Jump to new as of August 26, 2003
Jump to new as of September 10, 2003
Chapter I
The two months after Jane and Mr. Bingley's wedding didn't go very quietly for Elizabeth. She had expected to miss her sister dreadfully, but their aborted wedding trip had rendered her days even more daunting. She had decided that she would keep her mother in Longbourn as much as could be, thus making easier and more private her sister's installation in her new life. She knew Mrs. Bennet was so thrilled at having her eldest daughter so well settled and so close that she would be prone to call on the Bingleys every single day, if she could have the carriage. So Elizabeth was more often in the sitting-room keeping her mother chatting or sewing or whatever she could find so that Mrs. Bennet would have something to do instead of going to Netherfield. Fortunately, the weather was very bad during the beginning of the winter and there were not too many regrets to have; after all, 'twas not as if she would have been able to ramble around the countryside anyway. Last but not least, Jane's constant remarks about how happy she was to settle smoothly in her new life without too much interference only added balm to her soul.
Another reason for not having regrets was that, willingly captive with her mother in the sitting-room, Elizabeth had discovered a new enjoyable way of using her time: she had started to write a novel! After having read all of Shakespeare's plays and many of the novels her father's library held, she had felt like trying herself. Her favourite genre being historical novels, she had situated her story during Queen Elizabeth's reign. The recent wedding had also inspired her, so it was a love-story. And because if everything was fine, there was no use telling it, the lovers had to struggle to be together. She often smiled at the thought that Mary wouldn't be too pleased with her subject...
Elizabeth often thought back of the few days Mr. Darcy had spent in Hertfordshire before Jane's wedding. She had felt so awkward around him, knowing what he had done for Lydia, knowing that he had most probably brought back Mr. Bingley to Netherfield, knowing how astoundingly kind and unpretentious he had been at Pemberley despite their last encounter in Kent, and all the while unable to thank him. Indeed, her newly acknowledged regard for him had made her shy; she had not been able to speak freely to him as had been her wont the year before, much less tease him as she used. And the drastic change she had noticed in his manners since their last encounter hadn't inclined her to do so; true, he had been much more agreeable with everyone. He was still called proud in the neighbourhood but, except for Mrs. Bennet, nobody found him unpleasant any longer, and even in Longbourn, he had been much more civilly received. But he had not been the Mr. Darcy Elizabeth had met in Pemberley and she thought she knew the reason. Why! Her younger sister now bore the name of Wickham, the name of the man he hated probably the most in all England.
Indeed, Mr. and Mrs. Bingley were enjoying a very nice honeymoon. The very afternoon of the ceremony, Caroline had left with Mr. and Mrs. Hurst to their town-house and Mr. Darcy had rejoined Georgiana in his. The newlyweds were supposed to leave for a tour of the Northern counties the day after - one of Charles' suggestion, to show her where his family's cradle lay -but that was never to happen; a snow storm had prevented their leaving for a week, and by then, the felicity of their new life had changed their mind.
But, two months had gone by, Elizabeth was not her usual self and Jane had finally felt that there was something amiss with her beloved sister. She clearly understood that entertaining their mother had been trying for Lizzy but she had no idea that heartache was the other reason. One afternoon, while Mrs. Bennet and her daughters were calling at Netherfield, Jane managed to take her sister aside.
"Lizzy, I must apologize..."
"Whatever for?"
"I have been so happy since Charles and I married that I have failed to notice your spirits were not as cheerful as they used to be. I know that your patience is daily put to the test and that you bear it for my sake, and I know that you have not been able to enjoy taking your daily walks. So forgive me, dear Lizzy, for not having been as attentive as I used to."
Jane seemed really upset so Elizabeth felt obliged to alleviate her sister's concern, "Indeed, Jane, I know it's your fault that the weather has been so cold and snowy."
"Seriously, Lizzy, can I be of any help?"
As her sister demanded it, Lizzy answered sincerely - at least, as sincerely as she could, "My life has not been so difficult. Mama has two other daughters to "take care of" and I have even been able to start to write a novel."
Jane was astounded,
"Really? And what is it about? When does it take place? Who are the heroes?"
Elizabeth interrupted her mid-sentence, "Stop it, Jane, I'll get lost in all your questions. I shall tell you all. It happens in 1580, at Queen Elizabeth's court and is the story of a handsome tall black haired knight who has to fight to win the heart of a young lady and the consent of her father."
Jane was delighted; she wanted to know what was happening and how Lizzy was progressing.
"Not so well actually. I would like to write a fencing combat but I have no idea of how a sword is to be used."
Jane did not either but she told her sister she would seek Charles's advice. And she mentally added that she would, also, speak to him about changing Lizzy's ideas or surroundings.
After their supper that day, she broke the subject with her husband.
"Charles, I've been speaking with Lizzy today and she doesn't seem very well. She has spent a lot of time indoors with Mama and I'm sure a change of scenery would help her very much. Couldn't we invite her to spend a week or two here with us?"
He seemed thoughtful. "Why not? But do you really think that 3 miles would be enough? I've received a letter from Darcy this week. He invites us to come and spend some time with him and Georgiana at his town-house. I'm sure he would agree if I suggest that we come with Elizabeth."
Jane was instantly convinced. "That is a very good idea, if you're sure Mr. Darcy would not mind. And maybe, there, you could explain to her how to use a sword."
Her spouse frowned, "Dearest, what are you talking about?"
She told him about the novel.
"Well," answered Charles, "I'm afraid I'm not very good at it. Darcy is far better than I am. Perhaps we could suggest him to help her?"
"And, physically, he's more like Lizzy's hero" added lightly his wife.
Chapter II
Convincing her sister to come with them to Town had been much more difficult for Jane than she had thought. At first, the idea had seemed to please Lizzy. But when she had understood that they would not be staying at their Uncle and Aunt Gardiner's but at Mr. Darcy's, she had balked.
"Really, Jane, you cannot expect me to rejoice in living in the house of a man I have so ill-judged and so ill-treated. I still don't know what he thinks of me and I'm afraid to find out the truth. I'm sure he has agreed to your scheme only to please you. How could he have refused? Did you tell him I was willing to come?"
"No, he knows we meant to suggest the idea if he agreed to it. And why would you be afraid of his feelings? I think that, the last time he was there, his behaviour towards you was very civil. I'm sure he has forgiven you everything you told him that evening in Hunsford."
"As if you were aware of anything before your wedding!"
"Come, Lizzy, you know it's a good idea. If you go to Cheapside, Mama might come with you! And furthermore, Mr. Darcy might be able to help you with your novel. Charles told me that Mr. Darcy is much more skilled in fencing than he is. Wouldn't it be better to have a more talented adviser?"
Lizzy was lost. What was she to do? If only she could tell her sister about her feelings for him, Jane would understand why, staying in his town house and moreover, being his pupil in fencing lessons, was so dreadful a thought for her. But she couldn't. She thought she should deal with that problem alone. And she knew that, if Jane was aware of her heartache, she would speak to Charles about it, and Mr. Darcy was Charles's best friend... On the other hand, she wanted so much to see him. His presence around her before Jane's wedding had been a source of longing but also of joy. Every time she had felt his gaze on her, every time she had been able to listen to his voice, her heart would beat faster. And it was true that she wouldn't be able to endure her mother's nerves much longer.
Jane was waiting, watching all the emotions Lizzy's expressive face couldn't hide but not understanding all of them. Finally she had her answer,
"I will go with you. When do we leave?"
"Let's say in three days, so that we have time for packing and for informing Mr. Darcy."
On their way back to Netherfield, Jane told Charles that the plan was agreed on and that they would be leaving in three days time. She also added, "Do you think there might be something of an idyll between Mr. Darcy and Lizzy?"
Her husband was quite surprised by the question. "You can surely understand Elizabeth much better than I can. As long as Darcy is concerned, I cannot say I noticed an overflow of feelings two months ago, yet he had been much more attentive this summer in Pemberley. I recall Caroline being green with envy when she was watching the way he was acting with your sister. But then, Lydia fled to London and since then, he has returned to his old behaviour."
After a short while, he added: "In fact, he was not his old self. He was more civil towards our neighbours although more thoughtful when he thought himself unwatched. Several times, I've seen him as if lost in his dreams. Whether they were sweet or bitter, I cannot say but now that I think about it, it might have happened more often when he had just been with Elizabeth. Dearest, you might be right!"
"I only hope our trip will bring back her happiness to Lizzy."
Chapter III
When the carriage stopped in Holland Park Avenue(1) in front of a large well-built house, the butler opened the door and Mr. Darcy and his sister appeared. Bingley exited first from the carriage then he helped his wife and his new sister came out last.
Only when he beheld her figure so dear to him, did Mr. Darcy actually believe Elizabeth had come. He had so much prepared himself for the disappointment of not beholding her in town that he was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude: gratitude towards his friend for the idea, gratitude towards God, chance or whatever powerful force was involved for urging her to make the decision to come and hold to it. Nevertheless, as master of the house, he had to come to his senses; and, duty guiding him, he eventually managed to be the first to speak. "Bingley, Mrs. Bingley, it is a pleasure to have you here. Miss Bennet, thank you for accepting my invitation, I take it you made a good trip."
"Darcy, the pleasure is all ours. Yes, our trip has been very pleasant, at least for me: I was in very good company."
"Mrs. Bingley, I would like to introduce my sister Georgiana. Georgiana, this is Mrs. Bingley. And you remember Miss Bennet."
Shyly, Miss Darcy answered, "Mrs. Bingley, welcome to London. Miss Bennet, I am very happy to see you again. Shall we get inside?" And indeed, Georgiana was very happy. She had liked Miss Elizabeth Bennet - as she had been introduced - when she had first met her in Pemberley because she was not scornful, as was Caroline Bingley, but very lively and witty. Georgiana had almost felt at ease with her. Moreover, since her brother's return from London that evening of August, she had been his confidant. She knew what had happened between Miss Bennet and him in Hertfordshire and in Kent. She knew what he had done for Miss Bennet's youngest sister and Wickham. And she knew that he was very unsure but decided to try his luck.
In the hall, she added, "I think you might be glad of settling down, Mrs. Harper is the housekeeper, she will show you your rooms. Would you like to take some refreshments before dinner?" She was blushing at the end of such a long speech but her brother's admiring and encouraging look was a satisfying reward.
Soon after, the guests rejoined their hosts in the drawing-room. Tea was poured and conversation started to flow. Bingley wanted to introduce his delightful wife among his London acquaintances so he suggested ideas of entertainment. Jane expressed the wish to call on the Hursts, Elizabeth, to call on the Gardiners, even Georgiana, continuing her efforts, suggested doing some shopping with the Bennet sisters. Mr. Darcy was courteous, attentive and agreeing to all the ideas. He was having a hard time trying not to stare continuously at Elizabeth and was succeeding - most of the time. The lady was having a good time so far, feeling almost at ease because the mood was light enough; but her poise abruptly fled with Charles' next words.
"Darcy, Elizabeth has a special request for you. Her motive in coming here was not only to enjoy the Season but also to seek some advice from you."
While a severe blush was coming onto Lizzy's face, Mr. Darcy answered: "Miss Bennet, I would be very happy to help you in whatever way you may need me. But I must confess I am at a loss at imagining how I could be of any help to you." In fact, he had some ideas but none very proper or very credible, considering their present relationship.
"Mr. Darcy, I... I have started to write a novel..." she didn't know how to come to the point.
