Beginning, Section II
Jump to new as of September 28, 1999
Chapter 13
William
A decision made is a beautiful thing. It is a wonderful feeling to have purpose in one's life. I will simply make things clear to Caroline and then work to make Elizabeth forget Robert. That shouldn't be to hard should it. Of course, Mt. Everest is just a hill, right? I will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Things you want are always harder to attain, but isn't everything worth having difficult? Elizabeth would be worth any trouble any pain and I hope that someday not all of my efforts will have been in vain. Caroline, now that is another story. How do you break an engagement that you never made? I will invite her to lunch tomorrow, at home of course, and then I will tell her. I will not be pretty. I had better ask that all of the good vases and china be cleared away before we begin.
I reach home much sooner than anticipated. My two walks this evening have certainly been enlightening; one brings about Elizabeth's anguish and the other gives me the resolution to have my freedom. As my hand reaches for the doorknob, it is pulled open for me.
"I am sorry, sir, but she just showed up and insisted that she be allowed to wait for you. I told her I had no idea when you would be home, and then she threatened to fire me if I did not let her stay." My housekeeper Mrs. Bates rushes out more in anger at Caroline, and apology to me then fear of losing her job.
"How long has she been here?"
"About forty-five minutes. I would tread lightly sir, she appears to have been drinking and is in a foul mood that has been getting worse every minute that you have not appeared." Mrs. Bates says while` her disapproval at Caroline's behavior clearly showing on her face. "Did you have a good evening?"
"Enlightening. Where is she?" I ask, my voice clouded with resolution. Tonight will be the night then.
"In your study." She says pointing down the hall.
"Thank you." I walk down the hall and pause outside the door. It is now or never, I have to tell her that it is over, I just wish I had more time to think about what I want to say. As I open the door Caroline begins to speak.
"It is about time someone came to check on me. When I am mistress of this house I will not tolerate such behavior. Mr. Darcy may allow you to...."
"Good evening, Caroline." I say cutting off her tirade. I thoroughly enjoy watching the look of shock cross over her face and the change in her demeanor.
"William darling, I have been waiting for you for ages. Your servants wouldn't tell me where you were and I have been all alone in here." She says all sweetness and honey as she rushes across the room and puts her arms around me." I missed you, so when the dinner party broke up I thought I would come over here and keep you company for a while. Everyone was asking about you. You know, dear, they are beginning to wonder why they never see you."
"Caroline." I try to interrupt as I disengage her arms from around my body and move across the room.
"I tell them that you are so busy running your business that you don't have time to indulge yourself with parties and social events. That once we are married I am going to insist that you stop working so much and spent time at home. I also.."
"Caroline." I shout and finally get her attention. "We have to talk."
"About what, darling? I have been talking with the wedding coordinator and she wants us to set a date. I was thinking June. I know it is terribly overdone, but there are these flowers that I want and.."
"There is not going to be a wedding."
"So, you want to elope, William, how daring! We would be the talk of the town." Caroline prattles on.
"No, Caroline. That is what I need to talk to you about. Please sit down. We both know that we are not in love. It is wrong for us to marry without love. You deserve better than that."
"What are you saying? Of course, I love you. I have always loved you."
"No, you don't. You love the things about me not me. You love my money and my position. I never even proposed to you after a few dates you published it in the society columns that we were engaged."
"But you bought me a ring."
"One that you picked out and took home from the store while I was out of town. Caroline don't you see that this would never work? I thought that I could live without love, but I can't."
"I could make you love me. You would grow used to me. I could make you happy. " Caroline tries to protest and even manages to get tears in her eyes.
"Please, don't cry. I promise you will thank me for this in the end. If it will make you feel better you can tell everyone that you ended it. That you couldn't marry a man who was already married to his work."
"No, I will not accept this. I will not give up. I love you and I will not let you get away from me."
"There is nothing you can do. You have to accept this. Please Caroline, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone who loves you like you love them. You really don't love me. In a few days you will see the pain will be gone and you will thank yourself for being wise enough to stop this before it got ugly."
"But, what do I say to everyone? It has been all over the papers. I will become the laughing stock of society. No way, this is happening. You just have cold feet, we will be fine. This wedding is definitely not off." She says while stalking around the room.
