Section I, Next Section
Posted on Sunday, 3 January 1999
By Teg
Elizabeth waited on the hall until the butler announced her to the ladies assembled in the drawing room. The ticking of the clock echoed in her head. She turned as movement from the staircase caught her eye and frowned slightly when she recognized who was approaching...
By Jimmy
It was that awful Mr. Toddles whose attentions for her was very well noted even among the thickest in the local society.
By Hil
"Hello, Miss. Bennet," the slimy Mr. Toddles said with a slight blush making Elizabeth sick to her stomach, "do you need an escort back into Derbyshire?"
Elizabeth became puzzled. They already were in Derbyshire.
"No I do not need an escort, sir, thank-you. I was asked by Georgiana to stay with her here for the ball in two weeks."
By Teg
Elizabeth looked away in disgust. Thankfully the butler stepped aside allowing her entry into the room.
By Hil
Unfortunately this escape was bitter-sweet. The only seat left was one beside the horrid Caroline.
By Teg
Caroline smiled, baring her teeth in a most canine fashion. Elizabeth became aware of the close proximity of Mr. Toddles and scooted over to the vacant space beside Caroline.
By Tam
"It was so tragic to hear of your family's great misfortune. I was so sorry to hear about it. I always knew Wickham couldn't be trusted, but I'm not the type to say, I told you so, " said Caroline 'sweetly'.
By Teg
Georgiana paled at the mention of that man's name. Elizabeth felt her anger rise at Caroline's ill thought remark, but before she could say anything, a slimy voice whispered in her ear...
By Hil
I was unaware of your family's misfortune, Miss. Bennet and I would like to say it doesn't change a thing between us," Mr. Toddles said putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Thank-you, Mr. Toddles," Elizabeth said then adding slyly. "Have you ever meet Miss. Bingley. She is a joy to have in any conversation. Now if you would excuse me." With that Elizabeth got up and left knowing Mr. Toddles would sit and talk to Caroline for the rest of the night because his beloved Elizabeth hinted to him.
As Elizabeth joined Georgiana she did not notice Darcy's eyes following her, very amused by it all.
By Teg
"Would you play for us, Miss. Darcy?" Elizabeth asked.
"If you like, " the younger women shyly replied.
Darcy watched as the two ladies moved to the piano and sorted through the sheet music.
His eyes followed every movement of Elizabeth's fingers as she turned page after page, finally coming to rest on one handing it to Georgiana.
"Are you familiar with this piece?"
By Hil
"Yes I a..." Georgiana's voice trailed off as she looked at the commotion of Caroline who had had a touch to much wine, laughed in an exaggerated manner and fell out of her chair.
By Teg
"For God's sake, Caroline!" Bingley hissed. "Pick yourself up. Must you embarrass me wherever we go?"
Mr. Toddles was enchanted by the lady, however, and Elizabeth began to entertain the hope that Caroline might be of some use after all.
By Hil
Georgiana called for her maid to escort the now half asleep Caroline to her room. This outburst of hers put a damper on the evening. Within a half an hour everyone has disbanded leaving Georgiana, Elizabeth, Bingley, and a very love struck Darcy in the music room, trying to hide the glances to Elizabeth, and concealing them to everyone but a very surprised Bingley.
By Leareth
Bingley looked from his friend, then to Elizabeth then back to Darcy.
Elizabeth didn't' notice anything, but she looked shyly back at Darcy.
Bingley sat back and smiled.
Maybe he could give his friend a hand here...
By Teg
Bingley moved to the piano and leaned down as if to study the sheet music. He spoke softly to Georgiana.
"I wonder if you might care to show me the portrait of you that was recently finished?"
He nodded significantly in her brother's direction. Georgiana looked over at Darcy and stared in surprised amazement at the expression on her brother's face...
By Tam
In Bingley's opinion, Darcy's love life was in great need of help. With Caroline constantly after him and a bunch of other fortune hunting women, (they didn't deserve the title of Ladies). Darcy needed a nice, witty young lady as Elizabeth Bennet. After all, if Darcy married Elizabeth, he might have another chance with Jane.
By Hil
"I would be happy to Mr. Bingley," Georgiana said catching on to his motive.
And with that the two left leaving a very embarrassed Elizabeth and Darcy to make conversation alone...
By Leareth
Elizabeth noticed with some alarm that she and Darcy were alone.
"Do you suppose Mr. Bingley really wanted to see Georgiana's portrait?" she asked him, rather embarrassed.
Darcy looked to where the pair had left. It could have been his imagination, but the door seemed slightly ajar, as if someone had wanted to listen to the goings on inside, "No."
By Teg
But quite frankly I don't care he thought. He looked at Elizabeth once more, noting the way the colour in her face accented her eyes. The longer he stared at her, the less aware he was of anything else around him. There was Elizabeth only..
By Tam
"Are you all right Mr. Darcy? You look a little dazed," asked Elizabeth turning her head in a way that made Darcy even crazier.
"I...ah...I'm fine," said Darcy in so distracted a manner, that it was obvious he wasn't fine.
By Leareth
"With Georgiana's departure, we seem to be left without any music," said Elizabeth trying to fill the awkward gap. "Well, I shall play instead."
She performed quite admirably, choosing a rather old piece, from Bach's preludes and fugues. She realized as she reached the end of the page, that it was a bad place to turn the page and wondered if she could turn it quickly enough.
The page turned without her, she looked up and smiled gratefully at Darcy who had taken the liberty of doing it for her.
By Teg
But the look on his face caused her fingers to falter on the keys.
"Mr. Darcy, are you sure you are quite all right?" she asked in concern.
He turned his head to look at her, and Elizabeth felt her heart leap into her throat...
By Tam
Darcy started to lean closer to Elizabeth. Just then Mr. Toddles entered the room...
By Hil
A loud sigh came from both Darcy and Elizabeth as well as the two in the hall listening in.
"I... I ... am very sorry to interrupt," Mr. Toddles said in his voice that made Elizabeth cringe, "but I was scarcely off your property when a snow storm blew up to which I can not battle through."
"You may stay here the night. I will have the butler show you to a room," Darcy said sounding exasperated.
After Mr. Toddles left he turned to look at Elizabeth who said," Good night Mr. Darcy." And with that she left.
By Leareth
Elizabeth walked away, then realized, if there was a snowstorm, she couldn't go back either. She turned back to the music room to ask for his help.
Darcy looked out the window at the white expanse. Elizabeth couldn't go home either.
Elizabeth entered the room. "Excuse me, but if there is a snow storm, I am also unable to return."
"Then let me arrange for a room for you as well."
"Thank-you, sir."
By Teg
Darcy rang for Mrs. Reynolds and instructed her to make up two rooms for their unexpected guests.
