Beginning, Previous Section, Section III, Next Section

Part 10

Posted on Monday, 31-Aug-98

lla was the first to recover, and ducked behind her sister to catch her breath. No…this isn't happening to me!!!!

Mary turned around. "Ella…" she began, but was interrupted by a gust of cream lace that burst into the room.

"Auntie Ella!" Cassy Gardiner ran into the room, flinging herself to Ella's feet.

Ella tore her gaze from William to look at the little girl. Her aunt Gardiner's granddaughter. "Why, hello Cassy!" she said, taking the distraction with relief.

She knelt down by the girl, who hugged her auntie.

Ella then straightened out the skirts of the cream frilly dress Cassy wore, and tilted the hat to a very cute angle. "And are you ready to walk, you little angel?"

Cassy smiled. "I have my basket right here!"

It was filled with white rose petals. Ella smiled. "And you remember what to do?"

"Walk down, take a handful, throw them on the floor, and don't sneeze or do anything weird."

"I take it Auntie Lydia gave you instructions, didn't she?" she touched the little girl's nose. "Well, I guess Auntie Lydia covered everything." She stood up, not looking at all in William's direction. "Mary, I've got to get your veil all nice, so no more fidgeting."

William, at this moment, stood in indecision. Was Ella his date for tonight, at the reception? It was too good to be possible. He looked at dread at the other two women in bridesmaid gowns. One was Jayne, and Charlie would kill him if he went out with Jayne, and the other one…well, though she appeared to be nice, she wasn't Ellayne…

Mary sighed at Ella, and took her hands. "I look fine. Let's get into our procession. Please?"

Ella sighed, and looked to Jayne, with panic on her features. She seemed planted to the floor. Before, it seemed to easy to walk down the aisle next to an absolute stranger. But now, to walk down that aisle, with well, William Darcy…

Jayne stood behind her, and gently nudged her. Ella wouldn't move. So Jayne shoved her. Ella stumbled forward, with Cassy's little hand in hers. "All right, darling…" she told the little girl, sending a scowl back at Jayne. "You start the line. I'm going to follow you."

"With that really hot guy that Uncle Richie's setting you up with?"

Ella bloomed. She looked to Mary, who shrugged. "Don't listen to Auntie Lydia anymore. Now, I'll be right behind you, and Auntie Jayne and Maria are walking right behind us, and then behind us is your great uncle and Auntie Mary. All right?"

Cassy sighed. "All right."

Cassy started out the door, and Ella didn't look at William at all, but took the arm he offered her, and looked straight ahead, though she knew he was watching her profile. She turned away, and looked back to see Jayne and Maria linking arms, and following. Maria gave her a bawdy wink, and Ella immediately turned back, as William led her out of the room.

She couldn't help but dream of her own wedding right at this instant, as she was guided down the red carpet, which was matted with a light smattering of white rose petals.

The fly-away feeling in her was evident. Mary had chosen their family church, and the lights were dimmed now. The stained glass windows were glittering, and there was a whole air of romanticism. She felt like the air was velvet. And sighs ran through her as light as silk.

The man at her arm…she felt herself almost start the fantasy in her mind…walking down the aisle, and meeting him at that altar, and turning, and looking into his deep, creamy chocolate eyes…which were mesmerized in hers, not looking away, not paying any attention to the world around them…

She felt something burst in her as she realized that she was staring now.

She blushed, and turned away, looking straight ahead, once more.

He looked extremely well. His hair was cut, she noticed, but still looked as soft, and as tempting to touch. His jaw was still set, but had a softness. Maybe it was the dimness. His eyes were warm. They melted everything in herself. They melted away her mind, and tricked her into seeing him without realizing it. And his lips…

Still twisted into that boyish smile. She could still feel those lips, on hers…

She could taste it in her mouth right now. Her whole body shuddered as she tried to remember that this was her sister's wedding.

As they reached the altar, she felt his arm withdraw, and she stood at the side of the altar, and turned to look for Mary and her father, who were now at the door. However, her eyes met William's, and she was unable to look away.

This is going to be a long ceremony.

"Come on! The bride with her party!" the photographer smiled.

Ella smiled to the camera, standing between Mary and Jayne, as Maria was on the other side.

Flowers were everywhere, though it was the middle of February. Ella laughed as Jayne made a silly face to the camera, and Mary joined in. Maria made a gesture to kick Ella in the butt, and Ella turned so that her butt faced Maria and a gloved hand when into a mockingly scandalized look.

Rich laughed on the side, as the photographer shooed away Jayne and Maria for a picture of just Ella and Mary.

They smiled for a formal, and then, Ella simply took her sister in Tango position, and dipped her, and that was how the camera captured them.

"All right, bride and groom!"

Ella smiled, getting out, and turned and had stars glittering around her mind when she saw Rich put his arms around Mary and kiss her cheek for a picture. Another had Mary turning to look into his gaze. The look was intense, and so loving that Ella felt the temperature go up from many feet away.

"All right, best man get in there!"

William entered the scene, and Ella's heart gave a flutter.

She had known he was watching the pictures being taken, and that had made her feel a little more apprehensive than usual. But, of course, she couldn't really say that she couldn't be herself because a man was watching her.

They stood for the formal, with Mary between the two men. Ella laughed as William then took Mary away into a waltz-like position and gave Rich a booting gesture, as Rich posed in a jealous manner, trying to contain his laughter.

William looked very handsome. He wore a black tuxedo, which suited his nice build excellently. Both his bow tie and his vest were of a dark red, black and gold spider-web pattern. The red matched hers, and there was a deep red rose that was the exact same color as the crown of roses in her hair in his breast pocket.

"Come on, let's get the maid of honor up here!"

Ella joined them, smiling nervously.

Rich immediately took her. "Will you run away with me? My wife seems to have found someone else, and I've been heartbroken…"

"Depends. Where are you going? Got lots of cash?" Ella asked, and an airy, ditzy fashion.

Mary stepped from William, laughing. "No no, he's poor, leave him…"

"He's only a Fitzwilliam!" Ella laughed. "But then again, I hear them Darcys got some cash too!" she gave a broad wink at William.

"All right, let's get some formals."

William and Ella were on the ends of the line, William by Richard, and Ella by Mary. "Wonderful!" the photographer smiled.

"Now maid of honor and best man, please?" Rich smiled to photographer.

Ella started to shake her head, "This is your wedding. You have to be in every picture."

"No, you're too cute together to go without a picture! Besides, we set you up. We want a picture to remember this!" Mary winked.

Ella fidgeted with her gloved hands, glad that her sweaty hands were hidden underneath the lace fabric. William took them, noting her fidgeting and whispered softly, "I never thought you were camera-shy." He was wearing the cufflinks she had given him for Christmas. Something in her glowed with happiness. She looked up at him, as he looked back at her. Their eyelock was as intense as Mary and Rich's. Little did they know that photographer chose that moment to photograph.

They made quite a scene, Jayne sighed. Standing among the roses on the trellis, of the church walls, with hands in each others', they looked like they were taking a few vows themselves.

Ella coughed a sigh. "I'm non-photogenic," she stammered out, trying to unscramble her brain. She turned to the photographer. "Can we get on with the picture?"

"I already took them."

Ella was in a daze as she started to walk away, but William took her hand, and when she turned back to look at him, he pointed to the photographer. The photographer smiled, and said, "We didn't get any formals."

Ella stood with her feet flying and head spinning and heart sinking. But outwardly, she reflected nothing. But every part that was touching even the cloth he was wearing, or the air he was breathing, tingled.

Ella gave a smile to the camera, and nearly jumped in surprise as William wound his arm in front of her stomach. She could feel his breath on her neck, and at this moment, she sincerely wished she had worn her hair down. If she had, then the itchies wouldn't be crawling up and down her spine, and growing from that spot on her neck that was exposed to his breath.

And yet, there was something nice about this. The warmth of something all around her, like a big warm blanket. The hominess, the sweetness, the comfort of hot chocolate, quilts, sweaters. A sigh started in her heart, and moved throughout her system, taking her legs, and arms, and even her mind. It was on her lips when she realized that William was supporting her at this moment…that she had lost feeling in her limbs. All feeling except for that warmth.

