Posted on Friday, 17 November 2000
Lady Catherine had descended on Pemberley for a fortnight--having, of course, popped in unexpectedly--and had, this morning, asked her sister to join her up in the nursery. The hallways and staircases separating the warm and cozy parlor--if any room with twenty foot ceilings and enough floor space to play a game of rugby could be called cozy--and the children's rooms were cold and drafty, and Lady Anne could not think of one good reason why her sister would wish to make such a journey--especially in light of the fact that little Miss Anne de Bourgh was presently being walked about the grounds of Pemberley by her nurse (for Lady Catherine believed a stiff dose of cold air was very therapeutic for babies) and Lady Anne's own son was with his governess in the schoolroom.
"Here we are at last, Anne," said Lady Catherine as she entered the room.
"Yes, sister, we do seem to have arrived. Shall we try Mount Killamanjaro next?" she said, breathing heavily from the climb up several flights of stairs.
"Do not be flippant, Anne."
"Yes, Catherine," Lady Anne said, rolling her eyes behind her sister's back.
Lady Catherine walked over to the small crib her daughter was using while staying at Pemberley, then pointed to the bed nearby which Master Fitzwilliam used.
"Get in," she ordered of Mrs. Darcy.
"What?!" Then, Anne's jaw dropped as she watched her sister--who was not what one might refer to as "delicate"--step up into her daughter's little bassinet and attempt to sit down in it. After a protracted exhibition of wiggling and bouncing, bouncing and wiggling, Lady Catherine managed to settle in.
"There, Anne. If I can sit in Anne's cot, certainly you can sit on Fitzwilliam's! I have something to say to you, and this is by far the properest place."
"Catherine, our children's beds are hardly the properest place for anything!"
"Anne!" Catherine commanded in her most imperious tone.
The habits of a lifetime took over, and Lady Anne obeyed and sat down on her son's bed.
"Now, Anne, it is time to plan our children's wedding!" Lady Catherine said with glee.
By now Anne was seriously beginning to consider the idea that her sister had become deranged. The appearance of the five foot-ten inch woman crammed into a tiny baby's crib certainly leant itself to such a conclusion--and, she thought, all that wiggling and bouncing could have caused a screw or two to come loose.
"But sister," Anne replied gently (for fear that a violent outburst might ensue), "our children are children. Fitzwilliam is only four years old, and Anne four months. There is plenty of time for them to find suitable partners."
"Anne!" replied Lady Catherine. "Surely, you must see that Fitzwilliam and Anne must be wed. They must! Think of Rosings! Think of Pemberley! Think of their children! Think of their wine cellar! Think of their garden! Think of their windows! Think of their roofing tiles! Think of their velvet curtains with pretty fringe on top!..." Catherine continued to enumerate a long list of things for her sister to consider--a list which, for no apparent reason, included small poisonous Amazonian tree frogs and Beluga whales. Each time Lady Catherine added another item to the list, her voice became more insistent and more shrill. After ten minutes, she ran out of breath and stopped. She stared at her sister, visibly shaking.
"Oh! Oh yes!" cried Anne, as she stood and inched her way towards the door. "Indeed, yes, Catherine! Now that you mention it, it simply must be. It must! I can see it now. Fitzwilliam must wear that nice little sailor's outfit Mr. Darcy just bought for him, and Anne could use her christening gown which has such lovely lace! What a beautiful bride she will be. I must have Mr. Darcy write to the papers at once to announce the wedding. We can have a special license by the end of the week! Oh, this will be a beautiful wedding, sister!"
To Anne's great surprise, and not a little bit of fear, Catherine seemed to heartily agree. Catherine's satisfaction with the scheme distracted her long enough for Lady Anne to make her escape from the room and to race back down the stairs.
An hour later, when Lady Catherine again appeared in the parlor, she seem to have completely forgotten about the conversation with her sister and instead droned on and on about all the things that Anne must do to keep her servants in line. Anne nodded quietly to everything her sister said and resolved never to allow Fitzwilliam to be left alone with his aunt.
A few days later Lady Catherine and her daughter Anne quietly left Pemberley, and the conversation in the nursery was completely forgotten for twenty-four years--until a Hertfordshire upstart brought the whole plan back to Lady Catherine's mind.
It was then, in a pretty little wilderness on the grounds Longbourn House that Lady Catherine explained to Miss Elizabeth Bennet the wishes she and Lady Anne had for their son and daughter by saying, "While in their cradles we planned the union!"