Jump to new as of January 11, 2000
Hunsford
It was a cool April evening. The Hunsford Parsonage was quiet. Except for two servants in another part of the house, Elizabeth was quite alone. She had declined to attend tea with Lady Catherine de Bourgh in the Rosings Park manse. She could not have tolerated with equanimity the presence of the lady's nephew Mr. Darcy, who along with his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam, was staying just now at Rosings.
Her cousin, Mr. Collins, could not understand how she dared refuse an invitation from his august patroness, Lady Catherine for the sake of a worsening headache. By pointing out they would be late, his wife, her good friend Charlotte took a hand in this by play and rescued Elizabeth from further blandishments. With many admonishments, flapping arms and coat tails, Mr. Collins rushed his wife and her sister Mariah out the door. Hurried steps could be heard as the smaller by one party retreated out the door and down the path to Rosings Park.
Much ado about nothing Elizabeth thought. She wanted this time to compose herself. Vexation was only one of the emotions that stirred her mind as she contemplated the Colonel's information that Mr. Darcy had been instrumental in separating her sister Jane from his friend Mr. Bingley. With a number of sheaves of papers in her hand she seated herself in a side parlour and once again examined Jane's letters from London. They were penned in a want of cheerfulness and not Jane's usual style.
Lizzy knew Jane still suffered from the loss of Mr. Bingley's particular regard. How she wished to comfort her. If only there was some way to.... At that moment there was the sound of the doorbell. The idea that Colonel Fitzwilliam himself, who once before had called in the late evening might now come to inquire after her flitted through her mind. She shifted in her chair and patted her hair into place. But instead, to her great surprise Mr. Darcy walked into the room.
Dressed in tastefully fashionable clothing he looked every bit the gentleman he was though his rushed behavior seemed to belie his usual cool conduct. He looked around the room, bestowed his hat and gloves on a sideboard and hurriedly asked how she did hoping she was feeling better. Elizabeth maintained a cold silence. Finally, after a few minutes he came to stand before her in an agitated manner.
(Author's note: Darcy states his proposal including his reticence. Then comes Elizabeth's answer)
While Mr. Darcy had paced the parlour in a restless manner, Elizabeth had glanced at him with both curiosity and a small bit of annoyance. As he came toward her in his disquieted mode and stopped before her to speak, she grew a little alarmed but maintained her composure. She had managed a polite attentive posture, being neither settled in her chair nor perched on the edge.
For a few moments after his declaration Elizabeth could do nothing but sit thusly while contemplating in astonishment what she had just heard. Usually quick to respond, not being at a loss for words and having always the wit to anticipate most situations she should find herself in, Mr. Darcy's proposal took her quite by surprise. The last time she had been so taken was at her friend Charlotte's acceptance of her cousin Collins' offer of marriage. As at that time, once again, her emotions were about to lead her into an unexamined response.
Of course, Elizabeth knew "proper" etiquette in response to a gentleman's proposal for marriage. But such were her feelings and predisposition towards him that she wasn't at all sure Mr. Darcy deserved the respect due a gentleman. His manner in delivering his proposal was abrupt, arrogant, contemptuous, presumptuous and insulting. And once again her own feelings seemed not to be taken into consideration. She looked at him as he now leaned against the fireplace mantle composed and expectant of a positive response.
How ironic that she was sitting in Mr. Collins' Parish House parlour receiving still another unwanted and in this case unforeseen proposal, by still another odious man. To be sure Mr. Darcy was odious in a different way. Compared to Mr. Collins' obsequious and subservient hypocrisy, Mr. Darcy was a prideful, condescending, autocratic hypocrite. What kind of man declares his love for a woman and then proceeds to insult his intended by speaking of her position in life as though it were reprehensible and a personal insult to himself? What could he have been thinking? Had he even considered what her reception of this type of proposal would be? Did he believe her to be devoid of sensitivity and even pride that she would overlook his disdainful attack on her family?
This manner of delivery only supported the truth of his grievous treatment of Mr. Wickham. Mr. Darcy had dealt with him so unfairly, yet gave every indication of believing in his own superior virtue. Furthermore, he had interfered unjustly in his friend, Mr. Bingley's attention toward her sister Jane, causing this beloved sister heartache and grief. Elizabeth was angry with Mr. Darcy for this imprudent intervention. In truth, she was hurt for her sister's sake and had just been rereading Jane's London letters which had been received at Kent, seeing in them a general want of cheerfulness that usually characterized Jane's writing. Now, here was the agent of that pain adding insult to her family and superciliousness for her own situation in life.
