Beginning, Previous Section, Section XXVVIV
Jump to new as of March 26, 2004
Posted on Thursday, 29 January 2004
With the dinner, speeches, and cake out of the way, the time had come for Elisabeth and Darcy to have their first dance as husband and wife. Elisabeth was still struggling with the train of her dress, but figured that as long as she didn’t step back much, she should be fine.
Darcy pulled Elisabeth close to him as the music started. In spite of Ruth’s begging for something by either Barbra Streisand or Celine Dion, they had chosen INXS’s “Never Tear Us Apart” for their first dance.
“Do you know, I don’t think we’ve ever danced together,” Darcy said.
“I think you’re right,” Elisabeth replied. “It’s been a long time since I’ve danced, period. I’m surprised I still know how to do it.”
“Somehow I doubt you would’ve forgotten. Especially since all we seem to be doing is swaying back and forth in one spot.”
“What’s wrong with swaying? I like swaying,” Elisabeth said.
“Oh, so do I. Swaying hides the fact that I don’t know how to dance quite well, and I get to blame it all on your dress,” Darcy said.
“You don’t know how to dance? I thought all of you rich boys were forced to take, like, ballroom dancing lessons or something so you could dance with the Queen of England, if you ever met her.” Elisabeth looked up at him. “Do you know the Queen of England?”
“Um...” Darcy’s attention seemed focused on something just past Elisabeth’s left ear. “How are we defining the word ‘know?’”
Elisabeth forced herself to keep swaying, taking small steps forward to make it look like they were actually dancing. “You know Queen Elizabeth?”
“No, I don’t. I met her once, and it was a very brief meeting in which I bowed so low I nearly fell to the floor in front of her. Catherine wasn’t amused.”
“Ah. I should’ve known Catherine would come into play somehow,” Elisabeth said. “So what happened then?”
“I apologized profusely to Her Majesty, who was kind enough not to have my head chopped off. I apologized profusely to Catherine, who when we returned from England piled paperwork on my desk high enough that I couldn’t see over it standing up.”
“So why did you never learn to dance?” Elisabeth asked. “You never answered that question.”
“I was too busy answering your other question. I did take lessons and I know the rudiments. I just don’t dance well. Catherine came to understand that dancing wasn’t one of my strong points after about a year.” Darcy’s gaze was now well-focused on the floor. “But only after private lessons every day for a year at prep school.”
Elisabeth almost dropped the subject altogether, but she did make a suggestion. “I bet I could have you dancing like a master in half the time it took Catherine to let you give it up.”
“No, Elisabeth, I don’t think...”
Elisabeth grasped his chin gently and forced him to look at her. “I am a determined woman. I’m your wife. You’re going to learn to dance and you’re going to love every minute of it. Trust me.”
Darcy knew better than to argue with a woman when she got such a determined look on her face, but he was truly convinced that dancing was beyond him.
“I mean, think of what your reward will be when you get it right. I promise to make it worth your while.” Elisabeth gave him a seductive look and was rewarded by seeing a flicker of interest in his eyes.
“Do you know how to dance?” he asked.
“Would I be offering if I didn’t? Ma enrolled me in a ballroom dancing class after the first time I saw Dirty Dancing. It wasn’t quite what I thought it would be, but it was fun and I did well. But like I said, I haven’t danced in a while.”
“I have a feeling I might regret this...okay, I’d be happy to take dancing lessons from you.”
“You’re lying. You think it’s going to be torture, but it won’t. You’ll see.”
After their first dance had ended, Elisabeth danced the second with Mel while Darcy danced with Mary. The D.J. then declared the dance floor open by playing Wild Cherry’s “Play That Funky Music.” The dance floor filled with guests looking to make complete fools of themselves. Elisabeth was instantly claimed for a dance by Terry even though dancing to anything faster than the song they’d just been dancing to was going to prove impossible for her. Darcy hurried to the side before he could be snagged by someone thinking he knew how to dance. When he reached safety, he found Jack and Chazz approaching. Both were grinning at him.
“Okay, spill it, you two,” Darcy said when they reached his side.
“Spill what?” Jack asked with false innocence.
“You’ve done something, and I want to know what it is. You haven’t stuck a sheep in the getaway car, have you? Or decorated it with condoms and lewd sayings? I don’t suppose you’ve slipped Ruth a Valium so we can enjoy the rest of the reception.”
“No to all three, although we might have to decorate the car later,” Chazz said. “We just wanted to know if our little ploy worked.”
“What little ploy?”
“That little ploy where we managed to keep you from running off at the altar.”
“I wasn’t going to take off,” Darcy protested. “What made you think I would?”
“There was this look in your eyes as we were walking down the aisle where you looked like you would rather be in hell than waiting to get married,” Jack said. “Chazz and I talked before the wedding and agreed to do something to help take your mind off what you were about to do. We figured that once you saw Elisabeth, you’d remember why you were getting married and settle down, but until then...”
“You mean you were threatening to kill anyone who looked at Jenna and Charlie in an effort to tick me off?”
“Yup. It was my idea, but Jack had no problem going along with it.” Chazz looked extremely proud. “Well, if I’m being honest, I wasn’t faking all of it. Jenna was attracting too much attention in that dress, and I did think I was going to have to beat guys off with a stick.”
“He was faking most of it,” Jack said.
Darcy smiled as Jack and Chazz argued for a minute over how much of their talk at the altar had been exaggerated and how much had been real. It might not have been a strategy he would’ve come up with, but the idea that his friends had been concerned enough about him to help him out was comforting.
“Guys...” Darcy wasn’t sure how to say what he was thinking. He wanted to tell them how much they meant to him. He wanted to tell them that they were the closest friends he’d had since prep school. He wanted to give them hugs right then and there. Instead, he said, “Thanks.”
