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Chapter 45
Richard settled into his seat with a sigh. He donned headphones, knowing that they were the most effective way to ward off undesired conversation from seatmates. At least in the first class section he would undoubtedly have more peace than those in coach.
He glanced up from his book as a young woman took a seat behind him. He admitted to himself that she was pretty, but he hoped that her welcoming smile would not be followed by a gush of excitement about the pending trip. The young woman, however, seemed just as ready for solitude as Richard was. She placed her tote in the overhead compartment and pulled out a novel. Richard saw with surprise that it was War and Peace.
Well, he thought, at least that will keep her occupied for a few hours.
Richard settled back and gazed out the window as the plane lifted from the ground. As they rose above the clouds, Richard felt an indescribable sense of peace. He smiled and took out The New York Times, starting, as usual, with the sports page.
Fifty minutes later, Richard was deeply engrossed in a long story about the situation in Kosovo. His face was grim. The young woman next to him saw the headline and sighed. Richard looked at her curiously. She pointed to the paper.
"I am going there."
Richard raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
She set her book on the floor and showed him a piece of paper. "I am going down with a volunteer committee of doctors and nurses. We are headed to the refugee camps."
Richard laughed. "I am going, as well. I am Richard Fitzwilliam. I practice in Boston."
She held out her hand. "Pleased to meet you. I am Vanessa Johnson. I am a nurse in D.C." She looked around the cabin. "I wonder if there are any more of us on this plane."
Soon, Richard and Vanessa were deeply involved in conversation. When the lights finally went out so that passengers could sleep, Vanessa shook Richard's hand again. "Goodnight Rich."
Richard smiled. "It was nice to meet you, Vanessa."
Richard woke just as the sun was rising. He felt an unfamiliar pressure on his shoulder. Vanessa's red head was resting on his arm. He tried to dislodge it without waking her, but she stirred sleepily. Richard pulled the shade open. Outside, the sun turned the clouds to spun gold.
"Marc..."
Richard glanced down at Vanessa, who was muttering in her sleep, smiling. She snuggled her head more firmly on his shoulder.
"Marc?"
Vanessa opened her eyes and looked up at Richard, uncomprehending. When she finally realized where she was, she sat up quickly and apologized.
"For a moment, I thought I was back home. I thought you were..." Her eyes clouded. "Well, never mind.
"Are you all right?"
She sipped her juice. "Yes, quite. Marc is my most recent ex. He did not support my decision to come over here. We broke up."
Richard was not sure what to say, and finished off his own juice. As the breakfast trays arrived, Richard and Vanessa finished their meals silently. The gentleman on Vanessa's right spoke with her momentarily to ask what movie they were going to play that morning. Vanessa shrugged, not knowing, and turned to Richard.
"So are you going to training in London, too, or are you going straight down there?"
"I didn't realize there was an option. I guess that I am glad for the London stopover, though. I have family that I have not seen for years." He paused, "I hear that they have had trouble organizing, and have extended our stay to a week. Did you hear the same?"
"Yes, many of the camps we were going to be placed at have relocated. Others are about to move. With all of the shifting, they decided to wait a little while."
They spoke through the rest of the flight, moving from the conflict and their pending jobs to more personal subjects. When the plane landed, Vanessa kissed Richard on the cheek and gave him the phone number of her hotel. They planned to have dinner together the next day.
Richard hailed a taxi. He was going to stay at his cousin's house because the family had sold their London house. He planned to visit the family estate at the end of the week before he left for Southern Europe.
Chapter 46
Catherine ignored the puzzled looks that were tossed in her direction as she raced up the stairs. Once safely in her bedroom, she leaned against the door, breathing heavily. Her face crumpled and she slid to the floor, the skirts of her lovely dress spread unceremoniously above her knees.
As she covered her face, one hand brushed against her earlobe. Kitty removed the sapphire earrings and stared at their glittering elegance in her hands. Oh, Alex. How can I tell you that, while I am wildly attracted to you, I still feel so strange at the thought of sleeping with you. You were like a brother for so many years. And now, when you kiss me so tenderly, I cannot stop the feeling that something is wrong. While my body cries out for you, my heart and mind protest the thought. How could I tell you this without destroying everything we have? She fell asleep in her long velvet dress.
The next morning, she awoke feeling all out of sorts. It was storming outside, and the rain made soft pattering noises on the wide windows. Catherine stretched and walked into the large bathroom and turned on the water in the bathtub.
She slipped the velvet dress from her shoulders and laid it on the bed. She wrapped a robe around her shoulders and walked to the window. Through the torrents of rain, she studied the houses across the street. Oh, how she missed the coolness and freshness of the country. Before she went to the States, she had adored the excitement and bustle of London. She had loved the large gatherings of the wealthy. She had wanted nothing more than to move from party to party and to cover herself in jewels and fine clothes. But now, when Alex offered her all that and more than she could ever want, all Catherine wanted was to get out of London. The drizzly gray city depressed her. The people at the large gatherings seemed artificial. Now, more than anything, Catherine missed cool green hills and blue, ever changing water. Somehow, the attractions of wealth, glamour, intrigue and prestige had lost some of their brilliance.
Catherine turned as she heard a knock on the door. A servant entered, carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. Catherine's hands trembled as she opened the envelope.
I am terribly sorry for my behavior last night. It was inexcusable. I am afraid that I behaved in a very ungentlemanlike manner. It is just that whenever I am around you, I cannot get enough of you. The two months that we were apart were the most difficult times of my life. I cannot tell you how many times I was tempted to drop everything and fly back to the States, to you.
Kate, will you give me another chance? I have tickets to Rent for tonight. Please accompany me, my dear. I promise that there will be no reoccurrence of my behavior that you found so distasteful. Instead, I will be the perfect gentleman.
I love you, my Cinderella.
Forever yours,
Catherine fought to hold back the tears until the servant had arranged the large vase on a small table. Once the door was closed, she threw herself onto the bed, crying. Alex's letter had not made her feel any better. She did not want to be wined and dined just now. She wanted a quiet night at home, talking in front of a fire, or a picnic in the park, or a walk under the stars. She wanted to get to know Alex; to see the deepest depths of his soul instead of just his most charming, fun-loving side. For some reason, they had never really sat down and talked. She rose and walked to the desk. Alex was so wonderful, so kind and caring, so gorgeous and funny. They had been friends long ago, and that friendship was what Catherine wanted most to regain. When they had been reunited, somehow they had skipped right over that stage. Their time together had consisted of elaborate dates and delicious kisses. These things, while wonderful, were not enough. Catherine wanted more.
Catherine was startled by another knock at the door. Elizabeth entered with a cup of hot tea. "The maid told me that you seemed out of sorts. What is wrong, honey?"
Catherine sighed. "Oh, Lizzy, I don't know. It is this thing with Alex. I don't know what is going on."
Elizabeth smiled and hugged her sister. "All right. If you feel like talking, I would love to try to help."
Catherine shook her head. "Thanks, Lizzy, but I think I just need to be alone."
"OK. Take care of yourself. I will be downstairs if you need anything. Our guest just arrived from the airport, so I am going to see that he gets something decent to eat."
Catherine frowned. She vaguely remembered being told that they would have a house guest for a week or so, one of William's relatives. "Do you mind if I don't join you? I really do not feel like being in company just now."
Elizabeth squeezed her hand. "I am sure our guest won't mind. From the sounds of it, he will not even be around this evening. He has a date with a young lady," she winked, "he is very handsome. Too bad that you are already attached!"
The teasing served its purpose and Kitty finally cracked a smile. "Lizzy, you are beginning to sound just like mama."
Chapter 47
Catherine raced down the stairs in a soft green dress, blond curls flying. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs to take a deep breath. Walking over to the parlor, she stuck her head in for just a moment. She could see the back of two dark brown heads bent over a chessboard. Elizabeth saw Kitty and rose from her seat. Catherine backed into the hallway.
