Section I, Next Section
Prologue
Elizabeth Bennet Michaels looked over at her sleeping daughter and sighed. She would never have thought that a 2-year old could be so much work, but she guessed that Rachel was not more active than the average kid was. What she needs, she thought, is a father. Elizabeth banished that thought from her mind. It would not do to think about that. John was dead and nothing would bring him back. If only I wasn't so stubborn, John would still be alive. This thought always plagued her because John had been coming to see her and bring her back home when his plane crashed. If I had not left home over a little quarrel he would never have come after me and…But there were so many 'ifs' in her life that Elizabeth had learned to deal with them.
Her reverie was broken by the phone ringing. She got up and took the call to the kitchen not wanting to wake up the sleeping Rachel.
"Hello Lizzy, I didn't wake you, I hope," Jane said.
"No Jane, Rachel just went to bed."
"How is my little darling, has she grown much since Christmas," Jane continued.
"She has grown and talks quite a lot. But tell me how are you and Charles doing?"
"Oh, we are fine. Charles has just moved to a new hospital and is very busy, and I am still working at the Johnson's School of Fine Arts. But it's been so long since we've seen you-almost a year! That's what I called about. You must have received the Alumni Christmas Week invitation."
"But I'm not going there Jane. I have a lot of work and Rachel won't like it there and besides-"
"No excuses, little lady," Jane cut her short. "You weren't there the last time and besides you need a break. I'm sure your law firm can survive few weeks without you. We're counting on you Liz. Please"
"Well, Ok Jane. But I'm doing it only for you"
"That's my girl! I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok. Give Rachel my love. Good night"
"Good night Jane"
Elizabeth put down the receiver and walked back to her room. She picked up the Yale Alumni letter and shook her head. It won't do to see him again. Him being the picture of alumni William Darcy, giving a donation of $100,000 to the Yale Law School. But maybe he won't be there.
Chapter 1
William Darcy flipped through the pages of the photo album to find the one picture, which interested him the most -- Elizabeth Bennet. Her dark hair cascaded down her shoulders and framed her lovely face. Her beautiful intelligent eyes sparkled as she smiled into the camera. God, I still remember her smile, he thought ruefully. He thought back to the days when they were all such good friends - Charles, Jane, Elizabeth, John, Richard and him. John Michaels. That name was like a poison to him. True, he had been one of his best friends at the Law School, but he also ended up marrying the love of his life. Remembering those days always pained Darcy but he never ceased to do so. It was the only way he could be close to her. He could still remember the last time he'd seen her…
5 Years Ago.
"I don't want to talk about it any more William, its over"
"But Elizabeth you have to listen to me, it's a big misunderstanding. Melissa meant nothing to me. I love you, always have. There's never been anyone but you."
For a moment William felt hope as he could discern softening in her eyes, but then they hardened again as she said, "But you can't go on treating me like this William. One day you're here, and then I don't hear about you for days, until there's a picture of you kissing another girl. It's like I have to wait and anticipate what you'll do."
"I just needed time alone Elizabeth after the whole Wickham disaster and --"
"Alone with Melissa, you mean," she cut him short. "I won't ditch John just for you. Unlike you I have some commitments. Good-bye, William. Hope you have a good life."
With that she stormed out of the room and from his life. Forever.
But that was 5 years ago and a lot had changed. True to her word Elizabeth got married to John within a year and they moved to Boston where they both joined a top law firm. Charles married Jane and they lived in New York. And that left William with his own law firm in New York, Messieurs Fitzwilliam & Darcy. And a broken heart.
Recalling all that tore William's heart all over again as a single tear escaped his eyes. Just then Richard entered the room saying,
"Wills I need you to sign the papers for the Morrison case and -- what's wrong?
"Oh nothing Rich, just got some dirt in my eyes."
"Ok. And don't forget we're leaving for New Haven tomorrow for the Alumni week, so I'll come over to your place around 7:00."
"I don't know if I'm up to it Rich. There's a lot of work left in the Morrison case and Ms. Peters is counting on us for her divorce papers and besides- "
"Wills, in case you forgot its Christmas. Nobody works now. You and I deserve a break. And all our friends will be there. So cheer up and be ready, ok?"
"All right Rich, you win."
"Yes, that's good. It will be like old times." With that he left the room.
"That's what I'm afraid of," whispered William.
Chapter 2
Mornings in Elizabeth's household were a very busy affair. Rachel, like many other 2-year olds, would wake up at the crack of dawn and that signaled the beginning of Elizabeth's morning. Getting her brushed, fed and dressed before the baby-sitter arrived was a momentous task in itself. Apart from that she also had to get dressed herself and grab a quick bite before leaving for work.
But this morning was a little too busy. They were leaving for New Haven. Her baby-sitter Mrs. Stone was there to help her.
"Rachel, please finish your cereal, honey, we'll be leaving soon," cried Elizabeth as she flew around the house getting packed. "Mrs. Stone, can you see that Rachel gets dressed properly for the flight, I'm a little behind schedule here."
"Sure Mrs. Michaels. You go ahead and finish packing. I'll see to little Rachel."
"But mommy, I don't want to go to there," wailed Rachel. "Barney's on."
"You can watch that when we get there, sweetheart."
"But I want to see it NOW," she continued.
"Enough!" cried Elizabeth. "Be a good girl and do as you are told, ok"
"All right mommy," Rachel said with tears in her eyes.
It was at times like these that Elizabeth sorely missed John. He had a way with Rachel and could make her do almost anything, even miss Barney once in a while. She was his little angel and she knew it. But now Elizabeth had to deal with her alone and she wished for some support. Mrs. Stone was a big help, but she couldn't always attend to Rachel's whims. Oh well, maybe Jane was right. I do need some rest. And who knows it might not be so bad after all . With another sigh she finished her packing and prepared for her flight.
At Darcy's House
"Ready Wills!" cried Rich as he let himself into the house.
"In a moment, Rich. Help yourself to some coffee. I'll be down."
Darcy's kitchen, like the rest of his house, looked like that of a bachelor. The dishes from day before still lay in his sink and some coffee was spilled over the counter. It was rather unorganized, so to speak.
Rich poured some coffee and looked at the newspaper. Darcy came down with his traveling bag and sat down.
"Hey coz! You don't look like you got a lot of sleep yesterday, what's up?" Rich smiled.
"Ah…I was up late"
"I see. Did you have a date?" Rich persisted.
"NO!" William shot back a trifle stronger than he had meant to. "I mean, I went to the bar to think over some stuff, that's all"
"Oh."
William silently sipped his coffee as he thought about what he'd ACTUALLY been doing. Remembering Elizabeth. What if she's there and with John? Oh I don't think I would be able to see them together. But I must. I haven't seen her in almost 5 years. What torment! If only things had been different…. It could have been me with her .
"Wills! Wills! What is wrong with you?"
"Oh, did you say anything?" William replied, having been broken from his reverie.
"I've only been trying to get your attention for the last few minutes. It's like you're not even here. You've been acting strangely ever since you came back from Rome last week. Is it because of the reunion?"
You have no idea. "No Rich, I'm fine. Just a little preoccupied with the cases in Rome. Shall we go now?"
"Right". But he was still not convinced.
"Lizzy is coming today, right?" Charles inquired as he backed out of their driveway.
"Yes Charles, she is. But it took a lot of convincing. She was decided against it. What about William?"
"I talked to him yesterday. He's coming. I asked him about Rome and I don't even think he was listening to me. It was like I was talking to the walls."
"Do you think he's still in love with her?"
