Beginning , Section II
Chapter 14
Posted on Tuesday, 9 December 2003
It was late for Jehovah Witnesses to call, so Lizzy thought of a neighbour, as she expected no one in particular. She opened the door only to find Max on her doorstep, carrying a bag of groceries, flowers and an unspoken question on his face. Lizzy smiled and stepped back to let him in.
Max had pondered the issue of calling on her the whole day. In the end he gave in, he just had to know that she wasn’t home all alone, feeling wretched. Her smile taught him to hope, there was something in her expression that hadn’t been there on Saturday.
“I’m glad you’re on the mend. I’ve got some lemons and honey.”
“Thank you. I will use them for a cake.”
Max noticed that her voice was raspy and her nose a little bit reddened. This calmed his fears somehow, he felt comforted by the thought that his confession hadn’t seemed to have brought her illness on but a genuine cold.
“I was just about to make dinner. Will you stay?”
“I’d like to, yes.”
Lizzy led him to the kitchen. She then took vegetables from the fridge to make a pasta sauce.
“May I help?”
She handed him carrots and a knife and sat down at the table. Over chopping up onions, peppers, carrots and tomatoes they talked about his meeting in the council, the whether, anything but about what was foremost on their minds. When the sauce was simmering on the stove and Lizzy had cleared the table she sat down again. She made a resolve to speak but Max anticipated her.
“I want you to know that I didn’t mean to disregard your wish for more time, only I couldn’t help feeling that, er, about what we talked on Saturday has somehow, er, affected you.”
“I’ve tried to phone you at work, so I’m glad you’re here. And you’re quite right, my cold wasn’t so severe that I would have stayed home under normal circumstances.”
“Lizzy, I’m sorry. I have thought long about when to tell you or whether to tell you at all.”
Lizzy was getting agitated. She knew she’d have to be honest with him.
“I am glad you told me. You see, on Sunday I began to wonder, I mean, there I was again, falling in love with an alcoholic, and when I told myself to stay away from you I realized how hard that would be.”
Max sat there, numb. Had she said she was falling in love with him? Yes, she had and in the same sentence that this was not a good idea. Lizzy went on before he had a chance to say anything.
“Sunday and Monday weren’t bright days for me, well, never mind, I’ve come to my sense. You see, that is, there are no guarantees anyway and –“Max had taken her hands by then and Lizzy held on to his firmly
“- I’m not going to belittle either you or me by thinking we’re where we are either because of or despite you being an alcoholic. You see, I recently found out that I avoided these blues clubs for all the wrong reasons and I’m not going to repeat that mistake with us.”
Max was overwhelmed, the “us” replaying in his ears. He reached up to her cheek, making her look up, still somewhat embarrassed but with the most beautiful, shy smile.
After a while of gazing into each other’s eyes he said
“I was afraid that telling you was wrong, that it might mean, I don’t know - . Then at an AA meeting one member pointed out that in spite of the fact that we should never underestimate the powers of alcohol, there are good things and bad things happening in our lives that are entirely unconnected to it.”
Lizzy raised her teacup in a salute.
“To a very wise man!”
They laughed and the tension abated somewhat.
“In my case it was Muddy Waters. “You Can’t Lose What You Ain’t Never Had” is not so very fatalistic I found out, but rather states that there are no guarantees.”
Max raised his cup too and Lizzy stood up to put on the water for the spaghetti. As she wanted to return to her side of the table Max caught her hand, drawing her closer. Standing up, his arms went around her and he bent down for a kiss. They started very gentle, tentative and shy. Lizzy felt quite bashful all of a sudden and completely under the spell of the moment.
Max was enjoying his first completely sober kiss and he did so with a reverence that made Lizzy´s knees go weak. Time was suspended and only the hiss of the overboiling water made them break their kiss.
With a small sigh Lizzy turned to put the noodles into the water, giving Max a moment to regain his composure. It was incredible, he felt so much alive; every inch of his skin seemed to tingle in anticipation.
Lizzy returned into his arms, wrapping hers firmly around his waist. Looking up, she teased
“I’ll have to change my playlist completely, you know. There are some very sad songs I feel totally unable to perform in a convincing way.”
