Beginning, Previous Section, Section III, Next Section
Chapter 13
Apart from Darcy's pause on the road, they arrived in London with no other incident. Mr. Darcy invited them all to stay at his townhouse.
He saw a face at the window. As soon as he looked up, the face disappeared. Darcy saw it again coming down the stairs, covered in a large smile.
"Brother dear!" cried Georgiana. She looked as if she wanted to leap into his arms but then saw Miss Bingley and Mr. and Mrs. Hurst behind her and restrained herself.
"It is nice to see you all," said Georgiana shyly. "What brings you here?"
"Many things, Georgiana," replied her brother. "Would you go and arrange rooms for our guests, please?" He smiled at her.
"Oh, yes, of course." Georgiana quickly left to find the housekeeper.
Darcy turned his attention to the manservants unloading the large amount of luggage his guests had brought with them.
Darcy began to regret his invitation when he saw Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst whispering to each other and pointing out various rooms and discussing them. When they weren't discussing his house from top to bottom, they were constantly praising it to the skies.
He saw Miss Bingley closely scrutinising the drapes in the drawing room when he approached her. Does she look upon this house as her own, or does she see a fault in them?
"Miss Bingley."
The lady in question jumped up and turned to face him. "Where is Bingley staying in London?
After a moments recollection, Miss Bingley told him. Darcy thanked her and said that he would go there to fetch Mr. Bingley and bring him to stay at his townhouse.
Darcy found Bingley in his room at the Mayfair. A few minutes was all it took to invite his friend to leave and stay with his friends and family. Ten minutes later found the two in the carriage on their way home.
"So what brings you to London, Darcy?" asked his friend. "Is there something amiss with Netherfield? I expected to return to Hertfordshire in three days."
"No, no there is nothing the matter with Netherfield."
"Then what brings you here?"
The carriage rolled to a stop at it's destination and Darcy was spared from bringing up the topic of Bingley's marriage plans at the wrong time. He ordered the servants to bring the luggage to the rooms prepared.
They could hear murmurs of conversation from the drawing room. The two friends entered and Darcy went to his sister's side. Georgiana looked to see who their new visitor was and smiled.
"Charles."
Bingley kissed her hand and greeted her like the old friend she was. Darcy failed to notice the pleased look on Miss Bingley's face when she watched her brother and Georgiana.
A topic of conversation was introduced that went on for some minutes but Darcy knew he could not put off his talk with Bingley any longer.
He took a deep breath before he took the plunge of doing something that will hurt his friend badly, but would hopefully be for the best.
"Bingley, I need to speak to you on a matter of urgency. Will you join me in the library?"
His friend looked confused, but followed Darcy. He opened the door to let Bingley through. He looked back and gave a nod to Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst who were watching from the shadows.
Bingley stood in the middle of the room, an apprehensive look on his face. Darcy closed the door and waved him towards a chair. He himself remained standing, but soon began to walk around the room, unsure of how to begin. He could see that Bingley was beginning to worry, so he decided to be frank.
"Bingley my friend, how serious are you in your attachment towards Miss Jane Bennet?"
He was rewarded with a large smile
"Is that all you wanted to speak to me about? Well, I can assure you I am actually quite serious."
"Enough to make her a proposal of marriage?"
Bingley blushed but answered in the affirmative. To cover his embarrassment, he dug into his pocket and pulled out a small box. It was promptly opened and Bingley asked for Darcy's opinion.
Darcy stared at the ring. His worst fears were confirmed.
"If you did marry Miss Bennet, do you know what the you will be letting yourself in for?"
"I cannot think of what you could mean," said Bingley, rather annoyed.
"Think, man! The inferiority of her connections, the lack of propriety of her family! Can you afford to ignore them?"
Bingley half-rose from his seat. "Yes, I can!"
"No, you cannot!" Darcy calmed himself. "A man of your position cannot afford to . . . . degrade himself with such a woman, as beautiful and agreeable as she is. Her relatives - an uncle in trade in Meryton and another who lives in Cheapside."
"I do not care," said Bingley stubbornly.
"Her family! Did you not see their shocking behaviour at your own ball? In your own house!"
Bingley was silent.
"The mother, crying to the world about how a match between you and her daughter would 'throw the girls into the paths of other rich men'! The third sister, not knowing when to stop, when enough was enough. And the two youngest, chasing after the officers, flirting with them with not a single thought as to how they were exposing themselves."
"I do not care!" said Bingley. He did not look at his friend. "I love Jane and she loves me - "
"Are you sure?"
Bingley stopped and looked at Darcy.
"What do you mean?"
"In the whole of your acquaintance with her, has she ever told you that she loved you?"
"Yes! Well . . . to be specific . . . no. It was every day implied but never actually . . . said."
"I am sorry, Charles, but I must tell you. I believe that Jane does not return your affections."
"A - are you certain?"
"She has never said such to your sisters. I myself am convinced of it. I have watched her, Charles and I believe her regard for you is no more than maybe brotherly affection."
Bingley looked away, Darcy's words finally making sense to him.
"I know you care for her a great deal, my friend," said Darcy gently. "But I do not wish to see you throwing you life away on a woman who does not love you. Would you subject her to that? To be locked in a loveless marriage?"
"No . . . . "
Darcy felt extremely guilty as he saw tears welling up in his friend's eyes. But he knew what he said was true. Bingley had to know the truth.
But the truth hurt.
They stood there in silence for a while. Darcy watched sadly as his friend looked at the ring which before had held such joy for him but now held broken dreams. He could find no way to comfort him.
"I - I am sorry, Charles."
He turned and walked out of the room, leaving Bingley alone in the library.
He closed the door, to give Bingley the privacy to shed his tears. He saw Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst, waiting outside to hear the result. The unspoken question was clear. Darcy did not answer but nodded his head. Then he walked away from them to his study.
Darcy sat in his chair and leaned his head back. It was done. It was difficult but it was done. It had hurt him greatly to cause pain to his friend but it was necessary.
Darcy had done the best for his friend.
But if it was for the best, then why did it hurt so much?
Chapter 14
Bingley remained alone in the library for most of the afternoon, but roused himself enough to join them at dinner. Darcy saw that melancholy had replaced his friend's usual cheerfulness and for once, attempted to hold a conversation with his guests. He was careful to keep the topics away from Hertfordshire, Netherfield and marriage.
After dinner, Georgiana was prevailed on to play for them, but she was shy and declined to. Though Darcy was eager to hear how his sister fared with her music, he did not push her. Georgiana's shyness was beginning to become almost irritating, but he could think of no way to bring her out of her shell.
They all tried to distract Bingley, including him in their conversations, asking for his opinion. But Bingley merely replied or didn't even answer at times until the question was repeated. He soon excused himself and retired for the night, though it was still quite early. His sisters and brother-in-law followed suit and left Darcy alone with Georgiana.
Only now, in their privacy would Darcy embrace his sister. She laughed into his jacket and kissed him.
"It has been so long!" she whispered. "Though you did write often it is not the same as actually seeing you."
