Posted on 2008-10-11

"MUD-SE-UM?!?!" Caroline Bingley half questioned and half exclaimed in astonishment. "These people need some new sign painters, or at least a basic English course!"

"No, that's what it says," Georgiana Darcy concluded after a more careful examination of the sign. " Mouseio tis Laspis , that definitely means Museum of Mud, but it makes sense, considering that Meritona is known for the healing properties of its mud. British explorers wrote about it since the 18th century." She then turned to her brother and smiled. "Thank you, William, for bringing us here. This is just what I need for my Alternative Medicine course!"

The expression on William Darcy's face was nowhere near as enthusiastic as that of his sister, "Well, you told me it interested you, and it wasn't too far out of our way. I just hope it's not a waste of time."

"A waste of time, Darcy?" Charles Bingley was incredulous. "This museum was one of the projects that the Fitzwilliam and Darcy Foundation financed, I remember. There must be something positive about it."

"Richard must have approved this one, I dare say," William replied. "As long as a project proves itself to be financially viable and contributes to local employment, that's all that matters, really."

"Personally, I'd rather have stayed at the taverna in the village. The guidebook said it's the best fish and game restaurant in the entire province. A museum about mud -- now that's a damned tedious waste of an afternoon!" Charles and Caroline's brother-in-law interjected.

"Herman Hurst, you only think about your stomach," was Caroline's comment.

"That's not true, Caroline," he replied. "I also think about everyone else's. Otherwise what kind of gastroenterologist would I be? Right, Louisa?" He said, taking his wife's hand.

"Right, Herman," Louisa said with a small smile. "And Caroline, what about those mud packs you put on your face every morning? They have to come from somewhere, don't they?"

"Well, I suppose so..." Caroline said, "And after all, if dear William's foundation financed them..."

"Why don't we just open the gate and find out?" William said, obviously losing patience with the repartee around him. Charles opened the wrought iron gate and the rest of the group walked into a courtyard filled with colorful flowers that surrounded a gray stone building with arched windows and wooden balconies. An open wooden door, with a tall ceramic vase on each side of it, marked the entrance.

Once the six were inside, a young lady with blondish brown hair wearing a dark green dress greeted them with a bright smile. "Good afternoon, and welcome to the Museum of Mud. My name is Yanna Veneti and I'll be guiding you on your visit here. Our director, Dr. Vasilis Loukas, is out of town at a conference." Her English was only slightly accented. "Actually, before we start, would you like to have a cup of coffee and some traditional Greek pastries?"

"Pastries!" said Dr. Hurst with an enthusiastic nod, "Now that's what I call real Greek hospitality!"

"Is it true that there's always some mud at the bottom of Greek coffee?" Louisa asked Georgiana in a whisper.

"Coffee grounds, not mud, Louisa," Georgiana said. "But if you prefer, you can always have a frappé. That's what I had every afternoon when I was studying in Thessaloniki on an exchange program."

Charles, to everyone's surprise, said nothing at all. Everyone's surprise immediately disappeared once they all noticed that he was looking at the museum guide with a smile on his face.

"Miss Veneti," he eventually managed, "I'm very pleased that we came here and I'm looking forward to seeing everything that this museum has to offer."

"Yanna, please," she corrected him.

"Then you can call me Charles," he said and held out his hand to her. She smiled, took his hand briefly, and then led the group next door, where a series of wooden tables was filled with an immense variety of cookies and syrupy and creamy sweets. "Just help yourselves to the sweets," she said in a musical voice, and please tell me what kind of coffee you prefer."

Darcy wanted a cappuccino, but the guide's politeness made him thoughtful enough to ask whether it wasn't too much trouble. Caroline had no such qualms and listed her specifications as to how thick the head of steamed milk should be, how much space should be left in the cup, and "I don't suppose you have brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a place like this, do you?" Charles apologized obliquely for his sister's demands and said that whatever Yanna's favorite kind of coffee was, he would be happy to try it. Louisa had a frappe, while Georgiana asked for a cup of Greek coffee. Hurst wanted to try a few pastries first before choosing a type of coffee, or, as things turned out, before forgetting to ask for one. Yanna's favorite was a cup of flavored filter coffee with some whipped cream on top. Not surprisingly, Charles' reaction was "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (exactly 17 m's are required to prove the extent of his pleasure, while Dr. Hurst's pleasure with the pastries rated 26 of them, but my fingers would have gotten tired of hitting the "m" key), this tastes wonderful! Thank you very much, Yanna."

After about twenty minutes, when everyone had enjoyed their coffee and Hurst had made at least five pastries disappear, the group proceeded to the main part of the museum. Yanna began to explain about how in antiquity, especially Hellenistic and Roman times, the earth from the island of Lemnos was reputed to be able to cure various ailments and was even used as a primitive type of fertilizer by spreading it on cropland. She continued with the history of mud baths and the use of mud as a cosmetic, mentioning the chemical properties and content of the mud in question that allowed it to be used this way. However, when she began to explain the history of the mud of Meritona, an unexpected event occurred. Charles had come rather close to listen to her, in fact, close enough to smell her perfume, but then worried that maybe he had come too close and she might consider him forward. In order not to seem forward, he moved slightly backward, and then suddenly downward as he slipped and lost his balance. He threw his arms out to find a way to steady himself, but one hand hit the floor and the other one took hold of Yanna's ankle.

"Charles, are you all right?" Yanna and Georgiana both said at the same time. With a red face and a sheepish grin, he assured them that he was, but he moved his hand rather slowly from around Yanna's foot. After all, he had a very enticing close-up view of her legs. Charles stood up sloooooooooowly and carefully and apologized for the embarrassment (being sorry for touching Yanna's foot was implied, but probably not completely meant).

