Section I, Next Section
Part One......
Elizabeth gazed fondly at her son as he took his turn on the playground slide. It was a beautiful November day, unusually warm and just perfect to get them out of the flat and into the fresh air. Term finals were fast approaching and Elizabeth hoped to finally gain her degree before Christmas, so that she could get a jump on the job seekers. What she really needed was a decent paying job that would see them out of that miserable flat before William's birthday in the spring; someplace with a garden perhaps. Elizabeth sighed and turned once again to the letter in her hand. Her sister had written a lengthy one this time, and with the numerous interruptions that come with motherhood, this must have been the tenth time Elizabeth had returned to it.
"........I now know why you escaped to Manchester when you were pregnant with William! Mother is forever showing up at the door, with some new advice or other information for my well-being. It is nearly enough to send me off to you, and Charles is seriously considering buying a home far, far away from here! But seriously Lizzie, I'm sure Mama has forgiven you by now. There is no need to stay away for so long at a stretch. You know she truly loves your son, and would welcome you both back at Longbourn. I'm sure even if she did make some chance remark about William's father, it would be nothing you couldn't handle."
Elizabeth felt tears beginning to form and put down the letter. As she struggled for control her eyes sought out the little person most precious to her in all the world. She couldn't help but smile at his antics in the playground. What new treasure would they take home today? A stick, perhaps, or maybe a special rock? But her mind abruptly returned to Jane's letter and her comment about William's father. Elizabeth had confided in no one, not even Jane, on that subject. Regrettably, the memories flooded back, as they did whenever Elizabeth contemplated how much her son's father had already missed of the boy's achievements so far.
Her thoughts wandered back more than three years, to a sultry August day, a romantic picnic, and a sunny glade in a secluded wood near Pemberley. The Master of that estate, Fitzwilliam Darcy........oh, what a different man he was from the one she thought she had known the previous spring! So attentive! So sweet! And how she'd instantly fallen in love with him. When he'd suggested a private picnic Elizabeth had jumped at the chance, her hormones in overdrive at the thought of being alone for several hours with this man.
And where did her hormones get her? Truthfully, it had been a fantastic afternoon, making love under the swaying trees, with the birds singing overhead, a gentle breeze toying with his curls, and a certain something in his eyes......in the way he looked at her......
"Stop this at once!" Elizabeth admonished herself. "What good will it do to remember the most beautiful moment of my life when what followed was a nightmare?" As if her sister Lydia's kidnapping by George Wickham wasn't bad enough, Lydia hopelessly falling for him after Darcy had worked so hard to convince Wickham to set her free, was like the nails in the coffin. So Darcy was hundreds of thousands out of pocket, and Lydia, the ingrate, had run off with her captor, never to be heard from again.
"And thank goodness, too," Elizabeth muttered, "for I would surely strangle her myself." Still, on a happier note, Charles Bingley had returned to Netherfield Park that autumn, and he and Jane had soon thereafter rekindled their affair. A wedding date shortly followed; a most satisfactory ending to their trials and tribulations. They would take no chances on anything, or anyone coming between them again, and wasted no time at all in getting married.
Elizabeth had not been so fortunate. The few times she'd seen Darcy after that fateful summer, it was as if an impenetrable wall had been constructed between them; a wall with George Wickham's name on it. Darcy had spoken to her very little, and what conversation that managed to pass between them was usually in the company of others. Elizabeth was convinced by his silent, brooding behaviour that he wanted nothing more to do with any of the Bennet family. By the time Elizabeth had discovered she was pregnant, Jane's wedding had been and gone, and there were no more opportunities to see Darcy. He never returned to Netherfield, further reinforcing her opinion of his desire to forget what had happened, and she would not bring herself to write or call him for fear of appearing a fortune-hunter. Instead, she had transferred her studies to the university in Manchester, to distance herself from her family and avoid the embarrassing gossips in Meryton. Her mother had flown into a rage upon hearing of Elizabeth's impending motherhood.
"I wanted nothing more than to see all my girls married and what do you do, Lizzie? Go and get pregnant before you get a husband! Well who's going to have you now, eh? And what about the father? Who is he when he's not skiving off somewhere shirking his responsibilities?"
Elizabeth narrowly avoided giving her mother a scathing retort at this slur of her beloved Darcy, but her father's sympathetic outlook was some consolation. "If you insist on keeping the man's identity to yourself, my dear, it's all the same to me. You know I shall love and respect you whatever your decision." he had said, patting her arm.
True to his word, Mr. Bennet helped arrange Elizabeth's transfer to Manchester, paid her costs and deposited a healthy sum of money into her account every month. He had been there for William's birth and every birthday, and, in short, provided as much relief as he was able, to ensure that his favourite daughter continue her education and his grandson not go wanting for any necessities.
Elizabeth turned back to her letter, filled as it was with Jane's raptures on married life and her delightful Charles. They were expecting their first child in February, and, if all went well, Elizabeth would be with her sister for the birth. It had been almost a year since they had seen one another. The fault was Elizabeth's; she kept declining Jane's invitations for weekend stays, and always spent Christmas alone with her son in Manchester. William, in his mother's opinion, looked so much like Darcy that she was afraid that it would be apparent even to the unsuspecting Jane just who his father really was. Jane's letter closed with the standard invitation to come at Christmas, which her sister would refuse, this time because of exams. Elizabeth resolved to write Jane as soon as she and William returned to the flat, and tell her that they would visit in early February, provided that she passed all of her classes.
A shadow suddenly fell on the paper and Elizabeth started at the sound of a familiar voice. "Elizabeth? Elizabeth Bennet?" The soft feminine voice was a trifle hesitant.
Elizabeth looked up into the face of........ "Georgiana Darcy! What an unexpected pleasure to see you here. But, excuse me, what brings you to Manchester?"
Georgiana smiled and Elizabeth's heart thudded at the similarity to the young lady's brother. "I've been attending university this term."
"Oh my, yes, you must be nineteen now! Forgive my asking, but why aren't you attending one of the London or European universities?"
Georgiana's smile faltered a bit, but she rallied to answer. "I'm studying environmental engineering. The university here offers a good course, and it's nearer to home. I don't like to leave my brother alone for long periods of time. I can go home every other weekend from here and not let it affect my studies."
Elizabeth noted a strange tone in the girl's voice as she spoke of Darcy, and looked sharply up into Georgiana's face. There seemed to be a sadness around her eyes, and her gaze was cast down at the pavement. After a pause Elizabeth gathered enough courage to enquire "Your brother isn't ill, is he?"
"Oh, no!" Georgiana quickly said, to her companion's relief. "At least, physically he is well. It's just..." She paused as she leaned closer to Elizabeth and continued in a lowered voice, "he's tended to withdraw from society and his friends more and more the last few years. At first he took me around to all the society parties and balls, but once I had established a circle of friends who met with his approval, he left me much to my own devices. He only ventures out now for special occasions. Otherwise he immerses himself in estate business."
"I'm sorry to hear that." Elizabeth couldn't bring herself to enquire further.
"Quite frankly," the younger girl continued, "I think it may have something to do with all of his friends being married now, and he's still single. I suspect he's either given up on finding a wife or someone has broken his heart." She shook her head. "He's never been one to confide in me; I'm so much younger than he, but I've seen enough over the years. He always hated going out to large parties; every single woman in the place migrated to him like a homing pigeon. Quite a few of the married ones, too. All they ever really wanted was Pemberley and his money. They couldn't care less about my brother. It is such a shame, too, for if any of them had taken the time to get to know him, I know they couldn't help but love him as much as I do." Georgiana sighed and looked down at her hands, toying with the strap on her bookbag.
Elizabeth's mind raced. What on earth did this mean? Darcy hiding himself away from everyone? He couldn't possibly have spent all these years pining for me! He's wanted nothing more to do with me after that debacle with Wickham. Wickham! The scoundrel had taken Darcy for a fortune not once but twice! For hadn't he almost pulled off the same stunt with Georgiana the year before Lydia? Except then Darcy had arrived on the scene just in time, and been forced to pay off the rat to ensure that Georgiana would be safe from a repeat performance. Elizabeth was startled to realize that her companion was speaking to her.
"So sorry, I must go, now. I've got to meet some friends for tea. Can we do dinner or the pictures sometime soon?" Elizabeth nodded absently. "Here's my number." Georgiana thrust a hastily scribbled note into Elizabeth's hand. "Only, this weekend I'm at Pemberley, so perhaps next week?"
