Chapter 1
The smell of ammonia assaulted Elizabeth's nostrils as she entered Jane's room. Liz had often visited hospitals, and been a patient a couple of times, but the ghastly smell unnerved her every time.
Jane's well-defined face lay pale on the crisp blue pillowcase, her eyes fluttering open at the sound of the door.
' Lizzy........'
'Oh, Jane, I am so sorry.'
Jane was in hospital for the fifth time. Five miscarriages had tainted the life that she and Carl had had together, five failed attempts at IVF.
Liz stepped over the long legs that were protruding into the middle of the room, exhaustion having overwhelmed Carl. Hze slept on a hard hospital chair, his face, even in slumber, showing signs of anguish. Liz took Jane's hand and as she gently stroked her long fingers, tears welled up in her eyes as she thought of the years of pain and heartache Jane and Carl had endured.
'Liz, we will keep trying. Will has offered to help with the financial side. One day.........'
Liz started at the mention of Will's name. She had managed to avoid him on her trips to visit Jane in these last two years.
' Is William here?' she asked Jane, hoping that her voice didn't betray her feelings, but knowing that she could never hide anything from Jane.
'He just went to get Sleeping Beauty over there a sandwich and a toothbrush.'
Quickly Liz brought her visit to an end with the excuse of allowing Jane to rest. As she left, Jane pulled herself onto one elbow and laid her hand on Liz's arm. She looked into Liz's eyes intently.
'You have to tell him.'
Liz shrugged, but deep down she knew that Jane was right. One day her story would need to be told, at least to William. But she couldn't face him today.
Liz kissed bent to kiss Beth Goodnight, her small frame made smaller by the enormity of the bed in Jane's guestroom. Her eyes were drawn to the small hands clutching a well-cuddled, balding rabbit. Beth was peacefully asleep as her mother looked over her for the millionth time, searching for just a small clue, but again not finding any.
This beautiful child had turned her life upside down, bringing her extreme times of joy and laughter, as well as many hours of inner turmoil and heartache....
Flashback
'Liz, I am so sorry; I am such a class-one jerk! Please forgive me, I love you so much.'
Will sat on the bonnet of his much-loved, beaten up old Ford, Liz's hand in his, his eyes pleading.
Liz stifled a giggle. Will was gorgeous and she loved him as much as he loved her.
'You had me at Liz!' she quipped. 'Of course I forgive you, but I too have been a brat. Will you forgive me?'
On that night below the stars, Will showed her how much he loved her.........
Liz was so in love with Will that she couldn't allow him to suffer the pain she suffered. She couldn't let him be robbed of life as she had been, so she left a few weeks later when she found out about Beth.
Her life had been difficult. She had left to live with her Aunt Mildred, where she found a part-time job as an accounts clerk. At night she watched her belly grow bigger. The delight of feeling the first movement, the quickening of Beth against the inner most part of her, was tainted by the deep sadness she felt at the hand she had been dealt.
When Beth was born the anger slid away, replaced with unconditional love mixed with the heartache of having a child who wouldn't grow up with her Daddy. Now, two years later, her past had finally caught up with her and she knew she was going to have to face it.
CHAPTER 2
Jane was discharged from the hospital that morning; she and Liz had left Carl slumbering amongst a pile of towels and gone for a wander down the tide line.
'Are you OK, Jane? You're not tired, are you?'
'Liz, honestly, you look worse than I feel...is Beth keeping you awake?'
Liz and Jane stopped to let the cool waves slop over their unshod feet. This was a delight they had enjoyed for many years. Both found it relaxing, the gentle rhythm of waves coming and going.
' Well.... Jane, I have been having these awful nightmares. I am so worried; what am I to do?'
'Liz you know what you need to do.....'
Carl, closely followed by Will, came and joined the girls in the waves.
'Look who I found...' Carl said with a conspiring look on his face. Jane took his arm and led him away under the premise that she was suddenly very tired.
'Elizabeth... um... how are you?'
Will looked at her with eyes full of unanswered questions, eyes that showed bitterness mixed with confusion and hurt. Liz sucked in her breath and in one very quick sentence she asked him to let her tell him something without any interruptions.
Flashback
'No! George, go away.!!!!'
"Come on, you know you want me...'
George held Liz's arm tightly not allowing her to get away as he taunted her
'Where's Lover Boy? I bet he's left you for Carol. He's like that, you know. Not loyal to people, you see...'
