Chapter 11

Posted on: 2010-09-23

~A cottage in the forest near Epping, Essex County

The meeting at the cottage near the village of Epping took place at noon. Lady Catherine spent about three quarters of an hour ranting about the disruption of her former plan. She mostly blamed Collins, but there was enough to cover Wickham as well, for he had been sent to watch over Collins. Collins spent the full three quarters of an hour bowing to her ladyship, while Wickham sat in a lackadaisical pose rolling his eyes and sighing whenever she was not looking in his direction. When her rage was spent, Lady Catherine revealed part of her new plan to both Collins and Wickham.

"Who is the next likely candidate for a wife for you, Collins? I want it to be the daughter of a landowner in the area so that you have good reason to visit frequently to carry out our pursuits." Lady Catherine said.

Collins stopped bowing and stood wide-eyed in shock. He had not thought out this option and could not think of any woman in the area surrounding Longbourn who would meet his criteria. "Your consideration is most generous, Lady Catherine, but I do not think there are any suitable ladies in the area. I would suggest…"

Wickham cut him off, "Of course there are, Collins! Why, Charlotte Lucas would be perfect for your plan, Lady Catherine! She would make a charming parson's wife."

Collins stuttered out, "But Miss Lucas is…is not…"

Lady Catherine was interested. "Wickham, tell me more."

"Charlotte Lucas is the eldest daughter of Sir William Lucas, who happens to own the land next to Longbourn. She is on the shelf, just so, and has little chance of finding a marriage partner at this age. She strikes me as an intelligent lady who does not wish to be a burden on her parents or her brothers, and would probably settle for a marriage of convenience with this…disgusting toad." His lips twisted with a sneer at the end of his speech.

"Oh…no, Lady Catherine, I beg of you, she is not the sort of woman I would want to…"

With her most authoritative voice, Lady Catherine announced, "It is settled then, Collins! You will make an offer to Miss Lucas as soon as possible. Having a connection with the property adjoining Longbourn will be beneficial for our purposes. If Wickham thinks she would make a proper parson's wife, better yet. Parsons should be married to set an example to the community. Now you go wait outside, I need to speak to Wickham alone."

Wickham's eyebrows rose slightly but he slipped his "disinterested" mask back in place attempting to hide his anticipation. He knew that when the old witch wanted to speak alone, some interesting assignment was about to begin.

Collins made his final twenty or thirty bows and several sickly-sweet compliments while backing out of the room. In a way Wickham was glad the sycophant was there so the old witch's need for groveling could be satisfied without inconveniencing himself.

Wickham was secretly terrified to tell Lady Catherine about Darcy's attachment, but he knew he had to. After Collins was gone, he began, "It seems that your favorite nephew 'the always good Reverend Darcy' is about to greatly disappoint you as well, your ladyship."

"What does Darcy have to do with any of this, Wickham? What are you up to?"

"So you know not that he is in Meryton, as Collins and I are? He is visiting his friend Bingley, who is leasing an estate neighboring Longbourn. It was quite a surprise to me to meet with both Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam in the village. It would be much simpler for me to leave the area, for having them there might create certain difficulties for me…but ones I would be willing to endure for an increase in wages." Wickham displayed a dazzling smile.

She knew this was necessary to get what she wanted and so she agreed--after some haggling. "Now, why do you say Darcy is about to disappoint me?"

"I have known him a long time, Lady Catherine, and I have never seen him besotted in my life. From what I can see he is in love with Miss Elizabeth Bennet."

Lady Catherine's eyes flew open wide and her mouth dropped open. Seeing Wickham's reaction of stifled mirth, she rearranged her features to a more stern countenance. "He would not do this to me! Not after all the years I have spent stressing the importance of his duty to marry my daughter, Anne. He will not offer for the same creature I had barely approved of for Collins to marry! He is a Darcy and a Fitzwilliam and he would never disgrace those noble lines in this manner! What means has she used to lure him in?"

"Let us just say she is my type in looks, and from what I hear she has intelligence to match Darcy's and a sense of humor to outdo Fitzwilliam." Wickham found he was enjoying this when he saw the old witch's face redden.

"Your type in looks! That is the key. She has drawn him in with her arts and allurements! I know of her connections and fortune well; she has none! Her father is a country squire and her mother is nobody…a daughter of a tradesman. The shades of Pemberley will not be thus polluted! I am ashamed of my nephew for being lured in by this country chit! This would ruin all my plans for Anne and for Pemberley, not to mention for the operation! This will not be borne!

"He will come to his senses, I am sure. He will use her, possibly set her up on the side…yes. After Anne bears the heir to Pemberley he will not need to bother Anne in that manner again. Darcy can go off and have his way with that wench instead. Yes, I am sure that is his plan. He could never marry her." She appeared to feel much better after reaching this conclusion.

Lady Catherine continued, "Now, let us speak of Mr. Bennet. Do you still have some of those powders that you used on the old parson who defied me?"

Wickham's look changed to one of even more interest, "Yes, I do have enough for one more use. You must be warned I will never have another opportunity to get any more of this concoction. The man who made it up for me is now in prison."

"You will use the last of the powders on Mr. Bennet. He has angered me beyond all limits to have disrupted my plans – in more than one way! To have ever conceived a daughter to tempt Darcy is unforgivable but and then to forbid Collins to marry any of his daughters. He must be punished! And so will all his daughters and wife when he dies, because Collins will turn them out of the house immediately! Mr. Bennet will take the powders and fall ill for a few days, growing weaker and weaker until he dies, just like the old parson did. I will get Longbourn soon."

"Then why have Collins marry?"

"I want to be sure of having connections in this area!" her eyes tightened, "If you fail me, I want Collins to be engaged before he does something disgusting to get sent away from Longbourn. I want him married as soon as possible!" she screamed, then added, "But Wickham, be ready to ruin Elizabeth Bennet at a word from me! You must wait until I tell you to…do you hear me Wickham? You must wait! I want her available for Darcy to have his way with her if he so desires."

Wickham licked his lips, "I would be most gratified to carry out this order when it is time! It is always a pleasure doing business with you, Lady Catherine!"

~In the woods between Longbourn and Meryton

The next morning, Elizabeth met Darcy at the appointed spot just at sunrise. He had taken a Netherfield horse this morning and let it loose when he arrived at their meeting place, knowing it would find its way back to the stables there.

"Good morning, Miss Elizabeth. What a surprise to meet you along this path." His eyes twinkled.

She smiled the brilliant smile that always caused his heart to lurch. "Good morning, Mr. Darcy. I have brought along breakfast. I always do when I go to the place I am about to show you."

Darcy took the basket from her and Elizabeth began to walk.

She wanted to show him her favorite spot about halfway between Longbourn and Meryton. Since she had been there many times and never come across another person, nor had she ever brought anyone else there, she thought of it as her own. She went there only when she wanted to be alone for a length of time.

She did not tell Mr. Darcy how special this place was for her, but felt a need to take him there. In the future, when he was gone and happily married to another, and she was a spinster acting as governess to her nieces and nephews, she would always have the memory of sharing her favorite place with him.

The wet summer followed by a dry, warm autumn had lengthened the season for the leaves to remain on the trees. They walked beneath mostly beech trees still bearing many of their leaves and the ground was carpeted with yellow and orange leaves as well. It was a misty morning and where the sun made its way through the trees, the haze made the beams of light visible.

Walking along with Elizabeth, Darcy felt almost as if he were living a dream and had to force himself not to take her hand as he had so many times while walking with her in his dreams. The rest of the morning probably would have passed differently had he known Elizabeth was having the same problem.

After a while the sun burned off the haze and Darcy could hear the unmistakable sound of a stream nearby. Elizabeth led him towards it. As they walked through a break in some tall bushes he was delighted by an array of colorful plants in a small clearing with a wide stream running through it. The clearing was surrounded by the same bushes they had just passed through and more striking yellow-orange beech trees they had been walking under most of the way there. There was also what looked like a sweet chestnut tree across the stream from where they stood, its reddish-orange leaves making it stand out against the brilliant yellow-green foliage of the black poplars behind it and several different kinds of bushes with an array of berries, all coaxing the birds to feast here.

The shore on this side of the stream was sandy and off to the right of the entrance they had come through was a mostly flat boulder large enough for several people to be able to sit upon. Someone, and he could guess who, had arranged flat rocks across the stream as stepping stones. The opposite side of the stream had a larger grassy area beyond the shore, which was covered with light yellow and purple autumn crocuses and blue love-in-a-mist flowers.

The entire scene was enchanting and he could imagine what it would look like in the full bloom of spring carpeted with bluebells, snowdrops and early crocuses and envision it in summer with lavender and the now bare rose bushes covered in flowers.

On the opposite side of the stream one of the beech trees had been split by lightning and part of the trunk was hanging over the grassy area making an arch low enough to the ground that even Elizabeth might have to duck down to pass under. Darcy could imagine Elizabeth sitting on it, inspecting her little world…and he smiled.

Elizabeth stood there watching the emotions play across his face as he surveyed her special place. She could see she was right to think that he would be as pleased with it as she was. He turned to her with the most brilliant smile she had ever seen from him and she could not help but match it. She took the blanket out of the basket and spread it over the boulder, then sat upon it setting the basket down next to her.

Darcy sat on the other side of the basket as she unpacked its bounty. He was afraid to speak as the moment seemed to call for silence. This was too perfect; he continued to feel as if this were all a dream and he did not wish to wake up, ever. He kept reminding himself she was not his wife; he could not pull her into his embrace or touch her or kiss her or--no, he would not even think about that--as he was absolutely certain would have happened if it had been a dream.

Elizabeth finally broke the silence and when he did not wake up, Darcy was no longer afraid to speak.

They shared her breakfast and talked…they spoke of their sisters, music, plays they had seen, operas they had attended, and museums they had visited. They found they had many of the same tastes, and those which they disagreed upon always began an interesting conversation or debate, as the case may be. Elizabeth asked questions about Eton and Cambridge and how he met Mr. Bingley. Darcy asked how she found this place and she told him of happening across it one day and that whenever she found a flower or plant that she enjoyed, she would bring seeds or a cutting here to plant. They shared many smiles and laughs, and both inwardly acknowledged to themselves that this had been the perfect morning. All too soon it was time for Elizabeth to return to Longbourn.

~In the woods between Longbourn and Meryton

Elizabeth had not realized Darcy was holding her so tightly that she was no longer supporting any of her own weight by the time the two officers left. Somehow she was in a position she had wanted to be in for what seemed like an eternity--in Mr. Darcy's arms being held so close to him that her entire body was pressed against him--and the irony of it was that with all she had just witnessed she could not enjoy it! She felt ill indeed, but she did not want to move in fear that Denny and Wickham would hear her.

Meanwhile, Darcy was well aware of every word of the conversation as well as Elizabeth's physical condition, but he was too disgusted by what he was hearing and too worried about her to enjoy their closeness either. He saw her color continue to drain and felt her trembling so violently that he knew her knees would fail her, so he continued to tighten his embrace. Her hands came up to his chest and her color changed again – this time she was turning green. He tried to rub her back to calm her long enough to delay at least until the men were far enough away not to hear. She managed to wait long enough for them to be well out of hearing range, then pushed off Mr. Darcy making it only as far as the first tree before her breakfast made a reappearance.

Darcy's mind was busy thinking of running after Denny and getting the vial of powders…but he could not leave Elizabeth! The two men went in opposite directions, there was no telling whether Wickham would come back this way any time soon if what he said about the barmaid was part of the ruse, and he had no idea where Collins was.

After accepting a concerned Darcy's handkerchief and taking a moment to recover, Elizabeth said, "I am so sorry you had to be a witness to what the lies that so easily rolled off Wickham's tongue have done to me, sir. I am feeling much better, thank you, and my mind is turning again…since Wickham lied about everything else in that conversation, he must be lying about what the powders are as well. What could they be? Why would he want to hurt my father?"

"Please, do not be embarrassed, Miss Elizabeth, Wickham has often made me ill as well." She could hear anger in his voice, but she knew it was not directed at her.

Elizabeth's eyes widened when a horrible thought occurred to her. "If I am correct about Collins and Wickham concealing the fact that they know each other, could the powders be something that would make Collins' inheritance happen that much sooner?"

A deep feeling of dread came over Darcy and he knew she could be right. "I hesitate to say this and frighten you further, but I feel I must. Wickham has made many people who had wanted to report him to the authorities disappear and made it all look like natural causes. Some were physical deaths, such as carriage accidents or trees falling, but perhaps this is how he managed some of the sudden and short illnesses which all lead to death? It was possible that he could be in contact with a dishonest apothecary somewhere who would provide him with a lethal concoction for a price."

Elizabeth's eyes opened wide, "We need to start moving, Mr. Darcy. We must get to Longbourn!"

Elizabeth hiked up her skirts and began to run. Darcy could not help but smile a little as he started after her. She was a good runner, but Darcy had longer legs.

"Go, Mr. Darcy…Go ahead…" she said between breaths.

"I will not…leave you here…in the wood alone." He replied. It turned out Elizabeth was a bit more used to running than Darcy thought. His having to slow his pace for her in the beginning worked out well since he began to lose the lead and her endurance was better than his.

While they ran Darcy was thinking, "Should we tell Mr. Bennet what we heard?"

As they neared the immediate grounds of Longbourn, Elizabeth suddenly stopped. Darcy passed, and then moved back toward her with a curious expression upon his face. She said, "We…cannot walk in…completely…out of breath!"

Both being in good health, their breathing became more normal fairly soon and the two began to walk at a quicker than normal pace to the house. Elizabeth told him, "It is ironic that up until recently my father would stay in his study and not be present in the drawing room for visitors! Since our talk with him about Wickham and Mr. Collins he has been much more attentive to spending time with the family when there are male visitors, especially when an officer is in the house. He cannot seem to belay my mother or sisters from inviting officers, but it is clear to everyone in the family that Wickham is not allowed on our grounds."

They got to the house quickly and Elizabeth asked Mrs. Hill, "Were there any visitors while I was out?"

"Mr. Denny and Mr. Saunderson are in the drawing room, Miss Lizzy. There were no other visitors."

"Has tea been served yet, Mrs. Hill?" she asked, attempting to keep the panic from her voice.

"Emily just brought it in as you entered the house, ma'am." Elizabeth wasted no time, opening the door to the drawing room immediately with Darcy on her heels.

