Jump to new as of December 5, 2006
Posted on Tuesday, 28 November 2006
“If anyone can do it, it will be you and me. Lizzy you saw all the legal documents yourself. There is no way out. My uncle saw to that.”
“Yes, everything is laid out very clearly.”
Gently, he pressed her hand, “But our love for each other, our mutual trust *will* carry us through this. It hurts me to put you through this dearest, darlingest Elizabeth.”
“You did warn me right from the beginning William. I am ready. I will not falter. Its only one year in our whole lifetime together.”
“That’s my Lizzy.”
She smiled at that. Then turned thoughtful again.
“Have you thought of how to proceed? Hertfordshire is not in your usual path. Your uncle & cousins will suspect something amiss right away.”
“I am going to make use of my friend Bingley. You have heard me talk of him, have you not? Of course he does not know of this. Really Elizabeth you do understand that absolutely no one should know of this?”
“Yes, I do. I am well aware of the risk. And I am glad your aunt is the only person who will know. She seems like a nice lady.”
“Yes, she is very nice & loving. Her love for me knows no bound. You know my dear, I abhor deceit of any kind. And from now on, for almost one year that is all I have to be. Deceitful!” He sighed. “But duty to my family and these ridiculous legal documents bound me to do that.”
Both of them were quiet for a little while.
Then he spoke, resigned to his fate, “OK then, let the charade begin.”
Elizabeth said “I return home tomorrow. I will look for your arrival in the next few weeks.”
They kissed, hugged and finally parted ways.
Elizabeth returned to her Uncle and Aunts residence on Gracechurch Street. On the morrow her Uncle’s coach was to take her back to Longbourne.
A week went by. I was having breakfast with my family. Breakfast, as usual was a boisterous affair.
My father observed me looking at my younger sisters and said, “So Lizzy, you see nothing has changed in this household since your leaving us.”
My mother glanced at me & couldn’t help saying “And nothing has changed with you too Lizzy. I was hoping you would come home at least engaged. You spent five months in London mixing in society and have nothing to show for it.”
“But mother I did not mix with the fashionable society really. I was helping aunt Gardiner with all her charitable work.”
“And don’t all the great ladies of the ton also involve themselves in this work? If you had exerted yourselves you could have met their sons or brothers or nephews for sure. But no, here you are, single as ever,” Mrs. Bennet sighed.
Then remembering something she suddenly brightened and exclaimed,
“But my dears I have some excellent news. Netherfield Park is let at last. It's leased by a Mr. Bingley. He has Five Thousand a year. That is such a fine thing for all of you girls.”
I was startled as I absorbed this information. That was quick. William will be here soon. I will get to meet him soon. I smiled. I knew we were not supposed to know each other. In fact we were to…. Before I let my mind wander, my mother called us all out to join her on a shopping expedition to Meryton.
We did not see anyone from the Bingley party until the assembly night. I dressed with care knowing that William would be there.
How will we react when introduced? I am sure we will dance at least. There may be a few private glances, some shared smiles, some looks to reassure each other….. perhaps a touch here and there while we danced in public? I sighed; I couldn’t wait to see him.
And when I did, I was totally confused and shocked. He actually looked through me. As if I did not even exist! Oh for shame!! But I was a gentlewoman, I was not likely to show my hurt. My face remained expressionless. Mr. Bingley came and introduced himself. He asked to dance with Jane. My mother introduced all of her daughters to Mr. Bingley & William. At last we were formally introduced.
I danced away with officers and other men in the room. Once as I was sitting quietly I observed William looking at me. As if he was trying to tell me something. Along came Mr. Bingley and asked him to actually dance with me! Here was an opening he could take, thought I. But…
“She is tolerable enough…” And he actually refused to dance with me.
I looked at him in the eye. I knew he had played his role & now it was my turn. I went to Charlotte almost immediately. And told what I had heard playfully. We had a good time laughing at him!! At home, my mother was angry, my father slightly less so. And soon the whole neighborhood thought him to be proud and arrogant.
