenson´s letter on my account. I really am well, she is exaggerating. If I hadn´t persisted practising the new selection of Mozart arias upon the first signs of a sore throat nothing at all would ail me.
Your letters from Kent sound very different this year and Anne too assures me that you are enjoying your stay. Dearest Fitzwilliam, forgive me if I am overstepping my bounds but please do not leave Kent before securing your own happiness.
Your loving sister
Georgiana
Darcy sighed. Georgiana meant well and her wish was his dearest wish as well but he knew he had to leave immediately. Mrs Stevenson´s words `persistant cough´ rang in his ears and, although he was sure that Georgiana wouldn´t lie to him he thought her capable of deluding herself concerning the nature of her illness. He was quite sure at heart however that Georgiana´s cold was little more that a sore throat as she was generally not frail but still he had to see her with his own eyes, had to make sure she was all right. Darcy couldn´t put his own happiness before his sister, not after Ramsgate.
He had been confident to reach some sort of an understanding with Miss Bennet before leaving Kent but – as it was unrealistic to expect something from his farewell at the parsonage – now was left with the hope that she trusted him enough not to misconstrue his sudden leaving and that they could continue their relationship when he joined Bingley in Hertfordshire.
His heart was heavy and a sigh must have escaped his lips because Col Fitzwilliam asked
„Bad news, Darcy?“
„I hope not, Georgiana is indisposed, nothing serious she assures me, but I have to see her, if only for my own peace of mind.“
As they had made plans of taking Anne with them for a visit to Darcy and Georgiana in London it was agreed that the colonel would stay back and escort Anne to London upon hearing from Darcy that all was well. Anne and Lady Catherine agreed to that plan and Darcy instructed his valet to pack and to have the carriage ready in two hours. He had to finalize some little matters with his aunt´s steward, trifling concerns really but still they needed half an hour of his time.
With barely restrained impatience Darcy dismissed the steward and hurried down to the parsonage to say his farewells. He had feared to have missed Elizabeth and so it was, she had left for a walk – to meet him so he hoped. After staying as short a time as convention would allow Darcy set off in search of Miss Bennet. He found her neither in the apple orchard nor by the stream or a grove they both favoured. Short of climbing up a huge oak tree to spot her Darcy racked his brain for other places in the park where she might be. With a heavy heart he heard the bell. He knew he really should turn back to Rosings now.
Darcy trusted Mrs Collins to convey his farewells to Miss Bennet properly but was disappointed to have missed her. All his former confidence seemed to vanish in thin air. Had he again misinterpreted her behaviour? Was it arrogant to presume to be able to read her thoughts, to assume her trusting him even when his sudden leave bore shocking similarities to Bingley´s flight from Hertfordshire? What if he returned to Hertfordshire only to find her promised to another?
With a sigh Darcy turned back to Rosings to say goodbye to his aunt and cousins.
Lizzy knew that she´d started her walk early, Mr Darcy might easily be detained by something. She´d been teasing him during his last visit with the frog he caught twenty years ago and she was quite sure that he´d understood that she´d be walking to the pond on the far end of the park. After strolling in the vicinity of said pond for over an hour however she began to have doubts. What if he had misunderstood her? What if he did get her meaning but choose not to come? What if he thought her to be too forward and consequently thought ill of her?
Darcy boarded his carriage reluctantly. He had always gained satisfaction, pleasure even from doing what he perceived as his duty but there had rarely been occasions when he´d done it with such a heavy heart. He forced himself to be resigned to the inevitable, he would see her again only in Longbourne and would have to be patient about it.
Just then he saw colour flashing in the corner of his eye. Of course! The frog pond!
Quickly he knocked on the carriage roof to tell the driver to stop. Darcy crossed the meadow, forcing himself not to run. When he saw Elizabeth turning to walk away from the pond however he forgot about his dignity and ran.
„Miss Bennet, wait!“
Lizzy turned round to the astonishing sight of Mr Darcy running across the meadow towards her. Blushing she waited for him to reach her.
„Miss Bennet, I am sorry to interrupt your ramble. I have come to say farewell in person, as I have to leave for London earlier than planned.“
„I wish you a good journey, Mr Darcy. I hope nothing serious has arisen.“
„I do hope not. My sister is ill, she assures me of her being well again in a few days but I have to see her for myself.“
„Wanting to ascertain her well-being does you credit to be sure. I do hope that you worry for nothing.“
An awkward silence ensued between them. Lizzy had seen the waiting coach and could not but be flattered by his stopping it for coming to say good bye in person. The butterflies in her stomach danced a merry dance as she held her breath. How she wanted to ask him whether he would join Bingley in Netherfield!
„Miss Bennet, would you do me the honour of granting me permission to call on you when I go and see Bingley?“
Darcy was all anticipation, awaiting her reply.
„I would be happy to see you again in Hertfordshire, Mr Darcy,“ Lizzy answered with a dazzling smile. Darcy relaxed, he felt like laughing out loud, but had to restrain himself to a bow and a
„Thank you, Miss Bennet. Until then.“
„Good bye, Mr Darcy and Godspeed.“
Lizzy watched him return to the waiting carriage and waved back as he raised his hand for a last greeting when entering it.
Darcy leaned back in the seat with a content sigh. All would turn out well. When they rounded a bend that afforded the last view of Rosings Park he saw her, bonnet in hand, happily skipping down a small hill towards the parsonage.