"I didn't want to interrupt, because I really don't have time to meet your guest right now. I am running late. But I wanted to tell you that I am leaving. Hopefully, I will be able to bring Alex back here for a talk after the show. Do you think we could use the small parlor?"
Elizabeth hugged her sister. "Don't worry about it. There will be plenty of time for you to be introduced. I will have the kitchen send some snacks into the parlor when you return with Alex. I think that you are right-you two need to have a good talk." She handed Catherine an umbrella. "When in London, never leave home without it! Have a good time, Kitty. Rent is fantastic. Will and I saw it last year."
Catherine hurried out into the London rain. Elizabeth returned to the parlor.
"My sister just left. She sent her apologies, Richard, for not having the time to be properly introduced tonight."
Richard smiled. "It is no problem. I am actually on my way out, as well."
He rose and shook William's hand. "We can finish the game later, Will."
He grabbed an umbrella, kissed Elizabeth on the cheek, and left the house.
Elizabeth started to move the small table to one, but William leaped out of his chair and did it for her. He sat back on the couch and pulled his very pregnant wife to sit next to him. Elizabeth nestled her head into William's shoulder.
"Alone again. Probably for the last time in a while..."
William studied her closely. "You think it will be soon?"
Elizabeth smiled. "I have a gut feeling that it will happen tonight."
William smiled tenderly and kissed his wife.
Catherine tucked her hand into Alex's arm as they climbed the stairs to their box. Alex kissed her lightly on the cheek as he slid into the seat next to her. When the music started, He took her left hand in both of his and kissed it.
At intermission, Alex bought them some champagne. He smiled as their fingers touched when he handed her the glass. As the lights lowered, signaling that the show was about to begin, Alex leaned over and brushed her lips with his.
"Thank you for coming." Catherine smiled and took his hand.
At the end of the show, Alex took Catherine into his arms. The show had affected her, and Catherine's face was open and luminous as she looked up at him. Alex brushed his thumb across her damp eyelashes and lowered his lips to hers.
"I love you."
He kissed her long and slow. Catherine felt her reservations giving way. This was her Alex.
At Catherine's request, they returned to the Darcy house. As they settled into soft chairs, the only sound was the crackling of the fire and the soft patter of rain on the window.
They sat in silence for several minutes, staring at the fire, before Alex spoke softly. "Catherine, you said we needed to talk."
Catherine raised her eyes to meet his. "Yes, Alex, I think we do." She went on to explain some of the things that she saw were going wrong in their relationship.
Alex sighed, "I do all of these things because I want to make you happy. I thought you enjoyed it."
Catherine smiled. "I do enjoy all of our outings very much. I just want more than fun times. I want my friend Alex back. So far, I have not seen very much of him."
Alex looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean, your friend? I thought we had moved beyond that." His forehead furrowed.
Catherine sighed and slid to the floor at his feet. "I want you as friend and lover. So far, you are wildly romantic and charming, but we do not share as we used to. I miss that."
Alex glanced at the fire. "I tried..."
Catherine stopped him. "I mean emotionally, spiritually. We used to talk for hours and hours about anything and everything. That is what I want back." She went on to explain why she just was not quite ready for a more intimate physical relationship with him. At this, Alex rose from his chair and walked to the window.
"Friend. You still see me as your childhood playmate? How can you kiss me so searingly and then say that you feel strange about it? So it is true. You still don't love me as I love you. Why did you let me continue this, then? Why didn't you just tell me at the beginning?"
Catherine walked up behind him and placed her arms around him. "No, Alex, that is not true. I do love you." To prove it, she turned him around and pulled his face down towards her. "I do. And your kisses are amazing. I just have to get used to the transition." She looked into his eyes before she stood on her toes to kiss him. Alex kissed her only lightly.
"All right, Kate, I will try." He walked towards the door. "But I do wish that you loved me as much as I love you. I wonder how long it will take you to see me in that light." And he was gone.
Catherine felt slightly better for voicing her feelings, but there was still a little nagging fear at the back of her mind. She removed her dress and put on a white tank top and some flannel boxers. Before she crawled into bed, she looked once more at the card Alex had sent her that morning. "Oh, Alex, we have a lot to work through." The thought exhausted her, and she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Sometime around midnight, Richard returned from his date. Vanessa had been a very enjoyable dinner companion. They had laughed about the differences between the 'Brits' and Americans. As the wine started to go to their heads, they had delved into more touchy subjects, and Richard had found himself counseling her through her breakup. That evening, she had kissed him on the cheek as he dropped her off. They had a great deal in common. Richard was looking foreword to getting to know Vanessa better.
Richard threw on a pair of flannel boxers and went downstairs in the dark around 2am for a glass of something to help him sleep. He didn't bother to turn on any lights in the library, but sat looking at the smoldering coals of the fire and listening to the rain on the window. When he had drained his glass, he brought it to the kitchen and started upstairs. He walked into the dark bedroom and slid under the covers. Soon, he too was fast asleep.
Chapter 48
As the storm outside escalated, Richard tossed restlessly in his sleep. His face was anguished, and he was lost in his dreams.
He was in a refugee camp and dying people were all around him. Their cries were deafening, and Richard had to clap his hands over his ears to drown them out. Everywhere he went, people grabbed hold of his long white coat and cried, "doctor, doctor..." He bent to help them, but as soon as his fingers touched them, they either turned into dust and blew away or melted into hideous skeletons. The earth-shaking boom of bombs rattled his heart, and as he watched, the thousands of displaced people turned into a fine gray dust that blew away with the hot wind.
Soon he was alone, wandering in the stagnant mist, looking for a safe place, for his freedom. The bombs continued to thud in the distance, the occasional flash that signaled a hit cutting through the fog. He started to run, stumbling over sharp stones and around stunted trees.
All at once, the fog cleared and he was standing at the river by his magnificent family home in Matlock. A soft, cool breeze blew over him as he climbed the stairs that led from the water to the house. It was still dark, but the stars shone clearly, reflecting off of the water and illuminating his way home. He was so overjoyed that he broke into a run as he went around to the front entrance. But the door was locked. He struggled with all of the doors, but none of them worked. He returned to the front of the house and sank to the ground with his head in his hands.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. A soft voice said, "I know that you desperately want to get in. You have been too afraid until now, but I can let you in, if you will let me." Two small hands found his and tried to pull him to his feet. Richard complied and a small arm encircled his waist to lead him to the house. The young woman slipped a key into his hand. "I have the key, but you must open the door." Richard turned the key in the lock. As soon as they entered the house, the young woman turned to him sadly, brushing her blonde hair back from her face. "I am sorry, I cannot go any further. I think I would like to, but you won't let me. You think that I should go back where I came from. What do you think I should do?" She was crying softly. Richard stepped foreword, slipping his arm around her waist. "Here, let me help you through the door." She smiled up at him, and Richard was struck by the expression in the blue eyes. "I think I know you..." She smiled again. "You do." Richard felt an urge to brush the tears from her eyes, and he cradled her chin with one hand while he brushed her wet eyelashes with his thumb. She stepped forward and Richard felt an inexplicable longing deep inside, he caressed her face again with his hand. Her eyes closed. Richard slowly wrapped his arms around her as he brushed his lips across her closed eyes. "I will keep you safe, Catherine." He felt his heart fly free as he lowered his lips to hers.
The lightning cracked, illuminating Catherine's sleeping face. She rolled over and sighed in her sleep. She was lost in her own dreams.
She was in a room with people she knew, but she could not see their faces. Everyone was dancing. A man wearing a tuxedo appeared before her. He performed magic tricks for her delight, and then took her in his arms, leading her in the dance. He started to kiss her, but he had no face. She moved her fingers over his face, desperately trying to find a familiar feature, but she could find none. The man began twirling her around faster and faster until her feet left the ground. She tried to slip from his grasp, but he held her tighter. Finally, she slid to the ground. She started running. The man suddenly had a mouth, which was drawn down sadly as he raised a hand in farewell.