"I know, dearest," he replied. He kissed her then held her at arm's length.
"I do believe you have grown taller. You look more and more like Mother every day."
She blushed at the compliment.
"So, brother, how was Hertfordshire? Did you grow tired of Sir William? Did you meet any nice ladies? Will you return there, and if so, may I accompany you?"
Darcy laughed at the barrage of questions and sat down.
"Hertfordshire was quite pleasant, but I still believe Pemberley and Derbyshire are the dearest places in the world. The people I would say that I learnt to tolerate them after some weeks." Wanting to forget the place - and a certain inhabitant - he changed the subject and inquired after Georgiana's studies and her companion, Mrs. Annesley.
"I like her a great deal. She is firm, but kind and praises me generously though I do not deserve it. And - I believe she can be trusted," she added, looking at him.
Does she still blame herself for the incident at Ramsgate? It is more my fault than hers; I should have told her of Wickham's misconduct - she should not have to bear this guilt.
"Georgiana, I do hope you are no longer blaming yourself for that incident. He is a cunning wretch and is an adept in deceit. It is not your fault you were taken in; you should no longer blame yourself."
"I no longer do - but the memory is still uncomfortable."
"I am glad to hear it. Worry not - we shall never see or hear from him again."
Darcy had decided that telling her of his meeting with Wickham would do more harm than good, and it was of no importance if Georgiana did know he had seen Wickham in Hertfordshire.
They fell silent for a while, until Georgiana asked,
"Why is Charles so melancholy? He was such a pleasant, cheerful man when I saw him last. Did something terrible happen in Hertfordshire?"
Darcy started at this, unsure of what to tell her.
"Will you forgive me if I say that I will tell you at a later date, Georgiana?"
"Oh, well, yes."
He wanted to confide in her, but while he believed - no, knew - that his persuading Bingley of Jane's indifference was in his best interests, he feared that Georgiana would not share his opinion.
"Was Miss Elizabeth Bennet well when you saw her last?"
The sudden change of conversation to the lady Darcy was attempting to forget found him at a loss for words.
"She . . . she was . . . . quite well. I last saw her at the ball Bingley held two days ago. Yes, I believe she was very well indeed."
"You saw her at a ball?" said Georgiana. "I hope you asked her for at least one dance - you letters always mentioned her somewhere I conclude that you have enough interest in her to ask her to dance with you."
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did." He tried to drop the subject but Georgiana would not let him.
"That is wonderful! I wish I could meet her - you said last that you admired her and regarded her quite highly."
"I wish that you will." The chance to speak about Elizabeth was too tempting to ignore. "She is a lovely young woman with dark hair and beautiful eyes - her eyes are always sparkling, full of life. She is independent, intelligent and has a lively personality . . . ." He trailed off as he envisioned her as he saw her last, but when Georgiana laughed at his expression he came back to his senses.
"Are you in love, brother?"
"No, no, of course not!" he replied hastily. "I merely find her to be a lovely and charming woman."
"When will you see her again?"
Darcy had come to London to convince Bingley not to marry Jane and to forget Elizabeth, and returning to that neighbourhood would not help either objective.
"I don't know, but I believe it will not be for a long time. Possibly never again."
"Oh," said Georgiana, disappointed.
"I do not think Bingley has any intention to return to Netherfield. It is a possibility that he might even sell it, but that is yet to be confirmed."
Which was probably true. Seeing Bingley at dinner so withdrawn and unhappy, Darcy thought it was unlikely his friend would wish to return to Netherfield.
"Oh. Then it would not be right for me to ask if I could see Netherfield."
"No. And it is late so you, little sister, must be going to bed."
Georgiana took his advice and left. Darcy sat there for a little while longer before taking his own advice.
They settled in relatively quickly. There was hardly ever a dull moment - visits to friends, business to attend to, but whatever the activity, Bingley lost none of his melancholy. Whenever they proposed a visit to the theatre or the opera, Bingley would go without protest. Usually he did not have the patience for such things and before had usually made a show of not wanting to go. Now he attended these without complaint.
There were visits to friends and balls to attend. Darcy usually did not enjoy balls, but went to see if Bingley would improve in the company of others. It was not so. Bingley did talk to young ladies but was nothing more than polite. He rarely danced, only if Darcy or his sisters prevailed upon him to do so.
Darcy had hoped that Bingley's attachment to Jane Bennet was like his former attachments - short-lived and soon forgotten. But it was not so. Sometimes he caught Bingley in unguarded moments, where he observed Bingley fiddling with the ring he had bought. When he realised he was being watched, Bingley quickly put the ring back in his pocket.
"Do you hate me Bingley, for telling you?" he asked his friend one day when they were alone.
"Wh - ? Oh, no, of course not, Darcy! I could never hate you . . . "
And that was all he would say.
But Darcy had his own problems to deal with. For some reason, the memory of Elizabeth would not leave him alone. If he was idling his time away with a book, he would suddenly find himself wondering what Elizabeth was doing. He checked the papers everyday but he did not find an announcement proclaiming the engagement of Mr. William Collins, clergyman to Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourn.
Then one morning he found it.
It was long but all he needed were the names.
Mr. William Collins to Miss Charlotte Lucas of Lucas Lodge.
Darcy stared at the announcement, not knowing what to think. Relief flooded through him. She was not married to that simpering clergyman! Then his mind took over and he wondered why he was relieved. It was not as if her matrimonial state meant anything to him.
Did it??
One day he was trying to keep his attention on his book and off Elizabeth when he heard someone leaving the house. There was the sound of shoes walking slowly down the hall. He went to the landing to see who it was.
He could not see her face, but he had spent a long time studying this lady so he knew instantly who it was.
Jane Bennet.
He stood there for some minutes, tapping his fingers.
Her presence in London was going to present a problem. Did she come to see Bingley's sisters or Bingley himself? Should he tell Bingley?
He decided against it - he did not think Bingley's interest in her had cooled enough for him to see her without some danger.
Darcy returned to the library, his book and his thoughts of Elizabeth.
Chapter 15
Christmas soon came. Darcy did not see Jane again, though he imagined she was staying in London, probably with her Cheapside relatives. Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst never brought up the topic of her visit, nor did Darcy.
The festive season brought more invitations to balls and parties. Darcy attended many, partly to cheer up his friend, partly to help Georgiana overcome her shyness. He had a moderate success with both.
All too soon, it was the new year. Darcy silently resolved to take batter care of Georgiana. But he also knew that there had to be an heir for his estate so he resolved to try and find himself a wife.
Darcy wanted above everything else to find someone who would love him - not for Pemberley or his connections or his ten thousand a year but for himself; a lady who would marry him even if he was a beggar. Unfortunately, such women were rare - he had never met such a woman and he wondered if they were just a product of his imagination. Darcy had encountered many Miss Bingleys in his twenty-seven years, all who had eyes on his estate and income and didn't care about how he felt. He was beginning to lose hope, and would probably soon resign himself to marrying his cousin Anne de Bourgh.