At least a part of his/our plan had succeeded.
But I knew within my heart that he wouldn’t stay away too much from me. How shall we meet without being found? The solution came very simply. On one of the parties at Lucas Lodge, I mentioned in passing how I like long walks early in the morning.
After about the fourth day, William accosted me on my walk.
“Miss Elizabeth”, he made a formal bow.
I looked around cautiously and then ran into his arms, kissing him. He was alarmed and pleased at the same time.
“Oho, Lizzy. Not so fast. Someone may see us.”
“In Shadow Wood? At this time of the hour? William, honestly no one but the birds will.”
After a little while of sitting near each other contentedly I said, “So I am just tolerable, eh?”
He looked ashamed of himself, “I can not be too careful. No one should suspect.”
“In fact now everyone including my family thinks I abhor you.”
“That good, eh? Excellent. Excellent.”
“But William, when the time comes…?”
“I will explain everything to your father. He seems like a very genial person. Your uncle, Mr. Gardiner can even go over the legal papers if he wants. It's still far far away. Don’t worry love.”
“I wish I could spend some more time with you.”
“So do I. How do you like Bingley’s sisters? Any chance of you visiting them?”
“No way. Honestly William, what will you think of me if I had such friends.”
He grinned at me. His boyish grin always made my heart miss a beat. “I agree with you there. I tolerate them only for Charles’ sake. I will have to think of something else perhaps.”
“William, you met my family…how did you…I had warned you in town but actually meeting them…”
“Elizabeth. I told you in town – I love you irrespective of your family. And you haven’t met some of my family members. They are worse. Think of what my own uncle did to me in those legal papers….I told you my dear I will come to like your family because they will be mine too someday.” I kissed him more soundly than ever. I loved him more for saying that.
“Do you know what Wickham has been saying, my love?” I asked soon after.
“Yes, I heard it all. He is a liar and a cheat. Both of us know that. But in this case he is actually helping my cause. Now people here hate me more than ever. No one would suspect anything…”
I agreed silently although George Wickham was getting on my nerves.
It was soon time to go home. I asked him when we could meet again in the woods.
“Not for the next 2-3 days at least. I don’t want to do anything circumspect. Let us limit these times to twice a week.”
I knew he was right. I sighed and agreed. Soon, we parted our ways.
And behold, before I knew it I was staying at Netherfield! I learnt later that William had encouraged Miss Bingley to call Jane over. Of course he didn’t know Jane would be sick. And that I would be walking all the way there.
Oh boy! Those 2 days were glorious … We would meet quietly in the library for delicious half hours when Jane was asleep. We couldn’t walk on the grounds together but we arranged to meet at the Billiards table for quick games…
And what fun we had at Caroline’s expense…William making all those comments about an accomplished woman. And I increasing his mirth by saying I had never seen such a woman! By the end of the third day however, I thought Caroline may soon start suspecting something. Jane was better so we returned home.
We couldn’t meet again until the Netherfield ball – it was raining continuously so walking to Shadow Woods was out of question. However the event I was dreading was soon near.
During our dance William told me that he would go back to town on the morrow.
“Leave, so soon?”
“Its time now. Do you realize those weeks have passed. Did you arrange with your uncle and aunt?”
“Yes. They are to take a tour of the lakes in the summer. That is so far away Wil..Mr. Darcy”
“Something will come up before that. I see the toad is behaving badly towards you. I worry that he will ask for your hand.”
“The toad? Mr. Collins?” I smiled, “Don’t worry about him. No one will make me say yes to him….toad indeed!”
Our dance was interrupted by Sir Lucas. He looked at Jane and Bingley and talked of a certain event!
William looked shocked. Soon after Sir Lucas left he said, “Now that is something I had never anticipated. Bingley falling for one of your charming sisters.”
“I have only one sister who can be described as charming. And she is in love with him.”