Staring incredulously at Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth sat in the parlour chair with her hands folded. She was about to answer him with controlled anger when a ridiculous picture appeared in her mind's eye. It was Mr. Darcy side by side with Mr. Collins delivering their ludicrous proposals. To be sure their persons were different. Mr. Darcy's figure, though tall like Mr. Collins' was better proportioned and he certainly carried himself with much more grace. Indeed outward appearances could hardly bare comparison. She could not help the slight upturn at each corner of her lips.
But their proposals... Neither addressed her feelings. Neither had previously tried to ascertain her attachment or even solicit what she felt. They both assumed her acceptance, believing that the position of wife to themselves enough. They of course adhered to form by their profession of affection and regard for her, believing that along with position this would be enough to attach her and thereby induce her to accept their proposal. But each in his own way had insulted her by inferring to her 'situation' in life as beneath them. Such presumption!
As she gazed out the window to her left, her eyes focused on the little gate in the small fence that surrounded the house. Elizabeth wondered if Mr. Darcy's and Mr. Collins' offer of marriage portended the content of any possible future lover's suit. If so, her poor mother's nerves would never find relief through herself. This direction of her thoughts began to tickle her sense of the ridiculous. Her reaction was not unlike that night at the Meryton Assembly when Mr. Darcy had found her 'not handsome enough'. Has he changed his mind? What could have processed him?
Pride and vanity aside, Elizabeth wondered how someone with so much sense as Mr. Darcy could so misjudge her feelings. With her curiosity piqued she found her anger towards Mr. Darcy abating. She glanced at him to see him standing in an expectant pose. She couldn't ignore those dark-piercing eyes in that handsome noble face. Hmmm.
Her feelings? In truth, if she were honest with herself she would have to admit a little gratitude at having inspired even unconsciously so strong an affection in someone like Mr. Darcy. But there was Jane's circumstance. She had been wishing she could do something to restore Mr. Bingley's attentions to Jane. Hmmm. Yes, she was angry with Mr. Darcy. But what would happen if she were to clarify and perhaps change his perception of her sister and Mr. Bingley's state of affairs. Did she dare?
She knew she needed to answer him. It had been some moments since he asked her to marry him; since he had declared himself and his reticence. He no longer leaned against the mantle assured but stood turned towards her as the time for her answer had passed and was now was looking...uncomfortable? Discomposed? My, was not this whole situation preposterous? Oh, dear. She felt herself giving way to mirth. Must control myself. Must not confirm his assumption of poor family breeding in herself too.
She began, "In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. But I ...(she bit her lower lip to keep the mirth from her countenance) have just experience such diverting thoughts that I cannot answer with composure. In fact..."
And at this she actually began to giggle and ducked her head. Perhaps it would have been better to cry. But the ridiculous picture of Mr. Collins and Mr. Darcy, side by side soliciting her hand in marriage when added to an image of her mother's 'poor nerves' if she were to know her daughter refused still another proposal of marriage, incited her sense of the farcical.
It was with a great deal of consternation that Mr. Darcy heard and watched Miss Bennett. Was she actually laughing at him? My God! How could she!? He was about to remonstrate but as Elizabeth looked up at him he held his tongue. There was something about her eyes...those very fine eyes.
Elizabeth glanced up at Mr. Darcy believing that to do so might help to compose herself. But instead she could only flutter her hand in such a way as to ask for his forbearance. Elizabeth could think of no protocol that would help her to save her dignity, the propriety of her present situation or even, perhaps, Mr. Darcy's regard. (Not of course that it was important that his regard should be saved.) Frankness and honesty was her only course now.
Finally, she was composed enough to beg Mr. Darcy's forgiveness of her rude behavior and to ask if she might inquire of him certain information without answering to his purpose at this time. She needed time to understand how best to carry forward with this outlandish muddle she just created.
Mr. Darcy, though discomposed himself, had struggled to assume a pose of calm serenity. He was shocked by the turn of events. He could not have imagined anything unfolding so, so.... Keeping with his posture of composure he thought it best to nod his assent.
Frankness, she told herself. Frankness. Elizabeth began, "Mr. Darcy, may I take the liberty of sharing with you the diverting thoughts that brought upon my abdominal behavior? My giggling? Would you be willing to suspend judgement on what I say, over looking the common rules of etiquette? I know I ask a lot in this circumstance but I think it the only way to lead to a better understanding."
This was definitely not going the way Fitzwilliam Darcy had planned. He had hoped to have Miss Bennett, Elizabeth, calling him Fitzwilliam by now. He found the need to sit down overwhelming and did so in a chair by the window that he turned towards Miss Bennett's. The light coming from behind him placed his face in shadow deepening the lines of care as well as consternation that formed on his brow.