"I don't know. He never mentions her, so I don't either. But Janie, 5 years is a very long time, don't you think?"
"Perhaps. Does he know about John?"
"I guess, but I haven't told him."
They exchanged glances. It had always pained them to see the break-up of Lizzy and William, but they were determined not to interfere. Maybe this reunion would be a new beginning.
Chapter 3
As Elizabeth arrived at the Yale University Campus, her first thought was Nothing's changed! As the cab made its way down the campus, she could see all her favorite spots and familiar haunts. The Yale Library with its impressive building, the imposing Kline Biology Tower and many more. It almost felt like she had gone back in time and was visiting the college for the first time. She felt the same awe at the historic sites before her and an overwhelming pride for being a part of its heritage.
Rachel was just stirring from her little nap.
"Look, honey. We're here," said Elizabeth as she bent to give her a kiss.
This was the first time Rachel had been to Yale, so she looked wide-eyed at the various buildings and extensive grounds.
"Is this where you used to live, mommy?"
"No darling, I just studied here for a couple of years."
"With daddy?"
"Yes," whispered Elizabeth with tears glistening in her eyes. "With daddy."
"Oh, good," Rachel cried. "Maybe we can find him here, then."
Rachel's mentioning John brought a fresh wave of pain to Elizabeth. Ever since he died about 2 months ago, she had fought to keep from dwelling too much on the past. But she failed invariably. Rachel would keep bringing him up in conversations and would ask when he'd be back. Two-year olds are by no means stupid, but one thing that they don't understand, is death. Elizabeth tried to explain many times that daddy was gone and would not come back. It was not because he didn't love them and certainly not because she had spilled Cheerios on the carpet. But Rachel would always say, "But he has to come back. Who'll take me piggy-back riding?"
As the cab pulled up in the Main guest residential area, Elizabeth spied Jane. She paid the fare, got out her bags and rushed to meet Jane.
"Oh Lizzy! I've been waiting for you."
"Janie! You don't know how much I missed you!!!" For a few moments the sisters just hugged each other and stood there. Then Jane looked down at Rachel and picked her up.
"So, how is my little angel?"
"I am fine, Aunt Jane. And how are you?"
"Ohh..now that's my polite little girl! I am well, my dear, but I missed you a lot. Why didn't you come to visit your Aunt Jane?"
"Mommy said we couldn't go," said Rachel with a reproachful look at Elizabeth.
Jane laughed and said, "Well, next time just call me and I'll come and pick you up, ok?"
Rachel nodded and said, "But where's Uncle Chuckie?"
"Right here, Rachel." Said a voice from behind them.
"Uncle Chuckie!!!!" squealed Rachel as she ran to his arms. They had always been very close and she was the only person who called him Chuckie. It always amused Elizabeth and Jane to see how well Charles took it, especially since he had always hated the name Chuck.
Rachel giggled and squealed as Charles flung her up in the air. Her dark curly hair bounced and her eyes sparkled. At that moment she looked like a younger version of Elizabeth. The women moved towards their rooms as Charles and a bellboy helped to bring in the luggage.
"You look pale, Lizzy. How have you been?"
"I'm okay, Jane. Its just that I get a little tired, what with Rachel, my work and the house chores. Sometimes I am just plain exhausted and want to lie down and not wake up. Do you ever feel like that?"
"Ya, sometimes. It feels like all your energy is drained."
"I know. These past months have been very…um…emotionally demanding, so to speak."
This was the first time Elizabeth voluntarily mentioned John's accident and Jane took up the opportunity to make her talk.
"I understand, Lizzy. But keeping it all to yourself won't do any good. You have to let your pent-up emotions free."
Elizabeth just nodded. Jane continued, "After John's accident you wouldn't let us visit you because you wanted time alone to come to terms with it, I respect that. But for 2 months, the only time I talked to you at all was when I called. You have withdrawn so much that one would hardly recognize you. Please, Lizzy. Talk to me."
"Oh Jane," sobbed Elizabeth as she buried her head in her hands.
"Shhh….its ok. I'm here."
"Its all my fault. If I hadn't left for LA, John would never have come after me and- "
"You know that's not true, Lizzy" Jane cut in. "You cannot control your destiny. Its not your fault, never was. Maybe it was a bad judgment to leave for LA without telling him, but that doesn't mean you are responsible for his death. You have to pull yourself together, if not for yourself then for Rachel. Think how your brooding would affect her."
"But Jane, I can't forget everything, can I?"
"You don't have to, darling. All I'm telling you is to stop blaming yourself. Remember your life with John as it was before the accident. But you have to move ahead."
"I guess." Elizabeth's tear stained face glistened in the light. "I have a headache."
"Maybe you should go and lie down for a while. We can talk more later."
"But Rachel- "
"Don't worry, we'll take care of her for you."
"Thanks Jane, you're a dear." She headed for her room. When she reached the top of the stairs, she turned around and said, "I'm glad I came, Jane."
"So am I," smiled Jane. With that Elizabeth left for her room.
Chapter 4
William and Richard left for New Haven soon after their breakfast, but were caught in the holiday rush out of New York City. Finally they made it onto the freeway, but conversation was not very easy. Rich glanced at the passenger seat time and again, but William looked pensive. Rich recognized his mood; there was no use saying anything, he wouldn't talk till he was ready.
Finally breaking the silence, William suddenly said, "Rich, do you ever wonder whether you've made the right decisions in life?"
"What kind of decisions, Wills?" asked a rather surprised Rich. It wasn't like William to be philosophical, especially about the past. Something was definitely up.
"I'm not sure…maybe about the things that matter most."
Even more mystified, Rich said, "You mean like college and career --"
"No, no not THAT," Will cut him short in an irritated tone. "I mean like family."
"I guess." Rich said and then added reflectively, "Is it Georgie?"
"What did you say?" William had obviously not been listening.
"I said, is something the matter with Georgie?"
"No Rich, nothing's wrong with Georgie. It's me. I wonder if it was the right decision for me to not marry."
Whoa. Marriage?!?! This is getting more serious than I thought. Everyone knows William's a confirmed bachelor . Aloud he said, "Wills, what makes you think about marriage all of a sudden. You have not been on a date for over a year. Rumors have it that you are gay, though I know them to be false. If something bothering you, tell me."
"Rumors don't bother me rich," said William in a low voice. "It's just that I wonder whether I'm doing my family a great disservice in not marrying. You know, carrying on the family name and all that."
"Wills, this is not the middle ages," Rich admonished him. "Nobody cares about that sort of stuff. You have to make your own decisions. If you want to remain single, your decision should be your own. And you know that the family would support you no matter what you decide to do."
William nodded, "Yes Rich, thank you. But it's not just that. I am so lonely. I don't have your liveliness nor Charles' easy temperament. Most of my dates just like my salary, not me. It sort of disgusts you after a while. That is why I decided not to marry in the first place." That and because the love of my life married my best friend, he added mentally.
Rich saw that William was very affected, so in a playful tone he said, "You have come to the right person then, my man. We just need to lookout and you'll find the girl of your dreams. Count on it."
I have already, thought William.
Suddenly the car skidded and began to slow down.
"What happened?" Both of them said in unison.
They stepped out of the car and saw that they had a flat tire. "Darn it all!" said Rich.
"We're going to be very late."
"I'll call Charles, he'll be waiting for us." Said William. He took out his cell phone and dialed Charles' number.
"Hello, Dr. Bingley speaking."
"Hey Charles, this is William."
"William! Where are you? I was beginning to think you wouldn't come after all!"
"We got a little caught up in traffic and now have a flat tire. But we should be there soon. So don't wait for me."