Once Charles was completely vertical and his face had returned to its normal color, William decided, like all good executives, to change the subject. "You speak English very well, Yanna," he said to their guide (who had also blushed, less intensely than Charles, but for about twenty seconds longer).

"We have our grandmother to thank for that," Yanna said, "she's from Hertfordshire and used to read British novels to us when we were children. That's why we're always happy to have British visitors here at the museum." This last sentence was accompanied by a shy smile at Charles.

"So you have brothers and sisters?" Georgiana asked. William felt pleased to see his sister, who was usually shy with anyone besides her family and close friends, eagerly making a new acquaintance. She must finally be getting over what happened to her, he thought.

"No brothers, but four sisters," Yanna said, "I'm the first, and then there are Lisa - that's short for Elisavet or Elizabeth -- Maria, Katerina, and Lydia. Lisa studied chemistry in England, at the University of York."

"That's wonderful," said Charles, "My sisters and I are from Yorkshire."

"But we live in London," Caroline quickly added. "William and Georgiana are from Derbyshire, which is the most beautiful part of the country. We've all been great friends ever since we became neighbours in the city."

"Lisa also works here, but she's out doing field research today," Yanna said. "She takes soil samples from various locations and then analyzes them here. We're trying to find out if there are some other locations where the soil could have therapeutic properties in one way or another. She also likes hiking and mountain climbing. She'll probably be six inches deep in mud when she comes back!" Caroline and Louisa frowned at hearing this, but William merely had the impression that this was something he had heard before sometime. He liked athletic women, though.

"Yanna, do you mind if I ask you an absolute ton of questions?" Georgiana said. "I'm studying alternative medicine and my brother brought us here because I was really interested."

"Please, ask me whatever you'd like," Yanna said gently.

"Oh, wonderful!" William hadn't ever seen his sister this enthusiastic, except for when he bought her a pet rabbit for her birthday when she was ten.

While Yanna and Georgiana were engaged in their discussion, everyone else looked around at the various exhibits and information.

"Yanna, would you like to have dinner with us?" Charles asked. At the mention of dinner, Herman's ears immediately perked up. Maybe they would go to the taverna!

"That's a great idea, Charles," he said, "we should reward the lady for her kindness by taking her to O Kipos ton Angelon !"

"You pronounced that very well," Yanna said. Herman assured her that he liked to read guidebooks, and always liked to be able to pronounce the name of the places where he ate.

"And you could bring your sisters too if you'd like!" Georgiana chimed in. "If they're as friendly as you are, William and I would be happy to meet them."

Caroline turned bright red at the idea that HER William might enjoy meeting a woman besides herself. William, who did not consider himself Caroline's property or boyfriend or anything remotely like that, was maybe not as enthusiastic as his sister, but he was happy to see her happy, and Yanna was in fact rather friendly, and he might be able to talk with the sister who liked hiking, since this was a favorite pastime of his as well. Yanna tried to protest that the invitation was too kind and generous and she hadn't done anything to deserve it because she was just doing her job, but Charles and Herman would not let her refuse.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll call them and find out if they can come." She moved off to a corner of the room for privacy, took out a cell phone, and made a couple of calls, speaking in rapid Greek, which only Georgiana could understand. The end result was that only Lisa could join them for dinner, since the other sisters were either busy studying (Maria) or had made other plans to go out (Katerina and Lydia). However, Mrs. Veneti insisted that if these English people were going to take her daughters out for dinner, they should come to her house the next day for lunch.

"Charles, what is the matter with you?" Caroline whispered to her brother. "Are we going to spend the whole day in this village? We could go to a nice beach resort or a five-star hotel somewhere, and you're making us have lunch with country folk?"

"I like it here," Charles said, "In fact, I'm going to ask my boss whether I could work from here for a month or so. After all, all my work is done by computer." He proceeded to punch William on the shoulder. "What do you say, boss?"

William spread his hands and shrugged his broad shoulders. "If you feel like it, why not?" After all, what is modern technology good for if it can't help people enjoy their life?

Caroline turned bright red again. But that's her problem. In fact, she changed colour on several other occasions, such as when the dinner went perfectly fine for everyone except her (Lisa was not six inches deep in mud because she had a nice hot bath to relax her muscles after hiking, and she and William truly enjoyed discussing favorite mountains and ascents over dinner).

Need the author mention what colour she turned two years later, when William and Lisa were married in the church of the village of Litohoro (which is at the foot of Mount Olympus)? Thanks to the assistance of the expert wedding planner Emmanuella Xyla, the wedding banquet was held at a taverna on the mountainside, where Dr. Hurst was enraptured by the roast goat (and the venison wasn't bad either, but oh, what wonderful tzatziki!). After the banquet, the newlyweds changed out of their wedding clothes, put on their hiking boots, and started climbing the mountain. On the previous day, they had baptized Charles and Yanna's baby daughter Anastasia at the church of Metamorfosi (the Transfiguration) in Meritona (since the Venetis family was religious and required their British sons-in-law to join the Orthodox faith -- the grandmother from Hertfordshire disagreed, since she was an Anglican, and therefore Protestant, which means that she protested, but it didn't really become an issue because Charles and William were so much in love with their respective brides that they would have walked on their hands to their weddings if needed).

I do need to tell you what colour she turned?
Entaxi (which means "all right", not "in a taxi"), I'll tell you, but in Greek.
The answer is portokali with an accent on the i. But like I said, that's her problem.