The housekeeper needed no one to tell her that Mr. T should be stationed in the wing farthest from Mr. Darcy.
Now the young lady...that was a different story. Perhaps the late Mrs. Darcy's chambers would suit her.....
By Tam
"Sir, do you think your mother's chambers would be appropriate for the young lady?" asked Mrs. Reynolds.
"Yes... Yes they would suit her very well. I believe my mother would have gotten along very well with Miss. Bennet, therefore...Yes, Mrs. Reynolds, give Miss. Bennet my mother's chambers..."
By Leareth
"Miss Bennet," said Mrs. Reynolds. "We have arrangements for you. If you will follow me . . ."
Elizabeth trailed in Mrs. Reynold's wake sometimes lagging to look at her surroundings. She wished she would stay longer to look at them further.
Finally, they reached a door.
"This will be your quarters for the night, Miss Bennet," said Mrs. Reynolds. Elizabeth looked around the lovely room. She was quite taken with it. Elegant, and done in colours she would have chosen herself.
"It's beautiful. Who's room is this, may I ask?"
"The late Lady Anne's room, Mr. Darcy's mother."
A few hours later, when Miss Bingley's headache had lessened, Bingley came to see her, with the news that Mr. Toddles and Miss Bennet were staying the night at Pemberley.
"What?" said Miss Bingley.
"Miss Bennet is staying at Pemberley tonight, Caroline," said Bingley. "She's sleeping in the rooms of the late Mrs. Darcy."
"WHAT?!?!"
By Teg
Miss Bingley's cry could be heard echoing through the halls of Pemberley, like a cat in heat.
Darcy of course, heard nothing. He sat in his own rooms, delightfully aware that just on the other side of the door, Miss Elizabeth Bennet was in all likelihood preparing to retire. He stationed himself in a chair next to the connecting door, a glass of brandy in hand, and allowed himself to dream....
By Tam
Darcy sat there, glass of brandy in hand, dreaming away when he thought he heard something move outside, in the corridor.
Going to his door he opened it soundlessly, and who should he see trying to look through the keyhole into Elizabeth's room, but Mr. Toddles...
By Hil
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Darcy roared.
Mr. Toddles looking shocked said, "Mind your on business Darcy."
"EXCUSE ME!! No one acts like that in my home, especially in regard to my Elizabeth!!!"
Realizing what he had just said he blushed crimson.
Darcy pushed Mr. Toddles away from the door making the weak Mr. Toddles sprawl out across the floor. Just then Elizabeth hearing everything that had just transpired came out of her room...
By Teg
"What on earth is going on?" she asked, looking from one man to the other.
Toddles attempted to pick himself up from the floor. Elizabeth's eyes opened wide as she realized what the horrid little man had been up to.
She looked to Darcy in horror, hoping that he didn't believe that she could possibly have encouraged Toddles. The look on Darcy's face was unreadable. Elizabeth put her hand to her mouth and hurried back into her room. The door slammed behind her, and the gentlemen heard the key turn in the lock. Darcy turned to Toddles and his eyes narrowed.....
By Leareth
"Mr. Toddles, may I inquire as to your reasons for being here this evening?" said Darcy, his voice thinly veiling the menace beneath.
"I, er, wanted to see if Eli . .I mean, Miss Bennet was comfortably settled," stammered Toddles.
"That is not what it looked like."
By Hil
Unbeknownst to either man, Elizabeth had opened the door slightly to watch the goings-on.
"From here, it looked like your designs were . . . less than honorable, Toddles," said Darcy in a disgusted tone. "If it weren't for the storm outside, I would have you out of my house right now!"
"And why do you care so much, Mr. Darcy?" said Toddles with some bravado. "Why should you care if I was, er, looking at the lady? She is of no consequence to you!"
Darcy's look darkened and he glared at him.
"Is that what you think, sir?"
"Yes."
"You could not be more mistaken. Apart from Georgiana, she is the most wonderful woman alive." Behind him, Elizabeth shut the door, having heard all.
By Tam
"Oh! My God! He must still care for me. Of course he would likely defend the honor of any lady, not just me. However, I know deep down, he did it for me!" Elizabeth whispered, she now truly knew how deep her love for him was...
By Hil
Elizabeth was extremely confused. As she flopped down on the bed she thought 24 hours ago I thought he was a awful, unforgiving man but now I don't even know whether to kill him or kiss him...
By Teg
Kiss him! a voice whispered in her head.
Shocked with herself for thinking such a thing, Elizabeth huddled on the bed, hugging a pillow.
Meanwhile, just outside her door, Mr. Toddles was attempting to extricate himself from the deadly glare of his host......
By Tam
"Sir, you must understand! My intentions were very honorable. After all, once Dear Lizzy, consents to be my wife, it is not like...Ah, well Sir, that is to say. Nevermind. My intentions were not indecent."
"What makes you think she will become your wife?" asked Darcy, not feeling much threat from this little short ass.
"Why, I have the assurances of her parents..."
By Hil
With that remark it was all Darcy could take. He walk away thinking 'I need help if I am going to make Lizzy my wife.
Opening the door to his dear friend's room he said hushed, "I need help Charles..."
By Teg
Bingley stirred awake. Groggily, he looked at Darcy and muttered "What did you say?"
Darcy sighed. "Charles, I need some help. I am hopelessly, pathetically in love with Elizabeth Bennet. I was just beginning to think that there was some hope for me, that she might possibly return my affections or at least think better of me than she had previously. But that imbecile, Toddles, has informed me that her parents have already given their consent for him to marry Elizabeth. MY Elizabeth! What can I do, Charles? Please help me."
A loud snore emanated from the bedclothes.
By Tam
Thinking the only way to wake Charles would be through drastic measures, he walked over to the corner of the room.
He returned with a water jug in his hands.
SPLASH!
A loud spluttering noise accompanied by a, "DACRY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!", followed.
By Hil
"I need your help. I have no clue what to do!" Darcy said with growing distress.
"So coming to terms with the fact that you love Elizabeth. You must sweep her off her feet. go fetch Georgiana and we will start on a plan for you two. Remember that the ball is only two weeks away..."
By Teg
"Charles, I couldn't possibly discuss this with my sister! Are you mad!" Darcy began to pace the room. "I shouldn't even have said anything to you. What am I thinking? What happened to my common sense?"
Bingley laughed. "It went out the window when you fell in love! Don't you understand anything? Darcy you really are hopeless!"
By Hil
Bingley got dressed while Darcy went to get Georgiana.
When she arrived she asked what was going on.
Darcy replied shortly, "I really think it's none of anyone's business."
"Good God Fitzwilliam, if that is your attitude we have a lot of work to do. Especially in the charm area."
