Author's Note: Hope this doesn't offend anyone...it's all meant in fun!

Why Anne De Bourgh Always Had A Handkerchief

or Heaven's SAKE Mrs Jenkinson! Bring it to me NOW! Mother has already summoned us to dinner!"

Mrs. Jenkinson searched feverishly for the large box hidden among the lace on Anne's dressing table. She found it, much lighter than it was yesterday, and hurried back to her charge.

Anne de Bourgh grabbed the box, desperate for a sniff of snuff before having to descend the staircase and meet her mother's guests. There was only enough for a pinch, but it would have to do. She rolled up a small piece of parchment and inhaled deeply, sliding the funnel around the bottom of the box to get every last piece of the dust.

Mrs. Jenkinson watched her charge smile euphorically and wondered if anyone else had ever heard Ms. Anne REALLY speak. As a sappy smile spread over languid features, Mrs. Jenkinson pressed a handkerchief in Anne's hand and helped her down the stairs.

"Is my daughter ill AGAIN?!" Lady Catherine roared.

"She has the beginnings of a cold, madam." Mrs. J replied and turned to whisper "DAB!" to Anne who obligingly raised the handkerchief to her nose without a change of expression.

The evening passed slowly and Mrs. J. wished she too had partaken of her charge's private stash. She had watched Anne stab at the designs on her plate rather than the food itself and sit with a limpid smile while rotating in concentric circles from the waist. The stash was gone and she would have to signal her intent to buy more the next day. But Mr. Collins was always so busy making sheeps eyes at the Lady.

"DAB! DAB! DAB!" she muttered, just for revenge. Mechanically, Anne raised and lowered her handkerchief repeatedly till her nose glowed red.

The next day, Anne was in a foul mood, refusing to talk to Collins as he and his prissy wife stood by the carriage.

"I will need a bigger supply than the last time Collins, " Mrs. J. growled threateningly. Mrs. C looked on unhappily at the discussion. "Lady Catherine will not be pleased if she hears of your OTHER parish responsibilities...so don't let me down."

"Oh dear," simpered Collins, "but I have just sold the last of the snuff to old man Lucas before he left! It will take time for me to resupply!" Seeing Mrs. J stiffen her spine, he giggled girlishly and snorted, "But let me suggest an alternative!" He pulled out a packet of dried leaves, demonstrated the rolling of the paper and bade Anne to inhale the smoke but not exhale too quickly. Anne huffed and puffed until the same languid smile appeared.

"It will do for now." Mrs J. said before instructing the driver to move on.

"DDDDAAAAAAABBBBBBBBB!!!!!" Collins screamed as he waved goodbye. Anne pressed the handkerchief to her face so hard she tipped over to one side of the carriage.

The End!