She entered a long hallway. She was looking for something. It was dark, illuminated only by the lightning flashes that came through the wide windows and danced crazily on the floor. She could not find what she was looking for, and began running faster and faster down the seemingly endless hall. Finally, she fell on her hands and knees, crying.
Suddenly, he was there. He fell to his knees before her and soothed his hands over her face, erasing her tears. He lifted her easily in his arms and took her from the eerie hallway through a small door into a softly lit room. He sat on a richly decorated chair and held her in his lap, silently reassuring her. As he cradled her against his chest, he slowly eased her troubled heart and she felt more peace and comfort than she had ever known. He smiled as he caressed her face with his sensitive hands. Ever so slowly, he lifted her chin to draw her into a slow, sweet, exploring kiss that eliminated all troubled thoughts from her mind. She gazed into his eyes and was surprised to see that they were deep brown sparkling with gold. But Alex has blue eyes... she thought to herself. The thought was erased as he caressed her face, his eyes locked with hers in a soul-searching gaze. He whispered her name before drawing her into another slow, heartbreakingly sweet kiss.
Chapter 49
Elizabeth woke suddenly. At first she thought that it was the thunder that had shaken her from her dreams, but it took only a moment for her to realize that there was another, more pressing reason. She shook her husband awake.
He mumbled in his sleep and rolled over, trying to pull her close to him. Elizabeth kissed him. "Wake up, daddy."
William's sleep addled brain turned the phrase over for a moment before it registered. He sat straight up in bed. "Did you just say...?"
Elizabeth brushed a damp curl off of his forehead and kissed him again. "I did."
William bolted out of bed and helped Elizabeth to stand as if he thought she would break. His face was very worried. "Are you all right?" Elizabeth smiled. "I think they just started. We have some time. Let's wake Kitty and Richard. I know that they will want to know. But first we have to have the car brought around."
William nearly tripped over himself as he ran to push the call button. Within seconds, a servant appeared.
"It is time, Henderson. Please have the car brought around." The man looked almost as shocked and nervous as Darcy did. He broke into a run as soon as he had left the room and raced to the servant's quarters, knocking on doors as he went. Soon, the entire household was up. The cook started coffee, two men went out to start the car, and others scurried around the house trying to find something useful to do.
Elizabeth slid a cotton dress over her head. She eased herself into a chair and laughed as William placed her shoes on her feet. His hands were shaking so badly that Elizabeth was convinced that they would never get out of the house. It tickled her to see her usually calm husband so shaken.
Once they were dressed, William and Elizabeth started for the guest rooms. Elizabeth dropped her husband's arm. "You wake Richard. He is next door. I will take care of Kitty."
William hesitated, not sure that his wife could support herself. Elizabeth laughed. "I am pregnant, not a cripple."
Her smile vanished as soon as she opened the door. With a slight gasp, Elizabeth had to support herself with the door frame.
William walked up behind his wife. "Rich is not in his..." His jaw dropped.
Lightning flashed, Illuminating Catherine's bedroom. In the four poster bed, two people were sleeping deeply. Catherine's face glowed with perfect serenity. She was draped over Richard's bare chest, cradled in his arms. Richard wore a smile of pure contentment.
Elizabeth and William stared at the pair, and then at each other. William's eyes implored his wife to make the first move.
Thunder crashed. Richard shifted in his sleep. His mind registered an unfamiliar weight on top of him. He rolled to his side and slowly opened his eyes. Catherine's face was mere inches from his. Her eyelids fluttered as she dreamed. She sighed softly. Richard smiled. I am still dreaming, but oh, what a dream. He brought a hand up to softly caress her face.
Catherine felt the movement at her side and slowly drifted upwards towards consciousness. She opened her eyes to see the same golden brown eyes from her dream smiling at her. The same feeling of contentment and absolute peace washed over her. She smiled as he reverently caressed her face with gentle fingertips. She closed her eyes as he brushed his lips over hers, kissing her softly.
Lightning flashed again and thunder rolled, startling them. Catherine and Richard slowly pulled apart. Richard glanced towards the door first. His mind refused, at first, to register the dumfounded faces of William and Elizabeth. Catherine followed his gaze. At the same moment, Richard and Catherine's mind registered what they were seeing. As the lightning flashed, their eyes met again. Catherine's face was pure astonishment. Richard's was a mask of anguish. It wasn't a dream.
Richard was the first to move. He untangled his arms from around Catherine and leaped from the bed. His eyes were deeply troubled. He stood at the side of the bed for a moment, with his back to Catherine. At first, the words would not come. Finally, he sputtered out a credulous sentence. "I'm sorry...I must have...wrong room..." He shook his head. Am I still dreaming? This is too surreal. He turned to look at Catherine, who sat so tantalizingly tangled in the bedcovers, her hair tousled about her shoulders.
Catherine stared at Richard, too shocked to speak. "My dream..." She pulled the covers from her legs and slid to the edge of the bed. As she tried to stand, her legs failed her and she dizzily grabbed Richard's arm to steady herself. "Richard?" She could not help but notice how good he looked wearing only flannel boxers. She shook her head. "Why are you in my bed? I mean..." Her head was swimming. "What on earth are you doing in London?"
They stood staring at each other, trying to reason things out in their sleepy heads, willing themselves to wake from this crazy dream.
Elizabeth finally overcame her shock and stepped forward. "It seems that Richard walked into the wrong room. Now that we have all been introduced, can we please go to the hospital? I don't think that baby wants to wait for us to sort this mess out."
Richard and Catherine sprang apart at the sound of Elizabeth's voice. Richard nodded hastily to William before he ran from the room. Elizabeth and William looked at each other, and by mutual consent decided to head downstairs. They did not think that Richard and Catherine were of sound enough mind to join them.
Richard stripped as soon as he entered his room. As he did, he noticed that the soft smell of Catherine's lotion clung to him. He stuck his head under the cold water faucet in his bathroom and raked a hand through his wet hair. He threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and ran downstairs. William and Elizabeth were just walking out the door. "I'm coming with you."
Catherine ran for her bathroom, where she threw cold water on her face. Catherine came down seconds later, also wearing jeans and a T-shirt. "Wait, Lizzy. I promised I would be there for you."
They piled into the limousine. William, of course, wanted to sit next to his wife. That forced Catherine and Richard to share a seat. They could not look at each other, and rode in silence, each staring miserably out of a window.
Chapter 50
Catherine sat with her cheek resting on one hand, staring out the window at the pouring rain. The fruit and muffin in front of her were untouched. Richard sat across from her, restlessly stirring his chicken noodle soup with a spoon.
"Catherine?"
She turned towards him. "Hmm?"
"I am truly sorry for what happened last night." His brown eyes were troubled. There was no dancing gold in them.
Kitty covered her slight discomposure with a smile. "Yes, I was wondering how that happened."
Richard's face looked quite sheepish. "I counted doorknobs in the dark, forgetting that one of them belonged to a closet."
Catherine laughed. "Well, it sure was an interesting way to wake up. Listen, Richard, it is OK. Really. We sure shocked William and Lizzy, didn't we? I am sure that they thought that we were really fast movers, for as far as they knew, we had never met before. Did you see their faces?"
Richard was relieved that she did not seem as angry as he had imagined. His warm brown eyes sparkled as he laughed. "It must have been quite a sight." He was serious again, "so you won't hold it against me?"
Catherine smiled. "Of course not. It was a mistake. Besides," her grin was wicked as she winked at him. "You turned out to be quite a kisser..."
Richard's face did not change, but his eyes deepened with such intensity that Catherine had to avert her eyes. Richard turned away slightly. "I can't think of a better way to wake up," he murmured to himself.
Richard and Catherine finally composed themselves enough to sort out how they happened to be in the same bed in the same house in the same town and country.
"And here you were, all this time, talking about your sister, and I spoke about my relatives in England, and they were the same people! I don't know how many times we discussed them, but names never entered the conversation."