"Really, how exciting, what does it deal with? Is it a love story? When does it take place? Are there some ghosts?" Georgiana's sudden burst amazed everyone, including herself. In fact, she had started to read Mrs. Radcliff's novels and was very fond of them. Elizabeth was grateful for their young hostess' interruption since it allowed her to regain her composure.
"Miss Darcy, thank you for your interest, I'm sure it doesn't deserve it."
"Come, Lizzy, you cannot say that although it is not finished and nobody has read it! Please, answer Miss Darcy questions."
"You're right, Jane. Well, it happens at Queen Elizabeth's court. It's a love story between an impoverished but courageous knight and a young wealthy lady. But the father of the lady doesn't believe in the pure nature of his interest and he proves it, by saving her, after her father's refusal, when she is ransomed by some theieves; and he shows thus that he is worthy of her. I'm afraid there is no ghost, Miss Darcy..." she finished smiling.
Watching Mr. Darcy's expectation, she added, "I would like to write about some fencing fights but I have no idea about the fencing practice. I had asked Jane if Charles could help me..."
"But I told her that you are much better than I am at that kind of thing, and that she should ask you, instead of me, for some advice!", interrupted Mr. Bingley.
"I am delighted to be able to help and am, Miss Bennet, at your service."
"Thank you, Mr. Darcy". Elizabeth's blush was coming back, as he had locked his gaze with her in giving his agreement.
Eventually, their looks parted and he suggested: "Shall we take a turn in the house before dinner?"
The house was huge, the furniture, although a little bit newer than in Pemberley, gave the same impression of comfort and taste. Nothing was tawdry. Everything was cosy. A thought Elizabeth had already had, came once again, And of this place, I might have been Mistress as well! There was even a ballroom; it had not been used for a long time, but Mr. Darcy explained that he was happy to be able to give his sister's coming out ball in his own residence. It was not planned until the year after but they had already started to talk about it.
Because of the fatigue from the trip, dinner was a quiet time and the guests retired soon after it. The Bingeys discussed the events of the afternoon and didn't really find anything supporting their theory. Elizabeth was doing likewise in the loneliness of her room. His conduct had been perfectly courteous. He had been an attentive host. She remembered the way their eyes had met and the words he had used to agree to the fencing scheme. It still made her shiver. But this had been the only time and could have been a trick of her imagination. And to think that she was in his house, that she was in a room he probably knew perfectly, that she was lying on a bed where he might have sat. How extraordinary! How frightening! How delicious! O God, how she loved him! After two full hours of tossing and turning, she finally felt asleep.
Meanwhile Georgiana and her brother were having their usual conversation in the library. Georgiana was enthusiastic about Miss Bennet and was sure that her brother had a very good chance to have already conquered her heart. On the contrary, he was still unsure but still resolved to find the truth. This evening, her conduct had been perfectly courteous. She had not been the Elizabeth he had fallen in love with, always saying her mind and teasing him as soon as she could. She had been the Elizabeth he had last seen in Hertfordshire, still witty, still teasing, but only as long as he was not the one to be teased; this night, she had teased Georgiana about the ghosts. He dearly loved this seemingly more thoughtful, certainly calmer Elizabeth.
She was writing a novel! In his mind, she was a heroine, not a writer. And what about her subject, just exchange the fortune and there they were. True, he no longer had a father to prevent a wedding, but Lady Catherine would probably be furious if he were to announce such an event. His pride, too, at first, had been as much in the way of his happiness as the lady's father was in his daughter's. And, he, Fitzwilliam Darcy, was to teach her how to fence! That was another twist of fate if he knew any. How was he supposed to fight the woman he cherished the most in the world? Of course, he had never killed anyone with his sword (with anything else either, for that matter), but he might hurt her. This sometimes happened in his trainings... He would be very careful, he vowed to himself, he wouldn't hurt her in any way. On the other hand, those lessons meant being together, one challenging the other, just as it was, more than a year ago, in Netherfield. He anticipated the pleasure he would feel during those gatherings. It was very late when he left the library, and even later when finally, Morpheus(2) visited his room.
(1) I definitively don't know if this street existed in the Regency London but I didn't want the house to be in Grosvenor street (where, IMHO, the Hurst town house is) and I read about another Darcy whose house was there. So, this will do the trick!
(2) It's actually a French expression: "to fall into Morpheus' arms" meaning to fall asleep. My betas allowed me to keep it, if I put some explanations :-)
Chapter IV
The next morning, the sky was grey and the temperature not very engaging, so the party assembled for breakfast decided that a walk in the park would not be a good idea. Instead they were to pay a call on the Hursts. Elizabeth knew that her "good friend" Caroline Bingley would be there but she was a well-bred young lady and knew what propriety required.
Shortly before noon, they were admitted in the sitting-room of the wealthy mansion in Grosvenor Street where Jane had called the year before. Caroline and Louisa welcomed them, barely acknowledging Elizabeth, showing a false joy in seeing Jane and Charles and warmly greeting Miss and Mr. Darcy. Mr. Hurst seemed please to see his brother Bingley and his friend, but showed no interest in the ladies. Everybody took a seat in the room, Caroline sitting close to the Darcys, Mrs. Hurst in front of the Bennet sisters and Mr. Hurst apart with Charles. Elizabeth was quite satisfied with this seating arrangement; witnessing Caroline's behaviour towards Mr. Darcy was always a source of enjoyment. Louisa rang for tea and a light luncheon was brought soon after.
"So, I take it you are well settled at Netherfield by now," began Louisa, talking to Jane," how do you like the place?"
"Oh, and it must be so convenient to you, to be so close to all your family!" added Caroline.
While her sister was shocked at such a low blow, Jane answered softly: "I enjoy the place very much, thank you, Charles has done everything for me to feel at ease. And being close to Lizzy is a real source of happiness."
"I'm sure it is!" mumbled Mr. Darcy, but loud enough for Caroline and Georgiana to hear it.
"Charles, are you going to buy the place?" asked Mr. Hurst.
"I know not still. I have not spent any time there in the summer and I'd like to experience one before making up my mind."
With a despising smile, Caroline added: "I'm sure that a whole year of Hertfordshire scenery and company is necessary to make such a decision."
That was more than enough for Elizabeth's somewhat unsettled mind and she suddenly forgot her good manners. First, Caroline had insulted her family - even though she was painfully aware Miss Bingley had a basis for her insults - and now she was insulting her friends: "I'm sure that even one Season of London scenery and company would be enough for me. Flatteries and hypocrisy are too difficult to endure."
Mr. Darcy hid his laugh in a cough; Georgiana, who had understood Caroline's implied meaning, looked admiringly at Miss Bennet and it took several minutes for Miss Bingley to regain her composure.
Louisa felt it her duty to restart the conversation. "Charles, did you make any plans for your stay in town?"
"Indeed we did; Miss Darcy, Miss Bennet and my dear Jane are to go shopping; I'd like to go to my club; we are to go to the theatre and maybe an opera..."
"And of course, you must come and dine with us. Let's stay tomorrow... Louisa? And, Miss Darcy, Mr. Darcy, of course you must accompany them!" interrupted Caroline.
At this interference in the management of Louisa's household, Elizabeth smiled broadly. Mr. Darcy, who was - incidentally - looking at her, couldn't help but smile as well. Caroline noticed the look and the smile and her complexion took on some of the green hue that had been seen at Pemberley. Charles and Jane also noticed Mr. Darcy's attitude towards Elizabeth and they exchanged a meaningful look; was there something going on?
An upset, "Of course, we would be very happy to have all of you for dinner tomorrow," was Mrs. Hurst's answer.
Jane's eyes sought Georgiana's agreement to the scheme; then she kindly replied, "And we are very happy to accept this invitation."
Caroline wanted to gain back control of the situation. She remembered the planned shopping trip and thought that her knowledge of London would prove her superiority. "Louisa and I had planned to go shopping today," she said, daring her sister to contradict her, "Why don't you join us? Jane, I could show you a very nice new little milliner shop in Bond Street, the sort you have in Meryton, only with a such more fashionable selection; and Georgiana, I still have to introduce you to my dressmaker."
Georgiana didn't recall any conversation about Caroline's dressmaker, but in fact, as soon as Miss Bingley opened her mouth, she often closed her ears. Not wanting to be rude, she said: "Why, yes!"
Jane, as always accommodating, agreed to the idea. Nevertheless, she was aware that this call had already been quite trying for her sister's patience; and she had brought her to London for her to get some rest. So she put on her best upset look and said to Elizabeth: "But, Lizzy, you look tired, are you sure you are able to come?"
Miss Bingley smiled, delighted to be able to get rid of her challenger and have Miss Darcy for herself. Therefore she agreed and said: "Why, yes, Miss Eliza, you don't seem very well. Maybe we could take you back to Holland Park Avenue on our way to Bond Street."
Elizabeth was grateful to her sister and although not wanting to be a dupe of Caroline's intentions, she agreed to enter their game. "I thank you, yes. Indeed, I think I would rather get some rest than go out shopping."
Mr. Darcy couldn't find anything wrong in his beloved but, on hearing her saying this, he began to feel concerned. "Would you like me to fetch the apothecary?"
She coloured at the attention and answered shyly, "Oh, no, it's nothing serious. I just need some rest, do not make yourself uneasy."
Well, he was and the tone she had just used was worsening his uneasiness.
Shopping was not a tempting idea for the gentlemen, so they decided to go to their club. Mr. Hurst was very happy to spend time without his sister in law, Mr. Bingley, quite sorry to leave his wife but resolved to enjoy his time and Mr. Darcy, very concerned about Elizabeth's welfare. As Charles didn't want to be parted from Jane for too long, he suggested that the men rejoin the ladies later in the afternoon at Molland's, the famous Bond Street sweetshop. The ladies with the exception of Louisa agreed on the idea, although the cause of their eagerness was not the same. Once the Hursts and Caroline had fetched their coats, the ladies left in the Darcy carriage and the gentlemen on horseback.
Chapter V
White's was quite empty that afternoon when the gentlemen arrived. They shared a post-luncheon port, a serious conversation about the situation in Spain, a light one about the last running wager, and then, it was time to go to meet the ladies. Mr. Hurst tried to change his companions' minds: "Gentlemen, do we really have to go there?"
It had been more than two hours since Charles had seen his wife and he missed her. "I am still a newly-wed man, I'm glad to go there!"
"Why don't you two go alone while I finish my newspaper?" suggested Mr. Hurst.
Mr. Darcy finally spoke up. "Actually I won't be going to Molland's either. I have some business to attend to and I doubt you will miss me. I would rather go back home and deal with it before dinner." After all this was not strictly untrue; even if his worry about Elizabeth's health and the fact that she was in his house were foremost in his thoughts. These were much better reasons to go back home, but, obviously, he didn't want to mention them. And he was determined to let her get some rest; he would just be there in case of...In case of what? he asked himself derisively.
Mr. Bingley compared the disagreements caused by the absence of the other gentlemen with the pleasure to see his wife and answered to his friends, "I'll try to deal with my sisters alone if that is your wish. Darcy, I think your sister will not be a burden and, since Miss Bennet is not with them, I'm sure my wife's attention will be all mine."
When she woke up from her nap, Elizabeth felt pretty well. She decided to work a little on her novel, which had been seriously neglected since her arrival in town. She took her notebook and read the last paragraph she had written. Oh yes, there was supposed to be the first fencing fight! And she still had not a clue of what she was to describe! Then, she remembered touring the library the day before and, as it was well appointed, she thought she might find a treatise on fencing in it. She would have preferred to ask Mr. Darcy's permission but they were all in Bond Street, so she would just have to explain it to him afterwards. She exited her room and went down to the library.