“They’ll love whatever you play, I’m sure.”
“You’re not biased by any chance?”
“Oh yes, I admit, I am, and long since.”
This brought on a puzzled look on her face.
“Long since, you mean-“ Charlotte’s remarks came to her mind.
“Do you want to imply I’ve been so discreet in my admiration you never suspected anything?”
“Well, Charlotte meant to put me on my guard but I thought her over imaginative.”
“Charlotte over imaginative?”
“You’re right. She’s the epitome of sensible and solid practicality and not at all prone to romantic flights of fancy. She said you’d been looking at me a great deal.”
“That woman should be a diplomat. I’ve been blatantly staring at you for half a year at least but I couldn’t help myself.”
Lizzy blushed.
“Feel free to continue so, it makes me feel quite warm.”
After another, not so tentative kiss they sat down to dinner.
Max of course would have said afterwards it was the best pasta he’d ever had but still would be hard pressed to remember what they’d eaten.
Although he knew that from now on he would see her often like this, the thought was new still. So, he frequently became completely entranced by watching how the corners of her mouth seemed to curl up separately before turning to a full-fledged smile and how she wrinkled her nose when thinking about something.
They talked about their childhood and youth, about university life. Not consciously did they avoid grimmer topics but there seemed to be a mutual understanding that those subjects were too painful still to bring up at such a perfect moment.
When their conversation strayed to work, they agreed on keeping their relationship secret for a while.
“Not that it will work, mind you. If you go about smiling like that in the library half of the staff will be swooning. There’s no chance to remain undetected.” Lizzy remarked.
“Am I considered such a dreadful bore at work?”
“They cannot make you out and that keeps them on their toes.”
Suddenly Lizzy turned serious.
“Do you plan to do anything about the lies Wickenberg is spreading about you?”
Max had thought about this.
“The accusations are ridiculous in itself but people who do not know a thing about how a campaign is conceived might still believe them. I planned to tell whoever asks the truth, or at least part of it. I’d never planned to stay in advertising anyway, my father’s death forced me to take and keep the job.”
“I’m not sure that people will ask though.”
“Never mind, he’ll be gone soon enough and the rumours will die down. If it bothers you, I could ask Karl for help. I might give him a hint.”
“They’ll come around. Could I tell you about the campaign? Wickenberg’s behaviour made me wonder whether he’d do a good job.”
“Wickenberg’s boss is a good man. He wouldn’t let something leave his firm that wasn’t sound, and though I loath to admit it, Wickenberg knows the ropes. I’ll look it over but I’m quite sure that it’ll be all right.”
“Good. – But I do not want to meet that man again. I’ll get Karl to release me; my work is done anyway.”
Together they did the dishes and Lizzy put the espresso maker on the hearth.
“Do you want some?”
“I´ll have one, thank you. I planned on going to a meeting at 11 PM. In St. Steven´s Cathedral.”
“How often do you go?”
“Twice a week usually. I can manage with once a week for a while but I get restless then. Something’s missing.”
Lizzy nodded.
“I know that feeling, I get queasy on my third week away.”
A glance at the clock showed her that it was nearly time for Max to leave. They drank their coffee in the living room.
Lizzy was seeing him to the door but not after yet another kiss. Only when she said
“Off with you, dearest.” was he able to leave.
Lizzy took his flowers to her nightstand and felt asleep a very happy woman.
Chapter 15
Lydia Benninger was a young woman who loved parties, gossip and men, not necessarily in that order.
She guessed she liked Wednesday mornings better than Monday mornings, they were closer to the weekend after all, but still - how she wished it to be Friday!
Her new admirer had promised to take her to a really hot party, one where a little office girl normally wouldn’t dream of going, as he had put it. Lydia was offended by that comment for 5 minutes until Georg had distracted her with his questions about what she’d wear.
She may be flighty and thoughtless sometimes but she had the good sense to see what a treasure her boss, Karl Binder, was. He was sometimes less organized than her mother - that meant something - and this brought out a protective side in Lydia that made her work hard to keep Karl organized. No one would have guessed but they made quite an efficient team.