Catherine grinned. "This is the same kind of story that we will tell our grandchildren some day." There was an extremely awkward pause before Catherine qualified her statement. "I mean, most likely at least one of us will have grandchildren some day."
Richard merely nodded his head and waved for the waitress to bring their bill.
They returned to the waiting room and settled in chairs to wait. A long while later, the doctor returned. He was not smiling.
"Miss Bennet, your sister is having a difficult time. If she does not deliver soon, she and the baby will be in grave danger. We may have to perform a Cesarean. Mr. Darcy thought that you should know. I am truly sorry."
Catherine walked to the window, silent tears running down her face. Richard came up behind her and lightly placed a hand on her shoulder. "Catherine..." She turned around and fell into his arms. Richard held her tightly, murmuring soothing words into her ear. It was thus that Alex found them.
He strode through the doors carrying a bouquet of flowers, and stopped in his tracks, dropping the flowers. His voice was filled with the shock of seeing his girlfriend in the embrace of a man who was supposed to be thousands of miles away. "Richard, what on Earth are you doing here?"
Richard silently indicated Catherine's tears and mouthed her sister's name. Alex nodded in understanding and gently removed Catherine from Richard's arms. She took one look at Alex's face and started sobbing uncontrollably. Alex sat on a chair and pulled her into his lap. He wrapped his arms tightly around her. Catherine's sobbing gradually ceased, and she sat, exhausted, with her head on Alex's shoulder.
Richard stood at a window, watching the rain.
When Catherine was quiet, Alex addressed Richard. "So how long have you been in the country?"
Richard came to stand opposite, willing his eyes not to stray to Catherine's sleepy, tear-damp face. "I arrived at William's home yesterday morning."
Alex raised an eyebrow. "Funny, Catherine didn't mention anything about your arrival, or the fact that you are staying with them."
Catherine and Richard stared at Alex with funny expressions. What is this, an interrogation? Richard stole a glance at Catherine, wondering what she would say.
Catherine spoke first. "Well, I didn't actually know that Richard was here until...this...morning." The end of her sentence trailed out, and her eyes darkened agitatedly. She lowered her head to hide her blush.
Alex glanced at her, confused, but continued, "I stopped by the house to pick you up for breakfast, but the doorman told me that you were here." He wiped a tear from her cheek with one hand. "Shhh, baby. It will all be OK. I am here now. It will all be all right, you'll see." Catherine rested her head on his shoulder. Finally, she fell asleep on Alex's lap. He kissed the top of her head, and sat staring out the window, absently running his hands through her golden hair.
Richard paced the hallway as the minutes ticked by. Finally, the door flew open. Catherine sat up sleepily. A doctor smiled at them. "It is a healthy boy. Eight pounds two ounces. His name is Jeffery Fitzwilliam Darcy." Catherine leaped out of her chair and took the doctor's hands.
"And Lizzy, is she..."
The doctor smiled. "She is just fine. A little sore of course, and very tired, but she is glowing."
Several minutes later, William came out. He was disheveled and his jaw was covered in dark stubble, but the expression on his face was one of pure joy. He actually hugged Catherine, and when he stepped back, the happiness in his eyes erased all of Catherine's former prejudices against him. He vigorously shook Richard's hand and greeted Alex. He thanked them for coming, and asked that they all return home for some sleep before he returned to his wife and son.
Chapter 51
Alex tried to be understanding when Catherine said that she was not up to an evening out. It had been a long night and an even longer day. She wanted to stay home. They walked outside to stand on the front stairs underneath the soft starlight of the first cloud-free evening that London had seen in a week. Alex ran a strand of Catherine's hair through his fingers.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Catherine smiled. Alex was once again the man that she loved. His blue eyes were dark with concern for her. She raised a hand to touch his cheek. Alex captured her hand and traced delicate kisses along her wrist before pulling her close. He rested his forehead against hers for a moment, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Catherine, I know that things have not been quite right between us, but I love you so much. I have loved you for so long. We will work things out."
Catherine raised her hands to his face again. "I know we will, Alex. I know we will." She closed her eyes as Alex drew her into one of his brain-numbing kisses. He backed her against the door as his mouth possessed hers. Somewhere in the mush that Alex's fierce kisses made of her mind, Catherine pictured, just for a moment, another kiss-as soft and tender and heart breaking as this one was sensuous and heated and demanding. Alex pulled her tighter to him, running his hand up her spine, giving her shivers, and erasing the thought from her mind. When Alex finally pulled away, Catherine's eyes were still closed. She leaned against the door, breathing heavily. Alex smiled, tightened his arms around her, pressing her to him again, and branded her with his lips.
Finally, Catherine broke the kiss. Her face was flushed, and her eyes were dark. Alex nearly went wild looking at her, lips swollen, blonde hair tousled around her shoulders. He lowered his lips to her ear and whispered in a husky voice, "I can come in, if you'd like..."
Catherine squeezed her eyes tightly closed, pondering. She could smell Alex's cologne. It made her want to faint with the heady feeling it gave her. She opened her eyes to meet Alex's. She knew that if he kissed her once more, she was done for. And he did.
But as they entered her bedroom, as Alex lifted her in his arms, as he locked his lips over hers, Catherine again got the feeling that something was wrong. Alex started to lift the T-shirt above her head, but Catherine stopped him as his fingers wandered. Alex sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh. "What do you want me to do?"
Catherine stood with her back was to him, so that she could collect a coherent thought. "I think that I need to sleep in your arms, and we will see. But I cannot promise..."
Alex grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into bed. "As you wish." He kissed her with mounting ardor, but managed to stop himself before things got out of control. He would wait. Sleeping next to each other was likely to lead in another direction. He grinned confidently and lay back, pulling her down so that her head rested on his chest. "Yes, my dear, we will see." But within ten minutes, Catherine was sound asleep.
The next morning, Catherine felt the presence of a man beside her. She smiled and rolled towards his warmth. Slowly opening her eyes with a smile on her face, she met the eyes of her bedmate. A shock of surprise coursed through her, as she had been somehow expecting laughing warm, deep brown eyes with dancing flecks of gold. Instead, her eyes locked with a pair as blue as the English Channel on a stormy day. He stretched languidly, like a jungle cat.
"Good morning, Kate."
"Good morning."
Alex took a shower, then pulled on his clothes. "I have to run, sweet. Have a meeting at eleven." He kissed her quickly and then left. Catherine's smile vanished and she felt abandoned. She could not stop herself from wondering if he would have left so soon if she had given herself to him. She hated herself for the thought.
She padded down to the kitchen in her boxers and a tank top to find breakfast. As she did, she heard Alex yell "goodbye" to Richard. Somehow this pained her. She entered the kitchen to find Richard sitting at a little table in a sunny corner, reading a paper. Everything about him was calm except the set to his jaw. His eyes, when he looked at her, were cool.
"Good morning, Catherine."
She felt a small flutter of disappointment in her stomach. "Hello Richard."
His voice was hoarse as he spoke. "I told Alex that I am leaving tomorrow for Matlock. My family has not been there since I was a child, but some distant relatives have been using it in the summer. I am thinking of moving back once I return from..." He glanced at her face, which was fairly serene. Of course, she did not know. He wondered what it would mean to her if she did.
"The servants have been instructed to ready the house for my arrival. I mentioned this to Alex and he expressed an interest in visiting Matlock, which he says that he has never managed to see. Alex asked if he-and you-could accompany me." He paused, "I agreed. You would probably be lonely in this house with Elizabeth in the hospital and William at her side constantly."
Richard lowered his gaze, wondering why on earth he had invited Alex. The reason of course, was that he wanted to be near Catherine. But to be near her and know that she was with Alex, to know that she stayed with him at night...how could he bear it? And in his own house, nonetheless!
Catherine was very surprised. It seemed a very odd request for Alex to make, and even stranger that Richard had agreed. Perhaps Richard was just too kind to turn down the request of a friend.
Catherine took a banana from a bowl on the counter and took a bite. "I would be delighted Richard. I have heard that your home is lovely." She took a seat opposite. "Richard..."