"Yes, that would be nice." Georgiana giggled as she made ready to leave. "Good, then I can find out what you are doing in town! Don't tell me now, I'd rather leave it as a surprise."
Oh, would you be surprised! Elizabeth thought guiltily. She quickly located William with her eyes and, just as quickly, turned back to the departing Georgiana. "I shall call you next week, then."
"Excellent, excellent! Well, good-bye then. It was so nice to see you again. I'll say hi to Will for you, okay?" and before Elizabeth could say anything more, the young Miss Darcy, with a wave of her hand, was gone. Elizabeth watched as she quickly wove her way through the people in the park until she at last disappeared into the crowd. The relief Elizabeth felt was palpable. She suddenly realized how narrow an escape she'd had. For once, an entire fifteen minutes had gone by without her son clamouring for his mother. What a disaster that might have been! Had Georgiana seen little William Bennet the jig would most certainly have been up! Now to arrange for a childminder for sometime next week so that she could meet Georgiana on neutral ground.
"Come, William." she called.
The little boy scampered over and rushed into an enormous hug. "Mommy, can we stay for a long time?" His voice wasn't much more than a whisper, and his pronunciation such that only a mother could decipher.
"No, my love. It's time to go now." Elizabeth gathered up her things and took his tiny hand. Looking down at his dirt-smudged cheeks she said, "Will you be a gentleman and walk me back home?" William's solemn eyes opened wide as he nodded seriously.
Part Two
The following Wednesday Elizabeth met Georgiana for dinner at a cafe just off campus. Her neighbour, Mrs. Wylton, had agreed to stop in with William for the evening. She had even encouraged Elizabeth to take advantage of the opportunity and "go, enjoy yourself. Don't worry about the time. Once the little chap is asleep there is no need to be rushing back home."
So Elizabeth found herself seated opposite Georgiana Darcy, surprised at the ease she felt in the younger woman's company. Georgiana had lost none of the shyness that Elizabeth remembered from that brief time she had spent at Pemberley, though she displayed an increased confidence in conversation.
"What will you do when you've got your degree at Christmas, Elizabeth?"
"How optimistic you are!" Elizabeth laughed. Georgiana smiled in return. "I hope to find a job in a publishing firm. I'd like to be an editor, eventually, but I'll start in any position."
Georgiana frowned in thought. "I think my brother has an interest in a publishing house. Perhaps I can help you there!"
Elizabeth was startled to realize that this was the first time Fitzwilliam Darcy had been mentioned in the course of the evening. She was equally surprised by her sudden desire to hear more about him. But upon recollecting that the last thing she wanted was to be thrown in Darcy's path again, she lowered her reddening face and turned her attention to the plate in front of her. How embarrassing it would be for us both to meet again!
"Oh, bother," her companion was saying. "I completely forgot! I was supposed to say hello to you from Will. He asked how you are keeping."
"He asked after me?" Elizabeth could feel her heart rate suddenly increase and reached for her glass.
Georgiana's smile lit up her face as she eagerly replied, "Oh, yes! He perked right up when I told him I'd seen you. He's been so miserable since I came away to school, anything that peaks his interest will be encouraged by me. So I said you tell him hello, and asked after his health. But there was very little to say after that. If you don't mind, I'll bring you up as a subject of conversation more often."
Elizabeth nearly choked on her water. In the ensuing spate of coughing, no reply was expected and, to her relief, the subject changed to talk of professors and course content until their meal was finished. Georgiana suggested that they visit a nearby patisserie for a decadent dessert "since the best sticky pudding outside Pemberley can be found there!"
After settling their bill, Georgiana led the way to the haven of decadent delights, and, eyes sparkling, proudly pointed out to Elizabeth the menu written on a blackboard above the rear counter of the shop. Sure enough, there was a sticky, toffee pudding listed. But Elizabeth's eyes lit up at the promise of a slice of white chocolate truffle cheesecake. Giggling, they made their request of the young man behind the counter and waited while he served up their selections and placed the plates on the counter top. "Oh, we simply must have two orange cappuccinos, too." Georgiana said with a short glance at her companion. As the young man turned to fill this request Elizabeth saw Georgiana's eyes follow his every movement with an intensity reminiscent of her elder brother.
Smiling, Elizabeth now realized the real attraction of this shop was definitely not the sticky pudding, no matter how many wonderful qualities it might possess. Alas, the young lad was quite efficient, and the cappuccinos arrived, everything was paid for, and the ladies found a table in a quiet corner with a good view. "What is his name?" Elizabeth asked.
"Hmm?" Georgiana startled out of her reverie. "Oh, um, Brian." She busied herself with her pudding, stabbing her spoon into the side and scooping up a generous amount of sauce with it.
Smiling behind a forkful of her own dessert, Elizabeth teased "And have you actually spoken to this Brian, or does your admiration consist of silent contemplation, expecting him to notice? I can tell you first hand that the latter method does not often have much success."
Georgiana looked up curiously at Elizabeth. "Oh? Have you admired from afar? Is this experience talking?"
Blushing furiously, and cursing her loose tongue, Elizabeth gave a nervous laugh. "Of a sort. I was admired from a distance, and was entirely unaware of it."
"How did you find out that the poor chap was interested? Did someone point it out to you?" Georgiana seemed genuinely interested in the topic.
"If you think you can gain Brian's attention by hoping a third party will drop the hint, then forget it. I will certainly not get involved!" Elizabeth sat back in her chair and watched Georgiana's expression change from hopeful innocence to disappointment. Just as quickly, a smile appeared and she toyed with her spoon, glancing shyly up at her friend.
"You avoided my question. Can I take it that someone intervened on behalf of your admirer, and things didn't go very well?"
Elizabeth chose her words extremely carefully and with a forced smile, replied, "No, he confessed his feelings to me directly, and I told him to get lost, though not in those words. I didn't like him very much at the time. I'm afraid I was rather rude."
Georgiana laughed out loud. "I find that hard to believe, you being rude that is. All right, I see your point. I can suffer in silence, or I can speak to him and face the consequences."
Elizabeth felt a sudden empathy for the younger woman's feelings. "I know you're rather shy with strangers, Georgiana, but I don't think you have any reason to fear a reply like the one I gave your--uh, my admirer. You are a charming, sweet young lady, and no-one could find anything to criticize in your manner." Oh that was close! "Besides, you have only to let him know that you find him interesting, and would like to get to know him better. Then it is up to him to let you know if he feels the same. It's only a date after all!"
Georgiana giggled. "I wish I could be as forthright and open as you are. If I could only speak my mind without any fear of ridicule. You've probably never had any trouble in telling a man how you feel!"
Elizabeth quickly looked away in embarrassment. "Don't be too sure about that. There are some disadvantages to speaking your mind. Besides, it's always a lot easier to give advice on someone else's love life than to follow it yourself."
"I'm sorry if I touched on something painful. I just can't picture you as tongue-tied as I feel when I see a chap I fancy." Georgiana gave an apologetic squeeze to her friend's hand.
"No need to apologize, Georgiana." Elizabeth smiled. "Now, why don't you go over there and say hello to that nice young man."
"Right now?"
"What better time? Ask him if he'd like to go for a drink some time." At Georgiana's hesitation she prompted "All he can say is no."
"All right," the younger girl said with more confidence than she felt.
Elizabeth watched as she rose from the table, straightened her hair, and made her way to the counter. As the young man approached from the other side, Georgiana shyly dipped her head and spoke too quietly for her friend to hear across the distance. Brian smiled and seemed pleased to be speaking with her. His eyes lit up as their conversation went beyond the first few pleasantries, and the lady visibly relaxed as they continued. Elizabeth felt a pang that she and Will Darcy couldn't have begun in that easy way. Too late for remorse, my dear. That was all too long ago.
Georgiana returned to the table with a satisfied smile on her face. "Elizabeth, I can't believe it can be so easy! We're to go to the pictures on Thursday. That's his night off. He is just as shy as me, I think. If not for your advice we'd both be wishing from afar." She sighed and looked closely at her friend. "If I can be of any assistance to you in future, you simply must ask."
"You give me too much credit, Georgiana," Elizabeth chuckled. "You are the one who did the work. Anyway, wait and see how it all turns out. If you marry and live happily ever after, then I shall come claim my reward!" she teased.