"All right, but try and hurry. We're all waiting for you."
Should I ask about Elizabeth? No, it would seem awkward. I'll find out soon enough. "Well, see ya later then. Bye Charles."
"Bye William."
Charles hung up and smiled to himself. Same old William, he was just not one for parties. With close friends and acquaintances he was lively and fun, but when it came to strangers, well...that was another story. At least he agreed to come, thought Charles.
"Why are you smiling Charles?" said Jane as she walked up and slid her arm into his.
"Oh, I was just talking to William. His car's broken down, but he'll be here soon."
"Oh good, I was worried about him. Is Richard with him?"
"Yes." Said Charles and added mischievously, "And he should keep Will from changing his mind and going back to New York to work!" He turned serious, "How's Lizzy feeling?"
"She had a bad headache, but she took some Aspirin and went to bed. She should be fine in an hour or two. She talked a little about John you know."
"Really!!!" exclaimed Charles. "What did she say?"
"Basically that John's death was all her fault and that she blamed herself. I comforted her of course, but her emotional stress is beginning to show."
"Yes, I know. Perhaps she should see a psychiatrist."
"I don't think she will, Charles. Maybe we should just give her more time."
"You're right as always, my dear." Said Charles as he gave her a kiss. A sudden thought occurred to him. "Where's Rachel?"
"She's in our room taking a nap. I'll check up on her and maybe get a little rest myself."
"Yes, do that honey. I'll be down here, ok."
Charles watched as Jane ascended the stairs to her room. He felt so lucky for having her. Sure, they had had their own share of misunderstanding, but their happiness together surpassed anything he had experienced before. The only thing lacking was a child, but all in good time, he always said. If only Will could be just as happy as I am, thought Charles. But these past five years, William had only changed for the worst. He hadn't seen him truly happy ever since he broke up with Lizzy. Maybe something will spark up between them; he thought and then shook his head. I'd better leave matchmaking to Jane. He went into the lounge and decided to catch up on old times.
2 Hours Later.
William and Richard pulled up into the guest area and sighed. They had finally made it after hours of fighting traffic.
"Look's like we made it, Wills."
"Yeah, I can't believe it took us 4 hours to drive down here. Next time I'm flying."
"Sure, count me in. Now help me with the bags, will you?"
They unloaded the bags and moved it into the guesthouse.
"I'm going to my room Wills, what about you?" said Rich.
"I think I'll take a walk. See you later."
William walked about in the front garden and was about to head back when he spotted someone behind the bushes. It looked like some child. He moved towards the bush and peered behind it. It was a little girl. "Hello there," said he.
"Hi." Said the little girl.
"My name's William, what's yours?"
"Rachel," she said in a small voice.
"Are you lost?" asked William.
"Yes."
"How did you come up here?" William couldn't understand what such a little girl was doing out in the deserted shrubbery by herself.
"I wanted to look around for my daddy and then I couldn't find my way back." With that Rachel broke into tears.
Not used to kids, William awkwardly held her hands and said, "Don't cry Rachel, I'll take you back. Just hold my hand."
Meanwhile, in Elizabeth's room.
"What do you mean you can't find her?" cried Elizabeth.
Jane was frantic. She had been watching over Rachel and then she fell asleep for some time. When she woke up, Rachel was gone. Charles and Richard were looking around the guesthouse and Jane came to tell Lizzy.
"I'm sorry Lizzy, it's my fault. I fell asleep." Jane started crying.
"Oh Jane, its okay," Elizabeth rushed to her side. "I'm sure she's here somewhere, we'll find her soon. Don't cry."
Just then Charles came into the room. "She's not in the first or second floor, but Richard's gone down to check there. I'm going too."
"We'll come with you, Charles," said Elizabeth.
They went down to the lounge where they saw Richard coming from the backside of the building. Seeing their eager faces, he only shook his head.
At that moment William came into the room saying, "Look who I found, Rich." He did not see the other occupants till Rachel cried "Mommy!" and ran up to Elizabeth. Elizabeth showered her with kisses and said, "Don't ever do that again, darling."
William just stood there, unable to talk or move. He couldn't believe he was seeing her again. He had seen her so often in his dreams that seeing her in reality seemed impossible. Elizabeth slowly stood up and looked at him. "Hi, William."
"Hi, Elizabeth."
The room was silent. Tense and silent. Everyone was waiting for something to happen. Everyone had their eyes on Lizzy and Will.
"Um…I didn't know Rachel was your daughter," said Will and then he mentally kicked himself. Can't you come up with anything better to say to her.
"Well, she is. And thank you for bringing her back. We were worried sick."
"Oh, you're welcome." Again silence. He then managed to say in tolerably cheerful tone, "So, where's John?"
The instant he said that he knew something was wrong. The already present stillness was deadened even more as he felt tension increase in the room.
He looked at Elizabeth and was shocked to see a single tear and a look of disbelief in her eyes. "You don't know?" With that she fled from the room.
Chapter 5
To William it seemed that the silence in the room was deafening, even more so than a few minutes ago. He turned to Charles and Rich with a look of incredulity. His eyes demanded an explanation. He knew what he was going to hear would not be pleasant, but….
"I don't know what?"
His eyes scanned the room searchingly. Jane seemed suddenly interested in the print of Rachel's dress. Charles simply looked at Jane and Richard seemed plain uncomfortable. Finally Charles, deciding from the edgy look in Jane's eyes that he was the one chosen to talk, lifted his eyes to William and said,
"William, John is dead and has been for over 2 months now."
This simple statement spoken with an emotionless, matter-of-fact tone overwhelmed William. He sank into the nearest couch and could not speak. For the first few moments, he was just numb, and then memories seemed to invade him. Memories of John, of how close they had been, and of their friendship, threatened only by their love for one woman. Suddenly he snapped out of his reverie and addressed Charles,
"Why wasn't I told?" William's voice was low and choked with emotions. To all that knew him, it would have been apparent that he was on the brink of losing control.
"But we thought, you knew," Richard interrupted. "It happened a few days after you left for Rome. I sent you many e-mails, but since you didn't answer them, I assumed you didn't want to talk about it."
William's disbelief was apparent. "How could it have happened. I checked my e-mail regularly, but ….oh god! My laptop crashed and I must have lost it then! I can't believe this is happening. What about the…uh…funeral?"
"There wasn't one." This time it was Jane who spoke. "John died in an air crash and nothing was recovered. There were no survivors and they couldn't even locate the bodies."
William was still dazed, "But Elizabeth-"
"She wasn't with him." Said Jane seeing his drift. "You see, they had had this fight, and you know how she becomes when she is angry. The next thing you know I get a call from her from LA saying she was called away on business. I called John and he said he'd take the next flight. And that was the last anyone heard from him."
"I see," was all William could mutter. He had not completely assimilated this news. His mind kept jumping from one thought to another. The uppermost in his thoughts was Elizabeth. It's just perfect, Will. First time you see her in 5 years and all you can do is ask her about her dead husband, your best friend. Now she'll never want to talk to you again. Why should she? Didn't you see the look in her eyes? You made her cry once and it appears that you did it again. If she blames you, god knows you deserve it!
William shook out this morbid contemplation when Charles said, "I think you should go and comfort her, Will. She has been highly sensitive about John and is very upset. She needs the support of her friends, and it might even give you a chance to say you are sorry."
ME! That's the last person she'll want to see. But realizing the sense in Charles' suggestion, he just nodded and left the room without a word.
The others just looked at each other and sighed. Why did everything have to be so complicated with those two?
