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Chapter 12
William never called Elizabeth, and Elizabeth never called William.
For the first three days after reading 'Three days in Rome', William grieved.
'Elle was not the type of person who should have to spend hours upon hours behind steel and glass. Anyone who really knew her would be able to see that.'
William could feel David's words mocking him, and they took what confidence he had at one time and destroyed it. If the Elizabeth in the book could use men so heartlessly, if she could make 'like' instead of love without any signs of regret…what was she doing when she was with him? Was she going to someday leave him, too, in the middle of the night?
He had never expected her to be inexperienced with men, that would be unrealistic. But, the coldness in which she conducted herself overwhelmed him. Elle was so different from Elizabeth, but they were the same woman, making 'them' capable of the same actions.
As he reflected on their time together, he realized that clues about her personality were always there, though hidden in the shadows. The first time he had entered her house, she made a statement that at the time he found so charming. But now, he knew there was more to it then he had understood.
When William had asked her to show him around her house, her reply was "I think not. It is better if you find your own way, but I will answer any questions you have."
Why did he have to ask her questions to get to the truth? Why could she not have just told him? He once thought of Elizabeth as open, but all she was really doing was offering him a selected piece of herself. In all of the hours, and all of the days and weeks they had been together, there were opportunities for her to confide in him. Good God, when David called she had a perfect opening, but Elizabeth consciously chose to only tell him half of the story.
He would not allow himself to love someone who did not trust him.
At the end of his three days of exile, anger became William's friend, and it gave to him the comfort he desired.
When William returned to his office, he informed his secretary that if Miss Bennet called to take a message, but not send the call through. Martha looked at her disheveled employer, and agreed right away. He looked like hell, and his features were cold and unfeeling. Obviously he had had a falling out with his girlfriend, and Martha had been around long enough to know not to question him when he was in a mood.
William went straight to his desk and began working. Due to the perceptible change in his demeanor, rumors began to spread around the office. Some were on target, and others were not. Most centered on the dark-haired woman who no longer came to his office to see him.
His staff had become accustomed to and liked the William Darcy of the past, but now he was a tyrant. He demanded perfection, and would tear into anyone who did not produce it. He started to question the judgment of employee's he had shown trust in before, insisting on going over all proposals himself before issuing them out. William showed Very little mercy and people were beginning to talk of leaving Allied, just to get away from him.
William found that work proved exactly what he needed to take his mind off of her, and for a while, it helped. He changed his routine and came in at seven in the morning, stayed twelve hours, and went home exhausted.
Anything that reminded him of Elizabeth, he avoided. Eating at Mario's was never a consideration, and he went out of his way not to walk near her office building. William was successfully building a wall round his broken, disillusioned heart, and with the exception of his dreams, it was holding up strong.
Elizabeth crept into his dreams like a shrouded thief. Sometimes his mind would replay stories from the past that would be loving and passionate, and he would see them together as they once were. They would be taking a nap curled up together on her couch like they did every Sunday; he would be admiring her when she did not know he was there, the way her eyes lit up when she met him at his car each night, the heat they shared the first time they gave in to each other.
Although those memories were incredibly painful for him to relive, they were nothing compared to the alternative. William nightmares were taken directly from the book. He saw her bruised arms outstretched in front of him; her standing up in class while being laughed at, her playing the guitar while wrapped in a sheet in some strange motel room, another man's hands on her body.
William tried taking sleeping pills to end his nightly drama, but they only blocked out the first few hours. As the medicine wore off, his subconscious would viciously get back at him, making his visions even more vivid and clear.
William's greatest relief was that during the daytime he could distract his thoughts enough to give himself a break, but all that ended when he received a visitor three weeks after the never spoken-of breakup.
Charlotte was waiting outside of his office with a blank check in her hand. She firmly informed Martha that she would not leave until she spoke to Mr. Darcy. William, not wanting a scene to fuel the office gossip mongers, grudgingly admitted her in.
"Charlotte, what can I do for you?" William did not invite her to sit down. He just wanted her to say whatever she came to say, get the hell out of his office and leave him alone. Her presence was invading his 'safe area'.
"William, I am here to discharge Bennet's debt. I have been calling your billing department for three weeks, and they informed me that they had not received any charges for us yet. Get someone to give me the bill so I can fill out a check, and get back to work."
"There is no bill." It was perfectly clear he was finished with this discussion.
"Elizabeth instructed me to pay, and I am here to pay." Charlotte was letting her anger show, and that was not what she wanted to happen. She would have to control herself better then that.
"Tell Elizabeth that…"
"I cannot tell Elizabeth anything, she is gone!"
With only her words as a weapon, Charlotte dealt her first blow to him with silent satisfaction. If she left his office today successful, William Darcy would be taught the true power of manipulation without even realizing it.
William clenched his jaw as he turned away from Charlotte. Gone? He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in the chair. For several minutes, he was perfectly still as the only voice that echoed his head was Charlotte's. Needing to know, he finally asked her the inevitable.
"What do you mean Charlotte?" He took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. "Explain gone."
It was now Charlotte's turn to be silent. She had not taken her eyes off of him when she had told him, and watched closely as the deep frown on his face melted away into one of impassiveness. She knew she had control and called upon her endless supply of patience to get him exactly where she wanted him. Charlotte knew it was not her place to say anything to William, other then asking for the bill, but she had questions that needed to be answered. She did not say a word until she decided she had waited long enough.
"William, you do not know? No one has told you?" Charlotte carefully chose her expression. It was one of slight wonder. William instantly became putty in her hands.
"Tell me, Charlotte. Don't make me beg!" A high level of frustration was expressed in his tone.
Charlotte sat herself in the chair in front of his desk. She wanted to be on the same eye level with him now, instead of looking down. It was time for her to confide in him. For a split-second Charlotte felt a pang of guilt for being so conniving. She had always liked William, but her suspicions that he was the cause of Elizabeth's downfall soothed her conscience as she continued on. She was only going to tell him the truth, because if she was nothing else, Charlotte was not a liar.