He lowered his paper to look her in the eyes.
"I am sorry if Alex invited himself. Do you truly want us to come?"
Richard smiled. "I would be delighted for you to visit my home."
Catherine lowered her eyes, not missing the emphasis of his words. "Then we shall come with you."
Chapter 52
On their way out of town, the three stopped at the hospital to say goodbye to Elizabeth, William and the baby. Elizabeth handed the baby to Alex, who looked mildly uncomfortable holding him, uncertain how to handle the little one without breaking him. It was actually really cute how careful he was. Richard laughed and held out his arms. The baby sighed in his sleep as Alex handed him to his future godfather. Richard's face took on an expression of wonder as he held the baby close. The sleeping Darcy heir clutched one of his fingers. Richard chuckled. "He already has the iron handshake of a successful businessman, this one," he joked. Catherine laughed at Elizabeth's mock indignation and William's proud smile. Richard is going to make some lucky woman very happy someday.
Richard reluctantly returned the child to Elizabeth and kissed her on the cheek. He shook William's hand. Catherine and Alex bid farewell to the little family and followed Richard out of the room. As they left, William and Elizabeth shared a smile, wondering what would become of this situation.
The train pulled into the station in Matlock as the sun began to sink. They were met by a chauffeur who loaded their belongings into the trunk of a sleek silver Jaguar. Richard stared out the window with hungry eyes as they neared his childhood home. The car rolled to a stop along a wooded road. Richard immediately leaped out of the car and ran down a path into the woods. Catherine asked the chauffeur why they had stopped.
Next to her, Alex laughed. "Kate, he is probably just taking a leak." Catherine ignored him and asked the chauffeur again. He turned around with a smile.
"It is family tradition, Miss. Have a look for yourself."
Catherine asked Alex to come along, but he declined.
Catherine shrugged and exited the car. Richard had disappeared, but there was a small path that led through the woods. She followed it, loving the scent of the green forest and the light that filtered through the trees. Suddenly she saw Richard's back.
"Richard-" He held up a hand motioning for her to be quiet, and to join him. She stepped through the opening in the woods to stand next to him, on the edge of a cliff. He smiled at her and placed a hand on her shoulder, throwing his other arm wide. "Look!" His voice was a whisper.
As Catherine stepped forward, the light of sunset caught the valley and turned it to gold. Below, surrounded by graceful trees and gardens, a magnificent house graced the hillside, painted pink and gold by the sunset. The forests of Matlock spread before them, surrounding the house in a verdant robe. The river ran lazily behind the house, glinting with pure liquid gold.
Catherine felt that words would ruin the moment, so she merely squeezed Richard's hand. He smiled at her, silently thanking her for sharing this moment with him.
As the sunset faded, painting the valley in shadow, they turned back down the path. They arrived at the car to find Alex sitting glumly in the back. "What was so interesting that it took so long?"
Catherine and Richard smiled at each other, but said nothing.
They arrived at the house to find it brightly lit, and servants eagerly lined up to meet Richard. They seemed surprised to see their favorite eight-year-old boy now grown into a man.
He was smiled brilliantly as he showed his guests around the house. When they approached the guestroom wing, Richard hesitated. "I had them prepare two rooms. This one is yours, Alex." Alex smiled and entered his room. "Thank you Richard. I think that I will take a shower." Richard shrugged, "All right. Push this button and a manservant will serve you as you need." Alex kissed Catherine on the cheek and shook Richard's hand. "Thanks for letting us join you."
Richard smiled at Catherine as they continued down the corridor and up a wide stairway. "This was my mother's room. I thought that you would be the most comfortable here." He opened the double doors to a room that was truly lovely, decorated in cream satin and forest green. A cushioned seat was cut into a huge window that looked out over the valley. Delicate French chairs stood by an ornately carved fireplace, and there were other lovely pieces of delicate wood furniture that Catherine could tell were priceless antiques. A bookshelf was stocked with poetry and classic novels. She turned to Richard with a smile. "Oh, it is lovely."
He smiled. "It is just as I remembered it. I thought it would suit you."
Catherine walked to the window. "Oh, Richard, your home is absolutely beautiful."
He smiled. "Thank you. It is good to be home."
He backed out of the room. "Please don't hesitate to call me for anything, Catherine."
She kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you Richard."
Chapter 53
When did I become a fool?
Richard was unable to sleep for several reasons, but mostly because of the young lady who (hopefully) dreamt in a room not far from his. He had spent several hours tossing his odd decision to bring Catherine and Alexander to the house with him around in his mind. It must have been a moment of temporary insanity, he finally decided. He had meant this trip to be one of solitude, a time to forget the task ahead of him, to forget the troubles of his heart. But now he had not only interrupted that solitude by inviting guests, but these guests were bound to increase the suffering in his heart ten-fold. Why, even now, Catherine could be with Alex...the thought finally erased all possibility of sleep, and Richard threw the covers aside and slid out of bed.
He walked down the dark hallway, not needing a light because he had explored every corner of this tremendous house as a child. He finally paused at the great carved doors that led to the library. As a child, he remembered finding his father in this room with glasses perched on his nose, reading one of the leather bound editions that filled the walls of the great room. Richard had spent countless hours hiding under shelves, behind chairs and in other wonderful secret spots in the large room.
His hand rested on the ornate doorknob a moment before he entered. With the flip of a switch, the room was bathed in soft light. It was just as he remembered...deep leather chairs, a thick dark green carpet, wide windows that looked over the valley. This time, however, he did not view it as a great place to hide, but rather as a refuge for his thoughts. He took a book from one of the tall shelves and a decanter from a small table, presumably set there by a thoughtful servant. The leather chair by the window creaked comfortingly as he sat in it.
Richard lifted a snifter to his lips, relishing the feel of the smooth amber liquid on his tongue, the warmth it gave. After setting the glass down, he turned the thin leather volume over in his hand. It was a collection of sonnets written by the Regency poet William Drummond. As he flipped through the text, he decided to find a more substantial book, something that would engross his mind completely. As he rose from his seat, however, Richard's eyes rested on a particular passage. His forehead wrinkled in a frown as he eased back into the chair.
My life lies in those looks which have me slain.
Richard threw the book on the table with a groan. How can a dead man so accurately gauge my predicament. Catherine does indeed haunt my every thought, but she is not mine to love. And even if she were free, I leave in three days. Richard had not slept well since that fateful night, plagued by dreams of her lips, her smell, her soft, warm body next to his. Richard opened the volume again to read it one more time. He fell asleep with it clutched to his heart.
A soft knock, and the door slowly opened. Catherine entered with a smile on her face. "Richard, you have a hundred rooms, and yet you insist on sleeping in a chair?"
Richard blinked and sat up, hastily setting the book on the table by his elbow. "What time is it?"
Catherine laughed. "Breakfast time. We had the servants set up a meal on the lawn. Will you join us?"
Richard ran a hand through his hair. "I think I will get dressed first." He rose and groaned as muscles, cramped by a night in a chair, protested the movement. "I think I need a hot shower to ease these aching muscles." He rubbed his neck.
Catherine blushed as he stood. Lord, it should be illegal for a man to look that good in the morning. His hair was charmingly tousled, and his warm brown eyes gazed at her somewhat dreamily. His smile was soft with the calm of someone just pleasantly awakened. "It looks like you could use a shave as well."
Richard grinned as he ran a hand across his rough face. "Seems like it." His eyes, however, became slightly troubled as he walked to the window and saw Alex on the lawn playing with one of the dogs. "On second thought, I think that I will forgo breakfast." His tone was not as at ease as it had been.
Catherine frowned. "Richard, what is wrong?"
Richard turned his back to her. The fact that you are here with Alex, that you probably spent the night in his room, the fact that you are standing so close that I could touch you, but I don't dare... "Nothing, nothing at all."
Catherine was not convinced. Something in his eyes and his tone told her that something was truly bothering him. She took a seat. "Richard, I know that something is wrong. Please tell me. I would like to help."