There was no time to warn Mr. Bennet. Denny was standing near the tea serving while Saunderson was telling a joke. Both Elizabeth and Darcy saw Denny dump the vial into a cup while everyone else was distracted by Saunderson. Denny insisted on bringing Mr. Bennet his tea. Darcy was about to step in but Elizabeth walked across the room "accidentally" bumping into Denny's arm, and Mr. Bennet's tea cup fell to the floor and shattered, spilling the contents all over the floorboards.

There was a flurry of activity as everyone moved forward offering napkins and cloths, but Elizabeth would not allow anyone to touch the liquid.

Darcy said forcefully, "I will clean it up!" and the entire room turned to stare at him with wide eyes...Mr. Darcy, clean up a spill?

Elizabeth smiled and stated calmly, "Mr. Darcy, you are our guest we cannot allow you to clean our floors! As I have forgotten to take off my gloves upon coming indoors, I will be the least likely to be cut by the sharp pieces of broken china." She began to wipe the floor with a napkin. When the tea soaked napkin was loaded with the china pieces, she took some water and another napkin, wiped the floorboards well, and then left the room.

Darcy was alarmed and was having trouble regulating his breath, "What if the tea soaked through her gloves?" But he could not think of any way of stopping her without making the entire room even more suspicious than his offer a few minutes ago already had.

Mr. Bennet had been silently observing the pair since they walked in the room. First off, why was Mr. Darcy here? He also noticed something was wrong…exceedingly wrong with them both. They were in such an agitated state, both seemed to be overheated, and their clothing and hair were in disarray. He was becoming concerned that Lizzy had been compromised, albeit with her own permission or she would not have brought him to Longbourn with her. That Lizzy still had her gloves on was observed by her father just before she knocked the cup out of Mr. Denny's hand, without a doubt on purpose. Mr. Darcy's reaction to Lizzy cleaning up the mess was extremely disturbing. The look of panic in Mr. Darcy's eyes completely erased any notion of Lizzy being compromised by Mr. Darcy. "Why had these two conspired to keep me from my tea and why is Mr. Darcy so worried that Lizzy touched it?" What Mr. Bennet observed next was just as confusing as what preceded it.

While the rest of the room was in upset about the spilled tea and the broken cup, Denny was wearing a confused expression upon his face. He could not understand why Miss Elizabeth had knocked the cup from his hand and he was absolutely sure she did it on purpose! She must have been in on the plan…but if she had been, why had Wickham not told him to give the vial of powders to Miss Elizabeth so she could give them to her father? Suddenly he realized something was wrong about this whole situation. Could Wickham have been lying?

Abruptly, Denny gasped and all color drained from his face. How could he have taken on this task without knowing exactly what those powders were? He was ashamed of his trust in a man he hardly knew...and was relieved Miss Elizabeth had spilled the tea. Wickham had said these were the last of the powders and Denny was glad they were gone.

Darcy was watching Denny as well. He walked across the room to Denny and whispered, "Do not trust Wickham, Mr. Denny. I can see you have just realized he is not what he appears to be and I wish to confirm it for you. It is lucky for Mr. Bennet that his latest plan was not brought to fruition." Darcy stared into Denny's eyes for a tense moment and then walked into the hallway to find Elizabeth.

Darcy found Mrs. Hill and asked where Miss Elizabeth had gone. Mrs. Hill could see there was something wrong from the moment they entered the house together. To say Mr. Darcy was concerned about Miss Lizzy at the moment would be an understatement…and Mrs. Hill had an intuitive feeling Miss Lizzy would want Mr. Darcy to know where she was if he had asked. She led Mr. Darcy through the kitchen and out the door to where Mr. Hill burned the trash, then curtsied and returned to the house.

Elizabeth was trying to start a fire in the large pit that Mr. Hill used to burn trash, but her hands were shaking too severely to manage lighting the match. Another match was lit off to her left and shielded from the breeze. Elizabeth started; she was in too deep a state of thought to have noticed Mr. Darcy had walked up to her. After seeing who it was, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and then held the napkin containing the china cup over the burning match until it caught fire and dropped it into the pit. After setting the other napkin afire, she threw that and her gloves into the fire.

Darcy pulled her away from the pit in the direction the wind was coming from, and said, "Do not inhale the smoke. And you must wash your hands immediately, Miss Elizabeth. I am concerned. Please do not be upset, but I would like to stay as long as I can to make sure you are well. Can you contrive a way of inviting me to dine here this evening?"

Elizabeth nodded and led him back into the kitchen where she laughed as he supervised the washing of her hands, telling her to use more soap and rinse again and again. He took the bowl away and emptied it into the yard, then asked for the bowl to be filled again and used his "Master of Pemberley" voice to direct Elizabeth to repeat the entire sequence after she protested the first time. Elizabeth bit her lip trying to contain her mirth.

The kitchen staff was curious about all this, but Mrs. Hill gave them a stern look to mind their own business.

As they returned to the drawing room, Mr. Denny and Mr. Saunderson had left. Darcy briefly considered going after them to attempt to recover the container the powders had been in, but he was fairly sure that after Mr. Denny's realization a few minutes ago he would have disposed of it immediately.

Mrs. Bennet was screeching about Elizabeth being clumsy for breaking her best china. Mr. Collins seemed distressed only when Mrs. Bennet mentioned that the set was the best set of china, and now was not complete. He postulated about the chance of procuring a matching piece and his state of upset increased when he heard it was no longer available…but he was not disturbed enough to have been aware of Wickham's disrupted plan. Then soon after, Mr. Collins was back to his usual self. It was strange and Darcy and Elizabeth exchanged a few looks communicating their thoughts to each other.

Mr. Bennet watched them watching Mr. Collins…and was amused by the way that they informed each other of their thoughts without speaking to each other. "They do seem formed for each other."

Mr. Bennet was the one who invited Mr. Darcy to dine with them. He wanted to watch him together with Lizzy over a greater period of time. Darcy was more than appreciative of the invitation, and he sent a note to Netherfield informing them of his whereabouts for the evening and sending for his horse.

Elizabeth was not having any ill effects from handling the powder-laden tea, but Darcy rarely took his eyes off her. He kept sending her questioning looks which she replied to with a little smile. "What would I do if she became ill? I know not what was in the tea to tell a doctor!" Darcy noticed Mr. Bennet was watching him and he decided to talk to Elizabeth about telling her father what happened.

As the ladies began to move to the drawing room and the men to the study, Darcy signaled Elizabeth to stay behind.

"We need to tell your father what happened. He must be aware someone might make another attempt on his life!" Darcy whispered.

"Yes, those were my thoughts exactly. Please ask for a word in private when they are ready to join us in the drawing room. "

"I will. There is one thing we did not discuss, and I am surprised it has not yet come up. No one has asked how I came to be here this afternoon! Shall I say we just happened across each other while walking or…?"

Elizabeth smiled, "Tell the truth to my father. Explain I did not want my mother to get the wrong idea…he will understand that!"

Her eyes were twinkling in a teasing way and his mind went back to the way she felt in his arms earlier today. The situation did not allow him to enjoy it at the time, but the memory of her body pressed up against his would be ingrained in his mind forever…paired with now being so close to hear her whispers, her scent, seeing that wonderful twinkle in her eye, and the small, teasing smile upon those tempting lips - he felt his control slipping. He swallowed loudly and stepped away from her.

She was confused by his expression and actions but only said, "If my father would like to speak to me as well, I would be happy to join you both."

At that point Mr. Bennet, who had been watching the exchange from the doorway but could not hear what was being said except for the last, cleared his throat and said, "Oh yes, I think it would be a grand idea for you both to come to my study right now. I will dismiss Mr. Collins first – join me in one minute." and he left the room.

As they entered the room, Mr. Bennet was seated behind his desk in a reclined position with his hands laced together across his stomach. He watched the two sit in front of his desk and waited for them to begin.

Not knowing how much he had heard, Elizabeth made a quick decision to tell him the whole truth, "Papa, I am a stubborn person…" Mr. Bennet smiled "and refused to stop taking walks. After what happened the other day in Meryton, Mr. Darcy felt it was not prudent for me to be out walking alone. Yesterday we met quite by accident, and he walked me home. At that time we agreed to meet this morning at my usual time for a walk, and so we did."

Darcy was uncomfortable, for he knew he really should not have been out walking with a lady alone. He was afraid Mr. Bennet would misunderstand his intentions...or perhaps understand his intentions too well.

Elizabeth continued, "I am glad Mr. Darcy was there because something of a serious nature happened today. Papa, I know you noticed some odd happenings here this afternoon and I was expecting your inquiries, as was Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy was about to address you about this alone, but I am glad to be here as well. Sir, we came across Mr. Wickham and Mr. Denny during our walk this morning…" she could not continue without some water to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat.

As Elizabeth drank some water, Darcy continued, "Mr. Bennet, we overheard Wickham and Denny planning to give you some sort of powders in your tea today during Denny's visit at Longbourn."

Mr. Bennet, alarmed, sat up straight abruptly, hands flat on his desk. "What?"

Darcy continued, "Wickham said they were sleeping powders, and gave Denny a completely slanderous excuse to convince Denny to give them to you…" Darcy's countenance changed to one of anger, "involving Miss Elizabeth. Do you wish to hear Wickham's entire excuse, sir?"

"Yes, I believe I would. Lizzy?" He gave a pointed look to Elizabeth.

"He…he said that…" Elizabeth trailed off.

Darcy began, "Mr. Bennet, what we overheard was upsetting to Miss Elizabeth. Wickham told Denny that you had discovered that Miss Elizabeth and he were in love and meeting secretly. You had forbidden them from seeing each other, giving this as the reason he is not allowed on your property. He told Denny they planned on running off to Gretna Green, but they needed you to sleep for a full day so that they could get far enough ahead so you could not stop them. Denny believed this ridiculous story and accepted payment to put the powders in your tea." Darcy was seething with anger by this point and had to stop to gain control of himself.

Elizabeth took up where he left off, "We were on the other side of a hedgerow and Mr. Wickham and Mr. Denny did not know we overheard them, Papa. I was upset at first and Mr. Darcy would not leave me in the woods alone with Wickham unaccounted for. By the time I was recovered enough, we knew we had to run all the way here…and we arrived just in time, too!"

Understandably, Mr. Bennet was visibly upset by the news. He walked over to the brandy and poured three glasses, then handed them out, giving one to Elizabeth as well, "This will calm you a bit, my dear. Please drink a little."

Elizabeth took a sip and wrinkled her nose, choking as it burned going down, "Are you sure this is supposed to help?"

Suddenly Mr. Bennet turned white and grabbed the glass away from her, "Could he have put something in the brandy?"

"No, Mr. Bennet, not to worry! Wickham specified it had to go in something hot to dissolve. He also warned Denny to be careful with it since that was the last he had, and doubted he could get more...thankfully!"

Mr. Bennet closed his eyes and took a long breath. Handing the glass back to Elizabeth he said, "Then yes, my dear, it will help."

"Papa, you do know that Mr. Wickham lied about everything in reference to me?" Mr. Bennet nodded and she continued, "Since that is the case…Mr. Darcy and I do not think it was a sleeping powder."

"That much I have already concluded, my Lizzy. But why would Wickham want to kill me?" A look of understanding crossed his face, "Lizzy and Colonel Fitzwilliam both witnessed behavior that indicated Wickham knows Mr. Collins much better than they are making public. Could Collins wish to…inherit sooner rather than later?"

"We thought of that as well, Mr. Bennet, but as we both observed Collins this afternoon…I am not sure how to word this, sir…he does not seem disappointed that the plan was foiled. It is as if he did not know of the plan at all."

"Yes, Papa, Mr. Collins was upset that the set of our best china, which will someday be his, was no longer complete, but he seemed to have no knowledge that your demise had been checked."

"So we are back to the same question. Why would Mr. Wickham want to kill me?"

"I do not know." Darcy said, "It is possible he wanted to hurt you because you trusted me instead of him, but I do not believe even Wickham is capable of doing something this serious for a reason as petty as that."

A thought occurred to Elizabeth, "Is it possible there is something on Longbourn's property that Wickham wants but cannot gain access to since you will not allow him to come to the house?"

"Other than farmland, a few cows and sheep? We have nothing in the house of real value. No, I have not the slightest idea what could possibly attract such attention!" Mr. Bennet replied.

"I am afraid we may never find out, Mr. Bennet. I know Wickham pretty well and can say the only thing he did sound truthful about this morning was when he said there was no more of the powder he gave to Denny. I do not believe you are in danger from poisoning at this point, sir. If I were you I would check your carriage rigs and saddles fairly well from now on and do suggest you not go out alone until he has left the area. Mr. Bennet, do you own a pistol?"

Mr. Bennet nodded.

"Then I suggest you begin to carry it, sir, whenever you go out."

"Yes, and keep a close watch on my tea at all times just in case." Mr. Bennet quipped.

"Can we not have Wickham and Denny arrested?" Elizabeth asked.

"We have no proof of any of this, and I doubt either Wickham or Denny will confess to the authorities. If the cup had not been broken there might have been proof…" Darcy saw the look on Elizabeth's face and was quick to say, "No! Miss Elizabeth, please do not misunderstand me or take any blame upon you. It had to be done the way it was done – there was no time for anything else. I was about to do something similar when you stepped in, and I must say I would have been much less discrete about it than you were. We did the best we could under the circumstances. I only meant if there had been time to recover the powders or the tea, we might have had proof. As it was, we have none and cannot bring charges against either man."

"If I had not been so weak and become ill after what we heard…"

"I do not think there is one woman in England who could have done better than you did, Miss Elizabeth. After hearing what those blackguards said, most women would have been useless for at least a full day. You ran all the way to Longbourn and stopped a man from killing your father. Do not doubt your strength of character, madam. I will not allow it." The last two statements were made in the "Master of Pemberley" voice, which always made the corners of her lips twitch.

"Touché, Mr. Darcy." She said, with a brilliant smile, referring to their talk on Oakham Mount. He understood and returned it.

Mr. Bennet thought, "He will not allow her to take responsibility, to take any guilt upon her. He is a good man…and much in love with my Lizzy. He is intelligent as well, as he can obviously see her worth. Can he get past the social barriers, though? I wonder just how much he knows about Lizzy's connections. If Lizzy wants him to know, she will tell him…I must not interfere. She is in love with him as well. This is just what I wanted for her! But I do not believe either sees the other's true feelings. Do they even know the strength of their own feelings?"

