Beginning, Previous Section, Section III
Jump to new as of February 21, 2005
Considering I wasn't doing anything on Saturday I decided that I'd relax Sunday and go in then. I had been to the office before on the weekend but this Saturday was very desolate. I was the only one on my floor. I guess that worked in my favor as I was only in my Eskimo parka, jeans and ugh boots. While it was cold all that was remedied however, as when I stepped on to the floor the heaters were on and it was warm enough to take my parka off and walk around in my green shirt. I surprised myself by staying there from eleven in the morning to six, as I was so engrossed in my work. I had lost track of time and only realised that dusk had come around when the only light I was receiving was from the ceiling.
While waiting for the elevator I thought about my relatively uneventful day... and life for that matter and found myself actually excited about my lunch with Charlie.
DING.
The elevator was here.
The sound of the doors sliding to let me through.
Gucci.
"Uh. Mr. Radcliffe." I greeted him awkwardly. I hadn't seen him since the whole debacle with consulting him before projects a week and a half back.
"Ms. Bennet." He countered indifferently.
I stepped in to the elevator somewhat conscious about my state of dress. Not that I should've been, considering that it was the weekend and I really didn't need to be here. We stood on opposite ends of the elevator and out of the corner of my eye I looked to him. Momentarily I wondered what he was doing in the office on the weekend and decided he probably had no life or significant other to spend his time with, like me. We were equal in that respect, though he still had a couple of hundred million on me. But hey, who said the capitalist system was fair?
So there we stood rigid waiting for the elevator to hit the ground floor.
How long was this bloody elevator going to take anyway?
I noted in that endless elevator ride that Gucci was dressed casually. He wore jeans that looked like they hung low on his hips. They were designer ripped. That was my term for the jeans in fashion at the moment that looked like they had been overused as they were covered with rips and tears at strategic points. I followed the corner of my eye further up just in time to see him unbutton a couple of buttons from his long sleeved button-up polo shirt.
And good god there was that chest again.
I snapped my eyes onto the metal doors to regain some sort of focus.
That was when the elevator made some sort of malfunction sound of gears jarring and it stopped.
The elevator stopped.
Enter panic-but-not-too-obvious-in-front-of-Gucci mode.
Back when I used to wear braces during my teen years, my checkups were at the only five-story building in Stickler Bay. My orthodontist was situated on the top floor, a perfect view of the beach, although of course I never got to enjoy the view as I was awaiting Dr. Kwon to tighten my braces. I didn't mind dentists, they didn't scare me, but snooty CEO's in power suits who exuded sexy masculinity did and here I was, stuck in an elevator with one, minus the power suit yet equal, if not more of that sexy masculinity. What made this situation more nerve racking on my part was the fact that on one of those occasions up to the ortho, the elevator got stuck, and I was by myself. It was that incident when I realised that I was claustrophobic and now here I was, stuck in an elevator again.
I never did like the idea of falling sixty stories to my death.
Bye-bye immortality.
Gucci must've heard my labored breathing as he turned to me and I tried desperately not to have an anxiety attack.
"Ms. Bennet, are you okay?"
No Captain Oblivious do I look okay?
I was doubled over leaning on my hands that rest on my bent knees, my face lost in my hair as I faced the ground.
"No labored breath, sir labored breath, I'm perfectly labored breath alright... labored breath, labored breath."
"Don't be daft woman stand up so I can take a look at you properly."
Woman?
I stood up still panting heavily as he checked my face. "I'm okay, sir."
"No you're not... you look like you might be having an anxiety attack." He turned to where his bag lay and took out a brown paper bag. "Breath in this."
He offered it to me, which I took and promptly started breathing in it, to my surprise I felt his hand on my back as I did. "Okay, steady. In... then out... in, then out. Just steady Ms. Bennet."
"Erivabeff."
He faced me. "Miss Bennet?"
I took my face out of the bag when I started to breath normally again and repeated. "Elizabeth... call me Elizabeth."
"Uh-" He looked a bit awkward and I decided maybe I had stepped over the boundaries of boss/employee regulations.
"Or not."
"Ms. Bennet are you feeling okay now?"
I was a little offended that my offer of calling me by my name was rebuffed and handed him the bag again. "Yeh."
I sat on the floor closing my eyes and leant on one of wooden planked wall behind me. I was focusing on breathing and it was starting to get hot... as in really hot. I opened my left eye and watched Gucci take out his cell. With his back turned I took off my parka and continued to watch him. He turned around then with a grim expression on his face.
"My cell's died."
I think my eyeballs nearly fell out of their sockets when he said that. I searched frantically for mine and with horror I realised that I had left it in Dexter.
"Could this get any worse?" I voiced what was in my head.
It was precisely when I had finished saying that that the lights died.
"Yes... yes it could." I heard Gucci say somewhere in the darkness with what was that... humour in his voice?
"Sir, does this elevator have one of those bells that goes off when it malfunctions?"
"Yes Ms. Bennet it does."
I sensed his movement and two seconds later sensed him sitting near me and heard his sigh... I could also smell... what was that...
Ralph for Men?
Either way it sure smelt nice. The good thing about being in the dark was that I couldn't see the enclosed space therefore I could make myself believe it wasn't small, so while at the back of my betraying mind I knew I was in an elevator the front of my mind rejected that truth.
"So... sir," I started trying to ease the tension, "what brings you to work on a Saturday?"
"I," he cleared his throat, "came in to finish some things and I thought I'd get it done on time, which I did though because of this I'll be late tonight."
I nodded, though I knew he couldn't see me, Gucci had a date. Why should I even be surprised? I wondered what she'd look like... tall... tall... long legs... tall... gorgeous. Then I wondered what she'd be like, like him, or not. Was she fun or boring or stupid or intelligent?
My musings were broken by his voice.
"How about you? What brings you here on the weekend Ms. Bennet?"
"I had nothing to do today so I decided I'd come in to do some work." It actually sounded more pathetic when I said it out loud than when I had thought about it.
"I admire that, commitment."
"I thought men were afraid of commitment."
I heard his deep, throaty laugh and realised that was another thing to add on to the ever growing "Things-about-Gucci-that-are-sexy-but-I-can't-admit-to-as-He's-my-mortal-enemy" list.
"No, Ms. Bennet... it's the thought of spending the rest of your life with the wrong woman that scares us."
So the stars must've been aligned or Mars was visible in this hemisphere as here I was actually having a decent conversation with Gucci without any of my slipups and none of his haughtiness.
"Scares us, too."
"I guess we're not as different as they say."
"So men aren't from Mars and women aren't from Venus? And here I was trying to speak Martian."
He laughed again. There was a silence and I wondered why we could speak to each other so freely, perhaps it was the dark, the not being able to see them factor that's taken down our resistances, the reason why talking to strangers on the internet could be so gratifying. It was then that I yawned and stretched and didn't realise he was so close and slapped him in the face in the process.
"Mr. Radcliffe I am so, tremendously, sorry Sir." I sighed and kept apologizing, so the Gucci radar wasn't rusty.
"No it's okay Ms. Bennet it's just, [insert inaudible curse], it'll be fine."
As my eyes were adjusting to the darkness I saw him very close to me rubbing the left side of his face.
I leant on the wall behind me and sighed again. "I'm so sorry, Sir. I can't seem to do anything right in your presence."
Then he laughed, he actually laughed. After my heartfelt apology and admittance to my klutziness in his presence he laughs.
"Sir?" I got angrier as he continued to laugh beside me. "Sir I really don't appreciate you laughing at me!"
"Ms. Bennet I apologise, it's just that maybe there's this negative energy that surrounds us, which doesn't allow us to function properly."
"Yeh I call it the Gucci radar." I let it slip and bit my lip hoping he didn't hear it.
When he spoke I heard amusement in his voice. "Gucci, Ms. Bennet?"
I relaxed a little. "Sorry that's just my nickname for you."
"You have a nickname for me... I'm flattered, at least it's not something like Mr. Jerky Boss."
I laughed. "You don't have to humour me, it's bad enough I'm just not myself when it kicks in to action."
"Well, actually, I find you quite charming."
I looked towards him in the dark as he threw me a boyish grin... and you, you bi-polar sex god, can be pretty charming yourself.
I was woken by the alarm and the sun streaming through my window to the right of me. I wondered why the alarm was on... of course going in to work yesterday. Then the past events of the night came flooding back in to my consciousness. I grinned stupidly to myself and hugged my blanket tight. So now I was confused. I was privy to charming Gucci last night whereas in other times I was presented with arrogant Gucci.
Should I excuse how he acted at other times due to the previous night? Could I? Have I already?
I lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling.
Why was it such a big deal? I mean it was only Gucci... not that it meant anything.
Did it?
We had been stuck in that elevator for another hour and a half before we were finally rescued. We had continued talking in a comradely manner until then and even when we parted ways at the garage. It was a conundrum... the many faces of William Radcliffe.
He was a conundrum.
Not that it mattered.
Right?
My deliberations were interrupted by the phone ringing and unenthusiastically I pulled myself out of my warm bed and went out to answer it.
"Hello."
"Morning sis, how are you this fine day?" Sunny greeted me.
"What do you want?"
I heard her gasp overdramatically on the other end. "I'm offended you'd think I rang only to ask you a favor, not due to the fact that we are sisters."
