Posted on Tuesday, 21 September 1999, at 2 : 37 a.m.

Persuasion

A sailor laddie was our Freddy
Anne was a ready but jilting lady.
Eight years pass, he tells the lass:
You pierce my soul, let's go steady.

Mansfield Park

In Fanny's breast, her Ed's no guest.
She has no rest: that Hal's a pest!
Her Ed sees light, cries with delight:
I have been blessed, you're second best!

Northanger Abbey

She goes to Bath, she broods on death.
Meets General's wrath: her life's a mess.
But Henry boy will give her joy:
'Da Man' no less: the lucky lass!

P&P

Lizzy was so well-endowed, that though our Fitz was proud:
He proposed and did not doubt. She rebuffed him, good and loud.
He reformed his wicked pride, made her little sis a bride.
When his love again he wowed, Lizzy's mom with joy did shout.

Emma

Emma matches and she schemes. Has ambitious daydreams.
Fails at everything it seems and repents of all her whims.
Mr Knightleys's love seems lost, as she learns to her great cost.
Then a lovely future gleams, even Mr Woodehouse beams.

S&S

Edward's a wimp, Mrs Jenkins a pimp.
Fanny's a blimp and Brandon just...limp.
Willougby's fun, but he's the only one.
What will rhyme with scrimp? I know...Lucy's a bimb ;-)