Mr. Bennet knew he had been forgotten and cleared his throat, "I will not ask what that last comment was about! I do agree with Mr. Darcy." He smiled at his daughter, then continued, "Before we join the others in the drawing room there is one more thing I must say. I do agree you should not be walking alone for the time being, Lizzy, but I do not think it is proper for you to be walking unchaperoned with Mr. Darcy." Turning to Mr. Darcy, "I know you are trustworthy, sir, but I do have to think of my daughter's reputation as well. You have my permission to escort Lizzy on walks, but one of her sisters must be present as well."

They all rose and began to move toward the door. Mr. Bennet had a last comment before joining the others, "I certainly hope we will not be having such serious discussions as the last two every time we meet in my study. Perhaps next time we can play a round of chess, Mr. Darcy?"

"I would enjoy that much, sir"

"And the winner will play Lizzy? She is quite the player after all…"

"Certainly, sir." Darcy smiled.

Elizabeth blushed quite deeply, "Papa, overestimating my talents will only disappoint Mr. Darcy, who is used to playing the finest masters in London."

"My dear, I doubt it is possible Mr. Darcy could be disappointed in your performance." Mr. Bennet replied, his words perfectly chosen to imply a different meaning to each of them. Elizabeth knew that she was a better chess player than most but was too modest to admit to it. Darcy, on the other hand, suspected that Mr. Bennet was beginning to know his true feelings for Elizabeth.

The evening progressed much like any other, with the exception of Mr. Collins now having three people observing his actions. Before long, it was time for Mr. Darcy to take his leave, and Elizabeth disappeared upstairs for a moment to retrieve the book that she had borrowed from him. She used this as an excuse to walk him outside since he could not possibly mount a horse with such a large volume in his hand.

Darcy looked to the sky. Upon seeing dark clouds in the distance he said, "It seems we may miss our walk tomorrow."

Elizabeth frowned, "Aye, and I will be forced to listen to talk of lace and ribbons and dresses for Mr. Bingley's ball instead of watching you play chess with my father. But perhaps we can bore Mr. Collins enough with such talk that he will leave early, even if it is raining!"

She meant for her comment to amuse him, but his expression turned serious, "Miss Elizabeth, please do be careful around him. There is something about him that makes me more uncomfortable every time I see him."

"I do understand what you mean, and I promise I will be careful. My sisters and I have agreed never to leave anyone alone with the man. Worry not, my friend." She said the last with a smile.

"Friend" he thought sadly, but aloud he said, "I hope you do not mind if I inform Colonel Fitzwilliam about today's events?"

"Not at all. I think he should know."

"Thank you. And…you are well, are you not? No ill effects from handling the tea?"

"None! I thank you for your concern but I am perfectly well…or as well as one can be with a mind heavy with such worries as these."

Just to be in her presence made him feel more complete than he ever had in his life. He would like to stay all night there in the moonlight with his Elizabeth, but could think of no other reason to delay his departure. He mounted his horse.

Once mounted comfortably, Elizabeth handed him the book. "Thank you for the loan of the book, sir."

He looked to the book and noted with pleasure and relief her bookmark was still inside. "When I see you next, I will give you the third volume to peruse at your leisure."

She flashed him the brilliant smile that made his heart ache and they bid each other goodnight. Elizabeth watched him ride away for as long as she could see him in the darkness, then whispered, "Good night, my love."

Chapter 12

Posted on: 2010-09-26

When they retired, Jane asked, "Lizzy, what happened today? I saw you join Father and Mr. Darcy in the study for a while after dinner. I had hoped…" she hesitated and gave Elizabeth a mischievous smile as Elizabeth colored, "but you did not look as happy as I expected that you would when you joined us afterward, so I dismissed it."

Elizabeth knew that Jane would notice she was not in the drawing room, but she had not time to think about what to tell her. Should she disclose all? Elizabeth decided to think on it and talk to her father before disclosing anything. "No, Jane, it was not what you were hoping for." She continued the sentence to herself, "…though I wish it were" Elizabeth sighed and feigned a yawn, "Can we speak of it another time?"

Jane was not convinced by the yawn, but she would press no further, "Certainly, Lizzy. Good night."

Friday, November 22, 1811

After a good sleep, Elizabeth awoke to the sound of pounding rain. It had begun during the night and looked as if it would continue all day. She would not be seeing Mr. Darcy this morning.

Mr. Collins surprised the entire family by keeping his dinner engagement with the Lucas family that evening though it had been raining all day and the roads were in horrid condition.

The following two days, though the weather continued to be inclement, he returned for a full-day visit with Sir William. It struck them as odd, but none lingered too long on the thought as all were relieved to be out of Mr. Collins' company.

When her mother and sisters were busy changing ribbons on Jane's ball dress, Elizabeth slipped away to speak to her father.

"Papa, last night Jane asked why I had joined you and Mr. Darcy in your study, and somehow I managed to avoid her inquiry. You and I had not discuss whether Jane should be told about yesterday's happenings, and I wish to be prepared if she does ask again."

Mr. Bennet thought for a few minutes and said, "I do not think this is something that Jane needs to know. Additionally, it would do no good to tell her. I am certain that after fretting for a while, she would declare the whole as a mistake of some sort and dismiss it."

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes, you are probably correct. But if she asks again?"

"I will leave that to you, Lizzy. We did speak of playing chess, so if you were to say we were discussing that subject, it would not be a lie, and since Jane knows little about chess, she will most likely not inquire further." Mr. Bennet winked at Elizabeth and gestured to dismiss her.

Elizabeth attempted to keep herself occupied in helping to boost Jane's spirits, hiding her own depressed condition in the process. She knew that any sane individual would stay at home in such weather. They would not be receiving any visitors from Netherfield.

Yet, no matter how she tried to distract herself, Elizabeth found the separation from Mr. Darcy a torture. She could not seem to turn her mind from thinking about the way it felt to be held by him, and she longed for more--hopefully under much more pleasant circumstances. She spent quite a bit of time trying to puzzle out what emotion he had displayed before he moved away while they were alone in the dining room. Whatever it was, it made her heart race and her breath come faster. She attempted to analyze the reason why he would not allow her to take any guilt upon herself. When he spoke of them as a unit, at the simple word "we," she felt a shiver of pleasure move down her spine. The conversations that they had shared over the past weeks were reviewed in her mind, their interests and understanding of each other showed how suitable they were for each other. "No, Lizzy! You must stop thinking in this way. You are friends, nothing more!" she would chastise herself and she would turn her thoughts to another subject…but it did not suffice for long.

~Netherfield Park

Darcy had been looking forward to spending time with Elizabeth during their morning walks, even if it must be with her sisters present. He knew that their time was limited--he was leaving for London after the ball, and he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her now.

It seemed the more time he spent with her during his waking hours, the less time his dreams wereonly about spending time with her. His dreams were becoming much more physical in nature. Darcy had been having an increasingly difficult time being near Elizabeth since he would find himself almost taking her hand without thinking.

When he heard the sound of falling rain upon waking, he thought it might be best to spend some time without having to curb these impulses, but that difficulty was nothing when compared to the pure torment of Elizabeth's being merely three miles away and his not being able to look upon her, talk with her, or hear her laughter. Often during the dreary day, he found himself pacing the library like a caged animal, glancing at each window as he passed to see if the rain had yet receded.

Would relocating to London, increasing the distance between them, make life without her pass more easily or would he become more wretched? He knew he would never be happy without her, but would the length of time that they were separated make contentment more or less difficult to attain?

At the end of the second day of rain, he was sure he would go mad if he did not spend some time with Elizabeth. He paced his room, shaking his head. He knew he had no reason to doubt that what he felt now would only become more intense once he removed himself to London.

Pausing by the window, he looked out in the direction of Longbourn and took a long, deep breath. Promise or not, living the remainder of his life without her would be absolutely impossible. His heart could no longer be denied…he would ask Mr. Bennet for permission to court Elizabeth.

Relief and joy filled him to overflowing at these thoughts…it felt as if he had been under water for too long and had just broken the surface. This must be the correct choice if it caused him to feel this way!

He would go to Longbourn tomorrow afternoon, rain or not. He would say that since everyone at Netherfield had been occupied with the preparations for the ball he had been incessantly bored and had come to play chess with Mr. Bennet. Elizabeth had said that she wished to watch them play, and Mr. Bennet had suggested that whoever won the first match would become her opponent. Afterwards, he would ask for a moment alone to speak to Mr. Bennet to gain his consent to court her.

Darcy pictured Elizabeth leaning over the board to move her pieces and his heart raced. He was more than certain that if he were to play her, he would lose. He smiled as he wondered how he could possibly concentrate on the game. It might be better to go in the morning. A morning dress might be much less of a distraction, preventing him from making a complete fool of himself, losing after only a few moves.

The afternoon scenario reappeared in his mind and he smiled again, deciding he cared not if he lost this game. He would go later in the day, hoping the fact that it was not the proper time to visit would help convince the family he was desperately bored at home and in need of occupation. The rewards were worth the risk of their thinking him a little odd.

Darcy laughed at himself. "Perhaps the distraction of a lady's neckline is the reason most men do not allow women to play chess! Hmmmm…billiards would be an even more pleasing game to play opposite Elizabeth…it would be most satisfying to teach her to play…"

That night, someone other than Elizabeth crept into Darcy's dreams…

Darcy was at Pemberley. He walked up the front steps and entered. His mother, Lady Anne, was there to meet him. He was overjoyed to see her and rushed across the hall to embrace her, but she seemed furious and immediately pulled away from him. He did not remember her acting this way at any time in his life. She had always been firm but gentle when disciplining him, so the intense look of censure she was directing at him was wounding--even frightening.

She took him by the hand and led him into her sitting room. Feeling as if he were six years old again, he dutifully sat in the chair she motioned to. His hands were trembling with an inexplicable fear of what she was going to say to him.

She began to speak in a voice so full of command that he did not recognize it, "A report of a most alarming nature has reached me just now, William, and I came at once. I was told that you are in all likelihood going to be united with a fortuneless country nobody's daughter whose only connections are in trade! Has not my sister informed you of my wish for you to marry your cousin Anne?"

Darcy, wide eyed, could not speak past the tightness in his throat. He felt himself heading towards frenzy.

Lady Anne continued, "I am ashamed of you, William! Are you lost to every feeling of propriety? Have you no esteem for the memories of your father or me? Have you no respect for the promises you made just before my death? You have failed me twice now, will you fail me again?"

Darcy finally found a hoarse, gravelly voice, "Mother, I am in love with Elizabeth! I do not believe I can live without her in my life. Am I not permitted happiness?"

"Love…happiness?" her mirthless laugh he did not recognize as his mother's. "These are inconsequential! Duty, honor, decorum, and prudence forbid this match, William! If you willfully act against the inclinations of all your family and friends, Elizabeth will be censured, slighted, and despised by everyone connected with you. This alliance will be a disgrace to Georgiana and none of your names will ever be mentioned by anyone again! This match will make you three the contempt of the world. If you insist upon having this girl in your life, then marry Anne and take her on the side!"

Darcy was shocked, "Mother! How could you suggest this to me? I would not dishonor Elizabeth in such a way, ever. I would rather give her up forever!"

"Then so be it, William! Let me be rightly understood. This match can never take place. Never!" and his mother brought her fist down on the table next to her making a horribly loud noise.

Darcy awoke with a start, sitting up immediately. His sheets were drenched with perspiration, his breathing was rapid and his heart felt as if it were about to burst. He jumped out of bed and tripped over the book Elizabeth had returned to him, which must have slid off his bed. "The noise was the book falling, not Mother's ire!" Pacing the room, he repeated aloud, "It was a dream, a dream, nothing more than a dream!"

And yet, some part of him would not believe it was just a dream.

When making your choice in life, do not neglect to live.
--Samuel Johnson (English author, 1709-1784)

The next morning Richard sought out Darcy to discuss their plans of going to London. It was decided that they would leave the afternoon after the ball and go directly to Darcy House to spend the evening with Georgiana. The next day they would speak to the earl about the property in India, after which Darcy would arrange to have his solicitor and investigator meet with them all at Darcy House as soon as possible.

Richard then asked Darcy when he would be coming back to Netherfield.

Darcy answered without meeting Richard's eye, "I will probably not come back for a long time, if ever."

Richard's eyes opened wide. "You will let her go then?"

"Of whom do you speak?" Darcy said in an almost disinterested tone, seemingly absorbed in brushing off lint from his jacket with his hand.

Richard was infuriated. "Of whom do I speak? Darcy! Are you daft, man?" Richard walked away and paced for a few minutes trying to calm himself then continued, "I have learned lessons I hope most people will never have a reason to learn in the same manner as I did, though it might do them some good. When facing death, one realizes what is important in life--and what is not. Hang dowries and society's expectations!" he yelled. "Darce, you forget I know Miss Elizabeth, and I can see you are perfectly suited for each other! You would be a complete and utter fool to let her go without making her an offer. You should beg her to marry you if necessary! You, sir, need to tone down that inflated 'Darcy pride' of yours and realize what your paramount concerns should be!"

Darcy responded, "You know not all my reasons for yielding to the expectations of society, Richard, and I will not explain further." He turned his back to Richard. "He can never understand the promise I made to Mother and why I must keep it!"

As he stormed from the room to prevent himself from beating sense into his cousin, Richard grumbled loudly enough for Darcy to hear, "Damned fool! A life filled with happiness is within his grasp and he throws it away for the sake of a handful of people who would not care one stitch about him if he had little fortune and his name was Smith!"

~Longbourn Estate

Though Mr. Collins spent a great deal of time at the Lucas', the Bennet family did see him over the three day period of rain. With time, Elizabeth was completely convinced that Mr. Collins had no idea about the plot against her father. It baffled her why Wickham had attempted this. Every explanation she could think of was too ridiculous to even think of bringing it to the attention of her father.

She also spent some time considering the reason Mr. Collins was spending so much time with the Lucases. Was it possible he was interested in her good friend, Charlotte Lucas?

Charlotte was not of a romantic nature, though Elizabeth did think she was more romantic than she would admit to. She had often claimed that she would be perfectly content in a marriage of convenience as long as the gentleman was respectable and had a comfortable income. Elizabeth thought Charlotte was a beautiful woman, but Charlotte was told so many times that she was plain that she seemed to believe it. Elizabeth believed her friend only needed more of a chance to get away from Hertfordshire, which was quite short of bachelors, to meet a man who would recognize her true worth.