And so another year had come and gone. Bingley became more like his usual self, but there were still spells of melancholy; his sister would not lose hope on gaining his attentions.
Time moved on.
Darcy's cousin came to London in February. He was very glad to see him - Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam was full of good humour and was not above teasing his more taciturn relative.
"Darcy! How was your visit to Hertfordshire? Did you meet any lovely young ladies?" were his first words to him.
Darcy laughed and poured the Colonel a glass of wine. They were all alone in the house - Georgiana had left to see her music master, Mr. and Mrs. Hurst and Bingley were out in town and Miss Bingley had left without telling anyone where she was going, but she did not look very happy about it.
"I met an inordinate number of young ladies, but there was only one who I deem worthy of the title 'lovely'."
"Oh? This is a new development? May I inquire as to who this maiden is?"
Darcy smiled at his cousin but mentally kicked himself for letting himself into this situation. But his cousin would not let him change the subject so he had no choice but to continue.
"She is Miss Elizabeth Bennet. She is the second eldest in a family of five daughters."
Fitzwilliam smiled. When Darcy did not continue, he said, "And - ?"
"And she is beautiful, fond of lively conversation, very accomplished for she plays and sings very well."
"As well as Georgiana?"
"Not quite, but she plays with such ease and with an unaffected manner she is pleasure to hear."
"This is quite a first! Admiration of a woman from you, Darcy? Are you in love?"
"Why does everyone think that? No, I am not."
"Well, Darcy, if that is the case why are you here in London? Why did you not stay at Netherfield and enjoy this lady's company?"
"Bingley was beginning to form an attachment to a young lady so we came to London to convince him the error of his choice."
Fitzwilliam was silent for a while.
"There were very strong objections to the woman, cousin," added Darcy upon seeing his cousin's face. "Her position, her connections, that sort of thing."
"And what was Bingley's response to this?"
"He did not take it well, but it was in his best interests. The marriage would have been most inconvenient for him."
"Oh . . "
They soon talked of lighter things. Darcy was grateful for this change. He did not want to be reminded of his talk with Bingley, or his friend's unhappiness.
"Don't forget - we have to visit Aunt Catherine in March."
"Oh no. The Annual Visit - when Aunt keeps dropping hints about Anne and me, hours of listening to her talk, no I have not forgotten."
"I feel sorry for you cousin. That is the advantage of being a younger son - you do not have the pressure to marry."
Darcy laughed.
"So when would you like to leave?"
"Late March - it will make the visit as short as possible."
"Yes, I agree. There is nothing to hold us there, is there."
"No, there isn't."
Chapter 16
Time passed slowly between Colonel Fitzwilliam's arrival (which was greeted with much enthusiasm by most) and the day Darcy and his cousin had to go to Rosings. During that time, Darcy found many distractions from the boredom the aristocracy usually experience.
The first was Bingley. He was quieter, more subdued though he was lively enough in smaller gatherings of his friends.
The second was Miss Bingley. No matter how politely he parried all her attempts to gain his attentions she still did not realise that Darcy had absolutely no interest in her apart from his best friend's relative.
His own sister was the third. Georgiana was still very shy in society, and though he was determined to overcome her shyness, he did not have the heart to push her. Colonel Fitzwilliam was also a distraction. His good-natured teasing was a welcome relieve - sometimes - from the politeness and respect everyone held for him, though Darcy sometimes did wish Fitzwilliam did have a bit more respect for him.
And last, but not least, was Elizabeth Bennet.
Unlike the others, he could not avoid this distraction. Wherever he went, whatever he did, she followed. It was rather pleasant; something to smile at in a time of little cheer. If he was reading, he saw her sitting in a chair near him curled up with one of his favourite works. At balls, he would imagine she was also there. She would dance with him and Darcy would experience that pleasant shock he remembered when their hands touched.
But after a while, it became slightly annoying.
Once he was fencing with Colonel Fitzwilliam. For some reason, he thought of his conversations with Elizabeth, which were like fencing match. Attack, parry, defend - it was very similar but with words instead of rapiers.
Suddenly the weapon was struck out of his hand and it clattered on the ground.
Fitzwilliam was looking at him curiously.
"Well, Darcy, that is quite unusual. You are never defeated after only two exchanges. Is there something on your mind?"
"No . . . nothing of importance."
"Do not deny it, cousin. What is it? Maybe it is your Elizabeth Bennet you are always telling me about. Hardly a day goes by in which you do not mention her at least once. Am I right?"
Baines interrupted them, asking them to clear the area for the next opponents. Darcy took advantage of this opportunity to escape the uncomfortable questions. He did not want to lie, but nor did he want to tell his cousin the truth.
Finally, on the morning of their departure, Darcy realised that his obsession with Elizabeth had crossed from irritating to disturbing.
He woke up that morning and lay in bed for some time, summoning up the strength to last through the visit. He groaned - there would be no one there except his aunt, his cousin and her companion. Actually, there would also be that simpering clergyman who lived nearby, the one who was Elizabeth's cousin.
With the thought of Elizabeth, he idly looked down to the empty space in the bed beside him. For a brief moment he imagined her lying there, her dark hair curling over her shoulders and a slight smile on her face as she peacefully slept.
With a feeling of shock and revulsion, Darcy got out of the bed and stormed across the room.
"Stay out of my mind!" he cried to the unfeeling walls.
What is wrong with me? he thought to himself. Why does she dominate my thought like this? I came to London to forget her and yet my thoughts are turned more frequently towards her!
Angry more at himself for his lack of control than at the lady herself, he flung himself into a chair and brooded.
Alerted by the noise, a servant opened the door and asked if his master required anything.
"No! Leave me!"
Terrified, the man left. Darcy listened to the footsteps rapidly disappearing and stared into the fireplace.
Some minutes later, there was a sharp knock on the door again.
"Who is it!" growled Darcy.
"It is I," said his cousin. Without ceremony the door was opened and the Colonel stepped inside.
"Darcy are you ill? Good Lord, you are not even dressed! We have to leave in half an hour if we are to reach Rosings in time."
Darcy did not answer.
"You cannot escape your duties, cousin. And you have a duty towards Lady Catherine. She is family."
Darcy sighed, feeling his duties settle over him like a leaden weight. Duty. He had a duty towards his family, a duty towards his estates, a duty towards Bingley and more. The list went on and on.
When can I do my duties towards myself?
He sighed.
"No, I have not forgotten." Darcy stood up and faced his cousin. "I shall join you downstairs in ten minutes."
Fitzwilliam nodded and left, closing the door.
Darcy reached for the clothes the valet had laid out for him.
Eight minutes later he was walking down the staircase towards the door. There he observed Bingley and his relations and Georgiana waiting on the steps to say their farewells. Fitzwilliam was directing the servants to place the luggage on the carriage.
Miss Bingley, with no surprise was the first to say her good-byes.
"Well, sir, so you are to spend some time with your relations? I wish you a safe journey."
