Jump to new as of March 5, 2000
This story is a cross-over with the movie "The Princess Bride".
Chapter 1
Somewhere in Europe...
Maybe in the medieval times...
Once upon a time, a young girl with beautiful dark curls and fine eyes lived on a farm. Her name was Elizabeth Bennett. This farm was primitive, but she had all the necessities, being taken care of upon the death of her beloved father. Elizabeth was twenty and too smart for her own good. Her favorite things to do on this farm were her daily ride and tormenting the farm boy who worked for her. Being of a poor nature, this boy by the name of William Darcy, withstood all of this torment. Whenever Elizabeth would demand something extraordinary from him, he would simply reply, "As you wish." Elizabeth was puzzled, if not completely put off by William's behavior. It did not matter, she conceded, as long as things got done. However, as the months passed, Elizabeth began to notice what a handsome man William was. She also began to notice her reaction to him whenever he was around. Elizabeth then took to watching him chop wood when she was in the kitchen.
One day he caught her watching, so to save her pride, she demanded, "Farm boy, fetch me some water in this pitcher."
When he came forward to retrieve it, he was ever so close to Elizabeth.
"As you wish." He told her and smiled slightly. When he left, Elizabeth sank into the nearby chair, her hand on her heart.
When he returned, Elizabeth was composed and instantly demanded, "Fetch some firewood, I am running low and if you want supper..."
"As you wish." He told her, coming close, and throwing Elizabeth off guard. He then leaned forward and kissed her. Elizabeth was immediately gone.
Chapter 2a
And the quirkiness continues...
Nearly a month later, William decided that he must leave for the sea if they ever were to marry. Elizabeth begged him to stay.
"We will work out something...my father's fortune..."
"Is almost gone," William interrupted smoothly.
"Then we will plant crops or something I will go to work."
"No," William declared, "you will not be faced with work. I will not have it. It is my position to make sure you are provided for and if it means I have to go to sea---then do be it."
"What if I never see you again?" Elizabeth asked softly.
"You will, my love, for I will live for you. And when I return we shall move away from here and live happily ever after."
Unfortunately, it did not work out that way. Six months after William's departure, Elizabeth found out that his ship had been attacked by the Dread Pirate Harvell and there were no survivors. Elizabeth was devastated, so she locked herself away and declared, "I will never love again."
Chapter 2b
In a kingdom not so far away...lived Prince Wickam, who thought himself the very best man alive(based on the fact that he could ride and hunt, of course). His father, the King was growing ill in his old age, and Wickam knew that time had come for him to marry. He had heard of a girl of unsurpassed beauty who lived on a farm outside of his royal castle. Naturally, the thought of his future wife living on a farm was distasteful, but if she were beautiful, semi-intelligent, and could garner the loyalty of his subjects, then she would be perfect.
He sent his faithful follower, Count Eliot to spy on this lovely young lass. His reports were glowing, so the Prince had her sent for. Elizabeth was not happy about this, but since she was to come by royal decree, she could not refuse. When she appeared before Prince Wickam, she was not impressed. He, however, thought the reports had not done her justice and immediately asked her to be his wife. Elizabeth was so dumbstruck that she barely knew what had happened until she was shown her room in the castle. She was not happy about this turn of events, but whatever was forced upon her, her heart would be true to William. Her only solace during this troubling time was her daily ride. She became quite expert at learning the trails about the royal grounds.
One day, as she raced about the woods, she had to rein in suddenly to avoid three men, one them extremely large. She looked at them uncertainly until the smaller and more greasier on the three spoke.
"A word, my lady. We are but three poor circus performers looking for work. Can you give a direction."
"I am afraid, I cannot, for there is nothing around for miles."
The larger one became to creep upon Elizabeth as their leader said, "Then there will be no one to hear you scream..."
Elizabeth's world then went black.
Chapter 3 ~ The High Seas
When Elizabeth awoke sometime later, the first thing that registered in her mind was that she was no longer on solid ground. She lay still for a moment trying to recall what had taken place. When the realization dawned upon her, her eyes flew open and sat up immediately. Elizabeth was confronted with the three men, who were staring at her warily.
"Who are you? You know that you will be hanged for my abduction---my fiancé is Prince Wickam."
The shorter man, the leader, laughed sardonically. "I am not afraid of your prince!"
"He is not my prince!" ELizabeth replied stubbornly.
"Whatever you problems they are not mine. You had better hope that your prince is fond of you. We are asking quite a hefty ransom."