Elizabeth had asked her Aunt Madeline to invite Charlotte to London a few times, but for one reason or another it was not possible for Charlotte to come. Now that she was older than the age at which most ladies married, Elizabeth was afraid that if Mr. Collins proposed, Charlotte would accept without hesitation. She had no time alone with Charlotte to tell her of anything which had transpired with Mr. Collins since his arrival.

Elizabeth felt she must warn Charlotte before it was too late!

Tuesday, November 26, 1811

~Netherfield Park - The Ball

Darcy had been pacing all day in anticipation of seeing Elizabeth at the ball. It had finally stopped raining, and his inclination bent towards rushing to Longbourn immediately after the sun came out from behind the clouds. Normally after being housebound for three days, he would have taken the first chance he could to be outdoors, but he knew that if he went riding, he would find himself at Longbourn, so he remained inside the house. It helped that Caroline Bingley had been deeply involved with planning the ball and overseeing the final details of the decorations, so she had not much time to be chasing after Darcy for the past few days.

He had replayed the dream of his mother in his mind repeatedly. Darcy was convinced that the dream was the sign he had been praying for since he met Elizabeth…no--from the moment he laid eyes upon her atop Oakham Mount when she was his angel, not yet Elizabeth

Darcy went as far as writing down everything his mother said in the dream. Whenever his chest began to ache unbearably, he would take out his mother's words and read them again and again. "This match can never take place. Never!" she had said. He told himself he had finally accepted this fact.

When Bingley married Elizabeth's sister, as he was sure that he would, Darcy would not attend the wedding. He would avoid the Bingleys any time Elizabeth was staying with them. If seeing her sister Jane pained him too greatly, he would have to take the drastic move of ending his friendship with Bingley.

He hoped once married, Bingley would decide to buy a different estate, for he knew that he could never visit them at Netherfield so long as Elizabeth was but three miles away. "Maybe after she has married, I could visit at Netherfield." The thought caused his chest to tighten in immense pain. He could not be with Elizabeth, but he did not think that he could bear to watch her someday fall in love and marry somebody else!

Darcy was tempted to stay above stairs all evening instead of attending the ball. Would he be able to leave tomorrow if he spent time with her tonight? But how could he not take this last opportunity to see her, to hear her, to fill himself with her scent just once more? Elizabeth was everything!

"But, I should keep my distance…I should not go near her or talk to her. I will listen and watch, but not speak to her. I will not dance with her!"

When Elizabeth entered Netherfield, she began searching the crowd for Mr. Darcy but did not see him. Her gown was green muslin, adorned with red roses embroidered around the neckline, short sleeves and hem. It was simple yet elegant, the color enhancing the green of her eyes.

Mrs. Bennet had made certain that Jane's gown was the best that could be found in Hertfordshire. Jane was attired in a cream silk gown with a fine crepe overlay slightly hinting at pink, covered with tiny pink embroidered roses. "The loveliest gown belongs to the loveliest lady present," Elizabeth thought to herself.

Elizabeth had to smile when upon the Bennet family's arrival, Mr. Bingley abandoned his duties as host, left the receiving line, and firmly established himself at Jane's side. Anyone seeing the couple together would know they were deeply in love. He made Jane so happy--how could Elizabeth not love him as a brother already?

Passing through the receiving line was an amusement in itself. Mr. Bingley's sisters were examining their guests' clothing with critical eyes. It amazed Elizabeth what importance these ladies placed upon a few yards of fabric and lace. Caroline Bingley was barely civil to her. Mrs. Hurst surprised Elizabeth by extending more of an effort, but she had barely begun to speak before her sister's glare put a sudden halt to her sincere-sounding words of welcome.

They both greeted Jane warmly, but Elizabeth could tell that neither Jane nor Mr. Bingley saw the look of disdain Caroline shot at Mrs. Hurst after welcoming Jane to the ball.

Perhaps Jane was better off not knowing as she was too far influenced by the happiness of those around her. If she recognized that his sisters did not want her to marry their brother, would Jane refuse him? Elizabeth did not wish to dwell upon the question, for she suspected she would not like the answer. Yes, it was far better for Jane if her attention was too absorbed by Mr. Bingley's eyes to notice his sisters.

Mr. Bingley offered Elizabeth his free arm, with Jane on his other side, and escorted the ladies into the ballroom. It was then that she saw Mr. Darcy. Though she had suffered the three days without having seen him, she truly had not realized how much she had missed him until that moment. He was even more handsome than ever in his formal attire, but it was more the look in his eyes as he followed her entrance into the ballroom that took her breath away. Even at this distance she could see it, and it raised her hopes considerably. It was a look filled with passion and longing and…could she dare hope…love. For a moment all of Elizabeth's attempts at dismissing the prospects that Jane and Charlotte had voiced since the assembly failed. She could not but hope that he loved her when he looked at her like that!

Darcy thought he was prepared to see Elizabeth, but when she walked through the doors of the ballroom, he found that he was not. Elizabeth was always stunning, but this night she was absolutely spellbinding. Darcy could not tear his gaze away from her.

He felt protective of her and could not but become her shadow throughout the evening. The other people in the room were mere obstacles between them, their bodies blocking his view of her, their voices drowning out the sound of her voice. To him they did not really exist; they were only annoyances.

Elizabeth was confused and greatly disappointed when Mr. Darcy did not approach her. She had hoped they would dance the first set, but he did not request the dance. She could feel his eyes upon her, watching her every move, and yet still he did not come to her. She knew that if she approached him, it would feed the gossips' coffers. She had not expected this behavior from him after all they had recently shared.

Elizabeth noticed Charlotte Lucas's first set was with Mr. Collins. She was absolutely intent upon warning Charlotte away from Mr. Collins, but was not sure exactly how to go about it. Elizabeth had no opportunity to talk to Charlotte until after she had seen that they had stood up together again!

What Darcy felt while watching his Elizabeth dance with other men at the ball was absolutely unacceptable to him, but he found this feeling beyond his control--raging jealousy! He had never felt it at this intensity in the whole of his life, and it absolutely terrified him! It was likely he would do something without thinking tonight with this emotion ruling him.

Though he was alarmed over what seemed to be her control of his every breath, he could not resist the magnetic pull of Elizabeth. No matter what his resolve had been before the ball began, Darcy felt he must dance with her…feel the touch of her hand, be the sole object of her attention, and receive her smiles…just once more before he left Elizabeth forever.

It would be good to have a farewell dance to look back on. Yes, that would be acceptable.

Finally, Charlotte was standing alone across the dance floor, and Elizabeth headed toward her. After exchanging the usual civilities, Elizabeth asked with a teasing sparkle in her eye, "Did you enjoy dancing with Mr. Collins?"

Charlotte replied with a tone of admonishment, "Yes, I was pleased to dance with Mr. Collins, Lizzy."

Elizabeth doubted her friend was telling the truth for she had seen with her own eyes that Mr. Collins had little knowledge of dancing, had made wrong turns throughout and had trod on poor Charlotte's feet at least three times. It should have been an embarrassment, not a pleasure. She and Charlotte were usually more honest with each other than this!

Elizabeth gave Charlotte a look of reproof which was met with Charlotte's responding in the same tone of voice as before, "Lizzy, I only ask for a comfortable home; and considering Mr. Collins' character, connections and situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state."

Elizabeth's eyes widened. "Are you saying that Mr. Collins has made you an offer, Charlotte, and that you have accepted?"

"Oh…yes, Lizzy. We decided to keep it a secret until after the ball, but by the look you were giving me, I thought that you already knew!"

Elizabeth was speechless. It was too late! She had failed Charlotte.

Charlotte said, "I know you are surprised dearest Lizzy, but will you not wish me happiness?"

"Charlotte, there are some things you should know about Mr. Collins…"

"No, Lizzy, I do not wish to hear it. I believe happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. It is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life."

"Charlotte, you know that is not sound…"

"No, Lizzy! I thank you for your concern, but I will not hear you other than to wish me every chance of happiness."

Elizabeth knew not what to do next. "Charlotte, I do wish you to have every chance of happiness in life, which is why I feel you must listen to me. The betrothal has not yet been announced; you can put an end to it before…"

"Lizzy…please! I will not speak of this any further!" said Charlotte angrily before walking away.

Elizabeth thought of speaking to her father of the situation, but it seemed a hopeless case. What could she say to Charlotte? She had no proof of anything untoward; it was more of a feeling and a conjecture. He had acted as no gentleman should, but he had excuses for what he did that might be believed. She continued to wish to suppress the fact that he was found in her room, even to Charlotte, for she knew if Charlotte would cancel the engagement, she would need to tell Sir William all the reasons why, and then the news would be spread all over the county--and she would be forced to marry Mr. Collins. Perhaps it was selfish, but Elizabeth did not want to make such a sacrifice, not even to save Charlotte.

After a few dances, Darcy saw Elizabeth cross the dance floor to speak to Miss Lucas, and he recognized that Elizabeth was becoming upset during their conversation. Darcy's protective nature took precedence, and he could no longer restrain himself from going to her. When he neared, Miss Lucas seemed angry at Elizabeth, but they were still speaking civilly. He delayed any further approach to give them privacy in their conversation. He felt more comfortable being close in case Elizabeth needed him, though what threat Miss Lucas could possibly be was beyond his ability to reason at the moment. Miss Lucas suddenly walked away, and Elizabeth seemed more upset than before.

Darcy advanced toward Elizabeth and asked, "Are you well, Miss Elizabeth?"

"Mr. Darcy!" she said with surprise and hesitated to answer. Elizabeth wished to speak to him and ask for his advice about Charlotte and Mr. Collins, but it seemed that he had been shunning her so far this evening. She did not want to bring this unfortunate circumstance into their conversation now that he was paying his attentions to her. They had shared too many negative experiences so far; she wanted to have more positive memories with Mr. Darcy to look back upon.

She continued, "Yes, I am well, sir. Charlotte and I had a disagreement about…a certain matter, but I am well."

"I am glad to hear it," he said softly, searching her eyes to gauge whether she would be receptive to a request for a dance at this moment. The distressed look in her eyes turned more toward the sparkle he had gotten to know and love, and so he requested the next. She accepted.

Mr. Darcy led her to the dance floor, and it was as it had been at the assembly. The rest of the world ceased to exist with the exception of them. The tingling warmth which spread through her every time they touched left her wanting much more. Her breathing was quick but it was not from the exertion of the dance. When he looked at her that way again, the same as he had when she had entered the ballroom, she wondered if he could hear the beating of her heart.

All of the thoughts of him that she had suppressed over the past few rainy days came upon her at once as they moved through the dance. His eyes caught hers and she thought, "Do you know how I love you?" For a moment Elizabeth feared she had said the thought aloud because Mr. Darcy's expression changed…but it was one of such happiness that it took her breath away. It must have been an illusion, a wish, a hope, a dream, for as soon as it had appeared, it was gone. Her doubts returning, she was suddenly sure that if she had said it aloud, he would not have been happy to hear it.

She did not wish to think this way any longer if it was to raise false hopes within her, so she began to talk of her dance with Colonel Fitzwilliam. Elizabeth became concerned when Mr. Darcy's countenance changed to one of agitation.

Their shared dance was everything and nothing like Darcy had imagined, both at the same time. The thrill of her touch, even through their gloves, was magnificent--it penetrated his being to the core.

Darcy was at first confused by the emotion he saw in her eyes, but it raised in him a hope that she could somehow be interested in him as more than a friend. Just then, his mother's words echoed through his mind, and all hope was crushed.

The feeling of jealousy that he had felt earlier while watching her dance was increased twenty-fold when she mentioned something his cousin said to her during their dance, but then luxurious warmth spread through him when he realized she did not look at Richard as she did at himself. She looked at nobody as she did at himself!

Before Darcy knew what he was doing, he asked to sit with her for supper, and she accepted. "I must spend time with her just once more!"

Elizabeth's next partner came to claim her hand. As she walked away from him on another man's arm, he felt a weight on his chest so heavy that he feared he would be unable to breathe.

"This is how my life will be without her. I shall have nothing. Some other man shall win her hand and her heart someday. What power is this that my Elizabeth holds over me? That I should feel as if I cannot breathe…that my heart does not beat unless I am near her? Can I stop loving her, wanting her, and needing her? Do I wish to stop?"

He longed for more time; an urge almost overtook him to follow Richard's advice and beg her to marry him right there in front of the entire neighborhood. But to subject Elizabeth and Georgiana to the things his mother had warned him of in the dream--he could not do it.

Continuing in his endeavor to convince himself that never seeing her again would be the right choice, Darcy thought, "The way she looked at me during the dance, it was a gift. It produced the hope within me that she could one day care for me, and that would not do at all. I cannot continue this way. I must leave and never return; it is for the best. We cannot be friends; it is not fair to Elizabeth. If she learned to feel more for me when I cannot be with her I would hurt her, as leaving now will hurt me. It is distressing enough o know she will be unhappy at losing our friendship, but her pain will fade in time. She will forget I exist and go on with her life." The ache in his chest increased to think that someday she would not remember him when as early as the first moment he saw her, he knew he would never stop thinking of her until he lived no more.

"Perhaps it would be much better for her if she thought of me as less than a friend. Should I attempt to make her dislike me? Do something--say something unforgivable?"

A feeling of panic enveloped him, "No! I cannot! I cannot! I would not survive knowing Elizabeth was alive in the world and thinking ill of me!"

Darcy spent the rest of the time before supper contemplating these thoughts while watching Elizabeth grace the ballroom, and her partner, with her presence.

There is, indeed, nothing that so much seduces reason from vigilance, as the thought of passing life with an amiable woman.
--Samuel Johnson (English author, 1709-1784)

Colonel Fitzwilliam had been doing his duty to his host and had engaged himself to dance with several unattached ladies of Hertfordshire successively. His next set was with Miss Charlotte Lucas, with whom he had been in company a few times and had spoken to only once. She was a pretty girl with a pleasing personality. Richard had stayed away from her purposely since every time her eyes met his he felt…peculiar, but he certainly could not dance with every other single lady in the room and then slight Miss Lucas! When he caught sight of her across the room, he could not understand why he heard people refer to her as plain. She was beautiful, in his opinion, tonight especially. He walked up to Miss Lucas to claim his dance, and that peculiar feeling came over him, stronger than ever.

"It is a wonderful ball, is it not, Colonel Fitzwilliam?"

"Yes, it is, Miss Lucas. Were I as rich as Bingley, I would have at least four balls a year, I believe, one for every season."