Though a comparatively young man, since his father's death he had acquired years of knowledge, skill and responsibility running a large estate with all its dependents. Added to this was the trust required in the shared guardianship of his much younger sister. This trust that he felt he had failed, along with managing a great estate, made him feel his six and twenty years as much older than in fact. But none of these experiences prepared him for what he was undergoing now. Perhaps a suspension of usual society manners by which he ruled his life was indeed called for if he were to get through the rest of this day with some sort of self-possession.
So...with that Mr. Darcy answered, "Miss Bennett, please share with me whatever you will and I shall not attempt to judge the decorum of what you say. Ask me whatever you want and I will attempt to answer as honestly and completely as I can. Hopefully, by this policy matters will be clarified and a possibility presented to address the purpose for my visit!? He then crossed his legs.
The enormity of what she proposed by disclosing the impressions recently formed in her mind to this man who she had always held in some contempt for his apparent arrogance, who she really did not know well, convinced Elizabeth of the need to speak delicately about the subject matter.
"Mr. Darcy, some months previously I received a proposal for marriage from another gentleman who saw my position in life as one that would necessitate my acceptance of his proposal because, in his words, 'it is no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made you. Your portion is unhappily so small that it will in all likelihood undo the efforts of your loveliness and amiable qualification.' It was with difficulty that he understood my rejection of his suit simply because of how he perceived my situation in life. No effort on his part had been made to ascertain my possible attachment or lack there of. It was not regarded. All that was subscribed to me was that I should see the match in the light of prudence, duty and material considerations. This I could not do. I believe a wife and husband should have a particular attachment for a marriage to be a happiness for both. I could not have made the gentleman happy nor could he, me. My feelings were ignored till the support of my father for my position had been elicited." With this Elizabeth stopped to assess if she still had his attention.
Darcy was not with out sense or sensibility no matter what Elizabeth might think. He could see the direction this conversation was headed. His level of discomfort was increasing by the minute. He uncrossed his legs. He stood up. He was tempted to stop her discourse now but in all honor he was committed to hear her out. Besides, she had held out the hope of 'a better understanding.' With much misgiving he nodded to her to go on and sat down again.
Parlour Scene Continued
Darcy was not with out sense or sensibility no matter what Elizabeth might think. He could see the direction this conversation was headed. His level of discomfort was increasing by the minute. He uncrossed his legs. He stood up. He was tempted to stop her discourse now but in all honor he was committed to hear her out. Besides, she had held out the hope of 'a better understanding.' With much misgiving he nodded to her to go on and sat down again.
"Now, Mr. Darcy, I know I have breached the standards of propriety by my disclosure. But honesty and happiness is at stake so I will trudge on. I know you as a man of sense. I am sure you see in which direction this conversation is going. Please bear with me. If we reach an understanding in the end, the animosity I feel at this time may well be replaced by more positive feelings."
Mr. Darcy thought to himself, "Animosity? She feels animosity towards me? Surely not. I could not have misjudged her sentiments, could I? Honesty and happiness at stake? Yes, by all means let her talk about whatever she will, that I may ascertain her opinions and if wrong, change them. Anything, rather than have her nurse and hold tight such feelings of, of ...disdain for me!?"
With these thoughts, Darcy nodded again. He shrugged his shoulders to relieve some of the tension and crossed his legs.
"Well," thought Elizabeth shifting back a little in her chair, "he is taking this better than I might previously judged. Most gentleman-like, despite my unladylike disclosures."
Then out loud she continued with, "My diverting thoughts were these: that I might expect all offers of marriage from eligible gentlemen to include a repudiation of my situation in life. That there would be no concern for my feelings of attachment or otherwise. And, that because I would refuse this kind of regard, I would always be a source of irritation for my poor mother's nerves. These images of the mind took form under the inspiration of combining the first proposal I received as I have related to you previously and your own. My response to these imaginings might have been to despair of the situation. Appropriately I should have cried. But like at a certain assembly when a certain gentleman of my acquaintance found that I was 'not handsome enough to tempt' him, I chose mirth instead. And that is how I came to giggle a short while ago. Again I apologize for my unsuitable behavior."
Darcy glanced down at his hands that were overlapped on his knee as she confirmed that his conversation with Bingley had been overheard the night of the Meryton ball. She must know he regretted that statement, and if not, he must be sure that she did. In fact, he was now beginning to see that hers was not the only deplorable behavior to take place recently in this room.
How could she compare his proposal with that ridiculous creature Mr. Collins'? He knew from over hearing her mother at the Netherfield Ball that a proposal to her from Mr. Collins was expected. That had to be about whom she had been talking. Himself, Mr. Darcy, put in the same company as Mr. Collins in her mind, in her regard? How did he get himself into such a position?