"Lizzy returned from California two days after she was originally expected. She was pale and drained. I don't think she had slept in days. I haven't seen Lizzy look like that since..." Charlotte, who had been speaking quietly, pointed a finger at him as she raised her voice. "If her condition had anything to do with you, so help me, William! I have no idea what happened, but I do know she loved you at one time." She lowered her arm and calmed herself down before saying anymore. She unwittingly showed her motive for speaking directly to him before she had wanted to, but William did not seem to notice.
"What condition?" William leaned forward in his chair. He balled his hands into fists while waiting for her reply. Did he cause Elizabeth to become sick again? Where was she? A picture of Elizabeth laying in a bed with tubes connected to her flashed through his mind, and he had to blink to remove it.
"Elizabeth and Steven holed up in her office for the next two days. Both were tight lipped about what was happening behind the closed door. After noontime on the second day, the upper management was called in one at a time. I was the last person to enter the room that day. Steven was sitting comfortably behind her desk, and Lizzy was resting her head on the conference table. She gave me the news herself." Charlotte stopped thinking of her plan, and began to speak from the heart.
"She looked just like she did when she was younger. The years when she was so ill and worn." Charlotte covered her mouth as she remembered the look on her dearest friend's face as she lifted her tired head off of the table. Misery had returned to Elizabeth's being. The tears Charlotte shed in front of William were real.
"Steven Davis is now President of Bennet Computer and Elizabeth Bennet is no longer working for us. As I told you before, William, she is gone. She left Illinois the next morning in her Suburban. Please don't bother asking me where she is, because only her father and sisters know, and they aren't even telling Mrs. Bennet. She just asked to be left alone." Charlotte looked at the check in her hand that had her friend's signature on it. Right now she would give anything to have her back home.
"I worry about her. The episode you witnessed the first day in her office, when she had low blood sugar, it happens every once in a while. What if I am not there? I don't know; maybe it has been my job for so long to look out for her that I have been programmed to worry too much. But, she is my cousin, my closest friend, and I love her."
William dropped his gaze from Charlotte as reality sunk in. Elizabeth had never called him, there were no messages for him, she didn't stop by his house, and there was a reason…she was gone. Didn't Elizabeth understand! She was supposed to be waiting for him and suffering like he was. Instead, she just accepted his rebuff without an argument and disappeared.
Why did this make him feel so desolate? Where were his defenses when he needed them? Wasn't he the person who was wronged?
William needed time to think, but Charlotte was still in sitting in his office. She had lost the glint in her eyes she had when she first entered his office.
"Has her father gave any indication as to where she went?"
"He gives me general areas, but nothing more. She went directly to Arizona, but she has since left. I won't know anything more until Dale calls on Monday. William, do you know why she went away? What happened? Was it something between the two of you, or was there more? I swear to control myself if you tell me. I just want to understand."
"Not now, Charlotte." William's voice cracked when he answered her. He did not know his own thoughts at the moment.
"Okay. I need the bill. The last bit of business Lizzy asked me to handle was to pay for Allied services. She was very particular about it." William was shaking his head no. "What sort of pathetic egomaniac are you? Let her do this. We're dealing with her pride and dignity."
"I can not, Charlotte."
"You're a damn stubborn man. I am going to leave the check. She has signed her name. Fill in the amount and deposit it." Charlotte rose to leave.
"Good-bye, William."
"Martha, hold my calls."
William rocked in his desk chair, thinking. In his mind, he always could justify his actions and words to her. Of course, he was angry. Who wouldn't be? Elizabeth could have at least told him about it. She could have told him so many things.
Why didn't she trust him, like she did David? Why hadn't Elizabeth sat on the bed with him and poured out her soul?
William closed his eyes and allowed his reasoning to be liberated for the first time in three weeks. Before this time, he had allowed no sympathetic or understanding thought to dwell there before. William had been so busy nursing the betrayal and confusion he experienced that he had not considered the possibility that she had a reason for her silence.
It was not long before he sat straight up in his chair with realization clearly written on his face. He asked himself the questions again.
Why didn't she trust him, like she did David? Why hadn't Elizabeth sat on the bed with him and poured out her soul?
How could he have missed it? The reason was so obvious; she had been the one betrayed by…'Three days in Rome'.
It still took one more day until William was able to do what he knew he needed to. He went back into the bookstore to purchase another copy of 'Three days in Rome'. The first book ended up as kindling in the fireplace, shortly after he disconnected his phones.
The same woman was working the register when he approached the checkout.
"Again? I remember you. Do you want the back cover torn off?" Between his handsome face and strange request, she remembered him easily.
"No, just sell me the book."
William had not finished the first copy, and he needed to know how it ended.
Chapter 13
William stood with the refrigerator door open, looking for something to eat. As usual, it was empty except for some cheese slices and bag of lean ham that looked just too old to eat. He opened the compartment for eggs, and found Elizabeth's blue medicine pouch instead. William had forgotten where he had put it when he had seen it the morning after the phone call. He stuck it in the egg bin, out of sight, but still safe. As upset as he was at the time, it was never a consideration to him to throw it out.
He took hold of it and noticed a card sticking out of the front pocket. It was her emergency information list. Her doctor's name was listed along with contact phone numbers. William's number was directly under Mary's. He tucked the card back in and put it on a shelf in the refrigerator.
It was time to finish the book.
Tonight, he was not going to drink to cloud his senses, like he did the last time he held this particular book in his hands. He turned the book on its side and read the small print on the spine.
Non-Fiction
William had not finished 'Three Days in Rome' weeks ago. He never picked it up after reading the bathroom scene. Not remembering exactly where he had stopped, but not wanting to ever read that section again, he went directly to the last chapter.
We still had several hours before our flight was to leave. Elle was showered and redressed in the clothes she had on when we arrived in Rome. As I was getting ready to claim the bathroom, she stopped me with a touch on the shoulder."David, you have not yet told me your story. Would you do so now, before you get dressed?"