“Hey, no problem, man,” Chazz said as Jack smiled and nodded. “You’d do the same for us, right?”
“In an instant.” Darcy spied Caroline Benson heading his way with a bright gleam in her eye. With a small grimace, he turned away from her and said, “Excuse me. I’ve got to disappear before I get dragged out there.”
“We’ll cover for you,” Jack said as he and Chazz formed a barrier between Darcy and Caroline, allowing Darcy to escape to the safety of a nice conversation with James.
“Are you ready to toss the bouquet and garter?” Ruth asked Elisabeth after a couple hours had passed.
“We might as well,” Elisabeth said. “Who goes first, me or him?”
Ruth paused. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “I guess you should go first, then he’ll go, and then those two will dance together. Or maybe he should go first.”
“It doesn’t matter either way, so I might as well go. Get everyone together,” Elisabeth said as she rose from her chair to head for the dance floor.
“Ladies! La-dies!” Ruth called. “If you’re unmarried, it’s time for you to get together, because Elisabeth’s getting ready to throw the bouquet!”
Ruth barely had the announcement finished when a group of young women rushed to the middle of the room. Elisabeth almost chuckled as Caroline jockeyed with Kit for position at the front of the crowd.
“C’mon, Kit! You’re almost forty and you’ve said time and time again that men are good for nothing!” Caroline complained.
“That’s right, I’m almost forty. I need this more than you do,” Kit replied in her gravelly voice.
Elisabeth tried to spot Charlie in the crowd, but was unable to. Either Charlie had opted not to join the group or she was hidden so far in the back so she could participate without running the risk of catching the bouquet. With a small shrug, Elisabeth turned her back on the excitement, clutching a bouquet of roses and baby’s breath in her hands. It was not her actual bridal bouquet, that having been put in a safe place so she could take it home with her, but the replacement was almost too lovely to ruin by tossing it into a crowd headed by Kit Longbourne and Caroline Benson.
“We’re waiting, El!” she heard Lucy Steele shout.
“Okay, this is it!” Elisabeth called. “One...two...three!” Elisabeth lofted the bouquet high in the air, hoping she’d managed to get it far enough away that the crowd wouldn’t move forward and onto the train of her gown. She turned quickly to see what happened and was pleased to discover that she had indeed gotten the bouquet well clear of her train.
Elisabeth had expected there to be a struggle of sorts over the bouquet, but to her surprise, she saw that she’d managed to get it squarely into Caroline’s hands. With a loud, delighted squeal, Caroline waved the bouquet around like a trophy. Kit only looked a little disgruntled, leading Elisabeth to suspect that she never really had much interest in catching the bouquet outside of trying to keep it away from Caroline.
There was polite applause after Caroline caught the bouquet. Elisabeth sensed Darcy approaching her before he put an arm around her waist.
“You realize what time it is, don’t you?” he murmured in her ear.
“Yes. Don’t worry. It’s just above the knee. Ma said it would be indecent to put it any higher than that.”
“Hell must’ve just frozen over, because I’m agreeing with something Ruth said,” Darcy said, with a look over at his new mother-in-law, who was calling for the men to get together now. He felt a blush coming on and tried to make light of the whole thing. “Duty calls, Elisabeth.”
“Like it’s such a hardship for you to have to put your hands on my legs,” she said teasingly, seeing the blush. “Or is it different now because we’re married?”
“No, it’s not that.” Darcy glanced over at the group of men waiting for them to get on with the show. “It’s just...uh, it’s funny how there are fewer men to catch the garter than there were women for the bouquet.”
“That’s a blatantly sexist remark and it’s not distracting me in the least.”
“No, I didn’t mean anything sexist. I was just wondering how many of the single men here today know Caroline Benson and don’t want to be get within a yard of her. Remember, she has to dance with the man who catches the garter.”
Elisabeth noticed that Caroline was looking over her potential dance partners with a pleased look on her face. “She hasn’t had a problem up to this point finding guys to dance with. Anyway, she’s not that bad.”
“Do you want me to remind you who gave you the George Foreman grill?”
“Right. I’d forgotten.” Elisabeth caught her mother looking at them impatiently. “Well, we might as well get this over with. On your knees, Williamson.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Darcy actually only dropped to one knee, allowing Elisabeth to use his other one to rest her foot on. Darcy slipped her shoe off and looked up at her with a smile.
“Don’t even think of tickling my feet,” she said. “Not now, anyway.”
“As you wish.” Darcy raised the hem of Elisabeth’s gown to her knee, doing his best to ignore the whistles and catcalls. “It’s not much higher, right?”
“Right.”
Darcy raised the hem a bit more and found the lacy blue garter around Elisabeth’s leg. He eased it down and slipped it off before putting her shoe back on her foot. He dropped the hem as fast as he could, to Elisabeth’s amusement. He stood up and held up the garter, earning more whistles. “All right, all right. Here goes nothing,” Darcy said, turning his back and tossing the garter behind him as fast as he could.
He didn’t have to turn around to know who had caught it. Caroline’s loud groan, followed by a loud burst of laughter, told him that James Hampton was the one holding the garter. His cousin’s grin when he did turn around told him that James was pleased with this, even if Caroline was not.
“And now these two lucky people get to dance with one another!” Ruth announced. Caroline looked as though she’d like to throw Ruth into a pit.
“Oh, we don’t really need to do that,” Caroline said when James walked over to her. She started backing away until she had nearly reached the D.J.’s station. “I don’t see why we need to dance together. I mean, it’s a silly tradition and all.”