On entering the room, she immediately felt that she was not alone. Indeed, Mr. Darcy was there, writing at his desk, a pile of letters on his right, a big notebook on his left. She froze near the door, he absolutely startled, his pen two inches above the sheet of paper. The cheeks of each were overspread with the deepest blush. Quickly recovering himself, he lay down his pen, stood up and said uneasily with discomposure: "Miss Bennet... I hope you're feeling better."
"Yes, I thank you... But I'd like to apologise... I didn't mean to intrude, I didn't know you were there or I wouldn't have dreamt..."
"Do not make yourself uneasy, I decided to come back before the rest of the party to attend to some business..." then he stopped abruptly and started to smile.
Elizabeth couldn't see the humour of the situation and her face was reflecting her surprise.
"Excuse me, Miss Bennet, but didn't we already play this scene? When I came upon you, on the lawn, at Pemberley".
She started smiling also. "I think you're perfectly right." Then she seemed to get lost in her memories. In fact, she was thinking of how he had been there - barely down from his horse - and how he was now - clearly more formally attired but just as handsome. She was wearing a dreamy look and the blush came back on her cheeks. For Mr. Darcy, she was a very beautiful image to behold. Finally, she regained her composure. "I won't bother you any longer," She said, taking hold of the doorknob.
"But you're not bothering me at all! I had almost finished, "He replied eagerly. "Please, make yourself at home; I guess you came here to find a book, just help yourself," He ended with a shy smile.
Elizabeth's heart jumped at the sight of his beloved face lightened by his tentative grin She sensed a more hidden, personal message in his words and she wondered if he was doing it on purpose or if it were merely her wishes clouding her judgment. Trying her luck, she entered his game. "I shall if you go back to your business. I really don't want to be a cause of distraction."
Mr. Darcy's smile broadened slightly, "I will do as pleases you." He sat down and started writing again. Fortunately, his steward would never receive this letter. How would he understand some "Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet Darcy, Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam Darcy, ..."? She was definitely the unique and very cherished cause of his distraction! When he dared look up, he saw her gazing at the shelves; he could not know that she found herself unable to understand one single title her eyes were looking at.
Elizabeth's thoughts were focused on the fact that she was alone in a room with him, with nobody in the house but the staff and that, if the tickling she felt on her spine was right, he was staring at her at that precise moment. It was highly improper, but somehow, she didn't care. She heard him say, "And that will be all for today!" Then she heard him get up and walk towards her. He was now somewhere behind her and she was sure he could hear her heartbeat; why, it was so loud that she barely heard his next words.
"May I help you? I'm afraid I still don't know all the books which are here but I know some of them."
She gathered her courage and turned to face him. In fact, he was not so close, he was standing in front of his desk; he probably hadn't heard her heart, after all!
"Do you remember what I've told you about my novel?"
He perfectly knew he remembered everything she had said to him for the past eighteen months. "Oh, yes, the fencing advice..."
"Yes. Well, I came to see if you had any treatise on fencing in your library."
Mr. Darcy was highly disappointed. This was what she wanted from him... He had put so much hope in the lessons... Then he thought that he had a last card to play. "I'm afraid there is no such book on these shelves. I'm quite sure of it because I've searched for it myself and it is not here" Of course, it is not; it is on my bed table! I took it last night in order to be able to be the best teacher you could have. But he had not lied to her, he would never do that! "But you may ask your questions, I will try to answer them to the best to my knowledge."
She was a little bit disappointed as theoretical knowledge was not the only thing she was searching for. "In fact, the only question I have is: how does someone fence? I guess seeing a fight would answer all my questions, but it would be highly improper for me to witness such a thing. And, as a lady, I cannot go to a fencing school, although I'm sure I would have loved it!" There, she had said it; now, he could laugh at her if he wanted.
But Mr. Darcy didn't laugh. She had said it, at least some of his dreams would come true! He tried not to show too much delight in her last words. He forced himself to breathe deeply, tried to look the surprise he should feel in lieu of glee and answered: "Really? Well... I might suggest something... but... I would not like to shock you... Would you please forget the words I am going to say if they are not to your liking?"
Surely he cannot misunderstand me, how could I have been more explicit? And yet he cannot be teasing me... Incredulous, Elizabeth answered: "I shall. Pray, Mr. Darcy, what would you suggest?"
He took another deep breath then blurted out, "I could be your teacher. We could practice in this house and choose times when the others are not here. That way, nobody would know, your reputation would be unsoiled and you would be able to get some of the knowledge you're searching for."
His voice was warmer than he intended but she didn't seem to notice. He had said exactly what she wanted to hear. She didn't want to seem too eager to agree, so she said: "Mr. Darcy, that's very kind of you. But what about you? Surely, you have things more important to do."
He looked straight in her eyes and answered: "You are my guest and, as such, there is nothing more important than making you happy. I have already told you, I am delighted to be able to help you. So, I take it we have an agreement?"
She answered softly, holding his gaze: "Yes, I thank you."
Mr. Darcy, relishing in his victory, was feeling pretty daring. After all, the others were not there. He decided to try his luck further: "Miss Bennet, as you know my sister and Mr. and Mrs. Bingley are not here this afternoon. May I boldly suggest that the first lesson happen now in the ballroom?" As the words came out of his mouth, awareness that he had probably gone too far washed over him; why did he have to say this now? Couldn't he be more patient? As to confirm those dreadful thoughts, her eyes had left his to stare at the floor and he discerned a blush creeping on her face.
Eventually her head rose up, she wet her upper lip and simply answered: "You may."
He released the breath he didn't know he was holding. The bells of St Paul's cathedral began to ring in his chest. O Lord, if that was what he felt at her agreement for some fencing practice, what would he feel if she agreed to marry him? What will I feel when she agrees to marry me? his mind surprised him with the thought. To regain his composure, he held on to the practical aspects of the coming lesson: "I will go directly to the ballroom, it is the most convenient room for our purpose. You may wish to put on a more comfortable outfit and join me there. Do you remember where to find the ballroom?"
On her way back to the door of the library, Elizabeth replied, "I do. I won't be long." And then, she was gone.
Although brandy would have been more efficient, Mr. Darcy took a glass of water to quieten his nerves; he wanted to be master of himself for the events to come. As he had some small preparations to do, he left soon after and headed to the designated room.
In her room, Elizabeth quickly put on an old muslin gown. The reality that she was to going to take, in a few minutes, her first fencing lesson with Fitzwilliam Darcy was very hard to grasp. Everything had gone so fast. She had been in his house for less than a day, and she was already going to fulfil one of her dreams. Indeed, she couldn't deny that, since Jane had suggested that Mr. Darcy could be her teacher, it had been a real source of fancy. But the time to turn fanciful dreams into reality had come, she checked herself in the mirror and hurriedly went back downstairs to the ballroom.
Chapter VI
She was dumbstruck. She was asked to allow him to undress - even though he would remain absolutely decent! It seemed that, since her entrance in the library, her complexion would not quit some shade of red. The idea of seeing him in his shirt was delightful, and this was no help in remaining poised; she was almost shivering in advance. As he was expectantly looking at her, she agreed: "In our scheme, I fear that propriety is somehow forgotten. Please, make yourself comfortable." She smiled impishly, "After all, I need the best teacher!" As she felt it could be embarrassing, she then turned around to allow him to take off the said parts of his clothing out of her sight.
Mr. Darcy was aware that the Elizabeth who was now with him was one he had never met. She was still reserved but she was also teasing him! At last! He might be on the right path this time...
When she heard him put his clothes on a chair, she turned back to face him. O God, he was breathtaking! Such broad shoulders, such a flat stomach, just as she had been unable to refrain from imagining! But she was not supposed to stare at him like Lydia ogled the officers; she had to stop; she had to concentrate her thoughts on something else, such as... breathing! That was it; she had to remember that she needed to breathe. Look at the floor, breath in, keep your eyes on the floor, breath out, very good Lizzy, breath in, ... This was better, her heart was not pounding too much by now and she could start to look at him anew.
Unaware of her reaction, he had gone to fetch the swords; he came close to her and handed her one. She took it cautiously. Its weight reminded her that she was holding something dangerous; her attention suddenly focused on this object, her love fancies fading away. It was heavy but she was not a weak creature and she could hold it easily enough. Mr. Darcy went on her side and said: "Shall we start?"
She looked at him, smiling and nodded her agreement.
He added: "I'll do some basics positions, would you please try to imitate me?"
"I will do my best," was her answer.
Still on her side, he showed her how to hold properly the sword, how to her body, head, arms and legs. "Remember to always hold your back straight and to bend your legs. Most of fights are won with the legs, not the arms!"
She was surprised: "How so?"
"Touching your opponent is only one goal, not being touched is the other one. The faster you go forward and backward, the better you will achieve both of them."
"Indeed..."
Elizabeth's and Mr. Darcy's attentions had turned towards the lesson. He really had a passion for this fighting art and she could feel it through his voice and his attitude. She felt honoured and pleased to share his knowledge, and he sensed it. She was an eager pupil, and he was an even more eager teacher.
"I will now show you the "on guard" position", he said, as he took the position. She tried to do likewise, and he put down his sword to study her gesture. He turned around her and, with his hand, he lifted her right elbow a little. She felt the warmth of his fingers through her sleeve and a rush of memories came back to her. Every time they had been in physical contact, this warmth had spread through her body. It had been like that when they first (and last) had danced at Netherfield; it had been like that when he had handed her in her uncle's carriage at the end of their first encounter at Pemberley; it had been like that when he had tried to comfort her in the Lambton inn; and it was like that now. She blushed because of the intimacy of the contact and because, for the first time since the beginning of the lesson, she remembered that they were alone in a room in a deserted house; but most of all, she blushed because she had to admit that she liked both circumstances very much! There was no way she could regret her agreement to this lesson.
Mr. Darcy had acted impulsively to correct her position; he now saw and felt the consequences of his act. He knew her rosy cheeks were not due to the exercise and the tip of his finger could still feel the soft fabric. Gentlemanly but embarrassedly, he said, "I beg your pardon."
She boldly stared right in his eyes, "Whatever for? I thank you for helping me to amend my errors."
Those eyes! How could he resist them? But what had she said? Amend her errors? Could she be speaking about that dreadful letter whose existence he would deny if he could? The subject was too painful for him, he decided to be deaf to her potential innuendo. "I assure you the pleasure is all mine. Shall we go on?"
"Oh yes, please. I'm enjoying this lesson very much," she replied, her smile genuine in her voice.
He showed her some other positions, and after a while, he suggested, "Shall we use all that theory in a little fight?"
"Really? We could?" Elizabeth was thrilled; her joy was childish, and Mr. Darcy nodded, overjoyed to be, somehow, the cause of this.
"On guard!" he ordered, and they were fighting. Her enthusiasm was not fading; on the contrary, she had never had so much fun and had quite forgotten that she was holding a dangerous object. Mr. Darcy was trying to hold on to his enthusiasm for the same reason but it was becoming more and more difficult. She was so beautiful, freed from the self-restraint a gentlewoman had to display in public! He was feeling his own reserve leaving; unfortunately, so did his attention and she hit him in the bicep.
"Ouch!" His left hand went impulsively on his right arm.