This time is was only me who was wrapped in the sheet sharing my past. I told her so much that day and she listened to every word I said. It was the most spiritual experience I have ever had.
Elle held my hand while I spoke of my father's cancer, and I confessed to her how important it was to me to have her stay with me the night he died. I was only 14 at the time, and Elle crawled into my bedroom window, holding me all night while I wept for what seemed like an eternity. When I awoke the next morning, I found myself carefully tucked in my bed with a note in my hand. She told me anytime I needed her, to call and she would come. I still have her note in my possession, along with other mementos from our youth.
High school was not only hard for her; it was hard for me, too. I was the shy 'smart boy' who was severely lacking in the most basic of social skills. Elle and I use to call ourselves the 'Misfit Brigade', as we would laugh at the follies of our supposed peers. We did not need parties and dances to be invited to, we had each other.
As time ticked away all too quickly, I realized that we would need to be leaving for the airport soon. After showering, I opened the bathroom door to find her standing in the center of the room smiling at me.
"David, we never did make it to the prom. We have time for just one dance before we leave."
She turned on the radio and extended her hand in my direction. I was absolutely speechless as I took her hand in mine. How did she know? I had never mentioned my disappointment to her about missing the prom.
A sweet Italian melody was playing in the background as we danced. Her soft cheek was pressed against mine, and for a moment, I was 17 again. It felt just like I thought it would.
Somewhere near the end of the song, she pulled back and looked at me with a sad expression.
"You will always be my best friend, right?" Small tears were in her eyes as she asked me the question, and I understood the depth of her inquiry.
"I will, you know that. I will always be there for you."
We clung tighter together until the music came to an end.
It was time for us to leave Rome.
Elle did not speak much on the plane ride home. She sat quietly with her hands in her lap for most of the trip; taking breaks from her introspection to sleep. I tried to ask her so many questions, but they were always returned with a lazy smile. I wanted to make plans with her, to take her places, and do whatever it is normal couples do.Elle did not.
During the last hour of the flight, she awoke from a nap and finally gave into my wish. Elle told me the truth, as she always had before. You have to really know her to appreciate my next statement—she may be one of the precious few people in the world who is incapable of lying.
When Elle was a child, people use to lie to her all of the time. She would ask them if something would hurt, and they would tell her no, but it did. She would ask them if she would be getting better, they would tell her yes, but she did not. Elle had heard enough lies through the years from well-meaning doctors, nurses and her parents to make a pledge to never utter a syllable that was not true.
Honesty is something she treasures above all else.
I bravely ventured forth and asked her if she loved me. Here was her response:
"No, I do not love you, not the way you want me to. I have never told any man that I loved him.
"David, you have given me a gift I will never forget. For three days, I escaped. No longer was I the ugly girl I always felt like in my youth, and I was not ill, or puny, confused or cursed. I was myself. Well, maybe a little more than myself. (Here Elle flashed me her beautiful smile, trying to soften the blow of her response.)
"You were my best friend throughout the worst time in my life. You did not judge or ignore me, often at the risk of scorn from others. Knowing you as well as I do, I am sure you will understand what I am about to say."
Elle paused here to arrange her thoughts.
"I think this 'coming out' was a long time over due. Who better then friends to help each other come to terms with the past? I would never wish you to be caused pain by our time together, David. I know you have had special feelings for me for some time. I hope someday you will remember the freedom we gave to each other."
She was right.
I fell out of love with Elle at that very moment, completely without bitterness on my part.
Elle left me with the most wonderful memories. I would always love her, I knew that for certain, but now I would be able to seek out companionship elsewhere without limiting myself by the hope that she would be waiting for me.
Ever since I have known her, she has been restricted. Bound by her experiences, she was molded against her will. But, for three days in Rome, she was free.
To the man who may someday hear Elle say the coveted 'I love you'--if she ever does, I offer you this advice. Be careful with her, and remember the following statement.
'If you want to win the heart of a poet--love her unconditionally.'
Your rewards will be great.
William closed the book.
He reread the book completely through from the beginning to the end after a brief pause. It was 3 a.m. before he fell into a peaceful slumber for the first time in weeks.
Tomorrow, he would begin his search for Elizabeth.
"Charlotte dear, the phone is for you." Bill called out to his wife. Charlotte came in from the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel.
"Who is it?" She whispered. "Not Mary Beth, I hope."
Bill placed his hand over the receiver.
"No, William Darcy." Bill eyed his wife from head to toe, smiling. "Come to the gym with me today?"
"Mmmmm. You tempt me. Let me get some things done around here, and when you return, I'll fire up the hot tub." Charlotte kissed her husband's handsome cheek as she took the phone from him. She watched him pick up his duffel bag and coat, and walk to the door.
"William. What can I do for you?"
"I'm sorry to call on a Saturday, but Charlotte, I need your help. How do I find Elizabeth?"
"I told you before, I do not have any information. Dale, Mary, and maybe Jane are the only people who know, and I can tell you now, you will get nowhere with them. Dale is impossibly stubborn, Mary would rip your throat out before you finished your first word, and Jane isn't close to Elizabeth anymore." Charlotte sat down on her couch. "Why are you doing this? What made you change your mind?"
"I read…" William paused, he did not know if Charlotte knew about the book, but he was not going to mention it to her. If need be, he would lie to Charlotte to keep from spilling Elizabeth's secret.
"I love her. Please, help me find Elizabeth." Sincerity echoed from his lips. He did love her.
"William, you started a sentence that I need you to finish. Trust me. What were you going to say?" Charlotte was certain he was speaking about the book, but she wasn't going to slip up and tell him about it if he did not know.
"I...I can't. It wouldn't be right."
"Did your statement have a number in it?"
"Yes."
"Were you going to say the name of an ancient city?"
"Yes."
"Okay." He knows. I can only imagine his reaction. Charlotte thought for a moment.
"We both know what you're talking about, so let's just not say the name. Elizabeth does not know that I know. Were you angry?"