"I thank you."
"And you will return soon? I know that I . . . we will be most unhappy without your company. And the Colonel's," she added hurriedly.
"I hope so."
Mr. and Mrs. Hurst merely wished him well; Bingley was the only who he knew he would miss apart from Georgiana. He promised his friend and his sister that he would write often and then the Colonel joined him in his farewells.
Time soon commanded that they begin the journey and so they entered the carriage and drove off to Kent.
Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam passed the time agreeably for most of the journey.
"Did I mention to you that Colonel Forster was in Hertfordshire?"
"No, you did not, Darcy," replied he. "How was he?"
"In excellent health. He has lately married - did you know that?"
"Old Rudolph Forster, married? That is a new development indeed! And how does matrimony suit him?"
"I think it does him very well." He paused. "Wickham has joined his regiment."
"Did he now! I wish Forster good luck with him. Heaven knows that man is a dirty scoundrel. I hope you managed well with Wickham in town."
"I think I did. I only saw him briefly - I was half-afraid he would attend a ball Bingley was holding, but he did not."
"It is good for him he did not. I know what you are capable of, Darcy, when you are terribly angry."
Darcy smiled grimly at his cousin.
"Yes."
There was silence for a while, then Darcy looked outside and wondered how long it was until Kent.
"I do not think it is much longer."
Darcy nodded and sat back in his seat.
Kent - even further away from Hertfordshire and its intriguing resident.
Maybe he could finally get her out of his mind.
Chapter 17
They arrived at Rosings in that afternoon. As they drove by the lodgings opening into a nearby lane, they observed a rather large man in a clergyman's clothes. They were unable to see his face, as it was hidden by the very deep bow the man was making.
"Who on earth is that fellow?" asked Colonel Fitzwilliam, "and what is he doing in that ridiculous position?"
Though the man's face was hidden, Darcy knew who it was.
"I believe that is Aunt Catherine's clergyman, a Mr. William Collins."
"Does he always behave like that to her?"
"I do not know. But we shall soon find out."
Ten minutes later found them sitting in the drawing room at Rosings with Lady Catherine, her daughter and her companion.
"It is wonderful to see you again, my dear nephews. We have missed you so much! Anne, especially has missed your company, Darcy," said Lady Catherine.
Darcy rolled his eyes, which Colonel Fitzwilliam saw. His cousin looked at him with sympathy.
"I am sure you have, aunt. What have you been doing with yourself in our absence?" said the Colonel, skillfully changing the subject.
"Oh, I have not been completely without company, Fitzwilliam," replied she, "Though they are not of our social standing, they are interesting enough. My clergyman has recently married. Her sister and friend have come to visit her and I invite them over quite often."
"Who did he marry?" asked Darcy, sure that it was the former Miss Charlotte Lucas.
"A Miss Lucas of Hertfordshire. Mr. Collins found her when he was visiting relations there. Mrs. Collins' father came to visit, a Sir William Lucas. He has left now, but her sister, Miss Maria Lucas and friend, Miss Elizabeth Bennet are to remain here for some time."
Darcy sat up straight and looked at his aunt.
"Who is Mrs. Collins' friend?" he asked abruptly.
"A Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I believe she is Mr. Collins' cousin as well."
Darcy heard nothing more, but got up and walked to the window. He stared at the grounds below. He sensed that Colonel Fitzwilliam was staring at him strangely but hardly noticed.
She is here?? his mind said disbelievingly. She is here, close to Rosings! She will be staying for some time and is not married??
His mind raced. He had to see her!
A servant entered and announced the arrival of Mr. Collins.
He had not changed since Darcy had last seen him. The man was still short, rather large and sweaty and his fawning had, if such a thing was possible, increased upon coming into the presence of his patroness.
"My lady, as soon as I knew that your wonderful relations had arrived, I immediately came to pay them my respects. Mr. Darcy, I am honoured to say, I have met before, in Hertfordshire. The excellent Colonel, I have not, but may I say that it gives me very great pleasure to see him."
The man bowed deeply towards them both.
Darcy looked at his cousin, smiling as he observed an expression of incredulousness on his face.
"And may I also say on behalf of my family and relations that we are very pleased that you are visiting your illustrious aunt . . . "
"Then let us thank your relations ourselves," said the Colonel. There was a sense of anticipation in his cousin's that Darcy did not miss. "Come man, why don't you go on ahead to tell them of our coming, and we shall join you later?"
Mr. Collins looked as if he would be willing to die and meet his Maker if the honourable guests were to step into his humble abode.
Darcy's heart was beating quickly. He would see her again, after all these months!
"Oh yes, sir, I would be greatly honoured, if you would . . . "
Lady Catherine made a gesture causing the man to stop talking.
"I am excessively displeased - there is no reason for you to go, Fitzwilliam. There is no one of out social rank there to make the trip worthwhile. Darcy agrees with me, do you not?"
Darcy turned towards his aunt.
"Quite the contrary, madam. I wish to thank these people who have been so obliging as to entertain you before we arrived."
His answer must have surprised his aunt for she did not say a word for a full ten seconds, which was enough time for the two men to fetch their hats and leave the house.
Mr. Collins had begun to run on ahead of them. Darcy could tell the man was not a frequent athlete - he was slowing before he had gone twenty paces. But he was determined to arrive there before Darcy and Fitzwilliam and he was soon lost to sight.
At a more leisurely pace, the two men followed.
"Well, Darcy, this is an unexpected pleasure! I finally am able to meet this famous Miss Elizabeth Bennet."
"Yes, a great surprise," answered Darcy absently.
His mind still could not fully comprehend that she was there, within an easy visiting distance, possibly even closer than she was in Hertfordshire. He wondered - was she still the same? Had she changed at all?
The Hunsford Parsonage came into view, and Mr. Collins stood panting in the doorway, inviting them into his humble abode.
Darcy sat down on the sofa. He barely noticed Mr. Collins sitting in the seat beside him, or his wife and sister-in-law. All his attention was on Elizabeth.
As soon as introductions had been made, Colonel Fitzwilliam had seated himself beside Elizabeth and struck up a conversation.
"I'm delighted to make your acquaintance at last, Miss Elizabeth," said he.
"At last, sir?" asked Elizabeth.
"Well, I've heard much of you and none of the praise has been exaggerated I assure you."
Of course not.
He stared at her. She had not changed. She was still lovely - her eyes had even become more beautiful, if a little sad. She smiled at his cousin - and Darcy felt a surge of emotion he had never before felt before in his life.
"I well believe Mr. Darcy is my severest critic."
Why does she think that? She has nothing to criticise!
"I hope we shall see you frequently at Rosings," continued the Colonel after a short pause. "I am fond of lively conversation."
"And this you do not find at Rosings Park?" asked the lady.
"Well, my aunt does talk a great deal, it seldom requires a response. My friend there," he said, nodding at Darcy, "speaks hardly a word when he comes into Kent, though he's lively enough in other places." Fitzwilliam leaned in a bit closer towards his companion. Darcy resisted an urge to interrupt them.