She shook her head, and pressed her fingers to her temples. "I'm sorry. It's just that I'm so tired." She breathed out lightly, as if still dreaming. "I've been up all night, worrying about the wedding with Mary and Em."

At this moment, Em entered the hall, and kissed Mary on the cheek. "You were beautiful Mary."

"Thank you so much, Em."

Emily Woodhaven smiled, her golden hair twisted up professionally. "Well, my job isn't over yet. You're married now," she smiled to Rich and Mary. "Oh, I love weddings, they make me so happy. That's why I love coordinating them."

"I'm just so happy that you could do our wedding!" Mary smiled. "Really, I can't believe we got the Emily Woodhaven, leading editor of Wedding Magazine to coordinate our wedding!"

"Well, I always wanted to see this guy settled," she pinched Rich's cheeks. "And besides, Greg would have killed me if I didn't come in the first place."

"Greg? Your husband?" Mary asked, curiously.

Em laughed, surprise very evident upon her face. "Oh no. I certainly hope not. No, Greg Knightly's a family friend of mine. But he's better known to you as one of Rich's pals. Greg, Rich, and William over there used to be the three musketeers…"

"Three stooges…" Mary laughed.

"Three little pigs…" Ella teased.

Em continued, eyes shining with mirth. "I went to school with them…only a year behind all three. They used to do everything together. And I knew them. They had to be the three most adamant against commitment. They broke the hearts of all the female population back at home! And Greg, well, when he told me that Richard Fitzwilliam actually fell in love, I had to meet the woman who made the impossible possible. And so I have, and when she called me up to request for my help, well, I was more than willing!" she smiled to Mary. "I hope to see you often, Mary."

"I hope to see you too, Em."

Emily winked. "While the tough part for you two is over," she smiled to Rich and Mary. "My part's only beginning. I hope this wedding reception is as wonderful as I hoped it would be…oh! I was going to ask…" Em smiled to Ella, and William who stood next to her. Em stepped forward and kissed William on the cheek. "You, I haven't seen you often. Your mother worries. Maybe you should visit."

William rolled his eyes. "I could be in my own room at home and she'd still worry. I assure you, she's fine."

"Well, more importantly, when are you two going to be married? I beg of you, please let me help out? I just took one look at you and was inspired to do all these things. You have to let me. You have the perfect look, and your spirits…you give off a sense of warmth. I like that."

Ella's color vanished. Thoughts flew to that moment, in Hallmark, when their gushy sentimental acting had made them appeared engaged. What was it this time?

"Still trying to convince her…" William whispered teasingly to Em.

Em looked at William and smiled. "Good luck. I want to see you get married now, and then, we'll get old Greg settled with some nice rich perfect woman who shouldn't exist…"

William looked warningly at Em. "I'd scold you about your silly matchmaking, but I'll let Greg take care of it…"

Em sighed, rolling her eyes. She then looked to Ella. "I like you. You look like you've got all that spirit that William needs. Don't let him win too easily! Win him first," she winked. "Call me when you got the rock on your finger and I'll help you wear the tiara at the wedding!" she smiled, putting a card in Ella's hands, and kissing her on the cheek. "You two are absolutely darling!"

Ella was stunned, but not so stunned that she realized what a adorable person Em was. She ought to be on her feet denying the attraction that Em was alleging, but another thought came into her mind. "You're wonderful too!" Her thoughts flew to another Austen novel, and her lips twisted into a mischievous curve. She leaned forward and whispered into Ema's ear. "Don't let Greg step on your toes either. It makes for a more interesting romance."

Em's face burned with embarrassment, and slight confusion, as her smile grew wider and her eyes reflected a stunning radiance. Ella smiled to her, and they knew that a connection was made, thick and binding. They were friends for life.

"Em!"

Em turned to the young handsome man who now approached the group. Mary was taking with Jayne and Maria, and William was with Rich. Both men turned to grin at the last in their trio. "Greg!"

They embraced, and Greg looked at Mary. "You're right, she's an absolute princess!" Greg smiled to Rich. "You're a very lucky man. It's a surprise though. I always thought you were going to be the last one of us."

"No, you are. You're more stubborn than I am. William was supposed to be the first though. Sappy romantic he is, after all…."

Ella smiled to the blushing William, and walked to him, and threaded her arm through his, and leaned against it. Sappy romantics had to stick together. "Well, you're not making fun of him. I happen to like sappy romantics. Women always do," she smiled to William, kissing him.

The feeling was heady, but delightful. She had kissed him on a whim. After all, kissing him was tasting a special kind of chocolate, or tasting a special kind of wine. You could never get enough. And in this environment, he knew she was teasing. Though…she did wish that there was something different in the circumstances. His place in society…his money…the distance between Pemberley and Longbourn…the wedding could be theirs instead of her sister's and his friend's…this kiss could be real…

But that wish list was a little too long, wasn't it? She let his lips go as she cleared her throat to look at the other two men, who appeared stunned and smiling slyly to William. Rich was talking, but Ella was struggling to hear the words above the pounding of her head against the wall of frustrations.

"…and when I saw their faces when I introduced them, Greg. It appears they already know each other!"

Ella smiled and tried to get her voice. "Actually, I teach his sister. And his friend's thinking of teaching at Longbourn next year. Actually, he's accepted their offer. So I guess we were bound to meet, somehow."

"It was fate…" William said, looking at her uplifted face, kissing her lightly on the nose.

The other two made gross faces as the women sighed.

"And how romantic, Valentine's day!" Em sighed. "Fancy meeting again on Valentine's day!"

"I had no idea that I was being set up with him…" Ella smiled to them. "It just happened, and I saw him, and I felt I was ready to faint."

"Like she did when she first saw me…" Rich began conversationally.

They laughed while Ella blushed when Rich frowned. "Wait, William, I thought you said Ana could come! Where is the girl?"

"Busy in England with my aunt."

"Kat or Theresa?"

"Both…I guess…plus, Ana, you know. She loves her aunts."

Ella wanted to laugh. Who could love Catherine deBourgh? She kept her comments to herself.

"What time is it?" Maria asked, curiously.

Greg checked his watch and smiled to them. "The bride and groom are officially an hour late for their own reception."

"I love my sis. She's so wonderfully full of surprises, and beauties. She radiates them so much now that she is a star half the time, and have to wear sunglasses, even in the evenings. I'm so glad she met Richard. You two are perfect. And in tribute to Mary, I want to sing a song that our family used to learn together when we were young. Taught to us by out mother…" Ella smiled wickedly to her mother. "Just kidding…" Although the ideas in this song are hauntingly familiar to us…she could have written this! "Girls?"

Kitty, Lyddie, and Jayne got up on the stage, and stood at the three microphones at the side of the stage for backup vocals, as Ella held the main one in her hands at this moment. "Ready?" she turned back to them.

They nodded, knowing which song it was. Lyddie was ready to burst out laughing. "This is for Mary."

Wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'
Plannin' and dreamin' each night of his charms
That won't get you into his arms

So if you're lookin' to find love you can share
All you gotta do is
Hold him and kiss him and love him
And show him that you care

Show him that you care just for him
Do the things he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him, 'cause
You won't get him
Thinkin' and a-prayin'
Wishin' and a-hopin'

Just wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'
Plannin' and dreamin' his kiss is the start
That won't get you into his heart

So if you're lookin' to find love you can share
All you gotta do is
Hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and love him
Yeah, just do it and after you do, you will be his

Show him that you care just for him
Do the things he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him, 'cause
You won't get him
Thinkin' and a-prayin'
Wishin' and a-hopin'

Just wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'
Plannin' and dreamin' his kiss is the start
That won't get you into his heart

So if you're lookin' to find love you can share
All you gotta do is
Hold him and kiss him and squeeze him and love him
Yeah, just do it and after you do, you will be his
You will be his
You will be his

Ella winked at Mary and smiled into the microphone. The diners at the tables all applauded the girls. Ella smiled to Jayne, who hugged her and whispered into her ears. "You're always wonderful, Ella."