“Caroline,” James said, dropping to one knee, “would you please dance with me? I promise not to ask you for anything else tonight.”
Caroline looked around, as though just realizing that they were in the middle of a crowd. Elisabeth didn’t figure she would care, since she’d rather publicly rejected James in the past, but to her surprise, Caroline joined him on the dance floor.
Moments later, Elisabeth’s cousin Danny Philips, Matt’s younger brother, asked her to dance, taking her mind off of Caroline and James for the most part.
Much later in the evening, James and Caroline were still dancing together. Elisabeth occasionally caught a glance at them and chuckled, wondering if Caroline was going to blame this on alcohol or if she’d admit she was interested in the guy.
As she and Darcy swayed around the dance floor, Elisabeth hummed along with “Kiss from a Rose.” A quick glance at the clock told her that they’d been at the reception long enough to make their getaway. When she looked back at Darcy, she saw in his eyes that he was ready to leave also.
“I’ll go get changed,” she said. “Give me about fifteen minutes to get out of the dress and to get it hidden, then I’ll be ready.”
“I’ll be waiting,” he said, letting go of her.
Just as Elisabeth went to look for Charlie, the music changed from Seal to Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock and Roll,” forcing Elisabeth to the edge of the dance floor as everyone got up to dance. As the song started, she heard Ruth shout angrily, “Chazz Bingley, put your pants back on!” Elisabeth hadn’t been paying close attention to what had drawn everyone to the dance floor, but she had a pretty good idea of what Chazz was doing.
“Way to ingratiate yourself with your future in-laws, Chazz,” she mumbled under her breath. She wondered what Jenna thought of Chazz’s exhibition. She stopped long enough to find her mother and found Jenna with her as well. Although Jenna’s face was red, it looked like she was trying to stop herself from laughing and angering Ruth further.
“Hey, El!”
Elisabeth turned away from the spectacle to see Charlie standing beside her. “Hey, Charlie. This is starting to feel more and more like a traditional Bennet family gathering thanks to Chazz. Is he drunk?” she asked.
“No. You know Chazz. He does things sober that even a drunk would think twice about. The boy has no sense of self-preservation.”
“He’s in luck, because I’m going to save him by leaving as soon as I’m changed,” Elisabeth said. “Here’s the game plan. I’m going to go over to Bethany, tell her I’m leaving, and give Aunt Grace a little wave so she’ll think I’m going along with her order to give the gown back. As soon as Bethany’s out the door, be sure to distract Aunt Grace so she won’t follow after her.”
“How am I going to do that?” Charlie asked.
“Talk about Bethany and the baby. Once she gets started on that, she’ll never shut up.”
“Oh, man,” Charlie said with a grimace. “I should get some sort of monetary reward for this torture. You know I don’t talk to Aunt Grace if I can possibly avoid it. She’s worse than your mother. Do you know that when she was here for Granny Bess’s funeral, she asked me if I was ever going to get a real job?”
“You don’t want to know what she asked me,” Elisabeth said. “What did you tell her?”
“I asked her what a ‘real job’ was, then told her that any job where you received money to do work could be considered a ‘real job.’” Charlie sighed. “It was better than telling her to shove her ‘real job’ comment where the sun didn’t shine. Grandma would’ve taken exception to that. By the way, I’ve been thinking this plan of yours over and there’s a flaw in it.”
“It was Bethany’s plan, not mine. If she hadn’t come up with it, I probably would’ve given the dress back.” Elisabeth looked around, trying to find Bethany.
“No, you wouldn’t have.”
“Yeah, you’re right. What’s the flaw?”
“Grace will probably want to check the dress for any tears or spills after you’ve returned it to Bethany. If Bethany doesn’t have the dress...”
Elisabeth frowned. “I hadn’t thought of that. That’s just what she would do.” With a sigh, Elisabeth spotted Bethany standing next to Aunt Grace. “Well, I won’t have the dress. When she asks me, I’ll refuse to tell her who has the dress. I’ll tell her Bethany told me I could have it for keeps.”
“That won’t hold much weight with Aunt Grace. You have no idea how long Grandma spent just to get it for you. And you’re forgetting something else. Grace knows that Mary was going to take your wedding dress to be preserved, so if you don’t have the dress, she’ll know who does.”
“You don’t honestly think Mary would give it to her, do you?”
“I don’t know. She’s your relative, not mine. What do you think she’d do?”
“She wouldn’t give it to her, but it would cause a big scene and I don’t want that. Ohhhh...dammit, things were going so well! We need to have someone trustworthy to take the dress, someone Aunt Grace won’t suspect when it goes missing. We need...” Elisabeth glanced at Bethany and Grace again. “Bethany.”
“Bethany?”
Elisabeth nodded. “I’ll give Bethany the dress, as Aunt Grace wanted. Once Grace has checked the gown for damage, Bethany can give it to Mary. Aunt Grace won’t know a thing for ages...I hope. Be happy, this means you don’t have to undergo torture for the sake of my wedding gown.” Elisabeth gave Charlie a quick hug. “Thanks for the warning.”
“No problem.” Charlie glanced at something across the dance floor. “Uh-oh. Uncle Law’s got Jack cornered, probably telling him all about my evil misdeeds as a kid. I’m going to have to save him.”
“He has to find these things out sometimes. They always find out, you know,” Elisabeth said as Charlie walked away. Elisabeth walked over to Bethany and Grace. She hoped the smile on her face didn’t give her intentions away.
“Getting ready to leave?” Grace asked, giving Elisabeth a good once-over.
“Yes. I was just coming to ask Bethany to help me with the gown.”
“Right. I’ll be back in just a few minutes, Grandma,” Bethany said.