She felt her blood draining from her face. Immediately, she dropped her sword and was by his side. "O my God, I hurt you; I am so sorry. Let me see," and she was already unbuttoning his sleeve and lifting it. In doing so, she touched his bare skin; and it was as if she had been burnt. At once, she withdrew her hand and stood petrified. He had frozen likewise. She was staring at his arm, realising what she had been doing: unbuttoning his sleeve, lifting it... she had been undressing him! She didn't dare lift her eyes and meet his. What could he think of her? Such an apt comparison she had made earlier, she was as wild as Lydia! She was so ashamed and so sorry. She broke her stare, cast it down, turned around and took several steps away from him.
Mr. Darcy had, by now, completely forgotten the light bruise on his arm but he could point the exact spot where their skin had met. He hadn't had time to prepare himself for that contact, and that was the reason he froze. As soon as she had withdrawn her hand, his eyes had tried to reassure her. He was fine. In a few moments, his heart would have stopped its crazy beatings and he would even be able to speak! When she moved away from him, he felt that he had to talk to her and pretend nothing had happened. He was still a little bit out of breath but this could be the result of their exercise. "Miss Bennet, don't make yourself uneasy, it's only the smallest graze. It happens frequently in training matches. Would you please look at me? And anyway, it is my fault, I am the teacher, I should have been more cautious, I didn't pay enough attention."
He was such a gentleman... How could she have doubted this part of his character? He would take the blame on himself, he would pretend she hadn't acted as a... well, she would search for an appropriate word another time. She could not let him do that. She had pride also and she would be honest with him. She still couldn't face him, but she had to answer, "Mr. Darcy, I do beg your pardon. I should have controlled myself. First I hit you, then I... acted very improperly-and that is an understatement! I have no excuse and you mustn't take the blame on yourself."
Mr. Darcy felt he had to lighten the conversation or she wouldn't dare go on with this experiment. And it had to go on; until that unfortunate incident, it had been very enjoyable; and for both of them, if he could be the judge. "Miss Bennet, didn't I hear you say, not an hour ago, 'in our scheme, I fear that propriety is somehow forgotten'? And you should really not worry about my arm, I'm not even sure I will get a bruise. It has been a true pleasure for me to teach you the basic skills of fencing. And I hope it has been useful for you."
She couldn't believe he was dealing with these events so casually. That was so kind of him. The gratitude she felt to him erased her shame; her courage rose and she turned to face him. "Of course it has! I am most grateful, how can I thank you?"
He answered with a small yet warm smile, "Well, I'm afraid we have to stop for today for it will soon be time to dress for dinner. But I would be honoured if you would allow me to give you another lesson in the next few days." There, he had said it and ... she was blushing!
"The honour would be mine," was her soft answer; she curtsied and she quickly exited the room.
He stayed in the ballroom, staring at the closed door for five full minutes, trying to convince himself that all those things had happened. Then he shook himself, put back the swords and left. As he opened the door, he knocked his right arm against the door-frame and he felt an unusual pain. Yes, indeed, it had happened...
Chapter VII
Mr. Darcy was not a vain man but he knew that some clothes could be more flattering to his appearance than others. So, that evening, he took great care in his choice and he even asked for his valet's opinion. Barnes was surprised by the question but, of course, it couldn't be shown in his answer, "Sir, I think the company won't find any fault with you." Mr. Darcy frowned at the impertinent reply; yet scolding his cheeky servant was not to be thought about since he still had to be shaved. And since they both knew revenge was a dish best served cold, the settling of scores would wait. All in all, Mr. Darcy was rather grateful to his valet. It had been years now since his father had hired Barnes for his service - since he had graduated from Cambridge, actually - and both had developed the kind of familiar relationship that can only flourish between a devoted servant and his fair master. Barnes was providing Mr. Darcy with the most precious help at this precise moment: a friendly and efficient mood. It helped him to collect his thoughts for the dinner. He didn't know how Elizabeth really felt about their last encounter, and above all, how she felt about the last incident. Incident indeed! He could not name that event this way to himself! It had been a thunderclap, a fireworks explosion, but not just a mere incident, and he would give his fortune to know if she had also felt it this way. Why had she withdrawn her hand so quickly? Was it only for propriety reasons? And she had been so frightened when she had hit him, he would bet her voice was deeply concerned, was he right? Could he hope? Dare he hope? So many questions and so few answers... She had the answers but he didn't have the strength to bear them if they were not the ones he hoped for, not yet. So he would just go on with questions he would not ask, trying to find out the answers by himself!
While the maid was helping her with her bath and her dressing for the dinner, Lizzy struggled to not let her heart take control of her thoughts. Instead, she managed to remain sensible and tried to reason out everything that had happened. She didn't need to understand her actions and reactions, one word only could explain all of them: love! But what about his?
First in the library, he had suggested the principle of the lessons. She had realised that Charles and Jane had probably never understood that she wanted to practice; but Mr. Darcy was known to be very clever, and he had obviously guessed rightly where her true preference lay. Then, he proposed that they had it at that moment. This, she agreed, was quite commonsensical because they had to be alone in the house for these lessons to take place, and, at that moment, all the others were absent. After all, this would not necessarily happen very often! Let's see, what happened next in the ballroom? Aye, first, he had asked her permission to make himself comfortable; then, he had apologised for touching her; then again, he had denied all the impropriety of her unacceptable gesture; and lastly, he had suggested that they have another lesson. All this was even more proof that he was truly a perfect gentleman. She sighed at this thought, chastising herself for her past errors. So to summarise, he is a very clever gentleman. Well, I already knew this! And if it was not that encouraging, it was not bad either.
Heading down to the drawing-room a few moments before dinner, she was satisfied with herself. She had regained her composure and was quite recovered from the events of the afternoon.
When Elizabeth entered, smiling and hopeful in her ability to remain serene, everyone was already there. But her treacherous heart started right away its usual uneven beating when in his presence; she avoided Mr. Darcy's look and went to take a seat. Georgiana shyly asked about her health. She was able to answer truthfully that she had taken a nap and that she was now quite well. Jane blushed and pronounced her gladness at such news. Truthfully, she was grateful to Georgiana; because as she had forgotten her little lie, she had not enquired after her sister's health! Fortunately for Jane's ease, the butler came to announce dinner.
During dinner, the conversation was pretty lively. Despite Caroline, both Jane and Georgiana had had a very good time in Bond Street, and the Molland's pastries were true to their fame. Mrs. Bingley's sweetness, Mr. Bingley's undeviating cheerfulness and the many good things she had been told about Miss Bennet had allowed Georgiana to almost completely overcome her shyness, and she was taking an active part in telling all the details. There was much to talk about and, with the Charles' enthusiast help, there was hardly a dull moment during the course of the meal.
Elizabeth was sitting next to Mr. Darcy, facing Jane and her already wavering confidence was slowly drifting away. Propriety made her look at the speakers, and she was glad of it: it made it easy enough not to look at him. But she felt shivers every time the rich sound of his laughter was heard, and she realised that she was becoming physically more aware of his presence with each passing minute. It was as if, now that their skin had touched, an invisible link had been created between them. She could now feel every time he was looking at her, something that had never happened before. She couldn't make sense of this new sensitivity, and it made her very uncomfortable and consequently more withdrawn than she usually was. She was smiling when she would have been laughing, she was giving one-word answers when she could have uttered a witty repartee. Two persons noticed her unusual behaviour.
Mr. Darcy was disappointed and afraid. Disappointed because, once again, he was in the presence of the Elizabeth he had last met in Hertfordshire. He had hoped that the relative easiness of their relationship during this afternoon would have lasted longer. Afraid because her behaviour was a bad omen for the answers he was trying to fathom. What had happened while she was getting dressed? Had she come to regret agreeing to another lesson? Had she come to regret agreeing to this lesson? Had she come to regret them both, to regret coming to London? Little did he know that, the more questions he had, the more he was looking at her to try and understand, and the more he was looking at her, the uneasier she felt...
Jane was concerned. She had invented her sister's fatigue to give Lizzy a good excuse to avoid Caroline, but she may have unknowingly hit upon the truth. She had seemed well enough on entering the drawing-room but now, Lizzy wasn't herself. While observing her sister, Jane also took notice of their host's behaviour. Although he seemed interested in their afternoon adventures, she often caught him looking at Lizzy. And his gaze was quite concerned also. Her doubts flew back. Charles had told her that Mr. Darcy had come home instead of coming with him to meet the ladies. The business excuse seemed perfectly credible, and neither he nor Lizzy had shown any sign that they had met during their afternoon alone in the house; yet that might be an explanation. They had met and something had happened which drove them to behave thus. She resolved on speaking with her sister as soon as she could to confirm her hypothesis.
After dinner, the ladies left the dining-room to let the gentlemen have their port. As Mr. Bingley knew his friend would not be very interested in what had not yet been said of the afternoon shopping, he chose another topic and asked him about the part of the afternoon they had not spent together. "So, Darcy, was your business worth leaving me alone with four ladies?" he asked, a chuckle in the voice.
Smiling, Mr. Darcy answered: "May I remind you that two of them are your sisters and one is your wife? You must be quite used to their company. Only Georgiana could have surprised you!"
"True... But you know perfectly that Georgiana is a very well-bred young lady and that she could not be troublesome. Anyway, were you able to attend to all your business?"
If Mr. Darcy had not known his friend so well, he would have wondered if he suspected something. Could he include Elizabeth in his 'business'? He decided to wait and see. "No, actually, I shall have to spend some time on it shortly."
Then, Mr. Bingley surprised him, "Oh, that's a pity. I'm afraid you won't have time to help Miss Bennet with her novel, then!"
He decided to be somehow honest with him. "Well, this is precisely the reason why I didn't finish my business matters. While I was working, Miss Bennet came in the library to find a book about fencing and I helped her."
"That's very good of you! Have you been able to be useful?"
"I hope I have. We decided to meet another time." At least, it was true. And if Bingley could help him to be alone with Elizabeth, it was worth it! "But, to get back to my business matters, my solicitor comes tomorrow morning and it will hopefully be settled after that."
"Good... So, ... how do you find Jane?"
And so, the conversation went on, on a more interesting topic for Mr. Bingley.
In the drawing-room, Georgiana, carried away with her newly found confidence, had decided to entertain her guests with some silly remarks Caroline had made to her during their shopping afternoon. She was mimicking Miss Bingley so accurately that laughter filled the place. While Elizabeth's mirth was frank and open, her sister couldn't repress an indulgent "Oh' from time to time; this was after all her sister in law who was being laughed at. Jane could observe that Lizzy's uneasiness seemed quite forgotten, and she realised that it had been the case since they had left the gentlemen. This was very interesting indeed ...
When Georgiana had finished, Jane asked her sister, "Are you sure you're well, Lizzy? You didn't seem yourself during dinner."
Elizabeth was aghast but tried to answer casually. "Dearest Jane, please, do not concern yourself... Everything is fine with me... I'm still a little bit tired; I guess I was more exhausted than I thought." Speaking with Jane of her state of mind was confusing. She was more and more aware that it could be helpful to confess her feelings to someone, but doing this in front of Miss Darcy, his sister, that was dreadful! She had to change the conversation or she would soon be lost! "Miss Darcy, I see you have a very nice pianoforte in London as well. I should be very glad if you would play something for us."
Georgiana was happy to comply; pleasing her brother's beloved was a duty and a pleasure, and she wanted to show Miss Bennet how hard she had practiced since last summer. She chose a difficult part and started to play.
Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy entered the drawing-room while she was playing. The former chose to sit by his lovely wife, the latter chose to stand by his sister, as if to turn her pages. This way, he had both Georgiana and Elizabeth in his view. Jane noticed that her sister had blushed and had looked at the floor when the door opened.
