Posted on Thursday, 9 July 1998

Young man, large fortune
Must be in want of a wife
Truth universal

Two men on horseback
"Netherfield is let at last"
Savages surround

Lovely Eliza
Curious, watching, laughing,
Hmmm. Gents don't look bad!

Silly, high-strung mum
Fair once, loved regimentals
Hysterics. Eyes roll

"I suffer, who cares?"
"Ha! Your nerves are my old friends!"
"You love to vex me!"

Make sport for neighbors
Piquant pa chortles in turn
Sardonic quipster

Always pleasant Jane
Naively optimistic
None half so handsome

Brash witty Lizzy
Knows exactly what to think
Papa's favorite

Nose planted in book
Mary stoops to moralize
Fun should not exist

Kitty indiscreet,
Coughs not for her amusement
"Good joke", "Cough away!"

Lively Lydia,
Party girl extraordinaire
Mother loves you best

Assembly Hall Dance
Haute-fashion neighbors arrive
Bingley charms natives

"Five thousand a year,
Ten thousand a year", shrieks mum
Deep embarrassment

"Dance with Jane's sister?
Tolerable I suppose
But she tempts me not!"

Eyes flash, angry dash
Lizzy, Charlotte, playful laugh
Darcy looks chagrined

"Yes, wed for money!
Better to learn faults later"
"Charlotte! How unsound!"

Condescend to dance
"You are all kindness. Stuff it!"
Fine eyes astonish

Caroline beckons
Hard rain due, best ride horseback
Achoo! Happy, Mum?

"I'm fit to see Jane"
Jump, plop, petticoat mucky
Eyes brightened by walk

"Confined, unvaried?
Four and twenty families!"
Up yours, haughty man!

"Punish with laughter"
"Propensity to hate all!"
"Willful misjudgment!"

Dull, unctuous Collins
Comes to marry cousin. Groan!
Foolish, slimy toad!

"Brightest ornament"
"Proceeds from impulse? study?"
Phony without clue!

Wickham, smooth liar
Darcy reneged on promise!
Shocking wickedness!

Great Netherfield Ball
"Sketching your character, sir"
"Suspend no pleasure"

Duckface warns Lizzy
"I knew that already, twit!"
Kind interference?

Music anyone?
Mary dives for piano
Largo agony

"Delight long enough"
"Throw in paths of rich young men"
Disgrace! Let me die!

Collins pops question
"Elegant female suspense?"
"Yeah, in your dreams, dork!"

Toad hops to Charlotte
Take that, Liz! You'll be sorry!
Happiest of fools

Bingley flees county
Mum in shock - there goes five grand
Despondent, Jane lost

Off to London then
Caroline's icy disdain
Where could Charlie be?

Respite in Hunsford
"Shelves in closet? Happy thought!"
"No pigs in garden?"

"What? All sisters out?"
Impertinence! Lady squints
Liz smiles serenely

"Opinions not yours!"
"Neither performs for strangers"
"No excuse! Practice!"

Stud muffin struts by
"Interference officious?"
Terrible headache

"In vain I struggled
Low class kin, but you're real hot
You can't turn me down!"

"After hurting Jane?
And blasting Wickham's chances?"
Contempt! Ridicule!

"Jane? Proud of success!
Disguise is my abhorrence
Heavy faults indeed"

"Quite mistaken, sir
Bad behavior spared concern
Gentleman-like? Ha!"

"Nice woods! Here, read this"
"Jane: unmoved. Wickham: wastrel
Hid Bingley, 'twas best"

"Insufferable!
What's this? Shameful family?
I know myself!" Sniff

"Particular friend"
"Lydia, Brighton. Not fair!"
"Enjoy yourself dear!"

"Hello, aunt, uncle!
Need to get out of this place"
Off to Derbyshire

"I will conquer this!"
Master gone? Tour Pemberley!
Excellent likeness!

Too hot on horseback
Jump in pond, how refreshing!
Wow! Wet clothes are tight!

Gasp! "Mister Darcy!"
"Pardon, how's your family?"
"Ack! Must leave at once!"

"You're not leaving now?"
Greet Gardiners. "Tench and pike?"
"Meet Georgiana?"

"Miss Darcy! Pleasure!"
"Dine with us at Pemberley?"
Bingley! All are well!

"Militia gone, sad?"
"We endure as best we can"
The Look! Georgie safe

"How tan she is! Gross!
You thought her rather pretty?"
"Then! Now she's a babe!"

"Lydia! Oh no!"
"Shocked! Grieved! You wish me to leave"
"I'll see him no more"

"Oh, my Lydia!
Wickham was too good by half
We are all ruined!"

Uncle G. pulls strings
Wickham, Lydia tie knot
"How can we repay?"

Lady comes fuming
"You obstinate, headstrong girl!"
"Too bad! It's my life!"

Good day for a walk
"Still feel same?" "Quite different!"
"Dearest, loveliest!"

"What? Marry that man?"
"Darcy's the best man I've met"
"He's a lucky stiff!"

"Pin money! Jewels!
Ten thousand! Special license!"
"Sheesh, mum. Lighten up!"

Marriage. Pemberley.
At last true love conquers both
Pride and prejudice!