A Lizzy Amnesia Story
Posted on Thursday, 19 January 2006
*CLONK*
... silence ...
Lizzy: "Where am I? What happened."
Mrs. Reynolds: "At Pemberley, ma'am. You fell and hit your head against this statue there."
Lizzy: "The one with the big ... posterior?"
Mrs. Reynolds: "Yes."
Lizzy: "Oh."
... silence ...
Lizzy: "Where's my husband?"
Mrs. Reynolds: "Who?"
Mr. Darcy: "Mrs. Reynolds, what is the matter?"
Lizzy: "FITZWILLIAMMMMMM!" *flings self into his arms*
Mr. Darcy: "Uhm..."
Mrs. Reynolds: "She fell and hit her head against the statue of your great-great grandfather Darcy, the judge."
Mr. Darcy: "The one with the big posterior?"
Mrs. Reynolds: "Yes."
Mr. Darcy: "Oh."
Lizzy: "She pretended to not know that you are my husband."
Mr. Darcy: *is stunned*
Mrs. Reynolds: *stares*
Lizzy: *kisses Darcy*
Mr. Darcy: *even more stunned*
Lizzy: *looks up; slowly her features take on a look of mortification*
Mr. Darcy: *still stunned*
Lizzy: "Oh, forgive me, Mr. Darcy. I do not know what came over me. I'm so sorry."
Mr. Darcy: "There's nothing to forgive, Miss Bennet. You were not yourself."
Mr. Darcy: *takes up statue from nearby table; speculatingly weighs statue in hand*
*CLONK*
... silence ...
Lizzy: "Where am I? What happened?"
Mr. Darcy: "You're at home, dear. You fell and hit your head against that statue there."
An Anne Amnesia Story
Anne: *falls off the Cobb*
Benwick: "Good God! Her mother and her father!"
Charles: "Her mother is dead and her father doesn't give a farthing about her."
Mary: *in hysterics*
Henrietta: *in hysterics*
Louisa: "I wanted to be jumped down. Who'll catch me now?"
Louisa: *reconsiders* ... *in hysterics*
Wentworth: *holds Anne close*
...blah, blah, panic, let's fast forward a bit >>
Anne: "Where am I? What happened?"
Wentworth: "You fell and hit your head. Are you alright?"
Anne: "I'm fine, Frederick. Please, do not distress yourself on my account."
others: *stare*
Anne: "Pardon?"
Wentworth: "You called me by my Christian name."
Anne: "As your wife I occasionally do that."
Wentworth: "As... my... wife..."
others: *stunned*
Wentworth: "As my wife..."
others: *stumped*
Wentworth: "As my wife..."
others: *completely at a lack for words*
Wentworth: *grins like a moonstruck calf*
Louisa: "But, Anne-"
Wentworth: *interrupts* "Yes, my wife. Exactly. Married these eight years."
Charles: "But, Captain..."
Wentworth: "Carpe Diem, Charles."
Anne: *looks up; slowly her features take on a look of mortification*
Anne: "Oh, forgive me, Captain. I do not know what came over me. I am so sorry."
Wentworth: *gallantly* "If you prefer to have amnesia, I can shove you off the Cobb again. On the other hand, you could marry me for real."
Anne: "I take door 2."
Wentworth: "Deal."
A Wickham Amnesia Story
Wickham: "Where am I? What happened?"
Lydia: "You're at home. You passed out from too much drink. La, happens all the time."
Lydia: *titters*
Wickham: *groans in pain*
A Mrs. Bennet Amnesia Story
Mr. Bennet: "Mr. Darcy has asked for Lizzy's hand in marriage - and been accepted."
Mrs. Bennet: "10.000 Pounds a year!" *faints*
Mr. Bennet: "er..."
... silence ...
Mrs. Bennet: "Where am I? What happened?"
Mr. Bennet: "You fainted when I told you the good news of Lizzy's engagement."
Mrs. Bennet: "Did I? ... Engagement? Well, congratulations."
... silence ...
Mrs. Bennet: "Who am I?"
Mr. Bennet: "Do you mean you don't remember? Not one bit?"
Mrs. Bennet: *shakes head*
Mr. Bennet: "Truly? Nothing?"
Mrs. Bennet: "No, not a thing."
Mr. Bennet: *thinks hard*
Mr. Bennet: "You're my wife - a well-informed, refined woman who takes great pleasure in reading and is above reproach in every social situation."
Mrs. Bennet: "Oh."
... silence ...
Mrs. Bennet: *titters*
Mr. Bennet: "Ah, it was too good to be true." *sighs*
A Mrs. Bennet and Mr. Darcy Amnesia Story
Mrs. Bennet: "Hill, my smelling salts! HILL!"
Hill: *accidentally overdoses*
Mrs. Bennet: *faints*
Hill: "Ma'am? ... Ma'am? ... That junkie! Fell asleep."
Hill: *leaves room*
... silence ...
Mrs. Bennet: "Where am I? What happened?"
... silence ...
Mrs. Bennet: "Oh! I must make haste. The assembly in Meryton..."
Mrs. Bennet: *makes haste*
Bingley: "Come, Darcy. I must have you dance!"
Darcy: "Go away. I'm emo."
Bingley: *swirls away in the arms of a beautiful lady (that is not Jane)*
Darcy: *grumpy*
Mrs. Bennet: *enters room, sees Darcy, is stunned*
Mr. Bennet: "Ah, my dear wife, you've come after all. Hill told me you'd be indisposed this evening."
Mrs. Bennet: "I'm sorry, Sir. Do I know you?"
Mr. Bennet: "Pardon? Yes, you do. I'm your husband."
Mrs. Bennet: *titters* "What a fine joke, Sir. I almost believed it."
Mr. Bennet: *perplexed but secretly amused*
Mrs. Bennet: *hightails it over to Darcy*
Mr. Darcy: *tries to avoid the steamroller that is Mrs. Bennet*
Mr. Bennet: *watches in open amusement from afar*
Mrs. Bennet: *corners Darcy*
Mr. Darcy: "Madame, I beg you-" *looks into Mrs. Bennet's eyes*
*THUNDERCLAP*
Mr. Darcy: *instant amnesia* (*and a brain malfunction of the highest order*)
Mr. Darcy: "These are the finest eyes I've ever seen. Please, Ma'am, excuse my ungentlemanly behaviour but allow me to introduce myself. I'm Fitzwilliam Darcy whom you have bewitched with your eyes."
Mr. Bennet: *starts laughing uncontrollably*
Mrs. Bennet: *blushes* "I'm Elizabeth Gardiner who is bewitched by your everything."
Mr. Darcy: "Elizabeth... what a pretty name. Will you marry me?"
Mrs. Bennet Ms. Gardiner: "Oh, yes, I'd love to."
Mr. Darcy: "My dearest, lovliest Elizabeth, I happen to have a Special License. Let's marry this minute."
Mr. Bennet: *dies from laughing*
Mr. Darcy & Ms Gardiner: *marry this minute*
Lizzy: *adds drama* "Papaaaaaaaaa! Nooooooooooooooo!"
Mr. Collins: "Longbourn is mine! MINE! Triumph! Mwuahahahahahaha! Charlotte, go count the silver."
Mr. Collins: *throws the Bennet girls out of Longbourn*
the Bennets: *sleep the rest of their lives in the hedgerows*
Mr. & Mrs. Darcy: *live happily ever after at Pemberley*
Mr. Collins: "Mwuahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"
Someone stop me please.