At the end of the piece, the praise was unanimous and Georgiana was asked to play once more. She answered, looking at her brother, "I shall. But may I be so bold as to ask Miss Bennet to play something after me." Turning to the now flushed brown haired young woman, she added, "I was delighted by your song last summer; it would be a great happiness to hear it once again." Turning back to her brother, she was rewarded by his surprised but grateful look.
Elizabeth didn't feel like remembering that delightful evening because the hope it had created had been crashed by the misery Lydia's elopement had brought. "I'm afraid I haven't practiced it for a long time but I shall play you a Scottish air I have recently learned."
Mr. Darcy replied with a warm smile, "I'm sure it will also be delightful."
She smiled shyly while thanking him by a slight bow.
Georgiana's second performance was as good and as much applauded as the first. She left her place to Elizabeth who played her song very gracefully. Mr. Darcy was now sitting in front of her and his stare didn't leave her for the whole piece. Although his position by the piano would have satisfied his need for her sheer presence, he had preferred to favour the delight the sight of her gave him. Fortunately, she knew the song perfectly and her performance was not too affected by the turmoil his look was creating in her. She was warmly congratulated but denied her listeners the pleasure of hearing another song.
"I beg your pardon, but I still feel a little bit tired. Would you mind if I retire now?"
Mr. Darcy stood up, a frown creasing his brow. "Not at all, I hope you shall be better tomorrow."
"And, I feel quite tired also. Shopping was exhausting. I think I shall retire now as well," Jane said.
To no one's surprise, Mr. Bingley indicated that he would follow his wife and the three of them left the drawing-room.
Now that they were alone, Mr. Darcy could congratulate his sister on her behaviour with their guests. "Georgiana, I would like to tell you how proud of you I am. Since the Bingleys and Elizabeth have arrived, you've acted like a very accomplished hostess. I am sincerely delighted with your conduct."
"Thank you, William. Your compliments are a treat for my heart. But I should not be the only one to receive them. If our guests were not so nice, I couldn't be so at ease. Mr. and Mrs. Bingley are the sweetest persons I have ever met and Miss Bennet is ... so kind, so charming that I really do not have to work very hard." After a pause, she added shyly, "I would so dearly like to congratulate you also William, how do you see the future?"
She didn't need to be more explicit; her brother had perfectly understood her. "I still don't know. This afternoon, while you were in Bond Street, Miss Bennet and I had a very... interesting meeting. I gave her a fencing lesson, you know. She was so passionate; she reminded me of the first time I saw her at Netherfield, wild from her three mile walk in the muddy countryside. But then, after what I could call an incident, she suddenly came back to the reserved Elizabeth we've seen tonight."
His sister asked eagerly, "What happened?"
"I'd rather not talk about it. Do you mind?"
"Of course not, I think I understand. But, tell me, have you planned to have another "interesting meeting"?"
"Yes, she agreed to another lesson."
Georgiana seemed thoughtful for a minute or two. Then she said: "I think that, since she has agreed to another lesson, she has enjoyed herself. No matter the incident, she would like to meet you alone once more. It is a very hopeful consideration, is it not?"
Mr. Darcy sighed and answered: "I'd like to be as optimistic as you are, my dear, but I'm not sure I can. I just hope that we'll have that other lesson soon, this uncertainty is very hard to bear."
"As for that, dear older brother, I will try to help you!" After a while, she added with a wink, "I really like Miss Bennet very much!"
Mr. Darcy could not repress his chuckle, "I'm not sure I want your help, but thank you, Miss Matchmaking. Now, as your elder brother, I advise you to go to bed! Good night Georgiana."
"Good night William."
As had become his habit, he went to the library to think about Elizabeth. When he entered the room, he remembered the last time he had been there. She was with him, she had teased him, she had smiled at him, she had agreed to have him as a fencing master. He went to his desk and his eyes fell on the letter he had been writing to his steward when she had come in. 'Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy'! Would she ever be Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy? He couldn't understand how someone could go from despair to happiness and back to despair in less than a day. But he had! If only he could have faith like Georgiana! If only he could understand her feelings! If only he could speak to her! At that moment, he regretted his behaviour towards her this very day. He should have been more direct. He should have told her how he loved her, how he still loved her, how he would always love her. But he hadn't dared. He was a man of principle, a man known to be brave, he had proven he was, several times, in his dealings with Wickham, but where Elizabeth was concerned, he had acted as a coward, hiding behind his social position, then behind his pride, and now behind his gentlemanlike manners. Had he ever been himself with her? Yes, once, at Pemberley, and if it had not been for the dreadful news from Longbourn, he would have proposed her. He had gained enough confidence, there, to do it. What had changed since? Why should she like him less now in London than then at Pemberley? What mistakes had he made since? He could think of none, but he knew he didn't think clearly where she was concerned. And Georgiana thought he had a chance, but Georgiana was not yet seventeen and had little experience to refer to! Now, did he have any choice but trusting her? He should cling to that, I will cling to that. And tomorrow, I will speak to her; I have waited long enough. As the clock had rung a late hour, Mr. Darcy made his way to his bedchamber, got undressed and laid down on his bed. He had prepared himself for another long sleepless night, yet it was not to be. The previous bad nights and the day's events got the better of his anguish and he fell asleep very quickly with a single thought Tomorrow.
In their bedchamber, Jane and Charles were talking about Lizzy and Mr. Darcy. Charles had just told his wife of the conversation he had shared with his friend.
Jane concluded, "So, I was right, they did met during the afternoon."
"What made you think so?"
"Both of them were in the house while we were not. This evening, Lizzy seemed to hide as soon as Mr. Darcy was here, while he seemed to try and read into her mind with no happiness in what he understood. So I supposed that something had happened before dinner. Still, I don't see how some fencing advice can make them behave so strangely."
"I do not either but how can we know?"
Jane replied softly, "By asking! Charles, would you be very unhappy if I went to my sister's room to speak with her?"
"Of course I would!" he answered with a sigh. Then, he smiled warmly and said, "But I know you won't feel happy if you don't try to help your sister; and I made it my duty in life to make you happy. Aye wife, leave me at once!"
Jane kissed her husband and she was gone.
Chapter VIII
While she had closed the door and sat on a sofa near the fireplace, Jane asked, "How did you know it was me?"
"And who do you want it to be? I have not rung for the maid and surely nobody else would come to see me at night!" Lizzy answered.
Her sister smiled and said: "We have not had an evening chat for a long time, Lizzy. I thought that tonight would be a good time to have one."
"That's a delightful idea but I wonder what we could talk about," Elizabeth teased her sister, all the while wondering what she could or what she wanted to tell her.
Jane's tone was falsely reproachful, "Lizzy!!! I'm really worried about you. I thought that taking you away from Mama would do you good but your mood doesn't seem to improve for long. What's happening Lizzy? Are you truly ill? Usually, you like being in town... Do you feel for staying indoors? I'm sure there is a way of taking some exercise in this area of London, I'm quite certain Hyde Park is not far. Or is it the house you like not? Surely, you cannot suffer from our guests' behaviour. Miss Darcy is charming and Mr. Darcy is very attentive. Please Lizzy, tell me!" Her tone was now really concerned. "I'm sure I can help; we can even go back to Hertfordshire if you like."
Elizabeth was sorry. Sorry to be the cause of her sister's sorrow, sorry not to have been more honest with her, sorry to feel so bad herself. "Jane, don't worry for me. I really do not deserve it. I shall tell you all. I think it could ease your mind and I hope it will ease mine as well.. But it might be long, would you not prefer being with Charles?"
Jane answered, blushing, "I have been with Charles every night for the past two months; I owe you, as my beloved sister, to be with you tonight! Come on, sit by me."
Lizzy came and started: "As you have probably guessed but didn't want to tell me, I'm upset because of Mr. Darcy." Her sister tried to interrupt her; she raised her hand to stop her. "Please, Jane, I'd like to speak the whole of it. Would you mind keeping your questions for the end?"
Jane shook her head and took her sister's hand. "Go on, Lizzy."
"Well, the last time we spoke about him was nearly a year ago when I came back from Kent. He had proposed, I had refused, he had written me a letter dealing with answers about the reasons I had rejected him." She paused and decided to be completely honest with her sister and reveal the part Mr. Darcy had played in hers and Charles's love story. "You already know one of the reasons: Wickham. The other was your unhappiness, my dear Jane. I had learned that Mr. Darcy had helped Charles's sisters in separating Charles and you and when I accused him of that mischief, he acknowledged it. In his letter, he explained to me that he had done so because he had not seen any sign of attachment on your side. Of course it was not true but Charlotte had made a similar comment 3 months before. He also explained that the want of propriety betrayed by our sisters, our mother and occasionally our father was his other objection. Truthfully, I cannot say I disagree with him on that point. But he was also so kind towards both of us, saying that we always conducted ourselves as to avoid any share of the like censure. I can quote him, you know, I know the letter by heart."
She made another pause, unsure of what to say next. Eventually, she started again: "Of course, I had been flattered by his interest in me. He is a very good catch and he knows it. He had been excessively proud while in Netherfield and when he had proposed. That, I could not forget. But otherwise, after acknowledging the truth of his letter, I had no reason left for my refusal and I was quite sorry for the words I had used, that evening in the parsonage.
"Then, we met, most unexpectedly, at Pemberley. Imagine my shock at seeing him not twenty yards from me while I had been informed he wouldn't be there until the morrow. He was so very handsome, you know. I think he had been swimming somewhere a short while before because he held his coat and waistcoat in his hand and his shirt was still wet on his body." Her look was dreamy, her cheeks flushed. Jane squeezed her hand, she checked herself and went on." And he was civil, much more than he had ever been before. And he also seemed confused, just as I was. Of course he soon left us, yet after a very short while he came back! He had changed his clothes and was neatly dressed. He purposely sought for us! He asked to be introduced to Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, and, whereas I had clearly stated that they were from Cheapside, he was more than civil towards them as well. He spoke with Uncle Gardiner and I was so glad that he could meet some of our family who are not silly. I could not understand his behaviour but it had to be somehow related with me, that it was for my sake, that he had listened to the reproofs I had made him. Before we left, Mr. Darcy and I had time to speak together and he asked me to allow him to introduce his sister to me who more particularly wished, according to him, to be known to me! I ask you, why would she want to be known to me? Surely Miss Bingley, forgive me Jane, couldn't have praised me to her! It had to be her brother's doing. Could it be possible that he still loved me after what had happened in Kent? And, as if it was not enough, he then called on us in Lambton, with his sister and Charles, the very morning of their arrival. She invited us for dinner two days after, at Pemberley! I tried very hard to understand my feelings towards him at that moment. I finally understood that I felt respect and esteem for him, because of his valuable qualities I had first overlooked, and because, for a reason I dared not find out, he was now behaving as a perfect gentleman. I also realised that I felt gratitude towards him, because he had loved me once and he still loved me well enough to forgive my rejection of him and the dreadful way I had rejected him. Lastly, I had to admit to myself that I felt interest in his welfare. But did I love him? Did I want him to renew his addresses? I didn't know.