Ella stepped off the stage as she went to her mother and kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh that was beautiful, Ella!" her mother smiled. "And did you see how beautiful you all looked? I saw, Michael, we raised some beautiful young daughters."

Mike smiled at his wife and then to his daughter. Ella whispered into his ear. "She didn't get it."

"They never do!" he whispered back, and kissed her on the cheek. "It's been a while since I've heard that pretty voice of yours. You used to sing nonsensical songs all around the house when you were little. I miss that."

Ella blushed, and left her parents to join her sisters, who were all hugging Mary. Mary smiled to Ella. "That was evil! I nearly fell out of my seat!"

Ella hugged her sister. "My tribute to you. And besides, I always thought it fitted us rather well…"

"I always wanted you to sing at my wedding, anyway…" Mary said.

"Attention…now it's time for the bride and groom to take the floor!" Em smiled into the microphone.

Mary blushed at Rich, as he took her hand gently and worshipfully into his.

They danced as if they saw no one else…

Ella looked at Jayne. "Getting a little steamy…" she whispered.

Jayne looked Ella. "Of course…"

Soft, heavenly eyes
Gazed into me
Transcending space and time
And I was rendered still
There were no words for me to find at all
As I stood there besides myself
I could see you and no one else

When I saw you
When I saw you
I could not breathe I fell so deep
When I saw you
When I saw you
I'd never be, I'd never be the same…

Only once in a lifetime
Love rushes in, changing you with a tide
And dawn's ribbon of light burst through the dark
Wakening you inside
And I thought it was all untrue
Until there all at once I knew

When I saw you
When I saw you
I could not breathe I fell so deep
When I saw you
When I saw you
I'd never be, I'd never be the same…

With no beginning and
Without an end
You are the one for me
And it's evident
And your eyes told me so
And your eyes let me know

When I saw you
When I saw you
I could not breathe I fell so deep
When I saw you
When I saw you
I'd never be, I'd never be the same…

No…never be the same…

Jayne had tears in their eyes as the couple finished their dance. Mary had chosen the song. Ella had a wide grin on her face.

"Now, the bride and groom would like to invite the rest of you to join in."

Jayne looked at Ella and winked as they saw their father and mother step out onto the dance floor. Fight, they might do, but in the end, they were in love.

Ella sighed. "Ah…well, the perfect wedding…"

"May I have this dance?"

Her spine quivered. She recognized that voice. And she calmed herself down, letting the color drift slowly away from her face. She turned to William, and smiled. "Of course. It's tradition!"

He took her hand and guided her out on the dance floor.

He smiled. "I think you were ready to faint when you saw me…"

Ella laughed. "It's not everyday when your brother-in-law's friend ends up being someone you know."

He gently ran his hand up and down her back, as she felt herself shiver inwardly. "You look beautiful."

"You do too…I mean…handsome…" she blushed.

William laughed. "So your sister's the enchantress who conquered Richard the Lionhearted."

Ella laughed. "Well, it could be said that the ice queen melted when she met Richard. I've never seen Mary so happy. It's as if when she met Rich, a whole new person came out. I'll be sorry to see her go to West Point."

"And you and Jayne are still at Longbourn?"

"Of course. Now that Charlie's there, I don't think Jayne will be relocating soon."

"And you?"

"Hm…well, Longbourn's English program is very wonderful…it's only behind Pemberley's…I guess, then, that if I were to leave Longbourn, the only place I'd go to would be…"

"Pemberley…" he looked at her. "And we could probably see each other very often, couldn't we?"

His eyes were focused on hers, and she felt as if she was drowning in his gaze…either that, or melting.

"I…um…I went to Pemberley…" she began, conversationally.

"You did?"

"Class of '93. Got my Ph.D. there. I love it. It's so beautiful there…"

"Yes, I graduated '90. I started out at Longbourn, though. I went from Longbourn to Pemberley in '94."

"You're kidding!" Ella smiled. "I entered Longbourn in '95!"

"No joking. It seems we have a lot more in common than we thought…" he looked at her, trying to make her understand. Trying to make himself understand. Whatever fate had put them together for tonight, it was special. He was not taking well to her avoidance game. And he was not going to let her go without an explanation this time.

Ella simply looked away from his eyes into the rose in his breast pocket. She stepped closer to him, and closed her eyes, taking in his cologne. She felt herself shake, her heart tremble. It hurt. She opened her lips to softly say into his jacket. "We have to stop this, William. You have to stop this."

Part 11

Posted on Thursday, 03-Sep-98

William felt his heart sinking. "Ellayne…" he said.

The song was ending, and Ella pushed herself back in his embrace to look at him, and then look away. Her heart was wrenching itself from her body, and she was almost sure it was in her now stinging eyes, but she would not let him know that. "Don't call me that…it hurts…" she managed to get past the anvil in her throat.

"Then what should I call you?" he asked, feeling his own throat constricting.

"Don't call me anything. Don't call me," she tangled her hands, and untangled them.

William took her arm, and guided her from the ball room through the busy, maybe slightly curious crowd, to an empty room, where they stood, facing each other down.

"Ellayne…Ellayne…what's the matter?" his hands went to her cheeks, caressing them as she turned away, mumbling "no".

The softness of his look, the softness of his hands, the softness of his tone. Why did he have to be so wonderful? Why couldn't she just toss him aside, like Bill Collins? It's too late, Ella. You love him. You idiot, you couldn't save yourself quick enough. It's going to hurt enough right now. Get out now, before it starts to tear you apart! Her face hardened, and she fought back tears, and felt them freeze inside of her. She took a mask of irritation, and a scowl soon wrinkled her smooth calm eyes. Though she was not looking at him, William knew. And he could feel. The air was colder. "Look, can't you take a hint?" she said, icicles on her breath, icicles in her heart…closing it quickly, erasing the memory of warmth, as permanent as it seemed to be. "I haven't called you back."

William's eyes widened at her sudden reproach. It was all gone. He felt an emptiness. And yet, she was standing right here, with him. Struggling for speech, he looked for the reason to tell her, and found in there, in his heart, as obvious as it had been the first day he had met her…he loved her. Looking at her, he couldn't see anything but that beauty, that intelligence, that wit, that Ellayne thing inside her. She was everything he had always hoped for, but never found, and right here, she stood, coldly pushing him away. "Ellayne…I can't help it, it's just that…"

"That what? That you have a small fancy for me? Because that's what it is, William. You're only intrigued because I'm different."

"It's true…" he said and wanted to hit himself when she scoffed. "No, I mean that it's true that you're different. It's not a small fancy, and it's not passing. You're so…so…" he couldn't find the words. She refused to listen more, as she started to the door. "No, wait, Ellayne, please, I-"

"What?" Ella laughed, bitterly. The part of her that was now blooming in discovery of his feelings quickly died, as she told herself that he was deluding himself…that the novelty of having someone different around would die off, and that in the end, it wouldn't be love…only hurt. "You love me? Is that what you're trying to say? William, no…we just can't."

"Yes, we can! I love you, Ellayne! Why can't we?"

"Have you even thought, for one moment, that there are two of us in this? Before you try to trick your heart into thinking you love me, maybe you should remember there's another heart, that's just as real, and beating. It belongs to a practical woman. She's not up for flowers or candy. She's not up for playing the rich games. You give her roses, and shower her with all these gifts, but in the end, what's it going to be? She's not like you! She can't give you what you want!" she began. "At the end of your infatuation, you'll let her go, and take up with another young woman, who's probably richer, and more like you. And at the end, that girl, who met you and fell in love with some illusion will be left all alone, crying her eyes out over a guy who doesn't exist! William, it's not love! We've only known each other for how long? Let's see…two and a half months. No, William. We're different. Ever think why they say that opposites attract? We were bound to be interested in each other…but that's all there is. Just an attraction. Nothing more. It can't ever be more."

William's face grew pale, as his fist rolled into a ball. Frustrations, taking him to the edge. When he spoke, it was low, and in a dangerous tone which made Ella's heart pound. "Ellayne, I'm not the only one that let this happen to us. I've been waiting all my life for someone like you. You challenge my mind, and make me think…"

"And that's all very well, but it's just a game right now, a chess game. In the end, all your challenge will vanish, and in the end, you'll be left with a girl whom you don't love at all …" And I'll end up with a broken heart… "William, you're only imagining this. We're like a rose…while it's beautiful in bloom, it will eventually wilt, and dry out. William, I can't let either of us go through this…"

"Do you think I had a choice?" he retorted, his voice now husky with anger, his eyes burning.