“Maybe I should come along to help,” Grace said.
“Oh, don’t worry. I got her into the dress without anything happening. I’m sure I’ll be able to get her out with as much ease.” Bethany put an arm around Elisabeth’s shoulders and pulled her away. They walked as quickly as could be managed with Elisabeth nearly tripping over the train in their haste. “We have a problem.”
“Aunt Grace wants to see the dress once it’s off me,” Elisabeth said.
“Exactly. I tried to talk her out of it, but how could I without revealing our plan? Do you have any ideas?”
“Let her see the dress, then give it to Darcy’s grandmother. Or better yet, let Aunt Grace see you put it in your car and then give the keys to Mary and she’ll take it from there.” Elisabeth stopped walking. “Bethany, are you sure you want to do this? At some point, Aunt Grace is going to know you had a hand in this and she’s not going to be happy. You’re going to be the closest person for her to take her anger out on. Besides, you’re having a baby. Maybe you’ll have a girl and this dress would be right for her.”
“I did think about that while I was deciding to give it to you, but then I thought about the law of averages and genetics. I’m five-eleven. My husband is six-four. It’s not likely our daughter is going to be able to wear the gown. Since the women in my family always seem to marry tall, lanky men, and give birth to tall, skinny girls, the odds weren’t going to improve in our favor.”
“You never know. Maybe your daughter will fall in love with a burly football player,” Elisabeth said.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Come on. The sooner we get you changed and the dress shown to my grandma, the sooner you can stop worrying about the whole thing. And don’t worry about me. Yes, Grandma’s not going to be happy and I’m going to get the brunt of it. But she’ll see that I made the right decision...eventually.”
With the help of Ruth and Bethany, Elisabeth managed to get out of the wedding dress with little trouble. Bethany left to show Grace the gown, leaving Elisabeth alone with her mother. Elisabeth dressed quickly in the dark green gown she’d bought at Famous Barr during one of the dozen trips she’d made to St. Louis in the past three months while her mother gathered up the remnants of Elisabeth’s wedding finery that had not been carried off to be preserved.
Elisabeth slipped into a pair of low heels and watched as her mother finished putting her things in a bag. When Ruth was done, she clapped her hands together and smiled at her daughter. “I think that’s everything,” she said. “Unless you had something else?”
Elisabeth shook her head. “No, Ma. You thought of everything.”
And Elisabeth realized then that she had. With the exception of Lydia’s wanton destruction of her wedding gown, nothing had really gone wrong, and it was because of Ruth. All the planning, bullying, cajoling, fighting, and in the end, accepting, had brought Elisabeth a wedding day she wouldn’t forget.
“Well, someone had to be sure things were done properly, even if they’re not what I...” Ruth smiled ruefully. “But that’s all besides the point. It’s over now, and it went well, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yes, I would.” Elisabeth walked up to Ruth and hugged her. “Thank you, Ma. Thank you so much. I know I should’ve thanked you before, but this seems like a perfect time.”
“You’re welcome.” After a few moments, Ruth pulled away. “All the fighting seems kind of funny now that it’s all over. This dish, that dish, invitations, cake...when you see how everything turned out, you can’t help but wonder why there had ever been any disagreement about it.”
“Because if we hadn’t argued, we would’ve ended up with chicken and mashed potatoes from Niemerg’s, a band that couldn’t sing a tune, invitations with the word ‘cordially’ on them, and bridesmaids in dresses that made them look like green sausages. Arguing over the whole thing was the only way things could work.”
“Especially for us,” Ruth said. “You know, Ellie, I meant every word I said in my speech.”
“I know you did.” The silence after Elisabeth spoke grew uncomfortable as more time passed. “Well...”
“Well, you should be going. Darcy’s waiting,” Ruth said.
“Right.” Elisabeth gave her mother another hug. “I’m going. See you when we get home.”
“Yes.”
Elisabeth found Darcy waiting for her right outside the door. He smiled and crooked his arm for Elisabeth to take. She put her hand in his instead as they made their way back through the crowd of guests waiting to see them leave. Out of the corner of her eye, Elisabeth spotted Bethany, who was giving her the thumbs up, so she knew everything had gone well getting the gown out of Grace’s hands.
Darcy let go of Elisabeth’s hand in order to open the front door, where the limousine had pulled up. The minute she saw what their friends had done to the car, she groaned. Across the right side of the limousine, someone had written, “Love Machine in Hot Pursuit!” Had Elisabeth and Darcy been able to see the other side, they would’ve seen the words “Danger----Newlyweds Inside.” The roof of the limo was covered in condoms of every color imaginable.
“Oh, dear God,” Elisabeth said. “Did we have to get the stretch limo and give them more room for decorations?”
“I’m afraid we did,” Darcy said. “You do have to admit, they did find some rather colorful decorations for the car.”
“If my mother realizes those aren’t balloons, she’s going to freak out.”
“Then we’ll have to hurry up and get going before she realizes it.”
Elisabeth and Darcy rushed from the door to the waiting limousine as their guests tossed birdseed in the air and shouted goodbyes at them. The driver already had the door open as Darcy allowed her to get in first. Before he could turn and wave at them one last time, Elisabeth grabbed his tie and pulled him into the car.
“Hey, that wasn’t polite!” he protested weakly as the driver closed the door.
“We’ve spent more than enough time being polite to our guests. Now’s the time when we act rude and run off for the honeymoon. However, if you really want to wave goodbye, you can roll down the window.”
Darcy thought about it for about five seconds. “Nah, I’d rather be rude,” he said, leaning in for a kiss as the limousine drove away.