"What have I done," Darcy said to himself seeing the evil grins spreading over Bingley's and Georgiana's faces as they talked...
By Teg
"Okay do you think you have all that?" Bingley asked his friend.
Darcy frowned. "I suppose." Bingley glared at him. "Okay, okay. I say good morning and offer to escort her down to breakfast tomorrow."
Bingley looked at him impatiently. "And?" he prompted.
"And....." Darcy continued "And......."
"Oh, for crying out loud, Fitzwilliam!" Georgiana interrupted "Let's just forget all that. Take her for a nice walk tomorrow after breakfast and make sure it's a long one. Then when she gets good and cold you can offer to help her warm up!"
Darcy's eyes widened in horror at his sister's suggestion. Then he thought about it a little more......
By Tam
The next morning after breakfast, Darcy followed his sister's advice.
"Miss. Bennet, would you like to come with me on a walk around the grounds?"
His sister's self satisfied look made his colour rise even more than it already was...
By Leareth
Georgiana's look was one of absolute contentment, and Elizabeth did not miss it. Nor did she miss the look on Bingley's face which was one of perfect contentment, as if he had a plan that was going perfectly.
"Yes, I would be glad to," replied she to Darcy.
As they walked out the door, Darcy thought he heard the two congratulating each other . . . But he could have been mistaken.
But before they could go outside, Mr. Toddles appeared like a worm out of the earth.
"Ahh, Mr. Darcy," began he, with a rather furtive look towards the gentleman.
"And Miss Bennet, you are looking quite lovely today."
"Thank you, sir," said Elizabeth, wishing he would go away.
"Will you walk with me in the garden?" asked Toddles.
By Teg
Elizabeth looked to Darcy, her eyes pleading.
Darcy, seeing an opportunity to present himself in a better light, seized it and said "Toddles, you cannot seriously believe the garden to be accessible after last night's storm? I was just escorting Miss Bennet to the library, where she may partake of some peace and solitude in the pursuit of a good book" Elizabeth looked at him in surprise. "SOLITUDE, Mr. Toddles." he stressed.
"Oh. Oh." Toddles repeated, and scurried away like a crab.
Darcy watched him retreat with no little satisfaction.
Elizabeth wondered How exactly did he think that we were going to be able to go walking if the gardens are impassable?
By Tam
'If the gardens were so impassable,' she thought, 'Why did he even suggest it?...Unless he wished to be alone with me. I hope that is the case!'
Since she had realized what her feelings were for him she was trying to fathom, what his were for her. The funny thing was, this must have been what he was going through, before he asked her to marry him, the first time. How she wished there would be a second proposal...
By Teg
Elizabeth allowed herself to be led to the library before she thought to ask him if they might not still go outside. Buy then it was too late. Darcy had stoked up the fire and seen to it that she was comfortably seated in a large chair by the hearth. Elizabeth could not help thinking
that she wouldn't mind spending all her mornings in this manner. She watched Darcy's back as he thrust the poker into the fire, enticing the flames to burn brighter, to lick hungrily at the wood. She began to feel warm, and idly wondered if it was entirely due to the fire. Then Darcy put the poker down next to the mantle and turned to face her.
By Tam
Neither of them really had an idea of what to say to one another, and this being the case there was a moment of awkward silence, before Darcy said.
"What kind of books are you interested in reading, Miss. Bennet?"
"That was not the question I was hoping for..."
Had she really just said that out loud! It must be from the heat of the fire. She was sure her face was a red as the curtains.
By Teg
Darcy stared at her uncomprehendingly. "I beg your pardon, Miss Bennet?"
Elizabeth looked down at her hands in embarrassment. "I mean.....I was hoping you might suggest something. You would know better what is in your library, after all." She exhaled slowly.
Darcy watched her for a moment before venturing a reply. "Perhaps you would like to peruse the titles. Would you like to step this way, Miss Bennet?" With a sweep of his hand he indicated the shelves to their right.
Elizabeth, avoiding his eyes, rose and crossed to the shelves, painfully aware of Darcy following close behind her.
By Tam
Darcy was trying to make sense of what he had heard. If truth be told, he had not been paying so much attention to what she was saying, but rather her. He was saying a silent prayer that he had heard and understood her meaning, correctly.
By Teg
He watched the way she walked over to the shelves, the way her skirt swayed back and forth. Then he realized she had asked him something.
"Oh, let me help you." he said, seeing she was reaching for a book on a high shelf.
They touched the volume at the same time, and just as quickly removed their hands, letting the book drop to the floor with a resounding 'thwack'. They both quickly bent down to retrieve it. Darcy looked up into her eyes and felt his heart leap in his chest.
"I'm sorry," she said. "So clumsy of me."
"Think nothing of it." he mumbled, staring into her eyes. He felt hypnotized. Without any awareness of it, he leaned forward until their faces were mere inches apart.
Elizabeth felt her throat go dry. He was so close she could feel his breath on her cheek. Slowly, she felt herself leaning into him.
Their lips touched, gently.
By Tam
They were pleasantly engaged in this way, for about five minutes until...
"AHHHHHH!" yelled Caroline as if she had sat on a red hot poker.
The couple jumped apart, as Bingley came running into the room.
"So sorry," he exclaimed. "I think she is just a little surprised."
With that he dragged, Caroline from the room and firmly shut the door behind him...
By Tam
Elizabeth was mortified that Caroline had seen them kissing. Upon reflection she realized that if Caroline had not interrupted them she didn't know where the kiss would have led.
Darcy couldn't care less about Caroline. If he had compromised Elizabeth's honor, then by God, he would marry her! He smiled at the thought.
Elizabeth finally summoned the courage to look at him again. The longing she saw in his eyes was, she was sure, mirrored in her own.
Throwing caution to the wind she said "Perhaps we should go for that walk you suggested earlier?"
Posted on Sunday, 3 January 1999
By Teg
"Yes," Darcy hesitated slightly. "Yes, of course. If you like. We can take the path to the gardens in the back of the house. It is more sheltered from the weather, and should have far less snow there."
He made to take her arm and paused. "Miss Bennet, I.......I hope you don't think me too forward, too......." he was suddenly at a loss for the right words to describe what had just transpired between them.
Elizabeth blushed. "If anyone was too forward, sir, I believe that would have been me. Please don't apologize, I beg you."
Darcy looked at her with an expression of complete surrender. You could beg anything of me, dear Elizabeth, and I could deny you nothing.
He offered her his arm. She took it, shyly lowering her eyes and together they left the library.
Posted on Wednesday, 6 January 1999
By Leareth
Miss Bingley was white-faced as she shook off her brother's hands. She turned around to see the library door open and the occupants leaving.
"Brother, what on earth is going on?" demanded Miss Bingley when they entered the hall.