"The day after, Aunt Gardiner and I called on Miss Darcy at Pemberley(1). First, Mr. Darcy was not there, he was fishing with the gentlemen. When he finally entered the room, I was both happy and confused. I guess I had longed to see him but now, we had become objects of suspicion to all the party. I was embarrassed, although he was still cordial with us and seemed willing to favour a conversation between his sister and me. When all the gentlemen had come back, and after I had played a song at the pianoforte, Miss Bingley tried to embarrass me about Wickham. I managed to keep my composure but Miss Darcy was quite confused. I did the only decent thing that had to be done and tried to hide her confusion under a false reason. Mr. Darcy saw through my stratagem and his eyes gave me the warmest thank you I have ever received. Truthfully, I think there was more than gratitude in his stare; knowing what he had once felt for me, how agreeable and... charming I guess I could say... he had been since we had fortuitously met the day before, I read love - love for me - in his deep brown eyes. I have no proof of it, but, for a while, it was as if our souls were exchanging their deepest secrets. Our eyes were locked in this embrace for the whole of Georgiana's song, only the applause broke it. His eyes made me realise that I felt something more than the feelings I had listed the previous evening. He must have understood it as well, I'm sure he did, how could he have not?
"On the third morning, I received your letters. As you can imagine, after reading the second one, I was in a dreadful state. As I was going to leave to fetch Uncle and Aunt to prepare for our departure, Mr. Darcy was introduced into the room. He immediately took notice of my deep confusion and asked for a servant to go. Then he tried to comfort me. He was so kind, so compassionate. I just told him the whole truth, I didn't hesitate, I didn't even think to hesitate. I felt, deep inside, that I could trust him. His reaction was a deep shock, as if he was involved in what had happened. He asked one or two questions and started a thoughtful pace up and down the room. Then, he seemed to recover and, to my great dismay, told me that he would leave and make our excuses to his sister for not coming to dinner that evening. I understood then and there that his feelings for me were vanishing because of Lydia's ruin, which our whole family would partake in. The master of Pemberley could not propose to someone whose sister was lost to all common decency as I really thought she was. It could not be. Understand me, Jane, he was still compassionate but he was reserved, grave and seemed willing to leave as soon as he could, and how I understood this! I also clearly understood that I would have given anything to change the past, that I loved him, and that he would never be mine.
"Then, you know what happened, thanks to our uncle, Lydia was married. Although it prevented us to be disgraced, this union was still another source of deep unhappiness for me. It didn't give me any hope as to a possible match with Mr. Darcy. Wickham was now our brother, he could not want to connect himself with the man he so justly scorned. I assumed that he was probably more than happy that I had rejected him in Kent. And had he proposed then, I would have gladly and gratefully accepted him. I had come to be convinced that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit me. He has a superior understanding and I could have benefited from him, and I could have softened his reserved temper. But now, everything was lost; and neither he nor I would ever take advantage of such a union.
"You must think that there is no reason why I would now be in such turmoil. If this tells, according to me, the way he feels towards us, towards me, I still can't have any hope. But two things happened after that. First, I learned that it was not Uncle Gardiner who made the match between Lydia and Wickham but Mr. Darcy!"
There, Jane couldn't remain silent: "Lizzy! Are you sure about that?"
"I am Jane, I have it from one of the best authorities. He left Pemberley shortly after we left Lambton; he went to London; he found them; he paid all the money which had to be laid down; and, as you know, he was Wickham's best man. I still cannot fathom the reason of this. He told Uncle and Aunt that he acted thus because he felt responsible, because, had he not, by pride, concealed the Ramsgate events, Wickham's character would have been known and this elopement would not have happened. Aunt and Uncle believed that there was another motive although she acknowledged that he hardly spoke of me when he was with them. But whatever might have been his reasons, I was so proud of him. He had, there, shown the extent of his compassion. And I was so humbled for myself, I grieved so heartily over every ungracious sensation I had encouraged, every saucy speech I had directed towards him.
"Secondly, Charles came back to Netherfield, and he came back with him. I think that, had not Mr. Darcy suggested this return, Charles would have never come back. Your husband had no reason of doubting the facts that had been presented to him in London, nearly a year ago. He hadn't seen you, he had just seen me and I had not dared speak about you. But, with what I had told him when I had refused him, Mr. Darcy could have some doubts. And you told me that Charles had told you that he didn't know you were in town last spring, who could have revealed that, but Mr. Darcy? "But while he was there, and since, I cannot find out what his feelings are. Some times, he is very attentive or friendly or even teasing, then my heart sings and my hopes are high; but some other times, he is reserved, grave, even indifferent, he just stares at me, he seems anxious - like this evening - then I sink into gloom."
As Lizzy's silence was stretching, Jane asked: "But why were you so silent this evening? You seemed very confused! I came to the conclusion that something had happened between you two this afternoon, but what can it be?" Less fluently than the first part of her confession, Elizabeth told her sister of their meeting in the library, then of the fencing lesson. She insisted on the impropriety of her gesture but dared not say anything about her feelings the two times she had touched him. She tried to be as neutral as she could when she described his behaviour. "So, Jane, I now count on you as I used to, to help me feel better. I should have sought your advice before but I didn't want to intrude into your happiness and darken it somehow; more than anyone else, you deserve it."
"Oh, Lizzy, I feel so sorry," Jane said in a sad sigh. "I should have understood you. I thought you were not your old self because I had left and you had to bear it alone with Mama, Mary and Kitty. During those two months at Netherfield, I have never had the slightest idea that you were involved in your own sad love-story, and most of all with Mr. Darcy! To tell the truth, Charles and I started having some suspicions because of your behaviour when this trip was imagined. I have tried to observe the both of you since, but I didn't think the story was so old and so complicated."
"I feel guilty enough for keeping you away from your husband with my problems, please, don't add to it the grief of your undeserved guilt. But, tell me! What have you seen? What do you think?"
"I have seen two people who suffer. I have seen two people who, trying to understand the other, hide themselves so that the other cannot see their true feelings. I have seen two people who should be honest. I would not have put it that way, had you not told me all you did, but I really think this is the truth. As soon as he thinks nobody's watching him, he looks at you. His mood seems to follow yours. Whenever he speaks to you, his voice takes the warm tone he only uses with his sister. He loves you, Lizzy. He has not yet found the courage to tell it to you, that is all."
"But what about this afternoon?"
"You should not bother about this afternoon. Your behaviour might have been a little bit too forward but concern explains it. What you told me about his reaction doesn't show the least shock. He even suggested another lesson, no?"
Elizabeth sighed. "Yes"
"When is it supposed to take place?"
Lizzy answered, blushing: "As soon as the remaining of you are not here!"
A broad smile went on Jane's face: "What about tomorrow morning? You were not well tonight, you could stay in your room for breakfast and I will manage to take Miss Darcy and Charles for a walk. Then, the house and its master will be yours!"
Lizzy was laughing. "Jane, what has happened to you?"
Thoughtfully, her sister answered, "I hoped once that there would be a man as well suited for you as Charles is for me. Now I know there is, I will do everything in my power to see you as happy I am." She squeezed her sister's hand she was still holding.
"Thank you Jane. Now, off with you! Charles must be desperate!"
"We're an old married couple. I would rather think he is sound asleep... I wish you the best of nights, Dear Lizzy. Get your beauty sleep!"
(1) I have decided to be faithful to the novel, not to the P&P2 adaptation. The only P&P2 material I will use is the dive in the pond, the song and the Look during that visit. And I have borrowed a lot of Miss Austen's words, I could not have done better!
Chapter 9
The next morning, Elizabeth woke up very rested and very calm. Since she had not been able to enjoy one for a very long time, she all the more felt the benefit of a good night's sleep. She opened the curtains; the day was bright, it seemed to be freezing outside but the sun was shining. She rang for the maid, and, according to Jane's plan, she asked for her breakfast in her room. As she was getting dressed, she started to think of her discussion with her sister, and her confidence started to drift away as she realised the possible outcomes of the day. This could be the most magnificent day of her young life but it could also be the most devastating one. She tried to pray to ask God to help her, but, deep inside, she knew her future lay in her hands, and her plea remained somewhat half-hearted. She decided instead to cling to hopeful considerations, and she let her memory relive all their history; from his first slight, at the Meryton assembly, to their conversations in the Netherfield drawing-room; from their dance at the Netherfield ball to his proposal in Hunsford; from their unexpected meeting at Pemberley to their fencing lesson the day before. From all these events, she could gain some hope; even from the very first one, because she had been the only one he had singled out, in his proud and disdainful manner. And more than anything else, she had her sister's assurance that he loved her. Of course, he had not told Jane so but she wouldn't have spoken thus, had she had any doubt. Yes, she had to believe that this day would prove to be the happiest of her life.
In the dining-room, all the others were gathered. On not seeing Elizabeth coming, Mr. Darcy started to feel uneasy. His resolve was still very strong. He would find a way to speak with her that very day. But if she were truly ill, to the concern he would feel for her welfare, would be added the anguish of waiting another day. He asked Jane if she had any news from her sister.
"No, I have not. I went to check on her last night, and her health seemed fine. Her spirits are still a little bit low but, with our help, she will overcome it." Then, standing up, she added: "If you will excuse me, I shall go directly to her room to see how she is this morning."
"Please, do. And if she needs anything, please let me know."
Jane left the room, leaving the others in their thoughts.
In her bedchamber, Elizabeth was waiting for her sister. As soon as Jane was inside, she eagerly asked: "So, is everything settled?"
"Not yet; but I can promise you that it will go on as planned." Jane remembered her husband's summary of his discussion with Mr. Darcy and the latter had said that his solicitor was to come that morning. She studied her sister's face and said: "You seem well, Lizzy, much more rested than I have seen you for several weeks."
"I thank you. Yes, I had, strangely, a very good night. And your precious words have given me hope. Ah, Jane, why didn't I tell you all before?"
Jane answered, playfully: "Why, indeed? This was very foolish of you! But you're a very silly young woman, it might explain everything!" She went to the door, "I shall leave you now. I have to take Charles and Miss Darcy outside!"
Lizzy asked eagerly: "Wish me luck."
"You don't need luck, you have all the right cards and nobody can beat you at this game."
"But it's not a game. It's my happiness, my whole life which is involved!"
"So much the better as nobody can beat you!" She opened the door, went in the corridor, but before closing the door, she added, "I love you Lizzy and so does he. Just remember this."
In the dining-room, all the assembled were expecting her return, though not with the same eagerness. She didn't linger and said, "Lizzy is quite well. She just overslept and didn't feel like hurrying to join us. She told me she wanted to work on her novel this morning, so I said we wouldn't disturb her." Jane was amazed at her own behaviour. She didn't know she could lie, but she found she did it very well. As she, nevertheless, felt some guilt, she decided that she would confess to them all her lies as soon as her sister and Mr. Darcy had found each other. It seemed funny how she had been unsure about Charles even though everyone, including Lizzy, was telling her that he loved her, while now she felt absolutely certain that she knew the truth about Mr. Darcy's feelings. She really couldn't explain it; maybe she would speak to Lizzy about that.
Georgiana was quite relieved to know that everything was fine with Miss Bennet. She hadn't forget her brother's compliments and wanted to gather more. "What should we do today? Would you like to call on your uncle and aunt?"
Jane answered her hostess: "No, I would rather do that with Lizzy. But the sun is shining and I have seen a nice park around the corner. I would like to take a turn in it, if it agrees with you."
Mr. Darcy, who had also heard the news from Elizabeth's room with relief, declined, "I'm afraid I can't be of the party. I have a business appointment this morning." He smiled to Jane and added, "But don't worry, Mrs. Bingley, I won't disturb Miss Bennet."
She smiled back: "She told me you had helped her yesterday, so, I suspect you would not be unwelcome."