"And being the son of an earl, are you not accustomed to attending many balls?"

"Aye, I am, but it is different when it is in one's own home. When my parents hold a ball, I take pleasure in watching the transformation from a house to a place fit for a ball. It amazes me how the mistress of the house plans every last detail, and I do enjoy watching how the servants orchestrate it all from her plans. It could be compared to setting up a battle, but the weapons used are much prettier, and when the 'soldiers' fall it is with a much more pleasant result! Though in the early morning light when everyone leaves the 'field,' the chaos left behind is similar!" They both laughed. "Having a small income as a colonel, I do not expect to see such a transformation for a ball again when I am no longer benefiting from my parents' generosity."

"Do not younger sons of earls usually marry ladies of large fortunes, sir?" Charlotte said teasingly.

"That is usually how it works, Miss Lucas." Suddenly Richard felt like a hypocrite. He had been telling Darce not to pay attention to dowries and society's expectations, yet he himself would.

Charlotte smiled knowingly and said, "Colonel, it is not common knowledge as of yet, but I am recently engaged to be married. I would like to assure you of having nothing to worry about from my expectations of a simple dance! No warnings are necessary."

Richard laughed, "That is good to know, Miss Lucas." He was confused by a strong feeling of disappointment which came over him as he continued, "May I wish you joy, madam?"

"I thank you, sir."

When the set was done, they found neither had a partner for the next. Richard fetched some refreshments and sat with Miss Lucas. The two talked through the next set, and he found himself quite attracted to the person, opinions, and sense of humor possessed by Miss Charlotte Lucas. The "peculiar feeling" continued to grow stronger until he realized that he was feeling a more particular regard for her than he had ever felt for any other woman before.

Richard turned thoughtful, "It is impossible for anything to happen between us. Darce said it best the other day: I live above my income. I cannot support a wife in the manner to which I am accustomed and to which she deserves.

"Though, with a woman such as this, I could well become used to living on my officer's salary, as long as Charlotte would be willing. Should I ask her?

"Ask her! Am I mad? I have only spoken to her twice, and the first time we barely exchanged civilities. She said she is recently engaged, as well. Impossible!

"However, her engagement is not yet announced…

"I barely know her! Now, after only one hour of dance and conversation, I am ready to ask her to cast away her reputation, break an engagement, and court a man who could barely support her? I could not ask that of her, she would think me ready for the asylum!

"There is no time, though; she said her engagement would be announced after the ball. I will have no time to get to know her better, no chance to court her before it is announced, and then I can never ask her.

"She is engaged! I should not even be thinking of her at all!"

Charlotte had been having a lovely time with Colonel Fitzwilliam, but then he suddenly became quiet, and she watched as turmoil erupted upon his features. "Are you well, sir?"

Startled out of his reverie by Miss Lucas's voice, he turned and said, "Oh, yes…yes Miss Lucas I am well." He took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing, "I have not asked you, madam, if I have met the man to whom you are betrothed."

"You do know him, sir, it is Mr. Collins."

"COLLINS! Not my aunt's parson?" Richard suddenly felt nauseated. "There must be another Mr. Collins! There must!"

Colonel Fitzwilliam's reaction almost frightened Charlotte. "Why yes, sir, I believe he is quite grateful for your aunt's patronage."

Richard needed to think. He must stop this marriage. This wonderful woman could not marry that toad of a man who had treated Miss Elizabeth in such a way. Who knows what he would do to a wife! He had to say something to change her mind, but he could barely compose a sentence, "You cannot be serious! I ask you to rethink this decision…the engagement is not yet public… I cannot allow you to…did not Miss Elizabeth talk to you about…"

A shocked expression came over Charlotte, and she interrupted him, "Colonel Fitzwilliam! Did Lizzy ask you to talk to me about this?"

"Miss Elizabeth?" Richard said, confused.

Charlotte was angry now and stood up. "Sir! You have barely made my acquaintance, and you will offer me advice on whom I am and am not to marry? It is presumptuous of you to think that you have any rights at all in regards to me! Good evening, Colonel Fitzwilliam!" And she walked away.

"Good show, Richard!" he mumbled to himself, feeling quite awful. "She is absolutely correct. I am nothing to her. I cannot tell her whom to marry."

Charlotte found a quiet place on a balcony to hide away with her tears and her thoughts. "Why am I so angry? Why will I not allow anyone to tell me what they think of Mr. Collins? Why is Lizzy saying the same sort of things as Colonel Fitzwilliam in regards to him? Is there truly something more I should know about Mr. Collins?"

Charlotte scowled. "Oh! But who else would ever offer for me? Colonel Fitzwilliam…if ever I were a romantic, I would have to say I had fallen in love with him at first sight. But I am not a romantic; a second son cannot marry me, nor would he ever be interested in someone like me.

"I have no alternative to Mr. Collins. I am already a burden on my family, which will only increase with time. I will have a life being completely dependent upon them and spend my time being passed between my brothers' houses, taking care of their children. My only option for independence would be to become a governess, and have little liberty in the process. With Mr. Collins, I could have a home and children of my own. My choice is clear!"

Caroline Bingley was vexed and becoming increasingly so as the evening progressed. She had watched Mr. Darcy carefully, waiting for him to claim his dance with her. Though she knew that he never danced the first dance of any ball since that showed a decided preference, Mr. Darcy, as her houseguest, should have requested the honor of one of her first few dances of the evening, and yet it was now supper, and he had yet to do so. Whenever she was not displaying her superior dancing abilities, Caroline would place herself near Mr. Darcy, hoping he would notice her and speak with her. But he spoke to no one. She fanned herself quite vigorously, but the movement did not attract his attention. Once, Caroline was so eagerly fanning herself that she needed to return above stairs to have her coiffure repaired.

Instead, much to her chagrin, Mr. Darcy spent the entire time completely consumed by watching, talking to, and dancing with Eliza Bennet! The way he looked at Eliza when she was not looking his way was even more sickening than when she had encroached upon Netherfield while her sister was ill!

Caroline had watched every move they made during their set, and she was extremely displeased with what she had witnessed passing between them. Now they were having supper together! Both ignored everyone and everything around them. Eliza was practically throwing herself at him, the hoyden! She could see Eliza played the game well--she smiled, laughed, feigned interest in what he said, and barely took her eyes off him. And to her particular dismay, Mr. Darcy was acting the part of a besotted fool, almost exactly like her brother was acting with Eliza's sister, Jane.

Oh, had they never met the Bennets! Though Caroline was unhappy that she had not been able to spend much time displaying her charms to him during the planning of the ball, she was satisfied Mr. Darcy had stayed to attend the ball and see the results of her efforts. She had proved without a doubt that she could plan an event in the elegant style required by the first circle.

It annoyed her excessively that Mr. Darcy had eyes only for Eliza while her family was displaying behavior he would normally consider horridly inappropriate! He noticed none of it! If she had hired circus clowns to entertain her guests with their ridiculous performance, they could not have done a better job than the Bennet tribe. She half expected one of them to produce a piglet and have the guests chase it!

Caroline would certainly make sure he heard all about every detail of their atrocious conduct when he was not as…distracted. Seeing his behavior toward Eliza tonight, she was glad that Mr. Darcy would be leaving the following day for Town. Away in London he would be no longer influenced by this vixen! She would also use the same points to convince her brother to follow Mr. Darcy to Town, and both gentlemen would then be out of range of these grasping Bennets!

They spent supper quite pleasantly discussing many different subjects. Elizabeth loved the way Mr. Darcy's dimples appeared when he smiled just so, the way his eyes captured hers, the sound of his rich voice and resonant laughter. She loved the way his entire countenance lit up when he spoke of his sister or Pemberley. She loved looking at him, being with him, and listening to him. Paradise was being in his company.

At the end of supper, paradise came to an end when Mr. Darcy told her he was leaving for London to discuss the problems in India with his uncle, solicitor and investigator.

Her heart dropped at the thought of his leaving for London for a few days…but this feeling changed to an almost unbearable pain when he said that he did not know if he would be coming back to Netherfield. It was as if her heart had been torn from her chest.

Elizabeth was convinced she knew what had happened. She had exposed her feelings to him unwittingly and he was trying to tell her what she already knew--they could never be more than friends. He was a prince and she was a peasant, and they could be nothing more than that. He was warning her she would probably never see him again after tonight.

Yes, they were friends, but a single man and a single woman could not even correspond even if they were only friends. Elizabeth would never know what he did, thought, or felt about anything ever again. If they did ever meet again, she would be forced to see him married to a woman of beauty, accomplishment, wealth and consequence. Mr. Darcy would forget she ever existed…but she would think of him every day of the rest of her life.

When supper was over, Mr. Darcy asked for the last dance of the ball. Elizabeth hesitated. It would be excruciating, but how could she not take this last chance to spend a few minutes with the man she loved? She accepted with a nod and excused herself. Elizabeth needed a few minutes alone before the dancing began again.

When it came time for the last set of the ball, Darcy approached Elizabeth, took her hand, and led her to the dance. They proceeded in silence, not a word was spoken between them. They stared into each other's eyes, passing too closely to each other, their hands lingering a little too long, brushing shoulders and arms. Both were memorizing the warmth of every touch, every feature, every curve, every movement, every eyelash, and every dimple. Each thought they saw in the other's eyes what they wanted to see and allowed themselves to believe it, if only for a few minutes. They just wanted to enjoy a bit of fantasy that the other loved them--and would rather drown in the other's eyes than deal with reality which would surely come crashing down upon them eventually…when the music stopped.

Darcy could not leave her side after the dance. In the confusion of guests leaving for the evening, no one was paying attention to them, and it was as if they were alone in the partial darkness of a corner of the entry hall. His breath sped. He stood too near as he helped her with her cloak, brushing the skin of her neck with his fingers, moving his hands too close to her shoulders barely grazing her skin; his hands lingered too long after the cloak was on. Part of him knew it was wrong to do so, but it felt so right to touch Elizabeth. When she did not object, when she thanked him, the look in her eyes and her quick breath made his mind fill with thoughts of her wanting his touch as much as he wanted hers. It was almost too much for him to resist leaning down to kiss the lips that had mesmerized him so over the past months…but resist he did for at that moment he heard her mother's voice ringing out over the others. Their eyes met and he took half a step further away from Elizabeth, but did not release her gaze until her mother neared.

The Bennet family met in the entry hall to wait for their carriage. Mrs. Bennet had somehow arranged for their family to be the last to depart. Mr. Bingley and Jane were standing a little apart from the group talking. Darcy and Elizabeth were off to the other side of the group.

He took her gloved hands, pulled her a little further away from the others and looked into her eyes. "How can I live without looking into these beautiful eyes every day for the rest of my life?" He took a deep breath filling his lungs with her scent as he bent down a little and whispered, "Elizabeth? Promise me you will not walk out alone after I leave for London? Not until Wickham and Collins leave the area."

He called her by her Christian name, and it was as if he had caressed her soul. She knew that this was the moment they would say goodbye, and she did not want him to leave. It was irrational, she knew, but part of her felt that if she did not look at him she could keep him there by her side. Part of her was angry, but she realized it was her way of protecting herself…to keep from breaking down into tears in front of him at saying goodbye forever. She wanted to remain angry, not be lost in his eyes and overwhelmed by her agonizing love for him. She turned her eyes to the floor.

Her heart was shattering into a million tiny slivers.

She would never see him again. She would avoid him if he came to see Bingley once Jane and Mr. Bingley married, as she was sure they would. She could not endure seeing Mr. Darcy with another woman as his wife.

When she did not answer, did not even look at him, Darcy begged, "Please, Elizabeth?" He waited for what seemed like an eternity but she would not answer him. "Please?" he begged again.

The pleading tone of his voice forced her to look up. Once she was lost in his eyes she would have promised him anything. "Yes, I promise," she whispered.

He swallowed hard to allow his voice to get past the lump in his throat. "Thank you."

He knew he should not, knew he had no right to do it, but he could not stop himself. He moved his body to block her from her family's view, slowly removed her gloves and kissed the back of her hands reverently, first one then the other.

At first, Elizabeth was too overwhelmed with her feelings. She watched his lips touch her skin but never did she expect the power of the reaction within her body and soul when they did. When he turned her hands over and kissed each palm, she could not stop a gasp from escaping.

Darcy looked up from her hands, the ache within him turned into absolute misery and despair. He watched her slowly lift her eyes. What he saw was what he had been longing to see for months…passion and love on the "stage" that was Elizabeth. "Oh! She loves me? How I would rejoice if circumstances had been different! I have erred greatly. Please forgive me, Elizabeth? I cannot be so selfish as to marry you. I cannot be the cause of the life of misery my dream has predicted. I love you too much!"

The anguish she saw in his eyes was staggering, and she gasped again.

Darcy took a step back but did not release her hands or her eyes until the carriage could be heard outside. He offered his arm to escort her and she accepted, then he handed her into the carriage.

As the carriage began to move, his mind screamed, "I will never see her again!" What was left within him was an oppressive pain. His heart no longer beat, it spasmed. His lungs no longer breathed, they expanded with searing fire.

His head pounded with the last words she had said, repeating over and over again: "Goodbye, Mr. Darcy." He could see it in her eyes when she looked back as the carriage began to move away; she knew…she knew they would never see each other again.

The remainder of the Netherfield party returned indoors, but Darcy remained outside. He stood watching the carriage and continued staring at the end of the drive after it had disappeared from his sight. His heart was urging him to run after her. He knew he would do just that if he moved at all. But he could not…he could not do it! So he did not move at all. Tears began to roll silently down his face.

"Elizabeth!" he whispered.

The permanent staff at Netherfield liked and respected Mr. Darcy. They had also seen the way he looked at Miss Lizzy and were hoping for a match between the two. Molly and Sarah had been cleaning the ballroom along with a group of servants who had been hired for the event. The girls could see Mr. Darcy standing outside every time they passed the windows and exchanged many worried looks. Something was wrong, but knowing their place, they were unsure what to do.

More than an hour later, Molly noticed Colonel Fitzwilliam walking about the house, seeming to be looking for something. She had a whispered conversation with Sarah, and the two agreed that Mr. Darcy's situation should be brought to Colonel Fitzwilliam's attention. They both doubted Colonel Fitzwilliam would be angry, but they cared enough about Mr. Darcy to step out of their place even if it meant losing their positions.

Molly sought out Colonel Fitzwilliam and said, "Pardon me, sir, your attention is required in a delicate matter. Will you follow me, please?" and she led him to the window, then curtsied and returned to her duties.