"Caroline please you have to understand.."
"Understand, and just what am I supposed to understand, Mr. Darcy? That you have led me on for all of these years and then when we get engaged and announce it to the world you suddenly decide to call the whole thing off?"
"It is not that. I don't love you Caroline and you don't love me."
"Love? Since when does that have anything to do with it? This is about an alliance between two very old and respected families. Love, on your side, will come later. You are my fiancé and we are getting married as planned."
"No, we are not." I begin to raise my voice trying to get through to her.
"Yes, we are. Don't think you can get out of this, William Darcy. Do you know who I am? I am Caroline Bingley, your fiancé and we are getting married in June whether you like it or not. I agreed to this engagement and you are going to honor it."
" I agreed to it? You agreed to it. I was out of the country when you had our engagement announced. I didn't even pick out the ring, you did. And then sent me the bill. This was your idea from the beginning and I have put up with this charade for as long as I could.
However, I refuse to ruin both of our lives. Do you understand this marriage to which presume to aspire will never happen?"
"Yes it will. You agreed to this marriage, and you will not back out of it now. Believe that little tramp is just after your money. Her fiancé left her for another woman so she is latching onto the nearest meal ticket she can find."
"I will pretend to not understand your meaning and that is enough. I am not breaking this engagement for another woman; I am breaking it for myself." My anger rising near the breaking point.
"Don't patronize me, I know all about your little lunches and your date this evening. When we are married you may have you little affairs but please work a little harder to conceal them." Caroline says her voice reaching a pitch that makes dogs cringe.
"Are you quite finished madam? Then Caroline read my lips... it is over. Now, please return my ring and leave my house." I say as I hold out my hand.
"Fine, you may take back your ring. However, this is not over William Darcy. This is merely a case of the pre-marriage jitters. I will get that ring back and the wedding will go on." She says as I take the ring and try to escort her to the door.
"Think whatever you want because I don't care anymore. You are no longer my problem. Good evening, Caroline. Have a wonderful life." I say with as much sarcasm as I can muster.
"Good night for now, William, but this is far from over. I will see you again." She says as she stomps out the door.
I wander back into my study and through myself into a chair and stare into the fire. The past half-hour seems somewhat surreal. I knew she would take it badly but I had no idea that she would refuse to accept the truth. I have no idea how to make her see that it is over. I will leave that for tomorrow. Tonight has been to overwhelming to deal with that now. I box up Caroline's ring and leave it for someone to return. I can't bear the sight of it. Once the ring is gone then my freedom from Caroline will be complete. I pull out a small box from my desk drawer. Nestled inside is the wedding ring that has been in my family for generations. It is a ring that a man only gives to the woman he truly loves.
Until tonight I thought that this ring would have to go to my son but perhaps now I will have the chance to see the woman I truly love wearing this ring. We will clasp hands and look into each other's eyes and I will see Elizabeth's face smiling at me. Her love is one that must be earned but she is the only one worthy of this ring and I will not rest until the ring is on the hand of its rightful owner.
Caroline
"Charles, open up! Charles, I have to talk to you immediately. Charles!"
"Caroline, for heaven sakes you are going to wake the entire neighborhood. Come in. What on earth is the matter?"
"You have to talk some sense into your friend. Only a few moments ago he tried to tell me that our engagement is off. Of course, I told him that it is inconceivable and that he is just having pre-wedding jitters. You have to go over there and convince him to give me back my ring so the wedding can proceed." Caroline says as she strides around the apartment.
"I won't, Caroline." Charles says quietly.
"What do you mean you won't? Of course you will. You are the only one he will listen to."
"No, I won't. Caroline, we both know that you arranged the engagement. It is better for you both."
"Better! How can it be better? I want to marry him."
"That is just it. You want to marry him. You don't love him. You deserve someone who loves you and wants to marry you because of it. Please, accept this and move on."
"Move on to what? I have the perfect man." Caroline protests but she begins to weaken under Charles soft gaze.
"Move on to love," Charles moves to put his arm around her, " You are a young and beautiful young woman. There will be men waiting in line for you."
"But what about William? How can I face the world now that we are no longer engaged?"