"Sunny..."
"But now that you've mentioned it, I was wondering if I could drop your beloved nephew Brandon into your care."
"Why?"
"Nathan's really sick and we're going to bring him down to the pediatrician, we might take a while and well, Brandon gets restless."
I grinned. "Of course I'll take care of him for the day."
"Thank-you Aunt Elizabeth, expect us there soon."
"Sure."
We hung up and I looked around my apartment. My apartment wasn't really that baby friendly and it wasn't the biggest thing in the world. Brooklyn was great, the Heights had a lot of people like me but getting something bigger than what I had on my salary was pushing it, though if I got the junior V.P. then who knew, maybe I would be out of there... like Soho. I stretched and walked to the bathroom to take a shower.
I heard the buzzer while I was eating my bowl of Cheerios. I looked down to my watch surprised at how quickly they made it. I let them up and answered the door.
"Thank-you very much Lizzie."
I looked to Brandon who was standing there with a Spiderman web shooter attached to his wrist.
"That's okay," I directed the next bit to Brandon. "Hi Brandon."
"Hi Aunt Lizzie." He turned to his mom. "Bye mom."
"See ya, give me a hug." They hugged and when I saw them again I felt a pang such as the one that I had experienced at Nathan's birthday... maybe I should adopt a kid.
"Come in." He walked in and made his way straight to the couch and turned on the T.V. where he always was when he came over.
"So what time do you think you'll be back?"
Sunny shrugged. "I really don't know he's really heating up."
I nodded. "Tell Nathan I send my love."
"Will do, thanks again." We hugged affectionately and I shut the door after Sunny had left.
I picked up my Cheerios as I passed the kitchen bench and sat myself down beside him.
"So Brandon what's up? Do you want Cheerios?"
"Nope."
"What do you want to do today?"
"I don't know."
"You like Spiderman?" I asked gesturing to his wrist.
"Uh-huh."
As always due to the fact I didn't have kids and Nathan and Brandon were the only ones I spent time with, I decided to indulge him.
"Do you wanna go to the toy store and then afterwards eat at McDonald's? Sounds cool?"
He looked up at me, eyes bright with excitement and nodded eagerly. "Uh-huh!"
"Okay, well, let me get dressed and we'll go. Sounds good?"
"Sounds good."
"Good!" I grinned and ruffled his hair.
"So what else do you want?" I asked Brandon beside me. His arms were overflowing with Spiderman stuff I wondered if I had gone overboard.
"That's all."
"You don't want a Barbie?"
"No!" He replied venomously.
"Come on, not even for a girlfriend for Spiderman." I teased him.
"Eww!"
I grinned and we walked down to the game aisle to buy Nathan a Playstation 2 game. Brandon was standing impatiently beside me as I picked up Kingdom Hearts that looked like Mickey Mouse was on the cover, when I heard someone call my name. I turned to find Charlie walking towards me. I grinned and waved.
"Hi Charlie."
He stopped when he reached us and looked down to Brandon.
"When did you have a kid?"
I rolled my eyes. "He's my nephew."
"Sunny had a kid?"
I nodded. "Uh-huh."
"He's a cute little fella."
"Don't I know it."
Charlie then went on his knees and talked to Brandon. "Hey there, what's your name?"
It was then that Brandon said something that I thought was the funniest thing. "Stranger Danger."
Charlie only laughed and stood back up. "That's classic, never talk to strangers."
I ruffled Brandon's head affectionately and nodded. "At least we know that he listens to his mum. His name's Brandon."
I looked down to Brandon. "This is Charlie."
"Hi Charlie." He attempted to wave though couldn't as he had all those Spiderman toys in his arms.
"Need help there Brandon?" Charlie asked.
He shook his head and Charlie faced me again. "So what are you doing here?"
"Stupid question Einstein, I've taken the kid out. I should be asking you what you're doing here, I see no kid anywhere."
"Maybe I want to indulge my childhood urges."
It was then that a girl, probably fifteen walked out of one of the aisles grinning and walking towards Charlie.
"He won't know what hit him." She said holding up a packet of what looked like fake spiders.
Charlie was grinning wildly. "Excellent. Lilly will freak."
The girl looked to me, she was pretty with long blonde hair in a high ponytail and the most amazing grey eyes.
"Hi." I said. She looked to Charlie then to me, then to Charlie again arching her eyebrow.
"Who's your girlfriend?"
"Huh?" He looked to me then back to her. "Oh Grace, this is Lizzie. We go way back from when I used to live in Stickler Bay."
"Hi." She said and stuck out her hand, which I took and shook.
"And this is Grace, she's my cousin, she's the youngest in the family."
"But with the way he acts, he could probably be the youngest." She piped in.
"Oh, I can probably agree with that. For a twenty six year old he's pretty immature."
"Must you talk about me while I'm here?" He sighed over exaggeratedly.
"Let' go!" We were interrupted by a pipsqueak voice near my legs.
All three of us looked down to Brandon who was looking up to me with a determined little face.
"Sorry kid."
I turned to the two cousins. "I'll see you later Charlie. Nice meeting you, Grace."
"Tuesday?" He asked.
"Yeh, be there or be square."
"Bye Lizzie nice meeting you, too."
I turned and started for the register with Brandon waving before we set off.
"So, you have a secret girlfriend, wait 'til I tell everybody, you're not going to hear the end of it."
"Mum knows who she is. It's no big deal. C'mon, let's look for bigger spiders."
I smiled as I heard the remnants of their conversation.
A little after Brandon was picked up and after getting a scolding from Sunny for spoiling him I watched T.V. by myself in my pyjamas. It was so lonely, and only...
6:45 p.m. - the clock read.
I looked to the phone sitting beside the couch and contemplated for a moment. Anna would be with James, Kurt would be... out... probably, and it was too late notice for Sunny. I mentally went through people in my head and thought about whom I could call. Finally I settled on Charlie. I stood up and took out my organizer looking for the business card Charlie had given me. When I found it I settled myself on the couch and took the phone and let it rest on my lap. I dialed after a moment's hesitation and let it ring.
Here we go...
"Hello."
"Hi Charlie it's Lizzie... you up to go out right now?"
We were sitting in the bed of Charlie's F150, watching the traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge eating Chinese take-out with beer.
"So I thought you had to work today?"
I finished the fried rice in my mouth and answered. "I was but I went in yesterday instead... besides even if I was, I would've had to take care of Brandon anyway."
"How is Sunny? Last that I remember of her she was only what? Eight?"
"Yeh. She's great; don't know why I haven't told her I bumped in to you, yet... it just slipped my mind. She was right in front of me a few hours ago, too."
"So what have you been up to since I saw you last?"
"Not much, finished school, finished uni then work, work, work."
"Oh yeh? How's that? Work I mean."
"Meh... let's not talk about work, it's like when we were in school you didn't talk about it." I grinned. "So where about do you live?"
"Manhattan."
"Let me guess, East boy?" I teased; he was loaded if I remember well from when I knew him.
"Yeh actually, a condo down 69th street." Lucky boy, I thought as he continued. "So how'd you end up in Brooklyn?"
"Well I got into Columbia and then Sunny joined me here after I graduated to go to NYU. That's when she got pregnant, in her freshman year. She lives in New Jersey with Steve and the kids."
"Kids?"
I smiled. "Yeh, Brandon's older brother Nathan is five, he had his birthday last month actually."
"So Sunny, did she finish college?"
"With difficulty, but she takes care of the kids and writes for Harlequin."
He grinned. "Sunny writing smut... so how about you. Are we looking at kids in the horizon with your significant other?"
"If I had a significant other do you really think I would've called you up to go out?"
"I'm hurt... so it wasn't the pleasure of my company you sought... it was because you're such a loser without much of a bedroom life." I nudged him with my elbow as he continued to eat his chow mein grinning insanely.
"How about you?" I asked.
He swallowed. "I actually just broke up with her two days ago... Alana."
He had what looked like a pained expression on his face that he tried to hide behind a weak smile and so I didn't taunt him as he did me. "Sorry."
He threw me a wayward smile. "Nah, she was-is, a b***h actually. Should've figured it out when she cheated on her boyfriend with me that she'd do the same thing to me."
"Like I always say you can't teach an old dog new tricks." I said trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeh, you can't." He grinned that grin of his.
We lapsed into a comfortable silence as we finished the rest of the take out and went to looking at the bridge. I wondered what he was thinking as we sat there against the window of the back of the car, our legs stretched in front of us in the bed. It was mid-February and the weather was still as crisp as any Northern winter though it wasn't too cold. I was only in jeans, an Abercrombie and Fitch tee and a hoodie; Charlie was decked out like me, too.
"How long have you been in New York?" I asked.
"Since I left Stickler Bay."
He turned to me as I spoke to him. "Do you remember that summer?"
He grinned and looked down. "I only went around with Mary Taylor to get you jealous... who would've known that it would work."