"I hope you will excuse me for a while, Caroline," replied Bingley, "but I have a matter of business to attend to." Seeing Mr. Toddles coming towards them, he called out, "Ho, Toddles, will you please see my sister to her room? She is rather upset about something." As he said this, he walked away in search of Georgiana to tell her the good news regarding her brother.
When Bingley had left, Miss Bingley turned to Toddles as he asked, "Whatever is the matter?"
"It's . . . the . . . oh!" spluttered the lady at loss for words.
"I just saw that thrice-damned Elizabeth Bennet kissing Darcy!" yelled the lady.
Toddles turned white, then red, and then toddled off in search of the pair . . .
Posted on Saturday, 9 January 1999
By Tam
"DAMN HIM!" Toddles muttered under his breath, "How dare he take such liberties with MY fiancé!"
He seemed to forget that, the lady herself had yet to consent to the agreement. Though in his opinion that was far from important, her parents had given their blessing.
Little did he know how much Mr. Bennet could be persuaded otherwise by his favorite daughter.
He had been marching so steadily that, when he reached the garden, where he had been informed the two guilty people had gone, he was struck dumb by the sight that greeted him...
Posted on Sunday, 17 January 1999
By Teg
Well, dumb wasn't exactly the truth.
Toddles let out a squeal, as only he could do, as he beheld none other than his beloved Elizabeth showing an ankle to Mr. Darcy! And he was touching it!
The guilty couple looked up, startled.
"Why, Mr. Toddles! I....I...." Elizabeth stammered.
But Darcy came quickly to her rescue. "Toddles, fetch two servants at once. Miss Bennet has turned her ankle and cannot walk back to the house." He stared at the wretched man until Toddles came to his senses and beat a hasty path back to the house.
Elizabeth looked at Darcy in shock. "Why on earth would you tell him I've turned my ankle? Now I'll have to remember to limp for the rest of my stay!"
Darcy grinned mischievously. "Would you rather he had accompanied us on our walk?"
Elizabeth laughed, a delightful sound which twinkled among the falling snowflakes.
When Toddles returned with the two footmen, there was only one set of footprints in the snow; and those led away from the house......
By Leareth
Posted on Monday, 18 January 1999
Meanwhile, back at the house, Bingley and Georgiana were congratulating each other on a job well done. They quickly fell silent as they realised Miss Bingley had been listening to them for the last five minutes. In their euphoria, they hadn't noticed her.
"Oh, Caroline . . . " began her brother half-heartedly. "We didn't see you . . ."
"YOU!" she wailed, "My own brother, conspiring against my happiness!"
Bingley was saved from replying by the arrival of Mr. Toddles and two footmen who were looking at him as if he was mad.
"They're, they're gone!" he spluttered.
"Who?" demanded Miss Bingley.
"THEM!"
"We must find them at once!" cried Miss Bingley. "He must be stopped from proposing to her!" She dashed out of the room, Toddles hard on her heels.
Bingley stared at Georgiana.
"We must stop them from stopping them!"
Meanwhile, in a peaceful, secluded corner of the garden, there was a couple. In such a situation, there would be conversation, but the mouths of the gentleman and lady were most agreeably engaged elsewhere . . . .
Meanwhile, it was not so peaceful near the lake where a second couple were running about in search of the first couple.
Meanwhile, yet another couple were running around in search of the second couple . . .
By Teg
Posted on Sunday, 31 January 1999
"Ah, Miss Bennet...." Darcy murmured. "I trust that you do not find it too cold. It is quite sheltered in this part of the garden."
"Why, no, Mr. Darcy." she replied between chattering teeth. "I can think of no other place I would rather be right now." Except perhaps under a nice warm blanket with---Oh, Elizabeth Bennet! What a shocking thought!
But Darcy hadn't failed to notice her shivering. "Please, Miss Bennet," he said as he began to remove his coat. "Allow me to put this around you. You do appear to be a little chilled."
"Oh, you are too kind." Elizabeth gratefully replied. "But then you will be cold. Perhaps we could share."
"An excellent suggestion! Our combined body heat should serve to keep us warm for a while." Suddenly Darcy's eyes widened in horror at the implication of his remark. "Miss Bennet, I....Please forgive me for...." but any other words failed him, and he lowered his arms in resignation, allowing the coat to trail in the snow.
Elizabeth was torn between amusement at his discomfiture and mortification to realize that her own thoughts had followed the same path as his. "Mr. Darcy, please do not berate yourself. Let us attribute it to the cold air, and the romantic setting." She paused, noting that his features had softened at her words. "It is a very romantic setting."
A smile touched his mouth and Elizabeth drew in a sharp breath at how much more attractive he appeared as a result. Not that he wasn't very handsome to begin with, but with his features softened by good humour..... and a little something else there in his eyes..... she felt sorely tempted to reach out and touch his face.
Darcy suddenly remembered the coat in his hand and wrapped it about her shoulders. He smiled at her as he sat down next to her once more.
"We shouldn't stay out here much longer." he said.
"I suppose you're right," Elizabeth said reluctantly. "I am not properly attired for this weather."
Darcy laughed. "I meant that the others would be looking for us soon!" Elizabeth looked at him in puzzlement. "I'm sure Toddles must have returned with the footmen by now."
Elizabeth's hand rose to her mouth. Darcy thought her to be justly horrified at what their indiscretion might bring them, until he heard her muffled laughter.
"Oh, I can just picture that horrid little man's face! What a morning we have had already!" she laughed. "First Caroline interrupts us in the library, then Toddles finds you wiping snow from my foot in the garden. I shudder to think what anyone might surmise should they find us here, like this!"
Darcy joined in her amusement, his deep laugh complimenting her delicate one. Their eyes sparkled with delight in one another's company. Darcy felt an irrational urge to kiss Elizabeth's rosy cheeks, and he drew her closer into his arms. He felt her breath catch, but she offered no resistance. In fact, she wrapped her own arms around his waist, drawing him into the warmth contained by his coat around her figure. He kissed her cheek, then the other one.
Elizabeth tilted her head to one side, and Darcy lowered his lips to hers.
Toddles was running through the maze in complete confusion. There were footsteps everywhere, going in several different directions, all made by himself. He whimpered.
The sudden sound of snow crunching underfoot made him look up. A cloud of orange materialized around the corner of the hedge and he beheld a vision of loveliness..... an angel of mercy come to rescue him from certain death!
"Oh, it's only you, Mr. Toddles." said Caroline Bingley with a sneer.
"Yes, it's me, my dearest angel!" cried Toddles, gazing at her lovingly. "Thank you, Miss Bingley, I shall be eternally grateful to you!"
Caroline looked at him in alarm, then turned on her heel and beat a retreat.