"Yes. I said awful, hateful words to her. I called her…" William could not repeat what he had said to Elizabeth on the phone.
"I understand."
Charlotte was silent. She was not entirely convinced he would be much good to Elizabeth, anymore. Charlotte had read the book, and she saw a conflict. William had not followed David's advice. Still, Elizabeth had loved him, and she was happy at one time. Charlotte could not know what was really in William's heart; therefore it was a difficult decision for her to make. Expose Elizabeth to more pain, or join forces with a man who claimed to love her?
"Charlotte, I have to right the wrong I have done to her. I made her ashamed, and I cannot have her believing my words. Please, I mean her no harm. I would never hurt Elizabeth…again. Will you help me?"
"I will." Charlotte was convinced. "Now, how do we find Lizzy?"
"I thought about hiring someone to track her down, but what do I tell them? I have no idea where she is!"
"Give me a minute William, I'm thinking. What resources do we have? How do we get a message to her?"
After another prolonged silence, Charlotte had an idea.
"Do you still have her check?"
"Yes, I didn't cash it." William had it in the glovebox in his car.
"Deposit it. Write her a message on it. Her statement goes out on Tuesday. I know Lizzy, she will have her statement forwarded to her, she's doesn't totally trust accountants. I've been taking care of her electric bill for her, and getting her other mail. There has not been a statement from Union bank or her credit card company."
"Good idea, I will do that. Any other ideas."
"Hummmm, our resources. Geez, why didn't I think of this before! William, we have a hoard of cousins, and one of them happens to work at State Farm Insurance. Lizzy drives like a bat out of Hell on the open highway. Surely by now, she has gotten at least one speeding ticket. I remember her telling me that her radar detector was broken. Let's just hope she doesn't charm her way out of a ticket. I'll call John, and see if he can get me some information. He owes me money, so this should not be too hard."
"Thank you. Anything else?" William was getting optimistic.
"When Dale calls on Monday, I'll try to get some news out of him, but don't get your hopes up. Tough cookie! Let me think of some BS to tell him; something to get him to talk. I can't believe I'm doing this. I am feeling a little guilty. I want you to know that if Lizzy hadn't told me that she loved you, I wouldn't be. But, we both know how important that was to her. William, are you certain of your motives? Are you sure you want to find her, or would it be better to let things rest? I don't want this to be a male ego thing."
"I am certain, Charlotte."
"Well, then, go deposit the check, and I'll make some calls. Are you at home right now?"
"Yes."
"Okay, give me your number. You may not hear back from me until Monday, but if I find out anything, I'll call you. Be patient."
"Thank you. Here is my number…"
William stood at the table in Union Bank's main branch. It was already 10:30, and the bank closed at noon on Saturdays. He filled out the amount for one dollar, and signed his name on the back of the check. He only needed to write her something and give it to the teller, but what to write? The words were not coming to him and the longer he stood there; the harder it was to think of something appropriate. An old lady standing next to him gave him an odd look, and he looked back at her. He didn't care what anyone thought of him, and he was well aware that he had staring blankly for the past ten minutes. His mini disruption broke his concentration, but it was a good thing. With a small tipped pen, William began writing.
After he filled the memo area, he wrote in small print under his signature on the back. When he ran out of room, he deposited it.
William went to Mario's for lunch that day, and requested to sit in her booth.
Hopefully, Elizabeth would reply to him.
Chapter 14
William did not hear from anything Charlotte during the weekend. He had remained at home the entire time, with the one exception being when he went out to Mario's.
Speaking with Charlotte had given him the hope he had not imagined possible. Before calling her, the desperateness of the situation stared him straight in the face. William knew if someone did not want to found, there were several ways they could remain anonymous. Elizabeth's intelligence would serve her well, if she chose to use it as a tool to help her remain hidden. He could only pray she was not dwelling on the assumption anyone would be looking for her.
While struggling with the right and wrong of looking for her in the first place, William came to the conclusion that if he could offer her any peace of mind; it would be worth the price. He could not bear the thought of her going about her life, left with the impression that he found her beneath contempt. She was not.
William had never reacted so violently to anything in his life, as he did to the book. He lost complete control of his senses, and purposely attacked her with his angry words. At the time, he wanted Elizabeth to share his torment. William was not a cruel man, but the jealousy that consumed him was stronger then his own character. Men were always noticing her, and this had never been an issue with him, but David…David was different. Maybe it was the fact that David told him about her, and maybe it was just that David knew her so much better. Whatever the underlying reason, he lost his reason and now only wanted to repair the damage done to Elizabeth.
William had no conceived plan about what he would do when or if Elizabeth was found. He did not want to think that far in advance. One day at a time was all he could concentrate on.
A fireplace specialist came late Saturday afternoon to look at the damage William had caused several weeks back.
"What did you burn in here?" He asked William in a slow, laid back manner as he stuck his head up the chimney. "You know, these things aren't trash incinerators."
William rolled his eyes at the man. Yes, he did know that. He had a bad feeling this was going to take forever, and it didn't help that the man charged by the hour. Right now he did not need a lecture, just a new bottom and gas log set.
The man lowered himself in a kneeling position with his bottom facing William. He had to look away. This man fit every stereotype one might have of a repairman.
"Gee Son, looks like this was a telephone at one time. Your place must have filled with toxic smoke over that one! Hehehe. Wait, I see another one, and what was this…"
"Can you fix it?"
Patience is a virtue. Patience is a virtue. William repeated under his breath.
"Yeah. I need to go get a shovel out of my van. Settle down, boy. I'll get to it."
By three in the afternoon on Monday, the small amount of patience William had once possessed was gone. It was difficult for him to sit around and do nothing, while Elizabeth was still out there.
He dialed Charlotte.
"Hi, William. I was just about to call you. We've been busy here today. I'm going to put you on hold for a minute. Be right back." She did not wait for a response.
Charlotte's minute was actually five, and by the time she returned, William knew that if Elizabeth was not found soon, he was going to need to get blood pressure medicine.
