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Chapter 1 ~ By Jen F. Posted on Monday, 26 July 1999
It was a wonderful summer day in Austenville. All the residents were scribbling happily on their pens or laughing gladly at other writer's posts. Except for two people.
"Admit it, Tamsin," Jen F. yelled snidely through the chat lines. "You love ole Wicky. You can't resist his bod."
Tamsin rolled her eyes. Jen F. really needed to grow up. "Jen are you talking about yourself?"
Jen F. huffed. "Look honey, I hate to break it to you, but Darcy loves me more."
"You wish." Tamsin snarled back. "That's not what he told me beside "our" hottub."
Jen F. was about to give an nasty retort before she was rudely interrupted.
"Guess what, girlies," the new person on chat snarled. "I'll take care of your Darcy problem."
Tamsin and Jen F. looked at each other in astonishment. Wickham!!
Tamsin reacted first. "Wickham you pig, if you touch one single hair on MY DARCY, I WILL KILL YOU!"
Jen F. couldn't speak. Her face kept getting redder and redder. She looked like she was about to explode.
Wickham licked his lips wickedly, "I have kidnapped Darcy and I am not going to return him until I get what I want."
Finally, Jen managed to open her mouth. "What do you want?" She clenched her teeth.
"Elizabeth Bennet," he licked his lips.
"Never!" both of ladies yelled.
"And good stories about me," he added.
Jen furrowed her eyebrow, "Don't you already have someone tied up to do that? I mean literally."
Wickham nodded. "It doesn't matter. As I say the more, the merrier."
Tamsin and Jen narrowed their eyebrows. And as Wickham left them they turned to each other in wonder. Poor Darcy! What were they to do now??
As Tamsin remained deep in thought of what to do, the facts suddenly fell upon Jen F. "Darcy's gone!" she yelled hysterically. And with that thought in mind, Jen F. fainted dramatically. Tamsin looked at her sadly. Jen was going to help her? If so, there was no chance of Darcy being saved. Tamsin looked around in wonder, "What would they do now?"
Will Tamsin and Jen F. save Darcy?
Will they put aside their differences?
And will Jen F. stop being hysterical?
Find out on the next post of -The Search for Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Chapter 2 ~ By Tamsin Posted on Tuesday, 27 July 1999
"Wickham! The NUT! He is just bluffing... He REALLY doesn't have my DARLING, Fitzhottie, tied up... Oh! Oh!" Tamsin cried before realizing that Jen was still laying unconscious on the floor.
Grumbling to herself, Tamsin, dragged Jen F. to the corner and propped her up against the wall. Returning to her writing desk she pulled the bottle of smelling salts out of the drawer, they always came in handy after reading a particularly distressing post.
Wafting the salts under Jen's nose, Tamsin muttered, "I thought she had a stronger constitution than Mrs. Bennet!"
"Fitzie!" cried Jen F. as she opened her eyes. "Oh! My dearest, loveliest, handsomest, sweetest, sexiest, bestest, Fitzie!"
"Jen!" yelled Tamsin, smacking her. "Either you stop mumbling nonsense, or I will not help you find Fitwilliam!"
"I don't need your help!"
They glared at each other, until Wickham's taunting voice filled the room, "Ladies... Using the term loosely... This arguing is not going to save your darling's arse!"
"Mighty fine arse," mumbled Jen F., still not fully recovered from the shock.
"Oh, G_d!" Tamsin said rolling her eyes, though she didn't like to admit it, she agreed wholeheartedly with Jen F.
"Hey!" cried Wickham. "Since, you two seem so content to argue with each other, I will just leave without first giving you some information on where you may find him."
Jen F. and Tamsin's heads snapped to attention, "Where is he you inhuman scum!?" barked Jen F.
"Jen! I don't think this would be a good time to argue with him," said Tamsin quietly, through clenched teeth.
"Tammy... I always knew you had a brain in that head of yours! I'm glad to see you are starting to use it," laughed Wickham as he wrapped an arm around Tamsin's waist.