Maybe there was a way out of what was fast becoming a very unpleasant quandary. There was still that enchanting look about her sparkling eyes, her pretty face, her... His attention was drawn back from his musings to attend to what she was saying.
"Yet I know of a situation Mr. Darcy where two people highly esteem each other, even perhaps love each other (at least I know the lady loves) but because of concern for a perceived unequalness of position by his family and friends, these lovers have been divided from each other. Their attachment disregarded. True the lady's portion, consequence and connections are not great, but the beauty of her countenance and person, the sweetness of her disposition and the evenness of temperament, I believe, makes it a very amicable match. I know the lady suffers greatly. This hurts me and makes me sad, for the lady is dearly beloved by me. I think you are in a position to know how the gentleman fairs. How does he fair, Mr. Darcy?"
Elizabeth's representations shifted Darcy's thoughts onto a different path, in fact roadway. They began, "Oh my God! In what a different light she sheds over my interference in Bingley's affairs. She speaks as if she knows the direction of my influence over Bingley's behavior towards her sister, her beloved sister. No wonder her animosity. My remark at the assembly is nothing compared to this. I have truly misjudged this situation and her regard for me. Vanity. We spoke of it that time at Netherfield. I admitted it a fault but not mine."
Are my feelings for her so shallow that consequence, portion, connections, and yes even her vulgar family relations of more import than her esteem? I said I had disregarded these concerns but it is true they do not please my vanity, what I see as the portion due my consequence. Lord! That sounds like my aunt, Lady Catherine. Have I set myself to be like her? Oh dear God no! I'm sure now Elizabeth sees the form of my proposal as having insulted her position in a most ungentleman-like way. How could I?
How deep are my feelings for Elizabeth Bennet? My attachment to her? As constant as Bingley's for Miss Jane Bennet? How much does my family's opinion matter? How much does worldly opinion matter? Not one wit with Bingley, I know. He has been out of sorts since leaving Netherfield. His jolly self is no more. He only gave up Miss Jane Bennet when his sisters and I persuaded him of her want of true regard. And because of his lack of confidence in these matters he believed us. His diffidence opposes my vanity. I wonder if his sisters knew the truth. I can believe they did and didn't care. At least I truly believed Miss Bennet without deep regard. I must represent this to Elizabeth when I answer.
My suit may be lost today but can I save my position with her? Create a regard? Will honesty and frankness work? They must! What better principles to form the foundation for regard? Truly, is it not what I want? thought Mr. Darcy and uncrossed his legs once again.
"Miss Bennet, you speak of Mr. Bingley and your sister Jane, do you not?" questioned Darcy.
It was Elizabeth's turn to nod. She reflected that there maybe some hope for Jane, as she watched thoughts shift across his manly face. Manly face? Where did that come from?
"It is true I represented to Mr. Bingley the evils of a marriage with a family whose want of propriety were betrayed by your mother, your three younger sisters and occasionally even your father," Mr. Darcy began.
Elizabeth's back became straighter and a frown appeared. Manly, no. Arrogant, yes, she admonished herself.
Darcy recognized he had just antagonized Elizabeth again but plodded on with, "However, even this depiction would not have kept him from returning to Netherfield. Neither would the lack of connections weigh as heavily with him as it did with me. It was the assurances I gave him that Miss Jane Bennet was indifferent that convinced him not to pursue his suit. Until then he had believed she returned his affection with sincere regard. In my defense I must say I formed my opinion based on my scrutiny of her at the Netherfield Ball. Her countenance and air was such that I was convinced that, however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be easily touched. Perhaps I was desirous of believing her indifferent in support of my reasons against the marriage. I truly believed myself an impartial observer. I admit now that I erred."
The frown disappeared from Elizabeth's face to be replaced by something close to wonderment. Did Mr. Darcy just admit to an error? This was a sarcastic thought but she did not mean it quite that way.
Darcy noted her changed expression and continued, "Miss Bennet, it was not the work of a moment to convince him not to return to Netherfield. I believe Mr. Bingley still holds your sister in high regard. That all it would take for him to renew his attentions to her is for him to see her again. You have given me pause to think about the violence I have done to their feelings in my pride and insolence.
"I once boasted my temperament unyielding. I see it now to be a poor claim with little merit. In fact there is much for me to review in my conduct in general. You have shown me my manners are in need of practice. My address certainly wants work. Perhaps with your help I can unlearn the lessons of my childhood when I was left to follow good principles in pride and conceit."
Mr. Darcy noticed that Elizabeth was hard pressed to look at him with the sun shining in the window from his back. He then walked over to the chair that had been arranged opposite hers so the light fell upon them from the side and sat down. He would not quit the arena yet. He would engage in earning enough of her esteem that she would at least meet with him again should nothing else come from this day's encounter.