Charles was looking dubiously at his wife. They didn't have time to speak about the conversation she had shared with Lizzy but he could scarce recognize the schemer he was beholding as his wife. Certainly they had had a very enlightening conversation! Nonetheless, as she was his beloved wife and as he often thought she was clearly smarter than he was, he decided to enter her game, "This is a lovely idea." He then recalled Jane's last sentence. "I mean, the walk in the park, it's a lovely idea," he added in a laugh.
Georgiana had understood all the insinuations. She smiled broadly, seeing that everyone but, perhaps, the main characters were determined to see a quick and happy ending to this story. "So it is settled, I will take Mr. and Mrs. Bingley to the park. There are a great many sites to see, "she said, blushing at her obvious distortion of the truth, "I'm afraid we won't be back until luncheon." And moreover, I have to speak with Mrs. Bingley about Elizabeth, and to find out the real reason of her absence, she added with a warm smile towards the said lady.
The look Mr. Darcy sent his sister contained some reproach mixed with gratitude. He knew that nature was slumbering at this time of the year and that the park was really not London's grandest; he also knew that Georgiana was quite aware of this fact as well. Yet he had not forbidden her to 'help him' as she had put it. He just smiled at her, stood up and said. "Everything seems settled. I shall see you later, then."
As soon as Charles, Jane and Georgiana had dressed for a cold morning walk, they left. Looking up at the sky with a sheepish smile, Georgiana said, "I hope no clouds are to come." Jane answered with a reassuring tone, "I'm sure no clouds are to come."
From her bedchamber, Elizabeth heard the three of them leave. A while after, she heard the door-bell ring and the butler announce to Mr. Darcy, "Your solicitor is here, sir."
"Let him come in," answered the deep voice she had come to cherish, then the library door was shut.
She tried to work a little on her novel yet, although she now had some ideas of what to write for her fencing fight, she couldn't put anything on the paper. Each time she thought of a position Mr. Darcy had shown her, she started thinking on how handsome he looked in that position and her thoughts floated away. Eventually, she decided that she would rather play the pianoforte. That way, she would be downstairs and maybe, when his solicitor had left, he would come and see her...
She had been playing for some time when she heard the library door open and a man's voice say, "Well, Sir. I shall leave you now."
"Thank you, Sir. Send the contracts as soon as you have copied them."
"I shall. Good day, Sir." And the front-door was opened and shut.
Mr. Darcy was quite satisfied, this business matter had been conducted easily and with a quick conclusion. If only everything in his life could be likewise! He became suddenly aware that the library door had not been closed because he thought he could hear music. But Georgiana was not there and Elizabeth was supposed to be in her room, who could be playing? It had to be Elizabeth; indeed Georgiana had been very clear that she would not be back for at least two more hours. He decided to go and check. He would not disturb her, just check. He left the library and headed towards the drawing-room. Yes, indeed, Elizabeth was playing. He could now hear her delightful voice too. He decided just to take a look and then, he would go back to his library.
As soon as he appeared in the doorway, Elizabeth saw him. In fact she had been waiting for him since she had heard the departure of the solicitor. Nevertheless, she felt overpowered by the sight of him and she froze.
Mr. Darcy was embarrassed. He had only meant to watch her, unnoticed if possible, and he had very obviously failed. He bowed. "Miss Bennet. Please, I did not want to intrude. I just wanted to know to whom I owed this delightful music. Would you please forgive my intrusion?"
Elizabeth recovered and answered, "Of course, Mr. Darcy. I am sorry. I was lost in my music. I hope I haven't disturbed you. Jane told me you would go for a walk, I thought I was alone." Well, that was not exactly what she had told her but... it would do.
"I had myself a business appointment this morning and was unable to join them. And don't worry about your playing disturbing me, I really enjoy music; all the more when it is played so beautifully."
She felt a blush darkening her face. "You're flattering me, sir," she smiled shyly.
"Am I?" Mr. Darcy asked, truly surprised. "No, I'm just telling the truth. If you will excuse me now," he added after an awkward and short pause, "I shall leave you to your playing." He bowed, ready to leave the room, unaware of the short draw of disappointed breath she had taken. Elizabeth didn't want him to go but she couldn't voice the words; she impulsively started to play the song she had sung at Pemberley.
When he heard the first notes of 'Voi che sapete', Mr. Darcy stopped abruptly. He turned around, and, as bewitched by her voice, he made his way to the sofa where he could sit, staring at her. His eyes didn't leave her face during the whole song, they rested on her lips, her eyes, the curls that were covering a part of her forehead. When the song ended, the spell was not immediately broken. She was now staring back at him, unable to utter a word. She saw in his eyes what she had seen at Pemberley and she tried to convey to him more than she had, then. Eventually, a very noisy carriage in the street below ended the enchantment. Mr. Darcy recovered first. "This was enthralling, Miss Bennet. I thank you."
She cast her eyes down shyly. She wanted him so much to speak but she didn't know how to encourage him. "I'm glad you liked it."
Mr. Darcy knew it could be the moment. They were alone, she had chosen that piece of Mozart, she really seemed unwilling to flee from him. He had to do it. Now. Come on, man, don't be a coward. He stood up and put his hands behind his back so that she couldn't see he was nervously clenching them. He licked his upper lip and started: "Miss Bennet..."
She had lifted her head when she had heard him stand up. She felt her heart jumping in her chest; something was in her throat, preventing her from breathing properly. She waited for him to continue.
"I..." The words couldn't come out of his mouth. It was dreadful, much more awkward than it had been in Hunsford. "Miss Bennet, I..." He tried several times to catch his breath and to produce a sound but he couldn't. Elizabeth was looking expectantly at him. She seemed confused but his strange behaviour could easily explain it. Finally, deeply embarrassed, Mr. Darcy decided to change his tactic, and, avoiding her eyes, he said. "Miss Bennet, since the conditions seem favourable, would you like me to give you your second fencing lesson?"
She seemed quite surprised at his words. She clearly hadn't expected that. But she understood how difficult this moment had been for him. The proud, respected, probably even feared master of Pemberley had been at a loss for words for almost one full minute. Had she been told that a year ago, she would indeed have believed it to be an excellent joke! So, even though she was deeply disappointed, even though she had been at the gate of Heaven and was now back to Earth, she tried to hide her feelings, anchored her eyes in his and answered with her most gracious smile: "Yes, I would like that very much. Shall we meet in the ballroom in five minutes?"
"That will be perfect." He moved close to her, and offered her his arm to lead her to the staircase. She took it very willingly and thanked him with a nod. When he released her, she tried to refrain from running up to her room while he could watch her.
While she was putting on her old muslin gown, Elizabeth was trembling. She had still not recovered from his failed speech. It could only be his proposal. What else could it be? Why hadn't he managed to extract the words from his throat? He had seemed so confused, so lost, she had felt a wave of tenderness for him. But she would have to wait to tell him so. How long would she have to wait? O Lord, this was so difficult! She had to recover, she would see him in a few minutes; she had to appear as calm as she had been when she had agreed to the lesson. O the lesson! The last one had been so much yet so little. This one had to be all. She would help him, she would find a way, she would show him she cared deeply for him and she was more than willing to share his life; she wouldn't wait any longer, she couldn't wait any longer...In an all but serene state of mind, she exited her room to go and meet her destiny.
Chapter 10
"Welcome Miss Bennet. Everything is ready. As you had allowed me yesterday, I took the liberty of putting on my training costume," the last part of the sentence was said with a smile.
She had managed, somehow, to regain her composure during her short walk in the corridors but when she saw him without his coat, what had happened the day before came suddenly back to her. She flushed and saw him frown, in spite of his smile. She scolded herself; she had promised she would help him, and she was not true to her word. So, she breathed deeply, put on her brightest smile and answered, "Indeed, you did well, Mr. Darcy." Taking a look around the room, she added, "Oh, you ordered some refreshments! This was very thoughtful of you."
He startled, "I'm afraid I did not."
She blushed furiously, once again. Oh! Then..." She went close to the decanter, poured some lemonade in a glass and tasted it. "Yet, it is cool. It is a very recent one."
He silently cursed Georgiana and felt extremely embarrassed once again. "I told Georgiana I had given you a lesson yesterday. She may have thought we would renew the experiment today and asked Mrs. Harper to prepare something for us."
Elizabeth felt a smile coming on her lips: "How very thoughtful of her!"
Mr. Darcy saw that she was not angry about the incident and felt relieved. He smiled as well and answered, "I shall have a word with her so that, next time, she isn't so "thoughtful" as you put it. But I'm sure you mustn't fear Mrs. Harper gossiping. She has worked for the Darcys for longer than I can remember." And if he was a reliable man - which he was not sure he was - Elizabeth, as his betrothed, would soon have nothing to fear for her reputation.
As it happened, though, she was not at all concerned about her reputation. "I am not afraid, don't make yourself uneasy." She went to fetch her sword. "Shall we start?"
He took his, went beside her and asked: "Should we review what we have seen yesterday?"
And the lesson went on. First Elizabeth showed him she remembered everything he had taught her the day before. Then Mr. Darcy showed her some other positions and eventually, they practiced in a little fight. Everything was going on very well, she was enjoying herself as much as the day before and he was having as much pleasure. They paused to rest a little and drink some of these unexpected refreshments. While Mr. Darcy was congratulating her about her improvements, he was thinking that this would not be a good time to propose. Their minds were still full of swords and positions, he wouldn't find the good words and she wouldn't be in the right frame of mind.
He knew his conclusions were right when she said: "I have read in some novels about some artful thrusts. What is it?"
"A thrust is a combination of positions which is supposed to lead you to a hit. An artful one is one not documented, a kind of family secret.(1)"
Her eyes were shining with pleasure. She asked almost greedily: "Would you know any? I would dearly like to learn one."
How could he refuse her anything when she was looking at him like that? He smiled warmly. "Yes, I do know one but if you write it in your novel, it won't be a secret any longer."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry, I won't describe it and I won't tell anybody." She was almost childish, longing for a candy and swearing she would keep the secret. He felt his heart melt - well, the tiny part which was not already melted!
"If I have your word, then I will show it to you. It's our family secret, you know!" And as she would soon be a part of it, he could tell it to her! Mr. Darcy wondered if her thoughts had followed the same path because she blushed, broke their stare and looked away. Curiously he felt calm. It might be caused by the fact that he still didn't feel the moment was right. He added, "I shall show you," and started a complex movement.
Elizabeth was watching him attentively. She was impressed by the harmony of the whole movement; and, while she should have studied the different positions, she was captivated by the man who was making them. How handsome he was! What strength emerged from his body! How would it feel to be held in those powerful arms? Warmth started to spread all over her body.
Once he had finished, Mr. Darcy said, oblivious of the nature of the attention she had bestowed on him:
"Would you try to do it now?"
She broke abruptly her reverie, a deep shade of pink on her cheeks. "I'm afraid I don't remember everything." She was sure she remembered nothing at all...
"Of course, I will do it slowly, why don't you imitate me?" And, coming by her side, he started again the movement.
This time, she decided to be more serious and tried to do as asked. But it was truly complicated and she was not truly very attentive. Therefore, the result was not as good as it could have been. She was quite embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, it seems that my skills might not be good enough."
"Not at all. I'm sure you can do it. It is not as difficult as it looks." An idea had popped up in his head. It was not one to be easily said but if it could be done, it would be quite delightful indeed! He decided to try to voice it, no matter how loud his heartbeats were, and, unlike the drawing-room speech, words came easily. "Miss Bennet, I have a suggestion to make but I wouldn't wish to shock you." He paused then smiled, "It seems that everyday, I am to tell you something I ask you to forget if it is not to your liking!"