Lydia didn’t know yet but this morning she was in for a surprise. Shortly after nine Max Danner strode into the office, wearing a dazzling smile. Lydia’s mouth kept hanging open until he enquired
"Good morning, Lydia, is Karl in?"
Lydia wouldn’t be Lydia if she’d answered this simple question.
"Why, Max, has the botox worn off finally?”
She was quite sure that his usual stern look would make a reappearance and therefore totally was unprepared, for Max nearly collapsing in a fit of laughter. Between gasps for air he managed
"Yes, yes, you could put it that way! - And you, young lady, should have a talk show."
Even Lydia´s closest friends had always laughed about her TV ambitions. Max couldn’t know but Lydia Benninger would slay dragons for him from now on. For once speechless she motioned to Karl’s door with her head.
With shaking hands Lydia poured herself a glass of milk. While there were only a few things she didn’t know about Karl Binder and his family, she’d never been able to figure out how he could be friends with Max. Now she began to see.
Maybe Max had had a two year long root canal treatment? This made her wince in sympathy as she’d always put her dentist appointments off until she truly "felt " them to be in order.
When Max re-emerged from Karl’s office Lydia addressed him, determined to solve the riddle of his changed mood.
“I gather you’re relieved that your past is out in the open.”
“My past?”
She leaned closer in a conspiratorial manner.
“Georg told us you stole ideas from him and that’s why you had to leave the agency.”
“I see. Never mind, I’m quite sure that everyone here knows that’s not how advertising works. I never wanted to work in that field but was glad to get the job when my father died suddenly, leaving the sole care of my little sister to me. When Karl offered me this job I came gladly.”
Lydia was glad that her new favourite quite obviously was blameless, she was more than glad that she also had obtained the first bit of substantial information on Max in two years, a fact that would make her highly popular during lunch hour.
Max felt badly about telling Lydia things he wouldn’t tell her normally out of calculation. But as he was quite prepared to hug the whole world today he reckoned he could as well start with trying to like Lydia Benninger and not using her solely for her primary role in the office – gossip.
“Lydia, maybe you could help me.”
“I hope so, shoot.”
“I’m sure you know that Jennifer Binder’s birthday is in a month. Do you have any idea what she might like. I can only think of books but with the kids and all, she’s quite likely falling asleep over them.”
“You’re right there, she even told me so once. Well, let me think – oh, there’s one thing I know she doesn’t want yet Karl is determined to get her. You see, she complained that she doesn’t get a chance to workout, or go running at least, so Karl plans to buy her a home trainer. Could you tell him that it would be a mistake? The point is, I think, that she wants to get away from home every now and then, with three kids under four that’s not so easy. Hmm – I got it! She loves dancing! You could give her a dance-course in ballroom – dancing, if that’s not too expensive.”
“Yes, I remember, She used to love balls. Thank you, Lydia, I will just do that.”
“Max?”
“Yes?”
“You realize that your present would be worth nothing if you do not organize babysitting along with it? I know the Binders, they do not get away from home if left to their own devices. I suggest you team up with Lizzy, she sometimes baby-sits for them.”
Max could think of worse fates than babysitting together with Lizzy and really thought Lydia’s idea a brilliant one.
“You’re right. I can understand now why Karl’s so uncharacteristically organized most of the time – it’s your doing.”
“Don’t overdo it, smiling is enough, you need not flatter me.”
And smile he did.
Lizzy´s shift would start at 11. Max planned to steal a kiss from her behind “English Literature”. Charlotte was it charge of that department. Max busied himself with straightening a book now and then, frequently glancing at his watch. Finally he spotted Lizzy who seemed to be looking for someone – him? – as well. The way her features lit up on seeing him warmed his heart.
“So you positioned yourself between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Rochester, that speaks of some confidence.”
“No, I still can hardly believe my good luck. Only, this is the most secluded corner of the library.”
“True.”
With that she was in his arms.
After a kiss Max told Lizzy of his talk with Karl and they agreed on having lunch together. With yet another kiss they went to their departments.