As Lizzy fled the room his last words echoed in her mind So where's John? He was John's best friend and my…But she couldn't think of a word to define their relationship. It had had a very turbulent history, but as their friends always said nothing had been easy with them.
Her tears flowed freely and for once she didn't try to stop them. It was as if the pain and hurt from the last few months finally found an appropriate outlet. She hadn't cried when she first heard about John's death, she hadn't cried when they called about not finding his body, she didn't even cry in his memorial service. But Lizzy had never been one for crying. If she stopped and asked herself why she was crying now, she'd probably not know the answer…it didn't make sense. Okay, so Will didn't know about John, so what? Why had it hurt her when she didn't receive a phone call or even a condolence letter from him? It wasn't like they had been on very friendly terms, so why did she expect so much from him?
"Lizzy." William's tentative voice pierced the silence of the porch. This voice just brought back so many memories. He didn't often call her 'Lizzy', but when he did it was usually a very tender moment.
"Lizzy." He repeated. "I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I just want to say, I am very, very sorry--"
"It's okay, William." Lizzy cut him short. " You don't need to apologize. You didn't know. It's not your fault. End of story." She turned away.
"But it is, Liz." Don't turn away from me, please. "Let me explain. I was Rome, my computer crashed, so I didn't get Charles' e-mail. Otherwise, I would have come back. Believe me."
She slowly turned around and looked at him. His eyes were focused on her with an intensity that had thrilled her in her college days. Strangely they had the same effect now. "I believe you Will." It was no more than a whisper and William held his breath as she called him 'Will'. She did not seem angry. Distant was more like it.
The hiatus in their conversation would have been very noticeable to a third party but as both of them had so much in their minds, they didn't notice it. But Elizabeth soon felt a need to say something. What have we come to, we can't even carry a decent conversation. Aloud she said, "So I saw that you donated $100,000 to the Law school"
He started at hearing her voice, but answered, "Yes well, what with the renovation, they needed the sum."
"I guess." Was her only reply. She felt his eyes on her and it made her distinctly uncomfortable, so she quickly added, "I'd better go. Rachel will be looking for me."
"Yes." Don't go. There's so much I want to say. "Will I see you at dinner?"
This came out a little more urgent than he had intended.
She just smiled and said, "That you sure will." And then she was gone.
Well, he thought, it's a start!
Chapter 6
It is a truth universally acknowledged that reunions are the perfect opportunity to meet old friends and talk about the "good old days". But it is also true that sometimes it is for the best if the past is left well alone.
As Elizabeth walked back into the guesthouse lobby, she felt unequal to any questioning looks from Jane and the others. They would want to know what happened in the porch. But what can I say to them when I don't even know myself? After all these years of distance between them, Elizabeth had hoped that they would forget their past and move on. But obviously it was not that easy! Back in the porch she had felt none of her former anger, just tenderness. That he still cared for her was certain, but the question was how much? There were no easy answers. But wait a minute. What am I thinking? John is not dead for 2 months and I'm already thinking about William? I really need some time to think about this!
Dinner was not for another 2 hours, so Elizabeth decided to go back to her room and lie down for a while. It always helped to clear her head.
"Oh, there you are Lizzy," exclaimed Jane as she spied her heading towards the staircase. "We were just talking about you. Rachel wanted you."
"Oh come here, baby," said Elizabeth as she took Rachel from Jane. Then turning back to Jane she added, "I'll be up in my room, Jane. Can you please see that no one comes in, I think I could use some time alone."
"Sure sis," said Jane. "Whatever you say." As Jane watched mother-daughter climbing the stairs, she could not repress a giggle. It was so amusing to see how much Rachel resembled Liz already. With their curly black hair hanging loosely over their shoulders, petite forms and energetic steps, they could have been twins if Rachel had been a 'little' older! Jane suddenly felt a pair of arms coil around her waist.
"What's so funny, Janie?" said Charles as he smelled the wonderful scent of Jane's shampooed hair.
"Oh Charles, it's just that Rachel and Lizzy look so much alike. It's amazing! Watching Rachel reminds me so much of Lizzy when she was a little girl. But I think, she doesn't have Lizzy's temperament."
"Yes, she's more like John in that respect. She is only 2, I know, but one can still tell that she has John's easy-going temper. It will be so much fun watching her grow up." But he saw that Jane had become a little upset. "What is it Janie?"
"Oh nothing…I just wish I could have a baby girl of my own, is all."
"And that you will." Charles assured her. "All in good time, honey." Then quickly changing the topic, he added, "So did Liz say anything about William?"
"No," Jane shook her head. "She just said that she wanted some time alone. I think she wants to think things over. But I wonder how things went in the porch?"
"William hasn't come back, yet. But did Liz look upset?"
"Not particularly. But I would say she was definitely distracted."
"Let's just give her some time, honey. In the meantime," he said with a gleam in his eyes that Jane recognized, "I'm sure we can think of something to do before dinner."
"My my," exclaimed Jane. "We are very wicked today, aren't we?"
In her room, Lizzy watched Rachel drift to sleep. It had been a very exhausting day for her. For both of them, actually. Lizzy felt emotionally drained already. How was she going to face William again when just one meeting had stirred so much emotions in her? I should never have come, she groaned inwardly. Darn Jane! She had made it sound all so tempting and relaxing, but I knew that I would have to see him. She still remembered the day she had first met them all - Charles, William and John.
FLASHBACK: Dorm party, Yale.
The music was loud, the dancing was wild and the drinks were flowing. Yep, the party was in full swing.
"But Jane," moaned Elizabeth, "I have a major exam tomorrow. I don't know why you dragged me to this undergrad party!" The word undergrad said with full contempt.
"Stop complaining, Lizzy," Jane chastised her. "You do enough work during the day. You have to get out once in a while. And how many times do I have to tell you, this is not an undergrad party!!! Our host, Bill Lucas is doing his masters, for heaven's sake!"
"But there are some freshmen here," Elizabeth refused to be reasonable.
"Oh god help me!" Jane literally dragged her to the refreshment counter. "I insist that you have a good time!" Just then, Jane caught sight of a cute sandy-haired guy smiling at her from across the room. She smiled back.
"Well obviously you are going to have a good time," Elizabeth retorted.
"Oh Lizzy! He's coming over! Do I look okay?" Jane was nervous.
"Beautiful," came Liz's sarcastic remark. Jane always resembled an angel with her long blond hair and gorgeous smile. She looked even more stunning than usual in her elegant but simple black, evening dress. The sisters were very close and considered themselves fortunate for going to the same grad school.
"Hi I'm Charles Bingley," smiled the sandy-haired guy. "And this is William Darcy." Referring to the tall, muscular, dark-haired hunk behind him. Whoa, thought Lizzy! Who is that! I've never seen him around the campus. Now I know what they mean by drop-dead gorgeous!
"My name is Jane Bennet," she gave him her winning smile. "And this is my sister Elizabeth."
"Pleased to meet you both," said Charles politely, but it was evident who he was really pleased to see. "So Jane, do you want to dance?"
"Love to," answered Jane and they moved to the dance floor leaving Lizzy and William to their own devices.
"So…" began Lizzy after some moments of awkward silence, "Are you a grad student?"
"Yes, I'm studying law."
"Oh me too! But I've never seen you around."
"Oh I live off campus."
"I see." Again silence.
"Well, I have to go now," said William as he moved away from her and into the crowd.
Well! Mr. Greek-God-now-Ice-Man really needs to learn some manners! He can't even carry on a decent conversation. Know what they say, never judge a book by its cover! And some cover too!