Elizabeth Bennet was astounded at this turn of events. Definitely there was a change of heart in Mr. Darcy. And this seemed to bode well for Jane and Mr. Bingley's future happiness. But there was one matter that did not seem to fit this picture of a more amicable Mr. Darcy. And that was his relationship with Mr. Wickham. Something was not as it seemed to be. Was it on Mr. Darcy's part? After all he admitted to pride and conceit. But a man honest enough to review his own conduct and own his errors, surely would not dishonor the wishes of his father. She must ask for enlightenment in this concern with much discretion.
Elizabeth gathered her courage to broach this subject. She said, " Mr. Darcy you have most generously admitted fault in the separation of Mr. Bingley and my sister. I am sure with your representation to him of a change of opinion concerning my sister's regard for him; their path to joy will be assured. Perhaps it is my turn to recognize my own errors in judgement particularly as applied to my perception of you."
Miss Bennet bravely went on, "You once stated that you believed every disposition had a tendency to some particular evil. I, meanly said, yours was a propensity to hate everybody. You countered, with a smile that mine was to willfully misunderstand. I confess that this last has been true of me as it particularly regards you. I have not tried to see beyond your manners and address. And then too, there is one I allowed to influenced my discernment of you more than any other, and perhaps not justly. In fairness to you, I have begun to compare his actual behavior with his stated sentiments and I begin to see a want of consistency. He has said some derogatory things about you that I now beg for clarification. Would you be so kind, so obliging as to relate to me your history with Mr. Wickham?
Before Elizabeth even said his name, Darcy was aware of whom she was talking. His countenance, which had softened, hardened immediately. His jaw clenched. His first impulse was to refuse to comply. But in justice he must answer her. His character required it. And so Darcy began.
"Of what he has particularly accused me I am ignorant; but of the truth of what I shall relate, I can summon more than one witness of undoubted veracity."
"Mr. Wickham is the son of a very respectable man ". And so Darcy related the history of his dealings with Mr. Wickham ending with "This, madam, is a faithful narrative of every event in which we have been concerned together."
And with this, Mr. Darcy regretfully, but conscious that the amount of time spent in Miss Elizabeth Bennet's company without a proper chaperon was beyond what propriety dictated, stood up and said, "It is past time that I should take my leave of you. Please accept my apologies for imposing on you at this time. I trust that your headache will past soon."
He hesitated saying anything more. Conscious of his mistakes, he knew now was not the time to press his suit. He realized he needed to establish himself in Elizabeth's affections, not just her regard or esteem. He hoped for Colonel Fitzwilliam's forbearance in postponing once again their leave taking. He could trust his aunt, Lady Catherine would not object. He wanted for time to make things right with Elizabeth, however long that might be.
While listening to Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth had reviewed in her mind her acquaintance with Mr. Wickham, and examined with more discrimination that of his conduct she previously had been inclined to excuse, such as his pursuit of Mary King. She could see now that much of those things Mr. Wickham said and did could be cast in a different and unfavorable light. She who prided herself on her discernment had gratified her own vanity in useless and blameless distrust. She saw this as a just humiliation. She had been pleased with the preference of Mr. Wickham and offended by the neglect of Mr. Darcy. And how blind she had been about even that!
Miss Bennet stood up too. But she was conscious not of the time spent, rather that matters between them were still not settled and felt she owed Mr. Darcy an explanation clarifying her present sentiments. With her realization of how grievously she too misjudged the whole of last fall's circumstances, particularly as it pertained to Mr. Darcy's character, her regard for him was definitely changed to the better. How much she still did not know. So, she was glad he did not press his suit. But her countenance had changed. It had softened considerably.
As Elizabeth put out her hand to Mr. Darcy, she said, " Thank you, Mr. Darcy. I can see now that Mr. Wickham's character is not what his manners present. He imposed a grievous falsehood upon me and indeed on many others in Meryton. I see how I courted prepossession and ignorance; drove reason away where either of you were concerned. Till today I never knew myself. I will of course not relate the particulars of this history but please let me intimate to others that I know Mr. Wickham's stories lack truth and he is not to be trusted."
"Yes. Perhaps it is time that others were warned in some way so he will not be in a position to take advantage of the unsuspecting," Mr. Darcy replied. As he did so he took Elizabeth's hand and raised her fingers to his lips, planting a light and gentle kiss upon them.
Elizabeth could not prevent a blush.