"Caroline, your position is not determined by who you marry, but by who you are. You can be a success all on your own or by yourself."
"Yes, I suppose your right, but I shall never forgive William for his behavior to me."
"Of course I am right, and I am sure in time you will forgive William, too. Now why don't you stay here tonight? Come, I'll make us some hot cocoa and you can tell me about the party."
"Thank you, Charles. I believe I will stay here tonight." All right, I will accept this broken engagement but if he thinks that I am going to let him go after that no class trollop Elizabeth Bennet he has another thing coming. If I cannot have him then no woman shall. William Darcy, the ball is in my court now and I have plenty of time left to play.
Chapter 14
Elizabeth
"Good morning, Jane." Charles Bingley's voice practically beams over the telephone line.
"Good morning, Charles."
"How are you this morning?"
"I am fine. You sound very cheerful this morning." Jane asks.
"Why thank you I happen to be in a good mood this morning. Caroline spent the night here last night and we solved a problem that will lead the happiness of many." Charles says somewhat cryptically.
"Are you going to tell me what it is or do I have to guess?"
"I will tell you but, only if you will agree to have lunch with me in a few hours."
"That sounds wonderful. Oh, but I can't leave Lizzy alone. She has been so quite this morning."
"You will bring her along. After you hear my news I feel that there will be great cause for her to be happy." Charles says slyly.
"You exasperating man! What is this wonderful news?"
"William and Caroline are no longer engaged."
"No! When did this happen?"
"Last night after he left your apartment. Apparently, Caroline went over there to do God only knows what and when William came home he told her it was over. Caroline of course refused to believe it. They had a terrific fight and he took back his ring. She left his house refusing to believe him. She came over here and tried to get me to talk him into going ahead with the engagement. After some convincing she agreed to accept it."
"Unbelievable." Jane whispers.
"What is unbelievable Jane?" I ask coming into the room just in time to hear her last statement.
"William broke off his engagement to Caroline last night." Jane whispers back at me.
"What?" I whisper and make my way to a chair.
"I was just telling Lizzy the news."
"Is she okay?" Charles asks sounding worried.
"Oh yes, fine."
"Well then I will see you both at lunch then. And I will be bringing someone so make sure she comes." The smile returning to his voice.
"No problem. We will meet you there about 12:30. Good-bye."
"Good-bye, dear."
My thoughts are all in a jumble. Why did he break off his engagement? A voice inside cries that he did it out of love for me but that is not possible. We have not even known each other for two months. How can I expect him to feel what I feel? But there is a spark of hope that refuses to die. We are both free. Is this my chance? Will I actually be able to love?
"Lizzy?"
"Yes, Jane. I am sorry I was just daydreaming."
"Thank you for coming back. I have been speaking to you for a full minute. We are having lunch with Charles at 12:30."
"Oh no, you go ahead. I will just stay here and amuse myself."
"I think not. The invitation was for us both. Now Lizzy how are you feeling this morning?" Jane says growing serious.
"Fine, never better in fact. I told you that last night was just a result of the stress that I have been under lately. It just took a while for reality to sink in. You know our relationship was over long before it actually ended. I am not sad about losing Robert, please believe me." I say trying to distract Jane.
"That is not what I am talking of. How are you about William?"
"There is no William and I."
"Lizzy?"
"I feel nothing at all. I assure this news does not affect me."
"Elizabeth."
"What Jane? He is a grown man. He can do as he likes without respect to me."
"But you love him and... "
"Jane, how can you say that? I never said anything of the kind." I cut her off before she can finish that sentence.
"Stop. I will hear no refusal. It is no use for you to try to lie to me. I have known you your whole life. You love him and he loves you. Uh uh, I will not be interrupted. Charles and I have discussed it. I have seen the way the two of you look at each other. For once in your life, make the right choice, follow your heart. You agreed to marry a man you did not love and it made no one happy. Now you have a chance to be with the one man who is your perfect match. Do not turn away from happiness when it staring you in the face."
"Jane, I, I..." I try talk but the words fail me.
"Don't talk, don't rationalize. Just leap."
"Jane." I stop her as she begins to exit the room.
"Yes?" As she turns around.
"Thank you." I smile.