Elizabeth mingled with the crowd, talked to her friends and even danced a little. She was surprised at how much fun she was having. But after some time, she was tired and decided to sit down a little. For part of the time, William was standing near her. Near enough for her to overhear some conversation between Charles and him.
"Why aren't you dancing, William?" asked Charles as he came back to get Jane a bowl of punch.
"You know how I despise it, Charles. Besides, this is an undergrad party!!!"
"Oh puh..lease! There are lots of grad students here, if that's what you care about. Frankly I don't understand, what's your problem? There are so many pretty girls here."
"You have been dancing with the only pretty girl here," said William with a pointed look at Jane.
"Oh William, she is an absolute angel. She's an art major, you know. But anyways, there's her sister sitting just behind you. She's very pretty and Jane tells me she's a law student too."
"So I heard," said William. "She is tolerable, I suppose, but not sophisticated or attractive enough to tempt me."
"Oh, I give up!" With that Charles went back to Jane and William stole a glance at Elizabeth. He was amazed to see a smirk in her face as if he had just said something ridiculous. Apparently thinking that this situation was too hilarious to be kept from her friends, Elizabeth got up and purposefully brushed past William as she made her way to Charlotte, her best friend. Hmm… she smells nice, thought William, but why wasn't she heartbroken after what I said because she obviously overheard me. She might still prove very interesting.
Elizabeth was smiling to herself as she scanned the room for any sign of Charlotte, who was playing hostess being Bill Lucas' sister. Not seeing where she was going, she suddenly bumped into what could only be described as a very well toned chest.
"Oh! I'm so sorry," she said as she looked into a pair of ocean deep blue eyes. The bearer of these incredible eyes had dirty blond hair and an impressive physique.
"No harm done," he said with a smile. "By the way, I'm John Michaels."
"I'm Elizabeth Bennet," she said, smiling back. "Very pleased to meet you."
"Would you care to dance." Again his gorgeous smile.
"Sure." She said. With that smile, how could I refuse? Liz thought as they moved to the dance floor.
John and Lizzy took an instant liking to each other. They discovered that they had much in common. They both were studying law, loved horses, books, old movies and ice cream. After the first few minutes, it felt like they were old friends. After chatting about many indifferent topics, John suddenly said,
"Oh, I almost forgot. Can you tell me what was so amusing that you were running around the room without looking and with a grin on your face?" Seeing a confused look on her face, he added, "When you bumped into me, I mean."
"Oh that," Elizabeth replied. "Nothing special really. I just heard this guy say that I was not sophisticated or attractive enough for him to dance with him. It was so funny. I had to tell my friends, so I was looking for them."
"How can anyone say that?" John instantly said, knowing when to give a compliment. "Do you know who he was?"
"He's this guy I just met at the party. Some chap by the name of William Darcy--"
"William!" John cut in.
"Why? Do you know him?"
"Know him? He's my roommate and I might add my ride back!"
"Well, well that is quite a surprise. So your friends with the Ice Man himself!"
"That is just the sort of comment I'd expect from him. He's not that bad really, but with strangers especially beautiful women, he acts quite differently."
"Well, that's enough about him. Let's just enjoy ourselves." Lizzy said and for the rest of the night, she and John had a whole bunch of fun.
BACK TO THE PRESENT
Elizabeth sighed. She remembered the entire scene as if it were yesterday (forgive me for the cliché). She remembered her poor first impression of William and what a great time she had had with John. With this realization, she came to a conclusion about her present relationship with William. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Jane peeped in,
"Lizzy! You're not ready yet! It's almost time for the dinner."
"It is? I forgot Jane. I wasn't paying attention. I'll get dressed in 15 minutes."
Seeing that Rachel was still sleeping Jane said, "Is Rachel going to come down for dinner with us?"
"No Jane, I don't think so. She is very tired. She'll eat tomorrow."
"Okay then. I'll be downstairs with Charles. Dinner is in the banquet hall."
"Yes, I know Jane." Lizzy smiled. She sighed and starting getting ready. I guess I'll have to see him again. But I must be brave. It won't be that bad. Now that she had decided what to do, she had become more comfortable about seeing William again.
As promised it took her about 15 minutes to dress. She had chosen to wear a cream colored, off shoulder cocktail dress that was just about knee length. With that she wore her favorite heart shaped locket that John had presented to her on her birthday. Her hair was swept back into a simple bun with a few loose tendrils. Satisfied with her appearance, she kissed Rachel good night and went down.
MEANWHILE IN THE BANQUET HALL
The gathering in the Yale Guest Banquet Hall was increasingly becoming larger and larger. Elegantly dressed people walked about meeting old friends and teachers. There was a natural holiday season gaiety and festivity in the air.
William sat on the couch in a corner of the hall. His eyes were fixed on the door. What could be taking her so long? Thought William. Jane said she'd be here 15 minutes and it's already past 20 minutes! His face must have displayed his emotions because he found a couple of people staring at him curiously. Calm down, William. She'll be here.
Then all of a sudden, he saw her as she swept into the room with a half-smile in her face. Instantly spotting Jane, she made her way towards her. William's eyes followed her as she laughed and talked with Jane and Charles. She, then, started moving towards his side of the room. Seizing this opportunity, William got up and approached her,
"Hi Elizabeth! Hope you're feeling better. Jane said you had a headache."
"Yes, I am, thank you." Elizabeth felt her resolve weakening as she looked into his dark eyes. Then with an abruptness she said, "If you'll excuse me, Mr. Darcy, I have to go now."
Before he could utter a word, she disappeared into the crowd. Mr. Darcy!!!
Chapter 7
William stood dazed as he watched Lizzy's retreating figure. Did that just happen?!?! Did she call me Mr. Darcy? I can't believe it. What did I do? Everything was so perfect in the porch…He felt dizzy. Suddenly, Richard came up to him,
"So there you are, Wills. I was looking all over ---Wills, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Maybe I have," replied William, still in a daze. He looked like he was going to faint. "No, I'm fine Rich, it's just this room. Maybe the heat has gotten to me."
"I saw you talking to Elizabeth. Don't lie to me. You were perfectly fine before that. What happened? What did she say?"
"What did she say indeed," said William with a short laugh. "Oh nothing much, not very important really." He laughed again. "I asked her how she was feeling and she said she was fine and then, she said something like, 'Now excuse me, Mr. Darcy.' It's hilarious!"
Richard was becoming very concerned for his cousin. William was behaving very strangely. This had obviously been a great shock for him. "Calm down William. It's not such a big deal, you know--"
"Not a big deal," William cut in, raising his voice a little. "He says, it's not a big deal that one of my best friends has just called me Mr. Darcy, a name that she has never used before. Obviously, it's a signal for me to just butt out of her life. And you know, I'm not that obtuse."
"I think you're overreacting, Wills. Maybe she is truly not feeling well." Richard tried to make William see reason. "And besides, I've known you guys long enough. You'll make up."
"Not this time, Rich, not this time." William got up. "I'm going to get myself a drink and enjoy myself. It's not the end of the world, you know."
"I wish I could believe you," whispered Rich as he saw William walk off towards the bar area. "I know you love her, coz."
"Well, well, well if it isn't Richard Fitzwilliam," came a voice from behind him.
He turned around sharply and gasped, "Caroline! I hadn't expected to see you here."
"Why not, Richard? It was all wishful thinking, wasn't it? I'm hurt."
"No, no. It's not that. I just thought that Charles had mentioned you were on a modeling contract somewhere in San Francisco."
"Charles obviously knows nothing about my life. I came back from the tour 5 days ago. And of course I couldn't stay in New York when I knew that all you guys were here, so here I am."