Darcy, the intensity of his eyes enhanced, then walked to the door where he stopped and turned, and said to Elizabeth, "I will think on the best way to reconcile Mr. Bingley and your sister, Miss Bennet. Perhaps you will have some ideas on this matter too. We often meet in Rosings' Park during our morning walks. If we do so again we may discuss this matter and share our thoughts on how best I should proceed. Would that be agreeable to you?"
Elizabeth, with a twinkle in her dark expressive eyes, returned, "Indeed Mr. Darcy, that might be the best way to follow in this concern."
"Good day, Miss Bennet."
"Good day, Mr. Darcy."
With the outside light failing, the need for candles to be lighted, Elizabeth watched Mr. Darcy out the parlour door, heard the front door open and close, and the footsteps of his strong stride pace down the path.
Chapter 2
The birds were singing their evening songs as the sun sunk slowly behind the trees lining the road that separated the Parsonage from Rosings Park proper. Elizabeth's words, that vivid picture they drew comparing his proposal to Mr. Collins' haunted Darcy's thoughts as he continued to stride down the lane connecting the two houses both humble and grand. He then mounted the square cut granite steps up to the manse doors. They opened before him for the footman had seen his approach while looking out the great hall's window. This particular servant had been biding his time there against when he would be needed to usher the Parson's party out the door. Tea-time would soon be over and Lady Catherine's company would be taking their leave.
Darcy paused in the hall listening to the tea guests' conversation draw closer. His mind was too absorbed by what had just taken place between Elizabeth and himself to want to engage in social blathering with the party of people approaching. He made himself scarce by ducking into the library. Col. Fitzwilliam, holding the door to the Hall open for the ladies, caught sight of Darcy and military man that he was; he noted the furtive mien of his cousin's action, decided not to call attention to his cousin's location.
After saying his good-byes to his Aunt Catherine's guests, the Colonel made his excuses to his Aunt while they were standing in the great hall. Saying he had noticed a book in her library that he had been meaning to read, he asked would she mind if he took it with him up to his rooms.
Lady Catherine immediately wanted to know what it was he proposed to read; but when told a Latin translation of the Iliad, she was disposed to let him be; only reminding him not to forget to dress for dinner. They would be entertaining the local Squire's family and she quite depended on him to help her keep them occupied. Oh, and by the way, did he know where Darcy had got? She was quite put out with his cousin for deserting her tea party. Had not Darcy said he would be just a few moments while he attended to some personal matters? But since Lady Catherine never waited for the answer to questions for which her quarry could not possibly know the response, she blithely dismissed him before he needed to think of any excuses for Darcy.
Lady Catherine's daughter Anne, who had shrunk back into the Hall's shadows, was watching all this with a slight up turn of her pale lips. Lips, which she was determined to keep closed. Her mother may have plans for herself and her cousin Darcy but she had other ideas. Not that she would not continue to nod and agree with whatever her mother said at this time; but she could bide with her awhile since she was certain her cousin's interest in her was not of a romantic nature.
Sickly she might be, but without sense and sensibility she was not. She had noticed her cousin Col. Fitzwilliam's consternation with her mother's questions. From his consciousness and the fact that he was the first one to see into the great hall while holding the door open as the party left the salon where the tea had been served, she surmised he saw or knew something of Darcy he was not telling.
Anne decided she might help matters along by distracting her mother and asked in a dutiful daughter manner what Cook meant to serve for dinner. This convinced Lady C that she needed to consult with Cook and that Anne might as well come along to hear what was said. As Anne slowly approached her mother, turned and walked with her through the archway that led to the stairs down to the kitchens, she glanced back at her cousin to see him push open the door into the library. At the same time he stepped inside the room she was sure she caught sight of a tall male figure standing there outlined by the setting sun.
Colonel Fitzwilliam surveyed the library, looking for Darcy. He spied him located by the French windows staring out in a very pensive way while taking in the last of the sunset. Darcy heard the heavy wooden door shut behind the Colonel and turned with obvious irritation to see who had spied him out. Upon noting that it was his cousin Richard, he smiled with relief and said,
"Fitzwilliam, would you mind terribly if we postponed for a few more days our leave taking? I have not yet taken my annual tour of the Park. Have you, yours?"
Hmm. The Colonel's curiosity was beginning to demand satisfaction. What is here that interest Darcy so much that he keeps postponing our leaving? He has never in the past delayed our going and never spent more time at Rosings than good breeding and manners dictated. Where indeed did he go during tea? Happens now I may get him to confide in me. He strode to one of the large silk damask covered armchairs by the window and sat down.
"Darcy, I have not finish my tour of the Park, either. It was interrupted today when I met Miss Elizabeth Bennett on a path not far from the Parsonage. We conversed awhile till we reached the Parsonage. I then returned here to await tea. Why should we not complete our rounds together?"