The stars were bright in that winter night like they had been that summer in his backyard. Did I feel it? Maybe I did. Only this time it wasn't Cherry Coke and Fries it was Chinese take-out and beer. Maybe it was the manifestation of being so alone for so long and seeing a familiar face from when life wasn't so complicated or the ambience of the night or maybe even a combination of the two, that I thought... maybe. The gods were playing with me again only this time maybe they weren't raining me with bad luck. Perhaps they were offering me a proposition for an alternative to loneliness and the sound of the distant traffic that wafted to us in that static night air became the background to what could be the start of something infinitely better than what I was resigned to. I found myself just looking at him so close... but the question was, even in the circumstances did I feel it?
Did he?
He was just coming from what seemed like a bad break up, a rebound. Was I even up to it? And at that precise moment when situation steered me down a different path, the face of someone I didn't know very well though so physically appealing floated in to my head. It made me stop and wonder about my superficiality. Charlie was definitely easy on the eyes and seemed to be the exact opposite of him. Where Charlie was open, the other was so reserved, where one was always smiling genuinely, the other looked to be continually brooding. Charlie was friendly and sandy haired, the other dark and had a mysterious appeal. Where did these thoughts come from? Why did I suddenly entertain the idea of him?
So when Charlie bent down to meet me halfway I drew back.
"You're on a rebound..." I whispered to him somewhat breathlessly.
Then he looked up to me those blue eyes sparkling like the outline of those stars we were sitting under. He smiled sadly and leant back, as did I and continued to watch the bridge.
And I surprised myself.
Posted on Friday, 15 October 2004
I sat at Starbucks awaiting the arrival of Charlie. I wasn't quite sure whether or not to be nervous. Especially after what nearly, but didn't, happen in his truck. Idly I drummed my fingers on the table thinking of him. That person seemed to invade my thoughts frequently since Saturday. I still hadn't seen him and I wondered at whether the usual static aura that surrounded us would ensue or perhaps a level of understanding at least. I had not told anyone about the elevator incident with Gucci nor, and I admit it, the sexual attraction I found myself in.
Damn Anna and Kurt and their little theories.
The truth I couldn't really gather around was the fact that I found him sexually attractive... well actually, I could get around that fact. It was more the fact that even besides his schizophrenic tendencies... a lot of the times being I was faced with heinous Gucci, I was full aware of the amount of times I thought about his switching personalities. Generally when it was only the two of us I had seen him at his amiable best... the elevator incident being one of those times. It brought me to my next problem. I was superficial. That even in his frustrating mould of aloofness, I still found him so appealing. Not to mention unbelievably enticing.
"Lizzie."
I looked up to Charlie who sat himself down.
"Hey Charlie, I almost thought that you wouldn't come."
"Well I'm here and I'm yours to please."
I threw him a look and he seemed to realise what he just said.
"About Sunday night..." He started.
"Let's put it down to the Chinese and beer?" I offered.
He seemed to relax and he smiled and nodded. "Yeh, the Chinese and beer."
We slid in to our easy camaraderie as he continued to speak. "So you seemed to be in such deep thought, what did I interrupt?"
"Not important." I said trying to steer away from my secret thoughts on Gucci. "How long do I have you for?"
He looked down to his watch and said. "As of now, approximately fifty three minutes."
"So have you had lunch?" I asked.
"No, have you?"
I shook my head. "Starbucks doesn't exactly serve the most filling lunch."
"That's quite an observation Ms. Bennet."
"Well there's a sweet Italian place just down the road you up for it?"
He nodded. "Yeh should be good."
We got up and Charlie started off the conversation.
"So what do you call that?"
"What?" I had no idea what he was on about.
"That." He went on pointing at my skirt.
"It's a ra-ra skirt."
"And those things on your feet, it looks like something you'd put on a hotdog."
I looked down to my shoes then to him. "Hey don't dis my shoes. For your information they're Marc Jacobs."
"But they're..."
"Mustard." I finished off. "And what's wrong with that. That's why I brought them. And is it 'pick on what Lizzie's wearing day' today?"
He only grinned though. "Nah just making conversation."
I looked after him and out arched my eyebrow. "That's your definition of conversation? Telling me that my shoes look like a condiment."
He laughed and we continued to walk. We had gotten to "Mario's", but just as we were about to be seated his cell phone rang.
"Excuse me." He told the waiter and I, before proceeding to pick it up. "Hello, Charles Tanner... is it important? I'm sort of at lunch at the moment... uh-huh... I see. I don't know," he looked down to his watch, "give me thirty? Okay fine... you're such a baby Lily you do know that... you should be paying me for my services... when was... yeh. Fine."
He hung up and turned to me while I waited expectantly. "I'm going to have to take a rain check Lizzie. Apparently this is urgent."
"What could be more urgent than lunch?"
He grinned. "My cousin wants advice on how to woo a girl."
"And you're an expert?"
"Let's just say that I'm Dr. Love when it comes to my cousin... he's what you say, romantically illiterate."
"Fine, I guess I'll have lunch by myself, alone, without anyone but my own company."
"I knew you'd look at the bright side."
He gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "Give me a call tomorrow." He told me over his shoulder as he walked away.
I looked after him only realising then that Charlie referred to "Lily" as a he.
Needless to say I ate lunch by myself at Mario's ruminating my position in life... again. It seemed to me that happiness wasn't where I was at the moment. I realised that maybe my happiness was something that I had to get off my ass and get. When you're young you have a perfect picture in your head on what the definition of happiness is. After watching Cinderella, I wanted my Prince Charming to come on his stallion and hoist me up and tell me that he'd love me forever, and we'd go move to his castle and live happily ever after. Soon though the definition of happiness gradually changed and by the time that I had the opportunity to create my own happiness I didn't. Now twenty years later from my initial idea of happiness, I find that my definition of happiness had come around in full circle... I still wanted that "Happily Ever After".
I needed romance.
Ironically enough my revelation took place in the lift back to my floor.
I needed Mr. Long Term... but for the moment maybe I should just look for Mr. Right Now. I had to make it happen and that meant dating and sifting through a batch of men who were Mr. Not For Me. Frankly, that was a task that I was not willing to undertake. Why couldn't I just bump in to Mr. Right? I stepped off the elevator.
"Oh sorry."
I looked up to the person I had walked in to coming out of the lift.
"Mr. Radcliffe! I'm so sorry."
"Ms. Bennet."
We sort of stood there in awkward silence. Even he, King of cool William Radcliffe looked somewhat uncomfortable and I wondered if it were because I was emitting horrendous body odour. After a further moment of trying not to make eye contact he spoke, in his stiff, formal manner, obviously regaining his wits.
"Good day Ms. Bennet." He nodded towards me indifferently before sidestepping me to enter the elevator.
I stood in the same position for a moment.
Indifference... I was on the next level, no more looking down on me. Better yet it wasn't the "problems" look.
I walked over to my office where Anna was standing in front of the doorway, grinning insanely.
"What?" I asked, as I approached.
"You have a surprise inside."
I looked at her wondering what exactly this surprise of mine was. I threw her a look before walking in, just as I stepped through the door I spotted it. There it was on my desk. A single long stemmed red rose with a small card, the size of a business card, lying across it. I looked to Anna who was behind me still grinning.
"Who's it from? You didn't put it there did you? This isn't some cruel joke or a ruse to up my self-esteem? Because if it is, have I really become that pathetic?"
She rolled her eyes and pushed me towards the desk behind it. "Stop it. Read the card, I'm dying to know who it's from."
"Didn't he come deliver it?"
She shook her head. "A courier came and had been told specifically to put it on the desk like that. No one was allowed to touch it except for you."
With trepidation I picked up the card with 'Elizabeth Bennet' typed in the middle. I turned it and felt myself grin just as stupidly as Anna.
"Well what does it say?" Anna asked excitedly.
I read over the card again and felt myself grin even more.
"Elizabeth tell me now!"
I looked to the blonde beside me with her hands on her hips.
"It says..."
"Elizabeth."
"Okay, well this is kind of embarrassing but it says... 'I love the way you smile'."
Then Anna squealed girlishly and came over to take the card and read it for herself. She looked up after looking over it for the fifth time. "Who's it from?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. It isn't signed anywhere and it's typed so I can't tell whose handwriting it could've been."
"You have a secret admirer!" She said in singsong voice.
"I feel like a school girl."
I sat down in my chair and picked up the rose, while Anna watched me in my obvious bliss from my table where she sat.
"I hope it's not from some weird stalker guy." I said running my fingers over the thorn less stem.
"Oh Elle don't ruin your moment."
Maybe the gods weren't after me anymore.
Two days after the first rose I received another one coming back from lunch, it had typed on it: "I love your eyes." The next week I received another two roses and cards: "I love the way you walk" and "I love how your hair always smells so good." The truth was I liked it immensely. Just when I was berating myself for the lack of romance in my life... it happens. I felt like a heroine in a chick lit novel. The loveable female protagonist meets the man of her dreams... fantasies... whatever mood you seem to be in at that moment. Valentine's Day had come and gone, it was two and a half weeks ago actually. Though I never placed importance on it as it made me feel somewhat... rejected. I spent it eating two-minute noodles. But now, my Valentine's Day had come. I only had to find out who the delightful man that had been brightening my existence was.
My musings were interrupted by a knock at my door, followed by a melodious: "Knock, Knock!"
I looked up from my desk to see Kurt standing at my doorway, the empty floor behind him as they were at lunch.
"There's a rumor that you have a secret admirer. True or False?"