"You mean you drove," Richard eyed his ex-girlfriend skeptically. "I know how you hate to drive."
"I came by a plane," said Caroline and seeing his amazed face, added, "Of course I drove here, silly. I wouldn't take a flight for a 40-minute drive. What do you take me for?"
"Just what you are - a spoiled, whimsical, and very attractive model," said Richard with a gleam in his eyes. It felt like old times again. Caroline was the only person he knew who was so used to having her own way, who was so annoying and charming at the same time.
"Richard Fitzwilliam, you are incorrigible!!! I am not spoiled! I am not whimsical and I am not --"
"Very attractive," Richard completed her sentence with a laugh.
"Ohhh!" Caroline moaned. "You will never change. That's why I dumped you in the first place."
"There you are wrong my dear," said Richard in a mock-serious tone. "I dumped you and it was because you were in love with William."
"I WAS NOT!!! And what do mean, you dumped me! I called you first."
"Ha! You couldn't have called me."
"I know how to dial, Richard."
"But my phone was dead."
"How can you claim such a preposterous thing. And besides, if your phone was dead, how did you break up with me?"
"I came over to your dorm, I remember."
"Oh yes, I remember that too!" exclaimed Caroline. "But I also remember that I told you I didn't ant to see you, anymore."
"But I said that first!!!"
"It was 5 years ago!!!" Caroline almost shouted. Then seeing many eyes turn her way, she quietly added, "There is no way either of us are going to be proved right. I see no reason for me to continue this conversation. And here, I had come to have a decent conversation." With a flick of her hair, she walked away, and before she had gone many steps she turned her head and exclaimed, "And I dumped you!"
Richard let out his long-suppressed laugh. Caroline Bingley had been his steady girlfriend for a long time back in grad school. She had been a drama major, but had chosen to pursue a career in modeling. And now here she is, he thought, just as lovely as before. But I hadn't meant to make her so mad. I couldn't help myself though. He thought about his accusation regarding her love for William. Maybe he had seen more than there was. And maybe not. This is going to be a very interesting week.
As Elizabeth walked away from William, only one question whirled in her mind. Why did I just do that? He deserves more, maybe just a little explanation. I know I was cold, but I couldn't help it. If I had stayed any longer, I couldn't have kept my resolve much longer. But anyhow, I have to smile and try to have a good time. She spotted Charlotte and rushed to her,
"Charlotte!"
"Lizzy! I'm so happy to see you."
"I missed you so much. How was Paris?"
"Pretty good! But I missed everything here." Charlotte, Lizzy's best friend had majored in French and had chosen to be a professor. For the past year, she had been on an exchange program. They talked occasionally, but had not done so for a couple of months as Charlotte had been traveling around France.
"And you don't know just how much I missed not being able to talk to you," Lizzy hugged her.
"Oh, poor Lizzy. I heard about John. I know my words can't do much, but I am truly very, very sorry. I just wish I could have been here for you."
"Yes, me too." For a moment she just held Charlotte as if reliving those terrible times after John's death, then it shaking off, she said, "So tell me all about France? Did you meet any cute guys?"
Charlotte, sensing that Lizzy did not want to talk about John's death, laughed lightly and started telling her many little interesting tit-bits about France and her stay there.
Jane approached them with a smile, "So there you are Lizzy. I have been looking all over for you. I see you've met Charlotte." Jane looked a little tense.
"What's the matter, Jane?" asked Lizzy, a little concerned.
But before Jane could a utter a word, the cause of her distress became apparent as she heard a loud laugh coming from behind her.
"Mother!!!" Lizzy was shocked to see Mrs. Bennet.
"Oh! There you are Lizzy. I was just telling Jane how long it's been since I've seen you."
"I'll be right back, mom." Saying that Lizzy literally dragged Jane to the ladies' room.
"What in the world is she doing here?" cried Elizabeth as soon as they were inside.
"I didn't know, Lizzy," said Jane quietly. "Seriously."
"Then how did she get invited here?" There was an edge in Lizzy's voice.
"It's very simple. She was not." Seeing Lizzy start, she quickly continued, "Let me explain. Mom gets the Yale Alumni Magazine as well as other publications because Dad is a retired professor. Well, so she read about this reunion and decide that it would be a good time for her to meet all of us and her old friends."
"But who told her that we would be here?" Lizzy's eyes looked accusing.
"That was me," Jane said quietly, "But how could I have known that she'd come here?"
"Yes, I know Jane." Seeing Jane look so guilty made Lizzy feel bad about her accusations. "It's not your fault. And besides, she's our mother. How bad can it be?"
Very bad, they both thought mentally. Nonetheless, they exited the ladies' room, trying to appear normal and cheerful. As they approached Mrs. Bennet and Charlotte, they could hear Mrs. Bennet talking to Charlotte in a very loud whisper,
"….And so then I told her that no good would come out of this marriage. But she wouldn't listen to me. And look, what happened? Now, if she married William Darcy instead. But it may be too late now. And then there's always that little girl of hers…."
"Mother!" Jane cried in a vexed tone. Charlotte looked relieved at being rescued from such forced intelligence.
Seeing that they'd return, Mrs. Bennet continued, "So there you are girls! It was very rude of you to rush away like that and--"
"Mom, what were you saying just now?" Elizabeth cut her short. Her voice was tense.
"Oh, I was just telling Charlotte how much happier you would have been if you'd only listen to me."
"What do you mean?" Lizzy felt herself getting angrier with every passing second.
"I mean," said Mrs. Bennet, in an exasperated tone, "that you should have married that Darcy boy like I had told you. God knows what possessed you to break up with him and marry John. Now look where it's left you. But there's still time, you know. All's not lost. If it were not for that flirting little blond with him."
Although she was very upset at Mrs. Bennet, and in spite of herself, she turned around. Oh my God! It's Melissa.
PS-for those of you who don't remember who Melissa is, she is the girl Lizzy accused Darcy of having an affair with:)
Chapter 8
Melissa! Melissa Reynolds! Lizzy felt very dizzy. It was surreal how the past seemed to play right before her eyes. William and Melissa. In the Bahamas…That moonlit evening at the graduation ceremony. That argument. It was all coming back to her.
"I don't think it was so innocent Will. Not like that. Not in that photo."
"But you don't understand, Lizzy. I was alone in the beach house and Melissa had been so kind…"
"William, enough! Please respect my intelligence and refrain from telling me any more fairy tales about your ministering angel."
She could see the hurt in his eyes. To her surprise, she wasn't as immune to it as she had thought. She looked away. "This was supposed to be a very special day for me. I always wanted to be a lawyer, even as a little girl. Please don't spoil it for me, Will."
Her voice had a pleading, pathetic quality that broke Will's heart, but he knew he had lost, perhaps forever, the most valuable thing in his life.
"If you wish. But you must remember one thing. I'll never ever forget you, Lizzy. Never."
"Lizzy, Lizzy! Are you okay?" Jane broke into Lizzy's thoughts. She quickly brushed off a stray tear and turned her attention away from William and Melissa.
"I'm fine Jane," Elizabeth lied. "Just something in my eye."
She noticed that Mrs. Bennet was still talking, to no one in particular. Seeing that her daughter had ceased her scrutinizing gaze of William and Melissa, she addressed her with,
"You see, Lizzy," she said in her most triumphant voice. "You may still have a chance with him, you know. He doesn't look like he's paying much attention to that blond. But god bless me, you can't do anything if you just stand around here. You'll have to go for him."
Lizzy felt her patience tested as she listened to her mother's inane speech.