Embarrassed, the young lady tried to change the subject, unaware that the new topic would in turn cause her companion embarrassment. "Are you planning to return home for Christmas? If not I would dearly love for you to come to Pemberley with me, that is if you don't have any other plans. I know it's not the same as family, but I would welcome you and I know my brother would, too. There's just the two of us, you know."
"No." Elizabeth replied, a little too quickly. "No, thank you. My sister has invited the entire family to her place for the holidays this year. We haven't had a large gathering for years. As much as I appreciate your offer, and would love to see Pemberley again, I'm afraid I must decline." Oh, how I wish my life wasn't so complicated. But there is no point in playing that "what if" game. She only hoped that her face did not betray the tumult of her thoughts.
"Well, perhaps another time. I go home quite often. Maybe you'd like to come for a weekend sometime?" Georgiana asked dubiously. She was puzzled by her friend's odd behaviour.
"Yes, that would be nice." Elizabeth replied absently. Her mind was preoccupied with the memory of Will Darcy, and a small boy with his face.
Georgiana was silent a moment. "I think it is time we were off, don't you? I have early classes tomorrow." Elizabeth agreed, and they rose to leave. As they passed the counter on their way to the door, Georgiana gave a nod and a smile to Brian.
"Seven o'clock tomorrow, then?" he said.
"Seven o'clock, yes." she replied, and the two ladies left the shop. There was little conversation on the way to the bus platform. Georgiana was occupied with thoughts of her young man, and Elizabeth was wondering how many times in the future she may have to come up with excuses to avoid trips to the Darcy estate. They parted company as both of their buses arrived seconds upon their reaching the platform. A promise of meeting again was voiced, and with no time for further details to be arranged, Elizabeth said she would call the following week.
Part Three
Elizabeth was grateful for the sudden assignments that three of her professors announced that next week. Not only did it require her postponing any meetings with Georgiana Darcy, but it also kept her mind engaged in a pursuit other than dwelling on memories of that lady's brother. The first two nights after her visit with Georgiana found Elizabeth tossing and turning, unable to sleep, consumed with guilt over the secret of her son's parentage. She had thought that she'd tamed that demon long ago, but the wound had been reopened as snippets of her conversation with Georgiana played over and over in her head.
He's tended to withdraw from society and his friends more and more the last few years...
I suspect he's either given up on finding a wife or someone has broken his heart....
If you don't mind, I'll bring you up as a subject of conversation more often.....
How she could continue her friendship with one Darcy while trying to avoid the other was a mystery. Elizabeth enjoyed Georgiana's company, but eventually she and Will would meet, and that would never do. Oh, why can't I just have normal problems like everyone else? she asked herself. Turning her attention reluctantly back to the page before her, Elizabeth sighed and set about defining her closing argument for this paper. After only a few minutes, however, the ringing of the telephone interrupted her train of thought once again.
"Hello?"
"Lizzie, dear, how are you?" It was her father. "Keeping well I hope. And keeping young William out of trouble?"
"Yes, Papa. We're fine. It's nice to hear your voice."
"Well, you know I worry about you. What's this I hear from Jane that you aren't coming home for Christmas this year?"
Elizabeth cringed. Of all people, her father would miss her the most. She knew that he looked forward to seeing her, and her son, on the holidays, and that she had disappointed him too often in the last year by canceling her visits. "I'm sorry, Papa, but my finals are just before Christmas, and I really don't think I'll be up to it, the big family thing. You know. Besides, if I stay here over the break, I can find out my results earlier, and start my job searching in earnest."
There was a slight pause on the other end of the line. "I understand, Lizzie." There was an edge of resignation in his tone.
"I did promise Jane I'd come before the baby is due, though. I want to be with her, to help her through it."
"That's what her husband is for, Lizzie." Her father's tone was sharp. Elizabeth bit her lip and said nothing. "Forgive me, my dear. I didn't mean that the way it sounded." he said contritely.
"That's okay." she said and promptly changed the subject. "How is everyone? Did Mary enjoy the book I sent her for her birthday?"
"Yes, I'm sure she did. Where on earth did you manage to find a copy of Fordyce's Sermons outside a museum?" he chuckled.
Elizabeth chuckled herself. "It wasn't easy, I assure you. There's an antique bookdealer about a mile from my flat. I asked him about it last spring and he promised to keep an eye out for a copy. They are hard to come by."
"And I suppose they come rather dearly, too."
"Well, I had to. I was getting rather tired of Mary quoting the same passages from that tattered old copy of whatever-it-is she keeps next to her bed. It was definitely time for something new." Elizabeth's eyes sparkled with mischief as she pictured her younger sister spouting gems of wisdom from that musty tome.
Mr. Bennet confirmed it. "Something new, indeed! We've not heard the end of it since that book entered this house. Thank you my dear Lizzie. I'm sure we will be eternally grateful for your generosity....once we get over our urge to gag your sister."
Laughing, Elizabeth said "I promise, Papa, not to send her any books for Christmas this year. I'll stick to scarves and mittens. How is everyone at home?"
"Your mother is, as usual, orchestrating the holiday activities. It is fortunate that Jane has a pliable disposition, or else I fear you would be short one parent for the new year. Most of the out-of-town guests will be staying at Netherfield. Are you sure I can't talk you into changing your mind?"
"Oh, Papa, after telling me that Mama has the agenda in hand can you honestly expect me to come rushing back into that atmosphere? You are right. It is a good thing that it's Jane and not me having to deal with that sort of interference." Elizabeth considered a moment. "Perhaps you could do something for me, though."
Interested, her father replied "Certainly, my dear, just name it."
"One weekend before Christmas, could you come up here to collect the gifts for everyone? William would love to see his grandpapa, and you know you are always welcome to stay."
"That is a brilliant idea, Lizzie. I'd enjoy taking my grandson out shopping, and spoiling him. When would be good for you? When will you have the things together to send home?"
Elizabeth replied that all were wrapped and packed already, and in two weeks she should have all of her assignments completed. That would still leave plenty of time for studying for her exams. Mr. Bennet agreed and it was settled that he would arrive on the Friday two weeks hence.
Elizabeth returned to her work, her spirits lifted with the prospect of a pleasant visit. She knew that William would be thrilled to see her father again, and she, herself, could use a little bit of Bennet cheer and conversation.
She managed to conclude the one assignment and was well into the next when the clock struck midnight. Putting away her papers, Elizabeth checked in on her sleeping son one more time and then went to bed.
Mr. Bennet brought the usual package from the Bingleys, along with a letter from Jane entreating her to change her mind and come back home as soon as possible. Elizabeth and William enjoyed a wonderful weekend with her father. He spent far too much money on the young boy, and treated his favourite daughter to a night out at the theatre. The time they spent together was so pleasant as to almost persuade Elizabeth to change her mind about returning home for the holiday season. But she recollected the exams in store for her, and made a tearful good-bye at the appointed hour. William, too, was sad to see his grandpapa leave, as they accompanied him to the train station to see him off. The walk back to the flat was heavy with silence.
In the final weeks leading up to Christmas break Elizabeth worked diligently on her assignments and studied for her finals every spare minute. With a two-year-old underfoot it wasn't easy to find time, but once William was safely tucked into bed, he usually stayed there, leaving Elizabeth the evenings free for schoolwork.
On the Tuesday before her first exam, Elizabeth met Georgiana for a quick lunch at the university cafe.
"When do you finish your exams?" she asked Elizabeth as they took their seats in a relatively quiet corner of the crowded dining area. "I'm not done until the 21st."
Elizabeth smiled. "I have only four to write. Tomorrow will be the first, then I write the final three in a row; Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday next week."
"So soon?"
At the wistful tone in Georgiana's voice, Elizabeth said "You won't have time to think about home before you finish your last exam, my dear girl."
"Oh, it's not that," Georgiana sighed. "It's Will. He's been so much more animated lately. Pemberley is so big, and can be so empty at the holidays when it should be filled with family. I don't want to see him lose the good humour he's gained over the last few weeks. It would break my heart if he slipped back to the way he was."
Elizabeth attempted to reassure her. "Perhaps it was just a temporary phase, his melancholy. If he's had a change of spirits of late, it could be a thing of the past. The time will fly until your last exam and then you'll be on your way home. And you can always call him in the meantime if you are really concerned."