I smiled slyly and secretively and continued to eat my sandwich. Kurt's eyes widened and he came to sit on my desk.
"Okay. Spill girl, how did we go from dateless loser to a sex goddess."
"First of all I resent that you call me a dateless loser and second of all, how can I be sex goddess if I seem to be lacking in the former part of that title? Besides... it's not like I know the guy."
"Or girl." He voiced, looking up in the air.
That seemed to get my attention as I realised that maybe my secret admirer was a woman. While at any other time I'd feel some sort of twisted flattery, I realised that it was cruel humour to have an admirer who I couldn't date.
Kurt must've seen the perturbed look on my face as he tried to reassure me. "Darl, I'm sorry. I was just musing. Besides unsubtle thoughtfulness without acknowledgement of the gesture is a completely male trait."
The truth was, suddenly I felt impotent towards the situation. "If it is male." I muttered.
He shrugged. "Though that's not the point, look at you you're actually smiling."
"Hey I smile. I smile a lot thank-you very much."
"You have a goofy grin right now."
My head snapped to him from my daze. "Well can't you allow me to be goofy? I mean come on this is a big deal... it is a very, very big deal."
"Yes for your little world it is. The big deal about this is what if he's not good-looking."
"If you were a pool and I dove in you, I'd hit my head."
"I'm just saying it's all good to think that you have a studly man on your hands, but the fact is good-looking people such as I make up a small percentage of the population so probability wise if we were betting, I'd give it three hundred thousand to one that Mr. Anonymous is really Mr. Sex-On-Legs. I mean what if this guy is Cooper from Sales."
I nearly gagged on my saliva when he said that. Cooper from Sales was renowned for his sleaziness. He resembled a Hispanic Pimp in cheap satin whose name was probably Hector. His shirt was always open so you saw his hairy chest, which might I add was an OH&S problem in itself... it could set a small forest fire. Not to mention he probably got his greasy hair from a can and whenever he looked at women he got a creepy look in his eyes that yelled he was still a forty-six year old virgin. If the world was lucky, he was probably sterile.
"Don't even joke." I told Kurt seriously.
"My point is you've probably already fabricated dream guy in your head and you might just be disappointed when you find out who this person is. Everyone wants someone who can give them an orgasm just by looking at said fantasy. But Liz babe, you have to be realistic."
"How do you know what my expectations are?" I asked somewhat defensively as I realised it was true.
"Oh it's human nature." He looked at me inquisitively then before continuing to speak. "The question is who do you want it to be?"
"Why all the interest? Was my life really boring pre-roses that I never drew your attention?"
"Of course you always had my attention. But it's a little question no need to get defensive."
He shrugged and started playing with my pencil sharpener on the desk and proceeded to sharpen my pencils as he continued to speak. "But don't you think that it's a great psychological experiment to ask you who you want it to be. We get to uncover your subconscious' deepest desire, who turns you on."
"Oh a lot of men turn me on."
His ears perked up and he stopped sharpening. "Do tell."
I laughed. "It's all about sex with you isn't it? Let's just get off that topic and keep this PG-13."
"Okay. But seriously, it's all Freudian."
I looked at him biting the inside of my lip (a really, really bad habit I developed during public speaking lessons for class) and thought. Okay, I really didn't think, as there was only one guy in my head who I wanted it to be. And for the moment I rejected that notion, as it was increasingly farfetched. Yet other than that I had no one. Zilch.
"Does said guy have to be a realistic possibility?" I finally asked.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Brad Pitt, no... Cooper, yes."
"Please, let's steer away from Cooper before I develop hives thinking about it."
After a couple more seconds of deliberation I spoke. "Okay, and you have to promise not to tell Anna only 'cause I know it'll get back to him."
"It's not James is it?" He asked solemnly. "Because if it is tell me when you tell her so I'll have front seats at the catfight."
"God no Kurt." I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "It's Gucci."
"So your repression's manifested itself in to someone unattainable."
I threw him an indignant look. "I resent that you think Gucci's unattainable for me. What are you trying to say? That I'm some sort of haggish freak that I'd never be able to rope in someone as hot as him?"
"We all must face the truth at some point in our lives, you know sooner or later." He told me reassuringly patting my hands as he did. "You're lucky it came sooner rather than later."
"Don't patronize me. You're such a b---h sometimes Kurt."
He only grinned. "I'm joking gorgeous. I knew you were sweet on him."
I sighed. "It's kind of pathetic though. I feel like a giddy schoolgirl with a crush. It's always the guy you can't get huh. It's always the beautiful jerk."
I dropped my head on my arms on the table and spoke from my position. "So who is Mystery Man?"
"He sounds like an action hero."
I sat up again this time with my chin in my hand, where I rested on my elbow and said thoughtfully. "Yes, he'll kill you with his charm."
"Or wow you with his colossal-" I threw him a look cutting him off as he finished with a sheepish smile. "Laser gun."
I had five roses and they sat proudly on my kitchen bench. It was Friday night and as I really wasn't in to the bar or nightclub scene I spent it alone watching DVDs, not that I really minded. In fact I liked my solitude though sometimes you needed company. Someone you could snuggle up to while you watched and you didn't need to think about what you were watching all you needed to do was enjoy. Enjoy the movie. Enjoy the moment between you and your significant other. There was only so many times that you could watch Bridget Jones' Diary alone. Hell, I even missed watching action movies if it weren't for the company, not to mention I really dug Jackie Chan, especially his old flicks. I really didn't mind reading the subtitles. The truth was it got kind of lonely. Very lonely. I entertained the idea of giving Charlie a call, though what nearly, but didn't happen that night in his truck sort of popped up and I realised the possibilities of being alone in an apartment with him under the influence of excessive amounts of romantic comedies and my own desperation.
Ahhh, the trials and tribulation of a single woman looking for love.
And then there was cable.
I took my blanket from my queen and sat in it as I watched my much loved DVD of Bridget Jones' Diary. The truth was I had this crush on Colin Firth, ever since they televised the six part Pride and Prejudice. It started then, and from Fitz to Mark, Colin Firth as any Darcy made my day any day. I was attached. The fact is Bridget Jones' Diary remains to be one of my most favourite movies of all time. And every time I watched it I always called out to the screen whenever she was about to do something embarrassing. But if it were me, I would go through it all if it meant I could pash Colin Firth in the end in my animal print knickers. God even Hugh Grant. I think it's the accent. It was around the part where Renee Zellweger tells Hugh Grant that she'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's ass when the buzzer rang. I paused and went up to answer it.
"Hello."
"Elle it's me Anna."
"Okay I'll buzz you up."
"Okay."
I buzzed her up and opened the door for her as I resumed watching Bridget. She was doing sit-up Britain and sliding down the fire pole when Anna bounded in. She took the remote and stopped it, standing in front of me with a stupid smile on her face. Much the same way I looked when I got the roses.
"Hey I was watching."
She was still grinning like an idiot. I arched my brow and asked. "What is it?"
"Hurry up and get dressed."
"Why?"
"Come on Elle please get dressed." She was almost jumping on the spot.
"No, I'm not leaving Colin Firth until you tell me why."
She sat beside me and took my hand looking in to my eyes, I half expected her to kiss me. "Please Elle this is important. Get dressed James is waiting downstairs."
"How am I meant to get ready in five minutes?" I double thought it and said. "The again it's only James."
"Oh, and William Radcliffe."
I sat stunned. "Why Anna? Why now when my face looks like Zit-opia hm?"
She rolled her eyes. "You have what? One pimple. So what? Now get dressed before I burn your copy of Bridget Jones."
"You wouldn't dare."
She walked over to my DVD player and took it out. "Oh wouldn't I?"
"You drive a hard bargain woman."
I got up form my comfy seat on the couch and walked to my room, suddenly nervous about what I was going to wear. I stood in front of my wardrobe. I wasn't Carrie Fisher and sometimes I wished that I was, but considering my pressing wage and obsessive love of fashion I would say my wardrobe wasn't too bad. Then while I stared at my clothes I realised I was stumped as to what to wear.
"Anna where exactly are we going?" I called out hoping to get an idea of where it was we were going at eight o'clock at night... talk about a late dinner.
"Go casual." Anna said reading my mind. "It's a Thai place that Will knows about." I grunted, Gucci knows about or Gucci actually owns? Since when did Anna call my boss' boss, "Will"?
Finally after deliberation I settled on jeans that I tucked in to my pointy calf high snakeskin boots, a plain white singlet and my leather jacket I discovered at the markets. I didn't put too much make-up on only 'cause I really couldn't be bothered and settled for eyeliner and gloss. I stuck my head out of the door to see Anna looking at my roses.
"How much money do I need to bring?"
She looked up and smiled that gorgeous smile or hers. "Nothing."
I rolled my eyes. I decided to bring money but I didn't want to bring a wallet or bag, so I slipped my credit card in to my pocket hoping it wouldn't bounce, along with fifty dollars. I picked up my keys from my bedside table and walked out to meet Anna.
"Elle, those jeans are scandalously tight." I looked down at my favourite Sass and Bide jeans and shrugged.
"Then don't tell me my thighs look big or else I'll be turned off from them forever."
"I didn't say they didn't look good."