He met with Elizabeth today? When did she develop the headache we were told kept her from coming for tea? Before or after their conversation? Fitzwilliam had not said she seemed ill when they talked? What did they discuss? What is his interest in Elizabeth? Should I take him into my confidences? Darcy sat in the matching chair opposite the Colonel with a small round inlaid wood table between them.
He is family. We have been friends and companions for many years. He could give me his side of the family's view of the matter. Would he support my suit? The Matlocks could be helpful with Town Society if were I were to introduce Elizabeth this season or any season in fact. Oh, now I am getting ahead of myself again. I have yet to attach her. This will not do. Perhaps I should say nothing.
Still, Elizabeth did mention she would be staying in Town a few days during her trip back home. I will not give up. This will require timing, logistics, and strategy. Something I'm sure the Colonel knows about from his military training. Courage, Darcy, he told himself. You will need all you can muster for this campaign.
"Fitzwilliam?" Darcy began. "Have you ever been in love?"
Oh, oh. What have we here? thought the Colonel with raised eyebrows as he leaned a little back in his chair. This is getting more interesting by the minute. Now is the time to draw him out. "Love, Darcy? Of what type of love are speaking?" There, that will commit him so he will have little room later to claim he was misunderstood.
Is he willfully misunderstanding me? thought Darcy. Fitzwilliam could be a rattle at times but certainly not this dense. No, he wants to position me so he can break though any defense I might construct to cover a strategic defeat in case my maneuvers fail. Oh, well, if I get him to pledge his honor what we discuss will go no further.
"Cousin?" Darcy began again, "What we say now must be held in the strictest confidence. I talk about a man's regard for a woman. You know that this conversation must not go beyond this room, do you not?"
"Darcy, how can you insult me like that. You know that as a gentleman I must hold what we discuss about such matters sacrosanct. Further, as your cousin and long time friend I know you have kept too much inside and need to confided your deeper feelings despite your reticent nature," exclaimed the Colonel. "You may trust me not to reveal what now you might disclose to me. Upon my honor."
"Thank you, Fitzwilliam. Your reassurances, I know are not necessary but welcomed nevertheless. Now, you have not answered my question. Have you not known a regard, an admiration, an affection, an attraction towards a woman that led you to believe yourself in love?" Darcy anxiously asked.
Elizabeth! That is whom this is all about. Is he under the misimpression that my feelings may be engaged where she is concern? Certainly she is a lovely girl with a charming wit and fearless nature and if my situation were different.... But Darcy must know it is necessary for me to guard that my affections do not become inappropriately engaged. Best to remind him of this and probe what his intentions towards Miss Bennett might be.
"Darcy, you know that as the younger son of an Earl I have not the freedom to allow my heart to rule who I may like without acquiescing to the particularity of rank's necessities. I have had my flirtations but have yet to find the right person, the right circumstances to consider a serious allegiance. Do we speak now of your own circumstances, your own intentions?" solicited the Colonel.
Darcy was not comfortable at all. He got up and walked back to the window to stare out at the deepening darkness as the light faded from where the sun sank from view. It had not been in his nature to confide his deepest feelings since the death of his mother. Only her gentle persuasions could get him to lower his guard. Though his father was benevolent and amiable, discussions of any depth had been of duties, proper behavior towards his dependents and how best way to represent himself with dignity when associating and conversing with persons from among his own class. He had found distancing himself in the midst of strangers the safest course rather than trying to engage their regard. Now he began to entertain a suspicion of how arrogant, prideful this made him appear.
My thoughts are wandering, mused Darcy. The time is now to bring the Colonel into my confidence. "Cousin, I...have a deep regard for Miss Elizabeth Bennett. But I misjudged hers. I have embarrassed myself not just with her but with myself. I have caused her family, particularly her sister, Miss Bennett much distress. I have behaved in an unpardonable manner. I have made quite a muddle of things," he blurted the words as if confessing his sins. For though Darcy had left Elizabeth with the door to future happiness still partly open, the reality that his dreams were thwarted, at least for now, was beginning to gain hold upon him. With this realization his rigid control slipped and the trials of the day took their toll. His head in his hands he turned to the Colonel. After standing there a moment he dropped his arms, his eyes held a muted plea for help.
The Colonel did not know immediately how to respond. Darcy's behavior was so out of character it was more than he was prepared for. What had overthrown his composed cousin? How could he make sense of Darcy's strange manner? How could his cousin have caused concern to Miss Elizabeth Bennett's family? No, he said her sister in particular.
"Darcy, you knew Miss Bennett's family in Hertfordshire, yes? Is it then of which you speak?" asked the Colonel.