“But Lizzy, you see we cannot let this happen now. It will immediately lead to rumors about both of us. Me being his particular friend and you being her sister.”
“William, you are not to intervene in their matter. They love each other. We should not let our plans disturb theirs. If they have plans that is.”
He looked skeptical. “Lizzy, the only reason I brought him here was so that I could go with my plans. I cannot let him ruin mine.”
“But you are willing to ruin my sisters happiness for your end? I will not tolerate it.”
The dance ended. Both of us went our separate ways, each dissatisfied within. Our quarrel though short in nature was not resolved.
Soon the whole Bingley family left Netherfield. I read Caroline’s letter to Jane. Had William suggested bringing Georgiana’s name into this? No, he wouldn’t do that. Both of us knew Georgiana’s current state of mind. It must be Caroline’s invention. But still the fact that William, who knew that Jane loved Charles, did not do anything about it angered me.
William
The needed weeks of stay in Hertfordshire was over. I returned to London. All the time my mind was thinking about Elizabeth and how to get to meet her.
I knew I would see her in summer, but what of the many months before then?
Looking back, I admit I was ashamed to say those words “She is tolerable enough.” But I had my motive. Of course I had counted days and thought about dearest Elizabeth for endless hours. Of course I looked forward to meeting her. But at the same time I wanted to raise no expectations. I wanted to be totally convincing, no one should guess that we were even acquainted!
I am glad she carried on in the fashion I started. I was glad to see whole of Meryton not liking me. No one would now ever link me to any of the neighborhood girls.
Those few weeks I literally lived for the days when I could meet Lizzy in the Shadow Wood. I cherished every word spoken, every touch, every breath we took during that time. At Netherfield I tolerated all Caroline’s nonsense, even when she abused Elizabeth to my face. But even I had a limit to my patience. I did stop her once mid sentence to relate how fine I find Elizabeth’s eyes. Soon however I saw the wisdom of not doing anything similar. Soon I was on Caroline’s side stating how the Bennet girls didn’t have good enough relations. I hoped that would keep her off the trail.
I was thinking about Elizabeth in London one day, when the news reached me that the toad, Mr. Collins had married the eldest Ms Lucas. The eldest Ms Lucas, who was a particular friend of Lizzy. Dare I hope something? Something about Rosings?
I wrote a short note to Aunt Cathy. She had promised to help after all. I received a message within a very short while. Aunt was indeed helping me. Before Easter I would meet Elizabeth. I was thrilled to bits!
Posted on Tuesday, 5 December 2006
Elizabeth
Rosings was impressive. If Rosings was so big, how would Pemberley be? I was overwhelmed by the prospect of being mistress of a big estate. We met Lady Catherine at dinner. She surprised me for one whole minute. She was extremely rude to me and insensitive of my feelings.
Was this woman really William’s favorite aunt? Why is she behaving so with me? She is being as bad as William was, when he was in Hertfordshire…wait, is she doing this so…? Of course that is what it is. How could I have missed the clues ?
After I had pulled my thoughts together I attended to her ladyship. She asked about me and my family minutely. Once in a while she threw a comment here and there to the Collinses. That was enough to not have them suspect anything.
Dinner was announced. In the bustle of everyone getting up to go to the dining room, she turned to me quickly and gave me a very sincere, gentle smile.
Then she said quietly, “Miss Elizabeth Bennet, I approve of you...” she broke her sentence and adjusted a pillow on the sofa, then said, “of your gown.”
I hid a smile. I got the message. We were allies after all.
On our way home, Mr. Collins happily said to me, “You see cousin Elizabeth, Lady Catherine likes your gown. I did tell you to put on the best you had. She likes the distinction of rank preserved.”
Charlotte, who was attentive to all our conversation now said, “She made minute enquiries after you, Lizzy.”
“Yes, I think that is because I am cousin to Mr. Collins.”
Mr Collins preened, “Yes, yes, that is the very reason. Her ladyship has been very attentive and kind to me and all my concerns.”