"I have some news. I got in touch with my cousin, and he called me back today with the low down. Seems our Lizzy is leaving a trail of citations, warnings and tickets, just as I expected!" Charlotte laughed, but William remained silent.
"Well, after she left Arizona, she traveled east. Here is the path she took. New Mexico—warning; Texas—citation and ticket-it's a big state; nothing again until Tennessee—warning. The trail stopped there. Dale called to check in today, and I told him to have Lizzy give me a call because State Farm Insurance was thinking about dropping her due to her driving record. He promised to give her the message. William, he said something you may find interesting. And I quote: 'Thank God she is staying put.' So, I think that once we find out where 'staying put' is, it should be easier to find her."
William was relieved. He would have preferred knowing exactly where she was, but this wish was close to impossible in such a short period of time.
"Charlotte, you are a marvel. I deposited the check, now what can I do?"
"Not much. Her sister Mary isn't talking, and I haven't tried Jane, yet. Jane is a real softy, but I don't think I can deceive her—for moral reasons. Let's just wait and see what happens. I'll let you know if Lizzy calls me."
"I am not good at waiting." William replied honestly. Wasn't there something he could be doing?
"Well, you had better learn, then."
Six days passed, and William made another trek to Mario's for lunch. He always expected to see her coming into the establishment and walking back to her booth, but it did not happen. So, he waited.
When he returned home, he listened to the messages on his answering machine. There were two. The first was from a friend from college, Charles Bingley. He listened as Charles told him about his upcoming move to Chicago.
The second message was just someone hanging up. He looked at his caller ID. He didn't know anyone from the area code 901. He didn't even know where 901 was. William looked it up in the phone book, hoping against the odds that it could be her.
901 was in Tennessee.
Tennessee!
Now, for obvious reasons, William had all new phones in his house. They were a top-of-the-line model that had too many buttons and lights, but looked really good sitting on the table. He had never bothered to read the instructions that came with them in the box.
Slowly, he backed away from the phone, quite aware that electronics can read minds and know when you're leery of them. Flashing on the small monitor was the words 'unknown caller a/c 901. William knew there was a number stored somewhere on the machine, and if he screwed it up, the other two phones may have it too. Taking no chances, he went in search of the booklet that came with phone.
He found it in a closet, along with the unsent warranty cards. Staying as far away as he could from the phone, and praying no one would call him and screw up the message, he read the procedure—twice. Confident with his abilities, he walked back over to the phone.
William followed the instructions to the letter, (which we all know is dang near impossible) and a full phone number popped up.
"Yes!"
He quickly scribbled down the number on the back of the book, not trusting fate or Sony to store it for long, and sat down to make the call. Doubt made an unscheduled visit to his self-assuredness, and he began to wonder if it was even Elizabeth who called. It could have been a wrong number, or someone related to work. And if was Elizabeth, what would he say?
William dialed the number as the heart in his chest beat furiously. He had no idea what he would say IF it was her, but instead placed trust in his instincts.
As the phone rang on the other end, he rose to pace the floor. The motion gave him a temporary release for his nervous energy. It was four rings before a woman answered the phone.
"Rosey's Bed and Breakfast. Chrissy speaking. What can I do for ya?" The woman has a thick, thick southern accent, and William had trouble understanding her first two words. He decided to talk to her slow.
"I beg your pardon, what did you say your name was?"
The woman let out a disgruntled sigh. A dang Yankee! Those folks can't understand common English. She took the hint and spoke slowly back to him.
"Rosey's…Bed…and…Breakfast. What…can…I…do…for…you?"
The woman was definitely not Elizabeth, but a lead none the less.
"Is Elizabeth Bennet there?" Please be there. Please be there.
"Lizzy? Nope. You want to leave a message?"
William had never heard a sweeter word in his life.
Lizzy. They know her.
"No…wait, I don't know. Where are you located?" He knew he had to get an address. It was becoming extremely difficult for him to focus on his task. Elizabeth was found!
"Right Downtown on Magnolia, Number 11545." William wrote down the address. A town was all that was left for him to get.
"And that would be in…?"
"Memphis!" Chrissy really didn't know who the idiot on the other end of the phone was, but if he had the number, surely he knew where he was calling.
"Do you expect her back today?" He doubted she would know, but thought to ask anyway.
"Yep, can't give you a time though. You made up your mind about leaving a message?"
William did not hesitate to make a decision.
"No, I think I'll just catch her later."
"Okay, good-bye."
"Thanks."
William hung up and immediately called the airlines.
"I need a ticket for the next flight to Memphis and I don't care what it costs."
William had one hour to get to O'Hare Airport.
Chapter 15
William stood in front of Rosey's Bed and Breakfast in downtown Memphis. Elizabeth was here, staying in this colorful building in the middle of the City. There were a few flowers out front, and the warmth present in the air made him feel like he was out of sync.
He was thinking too much about what would happen when he saw her next. It had been a long road traveled just to get to this point. Would he be turned back now? Would he hurt her more? Again? Most importantly, could they ever get back to the place they once were? There had just been so many emotions flowing through him since he realized he still loved her. During the breakup, it seemed easier not to care, but it was unnatural.
It is difficult to 'forget' when you love someone.
If whatever force that was holding his feet to the pavement would let him go inside to her, he would seek Elizabeth out. But, the hold was tight and it would not release him. William could not seem to walk toward the building.
There was a little cafe next to the B&B, and maybe if he calmed down the thoughts and doubts inside his head, he would be able to gather the courage needed to face Elizabeth. He walked over and sat outside at a small table nearest the B&B. Potted bushes blocked his view of the front door, but he was still near enough to where she was staying to consider himself 'there'. He ordered a coffee, and waited.
The door to the B&B opened a time later, and two women walked out. The oldest carried a sidewalk broom. The younger held a guitar case in one hand, and a smaller one in the other. She was wearing a knapsack on her back that rattled when she moved. William watched as they faced each other while standing by the curb.