Charlotte greeted Lizzy with
“Are you sure you shouldn’t be at home still, you look a bit feverish.”
“I am quite well, thank you.”
“Max enquired after you yesterday.”
“Oh, did he?”
Charlotte noticed the blush on her friend’s face and decided to give them a little push. Long since had she been convinced that Max liked Lizzy a lot and now her friend seemed to be prepared to consider him as well.
She went in search of Max.
Something about him looked different. Anyway, Charlotte had a mission.
“Max, I like to cook and do so quite often for friends. I wondered if you’d like to come as well some time?”
“Ah, yes, I’d be honoured.”
“Are you free next Tuesday evening, sevenish?”
“Yes.”
“All right, here’s my address.”
That had gone surprisingly smooth.
Over lunch Max told his love of Charlotte’s invitation whereupon Lizzy exclaimed
“She’s matchmaking! – I am of a mind to tease her just a little bit. Do you have any cousins you could bring along to give her a taste of her own medicine?”
“Richard would do. Come to think of it they might really suit each other. And I think he would come along if we explain everything to him. But you have to judge what Charlotte’s reaction would be, how much she can take.”
“I think we’ll leave cousin Richard for later, and for now just innocently ask her whether we can bring dates on Tuesday.”
So Charlotte tried hard to put on an unaffected air when first Lizzy and then Max asked whether they were allowed to bring partners to dinner.
In a quiet moment she cornered Lizzy.
“Tell me everything about him, you sly thing!”
“I didn’t know he liked me that much, we’ve only found out Saturday.”
Charlotte had a pretty clear picture of how her friend spent her time and racked her brain for a man, other than Max, whom she obviously saw regularly but had now turned out to be much more than a friend.
“Is it the young man at the bakery you think is so cute?”
“You’ll see on Tuesday.”
“Well. Of course I’m honoured but it is very unlike you to bring along a man you’ve dated for four days.”
“Actually it is one day I guess. Only yesterday did I tell him of my feelings for him.”
“You astonish me.”
Max and Elisabeth spent a lot of time together, in cafés, in the cinema, or just walking through a late autumn city. They didn’t have the weekend together because Lizzy had a long standing engagement. She went home to her family as it was All Souls Day.
Max had offered to fetch her from the station on her return but as Lizzy knew that his regular days for meetings were Wednesdays and Sundays she declined. She would watch “Columbo” and start knitting a sweater for Max, if it was to be ready for Christmas she’d have to hurry.
They agreed on having breakfast on Monday instead.
Lydia Benninger’s Friday evening went well at first. After his initial, ill concealed disappointment over her wearing a shirt that covered nearly all her upper thigh Georg was as charming as ever, if a little bit condescending.
They danced a lot, with frequent stops at the bar. Lydia realized that he was trying to get her drunk to later bed her but as she had come to the party with a concurring aim it didn’t bother her in the least.
When Georg excused himself Lydia decided to do some research. She was not sure yet whether to confront Georg with Max’s side of his story and when. Casual enquiries soon told Lydia that Georg must have been twisting the truth – at least. She still had no reason to believe Georg to be anything worse than pompous but began to check out the other men at the party as well.
Wickenberg had been fun to flirt with and she had been envied at work because of his attentions but Lydia’s heart was not engaged.
Georg was in a strange mood after he returned. Lydia had no illusions about why and therefore gladly took the invitation from other party goers to tag along to another club.
Chapter 16
Posted on Friday, 12 December 2003
On Monday the weather was terrible, cold and foggy, but Max and Lizzy didn’t mind in the least.
When walking to their work place after breakfast in a café near both their flats, the fog made them daring. Ever so often Max would pull Lizzy into an embrace in a doorway.
As the library was just across the square they stepped half a yard apart. They had managed so far to stay undetected. Charlotte would have noticed if not from the confusion over her dinner invitation.
Max thought of that dinner when something came to his mind.
“Lizzy, Charlotte is expecting four people instead of two tomorrow. Won’t she be angry with us?”
“Oh no, she’s always cooking for more than expected and if we’re very lucky we get a doggy bag to take home.”