The other two laughed heartily, but were quickly silenced by the leader. Elizabeth looked at his two henchmen with concealed curiosity. The big man, was a giant, of foreign decent obviously. The other, was tall, but tiny in comparison to his companion. He looked to be Spanish, or at least what she thought was, for she had never seen a Spaniard.
"Who are you?" Elizabeth repeated firmly, undaunted by the fact that these could kill her. It would be welcome--no Wickam, and she could be with William.
"I am Collinso, and these are my men. The Spaniard is Frederico Montoya, the giant is Bennik." The men peered back her in almost a comical fashion. Elizabeth knew that she had not much to fear from those two, for they looked daft.
"Where are you taking me?" She inquired.
"Why would I tell you? Do you take me for a fool?"
Elizabeth's only answer was to roll her eyes and shift her position. She then became aware of the fact that her hands were tied. "Can I get these taken off? It is not like I can go anywhere."
"No," Collinso replied angrily, "not until supper. And stop asking questions before I gag you!"
Montoya and Bennik laughed and moved to the stern. Collinso watched Elizabeth to make sure she would stay quiet. Elizabeth sat, sullen, her mind processing what she could do. If she got away, she would be free from the Prince, as well as these fools. All the thinking caused her mind to grow fuzzy and before she knew it, she had drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 4
When Elizabeth awoke, night had befallen the tiny sailing vessel. Her abductors had contained a small fire on board the ship, and they were roasting something foul smelling.
"She awake." Frederico said solemnly.
"So Sleeping Beauty has finally decided to join us." Collinso said in his high pitch whine. Elizabeth did not reply, for she was in a bad mood. "Of course, you have been abducted..."
"Why is she so quiet?" Bennik asked, his face drawing a blank.
"Women are strange creatures." Frederico replied, taking a bite out of his supper. Bennik shrugged his shoulders, not wanting to know the intricacies of the female mind. "Would you like so supper." Frederico asked, in a most solicitous manner that surprised and confused Elizabeth.
"Must be that Spanish charm...." She thought, and shook her head in the negative.
"You should eat something, you know, you might a--waste away or something..." Frederico rejoined her silent reply, and then laughed.
"Stop laughing you fool! You never know who might be out..."
"On the water?!" Frederico questioned and stood. He strode to the helm and watched the dark sea. His face contorted in surprise and he pointed wordlessly.
"What!!" Collinso cried, jumping to his feet. "There is someone..."
Frederico told him, pointing to a small skiff. Collinso squinted and laughed nervously.
"Its just a fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise at night, in eel-infested waters..."
During this exchange, Elizabeth managed to rise without anyone noticing her. If she could get to that skiff...she quickly, and without thought, jumped from the boat into the rather brisk water. In fact, the temperature took her breath away, as she swam to the surface, and pushed her hair from her face.
"Oh you have done it now...." She heard Collinso cry aloud. "Taking a swim at this time of night, cannot be beneficial, especially when there are eels about..." Elizabeth gasped as she felt the offending creatures brush against her leg. She stopped herself from crying out. "You hear the shrieks....they are the shrieking eels...just wait. They always groan louder when there about to feed on human flesh." One of the eels came straight at her. Oh God...please help...!
Just as it opened its mouth to bite her, it received a club to its head, and Elizabeth was dragged from the water, sputtering and choking.
"You see that you cannot best me!" Collinso yelled as she lay sopping on the deck. Elizabeth only stared, and moved away from him. She WOULD best him if it was the last thing she ever did.
Chapter 5 Posted on Tuesday, 14 December 1999
When the nest morning dawned, Elizabeth awoke very cold and very rumpled. A few minutes spent running her fingers through her dark curls warranted nothing. Some dry bread was thrown in her direction by Collinso, but Lizzie stared at it blankly. She would not reduce herself to accepting that man's charity. Frederico passed her on his way to the wheel, and stopped.
"Good morning, Miss Princess. Did you enjoy your swim?" Elizabeth did not respond, but Bennik, Frederico's constant companion, laughed.
"If it weren't for me she would be fish food."
"You flatter yourself, Mr. Bennik." Elizabeth said testily. A puzzled look came across his face, and Elizabeth realized that he did not even notice when he was being insulted.
"Ahh...Miss Princess, do not be so testy with Bennik. He is a good-natured fellow." Lizzie just turned away from the two and messed with the hem of her dress. It was fraying.
"Look!" Cried Collinso from his perch on the top deck, "The Cliffs of Insanity!!" Both Frederico and Bennik raced to their leader's side.
"Do you not think it foolish to land with the man in the boat following us?" Frederico asked. Collinso's excited face turned sour and frowned deeply.