"No!" Ella turned to him. She put ha hand on his arm, but did not meet his eyes. "No, I don't think it's your fault. Don't ever think it's your fault!" she tried to show him. It's not your fault, William. It was just the circumstances…you just got tricked by what the facts were. "But William, I don't want us to make any mistakes. I don't want to stay with you only to see you walk away, and don't shake your head at that. Don't think that isn't going to happen. We're from two different worlds…and it's too far to make a jump."

"That never stopped you before. You never let small inconsequential things bother you before…" he took her hands from his arm, and held them in his own hands, looking at her, trying to make her look at him this moment.

"I didn't know you! With you, it's impossible. Do you have any idea how much we have to break to bring ourselves together? Society? Distance? I don't even know how to waltz! I can't ballroom dance. I have a temper the size of Alaska. I lack propriety, and the major accomplishment of my life is the fact that I can burp the alphabet!" she reasoned. A part of her was dying, it was hurting her mind, she couldn't think, the room was going around in circles…

"You never let society get in your way before…" his frustrated voice argued.

"I was never in love with a man of society before!" she yelled back, looking him right in the eyes.

The anger, the moment. The hurt, the tears, the pain, the confusion, the fight, all in her eyes, struggling to fight for equilibrium, struggling to find a calm. But right now, the torrent blew through, and he saw her soul staring back right into his own. He felt something inside him struggle, and plead. And he found it, deep inside all the battle of emotion, the longing, the love.

William's face paled, and he felt his heart lift in hope. "So you do love me…" he put a hand to her lips, outlining the shape gently.

She felt her lips quiver, and now desperately just wanted to throw herself into his arms, but she knew that the sanctuary she'd find in them was only temporary. And the hell would come back, only harder. She felt herself cower. Her feet weren't touching the floor…she felt like she was sinking into herself, and her mind swelled. It was so cold. Where was the warmth? "Let's give it up…William, it'd never work out." She fought for some of that warmth, but she couldn't find it. The dizzy darkness, the feeling of sinking, or burning a part of her out. Of something decaying quickly inside, leaving her with a feeling of barrenness. Leaving her feeling empty.

William looked at the pale woman. She loved him. But she didn't trust him with her love. Wasn't it so obvious? She didn't trust him enough to just believe that everything was going to be all right. He wanted to shake her until she believed it. Didn't she trust their love? Didn't she trust him? "It won't work out because you're too afraid to try," he gently said, trying to appeal.

She looked at him, as he held out a hand to her, and she shook her head. "We can't 'try'. Life's not an experiment, William. We just can't discard our results and have another go. I love you, William. But in the end, I'm still me, and you're still you. And you'll still be the hot-shot professor at Pemberley, and I'll still be that mousy odd prof at Longbourne."

Tears were starting to come into her eyes, and she turned from him, and ran away, out of the room.

William stood, and turned to the window to look out, to see, in a few minutes, a girl putting on her cloak, and rushing out of the reception hall, to the limo. She turned to look up to where he stood and then made her exit. She got in, and the door closed.

A single tear blotted William's collar as he watched the tail lights vanish in the darkness.

Part 12

Posted on Tuesday, 29-Sep-98

He sat in the dark, drunk, looking out the window. He lay his head back on the headrest of the chair, and closed his eyes.

His bow tie was loosened around his neck, and the first button of his shirt was unbuttoned. However, his throat still felt constricted. He swallowed a breath, as he saw her face, tearful, and frightened, telling him that it'd never work out.

What was he going to do now? Let her go?

No, he couldn't, could he.

But to know that she had hurt him so much, by just not trusting him with her love…

It seemed almost impossible to get Ellayne Bennet to change her mind.

But what else could he do?

She spent the rest of the night driving back to Longbourne, trying to keep her mind off of the one thing she wanted to think about.

So he loved her.

So what? her mind asked. So he loves me. People love each other all the time. But there are things larger than love.

When she got back, she checked her machine to find a dinner invitation from Bill Collins already issued. Her heart pounded as William's familiar voice caressed her ear.

At first, her heart fell from her grasp to actually trick herself into believing he was there.

But it was the machine.

"Ellayne, I don't know when you will return to Longbourne, but I know you're already on your way back, from what Jayne has told me. I am calling…well…I…"

There was silence. What was there to say?

"Ellayne, take care."

Click.

Ella looked at the machine, and sighed, and turned away.

Happy Valentine's Day… she thought bitterly, as she dragged her garment bag into her room.

The phone was ringing off the hook, and Ella growled as she rolled out of bed, stuffed her feet into slippers, and wrapped her pjs in a robe.

She trudged down the hallway to pick up the phone in the kitchen. "Bennets. We are unable to answer the phone right now." she mumbled into the receiver.

"Ella?"

She jumped. "Good morning, mother."

"More like afternoon. Oh, my dear Ella, whatever happened yesterday between you and Mr. Darcy?"

Ella sighed. "Nothing." She put the phone back into the cradle, and shuffled back into her room, ready to throw herself back into bed.

The phone rang again, and she went back into the kitchen, and disconnected the line.

There was a knock at the door the minute she hung up, and she wandered to it slowly. "I'm coming!" she roared at it. Immediately, the knocking stopped, and Ella opened to door to find a young woman, with a cap marked FTD, and holding a long white box, with a white ribbon. "Ellayne Bennet?"

"Yes, that's me."

"These are for you."

Ella sighed, taking the box, then closing the door. Inside, she found a dozen roses. So he decided that sending one rose a day wasn't enough? They were the exact same color as the roses she wore the night before. The card read, "For my heart. William."

Ella wanted to tear the card apart. "Foolish, foolish man." she muttered, as she carefully arranged them in a vase.

She put the card in a special drawer, where she kept the wrapping paper of the necklace he had given her.

He was trying to make her go crazy, wasn't he?

Ella slumped over her computer, trying to keep her mind off the vase of roses that sat right in her view. But she couldn't help but put these roses in her room. They beckoned to her when she left them on the coffee table, haunting her, with that slight fragrance…and in the end, she gave in, and brought them near her.

She had already played the phone message over and over enough times to know ever single inflection of his voice…

What was it with him?

Presently, the fragrance drifted into her senses, as she closed her eyes, and imagined herself elsewhere.

There's a light piano in the background, and all I can feel is warmth. His arms are around me, and I feel one gently coming up and down my back in a slow music, in time with my heart. I smile, as he fiddles around with the white lace around my throat. My wedding gown is so hot, but he makes me feel comfortable, just being with him. I look at my fingers, to find a golden band, linking around my finger, linking my heart to his, my life to his. No matter what, we are sunk together. Our link will last forever. As I tilt my head back, and look up, I see his loving, caressing stare…

The thump on the floor was loud.

Charlotte Lucas, who lived a floor below Ella, called immediately to see what had happened.

The phone was ringing her out of shock as Ella scrambled off the floor to pick up the cordless, and press "talk". "Hm?"

"Ella?" the surprised voice came over the line.

"Hello Charlotte! What's wrong?"

"I was going to ask you that. What's with the thump? Why aren't you still at the wedding? You totally scared me with the noise!"

"Um, just dropped something…" Like my sanity?

"Are you sure you're all right? Why are you home two days early?"

"Well, Mary got married already, and the only other reason I'd stay would be for my parents, and they're all right, and Jayne's got the car. I took a train home."

"So how was the wedding?"

"She was beautiful…and her groom, and mm! The cake, the romance, the champagne…" The music, the dancing…the best man…

As if reading her thoughts, Charlotte unwittingly asked, "And what about the hot date?"

Ella's face already had fallen when she had thought of William. Now, she felt worse.

Charlotte sensed it, and gently her tone soothed her. "I'll be up in five minutes."

"So let me get this straight…you got set up with William Darcy?"