"Nobody plays, nobody sings. I believe you play and sing, Miss Bennet."
"A little, and very ill - I would not wish to excite your anticipation."
Why so modest? You play very well, as I have told my cousin frequently.
"I'm sure you're too modest, but any relief would be profoundly welcome I assure you," replied Fitzwilliam.
Suddenly, Elizabeth looked directly at him, and then asked his cousin,
"Can you tell me why Mr. Darcy keeps staring at me?"
A silence greeted this question. Darcy was aghast at being noticed in his activity, and fervently prayed his cousin would not answer.
He decided their conversation had gone far enough. They had no right to talk about him.
Darcy got up from his chair and walked slowly over to them. He stood over them and addressed Elizabeth. The room was silent.
"I hope your family is in good health?"
A safe, neutral question, though heartily wished he could say something more . . . intimate.
"Thank you, yes," replied she, looking up at him and giving him one of those indecipherable looks that intrigued him so.
He did not move away, wondering if she would say anything.
She did - but it was not the question he had been expecting.
"My sister has been in town these three months - have you never happened to see her there?"
How did she know I saw her?
He regained control of his inner turmoil - she did not know, she was merely inquiring. But it was out of the question that he should tell her the truth - and so Darcy had to lie.
"No . . . no I have not had that pleasure."
Telling a lie, even such a small one, was uncomfortable for him. He moved away from her to the window to hide his discomfort.
"Mr. Darcy and I, you see, are not the best of friends."
"Well, I am very surprised to hear that," replied the Colonel.
"Why should you be? I always believe in first impressions, and his good opinion once lost, is lost forever."
Darcy looked back slightly at her. His own words, again thrown back into his face.
"So you see it is a hopeless case is it not, Colonel Fitzwilliam?" said Elizabeth.
Darcy was confused at her words. What did she think of him?
There was little of interest after that. Darcy watched as Elizabeth and his cousin talked and laughed. Sometimes they would look at him, and he fumed at being the subject of their discourse.
As dusk fell, the two gentlemen left for Rosings.
"That was a pleasant evening, was it not, Darcy?" sighed the Colonel in the study at Rosings. "Miss Bennet is a very wonderful woman, do you not agree?"
"You seemed to get along quite well with her," he said reservedly.
"It surprised me that she said you two were not the best of friends. From what you told me, I imagined you were."
"Information can be misleading, Fitzwilliam."
"Her sister was in town? Why did I not see her?"
"London is a very large city, cousin. Finding one person out of millions is unlikely."
"True."
They sat in silence - one remembering his companion's charm, that other extremely confused, smitten and . . . .
Darcy did not know what he was feeling. It was something he had never felt before, but it was not kind towards his cousin. It also involved Elizabeth - she was right in the middle of it.
He went to bed to sort out his muddled emotions.
Chapter 18 - Questions Have Answers That Have More Questions
Darcy awoke, no closer to sorting out his tangled thoughts this morning than he was last night. He decided to go for a morning ride along his favourite walk. Perhaps the fresh air would assist his thinking.
This walk was along the open grove which edged that side of the park, where there was a nice sheltered path, which no one seemed to value but himself, and where he felt beyond the reach of people's scrutiny.
He rode along, deep in thought. Elizabeth's staying so close to Rosings was a shock. Whether it was pleasant or pain it was undecided, though he was inclined to think the former.
But her presence was not likely to help him keep his control - whenever he was near her it took all his self-control not to do anything rash.
Suddenly, as he rode past the trees, he saw her.
Elizabeth was dressed in a white muslin gown, the upper part covered by a curry-coloured coat. Her eyes looked out at him in surprise from under her dark hair and bonnet.
She was so breathtakingly lovely, her form framed by the greenery of the trees. He reined in his horse and looked at her.
The lady paused in her walk and clasped her hands in front of her. She did not speak.
Perhaps that was best, for Darcy was unable to say a word. A dry, sensible part of his mind suggested that he leave before he said something he would regret later on, so he kicked his horse back into action and slowly, regretfully rode away.
The moment he was clear of the trees he went into a gallop, and proceeded quickly back to the house.
Just as he arrived, he observed Colonel Fitzwilliam about to leave.
"Where are you going, cousin?" asked he.
"Oh, I am to go to the Parsonage again. I intended to go earlier, but Miss Bennet said that she often took a walk by herself in Rosings Park, so I informed her that I would come to visit later."
Darcy resisted an impulse to physically hold the Colonel back to prevent him from going. Seeing them so at ease in each other's company was not agreeable with him.
But why? thought his mind. She has no obligation to you, that she speak with no other gentleman apart from yourself.
Seeing no reply from his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam left the house, whistling a jolly tune.
This development meant that Darcy had to spend most of the day with his aunt and cousin.
"And so, my dear Anne told her that it was not proper for a lady to go to the shops by herself. A lady, I always say, must be accompanied at all times by an older woman, or a male acquaintance," said Lady Catherine.
No one answered this tale. They had sat there for nearly two hours after lunch holding a conversation. But as Darcy was not inclined to speak, nor was his cousin, then Lady Catherine took the task upon herself. Colonel Fitzwilliam had not yet returned, and Darcy was telling himself not to go after his cousin and tell him to come home.
Footsteps were heard in the hall and Darcy got up to intercept his cousin before Lady Catherine did.
"Well, Darcy, how do you do? What were you and our aunt speaking of that made you so eager to come and see me?"
"Too many to count. Shall we excuse ourselves and go to the study?"
Fitzwilliam agreed and they briefly returned to the drawing room to excuse themselves. They entered the rarely used study, and the Colonel sat in the chair while Darcy preferred to stand near the mantle.
"So what did you do at the Parsonage?" asked Darcy, hiding his curiosity.
"Much of my time was spent conversing with Miss Bennet. I enjoyed myself profusely."
"And what did you speak of?"
"Many things; her family, music, various books, even politics at times. She is a very interesting young lady."
"Oh? Is that all?" pressed he. Darcy wanted to know if their conversations were at all similar to the ones he and Elizabeth had held together.
"Well, at I must confess, you were a lengthy topic of conversation that she introduced."
Darcy turned to face his cousin.
"She wished to talk about me?" he asked incredulously.
"Why yes. You were very interesting," said the Colonel, laughing. "And I intend to go there again tomorrow and continue 'our conversation'."
What? Again?
"Cousin, I feel that it would be unwise for you to form an attachment to Miss Bennet," said he.
"Oh? And why is that?"
"Her position in society - she will not inherit her father's estate, not does she have any fortune."
"Is that all?" laughed Fitzwilliam. "I already knew all that - and no I have no 'plans' - younger sons cannot marry where they like, remember?"
Darcy nodded.
"So it was only with a practical view that you have cautioned me?" He laughed again, getting up from his seat and opening the door. "If it was not that, I would have thought you were jealous, Darcy."
He left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Darcy standing stiffly at the window. The last comment by Fitzwilliam repeated itself over and over again.