"You fool! He is the fool! He cannot stop me, I'm invincible! So hurry and secure the boat." He pointed to large sandbar that fronted the cliffs and Frederico moved to obey. Bennik followed his friend and they both made preparations to land the boat. "Hurry, hurry, hurry!" Collinos yelled in his whiny voice. The boat hit the sandbar and Elizabeth was thrown from her position. Collinso jumped from the side and Bennik followed him.
"Get the girl!" Collinso yelled to Frederico, who moved to Elizabeth's side.
"This is it, Miss Princess, time to leave." He took her hands and secured them again, much to Lizzie's chagrin. Frederico lead her off the boat, and he took extra pains not to throw her to the ground. Elizabeth, despite her refusal to accept their kindness, was heartened. They met Collinso and Bennik at the foot of the cliffs. A rope lead up the two hundred feet to the top. A harness lay in wait to carry them to their destination.
"Up?! We are going up?!" Elizabeth exclaimed upon sighting the contraption.
"Yes, so hold still!" Collinos demanded as Bennik took her in hand. Elizabeth shut her eyes and refused to help Bennik along. She finally opened her eyes when she felt them leave the ground. She then realized that she was sandwiched between Collinso and Frederico, and Bennik was pulling their enormous weight. She could not look down, so she shut her eyes again. Slowly, inch by inch, they made their way up. Up...up...up...
"We are almost there1" Collinso exclaimed, but then frowned. "That man, he's following us!"
"He's masked, why is he wearing a mask?" Frederico pondered beside Lizzie. Could it be that this man would save her?
Chapter 6 Posted on Sunday, 19 December 1999
Elizabeth gritted her teeth as Bennik pulled them upon the ledge of the cliffs. Lizzie was thrown onto a cluster of boulders and Collinso demanded to Bennik, "Give me your knife!" Bennik clumsily handed over the item, and Collinso began to cut the rope.
"But the man," Elizabeth cried, realizing his intent. So much for her savior...Collinso laughed with delight as the rope frayed and pulled apart, it soon disappeared over the edge. Collinso stood, a self-satisfied look on his face. Frederico ambled over to the ledge and looked down, Collinso soon followed.
"Unbelievable..." Frederico breathed upon spotting the man clinging to the rocks.
"He didn't fall...! Inconceivable!" Collinso cried, and stalked away. "You come on," He said, jerking Elizabeth to her feet.
"What are you doing?" Frederico demanded, "this isn't part of the plan!"
"The 'plan' does not concern you!" Collinso spat, and motioned Bennik to his side. "When the man in black climbs over, which I am sure he won't, kill him, and then join us. I am taking the twit and Bennik, he's my strength."
"And I am your sword," Frederico said in a disgusted fashion, wondering why he was involved with a devious and irritating fellow. Collinso started off as fast as his rotundity would allow him, pulling Elizabeth along, and Bennik following at the rear. Frederico paced a moment before walking to the edge.
"Hello, there." He called in a friendly manner, to the man below.
"Hello," the man grunted back. "Do you think you could speed things up, since I am waiting to kill you."
"That's very kind of you, its a real incentive" The man replied, securing his foot on a higher rock.
"Well I'm sorry. Would like me to leave you alone?" Frederico asked solicitously.
"Well it might help me."
"Sorry." Frederico moved back and withdrew his sword. He practiced a few moves, a warm-up of sorts. He sheathed the sword and made his way back to the ledge. "Still no head way..."
"What do you think, rock climbing isn't something I excel at." The man replied, his foot slipping momentarily. He regained his footing and Frederico asked,
"Well I have some rope up here, but I am only waiting to kill you."
"Well that certainly puts a damper on our relationship."
"Well it would speed things up." Frederico said logically.
"Well it's a matter of trust. How do I know that you won't drop the rope when I latch onto it?"
"Where's the challenge in that? I swear upon my honor as a Spaniard."
"No good!" The man grunted, his foot slipping again, "I've known too many Spaniards."
"So what can I do to win your trust?" Frederico asked, genuinely wanting to get this over with.
"Nothing comes to mind..."
"I swear in the sword of my dead father, Amingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive." Frederico said seriously. The man pondered for a moment before saying,
"Throw me the rope."
Chapter 7 Posted on Monday, 20 December 1999
The man in black latched onto the rope, and began climbing up the cliffs. Frederico pulled with all his might until the man made onto the ledge. He came to his feet and began walking towards the cluster of boulders that Elizabeth had so recently occupied.
"Wait--Whoa!" Frederico said in alarm and blocked the man's path.