"Yes…"

"And you found out he loved you…"

"Yes…"

"And you love him…"

"Yes…"

"And you're not together? You just left him there?" Charlotte came around the table, and knelt by her friend, taking her shoulders. "And you're doing this all because of a Jane Austen novel?"

"No! I mean, well…" Ella drifted off. "I knew in the first place that William was quite a flirt anyway, from what Caroline, and Charlie both had alluded to. And he was charming. And I got caught up in it. And then, of course, he's a Massachusetts Darcy, and you know that family's as old American as you can get, and of course, don't forget the fact that I teach here, and he's at Pemberley…"

"You're hiding behind those excuses, Ella…the Ellayne Bennet I know would have thrown them aside if she really loved William Darcy, and taken the chance…girl, the point of loving someone is to give that love to them, and be loved yourself. It's as one of my good friends said, 'What's the point of having a heart if you don't use it?' And what's the point of having a life, if you don't live it? Ella Bennet, I've never seen you do such a stupid thing! I remember a conversation we had just a few months ago, about Jayne. About not giving so much, for fear that she's going to get hurt…I wonder…"

Ella shook her head. "Charlotte, we are talking words. Have you ever seen the way Charlie looks at her? He worships her. And besides, he's coming here next year…"

Charlotte sighed. "Ella…"

Ella looked at her friend. "Believe me, it's better this way."

Ella sighed as she entered her office on Monday, ready for yet another long day of boredom, in the life of Ellayne Anne Bennet, who was too afraid of love. Fool, you weren't afraid. You just weren't interested.

Just keep telling yourself that, you idiot.

Just as she looked at the stack of papers, she realized she had a lot of correspondence to catch up with.

She sank into her chair, and took out some reading glasses.

"Those glasses look really pretty on you."

Her face flooded with heat, as she could not bring herself to look up. She got out of her desk, and turned toward the windows, back to him, examining her mail pile, as if he were a mere student that she had to send off with an answer. "What do you want?" she asked.

"Besides your heart?" William entered the room without her invitation, since she wasn't going to give it to him. He sat down at the desk, and played with her paperweight.

"Sorry, it's not for sale. Try the next door down; I think Mrs. Jennings always has some ads for that kind of stuff," she said, keeping her back turned, eyes glued to the black blurs on the paper. Get a hold of yourself, girl. She wanted to turn around and see him. But she forced herself to keep on reading, whatever she was reading. "What are you here for?" Her voice rang true, but her she broke a sweat trying to make it sound flat and placid.

"Didn't you hear? Since Jane Fairfax has left the American Lit department, I am taking over for her for the summer. Today, I'm just meeting with the department heads."

Something in Ella cracked, as she turned to him, eyes on fire. "What are you trying to do?"

"Teach," he said, clearing his throat. She was breathtaking. Her pale face, now painted red with fury, and her hands trembling. The sunlight was filtering in behind her, outlining her goddess silhouette in gold. She was breathing hard, and her eyes were unfocused. "I'm here to stay for the summer. Deal."

"No!"

He knew she'd react this way. So he had decided to do this in the last week. But he had to. The opportunity was already lying on his desk when he got back, and he had to take it, to just be near her. Even if she was currently putting him on her deathlist.

Ella turned away. "Get out of my office."

"I'll be back, Ellayne. You can't always hide from your heart."

"So what are you going to do?" Jayne looked at her sister, whose head was now folded in her arms on the table.

Ella sat across the kitchen table from Jayne, and sighed. "I don't know. I've been thinking this over for who knows how long already. He has no right to be here."

"Oh yes, he does, it's a free country."

"Are you on my side or not?"

"I am on your side. I just want you to be happy."

"Then leave the love factor out of this. He's being a stubborn idiot by doing this…"

"However…" Jayne prompted.

Ella blushed. "There is no however."

"Yes there is…" Jayne frowned at her sister. "Your cheeks are flushed, and your eyes are sparkling like they have this huge secret. What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Ella muttered, flustered.

"You are glad he's here…" Jayne smiled triumphantly. "In fact, I think you're thrilled, that you want to see him."

Ella fidgeted in her chair, looked at her sister, and then put her arms on the table and sank her face into them. "Oh Jayne, what am I going to do?"

Jayne moved around the table to place her arms around Ella. "Be patient. Play chess."

Ella looked up. "What are you drinking?"

"Nothing," Jayne smiled mysteriously. "I just think it would be easier for you do deal with this if you sat on the sidelines, and watched a bit before jumping headfirst into the deep end. You don't know what he wants."

Ella sighed, as Jayne went out the door.

Could Jayne be right?

To be continued...

Part 13

Posted on Thursday, 4 March 1999

He entered his office, with a box of miscellaneous items in his arms and Ella in his head. He wished the situation were reversed, only he knew that if Ella were in his arms, he'd never be able to think of miscellaneous items. He sighed and concentrated, breathing harshly. Get her out of your head, Darcy.

He'd reasoned it from all sorts of angles the past weeks, as he had prepared to come to Longbourn. More than anything, he would have liked to just force her office door open and kiss her into submission. As pleasing as such an idea presented him with, he'd decided that Ellayne would not have appreciated it.

So, finally he'd resolved to win her over. Charm wasn't his weapon this time, though. Charm failed miserably last time. No, this time, it was going to be something much deeper. It was going to be trust. She was going to trust him, trust him so much she couldn't be without him. He was going to get her to love him so much that she wouldn't even realize it until it was too late for her. He's planned on this for the past weeks, trying to get himself to slow his thought processes down. Every time he'd try to take it slow in his mind, he's push it to quickly, and now he'd resolved to be only a friend to her these next months…not just any friend, a best friend.

Placing the box on his desk, he looked about himself, at the empty room. It would be a while, but in no time, this office would look like his. He started by taking out a picture of Ana from the box, and placing it on the corner of his desk. Nice start. Ana's face gleamed back at him, as it had when he had told her that he was going to be here for the summer. Ana found herself spending another summer with Aunt Kat at their summer beach house in Italy, shopping, wining and dining, and was pleased at the prospect, but rather sad in missing Ella's summer in-depth study of Jane Austen.

It was Ella's favorite time of year, Ana had told William. Every summer, Ella would teach a two sections of general British Literature, and then one section on Shakespeare, and one section on Jane Austen. William could imagine Ellayne, glowing, and rustling about the classroom, busy in discussion, eyes alight with love of her subject, hands gently sculpting imaginary manors and manners in the air. The vision caught his breath…

The knock at the door brought him down back to Earth, and focused back on Ana's picture, which he could have sworn just winked at him. "Come in…"

The door opened hesitantly. William went to the door, unrolling the shirt sleeves that had shown off his muscled forearms, and buttoning the cuffs. As he got to the door to pull it back a little more, he was surprised to see two soft brown eyes, wide with nervousness, blended with an endearing quavering smile. He took her hand and led her into the office, smiling warmly. "Hello Ellayne, I see you did have time to help me move in."

Ella looked about her, as she tried unsuccessfully to withdraw her hand. "Had nothing else to do this weekend, and you sounded like you needed some help…" And if I didn't, that snit Mary King would have pounced on you the minute you stepped out of this door again… No, she wasn't being jealous, not in the strict sense of the word…after all, he wasn't even rightfully "hers". She was just…watching out for him…yeah. That was it. After all, girls like Mary were bloodsucking bats who preyed on handsome and rich men like William. And Ella knew that such a girl was hardly his type, though she had yet to decide what kind of girl was. She then tried once more to withdraw her hand, harder, and this time, succeeded, while he turned around, and walked back to his box of belongings on the desk, still looking around the room in awestruck happiness.

When he had called last Wednesday, he seemed perfectly congenial in enlisting her help for his moving into his office. She had been suspicious at first, and told him that she had to check her schedule, but she decided, as Jayne had told her to, that she ought to just step back and see what was going on. Right now, as he stood in a posture of boyish wonder, he looked endearing and adorable. He loved his office.

She cleared her throat. "Well?"

"Well, seeing that I've got the office stuff up here, we have to take it out of the box, and get the computer out of my car and onto the desk."

"I'm computer illiterate," Ella warned.