"Why you little..." growled Tamsin, trying to knee Wickham in the... er... um... Trying to knee him... uh... where the sun don't shine.
"Tamsin! MANNERS!" ordered Jen F. She was having a ball watching Tamsin being picked on my Wicked Wicky.
"Well, my dears. Remember our little agreement. I get Elizabeth Bennet. And I get nice stories written about me... Oh! I almost forgot... That means everyone in Austenville has to write nice stories about me!"
"Sure, it is just so easy to write nice stories about the lowliest scum of the universe!" muttered Jen F.
"Jen!" Tamsin hissed.
"You girls are in for a treat!" said Wickham reaching into his pocket and pulling out a remote control. He pointed it at the opposite wall, pressed a button and then... A screen appeared.
What is on this screen?
Is it Darcy... Bound and gagged?
Can Jen and Tamsin save him?
Chapter 3 ~ By Jen F Posted on Thursday, 29 July 1999
The screen fuzzed for minutes after Wickham pushed the button. "What the hell?" Wickham muttered for a second. Then turned to the ladies. "Excuse me for a second."
The ladies looked at each other in wonder as suddenly the screen appeared. The vision was darkness itself. All the ladies could hear was a single voice. "Austen people, we have sent our dear Wickham on a mission. And if you are listening to this message–you have received it."
Well, duh, the ladies thought.
The message continued. "We do have your Darcy. But, unlike Wickham we are asking more from you. Deliver all your stories to us, and all your future stories, and shut down your website, then maybe we will consider giving him back. Maybe."
Then suddenly static interrupted the message and it showed Darcy gagged and tied. Jen F. let out a groan seeing her Darcy like this and Tamsin erupted into tears.
"You despicable creatures!" Tamsin yelled at the screen and suddenly lunging at Wickham. But, before she could Jen F. pulled her back.
"Don't Tamsin," she said softly throwing a menacing look at Wickham. "He's not worth the trouble."
But Tamsin wasn't done yet. As Jen held her back, she made an attempt to spit on Wickham.
"Eew," Wickham scoffed as he ran away. As he did, Tamsin turned to Jen with a look of satisfaction on her face.
"Tamsin," Jen scolded. "Did that really help matters?" But, secretly she was proud of Tamsin. She wished she had the guts to do that. "How crude. Disgusting. Spitting on people. Rack Wickham. Don't spit on him."
"Next time, I'll do more than rack him," Tamsin said determinedly, smacking her fists into her hand. "I'll give him what's coming to him."
Jen cleared her throat, ignoring Tamsin. "We don't need violence now, Tamsin. What we need is brains. What we need to do is to find out where this video was taking from." She said as she pulled the video out of the cassette. Foolishly, Wickham left the video behind.
Tamsin raised her chin up, "Who can we go to?"
"I was thinking of Austen Labs, but I have an even better idea," Jen said determinedly. "We need to go to the head honcho, the queen, the woman who is in charge of it all…"
"Ann," the girls finished together."
Will Tamsin and Jen F. find out where the video came from?
What advice will Ann give them?
And will Austenville surrender?
Chapter 4 ~ By Tamsin Posted on Thursday, 5 August 1999
Much thanks to Ann for her advice! :)
[Editor's note: Ann wrote her own dialogue.]
Jen F. and Tamsin made their way to the castle, home of the Queen. Their journey included Chat Street, Epilogue Abbey Park, Message Index Way, and Fantasia Gallery Avenue. On their way to the castle they encountered a number of fellow Austenville inhabitants, when told what had occurred they expressed their displeasure by saying they would kill Wickham off in their next chapter. Jen F. and Tamsin begged them to do no such thing, since that would put Darcy in very grave danger.
When they reached the castle, they had to work their way through many security checks, before being permitted to have an audience with the Queen.