"Yes and no. I speak of both then and now. Then, I formed the opinion that Elizabeth's sister, Miss Jane Bennett, whose countenance is quite serene, (this is my only excuse for my subsequent behavior) was indifferent towards my friend Mr. Bingley while he regarded her with great partiality. I, along with his sisters endeavored to separate my friend Charles Bingley from Miss Bennett. At the time I thought I was doing him a favor, saving him from marriage without mutual strength of regard and, yes, love. Saving him from connections with a family, some of whose members behave now and then in a vulgar manner and with a want of propriety, though of course I had been prepared in all my insolence to overlook these defects in my own case. Now, from what Elizabeth has represented to me, I know I have involved this couple in misery of the acutest kind."
Colonel Fitzwilliam had the grace to look abashed as he realized the full meaning of Darcy's confidences to him about Bingley that he, the Colonel, had in turn revealed to Miss Elizabeth Bennett.
Darcy noticed his cousin's drawn expression but did not know what to make of it, thinking it might be due to his own manners and subject he expounded. Still he continued his admissions. "And this brings me to now. When I excused myself from tea I went to the Parsonage to propose marriage to Miss Elizabeth Bennett. She refused me. She refused me in a manner for which I am most grateful. My representations to her though heartfelt were, I see now ungentleman-like at the very least, totally pretentious and insulting; on the whole a very disgraceful manner. That she took them with her unique sense of humor --- I can only thank God He created such a creature as her to so lightly put me in my place."
"Now, more than ever before, I appreciate how she turned my abhorrent behavior so cleverly into a lesson about the proper way to pay ones address to a lady of worth.
Though, to be sure at this time I feel it a hard truth to learn, if I attend to it properly I might turn it into a most advantageous one. She has shown me the way to win her regard and I hope her heart. When I left her it with some understanding that we would think about a way to bring together her sister and Mr. Bingley. What say you, Cousin?" With that Darcy sat back down in the chair across from the Colonel.
Colonel Fitzwilliam was in turn abashed, astonished, amazed and astounded by this turn of events. His face betrayed his feelings. Changing through various shades of red to a chalky white it ended up back to a somewhat healthy light pink. This last showed he had finally achieved a measure of composure and resolve. Though sitting down he managed a courageous stance in his posture as he determined that he must confess to Darcy his role in Miss Bennett's understanding of Darcy's part in the separation of Mr. Bingley from her sister.
So thinking, he faced his cousin squarely and said, "Darcy, I must confess to speaking to Miss Elizabeth Bennett about the conversation you and I had sometime back when you told me you had saved a friend from a most imprudent marriage because there were strong objections to the young lady involved. Since she and I had been talking about your friendship with Mr. Bingley I conjectured that it was Mr. Bingley you were talking about. Of course I didn't know the young lady was Miss Bennett's sister. I fear her complaint with you regarding this matter is my fault. I don't know what to say but that I should not have revealed your disclosure. It is the purest misfortune that we all should have met at this time."
As his cousin acknowledged his part Darcy's hope rekindled, for his thoughts had slowly taken one turning after another looking for respite as his heart cried out for pardon. Introspection was leading him to see possibilities that could not have been there before Elizabeth and he had their present misunderstanding and acknowledgment.
With a much lighter disposition Darcy addressed his cousin. "Fitzwilliam, I do not know if one should call it a misfortune, an opportunity or fate. For the truth is now out and, God willing, there is a chance that all will come about. Somehow we must contrive to put to right the attachment that exists between Mr. Bingley and Miss Jane Bennett. It is my hope that while in the doing of this deed I will gain the affection of Elizabeth and attach her to me."
All the while Darcy spoke he had stood, then began to pace about going first to the fireplace mantle then to a small table set with a vase of flowers located just far enough out from the book shelves to allow room for him to pass between. He ended up standing beside while his cousin's sat motionless in his chair.
"Do you not see how this might all be fated? Having lost her good opinion through past selfish and overbearing behavior, through thinking meanly of the world outside our family, mine has been a long needed lesson in humility. I am sure this is meant for me to win her with a changed heart more worth her regard than ever I would have had. How much more real our esteem for each other based on behavior so wholly more conscious of the complementary goodness and strength to be brought to our relationship. This is superior to anything I could have imagine before in my vanity when I struggled with those scruples that previously prevented my forming any serious design on Elizabeth. Cousin, you perceive today a more amiable Fitzwilliam Darcy."
"Ah, the warning bell for dinner. We should go change. Will you, Fitzwilliam, help me put off our Aunt Catherine as I am sure she will demand an explanation for where I have been and I need to regain my equanimity before I brave her strictures?"
Darcy's last thought as they passed through the door from the library into the hall was of how Elizabeth might receive him next.