A few weeks later, Lizzy sobbed in Jane's bathroom.
'Oh no, Jane, what am I going to do? Look, it's pink. Oh Jane...'
Liz had only told Jane about the assault because she feared exactly what had now come to pass.
'Jane, I am so scared! What if it's George's? It could be Will's. Oh, I don't know... you see, George... well... um... you see, Will and I had a date the night before... oh Jane... but we used ....'
Liz looked to Will who was looking down at the wet sand left by the tide that had since gone out.
'So I went and lived with my Aunt. I couldn't face you. I was scared... I didn't want to ruin another life...'
Will stared at her, shocked. 'I could have a child? You-- you stole from me the right to my child...'
'But Will, she could be his...'
Will, with tears streaming down his face, turned to walk away.
'Why didn't you trust me? I would've been there for you! Do you think it would've mattered to me if she was his?'
Liz, placing her hand on his arm to stop him, replied, 'Yes. Yes Will, I think it would have...'
With that Liz walked out of his life once again, leaving him staring into oblivion, wondering if she was right.
Chapter 3
"Lizzy, I love you, I have been a class one jerk and deserved all that you gave me. Please forgive me!"
The lights of city were beautiful from here, the cool evening air blew through Liz's long wispy curls as she and Darcy sat on the cool bonnet of his red mini (small car) which happened to be his pride and joy.
"Darcy, you were forgiven the moment you opened your mouth to ask for it, I love you too and lets face it I have been a class one jerk as well."
Darcy gently kissed Liz, "shall we go?" he offered his hand as she clambered some what ungracefully off the bonnets and placed herself comfortably into the passenger seat.
"Liz do you want to come back to my place? Georgiana is away and Miss R will be well and truly asleep." Liz nodded a shy yes and so their relationship was taken to the next level.
END OF FLASHBACK
Darcy offered his hand to her as she clambered somewhat ungracefully from the water. He lead her to a huge but deserted rock.
"Do you have your phone on you? This could take awhile, ring Carl and tell him to take Jane home, and can you ask him to tell Jane to ring Maria she will know what for."
Darcy who was getting more and more puzzled did exactly as he was asked. Once that was settled he looked into the eyes, he had missed so much, for the first time and was transfixed by the pain he saw, the spark that was there 3 years ago was now a mere ember.
FLASHBACK
"Oh George rack off! I am not interested!! I don't believe you!"
Jane and Liz hurried toward the beach where Carl was waiting.
"C'mon, Liz you know you want me!"
"George go away!"
"Where Darcy? Off with Carol again I suspect. He's using you Liz to make her jeleous!"
Once the girls had reached Carl, George was nowhere to be seen.
"Is he bugging you still Liz? you know Darcy is working and not with Carol don't you? I left carol at home with mother doing housework."
"Carl he is fine I can handle him....Jane I have just remembered I need to go home and...um....get something. Bye ."
Liz leapt up and was gone before Jane had a chance to protest.
"Sorry Carl she isn't half obvious is she?"
Liz who was excited to see her plan working so well stopped and turned to see jane laughing and enjoying herself, at that moment a hand clapped over her mouth and she was dragged into a nearby car.
FLASHBACK END
"Liz why didn't you tell me? Why did you just disappear and let me find out from Jane a month later that you had gone to live with your Aunt Gardiner?"
Darcy walked away toward the shore line with Liz right at his heals,
"How could I tell you, I was raped by you nemesis, all as a ploy to get back at you, you would have killed him."
"Why didn't you at least call and tell me you were going away?!?" Darcy yelled back at her, his eyes only just holding on to the tears he hadn't allowed himself to cry for 3 years, "It hurt, Liz, you sleep with me and 2 weeks later you are gone with out a word!"
Liz stopped in her tracks, he was right leaving without word wasn't her wisest move,
"I am so sorry I thought it would hurt you more if you knew."
"Liz I loved...love you! We would have worked it out."
Darcy turned and tried to hold Liz in his arms, she pulled away.
"I couldn't stand the jeers from George, you know he is a friend of Lyndy's, plus Darcy there is more...."
FLASHBACK
Liz couldn't look she handed it to Jane who had joined her in the bathroom soon after she took the test.
"Liz it's pink, oh no it's pink!"
Jane sunk on to the edge of the tub as Liz went a ghastly shade of grey.