"I would have thought you were jealous, Darcy."
Jealousy! That was what he felt against his cousin. It was frightening - it nearly went deep enough or Darcy to wish harm to his relation.
But if jealousy is what I feel for Fitzwilliam because he has Elizabeth's attentions, then what do I feel for her? ran his thoughts.
His heart knew the answer. It had known the answer for many months now, though his mind had never acknowledged it.
He loved her.
The moment he realised that, a feeling of peace settled over him. After such a long time, he finally admitted it to himself. He sighed, seeing her as she had appeared to him that morning.
Then his mind took precedence again and curtly asked him,
You are in love. So now, what do you plan to do about it?
Darcy did not know.
Chapter 19--I Am Not Afraid Of You
Colonel Fitzwilliam again expressed his intention of visiting the Parsonage again at breakfast the next morning, an intention that was responded with questions from Lady Catherine and silence from his two cousins, one because she had no interest in it and the other because he had a very great interest in it.
Now that he knew what he felt for Elizabeth and his cousin, Darcy tried to control these feelings. The jealousy for the Colonel was not too difficult - all he had to do was remind himself that his cousin was his cousin and all his cousin had done for him over the years and that jealousy for relations was not a gentlemanly thing.
As for his . . . love for Elizabeth, well, that was slightly more difficult.
He remembered how he had seen her yesterday morning and wondered if she would be there again today. He felt as if he did not go the day without seeing her fair countenance, he would be most unhappy.
But is was not within the limits of propriety that a gentleman such as him should purposely walk to meet a lady. So he told himself not to follow through with his desire.
Twenty minutes later found himself walking along the place where he had seen her yesterday, telling himself he was merely walking for his own health. For his physical health or mental health he did not know.
She was there.
Elizabeth was walking off the path, looking up at the tree canopy above. She did not notice him until she was but a few feet from him. Only then did she look back, and when she saw him there, she stopped and frowned slightly.
"Good morning, Miss Bennet," said Darcy, lifting his hat.
"Mr. Darcy," she replied without any emotion, "Good morning."
She nodded to him and made as if to continue on her walk.
"I hope you are well," said he, unable to think of anything to say.
Why, whenever I am around her, my tongue seems to lose its will to move?
"I am quite well, thank you."
"And your family?"
"They are also quite well, so my sister tells me when she writes."
An awkward silence fell after this, with only the chirping of the birds flying above heard.
"Do you often walk in the park?" asked he.
"Tolerably often. Whenever I feel the need for solitude I come here. This walk in fact, is perhaps my favourite haunt."
Darcy wished to say that this walk was also his favourite which he used to escape the questionings of his aunt, but his tongue would not respond.
Elizabeth walked past him and did not look back. Darcy altered his position and walked with her. She glanced at him strangely but did not protest.
"I take it to believe that you enjoy solitary walks?" he pressed, looking at her. After some moments, he told his eyes to adjust their present position and reluctantly they did so.
"Yes, I do in fact."
"Even if it is through fields after the rains?" he continued, referring to her walk to Netherfield. At that time he had thought it was rather shocking - now all he could remember was how lovely she had looked when he had met her in the garden.
At this remark, she looked at him from beneath her dark curls. He attempted to gauge her thoughts, unsuccessfully.
"If the occasion justifies it, and I believe that the health of a sister certainly justifies it. But I suppose, you have a different opinion."
"Perhaps I do."
Darcy certainly did not want to tell her how much he admired her.
They found themselves at the gate in the pales near the Parsonage, and here Darcy left her. None of them said farewell, and quite frankly, Darcy was glad to be out of her presence, as it had been playing havoc with the rhythms of his heart.
What do I do, what do I do? thought Darcy later on that day in his room. He was surprised the floor had not been worn down by his pacing.
Colonel Fitzwilliam had already left by the time he returned from his walk in the park of Rosings and Darcy was on one hand grateful that his cousin had left before he had done anything to prevent him from visiting, and on the other, angered his cousin had gone. His mind remained sensible and curtly told him that his cousin had every right to see Elizabeth.
He sat down on the bed and held his head in his hands. He knew he loved her, and he was astonished and frightened of its depth, but he knew not what to do about it.
For the rest of the week, he kept going to the walk but he did not see her. Colonel Fitzwilliam teased him on his sudden enthusiasm for the exercise and Lady Catherine also took notice of his daily morning disappearances. He eluded all their questions but some success, though it became harder as the week progressed.
The residents and visitors were not invited to Rosings that entire week, and so the two men were forced to endure evening after evening of their aunt's company. Darcy knew it was not proper to dislike one's relatives, but his aunt was an exception.
Finally on Easter Sunday, Lady Catherine invited them all to dinner at Rosings (after many suggestions by Colonel Fitzwilliam).
Darcy found Mr. Collins' sermons long, pompous and quite frankly, boring. Because of his aunt's insistence on maintaining social rank, they sat at the front of the church, while Mrs. Collins, her sister and friend sat several rows behind the upper members of the local community. Darcy agreed with his aunt with keeping the distinction of rank preserved but he still wished he had been able to sit closer to Elizabeth.
His thoughts and questions had plagued him the entire week. He wished he could go to confession and seek counsel but he certainly did not want to go to confession at this parish. The possibility of speaking his most private thoughts to Mr. Collins was by no means wanted.
After the service had concluded, Lady Catherine had sent Colonel Fitzwilliam to Mr. Collins to invite his relations to Rosings. The invitation was of course accepted, and at the proper hour the party arrived and joined them in the drawing room.
As they entered, Darcy had to remind himself to keep in control and to not show Elizabeth any particular regard. This was rather difficult, as his heart wanted the exact opposite.
Her ladyship received them civilly, but it was plain that their company was by no means so acceptable as when she could get nobody else; and she was, in fact, almost engrossed by her nephews, speaking to them, especially to Darcy, much more than to any other person in the room. Darcy found this especially irritating as he wanted to have the freedom to speak with Elizabeth.
Colonel Fitzwilliam seemed really glad to see them; any thing was a welcome relief to him at Rosings. There was little to do at his aunt's home and Darcy could understand that his cousin was rather bored and tried to alleviate this boredom by visiting the Parsonage.
But surely he could have some other form of entertainment than spending time in Elizabeth's company.
He now seated himself by her, and talked so agreeably and conversed with so much spirit and flow, as to draw the attention of Lady Catherine herself as well as of Darcy, whose resistance to interrupt the pair was very creditable. Lady Catherine, however was not able to resist calling out,
"What is that you are saying, Fitzwilliam? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling Miss Bennet? Let me hear what it is."
"We are speaking of music, Madam," said he, when no longer able to avoid a reply.
"Of music! Then pray speak aloud. It is of all subjects my delight. I must have my share in the conversation, if you are speaking of music. There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient. And so would Anne, if her health had allowed her to apply. I am confident that she would have performed delightfully."
Darcy tried not to smile at his aunt's speech.
"How does Georgiana get on, Darcy?"
