Posted on Friday, 3 December 1999

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com joined the chat

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Ahh, a nice summer's day, I think I will snooze in this comfortable armchair *settles down and goes to sleep*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com joined the chat

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Oh hello Caroline. *climbs out of armchair and smiles at her*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Oh, Mr Darcy, how fortunate it is that I see you here.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
It is an honour to be of use to you Miss Bingley

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*to self* A smile, that is new.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Indeed, sir, I am sure I can make great use of you.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
How may I serve you?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
You know your aunt, who resides in Kent?

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Yes indeed I do know her, she is my aunt. *servile bow

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
I do love those servile bows. As I was saying, do you think that you could get me an invitation
to visit her, with you accompanying me of course.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Miss Bingley I would be honoured, infact it was my intention to go in a month, she has been
wishing me to visit for some time now.....Servilebows are nice aren't they. My footman uses
them with great results.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*nods graciously* Thank you, I shall go with you next month then?

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Miss Bingley, I am honoured, shall I get a maid to start packing for you?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Oh, yes please. And do you think you could obtain some chocolate for me, I feel rather
hungry. *yawns*

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
With pleasure miss Bingley. *hurries away to get chocolate (four kilograms from his room)
and a maid to pack her luggage, before returningback to the patio again*

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
It is attended to miss Bingley. Miss Bingley would you take a walk with me.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
A walk? Indeed, a stroll would be just the thing to take my mind off, well, something.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Please, would you accept my escort.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*takes proffered arm with a sigh* Very well.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
*leads the way out into the garden heart singing in delight* *with the wonders of modern
technology we are now in Kent* How do you like Kent miss Bingley?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*distracted* This is most beautiful countryside. Where is the Collins' house?

F.DarcyDeserately_in_love@Beloved.com
The Hunsford Parsonage miss Bingley, Why, you can see it just through those trees. Do you
wish to visit mrs Collins?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Umm... yes, that's right, Mrs Collins...

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Well allow me to escort you, my dear.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Maybe it can wait until later... some time when you're busy...

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Oh *looking hurt* Well should I escort you back to the house?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
That would be wonderful, sir. Thank you.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Mind that rose bush miss Bingley, I shouldn't like for you to damage your dress.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
I am sure, Mr Darcy, that my dress would be in no danger if you did not force me to!

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Crowding me so close, I mean, it's hardly gentleman-like.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Miss Bingley, I protest I am not drowding you. See I can fit a full three fingers between us.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Get those fingers away from me!

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
I'm sorry miss Bingly *obseqious bow, removes fingers*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Oh I do like those obsequious bows, it reminds me of... oh, never mind.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Mind he stairs miss Bingley, would you like me to carry you up them?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
That's quite alright, Mr Darcy, I can manage perfectly. Oh... you must be able to tell there's
something not quite right with me this day.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Would you like me to fetch a doctor miss Bingley?

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
*concerned look*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Oh, no, I am not ill, not ill except for... Mr Darcy, I know I can confide in you. YOu have been
so kind these last weeks...

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
No, miss Bingley, I do not think it would be appropriate

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Very well then. I would like to get it off my chest, but I suppose it's for the best.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Though I'm sure Lady Catherine would be more then willing to listen and aid you, or her
parson mr Collins.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Mr Collins... yes... I think perhaps the ear of the clergy is what I need right now. WIll you
excuse me while I walk to the parsonage... alone?

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Are you sure you would not prefer for my escort miss Bingley.....or maybe one of Lady
Catherine's carriages.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Are you quite sure you don't need a doctor miss Bingley? *concerned look*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*reluctantly* Wel, perhaps the carriage would be appropriate. I am somewhat fatigued.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
I will fetch one immediately miss Bingley. Shall I drive you? *hurrying off to order a carriage*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
A coachman will be fine, thank you.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Yes miss Bingley, immediately miss Bingley. *vanishes round edge of house and hurridly
dons the outfit of a coachman before driving a carriage to where Caroline stood waiting*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*hops into carriage and urges driver to go as fast as possible away from Darcy*

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
*pulls up outside Collins residence and opens door so Miss Bingley can descend*
WE have arrived, madame.

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Thank you, driver. THere is no need for you to remain.

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
Very good madame. I will go round to the back and speak with mrs Collins.

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings
joined the chat

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
*departs around side of house*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Mr COllins, my love! *rushes into his arms*

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings
Caroline!!!

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Oh, my darling, I have missed you so much! How long we have been apart!

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

How does the day find you my dear?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Oh, that terrible Mr Darcy has been following me everwhere. I suppose I have to put up with
him as he brought me here, but...

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

Too long to count. Have you met the wonderful most amazing and condescending and kind
and understanding Lady Catherine?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
I have met Lady Catherine. Most charming, nothing like her nephew!

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings
Mr Darcy is annoying you? I shall right this wrong! *draws a fencing sword and trips on it* Oh
dear!

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
I'm sure it will not come to a fight. My dear, let us just enjoy the time we have together,
before your wife sees us.

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

Ah yes, Lady Catherine *swoons off into fantasy land*

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

My wife, Lady Cath - oops, I believe I should shut up now

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*in tears* Mr COllins, if you wanted Lady Catherine you should not have led me on so! You
are breaking my poor heart!

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

My dear Caroline I am so sorry!

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Kiss me then, William, make it all better!

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

Of course love! *smooch*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*smooch*

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
What, miss ingley, did I hear you...... MISS BINGLEY! *outraged accents
for the last bit*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
Mr DARCY???

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

Oh, sir! WHatever are you doing here?

F.Darcy Deserately_in_love@Beloved.com
MR. Collins!
No, this is to much for me....I....I can take no more....this has...this has just ruined me.
*leaves the scene running*

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*shrugs*
After all, it's just Mr Darcy. I can always walk back to ROsings.

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

*runs after Darcy but starts puffing* SIR!!! *puff* I *puff* HAVE A
*puff* LETTER *puff* FOR *puff* YOU! *puff puff puff*

F.Darcy awake@reality.com
*snort*
Oh my word! *Darcy jerks upright in his seat, gasping for air*
What a HORRIBLE DREAM!!!!! Would I chase miss Bingley like that?

Caroline Bingley noseup@in.the.air.com
*pokes head out from covers next to Darcy*
But, my darling FItie pie, it wasn't a dream!

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

*bursts into Darcy's room in Rosings* Sir! I *puff* have *puff* a *puff*
letter *puff* for you!

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

*skids to a halt* Miss Bingley

F.Darcy awake@reality.com
AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! *runs screaming from the back porch

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings
*runs after him waving letter with Longbourn seal on it* SIR! YOUR LETTER!

THE END

Mr William Collins hunsfordParsonage@Kent.near.Rosings

*collapses on ground exhausted after running ten meters**