"Oh Jane it can't be, it can't be his, how can I tell Darcy, not only did George do this me but he could be that father of this baby!"
"Could be?"
"Well Jane, Darcy and I..."
"So it could just as well be Darcy's?'
"Oh, Jane what am I going to do!!??"
FLASHBACK END
Darcy began to pace, he wrung his hands in frustration.
"You mean I could have a child, you kept this from me!"
"Beth could also be George's I don't know!"
Liz reached out to Darcy and allowed herself to be encircled in his arms.
"I am sorry, I am sorry!"
"Beth, a girl I could have a daughter?!"
Darcy pulled away from Liz and held her by the shoulders so she could see his face, his eyes were red and puffy from the tears that poured unrestrained down his face.
"Liz I love you! I am angry at the moment but I love you!"
Darcy let go of her and walked away.
Chapter 4
"Liz! Jane is on the phone."
"Be right there Aunt."
Liz planted the last of the lettuce and quickly washed her hands.
"Jane, how'd it go?"
"Oh Liz it's pink, I don't believe it it's pink."
"Jane, I am so excited, I will be there in 3 days, I am making sure you put your feet up and Beth and I will not let you do a thing for the next 9 months."
"Oh Liz I am so looking forward to seeing you, I am so sure this will be it, Oh Liz..."
Liz and Beth waited anxiously at the gate for Carl, Liz silently praying that his tardiness wasn't because something had happened to Jane and the baby. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a familiar mop of dark curls, 'Oh no! Darcy.' Dacry was heading towards them.
"Darcy?"
"Carl told me you were coming and I asked if I could pick you up!"
Beth hid behind her mother, but at one glance at her and then back at Darcy, Liz's worst suspicions were confirmed.
Darcy wisely chose to leave Beth be, but the look in his eye couldn't hide that he saw what Liz had just seen in Beth's looks. A smile appeared on his face, but it did nothing to hide the pain he felt at the discovery that this was more likely to be George's child than his own.
Darcy picked up the bags and walked silently to the day with Beth and Liz trailing along behind, 'Great, well I guess that's the end'.
Darcy helped Liz get Beth into the car and after they settled themselves into his red Porsche, they were off.
Darcy looked behind to check on Beth who was fast asleep. He pulled off the road into a rest area and stopped the engine.
"Liz this last year has been so difficult, I have wanted to run to you and run from you, I have packed my bags and booked tickets and then unpacked them and un-booked tickets. I have dialed you number but hung up before the first ring, I have had some interesting conversations with your Aunt even. I have come to the conclusion that I love you, I need you, and I want you in my life. I decided not to come and see you because I knew I needed to work out my feelings about Beth, I needed to decide if I could love her as my own if she was His. I don't know, I thought I could but now that I see her I don't know!"
Liz looked over her shoulder at her beautiful child and with all her heart as she had many times before wished that Beth was Darcy's and that the fairness of her complexion and the straightness of her hair wasn't inherited from George, I mean wasn't Darcy's sister fair and straight haired. The time had come to have the test. Suddenly Liz had another thought 'I won't do it just yet, I want Darcy to love her as his before we know for sure either way, either that or walk away.'
"OK, Darcy, but for now can you take me to Jane's I need to have a shower and a sleep?"
Chapter 5
Darcy turned off the engine and sat quietly neither looking at Liz or at Beth, inside his chest his heart felt like it had been broken into two. He dare not cry again as it seemed the last year has been spent in tears. Liz quickly jumped out and dashed up the stairs to Jane who was sitting on the porch waiting for her.
"Jane! you look great, how are you?" Jane gave Liz a big hug and whispered in her ear,
"So??".
"Mummy!?", Liz relieved at the interruption retrieved Beth from her seat, without looking at Darcy who was still sitting in his seat but now had his head in his hands on the steering wheel. Jane who was close on her heels grabbed the child and looked her over,
"You have grown so much Bethy...um...Carl can you grab the bags? C'mon Beth lets find your room and some of the cookies I made yesterday." Jane put Beth down and took her hand leading her into the house, pausing just brief to give Liz an enquiring glance. Liz shook her head at the question and walked around to Darcy who lay motionless on his steering wheel.
"Darcy? Thank you...would you like a cup of tea or something stronger?".