I grinned. "So what's this for anyway?" I stuck my keys in to the lock of the door to open it then we walked out together as we spoke and I let the door fall shut behind me, locking automatically.
"It's a surprise."
"So it's for me?" I asked as we made our way to the elevator.
She grinned. "You're not that special. But it's a surprise, I hope you haven't eaten."
"No I haven't."
The elevator ride was short and I walked outside inhaling the warming night. As we walked closer to James' Jeep the shadow in the back seat focused to the beautiful William Radcliffe. I stopped a little and Anna threw me a grin. "In order for us to eat at the Thai place, we actually have to get there."
I gave her a look and we continued to walk, when I got to the passenger side I took a breath before climbing in to the back. When I got in he wasn't looking my way and so I turned to my window as well. I was drumming my fingers nervously on the leather seat while I checked him out from the corner of my eye, as I did a lot I realised when I didn't want to be too obvious... or eager. And did I notice what he was wearing? Of course I did, it looked like he just threw it on but that just made his appearance delectable, the scruffy, dark hair, white shirt, pinstriped blazer and jeans. God, it was Gucci model written all over the damn man. It was silent in the car, I didn't know what the hell to do or say.
"Turn right there, James."
So it speaks.
I turned to look at him, a reaction to hearing the silence broken. I really needed to keep my hormones in check. When he finished speaking he caught my eye and offered a slight nod of acknowledgement then went back to looking out the window without even a "how are ya". This was ridiculous. Prejudice was firmly in place... god, crack a smile will ya.
We arrived to the Thai place though had to park a block away as trendy SoHo was alive this Friday night. Surprisingly Gucci took it upon himself to open my door for me and let me out. And they say chivalry's dead. The two lovebirds on the other hand were already on the sidewalk waiting, hands intertwined grinning insanely. We fell in to step with them.
"So are you going to tell me the surprise?" I asked, trying to break the awkward silence.
Anna looked to James who shook his head before answering. "Not yet."
"James you are so unfair, I'm missing a night with Darcy, and for someone named Elizabeth Bennet it's a travesty that I am."
The two laughed while He kept his eyes focused in front of him. He was so serious; no sight of those dimples anywhere.
"So Lizzie, the whole office is talking about your secret admirer what do you have to say for yourself?" James started.
I looked to him and was surprised that He half turned my way as if he was curious with what I had to say, or probably surprised that I had an admirer at all, secret or otherwise.
"Flattered. But for all I know he could be a stalker."
"Typical Lizzie." James laughed.
"And then you know what Kurt said?"
"What?" Anna asked.
"He said whoever it is could be female."
The two laughed and I think even "Mr. I'm-Too-Sexy-For-This" cracked a little smile, though only very tiny that you'd miss it if you weren't looking. I am ashamed to admit that I was indeed, looking.
"Trust Kurt." James said.
We got the Thai place and surprisingly it was packed, it was really just a hole in the wall and a waiting area, Anna told me though that there was an eating area downstairs and upstairs. We walked in to the crowded waiting landing and I think I nearly stopped breathing when I felt him pressed behind me due to all the people. The only thing keeping me standing were all the people pushing me up, it brought me back to my glory days in the mosh pit during high school.
"William Radcliffe."
My head whipped to the Maitre 'D dressed casually in suit pants and button up shirt who looked half-Asian, half-white, just like my mum actually.
"David." He answered and walked over to him with us behind.
David looked to James and nodded. "Hi James."
"David." He replied and they shook hands.
"And who is this?" He gestured to Anna.
"My girl." He said proudly. Anna hit him on the arm and introduced herself.
"Hi, I'm Anna."
They shook hands and he looked to me and asked Will.
"And you're beautiful lady for tonight is?"
"We're not together." We said in unison. We looked at each other then turned back to David surprised at our almost venomous response. I heard Anna snort unattractively beside me. David looked between the two of us and nodded slowly replying:
"Sorry."
"Hi I'm Elizabeth, Lizzie, Liz or Elle, depends on who you talk to." I stuck out my hand that he took and shook as he gave me a heart-stopping smile. I'll give it to Gucci, he sure had friends who were lookers. I think I blushed, then Gucci coughed breaking the moment.
"I see you're busy, do you want us to come back?"
"Stop trying to be normal Will, upstairs."
"Thanks David and tell your father I give my regards."
"Yeh I will, I'll get Shauna to take you upstairs."
"Talk about pulling strings Will." Anna said gesturing to queue.
Will shrugged. "It's no big deal."
"Will's being modest," James said as we started to walk after a pretty red head in a black shirt with the restaurant's name across it. "William Radcliffe has one of the best networks in New York, no business or person is too small to know." James elbowed Will as he said the next part. "Having a best friend who knows the right people comes in handy."
I think Will gave a little smile as we finally got seated. I sat next to Will in the booth with Anna and James in front of us. Was I nervous that I could smell Calvin Klein so close to my nostrils? Yes I was, I didn't catch what Anna had to say.
"Elle."
"Hm?" The three were looking at me and so was the waiter. I suddenly felt very conspicuous.
"Were you cool with us ordering rice, four dishes and sharing?" Elle continued.
"Yeh, sure. Sounds good."
I couldn't look beside me, I couldn't make eye contact. I felt like a retard. So I tried to focus the attention off myself to someone else.
"So are you two gonna spill why it is we're having a late dinner?"
Anna and James turned to each other then faced us grinning the same stupid grin they'd had since the start of the night and they replied concurrently:
"We're engaged."
My grin suddenly matched theirs as I took Anna's hands in to mine. "Oh my god that is great news you guys it really is!"
"I think congratulations are in order." Will said beside me.
"Yeh and," James started. "We want you two to be our best man and maid of honour."
I had been to a lot of weddings and it seemed that I was always a bridesmaid and never a bride, while I could take this opportunity to be cynical I decided not to due to the fact I really was overjoyed for Anna. A little sadness trickled in though as I realised, hey, Anna will be married. Where did that leave me? I knew that when I got home in bed I ruminate on the situation further... I was being left behind and I didn't want be.
The meal was pleasant, with pleasant chitchat, even he spoke though the night's focus was on the engagement. Earlier that evening James had proposed, I couldn't believe I didn't notice the rock on Anna's ring finger when she had come up to my apartment. I was oblivious. Unlike the last time I was in the prescence of dinner with Mr. Radcliffe I didn't have my monthly visitor (what my dad used to refer to it) and was very confident nothing could go wrong that night. I was trying to be normal for once around him, and trying to project the "charming" that he told me I was in the elevator. I was very surprised that I was making an effort with this man.
"God, I really am happy for you two." We had already finished eating and were talking over beer.
"Thanks. But if it wasn't for you we wouldn't even be together." Anna said.
It was then William "Gucci" Radcliffe looked to me then to James who explained.
"Elizabeth was interviewing Anna when I happened to drop something off. She noticed I was interested and smitten so she pushed us to each other. She's a real cupid."
Anna smiled and nodded. "Now if only she can get her love life together."
I threw Anna a look in front of me who was smiling smugly and kicked her under the table, only to realise that I had kicked the wrong set of legs after someone let a grunt of pain beside me. It was then Anna started to laugh hysterically.
"I am so very sorry Mr. Radcliffe. I was meant to kick Anna."
He only nodded weakly and continued to massage his leg, I really had no idea how he got his legs so close to mine. I tried to shrink back in to the booth hoping the floor would suck me in. A little after I got up to go to the ladies' room with Anna not far behind me. When I went in I got to the sink and leant on it looking at myself in the mirror.
"You are such a retard." I said out loud.
"Just love sick."
I turned to Anna leaning on the sink facing me. "Can you not tease me at this moment please."
"Elle, I love you and everything but you're so blind."
Quirking my brow I asked. "And how pray tell am I blind?"
She shook her head. "You'll realise it sooner or later, it's not my position to say."
"Stop being so cryptic!"
"Sometimes the person you'll ever need is the person you least expect."
"Okay can you stop being Confucius for a moment and speak in English, not like a fortune cookie."
She smiled enigmatically. "Ready to come out again?"
I nodded.
"Aren't you hot Elle? Take your jacket off."
I did and we walked out talking about her upcoming wedding.
We sat back down and as I did I stole a look at Gucci who had an inscrutable expression on his face. We spoke a little more before we decided to head off home, and Gucci being the gentleman that he was offered to pay as part of his engagement gift. I felt nothing but electric as I felt his arm snake its way behind me brushing my shoulders as he passed the waiter a cheque.
The ride home was as uneventful as it was to the Thai place. They dropped me off first being the last one picked up with James insisting on staying in the car until I got in my apartment. As I got to the front of the building I reached in to my pocket to get my keys then closed my eyes in harsh recollection.
S--T!
I didn't have them with me, I had left them hanging from my door from the inside. I turned around sheepishly and walked back to the Jeep. Anna had her window wound down as she saw me approaching.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't have my keys."
Anna's eyes widened.
"I'm sorry for the trouble James just drop me off at a hotel I have my card with me."
"No, no, no, no don't Liz." James started.
"Yeh," Anna continued. "Stay with us."
"No Anna I can't do that."
"Why not? You have before. It's too late and too dangerous to leave you alone."
"I know you and James wanna be together tonight."
James grinned. "Yeh but you can't fight fate."