"That's okay, I am too…it'll be a learning experience," he smiled.

Ella shook her head. "If you say so…" she reached into the box, taking out a portrait. "Hm…where should we put this?" She smiled, looking at the watercolor of a shoreline, with a white speck of a lighthouse in the distance. The colors were remarkably blended, and warm. It had a lady's touch.

"My mother painted that…" William said, warmly. "It's the view from the master bedroom's east window at sunrise. She was…a remarkable artist."

Ella smiled at the landscape, lightly caressing it through the glass cover. "It lives, you know," she looked up at him. "It's even in you; I can see something warm, that I would believe of the woman who painted this."

He smiled and blushed, feeling as if she had just paid him the deepest compliment he'd ever received.

"And what about this artifact?" she asked, curiously, playing with a framed portrait of a tall blonde and statuesque woman, on skis, standing next to a brunette of stouter stature and grimmer countenance.

"Oh…" William looked away from the box he was taking books out of, and rested the ones he was organizing on the shelf that was now half-filled. He stepped forward taking the picture and smiling. "Those are my Aunts, Kat and Theresa. They were my mother's sisters. Kat has a daughter named…"

"Anne?" Ella asked.

William looked at her oddly. "No…Stella. She's now a freshman at Cambridge," he said, confused. "Ellayne, are you all right?"

Ella shimmered. "Her name's Stella? What a beautiful name!"

"She's gorgeous…a model for some French fashion magazine. She's very in style and all the rage in Europe. And Ella, you won't believe how nice and sweet she is."

A pang of jealousy hit Ella. Come on, they're first cousins, Ella. These days, first cousins just don't get married!

William continued as he continued to take out more books of the box. "Stella is now married to a designer, and she's pregnant. Aunt Kat's ecstatic, but refuses to allow Stella to put the child in danger, so instead of having Stella go with her on her usual trip to the Alps this past spring break, she got Ana…"

"Really? Your family sounds warm and friendly, William…"

"Oh, yes. Ana's my only sister, but I've got all sorts of cousins on Dad's side, and of course, mom had seven siblings…"

William continued his chatter, as Ella let it flow gently into her thoughts as she continued to take out items from some other boxes they had carried in, radiating content and alacrity.

"I can't move another muscle…" Ella laid back in William's comfortable chair, in William's capable hands, having finished helping him unpack. "I think we unpacked enough to make this a permanent office…not a summer one."

"I just want to be totally at ease, or else I'll never be able to get things done," he smiled down into her upturned head, and set her gaze straight as he continued to knead her back.

Ella nodded. "I know the feeling…"

The room was dimming now, pink from the sunset flowing through the blinds. Floating in the air was peace and completeness. "I could stay here forever, you know?" Ella laughed.

It was true. The whole afternoon had been enjoyable as he regaled her with family anecdotes and insisted she made fair with a few of her own. It was charming and amusing, and fun, and perfect and now threatened to come to a close.

William sighed. "I couldn't…" he replied.

Ella looked at him, maybe feeling a little disappointed.. He simply replied, with a grin, perhaps even a little knowingly, "I'm hungry."

She shook her head as she sat up in the chair.

She sighed as she closed the door behind her. She leaned back against it, and closed her eyes.

"Ella? Are you all right?"

Startled, she jumped from the door, and started to take her things into the living room, replying to Charlie, "Yes, I'm quite all right. Never been better," she smiled earnestly.

Charlie kissed Jayne on the cheek, and whispered something in her ear. "I was just keeping your sister company until you came home."

Ella grinned, "Sure, have a nice evening Charlie. Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?" she asked, innocently.

Charlie looked regretfully at Jayne. "I'm sorry. I've got to drive up tonight. Caroline needs help packing."

"Packing?" Ella asked, with a small bit of agitation.

Charlie recognized Ella's source of discomfort, and promptly appeased her. "She always spends her summers in the French Riviera. She hates the summer here. Says it's too…American. No style in it."

"Course not…" Ella laughed, relieved. "Well, drive carefully."

Charlie nodded, and his eyes met Jayne's, glittering as hers shimmered and she smiled shyly as she cast her eyes down into her lap, where the ring finger on her left hand gracefully displayed a circlet of gold, with a diamond. Ella's brow raised at Charlie, and she hugged Charlie on his way out. "Congratulations."

"Now care to tell me what all that sighing at the doorway was all about?" Jayne enthused once Charlie had left and Jayne had divulged all the details of Charlie's romantic proposal at the lake by the history building.

Ella's lowered to her own ringless hands, and shook her head. "Just a pleasurable experience," she got up off the couch. "I've got a long day tomorrow…I'm going to help someone move. Lots of unloading. I'm already exhausted…good night Jayne."

Jayne looked curiously at her sister's back as she exited. Puzzled, she thought of where sister had passed her afternoon, to gain some clue to her sister's serene and content countenance.

Wait, William left a message a little while ago…something about moving… She almost squealed as she thought that her sister possibly…a bright smile kissed her lips, and she shook her head, walking into her own room, bracing herself for the phone call she was about to make to her mother about her own luck.

The phone rang at an abnormal hour, and she grumbled. Sitting up, she dragged out of bed, and yanked on a robe and belted it. She stormed into the kitchen in her slippers and picked up the phone. "Okay, I got the idea. I'm up, and I'll be right over," she said, half asleep.

"Ella? Who?"

"Mother?"

"Who were expecting?" Mrs. Bennet asked, almost expectantly.

"Just a friend I'm supposed to help move…" she said. She turned, and sat down on the kitchen stool, the phone base in one hand, the handset in the other. "I've got to get dressed so I can't talk long. What's up?"

"Jayne called last night when your father and I were out…and Lydia told me that it was very important. She told me really late last night, so I thought it rude to awaken you girls. But I thought you'd be up by now." Ella smiled. yeah, whatever, Mother.

"Jayne is still asleep. Call back later." Before her mother could drill her on what she knew of Jayne's secret, Ella hung up. It was Jayne's story to tell. Besides, I'm expecting a special phone call.

The phone call came as Ella was stepping out of the shower, and Ella had the misfortune of being far from the phone as it rang, for Jayne, who was making breakfast picked it up. "Wait a sec, William…"

Jayne handed it over to Ella and smiled smugly.

Ella simply shook her head and sat down at the kitchen stool once more. "Good morning…"

"Morning, Gorgeous. Knew it wasn't you answering the phone, but why is your sister up now?"

Ella looked at the clock to discover it was still only 5:34 in the morning. "Don't know…Mom called earlier at 4:00 assuming we were already up…" she grumbled.

"Sorry…well, are ya ready?"

"Question is, are ya still up for it?" William had dropped Ella off last night at eight so that he could make the 3 hour drive back to Pemberley to pick up the things he'd need for the summer from his apartment there…and just as quickly, he came back. "William you do realize you can rest before we do this?"

William, on the other side of the line wanted to be around her again. He was exhausted and looked terrible, but he just wanted to be around her again…This friendship idea isn't perfect… he mused. He saw himself more dependent on her than he on her.

Ella, on her side of the line, hoped anxiously that he wanted to see her. She didn't want the past hours awake to be waste of a perfect good sleepy morning, and there was still more underneath that she didn't want to examine…

"Just come on over. I'll leave the door unlocked, and you just wander in. I may be resting or taking a shower…"

Ella realized that she didn't care which he was doing…and smiled. Feeling Jayne's gaze on her, she blushed and turned towards the wall, speaking quietly. "I'll be over as soon as possible."

"See ya Gorgeous…" he smiled lazily into the payphone receiver outside his apartment building.

Ella smiled and said even quieter, so that Jayne almost could not perceive "I'll catch your act later, Handsome…"

Part 14

Posted on Monday, 8 March 1999

"And that-" she paused as she caught his eye somewhere outside the window. She flushed, and looked back at her students. "That is where Pride and Prejudice got it's name…kinda neat, huh?" she smiled.

As she caught William's eye in the door, she realized that he was there waiting, as he was supposed to be at 5:30, the end of her class. She looked at her students, who were still intent on learning. She smiled sadly. "We'll have to continue our discussion next time. We're going to focus severely on minor characters next time, so catch me next time I start mooning about Darcy and Elizabeth!"