"Yes, Darce I have a fine bottle of whisky waiting to be opened......", Carl walked past them heavy laden with bags and struggled up the stairs into the house leaving Liz alone with Darcy. It was only after he had gone that Darcy lifted his head to reveal his eyes which were etched with fatigue, Liz felt her heart tremble as she comprehended for the first time what all this might be doing to this man that she so ardently loved.
"I think I will be going Liz, have a good day." He started his car and before she knew it he had gone.
'I will never see him again.'
Liz wiped the lone tear that fell down her cheek, put on her happy face mask and went inside.
Chapter 6
today was no different and so after the appointment which went really well Jane suggested to Liz that they give Carl some dad practice and leave Beth with him while they went for a walk along that faithful beach.
"Liz? I am worried about you and also Darcy, this last year has been hard on us as we have watched Darcy whither before our eyes, never talking or sharing I have tried a few times and so has Carl, you have been vague in your phone calls and at times I honestly think you avoided them. What is going on?"
"Jane, for the first time today I saw before my very eyes that Beth looks nothing like Darcy and unfortunately so did he, he told me he loved me but wasn't sure if he could love her........I love him so much, I hate George for ruining my life completely. I hoped that Beth would be Darcy's for his sake, but also for hers how do I tell her how she was conceived? It is all a big mess, I hate feeling so out of control of my life and emotions."
Liz threw her hands up in complete abandon, she had always prided herself on being strong and together but that day with George had completely changed that, even with the counseling she still found herself waking in cold sweats and having to sleep with the light on, of course Jane didn't know this and Liz wanted to keep it that way.
"Liz of course Beth doesn't look like Darcy she is the splitting image of me as a child, looks prove nothing, I mean look at you and I, we are like chalk and cheese."
Liz had to concede that Jane was right, she had been so hung up on Beth not looking like Darcy that she forgot how much she resembled her Aunt Jane.
"Jane, I don't know what to do, I don't know if Darcy will ever be willing to see me again....."
"Liz I am afraid seeing you will be unavoidable for him especially since he is coming to dinner tonight and he knows that Carl would be terribly upset if he didn't come to a dinner in his honour. He paid for this lot of IVF you know and we want to thank him."
Liz felt a combination of morbid fear, anxiety and a little hope. Jane turned around to head back stopping briefly to give Liz a reassuring hug.
Chapter 7
Liz walked excited to the door and swung it open, only to find herself face to face with Darcy
"I am sorry, I thought you were Georgiana."
"Hi Liz!!!" the confident voice of a woman could be heard from behind the mass of Darcy.
"Georgie!!!"
Georgiana pushed a some what overcome Darcy to one side and rushed past him into the arms of her friend from years ago. Liz could feel the hands of Beth tugging at her skirt,
"Mummy!!?"
"Oh Georgie, I want to introduce my daughter Beth to you."
Georgie looked at Darcy to see his eyes cloud over.
"Liz she looks just like Jane doesn't she?"
Liz caught the look in Darcy's eye that at that comment glittered with a small fleck of hope.
Dinner was a quiet affair with Darcy refusing to take any credit, as far as he was concerned he just did what any friend would. The evening was spent in gentle banter and discussion, Liz found herself looking at Darcy unable to read him, Darcy found himself watching Beth analysing her, he was encouraged that he saw (now that Georgie had said it)so much of Jane in her looks and much of Liz in her personality. 'Maybe she is mine...does it matter? She has had nothing to do with George Wickham so even if he is her father does it matter? I wonder who is named on her birth certificate?' Darcy found his heart melting to this child who had the beauty of her Aunt and the charm and personality of her mother.
Chapter 8
One day out of the blue, Darcy appeared on the doorstep asking for Liz,
"Liz would you go for a walk with me, would Beth be OK with Jane?"
"I will just ask her," Liz went and found Jane and asked her if it was OK, which it was of course.
Liz and Darcy again found themselves on the beach, Darcy appeared agitated, and Liz was very nervous.
"Liz I need to ask you who is on Beth's birth certificate as her father...I ask because if it is Wickham it could cause problems for you."
Liz stopped in her tracks she had never considered that Wickham could claim his rights, thankfully she took the honest approach and put 'father unknown'.
"Actually much to the chagrin of my parents I actually put 'father unknown', I know it makes me sound a bit of a run around, but, I needed to be honest for Beth's sake. Oneday I would like to do a paternity test, if you would permit, and then her certificate could be changed depending on the outcome."