"My dears," said Ann to the two ladies who had presented her with their problem, "I seriously do not see what all the fuss is about. Go ahead and let Wickham and his associates have Darcy, after all, he is a bit wimpy. As long as we get to keep Frederick Wentworth, Traveler of the Seven Seas, Survivor of the Asp, Hero of Santo Domingo, soon to be a Knight of the Most Honorable Order of the Bath (for capturing three French frigates and a ship of the line in a single action), most honorable husband to the great lady Anne Wentworth, nee Elliot, then I don't quite see what the problem is. After all, how could Darcy possibly compare to such a dashing swashbuckler (and believe me, he can buckle my swash with his dash any time he wants!) as Captain Wentworth!"
"But...but...but...but...but...but...but...but...," Jen F. and Tamsin stuttered. "But he's Darcy! One of the greatest romantic heroes of all time!"
"I prefer my gyros with cucumber sauce. But, if you are insistent on rescuing the poor man..."
At which statement, Mrs. Bennet could be heard from the next room shrieking, "He's not poor. Have you not heard he has ten THOUSAND a year!"
"...Inform his captors, I will help you out. Let me see that video tape."
The two petitioners handed their queen (who plans on abdicating her title in a minute) the tape. H.M. the Queen pressed a big red button with the words, 'Don't Panic', imprinted on it–which was located on the arm of her throne, and suddenly a TV and VCR rose from the floor. Ann placed the tape in the deck and manipulated the buttons to run the tape backwards and forwards, slowly and quickly, frame-by-frame and fast-forward.
"Ah ha!" she said triumphantly. She turned to her two guests and asked, "I take it you would like to know where Mr. Darcy is, so that you can attempt some sort of a rescue, and thus pull the teeth from the rabid dogs who are holding him?"
Jen F. and Tamsin both nodded enthusiastically.
"Well then, if you first play this tape backwards, re-recording the sound as you go, then replay the dubbed tape at twice its normal speed, you can clearly hear on it: 'Paul is dead'. Oops, wrong tape. Hold on a moment....Yes, here it is....if you play this one at half speed and switch to the second audio channel, and then read the subtitles, you will read: 'Wickham, get your a$#@ out of the hot tub we're trying to make a video in here, and you're the only one who remembers where you put the microphone!....I'll be right there, I just need to....
Looking at the queen, executing her best Mr. Collins imitation, Tamsin bowed while saying, "We are most grateful. I am sure with this new advice we shall have our beloved Darcy back with in the next few hours!"
Jen also bowed, but not before she sent Tamsin a worried look. She obviously found the Mr. Collins impersonation a little over the top, not to mention distasteful at a time like this.
When they had left the queen they started walking back down the street, Jen said happily.
"This should be so easy!"
"Sure!" muttered Tamsin, in one of her 'bitchy' moods. "We just have to find that dammed hot tub!"
"Hmmm... The Bennets?"
"No!"
"Hey! There is no reason to get all snarky," said Jen F.
"I just had such a brilliant idea," cried Tamsin.
"Well, this is a first. We should take out a front page ad in the Austenville Weekly! Tamsin Has Brilliant Idea... Austenville Celebrates!"
"Do you want to know or what! It may lead us to Darcy!"
"Out with it you dim-wit! Of course I want to know if it means I can have Darcy back in my arms!" yelled Jen F.
"Your arms! Yeah... Now that would be worthy of the Austenville front page! You know very well he would come back to me... or Elizabeth."
"Well, he could go back to Elizabeth, but why he would want to come back to YOU... You... You... You Mary Bennet look alike!"
"Would you shut-up! I think we may find him at Pemberley... An obvious place to look, after all he has that beautiful hot tub... I should know... I have spent quite a lot of time in there!"
"With Wickham, no doubt!"
"Okay, I guess I am going to find Darcy on my own!" said Tamsin turning and walking down Pemberley Lane.
Will Jen and Tamsin get over this argument?
Will they team up and find Darcy?
Will we ever stop using 'will' at the beginning of these questions?
Chapter 5 ~ By Jen F.
Posted on Tuesday, 10 August 1999
Jen F. watched Tamsin leave gleefully. She was half-tempted to wave good-bye and yell, "Adios! It's been nice knowing you! NOT!" But of course, that would have been childish, and childish Jen was not. With much hesitation, Jen decided to run after dear Tamsin, which of course wasn't any trouble for the beautiful and athletic Jen for she ran four miles a day.