"That's true," Georgiana conceded. "I'm going to miss you, though. Have you thought of where you are going to look for work after Christmas?"
"There's a young company in Leeds I plan to approach. And I heard of one in Birmingham that has some openings." Elizabeth replied.
Her friend smiled. "Leeds would be convenient. Then I could still see you once in a while. I might even be able to persuade you to come to my home for a visit. You know, Will keeps asking when you might come back with me."
It was fortunate for Elizabeth that Georgiana chose that moment to notice the time, as it prevented her from seeing her companion's discomfited expression. Fumbling with her bag, Elizabeth quickly rose from the table, saying "I'm sure we'll work something out, Georgiana. Things are just a bit hectic for me right now."
"Oh, I know," the younger girl said as they made their way out into the bustling corridors. "That's what I told my brother." Suddenly she stopped and reached into her pocket for a small slip of paper. Handing it to Elizabeth she explained "That's our number at Pemberley. In case you change your mind about coming at Christmas. I might not see you again before you leave for home, and you never know, you might like to retreat to a quiet zone amidst the throng of relatives at your sister's house."
Elizabeth laughed. "I admit it sounds tempting!" And as they parted company she thought to herself, You don't know how tempting......
Exams came and Elizabeth was pleased with her performance. She felt that she had done the best possible, and hoped that her feelings were verified when the results arrived after Christmas.
As for the holiday; the Bennets, Bingleys, Philips and Gardiners had all gathered together at Netherfield this year; all but Elizabeth and Lydia, of course. Not that she missed the over-enthusiastic expressions of holiday cheer that her mother was surely supplying in abundance, but Elizabeth did regret not seeing Jane, and her father, and denying William the pleasures that a large family Christmas could offer.
Mother and son had spent a quiet day after attending the local church service. Shortly after they had completed dinner William excitedly answered the ringing phone for the expected call from Netherfield. Elizabeth felt a pang of remorse when she heard the sounds of merriment over the speaker-phone, and resolved to make an appearance in February regardless of her situation. She had been too long absent from friends and family.
The excitement of talking to numerous aunts and uncles all at once had tired out little William. After Elizabeth had tucked him safely into bed, read a story and snuggled him up warmly in the blankets, she finished tidying up the kitchen and finally sat down with a cup of tea. Feet tucked up underneath her on the sofa, she spied a small piece of paper which had slipped from the table and was now peeking out from under one of William's toy trucks. Retrieving it, she realized it was the paper Georgiana had given her; the one with the Pemberley phone number on it.
For a moment Elizabeth stared at the black inked numbers as if they were alive. Shaking her head, she started to put it away in the address book beside the phone, but stopped. Slowly she unfolded the slip of paper and once more stared at the numbers on it.
No, no, no, no, no, she admonished herself. Put it away, now!
Hastily, she refolded the object of her fascination and placed it on the table beside her teacup. With a soft groan, Elizabeth gathered up the cup and went to the kitchen. In an attempt to distract herself while the kettle was boiling, she put on a mellow CD and was humming softly to the music as she placed her favourite strawberry herbal in the teapot. Then the water was boiling and it took but a few minutes to pour it over the teabags.
Carrying the tray into the living room, Elizabeth placed it on the coffee table and sat once again on the sofa. Her eyes were instantly drawn to the paper beside her. She stared at it, then at the phone. Pouring out a cup of the tea, she settled back to sip it. As the CD changed to another song, her eyes were reluctantly drawn back to the tiny piece of paper. She could see the numbers clearly from where she sat. They burned into her. Cup after cup, she drank, all the while staring at that accusing paper and the telephone beside it.
Elizabeth leaned forward to pour another cup when she realized that the pot was empty. It's not the only thing that's empty, she thought bitterly. Her gaze drifted to the sideboard, with its gallery of framed family pictures. Almost frantically she sought out one particular photo. There it was....from Jane's and Charles' wedding. A portrait of the wedding party with a beaming Jane, laughing Charles, and Elizabeth as maid of honour on one side; Will Darcy as best man on the other.
"Damn it!" she sputtered and grabbed the handset of the phone. Scooping up the phone number, she reached for the keypad.
Part Four
"Damn it!" she sputtered and grabbed the handset of the phone. Scooping up the phone number, she reached for the keypad.
"Oh, no. I can't!" Elizabeth slammed down the phone and drew herself up into a ball, wrapping her arms around her knees. "It's Christmas Day for crying out loud! What on earth could I say to him? What could I say?!"
Desperate to alter the course of her thoughts, she flew from her seat to snatch up a videotape and popped it into the VCR. Sitting as far away from the cursed paper with the phone number, she tried to focus her attention on the movie before her. She had little success, but doggedly stuck to it......through four movies and most of the night, before finally succumbing to a restless sleep.
The long-awaited exam results arrived just before New Year's, and Elizabeth was ecstatic to discover that not only had she passed all of her courses, but she had gained her degree with honours, as well.
Following a modest celebration with William, apple juice and chocolate chip cookies, Elizabeth put her son to bed and sat down to spend the first truly relaxing evening in years. Now she could look forward to finding employment, and being able to take care of William herself without relying on her father and his monthly donations. Without a doubt, he was an incredibly generous man. Only once in the past two years had he ever made reference to William's father, and even that was lightly done. She could still hear his words echoing in the room:
"After all, dear Lizzie, this is the nineties. I'm sure any money the man could give you, in addition to my contribution, would ease your worries considerably." Then he'd winked at her. "But of course, if you feel he's already given all that he's worth.......Perhaps another man will do. Who could possibly resist my charming grandson?"
Who indeed? Elizabeth thought. Such a sweet-tempered little boy, with his curly dark hair and ready smile, would be difficult for anyone to resist. Certainly his grandfather was wound tightly around his little finger; and his mother around the other one!
Elizabeth poured herself a glass of wine. She sat curled up in her favourite chair, her mind mulling over the events in her life so far. Her eyes roved over the toys that littered the room, as she refilled her empty glass.
She was unaware of the passage of time as she sat there, her mind wandering, sipping at her wine, until the ringing phone startled her.
Grabbing the receiver, she glanced at the clock: 10:37.
"Hello," she said breathlessly. Who would be calling at this hour?
"Lizzie?" It was Jane. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, quite. You just startled me, that's all. I don't get many calls at night. I was worried it would be bad news. It isn't, is it?"
"No," her sister assured her. "I just wanted to know if you'd heard anything about your exams, yet?"
Elizabeth almost laughed. "Oh, Jane! Jane! I got the results this afternoon. I passed everything! I've got my degree! And with honours, too! Are you pleased for me?"
"Wholeheartedly! Oh, Lizzie," Jane enthused "what wonderful news! I'm so proud of you. You've worked so hard to get this far. I know it wasn't easy for you. When is the convocation?"
"Not until spring." Elizabeth was beginning to feel the effects of the wine. She was getting warm, and her emotions were teetering on the edge. "William and I had our own celebration tonight after dinner."
"Oh?" Jane giggled. "Champagne and caviar?"
"No, apple juice and cookies!" Elizabeth let out a giggle herself. "Forgive me, Jane. I got into some wine after I put William to bed and I'm afraid I'm a bit fuzzy right now."
"I see. How is my darling nephew?"
"Just a perfect angel. He's growing up so fast I can hardly believe it. He's started to lose his baby face already. Each day that goes by he looks more and more like his father. He's certainly going to be a handsome one, even if I do say so myself!"
There was a silence on the other end of the phone.
"Jane?" Elizabeth struggled to pull her thoughts back to earth. "Are you still there?"
"Yes, still here. So little William is going to be a lady killer, is he? Papa does say he's quite a charmer. If his looks match his manners, I'll dare say the young women will be in danger."
Elizabeth laughed. "Well, he's a bit young yet, but he's already learning the art of flirting. You should see him in the playground; or, heaven forbid, the grocer's!"
Jane's tone was wistful. "I should love to see him at Netherfield. You too, Lizzie."
"And so you shall. I promise." Elizabeth could feel her emotional control slipping. "I've given notice on my flat and we shall be out at the end of the month. I want to take a few days to travel a bit with William, just a little vacation, then we'll join you at Netherfield around the sixth of February, okay?"
"Marvelous!" Jane cried. "I'll hold you to it, Lizzie. And I promise you, if you duck out on me this time, I'll hunt you down and drag you here!"