Darcy Williamson paced back and forth between the front door and the back room of the Bookworm, staring at the floor. As the time increased, his pacing slowed somewhat until he finally came to a stop at the front counter. He walked over to the glass door and was able to catch sight of his reflection in the well-cleaned surface.
What on earth are you doing? he wondered with a small frown. Enough with the pacing already. It’s not like your life’s going to be over if nobody walks into the store today.
But there was something inside of him----the Darcy side or the Williamson side, he didn’t know----that wanted today to be a success. Deep down, he knew that his used bookstore was not really going to make much money. If he didn’t have the money he’d received upon leaving De Bourgh Enterprises, he would’ve had to find an actual job. He set a goal of ten customers today, and from what he’d seen of Mary Ann’s business, he thought it was reasonable.
Except that those had been Mary Ann’s customers, people she’d gotten to know and like and who had come to the store out of a sense of loyalty to her instead of someplace else. They didn’t know Darcy Williamson at all, or if they did know him, they only knew him as the “Santa Claus proposal guy." He was a newcomer, an outsider. Ten customers might be too high a goal in spite of the advertising he’d taken out in the Daily News.
With everything going through his mind, Darcy wasn’t surprised to find himself pacing. As he stood staring at his reflection in the glass, he shook his head and unlocked the door. No more pacing for him if he could avoid it.
“Wait!”
Darcy saw Elisabeth coming from the back room where she’d been nursing Grace. She was holding a bottle of champagne in her hand. “Did you already unlock the door?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Dammit! I had this to uncork so we could celebrate the official opening of the store.” Elisabeth looked at the bottle, then back at him. “Although I was hoping some of the others would be around to help us drink it.”
As if on cue, the door was wrenched open. Charlie hurried into the room, asking, “We’re not too late, are we? We wanted to be the first customers here.”
Jack, who had been right behind her, added, “We were promised free booze.”
“I thought you guys were on your way to St. Louis to catch a baseball game,” Darcy said. “Why would you want to be drinking and driving?”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Elisabeth said, hiding the champagne bottle. “Okay, no champagne for you. Maybe we’ll save you a little for when you get home.”
“At least give me a little bit. I’m not driving today, he is,” Charlie said pleadingly.
“Sorry, I can’t play favorites with the alcohol,” Darcy said. “If I give you some, I’d have to give Jack some and I can’t because he’s driving. So you’ll just have to make do with the beer at the ball game.”
“You know I hate beer.” Charlie pretended to pout.
“You’ll be okay,” Jack said as he wandered out into the main area of the store. “I said it a while back and I’ll say it again. What you’ve done here is pretty damn impressive. Don’t suppose you’ve got any computer books?”
“None you won’t already have, but thanks for asking.”
“Hey, the old manuals are always good for a few laughs.” Jack stopped in front of the romance section. “Well, now I know where Charlie’s going to be spending most of her free time.”
Charlie snorted. “What free time? Between Heartland and Planet Earth Pizza, I’m lucky I have time to sleep, much less do anything else.”
“You have Saturdays off,” Elisabeth said, “which is sometimes more than I can say.”
“Yeah, but I was really looking forward to only having to work forty hours a week and having insurance coverage,” Charlie said.
“Then why don’t you quit?” Darcy asked.
“Thank you,” Jack said in a way that indicated he’d had this conversation with Charlie about a hundred times.
Charlie ignored him to answer Darcy’s question. “Because I’m trying to pay off some bills...”
“So you can run them back up again,” Elisabeth said teasingly.
Charlie flipped her the bird. “I think I can make it until Christmas. I hope I can, anyway, because it would be nice to have enough money to get people decent gifts instead of cheapos or homemade ones.”
“What’s wrong with homemade ones?” Elisabeth asked. “My mother loved the cross-stitch angel you made for me to give her. I know you said all your friends loved their stuff you’d made.”
Charlie shrugged. “I don’t know. I just felt bad about doing it, you know? They went out and bought me something I wanted and in return I gave them...”
“Something you worked hard on that will last longer than some silly trinket would,” Jack said. “Kit still raves about that coffee mug you designed for her two years ago. Where else was she going to get something one that said ‘born to raise hell’ on it?”
“I probably could’ve found one,” Charlie said. “And it would’ve...”
“Stop! Stop,” Elisabeth said. “Stop putting your stuff down like that.”
“I seem to remember you gave us something you made as a wedding gift,” Darcy said. “In fact, if you would care to come up to the apartment sometime, Elisabeth can show you exactly where we put it. I don’t think I would call that junk or worthless. I was thinking of asking you if you could design and make some bookmarks that I could sell here at the store. If it would be too much for you, don’t bother, but...”
“She’d love it,” Jack said. “She always likes to be doing something while she listens to Bob and Tom instead of staring at a computer screen.”
“Hey, are you guys open?”
Although the speaker had tried to disguise his voice, and no one had been paying much attention to the doorway, everyone said, “Hi, Chazz.”
“How was the honeymoon?” Chazz asked as he held the door for Jenna to walk through. “Were there any nude beaches? Did you go to one? Do you have photos?”
“Heavenly, we don’t know, no, and hell no,” Elisabeth said. “Nice to see you, Chazz, Jenna.”
“Good morning,” Jenna said. “Have you had any customers yet, Darcy?”
“No, but then again, I’ve only been open for about five minutes.”
“Ooh, goody. I get to be the first person to buy something from you.” Jenna rushed over to the mystery section, grabbed a book without even seeming to look at the title, and said, “I’ll take this one.”
“Really? What’s the title?” Chazz asked.
“It’s Three to Get Deadly, and I recognized it from the cover. It’s the only one I don’t have and I’ve been dying for the store to open because I knew you had it.”