The older woman was offering to hold one of the cases, but the younger refused kindly. A taxi pulled up to them, and the younger placed her load in the back of the car.
"You'll like the folks at Beverly Blues. They're a nice crowd of people. Are you still planning to play your own songs, honey?"
"I am."
"Are you nervous?"
"No ma'am, I should be, but I'm not." The younger woman spoke the truth.
"You going to end with that song I liked so much?"
"Yes." She smiled at the woman. "Goodnight, and thank you. I'll be back later."
She got into the taxi and left. The older woman watched the taxi until it turned a corner, and then went about sweeping in front of her Inn.
William witnessed it all, but remained mute. He stood from his seat and hailed a cab.
Elizabeth was greeted by the owner of the establishment and shown to a side hallway next to the stage. She handed him a tape, and unpacked.
Onto the stage went her equipment. A headset microphone was already waiting for her on a stool. She placed her play list on the stand. After Elizabeth snapped another microphone on her guitar, she went back into the hallway to stretch.
She would be going on in five minutes.
This job may be considered 'Lucky" by some, but Elizabeth just had to grin at the thought. Yes, she was playing in a nice place, but she was also performing for free, and before the warm-up band. Maybe this was why her heart wasn't racing, or maybe there was another reason.
Elizabeth had never played her own songs in public before. They were always kept private, and with the exception of David, she never played them for anyone else. William had heard parts of them on occasion, but not the completed work.
Elizabeth wanted to do this, to try her own voice and poetry, and she wanted the strangers in the room to hear her.
Putting the extra picks in her front pocket, Elizabeth pulled her freshly cut hair into a braid, and strapped on her guitar. It was time.
"Welcome everyone, my name is Elizabeth," she said in a slightly flat voice. The early crowd was a little larger then she had expected, but the room was far from full. Men and women in expensive clothes were prevalent, sitting in their little groups, looking bored while they waited for her to entertain them.
Beverly Blues had an outside beer garden where the 'Average Joe's' tended to migrate. When Elizabeth had found this place two days after arriving in town, she spent her time outside, enjoying the night air and observing the people. If she could have had her way tonight, she would have preferred to play out there, to those people.
"This song is 'Daddy'."
As if she was able to pull energy out of the air, she began full force. The song had a strong beat and a medium tempo. Her voice reached out to the patrons, taking their attention away from their drinks and petty conversations, and drew them to her. She kept a watchful eye on the reaction of the people as she sang.
Daddy,
You know I would go to the ends of the earth for you
I just wished you had not asked me to.
When you were sick and angry and needed me
I gave up everything I cherished to start anew.
William was sitting in the beer garden, listening to her. Thankful she had not seen him enter the club; he positioned himself in an area where she would not see him. Tonight was Elizabeth's time, and he did not want to break her concentration by distracting her from her performance.
The music was new to him. He could not recall her playing the tune before. As he thought about the words, he began to notice the connection to her own circumstances with her father. By the end of her set, William would know they were all her own creations.
A few men got from their seats, and he frowned at them as they walked into the building. How could they leave during her song?
Elizabeth next sang an upbeat song about high school debutantes that went nowhere in their lives. For it, she tossed out two tambourines to the crowd, informing them sweetly that she wanted them back after the song. Elizabeth noticed that the people in the beer garden seemed to enjoy the song more then the people inside. Perhaps they understood.
There was a sad tune called 'Baby Crow' about a little Indian boy who died of cancer before 'he could learn to fly'. 'Crow' was the child's Hopi name, and she had met him in Arizona years ago. She still had a picture of the child at home on her dresser.
Song by song, she gave the audience another story from her life. Some were happy, some were not, but they were all sung with passion.
Her time was winding down, and she had only one song left. She had purposely saved it for last. It would be the most revealing.
Elizabeth sat on the stool for the first time during her time on stage. Something about her air indicated she was dead serious about the tune she was about to play. William had gotten up during the last song, and moved to a place where he could see her better. The beer garden was almost empty now, but instead of the people leaving, they had moved inside to listen to her.
One can often tell when a person sings from personal experience. The singer's voice reflects it. Possibly the story is told better when it is true?
"This song is dedicated to David."
She lowered her head to watch the strings as she began to strum out the eerie melody. It was deep and slow, played roughly with great force. Her voice dripped with animosity, but was perfectly clear.
(Note: If you have Sheryl Crow's CD, the song is The Book—track 12.)
I read your book
And I find it strange…
That I know that girl
And I know her world
A little too well!And I didn't know
by giving my hand
that I would be written down,
Sliced around,
Passed down
among strangers' hands!Three days in Rome
Where do we go
I'll always remember
Three days in Rome
Elizabeth, who had not looked up during the first part of the song, raised her head now. Her face became hard as she began the next part, and her voice was stronger than it had been all night. She was going to let everyone in the room know what had happened to her.
You're a voyeur
The worst kind of thief!
To take what happened to us
to write down everything that went on between me and youand what do I get?
Do I get revenge?
While you lay it all out
without any doubt
of how this would end?Sometimes it goes
And sometimes we come…
To learn by mistake that the love you once made
can't be undone!Three days in Rome
I laid my heart out…
I laid my soul down…I'll always remember
Three days in Rome
The crowd was on their feet, clapping for her and it felt good to Elizabeth. She had held in the anger too long. That one book had caused her more pain than anything else that she had ever experienced. She hated David. He never asked her if he could publish her life, he just assumed. She could not understand his motivation, and he would never be given the chance to explain himself. If only Rome had not been so…right at the time. Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment and accepted their applause.
William could not clap. Even as recently as today, he truly did not understand how badly that man had hurt her. She had lost her privacy because of him. Not in the traditional way, but personally. People did not approach her on the street, or snicker behind her back when she walked into a room. They did not know she was Elle, but Elizabeth did. Her secrets and her life story were open for all to inspect. Strangers now had the right to place judgment on her, and that privilege cost $5.95 for the paperback version.
Chapter 16
"Thank you."