Richard smiled at Catherine. "Catherine, you are wonderful. Thank you. But I really need to take a shower." He rose.
Catherine grabbed his hand, forcing him to sit down again. "Richard, you will either tell me, or you will have to drag me into the shower with you, because I am not going to let go of your hand."
Richard could not help grinning. An appealing prospect... "My dear Catherine, there is nothing wrong that a hot," or cold, "shower will not cure." He stood and gently disengaged her fingers from his hand. With a smile, he started towards the door.
Catherine raced to stand against the door, arms spread wide, to stop his exit. Richard laughed, lifted her in his arms and deposited her unceremoniously on the couch. "Goodbye, my dear." Catherine smiled with glee as he tried the doorknob. With a frown of mock indignation, Richard turned towards her. "Catherine..."
She stood and held out a key on a blue ribbon. "This look familiar?" She had slipped the key from the door. Richard started forward with his hand outstretched, but Catherine stopped him with a wicked smile. She held up the key and dropped it into her shirt. Richard willed his jaw not to hit the floor.
Catherine smiled triumphantly. "I don't think you will be going after this key. Now you are my prisoner."
Richard grinned again. Another appealing idea.
As Catherine took a seat, she was suddenly shy. "Richard, does this behavior have to do with what happened between us the other night?"
Richard's smile vanished. She is too close to the truth. I will need a grand smoke screen to talk my way out of this one. He had not planned on telling her yet, but now seemed to be the time.
"Catherine, I am going to Yugoslavia."
Catherine gasped. "Ordered?"
Richard took a deep breath. She is going to be mad at this one... "I volunteered."
Catherine rose from her seat and stood before him with her hands on her hips. She asked him why in the world, when he may have been sent in a month anyway, he volunteered. Especially when he had a great practice, good friends, close family and a nice life back in Boston. Richard's main thought was that she forgot to mention the one thing that mattered to him the most-herself. But Richard did not voice this sentiment. Instead he spoke of personal growth, of a need to do something that was not handed to him on a silver platter, something that would make him proud of himself. As a doctor and a member of the United States Military, he was expected to save lives. There was a need for his skills, so he would go.
Catherine stood silent for a moment, then sank heavily to the footstool at his feet. She took his hands and held them in her lap. Her eyes were sad as she gazed at him. "Richard, you must the noblest man I have ever met. I don't know why you feel that you have to prove yourself, I put you on a pedestal almost the moment we met. But if you must go, you have my support, and my prayers." She reached up to hug him. "Only Richard, please be careful," she whispered.
Richard held her only a moment before he forced himself to rise. Her legs straddled his as she sat on the footstool and he was forced to step over them. He walked to the door, then looked at her questioningly.
Catherine's grin returned somewhat. She walked over to where he stood with his hand outstretched. Richard almost fell over when she plunged her hand down her neckline to retrieve the key. She smiled as she dropped it into his outstretched hand. It was still warm with the heat of her skin. Richard closed it in his palm for a moment, looking at her with questions in his eyes. Finally, he turned on his heel, placed the key in the lock, and strode out of the room.
Chapter 54
The smallest dining room at Matlock was both charmingly elegant and intimate. The room was decorated in warm polished wood, and one entire wall of windows overlooked the valley and the river. This room had never been wired for electricity, because the intimacy of the room was enhanced by the elegant candle-lit chandelier that was lowered over the table.
On this particular night, the sun was just setting over the hill, casting a rosy glow into the room, complementing the candlelight. The table was covered with a white tablecloth and decorated with silver candlesticks and flowers from the hothouse. The servants appeared to present each superb course, then vanished into the shadows. Soft music played in the background, complimented by the soft clink of silver against the finest china. The wide windows were thrown open to admit the soft evening air to circulate through the room.
The setting was perfect for the most intimate of gatherings, except that there was an odd number of diners. This was the second, and final, night that the small group was to spend at Matlock. The day had been filled with walks, a picnic, swimming in the river, horseback riding, and tennis. Some of the younger servants had joined them in a rousing game rugby. After the active day, the three individuals sat at the table in silent companionship.
As the dinner progressed, however, the conversation became animated, aided by fine wine from Matlock's well-stocked wine cellar. Richard and Alex finally conversed on the same level, discussing University rugby, and all sorts of topics. Catherine sat back, amused, and watched.
The evening wore on, and Richard sent the servants from the room once they had cleared the table. Within a half-hour, however, he poured the last drop of velvety red wine into Alex's crystal glass. Not wanting to call the servants back, he studied the label momentarily, then rose from his chair with a smile.
"If I remember correctly, Our family has a superb wine collection. As a child, I often sneaked into the cellar to play. I'll wager that I can find something of far superior quality to this Merlot." He grinned. "I will be right back."
When he left, Alex smiled at Catherine. "Enjoying yourself, my dear?"
Catherine leaned back in her chair and sighed. "Immensely. And the food was divine. That silky chocolate raspberry cheesecake was positively sinful."
Alex rose from his chair and leaned down to kiss her. "It tastes even better on your lips." His eyes were intense as he smiled at her. "Shall we be finished here?"
Catherine looked towards the door. "Richard has gone to get us some more wine. We can't just leave him."
Alex lifted her napkin from her lap. "And why not?"
Catherine stood. "Have a seat for a minute, Alex. I will find Richard and tell him that we have had enough. Perhaps a walk would do us well after this sumptuous meal?"
A servant in the hall directed her towards the stairs to the wine cellar. The temperature dropped as she descended the stairs. At the bottom, she had to use two hands to open the heavy door. As she stepped inside, she gasped. The huge room was dim and chilly, and there were several long rows of wine racks. She turned a corner and saw Richard sitting at a small table. He had two bottles in front of him and was considering a glass in one of his hands. As he twirled the glass, the deep burgundy liquid caught the light. He saw her just as he raised the glass to his lips. He set the glass back on the table and rose from his seat.
Richard gave Catherine a lopsided grin, "I am trying to decide between this 1949 St.-Emilion and the 1929 Graves. Both are superb, but I want to give you the best."
Catherine laughed. "You opened two incredible bottles of wine just to taste them and serve one? My goodness, Richard, you must have quite the collection to do that!"
Richard shrugged. "I did not want to serve you bad wine. Honestly Catherine, I cannot decide. Please help me out here."
Catherine smiled at him and took the glass. The aroma that tickled her nose promised an excellent wine. She took a small sip of the St.-Emilion and sighed. "Richard, this is stunning. I don't think that I have tasted anything quite so...fragrant as this one."
Richard smiled as he took the glass from her. "Now you must try the Graves. Let me tell you how to do this. First look at the color." He held the glass up to the light. It was brilliantly clear, deep and rich in color. He swirled the glass slightly, noting how long the wine remained on the sides of the glass before it slid back down. He held it up to her nose, and the scent delighted Catherine's nostrils. "What do you smell?"
She was not certain. "Cherries?"
Richard smiled. "Yes, what else?" Catherine inhaled again as he swirled the glass. "I can't tell."
"All right then, take a sip, enough to play it around in your mouth, but do not swallow yet." She did as he asked, gently rolling the liquid over her tongue, and feeling the heat as it warmed her mouth.
After a moment Richard instructed her to swallow, then to exhale softly. Catherine did as he asked. "Oh Richard, that was wonderful! Velvety smooth and so fragrant. I tasted plum in there, and something earthy, anise perhaps? It is so smooth. May I?" She took another taste.
Her cheeks bloomed with heat from the wine. "Your turn." She held the glass out to him. Instead of taking the glass, Richard put his hand on hers to guide the glass to his lips. He looked her in the eyes as he drank. The wine was affecting him, as well.
Catherine stepped towards Richard, to take another sip of the wine. As she did, their eyes locked. Perhaps it was the great deal of wine they had consumed at dinner, but each was unable to move their eyes from the other's face.
Catherine lowered the glass. She began to speak, but her sentence trailed off as she was entranced by the hypnotic gold sparkles in Richard's eyes.