Richard stood at the window for a while watching Darce stare at the empty road leading to Longbourn. He had thought that after what he saw happening at the ball tonight, Darce must have changed his mind about never seeing Miss Elizabeth again, but now it did not seem so. Why was Darce being so stubborn about this? There had to be more to it than he would speak of to him! He would just have to wait and see.

Sighing deeply he made his way outside, crossing the courtyard to Darce's side. After seeing Darce's condition, he knew he should not say a word. Very glad the others had already retired and the servants were all too busy cleaning after the ball to be in the hallways, Richard pulled Darce into the house and led him to a chair in his bedchamber, then closed the door behind him leaving his cousin to himself.

If Darcy's valet, Hughes, heard a man crying from his post in the dressing room as he awaited his master's return, he did not ever admit it to anyone. Hughes sighed and went to bed.

~Longbourn Estate

The ache within Elizabeth's soul increased to an almost unbearable magnitude. As the carriage pulled away from Netherfield, she had closed her eyes against the tears threatening to release themselves, turning her head to lean her forehead on the wall of the carriage--away from any curious eyes.

It had been a monumental task to gain control over her emotions in the carriage, and even more difficult once they arrived at Longbourn. To hear her sisters chatter on about how much fun they had enjoyed at the ball, and to have to listen to her mother chastise Jane for not securing Mr. Bingley tonight and then in the next breath gush about how Jane had made such a conquest with Mr. Bingley, was too much for her frayed nerves.

She laughed a little to herself; she was beginning to think like her mother! That thought helped her to keep her countenance until she was alone in her room with Jane.

Once there, she had Jane to contend with. Normally, the hours after a ball were spent discussing all the events that had transpired during the evening, but Elizabeth did not think that she could do this tonight. She did not want Jane to worry about her or to ruin Jane's memories of this evening, but how was she to hide this from Jane? With enormous effort, Elizabeth managed a small smile and said little while she listened to Jane talk of what Mr. Bingley said and did during the evening. Elizabeth was counting on Jane's being too happy to notice that she was not behaving much like her usual self.

When, after what seemed like an eternity, Jane fell asleep, Elizabeth escaped to the only room she could think of where she would not be overheard--her father's study. She stood in the middle of the room for quite a while staring at the chair in which Mr. Darcy had sat both times that he was in this room, waiting for the tears to begin to fall…but they did not come.

She had built a wall around her emotions so well that she could not let it down even now that she wanted to release them. She could feel nothing. And this completely rational mind, devoid of all emotions, was allowing her to question things that she would never examine with her emotions in the way.

She wondered if this was how Mr. Darcy felt when he was in society. She had watched him put up his wall many times, and had watched it fall whenever she neared. Suddenly a stone cold face would appear animated when he looked at her. Why had he never put up his wall for her except for that one time on the walk back from Meryton? Was she special to him?

What were the emotions she saw in his eyes tonight? She thought she saw clearly into his soul a few times, and thought she saw that he loved her.

Why would he leave if she was special to him, if he loved her? Was she just wishing to believe his rejection was based upon society's demands upon him? Or was there truly something terribly wrong with her that he could not see past? Was Caroline Bingley correct in her declarations that her accomplishments were too masculine in nature?

Would she be an embarrassment to him if they were seen together outside the company of the people who already knew her? That must be it.

When the emotional turmoil she had expected did not appear, Elizabeth went to bed. As she slipped into a deep sleep, she wondered how Mr. Darcy had learned to take down the wall when he no longer needed it…how he was able to feel again. She knew she would never be able to ask him.

Chapter 13

Posted on: 2010-09-29

Wednesday, November 27, 1811

The next morning, Elizabeth slept very late, and she awoke to find that the wall protecting her from her emotions was still in place. Maneuvering through the day without emotions was difficult at first, but Elizabeth found that with practice, it became almost natural to feign a smile at appropriate times without much effort. She thought she managed well enough.

Not many in the family looked closely enough to notice, but her father and Jane were becoming concerned as the day progressed. Her eyes gave her away; they were…dull and empty. Their sparkle was gone.

To the great relief of Mr. Bennet, one bit of news was much talked of at breakfast. Kitty and Lydia had somehow discovered that Mr. Wickham had left Meryton and it was assumed that he had deserted his new post in the Militia. Mr. Bennet expected some sort of reaction from his Lizzy--an expression showing that she took comfort in the news or a pointed look in his direction--but he received none.

Mr. Bennet remained with the family for part of the day instead of disappearing into his study as was his usual custom. Though the talk after this news had been relayed was of no interest to him, he wished to watch Elizabeth's reactions to it.

Mr. Collins had left early in the morning for Lucas Lodge and returned with Lady Lucas, Charlotte, and Maria for tea, as was their custom after a ball. It was announced that Charlotte and Mr. Collins were to marry.

Everyone wished Charlotte and Mr. Collins joy, but Jane was the only person in the room to offer her true feelings about the match. Jane could see that Charlotte was content, and so she would be happy for them. Elizabeth did not speak during the visit, giving Charlotte the impression Elizabeth was resentful about their discussion the previous evening. When tea was over, the Lucas ladies and Mr. Collins returned home to work on the wedding plans.

The moment the front door closed, Mrs. Bennet's nerves surfaced. She was sure that Mr. Collins had been taken in and trusted that they would never be happy together. She also blamed Elizabeth that Charlotte would someday be taking her own place as mistress of Longbourn and would take great pleasure in throwing them all out to starve in the hedgerows the moment Mr. Bennet was dead. She swore that she would never speak to Elizabeth or Charlotte again.

The half hour which had passed since his wife's rants had begun had caused Mr. Bennet's degree of concern about his Lizzy to increase alarmingly. Usually at times like this, she was exchanging amused looks with him, sharing looks of fellowship with Jane, and making some soothing comments in an attempt to calm her mother. During her mother's most recent outburst, Elizabeth had steadfastly continued with her sewing without even once looking up. There had been absolutely no response from her about this outrageous betrothal.

Mr. Bennet saw Jane flash him a look of distress followed by a glance at Elizabeth. He nodded that he, too, had noticed her unusual behaviour.

What had happened to his Lizzy?

He thought he had an idea of the subject, but he was not certain what exactly had occurred. If this behavior continued, he would need to find out. In the meantime, he had every intention of discussing this privately with Jane.

~On the road to London

The carriage ride to London was a silent one. Richard was sleeping, or at least feigning it, leaving Darcy to his own thoughts.

A sense of melancholy overcame Darcy. Life without his Elizabeth would be lonely indeed.

No, she was not his Elizabeth. He must stop thinking of her in that manner. That thought caused the loneliness to worsen…the last time he had felt a portion of this feeling was just after his mother's death.

He knew that he had grown up too soon because of these happenings. It was difficult enough for him to be away at school due to his shyness, but to be away from Georgiana and his father after promising that he would look after them had induced a great sense of guilt. He returned because his father told him to, and he felt the need not to fail his father's expectations. It caused a great conflict within him.

After a while, he became comfortable with a select few of the boys, but his need for approval from his father ruled over his need for camaraderie. While the other boys at Eton and Cambridge were enjoying themselves, Darcy was studying, trying to make his father as proud of him as he could.

When his father became too ill to continue handling his daily business concerns, Darcy had to attempt to take over the responsibilities of the huge estate of Pemberley plus other smaller landholdings peppered throughout England, Scotland, Ireland, and India, though his father was available for advice and approval of major decisions. All the other young men of his acquaintance were taking tours of Europe and sowing their wild oats.

When his father died, he then took on full responsibility for the properties as well as the obligation of raising Georgiana, who was ten at the time. The only person he had truly become close to during all those years was his cousin Richard, with whom he shared guardianship of Georgiana, but since Richard was often away with his army regiment, most of the responsibility fell on Darcy. He would write to Richard to receive his approval or advice, but most of the time, he needed answers immediately, and by the time he received Richard's answer, it was too late for advice. While Richard was on the Continent, sometimes it took months to receive a reply. Richard never held any of it against Darcy, though, even if he thoroughly disapproved of a certain action Darcy had decided to take. Richard understood the pressure Darcy was under better than anyone else.

Darcy had met Bingley at Cambridge, and they had become good friends soon after. It was surprising to most people, since their personalities seemed to be opposite, but when one looked at how close Darcy and Richard were, it was understandable. Richard was similar to Bingley in personality in many respects.

There were others with whom he had developed trust, but never true friendship. Georgiana was growing up fast, but still – he was more of a father to her than a brother, and definitely not a friend. It was easier when she was younger, as he often did not understand the changes that were taking place now that she was older.

There had been a couple of ladies that he had been physically attracted to and who others assumed had become more than a mere acquaintance of his, but there was always some elusive quality missing. He never let them get too close to him. They were attracted to his position in life, not Darcy the man, and neither did he truly know the lady nor could he truly see himself as being happy if they had married. He made an effort to convince himself that this was all he would ever be able to expect, but he could not bring himself to accept this as fact or to settle on any particular woman of his acquaintance as a potential wife.

He wanted the relationship his parents had enjoyed. He knew that while his mother was alive, they were equals, and they loved each other deeply.

He always felt marriage in the ton was similar to animal breeding, but not as formally defined. Animals were bred to combine certain characteristics that are strong and positive in the line, such as gentleness of personality, strength in animals used for labor, speed in those groomed for occupations requiring it, or physical traits such as softer wool.

The upper classes of British society bred for a pedigree of names, titles and wealth, not taking into account any specific personality traits in the lines. From what he had observed, the unfortunate result had been the creation of a mercenary class of people who thought nothing of those not in their own circle, and if one looked honestly, one would see that they cared but little for those within their own circle. As long as one could make an advantageous marriage for rank or wealth, one was accepted. Love and happiness were "just not done."

They talked of how important marriage was to them, but their wedding vows meant nothing to them. The whole of the ton, all those marriages of convenience, completely disregarded the reasons why marriages were supposed to take place!

He knew he would one day need to vow to "love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live." How was he supposed to repeat the words, "I take thee to my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to G-d's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth," to someone he married only for her name and wealth?

How did people live in marriages of convenience knowing they lied, not only to themselves and their spouse, but to G-d? How did people live that kind of lie, every day, with every breath they would take?

Was there not more to life than that? "Yet, this is expected of me," he thought.

He did not want Georgiana to live like that. He did not want her to marry for convenience or the sake of duty and honor. He wanted his precious Georgiana to be happy in her choice.

To make this possible for Georgiana, his only option was never to see Elizabeth again.

His body and soul filled with a horrid painful ache, and his eyes filled with tears. He was glad Richard was asleep.

~Netherfield Park

Caroline met Charles and Louisa in the breakfast room. She thought this the perfect opportunity to speak to Charles about going to London.

"Charles, we must speak to you about something. After last night, you must understand that you cannot have serious designs on Jane Bennet! Jane is a sweet girl…but her family!"

Bingley barely looked up from his meal, "Of what are you speaking, Caroline? Her younger sisters are a bit lively, but I will be marrying Jane, not her sisters."

"Marriage? Are you considering marriage with Jane Bennet? Really, Charles, after last night one would think you could see the reason why that is impossible yourself. Did you not see her family's behavior? Her youngest two sisters are wild and wanton! Her mother has no sense of decorum or propriety! Eliza spent the evening using her wiles trying to draw in poor Mr. Darcy! Mary Bennet exposed herself and all her family to ridicule with her display of her inferior talents! Mr. Bennet was rude to his own daughter in front of the entire neighborhood! This is the family you wish to ally yourself with? A lady whose highest connections are having one uncle who is a country attorney and the other in trade? And Jane has a dowry of a mere one thousand pounds! The idea is absurd, Charles!"

"Caroline, I am not sure that Charles has the same interest in this affair as do you. He is not concerned about connections and fortune; he only wishes to be happy. It is plain to see he is in love with her." Louisa braced herself for the worst. "I wish him to be happy as well, Caroline." Louisa's marriage was one of convenience and not a love match. She was not happily married in any way. At night, she would sneak away from her husband's bed immediately after he fell asleep, and would sit imagining what her life could have been like had she married for love…had she not listened to Caroline's persuasions to marry Mr. Hurst, and instead, waited for the man she did care about to offer for her. Mr. Campbell was not good enough for her sister because he was in trade, but Louisa had loved him with all her heart, and she thought he had loved her as well. She did not wish the same unhappy fate for her beloved brother.

If looks could kill, the glare Caroline directed at Louisa certainly would have.

Bingley had been too distracted by Jane to have noticed her family's behavior, but it mattered not to him. He stood up and said with conviction, "Caroline! We are the first generation of Bingleys not in trade! I realize that you do not wish to remember this fact due to our father's desire for me to become a gentleman and for my sisters to marry gentlemen, but you should remember it in situations such as this. You cannot tell me I will not connect myself to tradesmen when our father, his father and his grandfather were tradesmen! If you must look at it in this way, Jane is a gentleman's daughter, and I would be taking a step up socially by marrying her! Jane is perfectly acceptable in every way, and I love her! I have the greatest respect for Miss Elizabeth and Mr. Bennet as well. Mrs. Bennet and the youngest two are lively, yes. Mary Bennet might be a blue stocking and be a little too eager to please, but there is nothing wrong with that. I see no difficulties in connecting myself with the Bennet family. I will marry Jane…if she will have me, of course." Bingley braced himself for her answer, knowing his sister would not give up easily.

Caroline paused a few moments seeking a new direction in which to take the discussion in order to convince him. "Charles, you know Jane is an obedient daughter and whether she likes you or not, she will listen to her greedy, mercenary mother and accept you."

Bingley's countenance turned to one of distress, "Caroline, are you saying you think Jane does not care for me?"

"Ah ha! I should have known! He has so little confidence in himself!" Caroline thought, and then said aloud with concern almost dripping from her voice, "Oh Charles! I did not want to pain you by mentioning it earlier, but yes…yes, I do. You must agree it should be miserable to find out after you are married that she was only following her mother's orders, do you not?"

He sat down heavily, as if his legs would no longer hold his weight, and turned to his other sister. "Louisa, do you feel the same way?"

The downhearted expression on her brother's normally happy face pained Louisa greatly. She thought Jane would be content in a marriage with Charles whether she loved him or not--but did Jane love Charles? Would she be happy? She could not know.