The next evening Charlotte stuck her head out into the staircase when Lizzy and Max and no one else stood on her door step, grinning.
“Didn’t you say you’d both bring a date?”
Max answered her
“Lizzy told me so much of the wonders you do in the kitchen that I suggested this ploy to make sure there’s enough to eat.”
Charlotte’s mien clearly expressed her fear of Max having gone mad. This was the longest sentence she’d ever heard from him and he was talking complete rubbish, also a first timer.
Upon hearing the timer from the kitchen she decided to let it pass. Lizzy and Max grinned at each other and followed their host.
When the first course – pumpkin soup dressed with whipped cream and oil of pumpkin seed – was safely on the table Lizzy addressed her friend.
“Actually I did bring a date.”
“Well, did you lose him on the tube?”
“No, we walked.”
“So then, was he snatched up by a late Halloween ghost?”
“No, neither.”
By then it dawned on Charlotte and the succession of expressions on her face made the lovers laugh – disbelief, surprise, annoyance and a sort of self satisfied pride finally.
“I should know `Emma´!”
Max laughed.
“You tried to match matching persons, that’s more than Emma accomplished. Only we were quicker on our own.”
“My, my, a man who knows his Austen! That’s rare even amongst librarians. Well done, Lizzy.”
“I have to admit I do not like Austen that much, personally I’m more into the Russians.”
“Oh, well, that’s all right too. Saves me the embarrassment of envying my best friend her boyfriend.”
The grim weather saved Lizzy and Max from public embarrassment but both sensed that soon their relationship would go a step further. They didn’t discuss it in so many words but when Lizzy invited Max over for dinner on Saturday they both knew it was an invitation for breakfast as well.
Max tried to calm himself and wondered whether he should apprise Lizzy of the fact that in a way he was still a virgin. His only consolation was that so far everything had gone smooth in that area, maybe it was like riding a bike – once you learned it you didn’t forget it again.
When thinking of Lizzy’s lips he wondered what her neck or her – oh dear, thinking about this was not a good idea during work hours. Max was glad to be sitting down and hoped that no one would need him until he’d thought about his tax return for a sufficient amount of time.
One consolation was that Lizzy seemed to suffer similarly. Sometimes he caught her gazing at his lips, or fingers, or his whole body, her eyes glazing over in a most intriguing way.
On Friday they had coffee together after work. Lizzy planned to go to a meeting afterwards.
When Max told her that he was very much looking forward to their dinner date, he was surprised to hear Lizzy sigh and hang her head. She was blushing and seemed to be uncomfortable.
“Max, er, I , you know, I’m quite nervous about Saturday.”
He looked at her questioningly.
“I’m not talking about my pasta.”
“That makes two of us. You know, I meant we didn’t talk about this but, er, - do you know `Mad Dog and Glory´?”
Lizzy wrinkled her brow in concentration.
“Is it with Uma Thurman and Robert De Niro?”
“Um huh.”
“I don’t think I remember it very well – oh!”
Lizzy had recalled the scene where Wayne and Glory made love for the first time, or tried at least, their lovemaking being over very quickly because of his eagerness.
“I see. So I do no longer have to be afraid of you being shocked when I’m, er, very passionate.”
“Not in the least. I will not know because I’m quite sure I’ll faint when I see you in a lesser dress state than now. Just the outline of your, ah, collarbone under this turtleneck has quite distracted me.”
Lizzy blushed and smiled at him, quite relieved and reassured now.
“We better not continue talking like this if I’m ever going to make it to my meeting.”
“You’re probably right.”
Max walked her to St. _____´s and again they made the most of the fog and the darkness.
When Saturday evening came, Lizzy felt full of anticipation and at the same time giddy with happiness, but no longer nervous.
As the table was prepared and the sauce ready she hopped into the shower.
Later Max would say that he would have choked on his salad anyway because of being so nervous and therefore his coming early was his only salvation but Lizzy was not too pleased at first when she had to open her door wrapped in a towel only.
She forgave him however when their greeting kiss turned into more. They never made it as far as the living room for the first time and dinner wasn’t eaten until much later that evening.