"No need to fear, Jane. Now that I've got my education, I'm free to find myself a job and get down to the serious business of earning a living and raising my son."
"There's no need to do everything yourself, Lizzie. You know Charles and I would assist you in any way that we can. And you have to have some kind of life for yourself; get out and meet people."
Elizabeth smiled at her sister's matchmaking tendencies. But, unfortunately, her heart had never been released from its first commitment. "You mean men, Jane. No thanks. I've had my fill. One was enough. I'll have no other." Foolish slip! Must be the wine. "I mean, look where love got me?" Did I say love? Oh, good God, I must end this conversation before I spill everything I've been concealing for years!
Jane pretended not to notice her sister's faux pas. "Well, the house will be full while you're here. There will be no lack of childminders for William. You'll be able to come and go as you please, no doubt. Plenty of time for you to catch up on old friends."
"And them on me!" laughed Elizabeth. "More questions than answers once they see William. Then again, one look at him may provide the answers, anyway." She was suddenly curious. "Jane, you and Papa say very little, but what really is being said about me at Longbourn?"
A long drawn out "Weellll" prefaced Jane's reply. "Mama and Aunt Philips have repeatedly put their heads together to figure out who William's father is, but to no avail. They can't seem to agree on any one man. Not much is said in town; not that I pay attention to the idle gossip, but our aunt always brings it home to Mama, and we surely hear of it. That source is convinced that it cannot be any of the local young men, but rather someone you must have met on your summer travels." Jane paused, then continued quietly. "But if you could not have confided even in me, Lizzie, I know you've kept it to yourself all this time for some reason. I would not pry for anything, but I wish, I truly wish, that I could help you by sharing some of your burden."
Elizabeth felt the tears running freely down her cheeks, and it was some moments before she could gain enough control of her voice to reply. "Jane, I wish I could have told you everything from the start. I wish things could have turned out differently. I wish....." She bit her lip to keep from saying his name. "....I hadn't let my heart rule my head, in the beginning, and my head rule my heart once I found out I was pregnant." Despite Elizabeth's efforts a soft sob escaped her lips. "Oh, Jane, I've messed everything up so terribly. How could I ever face William's father after all this time, after all he's missed of his son's life? I've deprived him of so much already, I'm sure he'll despise me for it!"
Jane's voice was soothing. "Lizzie, didn't you tell him? Is that why he never came around? We all thought he'd run off and left you in the lurch."
"I know," Elizabeth sobbed. "I know what everyone thought. That's why I had to leave. I couldn't bear Mama's snide comments about him. Jane, he's a good man, an excellent man. But what I did.....what man could ever forgive a woman for denying him the knowledge of his having a son?"
"But Lizzie, why didn't you tell him? You obviously loved him. Didn't he care for you?"
"I thought so, at first. But Jane, it was so complicated, I can't go into it." Shaking her head, Elizabeth reached for her glass, refilled it, and downed the wine in one go. "At first I was afraid to tell him. I didn't want him to stay out of obligation. I was vain enough to want him to want me! Then as time went by it just got harder and harder."
"So you haven't kept in touch with him at all?" Jane's voice seemed to come from far away.
"No, not directly, but I've heard of him from mutual......friends."
"Do I.....know him?"
"Yes," Elizabeth whispered.
"Do I see him often?"
"I don't think so. No, you've never mentioned him in any of your letters." Elizabeth felt drained. "Jane, I can't continue this conversation any longer. I'm just worn out. I'm sorry. When I get to your place in a few weeks, I promise, we'll talk more, but I can't now. I'm sorry, it must be the wine. I never meant to let any of this out."
"Of course you didn't mean to, but Lizzie, you've been under tremendous pressure for ages; school, raising William alone, and all in a strange city, miles away from all your family. I'm amazed you made it this far without breaking down." There was a pause, then Jane said "I'm going to send you some money so you and William can have a nice vacation. Go somewhere special. Take your mind off your troubles, and when you get here you and I can have a long talk. I'll help you to work through it. Everything will be fine, you'll see."
"Thanks, Jane." Elizabeth sniffed. "You are more than a sister, dearer than a best friend."
With some encouraging words, Jane said her good-byes, and Elizabeth slowly replaced the receiver. She'd set something in motion, but where would it lead? Closing her eyes, she let her head drop to her chest and cried until, exhausted from the tears and the alcohol, she fell asleep curled into a ball on her chair.
Georgiana Darcy returned to Manchester a few days into the new year. Elizabeth received a call from her shortly after her arrival.
"Elizabeth, how was your holiday? Was it very busy with such a houseful of relatives?"
Elizabeth answered carefully. "There was a great deal of noise! But that is generally the way large families are. Did you enjoy your time at home?"
"Oh, indeed I did. You were right about not having time to be homesick before exams were done. It was such a relief to have them finally over with! I relished every moment at Pemberley, and I'm sure I appreciate the place and everyone there so much more, after living here for four months. And you were right about Will, too. He was still quite chipper through the holidays, maybe even more than before. I must confess that I hoped you would come up for a day or two, but I know that with so many relatives who hadn't seen you for a while, there was small chance of you getting away."
"That is an understatement!" Elizabeth said.
"And how did you do on your exams?" Georgiana enquired.
"Very well, thank you. I passed everything and am now the proud possessor of my very own degree in English Literature."
"Congratulations! I knew you would do it! What are your plans, now?"
"I drafted up my resume and have already sent a good dozen out to prospective employers." Elizabeth told her excitedly. "I hope to get some replies in a week or so."
"My, you have been busy," Georgiana said. "Would it be too much for me to ask if we can get together before you start running off to distant cities for interviews?"
"Why, Georgiana, I'd love to see you again before I leave. I must tell you that I have already given notice to my landlady for the end of January. I hope I have something arranged by then, or I'll be staying at my sister's place a lot longer than she thinks!"
"What are you doing on Sunday? Could I pop by your place to see you?"
Elizabeth thought quickly. "Sunday is fine, but my place might not be a good idea. I've already starting packing up my things and it's quite cluttered with boxes. How about your place?"
Georgiana agreed. "That sounds great. How's two o'clock? You can stay for tea."
Elizabeth copied down the address, recognizing it as in a very well-to-do part of town. "I think I can find that easily enough."
"Then I'll see you on Sunday!" Georgiana said cheerily.
"Sunday it is."
They said their good-byes and Elizabeth slowly placed the handset down. I will miss Georgiana, but I won't miss having to do this song and dance every time to avoid her brother. Picking up the phone once more, she dialed the number of her neighbour to arrange for William to stay with her on Sunday afternoon. Mrs. Wylton was always delighted to mind the little boy, as she had no grandchildren of her own to fawn over.
"William?" Elizabeth called. "It's time to go, now. The market will be closed if we don't hurry."
A little face surrounded by tousled dark curls appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. A pair of dark eyes with a mischievous glint, peered at her. "Mummy, can we get apples?"
"Yes, we may. Run and get your coat, now. We must be off." Elizabeth watched as he scurried off. Smiling, she shook her head and followed him.
Raising her hand to the door, Elizabeth knocked. Almost immediately it opened, and Georgiana greeted her with a warm smile.
"I'm so glad you found the place. Come in, come in." She closed the door behind Elizabeth and gestured to the living room. "Make yourself at home."
Elizabeth chose a seat on the sofa and looked about the room. "It is a lovely flat, Georgiana. This will do you quite nicely for your entire stay at the university. I'm quite envious." She smiled as her friend joined her on the sofa. "You didn't tell me what your own exam results were. How did you do?"
"I passed. Actually, I did better than I thought. I am so pleased with myself. The courses have been so difficult I was afraid I'd never get through them."
Elizabeth nodded knowingly. "The first year is always the toughest. You need to get into a new routine, and I think they purposely arrange course loads to weed out the people who really don't want to be here. It gets better the further you progress in your studies. The work is just as tough, but the workload is more manageable. Not as much thrown at you at once!"
Georgiana sighed in relief. "I'm just happy at this point to be progressing at all!"
They both laughed. Elizabeth told her that she had felt much the same in her first year. They spent some time relating stories of their first weeks away from home in the "yes, I'm free" atmosphere of the campus. Parties had always been tradition for the newcomers to get acquainted with their new environment, and Georgiana had not been permitted to escape that tradition.
