Posted on Monday, 19 May 2003
"Emma, I must see her, please!" His voice sounded agitated.
Emma's mind was troubled beyond measure; how could she tell her own father that his wife, his beloved Elizabeth, refused to see him ever again? For years all she had trusted in was the bond between her parents; they had been her idol in both love and life. Nothing seemed to be too hard for them to endure as long as they were together. And now her father had broken the mirror of her soul by betraying her mother with another woman? She knew not who the woman was; it meant nothing.
"Father, her orders are clear. She's packing and will leave Pemberley this afternoon. I'm sorry!" The words stung as she spoke them.
"Emma, you're my daughter! For over twenty years we have shared love and sadness in unison, it must not end like this. How can you, my favourite child, refuse to let me see her? How can she condemn me unheard? Would you do that to your husband?" Darcy said.
Emma's eyes narrowed to fiery slits. "Father, my husband has not betrayed me with another woman! Yes, I know about it. I'm Mama's confidant, even more so than aunt Jane. How can you blame her for her action after doing this to her?"
Still Darcy's composure did not waver; he was as calm and stern as he had ever been. No, he would not shame himself before his daughter. Of course he saw his error; recognized his weakness in allowing this woman to seduce him to kiss her but there had to be a way to tell Elizabeth that it meant nothing to him. Yes, she would understand; Elizabeth always understood. And if Emma would not let him pass, what was that to him? He would go and see her; fight for her; win her back.
"I'm sorry, Emma. But I'm going in and you won't stop me!" he said brusquely and pushed her aside; entering his wife's bedchamber. What he saw took his breath away. The entire bedchamber was filled with packed coffers and boxes, some gowns were spread on the bed; Elizabeth's collection of rare fans was still hanging on the wall. Elizabeth was nowhere to be seen. Without a word he walked on into her smaller dressing room. There she was, sitting in front of her mirror; staring at herself.
Never had he seen her as beautiful. Like Venus being born among foam she dazzled him; her intimate gown and lose hair gave her a look of youth and innocence. Only the wrinkles around her eyes and her tight-lipped mouth betrayed her real age. But how much he remembered the softness of those rosy lips, the glow in her fine eyes, the tenderness of her slender fingers... Yet she did not turn; her eyes were fixed upon her own reflection as if it could reveal her a secret.
"How many times have I waited and hoped that you would speak to me; that you would break the silence," he began tenderly.
"I am drawn to you and yet you refuse to see me; if my eyes meet your gaze you look away. Elizabeth, will you hear me now?"
She rose from her seat; she appeared weary. "There is nothing I want to hear about it. Let me be, go away!"
"No, I shall not leave! I want to talk to you; I want to explain..." he broke off. How could he explain.
"Well, lets talk about it then! Was it good? Did you enjoy it?" She asked ardently.
"What?" Her question baffled him.
"Well, you want to talk about it; lets do it then! Was she good?"
"She-She was different...."
This was a mistake. A pillow flew at him; she was hurt.
"Elizabeth! Elizabeth, calm yourself, I beg you! She meant nothing to me! Look, I don't cheat; that's not me! You know me, my love."
"Yet she was worth risking our love! Yes, I thought I knew you once! But not now, not anymore!"
After this outburst they remained silent for a few long minutes; Elizabeth had seated herself in front of her mirror, combing her long hair. Pulling through it fiercely she made Darcy shrink from it; it was a most alarming sight. The faster she combed the more her cheeks burned; the bodily pain helped to drown out the pain in her heart. But suddenly he stood behind her, taking the brush out of her hand; combing her hair most tenderly as he had done for countless times.
Feeling his hands touching her hair brought tears to her eyes.
"Elizabeth, tell me what you're thinking. Please tell me, my love."
"I'm thinking about you." she admitted.
"Elizabeth, can you not forgive me? I am so sorry, I truly am. Please, Elizabeth ... Lizzy..." The brush had fallen to the ground; his hands caressed her shoulders, her back; she felt his lips on her neck. For an instant it looked like she was giving in but then she jumped to her feet; shrinking from him as if his touch was tainting her.
"No! You cannot kiss me and think that this will set it right; that it will change anything! Do you understand me?"
"Yes, Yes, I do. But Elizabeth, remember your own words. There is nothing you and I cannot conquer together. Please remain true to this!"
"What did I know then?" she hissed dolefully. "No, stay back! I don't want you to touch me, to look at me or to speak to me!" She paused for an instant. "I think you should just go." Her verdict was clear.
"Are you casting me away? How will I live without you?" Ignoring what she had said previously he came towards her and grabbed her by the shoulders. "I can't imagine my life without those arms, those shoulders, your lovely face and your goodness!"
Never had she seen him so pain-stricken, despite his upheld composure.
"No, you're a totally different person to me now! I keep imagining you with her, no matter what you say or do! Oh William, you think this is easy for me?"
"What do you want of me? Isn't there anything I can do to dissuade you?" he asked calmly. The more pain he felt, the more his emotions withdrew.
"Say you need me..." she responded quietly. "Stop talking about your life without me, just say you need me and I will stay!"
The proof of his own egoism, so gently put, hit Darcy's most vulnerable spot, his pride. Even after twenty years he had failed to comprehend the meaning of her actions. His dearest loveliest Elizabeth didn't want him to apologise, to torment himself with guilt and hatred at himself; all she wanted was him to say that he needed her. When was it that he had said it last? He couldn't remember. Her nobility, the purity and kindness of her love not only rekindled his earnest admiration for her; something, which had grown pale with time; but also made him fall in love with her all over again. She held no grudge against him; suddenly he knew that she was capable of forgiving him everything imaginable just for knowing that he needed her and loved her.
He came towards her with glowing eyes; taking her little face in his hands he kissed her trembling lips.
"Dearest loveliest Elizabeth, I need and love you so. You are my love, my entire life. There are so many things I want to say to you; but one thing is most important; a thing as endless and deep as the sea. You are the breath of my life, the mirror of my soul, my only love."
"Then I shall stay!" was her loving response.
Emma, who had followed the encounter with her heart pounding violently, left her hiding place with good cheer. She too had learned something listening to her mother. That true love is capable of forgiving everything as long as it was nurtured. And when her turn came to forgive she did so with her heart at ease, remembering her mother's words.
Say you need me...