As her students started to trickle away, she started to gather her things together. As a few more students lingered to ask her a few questions, William came in, and stood by the door, leaning against the wall and watching her, smiling. Ella glowed as she tried to plough through the questions as quickly as she could, and felt his teasing, knowing glance.

She turned around, and glowered playfully at him.

She finished questions in another eight minutes, and nine minutes later, she was walking out in the still bright late afternoon. "So what are we doing today?"

"Chinese food."

"Mm" she smiled.

The last month was a charmer. Everything was…perfect. In place. She loved it. Jayne was happily in love with Charlie, and wedding plans were well underway now, with the wedding only being a couple more months away in early September (Charlie and Jayne, being sunny people just couldn't handle being married in cold weather!). Mary and Rich were happily married, and came very often to visit, and William and Ella would always find time to dine with them…

Mary and Rich were merry and rich. Author's note: :P And floating on air. Ella could have sworn that she'd never seen her sister talk on so long and so happily about anything except math. And here she was, relating stories of students, and movies, and books, and…well…everything! Rich was a bit different as well…not worse, but better. Much more content, less restless, as William described. Very content, and satisfied, and always ready to talk or challenge Mary. Theirs was a marriage of souls, bodies, hearts, and minds.

Perfection, in one word.

And now, Ella would look at William, and wonder what he was waiting for.

It was torture to see him everyday, to have him constantly at her side, constantly in her head, and yet…not hers. It hurt excruciatingly when she saw William walk down the hall once with Mary King, in an arm lock that was tons of times more intimate than the one foot vicinity, side by side walks they took.

He'd had dinner with Mary King as well. Never mind that it was a curriculum meeting and another three American lit and history profs were there. The key was, as Mary bragged the next day, that William drove her home, and went up for tea. (Never mind the fact that she'd had her roommate strand her at the ten-mile-away restaurant for that specific reason, and that he'd only went up because she saw the lights in the apartment were out, and she was afraid her roommate wasn't there…another conspiracy…)

Of course, Ella wasn't aware of that…in fact, Mary's roommate, Trix Forester, made it widely known that William was smiling and laughing brightly the whole time, while sitting with her own the ouch, his hand, on her ankle. (After he had seen her trip over her shoes, and brought her to the couch to make sure she was okay, while he was laughing at her ploy gone wrong…)

It was frustrating! She loved to be with him. He was charming, and witty, and always knew what she'd like. He knew what books to suggest to her…and she'd even started liking American Lit now, since William recommended the right authors to her. They read books, and discussed them. They saw good, tearjerkers and he'd always bring a packet of kleenex, which sometimes, they both used. They watched really bad movies, and commiserated on disappointments, or grossly imitated them later.

They'd learned how to ballroom dance together. They decided to attend a class, and there, William found himself to be a superb dancer. Ella…well…there was always her singing. She'd watch William as he danced with the other girls, idealistic college girls who all worshipped the charming, romantic, the not-that-old Mr. Darcy. And she'd turn green with envy.

And she'd get mad at herself. William was a friend…she spent a lot of time with him. Of course, she'd consider him an important part of her life, but she didn't have to be so darn possessive about it!

The moments she loved the most were walks on campus. They'd go walking until late at night, when Jayne would be worried sick. They'd walk and babble on until they found a spot, and they'd spread a blanket out, and they'd both lie upon it, still talking. The sun would set, and they'd sit up to watch it, and then the real show began once the sky became dark.

Stars. Every where. It was when William and Ella would talk about everything…worries, life, and philosophy…Ella never realized how much she kept from people until she found herself talking endlessly with William…ever at…with.

Sometimes, they'd be silent, and watch the stars for a while, and sometimes, she'd fall asleep, or he would. Eventually, they'd gather up their things and get back, Ella back to her worried-to-death sister, and the dull, world of non-commitment, and independence.

It wasn't fair. She'd never seen herself as part of a couple; always an independent, successful woman, and here she was, obsessing over William Darcy! And it wasn't right hat he knew so much about her. It was just that under the stars, it was so easy to forget that he was not hers…

So here she was, out on a limb, her heart practically hanging from her hands offered to him, and the best he could do was Chinese food?

She wasn't ever mad at him, of course. She was mad at herself. She wanted this with William. You were the one that wanted to be just friends. You didn't want him when he asked you. He probably took your word for it and forgot about it. And now look at you, you silly twit!

William did not mention anything of their previous "incident". He never kissed her, or touched for that matter, unless in friendly gesture. He was always the supportive friend, the ideal best friend. A person to depend upon. He was always there, right when he had to be. He provided emotional support. It was William who was her strength. AND IT DROVE HER ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!

She wondered if he ever thought of her in that way again. It seemed lately that it was impossible for him to have ever thought her as anything else. She should have felt relief, and should have been happy; didn't Jayne tell her to make sure what was going on with him, to see what he wanted out of this before she passed judgment? And didn't she say that she didn't want him?

Did she? She loved him before, did she still love him now? Did having him so close to her heart make it more likely for them to be in love? Or did it make it harder? Did this closeness make them too close for a relationship?

She sighed, and looked at him, "I have to stop by the apartment first, 'kay?"

He nodded with his teasing Don't you always nod, and she smirked at him and stuck her tongue out playfully. They continued to walk in comfortable silence, and when they approached her building, she invited him up, and of course, he agreed.

Arriving in the apartment, however, she found that it was not as lonely as she thought she'd find it. Jayne and Charlie weren't teaching here during the summer, and although Jayne did visit often, Ella would find herself alone…

Ella hated to be alone. Only in certain times, and now wasn't the time, when there were girlish conversations to be had about what was to be done with William Darcy! Jayne would show up for maybe a few days every once in a while, and then vanish again, to meet more of Charlie's relatives.

Those evenings, she'd almost always call William, and just as quickly, he'd be over with some rented movies for them to watch, and Ella would be at the microwave, waiting impatiently for the popcorn. He'd come in, with his six pack of Pepsi, and he'd scold her for standing in front of the microwave, and she'd grudgingly move away from the microwave.

She soon found that she'd move away from the microwave, even when he wasn't around.

Now, as she entered, she went into her bedroom to change out of her stiffer work clothes, which she'd only worn earlier that day because of an important interview…

The Pemberley Interview. It had been scheduled for some time now. Even before she'd met William, she'd submitted her application…soon after her Christmas episode, Pemberley's Literature department contacted her, and she'd considered very carefully. IT took her a month to call back to schedule her interview for this summer…

She hadn't told William about it…she hadn't told Jayne about it. It was her own idea right now, and she had no idea if she would be offered the position or not. The interview today flew. She was charming and wonderful, and the interviewer, Dr. Reynolds, was extremely impressed with her examination of Ella's techniques in the classroom earlier that day in the Shakespeare class.

As she ruminated on what she would do if such a position was actually offered to her, William, in the kitchen, as he always did, pressed her answering machine button, and proceeded to listen to her messages for her. As he went to the fridge to grab a glass of orange juice, he suddenly straightened and his face hardened. "Ellayne!"

She came out, pulling down her T-shirt. "What?"

William pressed rewind. "I think you should listen to this one for yourself."

He stood to the side, and paced the floor as Ella sat at the kitchen stool in front of the kitchen counter.

"Um…Ella? This is Kitty. Um…Dad's had…um…just call." She sounded scared. Ella turned pale, and looked at William. He pointed to the phone, and went out, to give her privacy.

Part 15

Posted on Wednesday, 10 March 1999

He came back in fifteen minutes.

She was packed and ready to go.

He had the car swung out in front, with a few of his things thrown in back.

Funny thing was, she didn't even have to tell him what was going on. It was as if he already knew.

She put her bag in the trunk, and he started his car once more. She mechanically got in the car, and shut the door and looked to him.

He started the car, and she looked forward as he put the car in drive.

Five minutes out of the city he asked, "So…"

"He had a heart attack."

William took his hand from the wheel, and placed it over hers.

"The doctors got him stabilized, but he's going to have to have a surgery…"

Her hand clasped his even tighter, and he continued to drive.