Though Louisa was the elder sister, Caroline had the stronger character. Louisa had always followed where Caroline led, and rarely had she made her own decisions in the past--she had not developed the skill of making her own decisions, for Caroline always told her what to think of everybody and everything. Very much like her brother, Louisa disliked any sort of dispute. It had been easier to do what Caroline told her to do in order to avoid conflict, and she had rarely come across a situation important enough to her to be worth the discomfort of an argument with Caroline.

But Charles' happiness was important to her! If she had realized that Charles had such serious intentions about Jane Bennet, she might have put some effort into observing Jane's actions instead of believing Caroline's assertions that this was another of their brother's temporary infatuations, as so many had been in the past. Louisa was intelligent enough to suspect the possibility of Caroline's ability to lie when her own selfish plans were at risk. Perhaps it was time to stop following Caroline blindly--in all matters.

"Charles, I must say that I am unsure. Jane has a serene countenance; she wears a little smile much of the time and rarely shows any other emotion. It is difficult for me to tell you either way. I do wish you to be happy, brother, so please do not follow what anyone tells you blindly. What do you think?" Louisa answered honestly, knowing very well Caroline was going to voice her displeasure vehemently once they were alone.

It was several minutes before Bingley responded. "Well…I thought I was certain that Jane loved me, but Caroline could be correct. Is it possible I saw in Jane's eyes only what I wished to see? No matter how I have tried not to, I did hear Mrs. Bennet speak often of my income and that she expects me to offer for Jane. Jane is an obliging person--she wishes for other's happiness before her own. She is so good! Most of all, I do wish her happy, even if the man who could make her happy does not happen to be me." Bingley's throat became too tight to continue.

Caroline took the opportunity to pounce; her reply dripping with a sweetness Louisa could detect was not truly felt, "Yes, I do think dearest Jane deserves to live a happy life, Charles. You would be miserable if she was made unhappy by becoming your wife. I am certain if we return to London, it would be much less painful for you than to stay here where you would see her often. Please, Charles, I am only thinking of your happiness…and that of dear Jane, of course."

He sighed deeply. The look of anguish on his face made him appear ten years older. "If you think it would be best, Caroline. Louisa, are you open to returning to London?"

Louisa could only answer, "I am not opposed to it, Charles. I do not think Mr. Hurst would be against it now that he has had his share of shooting. But please be sure this is what you wish to do before making the decision to close Netherfield, brother."

Bingley was thoughtful for many minutes as his sisters waited, one very impatiently. There were many sighs heard as a multitude of emotions crossed his face. His final thoughts before he answered were that he did not wish to have his Jane forced to marry him for mercenary reasons when she was so wonderful that she could surely find someone who she loved to marry instead. Even though he would never be happy without Jane, he could not allow his selfishness to destroy her happiness. At length he said, "It is settled, then. We will close up Netherfield and return to London. When do you think it would be possible to leave?"

Caroline's eyes were alive with victory. "Oh, I do believe we could be packed tomorrow, and we could depart the morning after. Anything left behind can be sent to London by the housekeeper. Will you send an express to London, Louisa, and ready your house in Grosvenor Street? Can it be ready for us the day after tomorrow?"

"Yes. I will speak to Mr. Hurst about it directly." Louisa rose and left the room.

Bingley leaned his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. "Caroline, what should I do about taking leave of the neighborhood? I do not think I could face Jane…Miss Bennet…just now. Or anyone else for that matter."

"Oh, I will write notes to all the main families of the area, Charles, explaining that sudden business has taken you to London, and since we will be spending Christmas in Scarborough, we have decided to stay in London."

With his eyes still closed, Bingley said, "Whatever you think is best, Caroline."

Caroline smiled her evil smile. "Oh, this is best, brother! You will not ruin my chances with Mr. Darcy by marrying Jane Bennet! You will forget her as soon as the next pretty face happens by--hopefully Miss Darcy this time. I will be in London and make myself quite accessible to Mr. Darcy until we must leave for Scarborough. Yes…this is definitely best."

~Longbourn Estate

Later that day, Mr. Bennet discretely called Jane into his study, not wishing for Elizabeth or the others to know. Jane knew why she has been summoned and sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, waiting patiently for her father to begin.

"Jane, I know you were distracted and not paying close attention to all that occurred around you last evening." When Jane's expression changed to one of self-recrimination, he quickly added with a small smile, "Oh, I am not scolding you, my dear. But I had little else to do but watch the multitude of events unfold upon and around the dance floor. There are a few things you should know if we are to help your sister.

"I have noticed a pattern in Mr. Darcy's behavior since he has come to Hertfordshire. He usually begins the evening avoiding being close to our Lizzy, but then, he has not been able to stay away from her and joins her before long.

"Last night, he stayed away longer than usual all the while watching her intently, but then followed the same pattern he always has. The only lady he danced with was Lizzy, and he did so twice. He also sat with her at supper. They seemed to enjoy their time together, but at the end of supper, she seemed upset. As we left Netherfield, they both were quite disturbed. I know not what caused this distress, but I do intend to find out now that Lizzy is acting as she is.

"I know you are as worried for her as I am, Jane. You can see the change in her, though your mother and sisters do not seem to have noticed, which to me is surprising since it is such a drastic change. She is unhappy and has withdrawn from us."

Mr. Bennet sighed and leaned forward onto his desk before continuing, "If Lizzy will confide in anyone, it will be you, Jane. I would like you to attempt carefully to discover just what is causing this melancholy Lizzy has fallen under."

He looked a bit uncomfortable. "I will try to say this as delicately as possible, but I must say that her behavior this day alarms me, my dear. Though from all we have heard of him, it does not seem likely, I fear that Mr. Darcy may not have acted as a gentleman towards her, and this is something I would need to know. When she confides in you, if it is something I do need to know, no matter what you had to promise her in order to find out, you must tell me, Jane. Do you understand what I am saying? This is important."

Jane was shocked to think that Mr. Darcy might have behaved in a less than gentleman-like manner toward her sister, but she did understand why her father would need to know if it had happened. "Father, I do not believe Mr. Darcy capable of it, but if Lizzy even hints that something of this nature has happened, I will inform you. Sir, if Lizzy will not confide in me, what shall we then do?"

Mr. Bennet was thoughtful for a few minutes, and then answered, "If this behavior persists and she will not confide in you, I will call her here for an interview. I will order her to tell me what is wrong if I must. If she continues to refuse, I will go to London and speak directly with Mr. Darcy."

Jane gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "You would do that, Father?"

"Yes, I would, Jane. Lizzy is too important to act carelessly. If she has been compromised…" He could not continue.

"Sir, I do not believe that that is the case, but I do understand."

Mr. Bennet came around the desk and stood in front of his daughter, "You are too good, Jane. Mr. Darcy is a gentleman, but he is also a man, a man very attracted to Lizzy. I cannot be too careful with my precious daughters." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Now run along. I have some work to finish, and I will see you at dinner. If there is any change in Lizzy's behavior, please inform me."

Jane gave him a little smile. "I will, father. I do think this is temporary; perhaps there was a misunderstanding and they quarreled? She will be feeling better soon, I am sure of it."

~Darcy House, London

When Richard and Darcy arrived at Darcy House in London, Richard quickly took Georgiana aside to speak to her while Darcy went to freshen up after greeting his sister. They had corresponded frequently while he had been at Netherfield, and he knew that Georgiana was excited about what she had heard concerning Miss Elizabeth Bennet.

Richard had spent the last part of the trip to London trying to think of what to say to Georgiana to prevent her speaking of Miss Elizabeth to her brother.

"Georgie, I would ask you not to mention Miss Elizabeth Bennet to your brother until I give you leave to," he began. "He is quite cross about having to leave her behind, and I do not think speaking of her will be helpful at all."

"Oh, Richard! I wanted to hear what William thinks of her! It might be helpful to relieve his mind if he were to speak of her," Georgiana said with a pout.

"What should I reveal to her?" Richard thought, then aloud he said, "Georgie, trust me on this matter. Please? Promise me you will try your best not to speak of her unless your brother brings up the subject? If he does, I suggest you allow him to do the talking."

"Well, I will promise if only you will tell me more about her privately!"

"Yes…yes I will. But not today; traveling after a ball the previous evening is very tiring." Glad to make his escape before he said too much, Richard made his way toward his own room--attempting not to think about Charlotte Lucas.

Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair.
--William Cowper (English poet 1731-1800)

~Darcy House, London

Keeping in mind the reason he had given Elizabeth for his return to London, Darcy wished to take care of the India business directly. Upon arriving at Darcy House, he had immediately written to his uncle to request an audience with him the following day about an important matter of business.

The next morning, he and Richard met with The Earl of Matlock. The Earl confirmed that he did not purchase the land in India when Sir Lewis spoke to him nor had he done so at any other time, and he wished to know why his nephew was bringing up the subject once again. Darcy and Richard reiterated the entire story to Lord Matlock.

Lord Matlock was quite upset. Over brandy, the three attempted to sort out what could have happened, but they came to no conclusions. A plan was made for the three gentlemen to meet with Darcy's contacts regarding this matter in three days' time.

~Longbourn Estate

That afternoon, a letter was delivered from Netherfield for Jane. Expecting good news, such as an invitation to tea with Miss Bingley, Jane looked over the letter. She allowed a pained expression to pass across her face briefly before concealing it with some effort. Her mother prodded for information, insisting that Jane read it aloud, but Jane could only manage, "The letter is from Caroline Bingley. The whole party will leave Netherfield in the morning on their way to town without any intention of coming back again."

Mrs. Bennet's nerves were affected greatly by the news. She was ill used indeed, by everyone. Jane should have done more--she wore her necklines too high and did not flutter her eyelashes as she had been told to do. If only Jane had listened to her! It was now absolutely certain they would be starving in the hedgerows before long! Her tirade went on for the rest of the day and throughout the evening. Elizabeth kept on with whatever employment she was engaged in and ignored her mother.

Even Jane's seemingly unending patience wore thin. Her mother's constant ranting, added to her own feelings about Mr. Bingley's leaving, was enough to fluster anyone, but her sister's lack of response to it all increased Jane's worry about Elizabeth's unnatural behavior. Jane had to leave the room several times to regain control over her countenance. Seeing this, Mrs. Hill pulled her into the kitchen where only the loudest of Mrs. Bennet's ravings could be heard. They shared a special cup of tea along with Jane's favorite biscuits and sat in complete silence.

Later that evening, when they retired to their own room, Jane went into more detail about the letter. "I do believe Caroline Bingley means to warn me, Lizzy. She says that she and her sister entertain the idea of her brother's being attached to Miss Darcy."

Elizabeth said, "Oh this is too much. Not you, too, Jane." She hugged Jane. "You are much too good for anyone to treat in this manner." Elizabeth pulled away and looked into Jane's eyes while still holding her shoulders. "I have been thinking all day. Please understand, Jane, I do not accuse Mr. Bingley of being unkind, but I can believe it of his sisters, especially Miss Bingley. It is my opinion that they have convinced him to follow Mr. Darcy to London with the intent of Miss Bingley's continuing to pursue her beloved Pemberley and first-circle stature. She writes about Miss Darcy to dash your hopes, not as a warning, dear. She may act your friend in your immediate presence, but Jane, please believe me that Miss Bingley is no friend of yours. You must not believe what she says in this letter."

"Lizzy, I do not believe that Miss Bingley could be so unkind. She might be mistaken, seeing her wishes as if they were fact, but I do not think she would be purposely cruel." Jane hesitated, seeming to shy off the subject, and then looked as if she forced herself to continue, "What did you mean by saying 'Not you, too?' Lizzy?" At Elizabeth's surprised look she said, "Please tell me, dearest? Please unburden yourself. I am concerned about you. Will you not ease my mind?"

Elizabeth was quiet and composed, not meeting Jane's eye. Jane was a patient person and would wait as long as it took for Elizabeth to make up her mind about what to say. After quite a while, Elizabeth answered, "Jane, Mr. Darcy made it clear that I will not be seeing him again."

"Dear, did something happen…" Jane colored. "Is there any reason…did he make promises that he did not keep…or do something that was not entirely proper?"

"No, Jane, it is nothing like that," Elizabeth hesitated again. "I just…though I knew nothing could ever come of it, I foolishly allowed myself to come to care for Mr. Darcy a great deal. I do not think I can manage the feelings associated with knowing I will never see him again. At the moment I feel…numb. I will be well again, Jane, I promise. It just might take a little time…"

Jane was relieved at first that something terrible had not happened, but became more concerned as Elizabeth continued to speak. "Dearest Lizzy, I am sorry." She was thoughtful for a few minutes before continuing, "Maybe Mr. Bingley's coming to Netherfield was not such good luck after all."

Friday, November 29, 1811

Jane opened the door to her father's study after his bid to enter. When he saw Jane, Mr. Bennet's anxieties about Elizabeth increased to an almost palpable degree. It seemed that Jane had an answer. He motioned toward the chair.

Jane sat and worked up her courage to say what she must. "Father, you asked me to inform you when I had information about Lizzy. I do not wish to break her confidence, but I must tell you it is not what you thought. She has not been compromised in any way, sir."

Relief was evident upon his face and Jane smiled. "Did she tell you more, Jane? I would like to know what is amiss."

"Yes, sir, she did, but again I do not wish to betray her confidence. Lizzy feels she needs some time to get past this, and I suggest we give her that time."

Mr. Bennet was silent for several minutes and then said, "We will give her some time, if you both feel it is necessary. But I cannot guarantee how long I can wait if this behavior continues, Jane. Lizzy has me very worried, but I will make an attempt to be patient."

~Darcy House, London

Almost the moment Bingley arrived in London, he sent a servant with a note to Darcy stating that he had decided to return to town well before visiting his family in Scarborough for the holiday, detailing the reasons behind this decision. Bingley asked Darcy to send word to the Hursts' house letting Bingley know when he was available, for he desperately needed to confer with him on this matter. He was hopeful that Darcy's habit of close observation had provided him with an opinion on Jane's feelings that would negate his sisters' arguments.

Darcy had left directions with his housekeeper that any letters from Bingley were to be separated from the rest of his personal correspondence and placed in a drawer he rarely looked into. This had been deemed necessary after his first agonizing, sleepless night in London. As the sun rose above the horizon, he had finally given up his attempt at repose and began to think of what he could do to rid his mind of these constant musings centering on Elizabeth. He was fully expecting news that Bingley had become engaged to Jane Bennet, and he knew it would cause him significant pain to read of Bingley's happiness. He admitted to himself that it was excessively selfish of him, but he had every intention of ignoring all of Bingley's correspondence until he felt the distance and time away from Elizabeth had eased his pain enough to read this news without feeling further discomfort.