"Your welcome." Jane says as she crosses the room and puts her arms around me.
William
"Good morning Will."
"Oh good morning Charles." I say rather uncertainly.
"How are you?" He asks softly.
"I am fine. I have to tell you something. It has to do with the conversation we had last night." I say not quite knowing where I should begin.
"No, you don't."
"What?"
"Caroline was here last night." Charles says steadily.
"Oh. I am sorry. I tried to talk to her and get her to calm down before she left here but she refused to listen to reason and just stormed out." I stumble out.
"You don't have to apologize. I have known her all of my life. She came over here so I would talk you back into the engagement."
"Charles, I value our friendship but I have to tell you that..."
"Will, that is not why I called. I knew that this thing between you and Caroline would never work. I talked her down so to speak. She is willing accept that the engagement is off."
"Thank you."
"Your welcome, but don't thank my yet. I don't think that you are completely in the clear. I talked to her but I don't think she will give up so easily. She has been after you for years and she won't go quietly."
"I can handle whatever she dishes out. Thank you for talking to her though, I don't think that she would have believed me."
"This was the best thing for her as well as for yourself. I am just here to help you both. So would you like to meet for lunch?"
"Sounds great, what time?"
"I'll pick you up around noon."
"Alright, good-bye."
"Goodbye."
The weight on my shoulders is gone. Caroline might not be gone but at least she is no longer denying that our relationship will continue. If only I could make Elizabeth love me. At least Caroline is gone. One obstacle down, one more to conquer before perfect happiness.
Chapter 15
Elizabeth
"Well Jane, now we are early. All of your hurrying was in vain. We beat him here."
"Oh well, with the way you were poking around I didn't think we would make it on time." Jane says nervously.
"Jane, is something wrong you keep craning your neck to see the door, surly you can go a few hours without seeing Charles."
"No, I don't think I want an appetizer thank you." Jane replies in a distracted voice and only returns to me when she hears me laughing. "What? Why are you laughing?"
"No reason. Really Jane if this is what loves does to you then I don't think I ever want to be there." I say giggling.
"I am glad you take pleasure from my embarrassment. But just wait until you are in love then we will see who is laughing."
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing. Let's see what shall we have for lunch?"
As Jane studies the menu, I look around the restaurant and finally my eyes rest on the door. Then I experience a sense of déjà vu, only this time I am the one at the table looking into the eyes. A rush of the feelings from our first meeting returns. The warmth of his eyes and his smile starts to melt my heart. Then I remember what has transpired since out first meeting and the feelings of sadness return. I am looking at the only person I have ever truly loved and yet is so hopelessly out of my reach.
"Jane?" I say as I try to breathe.
"Yes, Lizzy."
"What is he doing here?"
"Charles invited him silly. Lizzy you're as white as a sheet, are you okay?"
"No, I have to go. Jane I am so sorry please apologize for me." I say as I clumsily rise from the table and try to exit the restaurant.
"Lizzy wait! Please come back." Jane cries after me in vain.
"Elizabeth, where are you going?" William cries as he tries to grasp my arm as I practically run past him.
"I am sorry William I can't do this. I am so sorry." I say as the tears well up in my eyes and I push my way through the crowd and out onto the street.
William
I stand motionless as she rushes by me. I have never seen such a look of pain and fear on a person's face before.
"William, what are you doing? Go after her man." Charles's voice breaks into my thoughts.
"But?"
"Go!" Charles says as he pushes me out of the door.
Somehow, I find myself out on the street. I glance frantically around and then I see her rounding the corner.
"Elizabeth, wait!" I run after her and in a moment, I am able to catch up with her. I grasp her arm and turn her around. The site of her tear stained face almost tears my heart in two. I pull her into my arms and I try to calm her down. "Darling, please don't cry." I say this as I smooth back her hair from her face, the clouds open up, and it begins to rain.
Elizabeth
I relax into his arms, I feel as if I have found the place where I belong. Then I remember that I don't belong here.
"Please let me go." I cry as I try to pull away from him.
"Elizabeth, please don't run away."
"William, I can't be here with you. I can't take it."
"Can't take what?" He says as he tries to search my face.
"I can't sit across from you and know that you love another woman not when..." I break off as I try to fight back the tears and thank the rain for concealing the dampness of my cheeks.