When Kitty called, her father had been in critical condition. Now, about seven hours later, they had been able to save his life, and he needed to have a bypass.

But there was one problem. Mr. Bennet's blood type was O negative. Ella knew it. Their mother, however, was AB positive, and therefore, all the Bennet girls were all A or B positive. Her father needed blood. Would they have already found a donor by the time they got to Hertfordshire? Hertfordshire was a small town, at least two or three hours away from the nearest major city, the nearest major hospital.

Her eyes grew tired, and her mind started to get tired…she started to waver. When William saw her head fall to her right shoulder in limp sleep, he reached into his coat pocket, and withdrew his cell phone. He checked the clock, and made the call. He had to make sure it got through…

William dropped her off at the emergency circle in front of the hospital, and Ella rushed in, after a promise from William that he'd be there as soon as he parked the car and got them some food from the cafeteria.

She rushed to the emergency waiting room, where Lydia and Kitty were silently reading, Mary and Rich were sitting and quietly whispering to each other, Rich comforting Mary. Jayne and Charlie were with Ella's mother, who was a sobbing mess.

Ella went immediately to her mother, and they hugged, Ella tight in the embrace. "They can't get the blood…" she said, still shocked.

Ella nodded gravely. Jayne, her eyes red, looked at Ella and simply said, "They don't have his type on hand; they just had a surgery recently for a kid with leukemia, and they can't find anyone who has not donated within the last 56 days that is type O negative. They tried. But all the people…"

"It'd hurt them…" Ella nodded, understandingly. "I know."

As they whispered in soft tones, William slipped in, and Ella felt his hand the small of her back, as simply stood there for her to lean against. They stood for a while, as Ella talked with Jayne about the situation. He guided her to a chair, and put a sandwich in her hand. He whispered his promise to return, and left her to eat her dinner mechanically.

Dad. Her Dad. The guy with the biggest heart…and now…he finds that he just…

Ella shuddered. There had to be a way, right? They could import the blood, right?

She shivered as Jayne told her that they couldn't get any locally. The major hospitals had to have it imported for their surgeries, and while their father was all right for now, if he continued like this, it would be a matter of time before another attack happened to him. They had to get to the problem and fix it before it got worse.

They could wait, right?

Not that long. He wouldn't have long. He wouldn't have long. Words stepped across her heart, threatening to break it. If only…if only she could give him her blood. If only…

"Mrs. Bennet?" Dr. Gardiner approached them. He was the family's physician for as long as Ella could remember, and never had he looked so tired in his life. The family stood up anxiously, gathering about him. Ella wished William were here. She needed him.

Dr. Gardiner looked at them. "We've got a donor."

Joy. Warmth. Everything and anything came to her, as she looked at her sisters, and cried. Tears flooded the family as the girls collapsed into a crowd together, and held each other, chest heaving with released tension. It was going to be all right.

She wondered if the donor knew that he/she was saving not only one life, but the hearts of a large family, all anxious. She wondered if the donor knew that he/she just gave life to a whole future.

They looked at the doctor. "Thank you…" Ella said, her eyes glimmering.

Things fit once more. All they had to do was to go through the procedure and Dad would be fine. Dad would be fine.

"Um…Mrs. Bennet?"

The family looked up from the sleeping form of Michael Bennet to Dr. Gardiner. "I want to introduce you to Dr. Kathleen Burgess."

Beside Dr. Gardiner stood a woman who look familiar, tall and statuesque, in her early-fifties, with gold and white hair, and a soft, kind face. Her brown eyes were immersed in sympathy, and she smiled kindly to the family. "Hello…"

"Dr. Burgess is a renowned cardiologist from England, but learned here at Johns Hopkins. You could say she's an old acquaintance of mine. She was speaking at a college nearby, and I called her up…"

Dr. Burgess shook hands with Mrs. Bennet, and looked at the others in the family, her gaze focusing on Ellayne. "I'm pleased to meet you. Dr. Gardiner has kindly asked me to assist in our father's operation tomorrow, and we will do our best to ensure that Mr. Bennet may continue many years yet…"

Ella liked her. She smiled wanly to her, and wanted to hug the woman. Dr. Burgess smiled back warmly, and exited the room with Dr. Gardiner, studying Mr. Bennet's charts.

"You won't believe our luck!" Ella gushed on the car later, as they left the hospital, early in the morning. "Just…perfect!" she smiled. "Oh I'm so happy! Oh, turn right over on this street…" Lydia and Kitty bubbled in the back seat, and the others took Mary's car, with the exception of Mrs. Bennet, who wanted to be with her husband.

It was so sweet, the way Mom was with Dad now. Bumbling about him, and keeping him happy. She never seemed so witty and charmingly sweet as she was now. Dad was understanding of her when he woke at times, and they looked so sweet together. Mom hovered around him like a busy bee, always worrying about him, and always soft and gentle to him, totally unlike what she had been like for quite some time. Seeing that, Ella remembered just how much her parents loved each other, and was glad they were getting along so well.

She loved it.

They ate breakfast at a Pancake house. Eating, William told humorous anecdotes of the adventures he and Ana had as children. Laughing, they all forgot, and let go. It was William who checked his watch and grimaced as the time, and reminded them that there were only a few hours until the surgery and they ought to go back.

He wanted to drop her off with Lydia and Kitty. She refused. Even after a relaxing breakfast, being in the hospital made her feel tense again. She wanted to be around him. She didn't tell him that, however. She simply stayed on the car until he relented and drove into a spot in the parking lot. She got out of the car, and met him at the back. He shrugged.

Shy, she took his hand, and gripped it as he led her in.

He clasped his hand in hers, as they had before. And yet, it felt different. Ella felt the heat in his hand, and she felt his pulse, his life in hers. They wandered inside, and as they approached the front counter, the head nurse looked up at William, and smiled. "Right on time, Mr. Darcy."

William felt himself quake. Divided between Ella's need for his support, and his own for being alone right now, he simply stood for a moment. But he knew that Ella had enough to worry about right now. She had to go to her father. And he'd make certain of it, no matter how much he thought about asking her to stay with him.

Ella looked at William, confused, but William simply smiled at her, and kissed her on the cheek. "I have some business to take care of…"

"William, don't even think about footing the bill…" Ella said, eyes narrowed, suspecting him.

"No, don't worry…" he said. "I know I can't pull that…but I just have to do a few things…"

Ella didn't want to let him go. "Take me with you. I promise I won't tell anyone else what's going on…"

"I'd rather not…" he said, withdrawing his arm from hers, and kissing her on the forehead. His heart wrenched. But he had to do this. "I've got to do this on my own. I'll be back, don't worry."

Hurt, and confused, Ella nodded, trying to keep it light. He doesn't owe me any explanation. I'm not hurt, because there's nothing to be hurt about… She turned back to look at him, as the nurse to his arm, but he didn't budge. Only when she would. She sighed, and turned, walking away, not looking back, feeling his eyes on her.

Who are you kidding, Ella?

Sitting next to Jayne, she wanted to concentrate on her father's welfare, but William simply popped up in her mind. She shouldn't have blown it out of proportion. They were only friends. He deserved privacy. She didn't have to know his every move. And she had no right to demand it of him.

Sitting, she simply wished William was there, though. The whole situation was already nerve wrecking. The operation would go well…Dr. Burgess said so…

Her thoughts found relief in obsessing about the mysteriously familiar doctor. Where had she seen that smile before?

Her whole being was charged with energy and happiness, and she was ready to help the family. Very willing. Supportive. She wondered again at her luck.

Ella thanked her stars; whoever Dr. Kathleen Burgess was, she was foremost a lifesaver. She sat back in the chair, feeling a little more at ease, as she closed her eyes…tired…

She felt his arm around her. Leaning against his shoulder, she heard him wince, and felt him slightly withdraw. Now she could rest, and sleep, in total comfort and peace. She opened her eyes narrowly to see his arm shifting position. He pulled back the sleeve to readjust the bandage that was at the inside of his elbow, where a bright orange spot of iodine screamed some message to her before she fell asleep.

As she closed her eyes, she felt his arm around her, and she smiled.

Continued In Next Section