Toddles hurried after her like a puppy, Elizabeth Bennet forgotten.
By Leareth
Posted on Monday, 1 February 1999
Georgiana skidded around the corner and almost crashed into Bingley, who was standing there and looking around.
"We've lost them!" cried he.
Georgiana was about to reply when she saw a flash of orange near the trees.
"I see Miss Bingley over there!"
They quickly ran as fast as they could towards the spot pointed out.
The source of the orange flash, Miss Bingley, tried to rid herself of the toad that had suddenly become attached to her with no success. In vain, she looked around for the two fugitives, also with no success. But though she didn't see them, she could hear some suspicious sounds from behind a large oak tree . . .
Darcy broke off from his kisses to ask Elizabeth a very important question.
"Elizabeth I love beyond words, *kiss* will you marry me?"
The lady to whom this question was addressed to looked up and agreed wholeheartedly, though no words were required.
Unfortunately, the sky fell down on them in the middle of their agreeable activity when Miss Bingley and Mr. Toddles tripped over them and on the other side, Bingley lost his footing on the ice and fell with Georgiana on top.
With one voice, though the question was addressed to different people, they all cried, " What are you doing here??"
By Teg
Posted on Monday, 8 February 1999
Miss Bingley made a valiant effort to extract herself from the tangle of arms and legs, but it seemed that Mr. Toddles' hands kept getting in the way.
"Mr. Toddles!" she sputtered, and glared at him. Toddles took no notice, but Charles Bingley did.
Struggling himself, Charles reached across someone's back to pull the worm's grimy paws from the hem of his sister's skirt.
"Oh!" cried Georgiana, as she felt Charles's arm press down on her spine.
"I beg your pardon!" Charles said to her, mortified.
"Bingley! What's going on here?" It was Darcy, finally managing to surface from under the mountain of silk that covered his body. He pushed the fabric away from him only to discover a pair of legs hidden underneath. Hurriedly he pulled the material back into place, and with his eyes, tried to determine to whom these appendages belonged. Then he realized that they were Miss Bennet's and he turned his head, blushing profusely.
Miss Bingley had finally managed to free herself from Toddles clammy grasp and made an ungainly attempt to get to her feet. Her hair was in disarray, her feathers askew, but her dignity asserted itself. She stepped back a few paces to straighten her attire. Satisfied with her appearance, Miss Bingley looked down on the pile of bodies before her. At first she was amused, until she noticed that Miss Bennet was actually laying atop of Darcy!
"Oh, Miss Bennet! Here, let me help you." Miss Bingley frantically began pulling at Elizabeth's arms to lift her from Darcy's body.
Elizabeth's legs kicked out, narrowly missing Darcy's chin, as Miss Bingley leaned back to tug harder. There was a sudden tearing sound as Elizabeth rolled off of Darcy's legs. She clambered to her feet only to look down in dismay at the ruin of her gown. But the worst was behind her. Literally.
Bingley's eyes grew wide as he looked up and beheld Miss Bennet's underskirts in full view of all! Now, Bingley was nothing if not chivalrous, and he redoubled his efforts to disentangle himself. This was much more easily accomplished by now as the number of obstacles had diminished by half. His struggles, however, still managed to produce one casualty, as a stray thrust of his booted foot caught Darcy in the temple and the poor man fell back into the snow prostrate.
Georgiana cried out as she witnessed her brother's collapse into the powdery stuff. Bingley heard her, but by now he had regained his feet and was quickly wrapping his coat around Miss Bennet to shield her from Toddles' view. When he looked to see what ailed his friend's sister Bingley was aghast.
"Darcy!" he called, then dropped to his knees beside the man. "Darcy, can you hear me?"
Toddles approached from behind Bingley and said snottily "What sort of an imbecile are you, man? Of course he can't hear you. You've kicked him into oblivion!"
"I've......" Bingley stared at his friend in horror. "I .... I..... I......"
"Stop that wretched stuttering, Charles," his sister whined, "and help get him to the house!"
Muttering an 'of course, what was I thinking?', Bingley directed Toddles to take Darcy's feet while he grasped his friend's shoulders. Coordinating their efforts, the two men heaved the unconscious Darcy up and promptly fell backwards into the snow.
"Useless!" Miss Bingley sputtered. She turned away in a huff and trudged back to the house calling over her shoulder "I'll get some real men to carry poor Darcy back home."
Toddles looked at Bingley, up to his ..... hmmm.... in the snow. He looked at Georgiana, still sitting beside her brother. Then he looked at Elizabeth. He puzzled over her expression. Was that concern on her face? Concern for Darcy? Toddles shook his head. He ran off after Miss Bingley before she disappeared from sight.
"Oh, Georgiana. I'm dreadfully sorry." Bingley was truly crushed by the knowledge that he had caused his friend such an injury.
"Bloody hell." The moan came from the region of Bingley's feet. Darcy's eyes fluttered open and he squinted in the light. "What...." he paused as he closed his eyes tightly in pain. "Toddles. I'll flay him alive. The man is a menace."
Georgiana leaned over her brother's form and spoke gently. "William, don't upset yourself. You've had a nasty bump on the head and you need some attention."
Darcy's eyes flickered open again. His gaze sought out Elizabeth, then found her. "Yes, you're absolutely right. I need some attention."
Georgiana caught the direction of his gaze and she looked at Bingley, smiling. But their amusement was short-lived as Caroline Bingley materialized like an apparition, with a half dozen servants in tow. Toddles was, of course, lapping at her heels.
By Leareth
Posted on Wednesday, 10 February 1999
Darcy blacked out again, which gave Miss Bingley the opportunity to get the servants to carry him back to the house. This gave everyone the chance to go to their rooms and change out of clothes that were wet, soiled, torn or a mixture of the three.
As soon as she was ready, Elizabeth knocked quietly on the door separating her room from Darcy's and entered to find him groggily awake and rubbing his temple.
"I think I am going to have a headache . . ." muttered he. He sighed as some of the pain receded when Elizabeth knelt beside him to touch his head.
"From the bump or Miss Bingley and Mr. Toddles, how they always manage to find us?"
He was saved from answering as the door was opened without ceremony to let the two of whom they were speaking in.
As soon as she saw the sight before her, Miss Bingley grabbed Elizabeth and hissed, "Don't you think you have done enough for one day?"
Elizabeth looked her without any comprehension. Her distraction allowed Toddles to grab her other arm, but he some how missed and grabbed the upper part of her leg instead.
The next moment found him on the other side of the room, greeting the wall with his nose as Darcy threw him off her.
"Get your hands off my fiancee!"
Miss Bingley and Toddles stared at him and Elizabeth, their mouths wide open.