Elizabeth had won the people over with her sincerity and talent, but she did not seem very moved by it. She removed her headset, collected her instruments, and walked off stage without looking back. A patron of the club yelled 'encore', but she answered his request with only a passive smile. There were to be no more songs played tonight.
Elizabeth had done her job, and now she was ready to go home…where ever home was.
William made his way through the growing crowd to catch her in the hallway. He heard the familiar snap sound, and waited patiently for exactly one minute. That was how long her blood monitor took to give her a reading. The minute gave him a chance to collect his nerve. Something inside of him warned him that now was not the time to approach her. She had just bared her innermost secrets to the strangers in Beverly Blues. And, she did not know he was one of them.
William watched as she pulled the rubber band out of her braid, and worked it free. She had cut several inches off of her hair. It was still long, but now it fell just below her shoulder blades. He wondered if he was the cause of her changed look. Elizabeth knew how he admired her locks, but was it possible that she would cut it just to get back at him?
The noise of a tambourine brought him back to the moment.
As Elizabeth was putting it back into her bag as he approached her from behind.
"Elizabeth?" He said her name in a voice loud enough for only her to hear.
She did not move. Elizabeth had imagined his voice before, but this time it sounded so close. The blood in her veins began to travel furiously as she told herself he was not really there--it was just a trick played on her by her mind.
When a warm hand touched hers, and held it in a familiar way, she knew it was not an enchantment, but William in the flesh.
A thousand questions flew through her mind in a flash. How did he find her? What did he want? Why did he come? Elizabeth still did not move.
"Please, turn around so I can see you." He said quietly.
Elizabeth slowly shook her head no.
"I'll come to you."
William stepped around, until he was face to face with her. Elizabeth did not look at him as he touched her cheek with the back of his fingers, running them along her jawbone ever so softly. Without realizing it, he closed his eyes as he felt a flood of relief wash over him at the chance to finally be able to touch her again. He knew they had many things to talk over, but at least now, their initial contact had been made, and they had a starting point to work out from. He loved this woman more then any other person would ever understand. He did not even understand it.
It was a while before William brushed the hair away from her eyes and what he saw in them made him remove his hand and step back from her in crushing disbelief.
Elizabeth stared through William for the longest time, feeling nothing but her own bitter disappointment in him. There was not a shred of compassion, acceptance, or love coming from her.
When she had viewed enough, she simply turned around and closed her knapsack, leaving William with a depth of despondency that, before tonight, he never knew could exist.
"Go home, William. I did not invite you here."
She left him no opening.
"Elizabeth?"
William watched her gather her things into her hands, while he stood immobile. He had assumed they would have at least said something to each other. Instead, she treated him as if he was invisible.
Elizabeth was not displaying any outward anger, because it was not anger she was experiencing.
"I am leaving now." Her words were cold, and she did not look at him as she carefully walked around him.
"Wait." William touched her arm, causing Elizabeth to recoil. "Aren't you even going to talk to me? I know you are angry. You have every right to be, but please, after all we have been through…Elizabeth. May I have just a moment of your consideration? I need to speak with you, please."
Elizabeth spun around quickly, as the contempt she had been containing released inside of her.
"Consideration? Like the consideration you gave me?" She became sarcastic. "I'm curious, so please tell me William, on what page of the book did you figure out it was written about me? I know how intelligent you are, so let me make a guess. Page one? Page two?"
She glared at him when he did not respond.
"Did it ever cross your mind that you shouldn't be reading it—that is was none of your damn business? You did not own me at the time, as I recall. Did you have so little self-control that you could not stop? I expected better out of you."
"It was out for everyone to read, Elizabeth. Why should I be any different?" William regretted his choice of words as soon as they left his mouth, but it was too late. Elizabeth's face went pale.
"Because you were different." She lowered her voice. "Your actions demonstrate how little respect you had for me. You called me a liar, and I have never lied to you, not once! And as far as being a fraud, you must have seen something other than what I represented. I never pretended for you, or acted like I thought you would want me to. What you saw was me. You cannot imagine how damaging it can be to one's ego to find out they were thought of so poorly, by someone they loved more then life."
There was one last thing she had to say to him.
"What you said was correct—You never knew me." Elizabeth looked away from him. "Now, leave me alone."
William was conquered. He had found himself in the ranks of the unforgiven and he knew there was no escape. Elizabeth would never have anything to do with him for the rest of her life. He had no choice but to resign.
"You're right, Elizabeth." He whispered. "Everything you said tonight is the absolute truth. I am sorry."
Without fanfare, William left the bar and walked out onto the streets of Memphis.
Sitting in a small, dingy diner, William mindlessly stirred his coffee with a spoon, watching it swirl around the lip of the cup. Every once in a while, a waitress would stop by his table and give him a fresh cup, but he did not drink it. Knowing he could not possibly feel any worse, he began to recall the actions he had displayed since knowing Elizabeth.
From the first moment he laid eyes on her in the restaurant, he began the manipulation.
He could not deny he liked the rush he experienced when he saw her, it was the addictive flow of adrenaline that kept him coming back. Never in his life had he waited for so long before making a move.
When he assigned himself to her case.
"Martha, I am expecting a request for services to come into the office this afternoon. I want to handle it myself."
Later, when her case was wrapping up, his not wanting to take on her other request, instead sending her to another business so his conscience could be free to date her.
"Elizabeth, I know of an excellent company who can give you the training you need. I will send you a name and contact tomorrow."
Reading her poetry.
William lowered his head, thinking of a proper response. His eyes fell to the coffee table, where he spotted some handwritten pages. Focusing, he saw that they were poems.
Reading her book.
Curiosity won out as William walked up to the checkout. He handed the book to the middle-aged woman behind the register. She raised her eyebrows at his choice.
Even coming to Memphis without her permission.
William knew it was never pretty searching deep inside yourself—looking for where you went wrong. And when it does become clear, having the courage to own your faults.
But, he did it. He needed to.