“You didn’t have to wait,” Darcy said. “I would’ve given it to you.”
“That’s bad business. Did your aunt teach you nothing?” Jenna winked at him as she walked over to the front counter and plunked the book down. “Register, please!”
“I don’t think that’s how Darcy wants to be summoned to the register,” Elisabeth said. “It’ll give him flashbacks to the dark days when he had to work at Planet Earth Pizza.”
“I’ll have you guys know that I have very fond memories of my time at Planet Earth Pizza,” Darcy said.
“Oh, sure. Ten-hour days, the customers, the machines, Bubba and the Gossip Sisters...very fond memories. I’m sure I’ll be saying the same thing if I ever get around to leaving,” Chazz said.
“You will,” Jack said. “You’re already talking about how much you’re going to miss everything when you’re gone.”
Darcy took the three dollars Jenna gave him and stuck two of them in the register. “Elisabeth, where did you stick that little picture frame you were saving for this?” he asked, holding up the third dollar. “You didn’t leave it in the rush to get everything ready for Grace, did you?”
“Of course not. I stuck it in her diaper bag.” Elisabeth disappeared only to return with a black picture frame. She handed it to Darcy. “I never did understand the practice of not spending the first dollar you make.”
“It’s tradition,” Darcy said.
“It’s stupid. I spent the first dollar I made when I started working at the store. Did you, Charlie?”
“Of course I did. I still have the book I bought with it. But I think it’s sweet to save your first dollar.” Charlie smiled at Darcy as he finished framing the dollar. He stuck it on the wall behind him.
“Thank you very much, Jenna. I hope you enjoy the book,” Darcy said after he’d turned back to them. “We didn’t hear from Ruth last night, so I take it she’s recovered from mother-of-the-bride syndrome.”
Jenna snorted. “Hardly. She’s called me three times a day at least since you guys left for your honeymoon. I don’t know why we’re not doing the sensible thing and eloping like Liddy did.” She grimaced as soon as the name had escaped her. “Sorry, El.”
Elisabeth shrugged. “Darcy and I talked about this a little over the honeymoon and I’m okay with it now. I almost feel sorry for her, in a way.”
“No, you don’t,” Charlie said.
“You’re right, I don’t. After what she did...” Elisabeth exhaled sharply. “Well, I do feel sorry for her in one aspect. She probably still doesn’t believe that George married her for money, and she’ll go on believing that until he leaves her.” She looked at Jenna. “Have you talked to her since the wedding?”
Jenna shook her head. “I saw her the other day at IGA and she looked right through me. I don’t even think she’s talked to Ma. You know...I think she might be ashamed of what she did and doesn’t know how to apologize.”
“Apologize? Liddy? I’ll believe another of her apologies when hell freezes over. I...” Elisabeth took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You know, this is a good day. The weather’s nice, Darcy’s store is open, and I am not going to let something that happened a week ago bother me. Especially since things turned out so well in spite of what happened.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Jenna apologized again. “Listen, I’ve got to get going. Sorry I can’t stay and celebrate more, but I’ve got an appointment in fifteen minutes. And if Ma calls in the middle of it to tell me that next January would be a perfect time to get married because the K.C. Hall is available...”
“We’re eloping,” Chazz announced, steering Jenna towards the door. “See ya, and good luck today, Darcy!”
Darcy thanked them with a laugh.
It turned out to be a productive day for Darcy. He was surprised when he not only reached his goal of ten customers but surpassed it. Apparently, there had been a number of people who had been eagerly awaiting the reopening of the store, because they’d brought bags full of books for him to take as credit. He received a number of compliments on the changes he’d made in the place, and a couple of polite inquiries as to how Mary Ann was doing. Darcy took the compliments in good stride and told people that Mary Ann had written to him a couple of weeks earlier to let him know she was enjoying herself.
Darcy had spent most of the afternoon inventorying the new arrivals when not talking to customers, and by the time he officially closed at six, he knew he would have another hour or two of rearranging his shelves before he could go home to Elisabeth, who had gotten off of work an hour earlier.
To his surprise, Elisabeth opted not to wait for him, pulling into the parking lot just as he was locking the doors. He let her inside before pulling them shut.
“Well, how did it go?” she asked eagerly.
“Not bad,” Darcy said with a smile. “Not bad at all. Better than I’d hoped, although maybe not as profitable. Most of the people who came in were wanting trade credit.”
“Just wait until you get some of the other things you want to do up and running,” Elisabeth said. “Your writers’ nights and book clubs and things like that.”
Darcy smiled. “I hope you’re right.”
“How’s Grace?” Elisabeth asked, wandering towards the back room where Grace was sleeping. “Has she been a good girl today?”
“She has been, except for about an hour just after noon when she decided she didn’t like all the racket going on out here. I had to sing for twenty minutes before she’d settle down.”
“Oh, really? How many customers did you lose?” Elisabeth asked. Grace was wide awake and staring at the mobile hanging over her crib. Elisabeth picked her up, causing Grace to gurgle with glee.
“Very funny. How were things at the store today?”
“The same mind-numbing hell they always are. Bubba came in for his last paycheck today, looking hung over as usual. Said he’d just gotten a job over at Petty’s and he couldn’t be happier.” Elisabeth smiled at Grace and returned to the main room of the store. “And since I couldn’t be happier to have him gone and Jean Walters in his place, I’d say everything turned out well in the end.”
“Who is Jean Walters?”
“She was the shift manager in Newton who got passed over for the store manager job when I turned it down. Since I’m leaving in August, Thomas Palmer’s decided she’ll take over my job when I leave. Eventually she’s going to get her own store. Sean can give her the training she’ll need for it.”