"Thankfully, I don't have to participate in it next year! It was a bit too wild for my taste."
"I can believe that. But you may feel a bit differently come next September, when you are no longer the bug under the magnifying glass." Elizabeth teased.
Georgiana admitted to some truth in what was said. "Oh, my. Look at the time! I should be getting our tea ready. I hope you don't mind, but I brought some things back with me from Pemberley. Our cook makes such wonderful delicacies for the holidays, I simply had to pilfer some."
Elizabeth followed her into the kitchen and together they set out the food and set the tea to steep. Georgiana had not exaggerated. The food was indeed delightful; mini plum puddings, mincemeat tarts, and an amazing assortment of fruitbreads and cookies. Georgiana had also prepared a tray of cold meats and cheeses, with a basket of soft breads and biscuits.
"Good gracious, there's enough food here for a houseful!" Elizabeth exclaimed.
"Yes, I think I got a bit carried away with my hoard. Mind you, I'm sure Mrs. Reynolds slipped a few things in as well. She thinks I only eat properly every other weekend; when I'm home!"
They returned to the living room with their plates and continued their conversation. The time passed quickly and before they realized, it was 7:30.
Elizabeth made ready to take her leave. "I must be off. You have classes tomorrow, and I'm sure you still have some things to do to get ready."
"Yes, actually, I do." Georgiana said. Suddenly she exclaimed "Oh, I almost forgot! How dreadful of me. Just wait one minute." And she hurried out of the room. She returned momentarily with two parcels. Handing the larger one to Elizabeth she said "I picked this up for you to congratulate you on your achievement."
Elizabeth unwrapped it to discover a beautiful oak frame, with delicately carved roses on the outside edges. "This is lovely, Georgiana! You really shouldn't have."
"It's for your diploma. Everyone should have a special frame for their diploma. You worked so hard to get it, it should be displayed for all to see."
Elizabeth hardly knew what to say. But Georgiana handed her the other parcel. "This one is from Will."
Hesitantly, Elizabeth removed the paper. Inside the box she had uncovered lay an exquisite silk scarf. The colours were in rich autumn hues depicting a cascade of oak leaves and a celtic knotwork design in the centre. She was speechless. Georgiana was not.
"You must put it on! Look at the way the colours bring out the highlights in your hair! Just perfect."
Elizabeth obliged, and Georgiana led her over to a mirror near the front door. "Oh, it is beautiful! I don't know what to say. Thank you seems so inadequate."
"Never mind. I can't get over the way it complements your eyes! Look at how the colours all tie together."
"You must have picked this out, Georgiana."
"I swear I didn't," she objected.
"You expect me to believe that your brother picked this out himself?" Elizabeth asked incredulously.
Georgiana laughed softly. "You can believe what you like, but Will has impeccable taste. You should see the gifts he buys for me. My friends are all jealous that they don't have such thoughtful male relatives."
Elizabeth was still a bit in shock. "But this is certainly too much. I don't deserve anything this extravagant."
"My brother says it's not extravagant if it gives the recipient pleasure, and I must agree. That scarf suits you perfectly."
Elizabeth had to admit to herself that it did, indeed, suit her perfectly.
"That knotwork design looks familiar, but I can't place it. Every design has a meaning. I'll just have to look it up in the library. Oh, but I mustn't keep you any longer," Georgiana said.
Elizabeth called for a taxi and rejoiced that it would take no more than ten minutes to arrive. The ladies made their good-byes, one of them still a bit dazed, the other oblivious to the turmoil of her companion.
Over the next two weeks, packing kept Elizabeth's mind off many of the things troubling her. A bright spot in her agenda was when she received a telephone call from the publisher in Leeds informing her that they were very interested in hiring her, that some positions would be coming open in March, and she would be contacted in a few weeks for an interview. Elizabeth gave them Jane's number and address, as she would be spending the next couple of months there.
She managed to keep her last visit with Georgiana brief and on neutral ground. A quick coffee between the younger girl's afternoon classes on the Thursday before she left, and Elizabeth felt that she had done her duty. That particular situation was becoming too difficult to maintain.
Saturday came, everything had been shipped out to Netherfield, and with one last look around, she took William by the hand and didn't look back.
True to her word, Jane had provided Elizabeth with a large sum of money to spend on her week's holiday. Elizabeth decided to put her pride aside and go wild, taking William to aquariums, museums and exhibits, buying him toys, plush animals and t-shirts. Once, as the train passed through Derbyshire and William lay asleep in the seat beside her, Elizabeth gazed longingly out at the countryside and fantasized what her life would have been like had she accepted Will's proposal that long ago spring day in Kent. But she soon shook off her fanciful imagination. The nearest station was fifty miles from Pemberley, and not even she could imagine explaining a chance encounter on the grounds this time!
Jane met them at the door when at last they arrived at Netherfield. Elizabeth paid their taxi driver and watched as the servants took her cases inside.
"Did our things arrive all right from Manchester?" she enquired of her sister.
"Yes, no problem. We've stored them in one of the empty rooms on the third floor."
"It was so kind of you to offer me the space until I can get settled." Elizabeth had a promising lead on a job at the publisher in Leeds. "I've left your address and phone number with my neighbour back in Manchester in case anything should arise there."
Jane smiled tenderly. "You know I would do anything for you, Lizzie."
"My, look at you! Are you sure you still have three weeks to go? You look fit to burst now!" Elizabeth exclaimed. She gave her sister a gentle hug. "I'm so glad to see you, Jane! Thank you for the loan, for you know I'll pay you back every pound. William and I had a great time. Now it's my turn to look after you." She caught sight of her son disappearing around the corner towards the north garden. "Oh, bother. The imp's run off. Too long cooped up in the train and the taxi. No fear, I'll retrieve him and join you inside, okay? Don't stand out here in the cold. Go in and take a load off your feet."
She started out after William, ignoring Jane's cry of "Lizzie, I must tell you that we had an unexpected guest arrive yesterday! Oh, well. I suppose she'll find out soon enough." Jane retreated to the warmth of the house to await her sister and nephew in the drawing room.
Elizabeth rounded the corner only to see an empty expanse of snow covered lawn.
"How can he move so quickly?" she muttered. "No matter. Where there's snow, there are footprints." And so saying, she set off in the direction so clearly marked by his little feet.
William had headed in the direction of the hedges bordering the upper field, and Elizabeth quickened her pace to catch up. As she approached the greenery she could hear her son's voice, and, rounding the bushes, said:
"All right you little scamp, who do you think you are, running off without a proper......" The words stuck in her throat at the sight that greeted her on the other side of the hedge.
There was William, earnestly engaged in conversation with none other than Fitzwilliam Darcy! The latter had knelt down in the trampled, muddied snow to be on the boy's level.
Elizabeth's heart stopped. Her whole being wanted to scream. She thanked God that William was bundled up in his winter hat and coat, covering his telltale curly locks. But to herself, the two before her looked as if they'd been poured from the same mould as both looked toward her in surprise. Their expressions were comical, if she'd had the temerity to appreciate it, but all Elizabeth could see was her world about to crash down around her ears.
Why did I agree to come here? What had possessed him to come, now, of all times? And what can I possibly do to salvage this situation?
She was roused from her horrified thoughts by William's tiny voice. "Mummy?" and Darcy's start of shock at the appellation.
Snatching the boy's hand, she admonished "You didn't even say a proper hello to your Aunt Jane. She's waiting inside for us, now. It's too cold to be loitering in the gardens. Come along, now." Abruptly, Elizabeth marched back to the house, leaving an open-mouthed Darcy standing alone.
Part Five
Elizabeth couldn't face anyone, not yet. Not after that encounter in the garden!
As she entered the house and enquired of a footman as to the location of her room, she bade the man inform his mistress that she would be down after changing into some fresh clothes.
Marching William upstairs her thoughts were in a turmoil. After rummaging through her son's things and leaving him occupied with some toys, she watched him fretfully from the window alcove while pondering her next move.
She had no answers, though, and was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. William looked up, but knowing he was out of his mother's favour at the moment, quietly turned his attention back to his cars.
Jane didn't wait for an answer and peered into the room as she opened the door. Seeing her sister's agitated state, she came in and shut the door behind her.