"Thank you," the man replied, and began moving again. Frederico followed him and blocked his path again.
"And again I say 'thank you'." This time the man nudged Frederico out of the way and perched himself on the boulders. Frederico stared at him in suspicion as the man took off his boots and emptied the rocks from their confines.
"You wouldn't happen to have six fingers on your left hand?" Frederico asked suddenly. The man looked at him oddly and replied,
"Do you always start conversations in this manner?"
"No--no, my father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man." The man dropped his boot and stared at Frederico in amazement.
"My father was a sword-maker. The six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword; my father took the job. When the man re-appeared on Monday, he refused to pay and still demanded the sword. My father refused and without a word the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart."
"How old were you?" The man in black questioned.
"I was eleven...years old. I wanted to defend my father's honor in a duel, but the six-fingered man refused. But he gave me this," Frederico indicated the two inch scars on both his cheeks. "He disappeared, but I wanted revenge, so I dedicated my life to learning the art. So when I find him, I will say, 'Hello, my name is Frederico Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.'" The man in black allowed his brows to raise in amazement and stood.
"Well I certainly hope you find him."
"I've been searching for twenty years until I took a job with Collinso." The man pondered this.
"You're a worthy opponent, I hate to kill you."
"Yes, I hate to die." Both men unsheathed their swords and took their marks.
"Begin." Frederico said, completely serious now. They stared each other down before Frederico lunged at the man. The man easily deflected this move and then went on the offensive. He easily sliced at Frederico and they began to dance around. All through the boulders they moved, parrying and deflecting the blows.
"You are very good," Frederico grunted.
"I should be, I've practiced a long time."
"But I still have the upper hand."
"How so?" The man asked.
"Because I know something you don't know. I am doubled handed." Frederico said triumphantly and switched his sword to his left hand.
"I know something you should know," the man replied.
"What?"
"I am not left handed either." He then changed hands as well. They ranged up a set of steps carved from the rocks and Frederico cornered the man against a wall. The battle began to be a test of strength and the man eventually gained his freedom. He easily twirled his sword in the air and managed to flick the sword from Frederico's grasp. It landed in a patch of grass below. Frederico looked stunned for a moment and then opted to swing from a nearby tree branch. He landed with a thud and grabbed for his sword. The man in black smirked and flipped his sword down to the same patch of grass. He then ran and grabbed the branch, swinging from it and executing a perfect flip in the air. He landed perfectly and took his sword in hand.
"Who are you?" Frederico asked, completely confused.
"No one of consequence." Frederico accepted this answer and the battle began again. They fought until their arms screamed at them, and Frederico became frustrated because he had met his match. He took his sword in both hands and began to throw out wild blows, which the man dodged. The man in black then knocked the sword from Frederico's grasp. Frederico fell to his knees, and said,
"Kill me quickly."
The man contemplated this before saying, "There would be no point." He then hit Frederico over the head with is sword hilt. Frederico slid to the ground, unconscious. The man in black stared at his handy work and then ran off into the gathering dusk.
Chapter 8 Posted on Sunday, 16 January 2000
"No!!! This can't be happening!" Collinso cried and began to jump up and down. The assembled group had stopped at a massive grouping of boulders, which provided a clear view of the cliff below.
"What can be the matter?" Bennik asked dumbly.
"That stupid man had beaten Frederico. Arghh!!!"
Bennik scratched his head for a moment and then asked, "What do you want me to do about it?"
"Finish him, finish him, your way!" Collinso cried and began to tug Elizabeth up the hill.
"Oh good, my way. Thank you, Collinso." He paused for a moment before saying, "Which way is my way?" Collinso turned around, completely exasperated.
"Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder, and in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend. As soon as his head is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!!" Collinso cried angrily and pulled Elizabeth up the hill.
Bennik looked at his departing boss and said softly, "My way is more sportsmanlike." However, nothing else came to Bennik's mind and he moved to do his master's beckoning.
Half an hour passed before the man in black came running. Bennik held his breath, aimed, and hurled the rock. The man ducked and withdrew his sword as the rock busted into a million pieces on the opposite wall. Bennik came around the boulder and laughed. "You are good. I heard that you beat Frederico."
"It was not hard, his ego preceded him."
"I've been waiting around to kill you." Bennik said, completely ignoring the other's comment.
"That is obvious. You missed however, so that means I get to go on." The man replied confidently.
"No..." Bennik said in a puzzled manner. "I have to kill you or Collinso will kill me."
"Really? So how do you propose to kill me?"
"Man to man combat."