She shivered from the chill in the air, and Richard noticed it. He took his coat off and wrapped it around Catherine. He rubbed her arms lightly to warm them, and his hands lingered on her shoulders.
He lifted her golden hair from under the collar of the coat, still looking her in the eye. His voice was softly hoarse, "The Graves, then?"
Catherine's voice was quiet. "Yes, the Graves. The other was magnificent, but the Graves was so satiny, so seductive..." Her voice lowered to a whisper as Richard brushed her hair from her face. His face was inches from hers and his wine-scented breath was warm on her face.
His hands slid down to hold the lapels of the coat, as if to pull it farther over her shoulders. Catherine lifted her hands to lightly grip his wrists.
"Catherine..." Through some magical property of gravity, both of them leaned forward slightly at the same time. Their faces were inches apart, close enough to share the same breath. Slow enough that she could move away without causing embarrassment for either of them, lifted his hand to her face. His thumb moved across her lips lightly, wiping a drop of wine from her lips. Another surge of gravity brought them millimeters closer, and Richard was unable to stop himself from brushing his lips over hers so softly that they barely seemed to touch. It almost seemed that she was a priceless statue that Richard was afraid to touch. Catherine's heart quaked as he lifted his face from hers. Something in her wanted much more than that air kiss. Her eyes implored him.
At first Richard was shocked for his boldness, but when he saw that Catherine had not removed her hands from his chest, that she was smiling softly, a slow smile spread across his face. He moved his hand from the lapel of the coat to wrap his arm around her waist. His other hand slid to the back of her neck and buried itself in her hair as he took her in his arms. He smiled so tenderly that Catherine nearly fainted. "May I?" he asked the question in that low, softly hoarse whisper. Catherine had never been asked permission before. She nodded speechlessly, and his smile took her breath away. He kissed her slow and gentle, and with as much reverence as he would have tasted the very finest wine.
Chapter 55
Author's note: The song in italics is "Written in the Stars," by Elton John and LeAnn Rymes, from the movie "Aida."
Richard threaded his fingers through golden hair and deepened the kiss until Catherine clung to him to keep herself from collapsing. Richard felt like he was on the verge of a meltdown, and that is why he stopped. It took all of the self-control and willpower he had to tear his mouth from hers. They stood for a moment, staring at each other, trying to catch their breath.
Catherine spoke first. Her voice was breathless, "how did that happen?"
Richard leaned his forehead against hers, trying to gloss over his discomposure, "that was some wine," he flashed a shaky, but gorgeous grin. His eyes embraced her with their warmth.
Catherine's face broke into a smile. "Yes, some wine!"
Richard covered Catherine's face with gentle kisses before he pulled back. His eyes were glowing with desire, but the set of his jaw showed how he fought to restrain himself. He took a ragged breath and stepped back. "So..." His face was glowing, but his eyes were troubled. This was not going to be simple.
Catherine smoothed her hair and rebuttoned the top button on her blouse. "So."
"Catherine, we must return before Alex..."
Her face fell. What do I do now? She had been completely in love with Alex. She did not dispute that fact. But for some reason, she found herself increasingly drawn to Richard.
Catherine had believed herself pledged to Alex. Even though she had no ring, her devotion had been complete. But why, then, had she shared the two most moving, most intimate kisses of her life with another man? Why was she having doubts?
Richard retrieved his jacket from the floor, where it had fallen from her shoulders. He opened the heavy door for her, willing himself not to notice her perfume as she walked by, not to notice when her arm brushed his chest as she passed by, not to notice her elegant form as she walked up the stairs before him. He may as well have willed his heart to stop beating.
Richard and Catherine returned to Alex in a few moments. The interlude had not taken long enough for Alex to suspect anything. Indeed, when they returned, Alex's only comment was, "Richard, you seem to have forgotten the wine!"
Richard's laugh was a shell of the smile he had given Catherine in the cellar. He would rather have called the party to an end, but he could not do so without falling through on his duties as a host, or without causing suspicion. He rang for a servant. After a long moment a young man was seen running to the door. He stopped outside the door, straightened his coat and raked a hand through his hair. Adopting the proper stance of a servant, he entered. "How can I help you, sir?"
Everyone at the table grinned. Richard rose from his chair, waving Catherine and Alex to silence. He took Chandler into the hall. "There is still a spot of lipstick on your jaw, man."
The young man grinned sheepishly and scrubbed his face with one hand. "I'm sorry, sir."
Richard grinned. "I seem to have forgotten a bottle of Graves on the table in the cellar. Will you please retrieve it for me?"
The young man smiled, glad to be let off the hook. "Thank you sir."
Chandler returned with the wine and poured each of them a glass full. Richard and Catherine had great difficulty concentrating on the conversation as they tried to sort out their recent experience in their minds. The party broke up as soon as the bottle was empty, as Richard and Catherine were not ready to face what had just happened and needed time alone to think. Alex believed that it was simply because they were to leave for the train station early in the morning.
In their separate beds that night, Catherine and Richard suffered through the various stages of guilt, mourning, and despair. Catherine had cheated, in a way, on the man to whom she had pledged her heart. Richard had not only betrayed a friendship, but he also believed that he had taken advantage of Catherine's vulnerability due to her wine consumption that evening.
They left the estate as the sun came up the next morning. As before, the car stopped so Richard could take one last look at his childhood home. Catherine joined him and Alex again remained in the car. The two stood, silently holding hands, as the rising sun kissed the Matlock estate.
I am here to tell you we can never meet again
Richard took her hand. "I have training until I leave. We will not see each other again."
Catherine lowered her head. "I thought as much."
Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
He dropped her hand and turned away. He could not look her in the eyes. "I must apologize. I took advantage..."
Catherine stopped him with a hand on his sleeve. "No, Richard, I knew what I was doing. Don't forget, you asked my permission to kiss me. I can't deny that I enjoyed it..."
Is it written in the stars?
Richard's face was grim as he faced her again. "It does not matter. I am leaving. Even if there was...a possibility...we could not have started anything. It was stupid of me to even try. All of that aside, there was also Alex..."
Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
Catherine sighed, "Yes, there is Alex." Her thoughts were troubled. She still loved Alex deeply, but they had so many problems. Here was another man who loved her utterly and completely, who was all that Alex was, and very possibly much more. But she could not turn her back on Alex right now. Richard was correct. To start anything now would have been foolish.
"So."
"So." Richard suddenly pulled her into his arms. "Catherine, I can't handle this without telling..." His eyes were anguished. Knowing what he needed, offering the one thing she could do for him, Catherine stood on her toes to kiss him. Like the other, it began slowly, but there was a note of sadness and farewell that the other had lacked. Richard brushed his lips softly across the mouth he had come to love so well, then stepped back.
His smile was distant. "If things were different..."
Catherine smiled softly. "If things were different you would have never come to London." She squeezed his hand. "I do not regret a thing."
He slowly let her hand slide from his. "I do."
Is it written in the stars?
On the long train ride back to London, the three sat in silence, staring blindly out the windows of the train. Upon reaching the station, Alex ran off to call a car to meet them. Richard and Catherine stood on the platform.
Is this some god's experiment
Richard kissed her cheek briefly. "Pray for me Catherine. I will need it."
As Richard walked away, Catherine blew a kiss to his back and whispered, "Godspeed, Richard Fitzwiliam."
Chapter 56
The day after their return, Catherine had invited Alex to join her in the garden behind the Darcy's London home. With many tears, she had told him everything - all of her doubts about their relationship, all of her hopes that had not been realized. She also told him all about Richard, how she realized he loved her while she was in Boston, about their midnight encounter in London and the wine cellar interlude at Matlock. Alex had listened silently, his face becoming more and more downcast. His eyes never left her face, as if he was searching for the answers to his many questions in her troubled eyes. When she was finally silent, he crouched in front of her. His eyes were damp and his mouth quavered as he took her hands.
"What are you trying to tell me, Kate. Are you calling this off? Are you finished with me?"