"Lizzie, I'm sorry, I tried to warn you that he was here, but you ran off after William so quickly......Lizzie what is it? Will said he'd run into you two outside, but I hoped you could put aside your past differences and at least be civil."
As she approached Elizabeth, William looked up at his aunt and said "Hello Aunt Jane. Thank you for inviting Mommy and me to stay with you." It was halting and not altogether understandable to an unaccustomed ear, but Jane smiled as she replied.
"Hello yourself, William. I hope you enjoy your stay here." She stopped as she looked fully on the young boy and truly saw him for the first time. With a gasp she turned to Elizabeth. "Lizzie, tell me I'm seeing things! It's not.....His father isn't......"
"Fitzwilliam Darcy." Elizabeth finished hoarsely.
Jane closed her eyes and expelled a long shuddering breath. "Oh, good gracious, Lizzie. I don't know what to say! You've kept him in the dark all this time, and now I've plunked you right into the middle of the biggest mess.....But you must believe me, I had no idea! And he just showed up out of the blue yesterday! We haven't seen him for ages, although he's written somewhat irregularly to Charles.......But still......oh Lord, Lizzie, what can I do? Do you think he knows?"
"You'd be in a better position to answer that last; after all you left him less than five minutes ago." Elizabeth paced the room as she spoke.
Jane thought back. "No. No, I don't think he noticed. He seemed surprised, yes, surprised. Probably didn't know you had a child. That's it. But Lizzie....."
"If you could see the resemblance in two seconds flat, how am I going to prevent him from seeing it?" Elizabeth plaintively asked. "I'm sure he's looked into a mirror once or twice."
"It's perfectly clear that you have two options. One-"
"I could leave."
"No! The time of reckoning is at hand, my girl. Face it. Did you think you could keep him in the dark forever? You have the perfect opportunity now to confess everything and get it all out in the open. Think of it! No more hiding, no more guilt. You can't fool me into believing that you want to continue on in this fashion. You can go downstairs right now and tell him privately before bringing William down." She glanced at the child, innocently playing with his cars. "William. So obvious, Lizzie. Why didn't I see it earlier?"
"Because you're not the least suspicious and thought I disliked him." replied Elizabeth kindly. "What's my second option?"
"Let William's appearance speak for itself. Say nothing, and leave it up to Will to acknowledge the relationship......or not. He can't not notice! And then the ball is in his court."
Elizabeth thought for a minute, but shook her head. "No, Jane. That's exactly what I'm afraid of. Court! What if he decides he wants to keep William with him at Pemberley? He certainly has more power to sway a judge than I do! I can't offer my son the same kind of stability right now, not until I have a job! So with the choices you've given me, either I'm a coward and leave him to figure it out, or .......what do I say? Oh, by the way, this is your son. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but oh well! and hope he doesn't want anything to do with us?"
"Elizabeth Bennet! There is no need to be flippant! Besides, haven't you been taking the coward's way out all along? You said, yourself, that you loved him. Surely that's a place to start?"
"When did I say that?"
"When I called you late that night about your exams." Jane reminded her. "You'd been drinking wine and your conversation was very revealing. You also promised to let me help you sort out this messy situation. And that's exactly what I'm going to do!"
"Then you tell him." Elizabeth pouted.
"Don't be childish. If that's your strategy for handling your difficulties, maybe I'll just pump you full of wine and lock you in the library with Will! You can be very enlightening with a dose of alcohol."
Momentarily tempted by the thought, it took only one look at the expression on Jane's face and her sister came to a decision, albeit a temporary one. "All right. I surrender. I'll need more time, though. I just don't know how I'll be able to explain anything to him. First, I need to arrange for William to go to Longbourn for a few days. I don't want him here if things get ugly. And I have to work up my courage." Looking at Jane once more, Elizabeth said firmly, "Don't push me any harder on this, Jane. You've made me realize the foolishness of my actions, but I still have to work out the resolution by myself, and in my own way. I promise you, I will tell him."
Jane patted her sister's arm encouragingly. "It will all work out fine, I'm sure. Once you two get over the initial awkwardness, everything will fall into place. Who knows, maybe he'll want you and William at Pemberley with him." She raised her eyebrows hopefully.
Elizabeth felt like burying her head in her arms and sobbing. "Jane, you are the eternal optimist. Do you ever see the worst-case scenario in any situation?"
Jane smiled. "Yes, but I never accept it will happen. Are you coming back downstairs with me?"
Elizabeth looked to where William had been playing and noted that he had fallen asleep on the floor, a toy car still firmly in the grip of his little hand. Resignedly she said "Okay. Just let me cover the little pumpkin up with a blanket, first."
"I'll send the cook's daughter up to watch him for the afternoon," Jane volunteered.
Elizabeth sighed. Pulling her son's favourite animal blanket from his suitcase, she lovingly tucked it around his sleeping form. Kissing him lightly on the forehead, she rose and turned to her sister.
"Right. Lead on Macduff." She paused in the doorway to look at Jane. "You won't leave me alone with him, will you?"
Jane's face softened. "Lizzie, now you're being silly. As much as you may desire my presence, I'm sure Will won't want me there once you've told him the truth. You two will have plenty to discuss. But, since you don't plan on saying anything right away, I promise not to leave you alone with him. Tonight."
Elizabeth cast her a sharp look as they continued on their way. She didn't quite like the sound of that. "I really do need to apologize to him for my earlier rudeness. I didn't even acknowledge his presence when I found him with William in the garden. I was so horrified at finding them together."
"I don't think he really noticed. He didn't seem at all offended. Just distracted, probably as surprised as you. Well maybe not as much as you. He did know you were expected."
All the way downstairs to the drawing room Elizabeth attempted to compose herself; but if the walk had been the three miles back to Longbourn she would still be unprepared. Resignedly, she drew her shoulders together and followed Jane through the door.
Fitzwilliam Darcy turned to Charles Bingley as Jane had left the drawing room to check on her sister...
"I didn't realize you were an uncle, Charles. You've never said anything."
Charles' gaze narrowed as he watched his friend closely. "What would you have had me tell you? I'm probably the only person to whom you've confessed your feelings for Elizabeth; how could I be so cruel?"
Darcy sank dejectedly into a chair. "You might have at least told me that she was married!"
Charles looked at him curiously. "You came here hoping to see her, didn't you?" At Darcy's grimace he continued heatedly, "Good Lord, man, why did you have to distance yourself from us all this time? Maybe if you'd been around more, Elizabeth would have seen what pleasant company you had become, and she may have been spared all the trouble that has befallen her."
Darcy looked up sharply. "Trouble? What trouble? Her husband! Is he abusive? Tell me Charles!"
The other man suppressed the absurd urge to laugh at his friend's distress. "Calm down, Will. She isn't married and never was. Whoever her son's father is, he left her and hasn't even shown the decency to offer Elizabeth any financial support. She has struggled through university for the last two and a half years, raising a child on her own. She put as much distance as she could between herself and her mother, (you can imagine Mrs. Bennet's reaction to all of this!), and hasn't made any effort to visit family or friends in all that time. Oddly enough, just like you! But at least Elizabeth would still write or call." He cast a critical eye on Darcy's figure. "Just look at yourself, man! I would hardly have recognized you after all this time, you appear so haggard. What have you been doing to yourself?"
Darcy ignored the question. "Georgiana never said a word about Elizabeth having a child." he muttered.
"Georgiana?"
Darcy looked up. "Yes, she's seen Elizabeth a few times in Manchester in the last three months. Between my sister's information and yours, I knew she would be coming to visit and when. I also knew I had to come, if only to finally get her out of my system forever." He passed a hand wearily across his eyes. "When Georgiana first mentioned Elizabeth's name last November, I felt as if a light had gone on in an unused portion of my brain. I realized I had been waiting all these years for an opportunity to see her again. I plotted, and pried for news of her from both you and my sister, and at least here I met with success."
"You do have it bad." Charles was sympathetic. "But you are hardly going to recommend yourself with such a cheerless disposition!"
"Who's the father of her boy?" Darcy changed the subject once again.
"That is one mystery for which even Jane has no answer. Elizabeth has been very tight-lipped about that. She has been almost paranoid about keeping everything to herself where her son is concerned. We don't even receive pictures of him, and they rarely visit. This is the first time in over a year that she's come back to Meryton." Charles gave a sigh and sat down opposite Darcy. "Jane has been worried sick about her sister from the beginning. She was thrilled when Elizabeth finally promised to come and stay with us awhile. You know she just received her degree at Christmas? It looks like she might have a job lined up already. I'll be so happy for her, if this is a sign things are starting to go in her favour."