"WHAT??????????"
Bingley and Georgiana entered to hear the last exchange and smiled broadly, secretly giving each other high fives.
"You must be joking, my dear sir! The bump on your head, caused by HER has muddled your thinking!" babbled Toddles. "Elizabeth is engaged to me . . . "
"Not any more."
In the silence that followed, Miss Bingley and Toddles were having very similar thoughts.
He/she just wants to make me jealous ran their thinking. Well, two can play at that game!
Toddles turned to Miss Bingley as she turned to him.
"Miss Bingley, will you marry me!?"
"Yes, I will!"
They looked at Elizabeth and Darcy to see if that had any reaction.
It did, but not the one they were hoping for.
"Congratulations, sir, madam!"
Only now did they realise what they had gotten themselves into, but any further conversation was halted by a servant arriving with a letter for the master.
Darcy took his arm away from around Elizabeth to open it. He read it and his face grew hard.
"My aunt, Lady Catherine is coming here, five days after she writes this. But it was misdirected at first - it has arrived five days late, which means she is arriving . . . "
The servant at the door bowed and announced the arrival of Lady Catherine de Bourgh and her daughter.
By Teg
Posted on Monday, 15 February 1999
Special thanks for the suggestions from Ann, Jimmy and Christine Marie that evening in the Chat room! Did you think I was kidding when I said I'd use it?
Darcy's eyelids fluttered open, only to close hurriedly as the daylight streaming in the window ignited a flame behind his eyes.
He groaned as the memory of the morning's events came back to him.
The appearance of Lady Catherine at a most inconvenient moment had sent the entire household into a panic. She had asked -- no, Darcy amended, demanded ( his aunt never asked ) – that she be quartered in her late sister's chambers, thereby evicting Miss Bennet to another part of the house.
At first he had been incensed, but good sense had soon regained its foothold as he realized that having his fiancee lodged in an adjoining bedchamber, with a mere four-inch oak door between them, would indeed be courting disaster. The only courting he was interested in doing was with Miss Bennet, and so far the results were far from disastrous, although a little painful thanks to Miss Bingley and Toddles.
Lady Catherine had ordered everyone from his room, excepting herself of course, insisting that he needed rest after such a bump on the head. In order to escape her repeated interrogatory forays, Darcy had been reduced to subterfuge, feigning sleep until she finally noticed his lack of response and quit the room. He then occupied his mind with thoughts of Miss Bennet, Elizabeth, and the brief moments of intimacy in the garden before the fateful interruption. With these memories warming him, he fell into a dream-filled sleep.
Now he ventured to open his eyes once more, blinking past the pain, to seek out the time displayed on the mantle clock. He groaned again when he saw that there was barely an hour remaining before dinner was scheduled to be served.
He reached for the bell pull to call his man to help him dress. The pounding in his head was severe, but he had no intention of missing out on Elizabeth's company at his own dinner table.
Nor will I leave her to the tender ministrations of my aunt and Toddles!
"I want to have babies," Toddles suddenly announced at the dinner table.
There was clatter of silverware as everyone dropped their utensils and their jaws simultaneously.
"But Toddles, you can't have babies!" said Darcy, his brain struggling to overcome the incessant thumping in it. If he had been completely in control of his faculties he would never have ventured any reply.
"Don't oppress me!" replied Toddles.
"I'm not oppressing you, Stan...sorry, Loretta... I mean Toddles! You can't have babies because you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?!" shouted Darcy, massaging his forehead in a futile attempt to relieve the hammering rhythm.
"Darcy, how shocking! You see? I knew that Miss Bennet would pollute the shades of Pemberley," said Lady Catherine in disgust. She cast a withering look in the direction of Elizabeth.
"I don't know yet, Darcy!" Toddles cried out, "But I will find a way!"
"Ugh!" cried Caroline, and bolted from the room.
Georgiana wasn't far behind, holding her hand to her mouth. One by one the diners vacated the room until only Darcy, Elizabeth and Lady Catherine remained.
Elizabeth squirmed, but held her ground under the scrutiny of Darcy's aunt. Darcy, however, was too absorbed in his scrutiny of Elizabeth to notice anything else. Lady Catherine suddenly cleared her throat making Darcy wince as the sound reverberated in his head.
"I am appalled at your behaviour, nephew!" she turned her fiery gaze in his direction. "Where on earth you learned those wretched manners completely baffles me, for it was surely not at your mother's knee! I've never heard such language at the dinner table. And in mixed company, too!"
Darcy's eyes shifted to her face. He blinked while attempting to formulate some sort of reply in his mind.
"I believe," came Elizabeth's voice from somewhere to his right, "that we may attribute these deficiencies to the presence of Mr. Toddles. It would not do to lay the blame at Mr. Darcy's feet. In light of his recent injury he can hardly be held accountable for his own contribution to the conversation. I'm sure he must still be suffering the effects of that terrible blow to his head."
Lady Catherine was about to give a sharp rebuttal when a low moan was heard from her nephew's end of the table. She looked at him in alarm.
Darcy's eyes had rolled back in their sockets and he was now slumped in his chair, his head lolling back on his shoulders.
Lady Catherine gave a cry and sprang from her seat, rushing out of the room, screaming for the servants. Elizabeth also sprang from her seat, rushing over to Darcy's side to place a hand against his forehead.
Darcy's eyes flew open, startling Elizabeth such that she nearly called out in fright.
"Is she gone?" he asked quickly.
Elizabeth nodded. Before she could blink, Darcy was out of his chair, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her toward the door at the opposite end of the room. He listened at the door for a few seconds, then, satisfied that the coast was clear, opened it and pulled Elizabeth through, closing the door firmly behind them.
"Where –" she began, but a hand was suddenly clamped over her mouth effectively cutting off any line of questioning. Elizabeth frowned, but the hand stayed. Instead Darcy met her gaze and put his other hand to his lips in a shushing gesture. She nodded and her mouth was free once more.
After a few minutes of listening to Elizabeth knew not what, Darcy took her hand once more and they quickly padded down the hallway to a small staircase set into the wall off to the left. Darcy started up them, but Elizabeth resisted. He looked back at her. She raised her eyebrows in inquiry, wondering where these steps led. A slow smile spread across his face and he mouthed the words 'trust me'.
Elizabeth's adventurous spirit whispered to her to go on and follow him. Her sense of decorum and propriety however encouraged her to stay put. She wavered, unsure of what to do.
The sudden sound of a door opening from the direction they had come, and voices raised in excited inquiry propelled her into action. With a wicked grin Elizabeth grabbed Darcy's hand again and together they raced up the darkened staircase.