Catherine dashed a tear from her cheek. "Oh Alex, I wish you wouldn't put it that way, so bluntly, so coldly."
Alex rested his chin on her hands. "Kate, I just need to know. Do you love me? Do you want to continue this relationship?" He took a ragged breath, "Do you loveRichard?"
Catherine cried softly. "I don't know. But the fact remains that I thought for a moment that I could. That thought is still in my mind. And it remains there because you and I have so many problems. I love you, but if I was secure in us, I would have never felt what I did when Richard..." She could not even say it.
Alex's face was a mask of anguish when Catherine approached the subject. At the moment, he had a strong desire to challenge Richard to an old-fashioned duel. It was a good thing that Richard was miles away at a meeting somewhere. "Catherine, I love you more than I thought I ever could. My heart is entirely yours. If you leave, I don't know how I will go on." He kissed her hands. "Catherine, I still need to know where you are going with this. Are you going to give it a try, or are you tossing our love away?"
Catherine cringed. "Alex, it is not I who needs to try, it is us. And I would not so casually 'toss' this away. But I think we do need to take a break."
Alex rose to his feet. His jaw worked in anger, and his eyes flashed. "Catherine, I love you. I need you. Why do you insist on playing with my heart?"
She stood also. "Alex, I am not playing with you, but I need to do this. We have so many things wrong that if we ever have a chance for a long-term relationship, we need to work them out. Otherwise we are doomed."
Alex's eyes brightened at the fact that she was at least still thinking in the long-term. He wrapped his arms around her. "With the chemistry between us, we can work through anything." He pulled her into a fierce, demanding kiss that left Catherine completely helpless. Her head was spinning as he pulled away. He could have asked almost anything of her at that moment, but deep in Catherine's mind was another pair of lips, another kiss, one that left this one in the dust. When she raised her face to his cool blue eyes, she couldn't help but remembering how she could get lost in the depths of a pair of warm brown eyes.
Alex saw the distance in her eyes and pulled away. "All right, Kate, we will give it a try. We will start over and I will court you as a gentleman. We will bridge our problems as we reach them."
Catherine shook her head in agreement. She did not want to completely cut Alex loose, but she would force more distance between them. She needed to rediscover the parts of herself that had been neglected during her time with Alex.
Alex let himself out through the side gate of the garden. He took a last look back and then broke into a run.
Catherine entered the house with tears in her eyes. William met her in the hall, and put a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"Catherine, Elizabeth has told me about some of your troubles. She feels terrible that she cannot be here to help you through them." He paused, "But would you accept your brother-in-law as a meager substitute?"
Catherine was increasingly surprised how incorrect her first impression of Will Darcy had been. He was not an ogre, he was not cold, he was not ruthless. Here he was, actually offering to counsel her in subjects that Catherine believed would seem 'silly woman's nonsense' to such a man. She smiled through her tears. "Yes, William. I would enjoy your company and counsel."
She had not expected William to be so understanding, or so sympathetic, and she had not expected to break into tears in his arms. When she stopped crying, William handed her a handkerchief. "You have had a long couple of days, haven't you? Tell you what, let's run by a Chinese restaurant and pick up something to smuggle in to Elizabeth. She detests hospital food."
The time at the hospital with her sister and her nephew did a lot to restore Catherine's spirits. The smell of baby lotion and the soft babble of the newborn slowly eased her tense body. Elizabeth smiled as Catherine lavished love on the baby.
"Jane and Charles are due in next week." The wedding had been planned during many overseas phone calls. Because Jane had helped plan Elizabeth's wedding, she knew exactly what she wanted. Somehow, they had managed to keep Mrs. Bennet distracted with spoiling the new Darcy heir. The wedding had taken a back seat to her first grandchild. Still, it had taken some finagling to keep her from ordering twelve dozen bright orange and purple orchids to deck the altar of the church.
Catherine smiled. "I have really missed Jane's company. It will be so nice to have the three of us together again."
Elizabeth's face fell somewhat. "Yes the three of us." Mary had converted to Catholicism and was now a novice in an Italian convent. She had refused to leave her loftier duties for a Protestant wedding. Lydia had been killed in a drunk driving accident three years earlier, after attending a fraternity party.
Catherine smiled softly and handed the baby back to her sister. "It will be wonderful. And we will all be there in spirit."
The baby was sleepy, and a nurse arrived to return him to the nursery. Elizabeth sighed. "One more day and we will be home. Then a week and we shall be at Pemberley. Oh, how I miss it!"
They polished off the remainder of the food, chatting happily. Finally Catherine rose. "I'm sorry, but I think that I am going to leave you. I have to pick up my cap and gown." She was graduating in two days. She was amazed by this fact, and it almost seemed unreal. Her time in America had distanced her from the college and her friends. Now, she felt that she was merely going through the motions. She had been back in England for two weeks, and had no desire to resume old friendships. She had changed so much that she did not know how she would relate to them, or the pomp and grandeur of her Commencement ceremonies
After her errands, Catherine returned home and asked a maid to draw a bath. More than anything, she wanted to lose herself in warm water, a good book and bubbles. She entered the room and slid out of her bathrobe. Soft classical music played in the background, and candles burned warmly on the edge of the marble tub. The room was fragrant with raspberry scented bubbles. A cold glass of wine sat on a small table next to the bathtub.
Catherine sighed as she slid into the water. She dunked her head underneath for a moment, then rested it against a soft pillow on the back of the tub. She raised the crystal glass to her lips, trying not to think of the last time she had tasted wine.
A maid knocked softly on the door, then let herself in. She held a huge bouquet of wildflowers. "I thought you might like to see these now, miss. There is an envelope attached." She set the flowers on the table and handed Catherine a creamy white envelope.
Catherine thanked her and, with water-moistened hands, slid the paper from the envelope.
Richard's letter did not hold a direct profession of love, but it was as obvious as if he whispered three words into her ear. It contained many things, including another apology, but the last part was the most telling.
My dear Catherine, I know that you and Alex have been through some difficult times. But please do not let what happened between us hurt your relationship. I can see that you truly love him, and that is not something that you should turn away from. What happened between us was entirely my fault, my mistake. Please make Alex understand that you are in no way to blame. I could not bear to know that you were hurt because of my actions.
Catherine threw the letter on the floor and sunk underneath the bubbles to hide her frustrated face. Her statement to Alex had been the truth. She had felt something when Richard kissed her, and it was not simply a small flutter of the heart. She was positive that the very earth had trembled. So she could not carry out Richard's instructions. Perhaps the first time was his fault, but she had enjoyed it immensely. The second she had wanted very badly, and the third she had initiated. Whatever had happened between her and Richard, it had not been a careless mistake. It had been two lonely hearts in communion for a small while. But now, upon reading this letter, Catherine had no idea what she was going to do. So she blew out the candles and turned on the hot water again, trying to forget her troubles in the coursing water.
Dearest Kate,
Alex
XIX
In vain I haunt the cold and silver springs,
To quench the fever burning in my veins;
In vain, love's pilgrim, mountains, dales, and plains,
I overrun; vain help long absence brings:
In vain, my friends, your counsel me constrains
To fly, and place my thoughts on other things.
Ah! like the bird that fired hath her wings,
The more I move, the greater are my pains.
Desire, alas! Desire, a Zeuxis knew,
From Indies borrowing gold, from western skies
Most bright cynoper, sets before mine eyes
In every place, her hair, sweet look, and hue:
That fly, run, rest I, all doth prove but vain,
Simple really, isn't it? A word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell
The someone you once loved so long ago, so well
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand
Are we paying for some crime?
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time?
Is this some god's experiment
In which we have no say?
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day
No escape, no change of heart, nor any place to hide
You are all I'll ever want but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts I wish I'd never learned
What is to be in love and have that love returned
Are we paying for some crime?
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time?
Is this some god's experiment
In which we have no say?
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day
In which we have no say?
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day
© 1999 Copyright held by the author.