"What are you talking about?"
"Caroline, I know that you are still in love with her." The next sound I hear is William laughing. I look up incredulously. "What are you laughing at?"
"You think that I broke off my engagement with Caroline loving her. I have never cared about Caroline our engagement happened because Caroline wanted to marry my money. I have only loved one person in my entire life and she is standing right in front of me."
"What did you say?" I look up in disbelief.
"I said I love you, I may regret it in a few seconds when you tell me that you can't love me because you are still in love with Robert. But I can't continue to live my life without telling you that I love you. I will wait as long as I have to for you to love me and if that day never comes then I will be happy if you will just let me be a part of your life in some small way."
Suddenly, the tears disappear as his words sink in and just as William exploded into laughter only a few moments ago I begin to laugh.
"Oh William, what a pair we are. I thought that you were in love with Caroline and you thought that I was in love with Robert. Do you know why I was crying last night when I told you about Robert? My heart was broken because I was free from Robert and you were still in love with someone else. I was crying for you, I thought that there was never a chance for you to love me. For the first time in my life I loved a man with all of my heart and I was afraid of losing him."
"What did you say?"
"I was afraid of losing you."
"No before that."
"I love you." I say as the tears begin to flow again.
"Oh Elizabeth. You'll never lose me I promise." With those words, his arms open and I fall into them. Not knowing or caring whether it is rain or tears streaming down my face, I bury myself in his chest. I have finally found the place where I belong.
Chapter 16
Elizabeth
I don't know how long we stood there wrapped in each others arms before William pulled away.
"You're shivering. We should get out of this rain." He says looking down at me with a concerned expression on his face.
"It's not the rain due to rain. I don't feel anything. " I notice and for the first time that I'm soaking wet.
"Come, we need to get inside." He starts to lead me back down the street into the restaurant. "But we're in no condition to go into a restaurant."
"No, please, I don't want to be around people right now. Can we go someplace? Just the two of us?"
"Of course. Is my place okay?" He takes my arm and hails a cab.
"That sounds great, but what about Jane? She doesn't know where I am."
"I wouldn't worry, Charles will take care of her."
"But I need to tell her where I am going."
"There is no need. Charles is the one who pushed me out of the door after you."
"Remind me to thank him later." I say as for the first time ever a cab is right at hand and we climb in. As if it has always been so, his arm goes around me and I snuggle into his body as he tells the driver where to go. I feel his warmth and when I look up I see a smile in his eyes that I know is in mine. I snuggle in closer reveling in the feeling of his body against mine.
Something in your eyes makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself in your arms.
There's something in your voice makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
For the rest of my life.
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone.
And if you knew how I wanted someone
To come along and change my life
The way you've done.
.It feels like home to me.
It feels like home to me.
It feels like I'm all the way back
Where I come from.It feels like home to me.
It feels like home to me.
It feels like I'm all the way back
Where I belong.A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night.
But I'm all right
Cause I have you here with me.
And I can almost see
Through the dark there is light.
If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy
You are making me.
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much.It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back
Where I come from.It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back
Where I belong. *
The irony of the song is not lost on either of us. We sit in silence with our arms about one another. I lift my head from his shoulder and find his eyes on me. His beautiful smile falls down on my face and I know we have found the place to call home.
I could end this by telling you how we lived. I could tell you about the days wrapped in one another and the endless talks we had. How as we grew to know one another our love grew. Our lives were not perfect, but our love and trust allowed us to always be free with our feelings. We knew that after every conflict we had one others arms to fall into and feel the happiness of love, real love that is complete when we are together.
I would like to say that after our marriage a scant six months after the confession of our feelings Caroline left us alone. However, I have described her too well for you to believe that statement. I will say only that she was dealt with effectively and she is no longer a problem in our lives. I like to think on the past only as it gives me pleasure.
I have changed since the beginning of this story. I have learned that love is the sustaining force of life and that a person needs love. Love is not thing to be treated lightly. I know what a fortunate creature I am. I was saved from an empty life without love and was delivered into a glow of love so strong that even in the darkest night, I find my way by this light.
* Feels Like Home- Chantal Kreviazuk