By Bodecia
Posted on Tuesday, 16 February 1999
Lady Catherine, panting for breath, entered the room with two servants quick at her heels. "What? Where did they go to?" she cried. The servants looked around the room, shrugged their shoulders and turned to leave. "Where in the blue blazes do you two think you are going," her ladyship shouted. On hearing the tone of her voice the two men stopped and lowered their heads, as they knew a scolding was surely coming.
The men were saved from the acid tongue of Lady Catherine as Toddles entered the room. "Your Ladyship, may I be of service," he said as he bowed nearly to the floor, continuing he uttered, "your humble solicitude is not appreciated by these servants, but I understand your concern." Toddles mind was whirling with thoughts of how her ladyship could help him gain his object, Elizabeth.
"Now that you mention it, yes, you can be of a great help to me." Lady Catherine replied.
Moving closer to Toddles, Lady Catherine whispered, "I fear that Miss Bennet is a Witch!"
Toddles listened closely as she continued speaking; "She has vanished, and taken my nephew with her."
Toddles was stunned at the thought, but he had always felt there was something mysterious about Miss Bennet, and her fine eyes.
"Wwwhhat are we to do?" he replied stuttering.
By Eva
Posted on Wednesday, 17 February 1999
Meanwhile, Lizzy found herself led up some stairs, round a corner, down some stairs, and into a small, unfurnished room on the ground floor.
"Why have you brought me here?" she asked.
"I wanted to show you something," Darcy replied. "But first… why don't we pick up from where we were so rudely interrupted this afternoon."
"Certainly," agreed Lizzy, eyes dancing mischievously. "Now, where were we exactly?"
Darcy drew her close.
"Is this right?" he asked.
"No," replied Elizabeth, "it was more like- this." (as she held him even closer and placed a kiss on his nose.)
"No," countered Darcy, kissing her cheeks, her eyes, her nose. "I think (smooch) it was more (smooch) like this (smoooooooooooch)."
By this time Lizzy couldn't care less where they'd been up to. Their lips met again and they indulged in a looooooooong kiss- so long, in fact, that we should leave them there and return to Mr. Toddles and the evil Lady C.
Lady Catherine knew a lot about witches (being one herself), so she instructed Toddles on the correct way to dispose of them.
"This is all very well," said Toddles when he'd learnt everything necessary, "but we've got to find her first!"
Lady Catherine was astonished at her sidekick's brilliance. They set off to search for them, Lady C using her extra-sensitive olfactory prowess's to track down their prey. Unfortunately, they were rather inaccurate extra-sensitive olfactory prowess's, and they head off in completely the wrong direction, coming out on the roof. Lady C hit Toddles over the head because of his stupidity. Toddles let out a scream that could have been heard at Longbourn.
Mr. and Mrs. Bennet were sitting in their parlour eating bread and honey when they heard the most horrible noise ever.
"What on earth was that?" asked Mrs. Bennet.
"Must be that annoying Toddles again," replied Mr. Bennet.
"Oh, of course, that would explain it," said his lady, returning to her food.
Anyway… back at Pemberley Lizzy and Darcy were enjoying themselves very much indeed when they were once again interrupted by the door opening and someone rushing in. They turned around to chastise them, and were astonished to see Colonel Fitzwilliam!
"Richard, what are you doing here?" Darcy asked.
"Let me catch my breath," panted the Colonel. He jumped up and made a spectacular one-handed catch. "Got it!" he said normally. "Now, where were we? Oh yes, the reason I'm barging in on you two… hang on, what was going on in here?"
"Never mind."
"Oh, but… ok, I'm being chased by hordes of young women. They have followed me all the way from London. I didn't know where else to come, sorry Darcy."
Darcy and Lizzy were incredulous, but Fitzwilliam opened the door to reveal a large crowd, who started yelling when they saw him.
"There he is!" "The Messiah!" "Hurrah!" Fitzwilliam stepped out to address the crowd.
"Shh, he's going to say something," everyone whispered.
"Why are you following me?" he asked.
"You are the Messiah!" "Yeah!!!"
"I'm not the Messiah!"
"I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few," said one particularly forward member of the group.
" I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly!" pleaded the Colonel.
"Only the true Messiah denies His divinity."
"What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!"
" He is! He is the Messiah!"
"Now, f#*% off!"
"How should we do that, o Lord?"
Darcy and Lizzy could see it was hopeless, and retreated into their room, leaving the hapless Colonel to control the crowd.
By Jen R
Posted on Wednesday, 17 February 1999
Elizabeth and Darcy turned to look at Colonel Fitzwilliam, whose face was turning purple, red, and white by turns. He was clearly unable to deal with the situation.
"Dearest, we must somehow help Richard," said Darcy.
"Hmm," frowned Elizabeth, "let me think." She considered briefly what would be best. Watching her intently, Darcy impulsively leaned over and kissed her forehead, murmuring "I love that little crease you get when you're concentrating."
"Well, I can hardly concentrate under such circumstances, sir," rejoined Elizabeth. "Do be serious!"
Meanwhile, Colonel stopped in mid-change between purple and red to turn a distinct shade of green. "Darcy!" he shrieked. "Miss Bennet! They are trying to scale the walls! They'll rip out your prized vines! Oh, if only you had not installed those of trellises last year!"
Darcy's face hardened. "Anything but my vines!"
Elizabeth, having just found a solution to the problem (despite the panicking men, who were somewhat distracting), quietly led Darcy from the room. "Do not worry, Colonel," said the retreating figure, "we go to enlist the services of one more haughty and arrogant than all of us put together!"
They left too soon to hear him murmur, "Such tenacity! I have not even seen such strength and strategy in my ranks! I wonder...."
In other parts of the house, the growing throng of women had hardly gone unnoticed. Toddles' and Lady Catherine's position on the roof was an excellent vantage point. "First Miss Bennet, and now these masses of young ladies!" fumed Lady Catherine. "Who could have imagined such an open display of their feminine arts and allurements!"
Lady Catherine was certainly correct about the arts and allurements; they were having a most peculiar effect on the fickle Toddles. As he watched the young ladies, most of whom were pretty, all of whom were enthusiastic, his eyes glazed over. As he watched the ladies struggling to climb the vines, he occasionally glimpsed a well-formed calf as the ladies shifted their skirts about. He began to tremble visibly.
"Come, Toddles!" commanded Lady Catherine. "There is only one thing to be done."
Toddles followed; although loathe to leave the ladies, he was so stunned that he hardly knew what he was doing.
As Lady Catherine descended the main stairs, Mr. Darcy ascended them. "Ah, Aunt Catherine! I fear my cousin is in grave danger from the ladies assembled below. You must come to his aid with all possible haste!"
Lady Catherine's eyes narrowed. "You seem to have recovered remarkably quickly from your feelings of illness, nephew. I do not doubt Miss Bennet has effected a cure of some sort. I must speak to you on the matter immediately. Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted?"