They finally fell asleep in the wee hours, Lizzy snuggling closely against Max’s chest. Max was wondering whether it would be premature to propose to her on the spot when her deep breaths told him that Lizzy would no longer hear him.
„Lizzy Benesch“ Lizzy mumbled into the phone, glancing at her alarm. It was ten past seven.
“Lizzy, my brother’s not come home!” Georgine’s voice was frantic with worry.
“Calm down, Georgie. Are you sure he’s not out running or fetching the newspapers?”
“Yes, he went out yesterday in his smartest shirt and is not back, you cannot tell me he’s running in that!”
“But Georgie, he is a grown man. Where did he go yesterday evening anyway?”
“I reckon he had a date. The shirt, you know, and he was in a fabulous mood.”
“There you are. I think his date went well and he is sleeping soundly right now, just not at home.”
“Lizzy, and what if not? What if something went wrong and he had a relapse?”
“Have a little faith in him!”
“I am so frightened, may I come over?”
Georgine was crying now and Lizzy was torn between her wish to be of help to her friend and her desire to snuggle back against the back of her peacefully sleeping lover. He looked so young, so relaxed. Lizzy’s heart went out to him.
“Georgie, right now …” Oh dear, Georgine had already disconnected.
Now Lizzy had half an hour to prepare him what to expect. She pondered whether to let him sleep and stay in the kitchen with her friend but she knew that he would be very embarrassed when finding a stranger in the kitchen, he himself half dressed (or not dressed at all).
Gently she woke him. For a moment he didn’t know where he was but when he remembered the previous evening - and the night – Lizzy was rewarded with the most dazzling smile.
“You are an early bird, hmm?” he mumbled, drawing her close.
“Not voluntarily. Dearest, I’m sorry. A friend from AlAnon called. She’s worrying about her brother who didn’t come home last night, I wanted to tell her that this is not the, ah, best moment to pop over but she’d already rang off. I am afraid she’s on her way as we are speaking.”
“Never mind. I’ll stay undercover until you’ve calmed her down. And I should call my sister, she might worry too.”
After a kiss Lizzy went into the kitchen. Max tried his sister’s mobile. As she didn’t pick up – no big surprise at this hour – he left a message.
Georgine was ringing the bell shortly afterwards, looking truly upset. Lizzy pressed a honey- laced tea into her cold hands and told her again to have faith in her brother. After they exhausted every possibility of his whereabouts at least twice, a process during which some colour had returned to Georgie’s face she looked at her friend properly for the first time today.
Lizzy was positively glowing. Knowing her not really to be a morning person, she voiced her suspicion aloud.
“What is it, Lizzy? I know you cannot be that happy to see me at seven thirty on a Sunday morning. Are you hiding a man in your bedroom?”
It was said in jest but Lizzy’s deep red blush confirmed every word.
“Oh my, I am sorry. I’ve interrupted your breakfast.”
“Don’t be, Georgie. I tried to tell you but, ah, …”
“I gave you no chance, did I? But Lizzy, you never told me of someone, this is happening very quickly. Are you sure you’re not making a mistake?”
The “again” hang in the air heavily.
“No, Georgie, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I haven’t felt like this before; do not worry.”
Georgine looked still doubtful, then pouted.
“You deserve to be deliriously happy, I’m sure. It is just, I always thought you to be the perfect match for my brother.”
“No matchmaking, please. Just think of “Emma”. Besides, it looks like your brother has already found someone.”
“I hope so. Thank you, Lizzy, for your patience. I feel much better already. I really have no reason to have no faith in him. I’ll be off then and leave you to crawl back under the covers.”
Lizzy’s blushing again at this suggestion made her laugh out loud.
Max passed the kitchen on his way to the bathroom when a laugh he heard made him stop dead in his tracks. He opened the door cautiously.
“Georgie?”
“Max! Why – oh – “
Now it was Georgine’s turn to blush.
Epilogue
I cannot tell you that Lizzy and Max lived happily ever after because I do not know yet. Quite possibly they’ll have their share of worries and troubles like anyone else, but they’ll tackle them together – one day at a time.
The End