Darcy spoke with affectionate praise of his sister's proficiency.
"I am very glad to hear such a good account of her and pray tell her from me, that she cannot expect to excel, if she does not practice a great deal."
"I assure you, Madam," he replied, "that she does not need such advice. She practices very constantly."
"So much the better. It cannot be done too much; and when I next write to her, I shall charge her not to neglect it on any account. I often tell young ladies, that no excellence in music is to be acquired, without constant practice. I have told Miss Bennet several times, that she will never play really well, unless she practices more; and though Mrs. Collins has no instrument, she is very welcome, as I have often told her, to come to Rosings every day, and play on the piano forte in Mrs. Jenkinson's room. She would be in nobody's way, you know, in that part of the house."
Darcy was ashamed of his aunt's lack of tact and politeness and did not answer.
Just because you are of a higher class does not mean that you can behave in such a manner towards them.
Mr. and Mrs. Collins said nothing but praise of Lady Catherine and her relations and Miss Lucas said nothing at all. Anne de Bourgh was silent for most of the evening, save when she raised her handkerchief to her face to sneeze of cough into it.
Colonel Fitzwilliam reminded Elizabeth of having promised to play to him; and she sat down directly to the instrument. He drew a chair near her. Darcy sent a brief angry glare towards his cousin but soon stopped himself. Lady Catherine listened to half a song, and then talked, as before, to her other nephew; till the latter walked away from her, and moving with his usual deliberation towards the piano forte, stationed himself so as to command a full view of the fair performer's countenance, as well as to cut off any intimate conversation Elizabeth and cousin might be sharing. Elizabeth saw what he was doing, and at the first convenient pause, turned to him with an arch smile, and said,
"You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all this state to hear me? But I will not be alarmed though your sister does play so well. There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me."
Intimidate you? Why would I wish to do that?
"I shall not say that you are mistaken," he replied, "because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you; and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know, that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own."
Elizabeth laughed heartily at this, and said to Colonel Fitzwilliam, "Your cousin will give you a very pretty notion of me, and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character, in a part of the world where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit. Indeed, Mr. Darcy, it is very ungenerous in you to mention all that you knew to my disadvantage in Hertfordshire - and, give me leave to say, very impolitic too, for it is provoking me to retaliate, and such things may come out, as will shock your relations to hear."
I doubt that. I believe I have always acted, and always will, act in a gentlemanly manner towards people, and especially you, Elizabeth.
"I am not afraid of you," said he, smilingly.
How can any one be afraid of someone he admires so greatly? At times, Darcy still was reluctant to acknowledge the fact the Cupid's arrow had finally found him.
"Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of," cried Colonel Fitzwilliam. "I should like to know how he behaves among strangers."
"You shall hear then - but prepare yourself for something very dreadful."
Darcy tried to think of what could be so terrible and did not find anything.
"The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball - and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances! I am sorry to pain you but so it was. He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr. Darcy, you cannot deny the fact."
Colonel Fitzwilliam had been laughing at this rendition, while Darcy mentally kicked himself for the thousandth time for refusing the offer for dancing with Elizabeth for the first time at that long-ago Meryton Assembly.
"I had not at that time the honour of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party," said he, implying that it would have been an honour to know her especially.
"True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ball room. Well, Colonel Fitzwilliam, what do I play next? My fingers wait your orders."
"Perhaps," said Darcy, trying to defend his actions that evening, "I should have judged better, had I sought an introduction, but I am ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers."
He said this as an oblique apology for his behaviour that evening, which she would hopefully understand. Though he did not see what was so bad about his manner that evening. But if Elizabeth found fault in it, he was quite happy to make amends for it.
"Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?" said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. "Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill qualified to recommend himself to strangers?"
"I can answer your question," said Fitzwilliam before Darcy could answer, "without applying to him. It is because he will not give himself the trouble."
"I certainly have not the talent which some people possess," said Darcy, "of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done."
"My fingers," said Elizabeth, "do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault - because I would not take the trouble of practicing. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman's of superior execution."
Darcy smiled, and said, "You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you, can think any thing wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers."
Elizabeth did not reply but looked at him without smiling as if trying to comprehend his remark. Darcy held his breath, wondering if he had said too much.
Here they were interrupted by Lady Catherine, who called out to know what they were talking of. Elizabeth immediately began playing again. Lady Catherine approached, and, after listening for a few minutes, said to Darcy,
"Miss Bennet would not play at all amiss, if she practiced more, and could have the advantage of a London master. She has a very good notion of fingering, though her taste is not equal to Anne's. Anne would have been a delightful performer, had her health allowed her to learn."
Darcy took little notice of this, and never took his eyes off Elizabeth. He observed she was watching him carefully.
Colonel Fitzwilliam was also watching him.
Lady Catherine continued her remarks on Elizabeth's performance, mixing with them many instructions on execution and taste. Elizabeth received them with all the forbearance of civility while Darcy felt more and more ashamed of his aunt's ill-breeding. At the request of the gentlemen, Elizabeth remained at the instrument till her ladyship's carriage was ready to take them all home.
After they had left, Lady Catherine spent nearly an hour criticising Mr. Collins, his wife, Miss Lucas and most of all, Elizabeth. Darcy got the impression his aunt was not pleased with Elizabeth's refusal to bow before her status like Mr. Collins did.
Soon the ladies retired to their chambers. Darcy made as if to leave as well, but was stopped by Colonel Fitzwilliam who asked if he could have a word with him.
"What about, cousin?" asked Darcy, hoping it was not about Elizabeth.
"Have I done something to offend you, Darcy?"
"No," replied he, "of course not."
"Are you quite certain? Hardly a day goes by in which you do not glare at me. It mostly occurs after I return in the afternoons."
Darcy did not answer. He didn't even know he had directed angry looks in his cousin's direction - it was being done unconsciously.
"And this evening when I was with Miss Bennet at the instrument, you seemed particularly resentful," added the Colonel.
Darcy flinched, he did not know he had been so obvious.
"Is it something to do with Miss Bennet?" pressed his cousin when Darcy did not answer.
Darcy looked at Colonel Fitzwilliam. He wanted so much to tell someone, to confide in someone of his turmoil and feelings, but he could not. The words froze in his mind. He could not, would not tell a soul. He was afraid, he was not used to sharing or revealing his feelings in case of being exposed, vulnerable and open for amusement.
Colonel Fitzwilliam waited expectantly for an answer.
Darcy sighed wearily.
"Forgive me if I decline to answer, cousin." He walked away to the stairs to his own bedroom, with Colonel Fitzwilliam staring after him.
Darcy knew that declining to answer the question practically told his cousin that Elizabeth was part of Darcy's odd behaviour lately. His cousin certainly was clever, and he wouldn't be surprised if the Colonel knew Darcy had . . . . feelings for Elizabeth. Thankfully, if he did know, he would be tactful enough not to say anything about it unless Darcy himself brought up the subject.
Darcy did not plan to.