William had tasted Love enough to know that Love is selfish in nature, but it was the limits of the selfishness, which he exceeded.
He had held Elizabeth to the standards he set for her, without thinking about the consequences or justice of his actions. When (in his mind) Elizabeth fell from the pedestal he put her on; he had blamed her for her inability to stay up there. Now, he could clearly see how wrong he was.
William compared himself to David, and saw shocking similarities. They both had transgressed against her—both fully aware of what they were doing at the time, but not considering how it might affect Elizabeth. It was quite obvious to him that she never gave David the right to publish her life, but was his pawn.
Taking away all of the conceived notions William once had about Elizabeth, he thought about the woman who stood alone—a good person, honest, loving, sincere, and imperfect.
For a brief period of time she had shared her life with him, and he was grateful for the opportunity.
William would always remember Elizabeth Bennet as the best woman of his acquaintance, and he would love her forever.
He paid for his coffee and hailed a cab. It was time to leave Memphis.
Chapter 17
Elizabeth returned to her room at the B&B directly after her performance at Beverly Blues. For everything that had happened to her tonight, she was oddly quiet and still, almost as if she was floating. It was not caused by feelings of joy and peace, but from a refusal to accept.
Gently, she put her instruments away and sat behind the small desk in her room. Every time a thought of him would pass through her, she would push it aside, and redirect her attention to the stack of papers and mail laid before her. She would not permit herself to remember a minute that had passed between them tonight, but mechanically went about her personal business.
With steady hands, she opened the letters forwarded to her new post office box. The first was from her new insurance company welcoming her to 'American Family.' The rates were outrageous, but she had no choice but to pay them. The second was from Visa, which she set it aside to verify later.
Her bank statement envelope was thin, as she had expected. Elizabeth had not been writing many checks since she had been on the road. She opened it; curious to see how much Charlotte paid for her electric bill in Hinsdale last month.
It was the check on the top caught her notice. When she pulled the it out to examine it, there was writing covering the backside, with the exception for a small area left for the bank's stamp. She flipped it over to see whom she had written it to.
The handwriting was beautiful, and she knew it well. It came from a man who preferred pen and paper to keyboards. In the memo area, he had written 'Forgive me.'
Elizabeth turned it back over again, this time to read the words he had taken the time to write. The message was very simple…William had written 'I Love You' over and over. What Elizabeth did not know was there was an "I Love You' for everyday they had been apart. It had always been very important to William that she heard the words at least once a day.
Elizabeth's was able to keep her heart untouchable by forcing herself to look away from his declaration. Just as she was just about to crumple the check in her hand, her eyes rested on a pink envelope with Jane's return address on it. She held onto the check as she opened the letter.
Dear Sister,I wanted to let you know that my house is sold, and next month I will be returning to Chicago. The divorce was harder than I expected, and for a while I was tempted to take him back again just to stop the torture. I desperately needed your comfort and strength during this. But, as you said over three years ago, 'Eric will always be a womanizer and anyone who would put up with him is weak'.
I know that you never understood why I stayed married to him for as I long as I did, but maybe, once I am back in town, we could finally explain our motives to each other.
Looking back, we should have resolved our differences with each other right away. But, you were angry, and I was angry, and we did not allow each other the chance to speak.
Lizzy, we should have! Only Fools take their loved ones for granted.
Lately, I have spent a deal of time trying to figure out why we wasted so much of our lives harboring our own stubborn self-pity? We should be ashamed of ourselves. You and I had something few siblings know…we honestly loved one another. This is rare, and before it is too late, we must locate it again.
Three years are already gone, and soon it will be four. How much longer can we go on being angry?
Life is too short for us not to forgive.
Please forgive me.
I Love You,
Jane
Elizabeth let Jane's letter slip out of her hand and fall onto the floor.
She looked once again at his…at William's message. Elizabeth laid it flat on the desk and smoothed out the wrinkles with her palms.
William had become just another person in Elizabeth's life that she did not forgive. She wondered if it was her own stubborn self-pity that was keeping him at a distance. She had been badly hurt by him, but it was William who had made the first move to seek out her forgiveness. If Elizabeth had been left to her own devices, would she have ever spoken to him again? Or would she just continue on as she did now, with a barrier shielding her from anything unpleasant?
Three years were forever gone with Jane, and she could not get them back. Now Jane had reached out her hand to her in reconciliation, if she would only take it.
Picking up Jane's letter, she placed it next to William's message. They were so similar and yet different at the same time. Both were asking the same question: forgive me?
Elizabeth did not ask either for their apology, but both gave it to her freely. In all honesty, she had not given a sincere apology to anyone in a very long time.
The more Elizabeth thought, the more she came to realize that she had been 'playing' the part of the victim for most of her life. Elizabeth did not like people thinking of her that way, but she was always ready to use it when it suited her.
With William, she had used leaving town to reinforce her position as the wounded party, but she did it while hiding her own dirty hands behind her back.
During their entire relationship, she had been spoon feeding him only the information she deemed necessary. Elizabeth easily recognized why she had acted in such a manner, she did it because after David's underhanded betrayal, she had lost her ability to completely trust anyone.
Where her error occurred was that she never came to realize that William was not David.
She missed her chance to tell William about the book, and she did it on purpose. Elizabeth was not yet ready, and once again she controlled the situation.
He had always been so loving to her, and trusting in her, and she had repaid him by keeping herself and her secrets from him.
William had made a mistake in reading the book, there was no denying it, but was it unforgivable?
Elizabeth lost herself in soul searching for the next twenty minutes, and came out of it with a fresh understanding.
If nothing else, they had to forgive each other.
She opened the phonebook and began searching the yellow pages. When Elizabeth found what she was looking for, she saw the enormous task in front of her in all its glory.
Grabbing the check off of the desk in one hand, and the phonebook in the other, she ran down the stairs to the front desk.
Laura was on duty tonight, and she knew she could help her.
Elizabeth had to find William before he left Memphis. She had to tell him the rest of the truth.