"W-w-w-ell, my dear Aunt," stammered Darcy, "consider that Miss Bennet is only one lady, while there are full two hundred trampling my gardens and destroying my prize-winning vines! I believe the largest part of the pollution is currently coming from outdoors, at least in terms of their environmental impact on my estate, if not their effect on poor Richard's sanity. Could we not attend to this matter first?" Seeing that she appeared mollified by such good sense, he gestured in the direction of the balcony room.
"Yes," cried Toddles, "we must welease Wichard!"
Mr. Bingley and his sister heard the trio passing, and followed in curiosity.
In the drawing room, Elizabeth rose from a writing desk, hastily sealing a message. She gave it to the housekeeper, with instructions that it be carried express to Mr. Collins. She then proceeded to the music room in search of Georgiana, only to discover, much to her surprise, that she was not there. Puzzled, she went outside according to plan.
She followed the sounds of the shrieks, and arrived under the Colonel's window in time to observe Lady Catherine addressing the crowd.
"Thtop!" she commanded. "Thtop pethtering Fitthwilliam at onthe!"
"Yes," said Toddles, very resolutely not looking down at the ladies below, and looking somewhat pale, "such wecklessness must weach an end!"
"Thut up!" hithed (uh, hissed) Lady Catherine. "Let me handle thith!
Startled, the ladies below stopped their cries. Colonel Fitzwilliam (whose face had resumed its normal shade) and Mr. Darcy looked each other in consternation.
By Marks
Posted on Friday, 19 February 1999
Meanwhile Back At Longbourn
Mr. and Mrs. Bennet were taking tea in the parlour. Mr. Bennet was trying not to listen, but it was no use.
"Ooh Mr. Bennet! I wonder if that nice Mr. Toddles..."
Mr. Bennet coughed and spluttered as if the tea had gone down the wrong way.
Mrs. Bennet continued without missing a beat. "...and Lizzy are engaged yet?"
Mr. Bennet spilt the rest of the cup of tea on his lap, choking on what was left in his throat.
"That nice Mr. Toddles and my Lizzy????!!!!!! Have you taken leave of your senses, woman???????? I shall never approve, even if my favourite daughter were so deranged as to accept that, that...."
"Oh but my dear Mr. Bennet, you already have approved, and as a gentleman, you cannot go back on your word now" crowed Mrs. Bennet triumphantly.
"Approved! When did I approve? I recall no such thing!!"
"Mr. Toddles asked you just before he left. You were in your library, and I distinctly remember you saying to him 'Yes! Yes! Anything! Just get out of my sight you horrid little excuse for a man.' So you see, you approved!"
Mr. Bennet looked aghast. "I cannot have heard him right!" he gulped. "Besides, Lizzy would not have him."
"I don't know about that Mr. Bennet. At first she seemed to be ever so slightly opposed to that nice Mr. Toddles, and I admit that I had to command her to knit him a jumper. However, after a while, she seemed to reconcile herself to the idea, and even knitted a message on the jumper for her intended. I remember it clearly, it was something in French or Welsh or one of those foreign languages, it said 'd'ESPRIT'.
Mr. Bennet's eyes misted over. "Ah, knitting! Do you remember, when you knitted me a jumper. It had BENNETon ."
Mrs. Bennet forged on, "Sweet Mr. Toddles even offered to get Lizzy some feminine undergarments made of the finest Florentine leather, but that ungrateful minx would not let him get her measurements, she stabbed at him with one of her knitting needles."
"I am not surprised my dear. Lizzy is a black belt in the ancient Chinese marital art of GhU CChI." Said Mr. Bennet looking at his wife intensely.
'Surely you mean martial art do you not my dear?" was the slightly apprehensive reply.
"Mrs. Bennet, you will allow me the free use of my understanding on this occasion. I know exactly what I mean!" Mr. Bennet's gaze did not leave his wife.
"And Mr. Bennet, that nice Mr. Toddles is so romantic. He gave Lizzy some perfume called 'Lily of the Alley'. And being such a considerate gentleman, he also gave me some 'Channel No. 5' She announced proudly.
"You mean 'Chanel', do you not Mrs. Bennet?" Said her husband.
"Oh No!, That is French. 'Channel No. 5' is made right here in England from the finest Thames water downstream of the horse rendering works."
"Ah!" Said Mr. Bennet, as if some mystery had been cleared up for him. "I thought perhaps you had had an accident with the chamber pot."
"Harumph! Mr. Bennet, you have no romance left in you!"
Mr. Bennet looked at his wife strangely and moved toward her. "That is not what I meant sir!" She sidled toward the door nervously. Mr. Bennet sidled after her. Finally she flees upstairs, with Mr. Bennet in hot pursuit, shouting, "Come back my little tulip, romance is not dead!"
By Leareth
Posted on Monday, 22 February 1999
"How are we going to get rid of all these ladies?" muttered Darcy.
"I have the perfect idea, love," said Elizabeth. "What do most young ladies enjoy? A ball, of course."
Darcy looked at his fiancee and smiled. "That's a lovely idea. And also, we can declare our engagement as well!"
"NO YOU SHALL NOT!" screeched Lady Catherine. "THAT IS ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS! YOU SHALL . . . (here she ran out of breath) . . . . have *gasp* your ball, and there you shall deny any report of an engagement between you and this witch and instead declare it to Anne!"
"No, I won't."
"YES YOU WILL!" (It seemed she had caught her breath.)
"NO . . . " Elizabeth touched him and whispered something into his ear.
"Pretend to agree with her at least or we shall never get any peace. She doesn't control your tongue so you can say whatever you like about your engagement."
Lady Catherine, sure Elizabeth was whispering some spell to control her nephew, screeched.
"GET AWAY, YOU LITtle . . . *gasp! . . . witch!"
"At all costs, have a ball, Darcy to get rid of these ladies," said Colonel Fitzwilliam, looking about furtively.
"Of course. There shall be a ball in a week's time, and there, I shall announce something."
"What about me?" whimpered Toddles, "I wanna announce something too!"
As one, they all turned and said,
"SHUT UP!"
"Darcy, you are not serious in announcing an engagement between you and your cousin Miss de Bourgh, are you?" asked Bingley worriedly.
It was some hours later. The ladies had gone to change for dinner and Toddles was being kept under close scrutiny by some of the servants.
"I said I was going to announce something but I did not say what the something was," he replied. "Don't breath a word of this to Lady Catherine. She'll screech again and she might lose her voice." He thought for a moment. "Actually, maybe you should inform her of my intention - her silence would be very pleasant."
Bingley laughed, "No, it would be more fun to see her face when you announce the something.