Posted on Tuesday, 19 August 2003, at 2:07 p.m.

"I say, Darcy, you must be persuaded to dance! Just look at all the lovely young ladies present!" Charles Bingley nudged his friend none-too-gently with his elbow, causing the usually impeccable Fitzwilliam Darcy to spill a few drops of punch on his unfortunate cravat.

"Whyever would I do a thing like that, Bingley?" Darcy questioned, eyebrow raised. "You know that I'm far too proud and disagreeable to think of such a thing!" He surveyed the room with ill-concealed disdain. "Besides, there are far too many people in this room for me to be comfortable. There must be as many as four and twenty couples! Such a crowd!"

"But Darcy, it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. I know that was my foremost design in settling here!" Charles' eyes lit up as his gaze once more fell upon the lovely Jane Bennet. "There's my angel now! I'm ever so glad that her father visited me when I arrived-otherwise I never would have fallen so completely in love with Miss Bennet!"

"Completely in love, Bingley? I'm surprised at you-usually when you fall in love, the lady has your undivided attention. As I recall, you danced first with a Miss Lucas...?"

"Oh, I did not admire her at all-Miss Bennet is without question the handsomest lady in the room! I intend to dance with her at least twice this evening!"

"Then your constant dancing can make up for my reticience." And with that, Darcy, took himself off to find a young lady to deliberately snub. Perhaps that one there in the corner with the dark curls and laughing eyes...

Chapter Two

Kitty glanced up from her needlework and watched her mother covertly. Ah, there, just a little more... perfect!

"Haaaaaaacccckkk! Snnoorrrrkkk! Hyyuucckkk!"

She had the satisfaction of watching Mrs. Bennet flinch, concentration broken by the spate of carefully-timed coughing. I think next time I'll do it when she's in the middle of writing a letter... yes, that will be the most irritating...

Mrs. Bennet glared in exasperation at her daughter, then turned to look at Jane and Lizzy once more. "I still do not know why you insisted upon coming home so early! I was right, you see, the apothecary says that you should definitely have stayed at Netherfield for precisely one week! Why do you never listen to me?"

Jane and Lizzy exchanged glances. "Now, Jane," Lizzy whispered, "remember you mustn't tell her I forced you to leave the wonderfully attentive company of Miss Bingley and Mr. Bingley solely in order to vex her. I delight in doing such things, you know." The girls giggled behind their hands, and Mary joined in with barely-concealed glee as she deliberately mussed up her hair to look so unattractive that no young man would ever want to marry her.

Mr. Bennet just looked on benevolently, industriously planning ways to prevent the entail on Longbourn from being broken. It wouldn't do to let his wife be the slightest bit comfortable after his death, after all.

Chapter Three

Charlotte Collins, formerly Charlotte Lucas, threw Mrs. Bennet a triumphant look. Soon, soon she would be mistress of Longbourn, and then she could turn Mrs. Bennet and her daughters out of the house and into the street! She, her mother, and her new husband had been talking the matter over almost constantly since she had engaged herself to Mr. Collins, and she already looked upon the estate as quite her own.

Mr. Collins, on the other hand, was happy, but just a bit bewildered. He wasn't quite sure what had happened in the past few weeks-one moment, he had been proposing to Elizabeth, he thought she had accepted, certainly her father had agreed completely with Mrs. Bennet that she must marry him-but then Miss Lucas had appeared and done something... then everything was a sort of blur, and now here he was, walking back down the aisle, married! How, he had no idea, but it was certainly the doing of his cousin Elizabeth and that artful woman who was now his wife! Ah, well, at least he had finally convinced someone to marry him! Or had it been the other way around?

Charlotte patted his arm with a smirk. He would never know that she had induced him to marry her through her feminine wiles. What a victory over Mrs. Bennet!

Chapter Four

My dear brother,

At last I am able to send you some tidings of my niece, and such as, upon the whole, I hope will give you satisfaction. I have found Lydia, and she is to marry Wickham without delay. I have paid him ten thousand pounds to induce him to marry her, but have no worries on that account-she is my niece, after all, and if I had not had a family of my own, yours would have had all of my money eventually. She is entitled to all the assistance I can give, the dear girl. I hope only that you shall send her money immediately for wedding clothes-after all, now that she is to be so respectably married, she must have at least three different kinds of lace on her gown. Perhaps the new Cluny lace you and I discussed at such great length the last time I was at Longbourn? (you remember how we always discuss lace when I visit-is it not a most interesting topic?) In any case, I hope these arrangements meet with your approval.

Your brother,

Edward Gardiner

Mr. Bennet finished reading his letter, folded it neatly, and placed it back in the drawer. So Lydia was to be married at last! It was about time, she was already sixteen, almost an old maid! Mrs. Bennet agreed with him-excellent woman, she had the best judgment of anyone he knew-and had already made several suggestions as to where the newly-married couple could settle in the neighborhood. Several notes had come from various families about the subject.

Mr. Bennet- Mrs. Goulding and I recently heard about the impending marriage of your dearest daughter Lydia, and would like to offer our current residence, Haye-Park, for their use. We would be perfectly happy to leave our ancestral home to allow them to live in it. Only let us know, and we can be moved out in a fortnight. Congratulations!

Mr. Bennet-We at Purvis Lodge are happy to hear of your daughter's engagement, and hasten to assure you that should she wish to live here, we are in the process of renovating our attics, so do not let that deter you from considering our estate as a possible residence for such an illustrious couple. Our felicitations go out to you!

Mr. Bennet-If little Lydia would so choose, we at Ashworth would be honored to have her take up residence with her husband. We realize that the house is a bit further from your neighborhood than she may perhaps wish, so we are fully prepared to have the entire house rebuilt at a more convenient location. Just say the word, and it will be done!

Mr. Bennet shook his head in amusement. So many offers, so little time to decide! How wonderful it was that his dear Lydia should be settled so close by! He must consult Mrs. Bennet for advice...

Chapter Five

"I do not wish to walk with you at all, Mr. Darcy, I thoroughly dislike you, but I suppose I must in order to give Jane and Mr. Bingley some time alone." Elizabeth walked along the path to Oakham Mount, Mr. Darcy pacing stiffly beside her.

"Should we perhaps make some conversation?" Mr. Darcy asked stiffly (he did everything stiffly, since he was so proud and disagreeable).

"That would be appropriate. How is your family?"

"My sister and aunt are well."

"Your aunt came to visit last week, you know." Lizzy said casually.

"Did she? Whatever did she want?"

"Nothing in particular. She was passing through Meryton and stopped by to tell me the Collinses were well. She was most impressed with our garden." Lizzy neglected to mention that she herself had rudely neglected to offer Lady Catherine any refreshments, but that was only to be expected of an impertinent and spoiled girl such as herself.

They walked on in silence.

"Miss Elizabeth, will you marry me?" Darcy stopped in the middle of the path, and Lizzy turned to him, expression suddenly changing.

"Why, yes, of course, Mr. Darcy! I have always liked you and your ten thousand a year, you know! What pin-money, what jewels, what carriages I will have!"

"That is most satisfactory. I am sure that this union will prove beneficial for both of us. Not to mention the fact that I insist upon throwing your sisters in the way of other rich men once we are married."

"Oh, Mr. Darcy, you read my mind! How fortunate that my mother has always known that we were meant to be together! Otherwise, we never would have found such happiness!

The End