"No just drop me off at a hotel seriously I don't wanna ruin your night."
"No Elle it's okay."
"No Anna it's not."
We went on arguing for a couple more minutes until we were interrupted.
"Come home with me."
All three of us looked to Gucci at the backseat where he had those blue/grey eyes fixed on me as if daring me to disagree.
"That way Ms. Bennet will be safe and Anna and James will have their night. Is everyone in agreement?"
Anna threw me a smile and whispered so only I could hear as I realised I was still standing at her window.
"You can't fight fate."
How could I say 'no' to spending the night with a sexy man who emanated respect and power and control? It was almost like an S&M fantasy except for the fact he still referred to me the way he would refer to his Calculus teacher.
"Well that sounds good." James said enthusiastically. "You're a Good Samaritan Will."
As I got in to the backseat again I thought: No he's just sleepy.
Posted on Monday, 20 December 2004
It had been exactly one week, three days and almost twenty-three hours since I had known the identity of Mystery Man. All I could think about was Charlie saying: "William, William Radcliffe". There were too many coincidences that it was impossible it wasn't Gucci. Although I don't think he knew that I knew. Or maybe perhaps he knew I knew though pretended that he didn't know I knew.
It was all too confusing for me.
The reason for my edginess was the fact that in less than twenty-four hours I would be coming face to face with him as wedding preparations would be made. After James and Anna had announced their engagement they had wanted to get married within a month. I supposed they were eager to make it official...
Well, legal anyway.
I don't think I could blame them seeing as they had finally found the one they wanted. It made me wonder about people who were engaged for up to a year before tying the knot. Then again maybe they were just being sure, as divorces could be a long, arduous and grueling process that could be very unpleasant for both parties. Then you think, people who get divorces were in love at one time and you had to wonder why they had decided to call it quits. Then it gets you to think it's actually kind of sad that they had a falling out because maybe they had a good thing going if it weren't for the massive screw up. It gets you to further thinking that the falling out was due to infidelity by one or both of them. So then how could you have faith in romance?
Romantic relationships were confusing and yet here I was entertaining the idea of one, with someone I had named the oxymoronic term of "beautiful jerk". The truth was I was a little scared about the prospect of pursuing this. I hadn't acted upon the revelation. I didn't know how and I was waiting for him to take the next step even though in retrospect he had already laid his cards out on the table and was probably awaiting my move. Though I doubted (and this was the reason why I abstained from doing anything) that I had an ace up my sleeve. What did I have to offer? Far be it from me from having relationship insecurities, it was just that with everything that had taken place I still didn't know where I stood with him. I knew now what he presumably felt although I had never actually seen it. It made absolutely no sense. He was a conundrum.
And I, I was stupid.
I was stupid that I was sitting here dissecting the situation rather than acting upon it.
But then what if he had never intended me to figure out it was him?
Though I couldn't help but smile every time I thought about him calling me "shorty". It was such an intimate, secret nickname that belonged to him, to call me at his disposal. It made me all furry inside just thinking about how it would sound out of his lips... those delicious, delectable lips.
"So, I hear that our little Elizabeth Bennet has found her Darcy... and what a Darcy."
I looked up to Kurt who was making his way in to my office, He always seemed to come at the most opportune time.
"Who told you?"
He shrugged nonchalantly and sat on my table as had become the norm. "Around... you know, people."
I gave him an unsatisfied look.
"Fine, it was Anna."
"How did Anna know?"
"She knew all along. She was just waiting for you to figure it out. But the million dollar question is gorgeous, what are you gonna do about it?"
Anna knew all along and she never told me? I wondered at how long she had known. Of course maybe he had delivered it himself that first day... and Anna had said it was a courier. Was everyone in on it except for me? Here I was walking around wondering who it could be and he was right under my nose all along. I thought about Kurt's question before I answered.
"Well I don't know. Visit him at his office late at night in suspenders and a fireman hat."
"I say, I say that sounds like an appealing prospect." Kurt waggled his brows.
I laughed. "It was a joke."
"Well seeing from the way you were so deep in thought before I interrupted you, I'd say you were probably thinking about Mr. Hot Stuff himself."
"So why are you here anyway?"
"Duh Lizzie, to outline a plan of action."
"You make it sound like it's some sort of covert operation, who will you be? Mother Bird?" I grinned and he only rolled his eyes.
"Oh very funny, you can be Old Bird."
This time I rolled my eyes amused at our banter. "So then seeing as you seem to be omniscient in all things in love and sexuality why not give me your two cents."
He looked at me thoughtfully before answering. "Well, why don't you tell me what transpired between you and the man in question when you were with him on a certain Friday night. Care to dish you evil slut, you. Anna has been dying to find out what happened."
I shrugged and stood up to go on the opposite end of the table from Kurt and stood in front of him.
"I think that's between him and me." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Was there anything else you wanted? Did you need my stapler perhaps? So you could staple your lips together and not tell anyone about anything."
Kurt continued to sit on the table. "Oh come on Elizabeth. Don't tell me nothing happened, for all I know you two could've been doing some kinky stuff, he calling you his woman and you calling him, Sir!"
I continued to stand in front of him shaking my head. "While I do dabble in the occasional S&M," I started jokingly before continuing. "You'll find that what happens between me and Gucci is our business, with or without the whip."
It was then that I took a good look at Kurt's face as he attempted to keep it straight and I watched his mouth painfully mime: "Behind you."
I turned around slowly feeling obtuse to see Him standing at the doorway with amusement in his eyes although his mouth was set in a thin line as I let out a feeble greeting.
"Good afternoon Sir." I felt sheepish and I knew I was turning a healthy shade of beetroot.
"Mr. Lowe," He nodded to Kurt then turned to me. "Ms. Bennet."
Kurt stood up. "I think I should be going. Good afternoon Mr. Radcliffe, Liz." He then walked behind Gucci, stuck up his thumbs and pretended to crack a whip at his ass, before walking off. Ten seconds later I heard his hysterical laughter in one of the halls.
I brought my full focus to the man in front of me with a slight pull at the left corner of his mouth though he didn't give any indication that he heard what I had said. Instead he was stern, and in a businesslike tone addressed me.
"I don't deal with personal matters in the workplace," he started off. I nearly hyperventilated as I realised that he might've been making the move I had been pondering on beforehand.
"Yes..." I said, a little more eagerly than I had intended to.
"But seeing as this is your lunch hour it is technically personal time."
I nodded unable to speak, as there was brief pause before he continued.
"This is in regards to tomorrow."
"Oh." I said flatly, disappointed.
He quirked his brow at the defeated tone in my voice. "Yes, seeing as we will be accompanying James and Anna to their venues and fittings I thought that perhaps it would be convenient for me to take you."
I had a quick mental debate as to the pros and cons of this proposal and decided that I would oblige, though it didn't take me much convincing.
"That sounds good."
He nodded. "I'll pick you up at eleven thirty in time for lunch."
"I'll be waiting."
"Good day Ms. Bennet."
"You too Sir."
He turned and made his way out and I to my table, managing to maintain a semblance of confidence during the exchange. However just as I was about to sit he stopped at the doorway and turned around to face me.
"And Ms. Bennet,"
"Yes Sir?" I asked, springing up again like a soldier awaiting his orders.
"Next time I'll bring the whip."
Then he turned and walked out without a look back as I stared after him. Needless to say I had a goofy grin adorning my face the rest of the day.
I paced my living room deep in thought and anticipation. It had seemed like forever since that first eventful morning I had laid my set of eyes on his disapproving ones. In fact it was close to five months ago as the season had slowly segue-ed into spring. It looked like Anna and James would be getting their summer wedding. As always when I found myself in my own company my thoughts settled on the man about to pick me up in less than two minutes. I went back in to my room and decided to change.
I had changed seven times in the last hour.
I had finally decided on going "I'm laid back and casual but can be serious too" donning on tan shorts, a plain blue Ben Sherman button up shirt and flip-flops. I stared at myself in the mirror and was about to change again when the buzzer went. I took a deep breath knowing this ride might make or break me. I walked away, then walked back to the mirror to fix my hair, before finally walking to my receiver, taking a breath and answering a little timidly.
"Hello."
"Hello. Is this Ms. Bennet?"
I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
Again with the Ms. Bennet.
When exactly were we going to get beyond the Ms. Bennet?
"Sir?"
"Yes. Are you ready?"
"Sure, do you want me to buzz you up?"
"No Ms. Bennet. I'll be fine."
And that was that, sure, confident, indifferent. I picked up my sunglasses, purse and most especially my keys, before making my way to meet him. As I walked down the stairs I mentally went over how I would approach him and what I would say, what we would talk about and how I would be cool, calm and collected in his prescence. However all that flew out of my head when I stepped out of the door to meet him to see him looking as fine as he did. It was as if someone had punched my stomach and all the air had left my body. Dammit, I knew he was good, but really Gucci was good even when he was dressed semi-casually in black chinos, chocolate leather flip flops and a pink signature Polo shirt, his glasses hiding what his eyes might've given as an indication to what he was thinking. It led me to believe that this man would look good dressed in a potato sack.
Finally I managed to mutter out. "Sir."
He smiled his drop dead gorgeous smile, Mr. Dimple making an appearance. "Ready?"