"Has it really been that bad for her?"
Charles looked askance at his companion. "I know you have money to burn, but really, you don't live in a closet, Will! You must be aware how difficult it is for a single woman, trying to raise a child alone, to continue her education and try to improve her circumstances! Mr. Bennet gave her a healthy cheque every month for as long as he could afford to, and then Jane and I took over that commitment, though Elizabeth believes it still comes from her father. She could never have survived without it." Seeing Darcy's pained expression he continued encouragingly. "Of course, a husband with a healthy bank account could go a long way to easing her mind. She has more than just herself to think about, now." He looked significantly at his friend.
"Stop it, Charles! We both know it will take a lot more than my pocketbook to win over Elizabeth's heart. It was certainly insufficient the last time I proposed to her."
Charles snorted. "Don't be stupid! Use that great brain of yours for once! You can be charming and sensitive, if you'd put aside that stuffy facade of yours. Show her how you feel and treat her accordingly!"
Darcy appeared thoughtful, and Charles, encouraged, went on. "Of course, there is an added surety. The boy! Show an interest in him. Elizabeth's whole world has revolved around him. A mother's pride cannot be insensitive to any attentions to her son."
He failed to notice Darcy's ironic smile at his reference to Elizabeth's pride. Use her pride against her, as she used mine against me. There might be something in that.
"Perhaps," he said aloud, "perhaps."
Charles waited impatiently for him to continue, but when Will's silence showed no sign of breaking he burst out "You spend far too much time thinking, my friend! Just go to it! And for heaven's sake, put some sort of smile on your face." He caught the sound of footsteps outside the door. "Ah, the moment is at hand, it appears. That should be the ladies, now. Don't disappoint me Will!"
Charles turned towards the door while Will struggled between the urge to flee, and the overwhelming urge to stay. Summoning up every ounce of control he possessed, he assumed what he thought was a calm demeanor, and listened expectantly for the sound of Elizabeth's voice.
As she entered the room Elizabeth's courage wavered. Charles came forward to greet her enthusiastically. Following a polite exchange of pleasantries with her brother-in-law, Elizabeth approached the other man with a quickening pulse.
"Mr. Darcy," she said as he looked at her enquiringly. "I must apologize for my rude behavior in the garden a while ago--"
He interrupted her. "No, it's quite all right. You were concerned with what your son had gotten up to.....I understand."
Had Elizabeth not been preoccupied with her own feelings, she might have noticed how his voice trembled slightly during his remark, but she plunged ahead, not wanting to lose her momentum.
"Well, I believe it was inexcusable." She drew a deep breath. "Please forgive me for not greeting you properly. I'd also like to take advantage of the opportunity to thank you for the beautiful scarf you sent. It is one of the most gorgeous pieces I've seen. I can't think what I've done to deserve such a gift."
A smile crept across Will's face, and Elizabeth felt as if she was standing at the edge of a precipice. "I'm happy to hear that you like it." His eyes locked on hers, and his voice lowered until it was almost a whisper. "You deserve much more than a mere piece of silk, however much it becomes you."
Elizabeth's legs threatened to dissolve, and she reached for the chair beside her. Will's hand was immediately upon her arm, assisting her.
"Are you well?" He appeared all concern.
Elizabeth smiled in reassurance. "Yes, just a little tired is all. We've spent the last week traveling. It will be nice to be in one place for a while." She threw a glance in her sister's direction, pleading for assistance.
Jane came forward. "It will be nice to have you here, Lizzie. You have been away too long. And you, Will, have also been hiding yourself from us. It's wonderful to see you both again."
The spell momentarily broken, Elizabeth starting breathing again. She stole a glance at Will as he took a seat on the chair opposite her. He hasn't changed. He's just as handsome as ever. She quickly looked away as his head turned in her direction.
"Elizabeth," he said softly. She faced him, eyebrows raised. "I want to thank you for your kindness to Georgiana these last few months. It has helped her enormously to have a friend nearby while living away from home. I'm afraid I've been rather useless to her for quite a while. But I'm hoping all that will change soon." Very soon if that look in your eyes means what I hope it does.
"How could I not help her out? I well remember what it was like being in an unfamiliar city amongst strangers," she exclaimed.
Jane joined in the conversation. "Yes, Lizzie, you couldn't have had an easy time when you first moved to Manchester. I remember some of your late night phone calls as being little more than pleas for human contact!"
Elizabeth laughed. "Tell the whole truth, Jane. All of my calls were like that!"
Charles ventured into the fray with "I can attest to that! My new wife was constantly on the phone in the evenings."
"You couldn't tempt her away?" Elizabeth teased.
"Even I would know better than to come between the two of you! It's not a matter of preference, for I know that my dearest Jane loves me unequivocally. But I still had her with me when your conversation was through. I couldn't deprive you, Lizzie, of the pleasure derived from your sister's sparkling personality."
Jane swatted her hand at her husband. "Oh, stop talking such nonsense!" Suddenly she exclaimed "Oh, where are my manners? Lizzie, I haven't even offered you any refreshments! Would you like something to drink? Some wine, perhaps?" and she grinned wickedly.
The look Elizabeth sent her would have flattened a house. "I believe tea would be sufficient, dear sister." she said evenly.
"Well, it's a good thing that I already called for some, then," Charles said. "And here it is!" he added as the door to the drawing room opened, followed by a footman bearing a tray.
The tea was poured and served. The warm beverage worked as a balm on Elizabeth's frayed nerves. For the most part, she was silent, content to listen to Charles and Will chatter about politics and stock markets. She noticed Jane struggling to keep her eyes open. Leaning in close to her sister, she whispered, "Their topics of conversation are quite dull aren't they?"
Jane chuckled. "I'm sorry, Lizzie. But it's past my nap time."
Elizabeth nodded sympathetically. "I remember needing a nap every afternoon during the last month of my pregnancy. But I still had classes to attend. I must have resembled a zombie!"
"My dear," Charles spoke up, "you shouldn't mind any of us. Go ahead and get some rest. Don't think you need to play hostess. Elizabeth is family, and Will is as good as. He's put up with me for all these years!"
The others voiced their agreement, so Jane gave in. "Thank you. I really do need to get some sleep." Seeing her sister looking relaxed and comfortable, she turned to her husband. "Charles, would you mind helping me upstairs? I don't think I should take the stairs alone."
"Certainly," he said, springing from his chair.
Elizabeth shifted self-consciously. The door closed behind her brother-in-law and she and Will were alone. She looked at him and smiled nervously. There was silence until Will said:
"So, uh, where is your little boy? Confined to his quarters for his earlier transgressions?" He grinned, showing her that he was only teasing.
Elizabeth rested her cup in its saucer. "No, actually, he fell asleep upstairs. He usually naps a bit earlier in the day, but our traveling played havoc with his schedule. It'll take a few days to get him turned around again."
"He seems to be a bright little lad." Will ventured once more. "What do you call him?"
"Will--" Elizabeth began, and cleared her throat before continuing. "William." she stated more firmly. She watched him for some reaction but his face betrayed nothing.
"Hmm. I didn't have very long to speak with him in the garden. Is he much like you?"
Oh, please change the subject! Elizabeth begged silently. Aloud she replied, "No....yes....Well, it's hard to say. In some respects; he has my mischievous streak."
"And your eyes." Suddenly realizing what he had just said, and that he was staring at her again, Will added, "They were bright. Probably from the exercise." That was lame, Will Darcy. Why not just shoot yourself now?
But Elizabeth was smiling. He looks so adorable when he's flustered. "All this talk of my son has reminded me that I must go and check on him. He should be waking up soon, and I have some arrangements to make before dinner." She rose, and Will scrambled to his feet.
"I understand that dinner is at 7:30." he said hopefully.
"Well then, I'll see you at 7:30." Her eyes sparkled as she turned and headed for the door.
Will watched her retreating figure, and only when he heard the soft click, and knew the door was indeed closed, did he expel the breath he was holding and sink back down into his seat.
"To think that I actually entertained the notion that I could ever forget her! My God, I'm even worse off than before! Is there life without Elizabeth Bennet?"
A most emphatic "No" reverberated in his head.