Therefore, Darcy did not see that Bingley's missive was from London, not Netherfield, and never responded to Bingley's urgent plea to speak with him. There is no telling whether he would have read the letter had he known from where it was sent.

Monday, December 2, 1811

Lord Matlock, Darcy, and Richard all met at Darcy House on the appointed morning. Mr. Thompson, the solicitor and cousin of the investigator in India, and Mr. White, Darcy's investigator in England, arrived within a few minutes of each other and were shown into Darcy's study where the others were already assembled.

Both men had been in communication with each other since Darcy had received the last news from Mr. Clark in India. They had exerted themselves to find information about the Bradstowe Company in England, but were completely unsuccessful. Mr. White had two men working on this matter exclusively. No trace of the company, not even gossip, was found. They would continue their efforts, but it did not seem as if they would find any information on this side of the world. Neither Darcy nor Thompson had heard from Mr. Clark again as of yet.

The entire business was strange. How could there be an English-owned company having no records of doing business in England, nor of any of its ships docking at ports in England? There were also no warehouses under that name.

What was going on in India?

The five gentlemen drafted a letter to Mr. Clark, including authorization to look into any information he could find about the land held in Lord Matlock's name in addition to continuing his investigation into what was happening on Darcy's land.

The gentlemen discussed Mr. Clark's last letter and wondered what had been happening in India over the past months since it had been written. Darcy was disturbed by this conversation, and he prayed that Mr. Clark and the mine workers were safe.

A look of misery briefly crossed his face as Darcy's thoughts turned to Elizabeth and her words at Oakham Mount…then all else that had passed between them that day came flooding into his mind. Before he could fully lose control of his emotions and concentration, he put The Mask in place once again.

Richard was the only one to see it, and he quietly asked Darcy if he was well. Darcy did not answer; he instead walked to the window to hide the expression of agony that he could no longer repress.

~Longbourn Estate

In some ways December passed as it usually did at Longbourn, with the ladies arranging Christmas decorations and planning for Christmas festivities including Boxing Day preparations. With the Bingleys gone from the neighborhood, Jane and Elizabeth decided to continue their usual holiday customs with the tenants of Netherfield as well as Longbourn and hoped the servants would be remembered by their master.

In other ways, the month passed much differently than in years gone by. Though Jane tried her best to behave normally, whenever she thought nobody was looking, a wave of dejection would overtake her countenance. Usually Elizabeth's attempts at comforting Jane would have been more effective, but Elizabeth was still far from being herself, and anything she said or did was not of much assistance.

Elizabeth wondered if she had made a mistake in confiding in Jane about Mr. Darcy, since that was more than likely adding to Jane's distress. Elizabeth spent much of the month reviewing her interactions with Mr. Darcy in an attempt to break through this wall preventing her from feeling her emotions, but with no success.

Mr. Collins needed to return to his parish and to his home to prepare for the arrival of the soon-to-be Mrs. Collins. His leaving was much to the relief of the daughters of Mr. Bennet and his staff.

Mr. Collins' hints to Mr. Bennet that he should be invited to stay at Longbourn when he returned to the neighborhood were ignored. Usually not one to hold grudges, Mr. Bennet continued to feel uneasy that his daughters and servants did not feel safe enough to unlock their doors while Mr. Collins was under the same roof.

So, when Mr. Collins did return a fortnight later, he stayed at Lucas Lodge, not Longbourn. He accompanied the Lucas ladies every day to Longbourn, for it seemed that Lady Lucas could not make plans for her daughter's wedding without telling Mrs. Bennet every detail.

That Charlotte Lucas was to be married before any of her own daughters agitated Mrs. Bennet beyond all prior states of nerves, and whenever Lady Lucas left Longbourn it was declared she was gloating without reserve--among many other things.

Mr. Collins was needed at Hunsford before Christmas, and his relations at Longbourn were not unhappy to see their cousin go; though this did not deter Lady Lucas in the slightest as most of the plans were already in place before Mr. Collins departed. As Christmas drew near, the news of the wedding plans slowed considerably, much to Mrs. Bennet's relief--and to all those who had to bear the consequences of her nerves.

A happier day dawned when Mrs. Bennet's brother, Mr. Gardiner, his wife, and their young family arrived at Longbourn two days before Christmas.

Mrs. Gardiner immediately detected a difference in both Jane and Elizabeth. She had been forewarned of the possibility of encountering a certain something in Elizabeth upon her arrival by her friend, Adelaide, in London. The lady, who was a correspondent of Elizabeth's, had inquired of Mrs. Gardiner if there was a problem since Elizabeth's letters had stopped abruptly months ago.

The changes in Elizabeth were so dramatic that it worried Mrs. Gardiner a great deal. She spoke to her husband about it, and he had noticed the same. They would normally speak to Jane about any concerns they had about Elizabeth, but Jane's disappointment with the loss of Mr. Bingley was all too often detailed for them by Mrs. Bennet, and even with every attempt to change the subject, Mrs. Bennet would not desist. They did not wish to distress Jane further.

Mr. Gardiner did mention it to Mr. Bennet, but it seemed Mr. Bennet knew little, or at least did not wish to disclose more. As Elizabeth seemed unwilling to speak to her aunt of her unhappiness, and no further information was forthcoming from the other family members, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner were left to debate between themselves what could change such a naturally vivacious young lady as Elizabeth into this pale shell of her usual self. Additionally, Mrs. Gardiner had nothing to report in her letter to their mutual friend other than, "Lizzy does not seem well and is quite out of spirits at the present time."

Upon finding Elizabeth and Jane alone, Mrs. Gardiner suggested that they both return to London with them. Elizabeth quietly refused without detailing her reasons, but Jane accepted. Plans were made, and Jane accompanied the Gardiner family to London a few days after Christmas.

Where grief is fresh, any attempt to divert it only irritates.
--Samuel Johnson (English author, 1709-1784)

~Darcy House, London

When Darcy returned to London after the Netherfield ball, he had tried to convince himself that he was not in love with Elizabeth. It was an obsession, and obsessions could be overcome. He told himself that putting time and distance between them would end it--but was not surprised to find that it had not.

Darcy realized what he was doing, but he was determined. During the months of December and January and part-way into February, he went out into society almost constantly to keep busy and to look for a lady among the ton with the qualities he found so attractive in her, someone who also had the fortune and connections he was expected to find in a bride.

What a useless endeavor this was! The ton was full of matchmaking mamas and social climbing ladies. The women of the ton were all variously annoying versions of Caroline Bingley, and he loathed their behavior toward himself more than he had ever before. He felt as though he were a prime piece of horseflesh at market.

While his duties called Richard away at times, he attended a few of these same events and saw what Darce was up to. He would hear his mother, Lady Matlock, speak to Darcy about the ladies he had spent time with that evening and would hear Darce rattle off a list of attributes which they lacked. When he had heard a few of these conversations, he realized everything Darce was naming was present in Miss Elizabeth. Richard was not sure whether he should have a discussion with him about it or not. He decided to leave it alone for the time being, in the hopes Darce would move beyond this, but he was not confident that he would. Richard was going to have to leave London for a while, and so he put off the conversation till he returned, hoping time would affect Darce in a positive way while he was gone from Town.

Darcy tried to keep himself busy during the day as well so he would not think of her…spending time at his club, fencing, boxing, and riding--to the point of exhaustion every day. Chess was attempted but abandoned since he found himself thinking all through the game of the never-played match with Elizabeth. He also found playing billiards was no longer enjoyable since he could think only of the fantasy of teaching her the game.

No matter where he went, she crept into his thoughts, and he found himself comparing all women to Elizabeth. All of his efforts had been futile. Instead of forgetting her, his attachment to Elizabeth grew stronger, and his misery was growing with each passing day.

The little reed, bending to the force of the wind, soon stood upright again when the storm had passed over.
--Aesop (Greek author, 620 BC – 560 BC)

~Longbourn Estate

Mr. Bennet had been sure Charlotte's wedding would be just the thing to get some sort of reaction from Elizabeth, but now he was more concerned than ever. He had watched Elizabeth carefully at the ceremony and wedding breakfast. She had remained composed with a slight smile throughout, without one look of concern or disgust at what her good friend Charlotte Lucas was doing to her life by marrying this ridiculous man, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Bennet realized he had allowed this to go on too long. He was afraid if he did not do something soon, his Lizzy might never be herself again.

When the family returned from the wedding breakfast at Lucas Lodge and the ladies had changed into their everyday dresses, Mrs. Bennet decided that they should all go to her sister's house in Meryton to discuss the wedding. Mr. Bennet thought this the perfect time to speak to Elizabeth and asked if she would stay behind and join him in the study in a few minutes.

He was pacing the room when she entered. He sat in a chair in front of his desk and motioned to the chair across from him. As she sat, he cleared his throat and began, "Lizzy, I must speak with you. I have left you to yourself during these six weeks, but I can do so no longer. The morning after Mr. Bingley's ball, you woke up a different person, my dear. You are slowly wasting away right before my eyes, and I cannot bear to see it."

"Papa, I know not of what you are speaking. I am as I always have been."

He sat up straighter, his voice booming, "Elizabeth Bennet! You are not as you always have been!"

Mr. Bennet began to panic when he saw that Elizabeth had not even flinched at his outburst. He leaned back into the chair once more, closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm himself before continuing in a lower tone, "I apologize for raising my voice, Lizzy." He cleared his throat and began again, "I am not the only person who has noticed this, my dear. Your sister, Jane, is very worried about you as are your Aunt and Uncle Gardiner. Mrs. Hill has asked me several times if there was anything she or the other servants could do to help you. Both Jane and Mrs. Gardiner have spoken to you and though they did not betray any confidences, they told me you did not wish to speak with them much, if at all, of your troubles. Now you will speak of it, whether you wish it or not. I will not allow this to continue any longer, Elizabeth!"

Elizabeth was looking at him with a blank expression.

"Am I too late?" thought Mr. Bennet. "Lizzy…if you will not tell me what happened, I will go to London and speak directly to Mr. Darcy himself."

At these words, the wall around her emotions crumbled. Elizabeth gasped and jumped up out of the chair. She blushed furiously and her eyes filled with tears, "NO! You must not, Papa!"

At that moment, the aching emptiness she had felt in the carriage after the Netherfield ball suddenly exploded within her, but to a much more intolerable degree. Somehow, she knew she was not dying, but in the midst of this pain, she wanted to. A burning sensation began in the muscles of her neck and spread downward until her entire torso was engulfed in excruciating pain. Elizabeth's breathing had increased at an alarming rate, and her heart was beating so forcefully that it felt as if it would explode. She suddenly turned cold--so very cold! Her arms and legs erupted in shooting pains as if she were being struck by lightning repeatedly. Her entire body was then consumed by a tingling pain mixed with an odd numbness, and she had trouble controlling her movements. She could not continue standing; as she folded in upon herself her father caught her in his arms and gently lowered them both onto a nearby sofa.

Mr. Bennet was terrified; he had never seen anything resembling this behavior in Elizabeth and knew not what to do. He pulled his Lizzy onto his lap and rocked her for a very long time, while silent tears escaped his eyes.

Eventually, the sobs slowed to sniffles, and Mr. Bennet slowed his movements. He reached for his handkerchief and handed it to her without breaking his embrace.

Elizabeth said, "I am sorry for that, Papa. Thank you. I feel much better now, but I do think I have ruined your coat!" She laughed a little.

Mr. Bennet sighed shakily and thought, "My Lizzy is back." He had to clear his throat before saying aloud, "If it was necessary to reclaim you from the state you have been in for the past few weeks, I would be glad to have you ruin all my coats, my Lizzy!"

Elizabeth laid her head on her father's shoulder as she said, "He…Mr. Darcy has left, Papa. He said he would not be coming back. I shall never see him again."

They were both silent for a while until Elizabeth broke the silence. "In the carriage on the way home from the ball, I did not want to cry in front of everyone. Once I had gained control of my sorrow, I did not know how to let it loose again. I have felt nothing since then…until now. I must say that I do not know which I prefer, Papa."

"It is best to feel, Lizzy. Grieve if you must, but please do not do that to us again. We thought we were losing you, my dear."

"Papa, I do not want you to think badly of Mr. Darcy. It was not his fault that I could not stop myself from loving him. He did not mean for me to love him--I could see it in his eyes."

Mr. Bennet sighed. He moved her off his lap, took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. "Thank you for speaking to me, dearest Lizzy. I think you could probably do with a rest now. We will talk again soon. Shall I ask Mrs. Hill to send you a tray for dinner tonight?"

Elizabeth stood. "Yes, please, Papa. Say that I have a headache--it is not an untruth after all that crying. And I think that I need a full night's sleep before hearing every detail of the wedding again from Mama." She said this with a slightly teasing tone as she made her way toward the door, then stopped and turned toward him.

"Papa, Charlotte has asked me to visit her at Hunsford Cottage in March."

Surprised, his eyebrows almost reached his hairline, "Are you actually considering it, Lizzy? I did not think you were at all comfortable with Mr. Collins under the same roof."

"I am considering it, sir. I believe his behavior will be less distasteful now that he is married."

"I will say only that I will think upon it, my dear."

When a man has lost all happiness, he's not alive. Call him a breathing corpse.
--Sophocles (Greek Dramatist 495 BC – 406 BC)

~Darcy House, London

Darcy had expected after his removal to London and the initial shock of her absence had passed, Elizabeth's image would fade from his mind, and life would continue the way it was before he had met her. It was well into January before he gave up the lie he had told himself; he now knew that he could not forget her. She was embedded within his soul.

What a dark, dark time it was!

His mind relished the relief that he found in imagining his fictional life with Elizabeth. The fantasies only made it worse in the end--they led to the realization of all that he had given up. But he did not want to leave his imaginary world.

Darcy withdrew almost completely from the world, locking himself in his study or his chambers, and surrendered to drink, his only source of "nourishment" being images of her. On the rare occasion when he was found in the hallways in between his two solitary retreats, Georgiana and Mrs. Martin, the housekeeper, would converge upon him, attempting to convince him to eat. He ate a little just to get them to leave him to himself, grumbling at them throughout. He went weeks without being home to callers, with little concern for personal hygiene, snapping at the servants, even becoming rude to his beloved sister.

He could not see how close he was coming to commitment to Bedlam! What great fun that would be for the London gossips.