Sooner than I thought possible, we had news of William arriving with a cousin. Mr Collins came running through the fields to tell us the news, “Run, run my dear. They are coming to call on us this very minute.”
Charlotte turned to me & said, “This must be your doing Lizzy. Mr. Darcy wouldn’t have called on me on the very first day if it weren’t for you.”
My heart skipped a beat. How much had she guessed?
“Oh no, Charlotte. I cannot claim such a thing. You perfectly well know my feelings for him.”
Charlotte didn’t have time to reply. But I saw her observing our cold greeting with interest.
William then introduced his cousin, “This is my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam.”
The name told me all. I masked my surprise by a welcoming smile. The Colonel was almost handsome, and had very pleasing manners. He made a sharp contrast to William who had turned broody. The real test will begin now. The Colonel is that very uncle’s son. We have to convince him of our indifference.
The days at Kent passed pleasantly enough. William knew my love of walking and once my favorite grove was identified, he met me there quite often. His cousin however, did not like walking too much.
On one of our first walks together I asked him about Mr. Bingley.
“His sisters are against the match. We followed him to town from Netherfield because his sisters want to keep him in town.”
“But Jane is in town too. And she visited his sisters. Could he be really ignorant of the visit?” I looked at him in the eye as I spoke. He looked somewhat ashamed.
“I do not know what his sisters tell him. Elizabeth, are you sure Miss Bennet really loves him? I myself I have never seen her animated by his attentions.”
I was too cross to reply immediately. After a while I said, “But Jane is always collected and serene. HE must know how much she loves him, they were together quite often.”
“I seriously doubt if he knows that,” said William.
Presently he turned the conversation to Georgiana and how much she liked Mrs. Annesley. I, who wanted to know more about Georgiana, questioned him minutely and Jane and Bingley were forgotten for a while.
That night, as I lay in my bed, I pondered over Jane.
Perhaps she was a quiet girl – too quiet for a man to find out her feelings. As soon as my engagement is out in the open, I will make sure Jane and Bingley get to spend more time with each other.
We were not invited many times to the great house. Lady Catherine did not want us to be exposed to the Colonel too many times. She did not want him to form any suspicions. I was pretty sure he did not have any.
On one visit there, her ladyship asked me to play the piano. She made many references to my inferior playing…The Colonel, perhaps to escape from her, came by my side and helped turn the pages. In between, we chatted pleasantly. I made it a point to tell him how rude Mr. Darcy’s behavior was in Hertfordshire and what everyone thought of him.
He laughed heartily and agreed that his cousin did behave strange in public.
On that visit, her ladyship actually gave us permission to use Mrs. Jenkinsons room – of course under cover of my piano practice. William did not like the idea too much and we continued to meet in the park.
William kept postponing his departure from Kent. I did not comment on it, I loved to have him near by…to meet him on my walks everyday…
One morning, however, instead of William, Colonel Fitzwilliam accosted me.
“I am on my yearly tour of Rosings park,” said he.
We bantered with each other good naturedly…about the militia, about his being able to marry “only with girls of fortune” as he was a second son and about Georgiana.
Suddenly we were talking of Bingley. He said, “Fitzwilliam did not take any names, but I think he was talking of Bingley and his love.”
I showed mild interest in my looks but did not speak. He continued, “He congratulated himself for stopping a proposal from Bingley to a lady.”
“Mr Darcy did? Why?”
“I do not know the details, but there were some strong objections to the lady in question. She was a gentleman’s daughter, but it seems there were other objections.”
I was all ears. “And what arts did he use to separate them?”
“I am not sure, but I think his sisters helped him.”
Here he made a face and turned to me, “What is your opinion of Miss Bingley, Miss Elizabeth?”
“I do not know her well, Colonel. But I suspect my opinion is same as yours.”
He smiled at that and said, “If Miss Bingley did not like the lady, then the lady must be a real genteel woman.”