“Ah.” Darcy grabbed the rolling cart he’d been setting books on all day and started putting them on shelves. He was still putting away a large bunch of romance books away when Elisabeth called from the front counter, “Jack and Charlie are back.”
Darcy walked back to the front of the store as Elisabeth opened the door and let the two inside. Jack walked in first, saying, “You are so full of it.”
“I am not! You just don’t want to admit that I have the gift.”
“Charlie, turning to me fifteen seconds before it happened and saying, ‘Rolen’s going to hit a home run this time’ does not mean you have ESP. You made a lucky guess.”
“Have you never known the triumph of a lucky guess? Not that I’m conceding anything about my special powers, but did I say that at any other time during the game? No. I said it right then and there, and it happened.”
“You said that every time there was a scoring opportunity!”
“I take it the Cardinals won,” Darcy said before laughing.
“Of course they did,” Charlie said. “If they hadn’t, we’d be arguing about what they’d done wrong. And by the way, I didn’t say Rolen would hit a home run in that at-bat. I said it would happen on that particular pitch.”
“And I’m sure you’d have kept saying that if he hadn’t hit it on the first pitch. How was your first day as a solo businessman, Darcy?”
He shrugged. “About what I expected,” he said, walking behind the front counter and sitting down. “I won’t be giving the big chains a run for their money, but it wasn’t too bad. Got a lot of compliments on the changes I made to the place.”
“Anything would be an improvement on how it was before,” Charlie said. “I loved Mary Ann to death, but it was rare when I didn’t leave the store without a few splinters hanging off my clothes. I hated those bookshelves of hers.”
“So did I,” Darcy said. “That’s why I replaced them first thing.”
“So, what are you going to do to celebrate?” Charlie asked. “Is that champagne still around for us to have?”
Darcy shook his head. “Sorry. Elisabeth took it home for us to enjoy later on.”
Charlie gave Elisabeth a dirty look. “Spoilsport.”
Elisabeth shrugged. “Darcy and I are going to order dinner from Deb’s Wings and Subs, pop open the champagne, and snuggle together on the couch while we watch Casablanca.”
“That sounds...romantic,” Charlie said, giving Jack a speculative look. Jack winked at her and turned to Darcy. The two of them started talking about the game. Charlie and Elisabeth retreated to the romance section of the store.
“I got a message from Aunt Grace while we were gone,” Elisabeth said. “She’s less than thrilled that I still have the dress.”
“Don’t tell me she demanded you ship it back as soon as it returns from the preservers,” Charlie said.
Elisabeth nodded. “I called Bethany after I got it, and she said she’d talk to her some more on the matter. I’m starting to have visions of lawsuits and the family being torn apart over a wedding gown.”
“Trust me, the family isn’t going to be torn apart over this. I heard from about a dozen different people that it was only right that you should get to wear the dress, and that they were happy to see that Aunt Grace had come to her senses and given it to you.”
“Yeah, but did they think it was just a loan or did they think it was mine to keep?”
“Do you really think anyone’s going to side with Grace? Even Bethany’s gone against her.”
“Yeah, and I think she’s regretting it. I guess Aunt Grace has lit into her because she feels Bethany lied to her about her intentions for the dress in the first place. It won’t surprise me if Bethany asks for me to return it, if for no other reason than getting Aunt Grace off her back.” Elisabeth shifted the baby to her other arm. “Then again, I didn’t think Bethany would ever do anything that would make her seem less than perfect, so she might prove me wrong.”
Charlie smiled. “What was it your mother said at the reception? It’s better not to understand people because you lose the element of surprise.”
Elisabeth looked down at Grace, who was staring up at her mother with big green eyes. “Personally, I don’t think you can ever truly understand anyone,” she said. “Oh, you can think you understand them, but you don’t. And it’s no use in trying, because you’ll only frustrate yourself if you do.”
“You think so, huh?”
Elisabeth nodded. There was a short lull in the conversation between the two of them. She glanced at Jack and Darcy, who were talking about the game at the front counter. She lowered her voice and said, “I kept intending to ask you about this, but with all the madness surrounding the wedding, I never got much of a chance to. How’s Jack been lately? I saw him at the wedding and Darcy said he’d seemed fine at the bachelor party, but with guys you can never tell.”
“He’s got good days and bad days,” Charlie said quietly. “I think this thing with some of his sisters bothers him more than he’s letting on. I really thought the funeral would be the last time he’d be dealing with them, but every few days or so Anna calls with another little detail about their mother’s estate that she wants to clear up.” Charlie’s expression went from sadness to anger. “And if she gets in a few digs about what she considers Jack’s role in their mother’s death, well, that’s just a little victory for her.”
“How does Jack deal with that?”
“Calmly. I think he’s taking all of this a little too calmly, but he’s seeing...” Charlie blushed. “I shouldn’t say anything, because he’d be ticked, but since I’ve managed to blurt out enough for you to know, I might as well tell you the rest.”
Elisabeth couldn’t fault Charlie’s logic and said, “I promise not to tell anyone except maybe Darcy.”
Charlie started to shelf the remaining books on the cart. “He’s seeing someone, a grief counselor. Jack said he thought about finding a permanent therapist but he didn’t think he needed one. He said that he hadn’t had any emotional problems before his mother had died and he didn’t think he had any now. But I insisted that he talk to someone, if for no other reason than to get everything sorted out, and I think it helps him.”
“You do? How?”
“Like I said, he’s surprisingly calm when he has to deal with Anna. He hangs up the phone with her and he doesn’t have to be alone for an hour or so. Jack’s not rolling his eyes or cracking jokes or anything, but there isn’t that slow-burning resentment that he always had before when he had to deal with them.”