I nodded and I followed him to his chosen car for today, a hot, black Alfa Romeo. I nearly gagged as I realised I would be riding in one of the most sexiest cars with one of the most sexiest men in existence.
The gods were being awfully good to me today.
He opened the door for me and I slipped in to the black leather interior. At that moment I felt like a Bond girl as I let my hand slide over the lacquered wooden dashboard. As I waited for him to enter in my head I went over the things we could talk about... what we should, or maybe bring up the whole secret admirer thing. I even wore the perfume to see what his reaction would be. But as he slid in to the driver's seat it was nothing, just static and I attempted to tune in on a wave that would constitute some form of conversation. I went through a list in my head, the future... how you peeled when you got really sunburned... watermelon juice...
"So did Anna and James' announcement come as a surprise to you?" I asked attempting to break the silence.
He turned his head towards me as he answered, his glasses still hiding what his eyes could've said.
"Actually I had been anticipating it. He seems to be in love with her, she's in love with him. It was natural."
I nodded and spoke before I realised what it was I was saying... it seemed to happen an awful lot in his prescence. "It would be nice to finally find The One." I even stupidly emphasized "The One" in finger speech marks.
He grinned though didn't turn to me. "Very lucky indeed. Some people live their whole lifetime without the one they're meant to be with, some people let them get away, others don't even meet them at all."
"That's so sad... and I sound like such a sap."
He smiled again that fabulous endearing, mega watt, homecoming King smile and said. "I think I'm a closet sap, too."
I couldn't help but grin stupidly, as always when it came to Him.
"Sometimes I just wanna wait. I mean why search, why can't I take a break? Why do I have to continue searching?"
There was brief pause and I realised I could've been in my mode of over share again. I was about to say something else but he finally spoke up.
"It's a human compulsion. We're humans Ms. Bennet, animals. It's in our nature to seek out a mate. But I think that this elusive emotion we continually search for isn't just a biochemical reaction to someone, it's not just chemistry or a manifestation of desire. It's something more than physical or sexual attraction. I think that after a hard day's work, or at the end of a hard life or sometimes when it just gets lonely, essentially everyone's looking for the same thing."
I was drowning in his words and I was staring at him for a moment before finally coming to my senses and asking quietly even I could barely hear myself, hypnotized by his words.
"What's that?"
Again he paused and he turned to me briefly before looking ahead again, his hands tightening on the steering wheel momentarily.
"Someone to come home to."
I was speechless, aside from reeling from the comment he made about the whip the previous day this was definitely a side of Gucci I had never seen before. I saw him a little more vulnerable, a little more like me. Throughout the lunch I couldn't help but steal secret looks at him when he wasn't looking. I noticed a lot more about him. The way he would sit and let the conversation roll with more pensive demeanor than snobbish as I had previously thought. He was an observer I realised, he wasn't looking down at us but he steps back and watches. Though I wondered why.
"You're in a daze, I suppose it has something to do with your trip with Will."
We were in the bridal boutique and Anna had just stepped out of the change rooms in another dress. We had been there for the past two and a half hours after splitting up with the guys after lunch. It was a peach strapless corset with ribbons that tied at the front while the dress hung loose, leaving a slight train. I watched almost wishing I were in her position.
"Anna how'd you know that James was it?"
She cocked her head to the side and looked at me. "What's this about?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to know. I mean you're getting married to the guy, aren't you? Aren't you afraid that you might be living with the wrong person the rest of your life? Doesn't that scare you?"
She stood in front of me elegantly and continued to watch me thoughtfully before answering. "First of all Elle there's something called a divorce and second of all I know I'd never need it because I just know."
"But how?"
"You just do." She put simply. "You just know. For me it was just this moment where I looked at him and thought, 'this is it... you're it' without even knowing what 'it' was in the first place."
"Was it that World Series kind of love?"
"Better Elle, it was the World Series, the Superbowl, the World Cup, Tour de France type thing. It was every high moment rolled in to one when everything was just... it was just. It's inexplicable. It's just... he's just..." She left in the air struggling to find a word.
I was silent for a moment before finishing. "Someone to come home to?"
She looked at me and nodded. "Yes. Exactly. Someone to come home to."
I nodded as I thought about the car ride. It definitely reiterated the fact that I wanted William Radcliffe more than I wanted apple pie at that moment, I quenched my craving for it as I suddenly had a craving for him.
"I like the dress though I think you should go white... or off white."
Anna looked down to her dress. "Yeh I think you're right."
We stayed at the boutique for another hour before James came to pick us up. Apparently Gucci had to finish some work and had gone on ahead home. We were just walking out of the boutique when I walked straight in to someone.
"I'm so sorry."
"Jeez Elle you're so clumsy." I heard Anna beside me.
The other person who I didn't know yet spoke. "It's okay, really it is. I wasn't looking where I was going."
I looked up to meet a deep set of green eyes, a carved face, chiseled cheekbones and Roman nose.
"I'm sorry again."
She smiled and nodded before looking over my shoulder her bright eyes widening. "James Carpenter is that you?"
Anna and I turned to James before his face broke in recognition. "Veronique, Veronique Carmichael?"
She nodded, her blond locks whipping over her shoulder like a shampoo advertisement. "Yes that's me. Wow how are you?"
He took a step forward as did she so they met in front of us shaking hands. Anna cleared her throat and interrupted their reunion. James turned to face her and took Anna's hand to bring her forward.
"Anna this is Veronique Carmichael, she used to go to Yale with Will and I. Veronique this is Anna Jamieson my fiancé." He said giving her a caressing look as Anna shook Veronique's hand. He then realised that I was standing there somewhat awkwardly.
"And this lady here who walked in to you is Elizabeth Bennet."
She turned to me and gave me a peculiar look as I spoke. "Yeh I know, Jane Austen."
She smiled stunningly and we shook hands. "Nice to meet both of you."
We returned the compliment as James and Veronique exchanged details and she left.
"How do you know her?" Anna asked as we walked back to his Jeep.
"We met in Yale where she did law."
"Ex-girlfriend?" Anna asked.
James grinned and shook his head. "She was a sorority girl, I was a dorm boy. She was high society."
Anna scrunched her eyebrows. "So?"
"I think it was against their rules to date us."
Anna rolled her eyes.
I sat in the back and wondered, it really was a small world and people from our past were coming back in to our lives. It got me to thinking about Charlie and where he stood. I knew he was still on the rebound and that he was Gucci's cousin. Speaking of which that man continued to plague my mind and his words continued to echo in my head.
"Someone to come home to."
I think that was the last thing I was thinking about before I went to sleep that night.
The incessant ringing of my phone woke me up, I looked towards my alarm clock and saw that it was four-thirty. I groaned and reluctantly got out of bed, then just as I had finally trudged my way to the phone it stopped ringing. I swore vehemently and started to make my way back to bed, and just as I was about to step in the phone began to ring again. It was taunting me. I clenched my eyes though found I couldn't ignore it and made my slow trek to the phone again and catching it just in time to hear my sister's voice.
"It's about time Lizzie."
I rolled my eyes. "Well what exactly would you expect Sunny? It's still dark outside."
"But this is important. I'm having a crisis Lizzie."
I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see me and collapsed on my couch. "What is it?" I asked non-too enthusiastically.
"Steve and I are having problems. The thing is I don't think it's working."
I yawned and asked. "What makes you say that?"
I let my eyes rest as she spoke. "Lizzie, we had a big fight."
"It's only a fight, Sunny."
There was a pause before she spoke. "He had an affair, Lizzie."
I suddenly woke up and managed to utter an "Oh".
"Yeh." She put simply on the other end, somewhat defeated though unwilling to give up.
"Are you okay?"
There was another pause. "I don't know Lizzie. I feel like I'm not but I want to be. The thing is I don't know why he would. It makes you question yourself as a wife, as a woman... hell I'm questioning myself as a mom."
"Don't say that. You're a good mom."
There was another one of those pauses, which I finally broke. "Steve's an ass."
"Lizzie, I need you to do me a favour."
"Sure."
"Is it okay if I drop off the kids today? Steve and I need to work out some things, and I think having the kids around would hinder us having a half decent conversation."
"Yeh, bring 'em over Sun."
When Sunny eventually came later that morning she looked like a physical and emotional wreck. The two midgets seemed to be oblivious to their mother and I drew her in a hug. But being Sunny she didn't cry. Instead when we parted she had a look of determination on her face. The kind she used to get when we were kids, like winning the semi finals when we were in the same little league team.
"I'm going to get through this."
I nodded. "I know."
"Thanks for taking care of those two today."
I nodded. "Sure thing."
When Sunny had left I sat with the midgets who were watching Sunday morning cartoons. I looked at them wondering if when I was younger I was unaware of my folks' fights and rough patches. Sunny and Steve's predicament showed me the other side of a relationship. It made me too vulnerable. The question was whether I was willing to expose myself to infidelity, falling outs, fights and all the bad things that came with all the good things.
"What do you two wanna do today?" I asked them.
Nathan and Brandon regarded me. "Where's mommy?" Nathan finally asked.
"Your mommy and daddy thought you should come visit me because I haven't seen you in a long time. Have you missed me?"
"Yeh. Why not."