Jen ran down to Pemberley to see Christine guarding the house of her beloved.
"Hi CM," Jen grinned at her. "Have you seen Tamsin?"
"Jen, I don't want any of your tricks either," Christine proclaimed with a super-duper Caroline stinger in her hand. "Tamsin tried the same thing, and look where she's gotten."
Christine motioned over to Tamsin sitting on a bench looking at Pemberley hopelessly.
"Tam Tam," Jen F. called amiably. "Come over here!"
"And anyways," Christine scowled at Jen F. "I don't know why I should even be giving you any favours. Haven't finished "Looking Into The Mirror" yet, have we?"
Tamsin smiled broadly at this lecture, and looked gleefully as Jen winced in pain.
"But… CM!" Jen whined. "It isn't any good! I don't wanna finish it!"
Christine flashed her badge at her. "By the order of the law I have to put you under arrest."
"But…but.." Jen looked at her with puppy eyes. "It's not fair! I bet Tamsin hasn't finished some of her stories!"
"Oh, no," Tamsin backed away worriedly. "Don't bring me into this." And Tamsin backed away about to run.
But for once, Jen F. let her get away. After all, someone had to bail her out. "RUN Tamsin! RUN! But, bail me out!!"
Tamsin looked at Jen F. evilly. Should she be kind to the one who thinks Darcy is hers, when he evidently is not? There was only one answer to this: Never!!
Tamsin waved good-bye to dear Jen F. as she was being escorted by CM into the Dot Police truck. "Bye bye!" she waved like Mr. Collins.
Will Tamsin bail out our dear Jen F. out of Dot Jail?
Will they rescue Darcy?
Why does Tamsin think that Darcy is hers when he is evidently is Jen F.'s?
Chapter 6
Tamsin chuckled as the Dot Police truck drove off.
Saying to herself, imitating what often happened in chat, "Well, Tamsin, what are you going to do?"
"Why I'll let her rot in the Dot Jail, of course! Then I will rescue Darcy, he will be eternally grateful to me and we will live happily ever after... Okay, that is a tad corny, but it works."
"Corny, yes. Plausible, no. Pathetic, definitely!" stated Wickham from behind Tamsin.
"Ahh! " cried Tamsin, as she turned to face the butt-crack ugly Wickham.
"Scared ya, did I?"
"What do you want!" growled Tamsin.
"Down girl! You know what I want... And so far I see that nothing has changed! By the way, what happened to treating me nicely?"
"Pray, forgive me, Sweetness."
"Don't overdo it!"
"Overdo what, Diddums?"
Wickham was beginning to think that the last beer and ten slices of pizza were not such a good idea.
"Tammy, just get the hell out of here! Go help that Jen, out of Jail."
"I will, but don't think you will get rid of me THAT easily."
"I know I'm not that lucky!"
Glaring at Wickham, Tamsin ran off the Pemberley property.
'Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen, Jen! It wouldn't kill you to write another chapter of "Looking Into The Mirror", now would it?' thought Tamsin as she walked towards the Jail. 'I wonder what it takes to bail someone out of here...'
Walking up to the desk where Christine sat, Tamsin began, "I have come to bail Jen F. out."
"Have you?" an evil glint entered Christine's eyes. "Let me see."
"How much will it cost me?" asked Tamsin wondering how long this was going to take and if Jen was really worth all the effort.
Christine turned to the computer and started typing something. "Well, I'm afraid it is not as simple as you would wish. I wonder if you have read the laws of Austenville... It is impossible for someone who is on the Dot Police's wanted list to bail another person out who is in Jail for the crime of not writing and posting." Standing up, Christine said, "I am placing you under arrest for not writing and posting."
Tamsin yelped in surprise and tried to leave the office, but it was too late. Christine was already leading her down to the cell that Jen was in.
As she was thrown in the cell, Jen clearly heard Tamsin say, "I hate my life!"
Will they ever save Darcy, at this rate?
Will they ever decide who Darcy belongs to?
Will anyone volunteer to get them out of Dot Jail????