He lay awake for sometime. He had never known love before, not love as a man feels for a woman, though he certainly knew what love between a brother and sister or father and son was. Love for Elizabeth was an entirely new feeling for him.
Darcy was rather afraid of anything outside his experience sometimes for he knew not how or what to do. With love, though he had 'lived in the world' as Elizabeth had said, he was but learning. He had to admit though, love had its pleasure as well as its pain.
But learning is difficult, more so when one has no teacher or example to learn from.
All he could do was try his best, and make no mistakes along the way.
Chapter 20
That morning, before he left the house for the Park, he was intercepted by Colonel Fitzwilliam.
"A week has passed since our arrival here. Should I begin to make arrangements for our departure?"
Leave?
"No," he curtly replied.
His cousin looked at him with surprise.
"No?"
"Not yet."
"This is surprising. Is there any reason for postponing our journey to London?"
"This visit is quite agreeable. And you must admit that the country is far superior to Town . . . " He trailed off. Why was he explaining himself to Fitzwilliam?
"I do not need to tell you my motives! I am not ready to leave and that is final!"
Colonel Fitzwilliam was surprised by this outburst, but shrugged and said, "As you please."
Darcy turned to leave.
"I just hope you do not plan on staying too long, for Lady Catherine might take that as a sign that her dearest wish might finally be granted."
He stormed out the door.
I do not want to spend the rest of my life with Anne! he thought angrily. If I had to spend the rest of my life with someone it would be Elizabeth!
He stopped. That was a very interesting . . . and tempting question.
Don't be a fool. You are the master of Pemberley and she is but a gentleman's daughter of no importance in the world! said his mind.
She is important to you, and that is all that matters. said his heart.
Would you degrade yourself with a marriage to her? She has no family, connections or fortune. Have you forgotten your objections to Bingley marrying her sister? These objections appear with at least equal force in you own situation.
Love knows nothing of rank. Why else have you delayed your departure from Rosings? It is because she is here.
You have time - time to think about it and find the courage to propose.
Darcy remained there for some time while he thought but he did not see her. Firmly resolved that he would meet here this day, he decided to go to Hunsford itself.
He arrived and rang the bell, then amused himself by admiring the carefully tended gardens until the maid opened the door and let him in. She showed him into a room and closed the door leaving him an the room's only occupant alone together.
He had thought all the ladies to be within but to his surprise and delight, only Elizabeth was there.
"I understood you to be with Mrs. Collins and her sister," he said to cover the silence.
"Mrs. Collins and Mariah have only now gone into Hunsford village, you find me all alone today, Mr. Darcy."
Good.
"I beg your pardon, I would not want to intrude upon your privacy."
An uncomfortable silence followed, and Darcy sat down on a chair near the table. He rested his hat on his knee, a casual pose that covered his feelings.
What am I doing here?
He could not think of anything to talk of. Thankfully, she was the first to speak.
"How very suddenly you all quitted Netherfield last November, Mr. Darcy!" said Elizabeth, "It must have been a most agreeable surprise to Mr. Bingley to see you all after him so soon; for, if I recollect right, he went but the day before. He and his sisters were well, I hope, when you left London."
"Perfectly so - I thank you."
He hoped that would be all she would say about his friend. Do we have to talk about Bingley? The connection between Bingley and her sister was not one he wished to dwell upon.
"I think I have understood that Mr. Bingley has not much idea of ever returning to Netherfield again?"
"I have never heard him say so; but it is probable that he may spend very little of his time there in future. He has many friends, and he is at a time of life when friends and engagements are continually increasing."
He was trying to subdue any hopes she might still harbour for a marriage between Bingley and her sister, Jane. He doubted Bingley would wish to return to Netherfield.
"If he means to be but little at Netherfield, it would be better for the neighbourhood that he should give up the place entirely, for then we might possibly get a settled family there. But perhaps Mr. Bingley did not take the house so much for the convenience of the neighbourhood as for his own, and we must expect him to keep or quit it on the same principle."
Better for the neighbourhood or your sister?
"I should not be surprised," said Darcy, "if he were to give it up, as soon as any eligible purchase offers."
Elizabeth made no answer. She showed no signs of intending to speak, so Darcy decided to find a topic of conversation - one that he had a great deal of interest in. "This seems a very comfortable house. Lady Catherine, I believe, did a great deal to it when Mr. Collins first came to Hunsford."
"I believe she did - and I am sure she could not have bestowed her kindness on a more grateful object."
"Mr. Collins appears very fortunate in his choice of a wife."
Very fortunate that it is the former Miss Charlotte Lucas instead of my Elizabeth. Thank goodness she had the sense to refuse him!
The thought of seeing her shackled to that toady was disgusting.
"Yes, indeed; his friends may well rejoice in his having met with one of the very few sensible women who would have accepted him, or have made him happy if they had. My friend has an excellent understanding - though I am not certain that I consider her marrying Mr. Collins as the wisest thing she ever did. She seems perfectly happy, however, and in a prudential light, it is certainly a very good match for her."
Darcy could feel but slightly sorry for Mrs. Collins, but it was overwhelmed by gratitude that it was she who was Mrs. Collins and not Elizabeth.
If I did marry her, what would she think about living so far away from her family?
"It must be very agreeable to her to be settled within so easy a distance of her own family and friends."
Though with Mrs. Bennet, I would think that you could not live far enough away!
"An easy distance do you call it? It is nearly fifty miles."
It seemed that she would miss her family a great deal, so he tried to appease her.
"And what is fifty miles of good road? Little more than half a day's journey. Yes, I call it a very easy distance."
"I should never have considered the distance as one of the advantages of the match," cried Elizabeth. "I should never have said Mrs. Collins was settled near her family."
Though I suppose with her country upbringing, she would not have traveled very far from her home.
"It is a proof of your own attachment to Hertfordshire. Any thing beyond the very neighbourhood of Longbourn, I suppose, would appear far."
"I do not mean to say that a woman may not be settled too near her family. The far and the near must be relative, and depend on many varying circumstances. Where there is fortune to make the expense of traveling unimportant, distance becomes no evil. But that is not the case here. Mr. and Mrs. Collins have a comfortable income, but not such a one as will allow of frequent journeys - and I am persuaded my friend would not call herself near her family under less than half the present distance."
But I have the means for you to see your family tolerably often - though your mother I could see less of.
But why would she miss Meryton? It's inhabitants - even most of her family - are below her.
Darcy drew his chair a little towards her, and said, "You cannot have a right to such very strong local attachment. You cannot have been always at Longbourn."
Elizabeth made no reply. Darcy cursed his tongue for having said too much too soon. He had to get away from her - before he lost his carefully kept control.
He got up to leave. She began to rise from her seat but he told her not to trouble herself and quickly left the house.
Darcy spent the rest of the day brooding on what to do. He was torn between his duty towards his family and his duty to himself. He could not forget or over look Elizabeth's family or situation in life. he knew that his relations - Lady Catherine especially - would strongly object to a marriage between them.
But do you really care?