I grinned. "Do you guys wanna go eat some Maccas and go to Central Park?"
The two nodded furiously.
It was a nice day, so very Spring. I always knew parenthood was a gigantic task. Spending the day with two kids could be very tiring and trying at the same time. We were walking around Central Park eating gelatos and as always whenever I was around the midgets it made me think about the possibility of my own children. The two were talking amongst themselves, I couldn't even really understand what they were saying half the time and Nathan had his thing at the moment of saying "You must be NUTS!" whenever he could. When I asked them if they wanted gelato, to my and the vendor's surprise he yelled: "YOU MUST BE NUTS!" It was cute and funny at first but sadly by the thirty-second time he said it I had the urge to buy duct tape.
"You must be NUTS!"
I rolled my eyes and looked down to Nathan who was facing his brother.
"But I not." Brandon only said.
"Look this is lemon." Nathan said as he pointed to his cone. "See?"
"Vanilla." Brandon only replied.
Their enthralling conversation was interrupted by the only voice to say my name and make my spine tingle.
"Hello Ms. Bennet."
I turned to see Gucci standing impeccably groomed with his dark scruffy hair and a girl who looked very familiar.
"Mr. Radcliffe hello." I turned to the girl. "Hi, Grace isn't it?"
She smiled and nodded. "Yes, Elizabeth Bennet."
She looked towards her brother who looked between us.
"You... you've both met before?" He asked not so much as a question addressing us but an open statement in order for him to reconcile with this fact.
"Yeh Will, that day Charlie and I were out and got the spiders. I met her then."
Gucci looked towards me although the eyes I fantasized about so often were hidden behind shades and so couldn't offer any reaction.
"You know Charlie? Charles Tanner?" He asked measured.
"Yes I do."
Then in an almost uneasy tone asked. "How?"
What exactly was he implying?
"Yes, he was a childhood friend of mine from Stickler Bay."
He stopped a moment before finally saying. "You knew him from Stickler Bay? His old home town?"
"God, Will, are your ears working?" Grace said exasperated, rolling her pretty eyes. "She just said she did. Don't worry it's not like she went out with him."
Gucci although seeming to relax turned away. Grace turned to me.
"My brother's a bonehead sometimes."
I grinned. It was bizarre hearing the William Radcliffe be described as a bonehead. Not to mention had my memory served me correctly, Gucci was "Lily" and therefore was scared of spiders. It only made me grin even more.
There was a cough and Gucci attempted to redeem himself. "So Ms. Bennet are you doing well?"
"Yes I am. You?"
"Yes we just had burritos in fact."
"YOU MUST BE NUTS!"
We were interrupted by a pipsqueak voice near my waist. I was embarassed to say I had actually forgotten about my companions. The two looked down and while I thought Gucci would be perturbed by my darling nephew's exclamation, he much to my surprise, had the most amused expression on his face.
"Who are you?" He asked crouching a little to meet the duos height, which was a difficult task in itself seeing as he was so tall. In fact crouching down like that I think he only reached my height.
"My name is Nathan Robert Jenkins."
"Hi Nathan." Gucci said and they shook hands, before he turned to the other one. "And you are?"
"Bwandon."
"Well hello there Bwandon."
Then they shook hands and he gestured to Grace. "That's Grace." Then he pointed to himself. "And I'm Will."
"You're big." Nathan observed.
"Yes I'm tall." Gucci replied standing back up towering over the small figures craning their necks up to see him.
"Sure are Big Willy." Brandon piped in.
Grace snorted and I looked down at my nephew though I don't think he knew exactly what I was trying to say with my eyes. I was embarassed, really I was and also surprised that it hadn't come out of my mouth considering my track record.
"Brandon his name is Will." I said sternly at the little boy who was oblivious to the undertone of his remark.
"That's quite okay Ms. Bennet." He said grinning somewhat fondly at the boy. "Besides, I wouldn't want to hurt the truth."
He said it with a straight face and I tried to gauge how exactly I should respond to that, Grace on the other had was looking at her brother incredulously.
"Yes, but the pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." I quoted Wilde.
It was then Gucci looked straight at me as if the three bodies with us had disappeared.
"I'm not really that complicated Ms. Bennet. Would you guys like to go for a walk?" He said it all in smooth transition not giving any indication as to what he was trying to imply. For some reason I couldn't help but wonder if there was some sort of hidden message in his statement.
"You guys up for it?" I asked the two boys, turning away from what could have been an awkward situation, which always seemed to hunt me down and make me experience them.
"You must be NUTS!"
"That's a yes then." I said.
We started to walk just in silence before Grace decided she'd go on ahead with the two boys to the ducks leaving my fantasy and I alone. I panicked then I calmed down as I realised I had actually been in many situations where I was able to have a decent, semi-humanly, normal conversation with him, and funnily enough they seemed to take place in his car.
"So are they your nephews?" He finally asked breaking the silence.
I nodded. "My sister Sunny's."
"They're charming."
I laughed. "When they don't blurt out inappropriate things."
"Must run in the family."
I couldn't help but smile, it was the second time he had called me charming. When I didn't say anything he continued to speak.
"So how well do you and Charlie know each other?"
I shrugged. "He left just before junior high. But we were close when we were younger, we played ball together. I was a bit of a tomboy."
He smiled. "A tree urchin?"
"Basically, I liked to get dirty with the boys."
"Hope you still do." He said smoothly.
Dammit, Lord give me strength!
I was about to make a quip when I noticed the playfulness in his face changed to a tense frown. He was looking pass me though I didn't want to look over my shoulder and look nosey even though I was curious as hell to figure out what it was that made him change his mood. Then he looked down to me and gave me an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry Ms. Bennet but it's getting late and I should take Grace back to the boarding house."
"Oh okay." I wondered at the sudden abruptness in what seemed to be a quick escape.
"It was nice meeting you this afternoon Shorty."
But he turned around before I could respond. In fact I was immobile when I heard that name come from his lips I could almost taste it as he said it so clandestinely. I was staring after his back as he got to Grace who looked up. I started walking as the two boys made their way to me. Brother and sister waved before they walked off.
"You guys wanna head off home, too?" I asked Nathan and Brandon.
They yawned and nodded only to be surprised with another chance meeting.
"Elizabeth Bennet?"
I turned around and was met with designer cotton and spandex snugly fitted on a long, slender body.
"Veronique. James' friend?"
She smiled ethereally and nodded. "Hello are you here with your kids?"
I shook my head. "My nephews."
"Oh." She looked down to the two flanking me. "Hello." She told them.
They only waved and yawned.
"They're adorable."
I grinned. "So, fancy bumping in to you here... this time not literally."
She smiled again. "Oh I've actually been jogging, but I saw you here and thought I'd say hello. Have you been here long?"
"Yeh but I think these two are tired."
She nodded before a serious look came across her pretty face. "Actually I didn't just come to say hello to you."
I scrunched my eyebrows. "Oh."
"I saw you walking with William Radcliffe. How well do you know him?'
I shrugged getting a stupid grin on my face. "Since the start of the year... sort of, it's complicated."
She nodded. "Well I though if there was anything romantic going on-"
I cut her off before she could continue. "Oh no, no, no, no. I just work for him and his best friend is marrying my best friend."
"James and Anna?"
I nodded. "Yeh."
"I see."
There was a pause as I tried to figure out what it was she was getting to. She got a distressed look on her face, and she looked almost reluctant.
"The truth is Elizabeth I like you and I think you should know something about William Radcliffe."
"What's that?"
"I saw the way you two were walking together, and the thing is I also saw something that could develop and I think I should warn you about him before it does and you've fallen in too deeply to see."
"Why?" I asked suddenly very intrigued.
"William Radcliffe doesn't have very decent relationship ethics."
I looked a little skeptically at her as she continued.
"I know you might not believe me but, he was with a girl for quite a long time and... well, the truth is she was in love with him and he threw it all away when she came home one night and found him and her best friend together. He had been trying to get at her best friend and was using her. He... he toys with emotions. He thinks people, especially women, are dispensable and therefore unimportant so he thinks it's okay to play this little game for his own benefit, it's almost like a conquest. He's an arrogant snob. I'm just warning you to be careful."
I was reeling, my hands went numb and it wasn't just because of the boys gripping on to them on either side of me. It made me question everything about him. It made sense, but then it didn't... and then it did. It was confusing, I knew Will although I didn't know him well enough to make a judgment on his character in a relationship. I was silent and she continued.
"Why do you think he left so suddenly? He saw me walking towards you." She shook her head. "He knows that it would've been awkward with me there. He wouldn't be able to weasel out of it."
"How do you know all this? Why would it be awkward? Why would he need to weasel out of something?" I asked in succession knowing that my voice was shaky unable to comprehend the magnitude of her accusation.
I hardly knew this woman and yet why exactly was it that there was this voice at the back of my head telling me to be wary both of her and Will? I wasn't stupid and I wasn't planning on looking like the fool in front of anyone. It seemed to make sense that he would leave so suddenly, not to mention the dramatic change in facial expression and I couldn't think of any other explanation knowing that to drop Grace at the boarding house seemed a little weak.
She looked at me almost painfully, and looked down. There was a pause before she looked me in the face again before dropping a ton of feathers on my head.
"I used to go out with him."