"Mother," said Lizzy in a very edgy tone. "I have no intention of 'catching' William Darcy. Not now, not ever."
"But why not?" Mrs. Bennet wanted to know. "He's rich, he's handsome and he's young. What else do you want?"
Lizzy refused to answer such a question. Undeterred, Mrs. Bennet continued, "That's always been the way with you. Obstinate like god knows what! If you hadn't been so foolhardy 5 years ago, things would have been so different now! But you never listened to any advice I gave you! Always going your own merry way. Now if it had been my Lydia that had taken his fancy! That would have been much easier…"
"MOM!!!" Lizzy literally shouted attracting the attention of several people in the room. "Do not drop me to the level where you compare me with Lydia! In case you haven't noticed your favorite daughter, darling Lydia is earning her living in Las Vegas doing heaven knows what, where her husband left her after 7 months of her marriage! If that's what you wanted from all your daughters, why educate us in the first place?" Lizzy felt many questioning eyes focused on her and decided she couldn't bear much more. She said in a calmer voice, "Jane, I'll be outside." With a significant look at her mother, she added, "I need some air."
And then she was gone, leaving a very stunned Mrs. Bennet, Jane and Charlotte behind her. "What was all that about?" asked Mrs. Bennet. She had never been one for understanding complex things, let alone Lizzy.
"Mom," said Jane in a resigned tone. "You have to stop doing that to her."
"Doing what, Jane?"
"You know what I mean," Jane felt herself losing patience, which was a rare thing for her. But Mrs. Bennet had a way of getting on everyone's nerves. "Ever since John died, you have never given her any support. We all know that you didn't approve of him, but you could try and show some little respect for him now that he's gone."
Mrs. Bennet did not look like she appreciated anything Jane was saying, "But Jane dear, I am only trying to help her."
"I think, mama that at her age she can decide what's best for her and her daughter. I hate to say this to you, but just BUTT OUT!"
Saying that, Jane left Mrs. Bennet and went looking for Charles. Charlotte disappeared quietly, leaving Mrs. Bennet to reflect on all that she'd heard from her two daughters, though that wasn't very likely.
Lizzy ran out of the Banquet hall into the terrace, thinking that she must have done something really awful to deserve such a mother. It was not that Mrs. Bennet didn't love her. She probably did in her own way, but she had always loved Jane and Lydia the best. Jane for being the beauty of the house and Lydia for being…Lydia. Though she had never said that to her face, Lizzy always believed that it was Mrs. Bennet's over-indulgence that resulted in Lydia's present pitiable state. She knew that Mrs. Bennet still sent money periodically, whenever she could.
This is going to be the worst week of my life thought Lizzy. First William and now Mom. Why can't anything ever go right for me? She looked up at the beautiful starlit sky. It was so pretty and peaceful; a direct contrast with her present state of mind. It seemed to Lizzy that the heavens were laughing an ironic laugh at her. And Lizzy did not feel like joining in.
Aloud, Lizzy said, "Why does it always have to be me? Why can't I have any happiness without paying a price? Why is my life filled with so many 'Whys'? Why?" She sat down and felt tears trickling down her cheek.
"Rough day." Came a voice from the corner.
Elizabeth turned around and exclaimed, "Caroline!"
"In the flesh."
"I never expected to see you here."
"Why is everyone saying that?" Caroline wanted to know. "Do you all really want me to leave?"
"There's no need for that," Elizabeth said quickly. "What do you mean 'everyone'?"
"Richard and Charles and then, you."
"Oh, I see. So you met Richard already. I would have thought you would be with Richard somewhere. What are you doing here then?"
"Same thing as you, I imagine." Caroline said with a trace of a smile. "Getting away from there." Pointing to the party going on inside. Then recalling what she'd heard Lizzy saying just a few minutes ago, she added, "So what did bring you here, if I may ask?"
"You may not." Said Lizzy in a flat tone. She didn't know whether she wanted to tell Caroline the problems of her life. True, they had been very good friends in grad school up until…William. It had been a known fact that Caroline had a crush on him, even Richard knew that. But when Lizzy came into the picture, it wasn't very pretty. Then one day the two friends broke all relations with each other, no one knew exactly how it happened. But truth be told, they didn't speak to each other much after that. Caroline did however, go to Lizzy's wedding, although for a short time. After that, Lizzy lived in Boston and Caroline mainly in New York. They met once or twice at Jane's place and even then, conversation wasn't easy for them.
"Fine. Suit yourself." Caroline sounded hurt. She turned her back.
And suddenly Lizzy felt awful. Awful about her fight with one of her best friends, awful that they'd not made up, awful that she had been cold to her. She needed to make things right. So, she said in a small voice, "I'm sorry, Carrie."
Caroline turned around amazed, "Did you just say that?" No one ever called her 'Carrie'. It had always been Lizzy's prerogative. "Did you just call me Carrie?"
"Yes, I did." Lizzy replied. "But I won't if you don't want me to."
"No that's okay," Caroline hastened to reply. If things were going to be better between them, she was not going to stop it. "I always say, there are two ways you can approach the past. You can either dwell upon it and make yourself miserable. Or you can forget about it and make a fresh start. Personally I prefer the second, what say you?"
"Carrie!" Lizzy exclaimed as she moved into an embrace. "You haven't changed. You still love saying 'I always say'. I missed you."
The two friends hugged each other as they tried to remember what had kept them apart all these years. Finally, Caroline broke away and said, "So will you tell me now, why you were crying and shouting at the stars a while ago?"
Lizzy giggled at that description of her. "I am not as insane as you may think, Carrie. Or maybe, with a mother like mine, I am."
"Oh! So it's the same old."
Lizzy nodded. "My mom is perhaps the only mother in the world that advises her two-month widowed daughter to go husband hunting."
"Lizzy, before you go on, I'd like you to know that I'm truly sorry about John. Relations between us being strained as they were, I didn't talk to you before. But I want you to know that even though we weren't on friendly terms, I thought about you and often wanted to call, but never had the courage."
Lizzy felt her eyes misting. "Thank you. It means a lot to me."
"So you were saying," Caroline hurried on. She had never been one for 'thank yous'. "Your mom is being intolerable again?"
"You could say that," said Elizabeth wryly. "And it's not like I'm a stupid teenager being embarrassed by my mom! I'm 30 years old, for heavens' sake! And it's always been the same, all my life. She's always done this to me. Sometimes, I think that I don't even know her at all."
"I know what you mean. My mom died when I was only 12, but I remember that even when she was alive, we were never very close. It was always about Charles."
"But you don't know what she said," Lizzy insisted. "She wanted me to go chasing after William…" As soon as she said that, Lizzy knew that she had entered a forbidden territory. They had not spoken about William for a very long time.
"Did she now?" Caroline's voice sounded tense and dripped with sarcasm. She was suddenly distant again. "And did you not concur with her?"
"NO!" replied Lizzy vehemently. "Let's not go there again! Please!"
"No Liz," Caroline shook her head. "I think it's time we talk about this. We had a misunderstanding once and it can happen again. I always say that communication is the key factor in any relationship. So lets communicate!"
"All right, what do you want to know?" Lizzy said, in a resigned tone.
"It's not about what I want to know, it's about what you want to tell me."
"Okay, then." Lizzy sighed. "I don't love William Darcy. Never have and probably, never will." This was undoubtedly the biggest lie she'd ever say.
Suddenly they heard footsteps walking away from the terrace. "Who was that?" they both said in unison.
William couldn't believe what he'd just heard. He saw Melissa coming towards him. "So William," said she in her southern drawl. "Whatever happened?"
