Posted on Wednesday, 15 November 2000

Lady Catherine sat in the drawing room, thinking, with smug satisfaction, of dinner that evening. It now appeared an advantage inviting her new clergyman, Mr. Collins, when Lady Metcalfe and her family had been unable to accept due to a prior engagement, as he made a fourth. Moreover, she had been able to give her advice to a man who was undoubtedly in need of her superior opinions. She hoped (or more likely was certain), that her dinners were good enough for him. "I do not believe he often sees such at home."

She thought of his pleasing behaviour to herself and to her noble daughter:

"Your charming daughter seems born to be a duchess, and that the most elevated rank, instead of giving consequence, would be adorned by her."

Lady Catherine had smiled as she replied, "I believe you have told me so before, Mr. Collins, and I would have to agree with you."

"It is as true now as when I last said it," pausing for a moment he decided now was the perfect time to give the compliment he had composed that morning. "Her indifferent state of health has, by keeping her from town, deprived the British court of its brightest ornament."

It reminded her of the first occasion she had invited him to dine:

"Lady Catherine, I must say you do have a fine daughter indeed. Miss de Bourgh, I must assure you I came prepared to admire you; I had heard much of your beauty, but in this instance, fame has fallen short of the truth."

"I always say, in point of true beauty, Anne is far superior to the handsomest of her sex because there is that in her features which marks the young woman of distinguished birth."

"Truly, Lady Catherine, I declare you are correct. I have no doubt of your seeing her in due time well disposed of in marriage. Your charming daughter seems born to be a duchess, and that the most elevated rank, instead of giving consequence, would be adorned by her."

"Yes, yes. But when are you going to marry Mr. Collins? I believe that it speaks well for a young man in your circumstances, to marry as soon as may be, provided he chuses wisely and with discretion."

Lady Catherine was disrupted in these reflections by a new and terrifying thought. She was now not as pleased with his gallantry, from the idea it suggested more. What if Mr. Collins wished her fair daughter to be mistress of Hunsford Parsonage and believed that she, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, was encouraging the match? Had he not heard her mention the engagement between her daughter and her nephew?

It was at this moment that Mrs. Jenkinson appeared, sent to fetch a book that Miss de Bourgh had left there earlier in the day.

"Mrs. Jenkinson," boomed Lady Catherine in the most regal tone she could command, "do you know whom my dear Anne is in love with?"

"No, my Ladyship, I am afraid I do not."

"You ought to know that I am not to be trifled with. I am the nearest relation she has in the world, and am entitled to know all her dearest concerns."

"I am afraid, Lady Catherine, she has never confided anything of the sort to me."

"A notion of a most alarming nature, reached me two minutes ago. Though I know it must be a scandalous falsehood; though I would not injure her so much as to suppose the truth of it possible, I instantly resolved on talking with you, that I might make my sentiments known to you. I know she often condescends to drive by Mr. Collins' humble abode in her little phaeton and ponies and I should hope you always discharge your duty and my trust with propriety."

The puzzled Mrs. Jenkinson was now getting alarmed. What was Lady Catherine accusing her of?

"My daughter and my nephew are formed for each other. The engagement between them is of a peculiar kind. From their infancy, they have been intended for each other. It was the favourite wish of his mother, as well as of her's. While in their cradles, we planned the union: and now, at the moment when the wishes of both sisters would be accomplished, in their marriage, to be prevented by a young man of inferior birth, of no importance in the world, and wholly unallied to the family! They are destined for each other by every member of their respective houses; and what is to divide them? The upstart pretensions of a young man without family, connections, or fortune. Is this to be endured! But it must not, shall not be. If he was sensible of his own good, he would not wish to quit the sphere, in which he has been brought up."

Now understanding, Mrs. Jenkinson spoke up, "Indeed, Lady Catherine, if it were Mr. Collins' plan to marry your daughter, it would be a grievous affair. But he does not seem to be the kind of gentleman who would refuse to obey the claims of duty, honour, and gratitude. I am sure he would have too much respect for your wishes, and if he would, Miss de Bourgh would not disgrace her mother or cousin in such a way."

Lady Catherine was relieved on hearing this. She had been worried because she could not avoid the parson of her parish and she could not take the living from Mr. Collins, but now she felt there was no need to do either. It was a good thing, as it would have been almost impossible to find a replacement; he seemed to be part of a rare breed, the clergy no longer had the respect for the patrons as she felt it once did and it was unusual to find a young man sensible enough to listen to her.

Picking up a letter also left on the table, Mrs. Jenkinson turned again to Lady Catherine. "Speaking of nieces and nephews, I received a letter today from Harriet. She has now settled nicely with the Sherlocks. She was, of course, sorry to leave her family, having an affectionate heart, but she always knew that this day would come. My niece wished me to express her gratitude towards you, for having found such a delightful situation."

"I am always glad to get a young person well placed out." An interesting plan began to form in Lady Catherine's head. "Pray tell me, your youngest niece has not yet found employment, has she?"

"No, ma'am."

"I shall look out for a place for her then."

If Mrs. Jenkinson had not been in the room, Lady Catherine would have laughed at her own cleverness. The only problem was that Mr. Collins was soon to visit his cousins, a family by the name of Bennet, who lived in Hertfordshire. "Oh well," she thought, "I can speak to Mr. Collins before he leaves and introduce him to her on his return. He will then have had a fortnight to think."

On the Saturday night before Mr. Collins left, between the pools at quadrille, while Mrs. Jenkinson was arranging Miss de Bourgh's foot-stool, Lady Catherine turned to Mr. Collins and said, "Mr. Collins, you must marry. A clergyman like you must marry. - Chuse properly, chuse a gentlewoman for my sake; and for your own, let her be an active, useful sort of person, not brought up high, but able to make a small income go a good way. This is my advice. Find such a woman as soon as you can, bring her to Hunsford, and I will visit her."

As you all know what happened after that, I will not write any more.