Darcy was much relieved by this at least Wickham could have no interference in Beth's life. A paternity test was another matter, he thought a lot about it this last few months and had made a decision.
"Liz I am not concerned anymore, I love Beth and if you want to do a paternity test than do it for her sake if it is for mine than don't." Liz was taken back and for the first time since she had returned, she took Darcy's face in her hands and kissed him. they walked hand and hand up the beach, they had so much to sort but they now felt like they could start to work it.
Chapter 9
Liz,
gone to hospital
will ring later
Carl
4:15am
'It can't be Jane is not due for 2 weeks' Liz thought to herself. There was suddenly a knock at the door, 'who could this be' Liz catiosly walked to the door and peeped through the peephole, on the other side of the door stood a very disheveled, half asleep Darcy. Liz flung open the door,
"Darcy! What are you doing here?"
"Carl just rung and I said I would come and sit with Beth so you could go to the hospital."
At that Liz nodded and hurried to her room to get changed, she planted a kiss on her sleeping child's head and dashed out the door calling "Thanks" to Darcy as she left.
"Mummy! Mummy!" Beth cried drowsily from her bed, Darcy walked up the hallway and stopped in the doorway of the room,
"Beth...it's me um....Darcy, Mummy has gone out for a bit and I am here to look after you."
"Darcy?! ...I want my mummy! Please !"
Darcy sat next to Beth and smoothed the hair out of her eyes,
"I know Beth, she has had to go to the hospital with Auntie Jane, lets say I read you a story?"
Meanwhile at the hospital Liz was hurrying up the corridor, praying when a door swung open in front of her, Carl stepped out into the hall and saw her,
"Lizzy, Jane is OK they had to do a C-section, they didn't want to take any risks after we had come so far. it's a oy Liz...I have a son!" Carl slumped down into the chair that he stood next to and ran his hands through his hair,
"A son...after all these years of heartbreak, a son!"
Liz touched Carl on the shoulder and he looked up at her,
"Yes you can see her...wow a son," he replied to her unasked question. Liz went through the door he had appeared from as Carl pulled his phone out of his pocket,
"Hi Darcy, I have a son!"
Liz couldn't help but notice the contrast to the last time she had seen Jane in a hospital bed, she gently laid her hand on Jane's shoulder,
"A boy, that is so cool, I am so happy for you...I have a nephew...a nephew!"
The baby lay asleep in the cradle next to Jane's bed, Liz looked in awe at his tiny face, she had a sudden surge of jealousy 'he will know who is father is' which she quickly flicked away.
"Liz, meet your nephew William Darcy Bingley."
Jane and Liz sat together and talked about life, they discussed the Darcy situation, jane talked about her plans for feeding and they both spent many minutes watching William as he slept and fed. Carl sat in the corner with the expression of a Possum caught in headlights.
Soon footsteps could be heard at the door, the heavy ones of a man and the light ones of a small child. They were followed by a small knock and then speaking by the adult obviously instructing the child to be have. Darcy and Beth entered the room, Liz's heart skipped a beat as she watched the man and child excitedly gaze at the baby and discuss him in hushed tones.
"Mummy, Darcy read me a story, then made me pancakes for breakfast then we went to the park and then we had ice cream....." Liz raised her hand to hush Beth and beckoned her over to have a hug with her Aunt Jane. As Beth sat on the end of her Aunt's bed telling her all the things she was going to teach her new cousin, Liz stood up and headed for the door turning just as she was able to leave the room,
"Darcy, Can I speak with you?"
Chapter 10
"Darcy I have been thinking, maybe it is time, I know you said you didn't need to know but the truth is, I do." Liz rummaged through her bag and found the envelope that held the results from the test taken 2 months ago, it had remains unopened. Darcy watched her as she slowly torn the envelope open with trembling hands, he stopped her for just a sec
" Liz I love you I want you to marry me regardless, I love Beth as if she was my own anyway!"
Liz looked into his deep eyes and knew what he said was true, 'Beth has a father here do these results really matter?' Liz got up from the table and with sheer determination torn the unread results into tiny pieces and threw them in the bin. Darcy nodded in agreement at her actions and took her hand,
"Let's go and add our good news to the excitement, Liz I am Beth's father nobody can change that, fatherhood is not in biology but in love."
Liz with tears flowing down her face kissed Darcy and knew that from tonight no more would she have to sleep with the light on.
Finis