Chapter 9
William felt his mind in a whirl. He was going through such a series of conflicting emotions that he closed off to all outside influences. It was like he was present physically, but that was the extent of it.
I can't believe she said that, his thoughts were in turmoil. She doesn't love me now, okay that I can accept. But how could she say that she didn't love me ever??? What about all those times we shared. Did that mean nothing to her? But what do I expect from her? She has made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me, so why do I feel a hollow right where my heart should be? Because you love her, you moron, his heart whispered. Always have, from the first moment you saw her. And if you had been a tad bit smarter, you would have had her today. This thought was so painful to him that he tried to force it away, but it wasn't that easy.
"Whatever happened, William?" Melissa's painfully curious and sugary voice broke into his thoughts.
"Huh? What did you say?" William felt faintly annoyed, though he couldn't think why.
"Oh darling," she replied, slipping her hand into his. "I was so worried when you just disappeared saying you wanted some 'air'. But here you are, and I still think there's something wrong? Did something happen? Out in the porch?"
Back off. "No, Melissa. Nothing is wrong. You are imagining things."
"But I know you, William," Melissa smiled her most ingratiating smile. "You always try and hide behind that mask of indifference. So it won't work with me."
"I do nothing of the kind!" I wonder what I ever saw in this woman. "Melissa, would you do me a favor and leave me alone for a while?"
"But William," Melissa protested. "I recognize your mood. This was how you behaved when you came to the Bahamas. Remember?" William winced. "I can handle this situation very well, you know." Then moving even closer to him and smiling suggestively, she whispered in his ears, "Let's go to a quieter place and then I can help you relax. It'll be fun, like old times again."
"NO!" William flung her away from him. "Can you once and for all take a hint?!?! The Bahamas was a mistake. I told you that before and am telling you again. Try and forget it, if you can!" Then seeing some tears in her eyes and feeling that he had been too harsh, he added, "Look Melissa, I know it was very wrong of me to succumb to my longings 5 years ago. I agree, but there is no hope for us. I don't love you and you don't love me. It would never work."
"I understand," Melissa hung her head, but she wasn't done yet. "So, you're planning to go after 'Precious' Lizzy again?" Her voice reflected all her envy and dislike of the person mentioned.
"NO!" Came William's emphatic reply. "At least…" He started to say, then experiencing a change of emotions, he said abruptly, "I really have to go." Seeing her questioning looks, he added, "To clear my head." With that he strode away.
It's not over, Will Darcy, she thought. I'll win you yet. You'll see. She smiled enigmatically and if someone had observed her then, they would have seen a very different aspect of sweet Melissa.
Meanwhile in the Terrace.
"I don't love William Darcy. Never have and probably, never will."
Caroline watched her friend as she made this defiant declaration. She smirked, "You were always a poor liar, Lizzy!"
Elizabeth stiffened, "What do you mean, Carrie?"
"I mean, that you can never get away saying a lie to me. You could not look into my eyes and say it." Caroline challenged her.
"Oh yeah?" Elizabeth walked closer and looked her straight in the eyes. "I don't love William Darcy and --" Her voice trailed. Carrie was right, she couldn't do it. Lizzy moved away and turned her back.
"See, I told you," Caroline's voice was faintly triumphant. "C'mon Lizzy, accept it. You can't lie to me." Elizabeth did not answer. "Which means, that you do love him."
"I told you I don't," Lizzy persisted. "At least, I think so…"
"That's my point, exactly," Caroline moved towards Lizzy. "You think that you don't love him but I know you do." Seeing Lizzy starting to protest, she continued quickly, "It is so obvious, Lizzy. Your eyes give you away. Even when you emphatically deny it, your eyes tell a different story. Maybe you can get away with it with others, but I know you."
Lizzy looked at her reflectively; "Well maybe I do have some feelings for him. So what, if I do?"
"Then you tell him," Caroline stated simply.
"It's not that easy," Lizzy shook her head.
"Why not?"
"Well…" Lizzy began. "I don't know. It doesn't feel right." She couldn't come up with anything better. Then quickly changing the topic, "But what about you?"
"What about me?"
"I thought you loved him, too. That's why we fought, remember?"
"Oh that," Caroline tried to shake it off. "That was long time ago and you don't have to call it love. It was just a minor crush."
"Didn't seem so minor to me," Lizzy persisted but seeing Caroline uncomfortable, added, "Listen Carrie, let's make a deal. Since this topic makes us both uncomfortable, I say we don't bring it up again. That means, you won't bug me about William. Deal?"
Caroline thought for a moment. "Deal." Heck, why play matchmaker now? I'm not that old, anyways.
Suddenly, a voice came from behind them. "Can I join you?"
They turned around with surprise. "Melissa!" Lizzy managed to utter.
"Glad to see you, Ms. Bennet."
"Mrs. Michaels," Lizzy corrected her. "But call me Lizzy." Realizing that Caroline still had no clue who she was, she continued, "Oh where are my manners! Melissa this is my friend, Caroline Bingley. And Caroline this is Melissa Reynolds."
They exchanged greetings and Caroline raised her eyebrow at Lizzy indicating that she still had no idea who this was. Taking the hint, Lizzy said, "Melissa is Mrs. Reynolds's daughter, Caroline. You know Mrs. Reynolds, she's the housekeeper at Pemberley."
"Was," Melissa corrected her. "Mom died of breast cancer last year."
"Oh! I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Lizzy was truly sorry. "She was a very nice lady, though I only met her once a long time ago."
"Yes, I remember," There was a slight edge in her voice. "You had come to Pemberley that summer with your aunt and uncle. Didn't you first meet William there?"
William? "No, I had been previously acquainted with him." Was all that Lizzy said. Caroline looked at Melissa with more interest. She was no fool and had noticed the tension between them when Melissa mentioned William. There had to be more to it than either was willing to accept. Casually, Caroline asked Melissa,
"So, you're friends with William?"
"Oh yes!" Melissa smiled. "I practically grew up with him. We lived in the same house, you know. And now, I should say we're more than friends." Glancing at Lizzy, she added, "We're together, you know."
What is she talking about? "Together?" Caroline was surprised. "As in a couple?"
Melissa just nodded. "But don't you live in Miami," Caroline asked. Isn't that where Pemberley is?
"Oh, I do. But I get around, you see. And of course, William always wants to have me near, so I spend a lot of time in New York." The last part was said with a suggestive smile at Lizzy.
"Uh…excuse me," Lizzy said. "I have to go inside now. See you later." With that she quickly strode into the Banquet Hall.
Caroline smiled apologetically at Melissa, "I'll go with her. Nice meeting you Melissa." And then she was gone too.
Nice going, Melissa thought with a satisfied smile. I hope that'll teach her!
"Lizzy, Lizzy! Wait up," Caroline ran after her friend.
"Can you believe that little tart?!" Lizzy fumed. "She and her 'darling' William!"
"Why are you so angry?" Caroline dared to ask; though she already knew the answer.
"Just because." Lizzy stated. "She's so, so…"
Her sentence was cut short as Charles came running towards them, "OH Lizzy, Caroline." He cried. "I'm so glad I found you! I've been looking all over!"
"Charles! What's wrong?" Caroline was very concerned.
"The most terrible thing has happened," Charles voice was choked. "There's been an accident. It's William…"
"Oh god! What happened?" This time it was Lizzy who cried.
Charles eyes were misty, "Richard's car has been found smashed up nearby and we think William was in it?"
"Is he hurt very seriously?" Lizzy asked. Please say he's not.
"It's worse. We think he's dead."