“Good. You must be glad he’s finally starting to get on with his life.”
Charlie hesitated. “Yeah.” Charlie put the last book on the shelf and turned to Elisabeth. “I’ve decided to quit working at the store. Since Jack pretty much spends all his time at the apartment, he’s going to split the rent and utilities with me and...well, move in officially.”
“Is that a hint that he needs help moving again?” Elisabeth asked.
“No, he’s not taking much this time. Just his personal stuff. The rest is being sold along with the house. He’s got it listed already, although there haven’t been any nibbles on it. The sooner the house is sold, the better, in my opinion. Then maybe Anna will quit calling.”
For the first time, Elisabeth noticed how tired her cousin looked. “How are you doing?”
“Me? I’m fine. I’ve got Jack and I’ll probably quite working at the store in the next month or so. Jack’s been asked to teach a couple of summer courses, so money’s looking okay. He’s doing better, and he loves me. And if I’m lying to myself about how I’m doing, then I hope I’ll be fine soon.” Charlie put an arm around Elisabeth as the two of them walked back to the counter to join the men.
Darcy claimed the shower when they walked in the door. Elisabeth told him she’d showered earlier and let him have it. She set their dinner out on the coffee table, then opened the bottle of champagne and filled two glasses. She was about to settle down and start watching Casablanca when Grace started crying. With a small groan, she stopped the DVD and got up to check on her daughter. After changing her diaper and winding up her new favorite toy, a stuffed monkey, Elisabeth watched as Grace closed her eyes and started drifting to sleep. Elisabeth returned to the living room and her television show.
She returned to find Darcy sitting in her spot on the couch, remote control in hand. She frowned until she realized that he hadn’t changed the channel or turned off the DVD player. She stood in the entrance to their hallway and just looked at him. His blond hair was curling damply on his head, and as she watched, he absently ran a hand through it. He wore jeans and a T-shirt that was starting to get worn from overuse. Idly, Elisabeth wondered if it was the only T-shirt he had. She made a mental note to herself to buy him more.
She knew the moment he realized she was nearby, even before he turned his head to smile at her. She smiled back. He patted the seat beside him on the couch, which she took. “Ready?” he asked, motioning to the TV.
Elisabeth nodded, wrapped her arms around her husband, and as the movie started, decided that life didn’t get much better than this.
The only problem was, while I had all of these memories and scenes in my head that I wanted to write about, I had no cohesive storyline for them. I got discouraged and thought abut scrapping the whole thing, but I was still working with Carla and Josh and they would ask me from time to time how the story was coming along. I lied and told them things were fine. Then, in the summer of 2001, I thought about writing it as a P&P fan fiction story, so I decided to call the story Life on Planet Earth and started posting.
When I posted the prologues to the story, I had no idea that it was going to be so long. I got an idea of how long it would be after it took about six chapters to cover two days in the story, but when I started out two and a half years ago, I didn’t think I had enough of a story to fill a child’s book. Now I have nearly 1100 pages of story to wade through in revisions, which I hope to start in a few weeks. For now, I need a small break from Planet Earth Pizza and its' employees. I might someday come back for a brief visit, whether it's to explore what happened to James and Caroline or to tell the complete story of Charlie and Jack, but I haven't decided for certain on that.
Along the way, I’ve received a number of questions asking me if certain situations happened, and if certain characters were based on real people. Many characters did have their basis in real life, although to my everlasting regret, I never did meet with anyone as wonderful as Jack Middleton or Darcy Williamson while working at Pizza Hut. They exist only in my imagination. Many of the other characters, however, were based on real people, though I’m not sure how good a job I did of recreating them on the page. (If the revised version ever gets published and I get sued by these people, I’ll know.)
The person I got the most questions about was Charlie. At the risk of ending up on the “Godawful Fan Fiction” page or as the leading offender at the Mary Sue Society Report or whatever it’s called, I admit here and now that Charlie was indeed based somewhat on me. She’s not me, of course, because I’m not nearly as interesting. But while Charlie is the character I most identify with, and I see some of my personality in her, she’s not the only character who inherited some of my odder habits. I collect quotes, as Elisabeth does. I tend to pace when I’m nervous or when I have a lot on my mind, like Darcy does. I like to sing songs from South Park as Chazz does. I like to think that I put a little of myself into every character, but Charlie was different because she went through several things I went through.
For those of you who might’ve wondered, Effingham is the name of a real town in Illinois and not something I made up. It’s about halfway between Terre Haute and St. Louis on I-70, which you can find on any map. With the exception of Planet Earth Pizza itself, all of the restaurants and locations are or were in business at the time I wrote about them. There are one or two which have since gone out of business.
And finally...
There are some people I absolutely must thank, starting with Ann for being such a great archivist, and everyone who helps keep DWG running. I would not be writing today if this place didn’t exist. I want to thank Josh, who was the inspiration for Chazz Bingley and an all-around fun guy to hang out with. (And for my cousin Carla, if you’re out there reading this, e-mail me!!)
I want to give special thanks to all the chatterites for their support and patience with me while I was writing, with special thanks going to Spring, Jennifer (few), Maria V., and Tineke for being LoPE's most persistent fans. I know the occasional threats of violence involving dull knives, blunt objects, being tied to a chair in front of my keyboard, and beheading by portable guillotine were meant in jest....I think....
Finally, I want to thank everyone who has written to me to say that they’ve enjoyed the story, whether it’s been here on the board or through e-mail. I know I don’t thank you guys enough, and when I do I feel like my thanks come out clumsily, but your comments and opinions mean so much to me. To those of you who have read the story but have been too shy to leave a comment, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!
My story is now done, and so I leave you with one last quote:
~~Annie