She smiled back. "Pray, Mr. Darcy, tell me. I was delighted by your last daring suggestion!" Oh! had she really said that when she had been so proud of refraining her eagerness the day before?
His smile showed that he didn't seem to object to that piece of information. His tone turned serious, as he said, "It might help you if, without our swords, I would direct your arm and hand to do the proper movements. But," he gulped, "this means that I will hold your hand and be close to you."
She flushed at the idea and remembered, once again, what she had promised herself in her room. She would help him, she would show him she cared. This situation appeared to be another opportunity. She tried to answer lightly, smiling, "It would be like a dance, I don't see anything improper in that!" Of course, they were alone and neither he nor she were wearing gloves. But she didn't want to think about it. She went to put her sword on the side table and moved back to the centre of the room.
The same thoughts crossed his mind; he didn't want to think about it, either. He put back his sword as well. Then he went behind her as far as he could, considering the fact that he would hold her right hand in his. He rubbed his hand against his breeches. His throat was clenched, he swallowed and said: "Shall we start?"
She was deeply aware of his body behind hers. She could feel his warmth. She could smell his fragrance. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "Yes we shall." And she lifted her arms. She opened her eyes when she felt his hand holding hers. Once again, they were skin against skin and this time, she would not end the contact.
Mr. Darcy was ill at ease but he was also determined to continue; he would not give in. He slowly started the movement, yet he felt that her arm was not as rigid as it should be. In fact, her whole body was not as rigid as it should be. What was happening?
Elizabeth felt that all her strength had left her. The pounding of her heart was using the whole of it. She was not on the verge of fainting, indeed, she was not the fainting kind; but she was more and more weak. She started to let her back go and it logically started to rest on Mr. Darcy's chest. She gave a sigh of contentment.
At first, he was overpowered by the contact of her body against his, then by the ideas suggested by such a contact. After recovering his breath, he tried to think; but he didn't know what to think. Was she ill? No, that sigh was clearly not a fainting one. Was she, by some miracle, as physically aware of him as he was of her? He felt his blood run even faster. He decided to try the light approach, otherwise he would be back to his clumsy behaviour. Without releasing her, he said, "Miss Bennet, I'm not sure this is the best position to practice the thrust."
She didn't answer but closed her eyes and let her head go back; it was now resting under his chin. He felt overpowered by the feeling of her hair against his skin. He swallowed and closed his eyes. He had to say something, it was his part, it was his will, she was his destiny. Still holding her right hand, he closed his arms on her body. She closed her left arm on his. It was so perfect; it was so just; neither of them wanted to move.
Eventually, Mr. Darcy opened his eyes and said, "Elizabeth". It was not a question, nor the beginning of a sentence, it was the expression of his relief. At last, he would be able to address her as Elizabeth.
On hearing her name, she shivered and opened her eyes. She moved slowly in his arms to turn to face him. His hands were still on her waist; hers were resting on his chest. They were staring at each other.
"Fitzwilliam". It was such a strange name, yet it sounded so beautiful when she said it.
He didn't know where to start but he knew he would find a way. His voice was hoarse. "I love you, Elizabeth. I love you more than I can say. And I need you. I need you to put light into my life, I need you to help me be a better man, I need you to be whole. Will you marry me?"
Tears were coming to her eyes. She put her hands behind his head and, drawing his mouth onto hers, she answered, "I will." And their lips met. It started as a shy kiss but they had suffered too much, had waited too long for it to remain one. His hands were moving randomly on her back, pressing her ever more against him. Hers were in his hair, on his shoulders, on his face. He was devouring her and she him. They lost track of the time.
Mr. Darcy had lost his heart and most of his self-control but he was still a gentleman. In the mist of his head, a voice started to tell him to stop. First he ignored it but eventually he surrendered to it and his lips left her mouth. He lightly kissed her nose and rested his forehead on hers. He waited for his heart to go back to its normal pace, he forced his breath to calm down, then he whispered: "I love you Elizabeth."
She had understood his gesture. She didn't know where that kiss could have led them but she knew that it would have been too far. "I love you Fitzwilliam."
Those words made him happier than he had ever been; he thought that if his chest were to expand any more, it would explode. "I can't believe it. I don't deserve it."
She smiled at him. "Yes you do, and I will prove that to you, every single day of my life." And she kissed him again.
Although her initiating it was a dangerously tantalizing thought, he managed to retain enough control to not let the kiss fly away as the first one. Once their lips had parted, he smiled and said, "I think we should end the lesson, Georgiana and the Bingleys should soon be back."
"End the lesson when I have been so inept at learning the Darcy's thrust?" she laughed. "How am I to master it if we stop now?"
"Believe me, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, I heartily wish to practice it more with you," he replied with feeling, "yet I do not trust myself to stay a gentleman, should we do it. I can nevertheless promise you that we will practice more, and that you will master it as well."
The slightly wild light she saw in his eyes made her realise that he was much closer to losing his control than he had led her to believe. It rendered her both enthralled and slightly apprehensive. Pushing him further was nonetheless tempting beyond resisting. "I haven't thank you properly for the lessons, shall I?" she asked, in a beguiling manner.
He loved this woman. She was passionate, funny, beautiful, intelligent; but he was the stern one, the solid one, the poised one. He had to resist temptation even though she was still enfolded in his arms, as in his dreams he had held her since the beginning of their acquaintance. "My teasing love, if we want to be able to face Bingley, your sister and mine in a decent amount of time, you'd better not."
She sighed, "You're certainly right."
He then did one of the hardest things he had ever done in releasing his Elizabeth. He offered her his arm to leave the room and she put both hands on it. Before opening the door, he said: "I cannot ask your father's consent right away, can we nonetheless announce our engagement to them?"
Their engagement! O thank you Lord! She smiled, recalling Jane's part. "I'm afraid we have to. Jane was determined to see you and I together and she might have schemed a little for us to be alone this morning. She will surely want to know the result of her trick!"
Mr. Darcy was laughing. "We have been trapped! Georgiana had resolved on achieving the same goal."
Elizabeth laughed with him. Then she said, more thoughtfully: "It seems that our sisters have been cleverer than us on knowing how we would find our happiness."
Mr. Darcy paused at the door to take hold of her two hands in his. "You have made me the happiest of men."
She answered, a sunny smile on her lips and in her eyes, "You have made me the happiest of women."
Unable to resist the tenderness in her voice, he leaned down and placed a featherlike kiss on her mouth. "Go and prepare yourself to face our matchmakers, my Love."
(1) A 'botte secrète', in French, is exactly what I described. My VERY BIG French-English dictionary told me that 'botte secrète' translates into 'artful thrust'. I hope it is true... :-\
Epilogue
When Mr. Darcy after freshening up, went back downstairs, he asked his butler if his sister and the Bingleys had come back and if Miss Bennet had come down. On hearing that the formers were in the drawing-room but that Elizabeth was still upstairs, he decided to wait for her at the bottom of the staircase. When she appeared, he was, as usual, overpowered by his feelings for her, but this time, knowing that she cared for him, a glow of happiness flourished on his face. She went down the stairs and he watched her with the same eager expectation that would be his on her walking up the aisle in the Meryton church.
When they entered the room, three pairs of eyes studied them and no question was asked but congratulations immediately flew. Indeed, Elizabeth was holding his arm, their eyes were sparkling and their smiles were jubilant. Jane and Georgiana had told Charles of their schemes so he wasn't anymore surprised than those two ladies. Even for themselves, the three of them were very happy with the match. Georgiana was winning the sister she had longed for, Charles was becoming brother with his friend and Jane could be truly happy, now that her sister was so as well.
It was decided to go back to Meryton as soon as possible. Mr. Darcy wanted to ask Mr. Bennet's consent to be able to be publicly close to his betrothed, and Elizabeth thought that explaining to her father the evolution of her feelings for Fitzwilliam would probably be a smart thing to do. Charles sent an express to his housekeeper in Netherfield to inform her of their return for the next day, with two guests, and to ask her to send a word to Longbourn. They decided, nonetheless, to honour their engagement for the evening and have dinner in Grosvenor Street. Elizabeth was so eager to share the good news with the people that mattered to her that they paid a call on the Gardiners in the afternoon.
Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner were thrilled. They had come to like Mr. Darcy and to understand that he would be a perfect match for their niece. Lizzy acknowledged some guilt for revealing her good news to her uncle and aunt before her parents, but Mr. Darcy told her that the Gardiners were much more able to understand the happiness of such an event than the Bennets. As it was, indeed, the absolute truth, she felt better.
Since it was pretty sure that Charles wouldn't be able to keep the secret, and as Elizabeth didn't feel like bearing with Caroline's usual behaviour towards her future husband, they also decided to inform Louisa, Caroline and Mr. Hurst about the engagement. This was a terrible blow to Miss Bingley and she excused herself during the dinner because of a headache. All the ladies, including Elizabeth, felt compassion for her and the Darcy party came back early to Holland Park avenue.
Then, in Hertfordshire. At first, all in Longbourn were surprised by Lizzy's early return. But her looks and mood had so much improved in those few days in London that Mr. Bennet was very happy. His shock was deep when, on the next day, Mr. Darcy paid a morning call and asked for a private interview. Elizabeth had told her betrothed that her father might be very disconcerted by the news, so the young gentleman tried not to be too forward. Once, he had told her father that Lizzy had indeed agreed to marry him, the man she had so scorned a year ago, Mr. Bennet gave his consent; he was, afterwards, comforted by his dearest daughter's confession(1). Mrs. Bennet's behaviour and opinion suddenly changed on Mr. Darcy's behalf. The lovers had several serious conversations about their past and their future and numerous light exchanges that often ended abruptly and tenderly. As for Georgiana, she met Lizzy's sisters and found out that Kitty, particularly, would be an agreeable companion.
The marriage was quickly organised as the engaged couple felt that they had waited long enough, indeed, and, on a grey March day, they were joined in holy matrimony. Apart from their close family, all Mrs. Bennet's neighbours were present as well as the Bingley sisters, Mr. and Mrs. Collins, Colonel Fitzwilliam, who had finally come back from Spain and his parents, who had been close to the Darcys since their parent's death. Curiously, neither Lady Catherine nor the Wickhams attended the ceremony. The sun showed some of its rays while the newlyweds made their way back to Holland Park Avenue.
And what about fencing and writing a novel? When he had been told that his friend and his sister in law were engaged, Charles had noticed that, had it not been for that novel, this happy ending might not have happened. Jane had agreed and asked if she would ever be able to read it. Lizzy had answered, smiling, that she would never have tried to publish it, as improper as it was for a lady. She had also added that, now that she would be a married woman, she would not have much time for writing; Jane had smiled broadly remembering Lydia uttering those very words.
In fact, Elizabeth did finish her novel, in spite of the numerous very interesting new things she had to do. Taking care of her husband, his houses, his son and his two daughters, their sister's coming out, her parents, etc. took indeed a considerable amount of her time, yet she wrote it and offered it to her dearly cherished spouse as a token of their love. And, as he had promised on the morning when they had found their happiness, they never gave up their fencing practices; and, as by his second pledge, she mastered the Darcy thrust. That this event happened before the end of the next year was quite remarkable; indeed those practices of theirs proved to be often distracting, and she gave birth to Bennet Darcy in the meanwhile.