"So if you put down your rock and I put down my sword, then we will try to kill each other like civilized people?" Bennik scratched his head and then nodded. "Do I have your word on that?" The man asked, lowering his sword to the ground.
"I have nothing else." Bennik replied, dropping his rock.
"I guess I will have to be content with that." The man in black replied and went on the offensive. He ran and threw himself head long at the giant. Bennik dodged him and then grabbed for his opponent's neck. The man eluded him and went on the defensive.
"You're quick." Bennik observed, moving in a circle.
"Yes, I think that is my only advantage."
"Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned with acid or something like that?"
"No. I find them frighteningly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future." Bennik laughed and the man took advantage of his opponent's distraction. Launching himself in the air, he landed on Bennik's back. Bennik had the air knocked from him and desperately reached for the man who had latched his arms around Bennik's neck.
"This really isn't fair, you use different moves..." Bennik threw himself against the rock wall, knocking the air out of the man, but the man grip did not loosen. "Also different fighting techniques, I can't keep up..." Bennik coughed, choking for air and falling on some rocks unconscious. The man got up and strained to roll Bennik over. He listened for a heart beat and was satisfied when he heard one.
"I will not envy you the headache you will have when you wake, but until then sleep well and dream of very large women." With those words, the man in black disappeared into the sunset.
The man in black ran up the hill and faced his final adversary down. Collinso sat at a large rock shaped like a table top. A bottle of wine and two goblets at upon it. Elizabeth sat next to him, blindfolded.
"Nice of you to join us." Collinso sneered as the man drew closer.
"Let me explain..." The man tried to say.
"There is nothing to explain. You want to take what I have rightfully stolen. And every step you take, you are killing her." Collinso accentuated his threat by putting a knife to Elizabeth's throat. Lizzy sucked in her breath.
"Well then, there is nothing to do." The man said finally. "I challenge you to a battle of wits."
Collinso looked at him carefully, contemplating his contender's words.
"To the death?"
The man in black nodded.
"I accept."
"Good. Then pour the wine." Collinso chuckled and moved to comply. The man sat down opposite to Collinso and withdrew a vial.
"Iocane powder. Breath, but do not touch." The man offered the vial to Collinso.
"I smell nothing."
"Exactly. It is odorless, tasteless, and among the more deadlier poisons."
Collinos nodded in appreciation.
"The battle begins when I pour the powder into one of these goblets. You choose and we both drink. Then we will find out who is right and who is dead." Quietness descended as the man took up the goblets and turned his back. Collinso could tell that he was putting in the powder and watched him carefully. The man turned back around, presenting the goblets. He switched them around three times before setting them on the table.
"The battle of wits has begun."
Collinso just stared at him and laughed.
"Choose your glass." The man said in a calm voice.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do that." Collinso said with a smile. The man remained quiet, but expected an explanation.
"I cannot choose because I don't what kind of man you are. Are you the man who would put the poisoned drink in his own goblet or his enemy's? Without that knowledge I cannot choose."
"You are stalling." The man replied.
"Not remotely. It is simple logic when considering such an option. I cannot choose the wine in front of me because classically it will contain the poison. However, I cannot choose the wine in front of you because I don't know your character, rendering it a risk to do so."
"You are just trying to confuse me. It won't work."
"It has worked, it always does."
"Then make your choice." The man said, trying to remain calm.
"I can't."
"Then you don't choose?"
"No, of course I will choose."
"You won't choose because you don't know."
"Of course I know, I know everything!"
"Then choose!!"
"I will, and I choose--what in the world is that thing?"
The man in black turned around. "What, where?"
Collinso acted quickly and switched the goblets around.
"I see nothing." The man said, turning back around.
"Well, I could have sworn.... Oh well, I have made my decision. I will drink from my goblet and you from yours." The man in black assented and took up his goblet, as did Collinso. They drank and then waited. The man in black smiled and said, "You guessed wrong."
Collinso was laughing out aloud by now and he cried, "You only think I guessed wrong and that's what's so funny! I switched goblets when your back was turned. Ha! Ha! You fool! You fell for one of the classic blunders. The first being never get into a land war in Asia. The second more lesser known is this---never challenge a Sicilian when death is on the line--Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha---" Collinso fell onto the ground dead.
The man in black hurried around and untied Elizabeth's mask. She looked at him surprised and then looked at Collinso, his face still smiled in death.
"I was sure it was your cup that was poisoned."
"They were both poisoned. I spent a year building up an immunity to iocane powder." The man explained and then smiled.
Elizabeth stared at him, a mixture of confusion and awe on her face. The man grabbed her hand and began to run down the path.