I gave my reply in a tolerably disengaged tone, “Perhaps. But not enough for the brother to overrule his sisters and his friend. Or perhaps there was not much love on either side.”
“That is not an unnatural surmise, although it decreases my cousin's and his sister's triumph.”
I agreed to that and presently changed the subject.
That evening we were supposed to dine with her ladyship. I declined to go, much to Mr. Collin’s dismay. Mrs. Collins however saw that I was unwell and convinced her husband to leave without me.
Too soon, William was shown in. He had left his aunts table as soon as he heard I was at home.
“Elizabeth, you are unwell? Shall I call a doctor?”
I refused to meet his concerned eyes. “No, just a headache. I will be fine soon.”
We sat in stony silence for one whole minute. “Elizabeth, are you angry with me? Have I done something to displease you, my love?”
I looked up at him, “Mr. Darcy, I would dearly like to know what role you played in separating my dear sister from Mr. Bingley.”
“Have we not discussed it already Lizzy? Surely you cannot be angry at me now?”
“I have just learned that not only did you help his sisters separate them, you actually boast about it in public.”
“What is it you mean?” he cried.
“Tell me your exact role…did you convince him that she did not love him?”
“He asked me a few questions, I answered them to the best of my ability.”
“Questions about our connections? Questions about how unsuitable we are to be connected to the Bingleys?”
“Yes, he asked those questions too. And there I did state clearly that whatever her connections, she herself is beyond reproach. And truly speaking, she is above him, being a gentleman’s daughter.”
I fixed my eyes on him. “Did you really say that?”
He nodded.
“And what else did he ask you?”
“He asked my honest opinion on whether I thought she loved him.”
“And your reply was?”
William hesitated for a little while. Finally he looked at me and said, “I am sorry Lizzy. I gave him *my* opinion that she did not quite look like a woman in love.”
“What? You said what, Fitzwilliam Darcy? How dare you – your opinion indeed. When I had spelled it out for you that she is really in love with him.”
“You had. But did she appear to me as if she was in love with my friend? No, not at all.” He was stubborn and I was really angry.
“Tell me, your plan was nowhere in your mind when you said that.”
He did not reply. I persisted.
“Tell me that if you did not have this unfortunate concealment, you would have told him my opinion.”
“Err…Lizzy yes, I would have told him that you thought Miss Bennet loved him. But Lizzy, I could not reveal that, could I?”
“So, I was right. YOU did this to meet your own purpose. You cared not for the feelings of my sister or your friend. What kind of friend are you?”
“You don’t seem to understand. We stood to lose each other, if anyone…if my uncle…if we did not follow the rules set out in the document. It was risky to have them be together right now.”
“We could have explained. Told them to keep it quiet.”
“What--do you really think an engagement between Miss Bennet and Bingley be quiet? Your mother would have had it all over Meryton in about 2 hours.”
I conceded him that, but “…what has that got to do with us? We could still have had our secret yet let them had their happiness…”
“No, no. Her being your sister and my being his friend…I could not take any chances. Also if Bingley’s love is indeed strong enough, it will stand this test of time for a few more months.”
“William, I completely disagree with you. You have no idea how sad Jane is, how the last few weeks have passed for her…and all because of you, all because of our secret engagement…Oh Jane,” I started to cry softly, “will you ever forgive me?”
William came closer, he held my hand, “Lizzy, please don’t cry. I cannot stand your tears. Please love. Everything will be alright. I have seen Bingley in and out of love. If he is serious this time, he will still love your sister in a few more months…”
“Please leave me alone. Please. I need some time to think everything over.”
He sat by me, and said, “I have also come to say goodbye. We leave tomorrow. My solicitors sent me a letter, my presence is needed in town.”
I looked at him through my tears. At that moment I cared not if he was leaving forever.
“I will see you in Derbyshire Lizzy, just as we had planned.” I didn’t reply. He kissed my hand, bowed and left me to my tears.